subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Saturday.Night.Live.UK.S01E05.Nicola.Coughlan.-.Foo.Fighters.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-RAWR_track3_[eng]

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek Download

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal)

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:11,679 Welcome back to "Who Wants to Remain a Millionaire?" 2 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:18,599 I'm your host, fake farmer and real asshole, Jeremy Clarkson. 3 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,679 Let's bring out our contestant for tonight. 4 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,359 You hate him, I hate him. 5 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:26,079 It's Prime Minister Keir Starmer. 6 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,279 It's great to be here, Jeremy. 7 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:38,359 Great to have you here, Sir Keir. 8 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:39,759 Now, let's play. 9 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,599 We start with your first and indeed only question. 10 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:51,399 Is it ever a good ideaú to give Peter Mandelson a job? 11 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:56,799 Is it A, no, B, of course not, C, not 12 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:04,519 ú in a million years, or D, yes. 13 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:07,279 It's a tricky one. 14 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,679 Jeremy, I think I'm going to have 15 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:11,239 ú to use a lifeline on this one. 16 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:12,679 Can I ask the audience? 17 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:13,359 OK. 18 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,759 Audience, on your keypads, please. 19 00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:18,119 Is it ever a good idea to give pedophile, 20 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:22,759 a Jason Bond villain, Peter Mandelson, a job. 21 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,199 Vote now. 22 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:27,519 Pretty comprehensive. 23 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,759 What do you make of that, Sir Keir? 24 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,399 I'll be honest, Jeremy. 25 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,359 I'm leaning towards D. 26 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:37,639 But seeing that has put a seed of doubt in my mind. 27 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,279 I'd like to use another lifeline. 28 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:42,479 Really? 29 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:43,199 Yes. 30 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,159 50/50, please, Jeremy. 31 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:45,719 OK. 32 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:53,599 Computer, can you loseú two wrong answers, please? 33 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,559 Oh, gosh. 34 00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:59,599 This looks so much easier at home. 35 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:04,199 But-- but-- 36 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:06,319 But-- but Jeremy-- 37 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:12,679 @ But I'm afraid I'm just notúbeing presented with the facts. 38 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,759 @ I think I'm going to have to phone a friend. 39 00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:16,479 OK. 40 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,039 Sir Keir, who are you going to call? 41 00:02:18,040 --> 00:02:22,239 I'd like to call Peter Mandelson. 42 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,039 Here goes. 43 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,559 ú Let's hope he has the answer. 44 00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,279 Hello. 45 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:30,119 Hi, Peter. 46 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:31,079 Jeremy Clarkson here. 47 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,479 I've got Sir Keir with me, he needs your help. 48 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:36,399 úSir Keir, your time starts now. 49 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:37,199 Hi, Peter. 50 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:40,239 First things first, how have you been? 51 00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:43,119 ú- Frighteningly well, Sir Keir. 52 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,079 How may I be of service? 53 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:45,759 10 seconds left. 54 00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:46,799 ú - Peter, I am being rushed. 55 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:52,639 @ So I have to ask, is it everú a good idea to give you a job? 56 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:53,759 Me? 57 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:54,719 A job? 58 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:58,279 ú I'd be careful if I were you. 59 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,599 Oh, Peter, you'll have me going in a minute. 60 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,719 úHe's a cheeky monkey, that one. 61 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:16,279 Well, Sir Keir, did that help? 62 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,239 I'm afraid not. 63 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,079 ú Time to use another lifeline. 64 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:21,039 Let's go. 65 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,119 50/50 again. 66 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,679 You know what? I'll allow it. 67 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:31,199 Computer. 68 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,639 OK, Jeremy. 69 00:03:32,640 --> 00:03:34,079 I have my answer. 70 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,239 I know it's not conventional, but 71 00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:40,599 @I'd actually like to bring backú one of the previous options 72 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:45,599 because I'm going to go with D, final answer. 73 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,439 Are you totally sure? 74 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:52,279 Oh, never. 75 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:53,559 I am sorry, Sir Keir. 76 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:56,159 I'm afraid the correct answer was C. 77 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:57,079 Oh, Jeremy. 78 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:01,159 It's clear to me now that was the wrong decision. 79 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:07,199 Would I make the same decision again, knowing what I know now? 80 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,999 Quite possibly. 81 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,679 But that doesn't change the fact that-- 82 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:16,079 Live from London, it's "Saturday Night." 83 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:37,119 It's "Saturday Night Live" with Hammed Amimashaun. 84 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:44,199 Ayoade Bamgboye. 85 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:50,479 Larry Dean. 86 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:56,639 Celeste Dring. 87 00:04:56,640 --> 00:05:02,720 George Fouracres. 88 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:08,519 Ania Magliano. 89 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:14,079 Annabel Marlow. 90 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:19,319 Al Nash. 91 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:25,679 Jack Shep. 92 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:33,359 Emma Sidi. 93 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:39,679 Paddy Young. 94 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:46,319 ú Musical guest, Foo Fighters. 95 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:50,159 úAnd your host, Nicola Coughlan. 96 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:02,239 Ladies and gentlemen, Nicola Coughlan. 97 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,519 Oh. 98 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:16,559 Thank you! 99 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:17,479 Thank you so much. 100 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,319 I am Nicola Coughlan, and I am so excited to be 101 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,199 here hosting what is increasingly 102 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:27,199 becoming "SNL UK and Ireland." 103 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,999 So you might know me from "Derry Girls," 104 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:31,559 where I played a schoolgirl who came out as a lesbian, 105 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,399 or "Big Mood," where I played a writer who came out as bipolar, 106 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,039 or "Bridgerton," where I played an aristocrat 107 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:42,359 who came out as a messy bitch who lives for drama. 108 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,039 Isn't at all like me in real life. 109 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:50,159 Jack Shep, yeah, he drank all of Emma's Sidi's Banana Yazoo. 110 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:50,759 Shh. 111 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,479 Fun fact though, back when I had nothing but dreams, 112 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,679 I actually used to sell frozen yogurt across the street. 113 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:57,559 It's a true story. 114 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:02,599 But since I'm rich and famous now, someone gets it for me. 115 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,079 Two scoops of berry blast. 116 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,639 Not now, minion. 117 00:07:05,640 --> 00:07:08,679 But I have to say, being here is such a dream come true. 118 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:10,159 I am an "SNL" superfan. 119 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,199 I can't believe I get to stand on this famous set 120 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,279 where some of the most talented entertainers 121 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:17,519 have stood, like Tina Fey or Jamie Dornan 122 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,559 or me five weeks ago. 123 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:24,079 Yeah, I was here on that very first ever episode of "SNL UK" 124 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:27,159 last month, where I got to live every man's dream-- 125 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,639 shouting at a female comedian on television. 126 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:33,679 This evening, I really wanted to recreate the magic 127 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,359 of the original 1970s "SNL." 128 00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:40,759 So to prepare, I have consumed a staggering amount of cocaine. 129 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:44,039 Honestly, I could knock out a horse. 130 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,079 But look, it's an honor to be hosting. 131 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:48,479 It sort of feels like I manifested it somehow. 132 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:52,319 It's almost like this place is like magic. 133 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,719 That's because it is. 134 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,639 It's "SNL" royalty, Jimmy Fallon. 135 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:08,319 Yeah, thanks for having me. 136 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:10,199 Sorry, can you repeat your name? 137 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:11,439 It's very tricky to pronounce. 138 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:12,519 Yeah, of course. 139 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,639 It's Nicola. 140 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:16,720 God, I love the British sense of humor. 141 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:18,279 I'm Irish, Jimmy. 142 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:19,720 Educate yourself. 143 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:21,119 Hey, educate yourself. 144 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:23,679 My great, great grandpa is from Ireland. 145 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:27,199 Oh, you speak Irish? 146 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,119 Well, what region was that from? 147 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:29,719 Duolingo. 148 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,719 Oh, it is beautiful there. 149 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,559 But, like, as much fun as this is, can I-- can 150 00:08:34,560 --> 00:08:35,719 I just get back to hosting? 151 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,399 Yeah, well, that's why I'm here, Nicola, 152 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,239 to teach you the biggest secret of "SNL" 153 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,599 that no one wants you to know. 154 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,399 Oh, which is? 155 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:45,039 Well, don't tell anyone, but it's live. 156 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:48,119 Yeah, they don't really try to hide that, Jimmy. 157 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:49,119 It's in the title. 158 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:50,239 No, you're not getting it. 159 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:51,199 It's actually live. 160 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,559 I mean, you could do whatever you want. 161 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,479 You can go wherever you want. You're the host. 162 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,519 They don't stop you. 163 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:56,559 What do you mean? 164 00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:57,519 What do I mean? 165 00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:58,719 Ben, give me some music. 166 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,559 You see, Nicola, we don't have to stay on this stage. 167 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,199 We can go into the audience. 168 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:05,359 Look at this beautiful crowd! 169 00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:06,239 Look at this man! 170 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,159 You can rub this man's hair if you like! 171 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,439 Why not? - I'm sorry. 172 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:10,159 Sorry. 173 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,159 I mean, look who it is, though? 174 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,279 Sir Paul McCartney himself! 175 00:09:13,280 --> 00:09:14,159 Oh, my goodness! 176 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:15,199 I can't believe he's here! 177 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,479 Jimmy, I don't think that's a Beatle. 178 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,239 Well, every American thinks everyone from England 179 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:19,719 is in The Beatles. - Oh, fair enough. 180 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:20,679 I get you. - Yeah. 181 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,039 - That's fine. - This is it. 182 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,239 Oh, my gosh! Look at this. 183 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,079 Paddy and Ania are getting ready for a "Weekend Update." 184 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,239 Give them some news. - Hey. 185 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,159 Jack Shep, he does his number twos in your dressing rooms. 186 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:30,999 Later, nerds! 187 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,399 That's what I'm talking about! 188 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,319 Start feeling the power! 189 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,359 - Jimmy, I'm getting it now. - Yes. 190 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:36,119 I'm the host! 191 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,279 I can do anything I want! 192 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,039 How do you like me now, London? 193 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:40,559 I mean, this is it. 194 00:09:40,560 --> 00:09:41,559 This is "SNL UK Live." 195 00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:44,599 When else can you hold up a copy of today's newspaper 196 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:45,559 and have it make sense? 197 00:09:45,560 --> 00:09:47,119 Do you know what I'm saying? 198 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:47,599 Yes! 199 00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,399 Jimmy, Jimmy, look, it's Dave Grohl. 200 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:50,039 Yeah. 201 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,279 Well, you should ask him to be best 202 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:52,639 friends because we're live. 203 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,279 He has to say yes. 204 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:55,760 Mr. Dave Grohl, sir. 205 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:56,599 Oh, hi. 206 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,679 Could we-- could we please be best friends? 207 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:00,559 Sure, why not? 208 00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:02,279 - Oh, yeah. - Yeah! 209 00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:02,880 Yeah! 210 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,279 See you later, bestie! 211 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,719 That was incredible! - Yeah, I'm telling you. 212 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:08,039 You've got it! You got it! 213 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,239 Oh, look, there's George. 214 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:11,759 Oh, hello, Jimmy Fallon. 215 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:17,079 And as for you, don't forget, it doesn't matter, 216 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:18,279 Nicola Coughlan! 217 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,279 None of this is real! 218 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,039 It is real, George Fouracres. 219 00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:22,800 I'm the host now. 220 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,199 And don't you forget it! 221 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,239 Ooh, gosh. 222 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:26,039 Oh, my goodness! 223 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,279 I broke it with my bare hands! 224 00:10:27,280 --> 00:10:28,559 You're really-- you're feeling 225 00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:30,199 this energy almost too much. - Yeah, I know. 226 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,519 It's like the cocaine is, like, really kicking in! 227 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:33,799 Oh, maybe that's what it is. 228 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,639 Maybe that's it. 229 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,439 Yeah, but either way, it's happening. 230 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:38,199 You can feel the energy. 231 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,359 Literally no one on stage. 232 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:40,719 Are we doing the show? 233 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:41,599 The show? 234 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,359 It's more about the show. 235 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:45,119 This is magic! 236 00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,559 Yeah, Jimmy, I can still see you. 237 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:51,599 - Oh, I'm sorry, sorry. - Come on, let's go, let's go! 238 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,439 Let's go! Let's start this show. 239 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:54,359 Let's go. 240 00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:58,119 Come on. 241 00:10:58,120 --> 00:10:58,839 Go, go, go! 242 00:10:58,840 --> 00:10:59,839 This is your night. 243 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,239 Show them what a great night we have. 244 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,159 Tell them the great news! This is your night! 245 00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:05,679 Go! 246 00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:07,119 We have got a great show for you 247 00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:09,039 tonight with music from the iconic Foo Fighters. 248 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,760 So stick around and enjoy this! 249 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:11,639 Yes! 250 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,519 Hey, guys, thank you so much for meeting with me today. 251 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:18,559 Anytime, Nicola Coughlan. 252 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:21,399 And can I just say, we loved your work 253 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,519 in "The Magic Faraway Tree." 254 00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,319 Oh, thank you. 255 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:26,719 Yes, you've done a real service to the classic books. 256 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,759 Oh, look, it's been an absolute privilege. 257 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,039 So what did you want to meet about? 258 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:33,239 Well, I have actually written a song for the movie. 259 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:34,039 Sorry, what? 260 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,199 You know, like Will Smith does. 261 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,439 Made like a lovely song for the end credits. 262 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,439 Oh, you shouldn't have. 263 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:39,719 Yeah, you've done more than enough 264 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:42,599 with your charming portrayal of Silky the elf. 265 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:43,799 Whoa, gosh. 266 00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,799 You haven't heard it yet. 267 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,319 ♪ It's the faraway tree ♪ 268 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,479 ♪ And its magic as [bleep] ♪ 269 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,279 ♪ Thick leaves, Nicky C, and a magical trunk ♪ 270 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,519 ♪ It's a big [bleep] tree ♪ 271 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:56,679 ú ♪ Gets a new land a day ♪ 272 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:57,799 ♪ And you think it's big now ♪ 273 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:00,199 ♪ Get this, it's far away! ♪ 274 00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,639 ♪ Hey, hey ♪ 275 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,119 ♪ Nicola Coughlan ♪ 276 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,559 ♪ I play a fairy named Silky ♪ 277 00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:06,679 ♪ I'm a little bit thotty ♪ 278 00:12:06,680 --> 00:12:09,239 ♪ It's based on a book by the bitch who did Noddy ♪ 279 00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:10,639 ú ♪ Magic realm in the clouds ♪ 280 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:11,759 ú♪ Yeah, this shit so exciting ♪ 281 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,759 ♪ A mind [bleep] fromú the twisted [bleep] thoughts ♪ 282 00:12:13,760 --> 00:12:14,759 ♪ of Enid Blyton ♪ 283 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:15,719 ♪ And I'm coming ♪ 284 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,039 ú ♪ And I'll steal your boy ♪ 285 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,199 ♪ When I'm rollin' with my homies Garfield and Foy ♪ 286 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,679 ♪ Yeah, there's Fran, Beth, and Joe ♪ 287 00:12:20,680 --> 00:12:21,759 ♪ Man, this family's sick ♪ 288 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:23,279 ♪ But in the book, Fran and Beth ♪ 289 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,679 ♪ are called Fanny and Dick! ♪ 290 00:12:24,680 --> 00:12:25,559 ♪ It's faraway ♪ 291 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,279 ♪ Oak, Birch, or a Sycamore ♪ 292 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,119 ♪ It's got a 93% Rotten Tomatoes score ♪ 293 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,079 ♪ Critics agree ♪ 294 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,279 ♪ Man, this movie's a blast ♪ 295 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,519 ♪ Except for "The Times" ♪ 296 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,799 ♪ You can eat my arse! ♪ 297 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:39,559 Wow. 298 00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:40,679 OK. 299 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,319 We love the enthusiasm. 300 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:43,119 Thank you. 301 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,239 It's not very Will Smithy, though, is it? 302 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:45,759 Oh. 303 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,239 It's more like Natalie Portman. 304 00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:48,159 I don't know her. 305 00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:50,559 We're just worried you're missing some of the family 306 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:51,799 friendly themes of the film. 307 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:57,439 You only mention how the tree is far away and [bleep] big. 308 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,519 Oh, I get you. I get you. 309 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,159 So, like, the song should be a bit more about, 310 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,759 like, my experience filming the filming a movie? 311 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:03,679 We didn't say-- 312 00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:04,759 ♪ It was filmed already ♪ 313 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,319 ♪ And I don't mean to be cocky ♪ 314 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:07,599 ♪ But on the set there was a lady ♪ 315 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:08,719 ♪ Who would bring me a coffee ♪ 316 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,759 ♪ And I gave up meals ♪ 317 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:11,039 ♪ The snacks were infinite ♪ 318 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,239 ♪ Have you ever seen a tree ♪ 319 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,639 ♪ With [bleep] elves living in it! ♪ 320 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:15,559 Well, they would have. 321 00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:18,599 If this song were to be in the credits, they, the audience, 322 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,119 would have just seen a big tree with elves living in it. 323 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:24,239 Why is there so much stuff about the on set catering? 324 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:25,639 I just remember when we were filming, 325 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,760 there was lots of really delicious snacks, OK? 326 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,359 I think we've heard enough. 327 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,319 Ah-duh-duh-duh. 328 00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:31,759 You haven't heard the guest verse. 329 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:32,639 Who's the guest verse? 330 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:33,679 ♪ My name is Keith ♪ 331 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:34,759 ú ♪ I did the on set catering ♪ 332 00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:38,159 ♪ For when the cast and crew's energy is wavering ♪ 333 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,199 ♪ Anything they need ♪ 334 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,359 ♪ You knew I would get it ♪ 335 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:42,759 @ ♪ Hey, look, here's my motherú [bleep] name in the credits ♪ 336 00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,199 ♪ It's the faraway tree ♪ 337 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,239 ♪ And it's madness ♪ 338 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,439 ♪ On the final shooting day ♪ 339 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:47,599 ú ♪ We had an ice cream truck ♪ 340 00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:49,519 ♪ It lifted morale for the cast and crew ♪ 341 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:53,759 @ ♪ Of the movie from the bitchú who wrote "Paddington 2" ♪ 342 00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:57,479 Well, thank you so much, Nicola. 343 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:58,679 Featuring Keith. 344 00:13:58,680 --> 00:13:59,359 Yep. 345 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,599 And of course, Keith from catering. 346 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,519 We actually started dating on the movie "Anna." 347 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:06,359 Let me tell you, things got pretty freaky. 348 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:07,239 ♪ Whoa! ♪ 349 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:08,559 No, don't please. 350 00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:09,399 That's enough. 351 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,199 I can tell that's gonna be explicit. 352 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:50,359 Guys, we literally have nothing. 353 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:52,199 Where the hell are we gonna find a story? 354 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,719 We go to print in three hours! 355 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:54,679 I don't understand. 356 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,239 It's like no one has insane anecdotes anymore. 357 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,679 We're just gonna have to face it, gang. 358 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:01,079 This is the end of "What a Life" 359 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:05,279 Magazine, Morrison's 71st best-selling 360 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,159 bimonthly publication. 361 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,399 God! 362 00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,319 Don't say that. 363 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,439 We can still turn this around. - How? 364 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:12,559 You know how. 365 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:13,439 No! 366 00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,519 Becky, we can't. 367 00:15:14,520 --> 00:15:16,399 We said we wouldn't do that anymore. 368 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:17,719 But it's our only hope. 369 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,639 It works every time. 370 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:20,439 She's right. 371 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:21,759 We're gonna have to do it. 372 00:15:21,760 --> 00:15:23,639 We're gonna have to talk to-- 373 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,039 Paula in accounts. 374 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,079 Good day, Paula. 375 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:33,759 Did you get up to much last night? 376 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:38,079 Oh, you know, dinner, telly, having 377 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:40,239 sex with my neighbor's ghost! 378 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,479 Come on! 379 00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:44,519 Oh, that's lovely. 380 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,039 What's his name? 381 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:46,559 Frank! 382 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:49,519 Died of fatty liver disease 14 years ago. 383 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:53,159 His favorite drink was liquidated pork! 384 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,479 And do you guys have good chemistry? 385 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,759 Oh, as much as any woman and the ghost 386 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,639 of a dead Argos manager can! 387 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,559 You know, he reads me in the catalog after we've made love! 388 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,079 I like the toaster page. 389 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:07,039 This is perfect. 390 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,039 Let me write this down. 391 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:09,559 Why? 392 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:13,519 You're not putting me in your magazine again, are ya? 393 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:14,679 Oh, my god. 394 00:16:14,680 --> 00:16:15,359 What? 395 00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:16,719 No, no, we'd never do that. 396 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:18,199 We're just chatting about having 397 00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,719 sex with paranormal beings like any group of colleagues do. 398 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:23,119 You're the office accountant. 399 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:24,999 You're the funniest person here. 400 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,279 Which reminds me, you had any good celebrity 401 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:29,759 encounters recently? 402 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:30,439 No. 403 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,519 Well, not unless you count the Ross Kemp thing. 404 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:35,359 What's that? 405 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:38,719 He ran me over four times this morning! 406 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:39,599 Four? 407 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,679 Yeah, I know! 408 00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,239 We was laughing by the third. 409 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,079 He bought me a Twix in The Wild Bean Cafe. 410 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:48,519 Then he backed over me again in the food court. 411 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:49,759 Did you get a picture together? 412 00:16:49,760 --> 00:16:55,199 Nah, but he signed my bag in elbow blood. 413 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:55,880 Oh, nice. 414 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:57,439 Let me get a snap of that. 415 00:16:57,440 --> 00:16:58,239 Oh, I knew it. 416 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,999 You are putting me in your magazine again. 417 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,319 We're not, Paula. 418 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:03,319 We never have. 419 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:04,199 Oh, come off it! 420 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,439 Do you think I was born yesterday? 421 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:07,679 I saw last month's! 422 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:11,719 Remember, when I grew an extra mouth after spilling 423 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,279 baby bio on me chin! 424 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:15,479 Perhaps you forgot about the issue 425 00:17:15,480 --> 00:17:19,079 before, when I went to Turkey and 426 00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,079 accidentally married a goat! 427 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:25,279 You may recall this one, when I had an allergic reaction 428 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:27,319 to chlorine that made me look exactly 429 00:17:27,320 --> 00:17:29,760 like Anthony Costa from Blue. 430 00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,679 I filmed an episode of "Celebrity Tipping Point" 431 00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:33,439 that week. 432 00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:37,079 I won 5,000 for a dolphin charity. 433 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:40,239 They repeated that episode on ITV Quiz the other night. 434 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:41,479 You did so good. 435 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:42,439 Yes! 436 00:17:42,440 --> 00:17:43,199 Thank you! 437 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,639 Judge Rinder's thick as shit, ain't he? 438 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,359 Well, guess what I'm trying to say is-- 439 00:17:47,360 --> 00:17:50,079 You just want to talk to us as colleagues. 440 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,399 Yeah, we respect your privacy and don't put everything 441 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:55,439 you say in over 300 issues of a magazine. 442 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,759 Or Photoshop you with a bucket of cement 443 00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:58,719 stuck to your foot. 444 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:01,519 Yeah, exactly! 'Cause if you ask nicely, 445 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,199 I'd let you take a picture! 446 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,199 Sorry, Paula, your life is just mad. 447 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:07,800 I know. 448 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:11,399 Not many people have had 47 anal probes! 449 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,519 God knows what those aliens are looking for up there. 450 00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,039 But I hope to god they find it! 451 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,719 All right, cup of tea? 452 00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,439 Yeah. Cup of tea. 453 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,679 Yeah, that'd be great. 454 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,039 Thanks. 455 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,279 Well, what are we gonna do if we 456 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:26,359 can't print her stuff anymore? 457 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,599 We're gonna to have to close the magazine down. 458 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,679 I know it means we'll all lose our jobs, 459 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,039 but it's the right thing to do. 460 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,319 Agreed? - Agreed. 461 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,439 - Agreed. - Yeah. 462 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:37,159 Oh, my God! 463 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,079 Guys! 464 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:40,599 I've had triplets! 465 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:42,519 I didn't even know I was pregnant. 466 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,439 Oh, not again. 467 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,639 Sonny, call the printers. 468 00:18:50,640 --> 00:18:52,439 We'll have an issue in an hour! 469 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,159 Beam me up, you bastards. 470 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,639 Let's get this over with. 471 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:12,119 I can never find anything in this thing. 472 00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:13,079 Been there, girl. 473 00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,199 Have you tried a bag organizer? 474 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,039 A bag organizer? 475 00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:17,639 You heard. 476 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,399 With my Ship Shape bag insert, I can find 477 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,439 ú anything at a moment's notice. 478 00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,639 Thanks to the Shipú Shape's lightweight feel, 479 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,719 @ structured lining, and 12 handy compartments, 480 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,720 I have my whole life at my fingertips. 481 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,599 That's enough out of you, bitch. 482 00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,519 For the woman on the go, bag organizers 483 00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:39,759 are costly and ineffective. 484 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:42,239 Plus, they make you look like you think you're better 485 00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:44,159 than me, which you're not. 486 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:50,760 That's why I put my trust in Big Horrid Clump. 487 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,039 Big Horrid Clump is the effortless storage solution 488 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,639 for fun girls, messy girls, girls 489 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,599 with complicated friendship groups, water damaged 490 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,679 passports, and infections. 491 00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:06,079 Since I gave myself over to Big Horrid Clump, 492 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:11,239 my possessions have never been so in a clump. 493 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:26,759 What's in my clump? 494 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:27,679 Who's the daddy? 495 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,279 There's no way of knowing. 496 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:30,479 It was an orgy. 497 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,679 Oh. 498 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,439 I hope it's yogurt. 499 00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:38,599 It's all in the slump. 500 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:42,199 Big Horrid Clump is the only bag organization system 501 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,719 that does the work for you. 502 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:44,800 Got a load of crap? 503 00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:45,639 Got a bag? 504 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:49,759 Just toss it all in there and let the clump times roll. 505 00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,319 But doesn't that ultimately make your life harder? 506 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,799 Yeah, what if you need something 507 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,199 from inside the clump? 508 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,199 What then? 509 00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:57,199 I don't know. 510 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:05,759 I don't know. 511 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:10,279 Big Horrid Clump. 512 00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:15,079 It is big, it is horrid, and it is a clump. 513 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:18,039 We don't know why we do it or how to stop it, 514 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:19,759 but if we start tugging at that thread-- 515 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:22,759 We're terrified of the hell we'll unleash. 516 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,119 Something bit me. 517 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,479 No. 518 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,359 Oh, no! 519 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,519 This is where the plague started! 520 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:05,760 Hello, I'm Darcey Grip. 521 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:08,039 And I'm Zoe Boast, and welcome back 522 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,239 ú to QVC's The Jewelry Store. 523 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,599 Today, we're delighted to be joined by our brand ambassador 524 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,279 for sparkle gems, Kirsty Frap. 525 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:16,439 How are you, Kirsty? 526 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:17,239 I'm good. 527 00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,079 It's so lovely to be back, ladies. 528 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:20,719 Oh, it's lovely to have you back. 529 00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:21,599 We've missed you. 530 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,079 Oh, well, it's actually because I've 531 00:22:23,080 --> 00:22:25,199 @ had a few personal issues which have kept me away. 532 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:27,159 - I'm sorry to hear that. - That's OK. 533 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,399 Oh, I hope everything's all right. 534 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:33,079 It really is, and I'm so excited to be here today 535 00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:37,239 to show off this fabulous new collection of gemstone 536 00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:38,039 stacking rings. 537 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,399 I'm just looking at these pieces, Kirsty, 538 00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:41,439 and I'm just thinking they are simply stunning. 539 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,719 I'm thinking the exact same thing, Zoe. 540 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,559 @ I'm looking at-- and just thinking, how gorgeous. 541 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:46,479 Absolutely. 542 00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:47,800 That's it, ladies. 543 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:48,639 That's it. 544 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,079 And if we take a closer look, you 545 00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:54,439 can see that these stacking rings just-- 546 00:22:54,440 --> 00:23:03,039 encapsulate the glittering prestige at the heart 547 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,479 of the Le Sparkle brand. 548 00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:07,439 That really is a beautiful piece. 549 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:09,399 - What's wrong with your-- - Hey. 550 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,519 What's-- 551 00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:12,279 Now is-- 552 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:13,479 What's wrong with my what? 553 00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,359 Now, is that gemstone sapphire? 554 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:17,599 Yeah, it's actually tanzanite. 555 00:23:17,600 --> 00:23:18,439 Tanzanite. 556 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,159 Yeah, it's tanzanite. 557 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:23,559 And you can just see it twinkle there. 558 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:24,399 I love-- 559 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:25,759 I love a stacking ring. 560 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,079 Why is it so long? 561 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:28,759 The finger-- 562 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:29,719 I'm so sorry. 563 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,639 It grew, OK? 564 00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:33,319 It grew. 565 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:38,359 That's the personal issue that I've been dealing with. 566 00:23:38,360 --> 00:23:40,399 Now it's taken me a lot of courage 567 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:44,479 to come back here and do this job, but I'm here, 568 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,399 and I'm doing it. - Have you been to the doctor? 569 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:52,479 No. 570 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:53,719 Not yet. 571 00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:55,319 Why-- And that's because I've moved 572 00:23:55,320 --> 00:24:00,319 house because of the rats, so I need to register with a new GP. 573 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,519 It's a whole thing. 574 00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:04,159 Anyway-- 575 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:05,759 Sorry, Kirsty, as you were saying. 576 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,519 Anyway. 577 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:08,479 It's OK. 578 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:09,359 It's all right. 579 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,399 So I'd like to now show you some 580 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:15,439 of these breathtaking pieces from the new summer 581 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:16,439 collection, OK? 582 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:21,199 Now the detail on these is simply stunning. 583 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,239 Oh, my God. 584 00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:23,039 Jesus Christ. 585 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,599 They are-- they're beautiful pieces. 586 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,199 Oh, my God. 587 00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,639 What's wrong with that hand? 588 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:30,479 I don't know. 589 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,519 What do you mean, you don't know? 590 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,359 Sorry, I don't know. 591 00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:37,719 So with this hand, yes. 592 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,239 Yes, I was aware. 593 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:42,519 This one, no. 594 00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,159 Should I call 111? 595 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:47,199 Yes, please. 596 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:47,759 Right. 597 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,199 Now what-- what was I saying? 598 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:52,359 Um, so I think the detail is just stunning. 599 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:53,239 Yeah, that's it. 600 00:24:53,240 --> 00:25:00,240 The detail-- the detail is simply stunning. 601 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:04,719 What is wrong with my fucking hand? 602 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,439 Yeah, the detail is unbelievable. 603 00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:11,319 And-- and this can now be yours for an incredible-- well, 604 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,359 ú it's 2 pounds now, plus-- 605 00:25:13,360 --> 00:25:15,759 ú plus-- it's a great price. 606 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,399 ú - I don't have any signal. 607 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:18,199 That's OK. 608 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:21,159 I think I'm losing consciousness now. 609 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,999 Oh, well, thank you so much for dropping by, Kirsty. 610 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,679 Hopefully we won't have to wait too long 611 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:27,679 till we see you next time. 612 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,159 I reckon it's going to be another big gap 613 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,679 ú before we ever see her again. 614 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,159 Oh, it will, won't it? 615 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:33,679 Yeah. 616 00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:34,719 So join us after the break. 617 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,479 We'll be attempting to flog you a neck Jacuzzi. 618 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:38,319 That's right. 619 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,039 It's a Jacuzzi for your neck, and it ain't cheap. 620 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:42,079 See you in a mo. 621 00:25:57,240 --> 00:26:00,439 Ladies and gentlemen, Foo Fighters. 622 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:12,319 ♪ Do I? ♪ ♪ Do I? ♪ 623 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,039 ♪ Here comes a test ♪ 624 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,639 ♪ Of a broken broadcast system ♪ 625 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,199 ♪ Consider this an evaluation ♪ 626 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:24,999 ♪ Of my hallucinations ♪ 627 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:28,359 ♪ But this is not a jest ♪ 628 00:26:28,360 --> 00:26:31,199 ♪ This is a conversation ♪ 629 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:34,559 ♪ I got another proposition ♪ 630 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:40,519 ♪ Only under one condition ♪ 631 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:46,519 ♪ I got caught in the echo again ♪ 632 00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:52,639 ♪ From side to side to side to side ♪ 633 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:58,800 ♪ I've been caught in the echo again ♪ 634 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:05,119 ♪ Decide decide decide decide ♪ 635 00:27:05,120 --> 00:27:06,479 ♪ Do I? ♪ ♪ Do I? ♪ 636 00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,679 ♪ Do I? ♪ 637 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,639 ♪ Here comes the crash ♪ 638 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:15,039 ♪ I'm moving in two directions ♪ 639 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,079 ♪ I move in conversation ♪ 640 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:21,279 ♪ Waiting for intersection ♪ 641 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,159 ♪ I wanna take it back ♪ 642 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,159 ♪ Nobody here is truly free ♪ 643 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:30,679 ♪ Consider this an emancipation ♪ 644 00:27:30,680 --> 00:27:34,759 ♪ From all of my confusion ♪ 645 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:42,639 ♪ I've been caught in the echo again ♪ 646 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:48,679 ♪ From side to side to side to side ♪ 647 00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:54,599 ♪ I've been caught in the echo again ♪ 648 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:58,439 ♪ From side to side to side to side ♪ 649 00:27:58,440 --> 00:27:59,760 ♪ Do I? ♪ ♪ Do I? ♪ 650 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:03,159 ♪ Do I? ♪ ♪ Do I? ♪ 651 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:06,399 ♪ I've been caught in the echo ♪ 652 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:13,359 ♪ Sometimes you just gotta let go ♪ 653 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:38,039 ♪ Some things you can't divide ♪ 654 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,439 ♪ Some things you can't define ♪ 655 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:45,239 ♪ Sometimes you can't decide ♪ 656 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,759 ♪ Do I? ♪ 657 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:51,239 ♪ Some things you can't divide ♪ 658 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:54,679 ♪ Some things you can't define ♪ 659 00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:58,399 ♪ Sometimes you can't decide ♪ 660 00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:01,119 ♪ Do I? ♪ 661 00:29:01,120 --> 00:29:04,279 ♪ Some things you can't divide ♪ 662 00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,559 ♪ Some things you can't define ♪ 663 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:11,359 ♪ Sometimes you can't decide ♪ 664 00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,039 ♪ Do I? ♪ 665 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:17,199 ♪ Some things you can't divide ♪ 666 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,599 ♪ Some things you can't define ♪ 667 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:24,359 ♪ Sometimes you can't decide ♪ 668 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:25,720 ♪ Do I? ♪ 669 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,439 ♪ Do I? ♪ 670 00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:54,439 ♪ Some things you can't divide ♪ 671 00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:57,639 ♪ Some things you can't define ♪ 672 00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:01,159 ♪ Sometimes you can't decide ♪ 673 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,599 ♪ Do I? ♪ 674 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,639 ♪ Some things you can't divide ♪ 675 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,760 ♪ Some things you can't define ♪ 676 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:13,359 ♪ Sometimes you can't decide ♪ 677 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:18,239 ♪ Do I? ♪ 678 00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:52,519 It's Weekend Update with Ania Magliano and Paddy Young. 679 00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,239 Good evening! 680 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:02,239 And welcome to Weekend Update. 681 00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:03,119 I'm Paddy Young. 682 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,119 And I'm Ania Magliano. 683 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,519 This week, the scandal surrounding the vetting 684 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:13,639 of Peter Mandelson, seen here repurposing his gimp leash, 685 00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,159 has engulfed prime Minister Keir Starmer. 686 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,319 Starmer and Mandelson-- it's the age old story of man 687 00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:24,519 meets man, man meets pedophile, pedophile meets pedophile meets 688 00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:26,599 pedophile meets pedophile. 689 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,759 Man doesn't vet man properly. 690 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,039 Man has to resign. 691 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:31,239 Other man ought to resign. 692 00:31:31,240 --> 00:31:35,599 Main pedophile still secretly alive in Tel Aviv. 693 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,639 It's a tale as old as time. 694 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:38,679 And it's hard for Starmer. 695 00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:41,519 Imagine knowing your colleague is a massive creep, 696 00:31:41,520 --> 00:31:43,479 but you continue working with him anyway 697 00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:44,800 so you can keep your career. 698 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:51,559 We call it the Matt Lucas dilemma. 699 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,159 As a result of the Mandelson fallout, 700 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:58,439 civil servant Olly Robbins has been sacked. 701 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,359 No! 702 00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:01,719 Not Olly Robbins. 703 00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,119 Sir Oliver Robbins, permanent under-secretary 704 00:32:05,120 --> 00:32:06,399 of state for foreign, commonwealth and 705 00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:10,760 developmental affairs in the United Kingdom! 706 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,319 Who's that? 707 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:15,479 Yep, the mood is now so low in number 10 708 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,119 that Starmer has resorted to confidence building exercises. 709 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:20,759 You know the one where you stand on a chair full 710 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:29,039 backwards with your eyes closed and just hope the noose holds. 711 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,319 All this comes after allegations 712 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:33,359 that Peter Mandelson leaked secrets to a pedophile. 713 00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:36,799 But what we're forgetting is that pedophiles are famously 714 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,399 good at keeping secrets. 715 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,479 It's their whole thing. 716 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:47,079 Well, not their whole thing. 717 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:48,799 Donald Trump has yet again extended 718 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,799 the ceasefire with Iran until peace talks conclude. 719 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:54,639 It's the third time this month that he has backed off 720 00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:56,199 from escalating the conflict. 721 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:57,559 Well, at least after being on the cusp 722 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,759 of nuclear war so many times, when it finally comes, 723 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:05,079 it's going to feel amazing. 724 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:07,599 The Iran war has caused the price of condoms 725 00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:11,999 to go up by 30% due to global trade issues. 726 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:12,599 Oh, good. 727 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,319 I can't wait to hear the phrase, 728 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,439 sorry babe, I actually can't wear one, 729 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:20,279 it's the Strait of Hormuz. 730 00:33:20,280 --> 00:33:22,279 I don't mind there being a condom shortage 731 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:30,479 because I have a penis shortage. 732 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:32,439 In a video celebrating what would have been Queen 733 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:36,319 Elizabeth's 100th birthday, King Charles said that his late 734 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:38,079 mother would have been deeply troubled by much 735 00:33:38,080 --> 00:33:45,719 in the modern world, because in the modern world, she's dead. 736 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:48,799 In the video, Charles celebrated his mother's legacy, 737 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,159 and we can all agree, the queen was a figure of courage and 738 00:33:52,160 --> 00:33:53,800 dignity right up until the end, when 739 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:59,519 Paddington Bear, Death's tiny henchman, came to collect her. 740 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:03,119 The Peruvian king of the underworld offered her his paw 741 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,719 and escorted her to heaven, where they reigned 742 00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:08,159 together for all eternity. 743 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,079 Happy birthday, Mom. 744 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:12,759 This week, former entertainer and 745 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:16,679 entertainer of sick formers, Russell Brand, 746 00:34:16,680 --> 00:34:19,439 has announced he's running for London mayor. 747 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,719 And the London mayor is running away. 748 00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:24,399 As part of his publicity drive, 749 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,079 Russell Brand was interviewed by Piers Morgan 750 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,599 yesterday in a show I'm affectionately 751 00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:35,279 calling Women's Suicide Hour. 752 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:38,519 The NHS is under fire again, with Wes Streeting 753 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,359 commenting that female patients feel ignored. 754 00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:43,319 Here to comment on the NHS endemic failure 755 00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:47,399 in listening to women is the woman who can't be ignored! 756 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:53,199 I am the woman who can't be ignored. 757 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:53,799 Don't. 758 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:54,719 Don't even try it. 759 00:34:54,720 --> 00:34:56,599 You, don't. Come on, boy. 760 00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:57,599 Don't look away. 761 00:34:57,600 --> 00:34:58,599 Don't do it. 762 00:34:58,600 --> 00:34:59,639 Don't do it! 763 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:01,279 Sorry, what was your name? 764 00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:06,079 Jenny Hesselbo. 765 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:07,399 Hi, Jenny. Oh, wow. 766 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:08,719 You really can't be ignored. 767 00:35:08,720 --> 00:35:09,559 I know, babe. 768 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,679 ♪ The minute I walk in the joint, da-da ♪ 769 00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:15,519 Now, I don't know the rest of the words, 770 00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,159 but you try ignoring that intro. 771 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,079 It's electric. 772 00:35:20,080 --> 00:35:23,199 How would you advise other women to not be ignored? 773 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:23,759 Right. 774 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,599 Big hats and loud farts. 775 00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:27,719 Then own up to these farts. 776 00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:33,599 You say, don't look at him, it was me, I made the fart. 777 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,479 And so when it comes to the NHS, 778 00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:38,039 how do you get a doctor to really listen to you? 779 00:35:38,040 --> 00:35:38,679 Yeah, yeah. 780 00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,599 So, Paddy, when I go to the GP, I knock on the doctor's door, 781 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,719 tappity tap, tap, tap, tap. 782 00:35:43,720 --> 00:35:44,519 Unusual rhythm. 783 00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:47,119 Their interest is piqued. 784 00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:50,759 Then I enter the room like this, I go, right. 785 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:54,599 And I look the doctor square in the eyes and I say, what's up, 786 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:58,199 doc, 'cause this is looking absolutely insane. 787 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,720 Then I whip my pants off, or maybe I get my foot out 788 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,399 and I say, look at this, you git. 789 00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:08,239 Or, or, perhaps I'll dance around in my knickknacks 790 00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:10,439 and I'll say, oh, doctor, it burns, 791 00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,719 you know, something exciting. 792 00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:16,519 Then I say, write me a prescription, you quack! 793 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:20,599 I bloody dare you, you bastard. 794 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:21,559 And does that work? 795 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,079 Well, they write me a prescription for something, 796 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:25,039 if you get my driftle. 797 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,599 ♪ Don't tell me how to live ♪ 798 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,199 ♪ Just sit and putter ♪ 799 00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,599 Hey, hey. 800 00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:31,239 Hey. 801 00:36:31,240 --> 00:36:34,319 The point is this, right? 802 00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,399 I am the-- the point is this-- 803 00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:41,479 I am the woman who the NHS cannot ignore. 804 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:42,159 Jenny? 805 00:36:42,160 --> 00:36:43,439 ♪ What now, my love! ♪ 806 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,439 Jenny, do you think maybe the fact 807 00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:50,319 you're a middle class white woman helps you not be ignored? 808 00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,079 Yeah, it will also be that. 809 00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:54,439 Jenny, we've run out of time. 810 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:55,399 Paddy, Paddy listen. 811 00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:56,519 ♪ This is a man's world ♪ 812 00:36:56,520 --> 00:37:01,239 ♪ But it'd be nothing without a woman or a girl ♪ 813 00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:01,719 Whoa. 814 00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:05,239 Jenny Hesselbo, the woman who can't be ignored, everybody. 815 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:19,720 The new Michael Jackson biopic 816 00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,119 has been released in cinemas nationwide. 817 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:28,279 It's the first ever film to be rated 12 and under. 818 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,479 The intended third act of the Jackson biopic, 819 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,239 which was to depict the sexual abuse allegations, 820 00:37:33,240 --> 00:37:35,239 has been scrapped for legal reasons, 821 00:37:35,240 --> 00:37:38,559 leaving something short and underdeveloped. 822 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:44,239 It's what he would have wanted. 823 00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:45,719 Kasha Sanderson of Bristol, has 824 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:49,479 been jailed for nine years for smuggling military grade 825 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,599 weapons and class A drugs into the UK. 826 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:55,079 Officers searched her car and found three submachine guns, 827 00:37:55,080 --> 00:38:00,119 a Glock handgun, 9 pistols, 289 rounds of ammunition, 828 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,719 and 5 kilograms of heroin with a street value 829 00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:06,599 of half a million pounds, making Kasha Sanderson 830 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,720 my Woman of the Week. 831 00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:13,599 Tomorrow is the London Marathon, in which 60,000 832 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:14,719 runners are set to compete. 833 00:38:14,720 --> 00:38:16,719 Here to talk about it is a man who's 834 00:38:16,720 --> 00:38:19,199 running the London Marathon! 835 00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:22,439 Can't stop. 836 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:24,319 On mile 9. 837 00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:27,719 A man who's running the London Marathon, everybody! 838 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,439 Disgraced TV chef Gregg Wallace has announced 839 00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:35,479 that he's moving to Italy. 840 00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:38,519 It's thought he chose Italy because it's the only country 841 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,479 shaped like a woman's leg. 842 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:44,399 Once he is integrated into the local community, 843 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:47,279 Wallace will go by his new Italian name 844 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:51,559 "Gregori Sexipesti! 845 00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:52,760 Ellen DeGeneres' building plans 846 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:56,079 for stables at her 22 pound million home in the Cotswolds 847 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,959 could be at risk over fears of how close the proposed site 848 00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:01,479 is to sacred Roman relics. 849 00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:06,559 Fragile, ancient, and strangely haunting, Ellen DeGeneres 850 00:39:06,560 --> 00:39:10,479 moved to the UK in 2024. 851 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:14,559 This week, Meghan Markle headlined a woman-only 852 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:15,559 retreat in Australia. 853 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,479 It featured sound healing and a manifestation session 854 00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:21,679 where women were encouraged to be their best selves. 855 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,039 Tickets cost around 2,000 pounds. 856 00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:25,239 And I was sad I couldn't go. 857 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:26,639 The event would have been perfect for me, 858 00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:33,159 since I'm a woman and I'm also a fucking idiot. 859 00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:35,319 It's been announced that mobile phones are 860 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:39,119 set to be banned in schools, which means sadly, now, 861 00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:40,439 many PE teachers will have to print 862 00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:45,079 off pictures of their penis to send to students. 863 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,760 Tsunami waves hit Japan this week 864 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:49,479 after a powerful earthquake struck 865 00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:51,039 the country's Northern Coast. 866 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,279 Scientists are unsure of the exact cause. 867 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:56,239 But initial reports suggest it's because your mum 868 00:39:56,240 --> 00:40:00,759 sat down there. 869 00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:02,159 An American big game hunter has 870 00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:05,759 been crushed to death by a herd of elephants in Central Africa. 871 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:08,159 Medics on the scene did what they could. 872 00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:10,759 But sadly, after seven hours of trying, 873 00:40:10,760 --> 00:40:14,079 they just couldn't stop laughing. 874 00:40:14,080 --> 00:40:15,559 His body has been taken back to his family, 875 00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:22,319 where he was laid to rest in the center of the living room. 876 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:24,359 And now, it may seem like Britain 877 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,079 and the United States have drifted apart, 878 00:40:27,080 --> 00:40:28,799 the special relationship is in trouble, 879 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,800 and something's happening with the Falklands. 880 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:33,599 I don't know what that is. 881 00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:35,439 We could just keep making jokes about it. 882 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:40,279 But first, we do want to check, are you OK? 883 00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,759 This is Hand in Hand-- 884 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:50,159 in Hand with Ania, Paddy, and Jimmy. 885 00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,759 Our American friend and Weekend Update legend, 886 00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:54,799 Jimmy Fallon-- 887 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:55,599 That's me. 888 00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,159 is here to bring our countries back together. 889 00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,239 Jimmy, we saw you from across the bar 890 00:41:00,240 --> 00:41:01,519 and we really dig your vibe. 891 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:05,559 We're just two hosts sat next to a more famous host asking 892 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:07,760 him to boost our ratings. 893 00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:16,359 Thanks, Paddy, or Ania. 894 00:41:17,720 --> 00:41:19,599 Look, Jimmy, I know America's been 895 00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:21,399 seeing a lot of other countries, 896 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,199 but we were your first love. 897 00:41:23,200 --> 00:41:25,079 We've given each other so much. 898 00:41:25,080 --> 00:41:26,159 We gave you Harry Styles. 899 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:31,239 Yeah, we took your Harry Styles and made Benson Boone. 900 00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:32,679 Our one flips. 901 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:34,800 And sure we might not speak the same language, 902 00:41:35,040 --> 00:41:41,199 but with a bit of effort, you could learn English. 903 00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:42,639 And you guys could learn to floss. 904 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:44,799 Whoa, steady on there, Jimmy, lad! 905 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:46,599 I don't think so. 906 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:47,719 But we still get each other. 907 00:41:47,720 --> 00:41:49,199 I mean, Paddy, you do a great Trump. 908 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:50,799 And Jimmy, you 909 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:52,439 do the greatest Mick Jagger. 910 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,599 ♪ - (IMITATING MICK JAGGER) # Stop it you ♪ 911 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:55,599 ♪ Start it up ♪ 912 00:41:55,600 --> 00:41:58,159 ♪ Stop it you ♪ 913 00:41:58,160 --> 00:41:59,799 And I can do a duck. 914 00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:02,639 - Nice! - Nice. 915 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:03,319 Yeah. 916 00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:06,199 Sure merging our cultures has gone badly in the past. 917 00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:09,639 Look at Lily Allen's marriage. 918 00:42:09,640 --> 00:42:11,119 Sometimes it goes well. 919 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:13,119 Look at Lily Allen's album. 920 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:14,760 And yes, we may say things differently, 921 00:42:15,000 --> 00:42:17,519 but they mean the same thing, like "alu-mi-num." 922 00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,679 - "Alu-mi-ni-yum." - Parking lot. 923 00:42:19,680 --> 00:42:20,719 Car park. 924 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:21,719 Epstein. 925 00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:23,760 Andrew. 926 00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:24,759 Epstein. 927 00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:26,639 Mandelson. 928 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:27,519 Epstein. 929 00:42:27,520 --> 00:42:29,319 Stephen Hawking. 930 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,079 Stephen Hawking was there? 931 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:33,559 Stephen Hawking was there. 932 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:36,039 On July the 4th, you celebrate leaving us. 933 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:40,039 But from this day forward, April the 25th will henceforth 934 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:42,239 be known as Co-dependence Day. 935 00:42:42,240 --> 00:42:50,599 Take that, World Malaria Day! 936 00:42:50,600 --> 00:42:52,159 Yeah, suck it, Malaria! 937 00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:53,159 Tell them, Jimmy. 938 00:42:53,160 --> 00:42:55,639 So let's celebrate our nations. 939 00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:56,599 For Britain! 940 00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:57,719 For America! 941 00:42:58,520 --> 00:43:00,319 For Weekend Update, I'm Paddy Young! 942 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:01,439 And I'm Ania Magliano! 943 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:02,999 And I'm Jimmy Fallon! 944 00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,719 Good night! 945 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:41,799 Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your 946 00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:42,799 attention, please. 947 00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:44,199 I wish we would have better news, 948 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:47,800 but our pilots have fallen unconscious. 949 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,399 So please, please remain calm. 950 00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:52,800 Now, I have to ask, does anyone on board 951 00:43:53,040 --> 00:43:56,399 have a valid pilot's license? 952 00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:04,479 In that case, does anyone here think they can land a plane? 953 00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:05,639 Yeah, I can. 954 00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:06,359 Right. 955 00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,159 So that is all the men. 956 00:44:09,160 --> 00:44:11,359 Sorry, another question, have any of you 957 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:17,519 done anything even remotely similar to landing a plane? 958 00:44:17,520 --> 00:44:19,279 Do you still think you could? 959 00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:21,439 Yeah, I can still do it. 960 00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,279 Well, we need to narrow this down. 961 00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:27,039 So who here has gotten the closest to landing a plane? 962 00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:32,719 Well, not to get my dick out, but I have been on a jet ski. 963 00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:33,439 Oh! 964 00:44:33,440 --> 00:44:35,599 Well done, bro. It's gonna be you. 965 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:36,319 OK. 966 00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:37,559 Well, what we're actually looking for 967 00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:40,719 is anything resembling aviation experience. 968 00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:41,399 Oh! 969 00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:44,399 I have access to the Virgin Atlantic Clubhouse. 970 00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:45,439 Oh, come on! 971 00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:46,559 That's so cool! 972 00:44:46,560 --> 00:44:48,119 I am afraid of heights, though. 973 00:44:48,120 --> 00:44:49,599 Will that be a problem? - No. 974 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:50,279 No, no. 975 00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:52,279 The closer you get to the ground, 976 00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:53,559 the less it'll be an issue, bro. 977 00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:54,479 Oh, that's great. 978 00:44:54,480 --> 00:44:55,559 We are getting really close. 979 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:56,519 So who's it gonna be? 980 00:44:56,520 --> 00:45:00,319 Well, I literally just watched "Top Gun, Maverick." 981 00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:01,720 So I feel like I'm in the zone. 982 00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,519 The danger zone. 983 00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:07,279 Yo! 984 00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:08,719 Can I point out, that reference 985 00:45:08,720 --> 00:45:09,719 doesn't entirely work. 986 00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:13,039 "Danger Zone" is actually the theme to the first "Top Gun." 987 00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,439 "Maverick's" theme is, of course, 988 00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:15,760 Lady Gaga's "Hold My Hand." 989 00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:17,719 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 990 00:45:17,720 --> 00:45:18,639 He should land it. 991 00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:20,359 He knows most about planes! 992 00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:21,159 Sorry, bro. 993 00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,119 Well, can anyone do better than whatever that was? 994 00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:26,759 Well, I'm actually really comfortable driving in France. 995 00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:27,639 Ooh-la-la. 996 00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:29,479 Oh, that's good. 997 00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,759 I got my wife pregnant, like, first go. 998 00:45:32,760 --> 00:45:34,279 One and done! 999 00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:35,239 Oh, beautiful. 1000 00:45:35,240 --> 00:45:36,119 That is beautiful. 1001 00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:39,039 Wait a second, hold on, I wrote 1002 00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:42,519 a song called "Learn To Fly." 1003 00:45:42,520 --> 00:45:45,519 Shut up, Dave Grohl! 1004 00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:49,719 Because I've got another confession to make. 1005 00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:53,559 I have been in a cockpit before. 1006 00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:55,799 See, I always knew it'd be you. 1007 00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:57,079 That's right! 1008 00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:01,599 I was on holiday, Mykonos, Greece. 1009 00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:06,279 Me and my wife, I got ripped off by one of them 1010 00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:07,479 seafood restaurants. 1011 00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:12,239 Oh, they don't tell you that they charge by the gram. 1012 00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:14,999 My wife asked me to confront the waiter. 1013 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:16,479 Give him a piece of my mind. 1014 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:18,119 Simon, please don't do this. 1015 00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:23,359 And what did I do instead? 1016 00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,639 I just paid the bill. 1017 00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:27,399 Pathetic! 1018 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:31,399 She couldn't look me in the eye for the rest of the trip. 1019 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:34,039 Then came the flight home. 1020 00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:39,239 Oh, there's the link. 1021 00:46:43,040 --> 00:46:47,279 Just after takeoff, I snuck in the cockpit. 1022 00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:49,719 Slipped a little something into the pilots' 1023 00:46:49,720 --> 00:46:52,639 drinks to knock them out cold. 1024 00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:55,679 That way, it had to be me landing the plane. 1025 00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:58,399 No longer the coward in Mykonos. 1026 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:03,519 But the hero in Luton! 1027 00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:06,159 Luton! 1028 00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:09,399 What I hadn't planned is that all the other men 1029 00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:11,359 would want to land it, too. 1030 00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:12,079 Hang on. 1031 00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:13,719 We've just come from Mykonos. 1032 00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:15,599 So you're talking about right now. 1033 00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:19,559 So that means you put all these people's 1034 00:47:19,560 --> 00:47:23,359 lives in danger just for me? 1035 00:47:23,360 --> 00:47:24,359 Kiss her! 1036 00:47:24,360 --> 00:47:25,720 Kiss her, man! 1037 00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:26,559 Yeah! 1038 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,759 Oh, go on then! 1039 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,559 Thank you for having faith in me. 1040 00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:34,559 Take us home! 1041 00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:36,319 - You got this, mate. - Wow! 1042 00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,399 Go on then. Go on, sir. 1043 00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:39,319 Land that plane. 1044 00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,479 You're my hero! 1045 00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:42,639 You got this. 1046 00:47:42,640 --> 00:47:43,399 Yeah! 1047 00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:46,279 You've got this, baby. 1048 00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:47,359 You got it? 1049 00:47:47,360 --> 00:47:48,519 No, no. 1050 00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:50,279 No idea. 1051 00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:51,719 Sorry, everyone. 1052 00:48:14,240 --> 00:48:19,199 Once again, Foo Fighters! 1053 00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:23,399 ♪ I was a child actor ♪ 1054 00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:28,639 ♪ A face on the wall ♪ 1055 00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:29,679 ♪ Holding my breath ♪ 1056 00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:35,519 ♪ As I wait for the curtain to fall ♪ 1057 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:39,279 ♪ Was it good enough? ♪ 1058 00:48:39,280 --> 00:48:42,759 ♪ Was it ever good enough? ♪ 1059 00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:50,359 ♪ Anything to be the person that you want ♪ 1060 00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:55,079 ♪ I was a child actor ♪ 1061 00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:59,079 ♪ Born to applause ♪ 1062 00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:06,519 ♪ Wasting away as I chase all the roles I've lost ♪ 1063 00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:10,359 ♪ Was I good enough? ♪ 1064 00:49:10,360 --> 00:49:14,359 ♪ Was I ever good enough? ♪ 1065 00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:17,399 ♪ Is it me that they see ♪ 1066 00:49:17,400 --> 00:49:21,719 ♪ When the cameras are off? ♪ 1067 00:49:21,720 --> 00:49:25,479 ♪ Won't you turn the cameras off, ♪ 1068 00:49:25,480 --> 00:49:27,359 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1069 00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:29,359 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1070 00:49:29,360 --> 00:49:31,199 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1071 00:49:31,200 --> 00:49:33,199 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1072 00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:36,719 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1073 00:49:36,720 --> 00:49:41,199 ♪ I was a child actor ♪ 1074 00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:45,439 ♪ A name on the board ♪ 1075 00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:53,039 ♪ Losing myself as I use someone else's words ♪ 1076 00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,759 ♪ Is it true enough? ♪ 1077 00:49:56,760 --> 00:50:00,239 ♪ Is it ever true enough? ♪ 1078 00:50:00,240 --> 00:50:08,679 ♪ Understand who I am when the credits roll ♪ 1079 00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:12,039 ♪ Won't you turn the cameras off, ♪ 1080 00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:13,719 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1081 00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:15,759 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1082 00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:17,559 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1083 00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:19,559 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1084 00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:21,399 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1085 00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,399 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1086 00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:25,239 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1087 00:50:25,240 --> 00:50:27,239 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1088 00:50:27,240 --> 00:50:29,079 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1089 00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:31,119 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1090 00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:32,759 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1091 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:34,799 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1092 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:36,639 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1093 00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,679 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1094 00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:40,119 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1095 00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:45,559 ♪ Say, aren't you who I think you are? ♪ 1096 00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:52,719 ♪ Hey, aren't you who I think you are? ♪ 1097 00:50:55,720 --> 00:50:59,199 ♪ Where have I seen your face? ♪ 1098 00:50:59,200 --> 00:51:03,199 ♪ I've seen your face before ♪ 1099 00:51:03,200 --> 00:51:07,439 ♪ I don't know who you think you are ♪ 1100 00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:09,399 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1101 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:11,279 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1102 00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:13,399 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1103 00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,319 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1104 00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:17,359 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1105 00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:19,279 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1106 00:51:19,280 --> 00:51:21,399 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1107 00:51:21,400 --> 00:51:23,279 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1108 00:51:23,280 --> 00:51:25,279 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1109 00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:27,119 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1110 00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:29,159 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1111 00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:30,799 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1112 00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:32,800 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1113 00:51:33,000 --> 00:51:34,679 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1114 00:51:34,680 --> 00:51:36,719 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1115 00:51:36,720 --> 00:51:38,559 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1116 00:51:38,560 --> 00:51:40,599 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1117 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,439 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1118 00:51:42,440 --> 00:51:44,479 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1119 00:51:44,480 --> 00:51:46,279 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1120 00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:48,399 ♪ Turn the cameras off, ♪ 1121 00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:52,119 ♪ Turn the cameras off ♪ 1122 00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:55,559 ♪ I was a child actor ♪ 1123 00:52:32,000 --> 00:52:33,359 I think we got him. 1124 00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:36,199 That killer can't hurt us anymore. 1125 00:52:36,200 --> 00:52:39,800 Worst hen do ever. 1126 00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,439 Next time, I'm booking a hotel. 1127 00:52:42,440 --> 00:52:43,199 Airbnb? 1128 00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:45,759 More like scare he and she. 1129 00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:48,799 No, but seriously, all of our friends are dead. 1130 00:52:51,640 --> 00:52:53,639 OK, look, I know I'm late. 1131 00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:58,800 But before you start, it's not my fault. 1132 00:52:59,040 --> 00:52:59,719 Oh, my God. 1133 00:52:59,720 --> 00:53:01,359 You wouldn't believe what's happened to us, Grace. 1134 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,119 Oh, my God, literally the same for me. 1135 00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:05,079 I know I'm late again. 1136 00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:08,039 But in my defense, I didn't know about the tube strike. 1137 00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:09,239 My period pain is insane. 1138 00:53:09,240 --> 00:53:11,759 And when I was almost here, I had to go back in an Uber 1139 00:53:11,760 --> 00:53:16,079 because I had to check out my hair straighteners off. 1140 00:53:16,080 --> 00:53:19,760 We've had the worst night of our lives. 1141 00:53:20,000 --> 00:53:22,679 Oh, my God, are you guys mad at me? 1142 00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:23,679 Really? 1143 00:53:23,680 --> 00:53:25,599 Guys, I feel really attacked. 1144 00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:29,359 We've literally been attacked. 1145 00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,279 Oh, my God, I see. 1146 00:53:32,280 --> 00:53:35,119 Oh, you invited Katie. 1147 00:53:35,120 --> 00:53:37,159 Even though we're not speaking. 1148 00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:38,319 She's dead. 1149 00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:39,359 OK, yeah, that is sad. 1150 00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:41,639 But she literally touched my boyfriend's knee 1151 00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:42,559 at Mighty Hoopla. 1152 00:53:42,560 --> 00:53:44,359 And then she was like, really curt with me over text. 1153 00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:46,799 I bet she had a lot to say about me being 1154 00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:50,399 late before she was dead. 1155 00:53:50,400 --> 00:53:52,639 It honestly never came up. 1156 00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:53,439 Oh, wow. 1157 00:53:53,440 --> 00:53:56,559 So, like, no one even noticed that I wasn't here. 1158 00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:59,279 Well, I guess it wasn't a surprise 1159 00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,599 because you are always late. 1160 00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:03,279 Do you know what was a surprise? 1161 00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:05,439 A man jumping out of the cupboard! 1162 00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:06,319 OK, here we go. 1163 00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,079 I literally knew you were mad. 1164 00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,279 Yeah, of course, we're mad! 1165 00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:13,599 Look, is it ADHD or is it just CBA? 1166 00:54:13,600 --> 00:54:17,199 It is not my fault. I have always been a late girl. 1167 00:54:17,200 --> 00:54:19,759 My mom had to be induced. 1168 00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:24,039 If you're gonna be late, just say you're gonna be late. 1169 00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:26,279 We literally have you on Find My Friends. 1170 00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:28,399 We know your ass is at Creams. 1171 00:54:28,400 --> 00:54:30,760 I sent a text. 1172 00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:32,319 Oh, wow. 1173 00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:33,479 She sent a text. 1174 00:54:33,480 --> 00:54:34,319 Oh, wow. 1175 00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:35,359 She sent a text. 1176 00:54:38,440 --> 00:54:41,559 Yeah, obviously there's no signal in a creepy cabin 1177 00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:42,399 in the woods! 1178 00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,239 OK, so it's my fault Suzanne is dead? 1179 00:54:44,240 --> 00:54:46,559 It's my fault that her head got pulled from her body 1180 00:54:46,560 --> 00:54:49,479 like she was being pulled up on stage by Justin Bieber 1181 00:54:49,480 --> 00:54:54,359 to be his one less lonely girl? 1182 00:54:54,360 --> 00:54:55,359 God, that's funny. 1183 00:54:55,360 --> 00:54:59,399 This is exactly why we wish you weren't late, girl. 1184 00:54:59,400 --> 00:55:00,399 You are good crack. 1185 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:01,319 Like I know it's true. 1186 00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:03,719 Look, guys, if I'm being honest, 1187 00:55:03,720 --> 00:55:05,479 I was late because I was literally 1188 00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:10,599 seeing A24's "The Drama." 1189 00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:13,039 I got Tracy's blood in my mouth. 1190 00:55:13,040 --> 00:55:16,559 Meanwhile, you were at Cineworld Islington, 1191 00:55:16,560 --> 00:55:19,239 nursing a tango ice blast? 1192 00:55:19,240 --> 00:55:23,159 You don't need to see "The Drama," girl. 1193 00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:24,119 You are the drama! 1194 00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:26,239 Guys, I just feel like every time we hang out, 1195 00:55:26,240 --> 00:55:28,159 I'm being told off for something. 1196 00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:30,439 For being late! 1197 00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:33,239 Right, sorry to chip in. 1198 00:55:33,240 --> 00:55:36,039 Sir, who are you and why are you getting involved? 1199 00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:38,199 Well, I was waiting to gain the strength 1200 00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:39,239 to jump out and kill you. 1201 00:55:39,240 --> 00:55:43,559 But I actually cannot sit here and listen to any more of this. 1202 00:55:43,560 --> 00:55:44,479 You were late. 1203 00:55:44,480 --> 00:55:48,119 Take some accountability. 1204 00:55:49,480 --> 00:55:54,399 Clive, you killed all the people without me. 1205 00:55:54,400 --> 00:55:55,119 Girl-- 1206 00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:57,799 'Cause you were late! 1207 00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:12,999 "45 Seconds with Fouracres." 1208 00:56:13,000 --> 00:56:15,359 ♪ Apples and oranges, raspberries ♪ 1209 00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:17,039 ú ♪ Watermelon and kiwi fruit ♪ 1210 00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,319 ♪ Mangoes and blueberries and loads of grapes ♪ 1211 00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:21,399 ♪ And Epstein didn't kill himself ♪ 1212 00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:23,359 ♪ Green the field is full of corn ♪ 1213 00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:25,279 ♪ Lit by the light of an English morn ♪ 1214 00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:27,359 ♪ Daffodils bloom at the sky at dawn ♪ 1215 00:56:27,360 --> 00:56:29,239 ♪ And Epstein didn't kill himself ♪ 1216 00:56:29,240 --> 00:56:31,679 ♪ Daisies and carrots and peas and yams ♪ 1217 00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,599 ♪ Epstein didn't kill himself ♪ 1218 00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:35,439 ♪ Cauli and broco, zucchini flowers ♪ 1219 00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:36,760 ♪ Epstein didn't kill himself ♪ 1220 00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:38,599 ♪ Sing God's praise for the day he's made ♪ 1221 00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:40,479 ♪ The land and the sea to the world he gave ♪ 1222 00:56:40,480 --> 00:56:42,639 ♪ For killing the twat who stood to gain ♪ 1223 00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:48,759 ♪ From saying his name, we must refrain ♪ 1224 00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:55,679 ♪ Rocket and spinach and cavolo nero ♪ 1225 00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:57,159 ♪ Epstein didn't kill himself ♪ 1226 00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,359 ♪ Red sky at night, shepherd's delight ♪ 1227 00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:04,719 ♪ Epstein did not kill himself ♪ 1228 00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:12,639 Goodnight, god bless, love you! 1229 00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:16,319 "45 Seconds with Fouracres." 1230 00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:21,079 My biggest thanks to the Foo Fighters, Jimmy Fallon, and 1231 00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:22,519 a huge thank you to the cast, writers, 1232 00:57:22,520 --> 00:57:24,719 and everyone on the show for such a great week. 1233 00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:26,239 I have had the best time. 1234 00:57:26,240 --> 00:57:27,999 It's been an honor to host. 1235 00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:28,760 Good night! 87834