Original subtitles

Well, I'm not the kind to kiss and tell, but I've been seen with Farrah.

I've never been with anything less than a nine, so fine.

I've been on fire with Sally Field, gone fast with a girl named Bo.

But somehow they just don't end up as mine.

It's a death-defying life I lead.

I take my chances.

I die for living in the movies and TV.

But the hardest thing I ever do is watch my leading

ladies kiss some other guy while I'm bandaging my knee.

I might fall from a tall building.

I might roll a brand new car.

Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that made Redfoot such a star.

I've never spent much time in school, but I taught ladies plenty.

It's true, I hire my body out from pay.

Hey, hey.

I've gotten burned over Cheryl Teague's blown up for Rockin' Welch.

But when I wind up in the hay, it's only hay.

Hey, hey.

I might jump an open drawbridge or Tarzan from a vine.

Cause I'm the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine.

Pull up

the battery charge.

And it's gotta be done fast.

Now, Colt here has to use the stun machine while still in free fall.

And if he falls below 1500 feet, he may be in trouble.

So keep your eye on your altimeter, Colt.

Open rear hatch.

We're on jump run.

Oh!

Okay, that's it.

Let's break off.

Hey, there's something wrong with Colt.

That wasn't in the script.

How'd we get back to Colt?

He's stuck to the flash.

Now, what are you dreaming about?

Well, I was dreaming about a boat, a big marlin, the sun, and a lot of cold beer.

Mm -hmm.

You failed to mention women.

Well, now you know how tired I am.

Hi!

Hey, don't you ever knock.

I hate rejection.

Good.

Don't ask me to go anywhere.

I only got a month before they need me on that picture.

I just want to show you something.

Mary Connors.

So?

So, she's touring Mexico.

Good for her.

Yes, but bad for me.

She skipped out on bail, and I've got a bundle riding on her.

Terry, Mexico is like a big country.

Oh, yes, I know that.

But I know exactly where she is.

You see, her car broke down, and the mechanic had to send

up for a new engine, and so I managed to trace the order.

Yeah, well, how's that song go?

I've got my bag, got my rat.

Reservation.

Ta-da.

Um, that's William Farrell.

He was accused of misappropriating millions, and that guy there is his right

-hand man and all-around thug, Fred Dole.

Now, Mary was arrested as an accessory to the swindle.

She was his fiancée.

The government wanted her to stand witness against him.

Did she?

Uh, no, she didn't get the chance.

She, uh, took off.

That's where you came in.

No, that's where you come in.

Huh, fat chance.

There's no way you'll talk Colton into going to Mexico after some girl.

You know, I couldn't figure it out at first.

Now, I think I finally understand.

Yeah, what's that, kid?

Well, why you decided to go after Mary Connors.

There must have been something in her picture that struck

a chord, that touched something deep, deep in your psyche.

Like, everybody that sees Sissy Spacek wants to take care of her, right?

Or Goldie Hawn be your pal, or Jane Fonda, uh, go out and march.

You read all that into me?

Colt, you know, I studied psychology at both Columbia and Fordham.

This is a classic case.

The Laura Complex.

A fantasy about somebody you've never even met.

It's actually a very common syndrome, like love at first sight or, uh,

obsessive behavior over an object.

Well, I like words.

Let's hear how they sound with music.

I go again.

I guess I'm just an incurable romantic.

Well, don't worry, kid.

You'll get cured.

More than you've ever heard.

Oh,

Colt, look at that beautiful water.

Swimming sure feels good right now.

This isn't what I had in mind.

You'll have to do, kid.

I have to get to Puente before Mary Connors leaves.

Gee, Colt, I've never seen you so dedicated before.

Cause you pay the price to come this far.

What a fabulous island.

Isla del Diablo.

Devil's island.

Not too hospitable.

You'd better believe it.

There she is.

Wait for me here.

I'll be right back.

Miss Connors?

May I introduce myself?

You know me?

It is my business to know everything about this province, even when I'm away.

I'm Colonel Hector Garcia.

Mucho gusto.

May I join you?

Sure.

Sounds to me as though you're exactly the person I need to speak with.

Do you happen to know the mechanic over at the garage?

Oh, I should.

He's gonna marry my sister.

Well, then perhaps you could tell me if you think he'll finish my car before then.

May I ask where you're headed?

No place in particular.

I'm a gypsy, you see.

Oh.

Maybe you would like for me to tell you your future.

Oh, si, si, chulisima.

What kind of champagne would I order for us tonight, huh?

Well, it says right here that you will be having ton perignon.

Oh, look, it says right here that I will be long gone.

Que bueno.

Actually, Colonel, I am just a tourist, and I'm

kind of here taking in the Mexican natural sights.

Can you tell me about the island, the beautiful island you have out in your bed?

Beautiful island, huh?

Be grateful you don't know anything about it.

It's a prison for the scum, fugitives, criminals, enemies of the state.

You know, it is impossible to escape from it.

Many have tried.

Remind me to stay friendly.

Oooh.

It will be my pleasure.

There's Mary's robe.

She's over here.

I don't know about you, but that's the most beautiful,

most serene-looking woman I think I've ever seen.

I wonder how serene she'll be when she finds out why we're here.

How are you figuring on taking her back?

Extradition?

Well, there's no time for that.

It would take a month.

That would put us past the bail deadline.

Wait, wait, wait.

What's the approach?

What do you mean approach?

Colt, you have to understand.

That's a highly sophisticated woman in there.

Men go after her all the time.

We have to come up with something totally unique.

You know, open up with a real zinger.

A zinger?

Yeah.

Maybe we can throw her off guard.

Maybe I ought to give this one a whirl.

We'll save you from back-up.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Colt Severs, what are you doing here?

I was looking for you.

Right.

Oh, this is Howie Munson.

Mary Connors.

How do you do?

Hi.

Come sit down.

Sit down.

Have a drink with me.

Howie likes to drink alone.

I do?

Don't you get?

Yeah, I do.

How many years has it been, Mary?

Oh, don't go figuring that out.

You know how old I am.

Guess we should have stayed in touch.

Yeah.

Well, I never forgot you.

Our girl's first romance.

I'll stick with her.

What's the thing?

I was thinking about how many times I lost my

voice cheering for you at those football games.

I followed you around like a little puppy dog.

It definitely was a mutual admiration.

I thought it was.

You were in high school, anyway.

Yeah.

And you took off in your hot rod to seek your fortune in Hollywood.

Did you ever find it?

Yeah, Hollywood's just right next to Los Angeles.

What about your fortune?

You remember Miss Patterson's literature?

Huh?

Um, seek your fortune in yourself.

That can be pretty barren territory sometimes.

But are you sure this woman is Miss Conroes?

I'm, uh, just a little scared.

I'm willing to bet $25,000 on it.

All you have to do is keep her here for at least a month.

That way it'll be too late for her to testify against my employer.

Oh, yes.

But on what charges?

She's wanted in the States.

It would easily take a month before they decide on extradition.

Hot rods, motorcycles, trucks.

Have you ever driven a real car?

Sure, yes.

Lots of times.

In pictures.

In pictures?

The movies?

We're stuntmen.

You mean you're still brawling and fighting like you did in high school?

Just not as well.

Colt, listen, I don't know what your plans are, but do

you think you could stick around till I get my car fixed?

Seems to be a local army colonel around here that's after me, body and soul.

He's a little... Hey, I've got a great idea.

Why don't you and Colt take the truck to Lyon?

It's in the next province.

It'll be away from the colonel.

I'll wait until your car's fixed and I'll follow.

I'll catch up later.

Well, that'd be wonderful.

Oh, great.

Thanks.

I'm gonna get my bag, okay?

Don't you learn to mind your own business?

Well, Colt, no matter how you feel about her, you still have a job to do.

Not necessarily.

Look, I know you're having second thoughts.

I don't blame you.

You must feel like a real heel having to take her in.

Especially since she thinks the world of you.

You know, you're not helping at all.

Well, you have to look at the bigger picture.

This really is for her own good.

I mean, she can't be a fugitive for the rest of her life.

At least this way you can protect her from

Pharaoh until she has a chance to finish testing.

You know you're giving me a headache.

I almost feel like I'm 16 again seeing you.

And you know something, Colt?

You were such a hunk in high school that all the girls

were crazy about you, and it used to bother me so much.

Well, you didn't do so badly with the boys, either.

Well...

But I have to admit, you never did get conceited.

I think that's why I liked you so much.

You're always a good sport.

Just, well, it doesn't seem to have changed much.

You seem to be helping me out again.

And I seem to be also rattling on and on and on.

What are you doing?

Tell me about you.

What are you doing here in Mexico?

Like I told you, I came here after you.

I wish that were true.

I wish it weren't.

I don't understand.

I work for a bail bonds company.

So?

And you came here after me?

You came to take me back?

Hey, Mary!

You've got to be kidding me.

I'm not going anywhere with you.

Stop it now.

Stop it.

I'm not getting...

You're under arrest.

I still can't believe it.

I can't believe it, you know.

Colt, you were not only somebody that I cared

about, but somebody that I looked up to.

I respected you and I trusted you.

I guess it's a long way from high school, huh?

Well, it's not that far.

I mean, you still jump to conclusions.

You could have told me that you were a bounty hunter after me.

You didn't have to go around letting me think that

you were as happy to see me as I was to see you.

Well, it was true.

You!

You're top of the list.

You repent one hour and you leave right then.

Open the door.

What about Mary?

Miss Connors?

I'm sorry, but as a fugitive from the American justice, you see, it is my duty

to keep you here until I can work out your extradition.

That'll take a month.

I have to stay in this place all that time?

Of course not.

You see...

Don't be a pig.

Get away from me.

Oh, Miss Connors.

Life could be so comfortable for you.

Maltita!

All right, you've made your decision.

You have committed a fatal offense.

I hereby sentence you to one year on Devil's Island.

She has a right to a trial.

This is a military province, and I am in total authority.

Open the door.

Open the door!

Let's go!

Well, take it easy.

We have a worse problem than Garcia.

What?

Dole.

Pharaoh's man.

I saw him giving orders to Garcia before he took a shot at us.

What did you find out?

It's just exactly like you thought.

The island is a hell hole.

It's impregnable and totally escape-proof.

And we'll see.

You're still going to try and take her out of there?

She'll never survive a year on that island.

Colt, do you think maybe you should just go away and forget you ever saw her?

I tried that once.

It didn't work.

Have you got a plan?

Depends on you.

Well, hey, if that's all it is, then you don't have any problems.

Look, I know that deep down inside you still don't think that I'm ready for much

responsibility or for leadership positions.

I know that.

Good.

I want you to listen carefully.

I'm going back to Los Angeles fast.

I'm going to come back with the group we're using on the De Niro picture.

We're going to...

Hey, devil's island.

Why not?

The plane's just sitting there on the set.

You know, stuntmen, they always like action and their own salary.

We'll have this thing pulled off and be back before the last shot of the picture.

You're the boss.

Well, not necessarily this time.

What are you concerned?

What do you mean?

Well, you've got to be the one to go in first.

Locate Mary, have her ready to go, and we show up.

And, kid, if you decide you don't want to do it, I won't hold it against you.

Why wouldn't I want to do it?

Because it's damn dangerous.

How do I get on the island?

You get arrested.

Arrested?

Mm-hmm.

Right.

How tough could that be, huh?

Oh!

Oh!

What do you think, that's funny?

How about that?

How about that?

Good for another laugh.

Please, please, don't tell my superior.

I am on probation.

They will dismiss me if I have a problem.

I have a fight with an American.

I have six children at home.

I was fined heavily.

I have no money.

My children, they are hungry.

They will starve if I am dismissed.

Please, you cannot do this to me.

Gee, I'm sorry.

I don't want you to get into any kind of trouble.

Just take it easy.

I won't tell anybody.

Thank you.

You have saved my life.

Yeah, well, go buy some more milk and go on home.

Right then.

What's the matter now?

Inflation.

Well, Colt.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be arrested.

I know, I tried.

Go get a soldier.

I did.

We'll break up the bar.

It's in a shambles.

What do you mean, you can't get arrested?

Hey!

Look what you did to the fender!

It was scratched already.

No, it wasn't!

What's going on here?

Jacinto!

Look!

Look what he's done to me!

On the day of my marriage, my nose is a melon!

Oh, my sister would be absolutely furious!

Mister, you are under arrest!

No, way!

You can't arrest me for that!

Howie!

It wasn't my fault!

Howie!

He scratched the fender!

It wasn't my fault!

Howie!

What?!

You're arrested.

What?!

I'm sorry.

Check in to Devil's Island.

Now!

Now, Jody, you'll start the whole ballgame off by

distracting the soldiers and try to get them over here.

Wouldn't it be more of a distraction if she wasn't in the chopper?

Good idea.

Now, I'll try to get into the women's section to get to Howie and Mary here.

George and Cliff will jump the fence with their

bikes and we'll all ride back to the chopper.

I'm gonna leave the backup escape over here in

case any of us can't make it back to the chopper.

Any questions?

Just one.

Aren't we invading a friendly country?

Well, it's a military province steeped in draft and corruption.

The government's ready to step in, but we can't wait that long.

Just remember one thing.

We're using phony bullets and explosives.

They're using the real thing.

Anybody that doesn't want to go along, now's the time to speak up.

I'll understand.

And miss a free trip to sunny Mexico?

We're all in.

You guys are dumber than I thought.

I'm not.

Of

course you know that you're being a total fool.

You could be my villain now.

Enjoying the sunset.

Champagne.

Caviar.

I like it in here, actually.

Hermosa.

By the time I finish with you, you'll beg me to

take you off this island under any conditions.

Stop it!

Shh.

It's me, Howie.

Colt's friend.

What are you doing here?

I got arrested a week ago.

It took me this long to find you.

I don't understand.

Colt's got a plan.

Hasn't he done enough already?

Of all the ungrateful people.

You know, he only did what he did to help you.

He was trying to protect you.

If you hadn't fought with us in the truck, none of this would have happened.

What's he gonna do?

He's put together a small army of the best stuntmen in Hollywood.

They're gonna come in here and they're gonna bust us out.

Howdy.

How?

You let Colt worry about that, okay?

When?

It's on its way.

He and I worked out all the details before I got here.

How have you thought about what that means?

If he fails?

Yeah.

We're gonna be in here for a long time.

That's it.

Get ready.

You wanna show her?

Yeah, it's a positive.

Come on.

Come on, let's go.

Watch the truck.

We're getting ready.

Watch it.

Watch it.

I'll get some help.

We'll be there in five minutes.

I'll get some help.

Just watch.

Watch the truck, Colt.

Got this.

He's coming.

All right.

Don't let him follow you.

Take it easy.

All right.

Okay, I'll get you into that truck then.

Yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

W-what is this?

I'm going to have to have some help getting into Garcia's headquarters for Mary.

You got it!

Tell me!

Come on down for me, so I can drop in on the Colonel.

What's that?

It's a flare.

It'll send the others off.

What's going to happen to us, then?

We've got to leave Colt and Mary behind.

We can't!

You want to take a ride?

Sure, I'd love to take a ride.

It's a water bike.

I brought it along as a backup.

It'll carry both of us.

Come on, give me a hand.

Well, help!

I'm trying.

What'd I eat?

Okay, you ready?

You've got to be kidding.

No, no, it's a cinch.

Right, if you're an eagle.

Come on, I did it once in Butch Cass and the Sundance Kid.

See, I was Redford.

Well, take another look.

I'm not Newman.

Oh, come on.

Just yell all the way down.

Why?

I don't know.

It's what we did last time.

Next we took...

that water bicycle you need to take us down, Mr. Dole.

You had a water bike waiting for us on the cliff.

Why couldn't you have a jeep waiting for us on the shore?

It wouldn't fit in the plane.

This is helicopter 25 Bravo.

Over.

Did Mr. Farrow give you his orders?

Yes, sir.

He did.

We're at your disposal, Mr. Dole.

Good.

We're looking for a man and woman.

Somewhere between us and the water.

On foot?

As far as we know.

We'll find them.

Now you'll see some good old American know -how.

You're looking for us?

Garcia isn't giving up.

You're taking me back, aren't you?

I have to.

You see what I see?

What do you think?

Come on, for old time's sake.

Let's go.

Come on.

Go ahead.

Where are you going?

The next town's only a few minutes down.

I'll see if I can do some shopping before the store's open.

Chicken.

See if you can find me some barrettes.

That took care of it.

You're not picky, are you?

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

You're safe.

I didn't think so.

You're much too honorable for that.

What happened then, after modeling in New York?

Well, then I met William Farrow.

He was the Prince Charming every girl dreams of.

He was handsome and rich and dashing and devoted.

Unfortunately, only to money.

He seemed to keep score on how his life was doing by his acquisitions.

He referred to him as the Prince Charming.

I'm afraid I was one of them.

Were you going to witness against him?

No.

So in return for your loyalty, he tried to kill you?

Well, I don't think he can trust anything that

doesn't have E Pluribus Unum printed on it.

Et voila.

Oh, well.

Well, maybe I should do all your shopping.

I think so.

And every little thing fits, I might add.

How'd you pay for this stuff?

Uh, credit.

Credit?

Well, I left IOUs.

Colt, do you think that the past is ever really dead?

Well, like Thomas Wolfe said, you can't go home again.

What does Colt Seavers say?

Mr. Dole!

We found them.

Good work!

Do you want us to hover or handle the situation?

Yes, ma'am!

Come on, we gotta get out of here.

Come on, we gotta get out of here.

We gotta

get off one good shot.

You know, that guy's good.

He knows what we're trying to do.

He keeps on changing directions on us.

We'll get it.

What are you doing?

I'm fast.

All I need is one good shot.

I'll bring it in low behind him.

It'll make it harder for him to dodge us.

Okay.

Do it!

Stay

away from rich men.

Hard to do.

Power fascinates.

That's what the cobra said to the mongoose.

It's more like a game, though, Colt.

Yeah, but all games have got rules.

Huh?

Woo!

Once they've reached the border, it's over.

Don't worry, they won't let me down.

What's happening up there?

Don't worry, Mr. Dole.

We're making our final run.

Danger makes life more exciting, doesn't it?

I think we're a lot alike.

Only you go for this physical danger, and I just take emotional chances.

You're not very talkative.

You wouldn't like what I've got to say.

Try me.

We're running out of gas.

Well, the question is, can they?

What else do we make a dash for it?

We're awful close.

Uh, not close enough.

Well, then, you're the quarterback.

It's the last play of the game.

Call it.

Well, we go for the bomb.

Where's Severs?

Maybe he deserted her.

It must be a trick.

Well, who cares?

We got the guns and the girl.

Drive over.

Well, how flattering.

It makes a girl feel good to know she's so wanted.

Where's your friend, Mary?

My friend?

He took off.

This trick has been so terrible on me, I can't even... Look at this.

Just look at this.

I've got sand flea bites all over me.

Just look at this.

They're all over my stomach.

They're all the way down the front.

Look at the single little clue down here.

It's just awful.

It's just terrible.

Terrible.

We're not gonna have long to talk, gentlemen.

I want to take care of the bites on the lady's stomach right away.

We have nothing to talk about.

All I was gonna suggest, Colonel, is that you

might like to go across the border with us.

Me?

Why?

Well, after what happened on Devil's Island.

I think that you might be in even a little more trouble with the federales.

It would never have happened he hadn't talked to me

into arresting that woman and talked you into it.

Bought you, you mean.

Are you accusing the good Colonel here of accepting a bribe?

You're damn right I am.

Well, now that's a real serious charge.

Now that could mean Devil's Island for him if that could be proved.

On the other hand, it could be Devil's Island for the one who falsely accused him.

Now that could be proved real easy.

How?

Me.

I'm an impartial witness.

I saw you refuse a bribe from this man.

Uh, listen.

Here.

Write it out here.

Then go in peace.

I'll take care of the rest.

Now listen, you can't!

It'll kill me on that island.

You need to avoid it.

Write out a complete and detailed account of Farrell's dealings.

He'd kill me.

Well, the government wouldn't let that happen to their star witness.

Look, Seamus, maybe we can...

Let's make a deal.

I just did.

Now you take your choice.

Me in San Quentin, or the Colonel in Devil's Island.

You know, for a stuntman, your dialogue was pretty convincing.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You know, maybe it's time I took a look at those flea bites.

Oh!

You're pretty brave when there's no water around, aren't you?

Come here.

Colt, I was afraid you weren't gonna show up for the last shot in the picture.

Well, you know, I've never missed a stunt.

Yeah, well, after two weeks, we were beginning to give up hope.

Well, you know how it is when you're talking over old times.

Yeah, I know how that is.

In fact, that reminds me of a time that I was in

Wyoming with Colt, and we got stuck in a snowstorm.

Hey, kid, that's not the old times we met.

I guess I'm gonna be off now.

Where to?

Uh, Oklahoma.

What for?

My teaching credentials.

Well, they've been gathering dust long enough, I think.

Well, that's so far away.

Yeah, it is.

Too bad you're not gonna be around anymore.

Yes, it is.

Yeah, we all have to stumble to the sound of our own drummer.

I thank you.

Thank you.

You know, it's been a long time since high school,

but you still throw the best pass I have ever seen.