All language subtitles for My 600-lb Life S04E20

Marla:
I CAN'T EVEN BATHE MYSELF.

MY KIDS HAVE TO DO THAT FOR ME.

Charity:
I FEEL LIKE SOME MONSTER.

Woman: I'VE BEEN HIDING FROM
THE WORLD, JUST WAITING TO DIE.

Pauline: [ Voice breaking ]
I AM ABSOLUTELY TRAPPED

IN THIS BODY,

AND I FEEL LIKE
I'M DYING EVERY DAY.

Susan:
I'M TERRIFIED RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS MY LAST HOPE
TO BECOME NORMAL.

Madison:
I NEED MY MOM.

I NEED HER TO BE HERE FOR ME.

**

Man:
10 SECONDS NOW.

HOLD IT,
HOLD IT, HOLD IT.

[ SIGHS ]
GOOD JOB.

Christina:
I HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE

TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.

Joe:
I REFUSE TO LET THEM BURY ME.

Chay: I AM NOW EXPRESSING MYSELF
AND LIVING MY OWN TRUTH.

Olivia: I LOST THE WEIGHT,
BUT I GAINED MY FAMILY.

Zsalynn: LIFE IS AMAZING NOW.
I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

Pauline: I'M STARTING TO SEE
HOW I CAN DO THIS.

Chay: THIS IS WHO I AM.

-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Pauline: I AM ABSOLUTELY TRAPPED
IN THIS BODY.

I LET MYSELF
GET WAY OUT OF CONTROL.

AND I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING
EVERY DAY.

I CAN'T EVEN MOVE WITHOUT HELP.

AND HAVING
MY SON TAKE CARE OF ME IS

ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER.

I TOTALLY FEEL LIKE
HE'S THE PARENT AND I'M THE KID.

I GOT TO GET THIS UNDER CONTROL.

[ GRUNTS ]

Pauline: DILLON IS THE REASON
WHY I'M DOING THIS.

I'M SO TIRED OF BURDENING HIM
TO HELP ME.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS IS
PAULINE'S LAST OPPORTUNITY

TO TURN HER LIFE AROUND.

Pauline: I'M EATING
SOME THINGS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING
THE PROGRESS I WANT.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

THE WAY THAT YOU'RE SITTING HERE
AFTER SURGERY,

AND YOU WANT TO ROLL WITH
THIS THING INSTEAD OF WALKING?

I CAN'T WALK THAT FAR
WITHOUT GETTING DIZZY.

DO YOU REALIZE
THE ONLY WEIGHT YOU HAVE LOST

HAS BEEN WHEN WE PUT YOU
IN HOSPITAL?

THIS IS NOT WORKING
FOR YOU.

THIS IS BULL[BLEEP]

THERE'S NOT MUCH
I CAN DO FOR YOU

UNLESS YOU START TAKING
RESPONSIBILITY

FOR YOUR SITUATION.

IT'S BEEN A YEAR
SINCE I MOVED TO HOUSTON

AND STARTED
MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY.

AND I FEEL LIKE
MY LIFE CURRENTLY STILL IS

A WORK IN PROGRESS.

THE FIRST YEAR WAS TOUGH,

BUT I WAS DOWN TO 529

FROM 677 POUNDS.

I'M SURE DR. NOW DIDN'T THINK
THAT THAT WAS GREAT PROGRESS,

BUT I FEEL LIKE
LOSING 148 POUNDS IN A YEAR

WAS PRETTY GOOD.

BUT HE FELT LIKE
I WASN'T DOING ENOUGH

OR WALKING AS MUCH AS I SHOULD.

BUT I CAN DEFINITELY GET AROUND
A LOT BETTER THAN I USED TO,

AND, UH -- AND IT FEELS GOOD.

YES.

BUT I HEAR SOME
OF WHAT THE DOCTOR'S SAYING,

SO I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET UP
AND STAY AS ACTIVE AS POSSIBLE.

I STILL NEED
TO SIT DOWN A LOT, THOUGH.

BECAUSE I HAVE BAD KNEE PAIN,

THE PAIN DOESN'T GO AWAY,
AND IT COMES BACK EVERY DAY.

AND SO I CAN'T BE
REALLY ACTIVE YET.

AND I STILL NEED
TO RELY ON DILLON

TO HELP ME
WITH QUITE A FEW THINGS,

SO HE STILL LIVES WITH ME HERE
AND HELPS TAKE CARE OF ME.

BUT MY GOAL HAS BEEN
TO GET HEALTHY ENOUGH

SO THAT HE CAN START LIVING
ON HIS OWN.

SO I TRY TO DO AS MUCH
FOR MYSELF AS I POSSIBLY CAN,

BECAUSE BEFORE DILLON HAD TO DO
EVERY SINGLE THING.

SEE THESE TONGS, HONEY?

WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS
I WANT YOU TO USE THE TONGS

AND TAKE THE TOP ONE OFF

AND GET ME
THE BOTTOM UNDERNEATH,

'CAUSE IT'LL BE FRESHER.

Pauline: BUT I STILL WANT
TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT

SO I CAN GET
MY SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY.

SALAD'S READY,
HONEY.

Pauline: AND I'M REALLY TRYING
TO EAT CLEAN --

A LOT OF PROTEIN, FRUITS,
AND VEGETABLES.

OKAY, CARRY THIS IN
FOR ME, PLEASE.

THERE'S YOURS.

OKAY.

Pauline:
I'VE BEEN MANAGING MY DIET WELL,

BUT I KNOW
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT SALAD

BECAUSE IT FILLS ME UP
AND IT DOESN'T LEAVE ANY ROOM

FOR PROTEIN
OR ANYTHING NUTRITIOUS

BECAUSE MY STOMACH IS SO SMALL.

I JUST DON'T HAVE
MUCH OF AN APPETITE RIGHT NOW.

SEE WHAT DILL HAS.

AND I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE
TO KEEP ANYTHING DOWN.

BUT WITH MY LOSS OF APPETITE,

I KNOW I'M LOSING
A LOT OF WEIGHT.

AND I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT
ALL THE PROGRESS I'M MAKING.

I JUST WANT TO START LIVING
MY LIFE AND LET DILLON LIVE HIS.

SO I'M GOING TO KEEP PUSHING
MYSELF HARD TO MAKE PROGRESS.

TODAY, I'M GOING
TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN AGAIN

FOR A FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT.

AND I'M HOPING I'VE LOST

AT LEAST ANOTHER 30 POUNDS
THIS MONTH.

[ CLATTER ]

OH.
SORRY, HONEY.

Pauline: EVEN THOUGH
I'M NOT ABLE TO GET UP MUCH

BECAUSE OF MY KNEE PAIN,
I KNOW I'M LOSING WEIGHT

SINCE I BARELY HAVE AN APPETITE

AND DON'T WANT MUCH OF ANYTHING
RIGHT NOW.

FOR GOODNESS' SAKES.

[ BREATHES DEEPLY ]

OKAY.

Pauline:
I'M PRETTY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

I'M JUST HOPING
TO HEAR THAT HE'S HAPPY

WITH MY PROGRESS SO FAR.

THAT'S ALL I CAN HOPE FOR.

-HELLO.
-HI.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

-GOOD, THANKS. HOW ARE YOU?
-ALL RIGHT.

SO, TODAY, YOU'RE DOWN
TO 478 POUNDS.

THIS PAST MONTH,
YOU LOST 51 POUNDS.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU STARTED
A VERY SLOW PROCESS,

BUT YOU MADE
A 180-DEGREE TURNAROUND,

AND YOU'RE DOING GREAT.
-THANK YOU.

I'M PROUD OF PAULINE

AND THE PROGRESS
SHE'S MAKING NOW.

IT MEANS SHE'S EATING LESS,

BUT I'M CONCERNED
ABOUT HER LACK OF ACTIVITY.

AT THIS POINT,
THERE IS NO REASON

FOR HER TO CONTINUE USING
HER WHEELCHAIR.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
HOW IS YOUR EXERCISE?

YOU STILL SEEM
TO BE USING YOUR WHEELCHAIR.

WHY IS THAT?
-I STILL HAVE KNEE PAIN.

I FEEL LIKE MY KNEES HURT
AS BAD OR WORSE

THAN THEY DID WHEN I WAS
AT MY HEAVIEST.

LIKE, I THINK,
FROM ALL THESE YEARS OF --

WELL, THAT'S NOT
TYPICALLY UNUSUAL.

YOUR KNEES ARE WORN OUT

BECAUSE YOU STILL HAVE
A LOT OF WEIGHT TO LOSE.

PAULINE'S THINKS FEELING PAIN
WHEN SHE GETS UP

AND MOVES AROUND MEANS
THAT MOVING IS A PROBLEM.

HER WEIGHT AND LACK
OF MOBILITY IS THE PROBLEM.

THE MORE SHE GETS UP AND MOVES,
THE LESS PAIN SHE WILL HAVE.

YOU NEED TO WORK
ON GETTING ACTIVE

AND UP AND OUT OF YOUR
WHEELCHAIR.

OKAY, I THINK I NEED
A REFILL ON MY PAIN PILLS.

THEY ONLY GAVE ME
A 30-DAY SUPPLY, THOUGH.

I WISH THEY'D GIVE ME
90 DAYS.

OKAY, PAULINE, I'LL PRESCRIBE
SOME PAINKILLERS

TO HELP YOU GET UP
AND START MOVING AROUND.

BUT I GIVE YOU 30 DAYS
BECAUSE THAT'S ALL YOU NEED

TO GET UP AND WALKING.

OKAY.

YOUR GOAL IS TO GET
MORE ACTIVE.

IF YOU DO THAT
AND LOSE ANOTHER 80 POUNDS,

YOU PROBABLY WILL BE READY
FOR SKIN SURGERY.

THANK YOU, DR. NOW.
I APPRECIATE YOU.

Pauline:
I THINK TODAY WENT WELL.

I AM HAPPY WITH THE PROGRESS
THAT I HAVE MADE,

BUT I DON'T THINK THE DOCTOR
REALLY UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN.

[ SIGHS ]

I'M GONNA KEEP WORKING HARD

SO THAT I CAN GET SKIN SURGERY
AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

SKIN SURGERY WOULD BE
THE NEXT BIG STEP

TO GET MY FREEDOM BACK,

SO I'M GOING TO LOSE ENOUGH
WEIGHT TO QUALIFY FOR THAT.

Chay:
I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

I HATE MY LIFE,

AND I CAN'T TELL YOU
HOW MANY NIGHTS I PRAYED TO GOD

AND ASKED HIM JUST TO TAKE ME.

I KNOW
IF I KEEP LIVING LIKE THIS,

I'M NOT GONNA BE ALIVE
MUCH LONGER.

IF I GET THERE
AND THE DOCTOR DOESN'T HELP ME,

I'LL BE JUST DEVASTATED.

YOU'RE USING FOOD
TO COPE WITH LIFE,

SO I WANT
TO SEE YOU TAKE CONTROL

OF YOUR EATING BEFORE WE DO
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

I WANT TO GET MY LIFE BACK.

AND I KNOW
THIS IS WHERE IT STARTS.

MY GRANDMA HAS BEEN MY BIGGEST
SUPPORTER FOR LOSING WEIGHT.

NOW THAT SHE'S GONE,

I JUST DON'T HAVE MUCH DRIVE
TO TRY AND DO A LOT.

I WANTED HER
TO BE THERE WITH ME.

NOW ALL I HAVE LEFT IS MEMORIES.

I DON'T THINK
I CAN DO THIS WITHOUT HER.

FOOD IS
THE ONLY THING BRINGING ME

ANY SORT OF COMFORT RIGHT NOW.

IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS, AND YOU
HAVE LOST ALMOST NO WEIGHT.

HE'S USING STRESS
AND EMOTION AS AN EXCUSE TO EAT.

I HAD A MOTHER WHO WAS
AN ALCOHOLIC AND A DRUG ADDICT,

SO I JUST BOTTLE IT UP,
AND THEN I EAT.

ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU'RE FEELING,
AND THEN LET IT OUT.

Chay:
I'M GONNA FIGHT FOR THIS.

PERFECT.
WE'RE GONNA DO 15.

YOU DID GREAT.

I FEEL LIKE
YOU'RE READY FOR SURGERY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: NOW HE'LL
BE ABLE TO EAT MUCH LESS

AND LOSE WEIGHT
MUCH MORE RAPIDLY.

IT'S BEEN
A LITTLE OVER THREE MONTHS

SINCE MY GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY.

AND I FEEL LIKE THINGS
ARE GOING WELL.

EVERY DAY,
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER

WHEN BEFORE I WAS STRUGGLING

TO EVEN TAKE CARE
OF MY GRANDMOTHER.

Chay: DO YOU FEEL
LIKE BREAKFAST?

YEAH, I'M GETTING
KIND OF HUNGRY.

OOH!

-GOT IT?
-YEAH.

NOW MY BODY MOVES EASIER,
THERE'S MORE PEP IN MY STEP,

AND I JUST --
I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

AND I CAN DO SO MUCH MORE.

[ CAT FOOD CLATTERS ]

SINCE SURGERY,
SOME THINGS ARE DIFFERENT.

I'M LIVING WITH MY UNCLE
AND HELPING HIM WITH HIS KIDS

BECAUSE HE TRAVELS FOR WORK.

BUT OVER THE PAST YEAR,
I'VE HAD TO DEAL

WITH A LOT OF MY EMOTIONS
THAT LED ME TO GO TO FOOD.

AT MY HIGHEST,
I WAS 597 POUNDS,

BUT SINCE THEN
I'VE LOST 120 POUNDS,

AND I'M DOWN TO AROUND 480.

AND I'M SO PROUD
OF ALL MY PROGRESS.

I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD
TO KEEP GOING,

BECAUSE HITTING MY GOALS
OVER THE NEXT YEAR IS

SO IMPORTANT TO ME.

AFTER I STARTED MY JOURNEY
TO GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY,

THE GREATEST EMOTIONAL HURDLE
WAS THE DEATH OF MY GRANDMOTHER.

SHE WAS MY WHOLE WORLD,

AND TO LOSE HER WAS
SUCH A HUGE BLOW.

SHE WILL BE SO GREATLY MISSED
BY ALL WHO KNEW HER.

OUR HEARTS ARE BROKEN,
AND OUR SOULS FULL OF SORROW.

IT'S STILL NOT, YOU KNOW, EASY,

BUT I THINK SHE'D BE PROUD
IF SHE KNEW

HOW FAR I'D COME
AND SHE WAS HERE.

BUT I KNOW I HAVE
A LONG WAY TO GO,

AND I'M WORKING ON THAT.

BUT IT'S STILL HARD.
[ MICROWAVE BEEPS ]

I FEEL LIKE
I'M STILL LOSING WEIGHT,

BUT THE CRAVINGS HAVE STARTED
TO COME BACK SOME,

AND IT'S BEEN
A STRUGGLE SOME DAYS

TO STILL STICK TO MY DIET.

AND I HAVE DAYS WHERE I DON'T
MAKE THE BEST CHOICES

ON WHAT I SHOULD EAT.

BUT I STILL HAVE
MORE GOOD DAYS THAN BAD OVERALL,

AND MY BAD CHOICES ARE OUTSHINED
BY MY GOOD ONES.

BUT I KNOW ON THE DAYS
I STRUGGLE WITH MY CRAVINGS

THE ROOT OF IT IS THE STRUGGLE
WITH MY EMOTIONS.

I FEEL LIKE, FOR SO LONG,
I'VE LIVED A LIE.

I WAS TRAPPED
IN A 600-POUND BODY,

AND NOW I'VE STARTED
TO BELIEVE I CAN DO THIS.

AND ONCE I LOSE THE WEIGHT,
IT WILL BE POSSIBLE FOR ME

TO BE THE PERSON
I'VE ALWAYS IDENTIFIED AS,

AND THAT PERSON IS A WOMAN.

I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE
FOR SO LONG,

BUT I CAN'T HIDE THIS
ANY LONGER.

AND I FEEL LIKE THAT HAS BEEN
AT THE ROOT OF ALL MY EATING

FOR SO MANY YEARS,
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T KNOWN

HOW TO DEAL
WITH THE EMOTIONS OF THIS.

THERE'S NO ONE I CAN TALK TO
ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS,

AND I FELT ASHAMED ABOUT IT
AND LIKE I HAVE TO HIDE.

BUT I KNOW I CAN'T LIVE
LIKE THIS ANY LONGER.

SO MY GOAL NOW IS TO PURSUE
GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

I KNOW THAT MEANS
I HAVE TO KEEP LOSING WEIGHT

AND THAT I'M GOING TO HAVE
TO COME OUT TO MY FAMILY.

AND I HAVE NO IDEA
HOW THEY'RE GOING TO TAKE IT,

ESPECIALLY MY AUNT AND UNCLE,

BECAUSE I KNOW
THEY'RE VERY CONSERVATIVE.

I KEEP THINKING OF THE
WORST-CASE SCENARIOS WITH THEM,

AND IT MAKES ME REALLY SCARED.

BUT I SEE THE DOCTOR
IN A MONTH TO FIND OUT

HOW MUCH PROGRESS I'VE MADE
AND WHAT IT'S GOING TO TAKE

FOR ME TO GET READY TO MAKE THIS
CHANGE AND STOP LIVING A LIE.

IT'S REALLY SCARY
TO THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING

I'M GOING TO TRY
TO ACHIEVE THIS YEAR.

BUT I'M READY
TO GO THROUGH THE FIRE

IF IT MEANS
I CAN COME OUT THE OTHER END

WITH THE LIFE
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED FOR MYSELF.

OH, GOD,
MY LEG'S THROBBING SO MUCH.

WE'RE HERE AT THE I.C.U.,

AND MY MOM IS IN A LOT OF PAIN.

SHE GOT UP
TO GO TO THE BATHROOM,

AND SHE STARTED SAYING
THAT HER LEFT LEG

AND HER LEFT ARM WAS NUMB.

IT STARTED TURNING PURPLE,

SO WE CALLED 911
TO GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL.

WE DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW,

AND I HEARD SOMEBODY SAY
THAT SHE HAS AN INFECTION,

OR IT COULD BE A STROKE,
BUT THEY'RE NOT SURE.

Pauline:
I'M REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW.

AND I WANT TO FIGURE OUT
WHAT THE DIAGNOSIS IS.

I WANT THE PHYSICAL PAIN
TO STOP.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
PAULINE'S CONDITION IS NOT GOOD,

AND IT SEEMS
TO BE GETTING WORSE.

CAN I TAKE A LOOK
AT PAULINE'S X-RAY?

Dr. Nowzaradan: PRELIMINARY
TESTS SHOW THAT SHE IS SEPTIC.

AND THAT CAN BE VERY DANGEROUS

AND EVEN, IN SOME CASES, FATAL.

SHE'S GOT SOME FLUID
IN THE RIGHT LUNG

AND A BIT
OF ENLARGED HEART.

SO WE NEED TO FIND OUT
WHAT THE CAUSE IS FAST.

[ GROANING ]

Dillon: IT'S BEEN REALLY SCARY
THE PAST TWO DAYS

WITH EVERYTHING
THAT'S BEEN GOING ON.

SHE'S WOKE ME UP
FROM JUST SCREAMING IN PAIN

EVER SINCE WE GOT HERE.

Pauline: DR. NOW'S BEEN
RUNNING TESTS AND X-RAYS,

AND IT'S BEEN SCARY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG

AND WHY THIS PAIN'S
NOT GOING AWAY.

DR. NOW.
-PAULINE,

YOU HAVE
A BLOODSTREAM INFECTION, OKAY,

THAT IS AFFECTING YOUR HEART
AND AFFECTING YOUR KIDNEY.

YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE
IS DOWN,

SO YOU NEED TO BE VERY CAUTIOUS
ABOUT YOUR CONDITION.

WE'VE BEEN RUNNING TESTS
ON PAULINE TO DETERMINE

THE CAUSE
OF HER BLOODSTREAM INFECTION,

AND IT IS LIKELY
THAT SHE HAS DEVELOPED

A STOMACH ULCER
THAT POSSIBLY HAS PERFORATED

THE LINING OF HER STOMACH
AND IS LEAKING

IN THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY

AND CAUSING INFECTION
IN THE BLOODSTREAM.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
LET'S BACKTRACK.

YOU SAID THE NIGHT BEFORE,
YOU WENT TO THE BATHROOM,

AND WHAT HAPPENED?

MY LEFT LEG AND MY LEFT HAND AND
MY TIP OF MY TONGUE GOT NUMB.

EVERYTHING GOT DARK,
SPOTS ALL AROUND MY EYES,

AND THEN MY VISION
WENT LOWER, TOO.

HOW IS
YOUR EATING DOING?

NOT SO GOOD.

I WASN'T KEEPING THINGS DOWN,

AND THE MEDICINE STARTED
COMING BACK UP, TOO.

PAULINE WAS SO ADAMANT
ABOUT PAINKILLERS LAST TIME.

MY CONCERN RIGHT NOW IS
SHE HAS BEEN ABUSING

THAT MEDICATION.

[ GROANS ]

I NEED SOME PAIN MEDICINE,
PLEASE.

PAULINE, YOU'RE GETTING
TOO MANY PAIN MEDICINE,

AND THAT MAY BE A PROBLEM.

[ GROANS ]

PLEASE GIVE ME SOMETHING.
I'M BEGGING YOU.

I-I SUFFERED ALL NIGHT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AN EXCESSIVE
AMOUNT OF PAINKILLER

WILL CAUSE AN ULCER
TO FORM IN HER STOMACH,

WHICH EXPLAINS
HER LACK OF APPETITE

OVER THE LAST MONTH.

YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN
ON TAKING ANY PAIN MEDICATION,

'CAUSE THAT'S GONNA AGGRAVATE
THE SITUATION.

PAULINE DOESN'T GET
HOW MUCH DAMAGE SHE'S BEEN DOING

TO HER BODY WITH THIS

AND HOW CLOSE SHE IS
TO DEATH RIGHT NOW.

YOUR CONDITION
RIGHT NOW IS PROBABLY

THE LOWEST HEALTHY CONDITION
THAT YOU HAVE EVER BEEN.

AND THIS IS
WITH ALL THE WEIGHT LOSS.

YOU NEED TO BE
VERY CAREFUL WITH THAT.

OKAY?

-THANK YOU.
-OKAY.

RIGHT NOW, WE'RE STARTING HER
ON ANTIBIOTICS

TO TRY TO GET
THE INFECTION UNDER CONTROL,

BUT SHE'S REALLY IN BAD SHAPE
RIGHT NOW.

IF HER CONDITION WOULD WORSEN,

THE ONLY CHOICE
WE'LL HAVE TO SAVE HER IS

TO RUSH HER
TO AN EMERGENCY SURGERY...

HOPEFULLY, HER BODY ISN'T
IN SUCH A BAD SHAPE

THAT WE CAN'T PULL HER
OUT OF IT.

Chay: I'M HEADED
TO SEE DR. NOW AND FIND OUT

HOW MUCH PROGRESS I'VE MADE
OVER THE LAST TWO MONTHS.

AND I PLAN
ON TELLING DR. NOWZARADAN

THAT I WANT TO PURSUE
GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

HE'S MY DOCTOR,
SO I WANT HIM TO KNOW.

BUT HE'S ALSO
THE FIRST PERSON I'M TELLING,

AND JUST SHARING IT MAKES ME
REALLY NERVOUS.

MR. GUILLORY.

Chay: MY LAST WEIGH-IN,
I WAS AT 478 POUNDS.

[ SIGHS ]
HERE WE GO.

THE DOCTOR'S GOAL FOR ME WAS
TO LOSE ANOTHER 50 POUNDS

TO GET UNDER 428,

AND ALL MY DREAMS DEPEND
ON STAYING ON TRACK.

SO I JUST HOPE
I GOT CLOSE TO THAT.

Woman: 464.

THAT'S NOT AS MUCH WEIGHT LOSS
AS I'D HOPED,

BUT AT LEAST IT'S SOME PROGRESS.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO.
-HEY, THERE.

SO, YOU'RE DOWN
TO 464?

YES, SIR.

THAT'S ONLY 14 POUNDS
IN 2 MONTHS.

THAT'S NOT A LOT OF PROGRESS.
WHAT'S GOING ON?

WELL, I KNOW YOU TOLD ME
THAT IF THERE'S A PROBLEM,

I CAN'T JUST RUN AWAY FROM IT
OR NOT FACE IT.

I HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT,

OR I'M JUST GONNA
SABOTAGE MYSELF.

SO I'VE COME TO ADMIT TO MYSELF
THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED PERSON,

AND I WANTED TO TELL YOU
BECAUSE, LIKE, RIGHT NOW,

YOU'RE, LIKE, MY HEAD
OF MY MEDICAL TEAM.

AND I JUST WANTED YOU
TO KNOW

THAT THERE'S THINGS
I'M GONNA DO IN THE FUTURE,

LIKE HORMONE-REPLACEMENT THERAPY
AND THAT.

AND I JUST WANTED YOU
TO BE AWARE.

OKAY. ARE YOU GOING TO PURSUE
GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY?

-I WANT TO HAVE SURGERY, TOO.
-ALL RIGHT.

BUT YOUR BODY CANNOT HANDLE
TWO VERY MAJOR CHANGES

AT THE SAME TIME.

SO THE TIME
FOR RECONSTRUCTION

ARE IDEALLY
WHEN YOU LOSE THE WEIGHT.

SO YOU HAVE TO WAIT
FOR ANYTHING VERY BIG

UNTIL YOU GET CLOSE
TO YOUR GOAL WEIGHT.

-OKAY.
-AND I WANT TO MAKE SURE

THAT YOU'RE GOING
TO YOUR THERAPIST

SO YOU CAN WALK THROUGH
YOUR EMOTIONS

AND AVOID THE TEMPTATION
TO RUN TO FOOD.

YES, SIR.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
CHAY'S ALWAYS USED FOOD

TO COPE WITH HIS EMOTION,
AND WITH ALL THE CHANGES

HE'S GOING
TO BE GOING THROUGH,

HE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE
HE'S MEETING WITH HIS THERAPIST

AND WORKING THROUGH THINGS.

SO YOUR GOAL RIGHT NOW IS
TO LOSE ENOUGH WEIGHT

TO GET SKIN SURGERY.

I WANT YOU
TO GET UNDER 400 POUNDS

TO QUALIFY
FOR THAT PROCEDURE.

I'M GONNA DO MY BEST.
THANK YOU.

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: CHAY HAS
TO LEARN TO COPE WITH THINGS

IN A MUCH HEALTHIER WAY
IF HE'S GOING TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

IF NOT, HE'S GOING
TO FALL BACK ON OLD HABITS

AND END UP BACK AT 600 POUNDS.

Chay: IT WAS A LITTLE HARD
TO HEAR THAT THE DOCTOR THINKS

I NEED TO WAIT UNTIL I GET
CLOSER TO MY GOAL WEIGHT

BEFORE I CAN HAVE
GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

BECAUSE I'M NOT SURE
HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN WAIT.

I'M THINKING
ABOUT ALL THE CHANGES,

AND COMING OUT
TO MY FAMILY IS HARD.

BUT I KNOW
RIGHT NOW I HAVE TO FOCUS

AND KEEP WORKING
TO MAKE PROGRESS,

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO LOSE THIS CHANCE

TO GET THE LIFE
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

Dr. Nowzaradan:
OVER THE PAST FEW DAYS,

WE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO
STABILIZE PAULINE'S CONDITION,

AND HER HEALTH CONTINUED
TO DECLINE RAPIDLY.

SO WE HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE
BUT EMERGENCY SURGERY

TO TRY AND REMOVE
HER STOMACH ULCER

AND CLOSE UP ANY LEAK
IN THE ABDOMINAL CAVITY.

BUT THIS IS GOING
TO BE A VERY RISKY SURGERY.

PAULINE'S BODY IS
ALREADY SEVERELY COMPROMISED,

AND IT WON'T BE ABLE
TO HANDLE MUCH MORE TRAUMA.

BUT AT THIS POINT, THIS IS
HER ONLY HOPE TO SURVIVE.

WE ARE OPENING THE BELLY,
AND WE'RE LOOKING

FOR THE AREA OF PERFORATION
OF THE ULCER.

WE'RE ALMOST GETTING TO IT.

THERE'S A LOT OF LEAKAGE
FROM THE INTESTINES

THAT WE HAVE TO CLEAR UP.

OKAY, WE TOOK ALL THE ULCER
AND ALL THE INFECTED TISSUE OFF.

AND EVERYTHING'S LOOKING GOOD.

SO WE'RE GONNA CLOSE HER UP,
AND WE'LL SEE HOW SHE DOES.

ALL RIGHT, SURGERY IS OVER.

WELL, PAULINE'S SURGERY WENT
AS GOOD AS WE CAN EXPECT.

WE WERE ABLE
TO STOP THE PERFORATED ULCER

FROM BECOMING FATAL,
BUT THERE WAS STILL

A LOT OF DAMAGE DONE
TO PAULINE'S BODY.

WE'LL CONTINUE
TO DO EVERYTHING WE CAN

TO GET HER THROUGH THIS,

BUT THERE IS NO WAY TO KNOW
AT THIS POINT

IF SHE WILL BE ABLE
TO FULLY RECOVER.

PAULINE HAS A LONG ROAD
AHEAD OF HER RIGHT NOW.

Chay: I'VE BEEN THINKING
A LOT LATELY

ABOUT WHAT THE DOCTOR SAID
ABOUT MY BODY NOT BEING ABLE

TO GO THROUGH
TWO MAJOR CHANGES AT ONCE.

BUT I DON'T THINK I'M GOING
TO BE ABLE TO COMPLETELY WAIT

UNTIL I GET TO MY TARGET WEIGHT
TO START LIVING AS A WOMAN.

I'VE BEEN SUPPRESSING THIS
FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

MY BEING A TRANSGENDERED PERSON,
HIDING IT,

MADE ME AN OVEREATER
AND AN EMOTIONAL EATER.

AND IT'S PLAYED A BIG PART
IN GAINING THE WEIGHT I DID.

I WAS LIVING A LIE,

AND I KNOW
IF I KEEP LIVING LIKE THAT,

I'M NOT GONNA BE ABLE
TO MAKE THE PROGRESS I NEED.

SO I'D HAVE TO BE TRUE TO MYSELF

AND START THE PROCESS NOW
IN ANY WAY I CAN.

AND I'VE STARTED TO DRESS LIKE
A WOMAN WHEN NO ONE'S AROUND.

SOMETIMES,
I THINK I MAKE A PRETTY LADY.

AND I THINK
I LOOK LIKE MY GRANDMA.

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY,

I JUST REMEMBER PRETENDING
I WAS A PRINCESS,

AND I LIKED TO PLAY WITH BARBIES

AND NOT WITH, LIKE, TONKA TRUCKS
OR STUFF LIKE THAT.

I WAS TAUGHT,
"BOYS DO THESE THINGS.

GIRLS DO THESE THINGS.

THIS STUFF'S FOR BOYS.
THIS STUFF'S FOR GIRLS."

AND A LARGE PART OF MY FAMILY IS
VERY CONSERVATIVE,

SO I JUST ALWAYS FELT LIKE

THIS IS SOMETHING
I SHOULDN'T TALK ABOUT.

THIS IS SOMETHING
I SHOULD KEEP TO MYSELF,

BECAUSE, IN MY FAMILY,
THAT WAS A BAD THING.

BUT THIS IS WHO I AM,

AND NO MATTER WHAT
I HAVE TO DO THIS.

BUT UNTIL I GET CLOSER
TO BEING ABLE

TO MAKE THE COMPLETE CHANGE,
I'M NOT TELLING ANYONE.

I JUST HOPE THAT EMOTION

AND THAT FEAR
DOESN'T BUILD IN ME

AND MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE
TO STAY ON MY DIET.

BUT I'M JUST NOT READY
RIGHT NOW,

AND I WANT TO MAKE MORE PROGRESS

BEFORE I WORK UP THE COURAGE
TO TELL EVERYONE.

MEGHAN.

YOU HOME?

YOU HUNGRY?
I GOT TURKEY POT PIE.

ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S FINE.

I DON'T THINK I'LL BE ABLE
TO FULLY HANDLE IT

IF MY FAMILY DOESN'T REACT
POSITIVELY TO THE NEWS.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME,
THE LONGER I KEEP IT A SECRET,

THE HARDER IT IS FOR ME
TO DEAL WITH ALL MY EMOTIONS

AND THE MORE
I WANT TO FIND COMFORT IN FOOD.

AND I CAN'T LET MYSELF
FALL BACK INTO THAT.

OOH!
THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

Chay:
I KNOW I GIVE IN AT TIMES,

AND WHEN I DO,
IT'S RISKING EVERYTHING

I'VE WORKED SO HARD
TO ACCOMPLISH.

BUT IT'S REALLY DIFFICULT
TO NOT GIVE IN,

SO I TRY TO FIND A BALANCE
BECAUSE I HAVE TO.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW YOU
MANAGED TO EAT ALL OF THAT.

USUALLY, YOU EAT,
LIKE, TWO BITES.

I DON'T KNOW, EITHER.

Chay: I'M JUST NOT READY
TO TELL MY FAMILY,

AND I HAVE
TO DEAL WITH MY EMOTIONS

IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T STOP
MY PROGRESS.

Chay: I KNOW THE WEIGHT HASN'T
BEEN FLYING OFF

THE LAST COUPLE OF MONTHS

BECAUSE I'VE BEEN GIVING IN SOME
HERE AND THERE

AND EATING FOOD
TO COMFORT ME RIGHT NOW.

BUT I FEEL
LIKE I'M LOSING WEIGHT

AND I HAVE MORE EXCESS SKIN
THAN I HAD BEFORE.

MY ARMS, THEY'RE
PRETTY LOOSE AND JIGGLY.

MY BELLY SKIN -- I CAN, LIKE,
FOLD IT LIKE A TACO.

THIS EXTRA SKIN BOTHERS ME

BOTH AESTHETICALLY
AND FUNCTIONALLY.

I LIKED MY BODY BETTER
WHEN I WAS, LIKE, SUPER-FAT

'CAUSE EVERYTHING WAS TIGHT
AND SMOOTH,

AND NOW THINGS ARE JUST SAD.

I HAVE ONE MORE MONTH
TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT

BEFORE I SEE THE DOCTOR AGAIN,

AND I'M WORKING TO MAKE PROGRESS
AS BEST I CAN

BECAUSE I CAN'T KEEP HIDING
WHO I AM.

I KNOW MY EMOTIONS ARE GONNA GET
TO BE TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE,

AND I'M GONNA START
GIVING IN MORE,

AND I CAN'T START GAINING
AND LOSE THIS CHANCE AT MY LIFE.

I JUST CAN'T FAIL AT THIS.

I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOW AGAIN
AND FIND OUT

IF I'VE MADE GOOD PROGRESS
OVER THE LAST FEW MONTHS.

I KNOW I'VE STILL HAD MY MOMENTS
WHERE I'VE STRUGGLED,

AND I'VE TRIED SOME FAD DIETS

LIKE ONLY EATING BEANS
AND LENTILS.

AND I KNOW
THEY HAVEN'T REALLY WORKED.

I SHOULD'VE JUST STUCK
TO DR. NOW'S DIET.

SO, I'M NERVOUS TO FIND OUT
HOW MUCH WEIGHT I'VE LOST.

HE WANTED ME TO LOSE 65 POUNDS,
TO GET UNDER 400 POUNDS

BEFORE HE THINKS
I'D BE READY FOR SKIN SURGERY.

AND SO MUCH IS RIDING
ON THIS SURGERY,

SO OF COURSE
I'M REALLY NERVOUS RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE SCALE'S GONNA SAY.

THAT'S A LOT LESS WEIGHT LOSS
THAN I THOUGHT.

I THOUGHT I WAS DOING
A LOT BETTER THAN THAT.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

-HELLO.
-HI, THERE.

-HOW YOU DOING?
-I'M OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, LAST TIME
I SAW YOU, YOU WERE AT 464.

AND I WANTED YOU
TO GET BELOW 400

IN THE PAST FEW MONTHS,

BUT NOW YOU'RE DOWN
TO 455.

THAT'S ONLY
THREE POUNDS A MONTH.

AT YOUR WEIGHT,
AT THIS POINT AFTER BYPASS,

YOU SHOULD BE ABLE
TO LOSE 20 POUNDS A MONTH

WITHOUT ANY ISSUE.

SO WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH THE EATING HABIT?

I-I THOUGHT
I WAS DOING GOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING
RIGHT NOW

WHEN YOU'RE STRUGGLING
WITH YOUR EMOTIONS?

DID YOU SEE
YOUR THERAPIST?

I'VE NOT REALLY DONE ANYTHING
ABOUT THAT YET.

YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE A LOT
OF BIG CHANGES TO YOUR BODY

IN A SHORT TIME, CHAY,

AND I TOLD YOU YOU HAVE TO DEAL
WITH YOUR EMOTIONS

AND TALK TO YOUR THERAPIST.

AND YOU DID NOT
DO THAT.

YOU TRIED TO DO THIS
ALL ON YOUR OWN,

AND THAT'S NOT GOING
TO WORK.

CHAY CERTAINLY HAS
A LOT OF REASON

TO WRESTLE
WITH HIS EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW,

BUT HE HAS NO EXCUSE
TO TRY TO ISOLATE HIMSELF

AND TRY TO DO
THIS WHOLE JOURNEY ON HIS OWN.

HE HAS HELP
AND RESOURCES AVAILABLE TO HIM

THAT HE'S CHOOSING NOT TO USE
RIGHT NOW.

Dr. Nowzaradan: NOTHING STAYED
WITH YOU IN YOUR FOLLOW-UP.

WHERE ARE WE GOING
WITH THAT?

I TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY
FOR THAT.

I AM NOT TRYING
TO MAKE ANY EXCUSES.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
IF HE WANTS TO SUCCEED,

HE HAS TO START LEANING
ON OTHERS FOR HELP,

OR HE WON'T BE ABLE TO DO THIS.

YOU NEED TO GO
TO YOUR THERAPIST

AND TALK TO HER
ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.

AND IN THREE MONTHS, I WANT YOU
TO BE UNDER 400 POUNDS.

OKAY.

-ANY OTHER QUESTIONS?
-UM, NO, SIR.

ALL RIGHT.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
IF HIS EATING HABITS GET

OUT OF CONTROL AGAIN,

THEN HE CAN EASILY GET
BACK UP TO 600 POUNDS

IN FOUR TO FIVE MONTHS.

SO HE NEEDS TO TAKE EVERYTHING
HE'S GOING THROUGH

VERY SERIOUSLY RIGHT NOW.

Chay: I KNOW THE DOCTOR'S RIGHT,
AND I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN.

AND NOT TRUSTING ANYONE IS
CAUSING ME

TO FALL BACK TO OLD HABITS.

I KNOW I HAVE
TO START TO REACH OUT

AND BUILD UP THE COURAGE
TO STOP LIVING LIKE I AM.

IF I DON'T, I'M NOT GONNA BE
ABLE TO DO THIS,

AND I'M GONNA START
GAINING AGAIN

AND END UP FURTHER AWAY
FROM MY DREAM THAN EVER.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
IT'S BEEN A MONTH

SINCE WE PERFORMED SURGERY
ON PAULINE,

AND SHE STILL HAS
NOT RECOVERED VERY MUCH.

UNFORTUNATELY,
SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO GRASP

HOW DIRE HER SITUATION IS
RIGHT NOW.

SHE'S WELL ENOUGH
TO START HER PHYSICAL THERAPY,

BUT SHE IS REFUSING BECAUSE
SHE SAID IT HURTS TOO MUCH

AND SHE WANTS
MORE PAIN MEDICATION.

Pauline:
I FEEL SO MISERABLE.

I DON'T THINK
ANYONE REALLY UNDERSTANDS

HOW PAINFUL THIS ALL IS.

[ MONITORS BEEPING ]
EVERYTHING HURTS ME --

TO MOVE, TO SIT UP,
TO USE AN ARM,

TO USE A LEG, WHATEVER --
IT HURTS.

I'M LIVING THREE-HOUR TO
THREE-HOUR PAIN MEDICINE TIME.

LIKE, I'M SCREAMING FROM PAIN

BY THE TIME
IT'S THREE HOURS AGAIN.

BUT AS LONG
AS I GOT PAIN MEDICINE IN ME,

I FEEL PRETTY GOOD.

Dr. Nowzaradan: IF SHE DOESN'T
WANT TO GET UP OUT OF BED,

HER HEALTH IS GOING
TO CONTINUE TO DECLINE

AS HER BODY GETS WORSE
AND WORSE.

Chay: RIGHT NOW, I'M HEADED
TO SEE MY THERAPIST.

SHE'S HELPED ME THROUGH A LOT,

AND SHE TAUGHT ME
TO LET MY FEELINGS OUT

SO I DON'T SUPPRESS THEM
AND END UP RUNNING TO FOOD.

I JUST THOUGHT, AT THE TIME,
THE EMOTION I NEEDED TO LET OUT

AND DEAL WITH WAS THE PAIN
FROM CHILDHOOD AND MY PARENTS.

I GREW UP IN A VERY
EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD.

SO I JUST BOTTLE IT UP,
AND THEN I EAT.

THE IMPORTANT THING
TO RECOGNIZE IS

THE FEELINGS ARE
GONNA GO SOMEWHERE.

YOU SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE
WHAT YOU'RE FEELING

AND THEN LET IT OUT.

I'M TRYING
AND WILL TAKE CONTROL.

Chay: BUT MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY
HAS HELPED ME TO REALIZE

MORE OF WHO I AM
AND MORE OF WHO I WANT TO BE.

AND I'M STILL HIDING THAT
FROM THE WORLD.

-HEY, CHAY. GOOD TO SEE YOU.
-HEY, THERE.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
-COME ON BACK.

Chay: EVEN THE THOUGHT

OF TELLING MY FAMILY
RIGHT NOW IS SCARY,

BUT I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO LET IT OUT.

SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO FOCUS ON TODAY?

HOW DO YOU WANT
TO SPEND OUR TIME?

SO, I HAVE ADMITTED
TO MYSELF

THAT I'M
A TRANSGENDERED PERSON.

-MM.
-AND IF I'M GOING

TO BE SUCCESSFUL
WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS,

THAT'S SOMETHING
I CAN SUPPRESS AND NOT FACE.

SO GIVE ME A LITTLE BIT
OF HISTORY, SHARE WITH ME.

HAS THIS BEEN SOMETHING
THAT'S BUILDING?

OR HOW DID YOU REACH THIS POINT
OF RECOGNITION OF THIS?

IT'S SOMETHING
I'VE ALWAYS DEALT WITH

EVEN BEFORE I KNEW
WHAT IT WAS CALLED.

BUT THE WAY I WAS TAUGHT
AS A CHILD,

I KNEW THAT...

THAT WAS SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE FROWNED UPON.

AND I KNOW THAT NOT EVERYONE
IS GOING TO BE,

YOU KNOW,
RECEPTIVE TO IT.

SO YOUR FEAR THERE IS WHAT?
WHAT IS THE FEAR?

JUST THE CONFLICT.

THERE ARE PARTICULAR PEOPLE
IN MY FAMILY THAT,

IF YOU SAY SOMETHING
THEY DON'T AGREE WITH,

THEY'RE NOT LISTENING
TO ANYTHING YOU'RE SAYING.

IT'S JUST ALL ABOUT THEM YELLING
AND MAKING A SHOW.

-OKAY.
-AND THAT'S THE KIND OF CONFLICT

I'D RATHER AVOID.
-BUT THESE ARE ALSO PEOPLE

THAT YOU HAVE A REALLY CLOSE
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH.

YOU'RE NOT LOOKING
FOR OTHER PEOPLE

TO AGREE WITH YOUR POSITION
OR EMBRACE THAT.

THAT'S NOT YOUR GOAL.

YOUR GOAL IS
SIMPLY SHARING YOUR STORY.

I REALLY KIND OF JUST WISH
I COULD DO IT, LIKE,

VIA TEXT MESSAGE
OR OVER THE TELEPHONE,

WHERE IF THINGS GET IRATE,
I CAN JUST...

THAT'S YOUR CHOICE.
YEAH, THAT'S YOUR CHOICE.

BUT THERE MAY BE
A LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING THERE,

AND I THINK THAT
THAT'S SOMETHING

THAT YOU CAN BUILD ON.
-YEAH.

I MEAN, THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT'S OBVIOUSLY BEEN

JUST BUILDING
AND BUILDING INSIDE OF YOU,

AND I KNOW IT TOOK
A LOT OF COURAGE.

SO I THANK YOU
FOR SHARING IT WITH ME,

AND I'M EXCITED
ABOUT YOU SHARING IT

WITH OTHER PEOPLE
AROUND YOU.

AND I'M HOPEFUL
THAT THEY'RE GONNA BE

ENCOURAGING AND SUPPORTIVE.
-WELL, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
-ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, WELL, HOPEFULLY,
I'LL SEE YOU SOON.

OKAY.

Chay: I THINK THIS WAS
REALLY HELPFUL FOR ME.

I'M STILL SCARED
TO TELL MY FAMILY

AND SEE HOW THEY REACT,

BUT I'VE BEEN MAKING IT BIGGER
IN MY HEAD.

AS LONG AS THEY ACCEPT ME,

THEN I THINK STEPHANIE IS RIGHT
AND THAT I CAN BUILD ON THAT.

SO I HAVE TO FIND
THE COURAGE TO DO THIS.

I HAVE TO TELL MY FAMILY.

PAULINE HAS BEEN IN HOSPITAL
FOR FOUR MONTHS NOW.

SHE STILL REFUSES TO WALK,

AND SHE REFUSES
TO DO ANY EXERCISE.

AND SHE HAS NOT REDUCED
HER DEMAND FOR PAIN MEDICATION.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

PAULINE, HOW ARE YOU
THIS MORNING?

I'M OKAY.
HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

THE ONLY POSITIVE THING HAS BEEN
WE HAVE BEEN ABLE

TO KEEP HER
ON A CONTROLLED DIET.

AND WE HAVE HER DOWN
TO 333 POUNDS RIGHT NOW,

BUT HER CONDITION IS
NOT GOING TO IMPROVE

IF SHE DOESN'T START
TO GET ACTIVE AGAIN.

THERE'S A COUPLE THINGS THAT
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.

FIRST, YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO GET ANY MORE PRESCRIPTIONS

FOR PAINKILLERS.

SECOND, I'M SENDING YOU
TO A PHYSICAL-THERAPY FACILITY

TO WORK WITH YOU
AND GET YOU UP AND MOVING AGAIN.

Pauline: BUT HOW AM I GONNA
STAND UP OR MOVE

OR DO ANY PHYSICAL THERAPY
IF I DON'T HAVE ANY MEDICINE

FOR MY KNEES?

YOU DO NOT NEED MEDICINE
TO STAND UP.

-OKAY.
-YOU NEED TO GET UP AND MOVE.

BUT, LIKE, RIGHT NOW,
MY KNEES ARE THROBBING.

YOU KNOW, MY BELLY HURTS
FROM TWISTING YESTERDAY,

AND I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT'S WRONG

WITH LETTING ME
BE COMFORTABLE.

YOU NEED TO COME OFF
OF THE PAIN MEDICATION.

THERE IS NO WAY
WE CAN CONTINUE WITH THAT.

Dr. Nowzaradan: EVERY DAY
PAULINE STAYS IN THAT BED,

HER BODY CONTINUES
TO DETERIORATE.

THE ONLY WAY
FOR HER TO DEAL WITH THE PAIN IS

TO MOVE AROUND AND BUILD UP
HER MUSCLE AND JOINTS

TO STOP HURTING.

ALL THESE YEARS
OF USING PAIN MEDICATION

GOT YOU ADDICTED TO IT.

YOU ARE A PAIN-MEDICA--
-I'M NOT.

-WELL, YOU SAYING THAT --
-AT HOME, I DON'T EVEN TAKE IT

EVERY DAY.

PAULINE, NO MATTER
WHAT YOU SAY, RIGHT NOW,

WE'VE GOT A SITUATION THAT IS
A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH,

AND WE CANNOT CONTINUE
WITH THAT.

WE JUST CANNOT, OKAY?

Dr. Nowzaradan:
PAULINE NEEDS TO TAKE

THIS OPPORTUNITY SERIOUSLY
BECAUSE THIS MAY BE

HER LAST CHANCE
BEFORE HER HEALTH DECLINES AGAIN

AND HER BODY GIVES OUT.

Pauline: THERE'S NO WAY
I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO DO

WHAT HE'S ASKING ME TO
UNTIL THEY GET THE PAIN TO STOP,

BECAUSE IT HURTS TO DO ANYTHING.

IT'S JUST SO FRUSTRATING
RIGHT NOW.

Chay: TODAY, I AM GATHERING SOME
OF MY CLOSEST FAMILY AND FRIENDS

BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING
TO TELL THEM.

IT'S NOT MY WHOLE FAMILY.

MY MOM, HER GIRLFRIEND,

AND MY FRIENDS HAILY
AND LAUREN ARE HERE.

CHAY HAS INVITED US ALL
TO HIS HOUSE

TO SHARE
SOME KIND OF ANNOUNCEMENT.

I'M KIND OF JUST WONDERING
WHAT'S GOING ON.

Cindy:
YEAH, THERE'S NO TELLING

WHAT CHAY'S INVITING ME
HERE FOR.

HE LOVES TO BE
THE CENTER OF EVERYTHING.

HE LIKES TO BE SEEN.

Chay:
I'M STARTING SMALL,

BUT I KNOW WORD IS GOING
TO SPREAD FAST AMONG MY FAMILY.

I'M MOSTLY WORRIED
ABOUT HOW MY AUNT

AND UNCLE ARE GONNA RESPOND
ONCE THEY HEAR, THOUGH.

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM A LOT,
BUT THEY'RE VERY CONSERVATIVE.

TELLING THEM IS
MY BIGGEST FEAR RIGHT NOW.

BUT I'M GONNA OUT
AND SHOW THEM WHO I AM --

THAT I'M A TRANSGENDERED WOMAN
AND MY NAME IS LOLA.

I WANT THEM TO SEE ME THAT WAY.

BUT NO ONE HERE KNOWS ANYTHING

ABOUT WHAT I'M
ABOUT TO TELL THEM,

SO I HAVE NO IDEA
HOW ANY OF THEM ARE GONNA REACT.

EVEN THOUGH I KNOW
THIS IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO DO,

I'M STILL SO SCARED RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE I LOVE THEM AND I WANT
ALL OF THEIR APPROVAL OF ME.

SO I JUST HOPE
EVERYTHING GOES WELL TODAY.

**

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

Chay: I'VE CALLED SOME
OF MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS OVER

FOR A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT TODAY.

I'M ABOUT TO COME OUT TO THEM
AS A TRANSGENDERED WOMAN,

AND I'M GONNA ASK
THAT THEY ALL SUPPORT ME

AND TO CALL ME BY MY
CHOSEN NAME NOW -- LOLA.

**

[ SIGHS DEEPLY ]

WHAT THE [BLEEP]

TA-DA!

THANK YOU.

SO...

I'VE CALLED YOU ALL HERE
FOR THIS.

I WANT YOU ALL TO KNOW THAT
I AM, INDEED, A TRANS WOMAN.

I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU TO CALL ME
BY FEMALE PRONOUNS,

LIKE "HER," "SHE."

AND I WOULD LIKE FOR YOU
TO CALL ME LOLA INSTEAD OF CHAY.

LOLA?

LOLA, EVEN THOUGH CHAY
WILL STILL BE MY NAME

'CAUSE IT'LL BE
MY MIDDLE NAME,

BUT LOLA WILL BE
MY CHOSEN FIRST NAME.

SO, I'D LIKE TO KNOW,
DO I HAVE YOU GUYS' SUPPORT?

Cindy:
YOU GOT MY SUPPORT,

BUT I DON'T THINK I COULD EVER
GET USED TO CALLING YOU LOLA.

YOU CAN KEEP CALLING ME TATER.
THAT'S FINE.

YEAH,
YOU GOT MY SUPPORT.

IT DON'T MATTER
TO ME.

I LOVE YOU EITHER WAY.
OKAY.

I JUST WANT CHAY TO LIVE OUT
THE REST OF HIS LIFE

AS CHAY, LOLA,
WHATEVER MAKES HIM HAPPY,

AND STAY FOCUSED
ON HIS WEIGHT LOSS

AND SUCCEED AT IT.

WHAT ABOUT YOU GUYS?

IF I'M BEING HONEST, IT WASN'T
THAT MUCH OF A SURPRISE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO YOU DEFINITELY HAVE
MY SUPPORT.

WELL, YOU'VE ALWAYS HAD
MY SUPPORT FROM THE BEGINNING,

SO THAT'S NOT
GONNA CHANGE.

APPARENTLY, I'M MORE TRANSPARENT
THAN I THOUGHT.

THEY ALL ACTED LIKE
THEY JUST HAVE KNOWN FOREVER.

IF I'M GONNA BE SUCCESSFUL
WITH MY WEIGHT LOSS,

I DON'T NEED TO BE
REPRESSING ANYTHING.

SINCE I'VE STARTED
BEING MORE OPEN

AND HONEST WITH MYSELF
WITH THIS,

I'VE NOTICED MY DESIRE
TO JUST SENSELESSLY EAT

HAS GONE DOWN A LOT.

MY GENDER IDENTITY

WAS DEFINITELY PART
OF MY INNER CONFLICT,

WHICH CAUSED ME TO OVEREAT.

I FEEL SO MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE
LIKE THIS.

IT'S SO MUCH MORE NATURAL
FOR ME.

BUT THE OTHER MEMBERS
OF MY FAMILY

THAT ARE REALLY CONSERVATIVE
ARE MY BIGGEST CONCERN.

I KNOW THEY'RE GONNA HEAR ABOUT
TODAY,

AND I'M WORRIED
ABOUT HOW THEY'RE GONNA REACT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OUR FAMILY'S GONNA SAY

WHEN THEY SEE
ALL THIS?

THEY DON'T HAVE TO
LIVE MY LIFE.

IF MY FAMILY DOESN'T END UP
ACCEPTING ME LIKE THIS,

IT'S GONNA BE VERY HARD
FOR ME TO DEAL WITH.

BUT RIGHT NOW,
I'M JUST GONNA LET WORD SPREAD

AND THEN SEE
HOW EVERYONE ELSE REACTS.

I'M NERVOUS ABOUT IT, BUT
I'M ALSO REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF

FOR TAKING
SUCH A HUGE STEP TODAY.

**

Pauline: DR. NOW HAS SENT ME
TO START SOME PHYSICAL THERAPY,

BUT I'M NOT SURE
THAT I'M GOING TO BE ABLE

TO DO MUCH OF ANYTHING TODAY...

ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

MM-HMM.

...'CAUSE MY KNEES STILL HURT
A LOT AND ARE VERY WEAK.

**

AND NO ONE UNDERSTANDS
HOW LIMITED I AM

BECAUSE OF ALL THE PAIN.

YOU HAVE A RAMP,
RIGHT?

I PROBABLY EXCEED THE LIMIT
FOR THE CHAIR LIFT.

I'M NOT COMFORTABLE
WITH USING A CHAIR LIFT.

MY BIGGEST PARANOID THING
IS THAT I'M GONNA SLIP AND FALL

'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE
GOOD BALANCE.

DO YOU MIND IF MY SON LOOKS
OUT THERE JUST TO CHECK IT OUT?

I'M AFRAID IF I PUSH MYSELF TOO
HARD, I'M GOING TO HURT MYSELF.

Woman:
READY TO COME ON BACK?

SURE.

I DON'T THINK MY CHAIR'S
GONNA FIT THROUGH THIS DOOR,

SO I'M PROBABLY GONNA HAVE TO
GET OUT SEPARATELY.

HOW FAR
CAN YOU WALK?

I CAN WALK
SEVERAL STEPS.

OKAY.

I DO WANT TO GET UP
AND GET RID OF THE WHEELCHAIR...

BECAUSE I'VE NEEDED IT
FOR SO LONG.

HOO!

YOU GOT IT.

GET IN.

[ GROANING ]

[ MOANS ]

BUT RIGHT NOW, THERE'S ONLY
SO MUCH I CAN PUSH MYSELF TO DO.

AND I'M REALLY SCARED
OF FALLING.

GOT IT?
YEAH.

LOVELY.

IF YOU'RE OVERWEIGHT
FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME,

IT IS A LOT OF WEAR AND TEAR
ON YOUR KNEES.

I'D LIKE TO SEE HER REALLY TRY
TO PUSH HERSELF,

BUT SHE'S STILL DISCOVERING
HER LIMITS.

PUT THE HEEL DOWN FIRST.

HEEL, TOE,
HEEL, TOE.

OOH,
THAT'S DIFFERENT,

'CAUSE I'M USED TO DOING
THE BALL OF MY FOOT FIRST.

NICE, GOOD.

AND THEN
WE'RE GONNA GO BACKWARDS.

OH, BACKWARDS.

Pauline: MOVING AROUND
IN THE POOL ISN'T SO BAD.

JUST EASIER.

LIKE,
YOU JUST GLIDE RIGHT THROUGH.

AND IT FEELS LIKE SOME OF
THE PRESSURE IS OFF MY KNEE NOW.

VERY GOOD.

SO, WE'RE GONNA HOLD THIS ONE
FOR 30 SECONDS,

AND THEN WE'LL SWITCH OUT
TO THE OTHER LEG.

OKAY.

I'VE BEEN AFRAID TO MOVE
BECAUSE OF THE PAIN.

BUT AFTER TODAY, I'M STARTING
TO SEE HOW I CAN DO THIS.

**

SO I'M LOOKING FORWARD
TO DOING MORE

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT
TO KEEP LIVING LIKE I AM.

I'VE JUST BEEN SCARED
OF HURTING MYSELF

AND OF ALL THE PAIN
OF MOVING AROUND.

AND GETTING UP AND MOVING AROUND

ISN'T SOMETHING
I SHOULD BE AFRAID OF.

**

Lola:
IT'S BEEN ABOUT A WEEK

SINCE I TOLD SOME OF MY FAMILY
AND FRIENDS

THAT I'M TRANSGENDERED

AND THAT I INTEND
TO START LIVING AS A WOMAN.

AND WORD HAS SPREAD REALLY FAST.

A LOT OF THEM HAVE SENT ME THESE
WONDERFUL MESSAGES OF SUPPORT.

BUT I FEEL LIKE
MY AUNT AND UNCLE

DIDN'T RESPOND WELL
TO THE NEWS ABOUT ME.

AND TODAY, I SAW THIS VIDEO
MY AUNT SHARED ONLINE

THAT SEEMS TO BE DIRECTED AT ME,

BECAUSE IT'S THIS GUY GOING ON
ABOUT TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE

USING THE BATHROOM.

[ Chuckling ]
THIS IS SO STUPID.

THIS IS SO STUPID.

I APPRECIATE EVERYTHING
THEY'VE DONE FOR ME

WITH MY WEIGHT-LOSS JOURNEY,

AND I WILL NEVER
NOT APPRECIATE IT.

YOU'RE NOT
TAKING IT SERIOUS.

YES, I AM.

IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY
ON YOU.

EVEN IF YOU GET THE SURGERY,
IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY ON YOU.

I KNOW
IT'S NOT GONNA BE EASY.

I KNOW THAT.

YOU'RE JUST UPSET.

BUT IT REALLY HURTS ME
THAT SHE DID THIS

BECAUSE SHE KNOWS ABOUT ME NOW,

AND THIS IS EXACTLY
WHAT I DIDN'T WANT TO HAPPEN.

I KNEW THIS WAS A POSSIBILITY,

BUT I WAS HOPING
THEY'D STILL ACCEPT ME.

AND FINDING OUT RIGHT NOW
THAT THEY DON'T HURTS.

I'M JUST SO DISAPPOINTED
AND UPSET RIGHT NOW.

I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE TO
DEAL WITH THIS.

**

Lola: EMOTIONALLY, I'VE BEEN
A BIT OF A WRECK LATELY.

**

I KNEW THE RISK I WAS TAKING
COMING OUT TO MY FAMILY

AND THAT SOME OF THEM
WOULDN'T NECESSARILY SUPPORT ME.

BUT WHAT I DIDN'T EXPECT WAS
FOR MY AUNT TO POST SOMETHING

AGAINST TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE
ONLINE.

I'M SO HURT RIGHT NOW,
AND I CAN'T SIT BY

AND LET HER DO THIS
WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING.

SO I'M GOING OVER TO HER PLACE
TO CONFRONT HER ABOUT IT.

**

I'M NOT KEEPING THINGS INSIDE
ANYMORE.

**

[ ENGINE STARTS ]

**

SO, THAT WAS
A LONG CONVERSATION.

I THINK WE'RE JUST
GONNA HAVE TO RESPECT THE FACT

THAT WE ARE NOT GOING TO AGREE
ON THIS.

AND THAT HURTS
BECAUSE I DO LOVE HER,

AND I WANT HER TO ACCEPT ME
FOR WHO I AM.

**

I'M GONNA MAKE THE TRANSITION
TO BECOME A FEMALE.

AND IF MY FAMILY
CAN'T EMBRACE THAT,

THEN I'M GONNA HAVE TO FIND
A WAY TO DEAL WITH IT.

BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING TO
CHANGE MY MIND ABOUT THIS.

THIS IS WHO I AM.

Pauline:
I'VE REALLY BEEN WORKING HARD

THESE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS

TO DO WHAT THE DOCTOR
WANTED ME TO DO.

I WAS HESITANT ABOUT DOING
ANYTHING AT A REHAB FACILITY,

BUT ONCE I WENT
AND STARTED EXERCISING,

I WAS REALLY GLAD I DID.

Woman:
MRS. POTTER?

AND THE KNEE PAIN
HAS GOTTEN A LOT BETTER.

AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD

ABOUT WHAT MY PROGRESS
IS GOING TO BE TODAY.

**

353.

**

I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD
ABOUT MY WEIGHT,

EVEN THOUGH IT'S SHOWING I'VE
GAINED SINCE MY LAST WEIGH-IN.

NOT GONNA LET IT GET ME DOWN.

I'M JUST GONNA WORK HARDER

TO HAVE A BETTER LOSS
FOR NEXT MONTH.

HELLO.

HI, DR. NOW.
HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?

HANGING IN THERE.

SO,
YOU ARE 353 POUNDS.

YEAH.

I HAD A 5-POUND GAIN
FROM THE LAST TIME,

WHICH I'M NOT
GONNA LET DISCOURAGE ME

BECAUSE I CAN GET TO THE POOL
AND --

WELL,
YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT.

WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOSPITAL,
YOU WERE 333 POUNDS.

YOU HAVEN'T GAINED
5 POUNDS.

YOU GAINED 20.

THIS IS NOT ACCEPTABLE.

Dr. Nowzaradan: PAULINE HAS LOST
A LOT OF WEIGHT,

BUT IT'S ONLY
BECAUSE OF HER INABILITY

TO KEEP FOOD DOWN
WHEN SHE HAD ULCERS

AND THEN BECAUSE OF HER
CONTROLLED DIET IN THE HOSPITAL.

BUT NOW THAT
SHE'S ON HER OWN AGAIN,

SHE STARTED GAINING.

YOU'RE FALLING BACK TO THE SAME
ABNORMAL EATING HABITS

THAT YOU HAD.

YOU'RE WAY BEYOND
YOUR CALORIE REQUIREMENT.

I FEEL LIKE
I HAVE CHANGED IT SOMEWHAT,

BUT THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE BIT
OF CIRCUMSTANCES,

AND I HAD REALLY BAD KNEE PAIN,
AND --

PAULINE,
YOU'RE GETTING THAT MUCH AWAY

FROM ME FIRING YOU
FROM MY CARE.

OKAY?
THAT MUCH.

OKAY, BUT WHAT HAVE I
DONE WRONG?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHAT YOU HAVE DONE WRONG --
I TOLD YOU FROM DECEMBER,

YOU NEED TO LOSE
15 POUNDS A MONTH.

OKAY.
YOU DIDN'T LOSE IT.

SO IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA
START LISTENING HERE,

I'M NOT GONNA
TAKE CARE OF YOU.

I'VE BEEN LISTENING.

OKAY, IF YOU'D BEEN LISTENING
WHEN YOU WERE 333 POUNDS,

YOU OUGHT TO LOSE
15 POUNDS A MONTH.

OKAY?

YOU DIDN'T LOSE
15 POUNDS A MONTH.

YOU'VE GAINED POUNDS.

YOU GOT THAT?
YES.

WHAT ARE YOU GETTING
SO HUFFY ABOUT?

YOU KEEP MUDDYING THIS WATER,
BRINGING IN ALL THESE ISSUES,

AND I'M NOT
GONNA PUT UP WITH THAT.

I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO DO GOOD.

I HAD A LITTLE SETBACK
THIS TIME.

I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ANY OF THAT STUFF.

YOU KNOW
THAT THE EFFECT OF SURGERY

IS GONNA FADE AWAY
IN FIVE YEARS,

AND YOU'RE GONNA BE BACK
TO THE 700, 600 POUNDS

THAT YOU WERE BEFORE.

PAULINE HAS TO WAKE UP NOW

BECAUSE SHE CANNOT AFFORD
TO START GAINING.

IF HER HEALTH
STARTS TO DECLINE AGAIN,

THEN WE MAY NOT BE ABLE
TO SAVE HER.

THIS IS A CHANCE TO CHANGE
YOUR LIFE AND GET HEALTHY,

AND IF YOU DON'T
DO IT NOW,

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SURVIVE LONG
ENOUGH TO GET A SECOND CHANCE.

ALL RIGHT.

I WANT YOU TO LOSE
15 POUNDS A MONTH,

AND IF YOU STICK WITH THE DIET,
YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO DO THAT.

OKAY?

OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.

I MANAGED TO MAKE DR. NOW MAD,
AND...

I JUST THOUGHT
I WAS DOING BETTER.

Dillon:
I THINK HE WAS A LITTLE HARSH,

BUT I KIND OF UNDERSTAND
WHERE HE'S COMING FROM.

Dillon:
SHE COULD BE DOING BETTER,

BUT SHE HASN'T HAD THE TIME
'CAUSE WE'VE BEEN SO BUSY.

Pauline: I DIDN'T GO
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION,

BUT, I MEAN, HE'S GOT HIS RIGHT
TO HIS OWN OPINION.

ALL I CAN DO
IS TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

**

Pauline:
WITH MY WEIGHT GAIN,

DR. NOW FEELS I'VE BEEN SLIPPING
BACK INTO OLD HABITS,

AND I REALIZE NOW
HOW CLOSE TO DEATH I WAS.

I DON'T WANT TO EVER
END UP BACK THERE,

SO I'M SEEING A LIFE COACH

TO GET MY LIFE MOVING
IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION AGAIN.

AND WHATEVER HELP I CAN GET
TO DO THAT RIGHT NOW, I WANT.

WELCOME.

OKAY, SO YOU HAVE MADE A LOT
OF PROGRESS BEFORE I MET YOU.

SO I GUESS
IF IT'S OKAY,

I'D LIKE TO JUST GET YOU
TO TELL ME A LITTLE BIT MORE

ABOUT HOW YOU CAME
TO THIS POINT.

Pauline: OKAY.

I'VE BEEN HEAVY
ALL OF MY LIFE.

MM-HMM.

I WAS 700,
AND NOW I'M ABOUT 352.

OKAY,
SO YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY.

YEAH.

SO, COMING IN HERE TODAY,
THERE MAY BE SOME GOALS

THAT YOU HAVE IN MIND
THAT'S SEPARATE FROM THE WEIGHT.

TO ME, HONESTLY, I WOULD BE SO
HAPPY TO JUST BE WORKING AGAIN.

I'VE BEEN WANTING NOTHING
BUT TO GET BACK INTO SOCIETY,

AND I REALLY BADLY
WANT TO BE NORMAL.

THERE WAS SO MANY THINGS
I COULDN'T DO AT 700,

AND FOR ABOUT THE LAST
SIX TO EIGHT YEARS, MY SON --

HE'S BEEN THE ONE
TAKING CARE OF ME,

HELPING ME GET DRESSED,
COOKING, DOING LAUNDRY.

HE WAS THE ONE
DOING ALL THAT.

OKAY, SO YOU MENTIONED A JOB
AND BEING MORE INDEPENDENT.

YEAH.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
I WANT TO GET TO YOUR GOALS,

BUT IT HELPS SO MUCH
TO UNDERSTAND

SORT OF THE SELF-CRITIC

VERSUS THE SELF-COMPASSIONATE
VOICES THAT YOU HAVE.

OKAY.

SO, YOU'VE BEEN SITTING
RIGHT OVER HERE, OKAY?

SO I WANT YOU TO MOVE OVER HERE
INTO THIS SELF-CRITIC'S SEAT.

OKAY.

IT'S GOOD EXERCISE TO MOVE,
I GUESS.

[ CHUCKLES ]

SO I WANT YOU TO KIND OF
TURN TOWARD YOURSELF HERE.

OKAY.

SO, PAULINE,
RIGHT NOW,

I WANT YOU TO BECOME
THAT CRITICAL VOICE,

AND I WANT YOU TO TELL
PAULINE OVER HERE

WHO HAS ALL THESE GOALS
AND IDEAS WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

I WANT THE CRITIC
TO COME OUT.

WOW.
I DON'T KNOW.

I WOULD SAY,
WHAT IF YOU CAN'T DO THE JOB?

WHAT IF
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT

AND YOU MESS UP
AND THEY FIRE YOU?

WHAT IF
PEOPLE DON'T LIKE YOU,

OR WHAT IF YOU PHYSICALLY
CAN'T GET UP THE STAIRS?

SO, LOTS OF FEAR.

A LOT OF FEAR.

BECAUSE MENTALLY,
I AM STILL 700.

IN MY MIND,
I CARRY IT WITH ME EVERY DAY.

ALL RIGHT, SO I WANT THE HEALTHY
PAULINE OVER HERE TO COME BACK.

[ Chuckling ] OKAY.

[ CLEARS THROAT ]

OKAY.
RESPOND TO HER COMMENTS.

THIS IS YOUR HEALTHY VOICE
TALKING TO THE CRITIC.

SO, YOU KNOW, IT'D BE LIKE,
"I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID.

I HEAR THE FEAR."

I KNOW YOU'RE AFRAID,
AND I HEAR THE FEAR.

BUT TOO BAD
WHAT YOU THINK.

I'M GOING TO
TRY IT ANYWAY.

AND I'M SURE THEY THINK
I'M CAPABLE OF DOING THE JOB

OR THEY WOULDN'T HAVE
HIRED ME.

EXCELLENT.

YEAH, AND SO LET'S REMIND
THAT FEARFUL PART OF YOURSELF

THE SUCCESSES YOU'VE CREATED,
THE WEIGHT YOU'VE LOST.

I MEAN, GIVE --
GIVE THAT PART --

YEAH,
I'VE LOST HALF OF ME.

THAT IS, LIKE,
A MIRACLE IN ITSELF.

AND I THINK
WE COULD SUCCEED.

WE JUST CANNOT GIVE UP,
AND...

AND I WILL HOLD YOUR HAND
THROUGH THIS.

[ CHUCKLES ]
IT'S KIND OF WEIRD.

THAT'S WONDERFUL. "I WILL
HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS."

I'M NOT TRYING
TO GET EMOTIONAL.

SO, THE EMOTIONAL STUFF, I WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THAT A MINUTE,

'CAUSE THE EMOTION IS BEAUTIFUL,
AND THIS IS --

AND THE EMOTION HAPPENED
WHEN YOU CONNECTED WITH YOURSELF

AND COMFORTED YOURSELF.

LIKE,
"I'M GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND."

THAT WAS THE PART --
"I'M GONNA HOLD YOUR HAND.

I'M HERE FOR YOU."

I DON'T KNOW WHY
IT'S EMOTIONAL.

YEAH.

I THINK I'VE DONE A LOT
OF HOLDING MY OWN HAND

THROUGH A LOT OF THINGS
IN LIFE.

WE DON'T HAVE TO
LEAVE THE FEAR BEHIND.

WE DON'T HAVE TO
OVERCOME IT.

IT'S JUST A PART OF WHO I AM
THAT I ACCEPT.

I THINK MOST OF MY PAIN
OR NEEDING FOR COMFORT

HAS STEMMED FROM FEELING
NOT ACCEPTED BECAUSE I WAS 700.

BUT NOW THAT
THINGS ARE CHANGING,

I STILL WANT
TO BE OUT THERE,

AND I REALLY, REALLY WANTED
TO GIVE MY SON HIS LIFE BACK

BECAUSE I NOTICE
THAT I DEPEND ON HIM A LOT.

IF HE SAYS I CAN DO IT,
THEN I KNOW -- THEN I CAN DO IT.

RIGHT, AND SO BUT TODAY,
HE'S NOT IN THIS ROOM, IS HE?

NO, HE IS NOT.
YEAH.

NO,
AND SO AS YOU SEPARATE

AND GIVE MORE SPACE TO YOUR SON
AND HAVE MORE SEPARATENESS,

THAT LEAVES ROOM
FOR SOMETHING TO FLOW IN THERE.

WHO KNOWS WHAT'S GONNA FLOW
INTO THAT SPACE?

YOU KNOW, THE NEW JOB
AND GOING ON SOCIAL OUTINGS,

AND SO IT'S NOT THAT
WE'LL LOSE DILLON.

IT'S JUST THAT WE'LL HAVE
TWO SEPARATE, INDEPENDENT LIVES,

AND WE'LL COME TOGETHER AND HAVE
MORE TO SHARE AND TALK ABOUT.

RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, PAULINE,
I'VE ENJOYED OUR TIME TOGETHER.

THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR COMING.

THANK YOU
FOR HAVING ME.

I APPRECIATE IT.
YEAH.

WELL,
AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.

OKAY.

I DO WANT TO GET OUT MORE,
AND I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE

HOW I DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH OPPORTUNITIES IN MY LIFE

TO BE SOCIAL OUTSIDE OF DILLON

AND HOW I NEED
TO START DOING THINGS

WHERE I CAN DEVELOP
THOSE RELATIONSHIPS,

AND I'M REALLY
LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

**

Lola: TODAY,
I'M HEADED TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN

FOR ANOTHER
FOLLOW-UP APPOINTMENT.

**

IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS
SINCE I'VE SEEN HIM,

AND HE WANTED ME
TO LOSE 64 POUNDS

AND GET UNDER 400
SO HE COULD CONSIDER ME

FOR SKIN SURGERY.

**

BUT IT'S JUST BEEN A REALLY
EMOTIONAL TIME IN MY LIFE.

I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH SO MUCH
THAT IT'S JUST BEEN REALLY HARD

TO EVEN PAY ATTENTION
TO MY DIET.

SO MY BEST FRIEND LAUREN
SAID SHE'D COME WITH ME

TO HELP BE MY MORAL SUPPORT

IF THE SCALE DOESN'T GIVE ME
GOOD NEWS TODAY.

I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT MY PROGRESS IS RIGHT NOW.

OUCH.

**

THAT'S NOT MUCH WEIGHT LOSS,

AND I'M NOT REALLY
LOOKING FORWARD

TO WHAT DR. NOW IS GONNA SAY
RIGHT NOW.

GOOD MORNING.

HEY.
HOW ARE YOU, CHAY?

I'M GOOD.
HOW ARE YOU?

ALL RIGHT.

IN 3 MONTHS,
YOU LOSE 8 POUNDS?

AT THIS POINT,
YOU SHOULD BE AT 400 POUNDS.

YOU SHOULD BE LOSING AT LEAST,
MINIMUM, 20 POUNDS A MONTH.

BUT YOU STILL SEEM TO BE
EMOTIONALLY EATING.

WELL,
I'VE TRIED HARD.

WELL, YOU NEED TO IDENTIFY
WHAT ISSUES ARE THE PROBLEM.

I HATE TO SAY THIS --
IT'S KIND OF MEAN --

BUT THE PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY
DON'T EXACTLY RESPECT MY NEEDS.

AND WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH YOUR LIFE

THAT YOU DON'T HAVE SUPPORT
AT HOME?

THE WHOLE WORLD IS, LIKE,
CLOSING UP ON YOU.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THAT'S HOW IT FEELS LATELY.

I UNDERSTAND YOU'RE
GOING THROUGH A LOT RIGHT NOW,

BUT THAT'S THE SAME EXCUSE
YOU ALWAYS HAVE.

SO,
IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS,

AND YOU HAVE LOST
ALMOST NO WEIGHT.

WHY IS THAT?

MY GRANDMOTHER PASSED AWAY
VERY SUDDENLY,

AND SO MY EATING
IS FOR EMOTIONAL REASONS, TOO.

CHAY, LIFE IS FULL OF STRESS,
AND LOSING SOMEONE IS HORRIBLE.

BUT THERE IS NO EXCUSE GOOD
ENOUGH TO LIVE LIKE YOU ARE.

I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE.

NO MATTER
WHAT'S GOING ON,

NO MATTER
WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU,

THIS IS YOUR LIFE,

AND YOUR CHOICES ARE THE ONES
AFFECTING IT RIGHT NOW.

NOT OTHERS --
YOUR CHOICES.

AND I NEED YOU
TO START MAKING BETTER CHOICES.

OKAY.

CHAY ALWAYS SEEMS TO LET LIFE
OVERWHELM HIM,

BUT LIFE NEVER GETS TO A POINT

WHERE YOU DON'T HAVE
ANY PROBLEMS.

SOMETIMES THEY'LL BE SMALL.

SOMETIMES THEY'LL BE BIG.

BUT IF CHAY
KEEPS SEEING HIS PROBLEMS

AS AN EXCUSE TO RUN AND EAT,

HE'S NEVER GONNA GET HEALTHY
AND LIVE THE LIFE HE WANTS.

YOU HAVE TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN,
FROM YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE,

FROM YOUR
MENTAL ATTITUDE,

AND HAVE A GOOD OUTLOOK
FOR THE FUTURE.

I WANT YOU TO BE
A LITTLE BIT MORE PROACTIVE

ABOUT YOUR EXERCISE,

AND IN THREE MONTHS,
I WANT TO SEE

IF YOU CAN GET YOUR WEIGHT
DOWN TO 400

SO THEN YOU CAN HAVE
YOUR SKIN SURGERY.

OKEYDOKEY.

ALL RIGHT?
THANK YOU, SIR.

OKAY.

SEE YOU.

SEE YOU.

BYE.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
HE'S GOING TO HAVE TO START

TAKING MORE CONTROL OF HIS LIFE

IF HE EVER HOPES
TO FIND A BALANCE

WITHOUT JUSTIFYING
RUNNING TO FOOD TO COPE.

**

Lola:
AFTER SEEING THE SCALE,

I WAS REALLY WORRIED
DR. NOW WAS GONNA GIVE UP ON ME.

SO I'M HAPPY HE DIDN'T DO THAT.

I'VE LET THE TRUTH COME OUT,
AND I'VE FACED MY BIGGEST FEAR.

NOW,
BEING ON THE OTHER END OF THAT,

I FEEL SO MUCH STRONGER,

AND I'M READY TO START
TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE

AND BE PROACTIVE
LIKE DR. NOW IS SAYING.

I WENT THROUGH THE FIRE,

AND NOW I'M READY
TO START LIVING THE LIFE I WANT.

**

Pauline: I'VE TAKEN WHAT DR.
NOWZARADAN HAS SAID TO HEART,

AND I'VE BEEN TRYING
TO EAT HEALTHIER.

IT'S NOT EASY.

BUT I'M TRYING
TO BE AS DETERMINED AS I CAN.

A YEAR AGO, MY LIFE WAS SO BAD,

I COULDN'T DO ANYTHING
FOR MYSELF.

I WAS NEARLY BEDRIDDEN, AND
I WOULD OVEREAT ALL THE TIME.

HAVING MY SON TAKE CARE OF ME
IS ONE OF THE WORST THINGS EVER.

DILLON IS 21, AND HIS FULL-TIME
JOB IS TAKING CARE OF ME.

I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK
TO THAT LIFE EVER AGAIN.

SO I'M DOING WHAT I NEED TO
MAKE SURE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.

Dillon: MY MOM IS PROGRESSING
REALLY GOOD.

I'M VERY PROUD OF HER
AND FOR HANGING IN THERE.

AND SHE COULD DO STUFF
ON HER OWN

AND I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT
HELPING HER AS MUCH AS I DID.

I FEEL MENTALLY
AND PHYSICALLY EMPOWERED

BY THE GOOD THINGS
THAT I EAT NOW.

NOT BAD.
HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?

IT'S GOOD.

EVERYTHING'S LOOKING UP
FROM HERE ON OUT.

**

ONE OF THE THINGS I WANTED TO DO

AFTER TALKING
WITH THE LIFE COACH

WAS TO GET UP
AND TRY AND DO MORE ON MY OWN.

**

I WANT TO START TAKING CARE
OF MYSELF COMPLETELY...

**

...SO THAT'S MY GOAL RIGHT NOW.

BECAUSE BEFORE, DILLON HAD TO DO
EVERY SINGLE THING.

**

I STILL NEED HIS HELP,

BUT I'M TRYING TO DO
AS MUCH AS I CAN.

I KNOW HOW CLOSE I GOT
TO LOSING EVERYTHING,

AND I DON'T WANT THAT
TO HAPPEN AGAIN.

AND I DEFINITELY DON'T WANT TO
GO BACK TO THE WAY I WAS BEFORE.

I WAS DOOMED TO BE
IN AN ELECTRIC HOSPITAL BED

AND WITH A WHEELCHAIR FOREVER.

SO I'M WORKING HARD
FOR THIS CHANGE.

OH, GOODNESS SAKES.

[ GROANS ]

WITH HOW DISAPPOINTED
DR. NOWZARADAN WAS LAST TIME,

I KNOW THE NEXT TIME I SEE HIM,
I HAVE TO HIT MY GOALS.

**

I HAVE TO LOSE WEIGHT.

IF I DON'T, HE'S LIKELY
NOT GOING TO TREAT ME ANYMORE.

SO I HAVE TO DO THIS.

**

OOH.

I'M TRYING TO GET UP,

AND I'M TRYING TO STAY MORE
ACTIVE AND DO MORE ON MY OWN.

**

I AM NOW MORE MOBILE,
AND I'M DOING MORE WALKING.

I HAVE NEVER WALKED MORE
THAN PROBABLY 20 STEPS.

AT 700, YOU CAN'T JUST GO OUT
AND TAKE A WALK.

WHAT I WISH FOR EVERY DAY
IS THAT I CAN MOVE WITHOUT HELP.

BUT NOW I CAN DO SO MUCH.

OOH,
THE KNEES ARE NOT LIKING THIS,

BUT I FEEL ENERGETIC.

I KNOW THE DOCTOR'S RIGHT ABOUT
IT HURTING LESS THE MORE I DO,

SO I'M TRYING TO JUST DEAL WITH
THE PAIN WHEN I HIT MY LIMITS.

I HAVE TO ADMIT,
WHEN I GET THAT BAD KNEE PAIN,

A LOT OF TIMES,
I DON'T WANT TO PUSH PAST IT.

BUT SOMETIMES WHEN I HAVE A WEAK
MOMENT OR I WANT TO GIVE UP,

I'LL JUST TELL MYSELF,
"YOU CAN DO THIS FOR DILLON."

I ACTUALLY HAVE NEVER WALKED
THIS FAR BEFORE.

AND IT SEEMS SILLY,
BUT IT'S A MILESTONE FOR ME.

**

I'M GOING TO KEEP PUSHING MYSELF
TO DO MORE

AND GET OUT IN THE WORLD.

**

Lola: DR. NOW
WANTS ME TO BE PROACTIVE,

SO THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.

I'M READY FOR MY CLOSE-UP,
MRS. DeMILLE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I'M FEELING EMPOWERED AND LIKE
I'M READY TO TAKE ON ANYTHING.

AND I'M LIVING MY LIFE.

I WOULD LOVE
TO ENTERTAIN SOMEDAY

AND TRY AND BRING SMILES
TO PEOPLE'S FACES.

MERCI.

I DON'T KNOW
IF I'LL EVER GET THE CHANCE

TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

BUT I FIGURED YOU ALWAYS
HAVE TO START SOMEWHERE.

AND THEN ON THE NEXT BEAT,
YOU'LL SWING ME UP LIKE THAT.

[ LAUGHTER ]

SO I'VE JOINED
A LOCAL DRAMA GROUP,

AND IT'S BEEN REALLY FUN.

I TOTALLY FEEL AT HOME
IN THE THEATER

BECAUSE THE STAGE
AND BEING AN ENTERTAINER

IS JUST WHAT I WANT
MORE THAN ANYTHING.

IT MAKES ME FEEL ALIVE, LIKE I'M
DOING WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

I'M NOT LETTING MY FEARS
HOLD ME BACK ANY LONGER.

I'M GONNA BE ME, AND PEOPLE
CAN EITHER ACCEPT ME OR NOT.

THERE'S NO FEELING LIKE IT

WHEN YOU FOUND
WHAT YOU'RE MEANT TO DO.

**

IT'S THEIR CHOICE,

BUT PEOPLE ARE NOT GONNA AFFECT
WHO I AM ANY LONGER.

**

DR. NOW WANTED ME
TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT,

SO I'M GONNA GO TO THE GYM

AND HOPEFULLY KNOCK
A FEW MORE POUNDS OFF

WITH MY TRAINER, DONOVAN.

**

I'VE LET MY EXERCISE
AND DIET LAPSE, BUT NOT ANYMORE.

HEY, HEY, HEY.

Donovan: CHAY!

HOW YOU DOING?

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE
I'VE SEEN MY TRAINER, DONOVAN.

HE PROBABLY THOUGHT
HE'D NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.

LET'S GET WARMED UP,

AND THEN WE'LL GO RIGHT INTO
OUR WORKOUT.

BUT THERE'S NO EXCUSE.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE LET MY FOCUS
ON MY EXERCISE AND HEALTH

LAPSE LIKE IT HAS.

MAN, YOU REALLY
HAVE COME A LONG WAY.

I REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST
STARTED DOING THIS,

THIS WOULD MAKE MY LEGS
SO TIRED,

AND THIS
IS LIKE NOTHING.

YEAH.

THAT'S IT.

COME ON DOWN.

EXERCISING AND EATING RIGHT
ARE NO LONGER GONNA BE THINGS

THAT ARE OPTIONAL FOR ME
EACH DAY.

FASTER, COME ON.
PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH, PUNCH.

I'M READY TO MAKE IT
MY WAY OF LIFE.

THERE YOU GO.

MAN, YOU ARE MOVING
LIKE A CAT.

NO MORE EMOTIONAL EXCUSES.

CHAY,
KEEP IT GOING.

I'M DONE WITH THAT, AND I'M
READY TO TAKE CHARGE OF MY LIFE.

ALL RIGHT,
EXCELLENT.

Donovan: I THOUGHT YOU DID
A FANTASTIC JOB.

THANK YOU.

AND IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
THAT YOU MAKE IT A HABIT.

THIS HAS TO BE
A WAY OF LIFE.

SOUND GOOD?
COOL.

ALL RIGHT,
IT WAS GOOD SEEING YOU.

THE LIFE I WANT IS ONLY
GONNA COME WITH HARD WORK.

**

Pauline: TODAY, I'M DOING
SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR DILLON.

WHEN WE GO OUT,

HE'S HAD TO STAY BY ME THE WHOLE
TIME JUST IN CASE I NEED HIM.

OKAY, I NEED TO SIT HERE
FOR A SECOND, HONEY,

AND I'LL CATCH UP.

OH, BENCH,
PLEASE DON'T FAIL ME NOW.

BUT I'M DOING FAR MORE
THAN I HAVE IN SO LONG,

SO I'M GOING TO LET DILLON GO
DO HIS OWN THING WHILE WE SHOP.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ME
GOING INSIDE

AND LOOKING AT SOME OF THIS
FUNKY FRESH STUFF?

I THINK
I CAN MANAGE ON MY OWN,

SO YOU CAN GO OFF
AND DO YOUR THING.

OKAY.
OKAY?

IT'LL BE FUN.

BE CAREFUL,
AND I GUESS I'LL --

I GUESS I SHOULDN'T SAY,
"BE CAREFUL."

YOU'RE NOT MY LITTLE BOY
ANYMORE,

BUT IN MY HEART,

YOU'RE STILL THAT LITTLE
4-YEAR-OLD ON MY LAP.

SO I'M SORRY, BUT SOMETIMES
I CAN'T LET GO OF THAT.

BUT I'M TRYING.

SO, YOU GO ENJOY YOURSELF,
AND I'LL BE OKAY.

OKAY.
OKAY.

HAVE FUN.

I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR DILL
TO BE ABLE TO DO HIS OWN THING

JUST BECAUSE THAT'S NORMAL
FOR A KID HIS AGE.

EVER SINCE HE WAS ABOUT 14,
I'VE JUST NEEDED HIM SO MUCH.

AND SO NOW,
EVERY OPPORTUNITY I GET,

I WANT TO SEND HIM
TO GO DO THINGS ON HIS OWN.

IT MEANS A LOT TO ME

BECAUSE WE CAN HAVE MORE
OF A MOTHER-SON RELATIONSHIP

AND IT'S NOT SO MUCH HIM
TAKING CARE OF ME.

Dillon: IT'S NICE
TO SEE MY MOM PROGRESSING

AND DOING STUFF ON HER OWN,

AND I AM STARTING
TO GET COMFORTABLE

AND I CAN GO AND DO WHATEVER

AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IF
I HAVE TO GO BACK AND HELP HER.

SO NEXT STEP FOR ME WOULD
PROBABLY BE TO GET A GOOD JOB

TO WHERE I COULD MOVE OUT
ON MY OWN,

AND THEN WE COULD BOTH HAVE
OUR INDEPENDENT LIVES

THAT WE'VE WANTED TO HAVE.

**

Pauline: I THINK DILL KNOWS
THAT I'M GONNA BE OKAY,

AND I HAVE LOT MORE CONFIDENCE
IN MYSELF

AND MY ABILITIES
TO DO THINGS NOW.

THANK YOU, HONEY.
HAVE A GREAT DAY.

YOU, TOO.
OKAY, BYE-BYE.

IT IS A MILESTONE
TO BE OUT ON MY OWN.

AND I'M NOT ALL THE WAY
WHERE I WANT TO BE,

BUT I'M SUPER HAPPY
WITH WHERE I'M AT SO FAR.

AND I'M NOT GOING BACK.

**

Lola: AS OF TODAY, I'M LIVING
LIFE AS LOLA OUT IN PUBLIC.

AND I DON'T HAVE MANY OUTFITS
RIGHT NOW,

SO I NEED
TO GET SOME NEW DRESSES.

**

THAT'S CUTE.

YOU CAN TRY IT ON.
YEAH.

WELL,
THIS'LL GET IT STARTED.

I'M EXCITED
TO START MY NEW WARDROBE TODAY.

I'M FINALLY GOING TO A STORE
WHERE I CAN BE MYSELF

AND BUY THINGS THAT ARE
AN EXPRESSION OF WHO I AM.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I LIKE THIS.

I LIKE THINGS
THAT ARE MORE A-LINE.

I'VE HAD TO BE IN CLOTHES
MY WHOLE LIFE

THAT I FELT
WEREN'T RIGHT FOR ME.

THEY'VE BEEN MORE OF A COSTUME.

LOLA,
HOW'S IT GOING?

IT'S KIND OF SHORT.

AWW,
SEXY MAMA!

[ LAUGHS ]

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M FINALLY
STARTING MY LIFE

AS THE PERSON I'VE ALWAYS WANTED
BUT HAVE BEEN TOO AFRAID TO BE.

**

TO NOT ONLY BE ABLE
TO SHOP FOR OUTFITS I WANT

BUT TO BE ABLE TO FIT IN THEM

IS SOMETHING
I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE

TO GO TO A STORE AND DO.

SO THIS HAS BEEN A BIG MOTIVATOR
FOR ME TO KEEP LOSING WEIGHT.

I THINK
I FOUND THE WINNERS.

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE
TO DO THIS MORE AND MORE.

OKAY. WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THIS?

I WILL HAPPILY
TRY THIS ON.

ALL RIGHT.

SO TODAY WAS GREAT,

AND I CAN'T WAIT
TO DO THIS AGAIN SOON.

**

I'M HEADED BACK TO SEE DR. NOW
FOR MY NEXT APPOINTMENT.

IT'S BEEN THREE MONTHS
SINCE I LAST SAW THE DOCTOR,

AND HE WANTED ME TO FINALLY
GET BELOW 400 POUNDS.

AND I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD
TO DO THAT.

AND I'M HOPING TODAY,
WHEN I GET ON THAT SCALE,

I'M GONNA SEE MORE THAN
JUST A LITTLE WEIGHT LOSS.

**

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
I'M DOING EVERYTHING I CAN NOW,

AND THERE'S NO MORE EXCUSES.

Woman: LOLA.

BUT I KNOW IF I HAVEN'T MADE
THE PROGRESS I NEED,

THEN I'M NOT GETTING APPROVED
FOR SKIN SURGERY,

AND THEN I'M STILL NOT CLOSER

FULLY MAKING THE TRANSITION
TO THE LIFE I WANT.

**

Lola:
I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS RIGHT NOW.

I'M REALLY HOPING
MY WEIGHT LOSS HAS BEEN ENOUGH

TO FINALLY GET BELOW 400
AND TO QUALIFY FOR SKIN SURGERY.

THAT'S INCREDIBLE.

**

I REALLY HOPE DR. NOW IS HAPPY,
THAT HE'S PROUD OF ME,

EVEN THOUGH IT TOOK ME
A LITTLE WHILE TO DO THIS.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan:
HI, CHAY. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

YOU LOOK NICE.
Lola: THANK YOU.

GOT A NEW DRESS,

AND I AM ASKING THE PEOPLE IN MY
LIFE TO START CALLING ME LOLA,

SO THAT'S MY NEW NAME.

OKAY. GOT IT.

BUT REMEMBER,
WAIT TILL YOUR WEIGHT STABILIZES

BEFORE HORMONE THERAPY
OR GENDER-REASSIGNMENT SURGERY

TO MAKE SURE THERE IS
NO COMPLICATION.

BUT I THINK
YOU'RE DOING GREAT,

AND YOU'RE READY FOR
YOUR FIRST SKIN-REMOVAL SURGERY.

AND THAT'S GONNA BE
A POSITIVE STEP

TOWARD WHERE YOU WANT TO BE
IN YOUR GOAL.

YES, SIR.
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
LOLA IS DOING BETTER NOW,

AND I'M REALLY HAPPY
SHE'S BACK ON TRACK.

I HOPE SHE'LL CONTINUE TO STAY
FOCUSED AND MAKE GOOD CHOICES,

AND I'M PROUD OF HER FOR HAVING
THE COURAGE AND THE STRENGTH

TO CONTINUE THAT JOURNEY.

YOU HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB,
AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER, LOLA.

OKEYDOKEY.
THANK YOU, DR. NOW.

ALL RIGHT.
THANK YOU.

Lola: I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR
EVERYTHING I'VE ACCOMPLISHED.

I'VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG,

AND TO FINALLY HAVE MY DREAMS
STARTING TO COME TRUE

IS SUCH AN AMAZING FEELING.

AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER
RIGHT NOW.

**

Lola: I'M PURSUING ALL MY DREAMS
NOW, AND NEXT WEEK,

I'M GONNA BE SINGING
IN A NIGHTCLUB AS LOLA.

SO TODAY,
I'M GONNA GET MY EARS PIERCED

BECAUSE I WANT TO BE READY
FOR MY ONSTAGE DEBUT.

I'VE WANTED TO DO THIS FOR
A REALLY LONG TIME, ACTUALLY.

OH,
I'M GONNA BE TERRIFIED.

BREATHE IN...
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]

...AND BREATHE OUT.

OKAY,
THAT WASN'T SO BAD.

[ CHUCKLES ]

IT'S TOO LATE
TO TURN BACK NOW.

MM-HMM.

I'M PURSUING ALL MY DREAMS NOW,

AND I'M NOT LETTING ANYTHING
HOLD ME BACK.

I AM WHO I AM, AND I WANT
TO SHOW THE WORLD THAT.

**

Pauline: I'M ABOUT TO SEE
DR. NOWZARADAN AGAIN,

AND I FEEL REALLY GOOD
ABOUT THE PAST FEW MONTHS.

**

I'M JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS,
THOUGH,

'CAUSE A LOT IS RIDING
ON MY PROGRESS TODAY.

PAULINE POTTER?

DR. NOWZARADAN
WAS SO UPSET LAST TIME.

IF I'M NOT BACK
ON THE RIGHT TRACK,

I'M WORRIED HE'S NOT
GOING TO SEE ME ANYMORE.

SO I REALLY HOPE I'VE LOST
A GOOD AMOUNT OF WEIGHT TODAY.

**

[ CHUCKLES ]

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

**

I'M SO EXCITED.

**

HI, PAULINE.

HI, DR. NOW.

ALL RIGHT.

SO YOU'RE DOWN
TO 308.

YOU'RE BACK ON TRACK,
AND THAT'S GREAT.

I JUST SEEM TO HAVE MORE ENERGY
ALL THE TIME.

IT'S LIKE I GOT RID
OF TWO PEOPLE

THAT I WAS CARRYING PIGGYBACK
RIDE ALL THE TIME BEFORE.

GOOD.

WELL,
WITH THIS PROGRESS,

I THINK YOU'RE READY
FOR SKIN SURGERY,

SO I'M APPROVING YOU
FOR THAT.

[ CHUCKLES ]
THANK YOU, DR. NOW.

SO WE CAN PROBABLY REMOVE 40 TO
50 POUNDS OF EXTRA SKIN, THEN.

WOW.

CAN I HUG YOU?

SURE.
[ LAUGHS ]

THANK YOU SO MUCH,
DR. NOW.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
I APPRECIATE YOUR HELP.

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU
FOR GIVING ME MY LIFE BACK.

WELL,
THAT'S MY JOB,

AND I'M PROUD OF YOU
THAT STUCK WITH THE PROGRAM.

STAY FOCUSED AND CONTINUE
DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

I'M FEELING MORE HOPEFUL
ABOUT THINGS.

I THINK
IT'S GONNA GET BETTER.

OH, GOOD, GOOD.
YEAH.

Dr. Nowzaradan: I'M VERY HAPPY
TO SEE PAULINE'S PROGRESS NOW.

SHE'S STICKING TO HER DIET
AND DOING HER EXERCISES.

I'M ALSO HAPPY
THAT EXCUSES HAVE STOPPED

AND SHE'S COMPLETELY
OFF PAINKILLERS.

SO SHE'S ON THE RIGHT TRACK.

ALL RIGHT, PAULINE,
YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

WE'RE GONNA SET YOU UP
FOR SURGERY NEXT MONTH.

OKAY.
AND I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

THANK YOU, DR. NOW.
ALL RIGHT.

**

Dr. Nowzaradan:
THERE WERE MOMENTS

THAT I WASN'T SURE
SHE WAS GONNA MAKE IT,

BUT SHE HAS TURNED IT AROUND NOW

AND DOING WHAT SHE NEEDS
TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

**

Pauline: TO FINALLY BE ABLE
TO GET MY SKIN SURGERY IS HUGE.

I'M JUST SO THANKFUL FOR THE
JOURNEY AND WHERE I'M AT TODAY.

IT'S BEEN THE HARDEST THING
I'VE EVER DONE.

**

BUT I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF
FOR WHAT I'M ACHIEVING

AND WHERE MY LIFE IS GOING.

**

I WANTED TO THANK EVERYBODY
FOR COMING DOWN.

I KNOW
THAT IT'S A BIG THING

WHENEVER PEOPLE TAKE TIME OUT
OF THEIR DAY AND THEIR SCHEDULES

TO COME DOWN
AND VOLUNTEER.

TODAY, I'M TAKING A BIG STEP.

I HAVEN'T WORKED IN SO LONG

THAT I REALLY DON'T HAVE
ANY EXPERIENCE

TO GET BACK OUT THERE
AND GET A JOB.

...PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

IF YOU GUYS DID NOT COME IN
TO HELP US OUT WITH THESE DOGS,

THERE'S NO WAY
THAT ALL OF THIS WOULD WORK.

SO TODAY,
I'M STARTING MY PART-TIME JOB

AT A NEARBY ANIMAL RESCUE.

I LOVE ANIMALS,
AND IF I HAD TO PICK ANY JOB,

IT WOULD BE TO WORK WITH THEM.

SO I'M REALLY EXCITED TODAY
TO START TO GET OUT ON MY OWN

AND DO THIS AND MEET NEW PEOPLE.

I WOULD LOVE
TO DO ANYTHING I CAN,

AS FAR AS LOVING
OR FOSTERING.

AND I COULD DO STUFF AT HOME,
'CAUSE I HAVE A COMPUTER,

SO I COULD DO ANYTHING
YOU GUYS WANT ME TO DO.

TALKING TO THE LIFE COACH
MADE ME REALIZE

THAT I DON'T REALLY HAVE
ANY OTHER THINGS IN MY LIFE

WHERE I CAN BE SOCIAL

AND EVEN TRY TO HAVE A LIFE
OUTSIDE OF DILLON.

WE'RE GONNA GO AHEAD
AND WALK KELLY.

I THINK SHE'LL BE A GOOD ONE
FOR YOUR FIRST ROUND.

SHE'S ACTUALLY
VERY FRIENDLY.

SO I'M CHANGING THAT,

AND THIS IS THE FIRST BIG STEP
TO ME BEING ON MY OWN,

MAKING A LIVING,
AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AGAIN.

GOOD GIRL.

[ DOG BARKING ]

SO TO BE ABLE TO DO SOMETHING
WHERE I GIVE BACK TO PEOPLE

OR EVEN LITTLE ANIMALS
IS A GOOD FEELING.

**

TODAY, I'M GOING TO DO SOMETHING
I HAVEN'T DONE IN A LONG TIME.

I'M GOING TO GET MY HAIR DONE.

YOU EXCITED?
Pauline: YEAH, I'M VERY EXCITED.

HAD A PONYTAIL
FOR 10 YEARS,

SO I HAVEN'T REALLY
DONE ANYTHING TO IT.

I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T HAD
ANY KIND OF PAMPERING

FOR YEARS AND YEARS.

I THINK
I'VE KIND OF BEEN NEGLECTFUL

OF TAKING CARE OF MYSELF,

'CAUSE ONCE
I WAS AT MY LARGEST WEIGHT,

I KIND OF JUST GAVE UP
AND THOUGHT IT DIDN'T MATTER.

NOW THAT I'M GETTING SMALLER,
I'M FEELING MORE FEMININE,

I'M FEELING MORE LIKE I WANT
TO PUT MAKEUP ON MORE OFTEN,

AND WHEN YOU LOOK BETTER,
YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF.

SO I THINK IT'LL ALSO GIVE ME A
LITTLE MORE CONFIDENCE, AS WELL.

I LIVED LIFE IN LIMBO
FOR SO LONG,

HOPING AND DREAMING
TO BE THIS FAR AND FURTHER

BUT NOT KNOWING IF IT EVER
REALLY WOULD HAPPEN,

AND SO I'M STILL JUST IN SHOCK

THAT I'M EVEN AT THIS PLACE
IN LIFE RIGHT NOW.

ALL RIGHT, PAULINE,
LET'S TAKE A LOOK.

**

NICE. [ CHUCKLES ]

BETTER?
YEAH.

NICE.
I LIKE IT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
THE FUTURE HOLDS RIGHT NOW,

BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN A REALLY LONG TIME,

I'M NOT SCARED OF THAT.

**

Lola: TONIGHT, I'M COMING
TO PERFORM AT A NIGHTCLUB,

AND I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

BUT I KNOW ONCE I GET ONSTAGE,
I'LL BE FINE.

I'M SANTANA, BY THE WAY.
OH, YOU'RE SANTANA.

I'M LOLA.
NICE TO MEET YOU, LOLA.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

IT'S SO REFRESHING
TO GET OUT AS LOLA

AND MEET NEW PEOPLE
AND COME OUT OF MY SHELL.

NOW THAT I'M COMING OUT
OF MY COMFORT ZONE A LITTLE BIT

AND PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE
AND GOING OUT,

IT'S LIKE, "THIS IS FUN!

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING
WITH MY LIFE?"

**

IT'S A WHOLE NEW EXPERIENCE
FOR ME, BUT I'M LOVING IT.

**

I'M LIVING MY LIFE.

NO PRETENDING ANYMORE
THAT I'M SOMETHING I'M NOT.

Announcer: ARE YOU ALL READY
FOR MISS LOLA TO SING?

SHE'S SO PRETTY.
SHE REALLY, REALLY IS.

MISS LOLA.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

Lola: LET ME TELL Y'ALL
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT MYSELF.

AT ONE POINT IN MY LIFE,
I WAS 600 POUNDS.

I'VE LOST NEARLY 300 POUNDS.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

SO I THINK I'M GONNA SING
A LITTLE SONG

FOR YOU LOVELY LADIES AND GENTS
TONIGHT.

SO, MAESTRO, IF YOU WOULD...

[ PIANO PLAYING ]

* I AIN'T GONNA GIVE NOBODY *

* NONE OF MY JELLY ROLL *

* I WOULDN'T GIVE YOU
A PIECE OF CAKE *

* JUST TO SAVE YOUR SOUL *

I'M SO HAPPY WITH MY LIFE NOW
AND WITH EVERY SINGLE CHANGE

AND NEW THING THAT HAPPENS
RIGHT ROW.

THERE'S NO MORE FEAR

BECAUSE I'M NOT WORRYING
ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME.

I'M JUST ME, AND THAT'S NEVER
GONNA CHANGE.

* ...NO-O-O-O-NE *

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
LOLA IS HERE TO STAY.