All language subtitles for My 600-lb Life S05E04

Kirsten:
I FEEL LIKE I'M IN JAIL.

[ CRYING ]

**

Man: NOT FOR ONE MINUTE
THAT I THOUGHT MY LIFE

WOULD END UP LIKE THIS.

OW! MY LEG!

Ashley: I'M SO FAR GONE.

Woman #2:
I ABSOLUTELY NEED HELP,

OR I AM GONNA DIE.

-I CAN'T DO THIS.
-I'M RIGHT UNDER YOU.

-[ Crying ] I NEED OVER!
-YOU'RE FINE. YOU'RE FINE.

Woman #3:
I FEEL LIKE I LET MY KIDS DOWN.

INSTEAD OF ME
TAKING CARE OF THEM,

THEY'VE BEEN TAKING CARE OF ME.

IT'S YOU -- YOU ARE
THE ONE KILLING HIM.

Kirsten: [ GROANS ]

I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP
AND NOT WAKE UP.

WE NEED TO PROTECT KIRSTEN
AGAINST HERSELF.

-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Kirsten: WHEN YOU LET YOUR LIFE
GET COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTROL,

SOMETIMES THE BEST WAY
TO GET THAT CONTROL BACK

IS TO GIVE IT UP.

[ YAWNS ]

I DREAD WAKING UP.

I BARELY CAN GET UP OUT OF BED.

I FLOP AND FLIP
AND PUSH MYSELF WITH MY CANE,

BECAUSE IT'S TOO HARD
ON MY SHOULDERS ANYMORE

TO DO IT WITH MY ARMS.

MOM?
Cris: YEP.

COULD YOU GET THE SHOWER
READY FOR ME, MOM?

SURE.
THANK YOU.

**

I FEEL LIKE I'M IN JAIL.

I'M A PRISONER IN THIS FAT.

I'M A PRISONER
OF WHAT I'VE DONE TO MYSELF.

OKAY, KIRSTEN,
I'M SET FOR YOU.

OKAY.

[ GRUNTS ]

Kirsten: I DREAD EVERYTHING
ABOUT TAKING A SHOWER,

BECAUSE IT HURTS SO BAD
JUST TO GET UP.

BOTH OF MY HIP JOINTS ARE GONE.

IT'S BONE ON BONE.

MY KNEES
ARE GOING THE SAME WAY.

I'M COMPLETELY MISERABLE
EVERY DAY,

EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY MINUTE
OF EVERY SECOND.

I FEEL LIKE MY HEART'S
EXPLODING, ALMOST, INSIDE,

LIKE, I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA
HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

I'M BATHING LESS AND LESS,

BECAUSE I'M SCARED
I'M GONNA FALL.

IT'S JUST SO MUCH OF A HASSLE
AND IT HURTS TO DO IT,

AND I CAN'T STAND
FOR VERY LONG.

IT'S SO HORRIBLE.

GEEZ! MOM!

Cris: I'M COMING.

[ CRIES ]

JUST A MINUTE.

[ Crying ] MOM!
I'M COMING, HONEY.

[ CRIES ]

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU CAN'T SEE WHAT?

THE BENCH!
MOM, THE BENCH!

OKAY, YOU'RE FINE.
IT'S RIGHT UNDER YOU.

I NEED IT OVER!
OVER WHICH WAY? THIS WAY.

SIT DOWN.
YOU'RE FINE.

YOU'RE FINE.
THANK YOU.

YOU GOOD NOW?
JUST TAKE A BREATH.

I HATE EVERYTHING
ABOUT SHOWERING.

IT'S HARD TO GET THE WATER

IN PLACES
WHERE YOU NEED TO GET IT WET

SO YOU DON'T STINK.

Cris:
BASICALLY, ALMOST EVERYTHING,

KIRSTEN HAS TO HAVE
SOME KIND OF HELP WITH.

SHE'S MISSING OUT ON
ALMOST EVERYTHING IN LIFE,

AND I'M AFRAID
THAT HER BODY'S

GONNA GIVE OUT ON HER
EVENTUALLY.

OKAY.

OKAY, JUST GO SIT DOWN
ON THE BENCH.

[ Crying ] I DON'T WANT TO!

[ SNIFFLES ]

Kirsten: [ Voice breaking ]
I JUST GET FRUSTRATED

AND MAD AT MYSELF

I FEEL LIKE
I START FREAKING OUT.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.

NO, YOU DON'T. JUST GET UP.

[ CRIES ]

Kirsten:
I GET TO THE POINT WHERE
I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING,

BECAUSE IT'S JUST TOO HARD
TO KEEP DOING IT.

COME ON.
YOU'RE FINE.

I'M JUST SCARED
I'M GONNA FALL.

YOU DON'T HAVE FAR TO GO.

JUST SIT ON
THE END OF YOUR BED MAYBE.

[ Normal voice ]
NEVER IN A THOUSAND YEARS

DID I THINK
THAT I WOULD BECOME THIS.

OKAY. YOU'RE GOOD.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

I GET THESE THINGS
ON MY LEGS.

IT HANGS DOWN.

I CAN'T EVEN GET MY FINGER
BEHIND MY LEG

TO CLEAN IT ANYMORE.

MY MOM HAS TO DO IT.

I HATE MY HERNIA
THAT STICKS OUT SO BIG.

IT'S JUST UGLY AND GROSS.

[ Voice breaking ]
I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON

THAT DOESN'T
TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES.

I WAS NEVER THAT PERSON,
AND NOW I'VE BECOME THAT PERSON.

**

[ Normal voice ]
AS A SMALL CHILD, I WAS NORMAL,

AND I LOOKED LIKE

EVERY OTHER KID
IN THE CLASSROOM.

ON THE OUTSIDE I WAS NORMAL,

BUT INSIDE I FELT UNWANTED.

I AM THE OLDEST CHILD
OUT OF ME AND MY BROTHER,

AND WHEN I WAS GROWING UP,

I JUST FELT LIKE

MY PARENTS LIKED HIM
BETTER THAN THEY LIKED ME.

HE WAS ALWAYS SMARTER THAN ME

AND NEVER GOT IN TROUBLE
LIKE I DID.

I NEVER DID ANYTHING
GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY DAD.

I NEVER DID.

MY DAD'S REALLY CRITICAL
OF EVERYTHING.

Kurt: I WAS PROBABLY
THE STRICT ONE WITH KIRSTEN,

AND I DON'T KNOW
THAT WE REALLY HAVE

A REALLY GOOD RELATIONSHIP,

BECAUSE I'VE ALWAYS
VOICED MY OPINION,

AND THAT KIND OF
DOESN'T SET WELL WITH HER.

Kirsten: NOTHING I COULD DO
WAS EVER RIGHT.

NOTHING WAS EVER GOOD ENOUGH.

AND HOW I DEALT WITH
THAT REJECTION WAS,

I WOULD GO TO FOOD,
BECAUSE IT MADE ME FEEL BETTER.

Cris:
KIRSTEN WAS AROUND 14 YEARS OLD

WHEN SHE STARTED TO PUT ON
MORE WEIGHT THAN SHE SHOULD,

AND, UM,
DOING THINGS SHE SHOULDN'T.

Kirsten: AS MUCH AS
I FOUND COMFORT IN FOOD,

IT WAS JUST THE BEGINNING
OF MY ADDICTIONS.

I WAS DOING DRUGS
AND SMOKING A LOT OF POT,

A LOT OF ACID,
METH HERE AND THERE,

BUT I STILL DIDN'T
SLOW DOWN MY EATING.

WHEN I WAS 15
IS WHEN I STARTED

TO REALLY
PUT ON THE WEIGHT, I GUESS.

EVERYBODY ELSE
WAS LIKE 120 POUNDS,
AND I WAS LIKE 170.

AND MY FATHER DIDN'T HESITATE

TO POINT OUT
THAT I GAINING SO MUCH WEIGHT,

WHICH MADE ME FEEL
EVEN MORE REJECTED,

AND I'D RUN TO DRUGS AND FOOD,

AND MY FAMILY DIDN'T KNOW
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT.

Cris:
ONCE WE REALIZED SHE WASN'T
GONNA FINISH HIGH SCHOOL,

AND SHE WAS 17,

SHE WAS PRETTY MUCH
WAS GOING OUT ON HER OWN.

SHE JUST HAD LEFT US.

Kirsten: I FELT LIKE MY FAMILY
DIDN'T WANT ME AROUND ANYMORE,

BUT WHEN I LEFT,
THINGS GOT WORSE.

RIGHT BEFORE I TURNED 18,
I WAS GANG-RAPED AT A PARTY.

WE WERE DRINKING,

AND IT WAS THE FIRST TIME
I EVER USED COCAINE.

I DON'T REALLY REMEMBER A LOT,

BUT MULTIPLE GUYS TOOK TURNS.

AND AFTER THAT'S WHEN I STARTED
NOT CARING ABOUT A LOT OF STUFF,

AND I KEPT EATING,

AND MAYBE I ATE
BECAUSE I WAS HOPING

TO JUST KEEP PEOPLE
AWAY FROM ME.

I DON'T KNOW.

I GOT DEEPER INTO DRUGS,
AS WELL,

AND I STARTED LIVING
WITH DRUG DEALERS,

TRADING MY BODY
FOR WHATEVER I COULD GET.

AND THAT'S HOW I GOT PREGNANT
THE FIRST TIME.

AND I NEVER KNEW
WHO LEXIE'S FATHER WAS.

I WAS JUST DEPRESSED,
SO I JUST ATE,

AND IN MY EARLY 20s,

I STARTED PUTTING ON
A LOT OF WEIGHT.

I WAS OVER 300 POUNDS.

IT FELT LIKE
I COULDN'T ESCAPE MY LIFE.

AND I GOT PREGNANT AGAIN,
AND I HAD MY SON, NEIKO.

EVERYTHING WAS REALLY
OUT OF CONTROL FOR ME,

AND I COULDN'T GIVE MY KIDS

WHAT I KNEW THAT
THEY DESERVED AND NEEDED,

SO I LET MY MOM AND DAD
TAKE THEM,

BECAUSE I COULDN'T
TAKE CARE OF THEM ANYMORE.

AND MY PARENTS
HAVE BEEN RAISING THEM

FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS.

Neiko:
GROWING UP, I DIDN'T REALLY
GET TO SEE MY MOM THAT MUCH,

BECAUSE SHE WAS DOING,
LIKE, DRUGS AND STUFF,

AND SHE DIDN'T WANT ME
TO BE AROUND THAT.

SHE KNEW IT'D BE PROBABLY
BEST FOR ME AND NEIKO

TO STAY HERE
WITH OUR GRANDPARENTS.

Kirsten:
I DID WHAT I WANTED TO DO

AND I WAS RUNNING AROUND,

AND I WAS STILL EATING A TON
AND DOING DRUGS,

AND MY WEIGHT
WAS OUT OF CONTROL.

WHEN I WAS IN MY 30s,
I WAS OVER 500 POUNDS,

AND THEN
THE PERSON I WAS LIVING WITH

THAT WAS GIVING ME ALL MY DRUGS
GOT ARRESTED,

AND SUDDENLY,
I HAD TO GET CLEAN

AND FIND SOMEWHERE TO LIVE,

SO MY PARENTS TOOK ME IN
BECAUSE I HAD NOWHERE TO GO,

AND I COULD NOT
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

I'VE BEEN LIVING WITH MY PARENTS
FOR EIGHT MONTHS NOW,

WITH MY DAUGHTER
AND HER BOYFRIEND,

AND ME AND MY 14-YEAR-OLD SON
HAVE TO SHARE A BEDROOM.

THE WHOLE TIME I'VE BEEN HERE,
I'VE BEEN COMPLETELY CLEAN.

BUT FOOD IS SOMETHING
I CAN'T ESCAPE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WEIGH.

ALL I KNOW IS THAT I'M SO BIG,

I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
ANYMORE.

MOM,
CAN I GET SOME BREAKFAST?

Cris: OKAY.

MY FAMILY DOES EVERYTHING FOR ME
IN EVERYDAY LIFE --

EVERYTHING.

MY MOM GETS MY FOOD READY,

SHE WASHES MY CLOTHES,

AND AT TIMES,
SHE HAS TO HELP ME WIPE MY BUTT.

I'M AN INVALID.

THANK YOU.

NEED ANYTHING,
JUST HOLLER.

OKAY.

Cris: I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO LIMIT WHAT SHE GETS,

BUT SHE WANTS TO EAT
EVERY HOUR,

AND I THINK SOMETIMES

SHE EATS SO MUCH
IT MAKES HER KIND OF SICK.

Kirsten: I FEEL LIKE
I'M EATING ALL THE TIME.

I'M EATING WHEN I'M HAPPY,
I'M EATING WHEN I'M SAD,

I'M EATING WHEN I'M UPSET,
I'M EATING WHEN I'M BORED.

I THINK THAT FOOD
IS FILLING A VOID --

LIKE, THAT'S THE ONLY THING
I HAVE LEFT, I FEEL LIKE.

MY FRIENDS ARE GONE,
THE DRUGS ARE GONE.

ALL I HAVE IS THIS FOOD LEFT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM
WITHOUT IT.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

[ GRUNTS ]

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

Cris:
KIRSTEN CAN'T HARDLY GET AROUND,

BUT SHE CAN CERTAINLY
MAKE IT INTO THE KITCHEN

TO GET INTO FOOD AT TIMES.

Kirsten: I FEEL LIKE
I HAD TO DO SNEAKY EATING,

BECAUSE I KNOW
THAT I SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT,

AND I KNOW I'M GETTING
FATTER AND FATTER FROM IT.

[ Voice breaking ]
BUT IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER

FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

[ SNIFFLES ]

Neiko: I'VE CAUGHT MY MOM
SNEAKING FOOD,

BUT SHE SAID
IT WAS HER CHEAT DAY,

BUT IT SEEMS LIKE
EVERY DAY IS HER CHEAT DAY.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

SOMETIMES MY MOM WANTS ME
TO BRING EXTRA FOOD

INTO THE ROOM
WITHOUT MY GRANDMA KNOWING.

AND I USUALLY TELL HER NO,
AND THEN SHE TRIES TO BRIBE ME,

OR SHE'LL GET MAD.

Kirsten: [ Normal voice ]
I HATE THE FACT THAT ME
AND MY SON SHARE A ROOM,

BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
I LOVE IT,

BECAUSE I'VE MISSED OUT ON
SO MUCH OF HIS GROWING UP STUFF.

[ LAUGHS ]

THAT LOOKS GROSS.
YEAH.

Neiko: I CAN'T TALK TO MY MOM

ABOUT HER FOOD
AND HER EATING PORTIONS,

OR SHE'LL GET
REALLY, REALLY OFFENDED.

YOU WANT SOME?

SO I JUST GIVE HER
WHAT SHE WANTS

SO WE DON'T FIGHT,

BECAUSE WE HAVE TO
LIVE TOGETHER.

YEAH.

AND PUT THIS IN THE GARBAGE
AND THROW THIS IN THE SINK.

SHE'S BASICALLY
JUST BED-BOUND.

EVERY DAY,
SHE'S DOING LESS AND LESS.

AND I'M WORRIED THAT ONE DAY,
SHE'S GONNA STOP GETTING UP...

AND THEN JUST DIE.

**

THERE'S A GARAGE SALE
I WANT TO CHECK OUT.

YOU WANT TO GO?
YEAH.

NEIKO?

WHAT?

BRING ME MY CANE.

Kirsten:
I HARDLY GET OUT OF THE HOUSE,

BECAUSE IT JUST HURTS
TO MOVE.

OKAY.

BUT SOMETIMES
I GET STIR-CRAZY,

SO I PUSH MYSELF
AND TRY TO GET OUT.

I HAVE NOT BEEN
OUT OF THE HOUSE

SINCE THE BEGINNING
OF THIS MONTH.

WALKING OUT TO THE CAR
SHOULD BE, LIKE, TWO SECONDS,

BUT IT TAKES ME, LIKE,
10 MINUTES.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

Kirsten: [ GRUNTING ]

LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT.

YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL GET YOU.

[ Crying ] I CAN'T DO IT!
OKAY, OKAY.

DO YOU NEED IT
BACK FURTHER?

JUST SHUT THE DOOR.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.

READY?
[ CRIES ]

OH.
I KNOW I CAN'T FIT.

OKAY, PUT YOUR LEG --
CAN YOU MOVE OVER JUST --

I CAN'T! I CAN'T DO IT.

YOU WANT ME TO TRY IT AGAIN?
I CAN'T, HONEY.

I CAN'T DO IT.
JUST, I CAN'T.

IT'S NOT WORKING.

[ GRUNTING, CRYING ]

I JUST WANT TO GO
BACK INSIDE.

[ CRIES ]

Cris:
IF KIRSTEN DOESN'T TAKE
SOME DRAMATIC STEPS

TO CHANGE HER EATING,

SHE'S GONNA LOSE HER MOBILITY
AND BE BED-BOUND.

CAN YOU MAKE IT?

Kirsten: THIS HAS NEVER
HAPPENED BEFORE.

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO BIG
THAT I COULDN'T FIT IN A CAR.

Cris:
IF I CAN'T GET THAT DOOR SHUT,

I DON'T KNOW
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.

I'M GONNA REALLY
HAVE A HARD TIME

TRYING TO GET HER
OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

Kirsten: LOSING MY MOBILITY
IS A DEATH SENTENCE...

[ Voice breaking ]...BECAUSE
I KNOW IF I LOSE MY MOBILITY,

I'M NOT GETTING
BACK OUT OF THIS BED.

I'LL DIE IN THIS BED.

[ Normal voice ]
BUT I CAN'T STOP EATING.

AND, NO MATTER HOW BAD IT GETS,

I FEEL LIKE THE ONLY THING
I LOOK FORWARD TO

IS MY NEXT MEAL.

Lexie: MOM, PIZZA'S HERE.

FOOD IS WORSE THAN DRUGS TO ME
RIGHT NOW.

I HAD MORE CONTROL OVER
THE LAST 10 YEARS OF MY DRUG USE

THAN I DO
OVER MY FOOD ADDICTION.

I'M AT THE POINT

THAT I'M NOT ABLE TO FUNCTION
BARELY AT ALL ANYMORE.

MOM,
CAN YOU GET MINE FOR ME?

Lexie: MY MOM'S WEIGHT
IS OUT OF CONTROL,

AND IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SEE

THAT SHE CAN'T WALK
AND DO THINGS ON HER OWN

LIKE A NORMAL PERSON
SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO.

DO YOU WANT SOME POP?
YES, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

Kirsten:
FOOD IS SO IMPORTANT,

I'M JUST HAPPY EATING
WHATEVER'S IN FRONT OF ME.

IT MIGHT NOT EVEN
TASTE THAT GOOD,

BUT I'M JUST HAPPY
THAT I'M EATING IT.

I KNOW BETTER,
BUT I STILL KEEP DOING IT.

THANK YOU.
YEP.

MY EATING IS
VERY OUT OF CONTROL.

IT'S NOT JUST KEEPING ME ALIVE
LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO.

IT'S, LIKE,
BUILDING A COFFIN FOR ME

AT THE SAME TIME.

IT'S KILLING ME A SLOW,
DRAWN-OUT, HORRIBLE DEATH.

[ Crying ]
A LOT OF TIMES, I GO TO BED,

AND I'M LIKE, "GOD, JUST LET ME
NOT WAKE UP IN THE MORNING."

IT'S JUST SO MUCH EASIER.

I WON'T BE A BURDEN
ON MY FAMILY.

[ Voice breaking ] I MISSED OUT
ON A LOT WITH MY DAUGHTER

THAT I WILL NEVER GET BACK.

[ Normal voice ] I FIGURE THAT

MY MOM WILL BURY ME
BEFORE SHE DIES.

[ Voice breaking ]
IF I DON'T CHANGE,
I'M GONNA BE DEAD,

AND I WANT TO GROW OLD
TO BE A GRANDMA.

I WANT TO BE A BETTER GRANDMA
THAN I WAS A MOM.

AND IF I KEEP GETTING BIGGER,

THEN I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE
TO HAVE THAT CHANCE.

[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]

**

YOU GUYS ARE GONNA CARRY
ALL THIS STUFF OUT HERE,

DON'T FORGET MY LITTLE BAG.

**

Kirsten:
TODAY WE'RE PACKING UP

AND LEAVING
FOR OUR DRIVE TO TEXAS

SO I CAN MEET THE DOCTOR

AND SEE IF HE'LL TAKE ME ON
AS A PATIENT.

MY PARENTS ARE DOING
ALL THE PACKING FOR THE TRIP.

WHERE DO YOU WANT
YOUR COOLER?

YOU WANT IT
IN THE VERY BACK?

WILL IT FIT
IN THE VERY BACK?

I WISH I COULD HELP MORE.

I WISH THAT IT WASN'T
SO STRESSFUL ON MY MOM AND DAD.

EVERYBODY IS BEING
INCONVENIENCED AND BURDENED,

BUT IF I DON'T GO,
I'M MORE OF A BURDEN

BECAUSE THEN THEY HAVE TO
TAKE CARE OF ME.

IS THAT EVERYTHING?

SHE'S STILL GOT
THAT BIG BASKET IN THERE.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

Kurt: I AM DOING THIS

SO THAT MY DAUGHTER
CAN HAVE A NORMAL LIFE,

LIVING ON HER OWN

AND TAKING CARE OF HERSELF
AND HER SON.

Kirsten: THIS IS JUST
FOR ONE APPOINTMENT.

WE'RE DRIVING 2,500 MILES.

I'M SO NERVOUS,
BUT I KNOW I HAVE TO DO IT.

AFTER NOT BEING ABLE
TO FIT IN MY MOM'S CAR,

WE BORROWED A MINIVAN
FOR THE DRIVE TO HOUSTON.

I'M SCARED
I WON'T EVEN FIT IN IT.

Kirsten: NEIKO, I NEED YOU
TO PUT THIS FORWARD.

GET OUT AND PUT IT FORWARD.

[ SCOFFS ]

NO.
IT'S ON THE SIDE, PEOPLE.

IT'S ON THE SIDE, NEIKO.

OW! PART OF THE DOOR
JUST, LIKE, STABBED ME!

Kirsten: I'M GOING TO HOUSTON

BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF
EVERY SIMPLE THING

THAT SHOULD BE
SO SIMPLE TO DO

IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT.

JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

[ GRUNTING ]

JUST SHUT THE DOOR.

THANK GOD I FIT.

THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG JOURNEY,

BUT MY MOM, MY DAD, AND NEIKO
ARE COMING WITH ME TO HELP.

MY DAD'S DRIVING HIS TRUCK

BECAUSE THERE'S A NOT
A LOT OF ROOM IN THE MINIVAN

WITH ME IN THE BACK.

Cris:
I WAS SURPRISED THAT KIRSTEN

WAS WILLING
TO TAKE THIS ROAD TRIP

TO MEET THE DOCTOR.

IT'S GONNA BE FIVE DAYS,

AND THAT IS
A LONG TIME IN THE CAR.

IT SHOWS ME THAT

SHE'S SERIOUS ABOUT
HER WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY.

Kirsten: I'VE NEVER SEEN
THIS MUCH OF THE WORLD.

I'VE WASTED SO MUCH OF MY LIFE,

AND I'M HOPING AND PRAYING
I CAN CHANGE THAT.

**

I'VE NEVER BEEN ON THE ROAD
THIS LONG.

IT'S REALLY TOUGH.

THE HARDEST PART
IS HAVING TO STOP AND GET OUT

EVERY TIME
I HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM.

OH, DAMN IT.

[ Crying]
WHY DID YOU PARK SO FAR?

IT'S STRAIGHT UP THAT WAY.
JUST TAKE AND GO RIGHT --

I CAN'T EVEN
STEP ON THE CURB.

OH, GIVE ME YOUR HAND.
COME ON.

COME ON. LIFT.

DAMN IT ALL.

GIVE ME YOUR GLASSES.

NO. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

Kirsten:
THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.

THE BATHROOM IS SO FAR AWAY.

JUST GET ME MY WALKER.
I CAN'T MAKE IT THAT FAR.

GET HER THE WALKER.
HURRY UP.

Kurt: WE JUST LEFT THE BATHROOM.
WHY DIDN'T SHE GO THERE?

Kirsten: I CAN'T EVEN JUST
RUN TO THE BATHROOM

LIKE ANYBODY ELSE WOULD.

I HAD TO SIT THERE
AND STOP AND WAIT.

[ PANTING, WHEEZING ]

I'M EMBARRASSED TO GO OUT.

IT'S HARD TO GET
IN AND OUT OF THE VAN.

[ GRUNTING ]

GET ME --

MOM, HELP!

Cris: OKAY. I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU NEEDED HELP.

[ Crying ] HELP ME, MOM.

OKAY, NOW.

Cris: ARE YOU GOOD?

I HATE LIVING LIKE THIS.

Kurt:
WHEN KIRSTEN GETS AGGRAVATED,
YOU CAN'T REALLY TALK TO HER.

SHE SNAPS, STARTS SCREAMING,

AND GETS VERY MAD AT EVERYBODY
AND ANYTHING AROUND HER.

JUST GET AWAY FROM ME!

WHATEVER.

LET ME GET OUT MYSELF.

Kurt: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS
HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME.

THEY JUST DON'T CARE.

MY BODY HURTS SO BAD,
I JUST NEED TO LAY DOWN.

[ BED SPRINGS CREAK ]

[ Crying ]
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

Cris:
JUST GET IN THE BED.

AND WHAT IF IT BREAKS?

WE ALREADY HEARD THE CRACK,

SO IF IT'S BROKEN,
IT'S BROKEN.

[ CRYING ]

MOMMY,
CAN YOU JUST LIFT MY LEG UP

SO I DON'T HAVE TO
BOUNCE ON IT TOO MUCH?

YOU WANT ME TO GRAB
THE OTHER ONE, TOO?

[ Crying ] YES. YES.

OKAY. RELAX.

[ GRUNTING ]

EVEN THOUGH THIS IS

ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT THINGS
I'VE EVER DONE,

I CAN'T QUIT AT IT.

PUT THEM ON THE BED.

NOW IT'S, LIKE, MY TIME
TO FIGHT FOR MYSELF,

OR I'M GONNA BE DEAD.

**

EACH DAY GETS HARDER AND HARDER
TO BE IN THIS CAR.

I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN,
AND EVERYONE'S UPSET,

AND THIS STRESS JUST MAKES ME
WANT TO CONSTANTLY EAT.

MOM, CAN WE STOP
AND GET SOMETHING TO EAT?

OKAY.

I'VE BEEN TRYING REALLY HARD,

BUT SOMETIMES
YOU HAVE A SLIP UP.

CAN I GET THE, UM, NUMBER 21,
THE SANDWICH ONLY?

WOMAN: Okay.

THANK YOU.
MM-HMM.

Kirsten:
I QUIT DRUGS AND I QUIT SMOKING

AND I QUIT DRINKING.

WHY CAN'T I QUIT
EATING EVERYTHING?

**

THIS IS THE END OF THE TRIP.

WE'RE HERE IN HOUSTON.

I KNEW THIS WOULD BE HARD,

BUT IT'S BEEN SO MUCH TOUGHER
THAN I THOUGHT.

I FEEL LIKE THIS MAYBE
IS LIKE A FRESH START.

I JUST FEEL LIKE
THIS IS MY CHANCE

TO NOT BE SUCH A LOSER ANYMORE,

LIKE MAYBE I WON'T BE
SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT.

WHOO. AHH.

HOPEFULLY, THE DOCTOR,
WHEN I SEE HIM TOMORROW,

WILL TELL ME
THAT HE CAN HELP ME.

IF HE TURNS ME AWAY,

THEN I DON'T THINK I HAVE
ANY MORE FIGHT LEFT IN ME --

LIKE...

I'M JUST TIRED.

**

TODAY I'M HEADED
TO SEE A DOCTOR

THAT MAY BE ABLE TO HELP ME
GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

WHAT IF HE TELLS ME
THAT HE CAN'T HELP ME?

Cris: IT'S JUST A CHANCE
WE HAVE TO TAKE.

THAT'S WHY
WE MADE THIS TRIP --

TO FIND OUT.
I KNOW.

I AM WORRIED
THAT THIS WHOLE TRIP

COULD BE FOR NOTHING,

THAT WE SEE THE DOCTOR

AND HE TELLS US
THAT HE CAN'T HELP KIRSTEN,

AND THAT SCARES ME.

WHEN WE SEE THE DOCTOR,

IF HE PUTS
YOU ON A STRICT DIET,

ARE YOU GONNA BE HAPPY

WITH THAT BEING
YOUR LAST PIECE OF PIZZA?

I SAID I'M NERVOUS.

Kirsten: IT'S SCARY.

MY LIFE IS RIDING
ON THIS APPOINTMENT.

ARE YOU READY?
YEAH.

IF I DON'T GET DR. NOW
TO SAY THAT HE CAN HELP ME,

THEN I'M PROBABLY GONNA END UP
DEAD IN A FEW YEARS.

I'M ABOUT TO FIND OUT
IF I GET TO LIVE OR DIE.

**

Woman: KIRSTEN PEREZ?

Kirsten:
I'VE SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE

FEELING LIKE I'M WORTHLESS
AND BEYOND HELP.

HELLO.
HELLO.

AND THERE'S A PART OF ME
THAT THINKS,

"WHY SHOULD THIS
BE ANY DIFFERENT?"

AND I'M WONDERING
IF I'M SETTING MYSELF UP

FOR DISAPPOINTMENT
RIGHT NOW.

[ SIGHS ]

AND HOW I CAN LET MYSELF
GET LIKE THIS?

WELL, YOU'RE HERE NOW,

SO HOPEFULLY,

THE DOCTOR'S GONNA BE ABLE
TO HELP YOU, SO...

I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK
TO THAT ROOM.

[ CRIES ]

HOPEFULLY HE'LL TELL YOU,
"LET'S GO"

AND WE'LL GET THIS
TAKEN CARE OF.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]
HELLO.

HELLO.
HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?

-FINE.
-WE'RE GOOD.

I'M DR. NOWZARADAN.

SO, WHERE ARE YOU
COMING FROM?

WASHINGTON.

OKAY.
A LONG WAY FROM HERE, HUH?

VERY LONG WAY.

SO, YOU'RE 612 POUNDS.

WHAT'S THE HEAVIEST
YOU HAVE BEEN?

THIS IS THE HEAVIEST.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK
IS CONTRIBUTING TO THAT?

UM, I HAVE DEPRESSION,

AND I WANT TO EAT
ALL THE TIME.

OKAY.

HOW IS YOUR
LEVEL OF ACTIVITY?

I CAN WALK,

BUT SOME DAYS,

I'M HAVING WORSE DAYS BREATHING
THAN OTHER DAYS,

BUT I CAN USUALLY MAKE IT
OUT TO THE CAR AND BACK.

OKAY.

Nowzaradan:
KIRSTEN'S LACK OF STAMINA

IS EVIDENCE THAT HER BODY
IS IN VERY BAD SHAPE.

IF SHE DOESN'T LOSE WEIGHT,

I DON'T THINK
SHE'S GONNA LAST TOO LONG.

SHE'S AT THE POINT THAT
HER BODY'S READY TO GIVE UP.

BECAUSE IF YOU GET PNEUMONIA
OR YOU GET A COLD,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA
PULL THROUGH THAT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SCARED OF
THE MOST.

WELL,
IF YOU'RE SCARED ENOUGH,

THEN YOU MAKE A DECISION,
MAKE THE CHANGES,

OKAY?
MM-HMM.

SO, EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW

IS GONNA BE IN YOUR COURT,
OKAY?

YEAH. I KNOW.

I KNOW I DON'T WANT TO BE
LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

I WANT TO CHANGE.

SO, WHAT'S KEEPING YOU
FROM MAKING THE CHANGE?

UM, I FEEL LIKE
THAT'S ALL I HAVE LEFT.

YOU'RE ACTUALLY
KILLING YOURSELF WITH THE FOOD.

OKAY?

IT IS NOT SOMETHING
THAT'S GONNA BE EASY TO DO,

BUT YOU HAVE TO
RECOGNIZE YOUR PROBLEM,

AND THEN YOU NEED TO
CORRECT IT, OKAY?

YOU HAVE A HERNIA?

I HAVE A HERNIA.

I HAVE ONE HERE,

AND THEN THERE'S ONE DOWN HERE
THAT YOU CAN'T SEE.

THAT'S GONNA BE
A BAD SITUATION.

THAT NEEDS
TO BE CORRECTED,

BUT THERE'S NOTHING
THAT CAN BE DONE

UNLESS YOU LOSE
SOME WEIGHT.

YEAH, I KNOW.

YOU NEED TO DEMONSTRATE

THAT YOU ARE WILLING
TO MAKE THE CHANGES,

AND YOU NEED TO INCREASE
YOUR ACTIVITY.

WE'RE GONNA PUT YOU ON
A 1,200-CALORIE-A-DAY DIET --

ABSOLUTELY NO CARBS
AND NO SUGAR.

THE PRIORITY IS
TO GET YOU HEALTHY ENOUGH

TO REPAIR THE HERNIA

SO WE CAN
FIX THE ABDOMINAL WALL

TO EVEN MAKE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY
AN OPTION FOR YOU.

OKAY.

YOU NEED TO BE ABLE
TO LOSE AT LEAST 50 POUNDS

BEFORE NEXT MONTH.
OKAY.

THEN I'LL BE ABLE TO DO SURGERY
AND CORRECT THE HERNIA.

KIRSTEN IS
A VERY POOR CANDIDATE

FOR WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY
AT THIS TIME.

MOST OF HER ABDOMINAL CONTENTS

ARE OUTSIDE
OF HER ABDOMINAL WALL,

AND UNLESS WE PUT
THE ABDOMINAL CONTENTS

BACK INSIDE OF THE ABDOMEN,

THERE IS NO WAY

WE CAN DO ANY KIND OF
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

IF YOU GET TO THE POINT

THAT YOU CONSIDER
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

YOU NEED TO MOVE DOWN
TO THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS.

[ LAUGHS ]

ALL RIGHT?
YEP. THANK YOU.

OKAY.
WE'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER.

[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
SO, NOW I'M EXCITED.

OKAY.
BECAUSE NOW I KNOW THAT

IF I LOSE 50 POUNDS,
THEN I'LL QUALIFY.

I MEAN,
50 POUNDS IS NOTHING.

IF IT WAS THAT EASY,

YOU WOULDN'T BE
IN THE PREDICAMENT YOU'RE IN.

WELL, I KNOW,

BUT IF I REALLY
PUT MY MIND TO IT,

I HAVE TO DO IT.
I CAN'T BE LIKE THIS ANYMORE.

IT'S GONNA BE
A CHALLENGE FOR KIRSTEN,

BUT I THINK
SHE'S READY FOR THE CHANGE.

Kirsten:
I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO DO IT,

NOT THAT I'M READY,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I DON'T HAVE
ANY OTHER OPTIONS LEFT.

Kurt: I BELIEVE WHAT
THE DOCTOR SAYS, YOU KNOW?

[ Voice breaking ]
YOU GOT FIVE YEARS.

I HOPE KIRSTEN
HAS WHAT IT TAKES,

SO I KNOW WHEN WE'RE GONE,
SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.

Kirsten:
THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.

THIS IS MY ONLY CHANCE.

SO I'M GONNA TAKE IT.

**

WELL, ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR
THE SIX-DAY JOURNEY BACK?

I DON'T THINK I'M GONNA BE ABLE
TO MAKE IT BACK.

Cris: HUH?

IT'S TOO HARD TO GO,

AND THEN
HAVE TO DO IT AGAIN.

ARE YOU KIDDING?

NO, I'M NOT KIDDING.

MAYBE ME AND NEIKO
CAN JUST GET A PLACE,

AND THEN
YOU COULD GO BACK HOME

AND THEN COME BACK DOWN
WITH THE REST --

WITH OUR STUFF.

YOU THINK YOU CAN STAY
ON YOUR OWN WITH NEIKO?

WELL,
NEIKO WILL HAVE TO HELP ME.

THERE'S GONNA BE FOOD
IN THE HOUSE

THAT YOU'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO BE TOUCHING.

YOU CAN'T CONNIVE HIM
INTO BRINGING IT TO YOU.

HE'S ALREADY BEEN TRYING
REALLY HARD TO DO THAT.

I KNOW IT'S GONNA BE HARD,
BUT WE COULD DO IT.

I'M SCARED
THAT IF I GO BACK

THAT I'M NOT
GONNA COME BACK AGAIN,

BECAUSE IT'S GONNA BE
TOO HARD ON ME.

Cris: WELL, I GUESS
THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO THEN.

Kirsten:
I KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT MYSELF

TO KNOW I'M NOT GONNA
BE ABLE TO FORCE MYSELF

TO MAKE THIS JOURNEY AGAIN.

I THINK THE ONLY WAY I CAN STAY
FOCUSED ON LOSING WEIGHT

IS IF I STAY HERE
IN HOUSTON.

**

TODAY WE'RE MOVING NEIKO AND ME
IN TO A NEW APARTMENT.

THESE ARE PRETTY HEAVY.

THIS IS SCARY BUT EXCITING.

I'VE NEVER LIVED ANYWHERE
BUT WASHINGTON.

BUT I'M SO THANKFUL

THAT MY FAMILY'S
HELPING ME TO DO THIS

SO I HAVE THIS CHANCE.

PUT IT THIS WAY.

I'M TOO HEAVY FOR A NORMAL BED,

SO MY DAD'S BUILDING ONE
OUT OF CINDER BLOCKS FOR ME.

I HAVE A BED,
BUT NOBODY ELSE DOES.

WE WON'T HAVE ANY FURNITURE

UNTIL THEY COME BACK
FROM WASHINGTON.

MY MOM HAS TO GO BACK HOME
TO GET THE REST OF OUR STUFF.

SO IT WILL JUST BE ME AND NEIKO
FOR A WHILE,

BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY I COULD
TAKE CARE OF MYSELF ON MY OWN.

I FEEL BAD BECAUSE

THEY HAVE TO PUT EVERYTHING
BACK HOME ON HOLD.

BUT THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.

Kurt: IT IS GONNA BE ROUGH
TO SAY GOODBYE TO BOTH OF THEM.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY,

BUT, HEY, IT'S SOMETHING
THAT'S GOT TO BE DONE.

OKAY. WE'RE TAKING OFF.
WE ARE TAKING OFF.

SEE YOU IN 10 DAYS.

TAKE CARE.
LOVE YOU AND SEE YOU...

OKAY. LOVE YOU.

IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS.
HOPEFULLY, 10 DAYS.

SEE YOU LATER. LATER.
BYE.

ADIOS.
BYE.

Kirsten:
NOW THAT THEY'RE LEAVING,
THIS ALL SEEMS A LOT SCARIER.

I HATE THIS BED.

BUT AT LEAST I KNOW I HAVE NEIKO
TO HELP ME RIGHT NOW

UNTIL MY MOM GETS BACK.

IT'S BEEN A WEEK

SINCE MY MOM AND DAD
LEFT ME WITH NEIKO.

HONESTLY,
I'M JUST DISAPPOINTED

IN HOW LITTLE HELP
HE'S BEEN TO ME.

I TRY NOT TO ASK HIM
TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME,

BECAUSE NEIKO'S
EXTREMELY RUDE TO ME NOW.

GOTTEN THE POINT
WHERE I CAN BARELY EVEN

STAND TO BE
IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM ANYMORE.

Neiko: I'M MAD AT MY MOM
FOR BRINGING ME DOWN HERE.

I DON'T FEEL RESPONSIBLE.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO HELP HER
LOSE WEIGHT DOWN HERE.

I THINK THAT SHE SHOULD'VE
DONE THIS A LONG TIME AGO.

IT'S BECOME TOO MUCH FOR ME,

BECAUSE, LIKE, I WASN'T ABLE
TO EAT FOOD IN FRONT OF HER

THAT I LIKE EATING.

YO, G.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU'RE SUCH AN [BLEEP]

[ LAUGHS ]

IT'S NOT FUNNY, NEIKO.

Kirsten: I'M REALLY
TRYING TO EAT HEALTHY,

BUT NEIKO JUST EATS
WHATEVER HE WANTS,

AND HE DOES IT IN FRONT OF ME,

SO IT'S HARD
TO KEEP MY MIND OFF OF FOOD.

I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU HAVE TO
BUY STUFF LIKE THAT

AND EAT IT IN FRONT OF ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.
IT'S RUDE.

Neiko: SOMETIMES I EAT WHATEVER
I WANT IN FRONT OF MY MOM,

BUT SHE WATCHES THOSE FOOD SHOWS
ALL DAY STILL, SO...

[ SNIFFS ]

...I'M NOT GONNA
FEEL BAD FOR HER.

[ SIGHS ]

I HOPE YOU CHOKE
ON ONE OF THEM.

YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE FUNNY
AT ALL, NEIKO.

YOU GET TRIGGERED
ABOUT IT,

AND THAT'S WHAT'S FUNNY.

THE ONLY TIME
THAT MY MOM MAKES ME LAUGH

IS WHEN I AM ANNOYING TO HER,
I GUESS,

AND IT MAKES HER MAD.

JUST GET OUT OF MY ROOM.

I CAN'T EVEN STAND
LOOKING AT YOU RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE NOT FUNNY.
[ LAUGHS ]

OKAY.

I CAN'T EVEN STAND
TO BE AROUND YOU ANYMORE.

[ BLOWS RASPBERRY ]

Kirsten: STRESSING OUT ABOUT
THE WAY NEIKO ACTS

MAKES ME WANT TO EAT STUFF
THAT I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO.

I'M JUST REALLY
DISAPPOINTED RIGHT NOW.

IT'S HARD ENOUGH
TO HAVE TO DO THIS,

BUT HAVING NEIKO SABOTAGE ME
IS MAKING THIS IMPOSSIBLE.

**

TODAY I'M HEADED
TO DR. NOW'S OFFICE.

MY MOM MADE IT
BACK DOWN TO HOUSTON

AND HAS BEEN HELPING ME
FOR THE PAST COUPLE WEEKS.

NEIKO WAS MAKING IT SO HARD.

IF I HAD TO DO THE WHOLE MONTH
WITH ONLY HIM,

I THINK I WOULD'VE
GIVEN UP BY NOW.

YOU WILL BE FINE.
YOU'LL BE JUST FINE.

BUT I'VE BEEN TRYING,

AND I REALLY HOPE
I'VE DONE ENOUGH.

THE DOCTOR TOLD ME I HAD TO LOSE
50 POUNDS IN ONE MONTH.

I'VE NEVER LOST 50 POUNDS
AT ANY POINT IN MY LIFE.

OKAY.

Kirsten: SO, IF I'VE DONE IT,
THIS'LL BE A MIRACLE.

THAT'S GOOD.

YEAH.
[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

I WAS ONE POUND AWAY

FROM HITTING THE 50-POUND GOAL
THE DOCTOR WANTED ME TO,

SO I REALLY HOPE
I'M CLOSE ENOUGH

TO SHOW HIM I CAN DO THIS.

BUT I'M WORRIED
THAT DR. NOW WILL TELL ME

THAT I'M STILL NOT A CANDIDATE
BECAUSE OF MY HERNIA.

I KNEW THAT I'D STICK TO

WHAT I WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE EATING,

AND I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING
I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO,

AND I GUESS IT SHOWED IT.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

HELLO.

HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?
GOOD.

SO, THIS IS ONE MONTH.

WE ASKED YOU TO LOSE 50 POUNDS,
AND YOU LOST 49.

YEAH.
THAT'S VERY GOOD.

YOU ABLE TO DO
MORE ACTIVITY?

I FEEL LIKE I'M NOT HAVING
TO SIT DOWN AS MUCH,

I'M ABLE TO GO A LOT FURTHER,

I'M ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF
BETTER THAN I WAS BEFORE.

HOW ARE WE DOING
WITH YOUR EATING HABITS?

I HAVE BEEN STICKING TO THE DIET
YOU TOLD ME TO.

OKAY.

Nowzaradan:
I'M PROUD OF KIRSTEN.

SHE HAS A REALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL
DYNAMIC AT HOME,

SO I KNOW
THIS WAS VERY HARD FOR HER.

LET ME SEE HOW
YOUR HERNIA'S COMING ALONG.

NOW THAT YOU
LOST SOME WEIGHT THERE,

DO YOU FEEL LIKE THE HERNIA
IS GETTING SMALLER?

YEAH. I FELT LIKE
IT WAS UP HIGHER, LIKE THIS,

LIKE IT WAS
A LOT BIGGER AROUND.

OKAY.

BEFORE WE DO
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

WE NEED TO FIX THOSE HERNIAS.
OKAY?

OKAY. GOOD. [ LAUGHS ]
OKAY.

Nowzaradan:
MOST OF KIRSTEN'S ORGANS

ARE COMING THROUGH
HER ABDOMINAL WALL,

WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE
TO GET THE SPACE NEEDED

TO DO ANY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

SO WE NEED TO REPAIR THIS,

AND ONCE SHE HEALS,

WE CAN CONSIDER
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

NOW, IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
YOU KEEP MAKING GOOD PROGRESS.

THE WEIGHT YOU LOST

IS GOING TO HELP YOU
WITH YOUR HERNIA SURGERY.

AND THE MORE YOU CAN LOSE,
THE BETTER WE CAN REPAIR IT.

SO, KEEP ON TRACK
AND DON'T SLOW DOWN, OKAY?

OKAY.
IF YOU DO,

IT COULD PREVENT ME FROM
FULLY REPAIRING YOUR HERNIA,

WHICH MEANS
I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DO

ANY WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY
ON YOU.

OKAY. THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU ALL LATER.

-THANK YOU.
-ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

THAT MAKES ME MORE HAPPY
THAN ANYTHING.

I'M SO TIRED OF LOOKING AT IT.

[ LAUGHS ]
I'M SO TIRED OF LOOKING LIKE

I'M HAVING A LOP-SIDED BABY
IN ME.

Kirsten:
WHEN DR. NOW TOLD ME

THAT MY HERNIA
WAS GONNA GET FIXED FIRST,

IT WAS KIND OF, LIKE, A SHOCK,

BECAUSE THE LAST DOCTOR
I SAW ABOUT IT

TOLD ME THAT THERE WAS
NO POINT IN DOING SURGERY ON IT.

I FEEL ALMOST LIKE MAYBE
IT'S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

SO, I'M GONNA WORK AS HARD
AS I CAN TO NOT MESS THIS UP,

BECAUSE I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D EVEN GET THIS CHANCE.

AND I'M NOT GONNA LOSE IT.

**

THIS PAST WEEK,

IT'S BEEN HARD TO FOCUS ON
DOING MY EXERCISES

AND STAYING ON TRACK
WITH EVERYTHING.

NEIKO WAS JUST STARTING
TO GET OUT OF CONTROL.

HE'S ACTING UP CONSTANTLY

AND SAYING HORRIBLE THINGS
TO ME AND MY MOM.

NEIKO,
PUT A LINER IN THERE.

NO.
WHY NOT?

IT'S JUST SO INFURIATING.

AND ANY TIME I SEE HIM,

I JUST WANT
TO SHUT DOWN COMPLETELY,

AND I DON'T WANT
TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM.

AND THAT STRESS
MAKES IT SO MUCH HARDER

TO FOCUS ON
GETTING MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK.

I DON'T THINK
I CAN TAKE THIS MUCH MORE,

SO I TOLD MY MOM
I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS TIME

FOR NEIKO
TO GO BACK TO WASHINGTON.

WHY WERE YOU GUYS HARASSING ME
THIS MORNING?

UM, WAKING YOU UP

IS NOT HARASSING YOU.
YES, IT WAS.

I TOLD YOU GUYS
TO LEAVE ME ALONE
LIKE EIGHT TIMES.

Kirsten: NO, YOU DIDN'T.
YES, I DID.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN ANSWER ME.

YOU SURE DIDN'T THINK
THERE WAS NO PROBLEM

WHEN YOU WERE
KEEPING US AWAKE ALL NIGHT

MAKING
YOUR STUPID NOISES.

[ BELCHES ]
EXCUSE YOU.

NO.

NOW, GIVE ME MY PHONE.
YOU'RE NOT PLAYING ON IT.

GIL SENT YOU ANOTHER
[BLEEP] REQUEST.

WOULD YOU STOP?
[ LAUGHS ]

THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
[ LAUGHS ]

I DON'T THINK
YOU'RE FUNNY.

Cris: NEIKO'S BEEN VERY HATEFUL
TO KIRSTEN SINCE HE'S BEEN HERE.

I KNOW THAT HE'S BLAMING HER
FOR HIM BEING HERE.

HE'S NOT WANTING TO COOPERATE,

HE'S JUST GENERALLY
VERY ANNOYING.

IT'S LIKE
HE WANTS TO SABOTAGE KIRSTEN,

AND I'M SCARED
SHE'S GONNA DIE SOON

IF SHE DOESN'T
SUCCEED AT THIS.

WE'RE GONNA
HAVE TO FIGURE OUT

WHAT WE'RE
GONNA DO WITH HIM.

HE'S NOT HAPPY HERE.

I'M JUST TIRED OF HIM

MAKING EVERYBODY'S LIFE
MISERABLE.

Neiko:
I DIDN'T WANT TO BE DOWN HERE,

SO I'VE BEEN ACTING UP
TO TRY TO GET BACK HOME.

THOUGHT YOU ALREADY DECIDED
THAT YOU WERE SENDING HIM BACK.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE
I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M
SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HIM, EITHER.

I'M GOING TO
HAVE SURGERY SOON,

AND I DON'T NEED
TO DEAL WITH HIM

TAKING EVERYTHING OUT ON US
BECAUSE HE'S UNHAPPY HERE.

I JUST THINK
THAT IT'S BETTER

IF HE GOES BACK
TO WASHINGTON.

YEAH,
I THINK THAT MAYBE

GETTING HIM BACK
IN FAMILIAR GROUNDS WILL HELP.

Cris:
I FEEL FOR KIRSTEN'S PROGRESS

AND THE STRESS SHE'S BEEN UNDER

THAT IT'S BEST THAT NEIKO
PROBABLY GO BACK TO WASHINGTON.

SO, I'M GOING TO PAY FOR HIM
TO FLY HOME,

AND HIS GRANDFATHER
CAN DEAL WITH HIM.

WE ALL WANT KIRSTEN
TO GET BETTER,

BUT NEIKO
IS RISKING ALL OF THIS,

AND IT SEEMS LIKE
HE JUST DOESN'T CARE.

AND IT'S HEARTBREAKING.

Cris: NEIKO?

NEIKO,
IT'S TIME TO GET UP.

COME ON, BUD.

I KNOW YOU'RE AWAKE.

QUIT IGNORING ME.

GET OUT OF THE BED.
COME ON.

Neiko: I WENT TO BED
AT 5:00 A.M.

WELL,
THAT'S NOT MY FAULT,

AND WE NEED
TO PACK YOUR BAGS.

Kirsten: NEIKO'S LEAVING TODAY
TO GO BACK TO WASHINGTON.

ALL RIGHT.

FOR EVERYBODY'S SANITY HERE,
NOT JUST MINE,

IT'S TIME THAT NEIKO GOES BACK.

THIS IS [BLEEP] HOW I JUST
PACKED ALL THIS STUFF.

**

Kirsten: I HOPE YOU KNOW GRANDPA
KURT'S NOT GOING TO PUT UP

WITH YOUR ATTITUDE
AND YOUR PROBLEMS AND --

WELL, NO [BLEEP]

YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
YOU SAY NOW, NEIKO --

THE ONLY REASON
I ACTED LIKE THAT

IS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT
TO BE DOWN HERE.

NEIKO, YOU ACTED LIKE THIS
WHEN WE WERE UP THERE, TOO!

NO, I DIDN'T.
YES, YOU DID.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE MY MOM'S
ABLE TO BE A MOM TO ME.

LIKE, IT'S MORE LIKE A SIBLING.

LIKE,
WE JUST FIGHT BACK AND FORTH,

BACK AND FORTH ALL DAY.

WELL,
HAVE FUN IN WASHINGTON.

I WILL.

Kirsten: MY PRIORITY IS GETTING
HEALTHY AND LOSING THE WEIGHT,

AND IT'S REALLY HARD TO DO
WHEN HE STRESSES ME OUT.

I HAVE ENOUGH STRESS AS IT IS.

**

Neiko:
ARE YOU READY, GRANDMA?

Cris: YEP.
IT'S TIME TO GO.

WILL YOU GRAB THE PINK,
STRIPED BAG?

Neiko:
I CAN'T TAKE ONE MORE SECOND.

I'VE BEEN READY TO MOVE OUT
SINCE THE FIRST DAY WE GOT HERE.

BYE,
FATTY TWO-SHOE.

Kirsten: PART OF ME
IS SAD THAT HE'S LEAVING,

BUT IT'S PART OF ME IS RELIEVED
THAT HE'S GOING

BECAUSE I CAN'T PUT UP
WITH MUCH MORE OF HIM.

**

**

Cris: I'M A LITTLE CONCERNED
ABOUT KIRSTEN.

SHE WAS REALLY MOTIVATED
UNTIL NEIKO WENT HOME,

BUT NOW SHE JUST SITS AROUND
ALL DAY

AND REALLY DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.

I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO GET HER MOVING MORE.

I GET FRUSTRATED WITH HER
AT TIMES

BECAUSE I THINK SHE NEEDS
TO PUSH HERSELF TO DO MORE.

HEY, KIRSTEN, YOU CAN'T STAY
IN BED ALL THE TIME.

WE'RE GOING TO GO
TO THE GROCERY STORE,

SO GET YOUR SHOES ON.

Kirsten: I HAVEN'T BEEN FEELING
VERY WELL,

AND MY MOM'S NOT A HELP WHEN SHE
HAS TO MAKE ME GO TO THE STORE

AND I DON'T WANT TO.

I TRY TO TELL HER
WHY I DON'T WANT TO GO,

BUT SHE DON'T SEEM
TO UNDERSTAND, SO...

I KNOW
THAT I SHOULD BE GETTING UP

AND DOING
MORE PHYSICAL ACTIVITY,

BUT I JUST CAN'T SEEM
TO GET MYSELF TO DO IT.

ONCE I GO OUTSIDE,
I'M NOT COMING BACK IN.

I THINK NEIKO GOING HOME
WHEN SHE'S TRYING TO CHANGE

HAS HURT HER FEELINGS.

THE HERNIA SURGERY IS GOING TO
BE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS,

AND I DON'T WANT HER
TO DO ANYTHING TO LOSE THAT.

I THINK
I'LL THROW UP.

BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE
TO GO OUT PLACES.

I HAVE ANXIETY.
I DON'T LIKE IT.

Cris: OKAY.

I'M GOING TO LET YOU OUT,
AND THEN I'M GOING TO GO PARK.

Kirsten: SHOPPING WITH MY MOM
IS NEVER A PLEASANT EXPERIENCE.

SHE MAKES FUN OF ME,
AND I CAN'T HAVE WHAT I WANT.

I WENT TO THE GROCERY STORE
IN WASHINGTON WITH MY MOM

UNTIL SHE SAID STUFF ABOUT ME
BEING TOO FAT FOR THE CART.

THE CART, LIKE, KEPT DYING,

[ Voice breaking ]
SO SHE TOLD ME I WAS
PROBABLY TOO FAT FOR IT.

LET'S GO.

SO, SHE'S REALLY NOT FUN
TO BE AROUND.

I HATE THIS.

CAN'T HAVE FOOD, SO SHE
BROUGHT ME TO THE CANDY AISLE.

OH.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT.

THERE'S, LIKE, ALL THAT FOOD
IN THERE THAT I CAN'T EAT!

WHAT'S THE POINT IN GOING
IN THERE AND LOOKING AT IT?

IS THERE ANYTHING
IN PARTICULAR?

A NAP.

OKAY.

WE MIGHT FIND VEGETABLES
DOWN HERE.

THEY'RE ALL THE WAY
DOWN THERE

AT THE END
OF THE OTHER AISLE.

HERE WE GO.

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, LET'S GO DOWN
AND LOOK FOR MORE VEGETABLES.

WHOO-HOO.

I WANT TO GET
THE [BLEEP] OUT OF HERE.

THERE ARE EXPENSIVE HERE.

[ GROANS ]

IT'S 80%, 90%, 93%.

WE'RE GONNA
BE HERE FOREVER.

COULD WE GO NOW?

MY LEG'S
GOING TO SLEEP.

OKAY.

THIS IS REALLY POINTLESS.

GET OUT OF HERE.

I GUESS
I HAVE TO JUST SIGN IT?

Woman:
SIGN IT DOWN HERE.

**

WE'LL UNLOAD, AND THEN
I'LL DRIVE YOUR CART BACK IN.

GOOD, BECAUSE
MY FREAKING LEG'S ASLEEP.

**

[ SIGHS ]

**

Cris: DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD
TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE?

Kirsten: NO.

**

ARE YOU READY TO GO?

I CAN GET THAT FOR YOU.
IT'S HEAVY.

**

TODAY, I'M GOING TO THE HOSPITAL
TO HAVE HERNIA SURGERY.

AND I'M MORE EXCITED
TO GET THIS DONE

THAN GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY

BECAUSE I WAS TOLD BY SURGEONS
BACK IN WASHINGTON

THAT THEY WOULDN'T EVEN CONSIDER
FIXING IT.

BUT I'M REALLY ANXIOUS
RIGHT NOW.

I KNOW I HAVEN'T STAYED
COMPLETELY ON TRACK RECENTLY,

BUT I STILL THINK
I'M MAKING GOOD PROGRESS.

I'M MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE
FACT THAT I'M SICK RIGHT NOW.

[ SNEEZES ]

[ SNIFFLES ]

THAT WAS LOVELY.

[ SNIFFLES ]

MY BIGGEST FEAR
IS THAT WHEN I GET THERE,

THEY'RE GOING TO TELL ME
THAT I HAVE TO POSTPONE IT

BECAUSE I'M SICK.

I WANT
TO GO TO EAT PANCAKES.

I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING
ANY TIME SOON.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING
ABOUT THE SURGERY TODAY?

WELL, I'LL PROBABLY GET SCARED
WHEN I GET THERE,

BUT I'M NOT REALLY SCARED
RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT TO EXPECT.

I JUST KNOW
THAT THEY CUT SOME HOLES IN YOU,

THEY STICK SOME MESH
IN THERE.

BUT, MY LUCK,
I'M GOING TO GET THERE,

AND THEY'RE GOING TO TELL ME
I'M SICK,

SO THEY CAN'T DO IT
AND SEND ME HOME.

IF MY SURGERY GETS CANCELED,
I'M GOING TO BE SO UPSET.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
HI, KIRSTEN.

Kirsten: HELLO.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

FINE.
ALL RIGHT.

AND YOU DIDN'T EAT OR DRINK
ANYTHING SINCE LAST NIGHT, HUH?

NO.
OKAY.

YOU READY FOR YOUR SURGERY
TO GET RID OF THIS?

YES.

WHAT I'M GOING TO DO,

WE'RE GOING TO TAKE ALL THIS OUT
AND PUT IT BACK INSIDE,

AND THEN CLOSE
THE ABDOMINAL WALL

THAT YOU GOT A DEFECT
IN IT.

YOU'VE GOT A BIG HOLE IN IT
THAT BIG.

NOW THAT YOU'VE LOST
SOME WEIGHT,

WE HAVE ROOM TO PUT IT BACK IN
AND CLOSE THE BELLY, OKAY?

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL GET YOU
STARTED SOON, OKAY?

OKAY.

**

Cris: YOU'RE GETTING NERVOUS
NOW, AREN'T YOU?

NOW I AM.

NOW I FEEL LIKE
I'M GONNA START BAWLING.

I GUESS
I'M PROBABLY SCARED,

BUT IT'S TOO LATE
TO BACK OUT NOW.

KIRSTEN SAYS SHE'S FEELING
A LITTLE SICK,

AND SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT THAT
PREVENTING HER FROM SURGERY.

BUT ALL HER TESTS
STILL LOOK GOOD,

SO WE CAN MOVE AHEAD
WITH HER OPERATION TODAY.

HER WEIGHT LOSS HAS SLOWED DOWN,

BUT SHE'S STILL MAKING PROGRESS
AND HASN'T GAINED.

SO THERE SHOULD BE NO ISSUE
PERFORMING HER SURGERY TODAY.

BYE, MOM.
BYE.

I'LL SEE YOU
AFTER SURGERY.

HANDS INSIDE THE RIDE.

Kirsten: IT'S HITTING ME NOW,
AND I'M GETTING REALLY SCARED.

THEY COULD KNOCK ME OUT,
AND I COULD STOP BREATHING

OR MY HEART COULD GIVE OUT.

I JUST HOPE THIS ISN'T
THE LAST TIME I'M AWAKE

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO DIE
ON THE OPERATING TABLE

IF ANYTHING GOES WRONG.

SHE PROBABLY HAS
ONE OF THE WORST CASES OF HERNIA

I HAVE EVER SEEN.

**

Cris: OF COURSE
I'M A LITTLE WORRIED FOR HER

BECAUSE SOMETHING COULD HAPPEN
AND SHE WOULD DIE.

IT WOULD BREAK MY HEART IF
SOMETHING HAPPENED TO KIRSTEN.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION ]

Man:
2.0 SILK.

2.0 SILK SUTURE.

**

OKAY.
THINGS ARE LOOKING GOOD.

ROOM LIGHT ON.

**

LET'S CLOSE HER UP.

**

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, WE'VE FINISHED
WITH KIRSTEN'S LONG SURGERY.

EVERYTHING WENT VERY WELL.

A LITTLE BIT MORE COMPLICATED

THAN WHAT WE THOUGHT
IT WOULD BE,

BUT IT WORKED OUT
FOR THE BETTER

BECAUSE KIRSTEN'S HERNIA
IS REPAIRED

AND I PERFORMED
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

SO, WE GET KIRSTEN TO RECOVERY
AND LET HER REST.

**

Cris:
HI, DR. NOW.

SURGERY WENT VERY WELL.

FINALLY FINISHED.

THIS WAS A LITTLE BIT LONGER
THAN ANTICIPATED.

IT'S A BIG OPERATION,

AND SHE'S GOING TO GO
TO I.C.U. OVERNIGHT

TO MAKE SURE
THAT SHE'S BREATHING OKAY

AND SHE'S DOING OKAY WITH
THE PAIN MEDICINE AND SO FORTH.

OKAY.
OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

SO, BIG OPERATION,
BUT EVERYTHING WENT VERY WELL.

OKAY, GOOD. WELL, I KNOW SHE WAS
IN GOOD HANDS, SO...

[ CHUCKLES ]
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

ALL RIGHT.
WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.

OKAY.

THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT.

Cris: I'M RELIEVED
THAT SHE'S OUT OF SURGERY.

SHE WAS IN THERE
FOR QUITE A LONG TIME.

IT SOUNDED LIKE
A PRETTY MAJOR SURGERY,

SO I DON'T KNOW HOW FAST
SHE'S GOING TO RECOVER.

THE NEXT COUPLE DAYS WILL BE
VERY DIFFICULT FOR KIRSTEN.

SHE'S NOT ONE
FOR ANY DISCOMFORT,

SO WE WILL NEED
TO WATCH HER CLOSELY.

**

**

[ KIRSTEN WRETCHES ]

[ GAGS ]

[ COUGHS ]

THE SECOND I WOKE UP
FROM SURGERY,

ALL I FELT WAS PAIN.

AND I CAN BARELY EVEN GET UP
TO GO TO THAT BATH BENCH

BECAUSE I HAVE NO ENERGY AT ALL.

I MEAN, I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW THEY EXPECT ME TO GET UP

AND MOVE AROUND WHEN I'M NOT
EVEN ALLOWED TO EAT ANYTHING.

[ GROANS ]

MY MOUTH IS SO DRY,

I FEEL LIKE
I'M CHEWING ON OLD BAND-AIDS.

I TRY TO EAT THE SLOP
THAT THEY GIVE ME,

BUT I CAN'T MANAGE MORE THAN
A COUPLE BITES OF IT DOWN.

SO I RESORTED TO HAVING MY MOM
GO BUY ME SOUP DOWNSTAIRS

FROM THE CAFETERIA AND ATE THAT.

BUT SHE STOPPED COMING
AFTER YESTERDAY

BECAUSE SHE SAID

SHE WASN'T GOING TO HELP ME
DO THINGS I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO.

BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT

BECAUSE ALL I NEED
IS BASIC FOOD.

[ TELEPHONE RINGS ]

HELLO?

NO, MOM,
THEY HAVEN'T LET ME EAT YET.

THEY JUST WANT TO PUT ME THROUGH
FAT-PERSON CONCENTRATION CAMP.

BYE, MOM.

SHE CAN GET TO TAKE THE DOG
TO THE VET

BUT SHE CAN'T COME TO VISIT ME
WHILE I'M IN THE HOSPITAL.

I'M NOT GOING TO LET MYSELF
GET UPSET ABOUT IT AND CRY,

BECAUSE ONE DAY, SHE'S GOING TO
NEED A NURSING HOME,

AND I'M GOING TO PICK THE MOST
SKETCHY NURSING HOME I CAN FIND.

**

HEY, KIRSTEN.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

NAUSEATED.

MM-HMM.

MY HEAD HURTS
REALLY BAD.

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
KIRSTEN HAS BEEN HAVING TROUBLE

OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS.

SHE HAS NO TOLERANCE
FOR ANY DISCOMFORT OR PAIN,

SO SHE'S BEEN ACTING OUT.

YOU'VE BEEN NAUSEATED,
BUT NO VOMITING, HUH?

JUST, LIKE,
SPITTING UP FOAM STUFF.

SHE'S COMPLAINING A LOT
ABOUT THINGS,

BUT SHE'S DOING FINE.

SHE JUST IS VERY DRAMATIC.

ALL RIGHT.

YOUR INCISION
IS LOOKING GOOD,

SO EVERYTHING
IS PROGRESSING VERY WELL.

WE GOT THE HERNIA FIXED,

AND WE REPAIRED
PART OF YOUR COLON,

REPAIRED
PART OF STOMACH,

AND NATURALLY,
AFTER THIS OPERATION,

YOU WON'T BE ABLE
TO EAT VERY MUCH.

AND THAT'S GOING TO BE
A POSITIVE THING FOR YOU

IN LOSING WEIGHT.

KIRSTEN NEEDS TO WORK ON GETTING
UP AND STICKING TO THE DIET,

SO WE NEED TO KEEP HER MOTIVATED
AND ACTIVE RIGHT NOW.

WE'RE GOING TO START YOU
ON A SMALL AMOUNT

OF LIQUID TODAY
AND --

THANK YOU.

I FEEL LIKE I'M REALLY
JUST GOING DOWNHILL

FROM NOT BEING ABLE
TO EAT.

YOU STILL
ARE OVER 500 POUNDS.

I KNOW.
YOU STILL GOT A LOT OF THINGS.

AND YOU'RE GETTING
YOUR I.V. FLUID, OKAY?

YOU'RE GOING TO
GET USED TO IT.

I JUST MORE WANT TO BE ABLE
TO DRINK WATER.

WE'LL GET YOU SOME LIQUID,
OKAY?

OKAY.

KIRSTEN IS NOT GETTING
ANY MORE FOOD RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T NEED IT
TO GET UP.

SO I'M GOING TO GIVE HER
SOME OXYGEN TREATMENT

TO HELP HER OUT WITH THE FEELING
LIKE SHE HAS MORE ENERGY.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
EVERYTHING LOOKING GOOD.

OKAY. THANK YOU.
OKAY.

SHE'S GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH
HER EMOTIONAL ISSUES

TO GIVE HER A BETTER OPPORTUNITY

TO BREAK FREE
FROM HER FOOD ADDICTION.

Kirsten: YOU WANT TO KNOW
HOW DESPERATE I GOT EARLIER

AND WHAT I DRANK?

THE WATER FROM INSIDE
MY [BLEEP] BREATHING MACHINE.

BECAUSE I WAS THAT THIRSTY,

THEY WOULDN'T GIVE ME
ANYTHING TO DRINK.

[ Voice breaking ]
I'M NOT ASKING FOR [BLEEP] POP.

I'M ASKING FOR WATER.

IT'S LIKE, I DIDN'T THINK --
WE'RE IN THE UNITED STATES.

YOU SHOULD BE ALLOWED
SOME WATER.

BUT KIRSTEN IS PROVING TO BE

A VERY DIFFICULT PATIENT
RIGHT NOW.

HAVE YOU BEEN COUGHING UP
MUCH MUCUS AT ALL TODAY?

NO. I'VE JUST BEEN
THROWING UP MOSTLY.

YOU'VE BEEN THROWING UP?
YEAH.

THEY MIGHT WANT

TO PRESCRIBE SOMETHING
A LITTLE BIT STRONGER...

OKAY.

...TO KEEP YOU
FROM THROWING UP, OKAY?

**

I HATE BREATHING TREATMENTS.

**

AND I'LL ONLY KEEP IT ON HALFWAY

AND THROW IT OFF
WHEN THEY'RE NOT LOOKING.

I ALREADY
THREW IT OFF.

WHY'D YOU
THROW IT OFF, MISS?

BECAUSE THEY'RE
THAT GROSS-TASTING TO ME

THAT I FEEL REALLY NAUSEATED
RIGHT NOW, BAD.

ALL RIGHT.

I'M JUST TOTALLY ANXIETIED OUT,
I'M FRUSTRATED,

I'M JUST TIRED
OF BEING HERE.

[ Voice breaking ]
I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP

AND NOT WAKE UP.

DON'T SAY THAT.

THEY'RE NEVER
GONNA LET ME HOME.

**

[ COUGHS ]

I MIGHT HAVE SAID SOMETHING
TO ONE OF THE NURSES

THAT I WISH I WAS DEAD
BECAUSE I FELT LIKE [BLEEP]

AND NOW I'M ON SUICIDE WATCH.

IT IS SO STUPID.

HELLO.

Kirsten: HELLO.

KIRSTEN,
HOW ARE YOU DOING?

I DON'T FEEL
VERY GOOD.

IS THAT PSYCHIATRIST,
DR. MERKL,

COMING TO SEE YOU?

HE SAID THAT HE THINKS THAT
I'M EXTREMELY ANXIETIED OUT,

I GUESS,
AND THAT THEY THOUGHT

THAT IF I COULD GET UP
ON THE DIET,

MAYBE THAT WOULD HELP,
INSTEAD OF THE LIQUID.

MM-HMM.

ARE YOU STILL
MAKING THOSE COMMENTS

THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE
AND ALL THAT?

NO,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THAT'S WHEN
THEY CAME IN

AND TOLD ME
I WAS ON SUICIDE WATCH.

THEY WERE CONCERNED BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, YOU SAID,

"IF I GO TO SLEEP,
I'D RATHER NOT WAKE UP,"

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

YEAH, WELL, SOMETIMES, LIKE,
YEAH, I DO THINK THAT SOMETIMES,

LIKE, I WISH I WOULD GO TO SLEEP
AND NOT WAKE UP, LIKE,

WHEN I'M HAVING
A BAD DAY,

BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN I WOULD
GO KILL MYSELF, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, I THINK EVERYBODY
AT ONE POINT HAS THAT THOUGHT.

I DON'T THINK SO.
[ LAUGHS ]

WELL, MY FAMILY HAS IT
ALL THE TIME.

EVEN THOUGH
KIRSTEN SAYS SHE WAS JOKING,

WE CAN'T TAKE ANY CHANCES,

SO I'M KEEPING HER
ON SUICIDE WATCH FOR NOW.

WE HAVE A PSYCHIATRIST.

I'M ORDERING TO SEE HIM
FOR DEPRESSION.

SO, WE NEED TO WATCH AND MAKE
SURE SHE'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

HAVE YOU
BEEN UP WALKING?

NO.
WE'RE GONNA START TOMORROW.

WHAT IS
THE PROBLEM TODAY

THAT WE CAN'T
START TO DO THAT TODAY?

IF THE NURSES WILL COME
WALK WITH ME, THEN I'LL WALK.

SO, YOU REALLY NEED SOME HELP
TO GET UP AND WALK?

NO, BUT I THOUGHT THAT I NEEDED
SOMEONE TO WALK WITH ME.

BUT I THINK
IF THEY WOULD LET ME HAVE

HALF OF
A TURKEY SANDWICH,

I THINK
I'D FEEL A LOT BETTER.

MY BIGGEST CONCERN IS
HER PATHOLOGY TO EAT RIGHT NOW.

IF WE SEND KIRSTEN HOME,
I'M PRETTY SURE

SHE'S GOING TO EAT EVERYTHING
AND ANYTHING SHE CAN.

SO, WE NEED TO PROTECT KIRSTEN
AGAINST HERSELF

AND KEEP HER IN THE HOSPITAL
ON A CONTROLLED DIET.

SHE CAN GO HOME ONCE I FEEL

THAT SHE HAS MORE CONTROL
OVER HERSELF AND HER BEHAVIOR.

HOW LONG
UNTIL I GET TO GO HOME?

NOT FOR A WHILE.

YOU NEED TO FOCUS
ON MAKING SOME PROGRESS FIRST.

WE'LL MAKE CHANGES
IN YOUR DIET

AND GET YOU
UP AND WALKING

AND SEE
HOW EVERYTHING GOES, OKAY?

OKAY. THANK YOU.
OKAY.

THANK YOU FOR FIXING
MY BIG HERNIA.

ALL RIGHT.

SEE YOU SOON,
KIRSTEN.

Kirsten:
I REALLY HATE THIS A LOT.

I CAN'T STAY HERE LIKE THIS
MUCH LONGER.

WHAT THEY'RE GIVING ME HERE
IS NOT FOOD,

AND IT'S STARVING ME TO DEATH.

**

**

[ KIRSTEN COUGHS ]

Kirsten: FEELS LIKE I'VE BEEN
TRAPPED IN THIS PLACE FOREVER.

I JUST WANT TO GO HOME
AND SLEEP IN MY OWN BED...

AND PUKE IN MY OWN BUCKET.

HELLO.
HOW Y'ALL DOING?

HELLO.
ALL RIGHT.

SO, TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO
SEND YOU HOME.

OKAY.

AND YOU STAY
ON A LIQUID DIET.

OKAY.

YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE LIQUID
THAT ARE NOT SUGARY, OKAY?

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: WE HAD KIRSTEN
ON A CONTROLLED DIET

HERE IN THE HOSPITAL
FOR A COUPLE MONTHS NOW.

PSYCHIATRISTS SAW HER AFTER
WE PUT HER ON A SUICIDE WATCH

AND DETERMINED
THAT SHE'S NO THREAT TO HERSELF,

BUT HER ATTITUDE
STILL HASN'T IMPROVED A LOT.

YOU DO HAVE
A SMALLER STOMACH NOW

BECAUSE OF THE REPAIR WE DID
ON YOUR STOMACH.

OKAY.

BUT IT'S NOT LIKE
A GASTRIC SLEEVE,

BUT IT'S GONNA BE
MUCH EASIER

FOR YOU TO CONTROL
YOUR EATING HABITS.

OKAY.

AND YOU'RE
GOING TO BE ABLE

TO LOSE BETWEEN 20 TO 30 POUNDS
IN A MONTH.

WE HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET
HER WEIGHT DOWN A GOOD BIT,

BUT THE NEXT STEP WILL BE
TO SEE A THERAPIST IMMEDIATELY

BECAUSE SHE HAS TO START
MAKING CONNECTIONS

BETWEEN HER EMOTIONS
AND HER HUNGER.

BUT WE'RE GOING TO NEED
TO PUSH HER TO DO THIS NOW

BEFORE SHE STARTS TO GAIN AGAIN.

I JUST HOPE SHE FOLLOWS THROUGH.

AND YOU HAD SOME ISSUES
WITH ANXIETY

AND SOME ISSUE
WITH A SUICIDAL GESTURE

THAT MADE EVERYBODY
GET NERVOUS ABOUT IT,

SO WE'LL SET YOU UP
TO SEE A THERAPIST

AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET
EVERYTHING IN ORDER, HUH?

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT?

LET ME
GET YOUR WEIGHT CHECKED

AND WE'LL GO
FROM THERE, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.

**

502.
THAT'S GOOD.

**

SO, YOU LOST ANOTHER 51 POUNDS
SINCE YOU'VE BEEN HERE,

AND BY THE TIME I SEE YOU
IN THE OFFICE,

YOU'RE GOING TO BE
UNDER 500.

OKAY.
OKAY?

ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S GOING TO BE GREAT.

THANK YOU.
OKAY.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

**

Kirsten: I JUST CAN'T WAIT
TO GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE.

I AM JUST SO OVER THIS PLACE
AND READY TO BE ON MY OWN,

DOING THINGS MY OWN WAY.

I TRIED TO TELL EVERYBODY

I COULD DO SO MUCH BETTER
ON MY OWN,

SO I'LL SHOW THEM IT WAS STUPID
TO KEEP ME HERE LIKE THEY DID.

**

Kirsten: MOM,
DO YOU THINK I COULD GET

SOME MASHED POTATOES
TO EAT?

OKAY.

IT WAS SO NICE GETTING HOME,
AND MY MOM'S BEEN HELPING ME

BY GETTING MY FOOD
AND ME STUFF TO DRINK.

THANK YOU.
ANYTHING TO DRINK?

YEAH, WILL YOU GET ME
SOME MORE...

SOME GINGER ALE?
YEAH.

I'M BEING GOOD, MOSTLY BECAUSE
IF I EAT WHAT I SHOULDN'T,

I GET REALLY SICK.

THEY DIDN'T DO AS MUCH

AS WHAT THEY WOULD'VE DONE
IN A GASTRIC BYPASS,

BUT I CAN TELL A DIFFERENCE.

I'M EATING WAY LESS,
BUT I'M HUNGRY A LOT MORE OFTEN.

I CAN BARELY GET
A WHOLE YOGURT DOWN.

Cris: I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES
IT'S HARD FOR HER TO EAT,

BUT SHE'S EATEN WHAT I'VE GIVEN
HER, SO I THINK SHE'S OKAY.

BUT SHE'S REALLY NOT WANTING
TO GET UP AND MOVE.

MY LEGS ARE FREAKING KILLING ME.

THEY FEEL LIKE
MY SKIN'S GONNA TEAR.

I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO BE
GETTING UP AND WALKING AROUND,

BUT I'VE BEEN GOING
TO THE BATHROOM A LOT.

SO I'M COUNTING THAT AS WALKING.

[ GRUNTS ]

Cris: I THINK THAT SHE DOES NEED
TO SEE A THERAPIST

BECAUSE I KNOW
THAT SHE'S DEPRESSED,

AND THAT'S PART OF WHY
SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING.

Kirsten: I DON'T REALLY SEE
HOW A THERAPIST

IS GOING TO HELP ME
WITH MY WEIGHT AT ALL.

THAT'S WHY
I GOT WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

IF I NEEDED A THERAPIST,
I COULD'VE GONE TO THEM FIRST.

**

TODAY, I'M GOING TO GO
SEE THE DOCTOR FOR MY POST-OP.

I HAVEN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT.
I KNOW I HAVEN'T.

I ALREADY KNOW
THE SCALE'S GONNA SAY

THAT I DIDN'T LOSE ANY WEIGHT

BECAUSE MY LEGS
ARE JUST TOO SWOLLEN UP.

Kirsten: I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
SIT HERE FOR A MINUTE

BEFORE MY LEG GETS --
IT'S ASLEEP.

I'M WORKING ON IT.

I'M SO SWOLLEN RIGHT NOW,
I CAN BARELY WALK.

Woman:
KIRSTEN PEREZ?

AND I FEEL LIKE
I'VE LOST WEIGHT,

BUT MY WATER RETENTION
IS SO BAD RIGHT NOW

THAT THERE'S NO WAY
I'M GOING TO SHOW THAT

ON THE SCALE.

[ PANTING ]

507.

[ GRUNTS ]

I'M HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT DR. NOW
WILL THINK ABOUT MY WEIGHT LOSS.

HE WAS HOPING
THAT I'D BE UNDER 500.

BUT I'M HAPPY WITH THAT.

Cris: JUST THINK
IF ALL THAT SWELLING WENT AWAY,

YOU'D BE --
I'D BE WAY UNDER.

WAY UNDER.
YOU WOULD BE.

I KNOW IT.

HELLO.
HELLO.

HOW YOU ALL DOING?

FINE.

HOW IS EVERYTHING GOING WITH YOU
AFTER SURGERY?

FINE.

I'M NOT AS --
I'M NOT GETTING SICK ANYMORE.

OKAY, BUT YOU'RE DOWN
TO 507 POUNDS.

YOU REALIZE YOU WERE 502
WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOSPITAL.

YES.

AND YOU STILL HAD
ABOUT 20 POUNDS

OF FLUID IN YOU
AT THAT TIME.

YEAH.

THE SWELLING AND FLUID
HAS PASSED,

SO YOU HAVE ACTUALLY
GAINED AROUND 20 POUNDS

SINCE YOU LEFT
THE HOSPITAL.

THIS IS NOT A GOOD SITUATION
AT ALL.

I'M REALLY DISAPPOINTED
RIGHT NOW, KIRSTEN.

I'M VERY CONCERNED
FOR KIRSTEN RIGHT NOW.

I ARRANGED
FOR HER TO START THERAPY,

BUT SHE HAS NOT GONE.

AND SHE MISSED HER LAST
APPOINTMENT A MONTH AGO

BECAUSE SHE SAID
SHE DOESN'T FEEL WELL.

SO, SHE NEEDS
A WAKE-UP CALL RIGHT NOW.

I'M TRYING MY HARDEST.
I REALLY AM.

LET ME BE CLEAR.

YOU GO
TO A THERAPIST

OR THERE IS NOTHING MORE
I CAN DO FOR YOU,

AND OUTSIDE
OF A MEDICAL EMERGENCY,

WE ARE DONE.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

MM-HMM.
ALL RIGHT.

TAKE CARE.

Kirsten: I DON'T WANT
TO LOSE HIS HELP,

BUT IT FEELS LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE

THINKS THEY KNOW
WHAT'S BEST FOR ME.

**

Kirsten: TODAY,
I'M GOING TO SEE THE THERAPIST

DR. NOW WANTS ME TO SEE.

**

I KNOW I LET MY EMOTIONS
GET OUT OF CONTROL,

BUT THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.

**

A THERAPIST CAN'T REALLY
DO ANYTHING TO CHANGE THAT.

KIRSTEN,
WE CAN COME RIGHT ON BACK.

SO, I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO EXPECT TODAY.

OKAY.

HELLO, KIRSTEN.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I'M DOING OKAY.

SO, TELL ME WHY YOU'RE HERE
AT THIS POINT IN TIME.

WELL, I WAS HAVING
A LOT OF ANXIETY.

MM-HMM.

AND DR. NOWZARADAN THOUGHT
THAT IT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL

IF I SAW
A THERAPIST.

DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY
OF ANXIETY?

I HAVE A HISTORY
OF DEPRESSION.

SO, KIRSTEN,
TELL ME A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT THE WAY
YOU GREW UP.

WHEN I GOT INTO
HIGH SCHOOL, I GOT INTO
IT WITH THE WRONG CROWD

AND STARTED USING DRUGS.

AND WHEN I WAS LIKE 17,
I MOVED OUT.

I JUST TOOK OFF
AND DID WHATEVER I WANTED TO DO.

SO, SOMEWHERE IN THAT,

A FOOD ADDICTION
BEGAN FOR YOU.

WHAT LED TO THE SIGNIFICANT
WEIGHT GAIN IN YOUR LIFE?

I DON'T LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT IT.

I'VE BEEN...

RAPED A FEW TIMES,

AND I PUT MYSELF
IN THOSE SITUATIONS, SO...

HOLD ON.

[ CHUCKLES ]

YOU SAID YOU'VE BEEN RAPED
A FEW TIMES?

I DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT
THAT STUFF.

IT'S OVER WITH.
IT WAS A VERY LONG TIME AGO.

THE REASON
YOU DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT

IS BECAUSE
IT'S A REALLY DIFFICULT PLACE

TO PUT YOURSELF IN,
MEMORY-WISE, TO GO BACK THERE,

BUT YOU ALSO DON'T LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT IT

BECAUSE OF THE WAY

YOU'VE WRITTEN THIS NARRATIVE
IN YOUR MIND,

WHERE SOMEHOW, YOU'RE JUST
AS CULPABLE AS THE PERPETRATORS,

AND YOU'RE NOT.

YOU HAVE TO LET GO
OF FEELING ANY RESPONSIBILITY,

SAYING THAT YOU PUT YOURSELF
IN THAT SITUATION.

SOME OF THE TRAUMA YOU'VE
EXPERIENCED IN YOUR LIFE --

BEING BRUTALLY GANG-RAPED,
BEING ADDICTED TO DRUGS,

BEING ISOLATED FROM THE WORLD,
ALL OF THAT --

THAT CONTRIBUTES
TO YOUR DEPRESSIVE EPISODES

BECAUSE
YOU'RE ONLY HUMAN.

AND SO, NOT ONLY
WERE YOU EATING TO SUPPRESS

AND COVER UP
ALL THOSE NEGATIVE FEELINGS,

YOU WERE ALSO
EATING AWAY YOUR PAIN.

DIDN'T DO ME ANY GOOD
TO DO IT.

I'M STILL FEELING THE SAME
FEELINGS THAT I FELT EATING IT.

NOW YOU'RE READY
TO DEAL WITH THOSE FEELINGS.

IT'S IMPORTANT
THAT YOU SKEW YOUR THINKING

TOWARDS THE POSITIVE --
WHAT IS WORKING IN YOUR LIFE.

I JUST TELL MYSELF
THAT IN...

LIKE SEVEN MORE MONTHS,

I'LL BE, LIKE,
HALF THE SIZE I AM NOW

AND THAT I'LL BE ABLE
TO GO DO STUFF

THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO
IN LIKE 10 YEARS.

I'D LIKE FOR YOU
TO REPEAT AFTER ME.

I WILL NOT...

I WILL NOT...

...ABUSE MY BODY...

...ABUSE MY BODY...

...WITH FOOD...
...WITH FOOD...

...AND ABOVE ALL ELSE...

...AND ABOVE ALL ELSE...

...I WILL LOVE...

...I WILL LOVE...

...AND RESPECT MYSELF.

...AND RESPECT MYSELF.
[ SNIFFLES ]

AND IT'S NOT THAT HARD
IF YOU REALLY WANT IT, I GUESS.

IF YOU'RE WORTH IT,

YOU CAN'T LET YOURSELF
SIT THERE AND DIE.

OKAY.
YOU'RE WORTH IT.

YOU'RE REALLY COURAGEOUS,
KIRSTEN.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
SO OPEN AND FORTHCOMING,

AND I CAN'T WAIT
TO SEE YOU AGAIN.

OKAY.

OKAY.

[ PANTING ]

THAT WAS TOUGH.

I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE
TO TALK LIKE THAT.

BUT IT FELT GOOD
TO SAY A LOT OF WHAT I DID.

**

I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WASN'T
GOOD ENOUGH, AND I STILL DON'T.

BUT I FEEL LIKE I GOT A GLIMPSE

AT THE PERSON I CAN BECOME
TODAY.

AND THAT'S ENOUGH
FOR ME TO TRY RIGHT NOW.

**

**

I THINK I'VE BEEN MAKING GOOD
PROGRESS OVER THE LAST MONTH.

I NOTICED THAT THE ROLLS
ON MY BACK ARE WAY SMALLER,

AND I'M NOT HAVING AS MUCH
DIFFICULTY BRUSHING MY HAIR.

I MEAN, IT FEELS GOOD
THAT I CAN PUT IT UP.

LIKE, I'M NOT OUT OF BREATH.

**

I'M FEELING A LOT HEALTHIER,

AND SO, I'M TRYING TO BE ACTIVE
AND DO MORE.

SO, ARE YOU FEELING
ANY BETTER?

I'M NOT FEELING
SO GOOD TODAY.

THEN I'LL MAKE US
SOME SCRAMBLED EGGS.

MY MOM HAS TAKEN CARE OF ME
FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS

AND HAD TO DO EVERYTHING FOR ME.

BUT SHE'S SICK TODAY,
SO I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE

A GOOD TIME FOR ME TO TRY
AND COOK A MEAL FOR US.

OKAY, MOM,
I'M NOT GUARANTEEING

THAT THESE EGGS ARE GONNA BE
ANY GOOD, BUT I TRIED.

YOU MIGHT NEED
TO ADD SALT TO THEM.

I DIDN'T ADD A LOT.

ARE THEY DISGUSTING?

THEY'RE FINE.

TALKING TO THE THERAPIST
HELPED ME SOME

BECAUSE I DIDN'T REALIZE
HOW DEPRESSED I WAS

TO LOSE FOOD AS A COMFORT.

SO, I HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO DEAL
WITH HOW I FEEL DIFFERENTLY.

**

THE THERAPIST TOLD ME
TO START WRITING

THESE LITTLE,
POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS,

LIKE LITTLE NOTES TO MYSELF,
SO I'VE BEEN DOING THAT.

**

I CAN LOOK AT MY WALL
AND REMIND MYSELF

OF EVERYTHING
I SHOULD BE THINKING

SO I DON'T LOOK FOR COMFORT
FROM FOOD.

I KNOW THERE'S A LOT
UNDERNEATH THE SURFACE

I HAVEN'T DEALT WITH,

AND I'M GOING TO HAVE TO
FIGURE IT OUT.

I HAVE A LOT OF PAIN
WITH MY FATHER

AND A LOT OF PAIN
I'VE CAUSED MY SON.

AND THEY ARE COMING BACK IN TOWN
TO VISIT ME NEXT MONTH,

AND I'M EXCITED TO SEE THEM.

I'M GOING TO BE ABLE
TO TALK ABOUT A FEW THINGS

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO
FOR A LONG TIME,

SO THERE'S A LOT
TO LOOK FORWARD TO,

BUT AT THE SAME TIME,

I KNOW
A LOT OF WHAT I HAVE TO DO

IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY AT ALL.

**

Kirsten:
LIFE CAN BE SO HARD AT TIMES,

YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN SURVIVE,

BUT WHEN YOU COME OUT
OF THE OTHER END,

YOU REALIZE YOU'RE FAR STRONGER

THAN YOU EVER THOUGHT
YOU COULD BE.

**

Neiko:
ARE YOU READY?

Kirsten: YES.

NEIKO AND MY DAD HAVE COME IN
FOR A WHILE

TO STAY WITH ME AND MY MOM,

AND IT'S BEEN NICE
HAVING THEM BACK AROUND.

ONE OF MY BIGGEST FEARS HAS BEEN
NEIKO ENDING UP LIKE ME.

I'VE MESSED UP
SO MUCH OF MY LIFE,

AND I'M TRYING TO FIX THAT NOW.

**

Neiko: I'M GLAD
THAT YOU WALKED THIS FAR, MOM.

YOU'VE REALLY CHANGED A LOT
SINCE I'VE LEFT,

LIKE YOUR FACE
LOOKS SKINNIER.

I'VE LOST
OVER 100 POUNDS.

OVER 100?

I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU LOST THAT MUCH.

YEAH.

THAT'S GOOD.

YOU KNOW,
THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE

HAS REALLY GOT TO ME

ABOUT HOW I MISSED OUT
ON EVERYTHING

WHEN YOU GUYS
WERE GROWING UP,

AND I LET GRANDMA AND GRANDPA
BASICALLY TAKE CARE OF YOU GUYS.

AND I DON'T WANT YOU GOING DOWN
THE SAME ROAD AS I DID

BECAUSE LOOK
WHERE IT GOT ME.

YOU KNOW, LIKE...

YEAH.
...I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING,

AND I'M STILL LIVING
WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA.

AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT.

I MISSED OUT
ON EVERYTHING,

AND I FEEL BAD
ABOUT ALL OF THAT, YOU KNOW.

BUT I CAN'T CHANGE IT NOW.

I CAN ONLY
TRY TO GET BETTER.

I GUESS IT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG
TO GROW UP.

[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

I'M HAPPY
THAT YOU'RE GETTING HEALTHIER.

WELL, I JUST DIDN'T WANT YOU
TO HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME,

BECAUSE I KNOW THAT GRANDMA'S
NOT GOING TO BE AROUND FOREVER,

AND I WAS GETTING,
YOU KNOW,

TO THE POINT WHERE I COULDN'T
BARELY DO ANYTHING FOR MYSELF,

SO SOMETHING
HAD TO BE DONE.

I LOVE YOU,

AND I WANT US BOTH
TO HAVE GOOD LIVES.

GIVE ME A HUG.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I LOVE NEIKO,

AND I KNOW
I HAVE A LOT TO MAKE UP FOR.

I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING I CAN
TO REPAIR OUR RELATIONSHIP

AND TO BE THE BEST MOM I CAN
TO HIM.

AND THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO
RIGHT NOW.

**

TODAY,
I'M GOING TO THE GROCERY STORE,

AND I'M GOING TO GO BY MYSELF.

**

I'M DOING MORE AND MORE
ON MY OWN.

**

AND IT'S SCARY,
BUT IT FEELS GOOD.

**

I AM TRYING TO EAT HEALTHY.

I AM LOOKING AT THE PROTEIN
IN FOOD AND THE FAT CONTENT.

THERE'S LOTS OF THINGS IN THERE
THAT WERE LIKE,

"OH, IF I WASN'T ON A DIET,
LIKE, I WOULD BE EATING THAT,"

BUT I CAN'T EAT
THOSE FOODS ANYMORE.

AND I DON'T EVEN REALLY WANT TO.

HERE YOU GO.
THANK YOU. HAVE A GOOD EVENING.

SO, IT WAS EXCITING
GETTING OUT ON MY OWN.

**

PART OF ME CAN'T BELIEVE
EVERYTHING I'M ABLE TO DO NOW.

I'M JUST GONNA
KEEP PUSHING MYSELF

AND TRY TO DO MORE AND MORE.

**

I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO MAKE
A MEAL FOR MY WHOLE FAMILY.

**

I'VE BEEN WANTING TO DO THAT
FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS.

THANKS, KIRSTEN.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THEY'VE DONE SO MUCH FOR ME,

I JUST WANT TO START GIVING
A LITTLE BACK HOWEVER I CAN.

Cris: I'M PROUD OF THE CHANGES
KIRSTEN'S MAKING.

I THINK SHE'S DOING REALLY WELL.

SHE USED TO EAT
A LOT OF JUNK FOOD.

NOW SHE'S EATING A HEALTHY DIET,
SO IT'S A BIG CHANGE.

THANKS, KIRSTEN.
DINNER WAS GOOD.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
YEAH.

I ATE TOO MUCH.

I'VE BEEN GOING TO THERAPY AND
DEALING WITH MORE OF HOW I FEEL.

I TALKED TO MY DAD
ABOUT SOME THINGS, TOO.

IT'S NEVER EASY,
BUT I'M GLAD WE TALKED.

Kirsten: WELL,
I HOPE THAT YOU KNOW

THAT I'M SERIOUS ABOUT
BETTERING MYSELF NOW.

I'M WORKING
REALLY HARD AT IT,

AND I DON'T WANT
TO LET EVERYBODY DOWN.

I WANT
TO ACTUALLY SUCCEED.

AND I THINK YOU'VE SHOWN THAT
SO FAR,

THAT YOU DO PLAN ON
BEING SUCCESSFUL,

AND WE WANT YOU
TO GET BETTER.

Kurt: WHEN THIS JOURNEY STARTED
WITH KIRSTEN,

I REALLY DIDN'T EXPECT HER

TO DO NEAR AS WELL
AS SHE HAS DONE WITH IT.

IN THE LAST 15 YEARS,
IT'S PROBABLY THE FIRST TIME

I'VE EVER BEEN ABLE TO SAY,
"HEY, GOOD JOB.

YOU'RE ACCOMPLISHING
WHAT YOU'RE SETTING OUT TO DO."

I'M VERY PROUD
OF THE JOB YOU'VE DONE

SINCE YOU'VE BEEN
DOWN HERE,

STICKING TO YOUR DIET
AND DOING WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.

WELL, IT MAKES ME FEEL REALLY
GOOD TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT.

I'M TRYING REALLY HARD.

I KNOW YOU ARE.

SO, JUST KEEP UP
THE GOOD WORK.

IF I COME BACK
BEFORE AUGUST,

I EXPECT TO SEE YOU OUT JOGGING
AROUND THE APARTMENT COMPLEX.

IT'LL BE TOO HOT IN AUGUST
TO JOG ANYWHERE.

[ LAUGHS ]
THAT'S TRUE.

IT WOULD BE HERE.

[ LAUGHS ]

**

**

Kirsten: I KNOW THAT NOTHING
WITH ME OR WITH MY FAMILY

IS GOING TO BE FIXED OVERNIGHT

AND THAT IT'S GOING TO BE
A PROCESS.

**

SO, I'VE BEEN PUSHING MYSELF
AS HARD AS I CAN NOW,

AND I KNOW
I HAVE TO BE DOING WELL.

**

[ CRIS GASPS ]

YES. GREAT.
WOW.

I THINK THAT DOC IS GOING TO BE
HAPPY ABOUT MY PROGRESS.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

Dr. Nowzaradan:
HELLO.

TODAY, YOU ARE DOWN
TO 442 POUNDS.

HOW DO YOU FEEL
WITH THAT?

I'M FEELING
REALLY GOOD.

THAT'S GREAT.
I'M PROUD OF YOU.

I'M HAPPY WITH THE PROGRESS
KIRSTEN IS MAKING RIGHT NOW.

I THINK AT SOME POINT, SHE MAY
NEED TO HAVE FULL BYPASS,

BUT NOT UNTIL SHE DEALS WITH
MORE OF HER EMOTIONAL ISSUES

AND ONLY
IF SHE KEEPS MAKING PROGRESS.

BUT I'M OPTIMISTIC ABOUT
HER LONG-TERM SUCCESS RIGHT NOW.

YOUR GOAL WEIGHT
IS GOING TO BE 200 POUNDS,

AND I EXPECT THAT WE'RE GOING TO
GET THERE IN A YEAR, OKAY?

OKAY.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK,
AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH.

OKAY.
CAN I GIVE YOU A HUG?

THANK YOU.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

OH, YOU'RE WELCOME.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

BYE.

I WANTED TO COME HERE
AND KICK ASS

AND MAKE MYSELF FEEL GOOD
ABOUT MYSELF FOR ONCE.

I'VE DONE THAT.

THIS IS THE ONE TIME
THAT I CAN SHOW MY WHOLE FAMILY

THAT I WAS GOING TO DO
WHAT I SAID I WAS GOING TO DO.

**

AND I SURE IN THE HELL

DON'T EVER WANT TO BE CLOSE
TO 600 POUNDS AGAIN...EVER.

**

Cris:
THIS SHOULD BE FUN.

I WONDER HOW BIG OF CROCODILES
THEY HAVE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO MORE
AS A FAMILY.

I NEVER REALLY GOT TO SPEND
ANY TIME WITH THEM

UNLESS THEY WERE
TAKING CARE OF ME.

**

AND NOW WE CAN JUST TRY
TO ENJOY GOING OUT

AND DOING SOMETHING FUN.

THESE THINGS
ARE HUMONGOUS.

Kirsten: MY LIFE
HAS GONE TO SOME DARK PLACES,

AND I FINALLY FEEL LIKE
IT'S STARTING TO BRIGHTEN UP.

WHOA!

Neiko:
I THINK TODAY WAS A GOOD DAY,

AND I THINK WE NEED TO GO OUT
AND DO MORE THINGS LIKE THIS.

AND IT'LL MAKE THE FAMILY
A BETTER FAMILY.

Cris:
HE'S GIVING YOU THE EYE.

Kirsten: I'M THANKFUL
AND EXCITED ABOUT THE FUTURE,

SO I'M GOING TO WORK HARD AND
MAKE THE MOST OUT OF EVERY DAY

SO I CAN BE THE PERSON,

THE MOTHER, AND THE DAUGHTER
THAT I WANT TO BE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO KEEP DISCOVERING
MORE OF WHO I AM

AND HOW VALUABLE THAT PERSON IS.