Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language and sensitive themes

CAR HORN OUTSIDE

SIREN PASSES OUTSIDE

TRAIN RUMBLES

I was wondering if perhaps you wanted to get some clothes.

Er...

Well, yes, I probably should.

Good.

This is �200.

No, I can't take your money as well as your hospitality.

Well, the hospitality's a gift. This is a loan. I...

No, you've done so much already, I don't want to be any trouble.

Well, have you got a bank account?

No.

Have you got any cash, money?

Er, no.

Well, I don't know what your Bible says,

but mine is quite explicit about helping people in need.

My sons have moved out.

My husband left me,

I like having you here.

And if you find anything nice for the Harvest Festival...

Look, I'll drop something at the church... No, no...

I didn't mean for you to go. I have no intention of being afraid of him.

You're going to be OK, aren't you? Mm.

Let's start with a question.

What do you think a priest is?

People who talk to God.

Yeah, that's good. Um...

But I actually think anyone can talk to God.

That's what prayer is.

A priest is the boss in church.

I like that. Yes, we are.

Do you have a class representative?

Someone who sits on a committee representing the class?

Angus.

ALL LAUGH Are you Angus?

On Wednesday, we have roast dinner,

but Angus decided we should have sausages instead.

Did he talk to you about that decision? No.

Yeah! I did! No, you didn't!

Would you consider you elected him your representative leader?

When it comes to lunch menus, at least?

Definitely. Definitely? Yeah?

Right, well, I would say,

what I do is spiritual leadership.

I don't decide what we have for lunch

but I do lead people,

or try to, in their prayer and their worship.

And that's why I'm here today, to talk to you about

a festival we're going to be running at my church.

Who here has heard of Harvest Festival? Me! I have!

Good! And who can tell me what it's all about?

SCHOOL BELL RINGS Thank you for doing that.

Talking of business,

were you able to give any more consideration

to my needle-exchange idea?

Yes, Harvest Festivals, needle banks...

They did warn me that you were radical when you came our way.

It's just a small capital investment. Hmm...

Now this diocese is already running three full-time food banks.

I think there are six part-time ones, and the Deanery is...

Well, it's taken to opening its doors twice a week as a warm bank,

and there's countless outreach educational groups.

OK, but those are all necessary.

The diocese has �53 million in funds,

21 of which is cash in the bank. Surely, we can find some...

How long have you been with us? Is it two years? Three.

Well, don't you think you ought to settle in properly

before you try taking on MY job?

Look, I know what happened with this nun and, clearly,

clearly, there is no...

...no blame attached to you.

But it's not as if your copy book wasn't already blotted,

and now you're, you're digging into our accounts? You've heard about...?

I never knew that she was so flighty.

Silly.

Um...

I think there was...

Um...

It was confusion. Oh, there's no confusion. She took a vow.

And she didn't even wait to ask for permission to leave.

I did... If you want to find her, I do know where she is.

Well, we know where she is,

but the Abbess, she wants,

she wants her to stew a little.

Oh, poor Anna,

she has absolutely no idea of the real world.

Good luck, David!

Er, and thanks once again.

Very kind of you.

ENGINE STARTS

BUSTLE

MOTHER: Come on.

Oh, sorry. I need to count your... I'm sorry?

I need to count your clothes.

You need to count them?

SHE SNIFFLES

SHE SOBS QUIETLY

Let me take this. Thanks.

It's a recruitment drive.

You've discovered a way to recruit people!

You love it! Admit it, you do!

They get to feel charitable about donating a can of beans.

They remind themselves they're Catholic,

see the inside of a Church.

They might even, God forbid, come to the actual service.

How many cans of beans do we have? At a rough estimate, 467.

I could fill the front three pews. Or we could keep them

and do that thing where we push you down a hill in a bath full of beans.

Well, I don't think that would do your reputation any good at all.

Especially now.

It's all over the diocese.

The pretty priest who steals sisters.

It's not my fault she's flighty.

Oh, "flighty", is it?

HE CHUCKLES

I brought home some food.

Chinese.

Cos I like it.

I hope you like it.

Pretty much like all food.

How was your day?

Urgh, not the best.

We're overrun.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah...

Been overrun for years.

So, what did you get?

Shopping, I mean.

Er...

Er...

It felt a bit much, to be honest.

Oh?

We need a drink.

But first I'm going to get you some clothes.

See, we didn't have mirrors in the convent. Course, you didn't!

And, well, I seem to have lost the ability to look at myself.

And yet, everybody else seemed to want to look at me.

It's almost as if I've forgotten what I look like.

Not that I think I'm still 16.

You've got a beautiful face.

No, no, no...

It's not... It's not a question of pride, I...

Do you know, to be honest,

I've got to admit, I don't like changing rooms either.

Everything had short sleeves.

And the tops, the dresses,

and I just wanted something to...

...to cover myself.

What is it you want covered?

Well, my arms and... and my legs.

I mean, there were some long sleeves but...

It's not that I don't like my arms, I mean,

I don't really think about my arms, but...

I...

I have never shaved my armpits.

Oh.

And everything felt very...

Well, very exposing of that.

And...

I've also never shaved my legs.

SHE GIGGLES UNCOMFORTABLY

I am profoundly hairy.

THEY LAUGH

MOBILE VIBRATES

Father David.

Oh, hi. I was called to a Gertrude Blaisey?

Yes, of course, take a seat.

HE SIGHS

Thanks for coming.

You're Lucy? Yeah.

Um, thank you for ringing me.

I care deeply about your mum.

I've missed her at Mass.

Went in every day, right? That's right.

Bet her confession was a blast. HE LAUGHS

Did she talk about me?

I know you can't say.

Wink for yes, maybe.

HE CHUCKLES

Gertrude was...

Is very kind around the parish.

She wasn't...

I wasn't Catholic.

She wasn't Catholic when I was a child.

She was when she was a kid, but found being an adult more...

...difficult.

I'm guessing...

...you two didn't always get on? No.

She... liked to hurt.

I'm sorry about that.

I'm just...

...pleased someone's forgiven her.

FOOTSTEPS NURSE:It's time.

SHE SIGHS

Lucy, would you come in with me?

SHE SOBS Uh...

The Last Rites are something...

...really quite beautiful.

It's a celebration of the sacraments of penance and viaticum.

Viaticum is a Latin word meaning provision and love

for the next part of the journey.

Viaticum,

"With you on the way."

SHE SOBS

It's about faith, of course,

but I think it's mostly about love.

SHE SOBS I can't...

It doesn't have to be about your forgiveness.

I'm not challenging your anger.

All that's asked for

is your support for her penance

and her journey.

SOBS: I definitely support her penance.

Do you have anything to say to me, Gertrude?

If you're unable to talk, just squeeze my hand,

if you're sorry for anything you've done wrong.

I just...

...want to say...

Thanks, Gertrude. Thank you...

...for being a really good friend...

...me and to the community.

I think we saw the very best of you.

I love you...

...very much.

SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH

God, the Father of mercies,

through the death and resurrection of his Son,

has reconciled the world to Himself

and sent the Holy Spirit among us

for the forgiveness of sins.

Through the ministry of his Church,

may God give you peace

and pardon.

I absolve you from your sins,

in the name of the Father,

of the Son,

and the Holy Spirit.

SHE WEEPS

HE LAUGHS

I don't like this.

IMITATES EXPLOSION

My name's David, I'm an alcoholic.

GROUP: Hi, David.

I'm also, as most of you know, a priest.

It's been a while since I've spoken.

I was, in Reading,

quite a big deal.

I was given a lot of responsibilities in the diocese,

a lot for my age.

There were those that said I was to be the next bishop,

quite a young bishop.

There were a group of kids I was counselling.

Not all Catholics, but I was pushing for a church that reaches out.

I wasn't a trained counsellor, but...

...I'd done courses and I thought the priesthood was social work.

I... I thought this boy,

I won't tell you his name, was...

...being abused...

...and...

I was trying to help him,

get him to admit what had happened to him,

how he felt about it.

Things that I felt he needed,

And he... he did tell me.

He told me all sorts.

It was his father... raping him.

And...

...the... the difficult thing was...

The difficult thing was that

he told me he thought he liked it.

And then, he, uh... Um...

He killed himself.

It was very...

...sad.

No-one blames me, but...

...people kept telling me to pray and...

...kept wanting to pray themselves and I led them, that's my job,

I led them in praying, and...

...that's when I lost it.

The ability to pray.

I found I could only talk to God,

I could only find God within myself, when I drank.

I found... truth.

Solace.

I don't know.

And I took to starting the day with a drink.

You know, I'm... I'm not blaming it on losing the kid,

it was my own weakness.

I'm not saying that was the reason, but it was the...

...trigger.

Anyway...

HE SIGHS

...I was no longer talked of as a future bishop.

Someone saw what was happening and I was taken away and treated and...

...helped.

And...

...I moved in with my sister...

...and found a new life.

Here.

It's rare for priests to move...

...but Bristol was good enough to welcome me and...

...I felt I was doing good.

Perhaps not good enough, but...

...good work.

But...

HE SIGHS

Lately...

...things have become disturbed.

And I...I... I guess I'm...

...scared I'm going to...

TEARFULLY: Right now, I need a drink so badly.

In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.

CONGREGATION: Amen.

The Lord be with you. And with your spirit.

Lord, we have sinned against you. Lord have mercy.

Lord have mercy.

Show us your mercy and your love.

And grant us your salvation.

May Almighty God have mercy on us,

forgive our sins

and bring us to everlasting life.

Amen. Amen.

Er, welcome!

Um...

Welcome to something a bit different!

LAUGHTER

Now the Catholic Church is not known for its thieving,

apart from all the things we've stolen.

But this today is an audacious act of larceny,

taking back from the Church of England what is,

in fact, a Catholic event.

In fact, I'll go further.

A Catholic embrace.

A celebration not of plenty

but of eliminating want,

of giving and the understanding of need.

St Isidore, often called the "Farmer",

and our Saint of Harvest, said this,

"When God's grace touches our innermost minds

"to bring understanding,

"His word, which is received by the ear,

"can sink deep into our heart."

Today's an act of love.

And let's start by singing hymn number 432,

Come, Ye Thankful People, Come.

ORGAN PLAYS INTRODUCTION

? Come, ye thankful people, come

? Raise the song of harvest home... ?

Well, that was a beautiful service. Mm, yeah.

You still fancy him though, right? Mmm...

I hope he didn't think I got my hair done for him.

You had a haircut, you didn't get your hair "done".

I felt so ashamed sitting there.

Well, you shouldn't have.

I felt...

I feel like I'm ten years old! Well, you're not!

And I say that as someone who's shaved your armpits!

Dad?

Your mother wanted a word.

Who is he? It doesn't matter.

I'm not discussing him with you. Why not?

Because I don't want your judgment.

26 years, just torn up, like that!

That's not how I see it.

I...

I don't have to justifying my choices to you.

You just walked out on a job for a man who won't look at you.

How DO you see it?

Did you come here just to shout at me, Mum?

You were 16!

I told you it was a mistake.

You were so sure,

until, suddenly, you throw it all away! All that work!

"All that work"?

You made a commitment.

A commitment which ripped my heart out.

DOOR CLOSES

Your dad's heart out. And now, it means nothing.

I made a commitment which I...I do not regret.

Of course, you regret it. But now, I realise that...

Now you realise you've thrown away the best part of your life,

and he doesn't want you back, right?

You made this choice and HE doesn't want you back.

That's the thing you could never understand.

There's a point where you are, as a woman,

where we all are, so beautiful, but now... I'm not.

Go home.

I needed to see you.

You are making your problems mine, Mum, like you always do.

Go home.

Don't remember the wrong things from this.

You've made your point.

Go home.

Hello, Father.

Er, hello, Muriel.

I was, um...

I was wondering if, er...

I could talk to...

I wondered if you fancied a walk.

I enjoyed your Harvest service.

I was pleased to see you there.

Surprised, if I'm honest.

There's something basic, isn't there, about the Harvest

as a time for sharing.

It was originally Catholic.

Until Henry VIII, it was a Catholic service, and the Irish...

Yes, I think you mentioned that... a few times!

How long did it take you to write it, the sermon?

Depends why you're asking.

I liked it.

All the stuff about the true nature of giving, I...

I thought you gave a really...

A true analysis of generosity as an exchange.

Ah, yeah. Thank you.

Um, I... I...

I write them very quickly. Often in the bath.

And then, I revise them quite a bit.

So, you write in the bath?

Well, I actually dictate them into my phone.

I can hear the water moving when I listen back.

Oh!

That's an odd image.

Suppose there isn't a great deal to do but think, when you're wet.

No.

My parents came to see me. Furious.

About leaving your...? Yeah.

I thought you said they weren't especially Catholic?

Well, my mum didn't want me to become a nun,

but here I am... Doing it anyway.

Well, leaving,

having ruined the best part of my life serving something fruitless.

You haven't ruined the best parts of your life.

If only you were my mother.

My parents were troubled by my choice.

My sister thought it was great.

Not like the good old days when that third child

would be stuffed off to the clergy.

Think that's more of an Anglican tradition.

Do they come to your services?

Ah, both dead.

My sister's still around though.

She's the natural daughter. I was adopted.

Oh...

So, your parents were...?

What, white?

Yeah.

Isn't it strange how that question's always the first one people ask?

Oh. Sorry for the boring question.

It's not boring at all. Just marginally... Racist.

Socially telling.

I don't want to have sex with you.

Sorry?

I, er...

I don't know what this is,

but I've kept thinking about it and I just wanted to say,

that I don't think I want to have sex with you.

Uh, OK...

Or, well, maybe I do. Maybe I'm just saying that to, um...

But sex, the...

...the idea of sex, but even when you were talking about yourself,

you know, in the bath, actually, that didn't do it for me,

because the idea of sex is truly terrifying to me,

as I'm sure it is to you.

Er, I'm not even sure how I even feel about kissing.

I just don't know...

...what this is.

The way you make me feel...

The way you made me feel in an instant is...

It remains something I can't explain or,

or even understand.

Even now.

It's something else.

It's...

...something more.

So...

...that's it!

Now... Now, you have to talk.

Um...

I just wanted to see you.

Why?

Cos I like you.

SHE SCOFFS

What a safe word to use.

I suppose I was worried about you.

Of course you are.

But, um...

Thank you for the clarity...

...about the sex.

I don't want to have sex with you.

But I do want to hold your hand.

OK.

OK.

My position hasn't changed.

No, you're...

Er, you're worried for me.

You don't want to have sex with me and you don't have feelings for me.

Are you going to keep saying the word "sex"?

I know, now I've started I can't stop.

My promises are... everything to me.

My service to God matters... to me.

My feelings for you...

...are ones of care and...

...friendship.

OK. Look, all I want to do...

I want to help you.

You know, I threw my life up for you,

and you can deny responsibility, but I...

Hang on, I'm responsible...? Yes.

Yes, you are. And now, you're sat here

like a... a wet pudding,

and I feel like I'm the one who has to make YOU feel OK.

SHE SCOFFS

I... I should go. But you came to my service.

Yes, I came to your church. Why?

To take part in a festival. Well, it felt like you were... What?

What?

I'd hoped it was an act of friendship.

Well, it must be lovely to have hopes like you've got. I...

I want to be your friend and "help" isn't a bad word.

I want to support you in what you're doing.

I want to...

I can't be THAT.

But I can be...

I'd like to be your friend. OK.

Well, I accept your friendship.

You do? Yes. Thank you.

Yes, I do.

But... I am...

I'm tired now and I want to go home.

Do you even know the way?

I've always been good at retracing my steps.

You know, I was sure, when I became a nun

and I am equally sure now.

I just know that God's path for me has changed.

And I... I...

I believe that God's path for you has changed, too.

Now, I am not some caged bird

who saw a means of escape.

I saw what you felt.

And I felt it, too.

I didn't imagine it.

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