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1
00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,639
Whoa, whoa, whoa, golly.
2
00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:17,999
Well, what if Donald
shouts at me?
3
00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,240
What do I say, Lammy?
4
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:24,199
Just be yourself,
Prime Minister.
5
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,240
Yourself is who everyone likes.
6
00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:29,759
Hello?
7
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:30,760
Ah!
8
00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:39,199
Oh, sod that scary, scary,
wonderful president.
9
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,719
Why is it so blubbered
difficult to talk to?
10
00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,319
Sir, just be honest
and tell him we
11
00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:48,719
can't send any more ships
to the Strait of Hormuz.
12
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:49,959
Oh, crumbs.
13
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,839
I just hate conflict so much.
14
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,599
Are you referring
to the war or this phone call?
15
00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,479
Isn't there a way
I can not do both?
16
00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,639
I just want to keep
him happy, Lammy.
17
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:05,679
You don't understand
him like I do.
18
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:07,400
I can change him.
19
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:11,839
I don't think
the feeling's mutual.
20
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,279
He can't stop insulting you.
21
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:14,999
He called you a coward.
22
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,359
I'm out of my depth
here, Lammy.
23
00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:23,199
How did Liz Truss make
this job look so easy?
24
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:26,399
Look, we were worried
you'd lose your nerve.
25
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,799
So we've taken steps to help
you gain unfounded confidence.
26
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:33,119
Mr. Prime Minister, meet
your Gen Z advisor Atlu Hoopy.
27
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:34,119
What's up, Starmzy?
28
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,639
Bow, bow, bow.
29
00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:38,879
Atlu Hoopy is the most
qualified person we have.
30
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:42,239
He is the only person under
23 who voted Labour and would
31
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,599
so again in the next election.
32
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,319
You're not voting
for the Green party?
33
00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:49,999
Nah, my dad works in oil.
34
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:54,159
No cap, Starmzy, I love you
and I do hearts this way
35
00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,319
with my thumb.
36
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,999
Thank you Atlu Hoopy.
37
00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,959
I love you too.
38
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,319
Sir Keir is trying to set
boundaries with the president
39
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,079
while preserving
their special relationship.
40
00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,319
I see, facts, facts are key.
41
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,919
So you're looking for more
of a special situationship.
42
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:13,479
OK, I've got you covered.
43
00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,999
I'm an expert in messy drama.
44
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,520
I've been in three throuples
and I'm currently gay.
45
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:23,239
First thing you gotta do, you
got to forget the phone call.
46
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,599
These days, it's all
about the voice note.
47
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,359
I'll try anything.
48
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,359
I'll do anything.
49
00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,480
Except take a stand.
50
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:35,639
That is so Kier-coded.
51
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,240
Hey, listen, take the phone
and just speak from the heart.
52
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:42,160
Hi, Donald.
53
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,719
I'm afraid I can't
go to war with you.
54
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:51,479
But that doesn't mean
we can't still be chums.
55
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,839
America and Britain have
a long, proud tradition
56
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,919
of cooperation, and nothing
can take that away.
57
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,039
Remember the good times.
58
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:04,239
Remember D-Day.
59
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,959
Remember Live Aid.
60
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,719
Remember Iraq--
61
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:12,560
For the first week,
and then none of the rest.
62
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:19,079
Remember Helen
Baxendale on "Friends."
63
00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,559
Remember Hugh
Laurie on "Friends."
64
00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:24,399
Remember the episode
of "Friends"
65
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:27,119
where they all came to London.
66
00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:32,919
Remember the one where Joey put
on all of Chandler's clothes.
67
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,360
That was a funny one.
68
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,639
Get back on track, Sir Kier.
69
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:40,999
Yes.
70
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,679
Most importantly, remember
the one where Ross and
71
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,199
Rachel were on a break.
72
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,719
I think perhaps
that's what we need.
73
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:51,519
Not forever, just
until you've got all
74
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,519
this war out of your system.
75
00:03:53,520 --> 00:03:56,639
Listen, we want
different things.
76
00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:00,799
I know how badly you want
to start World War III,
77
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,319
and that's great.
78
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,919
You should absolutely do that.
79
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,359
But we can't be a part of it.
80
00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:14,159
You can, however, use the Naval
bases whenever you want.
81
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,280
Mi basa, su basa.
82
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:25,679
Sick job, K-dot.
83
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,839
Good work, Sir Keir.
84
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:30,399
You did the bare minimum.
85
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,919
And that's all people expect.
86
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,599
Thank you, Lammy.
87
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,639
It just goes to show,
while we may not
88
00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:40,319
agree with everything
America does,
89
00:04:40,320 --> 00:04:43,359
we can still be
civil and embrace
90
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:48,079
their wonderful,
unproblematic culture.
91
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:54,359
Speaking of which, live from
London it's Saturday Night!
92
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:10,720
It's "Saturday Night
Live" with Hammed Animashaun.
93
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:21,119
Ayoade Bamgboye.
94
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,439
Larry Dean.
95
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,479
Celeste Dring.
96
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,799
George Fouracres.
97
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,559
Ania Magliano.
98
00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:52,599
Annabel Marlow.
99
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:57,119
Al Nash.
100
00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:02,719
Jack Shep.
101
00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,639
Emma Sidi.
102
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,119
Paddy Young.
103
00:06:21,160 --> 00:06:24,399
Musical guest, Wet Leg.
104
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,999
And your host, Tina Fey.
105
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,919
Ladies and gentlemen, Tina Fey!
106
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:01,999
Thank you very much.
107
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,319
Oh, my gosh.
108
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,519
I am so excited
to be here in London.
109
00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,559
It is an absolute honor
and honestly kind of historic.
110
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:15,279
Guys, I am the youngest
person ever to host "SNL UK"!
111
00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:20,999
Again, my name is Tina Fey.
112
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,839
Here in the UK--
113
00:07:22,840 --> 00:07:25,639
here in the UK, you might know
me as the teacher from "Mean
114
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:30,919
Girls," or you might remember
a long time ago when I played
115
00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:33,200
Sarah Palin on "SNL" US.
116
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:38,279
Or maybe you feel like you
recognize me as the lady
117
00:07:38,280 --> 00:07:41,279
from the show "Veep."
118
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,279
And that's fine too.
119
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,039
Let's go with that.
120
00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,919
So why do a UK
version of "SNL."
121
00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,479
Well, like so many large-scale
American operations
122
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,719
these days, no one
really knows why.
123
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,999
But here's what this is, OK?
124
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,599
It is a sketch comedy show.
125
00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:01,359
There will be a different
celebrity host each week.
126
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,239
There will be
music performances.
127
00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:08,199
And the show is truly live,
so things may go wrong.
128
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:09,999
Things may have
already gone wrong.
129
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,479
My pants were supposed
to be full length.
130
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:15,959
And I'm so excited
for you to meet your cast.
131
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,239
They are wonderful.
132
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,159
I can't even begin
to understand
133
00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:22,359
them when they speak.
134
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:27,119
One boy is either
Scottish or choking.
135
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,319
But their energy is A plus.
136
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,839
And I am going to stay
out of their way tonight
137
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,119
as much as possible.
138
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,759
I am just here,
as a longtime "SNL"
139
00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:40,479
employee to help out and to
answer any questions anyone
140
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:41,679
might have of what to expect.
141
00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:42,679
Oh, hi.
142
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:43,679
Yeah, Nicola Coughlan.
143
00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:44,679
Hi.
144
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,879
Hi.
145
00:08:48,880 --> 00:08:50,399
It is lovely to see you.
146
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,279
But my question is,
if this is "SNL UK," then
147
00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,959
why are you the first host?
148
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,519
Shouldn't it be
like a British icon,
149
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,719
like David Beckham or--
or Judi Dench or, like, Shrek?
150
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:02,919
Yeah, Shrek.
151
00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:04,959
Wait, Shrek is British?
152
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,159
Scotland is in Britain, Tina.
153
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,759
Educate yourself.
154
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,359
Sorry, my apologies.
155
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:13,479
Well, that is a valid
question, why an American host.
156
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,759
And the way it was
explained to me
157
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:19,159
was that for this first
episode, anyway, um,
158
00:09:19,160 --> 00:09:21,079
how do I put this politely?
159
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,759
None of you fuckers
would do it.
160
00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:25,759
Does that make sense?
161
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,079
Yeah, it does, it does.
162
00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,159
But is it possible
that many of us
163
00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,559
were a little reluctant
to be in the first show
164
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,359
because this is
going out in Britain,
165
00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:38,559
and British people tend to root
for the failure of others?
166
00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:39,799
Yes!
167
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,759
Yeah, yeah, why are
you guys like that?
168
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:42,879
Well, not me.
169
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,799
I'm Irish.
170
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:45,839
Educate yourself.
171
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:47,879
Yes.
172
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,039
Look, that all is to say,
if this show is a hit,
173
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,679
and if you do
ever happen to get
174
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:54,199
Olly Murs for musical guest,
I would be honored to come
175
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:56,479
back and win a BAFTA for it.
176
00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:57,399
Amazing!
177
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,559
That's great to know.
178
00:09:58,560 --> 00:09:59,560
Thank you, Nicola.
179
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:04,399
Any-- any other questions?
180
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,839
Oh, sure.
Michael Cera.
181
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:07,000
Hi.
182
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:12,159
Hi, Tina.
183
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,359
Hi, Michael.
184
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:14,599
Why are you here?
185
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,079
You're not British.
- No, no.
186
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,159
I'm Canadian.
187
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:18,119
It's part of the Commonwealth.
188
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,119
Educate yourself.
189
00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,039
Sorry.
190
00:10:22,040 --> 00:10:23,759
No, I don't really
have a question.
191
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,199
But I just wanted
to say, I think--
192
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,959
I think you just
swore a second ago.
193
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:27,999
You said the F word.
194
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,519
Oh, yeah.
195
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,159
We are allowed to swear
in this version of the show.
196
00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,559
It's crazy.
197
00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,039
But can I try?
198
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,759
Sure, if you want to.
199
00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:42,999
Shitbird.
200
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,839
Just fucking bollocks!
201
00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:48,759
Yeah, I think I would
use it sparingly.
202
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,119
It feels kind of unclassy.
203
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,279
Yeah, you know what?
You're right.
204
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,279
I agree, Michael.
205
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:53,279
That's a great note.
206
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,399
Thank you so much.
207
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,959
I think we have
time for one more.
208
00:10:58,960 --> 00:10:59,959
Oh, yes.
209
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:01,039
Graham Norton!
210
00:11:03,920 --> 00:11:05,639
So nice to see you.
211
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:09,679
I just wondered, did you know
that this is usually my studio?
212
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:11,359
Yeah, I did
hear that, Graham.
213
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:12,919
Thank you for loaning it to us.
214
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,639
Oh, would you
mind if I came up
215
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,199
there and just showed you a
fiddly thing about this place?
216
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,279
Oh, I would love it.
Come on.
217
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:18,239
Graham Norton, everybody.
218
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,159
Come on up.
219
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:21,159
Yeah.
220
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,359
Great.
221
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,279
Thank you, Thank
you, Thank you.
222
00:11:23,280 --> 00:11:24,679
Yeah, sure.
223
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,399
Now, Tina, I believe
you've always had
224
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:30,439
a deep love of British comedy.
225
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,279
Are you interviewing me now?
226
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,439
Let me help you.
227
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,519
I have a gift for making
American celebrities
228
00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:39,279
likable to a British audience.
229
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,119
Wait, are we not likable?
230
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:42,280
Oh.
231
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,399
Hey, I hear you
have a really funny
232
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:49,399
story about watching
British television
233
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,679
as a-- as a young child.
234
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:51,919
Oh, well, yes.
235
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:54,719
Actually, growing up,
we thought that anything
236
00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:56,319
British was educational.
237
00:11:56,320 --> 00:11:58,679
So my parents showed
us all British shows.
238
00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:01,359
And we used to watch
"Benny Hill" as a family.
239
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:03,199
No.
240
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,999
As a young girl, you
would watch "Benny Hill"?
241
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:07,439
Yeah.
242
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,239
It really messed
me up sexually.
243
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:11,599
What about "Ab Fab"?
244
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:12,959
Oh, sweetie,
darling, you're just
245
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,119
a little shopgirl, darling.
246
00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:15,479
"Keeping up Appearances."
247
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,279
Richard!
248
00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:17,759
Oh, And "Monty Python."
249
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:19,279
That is an ex-parrot.
250
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,319
"Fawlty Towers."
251
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,919
Nobody mention the war.
252
00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,119
"Are You Being Served?"
253
00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:25,759
My pussy is like
an alarm clock.
254
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,199
"Reggie Perrin."
255
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,119
I didn't get where I
am today by waffling.
256
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:30,519
Deep cut "Monty Python."
257
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,599
We lived in shoe
box in middle of road.
258
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:34,719
"EastEnders."
259
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,119
I killed Ethel.
260
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,399
Oh, mwah!
261
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:42,319
And David-- David Brent.
262
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,519
There's been a rape up there!
263
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:45,479
Top trends.
264
00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:47,999
Nothing beats a Jet2 holiday!
265
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,519
♪ Autoglass repair ♪
266
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:50,799
♪ Autoglass replace ♪
267
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:51,799
Oh!
268
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,399
That's it, Tina.
269
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,919
They're all yours now, Tina.
All yours.
270
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:55,919
Thank you.
271
00:12:55,920 --> 00:12:57,039
We've got a great show.
272
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,119
Wet Leg is here.
273
00:12:58,120 --> 00:12:59,799
Stick around and watch this!
274
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:08,279
When it comes
to age-defying skincare,
275
00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:10,319
I don't need a time machine.
276
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,599
I just need
something that works.
277
00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:16,079
So I can bring
back the spark in me.
278
00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:17,680
And in us.
279
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,719
And now I've found it.
280
00:13:21,720 --> 00:13:24,919
The anti-aging cream that
works so well, everyone
281
00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:26,719
will think your husband--
282
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:29,719
is a nonce.
283
00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:31,079
She's my wife.
284
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,959
She's a grown woman.
- Shut your mouth!
285
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,160
You make me sick.
286
00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:40,479
Introducing Undérage.
287
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,759
With active compounds
and hyaluronic acid,
288
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,399
Undérage delivers special
protection for your skin
289
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,359
and ensures your husband
will need special protection
290
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,999
when he's in jail.
291
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,679
My wife's skin has never
looked more youthful and fresh.
292
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,239
It's destroyed my life!
293
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,879
Thanks, Undérage.
294
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,639
My skin looks so fresh,
my husband can't go anywhere
295
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,319
without being hunted
by right-wing,
296
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:01,879
pedophile-catching militias.
297
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:07,199
We know you're in there!
298
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,159
Frank, someone's at the door.
299
00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:11,479
Thanks, Undérage.
300
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,919
My husband is
no longer allowed
301
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:15,599
within 200 feet of a school.
302
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,919
My husband lost his
record deal and some,
303
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:22,279
but not all, of his fans.
304
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,079
He loves the way I look.
305
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,199
Yeah.
306
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,799
But, you know, not like that.
307
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:27,799
Sorry.
308
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,359
Excuse me.
309
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,199
Little girl, do
you know this man?
310
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,199
That's my wife.
311
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,679
You sick bastard.
312
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:41,079
He's married
to an Undérage girl.
313
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,319
I'm married
to an underage girl.
314
00:14:44,320 --> 00:14:46,799
I don't know if I
pronounced that right.
315
00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:47,799
I don't know about that.
316
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,239
No, I didn't mean that.
317
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:52,199
No, it's the name of the thing.
318
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,959
Undérage.
319
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,639
I'm not underage.
320
00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:56,639
Or am I?
321
00:14:56,640 --> 00:14:57,639
She's not.
322
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:58,439
She's not!
323
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,199
Undérage by Pedolay.
324
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:11,119
Hello.
325
00:15:11,120 --> 00:15:13,959
I'm David Attenborough.
326
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,240
And it can't be long now.
327
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:26,239
As the only remaining national
treasure not on that list,
328
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:30,959
I enjoy a place as one of 90%
of the British public's
329
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:33,319
dream dinner party guests.
330
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,839
But I'm often asked
who would be on mine.
331
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:41,999
Well, using DNA sampling and my
own brother's "Jurassic Park"
332
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:46,439
technology, I have reanimated
some of history's greatest
333
00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:51,359
Britons for one night only
so that I can ask them what
334
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:54,199
really makes Britain great.
335
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,240
This is David Attenborough's
"Last Supper."
336
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:09,519
I'd like to welcome my guests.
337
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,559
Prime Minister
Winston Churchill.
338
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:16,879
Astronomer and mathematician
Sir Isaac Newton.
339
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,359
Nurse Mary Seacole.
340
00:16:20,360 --> 00:16:22,560
Diana, Princess of Wales.
341
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,199
Author Agatha Christie.
342
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,439
Poet Benjamin Zephaniah.
343
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,839
Freddie Mercury from Queen.
344
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,639
♪ - Ay-oh! ♪
345
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:40,159
Elizabeth I from
being the Queen.
346
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:41,759
♪ - Ay-oh! ♪
347
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,199
Surprise, surprise,
it's Cilla Black.
348
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,839
Ay-oh, Chuck!
349
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,599
Thanks so much for hosting
this dinner party, Sir David.
350
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,479
You're very
welcome, Princess Di.
351
00:16:54,480 --> 00:17:01,600
Now, as this cloning technology
only works for one hour.
352
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,519
I'll cut to the chase.
353
00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:12,519
What do you think
makes Britain great?
354
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,119
Before we commence,
there is a mystery
355
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,079
I should like to solve.
356
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,639
Are we doing starters?
357
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:21,719
I'm getting a starter.
358
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:22,839
I'm bleeding starving.
359
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:23,839
Yes.
360
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:25,479
Order whatever you like.
361
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:29,559
Tonight is about thrilling
conversation and the greatness
362
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,719
of Great Britain.
363
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,399
Yes, Winston Churchill?
364
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,759
Shall we get three
starters for the table
365
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,279
and do picky bits?
366
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:40,439
♪ - Ay-oh! ♪
367
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:41,999
Freddie says he
wants the croquettes.
368
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:42,999
Oh.
369
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,679
Oh, yeah.
370
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,320
I'd have the croquettes, but
I only want a little nibble.
371
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,719
Well, hang on, hang on.
372
00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,559
By my calculations, there are
three croquettes in one order
373
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:00,679
and 10 of us.
374
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,959
Therefore, if we
order three portions,
375
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,559
one person will miss out.
376
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,879
The solution is simple.
377
00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,759
We order four.
378
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,519
That means that three people
will get two croquettes.
379
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:11,799
But who?
380
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,199
Another mystery.
381
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,159
Look, look, look, look, look.
382
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,839
Don't-- don't worry
about the food.
383
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:21,679
The BBC have spared no expense
bringing you back to life.
384
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:26,359
I'm sure they're happy
to cover one dinner at the Ivy.
385
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:30,439
Now, as to the source
of Britain's greatness.
386
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,919
Not to be that person,
but I don't like croquettes.
387
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:33,959
I'd rather get the soup.
388
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,239
Hang about.
389
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,839
That's a lot of starter
just for you.
390
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,079
Freddie is right.
391
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,079
We shouldn't all have
to pay for your starter.
392
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:44,079
Well, no one's paying.
393
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,279
No one's paying.
394
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,799
It's-- It's covered, guys.
395
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,879
Tonight is about
scintillating conversation
396
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,879
and learning from each other.
397
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:55,879
Yes?
398
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:57,399
Benjamin Zephaniah.
399
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,319
Do you think each curry
comes with a free rice?
400
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,799
If it has an asterisk
next to its name,
401
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,520
then it comes with free rice.
402
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:08,079
♪ People on the street ♪
403
00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,399
You're right, Freddy, there
are some people on the street,
404
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,159
but that doesn't answer
the question about poppadoms.
405
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:16,959
Stop it!
406
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,359
Stop it now!
407
00:19:19,360 --> 00:19:23,119
It doesn't matter
what we have to eat.
408
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,439
Put that down!
409
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:25,440
Put it--
410
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,119
This experiment has
been a complete waste
411
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,519
of time and money.
412
00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:33,639
The answer I was
looking for as to
413
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:39,159
what makes Britain truly great
was the NHS and Center Parcs.
414
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:42,959
There you've ruined it.
415
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,240
Dinner over.
416
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,959
Now, we shall move
on to the lovemaking
417
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,480
portion of the evening.
418
00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:56,999
Anybody who wants to leave,
now's your chance.
419
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,199
Head over
to iPlayer now to see
420
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:05,759
@the full uncut edition of
Davidú Attenborough's Last
Supper.
421
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,639
Heya, how you doing?
422
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:42,919
I'm Ed Boovies.
423
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:46,159
Welcome to Boovies goes
to the Films, the show
424
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:47,999
about all things cinema.
425
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,719
And this is a very special day.
426
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,479
I'm pinching myself,
to be honest.
427
00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,440
@ We've got Ricky Hall and Lena
Phillips in the house!
428
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:59,319
- What's happening?
- Good to be here.
429
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,079
They're here to talk to us
through their new film,
430
00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,239
"Hot Streak."
431
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,039
And they are two
icons of cinema!
432
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:05,119
I hope you don't
mind me saying.
433
00:21:05,120 --> 00:21:07,079
No, I don't mind at all.
434
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:08,079
Keep saying it.
435
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:15,119
Lena, I've been a fan since
your first film, "Sunrise Eyes"
436
00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:17,079
Wow, that's a deep cut.
437
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:18,719
Yeah.
438
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:20,199
Cult classic alert.
439
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:25,679
And Ricky, "Crazy
Goat," underrated movie.
440
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,199
- Thanks so much, man.
- No, no.
441
00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:28,879
Thank you.
442
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,399
I guess I'm trying to say, I
love you and your work so much.
443
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:32,679
I hope that's not too creepy.
444
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,879
Oh, thank you.
445
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:35,279
Thanks so much, man, wow.
446
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:37,039
OK, so let's talk
about "Hot Streak."
447
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,159
I watched this last night.
448
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:39,760
It fucking sucked.
449
00:21:46,120 --> 00:21:48,199
Excuse me?
450
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,359
It sucked.
451
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,319
So bad, like all
the way through.
452
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:53,520
What happened?
453
00:21:58,800 --> 00:21:59,799
Um.
454
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:00,760
Lena, you first.
455
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,039
Yeah, well, we loved
working on this movie.
456
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:09,999
Yeah, it was a dream to work
with Vicky, our director.
457
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,559
But why did it suck so bad,
like all the way through?
458
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:15,199
Well, I don't
think it sucked.
459
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,719
It did.
460
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:17,799
Did it?
461
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:19,039
Yeah, all the way through.
462
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,119
Where's our PR?
463
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:22,719
No, no, he's gone
to get me some fruit.
464
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,720
Look.
465
00:22:25,120 --> 00:22:26,359
I could be wrong.
466
00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,079
I don't think I
am, but I could be.
467
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:32,279
Let's check out a clip.
468
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:33,999
You have to listen to me,
you're our only hope.
469
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,120
Oh, boo!
470
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,439
This is sucking so bad.
471
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:43,279
Ricky, you're not
even acting there.
472
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:47,239
I mean, you are acting,
but it's so wrong and sour,
473
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,599
you know?
474
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,799
No, no, stop the tape,
stop the tape.
475
00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:52,720
It's just-- that sucks.
476
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:56,279
I just--
477
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,319
I just know if you
tried, if everyone tried
478
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:07,399
and like gave you everything,
we could have got there.
479
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,039
It didn't have to be
good, you know.
480
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,279
I don't need good.
481
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:14,359
I just need it not
to fucking suck,
482
00:23:14,360 --> 00:23:15,799
like, all the way through.
483
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,239
Can everything stop
sucking all the time?
484
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:21,079
Because it's
making my life bad.
485
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,359
Is that too much to ask?
486
00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:24,839
Please.
487
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:25,839
Sorry.
488
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,159
We're-- we're sorry.
489
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,919
That's OK.
490
00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,639
Join us next time on "Boovies
goes to the Films."
491
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,799
I'm Ed Boovies wishing
you a decent day.
492
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:38,159
Awe, get in, legend, thanks.
493
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,399
Get to work.
494
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,079
What a time to be
alive, people.
495
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,399
My name is Turpin Turpin.
496
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,599
Yep.
497
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:49,999
@ Both my names are Turpin.
Great job.
498
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,599
All right.
Jan, how are we doing?
499
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:52,439
Good.
- Yeah.
500
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:53,959
What do we do here?
501
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:55,319
We're all working together
to make the internet as
502
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:56,719
bad as we can possibly get it.
503
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:58,239
It's a team effort.
504
00:23:58,240 --> 00:23:59,719
I'm Jan.
505
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,999
I'm almost 19 and I'm
the password manager.
506
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:05,519
@ Essentially, my job is justú
before you enter in a short,
507
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,799
@memorable password of your
own,ú I come up with a very long
508
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,959
and complicated one,
hoping I'll remember
509
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:12,639
it and then I don't.
510
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,919
I'm the X-Man.
511
00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,599
I do all the x's
for online adverts.
512
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:17,719
@ We try and make them smaller
than any human finger.
513
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:20,479
Even if you do notice it,
what does an x even mean?
514
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,319
Sometimes it can mean
close this window.
515
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,199
Sometimes it can mean
open four more windows.
516
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:27,719
It can be either.
517
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,159
I think most people
think it's the first one.
518
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:31,720
Most people voted for Hitler.
519
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:34,959
Sorry.
520
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:36,279
I'm online a lot.
521
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:37,919
I don't know what's real.
522
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,039
The thing is, is there are
websites that no one would
523
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:41,679
ever intentionally visit.
524
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:44,679
You know, no one actually wants
to enter the r house draw.
525
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,839
No one is really owed
money just for being
526
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,159
born between 1995 and 1997.
527
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:51,599
And no one intentionally
clicks on "Family Guy"
528
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,439
porn, except me.
529
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,599
But that's only because of how
much I like to look at it.
530
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:58,599
Good, people.
531
00:24:58,600 --> 00:24:59,759
This is good.
532
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:00,959
Whoa!
533
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:02,479
My speciality?
534
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,079
I'm the guy who moves
things at the last second
535
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,639
so that people clickú on
the wrong stuff online.
536
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,559
OK, she's about
to click stand by.
537
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:16,799
Standing by.
538
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,999
She's hovering.
539
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,559
Sh-- she's hovering.
540
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,320
And budge it.
541
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,079
Buy something!
542
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:34,079
Annoying.
543
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,679
Yes!
544
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,039
That's five seconds
she won't get back.
545
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:47,279
Sir, we got her.
546
00:25:47,280 --> 00:25:50,319
Oh, this is beautiful.
547
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:51,559
Do you get paid?
548
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:53,839
No, no no, no.
549
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:54,839
But let me ask you this.
550
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:55,959
Let me ask you this.
551
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,039
Do you get paid for your job?
552
00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:58,200
Yeah.
553
00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:02,559
Interesting.
554
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:29,799
Gosh, 10 hours of labor.
555
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,119
Doesn't look like this
little man's in a rush.
556
00:26:32,120 --> 00:26:33,719
Why is it taking so long?
557
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,119
Don't worry, he's just
a bit-- he's just a bit shy.
558
00:26:36,120 --> 00:26:38,679
Aw.
559
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,159
Aw look it, he's
just sort of hiding.
560
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:42,599
Bless him.
561
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:44,359
There's not wrong with
being shy, is there?
562
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:46,719
Oh, not wrong at all.
563
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,799
I think I prefer a shy
one, to be honest.
564
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:50,799
Out of my way.
565
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:52,079
I'm Dr. Amanda Miller.
566
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:53,679
I graduated Harvard
summa cum laude.
567
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,959
My kids are very mean
to me, but I don't have time
568
00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:57,279
to get into that right now.
569
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:59,519
Wait, why is
the obstetrician here?
570
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:01,399
He's just a bit shy, isn't he?
571
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:02,879
I wish that was the case.
572
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:06,039
I'm so sorry, Mrs. Cook,
but your baby is not shy.
573
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,319
He's something
much more sinister.
574
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:11,400
He's pretending to be
shy for attention.
575
00:27:15,320 --> 00:27:19,519
And we need to act fast
before it metastasizes.
576
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:21,199
This all seems
a bit dramatic.
577
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,839
Well, unless
you want your son
578
00:27:22,840 --> 00:27:26,199
to be an adult man who is
addicted to canceling plans,
579
00:27:26,200 --> 00:27:28,320
let me do my goddamn job.
580
00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:31,559
Well, wait.
581
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:32,799
Hang on.
582
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,479
What-- what if he's
shy around strangers,
583
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:37,039
but he lets his guard down
around people he trusts?
584
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,999
Like an introverted extrovert?
585
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:40,839
Yeah, those are
essentially a myth.
586
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:43,439
Most people who make a big
deal out of being shy
587
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:47,679
are, medically speaking,
fake ass divas.
588
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:51,079
No son of mine's going
to be a fake ass diva!
589
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,719
I mean, look, I'm no doctor.
590
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:56,119
I'm just a stupid
rocket scientist,
591
00:27:56,120 --> 00:27:59,279
but I think he's genuinely shy.
592
00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:03,560
OK, but like,
now he's dancing.
593
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:15,719
I'm just like, why-- why would
a genuinely shy person do that?
594
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,119
Wait, he's-- he's quite good.
595
00:28:18,120 --> 00:28:21,719
My God, he is quite good!
596
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,839
He's not amazing,
but he's quite good.
597
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:26,279
He's got spirit.
598
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:28,319
You can tell he's
actually enjoying himself.
599
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:33,159
Hey, ho.
600
00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,639
Mr. and Mrs. Cook,
this is serious.
601
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:37,919
An authentically
shy person would not
602
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,000
pop their puss in this manner.
603
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:45,399
Oh, Harry, maybe she's right.
604
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,959
What if our son
is giving cringe?
605
00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,999
Only claiming to be socially
awkward when it suits him--
606
00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:53,439
slash them.
607
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:56,279
Sitting in the corner
at parties because he gets
608
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,879
overwhelmed, but then
he's the loudest
609
00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:03,159
and most abrasive person
there by quite some distance.
610
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:04,999
The type of bitch to give
a presentation at work
611
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:06,479
can make the whole
thing about how nervous
612
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,319
he is, even though
it's like, girl,
613
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,439
you volunteered to do this.
614
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:12,999
Oh, no.
615
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,199
Now he's holding his hands out
to show that they're shaking,
616
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:17,679
but it's obvious it's him
that's making it happen.
617
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:21,919
Doctor, do something!
618
00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:23,879
Grab a leg.
619
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,639
Honey, are you the diamond
in my wedding ring?
620
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:28,359
Because you are
fake as hell and we
621
00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:31,999
can see right through you, OK?
622
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:33,479
OK, well, he's dancing again.
623
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:34,759
Oh, God.
624
00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,079
Doctor, please,
we just want him
625
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,759
out of there safe and sound.
626
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:41,159
Fine.
627
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:44,839
I promised myself I
would never do this.
628
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,319
Hey, sweetie?
629
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:48,359
How are you feeling?
630
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,039
So, a bunch of us are
thinking of doing karaoke.
631
00:29:52,040 --> 00:29:53,039
Oh, stop.
632
00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:54,599
Don't leave without me!
633
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:57,959
But I'm literally
just going to watch.
634
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:02,959
He's coming.
635
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:04,919
Congratulations!
636
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,319
He's a nightmare!
637
00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:18,240
♪ Hey, ho ♪
638
00:30:21,360 --> 00:30:24,399
Ladies
and gentlemen, Wet Leg.
639
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:34,479
♪ Nice try, get out the way ♪
640
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:36,319
♪ You're in our way ♪
641
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,359
♪ You bottom feeder ♪
642
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:41,879
♪ Too bad you couldn't stay ♪
643
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,119
♪ You're in our way ♪
644
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:59,399
♪ Get lost forever ♪
645
00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:00,639
♪ You think I'm pretty ♪
646
00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,039
♪ You think I'm pretty cool ♪
647
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:04,319
♪ You want to fuck me ♪
648
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,559
♪ I know most people do ♪
649
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,119
♪ Here, take this packet, ♪
650
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,159
♪ You read it, it
says, "Mangetout" ♪
651
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:11,639
♪ I gave you magic beans ♪
652
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,759
♪ I hope you're
gonna get out soon ♪
653
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:17,519
♪ Oh, man, I hope you're
gonna get out soon ♪
654
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:21,719
♪ I really hope you're
gonna get out soon ♪
655
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:28,479
♪ Oh, man, I really hope
you're gonna get out soon ♪
656
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,159
♪ Good job, give you an A ♪
657
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:36,079
♪ A gold star, you
think you're clever ♪
658
00:31:36,080 --> 00:31:39,199
♪ Good God, she took a break ♪
659
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:44,919
♪ Made a mistake,
when she met Trevor ♪
660
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:57,039
♪ Get lost forever ♪
661
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:58,399
♪ You think I'm pretty ♪
662
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,799
♪ You think I'm pretty cool ♪
663
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:01,959
♪ You want to fuck me ♪
664
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:04,159
♪ I know most people do ♪
665
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:05,559
♪ Here, take this packet ♪
666
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,759
♪ You read it, it
says, "Mangetout" ♪
667
00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,239
♪ I gave you magic beans ♪
668
00:32:09,240 --> 00:32:11,239
♪ I hope you're
gonna get out soon ♪
669
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:14,679
♪ I really hope you're
gonna get out soon ♪
670
00:32:14,680 --> 00:32:18,319
♪ Oh, man, I hope you're
gonna get out soon ♪
671
00:32:18,320 --> 00:32:21,919
♪ I really hope you're
gonna get out soon ♪
672
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:26,559
♪ I know you're up at night ♪
673
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:30,239
♪ Hunched over
your phone like ♪
674
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:32,559
♪ A tree atop a hill ♪
675
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:37,319
♪ That's crooked from
the wind that bites ♪
676
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:40,959
♪ You say you're lost at sea ♪
677
00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:44,479
♪ Call the RNLI ♪
678
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,599
♪ You're washed
up, irrelevant, ♪
679
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:51,839
♪ And standing in my light ♪
680
00:32:51,840 --> 00:33:01,919
♪ You're standing in my light ♪
681
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:05,999
♪ You think I'm pretty ♪
682
00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,239
♪ And you think
I'm pretty cool ♪
683
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:09,439
♪ You say I scare ya ♪
684
00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:11,639
♪ I know most people do ♪
685
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:15,239
♪ This is the real
world, honey, bienvenue ♪
686
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:16,759
♪ In spite of everything ♪
687
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:19,239
♪ I guess there's just
no getting through ♪
688
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:22,679
♪ Nice try, get
out of the way ♪
689
00:33:22,680 --> 00:33:25,439
♪ Good job, just
take a fucking hint ♪
690
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:26,839
♪ I said I'll see ya, ♪
691
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,439
♪ Wouldn't wanna be ya, ♪
692
00:33:28,440 --> 00:33:32,279
♪ Be ya, eh-ya eh-ya, ah-ah ♪
693
00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:36,279
♪ Nice try, get out the way ♪
694
00:33:36,280 --> 00:33:38,159
♪ You're in our way ♪
695
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:40,159
♪ Get lost forever ♪
696
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:18,000
It's Weekend Update with
Ania Magliano and Paddy Young.
697
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:25,879
Good evening and welcome
to Weekend Update.
698
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:26,879
I'm Paddy Young.
699
00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,440
And I'm Ania Magliano.
700
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:36,559
Coming up on tonight's
Weekend Update, pedophilia.
701
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,639
But first, war.
702
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:43,999
Yesterday, in a shock
U-turn, Keir Starmer finally
703
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,959
gave his consent
for President Trump
704
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,759
to use British bases to protect
the Strait of Hormuz, at which
705
00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:51,599
point Trump said, "Consent?
706
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,480
Now you've taken all
the fun out of it."
707
00:34:56,240 --> 00:34:59,319
As Iranian strikes
continue to hit Dubai,
708
00:34:59,320 --> 00:35:01,079
the cost of chartering
a private jet
709
00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:03,439
has risen so high
that many influencers
710
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,279
have been struggling to flee.
711
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,320
I must stress, though,
it's not all good news.
712
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:15,359
If any influencers are
killed-- and again,
713
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,159
we can only hope they are--
714
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:19,799
at least they'll
be easy to identify
715
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:21,399
by their dental records.
716
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:25,079
Say, the massive white
ones made in Turkey.
717
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:26,359
You got to feel for them.
718
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:27,839
They went there
to evade income tax
719
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:31,399
and now they have
to evade incoming attacks.
720
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,559
We're now three weeks
into the Iran war,
721
00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:35,359
which started with
the death of one
722
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:37,279
Ayatollah Khomeini
and the appointment
723
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:38,959
of another Ayatollah Khomeini.
724
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:41,240
Khomeini II,
but one's dead now.
725
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:49,239
OK.
726
00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:51,719
Not everyone in NATO
wants to get involved.
727
00:35:51,720 --> 00:35:54,439
German Defense Minister
Boris Pistorius
728
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,799
said there would be no military
participation from Germany.
729
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:03,439
Where was this energy in 1939?
730
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:08,679
Also, is there a more evil
name than Boris Pistorius?
731
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:09,719
How do you do?
732
00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:11,360
The name's Saddam Walliams.
733
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:18,879
The head of the Asian
Football Confederation said
734
00:36:18,880 --> 00:36:22,439
this week that Iran is still
set to play at the upcoming
735
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,519
World Cup in America
if Iran does take part,
736
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:28,239
America has guaranteed
that all of their matches
737
00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:29,999
will be refereed
by a completely
738
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,560
impartial MQ-9 Reaper drone.
739
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:38,199
We all know the supply of oil
has been affected by this war,
740
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:39,799
but the Strait
of Hormuz is also
741
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,679
the primary route for a third
of the world's helium.
742
00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,240
A spokesperson for the helium
industry said--
743
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,160
We've run out of helium.
744
00:37:02,600 --> 00:37:05,919
With pressure mounting to
secure the Strait of Hormuz and
745
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:08,999
the Royal Navy almost
completely out of action,
746
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:10,599
the government have
decided to send
747
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:14,399
in the only British Naval
captain who's ready to go.
748
00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,079
Please welcome
Captain Birdseye.
749
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,319
Yar!
750
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:24,199
Evening, me hearties.
751
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,999
Now, captain, I
think the question
752
00:37:26,000 --> 00:37:29,959
a lot of people
at home are asking
753
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:33,439
is, why is the government
sending a fish finger
754
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,999
man to a red hot war zone?
755
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:37,879
Fish finger man?
756
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,479
@I am the purveyor of the
finestú fish fingers in the
land.
757
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:44,199
Succulent cod fillets in a
perfectly crispy golden crumb.
758
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:46,239
Only the best
for the captain's table.
759
00:37:46,240 --> 00:37:47,599
Fish finger?
760
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,079
Captain Birdseye,
can I remind you,
761
00:37:49,080 --> 00:37:50,799
this is a military operation.
762
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:51,879
Exactly.
763
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:54,639
Preparation, timing, control.
764
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:58,679
Six minutes one side, turn,
six minutes the other.
765
00:37:58,680 --> 00:38:01,759
Now that's what I call
a proper fish finger.
766
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,279
Fish finger?
767
00:38:03,280 --> 00:38:05,039
You're about to be
deployed to Iran.
768
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:06,999
Can you stop banging
on about fish fingers?
769
00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:10,519
Fine, we also do
chicken dippers,
770
00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:12,999
potato waffles, and for some
reason, the devil only
771
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,479
knows, peas.
772
00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:17,679
Captain, there are
real lives at stake here.
773
00:38:17,680 --> 00:38:20,999
Oh, you want
to get real, do you,
774
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:23,279
you scurvy little deck rat?
775
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:24,919
All right, answer me this.
776
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,999
You think I spent the last
five decades sailing around
777
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:32,119
in 150-foot schooner with
300 singing children just
778
00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:33,759
to sell fish fingers, do ye?
779
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,359
I'm sorry, did you say
300 singing children?
780
00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:38,039
Cause I'll tell
you what's real,
781
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,919
you bilge drinking haddock.
782
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:43,599
What's real is the nation's
favorite fish fingers
783
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,279
are just a cover
for my actual work.
784
00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:48,839
Special Forces Black
Ops savagery that
785
00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,439
would haunt your dreams.
786
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,679
What's real is opening up
a Serbian mercenary's neck
787
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:55,119
with a machete.
788
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:58,119
Watching it yawn open,
hot and steaming,
789
00:38:58,120 --> 00:39:00,799
like a split fish finger.
790
00:39:00,800 --> 00:39:01,999
This is insane.
791
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:03,079
Insane?
792
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:06,319
I'll show you insane!
793
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:07,639
Are those human fingers?
794
00:39:07,640 --> 00:39:12,119
Only the best
for the captain's table!
795
00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:13,959
Captain Birdseye, everyone.
796
00:39:13,960 --> 00:39:15,559
Never meet your heroes!
797
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,479
Renovations to Andrew
Mountbatten-Windsor's new home,
798
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,599
Marsh Farm, have been taking
place over the last month,
799
00:39:26,600 --> 00:39:30,079
including the installation
of Sky TV.
800
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,479
So if you're watching,
Andrew, hello.
801
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:36,159
You're not going
to like this next bit.
802
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:38,080
Also, I'm older than I look.
803
00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,319
Andrew's new
residence, Marsh Farm
804
00:39:46,320 --> 00:39:48,199
is, of course, named
after the nearby marsh
805
00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,760
where his body will be found.
806
00:39:53,800 --> 00:39:56,839
It was reported this week
that the police investigation
807
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,919
into Andrew is set to widen.
808
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:00,599
The big question
now is, if Andrew
809
00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,239
is charged, found guilty,
and put in prison,
810
00:40:03,240 --> 00:40:05,279
will he be able
to keep his mouth shut?
811
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:07,680
I hope not, said his
cellmate's penis.
812
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:18,759
Conservative leader Kemi
Badenoch told Times Radio that
813
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,159
she would confront
a shoplifter if they were,
814
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:24,159
quote, "not too big."
815
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,999
So rest assured,
if you shoplift and
816
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:30,120
Kemi does try to stop you, it
means she thinks you're skinny.
817
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,759
In showbiz news, feuding
father and son David and
818
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,079
Brooklyn Beckham narrowly
miss each other whilst
819
00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:39,159
at the same Beverly
Hills Hotel.
820
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,399
The feud began when
Victoria was, quote,
821
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:44,279
"inappropriately close with
her son at his wedding"
822
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:46,199
and escalated after
Brooklyn accidentally
823
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,760
yelled out his wife's name
during sex with his mom.
824
00:40:59,600 --> 00:41:02,439
The award-winning
TV series "It's a Sin"
825
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,559
is set to be adapted
for the stage as a dance show.
826
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:09,040
As if a TV show about the AIDS
crisis could get any gayer.
827
00:41:12,680 --> 00:41:15,679
Tonight, the K-pop
band BTS are launching
828
00:41:15,680 --> 00:41:17,159
their new world tour.
829
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:21,439
My worry is, with 82
dates across 23 countries,
830
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,559
the stress of the tour is
going to put a strain on Jimin
831
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,279
and V's soulmate relationship.
832
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,399
Sure, J-hope nurtures
Suga's inner child,
833
00:41:28,400 --> 00:41:30,879
but will Jimin's teasing
of Suga make V jealous?
834
00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,439
And can RM give enough
skinship to Baby Jungkook
835
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:35,079
while melting
at J-hope's laugh?
836
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:37,439
Will his dimples still be
popping at Jimin's cuteness
837
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,519
after an 82 date tour?
838
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,119
No idea.
839
00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:45,159
I'm not really that into BTS.
840
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:47,119
For Weekend Update,
I'm Ania Magliano.
841
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:48,119
And I'm Paddy Young.
842
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,839
Good night!
843
00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,759
Please be safe
in London, Will.
844
00:42:28,760 --> 00:42:30,839
Nay, worry not, wife.
845
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,839
I will be nothing but safe.
846
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:36,159
For all I will think
of is returning to thee
847
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:40,359
and our boy Hamnet.
848
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,039
What about our daughters?
849
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,519
I must away.
850
00:42:44,520 --> 00:42:49,119
My production of "The
Tempest," begins anon.
851
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:50,280
Adieu!
852
00:43:03,960 --> 00:43:05,520
"Tempest" was a hit.
853
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:12,679
Methinks I might write
another of these plays.
854
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:14,839
Will, thou art returned!
855
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,039
Did I not tell thee I would?
856
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:20,839
But hast thou nothing to say?
857
00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:23,279
I have sorely missed thee.
858
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,159
Likewise, my dear
wife, likewise.
859
00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:29,600
But dost thou not
think I appear changed?
860
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,599
Tis hard to fix
my eyes on anything
861
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,039
for the blood that doth
course in mine veins
862
00:43:37,040 --> 00:43:39,159
on the sweet return
of thee to me.
863
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,200
Mm, ye, really
look at me, though.
864
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,279
What vexes thee?
865
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:47,440
I got a cunty little earring.
866
00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:53,679
Ah, so it is.
867
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:54,999
The hour is upon me.
868
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,279
I must to London!
869
00:43:57,280 --> 00:44:02,079
My staging
of "Macbeth" awaiteth.
870
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:07,159
Well, Will, I will
wait upon thy return.
871
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,999
William, thou art returned.
872
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:27,679
Good day, wife.
873
00:44:27,680 --> 00:44:29,480
Good day, Hamnet.
874
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:39,719
Will, how London
hath changed thee.
875
00:44:39,720 --> 00:44:43,640
Come, wife, let me
sit and put my feet up.
876
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,719
What art thou wearing?
877
00:44:47,720 --> 00:44:50,999
Oh, dislike it?
878
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:52,800
'Tis me slutty little chain.
879
00:44:56,760 --> 00:45:00,279
'Tis all the rage in London.
880
00:45:00,280 --> 00:45:02,080
I must, to London.
881
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,719
My next staging awaits--
882
00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:09,079
"Henry IV part two."
883
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:10,559
Henry V!
884
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:17,919
Let not London
change thee too much.
885
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,200
Well, thy father
have returneth.
886
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,000
Hause!
887
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:41,799
Whew.
888
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:43,480
Hey, family!
889
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:49,719
Will, mine eyes do
not recognize thee.
890
00:45:49,720 --> 00:45:52,200
Girl, 'tis me, bitch!
891
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:56,199
Will, thou art
a different man.
892
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:57,199
Peace, wife.
893
00:45:57,200 --> 00:45:59,079
I be Shakespeare.
894
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:00,839
The remix be Troye Sivan.
895
00:46:03,040 --> 00:46:05,159
Tis not thee, Will.
896
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,519
'Tis so, bitch.
897
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:09,199
Thou art
in Stratford-upon-Avon.
898
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:11,520
And I've been in London
upon ketamine.
899
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:18,360
I'm like Charli XCX--
sorry, Charlie 10, 100, 10.
900
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,479
I'm
in my glow era-- in my glow--
901
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,599
I'm in my glow-up era, honey.
902
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:28,719
What's an era?
903
00:46:28,720 --> 00:46:30,799
We are in one, bitch.
904
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:34,119
Mine!
905
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:35,839
My wife, I bring gifts.
906
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:40,119
This is called a tote bag.
907
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:42,240
I want that not.
908
00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,439
Wig, my girl.
909
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:51,799
Thoust look cunty, for sure.
910
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,119
What does this c-word mean?
911
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:55,119
Hmm.
912
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:56,959
Methinks I can explain.
913
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:58,999
It's not a bad word.
914
00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:00,959
It's a good thing,
a great thing.
915
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:02,479
It's bleached brows.
916
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:06,599
It's the cast
of "Desperate Housewives."
917
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,319
It's cabin crew,
bald head on a woman,
918
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:10,959
the Elizabeth
line, a thin woman
919
00:47:10,960 --> 00:47:12,479
eating a big plate of meat.
920
00:47:12,480 --> 00:47:15,679
It is as though riddles
play upon thy tongue.
921
00:47:15,680 --> 00:47:18,639
Thou art just gagged.
922
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:24,759
Hamnet take the
powder within your coin purse!
923
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:36,879
He'll be fine.
'Tis but a K-hole.
924
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:39,159
And you know what
hitteth hard in the hole?
925
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:40,399
Rihanna, bitch.
926
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:56,159
♪ We found love
in a hopeless place ♪
927
00:47:56,160 --> 00:47:58,480
♪ We found love in a hopeless ♪
928
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:25,879
You've seen the film.
929
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,159
You've heard the musical.
930
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:33,319
Now experience
the experience, The Live
931
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,799
Paddington Bear Experience.
932
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:37,439
This is so exciting.
933
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:38,959
We can't believe we're actually
going to meet Paddington,
934
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:40,279
aren't we?
935
00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,719
We brought
marmalade sandwiches!
936
00:48:42,720 --> 00:48:44,279
It's Clara's hen do.
937
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:46,439
And we got banned
from Magic Mike
938
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:49,359
because Liz kept
groping Magic Mike.
939
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:50,959
Watch out, Paddington.
940
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,279
I can't wait to meet
that little bear.
941
00:48:56,480 --> 00:49:00,999
Welcome to 32 Windsor Garden.
942
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:04,479
At London's most
immersive experience,
943
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:07,879
get closer to Paddington
than ever before.
944
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:13,559
Now, who here would like to
meet a very rare sort of bear?
945
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:15,039
Yay!
946
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:16,599
Janet!
947
00:49:16,600 --> 00:49:17,679
Open the cage!
948
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:20,639
A place where
memories last forever.
949
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:29,199
Paddington?
950
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:31,759
All right!
951
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,719
Oh, why!
952
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:39,999
Ah!
953
00:49:40,000 --> 00:49:40,999
Fine!
954
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:42,279
Take the sandwich.
955
00:49:42,280 --> 00:49:43,519
Take the sandwich!
956
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:45,879
Why did we hire a real bear?
957
00:49:45,880 --> 00:49:48,279
Well, I know we wanted
to hire the little actress
958
00:49:48,280 --> 00:49:51,199
from the musical, but she
wanted too much money.
959
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,559
And I had seen
the bear in something.
960
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:54,559
He was amazing.
961
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:55,559
What was it?
962
00:50:03,520 --> 00:50:05,959
The zoo, I had seen
him at the zoo.
963
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:09,359
That was amazing.
964
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:11,519
Yeah, well, I've
lost half my face.
965
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:12,959
But I have made some memories.
966
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:17,359
None of that
happened in the films.
967
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:20,199
That was a lot more blood
than I thought there'd be.
968
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,119
And at Paddington's
photo booth,
969
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:25,479
we'll be sure to capture
all of the magic.
970
00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,479
Well, I was actually
on a terrible date,
971
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:30,359
but let's just say I didn't
need to ask for Angela.
972
00:50:30,360 --> 00:50:31,759
I asked for Paddington.
973
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:37,479
"The Guardian" calls
it "truly unforgettable."
974
00:50:37,480 --> 00:50:39,239
They said he likes marmalade.
975
00:50:39,240 --> 00:50:40,999
He doesn't like marmalade.
976
00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:44,119
He likes human hands.
977
00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:45,719
Marcus?
978
00:50:45,720 --> 00:50:48,559
I've always thought that
three kids was a bit too many.
979
00:50:48,560 --> 00:50:50,680
And now I've got
the optimum amount.
980
00:50:52,720 --> 00:50:54,119
None.
981
00:50:54,120 --> 00:50:57,079
"The Stage" says,
"Inarguably immersive."
982
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:58,519
Do I have any regrets?
983
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:01,639
Well, you know,
in retrospect, maybe hot glue
984
00:51:01,640 --> 00:51:03,319
gunning the hat
to the bear's head
985
00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:06,039
may have made it more angry.
986
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:10,079
I'm taking it
to Broadway, regardless.
987
00:51:10,080 --> 00:51:14,519
@ - The Live Paddington
BearúExperience, book before
June 25
988
00:51:14,520 --> 00:51:16,320
ú and get a free tetanus jab.
989
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:19,239
Found a foot.
990
00:51:19,240 --> 00:51:20,999
Has anyone lost a foot?
991
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:23,639
No?
992
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,919
Once again, Wet Leg.
993
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:50,239
♪ Can you catch
a medicine ball? ♪
994
00:51:50,240 --> 00:51:53,479
♪ Can you catch yourself
when you fall? ♪
995
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:55,079
♪ You should be careful ♪
996
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:56,559
♪ Do you catch my drift? ♪
997
00:51:56,560 --> 00:51:58,319
♪ 'Cause what I really
want to know is ♪
998
00:51:58,320 --> 00:52:00,879
♪ Can you catch these fists ♪
999
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:05,999
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, Yeah, yeah, ♪
1000
00:52:06,000 --> 00:52:07,599
♪ Man down ♪
1001
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:12,679
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1002
00:52:12,680 --> 00:52:14,759
♪ Level up! ♪
1003
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:16,999
♪ I know all too well ♪
1004
00:52:17,000 --> 00:52:21,839
♪ Just what you're like ♪
1005
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:24,039
♪ I don't want your love ♪
1006
00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:26,719
♪ I just wanna fight ♪
1007
00:52:32,440 --> 00:52:36,039
♪ We're on our way
to the club ♪
1008
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:39,799
♪ Stupid is as stupid does ♪
1009
00:52:39,800 --> 00:52:43,279
♪ Limousine, racking up ♪
1010
00:52:43,280 --> 00:52:45,879
♪ Ketamine, giddy up ♪
1011
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:49,479
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, ♪
1012
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:51,879
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ♪
1013
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:53,799
♪ Man down ♪
1014
00:52:53,800 --> 00:52:55,839
♪ Yeah, yeah, ♪
1015
00:52:55,840 --> 00:52:59,239
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1016
00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:00,639
♪ Level up! ♪
1017
00:53:00,640 --> 00:53:02,879
♪ I know all too well ♪
1018
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:07,439
♪ Just what you're like ♪
1019
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:09,799
♪ I don't want your love ♪
1020
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,559
♪ I just wanna fight ♪
1021
00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:18,999
♪ He don't get puss ♪
1022
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:20,279
♪ He get the boot ♪
1023
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:21,679
♪ I saw him sippin'
on dark fruit ♪
1024
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:23,359
♪ This always happens
late at night ♪
1025
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:24,359
♪ Some guy comes up, ♪
1026
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:25,479
♪ Says I'm his type ♪
1027
00:53:25,480 --> 00:53:27,039
♪ I just threw up in my mouth ♪
1028
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:28,919
♪ When he just tried
to ask me out ♪
1029
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:30,399
♪ Don't approach me ♪
1030
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:31,839
♪ I just want to dance
with my friends ♪
1031
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:36,959
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1032
00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:39,279
♪ Man down ♪
1033
00:53:39,280 --> 00:53:44,679
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1034
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:45,679
♪ Level up! ♪
1035
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:47,999
♪ I know all too well ♪
1036
00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:53,159
♪ Just what you're like ♪
1037
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,399
♪ I don't want your love ♪
1038
00:53:55,400 --> 00:54:00,239
♪ I just wanna fight ♪
1039
00:54:00,240 --> 00:54:02,399
♪ I know all too well ♪
1040
00:54:02,400 --> 00:54:07,079
♪ Just what you're like ♪
1041
00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:09,359
♪ I don't want your love ♪
1042
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:10,599
♪ I just wanna fight! ♪
1043
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:25,919
♪ Man down ♪
1044
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:57,600
Four things, thank you.
1045
00:55:07,360 --> 00:55:13,159
Ugh, Jane, look at you,
divorced, haggy, alone.
1046
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:17,079
What a sad little life, Jane.
1047
00:55:17,080 --> 00:55:18,319
Fancy a bra fitting?
1048
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:21,719
Uh, sure, yeah.
1049
00:55:21,720 --> 00:55:23,999
I've actually lost
a ton of weight--
1050
00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:25,159
Oh, good for you.
1051
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:27,599
due to immense stress.
1052
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:28,799
I have a bad life.
1053
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:30,239
I'm sorry to hear that.
1054
00:55:30,240 --> 00:55:31,839
Well, I'm just going
to do round your top.
1055
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:32,839
OK?
1056
00:55:32,840 --> 00:55:34,159
So here we go.
1057
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:35,159
We've got the middle.
1058
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:36,439
That's 38 inches.
1059
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,279
So, yeah, that's quite wide.
1060
00:55:39,280 --> 00:55:44,039
And cup size, that's
a B, so it's small.
1061
00:55:44,040 --> 00:55:45,159
You're not happy with that?
1062
00:55:45,160 --> 00:55:46,439
Oh, no.
1063
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,799
38B, that's not exactly
a sexy bra size.
1064
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:51,359
It feels, kind of, schlubby.
1065
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:53,759
Oh.
1066
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:56,039
Would you like me to zhuzh?
1067
00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:57,399
Huh?
1068
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:01,119
Zhuzh it up a bit
for the surrounds.
1069
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:02,439
What does that mean.
1070
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:05,039
A zhuzh for the surrounds.
1071
00:56:05,040 --> 00:56:06,639
Right, OK.
1072
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:09,279
So I come back in,
and I zhuzh, right?
1073
00:56:09,280 --> 00:56:13,879
I very loudly make a point
of how big your bra size is.
1074
00:56:13,880 --> 00:56:17,959
Theys out there don't know
what you really measured as.
1075
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:19,719
Wink, wink.
1076
00:56:19,720 --> 00:56:20,919
Is that a British thing?
1077
00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:22,120
It is a thing.
1078
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:24,759
Do you want give it a go?
1079
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:25,959
It is a free service.
1080
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:27,879
Sure.
1081
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:28,919
Won't be long, ladies.
1082
00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:30,039
I'm just doing a fitting.
1083
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:31,999
Oh, my goodness!
1084
00:56:32,000 --> 00:56:33,599
Wow!
1085
00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:37,039
These are going
to measure up nicely!
1086
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:39,039
So we're going to start
with the width.
1087
00:56:39,040 --> 00:56:42,879
Very petite,
but your cup size is--
1088
00:56:42,880 --> 00:56:44,119
Big?
1089
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:46,279
Big cup size, right?
1090
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:49,319
Oh, crikey, yeah,
they've got a real weight
1091
00:56:49,320 --> 00:56:51,679
to them Oh, fantastic!
1092
00:56:51,680 --> 00:56:53,839
In fact, I'm surprised--
1093
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:56,159
You don't topple over.
1094
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:57,559
With a great--
1095
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:58,919
With a great
big rack like that!
1096
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:00,119
Love it.
1097
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:01,359
Oh!
1098
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:04,879
Oh, you nearly
poked my eye out!
1099
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:06,919
Hey, you've heard of Pinocchio?
1100
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:11,599
Well, you're like that, but the
nose is big, lovely bazombas.
1101
00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:12,959
That OK?
- Yeah.
1102
00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:13,959
That's good.
1103
00:57:15,240 --> 00:57:16,479
So I'm happy
to tell you-- what
1104
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:17,919
size would you like, darling?
1105
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:18,999
Big, but keep it classy.
1106
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,399
Like, double D is good.
1107
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:22,799
Oh, no, we're going
bigger than that.
1108
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:26,640
You're a gorgeous,
petite, and perky 28G!
1109
00:57:29,040 --> 00:57:32,839
What an absolute pair.
1110
00:57:32,840 --> 00:57:34,039
Now, how's that feel?
1111
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:36,639
I feel amazing.
1112
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:38,719
Thank you so much, Miss?
1113
00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:43,559
Jugs, they call me Jugs.
1114
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:45,279
All right.
1115
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:47,999
Here we go.
1116
00:57:48,000 --> 00:57:50,759
Put these back
on the rack, Jackie.
1117
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:53,759
They were so far too
small for this customers
1118
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,399
great big bozzies.
1119
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:58,760
Lovely tits you
got there, Miss.
1120
00:58:00,960 --> 00:58:04,359
Jugs, wait.
1121
00:58:04,360 --> 00:58:06,999
Is there anything else that
you could zhuzh for me,
1122
00:58:07,000 --> 00:58:09,239
like, for the surrounds?
1123
00:58:09,240 --> 00:58:11,399
'Cause my 2026 was,
kind of, rough.
1124
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:15,039
Like, basically, I was
responsible for editing
1125
00:58:15,040 --> 00:58:18,240
this British film
award ceremony and--
1126
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:23,759
Let's just say I did
not get it right.
1127
00:58:23,760 --> 00:58:26,639
It's a zhuzh
for the surrounds, darling,
1128
00:58:26,640 --> 00:58:29,479
not for the soul.
1129
00:58:29,480 --> 00:58:31,279
But you'll be all
right with those
1130
00:58:31,280 --> 00:58:34,759
great big, wicked knockers.
1131
00:58:34,760 --> 00:58:35,959
Excuse me.
1132
00:58:39,120 --> 00:58:41,079
Regé-Jean Page,
what are you doing
1133
00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:42,599
in the women's changing rooms?
1134
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:46,039
Oh, it's a long
and sexy story.
1135
00:58:46,040 --> 00:58:48,439
Listen, I don't
usually do this,
1136
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:51,679
but can I buy you a drink
on the fifth floor,
1137
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,999
next to the baby
clothes and electricals?
1138
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:56,280
Sure, I could do that.
1139
00:59:00,080 --> 00:59:02,000
Thanks for changing my life.
1140
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:07,639
Tiny, little tits.
1141
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:08,679
They were small.
1142
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:10,559
Those tits were small.
1143
00:59:12,920 --> 00:59:15,799
45 seconds with Fouracres.
1144
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:26,279
♪ What kind of Irish
is your granddad? ♪
1145
00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:29,279
♪ What kind of Irish
is your gramps? ♪
1146
00:59:29,280 --> 00:59:30,439
♪ Is he this? ♪
1147
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:31,799
I'm Anthony.
1148
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:33,079
Which one of you little
gobs threw a heap of fruits
1149
00:59:33,080 --> 00:59:34,479
at my window?
1150
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:36,319
You better tell me.
'Cause I know your dad!
1151
00:59:36,320 --> 00:59:38,839
And I know your dad!
1152
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:41,639
♪ What kind of Irish
is your granddad? ♪
1153
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:43,159
♪ Is he this? ♪
1154
00:59:43,160 --> 00:59:45,359
Now that's a picture of me
back in '82, on the 12th
1155
00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:46,759
of the King William Lodge.
1156
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:48,879
And there's another one,
the Blue Lancers and a--
1157
00:59:48,880 --> 00:59:51,959
♪ What kind of Irish
is your granddad? ♪
1158
00:59:51,960 --> 00:59:53,239
♪ Is he this? ♪
1159
00:59:53,240 --> 00:59:54,719
I'll bring it around
the back, hey.
1160
00:59:54,720 --> 00:59:56,119
Put on new shoes,
and don't worry about it.
1161
00:59:56,120 --> 00:59:58,879
Hey, any man's back.
1162
00:59:58,880 --> 01:00:02,279
♪ What kind of Irish
is your granddad? ♪
1163
01:00:02,280 --> 01:00:03,799
♪ Is he this? ♪
1164
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:06,799
♪ Tá Gráinne Mhaol ag
teacht thar sáile, ♪
1165
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:08,839
♪ Óglaigh armtha
léi mar gharda ♪
1166
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:12,759
♪ Gaeil iad féin is
ní Gaill ná Spánnigh ♪
1167
01:00:12,760 --> 01:00:16,159
♪ Is cuirfidh siad
ruaig ar Ghallaibh ♪
1168
01:00:16,160 --> 01:00:18,519
♪ Óró 'Sé do bheatha 'bhaile, ♪
1169
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:21,199
♪ Óró 'Sé do bheatha 'bhaile ♪
1170
01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:25,719
♪ Óró 'Sé do bheatha 'bhaile, ♪
1171
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:29,599
♪ Anois ar theacht
an tsamhraidh! ♪
1172
01:00:29,600 --> 01:00:30,600
Wow!
1173
01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:34,239
Wow!
1174
01:00:34,240 --> 01:00:36,879
Nicola Coughlan from
the "Dairy Girls."
1175
01:00:36,880 --> 01:00:39,439
No, it's "Derry Girls."
1176
01:00:39,440 --> 01:00:42,159
It doesn't matter,
Nicola Coughlan.
1177
01:00:42,160 --> 01:00:43,799
None of this is real.
1178
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:44,799
Good night.
1179
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:45,799
God bless.
1180
01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:47,119
Love you.
1181
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:53,279
45 seconds with Fouracres.
1182
01:00:57,920 --> 01:01:03,359
My biggest thanks to Wet Leg,
Nicola Coughlan, Michael Cera,
1183
01:01:03,360 --> 01:01:06,119
Graham Norton, Regé-Jean
Page and a huge
1184
01:01:06,120 --> 01:01:09,039
thank you to the cast,
and the writers,
1185
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:11,479
and everyone
for welcoming me here and
1186
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:13,639
making it such a great week.
1187
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:14,719
Congratulations.
1188
01:01:14,720 --> 01:01:16,759
SNL UK is born!
83404
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