Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language

RUSTLING DOWNSTAIRS

HE SIGHS

GLASS CLINKING

HE KNOCKS

HE GROANS

Wish I could stay. Help you set up properly.

No, this is great. All I need is your computer.

Well, the food bank needs you.

Saturday kitchen at the church needs you.

Yeah, and I need money.

I can lend you money.

How much do you lend, Muriel?

What, 200 this week, 200 the next?

You cook for me, you make my meals.

I'm saving on microwave dinners and shop lunches.

Y'know, I could pay you

to be my housekeeper.

I can do this.

That is painful to watch.

Will you go away? I'm trying!

Did you even meet a computer before you went inside?

Inside?

Well, look at you.

Can I use your phone number?

Of course. And your email address?

We will get you an email address when I come home.

Well, I can do it. I mean, it's free, isn't it?

You just point me in the right direction.

Anna, I know you wanna get started

but this is gonna be harder than you thought.

Well, it's better I know how hard it is quite quickly.

Let's get the poles in the ground before we put the tent up.

I just... I just wanna prove that I can do this.

I want to feel like I'm starting.

You don't need to prove anything.

You don't need to start anything. It's just details! We can sort it.

I'm not living off you. No.

You're living with me. I'll see you later.

Have fun at work.

Hope you see Marcus from obstetrics.

SHE CHUCKLES

We were out of hosts. I fetched some from Father George.

Pleasant man but terrible dandruff.

Not good for a priest.

There were many sins they warned us of at the seminary.

Dandruff was a tragic omission.

You cannot wear black and moult head skin.

Um...

...for your sister. For her wedding.

It's a bracelet.

I didn't know whether it was ugly or nice.

I bought it on the off chance it was nice.

You bought her a wedding present?

Oh. No, is that the wrong thing to have done?

It is today, isn't it? Look, I like your sister. She's fun.

Look, she's having a, a registry office wedding.

I know. You were working on the blessing in here.

The blessing's just in the garden, a small party.

Anyone's welcome.

No! You should come.

I should not. I haven't been invited.

No-ones been invited. My sister's terrified of rejection,

so she doesn't like to make anything formal.

Please.

Look, this wasn't me trying to...

Of course. But you will be there.

3pm. See how the heathens do it. Wh...

3pm. I'll be free.

How's your mum?

There's a surprise.

What? Tina's here and you'll never guess who she's with.

The Lord be with you.

And with Your Spirit.

Lord, we have sinned against You, Lord have mercy.

Lord have mercy.

Show us Your mercy and Your love.

And grant us Your salvation.

Let us pray.

Thank you, Father.

Hey.

SHE GIGGLES

Hello.

And hello.

Don't get excited and thinking you're converting me.

We've got an appointment at the hospital in a bit

and this one thought I might as well do this before.

You're very welcome here.

We've been having visitors every five minutes,

sorting out this, that and the other.

I don't know who you passed me on to. How much pressure you put on.

I'm just pleased it's working out.

I slightly resent it.

But I think, it's kind of you.

She's going to speak in court.

He wrote to me, asking for forgiveness.

Telling me he was gonna kill himself if I didn't, or if I did.

Asking for forgiveness.

What did you do?

Nothing. He didn't kill himself, because he's full of shit.

Oh, and er, I'm not a Catholic.

HE CHUCKLES Happy?

Happy. You?

You should stop asking how I am.

You can care about me, I can't care about you?

Something like that.

Can I just say...? I liked your nun.

I liked her too.

So you weren't a dick, then?

I thought you'd probably been a dick.

I don't, if I'm honest, know what I was.

If you don't know, you were probably a dick.

I think you're great, though.

But you don't care what I think

because you were thinking about her.

SHE GIGGLES

Mum, can you wait? I'm pregnant!

SHE LAUGHS Mum! You cow.

OK, I need everybody in the car.

Very loud.

Mum, Simon, I need you in the car.

Molly, why aren't you in the bloody car?

It'll be OK. Where are you going?

You're not wearing that.

Oh, yeah!

We're gonna be late.

We're gonna miss our slot and it's gonna be all your fault.

I love you.

Aw, I love your wings.

Get in the car!

Oh, OK, OK, OK!

Thank you.

What can I get you, love? I just saw the sign in the window.

Which sign? I'm looking for work.

Oh, that's an old sign, love, sorry.

You don't know of anybody else who's...?

Not right now.

There's a bit of a local dip happening.

Everyone's struggling a bit.

Leave me your number and I'll keep an ear out for you.

Thanks. Uh, this is my friend Muriel's number.

Um, I'm just...

I'm staying with her at the moment. I'm Anna.

OK, Anna. Good luck to you. Thank you.

Why are we listening to this? I've done a playlist.

A song for every year that Susan and I could've been together

and weren't together.

The songs we should've danced to.

That's crazy. No, it's romantic. Turn it up!

World Shut your Mouth by Julian Cope

Yay! Whoooo! I'm getting married.

Anna. Thanks so much for coming in.

What sort of work are you looking for?

Erm, I'm not sure what I'm qualified for.

Catering, I hope. I can cook and I can clean.

Er, data entry skills?

Um, sorry?

What's your typing speed?

I don't have one.

Erm, can you use a computer?

I can try.

You haven't filled in the bit where it says previous work.

No well, I-I was a nun, uh...

So I don't really think that counts as a job.

I don't... I don't think it is a job. It's, um...

...it's more a calling. Right.

I mean, I could fill out the CV section but

it would just say "nun". And then nun, and then nun.

It sounds like a joke, doesn't it?

Does the way you're saying it.

Um, have you got a permanent address?

I have an address.

Um, have you got a National Insurance Number?

Ah, I remember having one of those, um, but I could find it.

Do you have preferred hours?

No.

Maybe wanna have a little think about that.

Um, childcare needs or...

N-N-No. I don't have any kids.

I was a nun.

You just, erm, you don't look like a nun.

Well, I, uh... I'm not one, any more.

PHONE RINGS

You can't help me, can you?

We don't really get catering work.

OK, then.

What I'd do is get your typing speed up.

There's courses you can take online and, erm,

come back when you're in a better place.

PHONE RINGS

We're late. Are we late?

Susan and Simon? Yeah.

We've got time.

Morning.

My name is Sandra and as the Deputy Superintendent Registrar

for Bristol, it is my privilege to welcome you here today.

I'm joined by my colleague, Grace, and our interpreter,

Bella, and we are met in

a place duly sanctioned according to law for

the celebration of marriages and civil partnerships.

We're gathered here today for the joining in matrimony of

Simon Ian Neave and Susan Grace Hicks.

If any person here present knows of any lawful impediment

to this marriage, they should declare it now.

That's the difficult bit. It's really easy from here.

I'm starting with St Fulgentius, which is,

"Love, indeed, is the source of all good things.

"It's an impregnable defence, and the way that leads to heaven.

"He who walks in love can neither go astray nor be afraid,

"love guides him, protects him and brings him to his journey's end."

And I-I was thinking I could then explain that what...

It sounds like Shakespeare.

You don't mean that as a compliment, do you?

What else do you say? Do you make any jokes?

It's not a Best Man's speech. It's a blessing.

Can you tell them about the time

when Mum bought home that box of Milk Tray

and then I pissed her off, so she ate them all in her room?

Oh, yeah, that will really make them laugh, won't it?

She ate the whole box. Two layers.

And then she got really constipated and really complained about it.

Oh, bugger it. I can't do this. It keeps falling down.

I might be able to help.

I'm too early. I always am. A little girl let me in.

I presume she's related to at least one of you.

I'm a dab hand at DIY, surprisingly.

Hello, I'm Francis. Hi.

David.

DOORBELL RINGS

Dad! Mum.

Muriel called. I've brought my own brushes.

Brushes for what?

Setting things right.

Well, I'm not here to paint. I hate paint.

And I've got three different shades of blue,

so you can choose the one you want.

And one'll be called Wistful Dog Breath,

and the other will be called Shropshire Bed Crumpet

and they'll be... Of all things to be angry about,

you're angry about paint names?

Well, I brought the lamp you like

and a bedspread from your Auntie Penny.

Am I missing something? What's happening here?

I've got Zac's permission. We're gonna paint your room.

I told you, I never liked that we didn't redo your room at home.

For a long time, he thought it was the reason you became a nun.

"That bloody deer wallpaper".

So, you're redecorating the room?

YOUR room,

and that's the start that matters. Making a home.

I've a brush for you. You can bloody help.

Working on your blessing?

Oh, erm... Linds... The older daughter, says I need more jokes.

Ah.

As a younger man, I once got told off by a priest

for getting too many laughs in a sermon.

Humour is an underrated quality in the clergy.

I wondered if, you wouldn't mind...

Would you mind hearing my confession?

N-Now? Here?

I'd like it. If you have a moment?

I'm not much of what most would consider a "man".

You are.

I've lived most of my life with my mother.

I've dedicated myself to God, her, and my allotment.

In that order.

Didn't know you had an allotment.

Good. You shouldn't. It's my quiet place.

I don't talk about it to anyone, well, except Mother.

My point is,

there is no reason why you would take what advice

I have in any way seriously

and-and it's not advice you are seeking.

But...

...I am a little older than you.

I've seen and experienced some aspects in

a little more depth, and I do care so deeply about you.

You've been a constant in my prayer.

That's very kind. I care deeply about you, too.

But, erm,

just to check, is this a confession?

FRANCIS CHUCKLES

My mother doesn't recognise me any more.

There are moments when I half believe she does,

but she doesn't.

Not a kind woman.

Not someone even particularly filled with love.

I stayed with her because she needed me after my father's death,

even if she did not think she did.

We should talk of your mother more.

Her dementia in the last six months has become increasingly cruel.

Violent, you understand, as some dementias get.

The violence I can cope with.

The words I sometimes find more...

The hidden ways she's thought of me.

She accuses me... she has accused me...

...of being attracted to her.

She's accused me of watching her in the bath.

She's an 86-year-old woman, you understand.

She's accused me of being attracted

to other women who come to the house,

carers and elderly friends.

She's found lust in my every...

In all of me.

And the only reason I feel able to repeat these charges is

because there is no truth to them.

But that doesn't mean they aren't incredibly painful.

I can imagine.

And yet still, and this is the beauty of His Love,

still I sit on my allotment, or in church or,

well, anywhere really,

and I pray and I find such love in my life.

Not from her. No. I find it in the love I give her.

My love. You understand? And I do not regret,

and this is important to me and it's true,

I do not regret a single second I spent with her.

I do not regret my life because it is a love to this day.

It is a life filled with a true love.

You're a good man.

You're missing the point I'm trying to make.

You think I do regret my life?

I wouldn't presume to judge.

But I've noticed the light going out in your eyes.

Your eyes are normally so full of light...

And that... well, I have noticed that.

Adultery. That's all it is. I'm sure you've heard plenty.

Churned up. Messy. I tell them in the confessional,

"You have committed a terrible sin."

There's some, I can sense, just like the sex.

And for those, I lay it on thick.

But others,

I sense a deeper conflict and to those I say...

..."Love is the only gift worth fighting for."

And this love comes in many forms. And God's gift,

God's gift, which he gave to all humanity...

...is that only you know which love is true.

And then I forgive them

and give them penance as is my right and duty as a priest.

You think I'm committing adultery?

You were married to God

and now you're looking elsewhere.

You're risking sin, but...

...sins can get forgiven.

W-would you give all this up?

What would you give up?

A position, a trust, perhaps, a wage, but

these are just trinkets

and support mechanisms in life's great journey.

They aren't an answer to anything.

You would not give up God's love

and God would not give up on loving you.

And those around you, the true ones...

...and I would hope to include myself in this number,

they would not stop loving you either.

A dog collar, David, isn't the reason I do good things.

And it isn't the reason you do.

There we go.

That's all I have. Your turn, now.

Hail Marys, etc,

give me my penance.

Let's keep the pretence up.

She turned me down, Francis.

She's gone back to The Womack. Back to where she wants to be.

Ah...

No... No. She's back.

If no-one's told you -

she's left the convent. Again.

You were quite right in your diagnosis of her.

She is enormously flighty.

MUFFLED CHATTER

Step it Up by Stereo MC's

♪ To the left, to the right

♪ Step it up, step it up It's all right

♪ To the left, to the right

♪ Check the new ride out, it's all right

♪ Silence ain't in season

♪ Cos there ain't no good in grief

♪ Can't stop my mouth from breathin'

♪ Or seeing what I see... ♪

It's on you now.

What's on me?

And I love you, too.

I think I've missed something. What have I missed?

Jump in, mate.

I'm OK, thank you.

Looks nice.

Can I bring some more things from home? Make it...

You're welcome any time. You know that.

But now your father and I need to go.

Stay. Let me make us all some food. I'd like that.

You'd like it?

I'm not angry with you, Mum. None of this was your fault.

I can't remember ever claiming it was.

And I-I think I'm excited, Mum.

It's OK to be scared, too.

I thought you'd be going after him.

No... No, he, uh, he... he's not right. He's, uh,

he's not ready.

But I am still excited about what my life is going to be now.

OK.

I'm proud of you.

Tarragon chicken?

Sounds lovely.

I don't have anything to say.

No, short is fine but you do understand,

I can't recognise your marriage.

I applaud what you're doing, but I'm a priest.

It would be a betrayal to my congregation.

I could have a go at blessing your love in some way?

Follow our noses.

KNOCKING

Hello.

Is Muriel here?

Ooh, you look a mess. Yeah, I've been running. Look, Mu-Muriel,

I need to see her. Is this him?

Yeah. Him? Who am I?

Erm, this is Anna's mother.

Oh.

Hello, I'm her father.

She's not home. She went to the shop.

She wanted to cook us all dinner.

We've been painting. Which shops?

Yeah, hold your horses. Why don't you just wait.... Which shops?

Tesco. Thank you.

It's nice to meet you.

Er, it's very nice to meet you too.

Hope we get to talk more.

♪ Sweet is Thy work,

♪ My God, my King

♪ To praise Thy name...#

Hello, everybody.

My name is Francis, I'm a priest and I believe...

...in love.

"Two are better than one,

"because they have a good reward for their toil.

"For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow.

"But woe to him who is alone when he falls

"and has not another to lift him up."

Susan, do you take Simon

to be your beloved?

Will you cherish him and...

Trying to find other adjectives.

AUDIENCE CHUCKLES

Will you make him your home

just as he makes you his?

I will.

Simon, will you do the same?

I will.

Ooh, do you wish to kiss?

You don't have to, if you don't fancy it.

Good. Well, I now pronounce you nothing at all.

LAUGHTER

Shall we have a party now? Yay!

A...Anna!

Uh, don't... don't run away, please. Just let me talk.

I'm, um...

I'm not running and you can certainly talk.

HE PANTS OK.

I, erm... I came looking for you at Muriel's house.

Oh, OK.

I met your mum.

Ah, OK.

I...believe you promised words?

Sorry?

You said you wanted to talk, etc? Yeah, um...

I-I just... I just want to tell you that...

I want to tell you that I'm leaving the priesthood.

Haven't told anyone, yet, but...

Yeah, I can't remain. I've told Him.

OK. Why?

Because...

It's because I love you.

And why do you love me?

I think...

...I've always loved you.

I think it's just taken me a while to work that out.

Really sorry about that.

BIRDS CHIRP

Now it's your turn to say something.

SHE EXHALES

Erm...

Er, let's, let's not talk here.

There was a boy at school. Adam.

He sat behind me in French. Beautiful brown eyes.

Never said anything to me

but he would sit staring at the back of my neck all

the way through the class. I could feel it.

He was probably just bored.

But I did take

to wearing my hair up whenever we had French lessons.

And then there was a Benedictine monk,

at Lourdes, when I was a postulant, called Francois.

Also brown eyes.

I think... they were my other temptations.

I thought about both of them probably

a little bit more than I should.

But the... well, the thing is... the thing is with them I...

...I knew that they were just... urges.

Horrible word.

Whereas...

Well, whereas you changed my soul.

And I...I just... I felt so angry that I

didn't make yours change. In the same way.

But you did.

It was humiliating. Do you understand me?

Y-you really, really humiliated me. You really hurt me.

I could... I could hit you.

I wouldn't mind. No. That would be, be far too easy.

I need to find a better way to pay you back.

Is this all...

Are you saying I've lost my cha...?

You fuck.

You terrible, insecure, cowardly fuck.

I hate that word.

Quite like it.

You sound like a maths teacher.

SHE SNORTS A maths teacher?

Yeah, a maths teacher being overheard outside of class.

It's a noble profession.

I am a coward.

Sometimes.

I don't know if I'm gonna be good for you.

I don't know if I'm gonna be good for you.

I hope you know, I...

I don't have a job. I don't have a house.

Well, the good thing is,

I don't have any of those things either.

And I'm an alcoholic.

And I'm perimenopausal.

I think it's OK to say that we're...

...we're both scared here. Angry, that's just me,

but scared, that's both of us.

Just He... He saved me.

I was lost and He saved me and...

...I don't wanna betray Him.

Well, then, let's decide that it's not a betrayal.

He saved me too. You know, I'm just the same.

I'd like to ring a bell and put my life back how it was, but...

...I'd also really like to kiss you again.

What?

How do we do this?

You think I know?

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