All language subtitles for Be.Here.Now.2015.720p.WEBRip.x264-[YTS.AM]-eng

This is the test.

It's a bit low.

Let's try again.

Looks a bit better.

Okay, is this thing on?

What now?

Hey, guys.

What are you doing?

I wanna try it, daddy.

I wanna try to do it to you.

So it's recording
the whole thing.

Video is movement,
as opposed to still.

So you can do cool dancing.

[kid laughing]

[Jesse] Did it.

[Andy] You got one?

-Let's take a look.
-[laughs]

[Vashti] Here comes Indi.

[Andy] Aw, you're big,
aren't you?

[Vashti] Ready, Jesse?

Wow, through his legs.

Okay, hang on. Whoo!

[Jesse] Dad, dad like this?

Dad, dad like this?

[Andy] Yeah.

[Indigo] Hi, daddy.

[Vashti] So what have
you got there, Andy pants?

So this just arrived.

Sharp.

That's real metal.

[Vashti] That was daddy's
sword in Spartacus, Jesse.

Can I hold it?

And look,
they've put my name on it.

[Vashti] Spartacus being
the start

of this crazy old journey.

[Jesse] Whoa, this is heavy.

[Andy] It's really heavy.

[Indigo] Heavy, heavy.

[Vashti] So here we
have my beautiful husband

who has just finished
his bone marry biopsy.

Was I? I must've been out.

-[Vashti] Yeah.
-I don't remember much.

But the cancer is back.

And, I guess where we're at is

at a point of learning to
live with cancer again,

and all the repercussions
and fears

and everything
that go with that.

[Andy] And that's why we need
to take it day by day,

beat this disease and...

Live happily ever after.

[indistinct audio]

We have a way
in our lives and world

where if we really focus
on something

and we really want
to make something happen,

we put absolutely everything
into it.

Yummy.

So there's a ham that's
slightly overcooked.

[Vashti]
Even if it takes years,
we are capable,

together, Andy and I, of making

extraordinary things happen.

[chattering]

[Andy]
Vashti and I have always had

an amazing relationship,
and we've achieved some

quite remarkable
things together
in a relatively short time.

Because we believe that
all that is attainable.

And it's such
a powerful place to be

when you can think like that.

It creates a space for you
to be clear

and to run your life with your
intuition and not with fear.

[laughing]

Our life
has never been ordinary.

Thank god, you know?

And we have a commitment that
we have an extraordinary life.

Look at that face.
You see that face?

[Vashti] But it doesn't matter

if we are successful or not.

It's about the journey
and if you commit to it,

something extraordinary
will come of it.

[Vashti]
Hey, Indi, how old are you
going to be on your birthday?

-Three.
-[Vashti] Three?

With five fingers. [laughs]

[Andy]
How old are you going to be?

-Six.
-[Vashti] Holy Mackerel, six.

-[Andy] Sixteen?
-No, six.

[Vashti] And how old are
you going to be, old bugger?

-[Andy] I'm going to be 80.
-No, 40.

[Andy] 39, I'm going to be
this year.

-[Vashti] What a year.
-What a year.

-[Vashti] The year.
-I shall remember it.

-[Vashti laughs]
-Time.

[woman 1] Okay.

[woman 2] It's still running?

[woman 1] Yup.

[man] Take five-three.

Thank you.

[Andy] I've spent the last
eight years

trying to make it as an actor,

and I pushed hard to get there.

And it was the end
of a long campaign

when I auditioned for the lead
of a huge American TV series.

[Vashti] At one point
in that journey,

Andy had gone out for
Spartacus and he was in LA.

Whatever happens to me,
my men, their families,

happen because we choose it.

We decide our destiny.

Not the Romans.

And I remember that
day I wore a little note

in both cups of my bra,
'cause I had boobs then,

saying, "Andy is Spartacus.

Andy is Spartacus."

I kept sending him emails
saying,

"How fantastic.
You've got Spartacus."

Before he even got it.

We made it happen,
and that's how we roll.

[woman] Why are you here?
What's happening?

What's going on?

Well, this is, this is real.

That's real sweat.

This is Gladiator Boot Camp.

I started yesterday and
my buttocks are killing me.

I turn up one day going, "
This is actually
bit terrifying now

because this is what
I've wanted for so long

and it's here
and I have to deliver."

[director] Action.

[Vashti] Andy literally
arrived back from LA

and went straight off
to start shooting

in New Zealand and
suddenly becoming Spartacus

and cutting a six pack and
glutes and pecks of steel.

[director] Action.

[Andy] I mean, I was exhausted,

but I'm pretty sure
anyone would've been.

It's one of the most extreme
things I've ever gone through.

[upbeat music playing]

I keep pace with
the mighty Spartacus.

[Andy] I think Spartacus
is a unique show.

I mean, you're walking
around in your underwear.

You have to train
your arse off
just to look the part,

let alone doing your
own fight choreography

and the long film days.

Spartacus!

That is not my name.

[Andy]
And of course, the action is
a big component of this show.

But it's just there to
highlight the drama.

The story is about an everyman
who finds himself

captured by the supposedly
civilized Romans,

and is forced to fight
for his own survival.

Begin.

[crowd cheering]

[Spartacus screaming]

[groaning]

[Andy] And I think
as the show continues,

his passion to help
liberate all the people

trapped by circumstances
of which they had no control

becomes something that he can
really put his energy into.

How much longer?

How much blood
until we're free?

Soon.

I promise you.

He just can't sit back
and take the abuse.

He will make a stand for
everyone and everything.

However many times
they knock him down,

while there is still blood
pumping through his veins,

he will get up and fight
and fight

and never, never, ever stop.

And there's certainly
parts of me

that I can identify with that.

So it's really my dream role
to be the title character

and to collaborate with
all these amazing people.

How white your teeth are.

Amazing.

-Got the gladiator smile.
-[Andy] It's 73 B.C.

It's the gladiator smile.

[Andy] And to have a show so
well-received and successful,

I sort of had everything
at my feet.

[crowd cheering and applauding]

I am Spartacus.

Season one of Spartacus
finished,

and I was in a lot of, a lot
of pain at the end of that,

and wasn't sure what it was
and it wasn't going away.

I got a call saying,
"Hon, I'm in trouble."

And I said, "What do you mean?

You've just gone to
see a sport's doctor."

And he said,
"I think I've got cancer."

And I threw myself in
a taxi and raced across

Sydney to look at a huge X-ray,
a basic one, nonetheless,

of my husband's body with
black patches everywhere.

I ended up being diagnosed
with Non-hodgkin's Lymphoma,

and it was pretty extreme.

It was stage four at the time,

and so everything went on hold
with a view to coming back.

My oncologist was saying,

"You know,
if you want to get cancer,

this is the one you want.
It's 80% treatable.

You're young and healthy.

You'll just breeze
through the treatment."

And so, I never, ever,
ever was scared of it.

[Vashti]
The whole treatment,
Andy had to go through

the chemotherapy,
but he did it

extraordinarily gracefully,
humbly,

and he gave everything to
how he could heal himself.

I really fell in love with
him even more through that.

I went into remission,
which was great.

Everything got back on track

and I galloped
to the next season, season two.

[audience applauding
and cheering]

[woman] Come on, Andy!

The champion of Capua,

the bringer of rain,
Andy Whitfield.

You know, I'd like to have
this opportunity as well

just to thank some of the
messages I got from the fans.

It was, it was kind of, you
know, profound

and moving to get such a
connection from complete
strangers.

So, thank you.

You gave me a great lift
when I needed it.

Thanks.

Since then, I had to
have an insurance scan

for season two to go
back to shoot, you know,

just to make sure I was still
okay, still in remission.

And they found a resilient
little subset of cells

and they said, "You
know, if you do nothing,

you'll be dead within
three to six months."

It just doesn't add up to me.

You know, when I asked the
oncologist

what causes the disease
I have...

No idea.

No idea.

I mean,
how do you fix something

if you don't know the cause?

You can patch it up, but does
it take away the conditions

that created it and maintained
it in the first place?

And so I've just become
fascinated

with that question
right now, and...

I think there's a whole
world out there to...

to look at, to try and
answer that question.

What I want for us now
is to be really clear

about what we want from
this journey and that is...

to just learn from each other,

grow from it, and not be
frightened by it.

In my heart,
I am convinced that...

this is all meant to be.

I'm supposed to be right
here, right now, and...

I'm open to the journey
and to the discoveries

and to the adventure
of all of this.

Be here now
is all about being present

and not fearing
what you don't know.

And so I feel really passionate
and inspired to do this

even though I have no idea
how it's going to turn out.

[soothing music]

It's the weekend,
and it's the day after

we've just found out
that Andy's got...

the lymphoma's come back.

And I've had all sorts of
fucking

scary information about
what that means.

I think I'm just so numb
from too much information

that I just don't know
how I feel right now.

[Vashti] Let's go in with the
context of just hearing

about a second opinion
and make sure

that the treatment will
actually have some effect

on overpowering
the cancer.

To me, it's very simple.

The best chance
of long term survival,

long term remission,
living happily ever after,

is to have some
reinduction therapy

and then get your stem cells
collected,

and then have a stem cell
transplant.

And can you explain to
me what the principle is?

Phase A: two cycles of
reinduction chemotherapy.

-Each take about four weeks.
-[Andy] Yeah.

During one or both of those,
we'll collect stem cells.

Then, we'll do phase B,
which is

the big dose of chemotherapy,
the biggest hammer

to knock the disease out.

Then, we'll look at
your own bone marrow.

But as soon as we've
done the chemotherapy,

we rescue your bone marrow
with the stem cell transplant.

Okay.

You have to be convinced that
this is the right treatment

and then get on and do it.

Sure.

But it doesn't mean
do it tomorrow.

We have a little bit of time.

Right, okay.

[shaky voice]
I'm going to cry.

I just feel so relieved,

just speaking to someone
who's speaking about it

without this like, "You don't
do this.

You're going to die and
you can't see your kids."

It just feels really good
to hear it said

with such grace and I
know nothing's a certain,

but it just feels
strangely more supportive.

Sort of.

Sorry, I'm fine.

[Andy] Do you have this effect
on everyone?

[John] Yeah, I always make
women cry.

[all laughing]

[slow guitar music]

My oncologist said, "Let's
do some rounds of chemo,

get it in remission, do
the stem cell transplant,

and hopefully live happily
ever after."

I've just been liberated
and so free all day,

and I guess now the night's
coming, and I'm tired.

I've been up since
four this morning.

And I'm starting
to panic, again.

And...

Yeah.

When I was first
diagnosed, I got treatment.

I had chemotherapy
and at the time,

my oncologist was saying,
"80% of people

who go through this
go into remission."

-You gonna race with us?
-[Indigo] Yeah.

Okay.

[Jesse] On your marks,
get set...

[both] Go!

Go, Indi! Get him.

But in my case,
it wasn't successful,

and what they're saying now
is that

there is a second level
of treatment.

But only 25% of the people
that go through

the best that the world
has to offer make it.

It's suddenly a different
level of things at stake.

Where I'm at right now
is trying to understand

the current approach and
is it the best way to go.

They did a biopsy
and they found

-a subset of resilient cells.
-[therapist] Yup.

And so they're kind of saying,

"You have to go onto
the next level of treatment."

[therapist] Which is?

[Andy] Much more intense chemo.

Okay.

[Andy] It's my responsibility
to pursue

whatever I need to do
to get my health back

whether it's through
chemotherapy
or alternative treatment.

And then there's the
whole psychological side

of all that has to do with it.

I'd like you to think back
to a time when something...

really got your attention.

[Andy] I think having
a positive outlook

in your own treatment
has gotta help,

even if it's a 1% improvement
in your prognosis.

Tell me what you're noticing

right now about the sensation.

It's like a stadium.

Okay, what do you notice
about the energy
of the stadium?

Everyone is cheering.

And have you noticed
who they're cheering for?

Yeah.

And just allow that to
completely fill your body,

bathing in that feeling
of being supported.

Daddy's here!

Dad, do you want me to do
one of your rolls in Spartacus?

[Andy] Yeah.

[Vashti] We're in a real
crossroads about what to do.

Daddy.

Can I have a kiss?

Can I have a kiss?

Andy is literally on hoof
running from...

one inquiry to another,
from Ayurvedic medicine

to acupuncture, all of
which if it were me,

I would be doing too.

And, I am in no way pushing
him to do chemotherapy.

But you just want to do
what you think

will fix the situation.

And I've caught myself doing
that with such surprise
recently,

like wanting Andy
to just get well,

just do the quick thing
so we can get on.

[Andy] I've read plenty of
anecdotal stuff about people

doing this whole Ayurvedic
treatment to manifest health.

You know, I'm obviously being
advised to do chemotherapy.

They've said, "We'll book
you for the 3rd of November."

And I think three weeks,
I could go to India.

I could, you know, I could go
and see what that does first.

I can't see how that could be
a process

that wouldn't assist
and even allow your body

to get strong so that
should you have to go down

that chemotherapy path,
you're going to be in an

even better position to be
able to manage that process.

I feel like I'm on a path
and if I choose one way,

I'll be fine. I will.

If I go chemotherapy, I'll get
through. I'll be in the 25%.

-Yeah.
-I don't doubt that.

But.

But there's this whole other

path here that
I really believe in.

Yeah.

I believe in this more
than I do this right now.

And maybe that's what's
the problem for me.

Can I just say
I do support that.

-I second you doing that 100%.
-Well, I do need.

I just need some support
on it from the people
around me

because I just feel like I'm...

I'm doing it on my own
and people think I'm mad.

[Vashti] Who thinks you're mad?

You do.

[Vashti] I don't think, I've
never said I think I'm mad.

-No, but.
-So here's the thing.

Sometimes what you're getting
is this unprocessed me,

you know, like I might,
like last night

I dreamt about this,
I dreamt about it.

Because it's my girlfriend's
anniversary

of dying three years ago
from cancer. [shaky voice]

Last night, I dreamt that
you, we just didn't have time,

and we'd left it too late.

And you went in for chemo
and they said,

"I'm sorry, we can't do it
because it's everywhere.

It's too late."

And I just remember thinking,

"If we'd just been open
to everything

and tried everything,
Jesse would have a dad."

And that was my dream
and it's terrifying.

-So I wake up.
-You go off and meditate.

I go down, make lunches,

have the gorgeous little
people screaming at me,

yelling at me, and what's
still going on in my head.

[Indigo shouting]

Is that we didn't have time,
and then you're saying,

"You're not supporting me" and
I'm trying to process that,

get that silly thought out of
my head

because I don't believe it
anyway,

but it's in my whole
body, to then support you

going off and doing some
more exploratory work,

you know, when I know that...

all day I'm going
to be feeling strange.

[crying] As a mother
with two children,

there's a protective
streak in you that goes,

"What if he did die?"

And that's an awful thing
and something I can't

explain to Andy, but it's
in me as the possible...

parent who would be supporting
these two little people.

And I think it would break
Andy's heart to hear that

I'm even considering that as
an option, but I can't help it.

Does that make any sense
to you?

[Andy] It does.

[Vashti] What's going on
for you?

Well, I knew all that was
going on.

I know all that's going on,
hon. I'm your husband.

I know you more than anyone.

And I guess how I'm
getting through it is to,

it's a trust thing.

I'm just trusting, and...

you know, in that space,
then anything is possible.

And I just, it's hard
and unreasonable

to ask anyone else to
trust as much as I do.

I feel like there's
a lack of trust

or something in me
and I'm not clear

on what that is,
but it has me conflicted

in how to support him
even though in my heart

I know I support him fully
in whatever he chooses to do.

I do trust that whatever
you do is the right thing

and you just have to know I
support it whatever it is.

As long as it doesn't harm
anybody else, I support it,

and you just need to know that.

[Andy] Alright.

[screaming] Hey.

In something that's so
powerless and horrific
as cancer,

you didn't choose to have it

and there's no
getting out of it.

There's no, like, "I just
don't want to do this anymore."

And at the same time,
there's no one going,

"Let's just do this.

It's gonna kill cancer.

It's gonna be okay."

By the end of the day,
you've gotta make a call.

And it's a big call to put
your faith in one camp.

What if they're wrong?

I think the way you navigate
through

is to use your intuition.

And then you have to dig deep

and trust that the future is
bright.

So, I just had a profound...

insight, feeling...

and I'm going to India.

Okay, so here we are.

Where are we?

Now, I'm gonna go all the
way on a plane to Delhi.

[Vashti] And maybe show
Jesse where Grandpa Bob

is coming from because Grandpa
Bob is going to visit Daddy.

My dad, your granddad, is
coming from

a little island in Wales,
there, straight to Delhi.

[Jesse] Where does it say
Delhi?

Right here.

So, that's where
I'm going today.

-Are you going to be okay?
-[Vashti] Love you.

-Yeah, yeah.
-[Andy] Love you too.

-I'm going to be fine.
-See you in three weeks.

[Vashti] You will.

Welcome to India. [laughs]

It's like a different planet.

It's magical, beautiful,
colorful chaos.

[slow guitar music]

I'm here.

I start treatment tomorrow.
It feels amazing.

There's nothing to fear.

I've had a bit of a battering
this year.

I've had six rounds of chemo,

and it's such a poisonous
treatment

that kills your good cells
as well as,

hopefully, the bad ones.

So it's time to do something
cleansing.

This is all kind of
5,000 year old,

no side effects, slightly
magical medicine.

I'm losing some.

It's a perfectly natural way
of purifying the body,

to help rebalance your system.

And for me, that's a more of
inspiring form of treatment.

I'm very lucky to be here.

My dad's coming soon.

I'm really
looking forward to it.

Welcome to India.

How are you?

What a journey.

-How are you?
-I'm fine, you?

-Good to see you.
-Looking good.

I feel good, I feel good.

[upbeat drum music]

[Rob] When I first heard
the path Andrew was taking,

I was a little concerned
because I have a conditioned
prejudice

that western approach is maybe
the only way that is available.

But this is
what he wanted to do.

I think that's the one. Yes.

[Rob] And I hope that
he will come away feeling

quite relaxed and ready for
the next step in the journey.

Today I'm going to see
the Indian astrologer

and he's going to, he's
going to look at my life.

I just have to tell them
where I was born

and at what time and what date,

and then they can calculate
my journey.

-This is your horoscope.
-Okay.

Your ascendant is Capricorn.

According to medical astrology,
you were born in Capricorn.

[Andy] Okay.

[Pandit] And your moon sign
is Virgo.

-Gemini sign.
-[Andy] Gemini?

Yes, Gemini, Virgo.

-[Andy] My wife is Gemini.
-Then good.

She is very good for you.

Gemini, Virgo, Taurus.

-My son is Taurus.
-Very good.

Your path is exalted in the
ascendant.

It means you are a very
courageous and bold person

and now I will tell about
the sixth house,

about your health.

The lord of sixth house,
Mercury,

in tenth house
with Sun and Venus.

The sun, the planet is
weak in your horoscope.

It shows little difficult time
for health.

This is, it looks a little bit
serious.

Wow.

That may create short life.

[Andy sighs]

In my opinion,
I think you will overcome.

Good.

There is more support from
the planet, and if you pass

these two years, then you
will have lot of good things.

-Okay.
-[Pandit] Any question?

I have a question around,
because in Australia,

they do chemotherapy.

Yes, you have to do little bit

this kind of treatment,
chemotherapy.

Thank you.

I think, yes, in my opinion,
this shows

some difficult time for
you, but you will overcome

because there
is nature support.

-Ah, I'll take that.
-That shows you long life.

-I'll take that.
-Somehow.

He thinks I'll be okay.
Oh, god.

But...

He says maybe...

two or three years of...
you know, a struggle.

[sighs]

Wow.

I already knew that the
next year was going to be

kind of tough with treatment
and recovery.

And I guess the whole point of
the chart

in astrology is to...

to avoid the danger
that's not yet come.

That's what they keep saying.

"To avoid the danger
that has not yet come."

People have always been
talking to me about

don't paddle upstream,

you know? Go with the flow.

And I was like,
"I totally get that."

But it wasn't until I was
actually in the Ganges

that I sort of went...

"Of course.
It's going that way, anyway.

Go with it."

And if there's a rock,
paddle around it.

As it comes up,
you can see the danger

and you can navigate around it.

And so it was a really nice
thing to go,

"I'm just going to go
with the flow."

You can't be questioning why.

Just accept the things you
can't change

and do something about
the things you can.

[soft piano music]

[chanting in background]

[Rob] The whole experience
from my point of view

was quite surprising.

I feel, personally,
so much better

than when I came
that I have to believe

that it's done the same
for him.

[Andy] I didn't want to do
chemotherapy for a long time.

See you soon.

But my destiny has assured
whatever I do.

I'll do the chemotherapy
to kill the cancer

and I will use
everything I've learned

along the way
to rebalance me

and to help me
for the rest of my life.

It'll be interesting to see
how it goes

when I get home, back in...

back in the mentalness
of the west.

It's Friday, day one of chemo.

I'm going to be here
for four days now.

Well, five including
yesterday, last night.

And I've just realized
there's been no joy

until my gorgeous wife
arrives and we have a giggle.

[Vashti] You can press up,
and down, and up and down.

-How are your abs?
-Burning.

[Vashti] You could have
a six pack

by the end of your chemo.
[laughs]

-Anyway.
-Where are we going?

Just up here behind that
traffic light.

Look at how many
holes I've got.

I know, I just, looking
at your punctured,

kind of pin cushioned arms.

Ugh, I've got fucking holes
everywhere.

Will you promise that you won't
wake me up every three hours

and take my temperature
and blood pressure tonight?

No.

I will be expecting you to do
your husbandly duties, though.

What's that?

[laughs]

It's those actions that you
have to do

so that your wife doesn't
get herself a lover.

Probably you just get a lover.

[Vashti laughs]

I'll be on my nausea pills.

I am Spartacus.

[Vashti] Alright, darling.
Welcome home.

[Andy] Home.

Now you've got to be
gentle to daddy bear.

Poor daddy.

Listen, very gentle,
but big kisses for Daddy

because he's going to bed now.

[Andy] Give me a cuddle.

[Jesse] Can I see your arm?

It's all gone, though.

[Vashti] Come on, then.

Let's go and get into bed.

[Indigo] Good night.

-Night, guys. Love you.
-Daddy will be sleeping now.

It's good to have him home.

But I do feel a tiny
sense of anxiety

about the fact
that I am going to be

looking after him and I don't
know how he's going to be.

[exhales heavily]

I have no idea where
the last week has gone.

I had some reaction to...

one of the drugs.

I literally lost my mind.

I spent three or four days
just...

talking myself off a roof.

And I descended
into the darkest,

most bleak depression,

and I could not see
an end to it.

He couldn't really share
a conversation properly,

didn't know what he wanted
and he was actually,

I don't know if he realized,
but really quite aggressive.

And, uh.

[Andy] I really don't remember
anything.

Angry and said quite a
few strange things to me.

When we spoke to the doctor,
he said it's a totally

unknown, unheard of reaction

and that there's no way
they could foresee it

and so we're not going
to do it again.

So we're going to go back
to the old mixture of chemo.

You've got a brilliant knack
of phoning at the worst time.

At the moment, I have to say.

I tried to call you last
night several times.

So...

So it's been a weird couple
days and it feels like

we're sort of seeing the light,
and yeah.

So yeah, and I'm in
a sort of slightly

peculiar resistant place,
at the moment, to it all.

Well, I'm not. I'm not.

And at the moment, I feel
like a fucking crap wife

and a horrible mum
and a selfish person

with horrible thoughts
going on in my head.

Yeah.

[crying]

No, I don't want that.

I don't, I never say,
"Why is this happening?"

I just want more fucking time.

I need some time
to take it all in.

It's just been really full on.

I'm very torn.

So torn.

It's very easy to go, "Fuck!

I've got cancer,
I've got cancer!

I could die."

And why me and feeling angry

and seeing people
everywhere going,

"Why are they worried
about a pimple

they've got on their face
or a poor guy's

broken his leg and he won't
be a triathlete anymore,

and I've got cancer."

Anyway, I'm fine, Mum.

Don't freak out.

I just knew I'd fall
apart when I spoke to you.

I love you too. [sobbing]

My mum's coming from Wales.

It'll be good to have her
here, have her around,

and she's tough.

She's tough, my mum.

And it will take some pressure
off Vashti

because I'm conscious that
Vashti's trying to manage

the children and me.

Sometimes you just
need your mum.

[slow piano music]

[Vashti] I feel so torn
in so many different ways

because I'm trying to
look after my children,

give them the love
they need,

and at the same time,

I'm trying to support
Andy when he's feeling

confused or completely lost.

This has been a big smack
in the chops for both of us.

We're just both in
transition of being ready

for what this journey is
about, which is a lot more

intense than we expected,
I think.

But I'm really hoping
that will change

when Andy's mum comes
to the rescue.

Hey, guys. Grandma is here.

Grandma.

Hi, dear.

-Hi.
-How are you, Mum?

-It's lovely to see you.
-You too.

How are you?

-How are you feeling today?
-I'm good, I'm doing well.

Oh, good.

So I understand
he feels better.

Yeah, you're catching him like

on the first really,
really good day.

[Pat] I hope that
while I'm here,

I can support Vashti, do
lots with the children

who are a delight
and make you forget.

I think these ones bend
the other way, don't they?

They bend backwards.

[Pat] I hope I can,
in the smallest way,
make a difference.

You've got a genius child,
do you know?

I know.

Just support and love
and be there.

What would you like done
with your hair today, love?

Going somewhere nice
for the holidays?

Something practical.

Summery, cool and...

And shorter.

Stylish, please.

I came over with slightly
mixed feelings

because it wasn't
what you want.

But it's a good time.

I think if you have
to look at that

and know that you're actually
going to get a lot out of it,

and a special time.

[playful music]

[Jesse] I'm gonna decorate
the tree.

[Andy] Show me.

Do one. There you go.

Well done, Indi.

Hi.

[Vashti] Andy was booked in
to go in for chemo

and he got there
and they decided

that what they were going to do

is run a scan to make sure
there were no surprises.

The result was that
there was nothing new

and that the original
lymphoma had at least halved,

which is a fantastic sign
because it means

he's responding
to the treatment.

Nearly, nearly, nearly.

Run with the ball.

I can't wait to go in
and get round two done

because it's working
and as strange as it is,

to be in a ward 24/7,
hooked up to a machine,

and I just went to get in,
get this cancer killed off.

[Vashti] Hi, boys.

What are you doing here today,
Jesse?

I got a new,
something to do today.

[Vashti] Is that your new
cuddly toy?

-Him?
-[Jesse] What have you got?

I came out of the second lot
of chemo.

And it's not too bad.

Like I feel, I feel fine.

And I, I look really well.

Now, they'll collect
stem cells.

Here it comes.

And sometime after Christmas,

I'll go in and, hopefully,
I'm in remission.

Assuming I am, I'll then do
the stem cell transplant.

And then the stem cell
transplant wipes out

any underlying disease.

This is gonna be the end of it.

Now, I want to look at
all your gorgeous faces.

[all] Cheers!

Happy New Year.

To another year of adventure.

Come on, give me a kiss.

And slightly less drama,
but drama of a different kind.

-Yes.
-Maybe a thriller film drama.

Maybe.

[Vashti] Look at that.

[Andy] In some aspects, this
was the best year of my life.

And for all the downsides
of treatment,

there was all the joy of being
at home,

and being with my kids
and my wife.

With the turning
of the new year,

I just get excited
about getting through

treatment and surviving cancer.

[crowd chattering]

[man] So are you
excited for the premiere?

Yeah, I am.
I guess this is the first.

I mean, we've all seen it
and we love it,

so it's kind of nice
that we get a chance

to finally share it
after all the hard work.

This time last year,
I was the lead

of a big successful
American TV series.

After much effort
and sacrifice,

I finally got to
where I wanted to be.

I don't remember like a
career counselor going,

"So what do, you know,
what is it you wanna do?"

I don't remember any of that.
I just remember someone saying,

"You need to go to university.

"Pick something."

And the guy across the
road was an engineer.

So I did engineering and
I did that for 15 years.

And then one day, some
girl grabbed me in a cafe

and she said,
"Who's your agent?"

I was like,
"I don't have an agent."

And she said,
"I'm a photographer.

I want...
can I take your picture?"

And that ended up in a magazine
and then I was a model.

[Vashti] He kind of
stepped into modeling,

was hugely successful
very quickly.

And he was at one point
the highest used model

for Australian TV commercials.

And then little parts in
TV started showing up.

Excuse me, I'm looking for
Pam Horman.

These are her boys.
They're here to see their dad.

There wasn't enough work
to give up my engineering.

So I balanced it
for a couple of years.

[woman] Mr. Lee?

I've got investors
arriving in half an hour

and they're supposed to have
publicity material,

which your secretarial services
was supposed to
have printed out.

I see.

Then I'd take a month off
and go to LA

and try and get something big.

Jane Porter.

I am Tarzan.

Do you think I'd go for
a skinny bitch like you?

[director] And we're rolling.

[woman] Reacts to camera?

[Andy]
And then Vashti fell pregnant
and I sort of realized,

"Oh, my god, I've got to
provide for everybody now."

You know, like my wife's
not going to be working,

and I just thought
I'm just gonna

put acting on the back burner.

And then literally the
next day, my agent rang

and said they've got
an audition.

[woman] I have no
desire to fight you, Gabriel.

Shoot me if you must,
but I beg you,

hear what I have to say first.

You lie.

I never trust your kind.

[Andy] They rang the next day
and said,

"They've offered you
the lead role in this movie.

But it's not paid."

And I was like, "Great."

"There's no way I can do it."

And then Vashti said, "What
would you rather tell your son?

That you didn't do this thing
you've been trying to do

for years because of money

or that you just did it
anyway?"

And...

So I just did it.

[Amitiel] Gabe?

It's my fault.

Gabe?

You gotta talk to me.
Listen, you gotta talk to me.

Gabe! Listen.

No!

-Look at you!
-You don't understand!

[Andy] From that, I got an
American agent and manager

and flew to America
and a year later
I had Spartacus.

Nine months filming
and a six-year deal.

You know, I had offers,
film offers.

Didn't have to
audition anymore

I was planning
the next career move.

All that effort
of trying to make it.

I was set.

And I've been kind of mourning
the loss of that victory,

if you'd like,
because this lymphoma

is still not in remission.

My mind's going crazy.

I just don't know what my fate
is for the next little while.

[sighs]

I feel sick.

I got you some DVDs
to choose from.

Got Mad Men 3,
Sunshine Cleaning,

which is a really cute
funny film.

Had a PET scan yesterday
and that was to

show that everything was in
remission and I could go on

and do the next stage, which
was the bone marrow transplant.

We got a call this morning
from the specialist's secretary

saying, "You better come in.

He wants to talk
about your results."

Is that enough?

-What, for a week?
-Yeah.

Yeah.

[Andy] In a nutshell, all the
original lymphoma was gone,

except this new area, which
was never there before.

I just don't know
what's ahead now.

You know, is it
one round of chemo?

Is it another round?
Is it, what is it?

It's unusual for lymphoma
to respond

in one part
and grow in another.

We've got to find a cunning
way of treating this.

[Andy]
It wasn't until I got to
the ward that Professor Gibson

said, "We need to knock this
on the head.

This drug that we're
going to give you now

specifically targets
really fast growing stuff.

You're going to be here
for ten days.

This is the big guns now.

If you're not having response
to this kind of chemo,

then nothing else is
really going to work."

It was the first time
anyone mentioned that.

Before, it was an easy case
for him

and now it feels like it's
getting more of his attention.

I'm having a high dose
chemo now.

I'm really feeling it.

I've already got some ulcers.

I mean, whose mouth is that?

I just don't recognize it.

Gums are all receding
and kind of raw,

and I guess my stomach,
as well, is trashed

and I've got this rash.

I can see it all over my body,

which is kind of chemo heat.

And, I just feel sorry
for my body, for my cells.

They're taking
such a battering.

So hopefully this big hit
will get it under control

and we'll get back on
track for the transplant.

Ah, I can smell some children.

Oh!

[Indigo] Daddy!

Hello!

[Vashti] Aw, is it your daddy?

Hello, beautiful children.

-That's you.
-That's me?

[Vashti] Aw, it looks just
like you.

I've got one hair left
on my chin.

That is prefect, Indi.

-Thank you.
-[Vashti] Well done.

-That's beautiful.
-[Vashti] Hello, Jesse Red.

Hello, can I have a cuddle?

Daddy, daddy, daddy.

Oh, I've missed you guys.

What've you been up to?

You been looking after everyone
for me?

[Indigo] I missed you, daddy.

I missed you, too.

I really should be
in remission by now,

but treatment's dragged
on for nearly a year.

And that's sometimes
a bit of a heavy burden,

for everyone.

That's you fat.

That's me fat?

And I have no body, just a
fat head with arms and legs?

It does look like me.

You've got a body.

Yeah, I have.

I don't know what effect
it's having on the children.

But you know, I'm sort of
realizing more and more

that they're incredibly
perceptive kids anyway.

And we sort of, I've been
broaching the subject of,

I never actually
mentioned the word cancer.

I've said, "I have a
problem with my blood."

Or "My blood needs
replacing" or "needs fixing."

You know, it's a sort
of semi-serious context,

but, "hey don't worry,
I'm gonna be fine."

Hey, Jesse Red,
what's happening?

How was your week?

Good.
Thank you very much.

How was yours?

Very good, thanks.

Thank you for asking.

I think with kids, as long
as what they're seeing

matches
what they're being told,

it's kind of easy to
understand and go along with.

Okay, I'm just going to shave.

[Jesse] Okay.

[Indigo] What are you
doing with your hair?

He's just taking his hair

because the medicine's
making it come out.

Look at that.
Nice big clump.

[Indigo] It's coming off?

Yeah, I'm having a hair cut.

Do you want me to
cut your hair off, too?

[Indigo] No.

No, I'm only joking.

I asked Indi if I could
have her hair for a bit.

[Vashti] No.

[Andy] We're all in it
together and getting

through it as a family.

Go into bed.
Lie down.

And you can hear the story.

[Andy] And of course,
my mum's been
so brilliant and supportive.

She's been here
for four months.

And, of course,
the treatment's

gone much longer
than we'd hope.

So her trip's been extended.

So my dad's coming out
tomorrow.

Alright, I think it's time
to tuck you both in bed.

I'm really looking
forward to seeing him.

I'm really excited
about having him around.

I need that please.

Do you think
you might need some more?

I need that please.

Grandpa, grandpa!

[Andy] It's another great gift
of this whole journey.

Good to see you.

How are you?

-I'm fine, I'm good.
-[Vashti] Hello.

Let me be useful.

She's the man of the house
these days.

I'm the man of the house
at the moment.

[indistinct chattering]

Read me your email.

-[Vashti] Are you sure?
-Yeah.

"Hello, lovely folk.

It's another spectacular,
hot, clear day

in Sydney, the kind
of day you English folk

are dreaming of,
but in all honesty,

we're longing for the autumn.

Andy's doing really well
and in the midst

of an additional couple rounds
of chemo.

He's sitting, strumming
on his beautiful guitar

with a big smile on his
face, which is partly to do

with the fact that
this morning he woke up

with a massive boner, the
first one for a wee while.

So, in truth, we're both
smiling.

That's all for now.

Sending you lots of love.

Keep the updates coming
and your lives rolling in

as it's nice to be connected
with people off this island."

Well, thank you for sharing
my morning boner with...

-Hundreds of friends.
-Millions.

Okay, that's sent.

But I haven't sent out
updates for so long now

just because, I didn't have
anything to say,
in all honesty.

I was just trying to process
everything.

[Andy] What's different?

I just, I just think,
for me, it was like...

I just feel so much
calmer and more grounded.

I just, I think readjusting
my perspective

and re-framing that life
right now is about this.

Yeah, you seem a lot better.

You seem so, more, more
grounded I guess.

This is just what it is.

Right here, right now is
today and enjoying today.

[Vashti] I've just felt like
I'm trying to

speed track this treatment
so that we can

just get on with our lives.

But the most conflicting
thing is to fight against it.

And, ultimately, I just
have to be there for Andy,

which is why we chose to
walk the earth together.

When I first met Andy,
I was at university

and it was one of those
summers backpacking

and lots of different
friends from different unis

kind of all got together.

I was with a long-term
girlfriend and she said,

"Do you want to come on holiday
with a bunch of people?"

And Vashti was one of them.

And then, four years
later, I was walking down

an alleyway in East London
and this girl walks by

and she shouted my name.

[Vashti] I couldn't
quite remember his name,

and I went, "Um, Andy?"

And he looked around
and I went, "Vashti."

And we both were marveled
at the difference

in the way we looked.

He was this
really handsome man.

He was fairly humble
and very gentle,

which is some of the things

I loved about him
on first meeting him.

[Andy] My first impression
of Vashti was powerful.

She was just this fearless,
atomic bomb.

And I guess
I was the other side.

I was quite, quite
quiet person growing up.

I was born in the '70s.

In the North of England.

It wasn't a world of
possibility and excess.

They'd had a grim old time.

And I just grew up on our
nation's values like that.

Life is tough and you can't
have your cake and eat it.

[Vashti] What stood
out is, you know, I'd see

these pictures of a
really happy little boy

and they was clearly quite
a close little family.

It just looks completely
different

to my upbringing
with hippy parents.

I was also born
in Wales also,
coincidentally.

But they decided
that they would drive

across land from England to
India with my sister and I.

So we traveled around
everywhere.

We were in Afghanistan,
Iran, Pakistan

for quite a few years
of our junior lives.

So there's a fierce
independence that I was given

by their lust for adventure.

When I met Andy, I'd met
someone to walk beside

and that feeling
was overwhelming.

His humbleness and my kind
of "rah" brought a balance

to two people that benefited
from something else.

And I think as we've
grown, there's been times

where we were reversed,
where I've been the one

that's been charging
hard and she's been able

to sort of sit still and find
new parts of herself in that.

[Vashti] Andy taught me
to not have to be strong,

and I've become this softer,
more vulnerable person.

And so together, kind of like
a lioness and a butterfly,

teaching one to be strong

and one to be soft,
became this love affair.

To the right.

And in.

And forward.

And folding forward.

Rolling on up
and through the center.

Through the nose, Ujjayi.

Let's do something else, Andy.

[kids chattering]

Hi.

What are you doing?

[Vashti] Oh, sorry.

[Andy] I think I heard
some Whitfield children.

Daddy.

Daddy's under a pink blanket.

What is that on your eyes?

[Vashti] Just give him five
minutes

and let daddy just come to.

What are you doing, daddy?

I'm doing a really
relaxing thing.

Can I have a kiss?

I'm up on my own
in the middle of
the night in discomfort

and there's been a lot of this.

Um...

Kind of reminds me of
before I got diagnosed

lat year and just the constant

sleepless nights. And the pain.

This aching pain that just
won't go away

adds to the usual
pre-scan anxiety.

What did you have to
catch up on?

I had to catch up on the...
my homework.

You know the first page
I didn't do?

Yeah.

[Vashti] This is such
a roller coaster
of a week.

What do you mean?
Oh, you got one?

Great, actually got it.

That one was Anakin in it.

[Vashti] And all we
can do is go with it.

And Obi Wan Kenobi.

It's brand new.

[Vashti] And I'm constantly
fighting to not

get caught
in the terror of it all.

But I haven't got any answers

and I really haven't got any
space to process them.

Because I'm trying to process
what's coming next with Andy.

-Babe?
-[Andy] Terrible.

I feel terrible.

I feel so much pain.
I don't know what to do.

But, I've got Jesse.

Are you okay with Jesse?

[Andy] I just want to go home.

Alright, I'll be very quick.

Andy was really sleep
deprived and exhausted

and our oncologist basically
just stormed in there

like a bull in a China shop
with a bunch

of other registrars around him

and read Andy the Riot Act
on his chances

being slim and it could be
a choice

if he wanted to
just not go ahead.

[Andy] I said, "What's our
alternative?"

He says, "Well, you'll die
of lymphoma."

And I'm like, "What?

Then we'll keep going."

I will support
whatever you choose.

If you choose that chemo
is the way.

Well, you know, I've had
11 rounds of chemo, you know.

I've had 11 rounds
of fucking chemo

over the last year.

And perhaps that's too much?

And deja vu, here we are,

waiting for the phone to ring
to see what my fate...

is according to, you know,
my oncologist.

So it's kind of
make or break today.

[phone ringing]

Here we go.

John.

-[John] Hello?
-Hi, we're here.

Sorry, I'm just putting
you on loud speaker.

[John] Okay.

Alright, um, nothing good,
I'm afraid.

Okay.

[John] The PET scan
compared to the previous scan

showed that the mass
in the abdomen

was larger and more active.

This is clearly not the result
that any of us wanted.

This represents the
nasty aggressive nature

of your recurrent lymphoma

that is resistant to all of
the standard lymphoma drugs.

And so maybe it's worthwhile
considering radiotherapy.

Okay.

[sighs] Wow.

[John] We're really
in a very tight corner

with not too many other, um...

options...

Okay?

-Okay.
-[Vashti] Thank you.

So how do you feel, hon?

You know, the good thing is
it's totally

unrelated to chemotherapy, so,

it's not like
if chemotherapy works,

radiation doesn't work,
you know?

Well, you know.
There's a couple of tracks.

You can go to a second opinion.

You can go and find another
oncologist

who might want to try
a different mix.

There's got to be other
alternative ways

of reducing your lymphoma.

Sure, let's find out.

I love you.

I love you, too,
and you look calm.

Yeah.
I guess for the last few days,

I've been facing
my own mortality.

For the first time,
I've actually,

gone, "You know what?

I wonder what it'd be like
just to go, 'I might die?'"

Whereas before, it's
been like, "I don't care.

Whatever you say,
I'm gonna make it."

And it's been really liberating

to sort of sit,
actually sit in it and go,

"You know what?

I might only have
three months left.

I might, that might be my
journey."

And I'm not actually
afraid of that.

And I guess that's why
I mentioned before

about there's a sort of,

it feels almost selfish
to think like that

because there are other
people at stake, you know?

There's my children
who need a father.

And my wife
who needs a husband,

although I don't do that much
right now.

You do a good job.

And, I just don't know.

I just think I've kind of
made some peace

over the last few days
with that,

which is sort of weird because

I don't know if that's a
good thing or a bad thing,

but I certainly feel--

But don't you think you
should think about it?

I think
you should just feel it.

I want you to do
what's in your heart

and not what your head tells
you to do.

Because I think
you're really clear on that

and perhaps you've
not listened to that

because you've been
so frightened and sick.

And I just know
that whatever happens [weakly]

because I don't see you not
being there.

The kids will honor
and respect the choices
you made

to be here and to
take them on that journey.

I guess...

you'd do anything to be there
for your kids, you know?

And that's what
I still want to do.

Right now I just feel
overwhelmed.

And I'm not sure
how it's all gonna work.

I know it will.

But I just feel ripped off
again, today.

I can't believe it.

I just don't get why...

why it isn't working.

[exhales]

Holy shit.

This is huge.

This is huge.

And terrifying.

I've gotta go.

How are you?

Good, how are you feeling?

I feel a bit wiped out
the last two or three days,

really lethargic and then...

I don't have my usual

self-motivating "oomph".

Here I am, nine months later.

Pretty fucked, pretty depleted.

I'm now in the minority group

where I'm not responding
to chemo.

And it's truly frightening.

I'm just trying to find some
serenity, and some calm in it.

I know that, you know,
with fear and anger,

which is probably the same
thing, really,

they're all outward.

It's all depleting, you know.

When you invest in it, it's
all, it's kind of not helpful.

And the opposite of that is

love, compassion,
and forgiveness.

And if you can convert
into that,

that's an inward thing.

That's a...
that's a healing thing.

And I guess it's part of my
evolution to get through this.

[Acupuncturist] Feel
some warmth there, Andy?

Yeah, it feels great.

[Andy] Because I think that
brings together the whole

psychological, emotional,
spiritual side of a person.

You know you shouldn't wait
to get cancer

before you start
to think that way.

Hi, how are you?

Professor Gibson spoke
to me on Tuesday afternoon.

Yeah.

He talked to me about your
scan result

and asked me to see you think
about some radiotherapy.

-Have you seen
the scan results?
-Yeah.

So this is your head,
your arm, and your spine.

-This is your bladder.
-[Andy] Yeah.

[Vashti] So that's not
the lymphoma?

No, the black part is uptick.

So it's normal for your brain,
bladder.

So this is the lumbar lymphoma.

[Andy] Right.

[Vashti] Right, so
the smaller black mass

in the middle is the lymphoma.

-[Andy] Yeah.
-[Vashti] Yeah.

How are you feeling in general?

I'm feeling a little better
from not doing chemotherapy.

But there's pain, almost like
sciatica, but not shooting.

And your legs
are feeling strong?

You don't feel weak?

When I walk, when I walk
for a while,

I get the sensation
that I need to

just stop walking
and crouch down.

[Angela] Because of?

Because I feel a slight,
a building tension in there.

-In your back?
-Mmm.

So giving you
radiotherapy alone

for lumbar lymphoma
that hasn't

responded to chemotherapy
is not enough.

It won't be for long time cure.

They will assist you
with another pet scan...

[somber music]

[sighs]

[Andy] The pain is just
getting worse and worse.

[Vashti] We just have to battle
through this.

Zap the fuck out of it.

Get his pain under control
and we go somewhere

and start treatment
somewhere else.

And I don't believe
it's in Andy's

or my destiny for him
to leave this life

this early through lymphoma.

I don't believe that, at all.

It doesn't feel in my
gut but that's how it is.

Just think of Jesse and Indi.

You've got to get through this.

You can do it.

Five minutes.

Count it down, yeah.

Try and breathe all the way
down to your little shaky toes.

[Andy yelps]

You can do this, Andy.

[Andy yelps]

Breathe into your tummy,
sweetheart.

[indistinct chattering]

You're doing a great job,
nearly there.

Think about little Jesse Red
in your head, see his face.

You can move now, gorgeous.

[woman] Alright,
excellent job.

Who was that?

That was Kelly.

She snuck a kiss in.

[laughs] Couldn't help myself.

[slow music]

[Andy] I've been doing
the radiation therapy

for about a week and a half.

Do you see me smiling?

But, something's working
because...

I've had remarkable,
remarkable pain relief.

You know, I'm looking more
normal now

and feeling better everyday
and my energy's coming back.

I'm back in the normal grind
of life, which is nice.

You know, I'm ready for work
and I've been wondering

when I can get back
to it.

We're at Fox Studios.

We both have an audition,
my friend Jai here,

for the same movie,
for different characters.

Did I have to learn? I was
supposed to learn the line,
wasn't it?

You were supposed
to learn the lines.

-I think I've got those.
-You haven't.

I'll be alright.
I'll get through it.

It's alright.

[man] Rolling.

But we all, all must
hold fast in our belief

that the Lord's light
will burn eternal.

For the first time in a while,
I'm not putting everything
on hold

and going,
"Well, we can't be happy

and we can't do stuff
until this is over."

Because, really,
the good stuff is

what's going on right now.

Now we need daddy to eat
lots while he's hungry.

Our highlight has been
how much time

my children got to spend
with their grandparents

and, you know, and
how close they are.

[Rob] You shouldn't
be wasting the water.

[Andy] So, amazing, amazing,
they had that time together.

My mum was coming initially

because I was getting
a stem cell transplant

and that's not
going to happen now.

So, we were like, "Go home,
get grounded.

This thing is going to
go on for a little while.

So you know,
let's all have a break."

I'm going to miss you.

Oh, Mum.

[crying]

Take care.

-You know where I am.
-I know.

It's hard.

We'll just carry on, you know?

[Pat] Of course.

Nothing's changed.

[Pat] No, no it hasn't.

It's just time for you
to have a break.

-Bye, gorgeous.
-Thanks, Dad.

[Vashti] Thanks for
everything.

You've made this journey so
much easier. I mean it.

Bye, Mum.
I love you.

[Pat] I love you, too.

Thanks for everything.

[Pat] I haven't done anything.

No, you have, Mum.

I think, for them, it's
very difficult to go

because, you know,
it's not over.

It's not resolved.

[Vashti] Say goodbye.

But as a family, we're much
clearer now

that we're going to have to
try to live with lymphoma.

[soothing guitar music]

Fuck, it's another
beautiful day.

I didn't leave the house
for four days.

It was just too hard.

Radiation treatment finished
about four weeks ago,

and I was feeling amazing.

And then I had pain for,
like, ten days.

I had a scan yesterday
and so we should find out

in the next hour how effective
the radiation treatment was.

So I've lost a few kilos.

I'm 77 kilos now.

I got weighed yesterday
for my scan.

What do you think she's
going to say, Vashti?

The information is irrelevant.

What you have to do,
whether it's in remission

or not in remission
is exactly the same.

You have to go on
to heal and recover.

Come on, call.

[phone ringing]

Hi, Angela, can you hear me?

[Angela] Yes,
it's dropping off a bit.

Okay.

[Angela] Can you hear me?

-Yes.
-We can hear you.

[Angela] How are you, Andy?

I'm good.

My pain's much better today,
actually.

[Angela] Right, I heard you
were in a bit of pain

when you came in.

Yeah, just that lying
flat, I can't really do.

[Angela] Yes, I've got
your scan results here.

Do you want me to go
through them with you?

-Yeah, yeah, do.
-Yeah.

Our intention, today, Angela,

is to get clearer,
get a snapshot

of where you guys
think we're at

and either draw a line
in the sand there

and kind of go off and
deal with it ourselves

-and to hear what your
thoughts are on, you know...
-Sure.

...if there is any moving
forward with you guys.

[Angela] Well, the PET scan
is not good news at all.

The big lump inside his
abdomen is still there

where he had radiotherapy.

And, also,
it looks like there's

two new areas in the chest.

Okay.

So it's not good news.

It's not a good picture at all.

So what does that mean?

Is that lymphoma?

That's lymphoma.

So...

We are dealing with
a very difficult lymphoma.

I think more radiotherapy is
unlikely to change the picture.

[Vashti] Okay, Angela,
thank you.

Okay, alright.

[Vashti] Okay,
have a good day.

Bye.

So how do you feel, honeybun?

Well...

How do I feel?

Now my cancer has spread?

I don't know.

I mean, that was the
one thing I didn't want.

I thought, "If it's the
same, then it's the same.

Nothing's got worse...

I'm in the same position.

I'll just go from here."

But, for it to have spread
is really...

frightening.

And they're saying I've got
three to six months to live.

Three to six months.

[Vashti] But you know,
you had that six months ago

and you're still here.

I know, but at the time,
I was having chemo and radio

and stuff that was buying time.

But they're only words, honey.

You know, before when
you were doing the show,

when you were doing the
Spartacus show,

before the camera used to roll,

you used to do this thing
where, like,

you know you'd be getting
psyched up and you'd go
[grunts].

Like I can't remember, you'd
always do the same thing

every time, like bit like
a tennis player

or whatever
would do their thing.

Like you'd always do it.

And it's time to do that
for this.

Whatever the... you're right.

I mean, it's hardly any
different from yesterday,
is it?

[Vashti] Well, it's no
different.

In fact, it's not as bad as
the day I was first diagnosed

a year and a half ago,
where I had stage four.

Everywhere.

You've got to get through it.

You will get through it.

But you have got to roll your
sleeves up.

They are a bunch of words.

If you believe them
and put weight in them,

they will become our reality.

Full stop.

Wow.

It's never dull.

Wow.

From my oncologist's
point of view,

there's no treatment for me.

And in that has come
a sort of sense of...

I guess, liberation.

I feel like I'm excited
to be in control of it

and I think that's the main
thing is control of it.

It's the thing I haven't had.

I felt powerless.

I felt in a system that...

just grouped me
with other people

and gave me the same cocktail

and hoped it would work
and I feel it's got to be

much more fine-tuned than that.

The main thing
I'm looking for

is inspiration and to be
with like-minded people

who have survived 10, 20, 30
40 years against the odds.

So, it's about being
in this group

over here where
everything's possible.

I have to find another way
to keep this lymphoma at bay

or make it
so it doesn't affect me.

It's up to me now.

I'm packing up the apartment

because we're moving house
on Friday.

What sparked that was that Andy
can no longer do the stairs.

And we have Andy's mum here
who arrived last Wednesday

to see us, stay with us,
see Andy, just be around.

And she's been amazing.

There's no smiling through it
saying, "Everything's fine."

You know, she's really present.

And she gets
where the situation is at.

It's massive.

That sofa could go in there.

Anyway, we'll work
all that out later.

[Andy]
I'm sort of juggling pain
and insanity at the moment,

and on top of that, my left
leg started to get numb.

[Vashti] Are you going to
be okay getting down, honey?

Yeah, I'm just trying to
remember what

they taught me so I don't
fall down the stairs.

[Vashti] It's going to be
a real adjustment.

And that's hard.

It's really hard.

You just go, "Will I ever get,
you know,

when will I get
my husband back?"

[weakly]
I don't know about that.

So, it's just adjusting to that

and holding a space
for that being possible

and then seeing the
breakdown, you know,

quicken and accelerate
and just going,

"okay how do we stop
that acceleration?"

So, I need to support him

to do something
to stop that acceleration.

But, I actually thought
it's a really nice space

to have kids playing around,
and you know.

I just get a sense that
something like cancer

has a switch and...

you can...

reverse it if you find
out where that switch is.

And I guess I'm in that
stage of exploration

of what or where
that switch is.

But, damn, it would be
good to go to New Zealand

and have some acupuncture
and get some tangible,

you know, changes in my body.

So that's the plan.

The speed at which things
are moving or have changed.

I guess it's brought
another level of...

anxiety and I'm not
really sure where Vashti is

with this because she's
doing an incredible job

of just getting on
with everything.

[Jesse] I'm really
proud of you, daddy.

Oh, my darling.

I love you.

[Vashti] Big give cuddles
to daddy bear.

[Jesse] I wish
I could come with.

[Vashti] Well, you know what?

Another time.

We've got to look after
the house, okay?

[Andy] I want to continue
this life

with seeing my children
grow up.

But let's say I didn't make it.

I know Vashti would
get through.

You know,
she's bring up our kids

and my kids would have
an extraordinary life.

I'll be at the end
of the phone, okay?

I love you.

[Andy] I love you too.

[Vashti] Bye, bye.

I don't regret, you know,
the way I've approached it.

You know at the end of
the day, life happens.

Don't try to deny
that it's there.

Experience it.

Brave daddy bear.

Okay, let's get and get warm.

[Andy] I just think
it's all a part

of some amazing journey,
you know?

I don't know if I would
have ever looked at it

that way had I not spent the
last 12 years with Vashti.

When I said goodbye
to Andy in the cab,

I didn't think in less
than a week,

I was going to be going up
to collect my husband

who I felt had very,
very short time left.

[woman over PA] Ladies and
gentlemen, we're about to land.

Please fasten your seat belts.

When I got to New Zealand,
it was quite shocking.

He was so in and out of...

lucidity.

And suddenly,
he did this snap
into focus,

and he said, "I wanna go home."

Because somewhere in him,
he knew it was time to go,

and he wanted to go home.

But the whole journey
I watched Andy

because I wasn't sure
he was gonna make it.

And in the morning, we
took him to the hospice.

And when I started
to see Andy fading,

I brought the kids in
and I said,

"The kids have come to
say goodbye now, darling."

And he said,
"I'm going to go soon

and I have to go up to heaven

because my body's
really broken."

And Indi went, "Why, daddy?"

And he said, "Because my body
is broken like a butterfly.

When its wing is broken,
it really can't fly anymore.

It has to go."

And he said, "But don't worry
because

I'm going to go up into
the sky and every time

you need to see me,
I will be there.

Just look for me."

And that was how he said
goodbye to the kids. [crying]

And I laid down next to
him, and we just laid still

and there was this moment
where I said to him,

"I need you to know
how much I love you."

And he kind of just sounded,
he made this funny noise.

He just made this, like,
"I love you."

He sounded like Rocky after
just winning his fight.

But, I, you know, I got it.

And it was amazing that
he, out of nowhere,

was able to do that,
you know, just to honor.

I didn't need to hear it,
I know it. I knew it.

He just took these
big deep breaths

and then he just died.

It was a very beautiful,
peaceful moment.

And I felt like he went to

suddenly being really strong
again.

[soft violin music]

We opened our front door
in Sydney and...

it's got big
black and white tiles,

and literally, laid out
perfectly in the center

of the front door step
is this exquisite

big black and white butterfly
and the kids are like,

"Oh, my god,
there's a butterfly.

Dad has come to visit us.

Look, it's just like dad,
it's got a broken wing."

It was a really extraordinary
experience just seeing

how my children had created
this really wonderful

kind of symbol of their dad.

And so I see this little
man have this happen to him,

and this little girl
and I know that it can

only have them be more
extraordinary

and I believe that 100%.

[kids playful]

How high can they go?

And for me,
I lost my best friend

and I lost my husband
of like 10 years,

and my lover of 13 years,

and it hurts like a fucker.

But the reality is
that I got 13 years

of the most extraordinary
relationship

and lived a crazy life
and beautiful life.

I don't see how you can't
turn something like this

into something wonderful.

Because what else
is there to do?

And he would be so proud
because it has all been

initiated by him.

Andy just came to join us.

The way that he chose
to live and...

his quiet ambition for making
things happen in his life.

It's really inspired me
to just be empowered

and try things
myself for the first time.

And it feels kind of exciting.

Hoo! Hoo!

Hello, little elves.

And, by the way, that's
how he ran his life.

And he still died.

So, all this stuff
about being powerful

at manifestation and
making the most of life

doesn't mean you're going
to get happily ever after.

But, that's the whole point.

It's like, you get
what you get
to make the most of it

because it can
be something extraordinary.

Come on, let's go, let's go.

But, for now, we're just going
to focus on being here now,

as cheesy as that sounds,
and living more fully.

So really enjoying life
and making the most of it.

♪ Look at the world a
As it's turning ♪

♪ Look at the light as
It shines down on me ♪

♪ Every star softly burning ♪

♪ Every atom of life
in the sea ♪

♪ It's such a beautiful world ♪

♪ Can't we all live as one
And in peace ♪

♪ Oh, it's such
A beautiful world ♪

♪ And if you want it,
You just have to believe ♪

♪ Open your eyes
And you'll see ♪

♪ Look at the world
As it's turning ♪

♪ Infinite life lived at
Infinite speeds ♪

♪ Every smell, every sound,
Every color ♪

♪ All that is you makes up all
That is me ♪

♪ It's such a beautiful world ♪

♪ Can't we all live as one
And in peace ♪

♪ Oh, it's such
A beautiful world ♪

♪ And if you want it
You just have to believe ♪

♪ Open your eyes
And you'll see ♪

♪ Open your eyes
And you'll see ♪

♪ It's such
A beautiful world ♪

♪ Can't we all live as one
And in peace ♪

♪ Oh, it's such
A beautiful world ♪

♪ And if you want it,
You just have to believe ♪

♪ Ohh, ohh ♪

♪ It's such a beautiful world ♪

♪ It's such a beautiful world ♪

♪ It's such a beautiful world ♪

♪ And if you want it,
You just have to believe ♪

♪ Open your eyes
And you'll see ♪

♪ Look at the world
As it's turning ♪

♪ Look at the light as
It shines down on me ♪