Original subtitles

Ta-da!

Oh!

Nutsack!

Welcome to the fourth episode of Taskmaster.

My name is Jeremy Wells, and I am the Taskmaster.

Not too long ago I set five comedians a series of tasks,

some of them simple, some complex,

all entertaining when people struggle to do them.

Tonight, I will judge said comedians

on what they did and how they did it.

After 10 exhausting weeks, a winner will be crowned,

and they will receive my golden head,

which they will then take home and probably put in their garage.

Our comedians, like every week, are

Angella Dravid

Brynley Stent

Guy Williams

Leigh Hart

and Madeleine Sami.

The same suit. The same suit.

Also, like every week, here's my assistant. He is Paul Williams.

But should we get right into it with the prize task?

Yes. As always, each contestant has been asked to bring in a prize.

The person who has brought in the best prize gets five points.

And the person with the most points at the end of this episode

gets to keep all five things.

Tonight, they were asked to bring in the best gift for an enemy.

Ooh.

A devilish task indeed. Let's start with Brynley Stent.

Oh, kia ora. I brought in a haunted doll.

A haunted doll.

Yeah, there she is.

So is this doll actually haunted by spirits or just generically scary?

A true story ― I bought her off Trade Me, picked her up,

brought her into my house for a night, didn't like it,

put it back in the car,

and then when I saw her next, she had all these cracks along her legs.

So it may be from the heat of the car, but also it could be haunted.

Guy, what did you bring in?

I've got a really wonderful and heartwarming gift for an enemy.

It's a certificate for friendship with me.

Because in the words of the last great American president,

Abraham Lincoln,

I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends.

Oh, that's nice.

Aww!

Isn't that lovely?

Guy, the people's champion.

Are you actually extending your hand of friendship to your enemies?

Or you just saying that it is

the worst thing in the world to be your friend?

I can see now how it's backfired badly.

But this is the perfect gift for everyone out there for an enemy,

and it makes the world a better place.

Kia kaha.

Leigh.

Yeah, well, mine's not quite as lame as that, but

my mine's a useful item, but

I found from first-hand experience that it can be quite painful.

I've got this power grid, which I built, electricity grid.

Oh! That's awful.

And what I found when I plug this in, you can actually circulate

power back into the grid, and, actually,

my power meter was going backwards for a while with this.

I'm told that the lighting rig is actually running off it right now.

That's right. Should be an interesting show.

There is a small problem with that if you actually take it apart,

it's actually quite useful and could be really good to have.

No, I've superglued those in there.

- Angella, what did you bring in? - I brought in some birdseed.

But it's been...

there's laxatives on it.

So the point is when you hang it up in your garden, the birds will eat it

and defecate everywhere.

And because we're in a water drought,

save your 20 litres now, bitch.

I love how subtly the laxatives have been integrated into the birdseed

I mean, birds will be none the wiser.

But you realise birds can fly, and they'll probably

fly back over your house, potentially.

- If they're next-door neighbours. - These are for human consumption.

So I can only imagine what it does to a small bird.

They'll probably shit their innards out before they take flight.

Probably just have dead birds on your lawn,

- to be honest. - Which is a bonus.

- Yeah. - Cuz now you've got rats.

So, birds, rats.

Mads, what did you bring in?

Well, I brought in something that on first glance could be perceived

as a nice thing as well.

But what my enemy will not know about this potentially

very comfortable feather-filled pillow

is that it has also been farted all over.

Your farts? Was it you?

Um, potentially mine, potentially a focus group

that I got together to fart all over it.

And then that person would sleep on it,

and there's no way they wouldn't contract pink eye,

which could actually turn the person into a bit of better villain,

cuz if they have to wear an eye patch,

it's a very good look.

So, could backfire as well.

Sounds like a last place, Jeremy.

Don't put words in his mouth.

Well, while I'm scoring this,

if we're thinking about an evil present for someone

who you want as your enemy, I think to be friends with you,

Guy, is certainly...

You wouldn't want that on your worst enemy,

so I think five points to you.

Yes! Yes! Yeah!

I actually think― Mads, I think yours is juvenile,

but quite effective.

- Yeah, thank you. - So four points to you.

Brynley, three points, because those dolls scream murder to me.

Angella, speaking of murder, two, but only because, as we discussed,

I really think that those dead birds

are gonna end up on your lawn, to be honest.

I have friends outside of my area.

- And one point for you, Leigh. - Just the one, Jeremy, is it?

Well, you can break it apart ―

even if it's superglued, you can break that apart,

and it could be quite useful.

I challenge you to take that home tonight and see if we don't have

a new host for the next episode, because that... it will kill you.

- Would you like a task? - I always want a task, please.

Well, children look away, because this task involves vegetables.

Hello.

- Hello, Leigh. - Paul.

Mads is here, and she's ready to go for it.

Ooh!

That's cute.

Ooh, a smaller letter.

Hide one of these vegetables completely inside another.

'If you use the same vegetable-hiding combination

as another comedian...'

'...you will both be disqualified.'

'Best unique, hidden-vegetable combination wins.

When you have 15 minutes. Your time starts now.'

Ok.

I'm thinking can I get that pumpkin inside that carrot?

15 minutes? That's a long time.

- You've got 13.42. - Oh, sh...

Ok.

That pumpkin inside that carrot.

Right, I'd like to see someone

hide a vegetable in a vegetable, please.

I'll do you one better, actually. Here's two people.

It's Angella Dravid and Madeleine Sami.

I don't know why, but my brain is telling me to drill a hole through this pumpkin

and put this carrot through the centre of it.

Can I have a drill?

Can I please have a... knife?

Drilling through it might not be that great.

That's great. Maybe― Oh, I need to get this... bit thick.

Ooh, yeah.

Ok.

- This sounds like a horror movie. - Yeah.

Ok. Oh, shit.

Oh, now it's starting to feel a bit sexual.

I don't feel proud about this.

Oh, now I'm just drilling... Ooh, that's satisfying. This...

I don't think that's gonna work.

I might just have to stick the Brussels sprout in this.

I can't find the lid.

That's it. I'm done.

This is a carrot, and inside is a Brussels sprout.

It's like a dick pic.

It looks like a dick pic.

How many dicks have you seen with a Brussels sprout hidden inside them?

Uh, not enough.

Would you like to see the final products?

I'd love to see the final products.

Right. That's Madeleine. That was quite impressive, Madeleine.

And you know what― I watched you drilling,

and you seemed so happy

- when you were drilling. - I'm really in my element with a drill.

Yeah.

The real butch in me comes out,

and it doesn't matter what I'm drilling ―

you know, drilling vegetables, who knew?

- Yeah. - It's the thing.

Here's yours, Angella.

I mean, there's something horrific about that.

Oh my God. That looks...

It looks circumcised. Oh my God.

It does not look circum―

What have you been looking at? That is not circumcised.

They were reasonably well-hidden vegetables.

However, I will reserve my judgment until I see them all.

And that will happen after watching these advertisements,

which we have masterfully hidden in an otherwise entertaining television show.

We'll see you after those.

Welcome back to Taskmaster,

a light comedy entertainment show where the main point is winning.

Paul Williams, what's going on right now?

We are watching our contestants hide vegetables in other vegetables,

and we are looking for the most well-hidden vegetable.

Well, I'd like to see one, please.

Technically, if they're any good at this task, you won't see it.

Here's Guy and Brynley.

All right. I'm gonna go big.

I wanna put a lettuce inside a pumpkin.

Cool.

See you soon!

I'm gonna do this in, like, three minutes.

Kiwi ingenuity.

Wow!

That looks like my wisdom tooth when it got pulled out.

This time, I'm actually, like,

excited with how smart what I've come up with is.

And what is that?

- What is what? - What's the plan?

I'm not telling you; you're the enemy.

Ooh boy.

It's quite impressive how that goes back together, eh?

Like, that's quite good.

Ok, we're reaching a point of tension.

This is probably the smartest thing that anyone's ever done, you know, ever.

Not gonna go!

You're gonna think that you're looking at one vegetable,

and you have no idea of the cornucopia that you are opening up.

I'm gonna compact it down.

I present to you a Brussels sprout

inside a carrot inside a capsicum inside a pumpkin inside a lettuce.

Look, I'm just a regular wet pumpkin.

I'm a television professional with a long career

of upholding great standards,

but I have to say that, Brynley,

that was absolutely fucking disgusting.

Yeah, fair.

Well let's have a look at the picture of how that came out.

Oh, yes. Masterpiece.

- Oh, look! - Yeah!

That actually looks like a pumpkin, doesn't it?

Yeah, covered in some green bits.

Yeah. So what did Brynley have inside of that pumpkin, Paul?

Inside the pumpkin, I believe she just had some lettuce ―

quite a lot of lettuce.

A full lettuce.

Well, not quite full. You ate― she definitely ate some of the lettuce.

Guy, you actually managed to conceal a lot of things inside of...

I mean, did you―?

Did he get all the vegetables in there?

Yes, he had a Brussels sprout inside a carrot

inside a capsicum inside a pumpkin inside a lettuce.

- Gorgeous. - Clap! Yeah, come on!

- Well, I mean it... - Wow!

does he look like a lettuce, you know, to be fair.

But I will reserve judgment.

Who is left for us?

We've got one more offering ―

this one from the master of vegetable disguise, Leigh Hart.

I might head to the kitchen and get some stuff.

Ok.

Do you want a coffee or anything or...?

Uh, I'm not a big coffee guy.

- You sure? Ok. - Yeah, I'm fine. Thank you, though.

- Yep. Anything else? Are you fine? - I mean, a glass of water.

- Glass of water. Sure, no problem. - Yes, please.

- Back in a moment. - Thank you.

- Sorry, Paul. - No worries.

Oh, thank you so much.

Check that's working.

Pop that there. I might... pop back, just get some other tools.

I've got this, but it doesn't have any... doesn't go with anything.

You've got 6.20.

Oh, this is a time-limit thing, is it?

Yeah, we'll go with that, Paul.

- Stop it? - Yeah, not bad, is it?

I guess I shouldn't really stop it.

You've got five minutes to kind of...

- To do more? - Well, just to...

- To improve on that? - Or just free time.

4.30.

This should've been the challenge.

Mm.

Rig a blender... and parts... and I'm trying to make it again.

But... no one thought of that.

Ok, there we go.

Time?

- 1.30. - To go?

Yeah.

30 seconds now.

Wow.

This is an easy recipe you can try at home.

The full recipe, of course, will be on the... on the website.

It's so easy when you know how. There you go.

Well, most people opted to hide a sole vegetable.

You decided to make a puree of sorts.

That's right. That's right.

And, you know, you've got to admit,

there's a few technical issues there as well,

which I solved all by myself.

Was that your first time using a blender?

Of that... variety, yeah.

That's the first time I've used that blender.

Was anyone else feeling uncomfortable when he put his hand into the blender...

- Yeah. - while it was still operating?

I felt uncomfortable during that.

But I was under a time limit by then.

I had, what, a minute to go by the time the blender started going.

Yeah, Leigh spent a total of 6 minutes and 56 seconds

trying to get the food processor to work.

Ok, so what are you thinking for the scores?

Ok, I got to be honest, Guy, you've got to take this one out,

because you did get all the vegetables in there.

Yes! Come on!

- Brynley, four points... - Wow!

because of the way that you were regurgitating that stuff.

I think if you did have a bird family,

you'd be able to feed them quite well.

- Thank you. - Mads, three.

The carrot and the pumpkin was kinda sexy.

Ooh, ok.

Angella, two, because you left so much of the vegetable,

I mean, you regurgitated half the thing,

and then just left it on the table.

Leigh, you spent way too much time on that blender.

Can I just ask a sort of an admin question ― is one point...

the best or five points the best?

- I'm a little bit confused here. - No, one is the worst.

Shall we have a look at the scoreboard?

Currently out in first with a perfect score of 10, it's Guy.

Yes!

Leigh currently with the lowest possible score of two.

It's gonna be one of those nights; I can feel it.

Now that we've consumed five-plus for the day,

I'd like a nice, meaty task, please, Paul.

I'll give you meat backwards.

Team.

It's a team task.

It's crazy, eh?

Oh!

- Hello, Angella. - Hello.

Hello, Leigh.

Hallelujah.

- I knew I smelt popcorn. - I knew I smelled it.

Thought I could smell something.

Yeah, you were right. It's popcorn.

Yeah, yeah.

I thought it was burnt hair.

This is gonna go everywhere.

- Is there a task up there? - The task may be in there.

Ok.

Oh! No! Oh, here it is!

Ok. Listen up.

'Create a 90-second long one-shot film.'

'All of you must appear in it.'

'One of you must hold the camera at all times.'

'Your film must include three speaking characters...'

'...an impressive stunt and credits.'

'You have 30 minutes to prepare...'

'...and one take to shoot your film. Your time starts now.'

- I'd like to hold the camera. - What?

- You were in Sione's Wedding 1. - That's true.

- And were you in 2? - And 2, yeah.

I didn't think you deserved to be in 2, but...

Wow!

- All right. Just me. - Wow.

Someone give him a blog to start his nasty reviews.

90 seconds is not long.

Should we see how long 90 seconds is?

I think that'd be a waste of 90 seconds ―

counting how long 90 second is, you know what I mean?

Cuz by the time we've done that, we'd know,

and that's another 90 seconds gone.

Real excited that...

- This scene is chaotic. - Guys. I feel like we...

- This is not productive. - It was fun.

I'll tell you what's making a big splash right now,

and it's all the superhero movies.

- Yeah, ok. - I could perhaps be...

I like the hero character.

Hey, what if this film, just for, like,

equality and feminism stakes is Jane Bond?

Are you―? Did you just stare in the camera after you said that?

Doo-doo. Doo-doo. Doo-doo. Doo-doo.

She's dressed like Jane Bond. You're dressed like a Nazi.

We're, like, ready to go.

- You're the evil person. - You're the villain.

I'm a Girl Scout, not a Nazi.

In all honesty, Brynley, 1 to 10 ―

your level of regret in choosing your Hitler Youth attire.

10.

How worried were you, Leigh, when Angella suggested

working out how long 90 seconds was?

I was extremely worried at that point, Jeremy.

But I'll tell you what, it came together.

Really? That didn't sound convincing.

- I don't know. - I don't actually remember.

You guys have got a harder task,

cuz one person needs to be holding the camera at all times.

Yeah, it's harder with two.

You'll see the films soon,

but they did have an incredible

- third actor joining them, so... - Oh, ok, great. Lucky them.

Yeah, lucky them. Definitely lucky them.

- Is that actor you? - Potentially, yes.

Two wonderful films await us.

You don't wanna miss Leigh Hart as a superhero,

Madeleine Sami as a spy and Brynley Stent as a Nazi...

right after these spectacular ads. We'll see you soon.

Welcome back to the third part of the fourth episode of Taskmaster.

We're only four episodes in,

but we are already making the leap to cinema.

Paul, would you care to explain further?

Contestants are split into teams,

and we are about to watch their 90-second one-shot films.

Every team member must appear in the film.

One must hold the camera at all times.

The films need to contain an impressive stunt and credits.

And they only get one attempt to film it.

I believe those are the exact circumstances under which

the film '1917' was made.

Which one are we gonna watch first?

Here is Madeleine, Guy and Brynley's effort.

Seven! Six!

All right, everyone to first positions.

Ok, we're starting now. Ready to go.

Bah, bah-bah-bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.

Get outta here, Toots. It was a great night.

I called you an Uber. Just head out down stairs.

- Oh, wonder who this'll be. - Bring! Bring!

Bond. Jane Bond. I'm queer; I'm here; get used to it.

What can I do for ya?

Queer! Sorry.

Are you ok? It's what I am. Come on! What do you want?

Jane Bond! It's Spencer. I'm from the government.

Yes, I know, Spencer. We've been working together for years,

but I guess you hadn't noticed me,

cuz you just thought I was some damn woman in the office

that was there to make you coffee.

There's no time to talk about that.

Ok.

- Right now, there's the Governess. - Yes.

She's on a crime spree, importing cocaine via popcorn.

Ok, I got it. I'm there. I'm gonna to take her out.

Come out of the popcorn box. I know you're in there, Governess.

Ah-ha-ha!

We meet again.

I see you've still got a penchant for stroking little horsies.

Mm-hm.

Well, I know that hand's fake,

and I know you've been using it just to get a disability allowance.

I'm not gonna let you get this drug-infused popcorn to the kids.

The jig's up.

Bom-bom, baaaaam.

The fake blood was good. The fake blood was real good, Bryn.

That truly had it all. You had the stunt.

You had a great performance. There was a political message.

There was some queer representation.

Exactly. And Guy only fumbled half his lines, which is quite impressive.

She goes, 'Hey, Jane Bond here.' And I said, 'Queer.'

We do have an instant replay of Guy accidentally calling her queer.

Ok.

- Would you like to see that? - I'd love to see that.

- Bring! Bring! - Bond. Jane Bond.

I'm queer; I'm here; get used to it. What can I do for ya?

Queer! Sorry.

Are you ok?

I thought maybe- maybe Guy was coming out.

Like, can you explain...? There was some...

That was my way of coming out, and what a great job I did of it.

It is gonna take a lot to top that one, that's for sure.

- Should we see the next video? - Here's Leigh and Angella.

Leigh, would you like to say anything beforehand?

Yeah, what you're about to see is a multilayered, film noir kinda...

It's... It's so...

It's so...

Just roll the clip. It's awesome.

Whatever your plan to inseminate this city with your evil sperm,

it won't happen.

It will, especially now that I have these powerful balls.

- Why don't you go (bleep) yourself? - You're gonna regret saying that to me.

Why?

Because they'll bleep it out in the edit.

Yeah.

There's nobody who can stop me now.

There is one.

Wherever there is evil, he is there.

Wherever there is tyranny, he is there.

Wherever there is a child crying, he's there ―

not because he caused it, but because he's fixing it.

- He's there. - That's right!

Leaf Blower Man.

Whenever there is tyranny, you will find me.

When people are in need, I'll be there.

If your gutters need clearing of leaves, I can be there also,

providing the extension cord's out to at least 30m. I'll be there.

Leaf Blower Man, formerly known as Blowjob Boy.

Plug me in, Ricky.

I think I fucked it. I accidentally pressed a button.

Well, for a moment there, there was just nothing.

I think, Angella, you pushed the stop button

- on the back. - She did, yes.

49 seconds in, she stopped recording,

and then started again.

That was the sex scene. That was...

Shall we score it? I think Angella, Leigh,

featuring Paul, I think you guys get three points.

Thank you.

Then also one point off for cutting at 49 seconds.

I think that's only fair, so that goes down to two.

Then I think we should add a point for your acting,

Cuz it was actually quite good.

- And your accent was quite good. - Thank you.

So you guys are back up to three.

Yeah. And you add a point for being, technically, two-person team.

Back up to four. Um...

We'll stay there.

So definitely three. That's three.

And Brynley, Mads, and Guy ―

four points, and then minus one for your acting.

So back down to three for you guys.

Ok.

- I deserved that. - I think that's where we go.

Three points for everybody.

Three points it is. I'd love a lovely dessert task now,

if I can, please.

I have just the thing, and this one, like all great tasks,

stars, somebody's mother.

Ooh!

Hello.

- Cooee! Ooh! - Hi.

- Hello. - Hi.

How's it going?

Hi. How are you?

You're not Paul. You're Paul.

I'm scared to open this.

Make this mum proud.

'You have five minutes to interview the mum...'

'...then 20 minutes to make her proud.'

'Proudest mum wins. Your time starts now.'

You're a mum!

What sort of achievements have your kids had?

My daughter, who's a director of training for MAC cosmetics,

and she left that after 20years,

and her and her husband have now got into a bed and breakfast

in Harrogate.

Ok, so I've just gotta work for MAC cosmetics for 20 years,

and then stop that and start running a bed and breakfast,

and then you'll be proud of me.

It's not a bad idea, is it?

So whose actual mum is that?

Doesn't matter who's mum it is;

what matters is that they made her proud.

Her name is Marija. She has three children biologically,

and five more that she adopted against her will

approximately four months ago.

I'm dying to say how proud she is of all of you.

But, first, let's make some large corporations proud

by stopping our show for three minutes

to advertise their products. We'll see you in a bit.

Hello, and welcome back to Taskmaster,

where five brilliant minds are battling it out for a Guy Williams

friendship certificate.

- Yeah! - Paul,

would you like to succinctly remind us how we all ended up here?

Well, earlier this year, we all signed contracts

agreeing to record this television show.

And here's what's happening on the show.

Five contestants are trying to make a mum proud―

not their mum or Jeremy's mum or my mum, who is also one of their mums.

It's a different mum called Marija,

and they each had five minutes to interview her,

then another 20 minutes to make her proud.

Whose mum pride shall we examine first?

Let's take a look at two very different approaches ―

one from Guy and one from our only contestant

who is herself a mum, Madeleine Sami.

Ah!

What do you think makes―? What makes you proud?

What things in particular ― like, sporting feats or...?

Oh, sporting feats, definitely.

- What do you think of smoking? - I hate it with a passion.

- You hate smoking? - I loathe it.

What about if you guys set up a little physical obstacle course for me

that I have to get through?

You wanna build an obstacle course.

Yeah, but you guys have to do it,

Cuz if I do it, then Marija's not gonna be that proud of me,

Cuz she'll know I know all the nooks and crannies of the obstacle course.

I've been smoking since I was 14 years old.

And today I'm going to promise to you

that I am going to quit smoking. Have I made you proud?

Do we have it in writing?

This is for you, Mum. This is for you, Fake Mum.

- Did that count? - Weave through the cones.

Oh, got it. Come on.

Ooh. Ooh.

I will never

touch a cigarette.

Signed, Guy

Williams.

- Now what? - Serve me breakfast...

- Serve you breakfast? - in bed.

My own Bed and Breakfast! See? Running my own one.

- Here you go, sir. - Thank you.

Now what do I do?

- Skateboard helmet. - Skateboard helmet.

Aargh!

Do you wanna sign it as well?

Ok, but my name is M-A-R-I-J-A.

Oh my goodness. I'm so― That was a bad―

Mum, I'm not making you proud there, am I?

- Yep. - Frisbee in the net.

Frisbee in the net.

Shit.

Oh!

Great job.

Mum, I'm gonna tell you right now I have never smoked in my life.

That's right. I haven't―

I didn't start smoking when I was 14. It was all a ruse.

Contract was for nothing.

It was to show you how committed I am to not smoking

and how committed I've been my whole life.

I'm very proud of that.

Guy, she actually seemed impressed,

that you signed a piece of paper to say

that you wouldn't do something that you've never done anyway.

Why didn't you just say that you wouldn't murder someone?

That's a very strong point.

Madeleine, would your mum, your own mum, be proud of you,

a 40-year-old woman doing an obstacle course?

Yeah, I come from quite a sporting family.

I was the Dux Ludorum of my high school.

At my school, there was the Dux of intelligence

and the Dux Ludorum, which means sport.

I was the Dux of sports for Frisbee throwing.

I was the ducks of cricket. Every game ― ducks.

I see what you did there.

Let's have a look at the other videos.

Up next, we have a solo effort from Mr. Leigh Hart.

- Are you working at the moment? - I'm a yoga instructor.

Yoga instructor. There you go. Ok.

Get down on the mat. Put one leg in front of the other.

And come down like this.

Ooh, sorry.

Hang on. Don't injure yourself.

Can you straighten your leg behind you?

I thought it was.

Change your legs. Maybe it'll be easier with the other one.

Nah, that's gonna be worse.

Are you familiar with downward dog?

That's actually pretty good. You've made me proud.

Oh, you're just saying that Marija, just...

That's pretty good.

Four minutes left.

I don't think we need it.

I'll be honest with you, Leigh,

that felt like a date with yoga in it.

Well, you should see the rest of the video.

Anyone else that wants to try their hand at mum's pride?

There is. Here we have an effort from Brynley so

simple in its execution,

we can show the whole thing without any tricky editing.

What kind of things have stuck out to you as, like,

making you particularly proud?

Well, my kids' achievements at school.

They all did really well athletically.

They did extremely well.

Should I run a lap?

Let's do it!

Go.

I'm running to that tree and back for you, Mum!

I'm coming back, Mum!

And she's in first place!

Gooooooold!

Well done.

Thanks, Mum.

Not at all proud.

I don't think you won the mum over there with that run,

but were you proud of yourself?

Nah.

We have one more attempt.

This comes from renowned mum fan Angella Dravid.

Would you say one of the proudest moments

of being a mother was giving birth?

- Oh, yes, definitely. - Right.

I'm trying to do the umbilical cord, but I

don't think this is what it looks like.

Hey, would you feel more comfortable being the baby or the mum?

I really don't mind.

How good are you at crying like a baby?

I mean, it's kind of a hard thing to gauge, really.

Can you try it?

That sounds like a siren.

Ok. Or something.

That was pretty good.

So, you can be the mum.

Oh, it doesn't really work. It looks like a dick.

This is funny.

It's very cold.

- Pass me the water bottle. - Ok.

Hey, you ready? Is Mum able to hold your hand?

Yeah.

Oh my God!

Tap your foot when your water breaks.

I don't know what's...

It was a pretty good birth.

- Yeah, I'd be very proud. - Thank you.

That was a good effort.

I have no words for that.

What you didn't see is that...

I did get nursed.

- By... - By Paul?

Do we not have a reel of this?

I don't think we should see that.

The interactions between these two

during this series have become more and more disturbing for me.

Now you are giving birth to Angella.

Do you know what I think you did capture really well, though ―

it's not like they do it in the movies ―

you really had a silent pain, which I really appreciated.

I think you're acting is just, like... You know what I mean?

I really think we should give Paul Williams

a round of applause for his fantastic performance, I mean-

It was pretty amazing. Great commitment.

And if I'm gonna score that, you've gotta get five points.

So impressive.

Madeleine, you did make the mum proud, so you get four points.

Thank you. Dux Ludorum. Thank you.

Guy, you get three for tricking the mum,

- Thank you, thank you. - I s'pose.

Leigh, you get two. Did you end up with the mum's number?

Um... Yeah, I did.

Unfortunately, Brynley, you just get one because you ran.

That's fine.

I thought my butt look really good in the shot, though.

We'll be back right after some advertisements

with an astonishing final live task.

Don't go away.

Welcome back to Taskmaster, where a nation holds its breath

to find out who will take home a bird feeder laced with laxatives.

Surely, someone's in the lead tonight, Paul.

Out in front currently is Guy on 16.

Wow!

Madeleine close behind on 14.

Let's not get too ahead of ourselves, though, of course,

because we've got one more task to go.

Let's just head up to our stage for one final glorious task.

Angella, will you please read this task.

'Write the Taskmaster an anonymous poem.

'The poems will be ranked best to worst.

The Taskmaster will then guess who wrote each poem.

'If he guesses correctly, you do not keep your points.

'You have 100 seconds to compose your poem.'

- Any questions? - Can we keep the pens?

After the show, yes, you may keep the pens.

All right! Well we're already winners.

- Poets, are you ready? - Yes.

Grab your pens.

- Angella, do you write many poems? - Um...

Yes.

Good chat

50 seconds.

- These pens are really nice. - I'm so excited to get this.

- 25 seconds. - Oh shit.

Pens down when I blow my whistle.

10 seconds.

Pens down, please.

Let's hear the poems. Poem one, please, Paul.

'G'day, mate.

'It's not too late to give me more points.

'And I will anoint you the best Taskmaster

'faster than you can say, "G'day, hip-hop, hooray".'

- Anon. - Ah.

Beautiful.

'Well, well, well.

'You're Jeremy Wells.'

'I hope you are well. You treat me well.

'When I think of you,

'I well up with tears.'

'I hope you don't fall...

'down a well.'

'Well, that's it from me.

'Jeremy Wells.'

'Why, oh, why

'should a woman cry

'when time is precious until we die?

'I pledge my love to you.

'Please be mine.

'Be mine tonight.'

Gorgeous.

Signed Dave Dobbyn.

'I asked myself a question the other day ―

'who am I, and what do I do?

'I asked myself over and over

and realised my answer was in front of me.

'I live to serve the Taskmaster.'

'My love for you is sincere.

'The tasks you set are always clear.

'I will remember these times and hold them dear.

'Please never forget me.

'Your secret admirer.'

Absolute rubbish.

Do you wanna come down and let's judge them.

Come and sit down. Let's talk poetry.

So, what I have to do is I have to rank the poems worst to best,

and then I have to guess which person wrote each poem.

Listening to those poems, I'd have to say the 'Well, well, well' poem,

which featured my name a thousand times,

which sucked the life out of me, will get one point.

- Oop! - And I believe that was Brynley.

I was― no, I was not groaning for the person who

- got one point. - It was Brynley.

- Dammit. - I can confirm that it was Brynley.

Look at that.

Ok, the poem that started with― Did it start with 'G'day, mate'?

- Was there a 'G'day' one? - Yes.

Ok, I'm saying that that's Guy.

- No. - No? It's not yours.

It's not mine.

Congratulations, Madeleine, on your two points.

The secret admirer poem ― Angella.

- Congrats, Guy. Three points. - Yes! Whoo!

Well, that's disappointing.

There was one that ended up

with 'be mine tonight' with the Dave Dobbyn lyric at the end, I believe.

Yes.

The rest of it was quite moving, and I quite liked it.

There was a little bit of plagiarism, obviously,

with the 'be mine tonight'.

I thought it was Leigh Hart's.

- Correct. - Hey!

Sorry, Leigh, you've just lost those four points.

It was worth it to hear the poem,

you know, praised so well. I'm all about the art, as you know.

I don't really care about the points.

And the best poem I thought was the 'Who am I?' poem,

which must have been your poem.

So, well, done, you got five points.

All right, well, that means we can

have a look at the final points for tonight.

Leigh Hart in fifth place with seven points.

Brynley in fourth with 11.

Madeleine in third with 16.

Angella with 17.

The winner of tonight's episode with 19 points ― Guy Williams.

Yeah!

What an evening we have had.

We have put vegetables inside other vegetables.

We've put Angella Dravid into Paul Williams,

then we birthed her right back out of him again.

Most importantly, Guy Williams is atop our podium for episode four.

Congratulations, Guy.

The Guy Williams friendship certificate

is yours to give to whoever you hate the most.

Go and grab your gifts. Go on.

Thanks very much for watching, we'll see you next week.

She's gonna haunt you for that.

All right. Ok.

You sound kind of disappointed, Jeremy.

You've watched five episodes of this.

What point are you not gonna realise that we're not talented?

Oh!

Oh, if this isn't a pathetic display of humanity right here.

And thus, the task has ended.