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1
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♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:12,216 --> 00:00:13,961
♪ Friendly faces everywhere
3
00:00:14,047 --> 00:00:15,767
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:15,851 --> 00:00:18,694
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:18,834 --> 00:00:20,594
♪ Ample parking day or night
6
00:00:20,679 --> 00:00:22,404
♪ People spouting,
"howdy, neighbor!" ♪
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00:00:22,489 --> 00:00:25,456
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:28,908
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:28,993 --> 00:00:31,904
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:31,988 --> 00:00:33,554
*SOUTH PARK
Season 24 Episode 05
11
00:00:33,639 --> 00:00:35,100
Episode Title:
"Help, My Teenager Hates Me!"
12
00:00:35,185 --> 00:00:36,189
Aired on: March 09, 2022.
13
00:00:39,663 --> 00:00:41,099
Dad!
Dad, there's this new place
14
00:00:41,185 --> 00:00:42,306
and you can actually go
and shoot each other,
15
00:00:42,391 --> 00:00:43,917
only it's soft BBs
and they're biodegradable,
16
00:00:44,001 --> 00:00:45,149
and the guns
are, like, totally real
17
00:00:45,233 --> 00:00:46,199
except you don't actually
get hurt,
18
00:00:46,284 --> 00:00:47,487
and it's like paintball
except for there's no mess,
19
00:00:47,571 --> 00:00:48,761
and the stuff
all looks totally real,
20
00:00:48,845 --> 00:00:50,493
and it's called Airsoft
and can I get one?
21
00:00:50,672 --> 00:00:51,787
Wha... Wha... What?
22
00:00:51,872 --> 00:00:53,311
There's an Airsoft field
where everybody plays on teams,
23
00:00:53,395 --> 00:00:54,854
and I promise I'll take
good care of the equipment,
24
00:00:54,939 --> 00:00:56,512
and if you think about it
it's a really great hobby
25
00:00:56,597 --> 00:00:57,989
for team building and learning
communication and...
26
00:00:58,074 --> 00:00:59,128
Whoa... Whoa...
Whoa... Whoa...
27
00:00:59,212 --> 00:01:00,146
I was just thinking
if you could come
28
00:01:00,232 --> 00:01:01,796
to the Airsoft store with me...
Please, please, please,
29
00:01:01,881 --> 00:01:02,870
all my friends
already bought their stuff,
30
00:01:02,956 --> 00:01:04,073
and it's totally a way for us
to play outside
31
00:01:04,157 --> 00:01:05,534
like you always say...
Come on, please,
32
00:01:05,618 --> 00:01:07,015
only we can't tell mom
cuz she won't understand,
33
00:01:07,099 --> 00:01:08,586
but it's totally safe
cuz you wear eye protection.
34
00:01:08,671 --> 00:01:10,862
Okay, okay, Kyle, breathe.
35
00:01:13,161 --> 00:01:15,014
Here it is!
Isn't this cool?!
36
00:01:15,313 --> 00:01:17,140
Airsoft Armory?
37
00:01:17,224 --> 00:01:18,867
Come on, Dad!
You gotta check it out!
38
00:01:23,907 --> 00:01:26,974
My God!
Is this stuff real?!
39
00:01:27,059 --> 00:01:28,952
No, Dad, it's Airsoft.
40
00:01:29,115 --> 00:01:31,003
It's like paintball,
only it's way cooler
41
00:01:31,088 --> 00:01:32,798
and it just looks totally real.
42
00:01:33,657 --> 00:01:36,436
I-I really don't think
your mom would approve, Kyle.
43
00:01:36,521 --> 00:01:38,399
Dad... Please.
I'm not a baby anymore.
44
00:01:38,484 --> 00:01:39,882
The other guys...
They already got their stuff.
45
00:01:39,966 --> 00:01:40,992
We're playing today!
46
00:01:41,077 --> 00:01:44,514
Can I please just get, like,
an AK-47 and maybe a Glock?
47
00:01:44,599 --> 00:01:46,107
This stuff is expensive.
48
00:01:46,193 --> 00:01:48,133
Is this really how you want
to spend your allowance?
49
00:01:48,217 --> 00:01:49,858
Yeah, yeah!
It really is!
50
00:01:50,408 --> 00:01:52,684
These are all, like, legal,
right?
51
00:01:52,825 --> 00:01:54,019
Uh, yes, sir.
52
00:01:54,183 --> 00:01:56,648
You see you load these soft BBs
into the guns
53
00:01:56,733 --> 00:01:58,485
and they just kinda sting.
54
00:01:58,736 --> 00:02:02,254
And you can put the soft BBs
into grenades, rocket launchers,
55
00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:03,579
all kinds of stuff.
56
00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:05,706
So it's all totally safe?
57
00:02:06,523 --> 00:02:09,521
Wul, I wouldn't particularly say
that...
58
00:02:09,693 --> 00:02:11,907
I mean...
All the stuff is safe,
59
00:02:11,992 --> 00:02:14,474
the guns and grenades
and things... but...
60
00:02:14,777 --> 00:02:18,454
But not necessarily the people
who mostly play Airsoft...
61
00:02:18,854 --> 00:02:21,194
What people mostly play Airsoft?
62
00:02:22,521 --> 00:02:24,373
Teenagers.
63
00:02:25,448 --> 00:02:28,109
Alright, Airsofters,
let's listen up.
64
00:02:28,210 --> 00:02:29,936
Before we let you onto
the field,
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00:02:30,022 --> 00:02:32,284
we need to run through
our safety precautions.
66
00:02:32,612 --> 00:02:33,902
- Bruh...
- Bruh...
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00:02:34,011 --> 00:02:36,186
We know all the safety stuff...
68
00:02:36,270 --> 00:02:37,321
Bruh...
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00:02:37,678 --> 00:02:40,975
First, your Airsoft guns
must all have a red tip...
70
00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,395
Bruh, we know...
71
00:02:42,577 --> 00:02:45,778
Second, there is no full auto
allowed on the field.
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00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,043
Bruh...
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00:02:47,127 --> 00:02:50,328
Third, there is a 500 fps limit
for your BBs.
74
00:02:50,413 --> 00:02:52,676
Bruh, can we play now?
75
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,978
If you're hit by a BB,
raise your hand, say "hit,"
76
00:02:56,079 --> 00:02:57,503
and go back to respawn.
77
00:02:57,588 --> 00:02:59,079
Yes already, yes!
78
00:02:59,163 --> 00:03:01,595
Alright,
you guys are Team Rogue Wolf.
79
00:03:01,680 --> 00:03:06,055
You'll be playing against...
Where is Team Floppy Weiner?
80
00:03:06,304 --> 00:03:07,514
Right here!
81
00:03:08,190 --> 00:03:09,414
What?!
82
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,640
Bruh, no! We aren't playing
with little kids!
83
00:03:12,916 --> 00:03:14,971
Yeah, it'll be too easy!
84
00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:16,753
Alright, fine!
85
00:03:16,839 --> 00:03:18,872
Then we'll split the kids up
on two teams
86
00:03:18,958 --> 00:03:21,266
and each one
will have a teenage partner.
87
00:03:21,731 --> 00:03:23,488
Bruh, seriously?
88
00:03:23,573 --> 00:03:26,149
Kid with the poof ball,
that's your teenager...
89
00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:27,171
Bruh.
90
00:03:27,257 --> 00:03:29,406
Green hat kid,
that's your teenager...
91
00:03:29,491 --> 00:03:31,753
Team B,
those are your two teenagers.
92
00:03:31,838 --> 00:03:33,095
Alright, sweet!
93
00:03:33,181 --> 00:03:36,078
Me and Kenny and our teenagers
are gonna smoke you guys!
94
00:03:41,499 --> 00:03:43,291
Go! Go, go, go, go, go!
95
00:03:44,304 --> 00:03:45,568
Come on! This way!
96
00:03:45,696 --> 00:03:47,938
Yes! Yes! Yes!
97
00:04:23,646 --> 00:04:24,936
I got you, Cartman!
98
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:26,445
You didn't get me.
99
00:04:26,661 --> 00:04:28,576
I totally got you,
I heard it hit your jacket...
100
00:04:28,662 --> 00:04:30,303
Say hit
and go back to respawn!
101
00:04:30,553 --> 00:04:31,991
You didn't hit me,
Kyle!
102
00:04:32,077 --> 00:04:33,793
The BBs bounced off a leaf
or something, 'cause...
103
00:04:33,877 --> 00:04:35,069
Agh! Agh!
104
00:04:35,154 --> 00:04:36,497
Ok... Ok hit!
105
00:04:36,582 --> 00:04:37,856
You got me.
That was sweet.
106
00:04:41,189 --> 00:04:43,592
I'm outta green gas,
you got green gas?!
107
00:04:43,678 --> 00:04:45,531
Yeah, I got some right here,
partner!
108
00:04:49,018 --> 00:04:50,798
Bruh! Keep shooting!
109
00:04:51,153 --> 00:04:52,561
Whoo-hoo!
110
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:01,018
Oh, my God...
111
00:05:01,159 --> 00:05:03,413
This is the greatest day
of my ****ing life.
112
00:05:07,710 --> 00:05:09,135
Ow! Ow!
113
00:05:09,323 --> 00:05:10,524
Hit!
114
00:05:12,093 --> 00:05:14,690
Yes! Yes!
That was so awesome!
115
00:05:14,837 --> 00:05:16,563
You guys,
Airsoft ****ing rules!
116
00:05:16,671 --> 00:05:18,330
This is... Ow!
Hit! Hit!
117
00:05:18,438 --> 00:05:19,745
This is sweet!
118
00:05:21,615 --> 00:05:23,383
- That was so cool!
- Mrphh rmhprh mrphmrhmrh!
119
00:05:23,467 --> 00:05:24,724
Best thing ever!
120
00:05:25,064 --> 00:05:27,628
Dude, I can't believe we tied!
That was epic.
121
00:05:27,713 --> 00:05:30,513
Yeah, well, Team Floppy Weiner
will get you guys next time!
122
00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:33,207
That was seriously the best time
I've had in forever!
123
00:05:33,293 --> 00:05:35,421
Me too!
And you know what else is cool?
124
00:05:35,506 --> 00:05:37,119
We all have teenagers now!
125
00:05:37,257 --> 00:05:39,294
I know! My teenager said
he's gonna come over
126
00:05:39,379 --> 00:05:40,675
and show me
how to clean my gun!
127
00:05:40,792 --> 00:05:42,645
Cartman, are you okay?
128
00:05:44,748 --> 00:05:46,413
I'm just really happy,
you guys...
129
00:05:46,682 --> 00:05:47,972
Airsoft is seriously, like,
130
00:05:48,064 --> 00:05:49,552
the greatest thing
in the whole world.
131
00:05:50,754 --> 00:05:52,158
Well, here's my house.
132
00:05:52,416 --> 00:05:53,665
Thanks, you guys.
133
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:54,999
For just a few,
brief hours...
134
00:05:55,085 --> 00:05:57,002
I forgot
how much everything sucks.
135
00:06:01,202 --> 00:06:03,867
Can we promise each other we'll
do Airsoft, like, all the time?
136
00:06:03,952 --> 00:06:05,126
Hell yeah, dude.
137
00:06:05,211 --> 00:06:06,634
We just gotta keep
our teenagers happy
138
00:06:06,718 --> 00:06:08,587
and we can play Airsoft
all the time.
139
00:06:09,722 --> 00:06:11,063
I love you guys.
140
00:06:26,427 --> 00:06:28,756
Hey, Kyle...
Uh, how did the Airsoft go?
141
00:06:28,942 --> 00:06:31,555
I took a BB right to the face
with a sniper rifle.
142
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,376
It was so great, Dad.
143
00:06:35,138 --> 00:06:37,662
Are you sure this isn't all
a little too much for you, son?
144
00:06:37,779 --> 00:06:39,749
I'm not a baby anymore,
Dad!
145
00:06:39,835 --> 00:06:40,676
Ooh!
146
00:06:40,761 --> 00:06:42,081
Oh, that's probably
my teenager!
147
00:06:42,167 --> 00:06:43,486
See ya, Dad.
I love you!
148
00:06:43,683 --> 00:06:45,362
I love you, too, Kyle.
149
00:06:46,841 --> 00:06:48,141
I got it!
150
00:06:48,537 --> 00:06:52,254
Gerald... why is Kyle wearing
my makeup on his face?
151
00:06:52,444 --> 00:06:54,859
He's just...
Experimenting.
152
00:07:00,347 --> 00:07:01,870
Are you Kyle?
153
00:07:02,118 --> 00:07:03,207
Yeah!
154
00:07:03,307 --> 00:07:04,861
I'm here
to drop off Trevor.
155
00:07:04,946 --> 00:07:06,941
He said he's your teenager now.
156
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:08,087
Yah, that's right!
157
00:07:08,173 --> 00:07:10,770
Okay!
Well, good luck.
158
00:07:10,855 --> 00:07:12,548
What time
are you picking me up?!
159
00:07:12,664 --> 00:07:15,214
Just gimme a call...
Don't make it too soon, though,
160
00:07:15,299 --> 00:07:17,483
because I am going to relax.
161
00:07:17,568 --> 00:07:19,360
Fine, go ahead, I'm glad!
162
00:07:19,453 --> 00:07:22,121
Go away, I don't wanna see
your stupid ****ing face!
163
00:07:26,885 --> 00:07:30,343
Cool, dude, so, uh, you wanna,
like, clean our Airsoft guns?
164
00:07:30,514 --> 00:07:31,753
I'm ****ing starving to death.
165
00:07:31,837 --> 00:07:33,674
Can you make me
some ****ing food?!
166
00:07:33,774 --> 00:07:35,732
Wul... Like what kind of food
do you want?
167
00:07:35,845 --> 00:07:37,805
****ing leave me alone!
168
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,264
Okay! Okay! Okay!
169
00:07:45,950 --> 00:07:47,105
Hello?
170
00:07:47,464 --> 00:07:49,878
Bruh, how do I make Ramen?
171
00:07:51,869 --> 00:07:53,427
Excuse me?
172
00:07:53,513 --> 00:07:56,401
I'm starving, and the
instructions are all stupid.
173
00:07:57,068 --> 00:07:58,740
Oh, is this my teenager?
174
00:07:58,871 --> 00:08:00,090
How's it going, dude?
175
00:08:00,176 --> 00:08:01,275
It's not going!
176
00:08:01,361 --> 00:08:03,865
The Ramen's all hard
and I can't eat it like that!
177
00:08:04,242 --> 00:08:06,771
Wul, you have to put the noodles
in boiling water.
178
00:08:07,288 --> 00:08:08,874
Where do I get water?
179
00:08:10,011 --> 00:08:12,352
You...
Do you have a sink?
180
00:08:12,946 --> 00:08:14,141
Bruh.
181
00:08:14,886 --> 00:08:16,091
Bruh, what?
182
00:08:16,268 --> 00:08:18,840
I'm sorry
I'm not a five star chef!
183
00:08:18,925 --> 00:08:20,416
Hey, man, it's cool.
Lemme uh...
184
00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:22,084
Lemme slow it down for ya.
185
00:08:29,907 --> 00:08:32,321
That one right there!
Take him out!
186
00:08:33,173 --> 00:08:35,869
Dude, Swamp Sniper rules.
187
00:08:40,715 --> 00:08:42,258
Hello?
188
00:08:44,237 --> 00:08:45,962
What...
What are you doing, dude?
189
00:08:46,598 --> 00:08:48,381
I need a bathroom.
190
00:08:49,031 --> 00:08:50,924
Y-You need to use
my bathroom?
191
00:08:51,009 --> 00:08:53,893
I have to go to the bathroom...
Brah, what?!
192
00:09:00,931 --> 00:09:02,791
Dude, Kenny, the weirdest thing
just happened.
193
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:04,367
My teenager showed up
at my house,
194
00:09:04,451 --> 00:09:06,479
and he's acting really strange.
195
00:09:06,563 --> 00:09:07,786
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
196
00:09:07,871 --> 00:09:09,009
Yours did too?
197
00:09:09,618 --> 00:09:12,266
Why do I have all these
****ing zits on my face?!
198
00:09:12,397 --> 00:09:14,743
Mrph rmhmhm rm
mrph rmhmhm rm!
199
00:09:14,844 --> 00:09:16,235
You don't ****ing care!
200
00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:18,666
You don't care because you don't
****ing even know me!
201
00:09:21,876 --> 00:09:24,261
What the hell
are these things?
202
00:09:31,841 --> 00:09:33,633
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
203
00:09:44,708 --> 00:09:46,597
Dude, that's my friend Kenny,
we gotta kill him!
204
00:09:46,724 --> 00:09:48,688
I don't take orders
from you!
205
00:09:48,869 --> 00:09:51,167
Okay, okay, but if we kill Kenny
we get a point, right?
206
00:09:51,268 --> 00:09:52,378
Come on!
207
00:09:56,023 --> 00:09:57,028
Agh!
208
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:59,126
Mrph mrph mrph mrph!
209
00:10:00,602 --> 00:10:01,727
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
210
00:10:01,913 --> 00:10:03,907
No shooting
from less than 10 feet!
211
00:10:04,121 --> 00:10:05,700
I wasn't less than 10 feet!
212
00:10:05,785 --> 00:10:07,360
It's okay, it's fine.
We're sorry.
213
00:10:07,445 --> 00:10:09,841
I'm not gonna play anymore.
This is stupid.
214
00:10:09,926 --> 00:10:11,704
Dude, it's ok,
it's just a gay rule.
215
00:10:11,789 --> 00:10:13,533
Come on,
let's beat these guys!
216
00:10:17,971 --> 00:10:19,231
Hit!
217
00:10:25,351 --> 00:10:26,904
Dude, Kyle,
where are you?
218
00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:28,597
We started playing
like 20 minutes ago.
219
00:10:28,682 --> 00:10:29,655
Yeah, I know!
220
00:10:29,739 --> 00:10:31,933
My teenager asked me to take him
shopping for hair gel.
221
00:10:32,019 --> 00:10:33,159
- Hair gel?!
- What the dude,
222
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:34,750
we're ****ing getting killed out here!
223
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,913
Just do your best,
I'll be there as fast as I can!
224
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,783
Okay, here it is.
This is the health care aisle.
225
00:10:42,929 --> 00:10:44,326
Could you go
a little faster?
226
00:10:49,505 --> 00:10:51,081
Okay, here's all
the hair product stuff,
227
00:10:51,166 --> 00:10:52,342
which one do you like to use?
228
00:10:52,427 --> 00:10:53,725
I don't know.
229
00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:55,991
- What?
- I don't know!
230
00:10:56,091 --> 00:10:58,019
Kyle?
What are you doing?
231
00:10:58,104 --> 00:10:59,193
Ugh, nothing, I'm...
232
00:10:59,408 --> 00:11:01,007
I'm just shopping
with my teenager.
233
00:11:01,124 --> 00:11:02,553
Can we go now?
234
00:11:02,638 --> 00:11:06,580
Okay, but you asked me
if I could buy you some hair gel.
235
00:11:07,562 --> 00:11:08,833
Shut up...
236
00:11:08,945 --> 00:11:11,559
Well... at least I'm not
the only one dealing with this crap.
237
00:11:15,135 --> 00:11:16,564
Your guy
wants hair gel, too?
238
00:11:16,649 --> 00:11:19,022
No, my teenager
wants more lotion.
239
00:11:19,557 --> 00:11:21,384
All this guy does
is hang out in the bathroom
240
00:11:21,469 --> 00:11:23,330
and go through like two bottles
of lotion a day.
241
00:11:23,414 --> 00:11:24,878
I swear
I don't know how soft
242
00:11:24,964 --> 00:11:26,546
you could possibly want
your hands to be.
243
00:11:26,631 --> 00:11:28,205
I just wanna get
to the Airsoft field,
244
00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:29,604
Stan says your team
is killing them!
245
00:11:29,688 --> 00:11:32,326
Damn right! Team Floppy Weiner
will destroy you guys!
246
00:11:32,412 --> 00:11:34,339
Yeah, we'll see
when I use my sniper rifle!
247
00:11:34,424 --> 00:11:35,780
You have to find me first!
248
00:11:35,865 --> 00:11:37,188
I gotta go
to the bathroom.
249
00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:38,974
Oh, you gotta be
****ing kidding me.
250
00:11:39,304 --> 00:11:40,727
There's one
over by the registers.
251
00:11:40,812 --> 00:11:42,428
No, you are not taking
the lotion.
252
00:11:42,514 --> 00:11:44,373
I hate you!
253
00:11:44,620 --> 00:11:46,513
Okay,
I'm sorry you hate me.
254
00:11:46,645 --> 00:11:48,913
Just wanna ****ing play Airsoft,
buddy.
255
00:12:01,676 --> 00:12:03,927
Oh, my God,
you gotta be shitting me.
256
00:12:04,227 --> 00:12:05,804
Yeah... hello?
257
00:12:07,139 --> 00:12:09,172
I'm not gay.
258
00:12:11,039 --> 00:12:12,611
Whu... What?
259
00:12:12,895 --> 00:12:14,283
Why'd you call me gay?!
260
00:12:14,368 --> 00:12:15,938
Like,
what the hell do you know?!
261
00:12:16,024 --> 00:12:17,683
You don't even know me.
262
00:12:18,285 --> 00:12:19,941
I-I didn't call you gay.
263
00:12:20,027 --> 00:12:22,179
They said I couldn't shoot a BB
within 10 feet,
264
00:12:22,264 --> 00:12:23,788
and I just had to say bang bang,
265
00:12:23,874 --> 00:12:25,936
and you got all salty
and said I was gay.
266
00:12:26,394 --> 00:12:27,973
I was saying the rule was gay.
267
00:12:28,059 --> 00:12:30,460
I wasn't talking anything
about sexual orientation.
268
00:12:30,923 --> 00:12:32,124
Brah.
269
00:12:32,536 --> 00:12:34,150
You're right,
I shouldn't have used that word!
270
00:12:34,235 --> 00:12:35,693
Look... I was one of
the first people ever
271
00:12:35,777 --> 00:12:37,055
to say there was nothing wrong
with being gay.
272
00:12:37,139 --> 00:12:38,325
I had a dog that was gay!
273
00:12:38,442 --> 00:12:40,100
Oh, so I'm a ****ing dog now?!
274
00:12:40,224 --> 00:12:41,581
I'll ****ing
kill you!
275
00:12:41,759 --> 00:12:43,273
Okay, dude...
276
00:12:43,359 --> 00:12:45,286
What...
Do you want me to do?
277
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,544
I want you
to just leave me alone!
278
00:12:47,842 --> 00:12:50,047
Okay, but you called me...
279
00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:53,706
Hello? Hello?
280
00:12:53,844 --> 00:12:55,286
Ah! Ah! Ah!
281
00:12:55,371 --> 00:12:56,359
What are you doing?
282
00:12:56,444 --> 00:12:58,320
I'm holding my hand
over a lighter!
283
00:12:58,522 --> 00:13:00,455
It's burning the shit
out of my hand!
284
00:13:00,727 --> 00:13:02,983
Okay, don't hold your hand
over a lighter.
285
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:05,716
Bruh!
Bruh, this hurts so bad!
286
00:13:05,802 --> 00:13:07,843
Oh, dude,
it's ****ing black.
287
00:13:07,929 --> 00:13:10,339
Is that what a third degree burn
looks like?!
288
00:13:10,518 --> 00:13:12,544
Jesus ****ing
Christ.
289
00:13:12,636 --> 00:13:15,200
Dood, I just so lit
burned my hand.
290
00:13:15,284 --> 00:13:18,133
I need like...
I need like emergency services.
291
00:13:18,424 --> 00:13:20,016
Bruh, that was stoopid.
292
00:13:20,227 --> 00:13:21,920
Yeah, that was kinda stupid.
293
00:13:22,005 --> 00:13:25,022
I'm not ****ing
stupid!
294
00:13:27,744 --> 00:13:29,769
I seriously don't know
what to do...
295
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:33,039
I've tried being nice,
I've tried being harsh...
296
00:13:33,443 --> 00:13:35,580
And I get nothing
from my teenager. Nothing.
297
00:13:35,904 --> 00:13:37,077
Mrph.
298
00:13:37,163 --> 00:13:38,052
Wul, you're lucky.
299
00:13:38,136 --> 00:13:40,263
At least your teenager
doesn't threaten to kill you.
300
00:13:40,349 --> 00:13:42,147
I'd love him to threaten
to do anything.
301
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,463
I'd love him to do.
Anything.
302
00:13:44,729 --> 00:13:47,271
On the rare occasion that my
teenager isn't in the bathroom,
303
00:13:47,356 --> 00:13:49,926
all he does is talk about
his miserable life.
304
00:13:50,028 --> 00:13:51,798
I'm like... okay, dude,
I've got problems too.
305
00:13:51,882 --> 00:13:54,354
But of course teenagers
don't care about your problems.
306
00:13:54,438 --> 00:13:56,905
I'm like, "Look, buddy,
I live in a hot dog. Ok?
307
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,340
Like, maybe let's stop bitching
and just play Airsoft."
308
00:13:59,425 --> 00:14:01,520
But you can't say that because
then they're just gonna...
309
00:14:01,604 --> 00:14:03,112
- Want to kill themselves. - Want to kill themselves.
- Want to kill themselves.
310
00:14:03,197 --> 00:14:04,370
Yes, yes.
311
00:14:04,455 --> 00:14:07,093
Mrph rmhmhm rm?
312
00:14:07,177 --> 00:14:09,519
No, we can't give up
on Airsoft...
313
00:14:09,605 --> 00:14:11,493
I'm like four hundred dollars
into this hobby.
314
00:14:11,577 --> 00:14:12,926
And we love it.
315
00:14:13,011 --> 00:14:14,974
Except for the part
about being around teenagers.
316
00:14:15,168 --> 00:14:16,496
Well, apparently,
a lot of people
317
00:14:16,582 --> 00:14:17,912
are in the same situation
we're in.
318
00:14:17,997 --> 00:14:19,049
What do you mean?
319
00:14:19,135 --> 00:14:21,679
I've been reading this book...
"Help, My Teenager Hates Me."
320
00:14:21,764 --> 00:14:22,640
Wow.
321
00:14:22,725 --> 00:14:24,992
Yeah... and... it has
some interesting ideas.
322
00:14:25,077 --> 00:14:27,334
It says we're basically just
dealing with an age difference
323
00:14:27,418 --> 00:14:29,513
- and we need to try and connect with them.
- Mrph?
324
00:14:29,677 --> 00:14:32,604
It says
we should take them camping.
325
00:14:33,704 --> 00:14:34,841
Camping?
326
00:14:37,114 --> 00:14:38,405
Bruh...
327
00:14:38,985 --> 00:14:40,838
- Bruh... - Bruh...
- Bruh...
328
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:43,760
Alright, guys!
We got the tents all set up.
329
00:14:43,846 --> 00:14:45,337
Yeah, check em out!
330
00:14:47,114 --> 00:14:48,499
Boy, isn't it nice out here?
331
00:14:48,585 --> 00:14:50,130
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
332
00:14:50,216 --> 00:14:52,562
There's a lake over there
where we can rent kayaks!
333
00:14:52,974 --> 00:14:54,867
So what do you guys wanna do?
334
00:14:55,587 --> 00:14:57,237
Go home.
335
00:14:58,083 --> 00:15:01,176
K, yeah, we can do that later,
but first maybe, um...
336
00:15:01,262 --> 00:15:02,755
let's bond a bit...
337
00:15:04,851 --> 00:15:07,102
Okay, looks like the tents
are set up...
338
00:15:07,187 --> 00:15:08,328
Can you come out now?
339
00:15:08,558 --> 00:15:10,736
I'm going to the bathroom!
340
00:15:12,173 --> 00:15:13,975
Okay, well,
you should probably finish up.
341
00:15:14,060 --> 00:15:15,442
I know
you took the lotion in there.
342
00:15:15,526 --> 00:15:17,286
You really don't need soft hands
for camping.
343
00:15:17,371 --> 00:15:19,214
Leave me alone!
344
00:15:22,315 --> 00:15:23,488
Come on, dude.
345
00:15:23,572 --> 00:15:25,393
No shit in the world
takes that long.
346
00:15:31,695 --> 00:15:33,351
Hey, buddy, what's up?
347
00:15:33,437 --> 00:15:35,657
I thought you were gonna go out
and play Airsoft today?
348
00:15:36,334 --> 00:15:38,279
No...
I don't think I'm gonna go...
349
00:15:38,365 --> 00:15:39,624
Oh.
350
00:15:40,025 --> 00:15:41,784
D-Did something happen?
351
00:15:41,869 --> 00:15:43,141
You wouldn't understand, Dad.
352
00:15:43,227 --> 00:15:45,321
I just can't deal
with teenagers.
353
00:15:45,535 --> 00:15:48,674
Oh.
Well, you know, they say
354
00:15:48,758 --> 00:15:50,811
that the brain chemistry
of a teenager
355
00:15:50,895 --> 00:15:52,694
is the same
as that of a psychopath.
356
00:15:52,884 --> 00:15:54,554
The hormones and all that...
357
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,898
it's been proven they're
literally criminally insane.
358
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:00,292
You know, I just...
359
00:16:00,378 --> 00:16:03,927
I just wanted to have fun...
And shoot my friends.
360
00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:07,129
I-I just wanted
to shoot my friends, dad.
361
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:09,428
Oh, buddy, well,
362
00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:11,831
maybe you could ask
the Airsoft field
363
00:16:11,916 --> 00:16:13,754
to let you play
without the teenagers.
364
00:16:14,021 --> 00:16:16,455
We did! They said
they hate the teenagers
365
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,872
just as much as anybody,
but they can't get rid of them.
366
00:16:18,988 --> 00:16:21,125
And we've got no one else
to partner with.
367
00:16:21,839 --> 00:16:26,517
Well... did you guys
ever consider your dads?
368
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,015
Come on in, boys.
369
00:16:36,657 --> 00:16:38,416
Jesus Christ...
370
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,835
How long
has this store been here?
371
00:16:42,153 --> 00:16:43,284
What do you think?
372
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:46,322
This one can shoot a thousand
BBs in like five seconds.
373
00:16:46,431 --> 00:16:48,293
Seems pretty dangerous.
374
00:16:48,504 --> 00:16:50,718
What if the police thought
that gun was real?
375
00:16:50,804 --> 00:16:52,381
No, it's safe. See?
376
00:16:52,480 --> 00:16:54,792
As long as your gun
has a red tip and you're white,
377
00:16:54,877 --> 00:16:56,173
police won't shoot you.
378
00:16:56,259 --> 00:16:57,390
Oh, that's good.
379
00:16:57,488 --> 00:16:59,667
How can I, uh...
help you gentlemen?
380
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:00,984
We need some equipment.
381
00:17:01,069 --> 00:17:03,373
We're gonna try
and take out some teenagers.
382
00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:08,025
Huh... I think that's
a somewhat foolhardy plan.
383
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,918
Have you seen the kind of
weaponry the teenagers buy?
384
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:14,070
It's some of the biggest,
nastiest weapons we sell.
385
00:17:14,565 --> 00:17:16,880
Yeah, well,
I've got something bigger.
386
00:17:18,353 --> 00:17:20,530
American Express Platinum.
387
00:17:21,008 --> 00:17:23,773
Give me one
of everything you have.
388
00:17:24,617 --> 00:17:26,652
Yes, sir!
389
00:17:28,025 --> 00:17:31,334
We... have completely had it
up to here with you.
390
00:17:31,420 --> 00:17:32,634
Up to here!
391
00:17:32,908 --> 00:17:35,004
Our friend Kyle
just wanted to play Airsoft.
392
00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:37,516
And now he's quit
because of your attitudes.
393
00:17:37,602 --> 00:17:39,298
What do you have to say
for yourselves?
394
00:17:40,290 --> 00:17:41,673
Brah.
395
00:17:41,969 --> 00:17:43,718
Yeah, brah, great, thank you.
396
00:17:43,803 --> 00:17:45,688
I can't...
I can't.
397
00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,700
Guys, things have to improve.
398
00:17:47,786 --> 00:17:48,958
They just have to.
399
00:17:49,210 --> 00:17:51,519
I've never seen anyone
so disrespectful.
400
00:17:51,605 --> 00:17:53,406
Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm!
401
00:17:53,508 --> 00:17:55,099
Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm?
402
00:17:55,185 --> 00:17:57,071
Mrph rmhmhm rm mrph rmhmhm rm!
403
00:17:57,156 --> 00:17:59,299
I have never seen Kenny
like this ever.
404
00:17:59,804 --> 00:18:01,481
Fine!
Then just leave!
405
00:18:01,597 --> 00:18:03,357
Cuz we don't want you here.
406
00:18:03,498 --> 00:18:05,186
And we don't want you here!
407
00:18:05,294 --> 00:18:06,921
We just wanna play
Airsoft
408
00:18:07,007 --> 00:18:08,915
without any of you on our team!
409
00:18:09,035 --> 00:18:11,152
Fine, then why don't you just be
on your own team?
410
00:18:11,237 --> 00:18:12,534
That sounds totally fine!
411
00:18:12,619 --> 00:18:14,268
Us against you,
let's go!
412
00:18:14,353 --> 00:18:17,698
Fine and if we win, you stay out
of our lives forever!
413
00:18:18,157 --> 00:18:20,797
Fine, and you too
when we beat all you!
414
00:18:20,882 --> 00:18:22,684
Yeah, you and what army?
415
00:18:22,769 --> 00:18:24,088
This army!
416
00:18:29,535 --> 00:18:30,649
Dad?
417
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:31,796
Mrph?
418
00:18:32,063 --> 00:18:34,786
Any of you pussy teenagers
wanna Airsoft
419
00:18:34,935 --> 00:18:36,467
against some drunk rednecks?
420
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:42,981
We got new partners, guys!
421
00:18:43,075 --> 00:18:45,525
That's awesome.
I wish I had a dad.
422
00:18:45,690 --> 00:18:47,385
And that I didn't live
in a hot dog.
423
00:18:47,471 --> 00:18:49,649
Oh, we got you a partner, too,
Eric.
424
00:18:49,988 --> 00:18:52,448
You might remember
Stan's Uncle Jimbo.
425
00:18:54,262 --> 00:18:58,084
Did somebody say somethin' about
Airsoft against teenagers?!
426
00:19:04,383 --> 00:19:06,562
♪ When they called me broken ♪
427
00:19:06,647 --> 00:19:08,910
♪ I knew ♪
428
00:19:09,096 --> 00:19:11,530
- ♪ When they called me evil ♪
- Ow! Hit!
429
00:19:11,615 --> 00:19:13,375
Ow!
I said hit, you bitch!
430
00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:15,722
That's it, son!
Light em up!
431
00:19:15,829 --> 00:19:17,798
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
432
00:19:17,937 --> 00:19:20,074
- Hit!
- Hit!
433
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:21,206
Brah!
434
00:19:21,710 --> 00:19:23,984
Yee-haw!
435
00:19:26,417 --> 00:19:28,848
But there's one teenager
I can't seem to find!
436
00:19:30,886 --> 00:19:32,311
I know where he is...
437
00:19:34,826 --> 00:19:37,298
♪ When I begged forgiveness ♪
438
00:19:37,382 --> 00:19:39,477
♪ They knew ♪
439
00:19:39,561 --> 00:19:42,464
- I'm so sick of this crap...
- ♪ When I begged for mercy ♪
440
00:19:42,550 --> 00:19:44,221
♪ They knew ♪
441
00:19:44,758 --> 00:19:46,559
Bruh!
What the hell are you doin'?!
442
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,603
What you do to Jergens Lotion
isn't right.
443
00:19:49,826 --> 00:19:54,019
- ♪ I would always find my way ♪
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
444
00:19:54,104 --> 00:19:55,704
Ow! Ow! Bruh!
445
00:19:55,789 --> 00:19:56,895
Aah, bruh!
446
00:19:56,981 --> 00:20:00,185
Aah!
447
00:20:00,545 --> 00:20:03,856
Ow, my dick!
My dick! Aah!
448
00:20:04,027 --> 00:20:06,307
They're not coming out of cover!
I don't see them!
449
00:20:06,392 --> 00:20:08,003
It's ok, I've got an idea.
450
00:20:11,875 --> 00:20:12,963
Cover me.
451
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:27,409
Bruh...
452
00:20:29,117 --> 00:20:32,236
Dood... that's weed.
I smell weed.
453
00:20:32,321 --> 00:20:34,699
♪ My name is ruin ♪
454
00:20:34,853 --> 00:20:36,309
♪ My name is vengeance ♪
455
00:20:36,395 --> 00:20:37,266
That smells dope!
456
00:20:37,351 --> 00:20:38,566
♪ My name is no one ♪
457
00:20:38,740 --> 00:20:41,913
Dood, it's a whole lit jar
of weed!
458
00:20:42,002 --> 00:20:44,474
Dope!
That is so dope. Bruh!
459
00:20:44,817 --> 00:20:47,030
♪ I'll show you broken ♪
460
00:20:47,114 --> 00:20:49,209
♪ I'll show you shameless ♪
461
00:20:49,294 --> 00:20:50,592
Bruh!
462
00:20:50,676 --> 00:20:52,561
Ow! Aah! Yow!
463
00:20:52,645 --> 00:20:54,898
- Bruh! Bruh! - Bruh! Bruh!
- Aah!
464
00:20:54,983 --> 00:20:56,829
Yeah!
465
00:20:57,064 --> 00:21:00,290
- That was so epic!
- Did you see how those teenagers ran?
466
00:21:02,703 --> 00:21:04,253
That was so sweet, you guys!
467
00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:07,002
I bet the teenagers will never
go back to that place again!
468
00:21:07,088 --> 00:21:08,218
Of course they won't!
469
00:21:08,303 --> 00:21:10,746
I saw half of em'
break their guns in frustration.
470
00:21:10,831 --> 00:21:12,647
Hey, thanks, you guys.
471
00:21:12,732 --> 00:21:14,897
We couldn't have gotten rid
of the teenagers without you.
472
00:21:14,982 --> 00:21:16,469
Yeah, thanks, Dad.
473
00:21:16,704 --> 00:21:18,040
Mrph rm!
474
00:21:18,125 --> 00:21:20,010
Hey, that's what
we're here for, right?
475
00:21:20,094 --> 00:21:22,308
We're just glad you wanted
to spend some time with us.
476
00:21:22,394 --> 00:21:23,524
Well, I'm hungry,
477
00:21:23,610 --> 00:21:25,704
is there any place around here
to get a hot dog?
478
00:21:25,877 --> 00:21:28,266
Yes...
Yes, I live in a hot dog.
479
00:21:28,351 --> 00:21:29,782
It's right over here!
Come on, you guys,
480
00:21:29,866 --> 00:21:31,084
help me get it all ready!
481
00:21:31,281 --> 00:21:32,309
Ok, let's go!
482
00:21:32,394 --> 00:21:33,628
Come on, guys!
483
00:21:37,035 --> 00:21:39,172
Should I take them out now?
484
00:21:39,594 --> 00:21:40,993
Not yet...
485
00:21:41,077 --> 00:21:44,554
We still have a few good years
before they turn into monsters.
486
00:21:48,972 --> 00:21:51,446
Theme music...
35244
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