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All language subtitles for At Night I Was Beautiful (2010)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,490 --> 00:00:11,370 I was just trying to forgive myself for 2 00:00:11,370 --> 00:00:13,590 fucking my life up. 3 00:00:31,650 --> 00:00:34,040 Look. Can you come or? 4 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,120 I'm about to. 5 00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:43,380 At 19, I started having sex for money. 6 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:49,400 I was in my freshman year at NYU and I was studying acting. 7 00:00:50,740 --> 00:00:56,220 I don't know, I was just so confident and sexy and 8 00:00:56,220 --> 00:01:01,140 just completely fearless of whatever I walked into. 9 00:01:04,110 --> 00:01:09,470 I mean, during the day, I was this kind of nervous, awkward, tall, gawky guy. 10 00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:15,490 And at night, I just thought I was beautiful. 11 00:01:18,990 --> 00:01:22,890 I mean, these men were older. 12 00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:26,530 Mid -40s. 13 00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:32,230 I'd say 6 to 7 on a 10 scale. 14 00:01:34,009 --> 00:01:36,550 Which, you know, I was surprised by. 15 00:01:38,310 --> 00:01:43,230 Um, but I definitely felt like I was earning my money. 16 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:51,510 Not that it was necessarily even about the money. 17 00:01:52,370 --> 00:01:53,530 What was it about? 18 00:01:55,550 --> 00:01:57,730 Um, sex. 19 00:01:59,910 --> 00:02:01,970 And connection. 20 00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:12,940 Ready? 21 00:02:14,580 --> 00:02:16,120 Lie down on the floor. 22 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:36,500 His hands were almost too quick. 23 00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:40,720 I could tell that he was anxious. 24 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:49,940 And I thought for sure this guy is about to come in his pants right now, which 25 00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,800 is not what I wanted. 26 00:02:53,060 --> 00:02:59,920 But I reached around behind me and felt that he had a 27 00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:06,760 huge dick, which surprised me and turned me 28 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:07,760 on. 29 00:03:09,480 --> 00:03:11,780 So we fucked. 30 00:03:12,170 --> 00:03:15,610 and it was nice. 31 00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:03,930 hit the jackpot. 32 00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:09,110 I was like being worshipped. 33 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:13,310 I just felt dangerous. 34 00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:16,709 It was really exciting. 35 00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:30,930 But between sex and connection, I feel like it was more about 36 00:04:30,930 --> 00:04:31,930 sex. 37 00:04:32,430 --> 00:04:39,150 I mean, I would try one thing and get kind of bored with it, 38 00:04:39,250 --> 00:04:45,510 and then I would try another thing, and I was always trying to see what's next, 39 00:04:45,630 --> 00:04:46,630 what now. 40 00:04:48,810 --> 00:04:55,310 I didn't know much of anything about Crystal other than, you know, 41 00:04:55,310 --> 00:05:01,690 some junkie on cops with, like, a bathtub of crystal meth in his basement. 42 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,080 sort of thing. 43 00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:08,280 I basically knew enough to stay away from it. 44 00:05:10,540 --> 00:05:17,360 But... Can I try some? 45 00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:24,760 I had these tingles all across my scalp and down my back, 46 00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:28,200 and it was like I could feel my spine. 47 00:05:28,420 --> 00:05:29,960 My spinal fluid was... 48 00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:32,980 waking up and moving around. 49 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:40,920 Those were some of the moments where I was really, like, it really started to 50 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:46,000 intensify that question of, like, what am I doing here? 51 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:49,400 Like, what has happened in the past year? 52 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:54,780 I can't do this much longer. 53 00:06:04,359 --> 00:06:07,320 I didn't feel like I had the power anymore. 54 00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:16,600 I just kept thinking, I don't want to get tested, I don't want to get tested. 55 00:06:17,860 --> 00:06:24,360 A month passed by, finally I get tested, and 56 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:29,100 I test positive, and 57 00:06:33,420 --> 00:06:40,260 I didn't know what to do. I just felt like I was too 58 00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:42,680 young to be dealing with any of this shit. 59 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:49,380 I was 19 and I felt like I had completely 60 00:06:49,380 --> 00:06:50,560 ruined everything. 61 00:07:18,030 --> 00:07:24,090 But I still wanted to be that I 62 00:07:24,090 --> 00:07:30,570 still wanted to be that strong that courageous that confident 63 00:07:30,570 --> 00:07:36,130 Do you still want that? 64 00:07:41,570 --> 00:07:42,570 Sometimes 65 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:53,900 Sometimes I worry that I've learned nothing and if given the chance I would 66 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,560 go back and do the entire thing over again. 67 00:07:57,780 --> 00:07:58,800 Like now. 4772