Original subtitles

Flesh-eating geysers, Bermuda rectangles,

toilet paper shortages!

We braved them all,

searching for the long lost scroll of the Titans.

- And we just passed it. - Yep.

Admiral Lovejoy’s intel says the scroll is buried back there.

Ugh...

Hurry, Dad. We gotta get it back before the Titans find it.

You know how I hate reversing.

Ah, see what happens when you pressure me?

Ugh, big whoop. That’s just Ho-Ho’s ship.

Wait, why is Ho-Ho here?

Ho-Ho. Do you have any idea what you’re doing right now?

Island hopping to do some island shopping, of course.

Check out this vintage beach towel my goons dug up.

B-b-beach towel?

Ice cream! Ancient artifact! Quest! Lovejoy!

What? I understood everything.

Really?

Lovejoy sent you on a secret quest to fetch

this antique beach towel instead of entrusting

the heroic Horatius Hoffenstance?

Outrageous.

It’s not a towel! Now, give it!

Nuh-uh. Not until you tell me what it is.

- Whoa. - Come on, you can trust me.

Are you kidding me right now?

Since when have you ever done anything for me?

What about that time I saved you from Escape Island?

Or when I rescued you from the Minotaur

that turned into my Papa?

Quit making things up.

But do book a therapy session with me

because that last one was definitely a dream.

Fine. I admit there’s been times where I’ve been, uh, selfish.

But I’ve learned so much from your bravery,

quick wit, and, um...

superior hair?

He’s being so weird and friendly.

It’s hard to argue with him like this.

Should I tell him?

Risky. If he blabs about the scroll,

the Titans could ravage the Ten Realms looking for it.

But if you can trust him...

Uh, I guess you two could become friends?

No, that’s even worse.

Fine, don’t tell me.

Say hi to Lovejoy for me

when you tell her you failed your secret mission.

See, I play 3D chess, Lana.

Who knows what evil plans

Ho-Ho’s gonna use that scroll for?

A crime against fashion, apparently.

Oh, yeah, the Titans for sure won’t notice that.

Then I’m dealing with this problem

like I should’ve done in the first place.

By throwing Hugo at it.

What’s that gonna solve?

No, it’s my move next.

And I’m playing 4D chess.

Swift Pink to Lightning Strike, commence Operation Cape-Caper.

Goonion meeting called to order.

Ballot one: Decent dental care.

Aye. The only dentist I can afford right now

is a toothpick.

I knew she’d be back.

Goons, arrest the thief!

Trial begins tomorrow.

And that’s how you play 5D chess.

We’re not really getting free braces, are we?

Nope.

Let me go!

You know that doesn’t belong to you.

Objection!

You know the Guild rule.

Finders keepers, losers weepers.

Can’t argue with that.

The Honorable Horatius Hoffenstance

presiding as judge and jury.

Lana Longbeard, do you have anything to say

before I sentence you to life

as Purrfidious’ kitty litter cleaner?

Ugh...

I’ll be speaking on behalf of my client.

Chef, doctor, shrink,

and criminal lawyer at your service.

Your Ho-Honess,

I’d like to state my case,

of which I have none,

since Lana was caught red-handed.

Yet, I argue her intentions are true,

as my character witnesses will attest.

Lana Longbeard? Hmm.

Well, the name evokes happiness, trust,

and well-meaning but disastrous decisions.

Let my daughter go, you pompous, pompadoured brat!

I present a selection of carefully compiled evidence

that will prove that Lana is the bestest,

most trustworthy friend in the Ten Realms.

Oh, he’s clapping. Good sign.

What loyalty.

That’ll get you nowhere.

Last chance.

Tell me what this is

or it’s kitty litter duty for life.

The runes. I remember now.

The runes give them power!

Alefandrior, nosta ruel,

ghaliak indra, tairo astuam.

What’s today’s plan, Brother Gargantamog?

Scour the Ten Seas for our Dice of Destiny again?

Or throw our Game Activation Scroll away?

Oh, wait, you did that already.

I thought it was a receipt.

If you had put it back in its place--

Alefandrior, nosta ruel...

Whoa! Someone is speaking the spell

to activate our Game of Fates!

There it is, Sister Pantagog.

Let’s get our scroll and finish the spell,

so we can finally play once again.

Questing rule number 48B:

If what you’re doing is making an evil artifact glow ominously,

stop what you’re doing.

Wait, so these markings are words?

What do they mean, Hugo?

Trouble. That’s all I remember.

Oh, fishsticks.

We need to get it to Lovejoy now!

You’ll have to go through me.

Okay.

Goons, to my aid!

I’m being abducted!

Sorry, Captain.

Twillingate law says nothing about stealing people,

only stuff.

Beard ho! To the Guild! Faster!

What’s going on? I demand an explanation!

Guess the Titans are out of the bag now.

And they’re after their scroll that you stole!

We’ve been secretly collecting their stuff for months. And now,

your big whiny baby tantrum’s totally blown our cover!

Oh. Right.

Wait, this is your fault, too.

You could’ve let me in on your secrets.

You, who put me on trial to be your kitty litter cleaner?

For stealing from me instead of trusting me.

Ah! Oh. Right.

Weymouth ahoy!

We’ll never make it to the Guild!

We have to!

I can take the dinghy. I’ll sneak here.

You can distract the Titans without me.

Lana, wait.

If I’ve learned anything today,

it’s how strong your crew’s trust is in you.

They need you here.

Let me take the scroll to Lovejoy for you.

Then everyone will call me

the heroic Horatius Hoffenstance,

not just my contractually obligated goons.

How do we know you won’t just skedaddle with the scroll?

No, Bo, he’s right.

I need to give him a chance.

This is serious.

Don’t let me down.

Want it?

Come and get it.

Titans! Scroll! Danger!

No kidding.

Alefandrior, nosta...

These runes awaken the game

with which the Titans once controlled the Realms!

They must never be spoken.

Well, at least, not in this order.

Our scroll!

Ha! Puny cowards!

Now let the Game of Fates begin anew!

Oh.

Where are my glasses?

You lost something? Shocking. Huh?

Underpants?

It’s a fake!

Too bad I left my lucky undies

in the switcheroo scroll.

Uh, Admiral?

You done nerding out?

Almost.

But I can’t figure out this splodgy rune.

Ooh, weird.

Is that ice cream?

Ah, the key rune.

Now if I just move that here,

it would no longer awaken the game.

It would--

Nosta alefandrior, ruel yandra...

A sleeping spell!

Close your ears, Brother.

...ghalek!

Wow! You really came through for us, Ho--

Horatius.

I guess I owe you one now.

Yes, indeedy.

Starting with giving me the scroll back.

What? Why?

So I can hide it in my Papa’s secret trophy room.

That’s where he hides my trophies.

No one’s allowed in there, including me,

in case I get too big-headed.

Again, therapy session.

Call me. First one’s free.

Horatius is right.

The scroll must be kept

where the Titans will never look to find it.

The fate of the Ten Realms depends on it.

Meh, he can find his own way home.