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SHE INHALES, EXHALES
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00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:13,640
BIRDSONG
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KNOCK AT DOOR
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DOOR OPENS
5
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Ah, you're awake already.
6
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I smuggled an alarm clock in.
7
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We come as a pair now.
8
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Poor Agnes is saddled with me.
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I enjoy it.
10
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Your deer's been back.
11
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Oh, is that right?
12
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:37,919
You see the horse chestnut tree?
13
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,840
There are leaves missing
at the bottom of it.
14
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,119
Then let's sit here all day,
15
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wait until it comes back to us.
16
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Wouldn't that be nice?
17
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? His ways are faithfulness and love
18
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? For those who keep
His covenant and will
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? The Lord's friendship is
for those who revere Him
20
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? And to them,
He reveals His covenant. ?
21
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:20,399
? Our Father, who art in heaven
22
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{\an8}? Hallowed be Thy Name
23
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{\an8}? Thy Kingdom come. ?
24
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MAN: Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.
25
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It's been 48 hours
since my last confession.
26
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,239
And how can I help?
27
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,639
Well, I have committed
28
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,639
four acts of blasphemy and five...
29
00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:49,840
No, six of self-abasement.
30
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,199
Seven, maybe, actually.
31
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:54,839
You've...
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00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:56,399
You've had a busy time.
33
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She just talks at me,
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day after day.
35
00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:02,879
Oh, "Brian's left his toenails
all over the floor again.
36
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,879
"Brian's making a mess
in the bathroom."
37
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,719
I'd love for my Alan
to be making any of those messes.
38
00:03:09,720 --> 00:03:11,359
But she doesn't even...
39
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SHE SIGHS
40
00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,440
I find myself getting
so frustrated with her.
41
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:19,479
I don't see how you can take
any wrong from finding
42
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:20,800
your sister difficult.
43
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,199
It's just when I kill her
that I'll be in trouble?
44
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:25,599
Yeah.
THEY CHUCKLE
45
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,440
That, I believe, is frowned upon.
46
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She's stronger, every day.
47
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And she's using this new energy
48
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,759
to buzz around me.
THEY CHUCKLE
49
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,159
That's good.
50
00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,839
I uh, asked her along
to these classes they do
51
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:44,679
at the GP as a sort of partner,
52
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,479
and she is taking it way
too seriously.
53
00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:48,839
THEY LAUGH
54
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,640
She keeps getting me
to practise this breathing stuff.
55
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,719
THEY CHUCKLE
56
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,839
And, you?
57
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,120
Are you OK?
58
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,800
The confessional's definitely not
supposed to be about my feelings.
59
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:10,800
Dad said that you'd visited him.
60
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,479
He didn't say it in a nice way
61
00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,479
and I don't think what you said
62
00:04:15,480 --> 00:04:20,560
made any difference,
but that was kind of you.
63
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,680
It was a complicated discussion.
64
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:28,840
What did he say to you?
65
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HE INHALES, EXHALES
66
00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:37,119
He set me a challenge,
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00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,280
which I didn't meet.
68
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,519
Can't say any more than that.
69
00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,239
I'm sorry.
70
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,320
Do you think he's going to be OK?
71
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,160
Do you want him to be?
72
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:52,520
Yes.
73
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:55,920
I hope he will be.
74
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,120
Francesca said I was allowed
to make it mine.
75
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:12,639
We had the opportunity to replant
as we harvested, so...
76
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,519
So you made some changes
in what you planted
77
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,040
and where you planted it.
78
00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:20,719
Quite bold, wouldn't you say?
79
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,199
No, I...
80
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:23,640
I wasn't even half out the door.
81
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,519
ANNA SNORTS
THEY LAUGH
82
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,799
Oh, don't! Don't.
83
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,639
Even as a joke. It's...
THEY CHUCKLE
84
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,200
Come on. Show me the worst of it.
85
00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:40,679
I'm planning on scallions
in half the cabbage patch.
86
00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:42,919
The other half will still
have cabbages in. Hmm.
87
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,319
Well, I like scallions,
and to be honest,
88
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,519
no-one likes cabbages as much as me.
89
00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:49,519
So that's a good idea.
90
00:05:49,520 --> 00:05:53,599
And maybe more raspberries than
strawberries in your polytunnel.
91
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,199
Scandalous!
92
00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:58,399
I made a raspberry and rhubarb jam
that people seemed to like.
93
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,759
Yes. I tried it - at breakfast.
94
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,080
It was delicious.
95
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,359
Was it me?
96
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:10,039
That made you go.
97
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,399
Sorry?
98
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,999
Was it how I behaved?
99
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,439
Were you disappointed?
Or was it how the Abbess treated me?
100
00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:17,999
Were you disappointed in her? No.
101
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,639
No, it wasn't you.
SHE INHALES
102
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:22,159
Never you.
103
00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:23,679
It wasn't her, either.
104
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:26,040
Although she did annoy me.
BIMPE CHUCKLES
105
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,239
Things are much better for me now -
with her.
106
00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,039
The Abbess is...
107
00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,439
She likes you now?
BIMPE SCOFFS
108
00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,039
Wouldn't go that far.
THEY CHUCKLE
109
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:43,119
It was a man who'd made me go.
110
00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,199
The handsome priest?
111
00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,839
Did everyone know?
112
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,279
I saw you talking once.
113
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,079
He was as into you as you, him.
114
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,600
You're wrong there.
115
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,640
I was ridiculous.
116
00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,639
I don't think so.
I was always good at spotting it.
117
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Was my skill at school,
for some reason.
118
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,319
Maybe cos I wasn't into boys,
119
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:04,599
I could read them.
120
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,519
I'd tell the girls
who'd fancied who.
121
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:08,239
It was always very useful knowledge.
122
00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:10,399
Must've been hugely popular.
123
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,519
I was the mad Christian dyke witch.
ANNA LAUGHS
124
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,039
What a combination!
CHUCKLES: Yeah!
125
00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:18,320
ANNA CHUCKLES
126
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,320
ANNA CLICKS TONGUE
I...
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00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,320
...was worried everyone
was laughing at me.
128
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,359
The lusty nun.
129
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,679
ANNA LAUGHS RUEFULLY
130
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:30,960
What a thing to be.
131
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,800
You don't know how much
you're loved, do you?
132
00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:39,679
No-one's laughing.
133
00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:41,959
No-one has laughed.
134
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,639
They're just... They're...
135
00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,400
They're delighted
to have you back with us.
136
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:49,240
You're our Anna.
137
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:52,840
You belong to us.
138
00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:59,960
INDISTINCT CHATTER
139
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,360
Can we talk?
140
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,200
Oh, er, yeah. I hoped we would.
141
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,599
Awkward to air dirty pants
in front of other people.
142
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:29,879
I hope I'm not wearing dirty pants.
143
00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,799
Ah. I... I've got that phrase wrong.
144
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,879
Dirty laundry. Ha, yes.
145
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:38,120
Mind you, it's the, erm,
same thing, I suppose. Yeah.
146
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,560
You do know that
she's returned home, Anna?
147
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:46,360
I... Y-Yeah.
148
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,320
Well, yes. So... So that just
leaves you now, doesn't it?
149
00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:53,999
HE SIGHS
150
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:55,760
I don't know what to do with you.
151
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,399
What are your options?
PETER CHUCKLES
152
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,439
Well, there are those
who truly believe in you.
153
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,039
You tried to get rid of me
and got blocked?
154
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,799
And there are others who think
that you're damaged
155
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,679
and that you might cause damage.
156
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,120
And I wasn't blocked. I consulted.
157
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:16,359
You do know,
there's some priests, they...
158
00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:19,239
They come back stronger
for having been broken,
159
00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:22,399
and that is why I was prepared
to bring you here.
160
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,959
Mm-hm. But the question is,
what led to the break?
161
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:30,680
People they...
They use words like lust and love.
162
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,560
But it is never that.
163
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,959
Vows are not discarded
for such things.
164
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:41,479
Vows are discarded
165
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:47,520
because of something
here being unresolved up here.
166
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,280
Is this your normal tactic,
in your counselling?
167
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,559
Because there's a surprising amount
of anger in your words.
168
00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:58,399
PETER CHUCKLES
169
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,999
You know... Aha.
170
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,879
...you are unusual.
171
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,679
Amongst the young priests,
I'm increasingly finding,
172
00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,319
that it's all about the liturgy.
173
00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,999
The social worker priest is rare.
174
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,079
I mean, there were...
175
00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,519
What do you think
a priest should do?
176
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:17,119
Bring people to God,
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00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,200
so that all may bathe in His light.
178
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:24,320
Not play God...
179
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,959
...without a thought
to the consequences.
180
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:31,599
Does this...
Does that make me a conservative?
181
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:37,399
Or, or does that make me careful
with the needs of others?
182
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,679
When we overstep, we risk.
183
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,119
Them. It's inappropriate.
184
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,399
It's wrong.
185
00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,399
What if help is what they need?
186
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:47,760
Well, do we let them ask for help?
187
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:52,160
Or do we tell them
that they need it?
188
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,320
David, you're so reckless.
189
00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,000
We should go in.
190
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:09,040
MUTED CHATTER
191
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:20,439
In the name of the Father
and the Son and the Holy Spirit.
192
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:21,999
ALL: Amen.
193
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:23,199
Thank you all for coming.
194
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,559
You know, I do so like
these meetings.
195
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:29,479
It is a chance for us
to affirm our success
196
00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:32,479
and express doubts about
our failures.
197
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,679
Now, I hope you've all been sent
the agenda.
198
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:37,959
Let's start with the building fund.
199
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:39,599
We've had a good quarter,
200
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,919
so donations are high,
which has allowed us...
201
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,120
CHAIR LEGS SCRAPE
202
00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:48,880
I don't even know what she said.
203
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:52,400
I just found myself...
204
00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:58,639
And so I...jumped.
205
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:00,399
MUFFLED: Out of the window.
206
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:01,639
I jumped out of the window.
207
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:02,799
PETER: It's wrong.
208
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,719
ECHOES: I can smell
the booze on you now.
209
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,440
PETER: Do we let them ask for help?
210
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,759
ECHOES: It's inappropriate.
211
00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:11,599
MAN: Are you helping here?!
212
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,919
PETER: Play God, without
a thought to the consequences.
213
00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:16,199
ECHOES: You are weak.
214
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,840
PETER: Bring people to God.
215
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,680
ECHOES: You might cause damage.
216
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,799
David, you're so reckless.
217
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,280
HE EXHALES
218
00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:31,800
BODY THUDS
219
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,800
Black coffee. Six sugars.
220
00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:49,520
OK.
221
00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:53,800
It works. Trust me.
222
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,240
OK.
223
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,080
You gave us all a fright.
224
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:06,920
Just a stomach bug.
225
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:09,560
Want to talk about it?
226
00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:12,879
Do you want me to call your sponsor?
227
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,080
Don't have a sponsor.
228
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:17,439
I just come to the meetings.
229
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,479
Not to judge,
230
00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:22,239
but those I know who don't have
a sponsor are usually trying
231
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:24,279
to avoid something.
232
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:28,640
They're usually being
a bit dishonest with themselves.
233
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,159
You know, this is so kind,
234
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,799
but do you mind if I go?
235
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,200
I'd rather you didn't.
236
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,600
All the same...
237
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,960
FAINT THUMPING
238
00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,720
MUFFLED CLATTERING
239
00:14:08,680 --> 00:14:09,999
SOFTLY: What's happening?
240
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,439
It's Polly.
241
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:12,920
She's struggling to breathe.
242
00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,000
INDISTINCT CHATTER
243
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:56,599
Mum?
244
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,679
Oh. Hello!
245
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,039
What are you doing here?
246
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,919
Well, I didn't want to go up there.
247
00:15:01,920 --> 00:15:04,839
I assumed you already had enough
attention on you.
248
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:07,639
What, so you thought you'd just
hang around on the off chance?
249
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,759
Well, it's a regular haunt,
is it not?
250
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:11,079
Er, well, I...
251
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,199
I've got some deliveries to do.
252
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,400
You could help me?
253
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,599
You've started smoking again?
254
00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,240
Don't tell your dad.
255
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,039
I couldn't stop thinking
about what I said to you.
256
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,319
Whi... Which bit?
257
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:34,999
The... The cruelty stuff,
or the other stuff?
258
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,960
Or was there any other stuff? Hmph.
259
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:41,159
I met a boy when I was 15.
260
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:42,399
Poorly dressed.
261
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,039
Terrible moustache.
262
00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:45,799
He used to walk me home from school.
263
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,079
I was at this terrible
girl's school.
264
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,759
You told me about the girl's school.
265
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,519
Not about this boy.
266
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:53,239
He didn't talk much.
267
00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,279
He'd just mooch along beside me.
268
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:58,079
I'd always be embarrassed
whenever he got near my house
269
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:01,239
because my mother would
watch out of the window.
270
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,639
She liked to interfere, my mother.
271
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:05,719
Hmm, sounds familiar.
272
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:06,960
Hmph! Yes.
273
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:11,240
But my point is,
I knew he wasn't very impressive.
274
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,359
He had good eyes,
275
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,399
but his shoulders were
always hunched,
276
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,279
he didn't know what to do
with his hair,
277
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:20,080
and he had an acne problem.
278
00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:24,199
But his being,
279
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,640
his insides were quite special.
280
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,399
As was the fact that
he was absolutely certain
281
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,879
of what he felt about me.
282
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,439
Didn't care
if people laughed at him. Hmph.
283
00:16:38,440 --> 00:16:41,279
Just was as he was.
284
00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:45,079
Anyway, one day,
my dad exploded at him.
285
00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:46,479
Nothing violent,
286
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,239
but the things he said,
he tore him apart.
287
00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,559
How he looked, how he spoke,
288
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,359
what he was going to be.
289
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,519
I can still remember
most of the words.
290
00:16:55,520 --> 00:16:57,759
It was the worst thing
that ever happened to me.
291
00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,439
It was certainly the worst thing
that ever happened to him.
292
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,839
Was he OK?
293
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,519
What happened to him?
294
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:05,639
Well, I married him, of course.
295
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,279
Spent my life with him.
296
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,039
Wha... It was Dad?!
297
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,559
Well, I didn't mean it
to be a surprise.
298
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:12,600
Oh.
299
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,879
I know I've not always been
the happiest mother.
300
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:20,040
Hmph. Wife.
301
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,279
I have had...
302
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:27,719
Have an unhappiness of my own
that I brought with me
303
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,919
into the relationship
that being with you,
304
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,680
with Chris, hasn't resolved.
305
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:34,960
But he has...
306
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:40,919
When I imagine my life without him,
307
00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:45,199
I see only turgid blood.
308
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:46,759
Hmph.
309
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,359
But why haven't either of you ever
mentioned this to me before?
310
00:17:50,360 --> 00:17:53,040
That Dad -
Dad would follow you home. Ha!
311
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,559
I was lucky I met him when I was 15.
312
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,800
I think I was on the verge
of many mistakes.
313
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:04,679
My home wasn't...
314
00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:06,079
I think I'd have been unhappy.
315
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:08,799
Unhappier. Hmph.
316
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,359
I don't know how he feels
about that, of course.
317
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:14,200
Rougher end of the bargain.
318
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:19,679
Well, I wasn't supposed
to make you cry!
319
00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:22,119
Fucking hell,
whatever I say makes you cry.
320
00:18:22,120 --> 00:18:25,199
So now you're telling me
that I should believe in love?
321
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,559
I'm telling you,
you're your father's daughter.
322
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,879
That when you know, you know.
323
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,159
When you love, you love.
324
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,200
I'm saying sorry.
325
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,759
When you joined up,
became Sister Anna,
326
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,719
you ripped my heart out.
327
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:45,359
And then suddenly,
you're on the other side,
328
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:47,599
and it's supposed to be OK.
329
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,200
I was confused.
330
00:18:50,840 --> 00:18:53,319
But I do believe
331
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:57,319
if love is what you need, then...
332
00:18:57,320 --> 00:19:00,120
I... I stopped him.
333
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,759
Mum, I stopped him from kissing me.
334
00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:06,840
Oh. Why?
335
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:10,759
Because he wasn't ready.
336
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,359
Because he's a priest.
337
00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,199
Because I was bloody stupid.
338
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,559
So let me understand -
339
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:21,719
you were ready to burn your life
and he wasn't?
340
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,119
And then he was,
and you turned him away?
341
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:25,559
Yes, exactly.
342
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,079
But he kissed you?
343
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,519
It was a mistake.
344
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,919
So you ran away back here.
345
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:32,519
Interesting.
346
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,719
First time I've known you a coward.
347
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,919
FIONA INHALES
348
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:38,080
FIONA EXHALES
349
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,359
I came here to be nice.
350
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:45,199
I can't do nice.
351
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,400
I'm sorry.
352
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,960
I do love you!
353
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:51,800
RECEDING FOOTSTEPS
354
00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:00,240
MAN 1, ECHOES: What have you done
this time, David?
355
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,240
MAN 2: This is serious
and worrying behaviour.
356
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:07,560
This could be a police matter.
357
00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:13,999
David hit a boy in the throat
with a dinner tray.
358
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,399
I wasn't trying to!
359
00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:16,919
Dave, he asked you to be quiet.
360
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,359
I was trying to get away from him.
361
00:20:18,360 --> 00:20:19,759
Are you helping here?!
362
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,960
David is a dangerously disruptive
presence here.
363
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:30,200
YOUND DAVID: Forgive me,
Father, for I have sinned.
364
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:33,600
Are those the right words?
365
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:39,399
They always told me
I didn't have to come here, but I...
366
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,520
FATHER VICTOR: You're just
interested how it works.
367
00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:49,199
Or have you something you want
to talk to me about?
368
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,119
I'm not sure.
369
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:56,319
The way this works is you tell me
what's troubling you,
370
00:20:56,320 --> 00:21:02,359
I listen, and then I give you
a prayer or something
371
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,600
to perform, so...
372
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,759
...whatever mistakes you've made,
373
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,680
and we all make mistakes...
374
00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:15,040
...God can set you on
a journey of...
375
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:18,719
...correction.
376
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:19,720
I hate them.
377
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,079
"Who do you hate?"
378
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,639
Everyone.
379
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,440
I don't like anyone.
I hate them all.
380
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:30,800
"Who?
381
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,680
"Your parents?"
They're not my parents.
382
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,639
They're good people.
383
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:39,760
I just hate them.
384
00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:42,919
Is hate a sin?
385
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:44,000
FATHER VICTOR CHUCKLES SOFTLY
386
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:48,639
Most hate is temporary,
it's passion,
387
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,119
and so it can be challenged.
388
00:21:51,120 --> 00:21:52,280
It can be changed.
389
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:55,320
I don't understand.
390
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,959
Everyone talks about God's love.
391
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,719
God loves you.
392
00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,280
God loves everyone.
393
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,919
But you know the best thing
about God's love?
394
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:08,360
He wants to love you.
395
00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:11,080
He wants you to love yourself.
396
00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,560
And to love him back.
397
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,680
And maybe, if you can do that...
398
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:23,560
...maybe you can find
infinite love for others.
399
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:27,320
Now, wouldn't that be beautiful?
400
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,919
I'm afraid to tell you
that Sister Polly Everand
401
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:45,600
died three hours ago.
402
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,200
I am so sorry for all our loss.
403
00:22:51,760 --> 00:22:54,239
Polly was here longer
than any of us.
404
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,319
She found great comfort here.
405
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:57,840
God, here.
406
00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:03,599
The last thing she asked me,
and sh-she was very weak,
407
00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:05,199
unable to say much,
408
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,520
was that she be buried
in the convent.
409
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,199
We've never had that before.
410
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,479
But having looked into the matter,
411
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,839
she had no other surviving family,
so if not here,
412
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,760
I'm not quite sure
where else to put her.
413
00:23:22,800 --> 00:23:23,960
I also think...
414
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,280
...I would like a trace of her
left with us.
415
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,640
I would like her to remain
a part of how we live.
416
00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:37,279
I've spent my life here
looking up to her.
417
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,479
For that and many reasons,
418
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,680
a prayer for her.
419
00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:49,040
Dear Lord,
we thank you for our sister, Polly.
420
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,399
We thank you for
her goodness and her grace,
421
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:58,999
her certainty and her spirit.
SOFT SINGING
422
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,199
We hope she will find a way
to serve you in the next life
423
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:03,800
as well as she has in this one.
424
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:10,200
We loved her. Amen.
THEY SING
425
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:47,160
HE LAUGHS
426
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,320
Uh-huh.
427
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:04,720
HE CHUCKLES
428
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:42,960
THEY LAUGH
429
00:27:56,720 --> 00:27:58,800
BIRDSONG
430
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,719
"They who dwell
at the ends of the Earth
431
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,519
"stand in awe of Your signs.
432
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,920
"You make the dawn
and the sunset shout for joy."
433
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:17,479
Psalms, chapter 65, verse 8?
434
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:18,800
Very good. Mmm.
435
00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,639
It wasn't a man for me.
436
00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,959
Or a woman, I should say.
437
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:31,360
Modernity, etc.
438
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,320
The absence of that
was never a problem for me.
439
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,279
But there were six months
after I turned 50
440
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:41,919
when I couldn't understand
441
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,120
the lack of devotion of
those coming in.
442
00:28:46,120 --> 00:28:47,599
Six months...
443
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,040
It was probably three years.
444
00:28:50,720 --> 00:28:53,159
You'd been with us 15 years
or so by then
445
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,519
and I looked at you and I thought,
446
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:59,200
"Maybe the time has come for me
to take this all off."
447
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,559
To let you take over.
448
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,159
"Maybe I'd like to escape away."
449
00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,439
My family have
a small farm in Donegal
450
00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,520
and my brother would make me
very welcome.
451
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:14,799
My point is,
452
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,879
it's such a strange gift
we're given,
453
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:22,279
the certainty of a marriage
without all that comes with that.
454
00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,959
Polly found it effortlessly.
455
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:27,439
I don't think she ever doubted
her journey.
456
00:29:27,440 --> 00:29:30,240
But most...
457
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,160
...most of us have moments
of struggle.
458
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,320
Is this you telling me
that you forgive me for leaving?
459
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,560
I still think about Donegal.
460
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,999
As Abbess, you are both
my children and my sisters
461
00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:52,240
and I, sometimes...
462
00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:55,599
...when I'm in pain, as I am today,
463
00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,559
I sometimes wish
I could just escape,
464
00:29:58,560 --> 00:29:59,760
but I don't.
465
00:30:01,320 --> 00:30:03,360
I stay and I try.
466
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:08,599
Out there is no escape.
467
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:09,800
I know.
468
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,119
But you do understand, Anna,
469
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:14,599
outside is hard,
470
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,120
but this isn't a sanctuary
from that.
471
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:20,039
Both are work.
472
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:21,840
Both have to be work.
473
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,040
Hello?
474
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:01,319
HE HESITATES
475
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:03,520
Er, hello. I'm... I'm Father...
I know who you are.
476
00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:09,640
I didn't want to go
into the, erm, convent.
477
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,359
You didn't want to face the Abbess.
478
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:17,000
You hoped to find Sister Anna
round the back instead.
479
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:22,079
It's not quite that.
480
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,639
She's just finding her peace again,
481
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,240
and you want to disturb it?
482
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:30,839
I just want to see her, talk to her.
483
00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:32,960
For her own good or for yours?
484
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:36,799
We love her here.
485
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,520
She loves being here.
486
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:42,120
Don't disrupt her again.
487
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:45,400
She's not as strong as you think.
488
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:47,880
Go home.
489
00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,000
Please.
490
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,560
INDISTINCT CONVERSATION
491
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,319
Er, can I have a wall plug, please?
492
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:01,319
A what? Wall plug.
493
00:33:01,320 --> 00:33:02,759
It's a white plastic thing.
494
00:33:02,760 --> 00:33:04,080
Looks like the head of an arrow.
495
00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:07,359
Yep.
496
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:09,039
Doesn't look like an arrow.
497
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,839
Uh, and yet you still knew
what it meant.
498
00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:12,000
HE SNICKERS
499
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:15,280
Is it ready?
500
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,280
No.
501
00:33:19,480 --> 00:33:21,479
When will I know
you haven't broken everything?
502
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:22,759
Haven't you got homework?
503
00:33:22,760 --> 00:33:24,079
You need my help here.
504
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:25,280
HE CHUCKLES
505
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,200
HE SNIFFS
506
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:31,200
It's finished. Thank you.
507
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,080
WATER SPLASHES
508
00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:39,599
Oh, it's tuna pasta.
509
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,320
You're welcome to stay for dinner.
510
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:45,600
Oh, erm, I'd better get back.
511
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:49,279
Good decision.
HE CHUCKLES
512
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:50,400
It'll probably be horrible.
513
00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,439
SIGHS: I'm trying to sneak fish
into everything
514
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:54,879
and ruining everything.
515
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:58,199
Most days, she gives up
and just eats crisps.
516
00:33:58,200 --> 00:33:59,240
Huh.
517
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:03,599
Well, that's a
"well done for trying" smile.
518
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:05,679
Just to let you know,
I hate that smile.
519
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:07,720
Sorry. I know the smile, too.
520
00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:13,080
When he saw you...
521
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,640
...are you allowed to say
what he asked for?
522
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:20,080
HE HESITATES
523
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,800
I don't think
it's a good idea to... share.
524
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:26,760
I still think about him.
525
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:31,440
Not always in a bad way.
526
00:34:35,440 --> 00:34:37,199
Does that make me shit?
527
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:38,320
No.
528
00:34:40,720 --> 00:34:42,800
Well, serenity feels like
a long way away.
529
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,199
I don't know if you know,
530
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:47,280
I've also had...
531
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:50,479
...addiction issues.
532
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:53,439
Yeah. Phil told me.
533
00:34:53,440 --> 00:34:55,319
Alcohol.
534
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:56,520
Phil told me that, too.
535
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:03,439
I just wanted to say if
you ever do need to talk to someone,
536
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,759
the, uh, the sign of
the cross bit isn't so important
537
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,239
that I can't talk to you
as a human, too.
538
00:35:09,240 --> 00:35:11,279
That's kind.
539
00:35:11,280 --> 00:35:12,560
I've got a sponsor.
540
00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,079
But that's kind.
541
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:18,559
I find the meetings really useful,
542
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,679
but sponsors
weren't ever really for me.
543
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:25,199
Because the ones that
want to fix don't like to be fixed.
544
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:26,560
I've seen your type before.
545
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:30,360
You've seen me before,
too, I'm sure.
546
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:34,240
A few people in similar places.
547
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:37,880
Do they do OK?
548
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:41,440
They come out the other side?
549
00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:46,880
Mm-hm. Yeah. They did.
550
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:50,720
You want to ask about
the ones like you?
551
00:35:53,240 --> 00:35:54,960
Ask if they sorted themselves out?
552
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:57,520
Yeah.
553
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:00,680
Well, one did...
554
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:03,720
...and one didn't.
555
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:08,320
See, I was a lot more honest
than you, then, wasn't I?
556
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:12,920
Sure you won't stay for dinner?
557
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:15,320
Yeah.
558
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,960
Thank you, for the stair thing.
559
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:24,720
I hope you make it through.
560
00:36:26,560 --> 00:36:28,120
Cos you're one of the good ones.
561
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:32,440
I think you're one
of the good ones, too.
562
00:36:35,360 --> 00:36:37,400
And I think we'll both make it.
563
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:49,120
BIRDSONG
564
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:06,960
HE EXHALES DEEPLY
565
00:37:25,280 --> 00:37:27,599
Almighty ever-living God,
566
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,759
you rule both the living
and the dead
567
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:34,279
and are merciful to all.
568
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:40,639
We humbly beseech you that those
for whom we pour out our prayers
569
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:46,880
may obtain pardon for their sins
through Your tender mercy.
570
00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,279
Amen. Amen.
571
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:51,640
ALL: Amen.
572
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:01,960
SOFT GRUNT
573
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:08,439
Do you find this place to be
a sanctuary, Bimpe?
574
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:09,960
I do.
575
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,160
But you work hard
at what it requires of you.
576
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:15,879
Faith is hard.
577
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:17,119
No, I'm...
578
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,919
I'm not talking about faith,
I'm talking about...
579
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:21,999
ANNA SIGHS
580
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,599
If I hadn't found a way for them
to let you stay,
581
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:29,520
would it have been easier
if they'd just thrown you out?
582
00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,319
I'm grateful
you didn't let them do that.
583
00:38:33,320 --> 00:38:35,319
Why?
584
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:36,799
Well, what...
585
00:38:36,800 --> 00:38:38,120
What do you find here?
586
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:41,560
Belonging.
587
00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:47,199
And... And sometimes
that peace you talked of.
588
00:38:47,200 --> 00:38:48,320
Peace.
589
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:51,360
Belonging.
590
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:56,120
Good.
591
00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:21,439
You knew, didn't you?
592
00:39:21,440 --> 00:39:26,720
The sanctuary comment
was you guiding me.
593
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:30,720
I am a guide.
594
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,040
You knew I didn't fit here any more.
595
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:38,520
I did not.
596
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:44,559
I just wanted you to think
how this made you feel.
597
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:46,280
How being here again made you feel.
598
00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:49,920
I want it to be home.
599
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:53,120
But it's not.
600
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:55,680
I think...
601
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:03,680
I feel that staying here
would be cowardice.
602
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:07,800
This...
603
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:13,279
This just isn't the life
for me any more.
604
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:15,199
Do you know what you will do?
605
00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:16,360
No.
606
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:19,720
Are you going to him?
607
00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:22,560
No.
608
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:25,880
It's not about that.
609
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:29,520
I'm not sure it was ever about that.
610
00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:35,159
I have to...
611
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:39,680
I have to find a new answer.
612
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:42,880
A new peace.
613
00:40:47,600 --> 00:40:49,280
You are not a coward, Anna.
614
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:53,720
No, I'm a...
615
00:40:55,360 --> 00:41:01,479
...an unemployed, largely uneducated,
middle-aged woman. Ha.
616
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,799
But I do know
a huge amount about the Bible.
617
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:04,960
CHUCKLES: Mm-hm.
618
00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,520
TEARFULLY: I have loved
sharing your home.
619
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,680
God's home.
620
00:41:15,720 --> 00:41:18,480
And I... I do love God.
621
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:21,200
I know.
622
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:26,559
The last time, I...
623
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:28,000
I left in panic.
624
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:31,640
But this time?
625
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:34,640
This time, I mean it.
626
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:43,360
SOFTLY: But I have loved you.
627
00:41:47,720 --> 00:41:48,960
I love you.
628
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:54,800
And I have felt your love.
629
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:58,560
And I hope you have felt mine.
630
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:15,280
CHOKED SOB
631
00:42:26,720 --> 00:42:28,600
BIRDSONG
632
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,920
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
633
00:43:50,970 --> 00:43:55,520
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