Original subtitles

Why ain't you help me with the chores?

I've been practicing my singing and my dancing, and Ma said I didn't have to do

no chores when I was practicing.

You ain't practicing nothing.

I seen you yesterday playing with a Hopkins boy in the barn after you told

you was doing your singing lesson.

You're just too sneaky for your own good.

What you doing peeking at me anyway?

Who says I can't look in the barn any time I want to?

You're just mad because the boys don't pay you no never mind.

You little... Jenny?

Jenny, you come back here!

She's a pretty gal and her name is Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe. I don't know why I love her, but I know I'm going to get her.

She's the kind of gal who wants to be everybody's pal.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe. Why do I love you when I know I can't have you? You're driving me

crazy. My mind is getting lazy.

Hold me, oh my.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Billy Joe, I do believe you're right.

Wow I

got

her Jeter my

I never knowed you was so pretty, Billy Joe.

Damn you!

Both of you!

Now let me up high after Mom!

Just don't seem right somehow.

To let you up without doing something.

You just better not try doing nothing. I'll tell your Pa.

You just hold her tight, Jeff.

I'm at least going to get a little feel.

I don't think Pa would get too mad at that.

How come you never kicked Cousin Tommy?

I happen to know he felt your tits.

Now, I'm warning you. You boys just better get.

Just get. I ain't putting up with no more of your foolishness.

Okay, okay.

Better fun.

Besides, we're going to see more anyway.

I've seen your radio down by the pig pen, Billy Joe. Oh, fudge.

We could at least say thanks, Stinky.

Watch your mouth, Brother Leroy. I done had a stomach full of wise boys for one

day.

Morning, Uncle Lester.

Morning.

I think you're clear over here.

Moss ain't worried she won't see me about something. I think my boys are

in there.

Well, I ain't seen them. Of course, and I've been down by the chicken barn all

morning.

Lord, it's been hot, Lester. Yeah.

How'd your boys been?

Oh, can tankers and Lansley, as usual.

They still working on that old pickup?

They got that truck so hopped up, it ain't safe to exist here in town for

nobody. They going in town courtin' every night.

Howdy, Mo.

Howdy, Mo.

Where's Billy Joe?

He's gone to get a radio, Mom.

Go get her. I want to hear.

What y 'all sittin' around for?

Somebody died?

Mind your tongue, young lady. There's your elders here.

I'm going to kick you, Peter.

Billy Joe, sit.

Now, I want you all to listen to me. Careful.

It's been now 30 years since I had all my kids here together.

And I reckon I got a right to see them all before I die.

Oh, Ma.

Quiet, Fester.

No one lives forever.

Come to think of it, you've been looking mighty peaked lately.

Maybe you better get some more collard greens in your vittles.

So, I invited all the living kin that I could find to come here and see their

old grandma before she kicks the bucket.

Stop that.

Now don't you go getting teary -eyed over nothing.

I outlive most everyone in this whole family.

And I reckon I got a right to die when I wants to.

Fester, I want you to make all our kinfolk comfortable when they gets here.

There's lots of room in the barn for them that wants to stay overnight.

Billy Joe, Jenny, you can make up a bed in one of them old chicken coops.

Ma, I can't sleep in an old chicken coop.

What's the matter, Princess?

You too good for a chicken coop?

Ma, make her stop.

Hush up, both of you.

You do as I say. I'll take this here cane to you.

How come you haven't been seeing me in a whole week, Leroy?

Because I've been busy.

Melanie, somebody is going to catch us. Now, come on.

I don't care.

I've been needing you.

Well, listen, there's an empty pen there. We can go inside there. Come on,

hurry. I don't want to get caught.

Well, I can put these down here.

God,

if Jeff and Jer sees me doing this, I'm dead.

Come on, get your clothes off, would you? I don't want to get caught.

You just don't understand. You're in a hurry.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Oh. Oh.

Howdy, Joe.

Howdy, Phillip.

How's all the young 'uns? Well, just fine, Fester. And how's Ma?

Oh, fine. Around the corner, sitting in the shade.

Is Fester in here with the dancers?

Why, sure is, hon, but I can't say exactly where. Why don't you just go and

for her?

Now, Joe, let's go and have a little talk with Ma, and then I'll tell you

we're going to do. We're going to have a little drink.

Now, Joe, you got no call to go drinking too much. Remember, this is Sunday.

Well, you know I never drink too much, honey.

Hey, Fester!

How are y 'all, Mule?

My goodness, Tricky, where's all the young 'uns?

Oh, they're a -comin'. They stopped to talk to Billy Joe down at the gate.

Howdy, Joe.

Howdy, Phyllis.

Howdy, Mule. Howdy, Tricky. Now, y 'all, come on. Ma's waitin' for us over here.

Those ever...

Here it is.

Right where I put it.

Oh, come on, Jeter, open it. We're going to be God sure shooting.

I'm going to hurry and the lid's stuck. Oh, here, let me think.

You can get it, Leroy. I got it.

Don't talk all day. Take a blanket and hand it over.

Don't you get in too much of a hurry, Jeff. I done traded my best knife for

bottle.

Leave him alone, Jeff. You're going to make him spill it.

Man, that's smooth.

You can't do no better, Leroy.

Yeah? Well, I'll show you, Ant. I've been drinking for years.

He ain't breathing.

I do believe you're right, Brother Jeter.

Leroy?

No, you ain't supposed to be a -drinking. You ain't neither.

Sides, I'll tell.

Better give her a drink, Leroy.

Sides, she won't be able to swallow it anyway.

Boy, I never thought it. You did that better than any man I ever seen, Billy

Joe.

Wow, that was... Powerful good, Billy Joe.

Where'd you learn to drink like that?

Oh, somewhere.

Here, let me try again.

Okay.

Maybe we ought to post a lookout in case any of the kids come around.

Ain't nobody gonna find us here.

I think it's the president.

The president's here. The president's here.

of the president's car.

I didn't say a word.

Did to?

Did not.

Did. Not. You did to say a word. Did. What?

Is that the way we welcome our relatives?

Everyone, this is Prudence.

She's a Peabody.

Now you can just go around and meet everyone in your own time.

My, Prudence, you're grown up.

Now you just come on and sit a spell.

Where's your daddy, Brother Bartholomew?

In London, visiting the Prince of Wales.

Do you? Damn.

Yes, I do.

Fester, you and Joe go fetch Prudence a drink.

I never drink before five.

Oh, that's all right. We haven't got any clocks out here.

Come in and sit a spell while Fester fetches some corn liquor.

I'd prefer a martini.

Oh, what's it made out of? I could have made some and not know the name.

Well, I could have.

My, it's warm here.

Father insisted that I come and extend his regrets at not being able to be

here. Oh, shame. He can't make it. Well, ain't no never mind. I'm glad you could

come.

Vista, where's your manners?

It ain't polite to give a lady of upbringing to swig from a jug.

Fetch her a glass.

How long has your pa been gone?

Oh, about three months now.

Here's to the family reunion.

Hey, all you kids get.

We don't have just because you said so. I'll tell your pa, young lady.

I can tell something, too. You know about the bar.

Well, better we should leave and pretend we didn't see.

Leroy!

Yo!

Hey!

Peter, you people don't drink all that shine.

Yeah, Professor?

Leroy, why don't you walk Prudence around the farm and introduce her to

the animals?

Sure, Mom.

Funny.

Our bitter country corn will rub the rough edges of the city off a person.

Beats me how she changed so quick.

Would you believe?

I went out with a man that looked just like that.

You sure look funny, ma 'am.

You sure do.

But them pigs, they ain't bad looking.

Oh, really?

Well, just because you're my cousin, that doesn't give you the right to make

disparaging remarks about my appearance.

Hey,

Cousin Prue.

I didn't mean to make you mad.

Shucks, I ain't rightly sure it is what you're saying, but it's how pretty you

are. Shucks, I think you're as pretty as any pig I ever seen.

I don't believe I'm going to talk to you anymore.

Hold on now.

You're taking the whole thing wrong.

I think pigs are pretty.

Of course, some ain't as pretty as others.

But they got their good and bad points the same as people do.

You take that big sow over there.

Why, she's as gentle and sweet as any person you could pick.

See how she crinkles her eyes up when she smiles at you? Do you think she

like me?

Well, I reckon she'd like you well enough, ma 'am, but I don't think she'd

to sleep in the same room with you, no.

You don't even try to be polite, do you? Well, ma 'am, I ain't trying to be

dispolite. I mean, Prue, it's just that...

Well, you see, pigs, it's hard to make friends with them, you know? You have to

take your time.

And they'll like you. You know, they'll like you. If you just take your time,

they'll like you. That was a good drink we had up there. Could I have another

one? Why, sure, man. We've got plenty in the barn.

How come you haven't come to see me all week?

I was planning on coming tonight.

Anybody seen you?

I don't know, but I don't care.

But we're having a reunion.

Come on. Not here, baby.

Come on.

Hmm.

Oh yeah!

Come on, Billy Joe.

It ain't that bad.

We already seed you once without no clothes on.

Yeah, that's right. We didn't see what you got. We just wanted to see it again.

It were different then, though. That were an accident.

Oh, come on, Billy Joe. All we want to do is look and touch.

Sure, that's all. Just look and touch.

Well, I guess it's okay.

Promise now, though.

Just look and touch.

Well, don't hog it all. I want to see, too.

There's plenty of room here for both of us.

If you boys don't stop it, we're going to have a whole panel of people out here

watching.

Besides, I want another drink.

Oh, God, don't stop.

Well, hand her a drink, Jeter.

Okay, here.

Ain't you drinking no more?

Yeah, sure, but right now I'm watching.

You mean I gotta drink alone?

Well, hell no.

I'll take a drink, but go ahead.

Jeff, I'll take a drink, too, or I won't do it.

I'll do it. I'll do it.

I've seen people swing from ropes before. How do they hold up?

Here, I'll show you.

Take the rope.

You make a knot in the end of it, see?

Bring it back over the top.

You just sit on it.

You got to pull your dress up before you can do it. You have to pull it all the

way up.

Please don't anybody look.

That's right.

Oh, shit.

Where you going?

Just here.

Just throw in the other stove, change my clothes.

Oh, Lord, Billy Joe, I don't care. Just hurry up, will you?

Here, and just look and pet a bit.

There ain't no need for me coming out there.

Why, sure.

Where are you going, Brother Gene, huh? Let me be.

I didn't do nothing, Gene. Are you mad at me?

Lord, Jeff, if you don't let me be, I'm going to bust you one you ain't never

going to forget.

What did I ever do?

Are you mad at me?

You see, Billy Joe?

I quit.

I just quit.

You see, Billy Joe?

I sure did.

Yes, sirree. I sure did.

Where'd you go?

Yes, sirree. I sure did.

Jeff Peabody, you're drunk.

Oh, Cousin Brew.

I don't know.

Do you have any more of that flang whiskey?

No, but I know where we could go get some more.

Come on.

Hey,

hey, Chip, can we have a drink of that?

Well, thank you, partner.

She sure was pretty.

Jeff, you better not let your pa catch you like this.

Hey, come on. They're going to have a chicken chase. Come on.

Boy, Ma'll tan you good if she catches you drinking, Leroy.

Why?

I'm old enough, ain't I? You'll never convince Ma'll.

Hey,

you see Billy Joe?

I ain't seen her in quite some time.

She must be in a house.

You better stay in the barn, Jeff. You ain't fit to chase your own tail.

Blame it on that good old...

Oh, hi there, Billy Joe.

We was looking for you.

Here I am.

Come on, let's go show them how to taste chickens.

Okay, we'll show them how to taste chickens.

Come on.

Now, remember, whoever catches this here chicken gets that goat as a prize.

Okay? Here goes!

Billy Joe, where's your clothes?

I suppose I lost them in the barn.

I guess you better go and un -use them, young lady.

I'll help you, Billy Joe. Just a minute, young man.

You better go and soak your head in the horse straw before I take this here,

can't you? Okay, Ma.

I'll do it, Ma.

Yeah! Yeah!

except when there's a wedding.

Or a dance.

I want you all to come to my house for a big party.

Oh, that's nice.

My God, Mary.

I don't know what got into me to invite all those dirty people to my lovely

home.

I don't know.

It might be fun to have them to a party here.

I mean, can't you imagine how everyone will laugh at them?

I hadn't thought of that.

It might be a type of entertainment.

Leroy. I do.

How are you?

Fine.

What brings you here? Well, me and Uncle Fester and family and

Jeter and Jeff and Billy Joe and all of us is going up to the city. I think I've

improved for a couple of days.

Well, I just thought I might stop by and say goodbye.

I'm real glad you decided.

I figured you were just going to go right on up without even saying

Norma Jean, I wouldn't do that to you at all.

Oh, sit down, Leroy.

Maureen, you know... Yes, Leroy?

We've been knowing each other for a long time.

I know. Went to school together and everything.

Maureen, I... I really think that I got a big liking for you.

Oh, Leroy.

I'm so glad to hear you say that.

I never could tell you what I felt about you, but...

I figured you could see it.

I'm going to miss you.

Norma Jean, I'm going to miss you too.

You're not going to forget about me there in the city with those... Norma

I ain't going to forget about you anyway. I hope not.

Norma Jean?

Yes, Neboy?

That's the most pretty thing I've ever seen in my life.

Thank you.

You look awful good to me, too.

Oh, me boy.

Oh, Jane, please.

It's me, me boy.

Sweet. Do you think that... I mean... Oh, Leroy,

just kiss me again.

Oh, Leroy, I'm afraid to go too far. You know... You

know I like you and everything, but... Touch that woman.

There's nothing to be afraid of, you know.

It ain't that I'm afraid.

I just can't explain it.

Just kiss me.

Oh, no, Leroy.

What are you going to do?

You know.

Oh, Leroy.

What if my mother finds out?

Your mom ain't going to find out. You promise, Leroy? I promise. You'll never

say anything to anybody?

I promise I'll never say anything to anybody. I don't want anybody to know

what's going on between us.

Oh, Leroy.

Oh, I do like you so much.

But I'm...

You

won't tell any of our friends?

No. You promise?

I promise.

Oh, Leroy, I'm scared.

I've never done anything like this.

Don't be afraid.

Oh, Leroy, I'll pray.

There's nothing to be afraid of.

Promise?

What's wrong?

You won't hurt me, nothing.

You know Leroy ain't gonna hurt you.

I love you, Mona. Oh, Leroy.

Nobody's ever said anything like that to me before.

You know I mean it.

Oh, Leroy, do you?

You won't... What if I get pregnant?

You ain't gonna get pregnant.

You promise?

I promise.

I'm so scared.

Leroy.

I've been there the nights I lay awake thinking about you doing just this.

Why, you wouldn't believe it.

Leroy. What if... What if you don't like me anymore once you got done?

Oh, Mama Jean, I love you now.

But... What if you don't like me afterwards?

Mama Jean.

You promise?

Yes, Leroy?

So I'm just going to be gone for a couple of days.

When I get back, I'm going to be with you for a long time. Oh, you promise,

Leroy?

Ah!

Oh.

Ugh.

Huh...

Oh. Oh.

Bye.

You sure you don't want to come, Ma?

Oh, you run along now. I'll be fine.

You know, Prudence didn't really want anyone to come along anyway.

She just had a bad case of the corn whiskey friendlies. Well, now, Job is

to come over and check on you every morning.

And Tuber's going to come over and help with the milking and feeding.

And Mary Lee's going to come over and do the cooking.

Now, I done told you I don't want no one messing around in my kitchen.

What do I care for?

Well, I didn't, Ma. She just told me she was going to do it.

Bye, Bess.

Bye, Ma.

Bye, Ma.

Bye, Ma. Bye.

Now,

mind that pig don't fall out.

Who's going to ride up here with me? I will. All right.

Thank you.

Can I help you? Hi, Dad.

I thought I'd just stop and see if you needed some help.

No, we just stopped to let the pig go to the toilet.

Hate to let him go in the truck.

Matter of fact, we don't like it too much.

Sure was polite of him to stop, especially when it looked like he was in

hurry.

How much more we got to go, Uncle Foster?

Oh, another couple of hours, I reckon. Hey, you kids had better be getting that

pig down.

Be careful with him, Jeff. He's a present for Cousin Prue now.

Come on, Jeff.

Oh, I can hardly wait to see Cousin Prue's

face when she sees this here pig.

Now, Connie, I'm sure you can find some old hillbilly clothes somewhere.

Good. I'm counting on you.

Bye now.

Fraulein Mary to see you.

You may send her down.

Hello,

Jack.

Did you find any old overalls?

Marvelous. See you around nine.

Are those oaky cousins of mine ever going to be surprised?

She's really going to be surprised to see that pig. I just hope that pig likes

her house.

Well, pigs makes mighty fine pets.

I've never seen anyone take the pigs as she did.

May I help you?

We've come to see Cousin Prue.

She is expecting guests, but I doubt very much that she is expecting you.

If you don't mind, we'll just step in and ask her.

You hear that?

You'll wait right here until I talk to the lady of the house.

He weren't very friendly. Well, maybe he thinks we're a revenue. We should tell

Cousin Prue so she can go out the back door.

From the looks of this house, I don't think that...

Cousin Bartholomew's too worried about revenue.

Maybe these are gangsters and holding capsules like in the movies.

No, I'll tell you what I think it is.

That ferret is just constipated and he ain't feeling good. Probably so.

Yeah.

Miss Prudence said that you are to be admitted and shown to your rooms.

She is indisposed at the moment.

Did you call a doctor?

I beg your pardon, ma 'am?

Is Cousin Prudence very sick?

No, ma 'am, she is not sick.

Oh.

Well, let's get in or we're letting the flies in. Yeah, but don't ask me anyway,

even if he does talk funny.

He's asking me no, Jeter.

Ladies, please follow me.

I certainly hope they bathe before they come down.

Did they smell badly the last time you saw them?

Darling, everything smelled badly.

How do you like it?

You'll be hilarious tonight.

Those country bumpkins should look so good.

Where's my costume?

Oh, it's the pink and white stripe hanging up over there.

Thought you'd like it. That little apron adds just the right touch.

Beautiful. I adore it.

I like little flowers.

Front, back, home.

They must know how to do this.

I love it.

However, if you need any help... All right. I surely will.

This is...

It's going to be fun tonight.

Just wait till everyone gets here.

Jack and Irene have got such costumes. They showed me.

Oh, can you?

Oh, that's tight.

Well,

I just keep thinking I'm skinny all the time.

Here, let me help you.

right here.

Come on. Look at it. Look.

I'll show you.

I can't imagine all those hillbillies in one room.

Me neither.

They must really be dumb to come here and hope to be accepted.

They really are dumb.

They'll probably be so embarrassed they won't want to stay.

I sure hope they don't. Quiet, everyone. They're coming.

Attention.

The Virginia Peabody.

Wait a minute here. Try it with this. I think it'll be a little better. Well,

thank you.

I never realized y 'all was having a costume party.

Why, you're dressed just like my folks back home.

Well, Ma always did say the greatest compliment you can pay a person is to

imitate them.

And I want you to know, we sure appreciate it.

Now, when Prudence was down visiting us, she won a prize in a chicken chasing

contest, and we brung it with us.

Oh, no.

And we all enjoyed her so much, and she had so much fun, that we brung her a

surprise present.

Bring it in, Jeter and Jeff.

Thank you.

Well, you remind me of my favorite cow back home. Well, thank you.

Right here.

Well, what you do is take off your clothes.

You take off yours, too?

Why, sure.

All right, you start.

Okay.

What's the matter, Jeter?

Well, I just can't believe it's really happening.

Well, take your clothes off or it won't.

Yeah.

And I'd like to introduce myself. My name is Walter Wimpy, and I just happen

be a personal manager.

What's a personal manager?

Well, that's somebody who manages you personally.

Why don't we go someplace where we can talk it over when there's not so much

noise?

Everyone is so nice in this.

What are we doing now?

Well, I ain't rightly sure.

Well, we could start looking and touching.

Yeah, that's it.

You'll need clothes and arrangements, of course, and many other things.

But I don't have any money.

My dear, that's perfectly all right. You don't need any money.

You see, I'm just more than willing to wait until you make your money, and then

I'll get mine.

Did I hear someone cry?

I didn't hear a thing.

You mean you pay for a band?

Mm -hmm.

And for clothes for me? That's right.

And traveling and all those things?

Mm -hmm.

And I wouldn't have to pay you back until I made money singing?

That could take years.

What was that all about?

With what?

Go away.

But why, Jeter?

Because it just won't work. That's why.

But you can't let a little interruption like that bother you.

You got no idea how my whole life got people walking through it.

Just ain't no needin' tryin' again.

You ain't going to get away with that.

Come here.

Come here very many.

I'd like to talk to you for a little while.

Of course, you'll need clothes and arrangements and many other things, and

you'll have to have a van to go with it, but the room certainly is empty, isn't

it?

Yes, sir, like an empty room.

Well, now, I know what you're wondering. You're wondering, where are you going

to get the money for all this? Well, you just don't worry. Old Walter Wimpy pays

for everything, and then when you get the big...

Certainly is an empty room, isn't it?

When you get to be a big rock and roll star, you can just pay me back.

Oh, I'm a good singer, too. That's what I've heard. I'm just sure you are. Of

course, I've got to check you out physically first.

Check me out? A lot of rock and roll singing depends on the chest

and how it heaves in and out.

It does?

Yes, well, here, let me show you.

See if we can get the chest to even out. Show me the old chest arena, okay? My,

my, my. Okay, now breathe.

Breathe.

No, no, I think I'm going to have to show you myself.

No. You sure we got to do this?

Oh, yes, yes. It's very important if you're going to be a rock and roll

and you must always do what your personal manager says.

Now, I know being from the country, you're not used to such a manly gym

physique, but you'll get used to it eventually.

How can I? Well, now, let me listen to your heartbeat.

Well, I think it needs... What do you hear?

Oh, yes, yes, that's nice.

Oh, that's very nice, yes.

My goodness, Mr. Wimpy. Well, I'll tell you what. We're going to have to listen

to the diaphragm.

Diaphragm? What's that?

Well, here, you sit right over here.

Excuse me.

Take off my shoes.

Beat her.

Yes, yes, they really hurt me. One of the things, the personal manager, he's

his feet continually.

That's the reason right now I kind of like to lie down for a little while.

Would you say that too? Well, once upon a time I was a singer, yes. You'd never

believe it, but I was a basso.

Would you stand up just a minute? I want to listen to the reading down here.

Oh, my.

Mr. Wimp. My, my, my. Yes, yes. You're going to be one of the best stars in the

world. Oh, my.

My. Now, now, breathe deep.

And say, dough.

Dough. Dough.

Dough.

Dough. Dough.

Dough. Oh, my. Excuse me. It's just much too warm in here. I'm going to have to

take off my trousers.

Well, the thing we've got to do is I've got to test you and see if you've got

any talent. In just a minute, I'm going to turn you on to old Walter Wimpy's

talent tester.

Now, you lie down there.

Oh, my.

That's marvelous.

Now, just be easy. Now, what you've got to do is you've got to wiggle the hips a

lot. Now, wiggle the hips.

Oh, you can do it more than that. Oh, my. Oh,

I do think you have talent.

Now, wiggle them a little more. Oh, a little more. And a little more.

Oh, you're going to... How am I doing? Oh, you're doing beautiful.

Oh, yeah.

First, we'll start in Wagon Tire, Oregon. We'll move on to Beaver Falls,

Montana. Then we'll go to Dickland, Arizona.

And then we'll go to Dicktown, Memphis, and Nashville, and New York, and the

Crown Hills. Oh, yeah!

Oh, this is fun.

The audition's over.

This is fun, Mr.

Winfrey. No, no, no. You don't understand me. It's all over.

Oh, Mr. Winfrey. No, no, no. No. No, no.

You're a little lady. I didn't say it.

I never know it could be so fun.

You don't understand me.

Oh, Mr.

Winfrey. Look.

Oh, Mr. Winfrey. I just don't know what happened to Jeter.

I mean, we were right in the center of making love.

And all of a sudden, Jeter got up and he went into the bedroom.

And I couldn't get him out.

Well, what is it you and Jeter were supposed to have been doing?

Well, um, it was called, uh, show and tell or look and touch or something.

and touch. I taught Jeter everything there is to know about look and touch.

Don't worry about it.

Because I was his teacher.

Now, I'll just show you how to play look and touch. You really want to know how

to play look and touch?

Well, let's start looking and touching. Well, what about the maid? This is her

room, isn't it? What's going to happen if she walks in? Oh, I wouldn't worry

about the maid too much, see, because I think the butler's taking care of the

maid.

You know how them butlers are. They find themselves getting into anything they

can. Besides answering the door, they're answering everything else.

But it's a good thing. I haven't even seen the butler. I don't think that

there's a butler here.

Can I look at that?

Sure. God, let me touch it.

What?

Is that what you and Jeter were going to do? Yeah. Just play look and touch?

Yeah. Well, just for a second.

There's a lot more to look at and a lot more to touch.

What else do you do after that?

Well, you just kind of keep on playing look and touching, you know?

There's never any end to look and touch.

It's the greatest game in the world. I mean, you could play it for days.

Oh, for days.

You could play it for years without even stopping.

You know, it's just one of the greatest games in the world.

Keep on looking and touching.

And that's about it.

So just lay down here.

Let's put your clothes over here on the side.

My goodness.

Too bad Judah went in that bedroom and wouldn't come out.

He's probably still in there.

We could go get him if you wanted to.

You know, get him down here. No. No, I don't think that's necessary because

Judah... Probably couldn't have done as good a job as I can do.

Playing, looking, and touching. You're probably right, anyway.

Ain't this a good game?

My God, this is just really great.

What's the other names to this game besides Look and Touch? Won't you just

talking and start playing Look and Touch?

For God's sake.

It's a serious game.

You're not looking much.

Back here is how I am touching.

The thing a lot of people don't know is that a singer's feet have to be in

beautiful shape.

Thank you.

What's wrong?

Well, that's because you have to hop around.

Up a ring? Mm -hmm. You know, when you're doing the... Oh, my. I love your

legs. Do they always do this in the city? Yes, they do. You know, your legs

all the way down to the base of your spine. That's the very favorite kind of

legs for a singer.

Spine? Mm -hmm. Oh, my.

I think you have a fantastic muscle, dog, to be a rock and roll singer, too.

That's from slopping the hogs. Oh, yes.

And do you call the hogs?

Yeah? Could I hear a hog call?

I don't think so, no. Oh, come on, let me have a hog call. And I'll just put my

hand right here on the top of your diaphragm and press. Now give me a hog

No, Mr. Winfrey, I couldn't do that.

Oh, you can give me a hog call if you wanted to.

No, I couldn't call you a hog.

There's one thing I can't stand. It's a girl without a sense of humor. Oh, you

are just going to be a marvelous singer. You really are.

I love your navel.

You've just got such beautiful portions to your anatomy.

Anatomy? Yes.

That's the parts of the body, you know.

You know, the old thing.

This little piggy went to market, and this little piggy stayed home, and this

little piggy had roast beef, and this little piggy had none, and this little

piggy went wee -wee -wee all the way home.

That's amazing.

Oh, I know. I'm just... Too funny for... Oh, I'm sorry.

I think it's about time we got down to brass tacks, don't you?

Brass tacks? Yes.

We're going to have that talent audition.

Oh. See if I'm a good singer. I've got to find out if you're a good singer. Oh,

I am.

I am. All right.

Well, let's see how you move. You want me to sing?

Yes. Would you start singing?

Right now? Well, actually, it's body coordination that's the important thing.

Body coordinates?

What's that?

Let's see how you move your body.

Oh, right.

That's very nice.

And up and down now.

Are you sure this is what they do in the city?

Mm -hmm.

Haven't you ever seen any of those rock and roll singers? They just have to move

and move around. They don't do this.

Well, they did it first, every one of them.

You sure?

Oh, yes. And I have managed some of the best singers. The girl singers.

Oh, you don't manage any boys? Well, no. It's just much too hard to test them.

Test them?

Besides, oh, my.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I think you're going to be a marvelous singer.

Yes, that body control. I can just feel it surging.

That's marvelous electricity.

Oh, yes.

Mr. Hampton.

Oh, this is fun.

No, no, no.

Oh, this is fun. The audition's over. I'll call you. I didn't know this could

so much fun.

That's all right.

Don't stop, Mr. Winfrey.

You ought to test me some more.

You're tested.

You don't understand.

Come on.

You're going to have to be careful. My doctor says I've got a low sugar count.

Oh, Mr. Winfrey. I can feel my sugar draining out right now.

Don't stop.

Is this the way of being?

No, no, no, no, no, please.

No, no, no, no, please.

No, no, no, no. Here.

No, no, please.

Where is it?

Come on, don't stop.

Oh, Mr.

Whimpy. Mr. Whimpy.

You okay?

Oh, boy.

Mr. Whimpy.

Oh, well, he's no fun top.

Well, maybe I should go find Jeff and Gina.

They'd play with her.

What is going on in my room?

Oh, now, honey, that ain't gonna change nothing.

I wish I could die right here and now.

Why, honey.

Dying's for old folks. What ain't got nothing left to do here on Earth?

I've done about everything wrong on Earth.

Oh, now, honey.

I think if you'd just kind of step outside and look around, you'd come to

realize we didn't get all the good things we got just overnight, like.

Now, Professor, I gave that party to make fun of you.

I think everybody knew it.

Well...

Listen, I was an absolute snob when I came out there.

And I had a couple of drinks and let my hair down and had more fun than I've

ever had in my life.

And we paid you all with a slap in the face.

Do you think the family will forgive me?

Well, honey, you know, families are funny things. And we got a kind of a

the hills.

You know, we can fight all we want, twist ourselves, but no outsider better,

buddy.

Prudence, you're a Peabody, and nobody expects you to be perfect, especially us

Peabodies. And I think if you really think it over, you'll come to realize

we don't bear any grudges, just a lot of love for each other.

I'll fix you this time, Jenny.

Sorry, Cousin Prudence.

I don't know what I'm going to do.

I told you I'd help you, Jeter, if you tell me what's wrong.

I ain't going to ask nothing like that from my younger brother.

Cousin Prue, maybe you could help me.

I'd be happy to if I can, Jeter.

Jenny, peace, Bonnie.

Oh, Cousin Prue, make her stop.

What are we having? A family meeting.

Well, it looks more like we're having a meeting of the minds.

We're going to be leaving pretty soon, aren't we?

Yeah, we are. Pretty soon.

Maybe I can come and visit you again soon?

You do that, Fruit.

She's a pretty gal and her name is Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe.

I don't know why I love her, but I know I'm going to get her.

She's the kind of gal who wants to be everybody's pal.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Oh, Billy Joe.

Why do I love you when I know I can't have you? You're driving me crazy. My

is getting lazy.

Oh, me, oh, my.

Oh, Billy Joe.