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Good evening.
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Happy Easter.
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In the strongest
possible terms, hello.
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00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:28,839
Now, I know some of you were
disappointed by my speech
5
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:33,839
on Wednesday, while others
of you did not watch it.
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00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,879
For those who missed
it, here's a summary.
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You didn't miss much.
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And honestly, I'm
kicking meself.
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I let you down.
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But everyone deserves
a second chance.
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Peter Mandelson's had four or
five, with many more to come.
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So allow me to try again.
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00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,479
The conflict in the Middle East
has entered its second month.
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But I can assure you,
we are working at pace
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towards a de-escalation.
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And the pace we are
working at is leisurely.
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I know that, due to this
war, Britons are already
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struggling, not only in England
but also in the top bit and
19
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the side bits as well.
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Life is getting harder.
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And furthermore, goodbye.
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Wait, wait, wait.
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I'm told there's a second
page to my speech.
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Oh, that's right,
the inspiring part.
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Look, I know I'm not inspiring.
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When I applied to join
the Samaritans,
27
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I brought the vibe down
so much that the interviewer
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called the Samaritans.
29
00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:12,079
So I've asked some Britons that
people actually like to help
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me put a pep in your step.
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First up, England
legend Harry Kane.
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Yeah, cheers.
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Nice one, gaffer.
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Harry, why don't you
give the nation one
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of your rousing team talks?
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Yeah.
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Obviously, the Strait of Hormuz
is a really amazing, uh,
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waterway, always said that.
39
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But yeah, you know, end
of the day, you know,
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Iran, solid attack, you
know, solid in defense.
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00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,999
Uh, yeah, good
at set pieces too.
42
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:04,319
So, yeah, you've just got to
take it one war at a time and--
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yeah, yeah, it's
going to be nice.
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Thank you, Harry.
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Next up, a Briton
with a smile that
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could light up a room,
which could be useful
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when the power runs out.
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Film and TV star,
Olivia Colman.
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Hello.
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Gosh, this is a bit sexy,
isn't it, flirting with Iran
51
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and playing with oil?
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Next thing you know,
there's an energy
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shortage, where
the power is off
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and we're snogging in the dark.
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Shh, shh.
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Oh, aren't I naughty?
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Thanks, Olivia,
love the enthusiasm.
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Our final speaker combines
two of my greatest
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interests, outstanding
British television and pork.
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It's Peppa Pig.
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Cheer us up, Peppa.
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Thank you, Daddy Keir.
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00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:19,039
Life is hell, but it
doesn't last long.
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And soon the sadness will end.
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Thanks, Peppa.
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You're very different from
how you seem on the telly.
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And you're very similar.
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Well, there you have it.
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Big thanks to Britain's
big three--
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Harry Kane, MBE, Olivia Colman,
CBE, and Peppa Pig, PIGP.
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Oh, no.
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Here come the power cuts.
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Fend for yourselves, everyone.
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Olivia Colman's
trying to kiss me.
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00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,239
And live from London,
it's Saturday night!
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It's "Saturday Night Live,"
with Hammed Animashaun.
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Ayoade Bamgboye.
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00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,400
Larry Dean.
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Celeste Dring.
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00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,760
George Fouracres.
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00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,760
Ania Magliano.
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Annabel Marlow.
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Al Nash.
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00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:00,680
Jack Shep.
85
00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,160
Emma Sidi.
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00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,560
Paddy Young.
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00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,320
Musical guest, Kasabian.
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00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,039
ú And your host, Riz Ahmed.
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00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,839
Ladies and gentlemen,
Riz Ahmed!
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Yes, yes, yes.
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Thank you.
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Thank you so much.
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Wow.
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00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:02,359
Hello.
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00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,919
My name is Riz Ahmed.
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00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:09,039
And it is an absolute honor
to be hosting "SNL UK."
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Now, I'm an actor.
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I'm a writer.
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00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,239
I'm a producer.
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00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:19,919
And I'm a rapper.
101
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:23,079
So for those of you who don't
know who I am, clearly, neither
102
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:27,759
do I. I'm working it out.
103
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,559
Mostly, I'm an actor, you know.
104
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,799
And contrary to popular
belief, I don't
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00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,239
just play intense roles, OK?
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00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:36,799
I also do some, like,
family feel good stuff.
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Like, for example, do
you guys-- do you guys
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know the "Sound of Music"?
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"Sound of Music," right?
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Everyone loves
"Sound of Music."
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I did a film just like that
called "Sound of Metal."
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It's almost exactly the same.
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It's about a musician
who's slowly going deaf,
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and he's a heroin addict
who lives in a van,
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just like "Sound of Music."
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And it's feel good
because you're not him.
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But seriously, I've done
some comedies as well.
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00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,919
Some of you might have seen a
film I did called "Four Lions."
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That's what I'm saying.
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00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:10,799
It's a feel good
movie about characters
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you can really root for.
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Christmas movie.
123
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:18,159
But I actually
have just created
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and released my own comedy.
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It's called "Bait."
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It's just come out.
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Thank you.
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00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:25,320
Thank you, man.
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00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,519
Yeah, it's about
an out of work actor
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auditioning to be James Bond.
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And the character is going
through an identity crisis.
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And if you're
wondering why I made
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00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,519
a comedy about someone
having an identity crisis,
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00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,519
look at me, man.
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00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,279
I'm confused.
136
00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,479
It's not my fault. I
grew up in Wembley,
137
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but I went to Oxford
University.
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And that's why I
sound like this.
139
00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:56,679
Like a mix between
Stormzy and Rishi Sunak.
140
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:59,679
We've actually got a track
together on my next album.
141
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,119
It's called "Oy,
Rudeboy, Shut Up,
142
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,919
this is the Quiet Carriage."
143
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:06,079
It's a banger.
144
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,879
But I actually feel that
even this show is having
145
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,759
an identity crisis in a way.
146
00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,999
We're three episodes
in and your hosts have
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been American, Irish, and me.
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Don't worry, next
week, you know,
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we're going to have
one of the nation's
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00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:23,759
most prominent Asian
comedians, Jack Whitehall.
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00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,439
You heard of him?
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You've seen how much he goes on
holiday with his parents, man.
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That's so Asian.
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That's so Asian!
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Don't worry, Jack,
your secret is safe with me.
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Assalamu alaikum, brother.
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But sometimes I feel
like the whole nation's
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having this identity crisis and
that's why we're so
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divided, right?
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We're divided over
politics, over the climate,
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over the Beckhams.
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But I think that I
know how to solve it.
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I think I can solve
Britain's identity
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crisis because I think there's
one thing that unites us all.
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In essence, what makes us
British is we like it when
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things are a little bit crap.
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Not totally crap, but just
a little bit crap, you know.
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We like that.
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We like it.
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We like giving--
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Thank you, yes.
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We-- we like giving crap
compliments, you know.
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Someone says, he's
a bit of a character.
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That means you're
a knob, you know.
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00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,999
And we like sports
that are a bit crap.
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Cricket can go on for five
days and still be a draw.
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And we like giving gifts that
are a bit crap, you know,
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like original sauce mint
and tea tree shower gel.
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My balls feel like
they're in Siberia.
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Thank you for that,
Auntie, by the way.
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We celebrate when
things are a bit crap.
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We literally cheer
when someone drops
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their pint glass in the pub.
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That's the best of Britain.
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We like it when things
are a little bit--
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Crap!
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That's right.
188
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:00,999
So we've got a great
show for you today.
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A really great show.
190
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Actually, no, we genuinely
have a fantastic show.
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It's very un-British of us.
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00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:13,439
We've got Kasabian here.
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It's going to be a banger.
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00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,319
Stick around and watch this.
195
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:46,080
@ Hey, Dad, can you pick me
up, now that mom's dead?
196
00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:51,800
@ - Let me just search that
up on the Glinkle app.
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00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,280
Well, while we're here.
198
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,519
Wait, Mom, slow down.
199
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:21,039
Jason, my brother,
your son, has been arrested?
200
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,799
Don't panic.
201
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,079
I'll order a Goober there.
202
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,519
In today's challenge,
our contestants
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00:14:55,520 --> 00:15:01,079
added a whopping 4,250
pounds to the prize fund.
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00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,199
But now it's time
for the faithfuls
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00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:05,519
to return to the round table.
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00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:12,039
Can they uncover who amongst
them is a great big crab man?
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00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:19,559
I'd like to start.
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00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:21,799
This experience
has been amazing,
209
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:24,199
but at the end of the day,
we need to find
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00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,759
the great big crab man.
211
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:31,799
But there's someone
here I just don't trust.
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00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,640
And that person is--
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00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,640
It's yourself, Imran.
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00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:41,279
Great.
215
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:42,799
We're doing this again.
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00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:46,759
I know I was wrong about
Kaya, Mehul, and Ife.
217
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:55,239
But I have a feeling
I just can't shake.
218
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,879
Well I'm obviously not
a great big crab man.
219
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:01,879
But to be fair, that is
exactly what a great big crab
220
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:02,919
man would say.
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00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:07,119
OK.
222
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,399
I'm just going to come
out and say it-- why is
223
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,159
nobody looking at Sebastian?
224
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:20,839
Whoa, whoa, I've only got two
100% not a great big crab man,
225
00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,919
and it's myself and Sebastian.
226
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:26,399
Look at him, bro.
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00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,719
He's a flippin' crab!
228
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,519
See, getting
defensive like that,
229
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:33,639
it only makes you look more
like a great big crab man!
230
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:34,519
OK, OK.
231
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,719
What about today's challenge?
232
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,879
30 seconds, I got this!
233
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,119
Well, go towards it!
234
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,839
What's wrong with you, man?
235
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,680
Just go forwards!
236
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,719
Imran, he told us his
ankles only work sideways!
237
00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,199
Everybody knows he's
trying to win the money
238
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,239
to pay for an ankle, Doctor!
239
00:16:56,240 --> 00:16:57,679
OK, fine.
240
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,199
So why was he acting
so weird at breakfast?
241
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,599
Because he's tired.
242
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,839
He can only sleep
in a bucket of fresh water
243
00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,079
for medical reasons.
244
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:07,759
Can I just say,
I'm actually feeling
245
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,039
really uncomfortable by the
energy in the room tonight?
246
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:12,079
To be fair to Imran--
247
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:14,279
to be fair to Imran, all
I've seen Sebastian eat
248
00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:16,319
is algae, seaweed
and invertebrates.
249
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,399
And for me, that's suspicious.
250
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:22,239
The time for talk is over.
251
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,599
Now it's time to vote.
252
00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:41,399
Time's up!
253
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,959
ú Enormous good luck, everyone.
254
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,320
I'm sorry.
255
00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:51,279
It is what it is.
256
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,039
Sorry, girl.
257
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:56,200
Enron, I'm so sorry.
258
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,560
Love you, man.
259
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:09,999
Imran, you have
received the most votes.
260
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,720
Would you like
to join me, please?
261
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:19,919
Listen, yeah?
262
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:21,399
ú I've had an amazing time.
263
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,719
It's been
an incredible journey,
264
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,239
and I've made
friends for life, but
265
00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:26,679
there's something
weighing on my heart
266
00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:28,520
and I've got to come
out and say it.
267
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:34,879
I'm obviously not a great
big crab man, you idiots!
268
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,040
Imran out!
269
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:43,479
What the hell
are you playing at?
270
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:48,439
@ You've just voted off anotherú
not a great big crab man,
271
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,999
and the real great
big crab man is still
272
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:54,079
ú out there laughing at you.
273
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,159
OK.
274
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:57,359
ú OK, I'm just going to say it--
275
00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,759
there is someone who isú
slipping under the radar.
276
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,119
At tomorrow's round
table, the person--
277
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:04,959
ú - Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye!
278
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,160
I'll pack my bags.
279
00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,319
OK.
280
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:23,879
Hey, you're pretty good!
281
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:25,319
Operation?
282
00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:27,159
Isn't that a game for,
like, six-year-olds?
283
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,879
OK, why don't you
give it a go, then?
284
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,679
OK, I will.
285
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:32,719
It's simple.
286
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:33,719
You just--
287
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:35,919
Ooh!
288
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:37,999
OK.
289
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:38,999
That was a warm-up.
290
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:42,799
- You can leave it, babe.
- No, no, no, no.
291
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:43,799
It's fine.
292
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:44,799
It's easy.
293
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,719
Hey, babe.
294
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:51,719
Come to bed.
295
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,159
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
296
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,199
One minute.
297
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,279
Kids, get in the car!
298
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:00,679
Mommy will be there in a sec.
299
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,639
Are you coming or not?
300
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,760
Oh, wow.
301
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,199
Get back!
302
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:21,799
Are you coming?
303
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,000
We're cutting the cake.
304
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,959
It's just a game!
305
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,879
It's not just a game!
306
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:33,879
It literally is!
307
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,159
It says it on the box!
308
00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:36,839
It's 6 plus!
309
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,919
Stop looking at me!
310
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,679
I can't take it anymore.
311
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:54,879
We're leaving.
312
00:20:54,880 --> 00:20:57,399
Hey.
313
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,919
I lifted it clean.
314
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:14,559
So I'm there, just fullyú
committed, waving at them,
315
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,719
grinning like an idiot,úand
they walk straight past me.
316
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:17,999
Oh, no!
317
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,239
ú - I felt like such a plum.
318
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:22,199
Oh, I've missed this.
319
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,799
I've missed you.
320
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,359
So have I.
321
00:21:26,360 --> 00:21:28,199
Help!
Help!
322
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,399
Is there a doctor in the house?
323
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,800
One of our diners have
324
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:47,479
Wait, I know this.
325
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,999
Honey, are you
sure about this?
326
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,959
Everybody stand back.
327
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,759
Give me those.
328
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:02,799
What are you--
329
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,279
Oh, my God!
330
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:08,439
There's more
blood than usual.
331
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:09,719
I'm going for the breadbasket.
332
00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:11,119
Oh, my--
333
00:22:12,680 --> 00:22:13,759
God help me!
334
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,119
What is all this?
335
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:19,680
Wishbone!
336
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,359
Where's the hook?
337
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,799
You have to believe me, it
was supposed to be pieces.
338
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:27,999
The butterfly, the breadbasket!
339
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,479
Whatever, you're
coming with me!
340
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:30,719
Olivia.
341
00:22:30,720 --> 00:22:31,759
Olivia Colman!
342
00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:32,800
Olivia!
343
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:17,039
This is OG FM coming at ya!
344
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:19,079
Old classics for old heads.
345
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,879
Soul '90s music all the time!
346
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,679
And we mean all the time!
347
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,999
When we wanna talk,
we just turn it up--
348
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:28,879
turn it down very slightly.
349
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,519
On the decks, we got
MC Twister, DJ, and
350
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:33,639
me, Lady Magnum Pink Lemonade!
351
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,559
And yes, all our names
are types of ice cream!
352
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:39,039
Coincidence!
353
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,599
If you remember these
tunes from back in the day,
354
00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:45,919
then you are old!
355
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:48,359
Shout out to my middle
aged brothers and sisters!
356
00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,879
Nostalgia coming at ya!
357
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:54,119
All right, all right.
358
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:57,679
So tonight, we got some real
talk for all you over 50s--
359
00:23:57,680 --> 00:23:59,199
prostate cancer.
360
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,639
Real serious, but people
don't talk about it
361
00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:01,799
because it's a bad one.
362
00:24:03,520 --> 00:24:05,519
Using our platform for good!
363
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:06,959
All right.
364
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,199
We got a mad guest in the
studio here to educate us,
365
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,639
it's Dr. Rishi!
366
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,919
Come on, big ups, Dr.
Rishi looking sharp!
367
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,479
I appreciate that.
368
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:20,839
Um, yeah, so, yeah, I
mean, thanks for having me.
369
00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:23,159
All right, doc, drop
some knowledge on us!
370
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:24,399
Yeah, sorry.
371
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:25,719
Sorry.
372
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:26,919
Yeah, well, prostate
cancer is a condition that
373
00:24:26,920 --> 00:24:28,919
actually affects 1 in 8 men.
374
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:33,239
Shout out to Michelle in SW5,
going hard on the weekend!
375
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:38,879
What were you saying, Dr. Rish?
376
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,359
Right, yeah.
377
00:24:40,360 --> 00:24:42,359
Yeah, um, so the prostate,
it's a small gland
378
00:24:42,360 --> 00:24:44,359
that sits just behind the--
379
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:47,879
Shout out to Jane,
the divorce is final!
380
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:49,599
She's back on the pill!
381
00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:50,759
P-p-p-pill!
382
00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:53,839
Take it away, doc!
383
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:54,839
Take it away!
384
00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:56,239
OK, yeah.
385
00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,759
Suppose-- well, you
diet is very important.
386
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,639
Ayo, don't forget,
Monday's a bank holiday!
387
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:01,879
Four-day week!
Four-day week!
388
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:02,879
What?
389
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,119
Diet is something--
390
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:07,959
Tony in Stratham,
just put his dog down.
391
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:09,439
Prayers up for the poodle!
392
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,959
Diet is something that--
393
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:14,079
East and South and West.
394
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:18,839
Statistically, around
55,000 new cases--
395
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:19,839
and North!
396
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,399
OK.
397
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:23,799
I was just trying to say
just before, just there--
398
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:25,519
diet is a good way
to minimize your risk.
399
00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:27,359
Reducing red meat is sensible.
400
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,239
You should think about swapping
it out with an oily fish,
401
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:30,839
perhaps a salmon or mackerel.
402
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:32,479
Ayo, big up the North Sea!
403
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,879
Come on.
404
00:25:34,880 --> 00:25:36,119
Can we stop, please?
405
00:25:36,120 --> 00:25:37,119
I'm sorry.
406
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,119
Can we just stop?
407
00:25:38,120 --> 00:25:39,959
What's up, big man?
408
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:41,799
Is there any way you could
just stop the music just
409
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,679
for, like, a minute?
Because this is--
410
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,639
Sorry, doc, this is OG FM,
all '90s music all the time!
411
00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:47,919
Literally all the time!
412
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,279
Yes, my sister.
413
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:50,199
If you got something
important to say,
414
00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:52,319
you gotta ride the beat.
415
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,079
What do you mean,
ride the beat?
416
00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:55,119
Medical freestyle!
417
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:56,119
Off the dome!
418
00:25:58,000 --> 00:25:59,839
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
419
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,239
spit some wisdom, Dr. Rishi.
420
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:02,879
Yeah, tell the people
what they gotta know.
421
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:03,879
Hippocratic oath.
422
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:08,679
OK, OK, fine, fine.
423
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:10,159
Yeah, OK.
424
00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:16,720
Prostate, prostate, check
it before it's too late?
425
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:21,639
Early detection is
vital for your survival.
426
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:22,639
All right.
427
00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:23,680
Turn my headphones up.
428
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:30,799
Up a bit more.
429
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,159
Yeah.
430
00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:33,639
♪ Don't hide away,
get your PSA ♪
431
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,039
♪ The blood test is
best, so don't delay ♪
432
00:26:35,040 --> 00:26:36,999
♪ No joking, stop smoking ♪
433
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,599
♪ I'm thinking, less drinking ♪
434
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:40,479
♪ Check your BMI ♪
♪ If the number's high, ♪
435
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,199
♪ Then we'll make a plan ♪
♪ Get your number right ♪
436
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,759
♪ If you're over 50, ♪
437
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:44,959
♪ Got a family history
and the flow is weak ♪
438
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:46,319
♪ Then see your GP ♪
439
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:47,679
♪ All my G's in the back
who are Black, ♪
440
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:49,399
♪ Your risk is higher,
that's a fact ♪
441
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:50,519
♪ Don't be brave ♪
442
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,279
♪ Don't act like a trooper ♪
443
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,359
♪ If you got please don't
wait for the future ♪
444
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:54,359
♪ Just go move her, ♪
445
00:26:54,360 --> 00:26:55,639
♪ Hop in an Uber ♪
446
00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,399
♪ Rish ID, happy
birthday to ya! ♪
447
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,439
♪ And if there's blood
in your pee, call 111 ♪
448
00:27:00,440 --> 00:27:01,759
♪ Dr. Rishi, da,
da, da, Dr. Rishi ♪
449
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:02,999
♪ Da-da, da-da, da-da, ♪
♪ Da-da, ♪
450
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:03,999
♪ Da-da, de done. ♪
451
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,599
Oy!
452
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:06,600
Nice!
453
00:27:10,960 --> 00:27:12,039
Yes!
454
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:13,759
Saving lives with the advice!
455
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,639
Dr. Rishi in the house!
456
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:16,919
Get checked!
457
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:18,080
Come on!
458
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,640
Ladies and gents,
it's Kasabian!
459
00:27:50,280 --> 00:27:53,319
♪ Steady as she goes ♪
460
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:56,999
♪ It's me again, hello ♪
461
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,839
♪ I can't stop the voices ♪
462
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,439
♪ And now it's you and me ♪
463
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:08,239
♪ And I am lost for words ♪
464
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,919
♪ I just keep on falling ♪
465
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:14,959
♪ Watch me go ♪
466
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:21,239
♪ I'm the great pretender ♪
467
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,279
♪ Whoa, no, ♪
468
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:25,559
♪ Baby blue ♪
469
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:31,119
♪ Now it's time
for me to surrender ♪
470
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:37,479
♪ And we can dance
again, dance again ♪
471
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:42,559
♪ We can dance
again, dance again ♪
472
00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:51,159
♪ Watch me as I go ♪
473
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:53,639
♪ I live in make-believe ♪
474
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:58,759
♪ And no one hears
you calling ♪
475
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:00,199
♪ Where do you hide ♪
476
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:02,119
♪ If you don't
know who you are ♪
477
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:06,279
♪ But you love it
and you're not the same ♪
478
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:09,079
♪ So don't fear it now ♪
479
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,119
♪ Watch me go ♪
480
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:17,959
♪ I'm the great pretender ♪
481
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:19,839
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
482
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:22,519
♪ Baby blue ♪
483
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:28,679
♪ Now it's time
for me to surrender ♪
484
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:34,559
♪ And we can dance
again, dance again ♪
485
00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:40,359
♪ We can dance
again, dance again, ♪
486
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:43,839
♪ We can dance
again, dance again ♪
487
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:46,799
♪ Let's hear
for the great pretender ♪
488
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:48,839
♪ We can dance
again, dance again ♪
489
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,439
♪ You know we don't stop
we can never surrender ♪
490
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,799
♪ We can dance
again, dance again ♪
491
00:29:54,800 --> 00:30:00,279
♪ Let's hear
for the great pretender ♪
492
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,079
♪ You know we won't
stop thinking ♪
493
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:06,479
♪ We can never surrender ♪
494
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:39,720
♪ ♪
495
00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:47,640
It's "Weekend Update" with
Ania Magliano and Paddy Young!
496
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:58,959
Good evening, and welcome
to "Weekend Update."
497
00:30:58,960 --> 00:30:59,959
I'm Paddy Young.
498
00:30:59,960 --> 00:31:01,440
And I'm Ania Magliano.
499
00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:08,879
The war between Iran and the US
has entered its second month.
500
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:10,119
Second month?
501
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:14,519
Ooh, it's starting
to get serious!
502
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,039
This week, a US
airstrike destroyed
503
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,719
Iran's largest bridge.
504
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,759
Responding to criticism
for targeting
505
00:31:20,760 --> 00:31:24,319
civilian infrastructure,
a senior US military official
506
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:27,079
said, "Oh, my God,
we're so sorry.
507
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,560
We thought it was a school."
508
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:37,039
President Trump has criticized
the UK's Navy for being,
509
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,439
quote, "too old."
510
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:40,959
Too old for Donald Trump?
511
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,439
What is it, 18?
512
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,359
Responding to Trump's claims
that our Navy was old and
513
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,319
outdated, one Admiral said,
"I'm going to go there and
514
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:52,239
give him a piece
of my mind just
515
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:53,800
as soon as the wind picks up."
516
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,439
It's true, the UK
only has one submarine
517
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,120
and half the crew are dead.
518
00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:06,679
Now, new data
published by the NHS
519
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:08,839
shows that in the last
five years,
520
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:12,639
referrals for body dysmorphia
treatment have quadrupled.
521
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,039
Well, they think
they've quadrupled.
522
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,360
They actually look fine.
523
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:24,439
It's been revealed that Meta
billionaire Mark Zuckerberg is
524
00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,839
building a bunker under
his compound in California,
525
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,279
and I hope he uses
that bunker in exactly
526
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:31,760
the same way Hitler did.
527
00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:42,519
In big media news, DJ Scott
Mills was fired from his job
528
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:44,039
at the BBC.
529
00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,479
This after police searched the
Radio Two presenters hard drive
530
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,600
and found over a hundred
terabytes of decent music.
531
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:56,079
In the last two weeks, online
phenomenon "Fruit Love Island"
532
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,599
has taken
the internet by storm.
533
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,799
It's just like normal "Love
Island," but the twist?
534
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,759
The contestants are
AI-generated fruit.
535
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:07,799
Yes, this is genuinely a real
thing that millions of people
536
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:09,599
are tuning into every day.
537
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:11,919
Here to comment on this
viral sensation is
538
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,039
random former
real "Love Island"
539
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,239
contestant Chloe Bibby Rinkle.
540
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,959
Oh my, no!
541
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:21,919
No, it's so muggy!
542
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,399
AI's nicked my job!
543
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,079
It's taken me, a human
professional lady, years
544
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,119
to perfect the art of shaking
a cock under a bed sheet.
545
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:32,599
Yeah.
546
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:36,599
Now people want to see
a raspberry do it instead.
547
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,839
Sorry, what is that you're
doing with your hands?
548
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:42,079
Oh, so I'm using
the base of my thumbs
549
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:43,959
to quell the flow of my tears.
550
00:33:43,960 --> 00:33:47,439
It's giving Kleenex.
551
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:49,119
Which series were you in?
552
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:53,080
Oh, yeah, I was in series 12
and 3/4, The Villa in Djibouti.
553
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,359
And what's it actually
like to be on the show?
554
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:58,959
Oh my God, it's amazing.
555
00:33:58,960 --> 00:34:02,320
So, OK, imagine being
trafficked, but in a nice way.
556
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:07,079
Then imagine there's a pool,
but none of us like to swim.
557
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,439
Then imagine the memory
of "UK Garage."
558
00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,159
Then imagine getting a text.
559
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:13,759
It was like that.
560
00:34:13,760 --> 00:34:16,159
And did you find
love in the villa?
561
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:18,039
Oh, yeah, I caught
feels for ZBD.
562
00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:19,479
But get this.
563
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:21,439
Week after we left, I
found out he was in fact
564
00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,079
a mirage due to my heatstroke.
565
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:30,759
Sorry, but why do so much
grafting when you're a mirage?
566
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:32,279
I've sworn off mirages now.
567
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,520
Big dicks, though.
568
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:36,959
Maybe it's
for the best that you've
569
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:38,479
been replaced with AI fruit.
570
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:40,919
Like, with love and light,
you don't seem well.
571
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:42,639
Yeah, I'm moving spooky.
572
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:45,559
I'm moving spooky.
573
00:34:45,560 --> 00:34:48,199
Cause like, Ania,
'course I would love
574
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,999
to be a cherry with a fanny.
575
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:52,679
Of course, I would.
576
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:56,199
But I have to accept that I'm
a human woman with a brain,
577
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:58,479
like it or lump it.
578
00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,879
If the British public wants
to see a peach cracking
579
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,159
onto a tomato, then so be it.
580
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,919
A tomato isn't
a fruit, by the way.
581
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:05,999
It is a fruit!
582
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,279
Right, I've had--
583
00:35:08,280 --> 00:35:10,559
He's not worth it.
584
00:35:10,560 --> 00:35:12,799
"Love Island"
contestant Chloe Biddy.
585
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:13,959
Fruit, everybody.
586
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:19,799
It's Easter.
587
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:23,599
That's right,
the time of year where
588
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,479
we celebrate the only
murdered Palestinian
589
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:26,999
we're allowed to talk about.
590
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:39,079
And over Easter,
the NHS crisis continues.
591
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:47,239
Keir Starmer, seen here
describing his favorite shape
592
00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:52,999
of box, has been unable
to convince doctors to call off
593
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,239
their upcoming six-day strike.
594
00:35:55,240 --> 00:35:58,399
So a gentle reminder, that
with no doctors on call,
595
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,519
what goes up your butt
will stay up your butt
596
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,999
for the best part of a week.
597
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,440
It will be the best part.
598
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:09,279
According to a police
report, at the scene of his car
599
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,239
crash in Florida last
week, Tiger Woods had two
600
00:36:12,240 --> 00:36:14,279
opioid pills in his pocket.
601
00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:15,919
Woods claimed he was only
keeping them in his pocket
602
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:20,119
because he'd run out
of room in his bloodstream.
603
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:21,919
The Artemis II
mission has seen
604
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:26,079
four NASA astronauts set off
for the far side of the moon.
605
00:36:26,080 --> 00:36:27,399
And if you're
wondering why they're
606
00:36:27,400 --> 00:36:29,199
so obsessed with
the back of the moon,
607
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:30,720
that's where the bum is.
608
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:35,239
Inspired by the success
of Artemis II,
609
00:36:35,240 --> 00:36:37,359
Britain's Space Agency
is planning to launch
610
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:38,879
its own rocket to the moon.
611
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,680
And it will, just as soon
as the wind picks up.
612
00:36:44,320 --> 00:36:47,999
In lighter news this week,
an adorable little dormouse
613
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,279
was found dozing
in an old helium balloon
614
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,279
caught in a tree in Essex.
615
00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:54,039
Here to tell us about
his big adventure
616
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,280
is an adorable little dormouse.
617
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:01,199
Hi, guys.
618
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,799
I'm adorable to be here.
619
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,279
Aw.
620
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:05,599
Aw, you're so cute.
621
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,239
It is so wonderful
to have you here,
622
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:09,039
an adorable little dormouse.
623
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:10,439
Cool.
624
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,079
Look at all these
big, scary cameras.
625
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:13,079
Oh, it's OK.
626
00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:14,279
Don't be intimidated.
627
00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:15,959
OK, camera 3, where you at?
628
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,479
Camera 3, where are you at?
629
00:37:17,480 --> 00:37:20,519
OK, camera 3, you got me, girl?
630
00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:23,279
@ Hey, Vogue, I'm an adorable
little dormouse,
631
00:37:23,280 --> 00:37:25,040
ú and this is what's in my bag.
632
00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:30,839
@ OK, so up first, you just
knowú it's a little buttercup
that I
633
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:32,039
sometimes wear as a hat.
634
00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:36,599
And next up.
635
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,599
Oh, I don't go anywhere without
my Aesop hyaluronic face
636
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,239
mist defense barrier.
637
00:37:41,240 --> 00:37:43,519
Shout out to Aesop.
638
00:37:43,520 --> 00:37:46,239
And up next, this one's kind
of a little bit crazy and a bit
639
00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:49,599
freaky, but it's hot sauce.
640
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,319
Sorry, are you
just making content?
641
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,039
I'm an influencer, Ania.
642
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,719
My adorable story is blowing
up, and it's my time to shine.
643
00:37:57,720 --> 00:37:59,599
I'm only going to live
for four years, Ania,
644
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:01,959
and I'll spend three
of those years hibernating.
645
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:05,399
I've got to grab my moment.
646
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,279
And that's why over
the course of this answer,
647
00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,879
I've already moved on from
being an influencer to being
648
00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:11,999
a red carpet reporter.
649
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:13,399
Ania, Ania.
650
00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:14,439
Hey, guys, we're here
with Bershka Jeans.
651
00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,759
What are you wearing, girl?
652
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,399
Tell me, what you're wearing?
653
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:18,279
Don't tell me, it's the Boys
with Character Collection
654
00:38:18,280 --> 00:38:20,279
from Georgia Asda.
655
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:21,679
You look amazing, Ania girl.
656
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:22,719
You hungry, girl?
657
00:38:22,720 --> 00:38:23,999
Uh--
658
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:27,239
And my subway
take, I think that--
659
00:38:27,240 --> 00:38:30,079
I think that
raspberries are nice.
660
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,399
90%, 90%, 90% agree.
661
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:33,919
Oh, wow.
662
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:35,519
He's so cute.
663
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:37,159
You really are moving through
the life cycle of fame
664
00:38:37,160 --> 00:38:39,119
at an unbelievable rate.
665
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:41,639
Welcome back
to of "Dormice and Men,"
666
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:46,359
where I'm talking with
my guest, Ania Magliano,
667
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,359
about me being adorable.
668
00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:51,279
Oh, you've got a podcast now.
669
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,039
Being adorable was always
my superpower, you know.
670
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,959
Suddenly, I
realized that people
671
00:38:56,960 --> 00:38:59,479
wanted me to be
adorable all the time,
672
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:00,719
and I could never be off.
673
00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:02,240
Sorry, sorry.
674
00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,159
But now, my listeners can
get help to switch off thanks
675
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:11,439
to our sponsor Dignitas.
676
00:39:11,440 --> 00:39:12,439
Dignitas?
677
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:13,399
Is that bad?
678
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:15,199
Sorry, please don't cancel me.
679
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:16,799
No, we can never--
680
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,799
we could never cancel, you
adorable little dormouse.
681
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,239
Well, wait and see.
682
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:23,719
I have invested my money
in some weird things.
683
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:28,279
Adorable little
dormouse, everybody.
684
00:39:34,840 --> 00:39:38,439
Five Met police officers
have been taken off duty
685
00:39:38,440 --> 00:39:40,879
after a bag of guns
was accidentally
686
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,159
left on the street in London.
687
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:44,879
I feel sorry for the police.
688
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,559
Sometimes you're
so busy killing
689
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,279
women that you forget where you
left your bloody machine gun.
690
00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:50,600
It's what I'm like.
691
00:39:53,240 --> 00:39:54,759
The government
is passing new laws
692
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:57,719
to make it easier to cancel
online subscriptions and
693
00:39:57,720 --> 00:39:59,239
unwanted auto renewals.
694
00:39:59,240 --> 00:40:01,719
Good news for me, bad
news for Dr. Chubb's Penis
695
00:40:01,720 --> 00:40:06,039
Pump Emporium, whose Platinum
Club is about to lose a member.
696
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:12,039
A rainbow boa constrictor
has miraculously
697
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:14,919
given birth without
fertilization
698
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,159
for the second time.
699
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,439
Does anyone else find it
kind of weird that God
700
00:40:19,440 --> 00:40:21,159
keeps bonking this snake?
701
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,639
A peacock named Pete,
who has recently taken up
702
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,639
residence in Surrey, has
reportedly learned to knock
703
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,119
on doors with his beak.
704
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:35,079
Sadly, he's doing so to alert
the neighborhood that he's
705
00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:36,639
a registered sex offender.
706
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:42,399
According to a new report from
the Department of Education,
707
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:44,879
children under 5 should
have no more than one hour
708
00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,039
of screen time per day to help
improve physical health
709
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,599
and family relationships.
710
00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,959
To discuss the impact this
might have on parenting,
711
00:40:51,960 --> 00:40:55,079
here's a father and son
who still do skin on skin.
712
00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:14,079
Thank you for having us.
713
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,679
No problem.
714
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:19,679
Now, let's talk
about screen time.
715
00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,559
Oh, it's a scourge.
716
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:25,759
It breaks my heart
to get up that cavalry
717
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,959
and see our families
glued to their phones.
718
00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,200
Nobody looking at the pork.
719
00:41:34,240 --> 00:41:37,759
Why can't everyone
just be normal?
720
00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:39,039
Yeah.
721
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:42,999
My boys never
looked at a screen.
722
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:45,799
And look at him.
723
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:47,199
He's thriving.
724
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,639
Yeah, you guys clearly
have a strong bond.
725
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:52,799
Is that because you're
screen-free?
726
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:54,599
Yeah, I don't need an iPad.
727
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:59,359
I can just pad this chest
until the happy hormones
728
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:02,479
start g-g-gushing.
729
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,319
Why are you still doing this?
730
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:08,599
Well, the midwife recommended
it for as long as you can.
731
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,199
It was great
when I were a baby,
732
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:13,439
but it's better now I'm 32.
733
00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:15,999
It's nice to know if things
are stressful at work.
734
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,680
I can get home and get
right onto dad.
735
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:22,799
How does it reduce stress?
736
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:24,239
Many, many ways.
737
00:42:24,240 --> 00:42:28,399
Regulates heart rate,
slows the breathing,
738
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,239
helps with the breastfeeding.
739
00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:32,519
Breastfeeding?
740
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:35,399
Man, I got
the glands as well.
741
00:42:35,400 --> 00:42:37,999
He just takes
discipline, Paddy.
742
00:42:38,000 --> 00:42:40,600
Nobody has discipline
these days.
743
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:44,639
Are you smelling his head?
744
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,239
Yeah!
745
00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:48,919
That's the best bit.
746
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,159
You know that newb--
747
00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:56,439
did you know that
newborn baby smell?
748
00:42:56,440 --> 00:43:00,519
Well, it's that, but older.
749
00:43:00,520 --> 00:43:02,959
This is unconventional,
but I have to say,
750
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:04,639
you guys seem really happy.
751
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:07,759
There's always room
for one more, Paddy.
752
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:12,119
Last Christmas, we got two
uncles and a cousin on here.
753
00:43:12,120 --> 00:43:14,039
Pop that shirt off, Paddy lad.
754
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:16,359
Don't be a stranger.
755
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,719
Thank you, father and son,
who still do skin-on-skin.
756
00:43:18,720 --> 00:43:20,559
Oh, let me get in here!
757
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:22,919
For "Weekend Update,"
I'm Paddy Young.
758
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,079
I'm Ania Magliano,
good night!
759
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:03,479
Good evening.
760
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,199
We are gathered here because
the Royal Society of Literature
761
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:09,879
issued a challenge to conceive
a work of Gothic horror
762
00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:14,879
that taps into mankind's
deepest, most universal fears.
763
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:18,239
Tonight, three authors
present their works--
764
00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:22,879
Ms. Eliza Faust, Mr.
Edmund Blackthorn,
765
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:26,199
and Sir Humphrey Cosgrove.
766
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,079
Ms. Faust, you have the floor.
767
00:44:34,080 --> 00:44:38,319
Tonight, I present the story
of an immortal count who feeds
768
00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,359
upon the blood of the living.
769
00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:44,159
I call it Nosferatu.
770
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,999
Quite horrifying.
771
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,639
Mr. Blackthorn?
772
00:44:50,640 --> 00:44:55,519
In my hands, the tale
of a man cursed by the moon
773
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,119
with an insatiable bloodlust.
774
00:44:58,120 --> 00:45:01,599
I give you The Wolf Man.
775
00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:07,239
And finally, Sir Humphrey.
776
00:45:07,240 --> 00:45:11,079
Esteemed
colleagues, I present
777
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,759
a tale of unspeakable terror.
778
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:20,999
I give you The Bastard Seagull.
779
00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:27,999
OK.
780
00:45:28,000 --> 00:45:29,160
OK, questions?
781
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,399
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
782
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,959
Is this like an evil
seagull, or--?
783
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:38,639
It won't bloody leave.
784
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:39,639
Bastard!
785
00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,479
OK.
786
00:45:41,480 --> 00:45:45,399
Not exactly a universal fear,
but a valiant effort, perhaps.
787
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:47,959
Now let's hear a passage
from Ms. Faust.
788
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:50,080
Reading, gentlemen.
789
00:45:54,400 --> 00:46:00,039
It was dawn-- that fragile
hour when night still clings
790
00:46:00,040 --> 00:46:02,119
to the edges of the world.
791
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:09,240
The man awoke with a start to
find the seagull very close--
792
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:14,519
but a pubes length
from his face.
793
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:15,719
He screamed.
794
00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:24,760
But the bastard didn't
give one single toss.
795
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:27,319
OK.
796
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:28,919
Let's move on, Mr. Blackthorne.
797
00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:32,959
Sorry, why is there a seagull
in this man's bedroom?
798
00:46:32,960 --> 00:46:36,239
It keeps coming
in the window.
799
00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:37,639
Why doesn't he just shut it?
800
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:39,199
It's stuck.
801
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,919
It's like one of those
old sash windows,
802
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:46,279
and it's totally jammed.
803
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,239
Sorry, is the whole
book about a man who
804
00:46:49,240 --> 00:46:50,839
has a seagull in his bedroom?
805
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:52,119
Not all of it.
806
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:53,159
Some of it's about
trying to get
807
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:56,679
in touch with your landlord.
808
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,359
Sir Humphrey,
may I remind you,
809
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:01,439
this is meant to be
a work of Gothic horror.
810
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,999
This is clearly a household
maintenance issue.
811
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,559
Yes, Mr. Blackthorn?
812
00:47:05,560 --> 00:47:06,599
Thank you.
813
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:08,999
Why can't he just
fix the window?
814
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,639
He's tried.
815
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:15,159
Every time he gets anywhere
near it, they all go mental.
816
00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:18,319
Wait, there's more
than one seagull?
817
00:47:18,320 --> 00:47:22,639
Yeah, the bastard
brought his bastard friend.
818
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:25,599
Honestly, it feels more
like their place than his
819
00:47:25,600 --> 00:47:27,239
at this point.
820
00:47:27,240 --> 00:47:28,799
God's sake!
821
00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:30,799
Please, can we move
on to one of the other books?
822
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:32,799
Yes, you, sir?
823
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:34,359
Hi!
824
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,319
Has the seagull guy thought
about introducing a bird
825
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,759
of prey to scare them off?
826
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:41,039
He got an owl!
827
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:44,239
And it's only made
it worse cause
828
00:47:44,240 --> 00:47:46,399
the seagulls didn't leave.
829
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,679
And now the owl
thinks he's its baby,
830
00:47:49,680 --> 00:47:51,999
and it gives
vomiting, dissolved
831
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,319
field mice down his throat.
832
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,959
Well, yeah-- yeah,
now tell me about it.
833
00:47:57,960 --> 00:48:00,959
And the whole room stinks.
834
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:03,119
And now there's a badger.
835
00:48:03,120 --> 00:48:04,439
Stop, sir!
836
00:48:04,440 --> 00:48:07,599
Stop!
837
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,199
You are asked to capture
mankind's deepest fears,
838
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:11,399
but this I think,
is something that's
839
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:12,719
happened specifically to you.
840
00:48:12,720 --> 00:48:14,759
Because you can't
close your window.
841
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:17,959
How dare you, sir!
842
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:23,519
The Bastard Seagull is
a work of universal terror!
843
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:27,199
There's nothing scary
about a seagull, sir.
844
00:48:32,240 --> 00:48:33,759
I told you!
845
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:36,759
We don't listen!
846
00:48:41,600 --> 00:48:45,240
Ladies and gentlemen, make
some noise for Kasabian!
847
00:48:55,400 --> 00:48:59,159
♪ We arrived
at the same place ♪
848
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:09,360
♪ Hypnotized by the lights
upon your face ♪
849
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:13,359
♪ Bodies moving,
the floor shakes ♪
850
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:18,479
♪ Eyes wide open, ♪
851
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:25,440
♪ Now we can both escape ♪
852
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,599
♪ Now we're finally
here together ♪
853
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:33,399
♪ Seeing you relieves
the pressure ♪
854
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:37,799
♪ We've been through
the stormy weather ♪
855
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:39,679
♪ Release the pressure, ♪
856
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,319
♪ Release the pressure ♪
857
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:44,959
♪ Release the pressure, ♪
858
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:46,919
♪ Release the pressure ♪
859
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:48,719
♪ Release the pressure, ♪
860
00:49:48,720 --> 00:49:51,599
♪ Release the pressure ♪
861
00:50:08,160 --> 00:50:12,519
♪ We arrived
at the same place ♪
862
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:20,039
♪ Hypnotized by the lights
upon your face ♪
863
00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,479
♪ We were so far from home, ♪
864
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,359
♪ Lost down a rabbit hole ♪
865
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:30,119
♪ No one to save our soul,
about to lose control ♪
866
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:31,839
♪ We were so far from home, ♪
867
00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,519
♪ Lost down a rabbit hole ♪
868
00:50:33,520 --> 00:50:35,079
♪ No one to save our soul, ♪
869
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:41,239
♪ About to lose control ♪
870
00:50:41,240 --> 00:50:43,959
Get your hands in the air.
871
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:47,039
♪ On your # three # piece suite.
872
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:48,200
Shake!
873
00:50:53,360 --> 00:50:56,879
♪ Now we're finally
here together ♪
874
00:50:56,880 --> 00:51:00,719
♪ Seeing you relieves
the pressure ♪
875
00:51:00,720 --> 00:51:04,999
♪ We've been through
the stormy weather ♪
876
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:06,839
♪ Release the pressure, ♪
877
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:08,519
♪ Release the pressure ♪
878
00:51:08,520 --> 00:51:12,319
♪ Release the pressure, ♪
879
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:14,119
♪ Release the pressure ♪
880
00:51:14,120 --> 00:51:15,999
♪ Release the pressure, ♪
881
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,719
♪ Release the pressure ♪
882
00:51:18,720 --> 00:51:21,159
♪ I wanna save my soul ♪
883
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:35,439
♪ I'm coming in,
I'm coming in ♪
884
00:51:35,440 --> 00:51:36,559
♪ yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, ♪
885
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:38,119
♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo ♪
886
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:39,839
♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo,
yo, yo, yo, yo. ♪
887
00:52:10,240 --> 00:52:11,999
Basically, I keep
having nightmares
888
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:14,879
that I'm going to leave my baby
on the bus, which is weird
889
00:52:14,880 --> 00:52:16,999
because I never take the bus.
890
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:22,199
Sasha, darling, you could
leave your baby anywhere.
891
00:52:22,200 --> 00:52:24,119
Hi, hi.
Sorry we're late.
892
00:52:24,120 --> 00:52:25,199
Sorry, hi.
893
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:26,359
You must be Nick?
894
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:27,959
Well, welcome.
- Oh, thank you.
895
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:29,359
Look, before you
meet my partner,
896
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:32,079
I just wanted to give
you a heads up.
897
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:33,639
Big weekend coming up.
898
00:52:33,640 --> 00:52:35,599
A lot of big feelings.
899
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:45,839
No one look at me.
900
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:48,119
I'm a house.
901
00:52:48,120 --> 00:52:50,359
Oh my God, that's
the Easter Bunny.
902
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:51,959
Aw.
We'll do pickies later.
903
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:53,319
Nick, give me a hand.
904
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:54,519
Yeah, just give me
your weight, baby.
905
00:52:54,520 --> 00:52:55,719
Just trust me.
- Don't drop me.
906
00:52:55,720 --> 00:52:56,719
Just trust me.
Give me your weight.
907
00:52:56,720 --> 00:52:57,159
Thank you.
908
00:52:57,160 --> 00:52:58,719
Oh.
909
00:52:58,720 --> 00:53:01,119
Oh, oh.
910
00:53:01,120 --> 00:53:05,119
Oh, Pascal, can I just
say, it's so nice to see
911
00:53:05,120 --> 00:53:06,319
another gay couple here.
912
00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:07,959
Yeah, seriously, so nice.
913
00:53:07,960 --> 00:53:10,079
We meet a couple like you,
and it's like, yeah, they are
914
00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:14,119
the exact same thing as us.
915
00:53:14,120 --> 00:53:16,239
I don't know about
exact same thing.
916
00:53:16,240 --> 00:53:20,079
So, Nick and Pascal,
how are you feeling?
917
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:23,119
Oh, gosh, I mean, all the
normal stuff, I think, right?
918
00:53:23,120 --> 00:53:24,839
Nervous, excited.
919
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:29,119
Yeah, yeah, really stressed
about pushing all 82 million
920
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:30,280
of them out.
921
00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:35,839
But hey, what are
people supposed to do?
922
00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:37,999
Not have Easter eggs.
923
00:53:38,000 --> 00:53:38,999
What?
924
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:40,159
Oh my God.
925
00:53:40,160 --> 00:53:42,239
You give birth
to Easter eggs?
926
00:53:42,240 --> 00:53:43,479
No, he does.
927
00:53:46,880 --> 00:53:49,279
I assumed-- gosh, sorry.
928
00:53:49,280 --> 00:53:50,879
I suddenly feel a bit sick.
929
00:53:50,880 --> 00:53:54,519
I assumed Easter eggs were
all made in factories.
930
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:56,079
Then I suggest
you educate yourself
931
00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:59,279
on queer history, my love.
932
00:53:59,280 --> 00:54:01,919
Somehow, I don't think
it's a queer thing.
933
00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:03,759
Well, what is it then?
934
00:54:03,760 --> 00:54:05,559
I don't know anything
about gay culture,
935
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:07,439
so this is a real
education for me.
936
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:11,359
No, please don't learn
anything from this.
937
00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:13,959
Well, I think it's
a very generous thing
938
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:16,079
you're doing, carrying
all those eggs
939
00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,039
and giving them away to people.
940
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:19,119
Oh, thanks, doll.
941
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:20,839
I mean, my body's shot.
942
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,359
My nipples are so long,
you could braid them.
943
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:26,039
Oh, that's a good idea
for Bella's wedding, you know,
944
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:27,439
braid my nipples
945
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:29,079
Actually, yeah,
that's really good.
946
00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:30,759
You must be so proud watching
the whole nation eat them?
947
00:54:30,760 --> 00:54:31,760
What?
948
00:54:34,640 --> 00:54:37,519
He thinks people raise
the eggs as their children.
949
00:54:37,520 --> 00:54:39,519
Can we please not pull
the curtain back on this?
950
00:54:39,520 --> 00:54:40,639
Thank you.
951
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:43,199
My ears are
famously huge, Nick.
952
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:46,279
You're not even
covering up the holes.
953
00:54:46,280 --> 00:54:47,599
Babe, babe, babe,
don't freak out.
954
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:48,839
No, no, no, no.
955
00:54:48,840 --> 00:54:52,799
Is it true what he
said, the foreign one?
956
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:54,439
I'm Scottish.
957
00:54:54,440 --> 00:54:59,079
Babe, the eggs,
they're chocolate.
958
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:02,240
Nick, you're scaring me.
959
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:05,479
Chocolate is food, Pascal.
960
00:55:05,480 --> 00:55:08,199
I can't shield you
from this anymore.
961
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:11,079
They eat the eggs
because chocolate is food.
962
00:55:11,080 --> 00:55:16,839
But hey, hey, those eggs make
a lot of people very happy.
963
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:18,359
They-- they do?
964
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:19,879
Yes.
965
00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:24,239
Yes, children and adults who
are too close to their parents.
966
00:55:24,240 --> 00:55:27,519
And people who win
crap raffles in May.
967
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:31,039
They give so many
people so much joy.
968
00:55:31,040 --> 00:55:32,679
I love you so much.
969
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:34,879
I'm so proud of you,
and I'm proud of us,
970
00:55:34,880 --> 00:55:36,559
and I'm proud of you.
971
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:38,439
I'm proud of us.
972
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:43,119
Is it rude to ask, like,
where the eggs come out of?
973
00:55:43,120 --> 00:55:45,760
How dare you?
974
00:55:47,920 --> 00:55:54,359
This rabbit has been giving
birth every year since 1873.
975
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:57,559
Crackhouse pitbulls
lead better lives.
976
00:55:57,560 --> 00:55:59,959
You know what?
977
00:55:59,960 --> 00:56:02,559
I am wrung out like a flannel,
and you've done nothing
978
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:07,279
but belittle me, him, and our
community since we've arrived.
979
00:56:07,280 --> 00:56:09,959
Boys, as an ally,
I am mortified.
980
00:56:09,960 --> 00:56:10,959
Do you know what?
981
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:12,359
Just save your apologies.
982
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:13,679
He's due any minute,
and the birthing process
983
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:15,239
is literally one
of the scariest things
984
00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:17,319
you can possibly imagine.
985
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:19,039
So we're leaving.
- Help me up, Nick.
986
00:56:19,040 --> 00:56:20,519
Give me your weight, baby.
Surrender to me.
987
00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:21,719
- Don't drop me.
- Surrender to me.
988
00:56:21,720 --> 00:56:22,759
OK.
989
00:56:22,760 --> 00:56:23,959
Get the bags, get the bags.
990
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:25,199
Get the car ready.
991
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:26,359
It's outrageous.
992
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:27,720
I don't know why
we even bother.
993
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:35,879
And they come out the back.
994
00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:50,479
Wow!
995
00:56:50,480 --> 00:56:53,079
Make some noise.
996
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:54,919
My biggest thanks to Kasabian.
997
00:56:54,920 --> 00:56:58,239
And a huge thank you to the
cast, the writers, everyone
998
00:56:58,240 --> 00:57:00,679
working on tonight's
show for making this such
999
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:02,199
an unforgettable week.
1000
00:57:02,200 --> 00:57:03,999
Thank you so much
for tuning in, for turning
1001
00:57:04,000 --> 00:57:05,159
up, and good night.
71269
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