Original subtitles

© BF -WATCH TV 2021 behind now I'm here

live them well there's no need to

regret and though in time

you'll see things around

Trying to bust down the door like that.

Because that dumb bell is dumb.

He can't talk, except with his hands and his feet.

Huh? Right, stupid?

Where'd you find him?

He moves it in here one day sometime back.

Ate a meal, couldn't pay for it.

Let him cut some wood for the meal.

Only he got hungry and ate again.

Ever since then, I'm a whole plate of beans ahead of him.

Ain't that right?

Maybe your bean's done it.

Well, better get started.

Coach Lieben, for love of whoever's coming with me, better shake it up.

Get the horses, stupid.

Turn around.

You.

Oh, there ain't no bounty on that idiot's head, boys.

I'm the only one that's after him, and that's only for the price of a plate of

beans.

Where's the men's room?

Specialty of the house.

Use my old flashbacks.

How did the hunting go this time, boys?

Bad. We were on McCoy's tracks all right, but the Rangers beat us to it.

I take the bread right... You

know,

I think we've seen that baboon somewhere.

Hey, you.

You ever been in Baton Rouge?

Hanging around the bank?

You answer. Say yes, sir, or no, sir.

You'll be here a long time waiting for him to answer.

The idiot can't talk. He's a mute.

Say, hear anything about the Englishman's bunch?

Yeah. I hear they busted up.

They tell me the preacher's somewhere in Arizona pushing God.

Them religious sermons. He's a real fanatic. And the monkey's cooling his

in the Yuma County jail.

And the big fella just disappeared.

Somebody get the Englishman? Nope. They found him stretched out stone dead on a

prairie. They found out later he'd had a stroke in a bawdy house while making

love to an Irish tart.

He asked to be left out there to thank this country and the prairie for all it

had given him, coming here from England without a cent.

Thank the prairie.

How do you like that?

That stupid bastard of an Englishman.

The Englishman was a gentleman and a scholar.

Shut up, you dumb ox.

Have something?

How much are you worth?

300?

More or less. I'll remember.

Dead or alive?

Either way.

If you want to see one more son come up, better come with us peacefully.

Look,

the Englishman was a friend of mine.

And he weren't no bastard.

No, he was an Englishman. I said, the Englishman weren't no bastard.

Okay, the Englishman was no bastard.

I feel better now.

Nope.

You gotta say, the Englishman was no bastard, sir.

That's better.

Now hold it, just till we finish our lunch.

Can you take a look at it?

I can see from here that horse has fallen arches.

Well, can you fix it?

Boy, it's you.

You shall be forced to mate with vampires and demons, saturated with the

own burning, incandescent flesh.

Magdalena, you're trembling.

Perhaps there's a chance you might be saved because you're afraid, huh?

I'm just so cold in here. So get your sermon done with.

I've got a lot of customers waiting.

And believe me...

of eternity beneath the shower of hot ashes.

And no umbrellas, brothers.

That don't bother me none.

But is there a chance that we'll be able to get a snort every now and then? A

snort, Devlin? Well, I guess so.

I know the Lord's pretty hard on a man sometimes, but I don't think he'd deny a

poor sinner has shot a good Kentucky whiskey every once in a while.

So what do you say to that?

I wanna hear everybody sing.

Good to see you again, Bull. But listen, weren't we supposed to meet the

Englishman and Monkey a couple of months from now in Abilene?

Well, that's what the Englishman said.

Well, then.

The Englishman ain't gonna make it, Joe.

Well, why not?

You mean somebody finally got him, huh?

Who did it?

One of your few mistakes, boss.

He died in a... Tucson Cat House.

Making love to an Irish working girl.

My, what a way to die.

Of course, it conflicts with a man coming pure to the Lord, but it's a fine

for a man to go.

Well, how about Monkey? Where is he?

Now, where in the hell else would it be when we let him travel by himself?

Well, don't you think we ought to go look him up?

Oh, voluptuous, cool -breathed earth.

Earth of the slumbering and liquid trees.

Earth of departed sunsets. Earth of the mountains' misty tops.

Of the vitreous pore of the full moon just tinged with blue.

For your lover cometh.

It's a canticle.

Yeah, it's mighty pretty.

Walt Whitman, the poet.

Ben Dilligan.

Sneaks up on a man like...

You think so?

That's right.

What do you say to about 20 licks with the bullwhip, huh?

Make it 10.

18. 12.

15.

You got a deal.

Okay.

The jacket, Monkey.

Huh? The jacket. I got to whip you.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Liggett! Yes, sir. That is 1244.

That is prisoner 1244.

I mean prisoner Monkey Smith to my office at once.

Yes, sir.

What the hell does he want?

Get moving, you ape.

30 stripes and 42 stars.

Growing.

Well, now, gentlemen, we're here.

Monkey, that is, Mr.

Smith, is free.

What?

He was up for pardon for good conduct.

Beg pardon. Sir, have you forgotten that this gorilla here stirred up a revolt

just yesterday?

He even beat up a guard.

And if that ain't enough, he put a scorpion in my hat. Can't you have fun

here? Shut up.

Listen, sir. This here's the worst. Do lick it.

gentlemen have an order for his release?

There can't be.

Can I see the order?

With your permission, naturally.

Certainly. Gentlemen, would you please show him your orders?

Show him the orders.

Yeah. I got them here somewhere.

You got them orders?

Well, hold on.

Oh, excuse me, sir. Have them around here someplace.

Look and see if they ain't maybe down there.

Well, what do you know? Here they are.

Right under my nose.

Ain't that right?

Yeah, under the circumstances. Uh -huh.

What are you gents standing up for?

Park yourselves down, fellas.

Yeah, make yourself at home, uh... Liggett.

Say, how'd it go, monkey?

Oh, not bad.

Not bad. It could have been worse.

How's this here prison warden treating you?

Okay, a little lazy, maybe.

Actually, Liggett should have been the warden.

Yeah, yeah.

This badge toter, how about him?

Oh, you know how badge toters are.

A fair hand with a whip, too.

Well, it figures.

According to what I hear, folks who come to this place are pretty hard cases.

Ain't that right?

I think you'd get on your nerves, Bull, you know, because he's always hollering.

Yeah,

never shuts up. That isn't nice of you.

How do I look? Like the warden of a prison.

You're right.

Let's get the hell out of here. Yeah.

Wait a minute.

You ain't thinking about killing him, are you? Damn tootin'. You can't. Why

Because it's Sunday and you don't work on the Lord's Day. You know that.

Uh -huh.

You sure it's Sunday?

Of course.

So now what?

Let's get a little order here, boys.

That's all right, Lennon. Attention.

I have some good news for you boys.

Monkey Smith. Mr.

Monkey Smith. That fine, upstanding Monkey Smith has been pardoned for good

conduct.

He's been pardoned for having been such a good example to his fellow inmates.

And to celebrate this event,

will give you an exhibition required...

there, my precious. What a dreadful journey. But, Mommy, he'll take good

you. You're my old, my beloved.

Mommy's little darling, what's wrong with you today?

Oh, he doesn't like traveling like this, you know. He likes to run and play.

Well, then throw him out so he can chase the stage.

Let the exercise keep you quiet.

Morris Greeley was right when he said, go west, young man, go west.

Oh, is that what he said?

Yes, it's in a stark phrase by now.

Yeah, well, the word gets around.

Have you any idea how long it'll take to reach 2 Buck?

In my opinion, everything goes right in about three hours.

I fail to see what could happen.

Well, son, there's always a chance of two gun shooters in this here part of

country. You don't say.

The hell I don't.

It ain't likely they look at the man's hat.

Is that the truth?

Don't worry, Sonny.

If they try anything with us, they'll end up drowning in their own blood.

You're rather determined, chap, aren't you?

I never give an inch.

I kill.

Well, what's the plan?

I feel like pulling the hold up.

No, first we hit town to pick up some grub and some whiskey.

Then we head for Paradise Valley to rest and meditate. Then we can decide.

Yeah, it takes a lot of money to do that.

A lot of money.

Well, Bull's got a hundred bucks.

I'm robbing you, friend.

So fork over that money and no tricks. Oh, shut up.

Fork it over, I said.

Might as well give it to him, Buller. He'll keep it up till dark.

Oh, the crown out loud.

Here.

I always get a bang out of it. It's been a long time since I stuck a gun in

anybody's ribs.

Yeah, we're all out of practice.

You just stick your gun in those beans instead.

Hey, why don't you ask your friend up there to send us a nice big fat

to hold up?

I'll see what I can do.

What do you know?

Won't you fellas ever get it through your heads that the ways of the Lord are

infinite?

Oh, we stopped for a little while, Bootsy, darling, so we could have a

doo -doo.

Don't be frightened. Your mommy's here.

That's it. Back into your little bed.

Oh, I know it's a deathly trip, but you have to sleep a while, honey. Oh, it's

so awkward on this sweet little thing. Come on, Bootsy, close your eyes. Don't

worry. You'll be a nervous wreck. To tell the truth, I don't know.

No need to. Not when I got this rifle in my hands.

Well, he's obliging enough.

What are you standing there like that for? Hand it over.

Here. Here.

You always travel around that line, mister.

The way things are these days, I'd do the same thing.

Yeah, right.

Come on, slowpoke.

That ain't worth it. Listen, don't hurt me.

I've got a family.

I've... His wife must have spent it all.

Those eastern gals. They spent it like water. I shouldn't let her...

with your money.

If I raise my hands, I can't give you my money.

That's right.

I'll save you the trouble.

Hey, these duds must cost a lot.

Is this all you got?

Well, good clothes today cost a fortune. But yes, that's all I have.

Say you're looking to coach.

Yeah. I got a family. Hands up, family man.

What do you got there?

I don't know, but it's nice and heavy. Oh, no, no, please. Give it to me.

I say, that's very strong tobacco, old man.

You should smoke less. It's not good for your lungs.

present -day Diogenes, for example.

What? He was someone who was looking for a man.

Like that right here in the county.

Not exactly.

A bounty hunter?

No, not that either.

What do you expect to find up there?

Angels, my friend.

Three of them.

Well, I'll be.

May I drop dead in my tracks? Not before we reach our destination, I hope.

There it is. Just like you said. What are we waiting for?

Come on.

of this cabinet is just a mite touchy, there ain't nothing to stop you from

catching a .45 slug with your forehead.

No one ever shoots at those who come in peace, old chap.

Well, maybe not where you come from.

God save you from the Queen, my son.

Few have lived quite so blessed.

In love with nature and married to beauty.

Well, I'll try, Father.

I'll be seeing you.

I don't think so.

them paws up, dude, and turn around real slow like you would drown your own

blood.

I think he recognizes and wants his money back.

Hell no. We had masks on.

Good day, gentlemen.

Permit me to... Shut up, you. Who is he? Yeah, who are you?

I told you to shut up. Monkey, if you'll just be quiet a minute, maybe this dude

will be able to tell us who the hell he is and just what the heck he's doing

here.

I'm Sir Thomas Moore.

Not a famous churchman, of course.

I'm merely Sir Thomas Fitzpatrick Philip Moore.

To be more precise, I should add Viscount of Essex and British Pier.

But I don't think that matters too much.

All right, which one is your name?

I'm Tom... Smith, I'll bet.

I'm Tom Moore, son of James Moore, the Englishman.

And you're Bull Schmidt, aren't you?

Well, that's what my ma told my pa, but you know how women folk are.

Have a look.

Hey, that's us with the Englishman. And this fella.

I'll be damned.

Tom Moore!

Welcome home, son.

Welcome home.

Oh, fine. Excellent.

Excellent? Yes, a fine trip and very exciting.

Exciting? Oh, yes, quite. Just think of it. We were actually held up and robbed.

No. Oh, yes, it was thrilling.

Three scoundrels held us up during a stop.

You mean there were three of them?

Yes.

Not very quick mentally, though.

They weren't? No.

Utter bunglers.

I had it hidden down here.

Look, all my money.

Yeah.

You're a real smart one, all right.

Yes, and imagine. A wealthy cattleman, one of the passengers, had hidden his

wallet in his hat.

In his hat. Now, you learn something new every day. I wonder why some people

never think of looking in hats.

Cunning canine. Where'd you find him, eh?

Well, this will, uh...

In the woods, yeah, in the woods. The woods is full of animals like this here.

Magnificent specimen of a Yorkshire. Told you he wasn't no dog.

Come on, this calls for a whistle wedding.

Come on in. Come on, Tom boy.

Good to see you. Good to see you.

What do you say? You think they'll take Austin's offer? Well, a little chunk's

better than nothing, ain't it?

Yeah, but what if they don't bite?

Too bad for them.

Morton's after this land, too, and he ain't no one to mess with.

Yeah. Let's go.

Hey.

What's this thing?

Huh? Oh, a butterfly net.

Huh. What's it for?

To catch butterflies with.

Well, what do you do with them after you caught them?

Well, you see, I'm an entomologist and agronomist. Poor kid, he's in bad shape.

He's so young and already he's got one of them there diseases.

Yeah, just like his pa.

No, no, his daddy only had tuberculosis.

Hey, Tom, can you break this here thing? Yes, a bit.

Well, let's hear you do it then.

Fiddle this hole down.

Yeah.

All right, if you like.

Go on, boo.

Grab your partner.

But real good.

Hey, what's in this here box?

Oh, just a couple of fencing swords.

Uh -huh.

And this?

Oh, that can wait till tomorrow.

Oh. Uh -huh.

What in tarnation is it? It's a bicycle.

A bicycle?

Yes, a bicycle.

Let's hear about whatever the hell you call it. You gonna yes, I'm mounted and

the way I'll go Yes Thank you

What is this stuff it's whiskey son the best

Kentucky makes I think it's cold oil I got it is It

ain't whiskey

Raw canteen.

Here's the real stuff.

Thanks.

Yes, it tastes a bit better.

Well, what a day.

You tired?

Well, ten days on a train is quite a strain on one, you know. You mean to

me you came with all that baggage clear out here in just ten days' time?

Oh, yes. And you should see how those new Vanderbilt locomotives fly.

Like a streak of lightning. You mean you like that iron horse, huh?

Well, the Almighty created the earth without railroads. He knew what the hell

was doing, too.

Oh, certainly. But progress is progress, and no one can stop it. But you can

sure in hell avoid it.

But how?

Well, just keep heading west where the prairie belongs to everybody. And where

that damn train ain't got to yet. And where there ain't no more barbed wire

fences. And your pa felt the same way about it, too.

Oh, I know.

But he was a dreamer.

He was a free man.

Well, Tom here's all wore out, so let's go bed down our bones, huh? Yeah, good

idea.

Come on, 30. Let's me and you go to bed.

Well, where are you going?

Outside to sleep.

Outside? Yeah, it's springtime, Tenderfoot. It's springtime.

Um, are you going to sleep with all those weapons?

Well, we sleep, but they don't. Oh, I see. There are many outlaws, aren't

It shan't be easy to make them stop dreaming, Father.

The folks who were never sick of being alive and the other way around, too.

Now get yourself dressed and we'll head for town.

It's Saturday and it's time to get drunk.

But it's Monday.

Saturday.

No, yesterday was Sunday. Saturday.

That's right.

You might be right.

All right. I'll have a quick wash up and dress. What are you going to do? Wash

up and dress.

My father meant it for you.

He sent it to me a few days before he departed.

The doctor tells me the few calves I have left are numbered.

And I'm afraid he's right because there's not enough breath left in me to

out a match.

So what little remains I'm spending with a magnificent Irish mare.

I don't know whether I'll find rich green grass or tough weeds up there.

But if there's rich grass, praise be to God.

If there's nothing but weeds, praise be to God.

The only thing I'll miss is your friendship.

For the rest, I've no regrets.

I'll get the Lord to go to work and take care of my dear and loyal friend.

Signed, The Englishman.

There's a P .S.

I almost forgot.

My son Tom is still a green kid.

Make a man out of him and then... hit the saddle.

Mm -hmm.

You can bet on it, Englishman.

You can bet on it.

Well, say, that contraption moves right along, doesn't it?

It doesn't even stop to relieve itself.

Yeah, well, that's progress.

Look, if progress means holding it in, they can have it.

Come on, get moving.

A little too lively.

Why don't we begin the day right and have a couple of nice drinks?

Isn't it a bit early to start drinking?

Never too early when you're thirsty.

I say, I've got some shopping to do, so why don't you chaps go ahead and I'll

join you in a little while.

All right, because we've got some buying to do. Damn tootsie. See you later,

then.

Ah, too bad.

That's a sight for sore eyes. Well, look who's there.

Hello, Tim.

Look at all them cute little brats he's got.

Hi, Susie. Where's the Englishman?

Well, he's waiting for us.

How's things going, Tim?

Well, I'll tell you.

The family keeps increasing, work keeps decreasing.

People ain't shooting each other. There ain't been a corpse here in over a week.

Even the cowpokes ain't the same no more.

They don't bust up the saloon, break chairs, nothing.

The world has changed.

Boy, I... Not for us, old -timer.

Hey,

you're not thinking of... As Holy Joe here says, the ways of the Lord are

informal.

Infinite, Bulls. Not informal. Infinite.

Yeah, something like that.

Thank you, friends.

Thank you.

We've got to help him. He's got a lot of mouths to feed.

Uh -huh.

Another load of that damn barbed wire progress.

Miss Austin.

Good day, Jeremiah.

Have my books arrived yet?

No, Miss Austin.

I'm sorry, but nobody in Tucson's ever even heard a word of that fella.

What was his name?

Byron. George Gordon Byron. Oh, yeah, that's it.

But it's not possible.

Well, I even asked the suppliers from Flagstaff and Prescott. No one's heard

him. The sheriff, nobody.

Excuse me, miss, but perhaps I can help you.

Thank you, but I don't see how you can.

Oh, why, you should. And besides... Oh, no, it's really quite simple.

I've nearly all the works of Lord Byron. Oh, really?

Oh, really.

And I'd be delighted to lend you the books if I can. Oh, thank you, but I'll

have to ask my father's permission first.

Well, that's only proper.

You... you're living in town?

No, I'm... I'm a house guest of friends who have a...

I have a cottage up on the plateau. Oh, really?

Yes.

Oh, it's very beautiful up there.

Yes, it's very, very... I know.

Flat.

Yes, you're right.

Anything else?

Yes.

When... When can I see you again?

We could talk about Lord Byron.

Sunday, I think, if that's all right for you.

Oh, fine.

That's tomorrow, then. Where?

But tomorrow's Tuesday.

Tuesday? Yes.

Today's Monday.

By George, you're right.

Today's Monday, after which comes Tuesday.

Where?

I often go to the woods on the plateau to gather bluebells.

Fine. Well, then, till bluebells.

And nothing for the advice.

What? Leave that girl alone.

You'll be better off, friend.

Why?

Because if Morton Clayton gets to hear about them bluebevs, the doctor will

a fine time trying to fit your bones back together again, young fella. Morton

Clayton? Who is he?

He's Austin's foreman.

And he's got his eye on that girl.

And it seems like old man Austin ain't entirely displeased with the idea of

grandchildren.

Thank you for your advice, but I'm really not interested in the problem of

Austin's descendants, and even less in the anger of his lovesick foreman.

Goodbye.

Watch your head.

You'll need it.

What's he doing, picking on Mr. Austin?

No, Bluebell's with his daughter. Yeah, she come in looking for a book, and he

says to her... Mom?

Now that you're all grown up, boy, I guess I can tell you.

Did you know your pa had a real weakness for women?

Oh, really? Oh, did he ever?

In fact, it was a woman that caused your pa to leave his country in kind of a

hurry. Oh?

Yep.

It was a gal named Vicky that got him in trouble.

I believe you called her Vicky Regina or something like that. You mean Victoria

Regina?

Yeah, that's right, Victoria.

Queen Victoria.

Hey, that's it.

Queenie, that's what he called her. Did you know her?

Uh, no, but I've heard her spoken of. Well, it seems that, uh, she got

when your pa married one of her ladies without her permission, and he just

hauled off and told her to go to hell.

Oh, all them body house madams are alike.

Every time one of their girls wants to get... Don't take it too hard, Tom. It

ain't your fault that your ma was a... Well, hell, you ain't alone.

Look at Bull and Monkey here. Their Mars was in the game, too, right, boys? Yep.

No, the important thing, sir, is to be in this world and to enjoy all the

beautiful things that the good Lord has spread before us.

Like, for example, this good old Kentucky whiskey.

God bless you, son.

Yeah, God bless us.

Hey, we're over here.

Hold it, Morton. No hardware in here.

head of cattle and old man Austin sells 20 ,000. I can't bring him in fast

enough.

Hey, Bob, why I get here?

Yep, 500 rolls are enough to fence in the whole doggone state.

Drew the last lot today. Uh -huh. What else is new? Oh, there's a little

delicate matter.

What? A fella here's been messing with Miss Austin.

Not this boy scout sitting here. Yeah, that's him.

The sauce is truly delicious. I must compliment the chef.

Uh, the cook.

I'd advise you to do it now, friend.

Otherwise, you'll miss the stage.

It leaves in two minutes.

Are you speaking with me?

Yeah, I'm talking to you.

That's right.

Are you speaking to him? Yeah, him.

Is he speaking to you? That's right. No doubt about it.

I have the vague suspicion you're trying to provoke me.

That's right, Buster.

I don't know what you're so angry about.

Anyway, I imagine it's useless to ask.

for you to clear out.

I wouldn't count on it. You wouldn't? No. All right, that's enough.

What did you say?

He's just a boy.

Well, you're a grown -up.

Why don't you take his place?

and turn it around, boys, we ain't no prettier.

Monkey,

are you going to get the table?

I must say, you fellas are a hard -headed lot.

That one got his coat in the...

Everything becomes easy with application and effort.

Even learning how to read and write.

You all know how to read and write, don't you?

Neither one of them can, Tom. Since when did you learn how to write?

Maybe I can't write, but I can read.

If you can read, then you can write.

Is that so? Of course.

How?

Read a sentence in your book.

And King Solomon...

Israel. Fine, exactly.

Now, if you had to write that phrase, how would you do it?

I don't know. How would I?

Simply copy it, exactly as it's written there.

By golly, you're right. You see?

Yeah, but say if you want to write, for example, five horsemen are coming this

way, how would you do it?

Well, that all depends.

Now, if they were packing stars on their chest, I guess I... What are they

trying to say?

Howdy. Mind if we dismount?

Yes, I do.

I'm Austin, Frank Austin.

Happy to meet you. Well, that don't seem like nothing to be too happy about.

I want to apologize for what happened yesterday in the saloon.

Morton here likes his fun, but sometimes he exaggerates a bit.

It's already forgotten.

Ain't it, Morton?

They'll pay for the damages.

You came all the way out here just to tell us that?

Well, yes, but there is something else.

Something else?

Which one of you is Thomas Moore?

I am, sir.

I understand this land is yours.

Yes, it's ours.

Exactly how do you mean, ours?

Ours? Well, still it's registered in your name. So I'm asking you.

What, Mr. Austin?

To sell it to me.

Only you'll work on it from what I can see. Yeah, that's one thing that'll

happen, and you can bet on it.

Well, then sell it to me.

It's not for sale, Mr. Austin. I'm offering 20 ,000, young fella.

Well, it's a good offer. I'll make it 30 ,000.

Tom, you want to sell? No, no.

My father bought this land to keep intact.

He used to love those words. How beautiful for spacious skies.

That's right.

Yep. So long, Austin.

Take it over, boy.

You might be sorry you refused my offer.

You should change your mind and let me know.

Certainly. Good day, sir.

What's he want with this land when he's already got so much?

Austin's the richest cattleman in the state.

He's greedy.

Oh, no, he's smart.

He knows that it's fertile land, and I can tell you that as an agronomist.

See how rich with humans it is. One need only scratch it, and it will bring

forth its marvelous yield.

Tom, that's the handful of horse dung you're holding.

Oh, dear.

A real expert.

You're going to take a long time to make a man out of here.

What a bunch of buzzards.

What's the matter?

It tells in here about a fellow named Paul who spent his whole life writing

letters to his neighbors and not a single solitary one ever answered him.

Perhaps those he wrote to only knew how to read. Yeah, but even so.

Have a look.

Cunning, isn't she?

Now relax.

It's an ant. Do you mean to tell me that... Come on, sir. I want to show you

something. I'll be with you in a moment.

Look, you've been writing that letter for days now.

It's not a letter.

It's a report to my professor of natural history telling him about the lack of

interest of the ants in this part of the world.

They don't... They don't work as hard as they do elsewhere.

Oh. That's fine, ain't it?

It's not spying. It's scientific observation.

Oh, hell, why don't you just tell them ants are smarter here than any place

in the world.

Now come on outside.

Oh, all right.

Look.

That, as you can plainly see by the shape of his head and his tail as a

tenderfoot, he's all yours.

Mine? Yep.

All yours.

Monkey wanted to have it branded with your initials on him.

But you know how it is. We just didn't have time. My dear chaps, well, he must

have cost you a fortune.

No, he's a bargain.

A real lucky bargain.

Well, what do you think?

Oh, he's magnificent.

Well, now, let's see if you can stay in the saddle.

Yeah. Well, I was already fox hunting in England at the age of ten.

You know how that's done, don't you? The dogs, beaters, trumpeters. Well, now,

we got a few foxes around here, too. But we're just plum out of trumpeters.

But you could always try using that violin if you like.

Come on, let's see you set the saddle.

rides too much like one of them there gentlemen.

Ride him western style, Tom. The way you seen us do it.

A little better.

Good boy. Go on.

Well, do I stay in the saddle all right?

Not bad.

But let's see if you can stay on your feet.

Thank you.

But what am I supposed to do with this cannon?

Well, there's a lot of things you could do with that six -shooter you got there.

Like when someone advises you to get out of town on a stage and you don't feel

like it.

I ought to shoot him?

Well, if he insists, yeah.

There's no reason in the world that would cause me to assert my rights with

gun in my hand. Oh, well, listen, Tom, you can't go around naked like that.

a man without a gun just ain't a man. That's right.

He's not, then what is he, then?

Well, he's somebody that ain't got no... Yeah. You know.

Yes, I see your point. But believe me, it takes much more courage to go

Who's that?

She might be his daughter, Mr.

Austins.

Where are you going? It's Saturday. We're going to town.

It's Sunday.

What's got into him?

He's going nuts.

And upon my return, we'll discuss that unusual calendar of yours.

What's he talking about?

I don't know.

Yoinks!

What's he eat all them books for if he's going butterfly hunting?

Well, if he can't catch you without butterflying that, he'll just heap one

them books at her.

I seen women get booted around and slapped around, but I ain't never seen

get romanced with a book before.

Now, where are you going?

Breath of air.

I've heard of you. Keep watch.

He ain't much of a man with men, but with women he ain't too bad, huh?

Yeah. Better than nothing.

You just gave your last recital, friend.

Where is the preacher, Hardin?

He's out doing important business.

Too bad. So I think we'll just wait for him here.

That's okay.

Please do.

That wasn't long, was it?

Isn't there a way we can... Drop your guns.

Giveth of thy spirit and sweet nature.

Giveth of thy strength.

And fortitude.

Giveth everything you got in your pockets and clear out of here before we

every bone in your head.

Thank you, brothers.

Thank you.

Come on.

What happened?

Want to know something?

They're good boys.

Really good boys. Good heads on their shoulders.

Canada, Canada, Austin.

Oh, that's a beautiful name.

Yours is a beautiful name, too, and so distinguished.

Thomas Fitzpatrick Philip Moore by count of Essex and a British peer. Oh, just

call me Tom.

That's good. Tom is so much nicer.

Yes, Tom is, rather.

Mm -hmm.

Um, shall we sit down?

Mm -hmm.

I'll hitch up here.

Don't think me too audacious or disrespectful, but I... Yes?

Well, I... You what?

I... I don't have a pistol, but I assure you that I have...

I don't want to sound too banal, but I...

And so do I, Tom.

Oh, really?

Oh, from the very first moment I saw you.

Ah, even before.

Even before?

Always, Tom.

I've been waiting.

Are you certain?

You doubt me?

Well, you see, this may seem strange to you, but I've got my principles.

I've opted for monogamy.

That is, I mean to say I wanted to be only one woman in my life, and so... I

don't want to break... Break it?

You won't have to break that vow, Tom, because I'll be the only woman in your

life.

I'm sorry.

Oh,

I've always dreamed of you, my love.

I knew that one day my Viscount Charming would arrive on a... Beautiful white

charger and men.

Oh, I do have a white horse.

Really?

Then we'll call this beautiful day the Day of the White Horses. Why?

Because I dreamed of you on a white horse.

You have a white horse.

And last night, a white horse was stolen from my father.

With a saddle?

No. But what difference does a horse make, really? The important thing is

you're here with me.

Oh, yes, that's the only important thing. but a horse is a...

Yes.

Only if the horse was stolen... It's late.

My father's probably sent somebody out to look for me.

When... When shall I see you again?

Here, let me... Chippy!

When shall I see you again?

I don't know. Perhaps Sunday.

I'll be here, waiting.

So will I.

I'll dream of you.

Me too. Bye. Cheerio.

Fascinating.

Just happened to be passing by this way, and I thought... And thought you'd

inform me at what time the stage department's, eh?

On the button. But I'm not leaving.

And I say you are.

Oh, I'm not.

You're not, eh?

Ever try one of those rolling chairs with a seat in between the wheels?

No, but it seems to me they'd be somewhat uncomfortable.

Hmm.

Mister, you lose the next stage out of here and I personally will put you in a

wheelchair.

What'd she do, throw a book at him?

Either that or he missed the stage again.

Yep, that's about it.

Come on, Tom.

He's out like a light.

I've been hunting butterflies. Yeah, well, you sure picked one with a hell of

right wing, my friend.

I know where you come right down to when the kids got guts.

Yeah, but that's about all. Needs more than that to mess around with Morton.

He's playing for keeps.

Yeah, his old man would have plugged Morton between the eyes by now.

Well, the boy's just going to have to wake up to that fact.

Well, he better do it quick.

This thing can't go on forever.

Oh, easy there.

You all right, boy?

Morton, huh?

Yeah, a real coyote, that Morton. Taking it out on you like he did.

He's just jealous.

Oh, so you're both chasing the same butterfly, huh?

Yes.

Well, now, I'd say it's time you learn how to use this thing and get her over

with. Oh, no. I prefer being assassinated to being an assassin.

Morton will go along with that.

Perhaps.

Oh, yes.

By the way, tomorrow you'll return the white horse and the saddle to its

rightful owner, huh? Rightful owner? What in the hell does that mean?

Tom, you don't really think I stole that horse and saddle, do you?

Yes, I do. You purloined them. Hey, wait a second. I don't know what you're

trying to say. All I can tell is that... You stole them.

Did you really buy that saddle?

Huh? Geez.

You think I'm local?

your saddle? Yeah.

Well, not exactly that. It was stolen off a customer of mine a few days ago.

Well, we found it outside of town.

Yeah. I lost it. Pretty doggone hard to lose a saddle you're sitting on.

Uh -huh, and he was probably killed.

No, no, he wasn't killed. He come awful close to it, though. A fellow comes

riding by and threatens him. He got off that horse pretty quick, my customer.

I guess that saved his skin.

Uh, can you tell me where I can find a horse?

Where? Well, right here for me. Come and have a look around.

Is he really going to buy a horse?

Now, look at this here bay.

Isn't he a beauty?

Now, let's not get carried away.

Here, hold 30 for me.

Well, that's a pretty fair horse.

I believe you, but I want a white horse. White?

Why white?

Because I want a white horse.

Do you have one?

wants a live horse.

He's alive.

How much do you want for him?

Well, Tommy, can't him stand up? If you pat him on the head, it'd kill him. Now,

you quit exaggerating. He's just a little tuck it out. He's a good horse

smart, too.

Columbus, you stay there. He's smart.

Look, if that horse was smart, he'd have committed suicide ten years ago. How

much do you want for him?

for a little while.

I see that you're quite busy.

Hey, Tim, what's the ruckus over this land all about?

I guess it's because the new gal just arrived.

Yeah,

Iris is here and her red hair's. Come yesterday from Tucson.

You speeding with them?

Sure thing.

Tom, there's a gal you gotta meet. She only knows one thing, but...

Hey, you're not thinking of... Well,

your young 'uns sure look like they could use some shoes.

day, don't you think? Yeah, very nice.

A bit warm, but pleasantly so, don't you? Boy, I'll give you a little free

advice.

Thank you, sir. Good advice is hard to come by. Leave my daughter alone, or

you're going to regret it.

That's not very good advice.

I'm sorry, really, really, really sorry.

I just figured it's a pretty good idea to get moving while you got time.

Well, it took me a little while, but I finally found that wheelchair.

Oh, I'm so sorry. So really, I'm terribly sorry. And then

the Englishman took Maureen's head

into his hands, kissed her forehead and said, thank you.

Coughed a little and died.

Anne -Marie?

Oh, it was a terrible blow for that girl.

She loved him so much.

Dear thing said that she'd never wash again so that she wouldn't lose the

of the perfume he'd left on her skin.

Poor girl.

How she stinks.

Hey, cheer up, you comforter kid.

join us, boy.

Yeah, Tom, we'd like you to meet Iris and Speedy.

I'm on it.

Where will you hold up?

Hello, Tom.

I hope you're well. Still on my feet.

Let's go, Speedy. I'm going to need some help.

Hey, Speedy, bring us a drink and make it Speedy, will you?

Hey, Speedy, they found your shoe under the bed.

Hey, Tom, what do you think of them?

I would like to know them better. It'll take some time. Yeah, that's right,

that's right.

Go up now, Ebenezer. It's bad to do it on a full stomach. Go on.

You staying in, Morton?

Hey, Tom, if you make up your mind, you're going to stick it out here or

back east?

I've decided to remain.

Now, that's the style, son. Find yourself a good gal, settle down, and

family. That's exactly what I intend to do.

Oh, you mean you found yourself a chicken, huh?

Oh, well, she's not a chicken.

She's a swan.

A beautiful white swan.

I ain't up on birds, but a swan sounds like... Something soft and cuddly, yeah.

Especially if it's a swan worth thinking of.

Look at me blue eyes.

You're so damn cute.

I can't tell you what a woman would give to have you lie in her arms

The devil's not as ugly as they say.

He's ugly, Tom.

In fact, he's outside waiting for you in case you didn't get the point.

Shut up, boy!

He's trying to provoke you. Just sit tight.

Come on, you coward.

No, don't pay him no mind.

But he called me a coward. I can't just ignore him, madam. It's better to be a

live coward than a dead hero. Now listen to me, boy.

I'm waiting for you.

Sorry. Sorry, madam.

See you later, eh?

Yeah.

That's what my father told my mother the day before they got married. We ain't

seen him since.

Would you...

Go on, go on, hurry. Go on, get in.

You've got to do something.

It's too late, stop.

He's an ugly customer, that one. I know him.

I'm waiting.

Pick up the gun.

Why? What do you mean, why?

Why? You're a gentleman, aren't you?

Oh.

Hold it, Tommy, hold it.

Hey, Morton, you forgot something.

Explain the game to him. He doesn't know it.

Why don't you do it? All right.

It's real simple, Tom.

As soon as you touch that gun, he's gonna kill you.

Right, Morton?

Yeah, that's it.

Without giving me time to pick it up.

As you touch it, he draws.

That's ridiculous.

I've never had a gun in my hand in my life, and he's stupid enough to kill me.

Afraid? What's that?

Are you scared?

Of course I'm scared.

Then get out of town fast.

I wouldn't think of doing that.

Marvelous, Morton. Morton, very good.

You're an excellent marksman. Very good.

Is the show over?

I said, bend down now.

Pick up that gun.

You think I'm mad?

Why, you... Come

on,

let's go. That's enough.

Next time I'll kill you. All right, go for now.

Hey, you're scared out of his pants if you ask me.

Hey, wait a minute.

What happened?

Oh, nothing. He just said something about you being scared or something like

that. He was right.

Shall we go?

It's embarrassing, but I'm afraid I have to change my undergarments.

Huh?

He weren't scared. He was terrified. Yes, he was. Come on, Sturdy.

Son of a... You even shoot at solitaire.

That don't hurt nobody and helps the game considerably.

You ought to think about your health, Tom, instead of playing around there

them ants.

You're in trouble, boys.

Big trouble the importance of these ants will far outlive Morton. They can be

very useful to mankind Yeah, especially since they don't know how to shoot Quiet

I'm trying to concentrate a Man as close to his maker as you wouldn't cheat

That moon.

Yes, a good knife will hold up.

Is that all you can think of?

Well, a man's got to live.

Why don't you chaps try earning your bread like other human beings, hmm?

Oh, Tom, let's talk serious. What are you going to do?

I shall stay right here.

I shall establish a model ranch, and you three shall help me operate it.

Hmm.

Hey, hammer the brute.

Look here, even Morton works.

He may be a son of an unknown father, but at least he works. He ain't working.

He's fixed to catch the biggest quarry around here and ain't about to let you

snatch out his trap.

By quarry, he means your swamp.

Exactly.

I can see it now. As soon as they're married, Austin will have an accident

Morton will take over the whole shebang. What the devil are you talking about?

Wake up, son. It's late.

Yeah, wake up. I can't go to sleep.

Listen I

Please excuse the delay, but I simply can't imagine what's gotten into him

today.

Is something wrong, Candida?

Tom, what I was afraid of has become a reality, unfortunately.

What happened?

Come, tell me.

My father wants... wants me to marry Morton.

That's horrible.

It's worse than that, but what can I do?

He says he's old and tired and wants a man in the house.

A strong, decisive man.

Who can keep the ranch going.

And if this man, besides being a good cattleman, would be my husband, he'd be

content. Yes, you can count on that.

What? Nothing.

I'll speak to your father, and I'll convince him. Oh, Tom, after what

in town?

Exactly. He must have understood the stuff I made of. No, Tom, it wasn't

to him at all.

Oh. For him, a man who doesn't... Oh, chew tobacco.

Or spit 20 yards or shoot a hole in the first tin can he finds underfoot.

Just isn't a man.

Yes, but is he expert at shooting tins?

Oh, Morton can hit anything, Tom.

Tins, lizards, why, even the crickets keep quiet when they see him.

In the oak trees, there's not a leaf that hits the ground that doesn't have a

hole in the middle of it.

Oh, Tom, my love, let's run away. Far away, please.

That's out of the question, my dear.

Then it's goodbye, now and forever.

I don't want to cry at your funeral.

But, Candida, there must be a way out.

I know there is.

Uh -huh, yes.

What? The answer is in the last rhyme of the poem that you didn't finish when we

first met on the train.

Smile, for your lover comes.

Your lover comes, prodigal.

You have given me love.

Therefore I to you give love.

Oh, unspeakable passion, love.

Your lover comes.

Prodigal, you have given me love. Therefore I to you give love.

Oh, unspeakable passion, love.

Unspeakable passion, love.

Oh!

Lord Byron knew everything, didn't he?

Not everything.

Anguishman, what a dirty job you left us. Yeah, that's for dang sure.

Hey, you feel all right?

Oh, what speakable passion.

Love. What the hell's the matter with that kid now?

Bloody thing. Hey,

that should do the trick, right?

Don't know what changed your mind, Tom, but it must be a damn good reason.

You said it, kid.

You're damn tooting.

I shall crush Clayton Morton like a violet between the pages of a book of

poetry.

Actions speak louder than words. Take that.

All right, what do we start?

What do you mean, when do we start? Now.

Well, then, damn it, get out of those city clothes and dress like a man for a

change.

Ridiculous. I'm not going to a masquerade.

Tom.

Tom, Fitz, Phil, Moore.

These are the clothes of your father.

He wore them in the last holdup we pulled together.

I wonder what it was that made him change his mind about things.

Well, it wouldn't be Morton.

Now, that boy sure looks like his father.

Come here, Tom.

The Englishman all over again.

Mm -hmm.

Hmm. Them pants fit you like a glove.

Well, except they're a little bit loose in the seat. Well, if you happen to sit

in them, it's better that they're not too tight.

All right, let's think about the job.

I'll teach you how to bust them up.

Monkey, he'll explain why there's so many optimists in the graveyard.

And Holojo, we're about the rest.

Well, I'm ready.

All right, there's one thing you gotta remember.

Never forget the reason why you're fighting.

What you grinning at?

Let's begin.

The first thing, never trust anybody, even your best friend.

You got it? Got it.

You're real sure?

Sure. Put her there.

That was unfair.

Exactly. You know, you don't have to block with your chin, Tom. You can

use your arms.

Don't be too rough on him.

All right.

Get mad, damn it. And remember why you're mad.

Now, come on.

That's right. Now you're getting there.

Block like I told you.

I didn't tell you to swing like that.

You never trust anybody.

Come and get it.

I'll get through with him.

You all take over, huh?

Hey, where are you going, Bull?

I'll be going for a spell.

You get back to work. Time's running out.

Them damn ants are behaving like ants. What ants are you talking about?

The worst kind.

I suppose it's useless to ask what exactly he means, son. You're getting

every day, son.

See you.

Take care. Good luck.

Okay,

Junior. Let's get started.

You know what an optimist is?

Yes, of course.

A fellow stretched out in a coffin with his hands across his belly. So keep your

eyes and ears open.

Now set that holster there snug up against your leg with a tie down.

Should I tie it in a bow?

Yeah, tie it in a bow.

Hmm?

Hmm.

Ready.

What are you glaring at me like that for?

Two ways of making a fellow sweat.

Look at him like you're gonna end his days on Earth now like this.

Or smile.

Like you're so damn sure of yourself that you ain't worried none at all.

Clear?

Yes, Cliff.

Okay, try.

I

think

you'd better smile, Tom.

I think it's better to.

Now watch the draw.

As you draw, pull back the hammer. To gain time. Exactly.

It's very simple.

Yeah, huh? Yes.

Speed plus action equals X plus Y.

Or power developed which you cannot detect because the energy factor is

to us.

Uh -huh. Sounds about right.

Shoot at that. The block over there.

No.

I'll hit that tin can.

Yeah?

Yes.

It was an accident.

Son,

you ain't told us all there is to know about you. It's quite simple, really.

Yeah? It is, huh?

Well, just try shooting without aiming.

Yeah.

Theoretically, I would be able to hit it. Yeah.

Yes, theoretically.

If you aim your finger in a direction, or at an object, the finger goes exactly

in the direction indicated.

In our case, the pistol barrel replaces the finger, understand?

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Now try and aim your finger at the tin can. Let's see.

Have a look.

My God, you're right.

You see?

He's right.

Of course, it requires a great deal of practice.

That's what I told you, didn't I?

Practice.

Iris, these shoes I bought from you are killing me. How are you? Hello, Iris.

What about a drink? Not here. Let's sit down.

I'm tired as hell.

I want my money back on the shoes. What?

What's wrong?

Miss Maureen, I've been upstairs.

Poor fellow.

Well, how did things go in Phoenix?

Well, just like you said, it was him, all right.

I recognized him the minute I laid eyes on him.

He took off without paying Irene. And two days later, I saw his face on a

poster. Don't worry.

I'll see Irene gets the money.

Ah, forget it.

How's our boy?

Well, he should be ready by now.

Considering who he has for tea.

Take one up, Kirsten.

Yep. Smart fellow, that dude.

Well, now, that was nothing else he could do, so he made up his mind.

I'll come and say goodbye when he leaves.

You do that.

Hey, when the devil are we leaving?

You there.

If you're leaving, get aboard.

Shut up and wait.

What did he say?

Shut up.

Well,

here's the plan.

Excuse us, huh?

Thank you. Coach is waiting for us.

Well, make up your mind.

Shut up and wait.

Inside, Ollie. Come on, scat. Disappear.

They're waiting for you.

You're the one who's leaving.

I'm staying here.

What'd you say?

You heard me.

You're immortal?

Yeah, just fine.

Oh, Dad.

Dot them.

Morton will kill him.

Not if he decides to get on that stage.

You've got ten seconds to lower your tail and get out of here.

This time I'll kill you more.

Well, fine.

Why don't you try?

I'll turn around.

It'll be easier for you.

Bullseye.

Bullseye. Come on now, Morton, don't you stand there.

I've only got one bullet left.

Well, are you going to take that stagecoach or not?

Perhaps this trick will help you make up your mind, huh?

On signal, throw him the gun.

You know, Dad, Tom is the Viscount.

Forget it, Morton. He's a Viscount.

See here, old man.

You keep your mouth shut.

Don't you want to continue, Morton?

Without the guns, if you've got the guts.

I'm going to flatten you like a bookmark.

I

try a different

tactic. That one doesn't work.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah, yeah.

How much does he owe you? Ten dollars, but forget it.

Uh -uh.

She says forget it.

It's a going away present.

Hey, what's that?

Tom, it's sort of a ticket for our friend here to get lost.

Yeah.

Well.

Well, that's it.

Hey, you knew he was wanted.

Well, you know how it is.

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, we just wanted to make sure you could handle it all by yourself. That's

why.

Well, I've changed.

Now it's up to you chaps to change too. Let's go home.

Tom, we're pulling out, boy.

The ants have arrived, huh?

Yeah, that's right, sir.

Stop dreaming.

This is 1880. You can't evade progress forever. The West... Well, the West is

finished.

Son, as long as we can see a sunset, there'll be a West.

I guess we're going to have to follow that sunset.

I wish you were right.

But I'm sure you'll come back.

We'll work together.

You sure got a nail in your head about that, ain't you? I'll be waiting for

Let's go.

Here, hold 34 while I get on my horse.

Goodbye.

in the promised land, Tom.

Let's pick bluebells.