Original subtitles

Another one?

This is the ninth monster this week!

Oh, really? Tell me more!

There was that sea monster Greg with the giant tentacles,

and his cousin George

with the even bigger tentacles, and...

Bo, I was kidding!

Our monster problem is clear as this tentacle

crushing me like Sprog's chew toy!

Mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee, mee.

Hang on to your fancy pants, crew!

Ow! Zephyr Zeen, famous writer from Twillingate,

is writing a new travel guide

and wants a tour of the Ten Realms

from none other than... the Mighty Windbreaker!

What? Why?

Zephyr Zeen is classy and we're... us!

Who cares? If Zephyr writes about us,

we'll get better quests, which equals more heroics!

And more heroics means more points.

And we'll be famous!

Also, can someone give me a hand?

Or Hugo?

-Double toss! -Yeah!

There's just one little problem.

We'll have to stop being a monster magnet and give Zephyr

the high-class, five-star, cruise-ship-level service

she'll be expecting.

Uh, is that all?

Can I make her the fancy Ten Realms cuisine

that you lot never wanna touch?

That's the spirit! Absolutely!

Can I show her my pickled troll eyeball?

-Absolutely not. -Oh.

Extra polished deck? Check.

Oh...

It's showtime!

Oh, there she is.

Good day. I'm Zephyr Zeen.

Welcome aboard the Mighty Windbreaker,

Mrs. Zeen.

Where your relaxation is our utmost concern!

Uh, thank you, Captain.

Before we set sail,

what can you tell me about sea monsters?

I need to know about sea monsters.

See? She's obviously heard about us and monsters

and is terrified.

Downplay it.

Oh, uh, no.

Monsters? No monsters here. Never heard of them.

Mrs. Zeen,

I'll be your cabin steward.

May I take your bag?

- Ow! - Ugh.

Windbreaker!

I've got some anti-monster flair to decorate your ship with.

Oh, no. It's Junk Imp. If she sees us with him,

it'll break our five-star illusion!

Oh, is that a monster? Show me.

Oh, there's nothing to see here.

Just a traveling sales imp who was just leaving.

Right? Because we are a classy, monster-free ship.

Huh? Do I have the wrong ship?

Is that you, Lana?

Ugh. Forget about him.

Meet our resident artist, Greta Von Barbarian.

Greta, would you give our guest

a private viewing of the art gallery?

Come back next week.

I'm thinking of stringing up some cocktails.

Mmm, there's an awful lot of dangerous sea creatures

in these for a ship that doesn't encounter any monsters.

Don't look!

I love the raw power and emotion in your work.

Thank you. I feel seen.

Everything should go smoothly now.

I'm diverting us into the Channel of Tranquility.

Nobody goes there.

With good reason.

It's even more boring than the Fjord of Terminal Blandness.

So boring, monsters won't even go there.

Exactly.

Toodledoo!

I'm off to show our illustrious guest her quarters,

so she can relax in first-class comfort.

Lah-dee-dah!

Ugh, I think I broke my pinky.

Here's your room.

If you need room service, just, uh...

Bang on the wall with this hammer.

Why are there so many cots if I'm the only guest?

Uh, because here, on the Mighty Windbreaker,

we believe in choice.

Heh! Pick any bed you want,

but maybe stay away from Sprog's nest,

unless you like to cuddle.

Oh.

Doc, we need to up

the first-class service around here.

I know just the thing to appeal to Zephyr's twilling soul.

My giant, festive, high-pressure soufflé.

Don't know what that is, but I like giant and festive.

The ship must remain still or it could go terribly wrong.

It's high-pressure! High-pressure!

Mmm, you saying it twice makes it seem

like it could be a problem.

But we're going through the Channel of Tranquility,

which means only calm, smooth sailing.

Well, if they won't bring me to the monsters,

I guess I'll have to bring the monsters to them.

Ooh.

One hundred-year-old fairy sweat.

Irresistible to monsters.

Oh, don't look at me like that.

I do have journalistic integrity,

but I need my story.

Mmm.

Mmm? Uh...

Ugh.

Why would I make fancy napkin swans

when I can wipe my mouth with a real swan?

Now that's fancy.

Hey, is that...?

A monster!

What's a monster doing

in the Channel of Tranquility?

Mmm, that smell.

I recognize it from my monster-trapping days.

It's monster bait!

Gather the crew!

Oh, that's a slippery deck!

Hey, what's up?

We're being attacked by a beast with a thousand eyes!

-Shh! -Did you say beast?

Uh, actually, "attack the beast with a thousand eyes"

is just Hugo's way of saying putting on a show.

See?

Oh.

I gotta go!

Show the rest of the show!

My soufflé.

Oh!

All I wanted was one voyage without monsters.

Oh.

Ah! Don't look. Close your eyes!

Enough commotion. My soufflé.

Nobody cares about a collapsed soufflé!

Oh, goodness, no.

A high-pressure soufflé doesn't collapse.

♪ Rock-a-bye, soufflé ♪

What are you writing down there? Stop that!

Oh, we found monster bait on Zephyr's cot!

What?

Oh, fine. I used monster bait. I had to.

I needed a thrilling story,

not the most boring ride of my life.

What?

Of course. It all makes sense now.

I thought it was strange a fancy travel writer

would wanna ride on this tub.

Mind-mapping? Now?

Why is everyone doing something they shouldn't be?

Silence, everyone!

My soufflé!

So you were never terrified of monsters?

What? No.

And you put us all in danger

to make an interesting story for your readers.

That is so reckless and dangerous!

And why are you still writing?

Because I...

-Zephyr! -Please. High-pressure!

Allow the monster to eat her silently.

Oh, the soufflé!

Dad, double toss!

Uh? Mmm.

Hey, it liked your soufflé, Doc.

Obviously.

But its manners were atrocious.

Thank you.

Wow.

I am giving you a five-star review.

Five out of what? A million?

Out of five.

Not only was that a legendary monster battle,

but your crew is an amazing ensemble

of artists and performers.

I will never forget you.

Plus, you saved my life.

Oh, well, yeah.

And I'm truly sorry for putting you in danger.

It wasn't my intention.

You're apologizing to us? Did you hear that?

I'm always the one saying sorry.

This feels good.

We ought to spend more time

with folks who mess up worse than us.

We should.

Today, I'm not sorry,

and definitely not for who we are.

We are monster hunters,

adventurers, artists, chefs, heroes.

We're wild and untamed, and we stink.

And we like it!

I stink, too.

You sure do! Never change!

Mmm! Oh, that soufflé really is a revelation.

Five and a half stars, everybody.

Five and a half stars?

That's impossible when the limit is five.

Oh, Bo, take the compliment.

We did it!