Original subtitles

Oh, wise Oracle of the Realms,

the Mighty Windbreaker crew seeks your guidance

for another year.

♪ My song is my offering ♪

♪ A gift from my heart ♪

It's my daughter's first fortune-telling,

so be gentle.

Gentle sounds boring, Dad.

May I request cool and heroic?

No requests,

for it is the spirits who work through me

to determine your destiny.

Ah...

- You. - Ah!

Let me guess.

Flapjack will name a hero pancake after me.

Nay. You'll bring only disaster and ruin

to your loved ones!

What?

Oh, bad luck, kid.

But fortunes are only valid for a year.

Oh, no, this one's good for eternity!

Ugh, you really think I'm perma-jinxed?

Maybe it's a mistake.

True. Last year,

the Oracle predicted I'd make new friends

and meet great challenges, which never happened.

Oh, wait, you happened.

In a good way.

Can someone pass the salt, please?

Ow.

Look. Lana's my daughter and our crewmate,

and this crew sticks together through thick and jinx.

Er, thick and thin. I meant thin.

Like, who's with me?

Come on, let's quest!

Mmm?

What? That iceberg came at me.

Um, I haven't moved in 12,000 years.

Er, since when do icebergs talk?

Am I dreaming right now?

Oh, no. It's a premonition

of your future to come. Disaster and ruin!

Well, dream or not,

I am a jinx.

Dear dearest ones.

Where I'm going, you can't follow.

I'm no good at being a loner,

but it doesn't take much to see

I'm a safety hazard.

Take care of the group for me

and don't drink out of the toilet!

Bye, Sprog.

Hello? Anybody here?

Disaster and ruin incoming!

Oh, finally, you're here!

Just feed them once a day.

Or never. They eat everything anyway.

Wait, what? Feed who?

Feed who?

Mmm?

Oh, that's what the shepherd meant.

But this is a mistake.

I can't take care of you. I'm jinxed. Shoo!

"I'll miss you.

Lana Longbeard.

Here's a little something to keep you going."

Quest for your life!

There, there, Captain.

One thing Lana taught me is that disaster is our day job.

We'll survive this.

Wait, that's it.

We can find Lana by following her trail of disaster and ruin.

Disaster and ruin! Disaster and ruin!

Disaster and ruin!

Oh, by Poseidon's PJs,

I finally got a beard.

Goons, rescue my precious Coiffawns from that sea hag!

HoHo, what are you doing here?

And how dare you call me a sea hag?

In fairness, you looked like one.

And you call me HoHo all the time.

Wait! I'll do anything to stay!

Anything?

So tragic about your volcano,

but have you seen my daughter?

We're hoping she caused it.

And I just heard myself.

Don't worry, we'll fix it.

Hugo, grab the volcano extinguisher.

If my Coiffawns aren't coiffed by sunrise tomorrow,

you're fired!

Ugh, what's his deal with these Coiffawns anyway?

You know what? I don't wanna know.

How hard can it be?

Oh, fishsticks.

I can't do this.

"Fresh glimmer berry is essential

to keeping Coiffawn wool healthy."

There you go.

Like I'm not even here.

Er, oops, sorry. Shh, shh, shh.

From one big-haired kid to another,

you get used to it.

Aw, you're adora...

Unremarkable. And plain.

Remain stoic, Lana, like Dad.

Oh, wish I were with him and the crew

instead of being so jinxed.

Mmm, wonder what quest they're up to.

Have you seen my Lana? I heard there was a disaster.

Yeah, a fashion disaster.

Hey, don't ask for a shark fin mohawk

if you can't handle a shark fin mohawk.

Ugh.

We did it.

I mean, you did it.

Trust me, you don't wanna have anything to do with me.

Now look good for HoHo.

No!

Ow.

My toupees!

Your what?

Er... nothing, I sneezed.

Toupee.

No, you definitely said toupee.

Explain!

Explain!

Mmm.

The Hoffenstance clan suffers

from... premature balding.

Usually hits around middle age.

I'm simply protecting my adult self by planning ahead.

Hence, Coiffawns, toupees.

You wouldn't understand.

Okay, I kind of understand.

I mean, I'm a Longbeard without a beard,

but do I breed fake beards?

No. I own it.

And so should you, HoHo.

This isn't only about me, Lana.

This is so that my future fans can gaze upon my flowing locks.

Now let me pluck what's left.

No!

My destiny may be to never love again,

but these Coiffawns deserve a future

that is not lying on top of your head!

Jinxed or not, I'm gonna save them!

Get her!

Ah! Emergency! Calling all ships!

Huh?

Mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee.

Disaster approaching Twillingate.

Lana Longbeard wanted.

Not as much as I want my Lana.

Follow me!

We can hide in this weird, pointy house!

Hey!

That's my weird, pointy palace!

Huh?

Oh, you must be Mr. HoHo.

Nice to meet you, sir. Great place. Bye!

Horatius, since when did you have friends that I didn't hire?

Dad! That's my archenemy!

And please stop embarrassing me in front of her!

I know where you'll be safe.

Mmm?

The oracle is the wisest monk in the Realms.

And humble, too.

You better have some weird skin ailment to explain

why you're bathing in crystals!

They, er, help me focus my predictions.

Behold!

Give that back!

"Love is a ring,

which you'll find around the next corner."

"Handle pressure, lest pressure crush you."

So your toupee was just

a pre-baked fortune cookie of lies?

All for crystals?

Not true!

I, er, made your fortune up on the spot.

All you gave me was a lousy song.

Oh, right. Well, that's a relief.

But since we're giving notes, you're a fraud!

Really? You think so?

Okay. Can a fraud do this?

Rise, crystals, to my hum,

and mesmerize the Ten Realms!

That's it?

Lana! Everything okay?

Yep. Only disaster here is this dude.

Time to look for a new job.

Now let's get these Coiffawns back home.

Permission to board!

♪ Oh, disaster and ruin ♪

♪ Or hope and a smile ♪

♪ It's you who decides which one's worthwhile ♪

♪ The oracle chose badly ♪

♪ And look at him now ♪

♪ Sewing up hairballs for HoHo ♪

♪ Just wow! ♪