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1
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TANNOY ANNOUNCEMENT
God, that was a long wedding.
2
00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:06,919
At least you could drink.
3
00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:10,919
This programme contains
very strong language from the start.
4
00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,240
Ubers keep cancelling on me,
and it is fucking devastating.
5
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,039
Owen, your child is over there,
6
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,199
licking what I think
is a used needle.
7
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,239
Any thoughts?
8
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:24,039
PHONE VIBRATES
9
00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,600
Oh...
10
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,840
Mercury!
Do we need another tetanus jab?
11
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,999
Oh!
12
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:38,959
Would anyone like a ginseng gummy?
13
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:40,399
Hmm?
14
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:41,959
HE GRUNTS
15
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:43,599
It'll really help regulate
your energy levels.
16
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:44,760
No.
17
00:00:46,160 --> 00:00:50,280
I mean, I've also got echinacea...
18
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:55,720
...milk thistle, ginger chews.
Yeah. Or I've got, um...
19
00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,639
...like expired Femfresh wipes.
20
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,560
No? Fine.
21
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:05,440
I'm gonna go and queue...
22
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,440
..for a black cab.
23
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:20,319
Hey...
24
00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,879
If you're worried
about vaginal odour,
25
00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:25,799
I can send you a link
to an amethyst suppository
26
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,439
my friend Wave sells.
27
00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,959
I mean, it'll really help.
28
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,160
Sorry, an amethyst suppository?
29
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,040
So, like... Like a stone...
30
00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:37,240
...tampon?
SHE LAUGHS
31
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,799
So... Sorry.
It does sound a bit medieval.
32
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:44,160
Yeah.
33
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:48,639
THEY LAUGH
34
00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:50,319
Yeah, I guess it does,
35
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,479
but it has helped a lot of women.
36
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,759
I actually did a series of videos
37
00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,559
on the vagina-Earth connection.
38
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,199
Oh, OK. You're a film-maker?
39
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,879
No, no.
40
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,639
God! No, I don't even
own a television.
41
00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,879
No, I'm a light worker,
42
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,199
but I primarily produce content
for social media.
43
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,639
I just found that that's
the best way to reach people
44
00:02:11,640 --> 00:02:14,080
and connect with souls
all around the world.
45
00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,279
Is that Eddie fucking Rushton?
46
00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,320
Oh, my God, Toni! Hello!
47
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,279
And none for Gretchen Wieners?
48
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,079
Oh, my God. Buy one, get one!
Mwah! Mwah!
49
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,999
Where the piss have you two been?
50
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,959
I've been hagless
at Superstore for months.
51
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,199
Hi. I'm Whitney.
52
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,879
Congratulations.
Sorry, Whit, this is Toni.
53
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,039
Toni Anne Guy,
54
00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,879
drag queen to both the stars
and the gutter.
55
00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:41,079
How are you, babe?
56
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,839
I heard you got mercury poisoning.
57
00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:44,319
Did you eat too much tuna?
58
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:46,399
Um, no, not mercury.
Lithium poisoning.
59
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,879
You ate batteries?
60
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,359
So, what have you been up to?
61
00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,159
Down the drag mines, as ever.
62
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:53,439
I actually had this
last-minute gig come in for tonight.
63
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,039
I'd usually tell them to fuck off,
64
00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,519
but you don't say no to
Barbie and Skipper, do you?
65
00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:59,159
Wait, wait, what did you just say?
66
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:00,319
Barbie and Skipper?
67
00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:03,399
Oh, my... Oh, my God!
68
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:06,199
A secret show at Peg.
It's gonna be epic.
69
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,479
Barbie and Skipper, like The Dolls?
70
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,719
They're drag queens,
but, like, so much more.
71
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,479
Yeah, yeah, yeah, they've got
a podcast and books.
72
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:13,959
And a YouTube series
that we used to watch on repeat.
73
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,399
Still do. Yes, I still do.
74
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:16,839
We always said
if they ever came to London,
75
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,239
but they never have,
because Skipper...
76
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:19,679
..hates the accent!
77
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,879
Oh, my God! Get us tickets, please.
We've wanted to see them for years.
78
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:24,759
Babe, do you have any idea
how many fit men
79
00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:27,279
I have in my DMs right now
asking me the same thing?
80
00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:29,959
No offence, but I'm not going
to pick the straight girls.
81
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,719
Straight-ish. Come on, Toni,
we'll do anything.
82
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:33,559
I never made you settle
your Wet Mouth tab.
83
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,000
Hmm...
84
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,879
OK, look, I need this wig
85
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:40,279
my friend Cher's
been styling for me,
86
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,399
but she's being a bitch
and refusing to give me it.
87
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,120
We can get you a wig. Yeah. We can?
88
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,719
Oh, God. Sorry.
89
00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,359
I just totally disrupted your flow.
90
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,359
God, what a loser.
91
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,879
No. I'm sorry. We're, um...
We're being a bit... It's just...
92
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,239
This is kind of a dream of mine.
93
00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,720
An old dream, but...
94
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,879
We have to honour old dreams
to make space for new ones.
95
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,359
That's beautiful, that.
96
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:11,719
I know we had other plans today,
97
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,639
and I was going to start
looking for a job...
98
00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:17,120
Now, listen, the only plan
that matters is the universe's.
99
00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,519
Send us the address. All right.
100
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:26,079
Watch out, though.
Cher can be... how you say...
101
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:27,639
...a cunt.
102
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,999
Mwah. Mwah. I'll need it by eight.
103
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,159
If you're not there,
I'll fist your dad.
104
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:33,599
THEY SQUEAL
105
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,519
Good luck with ours. You'll
have to un-cremate them first.
106
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:40,359
Oh, is... is... is your dad...?
Yeah, yeah. Oh.
107
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,240
He passed when I was 12.
108
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,040
It's actually
how we first connected.
109
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:50,880
Aw, that's so... lovely.
110
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:54,399
Are you sure we can't just
get the Tube?
111
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:55,799
This place is in, like, zone ten.
112
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,559
I didn't even know that existed.
Uber, then?
113
00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,439
You said it'd be 80 quid.
That's mad.
114
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,879
Will keeps a spare car key
in this stupid key safe he has.
115
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:03,639
We don't even need
to knock on the door.
116
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,359
You don't wanna give him a heads-up?
117
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,079
Just in case he thinks
it's been stolen.
118
00:05:07,080 --> 00:05:10,279
Like stolen by a stranger
rather than a close friend?
119
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:12,560
He won't care. Oh.
120
00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:23,399
So...
121
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,319
You are a light worker?
122
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,119
I am.
123
00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:28,679
Which is what? Sorry, I don't know.
124
00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,319
Oh, yeah.
125
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:33,759
It basically means that I have
been put on this Earth
126
00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,479
to spread light
and eradicate darkness.
127
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,959
Oh, wow. OK. Yeah.
128
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,079
Like Batman?
129
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:41,319
No. No.
130
00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,919
He's changed the code.
131
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:44,839
Shit. I thought this was
a slam dunk.
132
00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,519
OK, uh, well,
133
00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,039
this is how Patrick Swayze
does it in Dirty Dancing.
134
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,840
So we're just gonna get
this here. Yes.
135
00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,679
Oh. Oh!
136
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,999
I'm OK. It's just a little fall.
137
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,519
Wait... Oh. OK.
138
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:01,799
Right...
139
00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:03,359
SHE GRUNTS
140
00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:06,559
Um, just, like,
shield your eyes and I'll...
141
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,319
What are you doing?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
142
00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,759
Violence is never the answer,
Maggie.
143
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:13,719
No, it's not violence if it's against
a car, is it? It's just like...
144
00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,399
ALARM BEEPS REPEATEDLY
Ah!
145
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,799
I didn't even smash anything!
146
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,439
Excuse me.
I'm afraid I have a weap...
147
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,480
ALARM CONTINUES
148
00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:26,079
I would love it if that could stop!
149
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:27,439
Oh...
150
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,119
Sorry.
151
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,479
ALARM STOPS
152
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,599
You're... You're back.
153
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,519
Only just. Yesterday, actually.
154
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,919
But I've been e-mailing you
for a year.
155
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,159
No, I'm off grid,
out of the matrix.
156
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,079
You don't have a phone? No.
157
00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:47,319
Oh. That's very, um,
Amish chic of you.
158
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,039
It's not Amish to disengage
from something
159
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,439
that's literally killing people.
160
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,919
Phones are killing people?
161
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,239
They're worse for you than smoking.
162
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,159
Hi. I'm Whitney.
163
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,399
And you... must be Will.
164
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,039
Sorry, just back
to the phone thing again.
165
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,359
You have a phone?
166
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:05,679
To serve my higher purpose
167
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,439
of spreading light
via social media.
168
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,839
Otherwise, you know, I would
throw this thing in the ocean,
169
00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:10,960
trust me.
170
00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:15,319
Sorry, were you
breaking into my car?
171
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,600
Could we borrow it?
Just for the afternoon?
172
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,840
Of course. Yeah, sure.
173
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,479
I'd love it if we could talk.
174
00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,199
Maybe when you bring back the car?
175
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,920
TYRES SCREECH
176
00:07:44,360 --> 00:07:45,800
INTERCOM BUZZES
177
00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,159
So we all hate Will now, then?
178
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,839
I don't hate anybody.
Hate is a poison.
179
00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,119
The friction
between the old and the new
180
00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,799
can often feel uncomfortable.
181
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,719
Well, then, maybe the new
should smooth itself out a bit.
182
00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,799
Delivery or Jehovah's? What?
183
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,559
Cos I've already had two
Jehovah's up here this week,
184
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:06,919
and I'm not being funny or nothing,
185
00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:08,399
but I don't think I'm for you.
186
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,239
No, no, we're a friend of Toni's.
187
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,560
Toni Anne Guy?
We came here to get her wig.
188
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,440
Maybe she's coming down?
189
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:18,799
Uh, Cher, sorry,
190
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,759
we're actually in a bit
of a hurry, so if you could just...
191
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,919
If you think you can intimidate me,
192
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,359
you're fucking wrong.
193
00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,519
I've got a Taser in here
that my cousin 3D-printed,
194
00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:29,639
and I know how to use it!
195
00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:32,879
Stop throwing hairpins
and just give us the wig.
196
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,559
Did Toni tell you she's
been shagging my stepdad?
197
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:37,279
She's tore my family apart.
198
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,120
Me mother's had to go inpatient.
199
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,759
That's almost impossible to defend.
200
00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:44,999
Maybe if I try
and talk to her one-on-one?
201
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,559
Or I'd be happy to try.
202
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:49,399
Um, no offence, Whitney,
but I think you might be
203
00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,239
a bit too American
for someone like Cher.
204
00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,359
Whitney should go. She's always
so calm in the face of chaos.
205
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,679
OK, well, she'll probably throw
a hairdryer at you, but...
206
00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,439
Cher? My name's Whitney,
207
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:01,759
and I'm a light worker
208
00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,039
specialising
in interpersonal relationships.
209
00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:06,360
May I come in?
210
00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,679
INTERCOM BUZZES
211
00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:12,159
EDDIE LAUGHS
212
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,839
One sec.
213
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,160
DOOR CLOSES
214
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,879
So, you were saying earlier
you were looking for a job.
215
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,479
What about your Wet Mouth money?
216
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,439
I can't live off that for ever.
217
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:28,320
Besides, I need to save that for...
218
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,440
I need to save that money.
219
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,039
Is Whitney looking for a job
220
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:37,759
or does she make money
off TikTok or...?
221
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,599
I knew you'd hate her. No, I just...
222
00:09:39,600 --> 00:09:42,319
Look, I know she's kooky
and different to you,
223
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:44,839
and she might use words
that you think are stupid,
224
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,680
but Whitney has helped me so much.
225
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,080
When we met, I, uh...
226
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,919
I was in a really dark place.
227
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,560
I was sat on a beach in Malibu
and I...
228
00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,040
I'm lucky to have found her.
229
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,400
We've basically spent
every day together since.
230
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,400
Well, then, I'm excited to get
to know her better.
231
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:17,879
All done. She's boxing up
the wig for us. Oh, amazing.
232
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,039
So once we're back
at the apartment,
233
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:22,519
I just need to start the sageing
process straight away.
234
00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:25,399
Thanks, Cher.
And sorry about your mum.
235
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,399
Whitney's right.
I need to let it go.
236
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:32,679
Wow. Whitney, you are just
so impressive.
237
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,599
Personally, if Toni
had called me a cunt,
238
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:36,359
I would struggle to get past that,
239
00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,039
but with the power of light,
I guess anything is possible.
240
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:40,519
What?
241
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,159
Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry.
Did Whitney not say?
242
00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:44,719
Why would I?
243
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:49,439
That stepdad-shagging rat
had the gumption to call me a cunt?
244
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:52,279
Cher, remember the grounding
exercise I taught you?
245
00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:53,719
Oh, no.
246
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,519
No, we don't need to be... Oh...
247
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:57,959
Oh, no...
248
00:10:57,960 --> 00:10:59,639
Cher, please, that's not hygienic.
249
00:10:59,640 --> 00:11:01,839
No, no. OK,
put the lighter down. Cher...
250
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,320
ALL GASP
251
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,319
No! Oh, God.
252
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,120
Have some of that.
ALL SCREAM
253
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:12,840
Oh...
254
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:24,640
Crazy he did that.
255
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,640
I'm so sorry, you guys.
256
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,480
I just assumed Whitney had told
Cher had the full truth, so...
257
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,640
I'm such an idiot.
So no Barbie and Skipper.
258
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:55,359
Oh, no. I'll get us in.
259
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,639
How? Those tickets are like
gold dust.
260
00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:00,399
It's Prince at the Roundhouse
all over again.
261
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:05,239
Yeah, I've... I've many options,
but, um,
262
00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:08,279
first, I should probably just
call my agent.
263
00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,439
Vanessa? Are you still with her?
264
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,519
Oh, right. Yeah.
After that dinner party.
265
00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:15,600
Yeah. Eddie told me all about it.
266
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,439
Yeah. No, things are great.
267
00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,279
Actually my new play has been
shortlisted for an award, so...
268
00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:23,599
Really? Like, a big one?
269
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,359
Yeah, like the biggest, actually,
270
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,840
I've never even been longlisted
before, so...
271
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,960
Congratulations. Thanks.
272
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,040
I'll just...
273
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,359
LINE RINGS
274
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,759
Hello. Maggie?
275
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,399
I'm sorry, but this graveyard
has terrible reception.
276
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,519
Vanessa, hi.
277
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,599
Um, I'm just wondering
if you could help me out.
278
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,159
I'm trying to get tickets
to this thing tonight.
279
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:52,799
OK. Yeah, um, it's a drag show,
280
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,120
and, um...
281
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,240
I don't know if you know anyone
who works in that area or...
282
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,039
Sorry, Maggie, I couldn't hear you.
283
00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:06,279
There are people nearby
grieving loudly.
284
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,839
Did you say a drag show?
LOUD CRYING
285
00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:10,319
Like a gay thing? Yes. Very gay.
286
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:12,279
Rupert could probably help.
287
00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:13,919
Rupert? Rupert Everett.
288
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,159
He's an old friend.
289
00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:17,799
He'll be at
the Manderley Club from six,
290
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,359
if you wanna go and ask him.
He doesn't take calls.
291
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,239
Yeah, yeah, I know... I know it well.
292
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,599
I'd come with you, but Hilary Mantel
snuck a clause into her contract
293
00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,919
that I had to polish her gravestone
once a month after her death.
294
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,159
I'll send you the address.
295
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,400
Oh, thank you so much, Vanessa.
296
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,639
Done and done.
297
00:13:37,640 --> 00:13:39,599
We just need to go and schmooze
Rupert Everett
298
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,159
and we'll be all gravy.
299
00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,039
Rupert Everett? Cool.
SHE GIGGLES
300
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,119
That is cool.
301
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:46,279
We can go get changed at mine
302
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,039
and then head over
to the Manderley Club.
303
00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,719
Oh. We actually should go back
to our apartment
304
00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:54,439
because we kind of need
to get settled and,
305
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:56,839
like, freshen up. That's true.
306
00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:00,160
But we could meet you
at this Peg place later.
307
00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,119
Right, Maggie?
308
00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:04,799
You don't need us, do you?
309
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,039
Of course.
310
00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,720
I'll handle Rupert.
311
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,440
Oh, sorry.
312
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,279
♪ Guess who back in the house
313
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,839
♪ Heels click-clackin' about
314
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,519
♪ Five, fresh, feminine,
style to 11
315
00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,639
♪ I'm divine, so heavenly
Gentleman sweatin'
316
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:23,959
{\an8}♪ It's dimes across
the board, no doubt
317
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,039
{\an8}♪ Body like wow!
318
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,559
♪ Pussy 'bout to end this drought
319
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,319
♪ Titties so plentiful,
fish queen Jezebel
320
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,719
♪ Should be criminal
321
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,759
♪ Don't make sense for a bitch
to be this endowed... ♪
322
00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:37,359
Ah. Hi. Uh, I'm, um...
I'm Maggie Donovan.
323
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:38,679
♪ Now get your camera phone
324
00:14:38,680 --> 00:14:40,799
♪ Cos in a minute I'm about to be on
325
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,119
♪ Here come that girl
Oh, shit, what up?
326
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:44,719
♪ Give them twirl
that's the bread and butter
327
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,919
♪ Clutch your pearls,
she's the big shot caller
328
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,199
♪ Get-get run over, over! ♪
329
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:50,280
Oh. I'm OK. Thanks.
330
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,319
I am all set.
331
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:56,439
Oh, that'll be Maggie.
Thank goodness you're here.
332
00:14:56,440 --> 00:14:59,079
Oh, here I am.
Darling, they've arrived.
333
00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,560
Ah...
334
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,679
You must be Maggie. Hi!
335
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,439
You know, when Vanessa
said she was sending you over,
336
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:13,079
I thought, "Finally!
Somebody cares about me."
337
00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:14,839
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
338
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,199
Ooh!
339
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,799
Now, ahem, you're a little bit,
uh...
340
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,799
...little, though.
341
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:23,319
I'll need to get the French
maid's uniform altered.
342
00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,640
Don't start with that.
Oh, exsqueeze me, darling...
343
00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:29,879
...for trying to inject some
glamour into the proceedings.
344
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,039
Darling, behave.
345
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,919
This is your third assistant
this month.
346
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,079
What? No, no. Sorry. No, no.
347
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:36,959
I'm... I'm actually a playwright.
348
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,119
Oh, yes, darling,
that's what they all say.
349
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:40,799
The last one didn't like
the costume either.
350
00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,919
You know, you just can't
get the staff.
351
00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:46,999
No, no, seriously.
No, I'm just here to see
352
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:51,279
if you can help me to get tickets
for this thing tonight.
353
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:52,919
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
354
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:56,159
You know, it's a teensy
little bit early
355
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,079
to be asking for favours, darling,
356
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,119
but I admire your spunk.
357
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,400
Oh. Come on, let's
go and get a martini.
358
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,519
You know, I'm not a bad boss, Mandy,
359
00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:12,319
despite what the various
court filings may say.
360
00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:14,839
I'm simply a world-renowned actor
361
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,719
with a taste for
the finer things in life.
362
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,479
Is that a crime?
363
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:20,960
PHONE VIBRATES
Um...
364
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,959
Now, I do ask that my silk items
365
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,079
be handwashed by you
in front of me.
366
00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,439
I love to watch.
367
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,120
Look, I am not actually your...
368
00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:40,239
...average assistant.
No, I'm so much more.
369
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:43,759
HE GASPS
You're a perineal masseuse?
370
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:47,239
Sure, um, but I also am just
really on top of your schedule.
371
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,079
In fact, you happen to have
an appearance at Peg tonight,
372
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,359
so we'd better get going.
373
00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:53,359
An appearance at Peg?
374
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,719
What's Peg?
375
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:56,559
Oh, it's a really cool gay club.
376
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,599
You will be introducing
two drag queens at their show.
377
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,079
Why the tit would I be doing that?
378
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,479
I don't do appearances.
379
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,199
I'm Rupert fucking Everett, darling.
380
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,999
The fee...
381
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,239
..is astronomical.
382
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,239
Oh.
BOTH CHUCKLE
383
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:13,720
Why didn't you say so before?
Oh... Oh!
384
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:15,919
He's fine.
385
00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,079
Very good. Uppsie!
386
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:20,159
MUSIC POUNDS
387
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,200
EXCITED CHATTER
388
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,359
HE GROANS
OK...
389
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,079
HE LAUGHS
390
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,399
What light through yonder
window breaks?
391
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,200
Yes, Romeo. Let's go.
392
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,439
Oh... We are here.
393
00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,319
Oh, my God! Bitch! Oh, hi.
394
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,319
HE GROWLS
395
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,239
Hey. Wonderful.
396
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:47,079
Is this your dealer? Darling,
do you have any Adderall?
397
00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,799
SHE LAUGHS
398
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:50,319
He's kidding! He's kidding!
399
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,039
I think we should just head in.
400
00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:54,959
Oh, my God, there you are.
Cutting it a bit fine, babes.
401
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,719
Where's the wig?
402
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:59,319
Well, hello... Hello!
403
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:01,159
Sorry, Toni, Cher wouldn't
give it to us.
404
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:03,439
She was just being very difficult.
405
00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:05,359
That little bitch.
406
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,999
I am sorry. I have to escort
Rupert inside.
407
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,439
He can't be out here with the crowds.
408
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,319
The fucking neck of you, Cher Fryer.
409
00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,599
Shouldn't we...?
It'll be fine. Hi.
410
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,559
We just have a VIP with us
if we could just...
411
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,079
Name? So we are not on the list,
412
00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,359
but I just know
that Barbie and Skipper
413
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:22,519
would want a gay icon of this calibre
in the audience.
414
00:18:22,520 --> 00:18:25,559
Will somebody please give me
a fucking upper?
415
00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,759
Are you joking? It really is him.
416
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:29,159
But, please, just, like, be cool.
417
00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,719
What have I told you
about coming back here?
418
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,079
Daddy needs his uppies.
419
00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:35,199
Oh, get him out of here
before I call the police.
420
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,399
Police? No. I think you are mistaken.
421
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,599
This man's been terrorising us
for years.
422
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,759
He's the reason that Stabber's
got complex PTSD.
423
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,679
You're in violation of about
ten restraining orders,
424
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,399
you utter fuckhead!
425
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:50,079
Code Dahmer, I repeat,
Code Dahmer at the front door.
426
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,159
Code Dahmer? Oh, my God.
427
00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:54,399
You set my fucking wig on fire.
428
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:56,119
Yeah. And I'd do it again,
429
00:18:56,120 --> 00:19:00,199
because no-one calls Cher Fryer
a cunt and gets away with it!
430
00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,919
Why did you tell her that,
you bellend?!
431
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,879
This is why everybody hates
straight people.
432
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,239
Straight-ish.
433
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:09,879
She's not coming in. No shit.
434
00:19:09,880 --> 00:19:13,120
Fuck off, babes,
and stay fucked off.
435
00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:21,039
Ryan? Oh, my God.
436
00:19:21,040 --> 00:19:23,920
Ryan. Oh, my God, you have
to help us get in. We were...
437
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,360
SHE SIGHS
438
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,719
We are too old for this, Maggie.
439
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,599
Today was insane,
440
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,559
but this is not who I am
any more, I promise.
441
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:40,360
I have changed, you will see.
I...I will show you.
442
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:43,880
I think I can help.
443
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,039
What?
444
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,599
Well, I didn't want to say anything,
445
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:53,520
but I thought, you know,
maybe we'd need a plan C.
446
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,439
So I reached out
to my online community,
447
00:19:57,440 --> 00:19:59,599
and the universe provided me
448
00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:04,119
with a DM from a guy
whose mom owns this whole club.
449
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,839
Look, there is no way.
450
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,079
That is some weirdo in his
basement looking for attention.
451
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,800
No, I think that's him now. Eddie!
452
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:15,639
Eddie!
HE SOBS
453
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,159
Oh... You!
454
00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:18,719
You... Oh...
455
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,199
It's really you.
456
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,439
I've been looking for you
everywhere.
457
00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:25,039
I mean, not physically,
but on Instagram.
458
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,599
Oh, my God, this is fate.
459
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:28,799
Wait.
460
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,200
You know each other?
461
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:36,599
I saw something like this
in your soul contract, remember?
462
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:40,759
A cherished old friend
would return to your life.
463
00:20:40,760 --> 00:20:43,679
Yeah, I had no idea
it would be Krent.
464
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,439
Listen, can you start Monday?
465
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,159
What? Oh, my God.
466
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,039
Look at me, getting ahead of myself.
467
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,919
I'm just so excited about this
good luck.
468
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,560
It's pre-ordained. It is!
469
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:55,200
It is. I love that.
470
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:58,999
I love you. Oh, sorry.
We just did a bump.
471
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,359
Anyway, Mummy just bought
Walthamstow
472
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,159
and gave me a building,
so I'm opening a bar,
473
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,999
and you get to manage it.
474
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,719
Eddie!
475
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,000
Oh, my goddess! Sorry.
476
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,759
Finding Eddie a job
was our next step.
477
00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,400
Oh, amazing. Let's go inside
and talk business.
478
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:23,480
Eddie, this is such a blessing
from the universe.
479
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,160
No.
480
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,199
OK. OK?
481
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,079
Yeah, sure. I knew you'd say yes.
482
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,439
OK. Come with me. Oh...
Hey, guys, this is Eddie,
483
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,040
my working-class friend.
484
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,159
Come on, come on. You too, Mags.
485
00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:44,400
MUSIC POUNDS
486
00:21:54,400 --> 00:21:57,840
LOUD DANCE MUSIC
487
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:06,279
Hello? Hey, Maggie. Sorry. It's...
488
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:07,639
This isn't Will, is it?
489
00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,999
I blocked you years ago.
Oh, well, I got a new number.
490
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,320
Look, don't hang up.
It's about Whitney.
491
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,679
What about her?
Eddie sent me a few texts
492
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:20,079
when she first got to LA
and then went completely AWOL.
493
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:23,399
Not a peep since then.
And now she reappears
494
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:27,039
with this spiritual
guru/influencer.
495
00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,999
Something feels off.
496
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:33,279
OK, well, you're a nerd.
497
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,679
Do some research,
dig up some dirt or something.
498
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,439
I can do that.
499
00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,919
Piss off, princess,
we're having a party.
500
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,160
GLASS SMASHES
501
00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,999
Hmm. Suit yourself, sulky tits.
502
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,720
SNORTS
503
00:22:57,040 --> 00:23:00,000
MUSIC BLARES
504
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:07,319
GLASS SMASHES
505
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:09,039
RUPERT GUFFAWS
506
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,520
Here we go!
507
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:16,079
{\an8}♪ When you're alone
and you cannot stop
508
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,480
{\an8}♪ Under control with the lights off
509
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:27,719
{\an8}♪ Hold me close,
you're not electrical
510
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,039
{\an8}♪ Can you feel the music
on your skin?
511
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:34,039
{\an8}♪ Are you getting lost
in the static? ♪
512
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,920
Set your body free.
37105
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