Original subtitles

Max: This is my boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H, she's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them,

which ain't easy because when they met,

it was murder.

It has something to do with the water.

Maybe it's the ambiance.

Bagels just don't seem to thrive

as well in Los Angeles.

Cream cheese.

And lox.

Are you guys gonna catch the new Neil Simon play?

Not tonight Max.

There's a musical here.

It sounds pretty hot.

We'll have to wait until it cools off.

You mean you guys aren't even gonna see one play?

Only the one we're going to appear in, Max.

You think the Big Apple

is ready for a bunch of amateur actors?

It is for charity, Max.

I remember last year's show.

Let's hope the audience is charitable.

Oh, you're director, Elliot Bauman, called,

says he expects you at the theater at 7:00.

Where are you going?

To New York's best attraction.

The Statue of Liberty?

No, off-track betting.

You.

You've been sending the flowers?

They're lovely.

You're lovely.

Please, Eleanor, I love you.

I can't. I've told you before.

I just don't have those kind of feelings for you.

You love him, but he doesn't love you.

It wouldn't matter.

He's just filling you with lies.

He has no feelings for you.

He's done it with others.

Look, I know how you feel,

but I can't change the way I feel.

What are you doing?

If I can't share your love...

Jonathan: Is it 7:00?

Jennifer: On the dot.

Jonathan: Well, where's Elliot?

Max did say to meet him at the theater,

- didn't he? - Jennifer: Uh-huh.

Jonathan: Well, we'll give him a few minutes.

Jennifer: Why don't we wait in here?

Jonathan: After you.

Elliot.

Jonathan: Look at this.

Jennifer: Oh, I remember her.

Did you ever see her perform?

Jonathan: Yes, I did. I saw her

about 10 years ago in Pygmalion.

It was a few years before she died.

Jennifer: Oh.

She certainly was beautiful, wasn't she?

Jonathan: And a marvelous performer as well.

I wonder if Elliot's back stage.

Oh, there is something about an empty theater.

It reminds me of when I played

Captain Safety in the second grade.

How so?

Nobody came.

My darling.

Oh, thank you very much.

This is a really famous stage.

All the Broadway greats have performed here.

Oh, imagine, all those people sitting

in all of those seats looking at us.

You are beginning to make me nervous.

Oh, you'll be fine darling.

Oh? What makes you think so?

Because you're so cute.

Maybe that's Elliot.

- Mrs. Hart. - Oh.

I'm Mr. Perry.

I'm with the theatre.

Oh, I was just... I know, Mrs. Hart.

This is my husband.

Jonathan, this is Mr. Perry.

- Perry: How do you do? - Hello.

I guess I'm still the proverbial theatre mouse.

I move too quietly.

Anyway, Elliot Bauman called to say

that he would have to meet you at his place.

That's all the way across town.

Ah, the life of an actor,

always at the disposal of the director.

Right.

I'm sorry I interrupted your performance, Mrs. Hart.

Please.

Good night.

- Good night. - Good night.

Elliot: You sure you don't want anything?

Jennifer: Positive.

Jonathan: Nothing. Thanks.

I started early.

I don't know how I let you two talk me into

another annual charity benefit.

I feel like the captain of the Hindenburg.

Elliot, it can't be that bad.

Are you kidding me?

Look at this.

Yesterday, it was like this.

Amateurs make me crazy.

You're already crazy, Elliot.

Everybody knows that.

And we've known you too long

for you to hide it.

Now, what's the real problem?

I feel a 50-minute hour coming on.

All right, doc, I mean, docs.

I'll tell you the truth.

It's the theater.

I was there today an hour early

and I couldn't go in because...

too many memories.

What kind of memories?

I haven't set foot in that theatre

since Eleanor Macklin died.

I was directing her in "Garrick's Gaieties"

just before it happened.

For five years, we've been using the Morosco.

Why now, all of a sudden, The Lettinger?

Well, for one thing, it's twice the size

and we can make double the money.

And, Elliot, it is for needy children.

Oh, please.

Now you're gonna torture me

with images of hungry children?

They are not images, Elliot.

All right.

Okay, for the kids.

And for the kids, I will even suffer

the greatest fear of any director,

Raquel Moskowitz.

Raquel Moskowitz's husband donated $20,000.

And as I recall,

you handled her very well last year.

All right.

As long as I'm exorcising all my demons

then why don't we go for broke

with a closing number?

Meaning?

"I'll Take Manhattan."

That's the number I was rehearsing her in

before it happened.

We never got to do it,

it was gonna be her show stopper.

So, let's use it.

We're gonna try that?

Why not?

Anything, so that Elliot can survive the amateurs.

That's right. Fun and games, taunt me.

For you, oh, it's just fun.

For me, this is down, dirty,

and serious business.

Both: ♪ We're a couple of swells ♪

♪ We stop at the best hotels ♪

♪ But we prefer the country far away ♪

♪ From the city smells ♪

♪ We're a couple of sports ♪

♪ The pride of the tennis courts ♪

♪ In June, July, and August ♪

♪ We look cute when we're dressed in shorts ♪

♪ The Vanderbilts have asked us up for tea ♪

Both: ♪ We don't know how to get there ♪

♪ No siree ♪

♪ We would drive up the avenue ♪

♪ But we haven't got the price ♪

♪ We would skate up the avenue ♪

♪ But there isn't any ice ♪

♪ We would ride on a bicycle ♪

♪ But we haven't got a bike ♪

♪ So, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ And to walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Is what we like ♪

♪ Wall Street bankers are we ♪

♪ With plenty of currency ♪

♪ We'd open up the safe ♪

♪ But we forgot where we put the key ♪

♪ We're the favorite lads ♪

♪ Of girls in the picture ads ♪

♪ We'd like to tell you ♪

♪ Who we kissed last night ♪

♪ But we can't be cads ♪

♪ The Vanderbilts are waiting at the club ♪

♪ But how are we to get there ♪

♪ That's the rub ♪

Both: ♪ We would sail up the avenue ♪

♪ But we haven't got a yacht ♪

♪ We would drive up the avenue ♪

♪ But the horse we had was shot ♪

♪ We would ride on a trolley car ♪

♪ But we haven't got the fare ♪

♪ So, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

Yes, terrific, terrific.

Now remind me,

I'll drop names at Barnum & Bailey.

Ah.

Whoo.

Not bad, not bad.

Who's the next charity case?

Moskowitz, Raquel.

Tranquilizer, quick.

Elliot, I hope this year

we don't have a problem with the musicians.

Last year, the piano player was flat.

Raquel, you got it.

Tommy is as sharp as they come.

You'll have to transpose my chart.

I got it from Liza Minnelli,

but it's a little out of my range.

Singing is out of her range.

♪ What good is sitting alone in your room? ♪

♪ Come hear the music play ♪

♪ Life is a cabaret old chum ♪

♪ Come to the cabaret ♪

I'll change and meet you upstairs

Do you smell something?

Lavender?

Lots of lavender.

I'll have Mr. Perry air out the room for you.

- Hey, you were swell. - Yeah?

- Uh-hmm. - So were you.

Mmm-hmm.

Oh.

Point your toes, girls.

Thank you, Jennifer.

Thank you darling. It's lovely.

You're welcome.

Where'd you get it?

Well, I thought you gave it to me.

Excuse me. Was that orchid

in your dressing room?

Yes. Why?

How much do you know about Eleanor Macklin?

Not very much.

Only that she was a prominent actress

and she died a few years ago.

In this theater, in her dressing room,

which is now your dressing room to be exact.

What's your point, Allen?

Well, rumors are that Eleanor still hangs around

going bump in the night.

Oh.

Well, there's rumors that every theater

is haunted by someone, isn't that so?

True.

But did you know that before each performance,

Eleanor had an interesting habit?

She would bring a freshly cut orchid

into her dressing room.

Well, Allen,

since you know so much about it,

why don't you take this?

Yeah, make jokes.

Mr. Perry,

you've worked for this theater long enough.

Do you ever hear Eleanor

go whistling down the corridor?

It's a theater.

I think the walls are full of strange things.

For Eleanor Macklin,

the only thing she left was memories.

Well, Jennifer just found this in her dressing room.

Yeah. Well, she was supposed to be

fond of orchids,

orchids and lavender perfume.

You've been sending the flowers?

They're lovely.

Please, Eleanor, I love you.

I can't.

You love him but he doesn't love you.

It wouldn't matter.

He's just filling you with lies.

He has no feelings for you.

He's done it with others.

Look, I know how you feel,

but I can't change the way I feel.

What are you doing?

If I can't share your love...

Jennifer: Oh, I remember her.

Did you ever see her perform?

Jonathan: Yes. I saw her

in Pygmalion about 10 years ago.

It was a few years before she died.

Oh.

She certainly was beautiful, wasn't she?

Eleanor, must you die again?

Jonathan: On the St. Louis team,

we have... who's on first,

what's on second,

I don't know what's on third.

Well then, who's playing first?

Yes.

I mean the fellow's name on first base.

"Who".

The fellow playing first base for St. Louis?

"Who".

The guy on first base.

"Who" is on first.

What are you asking me for?

Here you are, folks, a little fortification.

Thanks, Max.

I didn't realize

that comedy could make you so thirsty.

What do you think about our routine?

I'm sorry, Mrs. H,

I wasn't paying attention.

What were you doing?

Who's on first?

I don't know.

He's on third.

Oh, who's on first?

Yes.

Yeah. Sure. Who's on first?

That's right.

Come on, Mrs. H,

what's the name of the guy on first base?

No, "What" is on second.

Who?

Both: He's on first.

Yeah. Sure.

And I say LA makes you crazy.

Woman: Elliot.

Elliot.

I love you, Elliot.

I love you.

Elliot.

Coming.

Oh, Elliot, come on in.

Ah, coed dressing rooms, huh?

Better make sure management

doesn't find out.

Elliot, anything wrong?

You don't look too well.

What's worse,

is that I look better than I feel.

The finale is coming along just great.

Everything is gonna be fine.

Sure, if I can just survive this theater.

I am starting to hear things.

You know that there are a lot of people

who think that Eleanor killed herself

because of me?

I don't think that...

You don't have to say anything

because I don't feel responsible.

I mean, I guess

it's just all catching up, that's all.

Eleanor thought

that she was in love with me, okay?

- Was she? - No.

She was an actress.

She was passionate for the moment.

It was an infatuation

and I was trying to be supportive.

I was just giving her strokes all of what I was doing,

my feelings were perfectly professional.

Just my luck, huh?

Old ghosts.

And that's all they are, Elliot, ghosts.

But as far as luck is concerned,

we're not gonna have any

if we don't go upstairs and rehearse.

Oh, and thank you for the flowers, Elliot.

They're beautiful.

That was very nice of you, Elliot.

It really brightened up her day.

Well, I'm really glad to hear that.

There's only one hitch.

I didn't send them.

♪ And tell me what street ♪

♪ Compares with Mott Street in July ♪

Both: ♪ Sweet pushcarts gently gliding by ♪

♪ The great big city is a wondrous toy ♪

♪ Just made for a girl and boy ♪

♪ We'll turn Manhattan ♪

♪ Into an isle of joy ♪

All right. All right.

Please stop.

Stop.

I confess, Raquel my darling,

my dear heart,

this is supposed to be singing and dancing,

not burlesque.

I am singing and dancing.

You call that singing and dancing?

Singing is done with the voice,

dancing done with the feet.

- Raquel: Very funny. - Funny.

Raquel: I'll have you know I studied professionally.

I have five years of improvisational dance.

You should get five years for your improvisational dancing.

Raquel: I don't have to listen to this.

- No, you don't. - I don't have to take this.

- No, you don't. - Raquel: I can go where

- I'm appreciated. - Go, go.

And find yourself a runway.

- Elliot. - What?

This is a charity performance.

I don't care what it is.

It's supposed to be done...

Don't you think you're getting

a little carried away?

I wish somebody would carry me away

because I don't know what the hell I'm doing here

trying to make you all look good.

You're hopeless, you're amateurs.

I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna get myself a drink,

and then I'll kill myself.

Well, that's just a little blowout.

He probably won't even make it out of the theatre.

Why don't we call it quits for tonight

and we'll all get together

in the morning, all right?

- Sounds good. - Good night, girls.

- See you fellas. - All: Good night, thanks.

- Man: Good night, Mark. - Man: See you, Don.

Woman: Good night.

Well, I thought you handled it very well.

Thanks, but Raquel

was taking most of the fire.

Elliot's fire?

It's all done with mirrors.

I'm sure the two of them will both be back.

Yeah, I think so.

I'm going to talk to Elliot.

He's right down the hall.

I'll pick you up in a few minutes.

Okay.

Eleanor, you know,

I think you ought to change your perfume.

Lavender is a bit passé.

Jonathan!

Darling?

What is it?

I think these ghost stories

are getting to me.

I just thought I saw Eleanor Macklin's face

staring back at me in that mirror.

What is this, catching?

It's too bizarre.

Maybe we ought to just go out to dinner

and get out of this theatre for a minute.

I think that's a great idea.

And I tell you what, something more bizarre...

I'll pay for dinner.

That is bizarre.

Elliot: Oh, my God. Please, stop it.

I confess, oh, Raquel my dear, dear heart,

you know this is supposed to be singing and dancing

not burlesque.

Raquel: I am singing and dancing.

Elliot: No, my dear.

Singing is done with the voice,

dancing is done with the feet.

- Raquel: Very funny. - Elliot: Funny.

Raquel: I'll have you known I studied professionally.

I have five years of improvisational dance.

Elliot: You should get five years

for your improvisational dancing.

Raquel: I don't have to listen to this.

- Elliot: No. You don't. - Raquel: I don't have

to take this. I can go where I'm appreciated.

Elliot: Go, go.

Go and find yourself a runway.

- Jonathan: Elliot. - Elliot: What?

Jonathan: This is a charity performance.

Elliot: I know what it is but...

I wish somebody would carry me away.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing here

trying to make you all look good

because you're amateurs.

You're all hopeless. I'm gonna go home,

I'm gonna get myself a drink,

then I'll kill myself.

It's already been arranged, Elliot.

Elliot: Somehow, you all look better

now that I'm on the stage.

Well, I guess this is what we call

a failsafe point, folks.

Tomorrow night is dress rehearsal

and if you don't fail, then I will be safe.

Actually, you've all taken a lot of flak from me

and that alone shows

what good stuff you're made of.

And you're a very good company too.

Anyway, I think

that you have really been terrific

and I think you all really should be

very proud of yourself for...

Get that circuit breaker.

Jonathan?

Somebody better call an ambulance.

More flowers?

Hey, listen, is there nothing gonna be left for my funeral?

You're supposed to save up for the finale, nurse.

Elliot, you should be happy

that people are concerned about you.

Sure, producers, backers, and actors.

Please, tell everybody I'm fine.

You weren't so fine last night.

Well, I heal quickly, I'm a director.

Which reminds me,

Jonathan, somebody has to step in

and get this show off the ground.

Why did you start that last sentence

with my name?

Because you are the perfect man for the job.

I heard how well you handled everybody

after my little outburst the other day.

The last thing that I directed

was a tourist who was headed for Rockefeller Center.

Elliot: Who's talking about directing?

To direct, you need extraordinary talent.

You supervise.

You flatter Raquel, things like that.

The show's got its own momentum.

It'll fly.

That's what they said about the Spruce Goose.

And it got off the ground, didn't it?

Yeah. It got off the ground.

Elliot: Yeah. Look,

what you have to do is you have to nod a lot

and say things like terrific and ciao.

Now you got the trade secret.

And please don't argue with me, I'm not well.

You're the director.

You take care of yourself, Elliot.

Thank you.

- Take it easy. - Yes. And if I vanish,

please, tell somebody

look for me behind the flower pots.

Raquel: ♪ And as for me ♪

♪ And as for me ♪

♪ I made my mind up ♪

♪ Back in Chelsea ♪

♪ When I go ♪

♪ I'm going ♪

♪ Like Elsie ♪

Can't you get that right?

Amateurs!

Can't we have some professionals around here?

If no one can play the music

then maybe we ought to forget it.

Raquel.

Raquel, I need your help.

These people don't have your experience,

your talent,

so would you help me set an example?

Raquel: Well, maybe I could take it from the top.

Let them think that... they're helping.

Look.

It's just a little flat note.

I know how sloppy my charts can be.

Now, that's the pro speaking.

Would you try to get it right this time?

♪ And as for me ♪

♪ And as for me ♪

You certainly know

how to handle temperamental talent.

- I'm used to it. - Raquel: Would you like

- to take that over again? - Oh?

You better get ready for the finale.

Okay.

I owe you one.

Raquel: ♪ And as for me ♪

♪ I made my mind up ♪

♪ Back in Chelsea when ♪

I'll go over a few of my notes

and I'll meet you in the lobby.

Okay.

Mr. Perry?

Oh, I... oh, I just wanted to wish you luck

before your opening tomorrow night.

Oh.

Well, that's very kind of you, thank you.

This used to be Eleanor's dressing room.

Oh, yes, yes.

I've been made very well aware of that.

I knew her.

Jennifer: You did?

It was a terrible tragedy.

Oh, Mr. Perry, I don't wanna seem abrupt

but I do have to change.

Mrs. Hart,

maybe later,

if you're not too busy, I mean.

I have a collection,

a few memories of Eleanor.

And I thought if you were interested,

well, maybe after the rehearsal,

well, I could make you a cup of tea

and I could show you my collection.

Oh, that would be lovely.

The only thing is that I'm exhausted

and I know my husband is

and he expects that we'll be going home

straight after the rehearsal.

Maybe another time.

You have things to do.

I shouldn't have bothered you, Mrs. Hart.

Oh, it's no bother.

- Good night. - Good night.

Why don't we stop playing these games?

Where are you?

Better yet, who are you?

Just a quiet theater mouse.

All right, Eleanor,

I hope you have a nice evening

because I'm going home.

Is anybody there?

Hello?

Jennifer: Jonathan?

Mr. Perry, what's going on?

Hello.

Where's Mr. Perry?

There is no Mr. Perry.

My husband is waiting for me.

Husband?

You're so beautiful, Eleanor.

I'm not Eleanor.

Eleanor is dead.

I know.

I was just an assistant stage manager.

I wasn't good enough.

And you had to have him

and he didn't love you.

When you smile, all my pain goes away.

I want you to smile.

Just for me.

You know, I've missed you

and I've got a surprise for you.

Come on, let me show you.

Now.

Do you like the flowers?

They're your favorite.

I think it's finally time to celebrate.

You cut it.

Look.

I'm not Eleanor, really.

She is dead.

You still love him, don't you?

Jonathan and Jennifer: ♪ We would sail up the avenue ♪

♪ But we haven't got a yacht ♪

♪ We would drive up the avenue ♪

♪ But the horse we had was shot ♪

♪ We would ride on a trolley ♪

♪ But we haven't got a fare ♪

♪ So, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Yes, we'll walk up the avenue ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

♪ Until we're there ♪

Jennifer: Why won't you believe me?

Perry: Why?

Why, Eleanor?

Am I so repulsive?

Am I so horrible?

Maybe you can't love me,

but why can't you let me love you?

All right.

I have been thinking about you all these years.

Liar.

He's deceiving you.

No. Don't. Don't.

You need help.

I can help you.

I need you, but I can't have you.

I just wanted to love you.

Both: ♪ We'll have Manhattan ♪

♪ the Bronx and Staten Island too ♪

♪ It's lovely going through ♪

♪ The zoo ♪

♪ It's very fancy ♪

♪ On old Delancy Street, you know ♪

♪ The subway charms us so ♪

♪ When balmy breezes blow ♪

♪ To and fro ♪

♪ And tell me what street ♪

♪ Compares with Mott Street in July ♪

♪ Sweet pushcarts ♪

♪ Gently gliding by ♪

♪ The great big city's a wondrous toy ♪

♪ Just made for a girl and boy ♪

All: ♪ We'll turn Manhattan into an isle of joy ♪

♪ And tell me what street ♪

♪ Compares with Mott Street in July ♪

All: ♪ Sweet pushcarts ♪

♪ Gently gliding by ♪

♪ The great big city's a wondrous toy ♪

♪ Just made for a girl and boy ♪

♪ We'll turn Manhattan ♪

♪ Into an isle ♪

♪ Of joy ♪

Hey, you're pretty good

when the lights are on you.

I'm even better when the lights are off.

Mmm.