All language subtitles for 3_stalag17para espanolEnglish

'I don't know about you,
but it always makes me sore

'when I see those war pictures
about flying leathernecks

'and submarine patrols and frogmen
and guerrillas in the Philippines.

'What gets me is that there never
w-w-was a movie about p.O.W.S

'about prisoners of war.

'My name is Clarence Harvey cook,
they call me cookie.

'I was shot down over magdeburg,
Germany, back in '43.

'That's why I stammer once in a while,
especially when I get excited.

'I spent two and a half years
in stalag 17.

"Stalag" is the German word
for prison camp.

'And number 17 was somewhere
on the danube.

"There were about
40,000 p.O.W.S there,

'if you bother to count the Russians,
the poles and the Czechs.

'In our compound,
there were about 630 of us.

'All American airmen: Radio operators,
gunners and engineers. All sergeants.

'Now, put 630 sergeants together and,
oh mother, you've got yourself a situation!

"There was more fireworks
shooting off around that joint...

'Take, for instance, the story
about the spy we had in our barracks.

'It was about a week
before Christmas in '44.

"Two of our guys,
manfredi and jonson, to be exact,

'were just getting set
to blow the place.'

Animal? Animal! Get up!

Betty grable's on the phone!

- Here's your civilian clothes.
- Ok, hoffy.

Remember, bury your army outfits
before you get out of the forest.

Your compass is the top button
of this jacket.

Anybody asks for your papers,
you're French labourers.

Here's your map,
kraut money, Swiss francs.

Roger.

- Let's hear it once more.
- We've been over it a hundred times.

Let's hear it again.

We stick to the forest going west
till we hit the danube.

Then we follow the danube
up to linz.

In linz, we hop a barge
and go to ulm.

Stop it, Joey!
Joey, go back to sleep!

Goon. You'rein ulm.

We lie low until night,
then take a train to friedrichshafen.

We steal a rowboat,
get some fishing tackle

and drift south across the lake,
till we hit the other side - Switzerland.

Once there, give out a big yodel,
so we know you're there. It's a breeze.

- Stay out of this.
- Just one question.

Did you calculate the risk?

Ready!

You've got ten minutes
to get through the tunnel.

You'll come out as the jerries
are changing shifts.

Blondie?

- Ok.
- Peel off.

- Show 'em, boys.
- We're with you, all of us.

- We'll miss you cruds.
- Auf wiedersehen.

They ought to be
under the barbed wire soon.

Looks good outside.

I hope they hit
the danube before dawn.

They got a good chance.
It's the longest night of the year.

- I bet they make it to friedrichshafen.
- I bet they reach Switzerland.

- I bet they don't get out of the forest.
- What kind of crack is that?

No crack. Two packs of cigarettes
say they don't get out of the forest.

That's enough, sefton.
Crawl back in your sack.

He'd bet on his mother
getting hit by a truck!

- Anybody call?
- Sefton, butt out!

Wait a minute. I wanna back
those kids. I'll cover ten of that.

- I'll take five.
- Eight.

- Put me down for ten.
- Three.

- I'll take one.
- I'll cover the whole pot.

Anything you say. Cookie?

More cigarettes.

- Speak up, boys.
- I'll cover eight.

Here's four.

- Here's two.
- Here's four.

- And four more.
- I'll cover eight.

- Give me three.
- I bet two.

- And a half!
- No butts.

No butts, no butts.

- W-w-will this do or you want more?
- That'll do.

Speak up, boys.
Any more sports in the crowd?

Let's go.

Those filthy krauts!

- What's left of them, hoffy?
- Don't ask me.

Price was elected security.

- Ok, what happened?
- I wish I knew.

We had everything figured out
to the last detail.

Maybe the krauts knew
about the tunnel all the time!

- Shut up!
- Maybe they were laying for them.

- Yeah, maybe.
- Hold it, sefton. I said, hold it!

So we heard some shots.
Who says they didn't get away?

Anybody here
want to double their bet?

'Every morning at six
on the dot, they'd have the appell.

"That's" roll call” to you.

'Every barracks
had its own alarm clock.

'Our alarm clock was feldwebel schulz.
Johann Sebastian schulz.

'I understand the krauts
had a composer way back

'with a Johann Sebastian in it.

"But I can tell you one thing,
schulz was no composer.

'He was a schweinehund.
Was he ever a lousy schweinehund.'

Gentlemen, you must get out
for roll call!

Good morning to you.

Ok, everybody, get up, get out!

Ok, come on, you sack rats.
Cut the beefing and get up!

Hey, schulz. Did you guys have some
machine-gun practice last night?

Oh, terrible! Such foolish boys.
Such nice boys.

I'd better not talk about it.
It makes me sick to my stomach.

Roll call, everybody out!

You killed them? Both of them?

- Such nice boys. It makes me sick...
- Don't wear it out!

You too. Put away that piccolo.

Lay off, schulz. He has a sickness.
You know he's krank.

Sometimes I think he's fooling us
with that crazy business.

Would you like to see the guts
of nine pals splattered over your plane?

Come on, Joey. Don't be afraid.

Please, gentlemen.

You don't want to stay in bed
on such a beautiful morning.

- Schulz?
- Yeah?

- Sprechen sie deutsch?
- Jawobhl...

Then, droppen sie dead!

Always mit zee jokes. Roll call!

Wake up, animal.
Come on, animal, wake up.

Good morning, animal.
What would you like for breakfast?

Scrambled eggs with little sausages?
Bacon and eggs sunny-side up?

- Griddle cakes, a waffle...
- Stop it, Harry. I'm warnin' ya.

Coffee, milk
or maybe a little cocoa.

Why do you do this to me
every morning?

Hamburgers and onions,
strawberry shortcake...

- I'll kill you, Harry, so help me.
- Let go, animal, it's roll call!

Hitler is waiting to see us.

Let's see,
we have two empty bunks here.

Suppose you let those mattresses
cool off a little out of decency?

Ja, we're cramped for space.
New prisoners coming in every day.

Now, gentlemen, outside, please!

You don't want me in trouble
with the kommandant again? Outside.

Schulz, if you're moving somebody in,
how about some Russian broads?

- Russian women prisoners?
- Jawohl.

Some are not bad at all.

Just get us a couple
with beautiful glockenspiels.

- Droppen sie dead! Raus!
- R-r-r-aus/

down boy, down! Down!

All right, men, fall in!

Achtung! Attention!
Der kommandant.

Guten morgen, sergeants.

Nasty weather we are having, eh?

And I so much hoped
we could give you a white Christmas,

just like the ones you used to know.

Aren't those the words
that clever little man wrote,

the one who stole his name
from our capital,

that something-or-other Berlin?

Look at that mud.

Come spring...
I hope you'll still be with us next spring.

We shall plant some grass here.

And perhaps some daffodils.

I understand we are
minus two men this morning.

I am surprised at you, gentlemen.

Here I am, trying to be your friend,
and you do embarrassing things to me.

You know this could get me
into hot water with the high command?

They would court-martial me,
after all these years of a perfect record.

You wouldn't want that
to happen to me, would you?

Fortunately, those two men...

As I was saying, fortunately
those two men did not get very far.

They had the good sense to rejoin us,
so my record stands unblemished.

Nobody has ever escaped
from stalag 17.

Not alive, anyway.

- Sergeant Hoffman of barracks 4.
- Yes, sergeant Hoffman?

As compound chief, I protest the way
these bodies are left lying in the mud.

- Anything else?
- Yes.

According to the Geneva convention,

dead prisoners are to be given
a decent burial.

Of course. I am aware
of the Geneva convention.

They'll be given
the burial they deserve.

Or perhaps you'd suggest we haul in
21 cannons from the eastern front

and give them a 21-gun salute?

For the last time, gentlemen,
let me remind you.

Any prisoners found
outside the barracks after lights out

will be shot on sight.

Furthermore,
the iron stove in barrack 4,

the one camouflaging the trap door,
will be removed.

And so the men from this barrack
do not suffer from the cold,

they will keep warm
by filling in the escape tunnel.

Is that clear?

All right, then, gentlemen,
we are all friends again.

And with Christmas coming,
I have a special treat for you.

I'll have you all deloused
for the holidays.

And I'll have a little Christmas tree
for every barrack. You will like that.

Who did this?

I will give the funny man exactly
five seconds to step forward.

Then you'll all stand here
if it takes all day and all night.

That is better.

600 funny men.

There will be no Christmas trees,

but there will be delousing
with ice water from the hoses.

Dismissed!

Guten morgen.

We will remove the iron stove
camouflaging the trap door...

I'm telling you, animal,
these Nazis ain't kosher.

You can say that again.

I'm telling you, animal,
these Nazis ain't k...

I said you could say it again,
that doesn't mean you have to repeat it!

Private property, bub.

How come the krauts knew about
that stove, security? And the tunnel?

Why can't you lay down a belch
without them knowing?

If you don't like the way
I'm handling this job...

- It's got us all spinning.
- What makes them krauts so smart?

Maybe they do have radar.
Maybe there's a Mike hidden somewhere.

Yeah, right up Joey's ocarina.

Maybe they're not so smart,
but we're so stupid.

Maybe someone in our barracks
is tipping them off, like one of us!

- You don't say?
- Yes, I do say!

One of us is a dirty, stinking stoolie!

Is that Einstein's theory
or did you pick it out yourself?

Hey! New dames
in the Russian compound!

New dames
in the Russian compound!

Oh, you sweethearts!
Let's open up the third front!

Hey, dames, how about
a little borscht, just the two of us?

Hey, russki, russki!
Look at those bublichkis!

Hey, look at me! I'm your baby!

Get a load of that blonde.
She's built like a brick kremlin.

Hey, comrade! Here I am!

Harry shapiro,
the volga boatman of barracks 4.

Lay off, the blonde is mine!

Hey, Olga, volga! Wait for me!

- Let me go!
- They'll shoot you.

- They'll shoot you, animal.
- 1 don't care. Let me go!

Chow! Chow!

- Chow, animal, chow!
- I don't want to eat.

I want to go over there
and just talk with them.

You don't want to talk to broads
with boots on.

I don't care if they wear galoshes.

- You want Betty grable.
- Let me go!

I told you when the war's over,
I'll get you a date with Betty grable.

How are you going to get me
a date with Betty grable?

How? We go to California.

My cousin works for the Los Angeles
gas company. He'll get the address.

Then we go to the house and
when she comes to the door, I say,

"congratulations, miss grable.

"We've voted you the girl we'd most
like to be behind barbed wire with.

- "And I'm here to present the award."
- What's the award?

What do you think, jerko?
You're the award!

Me? Supposing she don't want me?

Well, if she don't want you,
she don't get nothing.

You're teasing me again, Harry!

Let go, animal!
It's chow! We'll miss chow!

Chow!

Are you supposed
to drink this stuff or shave?

- Drink.
- Shave.

- Anyone else want potato soup?
- Nol

- you sure?
- Yes!

Chow, chow, where's my chow?

Do you have to put your socks
in my breakfast?

Tough luck.

I hate this life!

- Set her up, cookie. I'm starved.
- I'm all r-r-ready.

Easy, animal. Easy.

- Where did it come from?
- From a chicken, bug-wit.

A chicken?

A chicken lays those things.
Don't you remember, animal?

Hey, it's beautiful.

Are you going to eat it
all by yourself?

Mm-hm. The yellow and the white.

- Is it all right if we smell it?
- Just don't drool on it.

- You're not going to eat the shells?
- Help yourself.

Thanks.

What are we gonna do with it?

We're gonna plant it, animal,
and grow a chicken for Christmas.

If I were you, I'd eat that egg
someplace else. Like under the barracks.

The coffee looks weak today.

Come on, trader horn, what did
you give the krauts for that egg?

45 cigarettes.
The price has gone up.

The cigarettes you took us for
last night?

What would I do with them?
I only smoke cigars.

Nice guy.

The krauts shot manfredi and jonson
last night,

and today he's trading with them.

This may be my last hot breakfast
before they take that stove,

so let me eat in peace?

Ain't that too bad? Tomorrow,
he'll have to suck a raw egg.

He don't have to worry. He can trade
the krauts for a six-burner gas range.

Maybe a deep freeze, too.

What's the beef?
Everybody here's trading.

Maybe I trade a little sharper.
Does that make me a collaborator?

A lot sharper. I'd like some of that loot
you got in the footlockers.

Oh, would you? My first week here,
somebody stole my red cross package,

my blanket and my left shoe.

Since then, I've wised up. This ain't
no salvation army, this is dog-eat-dog.

- You stink, sefton...
- Come off it!

Now you've done it.
You've given me nervous indigestion.

Here, Joey.

- Anything else bothering you, boys?
- Yeah, one little thing.

How were you so sure manfredi and
jonson wouldn't get out of the forest?

I wasn't so sure. I just liked the odds.

What's that crack supposed to mean?

They're lying dead in the mud
and I wanna know how come.

Because you said it would be safe,
and you gave them the green light.

That's how come.
What are you trying to prove?

- Cutting trap doors, digging tunnels...
- Listen, sefton...

You listen to me! What do you think
the chances are of getting out of here?

Let's say you make it to Switzerland.
Or say to the states. So what?

They ship you out to the pacific
and you get shot down again.

Only this time you wind up
in a Japanese prison camp!

That is, if you're lucky.

Well, I'm no escape artist.

Cigar, cookie.

You can be the heroes,
the guys with fruit salad on your chest.

Me, I'm staying put.

I'm gonna make myself
as comfortable as I can.

If I have to trade with the enemy
to get some food or a better mattress,

that's ok by sefton.

Why, you crud!
This war's gonna be over some day.

Then what do you think we'll do
to kraut-kissers like you?

- That's enough!
- At ease, at ease!

Break it off down there.
At ease for the news.

All right, at ease!
Today's camp news.

Father Murray announces that,
due to local regulations,

the Christmas midnight mass
will be at 7:00 in the morning.

He also says, quote: "You sack rats
better show up for services

"and no bull from anybody."
Unquote.

- At ease.
- At easel

next. Monday afternoon, a sailboat race
will be held at the cesspool.

See Oscar Rudolph of barracks 7
if you wish to enter a yacht.

- All right, at ease!
- At ease!

Next.

Jack cushingham and Larry Blake will
play frank de notta and Mike Cohen

for the pinochle championship
of the camp.

That's a fix.

- All right, at ease!
- At easel

next. Tuesday afternoon
at two o'clock,

all men from Texas will meet
behind the north latrine.

- All right, at ease!
- At ease!

Next. A warning
from the kommandant.

Anybody throwing rocks at German
aircraft will be thrown in the boob.

Boo!

All right, at ease!

- Are the doors covered?
- Yeah, the doors are covered.

Ok, Steve, give them the radio.

- You can keep it for two days.
- We're supposed to have it for a week.

You're lucky to get it at all.

The boys are afraid the jerries
will find it. This barracks is jinxed.

We'll take care of it.

Get the antenna going.
Let's see if we can catch the BBC.

Get the antenna, get the antenna,
get the antenna...

- Got the antenna!
- I got the ball. I got the ball.

- Getting anything?
- Too much. I'm trying to unscramble.

If you can't get BBC,
how about guy lombardo?

- Are we boring you, sefton?
- Hold it, quiet!

Five panzer divisions
and nine infantry divisions

of Von rundstedt's army
are pouring into the wide breach.

The krauts have busted through.

A second German wedge is reported
14 miles west of malmedy...

Where tank columns
cut the road to bastogne.

Wunderbar! Isn't he wunderbar?

Has driven across Luxembourg.

The allied air force is grounded
by poor visibility.

Meanwhile,
two of patton's tank units

have been diverted toward bastogne
and are trying to...

- Come on! Come on!
- Static.

Static is right. The radio's static,
patton's static and we're static!

It's gonna be a longer war
than you figured, Duke?

Easy, easy.

Watch it! Watch it!

Well, well, gentlemen,
am I interrupting something?

Yeah, schulz,
we were just passing out guns.

Guns?

Ah, you're joking!
Always with the visecrackers.

Visecrackers? Where did he pick up
his english, in a pretzel factory?

You think I'm a square.

I've been to America.
I've been wrestling there.

I wrestled in Milwaukee, St. Louis,
Cincinnati, and I will go back.

The way the war is going,
I will be there before you.

You should live so long.

Here. That's me in Cincinnati.

Who's the wrestler
with the moustache?

That's my wife.

Hey, look at all that meat.
Ain't she the bitter end?

Give it back.
You must not arouse yourselves.

Hey, schulz, I got a deal for you.
Suppose you help us escape.

We'll have everything waiting for you
in Madison square garden.

For the heavyweight wrestling
championship of the world.

In this corner,
schulz, the beast of Bavaria,

versus the hunchback of stalag 17!

Droppen sie dead!

And now, gentlemen,

we will all go outside
for a little gymnastics.

We will grab some shovels
and undig that tunnel you digged.

Schulz, why don't we just
plug up the tunnel

with the kommandant on one end
and you on the other?

It isn't me, it's the orders.

I'm your friend.
I'm your best friend here.

Cut the guff, schulz, we're on to you.

You know everything that's happening.
Who's tipping you off?

Tipping me off?
I do not understand.

You're wasting your time, Duke.
Come on. Let's get it over with.

Just a second. Schulz says
he's our best friend here.

Maybe he can give us a hint.

Come on, schulz, spill it.
How did you get the information?

About manfredi and jonson?
About the stove and the tunnel?

Which one of us is it?

- Which one of you is what?
- The informer?

Are you saying one American
would inform on another?

That's the general idea. But not
so general as far as I'm concerned.

You're talking crazy!

It's no use. Just tell them it's me,
because I'm the illegitimate son of Hitler,

and after the Germans win the war,
you'll make me the gauleiter of Cincinnati!

You Americans!
You are the craziest people.

That's why I like you.

I wish I could invite you all to my house
for a nice German Christmas.

- Raus/!
- Raus, raus/!

- Raus!
- Down, boy!

Down, boy, down, boy!

"Those poor suckers,
manfredi and jonson.

"They got out of stalag 17 all right,

'only not quite the way
they wanted to go.

'Somebody in our outfit was tipping
off the krauts. Only who was it?

"The animal, or Harry, or hoffy,
or price, or blondie or Joey, or Duke?

'It sure wasn't me.
Maybe it was sefton.

'Sergeant j.J. Sefton.

'It's about time I told you a few
more things about that sefton guy.

'If I was a writer,
I'd send it to the "reader's digest"

'for one of those "most unforgettable
characters you've ever met".

'He was a big-time operator,
always hustling, always scrounging.

"Take, for instance, the horse races.

'Every Saturday and Sunday,
he'd put on horse races.

'He was the sole owner and operator
of the stalag 17 turf club.

'He was the presiding steward,
the chief handicapper,

'the starter, the judge,
the breeder and his own bookie.

'He was the whole works, except I was
the stable boy for five smokes a day.'

give me equipoise.
Ten on the nose.

Ten on the nose.

- Come on, come on.
- Ten on schnickelfritz.

- Equipoise.
- Schnickelfritz.

- Equipoise.
- Come on, the horses are at the post.

- Equipoise?
- Equipoise.

Ten on equipoise.

Five on sea biscuit. I'll pay when
the red cross parcels come in.

- No credit.
- Have a heart, sefton.

Sorry, it's against the rules
of the racing commission.

Any more bets? Ready, cookie?

- Ready!
- Let them go!

And they are off and running
at stalag 17!

Come on, equipoise.
Come on, you beauty!

Equipoise! What did I tell you?

Don't be no rat!
Daddy'll buy you a piece of cheese!

Let's go!

- This way, this way!
- Straighten out, you dog!

That's no horse, that's a dervish!

Please, please, for daddy!
For daddy!

The winner is number five,
schnickelfritz.

Schnickelfritz...

I told you schnickelfritz!
You made me bet on equipoise!

I clocked him this morning.
He was running like a doll.

You clocked him?
Why don't I clock you?

'Another one of his enterprises
was the distillery.

'He ran a bar right in our barracks,
selling schnapps at two cigarettes a shot.

'The boys called it the flamethrower,
but it wasn't really that bad.

'We brewed it
out of old potato peels

'and once in a while a couple
of strings off the red cross parcels,

'just to give it a little flavour.'

it ain't fair, Harry.
I'm telling you, it ain't fair. My Betty!

Ain't she beautiful?
She married an orchestra leader!

So what? There's other women.

Not for me. Betty!

- Betty!
- Forget Betty, animal.

I'll get you a date with some
of those Russian women.

You'll get me a date?

Sure, I'll get you
into the Russian compound.

How? Pinky Miller from barracks 8
tried to get in over there,

and they shot him in the leg.

It takes a gimmick, animal.
I figured us a little gimmick.

You did?

Sharp. Sometimes I'm so sharp,
it's frightening.

To the brick kremlin.

- She'll never forgive me.
- Come on, animal.

What are you serving today,
nitric acid?

I only work here.
Talk to the management.

All right.

Mr management?
What are you trying to do?

Embalm us
while we're still alive?

What do you expect?
Eight-year-old bottled-in-bond?

All the house guarantees
is you don't go blind.

Blind? Harry!

Harry, Harry, I'm blind, Harry!

Harry, where are you?
I can't see. I'm blind, Harry.

- Harry? Harry? I'm blind.
- Blind?

How stupid can you get, animal?

'The killer-diller,
of course, the real bonanza

'was when sefton put up
the observatory.

'He scrounged some high-powered
kraut lenses and a magnifying mirror,

'and got Ronnie bigelow
from barracks 2 to put it together

'for a pound of coffee.

'On a clear day,
you could see the Swiss alps.

'Only who wanted to see
the Swiss alps?

'It was about a mile away
from that Russian delousing shack,

'but we were right on top of it.

'It cost a cigarette
or half a bar of chocolate a peek.

'You couldn't catch much
through that steam,

'but after two years in that camp,

'just the idea of what was behind that
window sure spruced up your voltage.'

let's go.
20 seconds to a customer.

Hey, sefton,
what's snarling up the traffic?

By the time we get to look,
they'll be old hags.

Simmer down, boys.

There'll be a second show
when they put the next batch through.

Hey, sefton. What's the big idea?
Take that telescope out of here.

- Says who?
- Me.

You take it out,
but there'll be a riot.

Every time they get red cross packages,
you find some angle to Rob them.

When they find out,
they'll throw us in the boob.

They know.
I'd worry about the radio.

Maybe they also know about
your distillery and horse races.

That's right.

What makes you and them krauts
so buddy-buddy?

Ask security.

Tell him. You got me shadowed
every minute of the day.

- Haven't you found out yet?
- Not yet.

- How do you get all these privileges?
- I give the guards ten per cent.

- And maybe something else!
- A little something what?

- A little information.
- Break it off!

How much more do we
have to take from this crud?

There'll be no vigilante stuff
while I'm barracks chief.

Hey, look at 'em! Those crazy jerks!
The krauts'll shoot them!

Harry and the animal are trying
to sneak into the Russian compound!

They're past the 50-yard line!

- It's a quarterback sneak!
- Look at 'em go!

Those idiots will paint themselves
right into their graves.

J get a load of them! J

hello, bublichki. How are y'all?

J hi-ya, howdee, howdee do j

Hey, the brick kremlin!
Hey, Olga volga, wait for me!

Hey, animal... the window.

Schweinehund!

'So life sort of drifted
back to normal in stalag 17.

'It was a couple of days before Christmas
and everything seemed quiet enough.

'But underneath it, we knew we were
sitting on a barrel of dynamite,

'and that the stoolie, whoever he was,
was ready to strike again any second.'

at ease! At ease! At ease!

All right, at ease, at ease!
Mail call!

- All right, at ease.
- Hey, man...

Anything for Stanislaus kuzawa?

First. The kommandant is sending
every barracks a little Christmas present.

A copy of "mein kampf".

- All right, at ease.
- At easel

in oberst Von scherbach's words,
"now that German victory is in sight,

"all American prisoners
are to be indoctrinated

"with the teachings of the fiihrer."
Unquote.

In my own words...

Unquote.

That's the wrong direction.

- Martin.
- Here.

- Shapiro.
- Yup.

- Price.
- Yeah.

- Trzcinski.
- Yo.

- McKay.
- Yo!

Shapiro. Shapiro.

Manfredi...

Shapiro.

- Musgrove.
- Hey!

- McKay.
- Yo!

- Peterson.
- Yeah!

- Plews.
- Here.

- Pirelli.
- Hey!

- Coleman.
- Yol!

- Shapiro.
- Nothing for Stanislaus kuzawa?

Shapiro. Shapiro.

- Agnew.
- Here.

And just what makes you
so popular?

It's amazing. 50 million guys
running around back home,

and all those dames want
is sugar-lips shapiro.

- Plews.
- Here.

- Bauer.
- Here.

- McKay.
- Yo!

- Agnew.
- Here.

- Here, kuzawa.
- Yeah?

- Give this to Joey?
- Is that all the mail?

At ease, at ease!

Here's a little something from
father Murray. One to each barrack.

And he wants you to cut out
all swearing during yuletide.

- How did he get those trees?
- Prayed, I guess.

They grew out of his mattress.
Come on, Steve.

Hey! What do we do
for decorations?

For that, you gotta pray yourself.

"And so, Joey, we do hope that you
will finish that last year of law school

"when you come back home."

Law school?

Hey, you don't wanna be
no stinking lawyer

with a stinking briefcase
and a stinking office, do you, Joey?

Nah!

"And do keep writing, son.
Your letters are very dear to us.

"With all our love, dad."

It's from your dad, Joey.
Here, take it.

Next time we write to your folks,
you know what you're gonna say?

You're gonna say that
you don't wanna be no lawyer,

that you wanna be a musician, maybe.

Like play the flute. Yeah, Joey?

"I saw a wonderful article on German
prison camps in a magazine."

Mom reads a lot.

"They showed pictures of the tennis
courts, and also say that in winter

"they freeze them over
so you boys can ice skate."

Anything about us grouse hunting
in the Vienna woods?

"In a way, I'm glad you're not
in America right now,

"with everything rationed here,
like gas and meat."

Heart-rendering, ain't it?

Why don't we send them
some food parcels?

- What do all those broads say?
- What do they always say?

- Let me read one.
- It's not good for you, animal.

Hey, this is with a typewriter.
It's from a finance company.

So it is from the finance company.
It's better than no letter at all.

So they want the third payment
on the Plymouth.

So they want the fourth,
the fifth, the sixth, the seventh.

So they want the Plymouth.

Sugar-lips shapiro.
Amazing, ain't it?

- I believe it.
- You believe what?

My wife. She says,
"darling, you won't believe it,

"but I found an adorable baby
on our doorstep,

"and I've decided to keep it
for our very own.

"You won't believe it, but it's got
exactly my eyes and nose."

Why does she keep saying
I don't believe it? I believe it.

I believe it.

I believe it.

This is it, gentlemen.
Don't bother to scrape your shoes.

Ok, gang! Meet our new guests.

This is lieutenant dunbar
and this is sergeant bagradian.

A lieutenant?

Knock it off, fellas.
The pleasure's all mine.

- How are things?
- What's doing on the outside?

- What's new in the states?
- Let's hear it!

The skirts are shorter,
if that's what you mean.

At ease! The lieutenant
will be with us for a week

until the krauts ship him
to the officers' camp in silesia.

All railroads out of Frankfurt
are fouled up,

because somebody blew up
an ammunition train.

Somebody, my eye! The lieutenant did it,
with 50 German guards around.

Glad to have you with the organisation.

You're in time
for the Christmas pageant.

Looks more like
the lost company of tobacco road.

He's an actor. You should see
his imitations. He can do anybody.

- Do Lionel Barrymore again.
- Do Alan ladd.

- Do Cary Grant.
- Hey, do grable!

Now see here, Scarlet,

I'm crazy about you
and always have been.

I gave you kisses for breakfast,

kisses for lunch
and kisses for supper.

And now I find
that you're eating out.

- Not gable, grable!
- That's enough.

They were shot down two days ago and
they've been on their feet ever since.

Price'll show you to your bunks.

Fix them some tea, huh?

We had a couple
of unexpected vacancies.

Upper or lower, lieutenant?

It doesn't matter.
Just so I can get some sleep.

- Lieutenant dunbar?
- Yeah?

James schuyler dunbar
from Boston?

Yes. Do we know each other?

He's from Boston, too,
but you wouldn't know him,

unless you had your house robbed.

Maybe he would. We were gonna
be officers together, remember?

Only they washed me out.
I'm glad to see you made it.

Of course all your dough
had nothing to do with it.

- His mother's got $20 million.
- 25.

They've got a summer home
in nantucket with a Polo field.

- Put a canopy over his bunk.
- Lay off, sefton!

With all your mother's pull, how come
you're not a chicken colonel by now?

Lay off, unless you want
your head handed to you!

Tea is being served on the veranda.

Animal, where are the napkins?

Do be seated, bonita.

What a perfectly
charming table arrangement.

They must've copied it
from "house beautiful".

Animal, how many times
have I told you?

You always gotta pour from the left.

Thank you, James.

Don't encourage them.
Those are the barrack's clowns.

- Did they get you over Frankfurt?
- On the schweinfurt run.

- Flak or fighters?
- Fighters.

- How many ships did you lose?
- About half the group.

- Flying out of england?
- Yes, waddington. 92nd bomber group.

Lieutenant, how did you blow up
that train with 50 guards around?

Well, I was just lucky, I guess.

Don't let him kid you. Cagney couldn't
have pulled a sweeter job.

Here's what happened.

We were waiting in the depot
in Frankfurt, understand?

When an ammunition train
comes through,

the longest ammunition train
you ever saw, understand?

He's just giving it a big build-up.
It was simple enough.

I went into the men's room,
fixed a little time bomb,

broke open the window
and when the train pulled out

I tossed it into an open car.

There must've been straw
on the floor.

Yeah. And about three minutes later
you can hear it... boom!

Understand?
Broke every window in Frankfurt.

Understand? It was gorgeous.

Wait a second.
I'm not through. Understand?

- I wouldn't talk about things like that.
- They never caught on.

They may.
That's why I'd keep my mouth shut.

Why? We're all Americans here,
aren't we?

- The krauts are getting information.
- Yeah, especially in this barracks.

- How?
- That's what we'd like to know.

- There's only one pair left.
- We'll get some more.

Where does a fella
take a hot shower around here?

Hot shower? Dig him!

No hot showers.
You wash in the latrine.

- In a latrine?
- What do you expect, glamour boy?

An officers' club
with a steam room and a massage?

Just a minute. You made some
cracks before and I let them slide,

but I don't intend to take any more.

If you resent my having money,
start a revolution, but get off my back.

Look, your dough won't help.
Here you're on your own.

No mother to throw you a lifebelt.
Let's see how good you swim.

I can swim all right. We own three
swimming pools and a private lake.

That figures.

Sorry, boys, my taxi's waiting.

Cut the horseplay, Harry.
What's the matter with you guys?

Get ready, here he comes!

Czechoslovakia and Poland - kaputt!

And the fraulein
with the glockenspiel - verboten.

And the apple strudel
with the /liederkranz - gesundheit!

Everything is gesundheit,
kaputt and verboten!'

gentlemen! Attention!

- Heil Hitler!
- Heil hi...

Droppen sie dead!

Quiet! We are indoctrinating.

- Is all you indoctrinated?
- Ja!

- Is you all good little Nazis?
- Jawobh/!

- Is you all good little adolfs?
- Jawobh/!

Then we will all salute
feldwebel schulz.

About face!

- Sieg heil!
- Sieg heil!

Sieg heil!

Ach, one fiihrer is enough.

Now, please, gentlemen,
take off those moustaches.

Or do you want me arrested
by the gestapo?

Jawohl!

You would be very sorry to get a new
feldwebel without a sense of humour.

Ok, gang, take off the moustaches.
Now, what is it, schulz?

Gentlemen, tomorrow morning
the Geneva man will inspect the camp

and find out if we are living up
to the international convention.

I'm sure he'll find
we are treating you very well.

You must not run around
in your underwear.

And take off the wash.

The kommandant wants all the barracks
to be spick and also span.

Yeah, we'll put pink ribbons
on the bedbugs.

The kommandant also sends
every man a new clean blanket.

Yeah, we know.
We had them last year.

Five minutes after he was gone,
the blankets were gone.

Ja.

The kommandant also told me
to pick up the radio.

What radio, schulz?

The one you are hiding,
don't you know?

The one your friend mit-out the leg
is smuggling in the compound.

- You're off your nut.
- Give me the radio.

- We have no radio.
- All right, gentlemen, I'll find it myself.

Now, let's see.
Where could it be?

Maybe, in the lieutenant's bunk?
Oh, no, not in the lieutenant's bunk.

I'm cold here.
Maybe warmer on this side.

In the piccolo, may...
Oh, no, not in the piccolo.

Am I getting warmer? Hot, maybe?

Very hot?

- What is this? This is water?
- It's a mousetrap.

- Ha! And this?
- My grandmother's earmuffs.

Look at them, lieutenant.
Everybody is a clown.

How can you win the war
mit an army of clowns?

We hope you'll laugh
yourselves to death.

Yeah.

Now, outside everybody!
Everybody out for the blankets.

Clear out.

Hey, you too, outside.
Get going! Raus/!

Hurry up, boys. Raus! Raus/!

That schulz pig knew
where the radio was all the time.

That stoolie is sure
batting a thousand.

The guy I want to talk to is sefton.
Anybody seen sefton?

- Cookie, have you seen sefton?
- No, I haven't.

Here, here!

Hoffy, I'm sorry
about the mouse trap,

but the war news are
very depressing anyway.

I might as well also confiscate
the antenna. American know-how.

- All right, cookie. Where's sefton?
- I don't know.

- At the kommandant's?
- L1 don't know.

- What did they trade him for the radio?
- I don't know.

Why don't we look
in his footlockers?

Come on, you little stooge!
Hand over them keys!

- I haven't got any k-k-keys.
- Ok, then I'll get me a key.

- Ok, hoffy?
- Ok.

W-w-wait a minute. Don't!
Sefton will get mad.

- Of all the hoarding cruds!
- Looks like Macy's basement, don't it?

That kid's richer than my mother.

Shut up!

For crying out loud.
What would he be doing with these?

Suppose you ask me?
Go on, ask me.

Because I got the goods on mr sefton.
Because this time he didn't shake me.

Take a look for yourself.
It'll curdle your guts.

The Russian women!

Get away!

Here, try the end window,
where the candy is.

Come on, hoffy, we all want to see!

- How did he get over there?
- Easy.

Through the gate, past the guard
like some kraut field marshal.

Now we know what he got for the radio.

This is murder!

The stinking miser,
keeping all that for himself!

So I'm a vigilante? What are
the barrack's officers gonna do now?

Don't worry, Duke. We'll handle it now.

You better handle it fast,
before he sells us all down the river.

Hi.

Too late for chow?

What's the matter, boys,
is my slip showing?

I'll say it is.
You spilled a little borscht on it.

- Borscht?
- D'you have a good time over there?

Oh, somebody was peeking.

Yeah, had a dreamy time.

Those dames really know
how to throw a party.

I've known some women in my time,

but there's nothing like
the hot breath of the cossacks.

There are a couple of blonde snipers
over there, real man-killers, they...

What's this?

- What happened, cookie? Who did it?
- We did it.

Better not be anything missing.
This is private property.

So was the radio private property.
So were manfredi and jonson.

- What about the radio?
- Yeah, what about it?

Cut the horsing around! We know
he's the stoolie and what the pay-off is.

- Let's get on with it!
- With what?

What is this anyway, a kangaroo court?
Why not get a rope and do it right?

You make my mouth water.

You're all wire-happy.
You've been here too long.

You put two and two together
and got four. Only it ain't four!

- What's it add up to you, sefton?
- You got yourselves the wrong guy.

I'm telling you, the krauts wouldn't
plant two stoolies in one barracks.

Whatever you do to me, you'll have
to do again when you find the right guy.

Watch it, the kommandant!

Achtung! Herr kommandant!

Good evening, sergeants.

A little coffee-klatch
you are having, eh?

Gloomy in here, isn't it?

- Where is the barracks chief?
- Yes, sir.

You have a lieutenant here.
Lieutenant, er... James dunbar?

Yes, sir.

I'm lieutenant dunbar.

What is your number?

- 105-353.
- That is correct.

Lieutenant dunbar, I came
to apologise for the accommodations.

Ordinarily, of course, we never put
officers up with enlisted men.

I'l live.

Quite a transportation jam
we're having outside of Frankfurt.

They are very angry in Berlin.

They will be angrier on the east front,
waiting for that ammunition train.

- Don't you think so, lieutenant?
- I don't know what you're talking about.

How would you like to join me
in my quarters?

I have a nice fire going.

- I'm ok here, why bother?
- No bother.

I'm very grateful for a little company.
You see, I suffer from insomnia.

Did you ever try 40 sleeping pills?

We have some rights, colonel.
Why's this man being taken out?

Curtains would do wonders
for this barrack.

You will not get them.

How did he find out
about the ammunition train?

You must've shot your mouths off
from Frankfurt to here.

- No, we didn't.
- Maybe a hint? Think hard.

I don't have to think. We didn't say
a word until we hit this barracks.

What are you looking at me for?

Lights out! Lights out!

I suppose some jerk's gonna say
I did it.

Why don't you try it one at a time?

'There's a lot of folks around
that don't believe in Santa claus.

'I always did and I always will.

'For a while, I thought the German
luftwaffe had shot him down,

'reindeer, sleigh and all.
But no, sir.

'Come the day before Christmas,

'the Geneva man showed up
with some presents for us.

'They brought us coffee, a little sugar,
prunes and t-t-toothbrushes,

'and, of all things,
some ping-pong balls.

"There must've been a slip-up,

'because suddenly we wound up
with 2,000 ping-pong balls.

'It seemed pretty idiotic at the time,

'but, as it turned out, those
ping-pong balls sure came in handy.

'Oh, mother, did they come in handy!'

Hey, schulz!

What is this?
You must get out of your bunk.

The Geneva man is coming
to inspect the...

Lieber gott!
How do you look? You had a fight?

Would you like to give frau schulz
silk stockings for Christmas?

You should see the doctor.
Maybe I can...

- Silk stockings?
- Take them.

Wunderbar!

Maybe they are too wunderbar
for my wife,

but there's a piano teacher
in the village...

- And 200 cigarettes for yourself?
- 200 cigarettes!

What is it you want from me?

- Who's the guy?
- What guy?

The one you work with.
How do you do it?

- I don't want the cigarettes.
- I'll make it 400.

No! No! No!

Listen, schulz, you better talk,

because I'm gonna find out
with you or without you.

I won't let go. They'll have to kill me
to stop me! So talk!

Talk what?
No, I don't know anything.

How many do you want? 1,000?

- No!
- Here, take them!

Gentlemen, when the Geneva man
comes through the barracks,

I don't want you to complain to him.

I have orders from the kommandant
to report everyone who complains.

Look at him, dunbar's being crucified
and he's trading again.

Didn't you get enough last night?
Still itching for more?

Some guys never learn.

- Here's some ice off the roof.
- Beat it, you little stooge!

Tell the crumb where he stands.

I called a meeting
of the barracks chiefs this morning.

I thought I could get you transferred
to another barracks.

But it turns out that nobody likes you
any more than we do.

So you're stuck with me, huh?

Maybe the Russian broads
would take him.

Not with that kisser, not any more.

You got off lucky last night, sefton.

One more move, and you'll wake up
with your throat cut!

You listening, sefton?

Yeah, I still got one good ear.

Now you listen to me.

Two guys in this barracks know
I didn't do it.

Me and the guy that did do it.
It could be any one of you.

You, hoffy, or Duke, or price,
the animal, or blondie, or even Joey.

And he'd better watch out,
the guy that left me holding the stick.

Because if there's any throats cut
in this barracks...

Achtung! Everybody at attention
for the Geneva man!

As you were, gentlemen, please.

Here we have a typical barrack.
It houses 75 men.

Every one of them has
his own bunk, naturally.

Naturally. It would be rather awkward
to have three men in one bunk.

As for the blankets, you will notice
they are very warm. 50 per cent wool.

They also smell of mothballs.

When were they issued?
This morning?

What do you do for heat
in this barrack? No stove!

The men used it as a trap door,
so we had to remove it temporarily.

How long is temporarily?
I trust not until July.

Here you see a typical meal
the prisoners are getting.

- Schulz, what are they having today?
- Bean soup mit ham hocks.

- Would you like to taste it?
- Thank you, no.

Where's the ham hock?
There should be a ham hock!

When you find it,
we'll send it to Geneva.

Are there any complaints?
Please speak up.

Don't be afraid to talk.

That's what
the Geneva convention is for,

to protect the rights
of prisoners of war,

whether they are Americans
or Germans.

- What have you got to say?
- I like it here.

- What about you?
- It's all right, considering.

What happened to you?
Were you beaten?

Why don't you answer?
What did you do to this man?

They didn't do nothing.

- Who beat you?
- Nobody beat me.

We were playing pinochle.
It's a rough game.

Pardon me, sir.
Since you want us to speak up.

A man was removed from this barracks
last night, a lieutenant dunbar.

We'd appreciate you looking into it,
if they haven't shot him yet.

- Why was he arrested?
- Sabotage. He blew up a train.

They'd have to prove that first.

The Geneva convention says
you can't just shoot a man.

I didn't do it. I didn't do it.
I didn't do it...

Of course you did. 26 carloads
of munition gone off like a trick cigar.

The ss is running around in circles.

The gestapo is arresting
the wrong people.

And Von scherbach has caught the fish.
Most amusing, isn't it?

Ah-ah! You are being rude again.

I just wanna go to sleep.

9:30. General Von pfeffinger
will be at his desk by now.

Shall we call Berlin
and tell him the good news?

I didn't do it. I didn't...

I hope you appreciate this moment,
lieutenant.

You see, I'm a cavalry man.

All the Von scherbachs
were cavalry men.

Well, you know
what happened to the cavalry.

Just give me five minutes
on that couch, will you?

The young ones,
they put into the panzer divisions.

The older ones,
they put in the quartermaster corps

or made them recruiting officers,
or wardens like me.

Wet nurses to putrid prisoners.

In Berlin, they have forgotten that
colonel Von scherbach even exists.

But they will remember now.

Well, there will be two ss men here
tomorrow to take you to Berlin.

You will be interrogated
by the general staff.

When it comes to the part
about your arrest,

I'm sure you won't forget
to give me the proper credit.

I just wanna sleep.
I haven't slept in three days.

You will remember the name.
Scherbach, Von scherbach.

Well, herr inspektor,
how did you find the camp?

Crowded, but “gemditlich',
shall we say?

I want to talk about
lieutenant dunbar.

- Is this lieutenant dunbar?
- Tis.

What exactly is he charged with?

Whatever it is,
it's out of your jurisdiction.

This man is not a prisoner of war.
Not any more. He's a saboteur.

He's a prisoner of war
until you can prove sabotage.

I didn't do it.
I was in the Frankfurt station.

The train was three miles away
when it blew up.

Come now, you threw a time bomb.

How could I have had a time bomb?

They searched me
when they took me prisoner.

The way you search your prisoners,
it sounds rather unlikely.

All I know is he did it.
I am satisfied.

I am not. According to the Geneva
convention, this man...

Is there anything in the Geneva
convention that'll let a guy sleep?

- You were saying?
- Simply this.

After the hostilities are ended,
there will be a war crimes commission.

If the man should be convicted
without proper proof,

you will be held responsible,
oberst Von scherbach.

- Interesting.
- Isn't it?

Very well,
if you insist on details,

I have ways of finding out
about that blasted time bomb.

Good day, sir. You will forgive me
for receiving you like this.

Perfectly all right.
I do not like boots.

- Schulz!
- Herr oberst.

I believe it. I believe it.

Let's have your dogtags
for the Christmas tree.

What's the idea?
You think can eat that stuff?

We're building a smudge pot
so patton can find us when he comes.

Twenty parts of cellulose,
one part phosphorous. Watch.

He'll be able to see our smoke signal
four miles away.

But patton is 400 miles away.

- Well, I say, be prepared.
- Ok, boy scout.

- Hey, look what we've got!
- The phonograph! Music!

Put it down here, boys.

We made a deal with barracks 1.

- Now, where's that distillery?
- Over here, boys.

Let's have that distillery.

Come on, we swapped it for
the phonograph. Any objections, sefton?

Take it.

Hey, price. Any news on dunbar?

He's still at the kommandant's office,
that's all I know. Don't worry.

J when Johnny comes marching
home again, hurrah, hurrah!

J we'll give him a hearty welcome then,
hurrah, hurrah!

J the men will cheer, the boys will shout
the ladies they will all turn out

j and we'll all feel gay
when Johnny comes marching home

j get ready for the jubilee,
hurrah, hurrah!

J we'll give the hero three times three,
hurrah, hurrah!

J the Laurel wreath is ready now
to place upon his royal brow

j and we'll all feel gay
when Johnny comes marching home

j let love and friendship on that day,
hurrah, hurrah!

J their choicest treasures then display,
hurrah, hurrah!

J and let each one perform some part
to fill with joy the warrior's heart

j and we'll all feel gay
when Johnny comes marching home

j when Johnny comes marching
home again, hurrah, hurrah!

J we'll give him a hearty welcome then,
hurrah, hurrah!

J the men will cheer, the boys will shout
the ladies they will all turn out

j and we'll all feel gay
when Johnny comes marching home

j and we'll all feel gay when Johnny
comes marching home

j when Johnny comes marching
home again, hurrah, hurrah!

J we'll give him a hearty welcome then,
hurrah, hurrah!

J the men will cheer, the boys will shout
the ladies they will all turn out

j and we'll all feel gay
when Johnny comes marching home

j la-la-la...

J when Johnny comes marching
home again, hurrah, hurrah!

J we'll give him a hearty welcome then,
hurrah, hurrah!

J the men will cheer, the boys will shout
the ladies they will all turn out

j and we'll all feel gay
when Johnny comes marching home

j la-la-la... j

This kid's too good for me.

Let's see how good he is.
Same stakes?

Sure. Go ahead.

That's not bad.

- Where did you learn your pitching?
- From the farmer's daughter.

Something I was meaning
to ask you about security.

Shoot.

We're having a tough time
keeping stuff hidden from the krauts,

like our escape equipment,
so we're always looking for new devices.

- Looks like you found one.
- Me?

I mean the lieutenant.
He hid a time bomb on him, right?

He even carried it
through prisoner's search, didn't he?

- Where did he hide it?
- Right in his pocket.

- The old cigarette-match gag.
- What's that?

You take a book of matches,
light a cigarette, slip it in.

It takes about three minutes
for the cigarette to burn down.

Then it sets off the matches.
Simple.

Some time bomb.

Hey, that's a ringer.

J o come ye, o come ye

j to Bethlehem

j come and behold him

j born the king of angels...

Don't forget the corkscrew.

And have a cigar.

Thanks.

J ...Joyful and triumphant

j o come ye, o come ye

j to Bethlehem

j come and behold him...

- Here's a present for you, Joey.
- Take it. Take it.

It's Christmas, Joey.

"Merry Christmas to Joey
from the gang."

Open it.

I'll open it for you.

Come on, Joey, play.

Air raid! Air raid!
Everybody out of the barracks!

- Not on Christmas Eve!
- For your own good, you must get out.

- And put out those candles.
- Let's hit the trenches.

- I'll bet it's a phoney again.
- The Pentagon will hear about this!

I'm not really built for war.

Get out! Everybody in the trenches.
Quick. Raus!

Hey, what's the matter with you?

- You want to get killed?
- Not particularly.

Hey, you two. Outside with youl!

Must you two always be the last?

Oh, yeah? You try jumping
in those trenches first.

Everybody jumps in on top of you.

- How do you think I got my hernia?
- Go on, let's go.

Ach, so?

Ach, so!

"Ach, so..."

'So it got to be
Christmas day in stalag 17.

"If you ask me, it was
more like the fourth of July

'with all the fireworks that were to go off
and bust the camp wide open.

'It started off innocently,
with a party going on in every barracks.'

j I love you

j is all that I can say

j I love you

j the same old words
I'm saying in the same old way

j I love you

j three words that are divine

j and now, my dear

j I'm waiting to hear

j the words that make you mine... j

Come on, animal,
let's trip the light fantastic.

Leave me alone.

Don't cry over a dame that
doesn't even know you're alive.

Snap out of it!

There's a time in every man's life
when he wants to be left alone.

So go away.

All right, who wants
the queen of the may?

How about you, handsome?

You look like Cary Grant.
Wanna dance with me?

I'd love to, queenie, but one
of the other girls asked me first.

Bye, darling.

Bye.

Any cigars left, cookie?

Come on, cookie, get me a cigar.

What's the matter?
Are you on their team now?

Think I'm the guy?

I don't know what to think any more.

I understand how you feel.

It's sort of rough, one American
squealing on other Americans.

Then again, cookie, maybe
that stoolie's not an American at all.

Maybe he's a German
the krauts planted in this barracks.

They do that sometimes.

Just put an agent in with us,
a trained specialist.

Lots of loose information
floating around a prison camp.

Not just whether somebody's
trying to escape,

but what outfit we were with,

where we were stationed,

how our radar operates.

- Could be, couldn't it?
- In this barracks?

Why not? Just one of the boys.
Sharing our bunks, eating our chow.

Right amongst those that beat me up.

Except he beat hardest.

- Who is it?
- That's not the point, cookie.

The point is:
What do you do with him?

You tip your mitt and the jerries
plant him in someplace else

like stalag 16 or 15.

Or you kill him off and
the krauts kill off the whole barracks.

Every one of us.

So what do you do?

Who is it? If you don't want to tell me,
why don't you tell hoffy, or security?

Yeah...

Security.

What's keeping hoffy?
Why don't we get news about dunbar?

He'll be back. They've got no proof.

Come on, boys. Soft and sweet.

Beguile me.

Betty...

Betty!

- May I have this dance, miss?
- Why, sure.

Pinch me, darling.

Pinch me, so I'll know
I'm not dreaming.

Thank you, darling.

J I love you

j three words that are divine

j and now, my dear

j I'm waiting to hear

j the words that make you mine j

Did anyone ever tell you, you had
the most beautiful legs in the world?

But it's not just your legs.
I'm crazy about that little nose of yours.

That cute little button of a nose.

Hey, animal? Animal!

I've been crazy about you for years.

I've seen every picture
you ever made... six times!

I'd just sit there, watching you.

I wouldn't even open up the popcorn bag.

Animal, animal!
Wake up. Wake up!

Betty... Betty!

Animal, this is me, Harry shapiro.

Harry shapiro!

Harry...

Cut the music.
Cut the music! Cut ijt!

At ease, at ease!
Somebody cover the doors.

Listen! The ss men are here for dunbar.
They're taking him to Berlin.

- They got proof. Looks like he's finished.
- Only not quite yet.

Hoffy and I have figured a long shot.

- All the barracks are behind us.
- What are you gonna do?

Blondie, get that smudge pot.
Tie it to Steve's leg.

I want everybody out. We need
a lot of commotion in the compound.

I'll get the men
from the other barracks.

You think you can snatch
dunbar from the ss?

We're gonna make a stab at it.
Duke, price, stosh, Harry...

Meet at the north latrine.
You'll all get your posts.

Now everybody start drifting out,
one by one.

Easy, boys, easy.
Disperse out there nicely.

Remember, just because the krauts are
dumb, it doesn't mean they're stupid.

- Ready?
- Roger.

Ok, move out.

I don't know what your scheme is,
but it sounds crazy.

It may be crazy, but it's better
than having dunbar dead.

I guess you're right. How about me
keeping schulz off balance?

- Good.
- I'd worry about sefton, not schulz.

- Remember me? I'm the stoolie.
- You won't squeal this one, brother.

No? Aren't you afraid to turn
the stoolie loose on the compound?

For a tip-off like this,
what the krauts would pay?

You'll stay in the barracks,
and not a peep out of you.

Ok, put a guard on me.
I want you to.

Because if anything goes wrong,
this time you won't have a patsy. Right?

- Right.
- So, who's gonna watch me?

Cookie? No, not cookie.

Wouldn't you feel safer
with security on the job?

- Ok, price, you stay here.
- What about schulz?

We'll take care of schulz.
Come on. You, too.

That's the boy, Joey.
Play us a little something.

What do you want to hear, price?
"Home on the range"?

Or maybe a little Wagner?

Or how about a game of pinochle?

No, you're not a pinochle man.

You're a chess player.

I never knew much about the game.

Now, let's see...

A pawn moves this way,
and a bishop this way,

and the queen moves
every which way, doesn't it?

Suppose you sit down
and keep your mouth shut!

I went to school with a guy
named price. That was in Boston.

- You're from Cleveland, aren't you?
- Yeah, I'm from Cleveland.

I thought that was what you said.
You're from Cleveland.

- You were with the 36th bomb group?
- 35th.

The 366th bomb squadron
out of chelveston?

Are you questioning me?

Just getting acquainted. I'd like
to make one friend in this barracks.

Don't bother.
I never liked you and I never will.

Many people say that
and then they get married,

and live happily ever after.

I wonder what they're trying
to pull out there.

'Where was dunbar?

'It sure drove the krauts crazy,
looking for him.

'They herded us out, put extra machine
guns on us and gave us a picture check.

'You know, checking our dogtags
and our pans against their index file.

'Nobody knew
where dunbar was hidden.

'Nobody except hoffy,
and he wouldn't even tell us.

'The krauts searched
under the barracks, on the roofs,

'they even searched the bathroom
in the kommandant's office.

'But no dunbar.

"Then they tried to smoke him out
with tear gas bombs in every barracks,

'just in case he was hiding
up in the rafters.

'Then they made us stand
for six hours out there

'until finally Von scherbach came out
and gave us his ultimatum.

'If dunbar didn't come out
by next morning,

'he'd tear down the whole
lousy compound, stick by stick.

'And if we slept in the mud for the rest
of our lives, that was okay by him.

'He couldn't figure how a guy
could disappear from the compound

'and still be there.

'But dunbar was there all right.

'He sure was there.'

Let's have it understood. This'll be
a rough deal, but we've got no choice.

One of us will have to take dunbar
out of the camp tonight.

We'll draw one dogtag
to see who does the job.

The krauts are expecting
a move like this

and they've put on extra guards.

Now, if anybody wants to withdraw,
speak up.

Then we're all in on it.

Everybody but Joey...
And you know who.

All right, who's the lucky one?

Let me do it, hoffy.

- You wanna go?
- No, I just wanna draw.

Ok, draw.

Suppose we call this my tag.
I'll take him out.

No volunteers. We're all in on it.

You elected me security.

The way things have been going,
I've done a poor job

and I want to make it up.
Am I asking too much?

- We've all done a poor job.
- I still say this is my tag.

Any objections, hoffy?

- Any objections, men?
- Not from me.

- He can have it.
- Who are we to argue with a hero?

- How about me latching on?
- Three's a crowd.

Especially if you've gotta cut
your way through barbed wire.

Let's have the wire cutters.

- Are the civilian clothes ready?
- Coming up.

Get to work on the trap door.

What do you say, hoffy,
we hit the air-raid trenches,

then cut out back at barracks 97

you'd better cut out
back of the south latrine.

- Why the south latrine?
- Because he's there. In the water tank.

Good spot.

With any luck, we may be
in krems by morning.

Maybe even catch a barge
up to linz.

Two packs of cigarettes say dunbar
never gets out of the compound.

Are you starting that again?

- Anybody cover?
- Somebody step on that crumb.

- We warned you, sefton.
- Sure you warned me.

You were gonna slit the throat
of that stoolie.

Here's the knife to do it with.

- Make sure you get the right throat.
- We're looking at it.

Hurry up on that trap door.
Are you trying to gum up the works?

That's right.

Or would you rather see dunbar lying
in the mud like manfredi and jonson?

My hands were full keeping
these guys from tearing you apart.

I called it last time, didn't I?

Are we gonna listen to him until
the Germans find out where dunbar is?

They know where dunbar is.

- How do they know?
- You told them, hoffy.

- Who did?
- You did.

- Are you off your rocker?
- Uh-huh. Fell right on my head.

- Sprechen sie deutsch?
- No, I don't "sprechen sie deutsch."

Maybe just one word? Kaputt?

- Because you're kaputt!
- Get him out of my hair so I can go.

To the kommandant's office
and tell him where dunbar is?

I'll kill you for...

Shut up!

Security officer, huh?
Always screening everybody.

Only who screens you?

Great American hero
from Cleveland, Ohio,

enlisted right after Pearl harbor.

When was Pearl harbor
or don't you know?

- December 7th, '41.
- What time?

Six o'clock, I was having dinner.

Six o'clock in Berlin.

They were having lunch
in Cleveland.

- Am I boring you, boys?
- Go on.

He's a Nazi, price is!

For all I know, his name is
preissinger or preisshoffer.

Sure he lived in Cleveland,
but when war broke out

he came back to the fatherland
like a good little bundist.

He spoke our lingo,
so they sent him to spy school

and fixed him up
with phoney dogtags.

He's just trying to get himself
off the hook!

- He said, "shut up."
- You heard what he said.

Okay, herr preisshoffer,
let's have the mailbox.

The what?

The one you took out from the corner
of your bunk and put in this pocket.

Let me show you how they did it.

They did it by mail.

- Mail?
- That's right.

Little love notes between our
security officer and Von scherbach,

with schulz the mailman.

Here's the flag.

They used to put a loop in the cord.
Did you ever notice?

And here's the mailboxes.
Hollow black queens.

Cute, huh?

They delivered or picked up the mail
when we were out of the barracks,

like for appell.

When there was a special delivery,
they'd pull a phoney air raid,

to get us out,
like last night, for instance.

There wasn't a plane in the sky.
Or was there, price?

Brother, were we all wet about you?

Forget it.

- What are we gonna do with him?
- Don't you know?

Because I got my own ideas.

Let's have that civilian stuff.

I'll look pretty stupid in this,
yodelling my way across the alps.

Now, let's have the wire cutters.

- Are you taking dunbar?
- You betcha.

There ought to be some reward money
from mama. About 10,000 bucks' worth.

I told you boys I'm no escape artist.

For the first time, I like the odds,
because now I got me a decoy.

- What's the decoy?
- Price.

When I go,
give me exactly five minutes

to get dunbar
out of that water tank.

Then throw price into the compound,
nice and loud.

He'll draw every light
from every goon tower.

It's our only chance to cut through.

What do you say, barracks chief?

He's right, hoffy,
it's either price or dunbar.

He killed jonson and manfredi,
didn't he?

It's all yours.

What's the matter, price?
You said you were gonna save dunbar?

So now you're getting your chance.

So long, cookie. You can have
the department store, what's left of it.

So long, sefton.

You're not disposing of those
Russian broads, are you?

Tell you what to do. Get yourself
100 cigarettes for the kraut guards.

Then get yourself another face.

You could use a new one too.

Let's synchronise the watches.

It's 11:42 sharp.

Check.

Just one more word.

If I ever run into any of you bums
on a street corner,

let's pretend we never met before.

Shut up the moaning or
you'll have the machine guns on us.

Shut it off, lieutenant.

My legs are frozen.

You'd better get
that blue blood circulating,

cos we're busting out
of this stink hole

in exactly one minute
and 20 seconds.

Sefton...

- Did you expect a St. Bernard dog?
- Not you.

- Want some Brandy?
- Yeah.

Who doesn't? Suppose we wait
till we hit the Waldorf astoria, huh?

Okay, it's on me.

You won't get off that cheap.

What are our chances
of busting out of here?

We'll know in about 40 seconds.

Hold his leg up.

Just in case your kameraden
are hard-of-hearing.

Thirty seconds. Get him up.

Stop shaking, price.
There'll be no pardon from no governor.

Funny, ain't it? In your own fatherland,
by your own soldaten.

This kid's got no sense of humour.

Twenty seconds. Open the hatch.

What's the matter with you, security?
You were always so calm.

Especially when you let manfredi
and jonson go out there.

Eight seconds,
seven, six, five, four,

three, two, one, go!

Hilfe!

This is it!

- Let's blow, chauncey.
- Let's.

All right, men. Everybody back
in their bunks like nothing happened.

What do you know?
The crud did it.

I'd like to know what made him do it.

Maybe he just wanted
to steal our wire cutters.

You ever think of that?