All language subtitles for 1971 - Making It

Hey. Hey, Betty, wake up.

Hey.

Wake up, Mom. It's 7 .30.

Oh, no.

Scram.

It's doing their thing, which brings us
to 736 in the bright, beautiful Leigh

Ann. And it's going to be Hotsville and
Greater Helmet.

We're going to hear from the content of
the facts, but first a reminder about

Sweetest Spring Feminine Hygiene Mist.

The newest, emptiest feminine hygiene
mist to come down the pump. It'll open

a whole new world for you.

Pretty good time.

I'm sorry I overslept.

That's okay.

You know, sometimes I wish you weren't
so damn well organized in the morning.

Oh, come on, Phil.

You have to read that at breakfast.

Bob, you still at that job?

Uh -huh.

Hey, listen.

Do you have any plans for the weekend?

I mean, dates or anything?

Mm -hmm.

Good. I thought I might go away for a
couple of days.

Hmm. Yeah.

I just feel like a change.

You wouldn't mind, would you?

Oh, sounds great. Great idea.

Well, there'll be plenty of food in the
refrigerator. You know, TV dinners

and... Ah, hell, Phil.

And you can take care of yourself.

It'll just be for a couple of days.

What you gonna be doing?

Hmm?

Doing? Want to be doing anything?

Oh, yeah.

Resting.

In bed?

What?

You'll be in bed resting.

Oh, come on. Cut it out, Phil. Hey,
Betty, I'm really glad to think of you

resting. I mean, I wouldn't want to
think of you not resting.

Ease me down the morning, gently from
the

night.

Everybody's busy learning yesterday.

But may I'm into tomorrow.

It's a better way.

watch the sky where birds in circles fly

like I must be

Hey, where you going library, you know
the big room with the books

Go ahead.

Both by D .H. Lawrence.

That's a coincidence.

Are you quite sure you're supposed to be
reading these books?

Well, is there any reason I shouldn't be
reading those books?

D .H. Lawrence is not for general
distribution.

That's why we have a special reserve
shelf.

Oh, I hadn't realized.

Now, if you're looking for reading
material, I would like to recommend

more appropriate.

Appropriate? Do you know the works of
Willa Carver?

Oh, that's little girl stuff.

Oh, what about Joseph Conrad?

I've read all of Conrad. Let's get back
to D .H. Lawrence.

He's not a dirty writer.

He is.

Filthy dirty. I can't believe that. The
next thing, you'll be bringing me

Portnoy's complaint.

Any problems, Miss Hopper? Well, I was
just trying to explain to this young man

why D .H. Lawrence is not for general
distribution.

Not for general distribution, I hadn't
realized.

He's now on the special reserve shelf.

How unfortunate.

But you see, Fuller here needs the
material for special research.

This is the other book I need, too.

Tropic of cancer.

I can't. Many thanks for your help, Miss
Hobgood. Come along now, Fuller. Let's

take a walk.

Thank you, baby.

Good God, is that what I did?

Kind of.

Don't lend yourself such importance,
Fuller. It was D .H. Lawrence I was

not you.

While we're at it, on exactly which
shelf did you find Tropic of Cancer? It

my own copy. You should have known.

I only wish your reading had as much
depth as it had scope.

I think I know what I'm reading if
that's what you mean. Oh, I wish I

your confidence, Fuller.

Your last exam, for instance.

In the course of a single paragraph on
Hemingway, you managed to reject honor

and courage as empty abstractions and
applaud them as eternal verities.

Did I?

In the same paragraph.

Well,

to be completely honest with you...
Completely honest?

Phil Fuller is completely honest?

You know, somehow that just doesn't ring
true.

I was just going to say, I guess I
hadn't really thought it through.

Bullshit.

And for dogs, a gestation period is
approximately two months.

For chickens, 21 days. For snakes, 45
days.

For camels, 13 and a half months.

For giraffes, 14 months. And for
elephants, 22 months.

We have time for a few questions.

Wilkie? Sir, in regard to the gestation
period of larger animals, particularly

something like an elephant.

Well, what about an elephant?

Well, I was wondering if the protracted
gestation period was directly related to

the sexual act itself.

I don't think I understand you, Wilkie.
I think I can help out. I understand.

It takes nine months to make a human
baby and 22 months for an

elephant baby.

Now, what we're wondering is, does it
also take longer for an elephant to do

I'm sure. I don't know.

Now that we're through with Mr.
McDonough and Mr. Fuller and their

elephants, I would like to cover with
you a new report in the medical journal

dealing with masturbation. These latest
studies would seem to indicate that

masturbation, when not practiced to
excess, would not normally yield what we

would call harmful symptoms, either
psychologically or physically.

Hence, while not to be recommended, of
course.

The journal indicated that for modern
young adults, this would not be the

possible solution for premarital sex
prejudice.

Yes, Fuller.

Mr. Ames, could this report be taken to
mean that masturbation does not lead to

blindness and nervous disorders?

As I said, Fuller, there is no
indication of psychological or physical

not practiced in excess.

T .H. Lawrence said it turns people into
idiots.

All I can say is to repeat my earlier
remark.

When not practiced in excess, there is
no indication... How could you define

excess, sir? How many times a day?

Twenty -five bucks?

Twenty -five bucks.

Okay, go ahead and fix it. I'll pick it
up sometime next week.

It's okay. I'll be as good as new after
the operation.

Wait a minute.

Basketball team, right?

Last year.

How about this year?

This year, I make bombs.

I don't think you remember me.

Skeeter. Oh, coach's wife. Of course I
remember you.

Right.

I'm kind of glad my bike broke down.
Otherwise, I would have missed you. Or

rather, you would have missed me.

Can I give you a lift?

Sure.

Gosh, I just remembered something, Mrs.
Hurley. Oh, I hate Mrs. Hurley. I wish

you'd call me Yvonne.

What was it you just remembered?

Well, Yvonne, I just remembered I
haven't got my keys. I can't get into

house till around six.

Oh, that's a shame. Would you like me to
drop you off somewhere else?

Oh, it doesn't matter.

Anywhere. Listen, I have an idea. Why
don't I buy you a Coke or something?

Oh, that would be nice.

Oh, what a dingbat.

What's the matter?

I didn't have any money either.

Well, then how about a full drink over
at my place? It's just a few minutes

here.

This series keeps coming undone.

Well, here we are.

Skeeter's playing to fame.

There's something, huh?

If you've got trophies, you might as
well display them.

Oh, I'm glad you could come over.

I mean, I kind of get a kick out of
helping coaches' boys.

I know it's not always easy in high
school.

It's a bitch having to play all those
head games with the teachers and the

students, not to mention yourself.

It's bad for the ego.

You don't know why I'm telling you all
these things.

Listen, I appreciate your honesty.

I think that's the first time in months
someone told me what he felt.

Sincerely. That's where it's at, being
honest with each other.

Yeah.

You're awfully quiet.

I just don't like to talk unless I have
something to say.

Oh, God, you're so different from
Skeeter. With him, it's yak, yak, yak

time.

The guys say Skeeter talks like he has a
cactus stuck in his jock.

I bet you're a loner in school, hmm?

Well, I don't make friends too easy.

I was like that. But you grow out of it.
How old are you?

Seventeen.

They say that's the toughest age.

They say that's the age your needs are
greatest and you can't satisfy them.

What kind of needs do they mean?

Oh, I suppose they mean, you know.

No, I don't know.

They're right, whoever it is we're
talking about.

Well, it'll ease up.

Will it?

Bill. I think it's beginning to ease up.

What are you doing here?

I said you wanted to help. Help.

No, you shouldn't. Please.

What's wrong, isn't it, Yvonne? Having
desires you know should be repressed.

You've got to learn to bottle them up, I
guess.

It isn't wrong that I know what to do.

It's a stupid age, 17.

Feeling things and not being able to
express them. No wonder we go ape.

No wonder we blow up cities. Oh, I know.
It was rough for me, too. You want the

warmth and intimacy of people. You grope
for their love and it becomes something

dirty. Oh, I know, but it shouldn't be
that way. No, it shouldn't. I feel like

child, Yvonne. So warm and secure.

Oh, Phil, you're such a sensitive
person.

So are you, Yvonne.

Is it all right?

Yes.

Oh, God, there's so much love in the
world. If only we could share it. If

we didn't have to hold it back.

True. Brotherly love.

Brotherly love.

Love, love, love.

Oh, God, yes.

Yes, yes.

Look what Molly says in Ulysses.

Who?

Molly, James Joyce.

Did she really say that?

Hi, Casey.

Hi.

Forty -five.

Debbie? Debbie.

Great boss.

She's a goddess.

Yeah, well, she happens to be a virgin.

What are you doing about it? Suffering.

Hi, Wilkie. Bill?

Oh, wasn't that an absolutely nifty
game?

Oh, nifty. Oh, absolutely nifty.

What the hell game is she talking about?

You're a chick. I don't play games with
her. Well, I don't either. We have these

wonderful intimate conversations,
though. Except there's a backward kid

dealing with.

You know, like the other day. I asked
her if she believed in oral love, and

said, absolutely.

People should tell each other how they
feel.

What's up?

Prime hash.

Lovely stuff. No kidding. I highly
recommend it. Yeah? How much?

Five. Okay.

Oh, man, you're crazy.

We'll take Washington by 19 points. I
mean, who the hell could stop Malone,

right? Oh, I can't go along with you
there, Ray. I think it's going to go

down the wire. And what about that big
black cat? Who's going to stop him? He's

got a tricked knee.

The guy's on the bench half the time.

Okay,

I'm late. Fork over the bread.

What was that routine?

Narc. They got three of them now.

What are you so surprised about?

You're the one who screamed about narks
in that underground rag of yours.

Sure, but who knew they were really
here?

Lousy Gestapo. Wait till you see my next
editorial.

Fieldhouse, West Dan's North Corner.
Taped under the third step from the

Oh, by the way, also carrying reds,
Dexys, Tooheys, and the special this

is birth control pills.

Hold it, Mafia. How about my ID?

What are you doing, embroidering it? I
don't want to get into the Pentagon. I

just want to get a drink at a bar.

Do you want schlock or do you want art?

I mean, I only do first -class work.

Don't give me that routine about your
quality goods, okay?

Look, starting next week, you'll have
yourself a neat little driver's license

that says you're Herschel Blass, age 22,
white, single, and Anglo -Saxon.

Herschel Blass?

Shh, shh, shh. Betty, Betty, Betty, so
straight. Come on. Let me get the lights

out. No, no, no, no, that's right. I
can't stand it.

All right. Come on now. Not here. Oh,
come on. Come on. It's right here. All

right.

I'll do whatever you tell me to do.

Shh.

Couldn't sleep.

Don't drink out of the bottle.

Oh, Warren is here.

Yeah.

Oh, you remember Warren?

Hi. Nice to see you, Phil.

Oh, I didn't want to wake you.

That's very thoughtful of you, sir.

Cookies and milk.

Would you like some?

No, no, no. I'm sort of dieting. You
know, watching the old weight.

Oh, yes. Well, maybe I will have just
one.

Quick one.

Chocolate chip. I love it.

Would you two excuse me, please?

I'll be right back.

Phil, your mother and I are planning on

getting married.

Well, congratulations.

Yeah, I guess I just wanted to set the
record straight.

Sometimes things look a certain way, but
they're not.

That is...

They're not as sordid as they seem.

Maybe they never were.

Thanks.

Now, as to my qualifications, sir, I
have my own insurance agency, and it's

doing very well. Expect to do a lot
better.

Health? Excellent.

That is, if you don't count falling
hair.

Hobbies? Golf.

I'm just plain sitting around the old
sun, I guess.

Vices?

Well, I take a nip now and then.

Good points.

That's a hard one.

Well, one, I'm very fond of your mother.

I'm sure you are, sir.

Would you call me Warren?

Warren.

Great.

I'm hungry as hell.

When's the big day?

Oh, not for a couple of months. Kind of
busy at the office now, anyway.

By the way, Phil, I can use you this
summer if you're not busy.

Filing, that sort of thing. Seventy
-five a week. What do you think?

Might be interesting.

Well, how are you two getting on?

Oh, just great.

Listen, I wonder if you kids would
excuse me. I have an early appointment

tomorrow morning, and besides, I think
I've been boring this guy long enough.

Do you mind? Of course not.

Phil.

Great. I'll see you to the door.

That's Warren.

So that's Warren.

You like him, don't you?

I met him before. He's great. Oh, I know
that you met him before, but you never

talked to him before.

That's true, yes.

Hey.

What do you think?

What? About Warren.

Oh, he's okay. He's great.

You don't like him, do you? He's a good
man. I know that he's a good man. You're

marrying him and you're happy with him,
aren't you? I mean, you love him. No, I

don't love him.

I have to be honest with you.

I mean, I care about him.

But I don't love him.

Not in the way that I loved your father.

He has some very good qualities.

And he's willing to overlook some of the
very bad qualities that I have.

And that begins to outweigh any romantic
notions that you might have.

You understand?

That's wonderful.

It's not wonderful.

There's nothing wonderful about it.

It just means that I'm getting old.

Boy, I never thought that would happen
to me.

And I just can't stand it. I mean, I'm
so bored with dieting, and I'm so bored

with all the things that it's necessary
to do. And what I want is that I just

want someone that I can be relaxed with.

Someone that I don't have to work at.

Then I think he's the perfect choice for
you, and that's what you should

probably do, is get married.

Well, so do I. So do I.

I want to tell you something.

I wake up in the middle of the night and
I realize how old I am.

And I can't get back to sleep.

And I think, where the hell is it all
gone?

I mean, how did I get so old?

You know what I want you to do?

I want you to tell me that I have
nothing to be afraid of. I mean, I

you to tell me that.

You've got nothing to be afraid of.

I'll have your blessing.

Yeah.

Thanks. You're welcome.

Keep it up.

Best thing for you.

No. No, I mean, it's fun now. You know,
just school and making it with girls.

I think it's roughly around.

You've got to think about money and
family and surviving.

It's a pain in the ass.

The trouble with you people is you keep
getting old.

Buying and selling, selling and buying.

It's all a matter of sublimation.

Commerce is the great American sex
substitute.

It's going to be my first book, How to
Masturbate with Money.

I think you read too much.

There's something.

How about now?

How old do you feel right now?

And so one of the things we can glean
from Catcher in the Rye is how uniquely

contemporary a novel can be, even though
it may have been written years ago.

In this case, 20 years ago.

That's the point, isn't it?

That the character of Holden Caulfield,
Salinger's teenage hero, has such

timeliness today.

Even though Holden has none of the
surface trappings of today's teenager.

No long hair or hippie jargon.

You see, the surface appearance of the
problems we face may change.

But the problems themselves remain very
much the same.

The truths Holden was groping for.

His crisis of identity, if you will.

Plus the apparent insensitivity of
family and society to his dilemma.

All this should strike a familiar chord.
What's your feeling, Fuller?

It makes sense to me.

What is it you do in the mornings?

Lift weights?

Obviously it takes a lot out of you.

Well, I agree with what you said.

About what?

About Holden Caulfield. Good.

Does he rate as high as D .H. Lawrence?

Not quite that high.

Oh, come on now, Fuller.

Well, let's have your evaluation then.

I'm sure we're all eager to get your
views before you doze off again.

You signed it. I assume you like it. I
assume you don't. I don't. Ah, we're

making progress.

Why not?

Well, you tell us to think about
characters in a novel as if they were

people. Well, I don't think real people
were ever like Holden. I mean, look at

him. He's phony, he's 16, he can't even
make it with a girl.

Holden is depicted as naive and
sheltered.

Naivete really bugs you, doesn't it,
Fuller? I just don't believe Holden ever

existed. Catcher's the kind of book
middle -aged people take a bath in,

identifying away like crazy, convincing
themselves they were once that shy,

sensitive kid before the cruel world
beat it out of them. I think the novel

presents quite a realistic picture of
youth.

I guess I think it's sentimental crap.

I guess I think your choice of words
gives you away, Fuller. A book contains

sentiment, ergo it must be crap.

No, what bugs me is to see adolescents
sentimentalized.

No, what bugs you is honest sentiment.

We'll get further into Salinger next
time. Meanwhile, class, now that Fuller

here has presented his provocative
opinions.

I hope more of you will be stimulated to
take time from the tube to finish the

book.

Dismissed.

Don't you think you're carrying this
Herschel Blast number too far?

I mean, a mustache, for Christ's sake.

A new name, a new face.

Oh, I wonder what happened to the real
Herschel Blast. Knowing Lafarge, he's

probably sold to some crazy doctor for
parts.

So what? Hershel Blass is no fear of the
fun.

Yeah. Well, Wilkie McDonough was scared
shitless.

You don't have any grafts on you, do
you? Oh, no. Just some hash in the

and coke under the carpet.

Don't do that to me again.

Goddamn police state. You can't even
take a leak around here. You're really

spaced out, man.

Well, that's what...

Sexual abstinence is done to me.

Nothing, huh?

She's frigid. Oh, stop copping out.

Copping out?

If I give you a history of my campaign,
it would read like a textbook on sexual

strategy. Don't give it to me. Sell it
to the ROTC. I mean it.

I thoroughly researched this whole deal.

I knew her favorite restaurants, her
favorite rock groups, her birthstone.

are you trying to do, ball or breeder?

When I first started taking her out, I
was sure I had the keys to the magic

kingdom. I used all these words like,
oh, fulfillment and inner peace.

And then reciprocal self -expression.

No dice.

Classy approach, though. Then I decided
to scare her out of her little panties.

So I combed the psychoanalytical
journals for case histories of girls who

flipped out because of sexual
abstinence.

There was one woman I remember, Rebecca
G., who was covered playing games in the

bathtub with her eight -year -old
nephew.

That was pretty scary.

Oh, and then we had old Bonnie E., a
woman with particularly strong libido.

who dressed up as a little girl one
Christmas and sat on the lap of every

Claus in one major metropolitan downtown
area. Stop it, man. You're even turning

me on.

Then last week, I made my final suicide
try. I decided, oh, forget all the

strategy and come on straight. I said,
Debbie, let's get laid.

Please. Oh, let's get laid.

Hey, would the love of a good freak
help?

But what's that got to do with the
bookstore?

What's that got to do with the
bookstore?

Just wait. I'm tired of waiting.

Hi, Joyce.

Wilkie, I'm going to explain something
to you. This is not just a bookstore.

It's a supermarket for chicks.

They're just waiting to be plucked off
the shelves.

Now, all you got to do is figure out
what kind you want.

You know, it's knockers and they want a
ball. Oh, no, no, no. That's not how you

shop. Now, come here with me.

Now, listen. What are you doing?

Oh, stop it.

You dig the intellectual types.

You browse over here.

You dig the trip -takers.

You keep an eye on the pothead section.

You dig the mystic chicks.

You hit the Zen and the I Ching crowd.

Oh, yes.

Oh, I like that mystical one right
there.

Now, if you want straight -out action,
an info -freak, and that sort of

you're... You go where I was going.

Thank you.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the
United States of America and

to the republic for which it stands, one
nation, under God,

indivisible, with liberty and justice
for all.

There has been a growing laxity at this
school in many areas of enforcement.

Dress, hair, and manners.

But disrespect for the flag will not be
tolerated.

Is that understood?

No disrespect was intended.

Well, then why were you sitting down?

I was in my lotus position.

Huh? I was in the middle of my morning
meditations.

As a matter of fact, I was sort of
saluting the flag in my own lane.

You mean this is your way of saluting
the flag?

Yes, sir. Now, I realize it seems a
little unorthodox, but what I actually

bless the flag during meditations.

Oh, get up off the floor.

Frankly, sir, I would resent any
attempts to deny me my spiritual rights.

Now, look, McDonough.

You have a pretty good academic record
here at West Mesa. So we can overlook

those crazy left -wing capers and your
goddamn underground newspaper.

What? I want your pledge that you will
properly observe the salute. If you

do that, I... Tell me, Mr. Fanning, on
what grounds do you compel me to salute

the flag?

It's in the rules.

What rules?

The school rules.

I think you'll find your case to be
rather flimsy. If you recall, the

Court only last year... Oh, I've got
another barracks lawyer on my hands.

here, McDonough. I'm not interested in
the Supreme Court. The rules of this

school district state that you... I'd
like to cite another set of rules, the I

Ching Book of Changes. I would like to
draw your attention to the laws of the

two primary Chen hexagrams as outlined
on page 2... Now it's hexagrams! You're

interrupting me. I don't want to hear
anymore!

You're just going to deny me my
spiritual rights.

You're damn right I am!

The Supreme Court of the... I don't give
a shit about the Supreme Court. The

president of this great nation. Oh, fuck
the president.

Excuse me.

Could you tell me where I can find
Schneider's office?

Yes, around the corner and down the
hall. Oh, thank you.

By the way, I'm Audie Schneider. How do
you do? We're so glad you could come. We

do feel it's important that once a year,
parent and guidance counselor meet and

evaluate both problems and progress as
they relate to the student.

Well, I'm ashamed to say that this is my
first time, but I think it's a

terrific... The agitators say our
schools are cold and impersonal.

They're not.

See, I work, and it's not always easy
for me to get away.

So, let's talk about Philip.

He's a bright boy.

Oh, thank you. He definitely shows a
superior aptitude profile, especially in

mathematics. In mathematics?

I always thought he was a real dope in
math.

No.

Now, that C in English is unfortunate.

There's a definite pattern of regressive
motivation in the language arts, but

Philip and I are good friends and we've
had many long talks on the subject.

Excuse me, but I always thought that
English was his best subject.

You know, he's always reading books and
I have to think.

I'm also concerned about a continuing
problem in the area of emotional

immaturity as it applies to members of
the opposite sex.

What do you mean?

Well, his fistfights with girls. Now,
there have been two more incidents since

last winter.

Fistfights with girls? Yes.

Dr. Boardman notes a potentially
disturbing hostility toward girls,

young girls.

Philip Ralph Fuller, Jr.

Could we start all over again?

How do you do? I'm Betty Fuller.

I'm Audrey Schnapp.

That Miss Schneider, she's a...

She's quite a character. Isn't she
weird?

No, but she did. She made some very,
very good points. I mean, she said, for

instance, that you are not working to
your full capacity.

She said that you have an extremely high
IQ, but that you could be doing a lot

better. That's true. Yeah, well, I mean,
I think that that's interesting. That

if you concentrated more, you see, you
could be doing a lot better. True.

Well, are you going to do that?

No. Come on. No, I mean it.

She knows what she's doing. I mean, she
is a counselor, and that's her job and

everything.

I never did very well by you, did I? Oh,
hey, Betty, you can meet some out -of

-sight people hitchhiking. Wait a
minute. I'll tell you something. From

things are going to be different. I mean
it. Warren makes a very good living,

and I'm going to be able to give you a
lot of the things that I was never able

to give you before.

You don't have to feel guilty about me.
I don't. I don't feel guilty.

It's just that from now on, everything
is going to be different.

I mean, I'm going to be able to quit my
job and everything.

Hey, now, will you just... I'm trying to
be serious.

I mean it. I think that we should talk.

I think that we should talk like mothers
and sons. I think that... We should

talk like mothers and sons talk.

Well, what do mothers and sons talk
about?

Well, I mean, they... You're at an age
now where you probably need advice. I

mean, you never come to me for any
advice.

I go to Miss Schneider.

That's funny. That's really funny. I
mean it now.

Okay. What do you want to advise me on?
I'm listening.

Advise me.

the species, respective size of the
parties, and personal idiosyncrasies.

normal conditions, the smaller male
spider gets underneath the female so

his head is beneath her belly, the two
facing in the same direction.

In this position, he repeatedly thrusts
his charged pellets into the female

earthling, generally one after the
other, but sometimes both together.

In rare instances, the male may mouth
the female to insert his pellet.

This technique has the advantage of
facilitating a quicker getaway once

is complete.

A quick getaway is propitious in view of
the fact that the male is smaller than

the female, and the female customarily
develops an insatiable appetite during

the sex act.

An appetite that is satisfied... I could
be using this time.

I tried to get my mother to write a
letter to get me out of here. On

grounds, she wouldn't do it.

On religious grounds?

Yes, sir.

Well, this letter comes as a surprise to
me, Fuller.

The Board of Education has ruled that
the course is entirely optional, but

a little difficult getting out of it. So
I'm finding out. To be completely

honest with you, I... I've been deeply
troubled about this course for some time

now. And then when I spoke to my
minister, well... All right, all right,

fine, that's all right.

I have enough trouble without the clergy
waiting in my outer office.

But you will have to get these forms
signed by your guidance counselor.

I wouldn't want to cause any problems.

Problems? Oh, there are no problems for
her. You just tell your minister there

are no problems.

I think of us as friends, Philip, don't
you? Of course you do. Now, I want you

to try and relax and tell me exactly
what it is that you find so

That's very difficult.

No, no, no. I don't want you to be shy.

I know you may find it hard to believe,
but I'm not very easily shocked. What I

mean is, well, I'm hip to all the
scenes, so it's cool.

I'm sure you are.

So, what are we really talking about,
huh?

Of course, insects.

There. Sex.

Now, I want you to tell me exactly what
it is you find so objectionable.

Well, I... This is really very
difficult.

Now, we're speaking as friends,
remember?

All right.

When they talk about those spiders, you
know, doing it and all, who ever thought

of spiders doing it? Did you?

Did you ever think about that?

And insects.

And animals. Not to mention people.

All doing it. Everywhere. All the time.

In this very room, there could be some
spiders underneath the furniture just...

Just bopping away.

Just...

Don't

you have a class this afternoon?

Not anymore.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Let's keep it moving.

Keep those knees high.

Shit, it's Skeeter. My God, he knows
we're here.

Looks like he's bringing a whole army.
Come on, come on.

What are you, criminals?

Good old Skeeter. That's what he really
likes best.

Make it hurt. Yeah, I think you're
right.

I can't figure you and Skeeter married.

What do you mean?

Well, he's the sort of meathead, you
know, you think of living at the Y and

taking cold showers.

Well, anyways, he's a much better man
than you will ever be. Okay, come on,

let's have one more pepper. Let's move
those butts.

I want to buy a paper.

Gary, you want to buy a paper?

Great.

Dot on the I on paper. Yes, you'll like
it.

It's sort of like an electric Kool -Aid
newspaper.

Want to buy a paper, Ernie?

Paper? Here you go.

A chance of two sides.

Do I have to?

All right, all right. How much? A thin
quarter.

Revolution can be profitable.

Well, it's cheaper than Playboy.

Wilkie, you know, this thing's liable to
get you into a lot of trouble. Oh, it

doesn't matter. It happens to me. My job
is to inform the people.

Yeah, I remember when I had that job.

Hey, Wilkie, lend me your wheels, will
you?

How am I going to get home?

Friendship, Wilkie, friendship. Use my
bike. Hey.

That's not my thing.

How you doing, Mr. Mallory? Oh, how's it
going, boy?

Okay.

Why aren't you out there selling papers?
That's not my bag.

Cool is your bag, right?

Well, that helps.

Cool, but not involved.

You mean like them?

All right, yes.

What's wrong with getting involved?

Nothing, if that's what you have to do.

What do you have to do?

I hadn't expected a philosophical
discussion.

No.

Educational, not philosophical.

Relax, boy.

The way I see it, we have a system here,
right?

And the system says that you sit in
class, you get your grades, and you move

down the assembly line as quickly as
possible so another warm body can take

place. Now, that's the system, and I do
pretty well within that system.

And how exactly do you do that?

I play with it.

I bend with it. I go around it. I take
the best best offer and hang loose.

I don't know whether you're a cynic or
just a parasite.

I'm a realist.

They're all kinds of reality.

Hey, Ellie, you know what? Ed, we've got
to go straight to the doctor.

Again? She's got 103 temperature.

I thought Ronnie had 103.

Where do you think she got it?

This keeps it on the old Dr. Spice and
my entire salary.

As a matter of fact, why doesn't he just
pick up my whole paycheck?

What is this?

Oh, you think it could be the carburetor
or whatever that is?

No.

I think it's reality.

Hey. I think I just got hit by a flying
knocker.

How's old Herschel? Living it up, sonny.

Hey, Bunny, cut his arc double.

I want to talk to you. When Capone
talks, everybody lives it.

Well, as you may know, business is
booming.

But I can't handle it all.

I need a partner.

I'm not about your business, Ray. Yeah,
well, look, this is big bread. I think

I'm going to pass, okay?

What, you don't need the bread?

It's not that.

You're not interested in free
enterprise?

I got other interests. I don't want to
spread myself too thin.

You working for the competition?

Look, Ray, you push drugs, Wilkie
publishes papers.

I chase chicks. We all got our own
thing. You leave me alone, I leave you

That's free enterprise, too.

Dig?

Disgusting. Hey, Wilk. Yeah? You cured
of her?

Debbie, I turned off on her the night of
the bookstore.

Oh, not you.

She's not your type.

I think

your

sauce just curdled.

All right, which is yours, Debbie?

That yours?

Yes. It's beautiful.

Isn't that beautiful?

That's a work of art, dear.

Hello?

Hi, is Debbie there, please?

Who may I say is calling?

It's Phil Fullerman.

In just a moment, please.

Debbie? Yes?

Do you know a Bill Fuller? I guess I do.

You guess you do. Now, what's that
supposed to mean?

Well, it's in my class, Mom. It's just
that I don't really know him very well.

Oh.

Bill? Hey, baby. It's your favorite
cook. What's happening?

Oh, nothing. I'm just reading.

Listen, I just had a great idea.

Now, Thursday's a holiday.

Why don't we go to the club swimming
Wednesday night?

Swimming? Well, the pool isn't even open
at night.

Oh, sneak in. We'll be alone, Debbie.

The cool water will purify our souls.

Wednesday? Oh, I can't. I let my bathing
suit to Linda.

Well, when will you get it back?

Oh, maybe Sunday.

Sunday, huh?

Okay, pick up around nine.

Hey!

I thought we were going swimming.

We were, but they drained the pool at
the club. Anyhow, this is a better idea.

Come into a place that sells trailers?

At night? That's exactly why we're here,
babe. Nobody buys trailers at night.

Anyhow, it gives me a chance to
concentrate on my homework.

Homework? Yeah, for cooking class. I'm
into a shrimp curry that'll get me an A

for sure.

Okay, up we go. There we are.

Hey, how'd you know about this trailer?

Hey, what are we doing here?

Well, this is weird.

I belong to a friend of mine.

Betty, I've been saving this experience
for someone who I knew would really dig

it.

My shrimp curry. I've been refining the
recipe for six weeks now. And I think

I've really got it. Tonight's the night.

We could have cooked it at my house. We
didn't have to come all the way out

here. No, you can't just be cooked. It's
got to be a total experience. You've

got to control the environment every
moment, every mood.

I don't know about you.

It's a... Look.

An Indian robe.

Slippers. Is it for me?

Yeah. Oh. An incense.

Yes.

Flower of the Ganges.

Oh, wow.

Now, Debbie, there's only one way we can
really taste my shrimp curry.

We've got to create a whole Indian
scene.

We've got to eat Indian.

Dig? Huh?

Hey, Debbie.

Debbie. Do you trust me?

I mean, don't you want me to keep
expanding my sensitivities?

Who else would understand a man who
enjoys cooking?

Some people would think it's, you know,
a little queer.

Oh, no, Phil.

Well, those kind of people are just
ignorant.

What's wrong with men cooking?

I mean, if women can get jobs, men
certainly can cook.

So don't feel weird.

Okay. Why don't you go in there and get
ready, and I'll start making it.

You can't see through this, can you?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's lovely.

Just lovely.

A toast to eternal self -expression.

What are they?

A radio.

Out of sight.

I got them where I work.

What?

It's a little stiff now.

Now, what the hell?

Now,

my little blossom, you will have a meal
to blow your mind.

Yeah. This is super.

Let's eat them both.

What?

Yeah. I'm afraid the driver wasn't as
lucky.

Did you know Mr. Warren Cook?

Yeah, I know him.

Well, he was killed.

Well, we should be able to start back in
the morning.

The doctor just wants to keep me here
for observation.

Yeah, I guess that's the best thing.

I'll find a wire or something.

Okay.

Did you eat anything?

A couple of hamburgers.

You better be careful or you're going to
turn into a hamburger.

This isn't so bad for a hospital, is it?

I don't know what it is, but a
hospital's always scared me.

Yeah, I guess it's okay.

I'm not much of a winner when it comes
to men, am I?

You know, it's the smell.

That's what bothers me about hospitals,
the smell.

We were on our way to Las Vegas to get
married.

Isn't that a bad joke?

Yeah, I guess so. I don't know.

Hey, listen, I better find a place to
stay tonight, okay? Can I get you some

cigarettes or something?

Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea.

You know what brand I smoke?

Phil. Hi, Ma.

Where have you been?

Haven't seen you for three weeks.

You know, homework, that sort of thing.
You know.

Kind of left me hanging. What happened?

Everything got screwed up.

You owe me more than that. You weren't
exactly strangers, you know.

Take it easy, will you?

I just want to know why, that's all.

Would you like to hear it right over
here, please?

No one else?

Not a single soul?

I've been busy.

Not too busy to drive around with that
pimply teenybopper the other night.

I saw you.

Well, maybe one other soul.

What? I'll bet.

You're married, remember?

Screw you.

Just don't know how it is.

Christ, I was 30 last week.

What? I said I was 30 last week.

That's cool.

Bastard, I hate being 30.

I'm not exactly wild about being 17.

Oh, you love it.

You use it like some kind of a weapon.

You're like some sort of a professional
teenager.

Look, my boss is going to wonder what's
going on.

He just used me like a whore. Exactly
how did you use me? I fell for that

innocent schoolboy routine.

I bet I'm just a cog on your assembly
line of middle -aged, over -the -hill

women. You're not exactly over -the
-hill. I can testify to that. Look, I

come here to get banged.

But why don't we just get here on
Monday? I just didn't want you to miss

Before school.

I don't know what I was doing.

Look, I just don't want to be treated
like Skeeter.

Look, I didn't make the rules. I'm
sorry.

Yeah, the whole world is sorry.

But you're the only one who isn't
crying.

That's your record.

Ivan!

Fuck off.

I was wrong.

You're much more involved than I
thought.

Think I could get this thing fixed?

Just thought I'd throw you a little
business.

Terrific.

I heard about your mother.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Listen, I'm supposed to tell you this is
a big job.

Then next week the boss calls you and
tells you it'll cost more to fix than

worth, and would you like to trade it in
on a new set?

It's a 25 -cent plug. It'll cost you
nothing to fix for yourself.

See, that's my true genius, knowing
where it's at.

Now you're forever in my debt.

What do you think about you, Fuller?

You don't sell yourself short.

Pound for pound, I figure I'm smarter
than 99 % of the people I meet.

It's that 1 % that still throws me.

Well, I'm glad something throws you. I
figure it'll be like high noon.

I'll be walking down the street someday,
and there'll be Mr. 1%. Boothill.

Where is it?

It's Phil Fuller, ma 'am.

Oh.

I had something for Debbie.

Sorry I didn't call first. I just wanted
to drop this off.

A book?

Oh, isn't that nice?

Debbie says that you're quite a reader,
Phil.

I just think that's wonderful.

Do you know, sometimes I think that
nobody reads anymore.

What are you reading now?

It's Sid Arthur and Steppenwolf.

Well, that sounds more like a rock and
roll groove.

Well,

I guess a man has free marks.

It is easy to lose touch with kids
nowadays.

Is Debbie home?

Oh, no, dear. She's spending the night
with Cindy.

Phil Fuller.

Oh, she's told me so much about you. Now
sit down there.

Oh, thank you.

Yes, but Debbie's told you a lot about
me, too. Oh, she thinks I'm just

dreadful. No, she hasn't said a thing.

You know what's funny?

Debbie is the conservative of this
family, and I'm the radical, in a way.

Well, age, I think, is just a state of
mind.

It's no fun being a square when all you
kids are into such exciting things.

I was married young and divorced with
the kid.

And I just... I never really had a
chance at all that excitement.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Bill, do you have any pot?

Yeah, sure.

Never without.

You want to light up?

Why not?

I'll get you a drink.

She wouldn't know grass from her ass.
You know, I do think that we ought to

exchange one another's conscience.

I mean, let's go to the road to
universal harmony.

I was just saying that to Debbie the
other night.

Happiness is just a poke away.

It's like they took away.

Thank you.

Here we go.

Now, don't rush it.

Don't waste it.

Don't rush it. Take it nice and easy.

Newscast final.

And.

Not. Today.

You said you had to see me. Oh, but not
now. My mother's home.

Who is it?

Well, it's Phil.

You two same.

Pop, are you honest like this? Sit down
and talk to me.

Mother, I'd like to talk to Phil for a
minute. Oh, we could have a drink first

if you like, Mrs. Wilson.

Oh, that's a marvelous idea, Pop. But
Mom, Mom, now tell me what's going on in

the big wide world.

It's all going to pot.

Lovely the way Phil feels free to drop
in on a flatbed.

Well, actually, Debbie asked me over
today because she said she had something

important to tell us. Didn't she, dear?

No. No, I didn't. What's wrong?

Oh, Mother, everything is wrong.

Oh, well, come on.

Nothing's all that bad.

That's true, Mrs. Wilson.

I didn't want you to know, Mom, not yet.

Well, now what?

I have a little problem.

What sort of a problem?

She thinks she's pregnant.

Oh, my God, Debbie.

You... Would you?

Okay, Debbie, how do you know?

Don't you think there are things a woman
knows?

I'm nauseous. In the morning. Every
morning.

Every morning. I drop every morning and
I'm late. I'm late, Mommy. I'm late.

That's why we're not.

We're going to find a doctor.

You mean an abortion?

Well, that's one way of putting it.

Oh, no. No, absolutely not. You think
I'm going to let the whole world know?

Everybody just cool off.

Okay?

Now, let's get practical.

Debbie is going to have a baby. We have
to think this out very cool.

First, I can't support it. Second, she
can't take care of it.

So what we've got to figure out is...

Who can support us and take care of it?

Unless it's you, Grandma.

Oh, Marvie, Mommy. My mother a
grandmother.

Shut up, Debbie. Now, just shut up.

You have to look at this from all sides.

Well,

times have changed.

Nobody's going to look down on you.

You do know that times have changed.

But it's disgusting.

I won't do it. I won't.

Will I have to go to a hospital?

I hate hospitals.

Sir, the doctor will see you now.

By the way, for the records, I need the
spelling of your name.

W -I -L -K -I -E.

So, what can I do for you?

Well, doctor, I'll get right to the
point.

I'm a freshman at UNM, and my
girlfriend... Well, she's not exactly my

girlfriend. Anyway, this girl I know is
pregnant.

And?

And she can't have the baby.

Do I understand you correctly?

I don't know, but she can, and her
mother's giving me a really hard time.

What you're suggesting is utterly out of
the question.

Jesus, doctor, I came all the way up
here because I was told that you

the problems of young people.

Your problems are no concern of mine.

Well, someone has to be concerned,
doctor. I don't want that girl to go

off some bridge.

There are ways. We have a new state law
now. All you have to do is be a

psychiatrist and a panel of doctors.
Yeah, I know. All you need is a thousand

bucks, social connections, and pull on
the hospital board.

Have the baby. Put it up for adoption.

Thanks for your help and concern.

Who gave you my name?

What's the difference?

Who gave you my name?

My father, Justin McDonough.

Wait a minute.

Shut the door.

Can your father be reached with this
number?

Well, I don't know if he's in right now.

He'd better be in.

Justin, Victor Shurtleff here.

Yes, it's been a long time. Look, you
sent me a patient.

I remember him.

Don't give me that crap.

Yes.

So?

He's standing right here, Justin.

All right.

All right, Justin.

to do this little thing. You understand?

Look at this very clear. I'm not an
abortionist. Get that through your head.

Yes, sir.

If you get the idea that you want to
pass my name around to your friends at

school, let me tell you that I will
personally set the police on anyone who

comes here and mentions your name.

Even if they don't mention your name.

I mean that.

Yes, sir. I understand.

Wilkie, is that right?

How pregnant is this friend of yours?

Four or five weeks.

Bring her here. week from Sunday, 8 o
'clock at night. Think of yourself.

I thought it may be better if the mother
came. The mother didn't get her

pregnant. You come and bring $400 in
cash.

$400?

I'll give it to Children's Hospital.

I don't want you making a habit of this.

Hey, what's with the slide waving bit?

Fanning said the ultimate punishment. He
told me I was either chairman of the

Patriotism Essay Committee or he'd kick
me out of school.

Unroll that, please.

Yeah.

I'd like to show it turned out okay.
Just need a little massaging, you know.

Yeah, I knew he'd be a tight ass. All my
father's friends are.

When I hit him for the name, his little
chest swelled with pride, and he gave me

one of those just -between -us -guys
looks.

Over here, please.

I think he was proud of his weirdo son
knocking up some chick.

It'll cost 400 bucks.

Well, maybe you better find a cheaper
doctor.

What do you think this is, Medicare?

I got 75.

Can you help me out?

I have about $130 in my Christmas club
account.

What about your old man?

Oh, well, he's trying to be hip, but he
is a Republican.

Well, $200.

Halfway home.

Thanks. Oh, by the way.

Guess who won the big patriotism essay
contest?

Who?

Old Ray Lafarge, the role of free
enterprise in a democratic society.

And one thing I can assure you is that
all material will be thoroughly

steeped in relevance.

Always remember, material, but

steeping.

equals relevance.

And one thing we can glean from Catcher
in the Rye

is how uniquely relevant a novel it is,
even though

it was written 2 ,000 years ago.

Though the surface trappings may not be
the same, holding Caulfield... Very

good, Wilkie.

Very good.

Since my analysis seems to have made
such a vivid impression, I'm sure you'll

all be ready to take an examination on
it.

Tomorrow.

Good day.

Well now, Fuller, how goes the world?

Things still swinging in the radio
repair business?

It's cool.

The cool teens.

The young and beautiful people.

Benny, I know over 30 wants to be 17.

Why not?

Our society belongs to the teenyboppers.

In fact, I propose we design a new flag.

No stars.

Just acne.

It's 1984, kid.

Life ends at 20.

That gives me three more years to live.

And I, Fuller, am already dead.

Perhaps that's why I instinctively
dislike you.

Because you're on the winning team.

I'm glad it's not something personal.

Oh, yeah, well, it's something personal,
too.

You're a con man.

A cynic. You use people.

Since I know you're liked. Liked?

You're kidding.

Hey, Mr. Mallory, I thought class was
over. Well, it's not.

What is it?

Something has finally made a dent in
your shiny adolescent armor.

Excuse me.

Fuller, have you ever really opened up
to anyone?

Wake up, Mr. Mallory. It's 1984,
remember? Nobody gives a shit.

You're dead.

Your three years are up.

Nobody gives a shit because you won't
let them.

Okay, you want to give me $200 for an
abortion fast?

Huh?

Consider the 200 cool.

I'll lend it to you.

Amazing thing, the population explosion.

Children come in bunches like grapes.

Did you know that?

One day it's just you and your wife in
conjugal bliss.

And suddenly you're surrounded by little
bottoms.

All of them leaking.

Ah, the joys that would have awaited
you, Fuller.

Knowing you, I assume you already have a
doctor.

Just try and pay me back sometime.

And don't tell my wife.

For God's sakes, don't tell my doctor.

Why are you doing this?

Don't be embarrassed.

Just consider it a little friendly
gesture.

We're friends?

Well, to be completely honest with you,
Fuller, I suppose we're doomed to be.

I want to find out about that injury.
The one that kept you off the team.

Oh, it's okay. It's fine. It's as good
as new.

Come on in.

Don't have to stand here in the door.
Come on.

Oh, I hardly see you anymore.

We'd have a few laughs.

Like with the guys, huh?

Like maybe I got a cactus cut in my
jock.

Oh, you know, the guys are always
rapping about something.

Said your injury was better. What was it
again?

Hamstring muscle.

You ought to work out more, Fuller.

Keep your mind off other things.

Oh, I do.

I mean, I try to.

Oh, that's right. You do jog a little,
don't you?

Early in the morning.

Well, that's just not the right exercise
for someone with your problem.

What you need is a machine like this.

Build up your abdominal muscles.

Got to have strong abdominals.

Never can tell when they'll come in
handy, huh?

Here, give me your books.

Oh, no.

Now back up here. I'll show you how it
works.

Come on. Come on.

Put your hands back here.

Now lean back as far as you can.

Spread your legs.

This is going to do you a lot of good.

That's a little message from Yvonne,
kid.

Many happy returns.

Bill!

Bill!

Bill!

I've been looking for you all day.

Please, no more scenes today, huh?

I had my period last night.

Well, thanks for your concern, creep.

Hey, Phil, I want to talk to you.

Listen, can we do it later? I have to
take a shower.

I want to talk to you now.

Hey, Phil.

Well, what do you want to talk about?

Well... You seem depressed the last
couple of days.

Are you depressed?

No, I'm not depressed. I'm fine. What do
you want to talk about?

It's just that I'm going to be going to
New York.

And you better start making the
necessary adjustments about getting food

eating out or whatever.

Vacation?

I'll be gone at least a week. Hey, what
is this vague thing? There's nothing

vague about it. I have to go to New
York, that's all.

Okay, okay, I understand. You want to
get away, but why New York?

Look, Phil, I have to go.

Why?

Go take your shower.

Wait a minute.

First I get a kid brother lecture, then
an announcement of travel plans, then

off to the showers.

Stop copping out. I can't talk to you
about this. It isn't right. I just

What's the matter?

Oh, damn it!

Okay, okay.

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

It's all right. It's my fault.

Warren and I were going to get married
this summer.

Yeah?

We moved the date up because... Because
I was pregnant.

Because I... I am pregnant.

Warren's wanted it after all.

Oh, that's nice.

Boy, that's really very nice.

I'm sorry.

I mean, I'm sorry you got caught.

Yeah. That's why you're going to New
York, right?

Yeah, it's legal there, and it's not too
complicated.

And I figure that when I get there, I
can just ask around.

Are you kidding? No, why would I be
kidding? You're going to go clear across

country to get an abortion. It's legal
there, and when I get there, I mean,

find somebody. That's all. Not much it's
going to cost. It'll cost a fortune.

Look, I can't do it here.

They make you go in front of a panel of
doctors, and there's all kinds of red

tape.

The whole thing is just so awful.

Listen, I can help you out.

I know a man here.

What do you mean you know a man?

I know an abortionist.

Well, how come you know someone like
that?

It's too long a story, but I know a man,
and he's good.

Listen, how many weeks, how many months
are you in? Look, I don't want to talk

to you about this. I mean, I really
don't want to talk to you.

Well, you've got to talk about it
because you've got to have the abortion.

say that.

Operation.

And you're not going to New York. That's
out of the question.

Now, this man, this doctor, he's very,
very good.

He'll take care of you. He'll make it
very easy on you.

There are going to be no problems.

All right, Wilkie, you can both come in
now.

You can go into the last room on your
right.

There's a gown in there.

I want to talk to you.

I have the $400, Doctor. Come with me.

Get in.

You said you wanted to talk to me about
something?

I thought the girl would be a
contemporary of yours.

This one's a little old for you, isn't
it?

Yeah, I guess so.

I find you a bit hard to take, Wilkie.

I suspect you could become a steady
customer.

Oh, no, you'll never see me again,
Doctor. I don't believe you.

I think it might be a good idea if you
were my nurse at tonight's little spoon

work. What do you mean, nurse?

I think you need a lesson.

Open it.

To the other.

You all right You

are you

all right It's been 17 years

and I feel I'm just beginning to know
you

I know that feeling.