Original subtitles

Expect to see that on your income tax, Morty.

I can't hear you, people.

Maggots sound like suburbanites.

Fifty bucks for a lousy coin set you sell one at a time?

Got a hundred bucks for the next sucker who makes a triple sale.

A minute, fifty seconds, Bernie.

Expect these leaves to grow on fucking trees?

Want me over your shoulder all day, Bernie?

Huh?

Ask for the sale four times every time. Got it?

You got 20 seconds to close it, Bernie.

15. We are on your tail, Bernie. Five.

Four.

Three.

You have to be brain dead.

Yeah. How many seconds?

Got the shit, man?

Yep. Hey, we'll give it up, bro.

Yeah, as ordered.

Pharmaceutical cocaine?

Come on, you eunuch. Zeke's closing his sucker six, seven times, and he's got

twice as many sales as the rest of you bastards.

Spend your Sunday here, too, if you don't take these bills from me.

Of course.

Ah,

we have a winner.

Yeah, who'd have thought?

What'll it be, Jer? A hundred bucks?

A thousand dollars for a rare commemorative coin.

You picked that from Jersey?

Wise man.

Ah, right, the charmed life.

Thank you.

What?

People saw flames shooting from the building, called the fire department. By

time the engine got here, it was too late, and there were five dead young

people.

Now, this is a story with lots of irony, because Mr. Somoza, the landlord, has

been in deep trouble with licenses and inspections before, and as a matter of

fact, is scheduled for a hearing on a previous event this morning at 10 o

'clock. And the landowners were coming back... How'd it go?

Did you get the money?

Did you?

Hey.

You walk the streets like that?

Hey.

You're an idiot.

Hey!

The jet.

I didn't mean that.

Hey, I'm still hung up, honey.

These are very scary people.

Oh, give me.

I'll make it up to you.

Hey, you can hit me anywhere.

Hard.

Oh, baby, baby, baby. Let's not fight, right?

This is our... Penthouse.

This is the key to the real city.

This is what you wanted. This is what we've been working for, baby.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

700 ,000. This was a mistake.

This is just to take care of us during their residency until the doctor books

start rolling in, right?

They're soft. I thought they'd be stiff.

These are laundered.

Untraceable.

Perfectly safe, right?

Let's put them somewhere.

Oh, not tomorrow. Come here.

You are a criminal mastermind.

Just a lobby.

I want to pay off that loan shark first thing in the morning.

Maybe he'll forget.

Grandpa's inches? I doubt it.

Come here.

You've got to give a little love nip to your conquering.

Something wrong?

Here.

I'm going to take a long, hot one, and then you and I are going to celebrate.

Worth the risk, huh?

Mm -hmm.

What do you want to do tonight?

Go to the opera?

What kind of big Broadway show?

Dining experience?

Whatever you want.

You there?

Hey, Fred!

You got any shampoo?

Hey, babe!

Where the fuck am I?

It's Beth.

How far is Chicago?

Oh, 10, 12 hours.

I don't know how fast you drive.

What's that bar like?

Hey, thanks a lot, man. Very good.

What, did Clarence make you beg?

I made him beg.

So why all the attitude?

I guess Mike didn't want his job back.

He just didn't want to come back to this dead -end town, that's all.

So you want to talk about it?

There's nothing to talk about. I went to Buffalo.

It didn't work out? I'm back. Yeah. We already know all that.

I guess he didn't want to talk about it.

I guess not.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Mike.

Hi, Stacy.

How are you?

Good, and you?

Good. Hey, Stacy, how are you?

Would you leave your dick in Buffalo?

Chris, these women are anchors.

They what?

They're planted here. You get too close to one, Beston's got you for life.

Here he goes again.

How many guys in this bar have felt her out?

All of them.

And how many have gone home with her? How many have slept with her?

None, including yourself.

I rest my case.

Don't rest it too long, because I promise you it'll fall out.

How do I look? I look all right? You look great, man. You like this, Mike?

You look great.

You know, I'm all right, man.

Hey, Stacy.

How you doing?

So, uh, tell me about the wife.

What?

The wife, man.

Copper wedding van. Was it kind of a spur -of -the -moment decision or what?

Can't kick this off.

Use a little octane, man.

Take care of it.

This never took you as the impulsive type.

Neither did I.

Did you divorce her?

I hit her onto it.

I cannot spend the rest of my life here. I know what's going to happen each and

every day.

Yeah.

So when do you leave?

How long does it take to grow a new set of balls?

New Manhattan.

Hey.

Hey.

I know you hear me, pal.

Anybody need anything down here?

Everybody good? Good?

You good?

Christ. What if the girl got a sucker around here to get a drink?

City trash, man. You don't think that?

What do you see in there?

It's maybe a new set of balls.

Give me a Manhattan.

Ray, a Manhattan for the lady, please.

Sure might.

What, that's the game? I gotta say.

Uh, yes, it helped.

You're not from around here.

Fuck off.

Two dollars, please.

Thanks,

Mike.

I took care of that for you.

Thank you can also be very effective.

Could you leave?

Please.

Well, I haven't finished charming you yet.

You haven't started.

Give me a chance.

Go find yourself a nice little cowgirl, make nice little cow babies, and leave

me alone.

I'm hung like a horse.

Think about it.

Let's sing.

Excuse me?

Mr. Ed, let's sing.

Look, I tried to be nice. I can see that's something you're not... No, I'm

trying.

I can be very nice when I try.

Sit down.

Maybe we just got off to a bad start. I know Ray's put plenty of people in a...

What are you doing?

I believe what we're looking for is a certain horse -like quality.

Are you serious?

I never buy anything sight unseen.

Uh -huh. That's a good policy.

How many lovers?

What, do I get extra credit points for experience?

How many lovers?

Uh, 13, 12, 12.

Any prostitutes? No. Any men? No, no men.

May I approve?

Medically.

You have your own place?

Yes. Is it a sky? No, it's clean.

Do you have indoor plumbing?

Yes, I have indoor plumbing, I have electricity, and I have a name.

Let me outside.

Hi Griffiths, please.

Hi.

It's a local call.

Bridget! Always a pleasure.

You still a lawyer, Frank?

Yeah. Still a self -serving bitch.

Friend needs advice.

I'll set it up for you. Husband and wife do a one -time drug deal. The goal's a

wholesome one. College fund for the kids.

No.

The wife wants new digs.

Comes off without a hitch. Only the wife decides that the new house would be

happier without the husband.

Sharing was never her specialty.

She's anxious to start spending.

Well, it's just an opinion since you're not paying for it.

But the husband is entitled to half of whatever you buy with that cash. In

as soon as you turn it into a legal asset like a condo or a house or a bank

account, he can make a claim on it.

What are you saying?

My lips moving too fast for you?

Not fast enough, as I recall.

No, no.

Keep it in cash.

He's not going to ask a judge for half of that unless he wants to spend 20

in Attica with somebody's dick up his ass.

So what? Hold on to it for how long?

Well, as long as it takes to finalize a divorce.

How long does that take?

He'll fight it, maybe two years, less if you're lucky.

Jesus, Frank.

Well, I'm sorry the law doesn't make it more convenient for you to steal and

deal drugs, Bridget.

Okay, start the divorce.

Well, that's going to cost you a lot of paperwork.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fill in the blanks for me. I'm out of town.

Where are you?

Mayberry.

I'm going to Chicago to see an old friend.

Well, that is the first place Clay would expect you to go, stay put.

You can't be serious.

Look, maybe he won't stall.

Can he afford a good lawyer?

Not anymore.

How silly of me to ask.

Bye.

Morning. Morning.

Morning.

Wait.

I can't believe our good fortune. The fellow we were about to go with wasn't

half as qualified.

Oh, you also have to sign here.

Nice trick.

I, um, I still have one concern.

I'll handle your records personally.

No one else in the company will know you as Bridget Gregory, so there's no way

your husband can find you.

I appreciate it, Bob.

He actually beat you.

Savagely.

That's horrible.

Well, have you decided what we'll be calling you?

Um... Croy.

Wendy.

Wendy Croy.

Good. With a K.

Hey, what are you doing here? What are you doing here?

I'm with you. What are you doing here? You don't know me.

I've been thinking about you all day. I can't believe you're here. What are you

doing? What are you doing here?

Look,

if I knew I was going to be staying in this town, I would have had nothing to

with you.

Well, I'm very flattered. Thank you.

Well,

I happen to have evidence to the contrary.

The unrolled latex kind of evidence?

I work here now.

Don't fuck with my image.

Hello. Frank, it's me. I took your advice.

What advice?

I live here.

When I worked here, I signed a six -month contract.

You're going to be there longer than that.

I'm an optimist.

Let me give you the address.

No, I don't want to know where you are. I'll tell you who does, though.

He's called three times since he got the paperwork. Something about a loan shark

and his thumb.

Anybody check you for a heartbeat lately?

Oh, what am I supposed to do?

Failing that.

Tell him to quit calling me. I don't need this.

All right, I'll call him.

Be careful. He might trace it.

He's not that clever.

You know. This is the operator. I have a person to call.

Bridget Clay.

Will you accept the charge?

Is this Bridget in Chicago or Bridget in Dallas?

Operator, just connect this call.

Manhattan, please.

Thank you.

Well, hello again.

Are there any other bars in this town?

Well, it's very nice to see you, too. I've been looking all over for you.

It's strange, though. None of the other secretaries seem to know who you are.

I'm not a secretary, you rural Neanderthal. I'm the director of lead

I'm just trying to get your attention.

Designated but they make cards for that.

What if I want to be more than you designated?

I'll designate someone else

Going

out on an actual date sometimes why

Where are you from?

A galaxy far, far away.

I'm still trying to decide whether you're a total bitch or not.

Total.

I'm having more and more trouble with this, Wendy.

Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it.

I mean, you're keeping me at arm's length all the time. I'm starting to

like some kind of a... Sex object.

Yes, exactly, a sex object.

Live it up.

Why don't you just stay over?

I've got to get back.

Well, then I can come over. That's fine.

My place, my space, Mike, don't get sticky.

What are you so scared of, huh? What are you so scared of?

I don't know.

It's because I've been hurt before.

I just, I don't want to get close to anyone right now.

I'm different than the others, Mike. I feel like, I don't know, maybe I could

love you.

I just, I don't want that to happen.

Will that do?

Fucking doesn't have to be anything more than fucking.

I'm not asking for love, all right?

Wise man.

We could talk. You could talk to me. I'd like to talk.

So talk.

Who's listening?

There are things I'd like to know about you, Wendy. I like you. I would like to

know things about you.

All right, look, you know my name?

Yes.

I come from... New York City.

How do you know that?

My phone bill.

Look,

I like my privacy, okay?

Let me in. No. Please. No!

Then screw you.

Right. Tomorrow night, 8 o 'clock.

Richard, so glad you called.

You know the phone booth down the block?

Uh, oh, yeah, the, um, yeah.

Get the number. I'll call you back.

But before you do that, I think... I won't let you trace this, Clay. Run.

Ah.

Lay it on me, lay it on me.

Here we go.

What's the number?

555 -5163. Call you right back. It'll be ringing.

You're on, Doc.

Well, why don't you come back?

All is forgiven, Clay.

Don't buy it.

Give me the money back.

It's mine. You hit me. I slapped you. It's mine.

Listen, forget about this.

Possession is 90 % of the law. Crap.

The 100 grand that we borrowed is 150 now, and a private detective from

has a 50 % contingency on the rest.

And he wants it very, very bad.

I'll pay off the shark.

Throw ten more to your private detective.

Give me a divorce, will you?

You qualify.

You're a bitch.

I think, Clay, it's the best you can hope for.

I thought you were... Hey,

Doc. Hey, Doc, you there?

You get anything?

Anything at all?

City.

City.

She's in cow country.

Is he there?

It's Bridget. I don't care if he's on the other line.

He's urgent.

I have other clients, Bridget.

I think he traced my call. I'm out.

Oh, just relax. How long were you on the phone?

45 seconds, maybe less.

Yeah, well, that's not enough time.

It's enough time to pinpoint the region area code, maybe.

Yeah, well, time for a new area code.

Yeah, well, most fugitives are caught on the run bridge.

Frank, don't do that to me.

There are 10 million phone numbers per area code. You got an alias? Yes.

Well, then, just relax.

Take it easy.

Are you sure? Yeah, and look, if you're nervous about staying alone...

Don't I hope you're right

Wendy, I'm sorry I walked in on you in the bathroom. I really am.

Why are you walking so fast?

A woman loses 50 % of her authority when people find out who she's sleeping

with. That's a crime.

It's a university study.

Frank, listen, this place is not like that, okay? Around here, we're not like

that. Time to shut up.

Relax. Put your hands off me!

What's your problem, mister?

Corporate dark ages.

What are you saying?

I'm saying I don't have anything more to go on.

Damn. Hey, it's my retail business.

I don't like being around it.

Who is it?

Can't see the doctor.

Come on in.

Nice place.

What can I do for you?

I need to lose some weight. I mean, I've got to go on a diet.

Hmm. Well, thin fast?

Huh?

Thin fast.

What about it? You tried it, you asshole.

Uh, right.

It didn't work.

Okay, okay.

We'll do it like this.

Charming business.

Yeah, but with the interest, you know, you were saying?

I got no more to go on.

Well, you ain't quitting, I mean, I am. Well, you're not paying my expenses. I

can't afford to go around half the state carrying her picture, man. The name

Bridget Gregory is ringing no bells up there. Maybe she changed her name.

Maybe definitely.

Unless you figure out what she changed it to, we got nothing.

She wants back here. She wants a bed.

She probably is back here.

Now, why don't you tell your friends to watch out for her? If you find her...

I'd be glad to separate her from the cash.

Amen.

You've been big.

Hey, hey, hey.

You really want to stop it with that?

Hey.

It's her name.

It's the one she's using now.

You're flailing me.

No, no, no.

I know her.

She's got this crazy town where she can write backwards.

New York.

Hi. Got your note.

Five days ago.

Apology appreciated.

Apology expired.

A woman has to protect her family at the office, you know that.

Look, I was wrong to touch you, but you were wrong to send me to the gas

chamber. Oh, maybe I overreacted a little bit.

You want to see my new friend?

I'm bad.

I thought we were going to be more than sex partners. I thought we were going to

be friends.

And this entails?

Talking, sharing.

Cluing me into whatever it is that makes you run so hot and cold?

Can I trust you?

You know you can trust me.

Someone steals a million bucks, but there's a dilemma. You see, this is

what I'm talking about. You're scared to talk about real things. You're scared

to reveal yourself.

Tell me something I want to know.

Tell me what brought you to Bethden.

I don't know, Mike. What brought me to Bethden? You're so goddamn intuitive,

tell me.

I tell you what, Wendy, why don't we talk about me, huh?

Good.

I'm a claims adjuster. I talk to all different types of people in my job.

Some are happy to be hearing from me, some are scared to death.

Wow. A car's been stolen, a child's operation's been botched. They tell me

things that they don't tell anyone else. It's very intimate.

It's boring.

No, Wendy, it's intimate.

I talked to a woman the other day whose husband just died in a car accident.

It's just a 50 grand payout.

But she said if she knew it was that much, she'd have killed the guy herself

years ago.

Said it was the best thing that ever happened to him.

See what I'm saying?

I talked to this lady for 20 minutes, and I know more about her than I know

about you.

Her husband sounds like a real gem.

Actually, he was a son of a bitch. I could tell from his credit report.

Can't tell that from the credit report. Sure you can. You can tell lots of

things from credit reports.

Yeah, like what?

He had three credit cards authorized to three different women, none of which

were his wife.

What else?

They lived in the suburbs, but there was an apartment in his name only in the

city.

Hmm.

She wanted him dead.

She was happy when he ended up that way. Uh -huh. He was cheating on her, and

you could tell from a credit report. Pretty much so.

We can make a list.

A list.

Looks like when I got here, they were going to use the phone book to profit.

customer the phone book's random you gotta make a list tailored

to the people who are more likely to buy your product and what type of list are

we trying to make cheating husband list what do you want to pitch to cheating

husbands nothing i want to pitch to their wives what murder

oh that's very nice sure

Your customer said she wanted her husband dead, right? Mm -hmm. So there

others. And you're just going to sell it to them?

I'm going to try.

There. Men carrying credit unavailable to their spouses, but available to women

other than their daughters.

Owning a home and renting an apartment in the same metropolitan area.

That's a big list.

It sure is.

Cross -reference it with interstate policy owners of a quarter of a million

more.

Why? Profit incentive.

Am I a quarter of a million? Mm -hmm.

Done.

244 names.

Dial the first one. Excuse me?

Dial it.

I just want to see if I can do it.

He's home.

Next.

Hello, may I speak to you, Mr. Vincent?

Shit. I think I woke her up.

Oh, it's late. Call me for Pacific time.

I'll do it.

Yes, may I speak to Mr.

Samuel Renford, please?

Oh, he's not.

Oh. I assume I'm speaking with Miss Sally Lindo, authorized user of his

bank credit card.

Oh, I'm sorry, Miss Renford.

Please stop crying, ma 'am. I'm sure there's a good explanation.

Oh, I see. He's done it before.

Well, you know, you shouldn't let him get away with this.

Well, I know what a friend of mine did.

Yeah, she had her husband killed.

What about?

Yes, there are people who actually specialize in such cases.

Of course, there are risks involved, but there are benefits.

Well, does he carry life insurance?

Yes, I could put you in touch with the right people, but I would have to know

you were serious about this.

A definite commitment.

Mrs. Renford, you do know I'm kidding, don't you?

Yeah.

You channel that anger. Give him a nice kick in the balls when he gets home.

Good night.

Doable. Your turn.

No, thank you.

This is your game.

Hard game. You said you wanted to be more than just sex partners.

I do.

Commonality, Mike.

We don't like to have the same kind of fun.

This is fun? Yeah, it's bending the rules, playing with people's brains.

Yeah, well, whatever, uh... We can go to my place after.

Your place?

Yeah.

I thought it was your place, your space.

I have more space now.

registered.

Tell me about your wife.

How'd you know?

I didn't.

That's a good trick.

Tell me.

Not much to tell. It happened when I lived in Buffalo.

One of those sudden horny things.

You could say that.

Her idea?

Mm -hmm.

Between fucking?

Mm -hmm.

What's her name?

Trish. Trish.

Short for... Whatever.

Isn't she pretty?

Are you still in love with her?

No.

No.

I thought you were the one who wanted to talk.

You want me to tell you about Chris?

Mm -hmm.

Trish was a mistake.

Boy from Beston moves to Buffalo, gets lonely, meets a girl, screws up big

Nothing to be ashamed of.

Just wanted some more excitement, you know? I wanted more adventure.

Until recently, all I wanted to do was get the hell out of this small town.

Until recently?

That's what I said.

Until recently.

What happened recently?

What happened recently?

What happened, Mike? Can I have a little privacy, please?

Tell me what happened.

You happened, all right?

What's so special about me?

You've been out there. You came here and you chose me.

So? So I was right. I'm bigger than this town.

So what's wrong?

You can't stop reminding me that you're bigger than me.

Good morning, Allison.

There was a black man here to see you.

What did he want? He wouldn't say.

He was black, though.

Did you tell her about the black man?

Frank Griffith, please.

No message.

What do you mean you're on the run from someone?

Did you lock the door?

Yes.

Go check it again.

It's locked.

What about the top lock?

Wendy, it's all locked. Just check it, Mike.

Wendy, it's all locked, okay?

Locked. Okay, why in the world would someone be after you?

Do you love me, Mike?

What?

We made another sale today.

A sale?

Mm -hmm.

You know, like that night we worked late in your office?

Wendy, if you want to sell murder to people, if that's how you have your fun,

that's fine by me.

It's nothing that I'm interested in.

Yeah, but I can't deliver it without you.

We made a sale night, but we didn't deliver.

Deliver murder.

I want to do it.

Lance Collier.

Financial consultant, retired, lives outside Miami.

Charmed by waitresses with luxury apartments and credit cards while his

Mary Beth, sits at home playing solitaire.

He's faithful to Mary Beth in one way.

She's the only one he beats.

She doesn't need the money, but she would like to see him die with a

considerable amount of pain.

You're crazy.

I did a little creative key punching and cross -referenced our list parameters

with policyholders at Third Mutual.

You accessed another company's database.

And the good news is, our victim does no business with Interstate.

He has no connection to us, Mike.

Wendy, you need help.

Look, I'm going to go out for a while. You want to spend the night here, that's

fine.

Talk to me.

You deranged.

Mike, the guy deserves it. Think about his poor wife.

Do you know why I left New York?

Yep.

To mess with my mind.

$50 ,000 a year is nothing.

An apartment you're not afraid to walk out of rents for half that much, and you

have to read the goddamn obituary to find it.

I'm going back, but I won't live like an animal.

I want you to go back with me.

Really, you do?

And all I have to do is kill someone while you go apartment hunting? We can

it together.

Wendy, maybe it's my quaint small -town morals that I don't do murder.

Yeah, well, you would if you loved me.

Get some sleep.

Where are you going?

I'm going to play hockey.

I'll come with you.

Dude. You're going to leave me here by myself?

Yes. Wait up.

Mike, wait.

Scared.

Let's go for a little drive.

So how old, Clay?

Pissed. We want our money.

What are you to an item?

Funny woman.

You want a contingency?

Fifty percent of funds recovered.

So why even give Clay his half?

Professionalism.

Wouldn't it be more pleasant to share it with me?

Lady, you had your fun.

Whatever you spent, you spent.

As long as it's within reason.

But it's over.

You'd get rough?

I will if I have to.

I can't get it for you tonight.

Where is it?

In a bank.

Show me a statement.

I don't have a statement.

They have this 800 line. You can punch in the account number, get a balance.

It's a real kick.

I imagine.

Pull over to the next one.

I filmed that was to get me out of the car, hoping I'd leave deep.

Twas.

So the money's at your place?

It is.

How much is left?

Oh, but a couple of thousand.

Frugal woman.

Let's go.

Well, what if I hadn't saved it all? I mean, come on, you can give me a break.

How much? A hundred grand?

I could easily have spent that much.

How the fuck do you stay up here?

Man, these people. I go in the store this morning for cigarettes. They got

under the counter.

What, do they plant these people or do they just grow out of the ground?

They look at me like, hell, I don't know.

You know, they're not used to seeing guys like you around here, if you know

I mean.

Is it true what they say?

What?

You know, size.

Is it true what they say about white women?

What's that?

No ass?

Oh, come on. I was wondering for real. Let me see it.

Fuck you. Drive.

About what? About your shortcoming.

I'm not going to play this game.

That way I carry a big gun.

The Freudian mindfuck isn't going to work either.

Ooh, touchy.

I'm sure your woman is very understanding.

Exactly how is it that we end this phase of our relationship?

By you showing it to me. Come on, let me see it. I've never seen one before.

I'll show you my ass.

What makes you think I want to see your bony ass?

Show me.

Show me.

I'm driving. You go first.

No, you go first.

You'll shut the fuck up if I show you? I'm sure I'll be too stumped to speak.

I don't believe you.

Okay,

there. You happy?

What the hell are you doing?

I'll make sure the press says nothing about your husband.

Thank you.

I really appreciate it.

There's only one more question I need to ask.

I don't mean to pry.

The man with you appeared to be not entirely in his pants at the time

of impact. Can you tell me what happened just before you went off the road?

Well, like I told you before, he tried to get me to contact my husband, and I

refused, of course.

And, well,

he became...

Like in the movies.

Exactly.

And the next thing I knew, I only remember bits and pieces of it, but the

gist of it was he was going to impale me with this.

Yeah.

Big.

There's another man waiting to see you when you're through.

Yes, I'm through here anyway.

Thank you, ma 'am.

You all right?

How was hockey?

I'm very sorry I walked away.

Wendy, you were just, you were scaring the hell out of me. I mean, the things

you were saying, you weren't serious.

What do you think?

I don't understand you.

Yeah, where's the effort to try?

I'm very sorry I walked away.

Mike, what I suggested, I suggested for us. The only loser in the whole deal is

a rich, cheating, wife -beating old bastard.

You're talking about murder.

Yeah? So?

Oh, I'm sorry. It's one of the commandments, right?

Think about what you're saying.

Is it the morality of murder that bothers you or the personal risk?

Murder is wrong.

Yeah, unless the president says to do it.

Let me ask you this. If you found out Lance Collier was dead, would you spend

your life bringing his killer to justice?

No. No. Would you go to his funeral? Probably not. Would you feel sorry for

No, and this is not the point.

I really like you, Mike, but I can't live here forever.

What does that mean?

Where are you going?

I'm going to bring home the bacon.

Are you checked out? Did the doctors give you permission to leave?

Always looking for the rules, Mike.

You want me to come in with you? No.

You sure?

Wendy, you all right?

Fine.

Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm going to go home. If there's anything you need at

all, you just give me a call, all right?

Hello.

Guess who?

Clay.

Hello.

Christ, you're dangerous.

The cops called to confirm that he was working for me.

You do know that if you finger me for the deal, that I'm taking you down, too.

I know.

He's just there to make sure that I don't lose track of you. He's very

professional. Can we get past this?

There is a nice, warm divorce waiting for you here.

I want half the money.

Not a chance, bitch it.

Don't call me that. Oh, I'll call you whatever I want.

I borrowed 100K from a man whose first and last names end in vowels.

Every week I owe him a new $10 ,000 in interest.

And when I come up just a little short...

He's got this very fun game that he plays with thumbs.

I hired a private detective for 50%. But now that I know where you are, I am

perfectly willing to spend all of the money in hiring a clinical sociopath to

take it from you and fuck you through the eye socket just for fun.

Okay, look, I'll buy a week. Huh?

I'll buy a week. I'll send you $10 ,000.

Back to your life while I wrap things up here.

That sounds interesting.

When I come back, I'll give you the cash.

Maybe you'll be feeling a little more generous then.

I keep Bert on your ass.

Of course you do. I've given you no reason to trust me.

Only a week.

And I'm still interviewing sociopaths.

I don't know. You slapped me.

That's just an excuse.

Probably right, but I get to slap you back.

Hey,

deal.

Slap you back hard.

Ma 'am? Yes, I'm still here.

You must have your name on the ticket. What do you mean my name has to be on

I'm going to Miami, for Christ's sake, not Iraq.

Well, it's a regulation. Oh, yeah? Yes, ma 'am. What's the pilot's name?

Well, I can't tell you that. Oh, I see. You have to know my name, but I can't

know who's driving.

Well, let me ask something, ma 'am. Put you on hold.

Yes, I'll hold.

Am I interrupting?

Don't ever come in here without knocking.

I'm sorry. I knew you were on the phone. I just didn't want to interrupt. How

long have you been standing there?

Just got here.

Uh, you going away?

Yes.

New York?

Yes.

We're good.

No.

For the weekend.

With everything that's happened, I... I just need to get away for a little bit.

Hi, Bert.

Hi. I thought you might be hungry sitting out here all day, so I picked

cookies.

I'll leave this one to your discretion.

Take me to Buffalo.

The husband's name is Mike Swale. I believe they were married about six

ago. I appreciate this.

Hope that does it.

Triff? Hi,

I'm Jean Wilber with the County Health Department. We spoke on the phone about

the surgery. Sure. Come on in.

Ciao.

Hey, Ray.

Hey, Michael.

How's it going, man?

Good. Yeah, it'd be great, please.

How's it going?

Life is good.

Tell him. Yeah?

Yeah. I'm serious.

Go tell him.

Do it. All right, man.

Hey, Mike, how you doing? Hey, Chris. All right, man. How are you?

Good. Wait, let me get him a drink, whatever he wants. Yeah, can I get a

man? You bet.

So you still seeing that lady?

Yep.

Did I ever tell you once I met her outside of here last week?

She said she wanted to ask me something.

The point?

She said she wanted to know your secret.

What's the last thing Mike would want me to know?

What'd you tell her?

I didn't tell her anything, man. I mean, you're my friend.

I mean, besides, what do I know about Buffalo?

I mean, you only told Chef about the wife and everything.

Is that it?

She went for my flying, and she said she wanted to suck it out of me.

I fucking came on to her and she shot me down. Get off him, right?

Right. John!

Don't be afraid. It's only a machine.

Hey, it's me, designated fuckboy.

I know you're out of town, but I just wanted to hear your voice.

I love you.

I admit it.

I'm sure you feel the same way. I'm sure you love you, too.

You know, Wendy, when you first came to town, I really thought you were the one.

I really did.

You were on the moon.

Means you couldn't stay here.

Well, I just, uh, I just didn't trust myself after what happened in Buffalo.

See, I just didn't trust myself to be out on my own, you know, and I seem to

lose my judgment outside of best.

Apparently so.

Well, now it seems to be leaving me here. You know, I try, I really try to

believe that you love me, but you keep treating me like some kind of.

4 -H experiment.

Talk about us living in New York.

I mean, really, come on, how long until... Where'd she go?

Where'd she go?

If I only knew you loved me, Wendy.

Yeah, let's hear this.

What is this?

Wendy, you didn't go to New York.

Why'd you go to Miami?

Huh?

Why?

Did you find this, uh... Did you find this Lance Collier?

Wendy, did you... Did you murder Lance Collier? Tell me I'm wrong. Did you?

Are you gonna turn me in, Mike?

Well, if I don't, it makes me an accomplice.

Christ, you are good at rules.

Wendy, you don't even seem bothered by what you've done.

I did it for us, Mike.

What bothers me is your attitude.

My attitude?

Yes.

I expect unconditional support from a lover, for better or worse.

Jesus.

I killed the bastard. I wouldn't take it back if I could.

You can't. He deserved it.

Wendy, nobody deserves to... Please, spare me your brainless, countrified

morality.

The world's better off without Matt Collier.

Ten minutes I know him, he proves it to me 20 times.

Mrs. Collier thought so, too. Jesus Christ.

There's your fucking evidence.

And there are my fucking fingerprints.

Hey, maybe you'll get a reward and you can open up a fucking beef store.

Get the fuck out of here.

You know, Wendy, I really thought you loved me.

I never said that.

drawer too mike you think you know everything now don't you well you don't

all have our buffalo girl mike you murdered you want to live bigger but

nothing you'd kill for there's a place for people like that

and start tipping.

Yes?

A couple of questions.

Okay, this guy in Florida, he really beat his wife?

Like a punching bag.

Country boy.

Wendy, I'm trying to accept this, okay? I really want to be able to take you

back. I'm out of here, Mike. I won the lottery going to New York.

Well, I could come with you.

No. You have a way of making a woman feel like a one -way train ticket.

It's not like that. Get out on your own, Mike.

What do you want? Nothing you're offering.

Cry me.

A relationship of equals.

Okay.

That means commitment.

I've done something committed. You haven't.

Oh, come on. Murder?

Murder is commitment?

Yeah, when I've done it and you haven't, it is.

Okay, who? Who do you want me to erase?

Who do you want me to kill?

The Cahill guy in New York.

Gets ahold of property tax rolls, finds out who's delinquent a few bucks, he

pays the balance and waits.

If the sucker doesn't figure out what happened, Cahill becomes on old

You know what he did last week?

Put the 84 -year -old woman out on the street with her walker.

That's his credit report.

Are you serious?

Double indemnity.

Ten million payoff to the widow if he dies of an unnatural death.

She's willing to give us a third.

You called her?

No.

She said she's bought things over the phone before.

You try to make this sound reasonable.

It is reasonable.

You, me, three million bucks.

New York City, Mike.

It's reasonable.

Where did this end with you?

Right then, right with Cahill, we'd be even.

Just realize that I don't want to be with you enough to be like you.

Get off of me.

Dear Mike, I got a job at Interstate.

I'll be moving to Beston soon.

Dear Mike, I got a job at Interstate and I'll be moving to Boston soon.

No one has to know about our little secret. I just want to be near you.

Trish.

I'll do it. I'll kill the bastard. It's just one thing.

I am never coming back to Beston, not for one second.

All right?

We pull up stakes, we settle in right afterwards, we put all this behind us,

right? Mm -hmm.

So what made you change your mind?

We're gonna have a life together, Wendy, in New York, the two of us alone.

Beston Police Department, Officer Lewis.

Hi, police?

Yes, ma 'am. Yes, this is Mrs. Neff, 313 Squire Road. Yes, ma 'am. There's this

strange man outside my house. He tried to show his... his... his diddly to my

four -year -old daughter. Is he still there? Yes. We'll have a squad car there

in three minutes. Okay, hurry. Thank you. Yes, ma 'am.

What's going on?

I'm working.

What are you doing?

Give me your cheat sheet.

Why?

You don't want it on you.

You memorized it, right?

Let's hear it.

When I get to the Port Authority, I go straight outside, find a cab, don't talk

to anybody.

I have the cab take me to Broadway and 125th Street.

I find Cahill's apartment.

I wait until 11 o 'clock when we're sure the girlfriend's gone. I wait until the

lights go out and a half hour more to make sure he's asleep.

I put on the gloves.

I check and make sure I've got the cuffs, four pairs.

I've got the gun, the knife, the bandana, and the flashlight.

Keys to the apartment, to the building, and to the doorknob.

I walk up the stairs.

I open the apartment door.

I enter, shut the door. I lock the door.

I find him.

I make sure he sees the gun.

I tell him not to say a word.

You hit him hard if he does.

I close any open curtains.

I turn on the lights.

I tell him I'm just there to rob the place.

I find a sturdy chair.

I fit him in it.

I toss him the cuffs.

Tell him to cuff himself to the chair. Left hand, right hand, left leg, right

leg. Make sure I hear the click of the cuffs.

Then I tell him to open up his mouth.

I gag him.

Tight.

I then use the gun, knock him out with a blow to the head.

And I keep stabbing him until he's dead.

Keep going.

I take one final look around.

I turn off the lights.

I unlock the door. I exit. I shut the door. I lock it. I get the gloves.

Well, why do I have to turn off the lights?

Pop psychology.

Let yourself know you've finished an unpleasant chore.

The unpleasant chore.

You're up for this, right?

I'm here to rob the place.

I thought you were the new decorator. Shut up. Shut your mouth.

Do what I tell you. Get up. Get out of bed. Come on. Get up.

Sorry.

I don't want to mess with your concentration.

Scaled labor and all.

What now?

Go ahead and cuff your handcuffs to your leg cuffs there.

That'll be comfortable.

I told you to shut up.

Now what?

I'm gonna gag you.

How am I gonna tell you where everything is?

Am I yelling?

You have a gun. I'm cooperating. Forget the gag.

Gag's important.

Did you read a book on this?

You know, kid, you don't look like a dopehead.

What? I just write prescriptions, right? I got no stash. The money goes to a

loan shark.

I got some aspirin in the medicine cabinet, but other than that, I got

here you want.

I'm not interested in your drugs, all right?

You're just breaking in at random?

Great. The guy next door is out of town for a month. Open. Open. Open!

My wife has jewelry.

She's a... Ow!

Ow!

I can't do it, Wendy, I can't do it.

Talk fast.

She's my wife.

Her name's Bridget. You know her as Wendy Croy.

She stole a fortune from me after making me steal it. But she's not willing to

give it up. But she can't come back to New York without settling with me first.

And that's where you come in. See, she hired you.

Wait a minute. Oh, fuck.

You're into her.

It's logical. I guess there aren't many women fucked like her in Cowtown.

Keep talking. Keep talking.

Yes, good side. Talk to yourself.

You really her husband?

Who'd she say I was?

Foreclosure lawyer.

And you believe that? It says so in the mailbox.

You're crazy.

It does. It says Cahill in the mailbox.

Find one other thing in here.

She's here.

She's in New York.

She must have switched the label on the mailbox.

And now... Oh, she must have worked up one hell of a morality play for you, but

you don't like the way it ends.

What are you talking about?

You're supposed to kill Cahill.

Only it's me. Then she fingers you for the murder.

I don't think so.

Oh, she wouldn't lie to you?

Denial. Okay, I'm still Cahill.

Did she ever happen to mention that she knows Cahill so well that he would have

a picture of her in his apartment? That's a pretty major omission, isn't

Will you shut up? Shut up and let me think. Just shut your mouth.

Take your time. She probably has the cops heading here right now.

No. No.

No.

She has to know that you actually offed me first.

You're signaling her.

How?

I'm calling her later.

Hi, Bridge.

So you were going to have me kill your husband.

I was.

And then tell the police.

No, I wasn't. Bullshit.

She tells the cops she's reconciling with me.

That's the suitcase.

Shut up, Clay.

You're the jealous boyfriend.

It was a great idea, Bridge, but I guess Mikey wasn't up to it.

What do you say?

Is it game, set, match?

Who has the key?

I do.

Oh, fuck.

Funny thing, Rich.

I could have put this money someplace where you wouldn't have gotten it.

I might have taken it back.

You're a very funny lady.

You know the role -playing thing?

Baby, you make one hell of a horny nun.

What do you say, Bridget?

Do you want to stay married?

Wendy!

We have a future.

You're not human.

I did it for us, Mike.

But he wasn't sure.

Fuck me, Mike.

What?

It's a role play.

You're the intruder.

You kill my husband, you rape me.

You're not gonna kill me. You're not gonna kill me, Bridget. You hear me?

gonna kill me if I don't do what you say, right, Mike?

Get off of me.

Get off of me!

You're lucky I don't kill you.

You're lucky.

Rate me, Mike.

You're going to jail.

You're going to jail.

Trish wasn't really coming to best him, Mike.

What did you say?

You shouldn't have told me you never slept with a man before.

It must have been some wild night, you getting married so fast. He couldn't

believe it.

How'd he keep the goods hidden for a whole two days? What'd he do, tell you

little wobbly thing in the back of your throat was a clitoris? You married a

man, you farm faggot. Shut your mouth!

I'm Trish. Rape me.

Shut your mouth! Rape me. You want to be raped? Is that what you want? You want

to fucking be raped?

You want to play games?

Okay. All right, Bridget. What are you doing?

Come on.

This is 911.

Hammer it.

Is this what you want?

I'm going to rape you. You want to be raped? I'm going to fucking rape you,

bitch. Miss, Miss, I'm tracing your call right now. Don't rape me. You like it?

You want to be raped? You killed my husband.

Goddamn right. Right here.

Goddamn right.

You killed my husband.

Goddamn right.

Goddamn right. All right, Miss.

Miss, I have located you and I have a car on the way.

Hi, Mike. What'd you find out?

Lance Collier exists.

In fact, he continues to exist.

He's the guy you described, but he isn't dead.

Right. So she stole her husband's money just like he told me.

But the husband never filed a complaint.

Look at the DA's case, Mike.

You go into a man's apartment with a gun and a knife. That's intent to kill even

if you hadn't confessed it.

The wife is there. Your girlfriend.

That's motive.

There's a rape on police tape along with a number of murderous threats.

All of which goes to establish a damn tight case. She gave me the keys to the

apartment. She gave them to me. There were copies of the original she

The jury figures you could have had those made up at any time. But...

not a trace of anyone's fingerprints on those keys but yours.

The mace was hers.

I believe you, Mike.

But a jury's going to be looking for electrical outlets.

If we had one piece of hard evidence to support your version of her

maneuverings, that... That would be enough to raise reasonable doubt. A note

wrote. The plane ticket to Miami.

Phone calls.

She made phone calls from my office.

Your office.

And you made all but one of those calls.

She probably faked that one.

Believe me, you don't want a jury to hear about that night.