Original subtitles

Well, hello out there.

I’m Zephyr Zeen, reporting from the Annual Guild Awards.

All the crews are hitting the red carpet.

Wowza, what an entrance by Horatius Hoffenstance!

Oh, and here comes Sorlak and Lil’ Andar,

last year’s hottest pair.

Ooh la la, Dr. Chopov.

Tell us who you’re wearing.

Oh, this is a Chopov original.

Also, Sprog.

And if it isn’t the latest Longbeard off the starboard bow,

Lana, looking rather confident.

It’s an honor to just be nominated for newcomer, Zephyr.

May the best person win.

Ah, ah, ah. Or robot.

Let’s check out your competish: Stonk.

Oh, no.

Ugh... Oh, no, my acceptance speech!

Where is it? Mom, have you seen it?

Oh, everything’s gonna be fine, Lana Bean.

Just like when you were six in that jump rope contest, huh?

You kept right on jumping, even after you lost.

And jumping and jumping and jumping.

Mom, stop jumping.

And don’t you think I’ll win?

Oh, oh, of course.

I’m sure you might.

Found your thank you list.

Way to go, Bo.

Now I won’t forget to thank you when I’m up there.

Welcome, questers.

This year, the Guild Awards have been hand-forged

by Greta Von Barbarian.

Why is this so heavy?

An artist makes bold choices.

Also, some of you may be missing anchors.

All right, the first award for Most Quests goes to...

Durango.

Durango? Durango.

Sweet.

Laters! On to another quest.

And now,

here are the nominees for Best Pet:

Sprog, Purrfidious, and Lil’ Andar.

And the winner is... Lil’ Andar.

Party time!

Argh, this is garbage.

Huh? Oh.

Lil’ Andar’s named after me.

Aw, you were robbed, Sprog.

Next up, the clear winner for Most Glamorous Rescue

is the chef doctor therapist known as Dr. Ch--

Me!

Thank you, Admiral. Thank you, Guild members.

And my crew. Oh, my eye is tearing up.

Now, if I could bring our attention to the plight

of the Clopses, haunted by the dreaded monsters.

Wait, are you playing me out?

How dare you? You’re the monster. You’re--

And finally, the Award for Best Newcomer goes to...

Lana Longbeard!

That’s me! I knew it! I won!

And Stonk.

It’s a tie.

What?

Uh, does this mean we both get an award?

No, it means you’ll both compete

in a Duel Of Decision,

or DODOD for short.

Doom!

Doom! Doom! Doom! Doom! Doom!

What in the doodad?

No, DODOD.

You’ll face Stonk in three challenges

to decide the winner.

Everyone loves a DODOD. Well, except the players.

So, break a leg.

Admiral Lovejoy, this isn’t fair.

Stonk isn’t even a newcomer. He’s been questing for years.

Yes, but Stonk upgrades his parts so often

that he qualifies as new.

This mini-human will need significant upgrades

to compete with me.

But you’ll go easy on me, right?

That’s not up to me.

You’ll need to convince the referee, Horatius.

What? No way! Ho-Ho can’t stand me.

Actually, I can’t tolerate anyone besides myself.

That makes me the fairest referee of them all.

In more ways than one.

Noooo.

There are no rules in DODOD except to have fun.

Or at least make it look fun for the audience.

No pressure, but don’t let me down.

Mission accepted.

- Get your DODOD merch here! - 100% not made from rotting kelp.

Flap Shacks. Who wants Flap Shacks?

How is this fair?

I don’t stand a chance against that machine.

Oh, chin up, kiddo.

You have one thing Stonk doesn’t.

You mean heart?

Well, I was gonna say pink hair, but heart is better!

And also pink. See? Two things more than him.

But I could lose in front of everybody!

Good point. Don’t do that.

-Ugh... -Oh.

Lana’s right. You two would look cute together.

Uh... Pancakes, please.

Hey, betcha I can pick the winner.

Sure. But if you’re wrong,

you gotta do all my swabbing chores.

Fine. But if I’m right,

I get to do all your swabbing chores.

Uh, you’re on.

Players, prepare to face off in this year’s DODOD!

It’s simple. Just roll into the goal.

Oh, also, avoid them.

Ha, ha! Missed me. Hey, I’m pretty good. Huh?

Huh?

Oh!

Oh, yeah!

Knockout, Stonk for the win.

- Mmh... - Don’t worry.

You’ll do better at the next challenge.

Because you’ll have to,

if you want to win that Guild Award.

And now, for challenge number two,

taming the fiercest creature in the Ten Realms:

The fearsome Fangback!

Analyzing adversary.

Setting radio frequency to soothe the beast.

Whoa!

Oh, fishsticks!

Ha! Sprog, you’re a genius!

- Oh, Lana dares to pet the beast. - Will she lose a hand?

Because she’s clearly lost her mind.

Aw, who’s a good, bloodthirsty beast?

Yes, you are. Thanks for the pro tip, Sprog.

Mmh?

Lana survives to the final round.

But before that,

a word from our sponsor, Buckwheat McFlapjack.

You get a pancake. You get a pancake.

-And you get a pancake. -Woohoo!

Forget the pancake, Lana.

Keep your eye on the fish up there.

The first one to grab it wins.

Ugh.

I could really use some advice right now.

Seize victory by the chin hairs!

Remember, victory is short-lived,

while embarrassment lasts a lifetime.

Or was it the other way around?

Keep on jumping, Lana Bean. Jump, jump, jump!

Ugh, anyone got any practical help?

This’ll help you clean up...

the competition!

Just slip a little soap into the bot’s belly.

No way, Junk Imp. That’s cheating.

Then again, Lovejoy did say no rules,

and sabotaging Stonk may be playing dirty,

but soap is clean, so...

- Deal. - Hey, you forgot to pay me!

Now that’s playing dirty!

Welcome to the final challenge.

The first one to fetch the golden fish

without getting splatted wins!

Huzzah!

Now, go!

- Whoa. - Wee!

Yeah!

Wait, who’d I pick would win?

Oh, fishsticks.

That wasn’t supposed to happen.

Gotta save Stonk. There, that ought to hold you.

Boo! No fair. She tied him down to stop him from winning.

Well.

Look who’s a cheater-cheater snerk-eater now.

Color me impressed, Lana.

Should we ground her for this?

Uh, yeah, before she floats away.

Oh, no, no, no, no! It’s not what it looks like.

I’m not even going after the golden fish!

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No!

Did not see that coming.

DODOD or no DODOD,

I’m getting us down before we go sleep with the seagulls.

Wow, it’s still a tie.

Guess I’ll just take the award for myself.

Fine, one of you take it.

I’ve gotta get my hair done before all this soaks in.

Hi, um... Hello.

I prepared a speech, which I can’t read.

Not just because it’s full of slobber,

but because I don’t deserve this award.

DODOD may not have any rules, but I do,

like helping anyone in trouble,

especially if I put them in it.

Sorry, Stonk, this is all yours.

Negative.

We will share it, mini-human,

for you have upgraded me with a heart.

Woohoo!

Mmh-mm-mm. Don’t you just love a twisty ending?