All language subtitles for My 600-lb Life S04E01

Nikki: I FEEL LIKE I'M TRAPPED.

[ Voice breaking ] MY BODY
SHOULDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS.

I HATE IT.

[ GROANING ]

Man: MY WEIGHT HAS GIVEN ME
A DEATH SENTENCE.

Nikki: THE THING I RELIED ON
ALL THESE YEARS

IS WHAT'S KILLING ME.

-IT'S BROKEN!
-WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

I DON'T KNOW!
I CAN'T GET UP!

DON'T MAKE ME GO. PLEASE.

Man: IT'S HARD TO BE A FATHER
FROM A CHAIR.

[ GROANS ]
THANK YOU, HONEY.

I SEE THAT UNWILLINGNESS.

AND IF YOU WERE SERIOUS,
YOU'D MAKE CHANGES.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
WE'RE HAVING SOME DIFFICULTY
GETTING EXPOSURE.

MY HOPE WAS
TO DO BYPASS ON NIKKI,

BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE
POSSIBLE.

-- Captions by VITAC --
www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY
DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Nikki: LIFE DOESN'T EVER GO
LIKE YOU PLAN.

BUT THERE ARE MOMENTS
WHERE YOU SEE THE CONSEQUENCES

OF NOT CHANGING
WHAT YOU KNOW IS HURTING YOU.

WHEN I WAKE UP,

THE PAIN THAT I FEEL
IS OVERWHELMING.

EVERY BONE IN MY BEING
IS TELLING ME TO LAY BACK DOWN.

[ Voice breaking ]
IT'S MISERABLE.

I FEEL LIKE I'M TRAPPED

BECAUSE IT'S JUST DIFFICULT
TO MOVE MY BODY.

I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

I CAN'T STAND
FOR VERY LONG AT ALL.

BUT THE HARDEST THING FOR ME
TO LIVE WITH IS MY STOMACH.

IT IS SO HEAVY

THAT IT GETS IN THE WAY
OF EVERYTHING.

EVEN GETTING IN AND OUT
OF THE SHOWER IS EXHAUSTING.

TO JUST SQUEEZE MYSELF IN THERE
TAKES ALL MY BREATH AWAY.

AND I RARELY LOOK AT MYSELF
NAKED IN THE MIRROR.

[ Voice breaking ] MY BODY
SHOULDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS.

LIVING IN THIS BODY IS PAINFUL.

I HATE IT.

THERE'S NO BETTER WORD
TO DESCRIBE IT OTHER THAN HATE.

BUT I'VE DONE THIS TO MYSELF.

FOOD HAS ALWAYS BEEN
AN ADDICTION FOR ME.

AND MY ADDICTION TO IT
IS KILLING ME.

WHEN I START MY DAY,
I CAN'T WAIT TO START EATING.

OKAY, SWEETIE.
I'M GONNA SEND IT UP.

ALL RIGHTY.

MY DAD WILL MAKE ME A PLATE
AND SEND IT UP TO ME

SO I DON'T HAVE TO GO DOWNSTAIRS
AGAIN UNTIL BREAKFAST.

Llewellyn:
NIKKI HAS ALWAYS HAD PROBLEMS

WITH HER FOOD ADDICTION.

THERE WERE MANY TIMES

THAT I WOULD TALK TO HER
ABOUT HER EATING HABITS,

BUT NIKKI HAS TOLD ME,

"FOOD IS ONE THING
I HAVE CONTROL OVER.

IT HURTS MY FEELINGS
WHEN YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT IT."

FINALLY, I'D SAY,
"OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

NIKKI, I DON'T CARE."

SO, I JUST GIVE HER
WHAT SHE WANTS.

Nikki: I KNOW I OVEREAT.

BUT FOOD MAKES ME HAPPY.

AND I FEEL THE MOST AT EASE
WITH MY EATING

WHEN I'M EATING BY MYSELF.

'CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE THERE
TO JUDGE ME.

THAT'S MY HAPPY PLACE.

Terry:
WE NOTICED AT A VERY YOUNG AGE

THAT NIKKI WANTED
WHAT SHE WANTED

AND SHE WANTED IT THEN.

SHE LEARNED HOW TO WORK US
PRETTY QUICKLY.

IN MANY WAYS, WE WAIT ON NIKKI
LIKE YOU WOULD AN INVALID.

AND I'VE ASKED MYSELF
SO MANY TIMES,

"WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN ENABLING AND HELPING?

WHEN AM I ENABLING HER
AND WHEN AM I HELPING HER?"

I DON'T REALLY KNOW THE ANSWER.

I JUST KNOW THAT I'M LOSING
MY DAUGHTER A POUND AT A TIME

BECAUSE SHE HAS BECOME
A DIFFERENT PERSON,

IN MANY RESPECTS,

THAN MY VIVACIOUS,
ENERGETIC DAUGHTER.

AND THAT -- THAT'S JUST --

THAT'S JUST HEARTBREAKING.

Nikki: I WAS A HAPPY KID.

BUT I KNOW
THAT I STARTED GAINING WEIGHT

WHEN I WAS ABOUT 4.

AND BY THE TIME
I WAS 10 YEARS OLD,

I WEIGHED 140 POUNDS.

THAT'S WHEN I STARTED TO NOTICE
THAT I WASN'T LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

AND I DON'T FIT IN MY DESK

AS WELL AS THE GIRL
SITTING NEXT TO ME.

EVEN THOUGH I HAD A HAPPY FACE,

INTERNALLY, I FELT LIKE,
"I DON'T BELONG HERE."

SO, MY PARENTS TRIED,
PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF ATTEMPTS,

TO HELP ME LOSE WEIGHT,

AND IT WAS JUST DEPRESSING
AND SAD TO ME.

PART OF ME FELT LIKE,
"WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME?

QUIT TRYING TO FIX ME."

Llewellyn: NIKKI TRIED LOTS OF
DIFFERENT WAYS TO LOSE WEIGHT.

THEY WOULD WORK FOR A WHILE,
AND THEN THEY WOULDN'T.

Nikki: I FELT LIKE A FAILURE,

AND I DIDN'T MEASURE UP TO BE
THE DAUGHTER THAT MY MOM WANTED.

Terry:
NIKKI AND HER MOM HAVE HAD

WHAT I MIGHT CALL
MORE OF A STORMY RELATIONSHIP.

Nikki: I HAVE TWO SISTERS
AND A BROTHER.

BUT GROWING UP,

I FEEL LIKE I WASN'T
WHAT MY MOM NEEDED.

NIKKI AND I WERE NOT VERY CLOSE.

WE JUST DIDN'T HAVE
THAT BOND TOGETHER.

SHE WOULD TELL ME SOMETIMES,

"MOM, YOU SPEND MORE TIME
WITH HEIDI,"

OR, "YOU SPEND MORE TIME
WITH COURTNEY."

AND SHE WAS VERY JEALOUS
OF THAT.

Nikki:
WHEN I WAS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL,

MY SISTERS GOT MARRIED WITHIN
LIKE SIX MONTHS OF EACH OTHER.

AND THEN WITH THAT CAME,
LIKE, GRANDKIDS.

AND MY MOM WAS SO ENAMORED
AND ENTHRALLED

WITH WHAT WAS GOING ON
WITH MY SISTERS.

OUR RELATIONSHIP
SEEMED TO DRIFT EVEN MORE.

I FELT SOMEWHAT INVISIBLE,

WHICH ALLOWED ME TO INVISIBLY
GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND EAT.

SO BY THE TIME
I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL,

I WEIGHED ALMOST 300 POUNDS,

AND I JUST CONTINUED TO GAIN.

BY THE TIME THAT I LEFT COLLEGE,
I HAD REACHED 500 POUNDS.

AND THE LAST TIME I WEIGHED
WAS A YEAR AGO.

I WEIGHED 636.

NOW I HAVE NO IDEA
HOW HIGH I'M UP TO.

HOW'S THAT?

PERFECT.

AFTER COLLEGE,
I MOVED BACK HOME

WITH MY MOM AND MY DAD
AND MY BROTHER, CHRIS,

BECAUSE LIVING ON MY OWN
IS JUST TOO DIFFICULT.

CHRIS HAS CEREBRAL PALSY,

AND IN MANY INSTANCES,
MY LIMITATIONS FAR EXCEED HIS.

AND THAT'S A BIG STATEMENT.

A CONDITION
THAT HE WAS BORN WITH

IS EXCEEDED BY A CONDITION
THAT I'VE PUT UPON MYSELF.

I FEEL LIKE MY PARENTS

PROBABLY WORRY MORE ABOUT ME
THAN CHRIS.

[ Voice breaking ]
AND IT MAKES ME FEEL GUILT.

I FEEL LIKE
I'M LETTING HIM DOWN.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

[ Crying ] AND I NEED
TO BE THERE FOR HIM.

[ Normal voice ]
HE DESERVES THAT.

EVEN THOUGH
I CAN BARELY GET AROUND,

I STILL TRY TO WORK.

IT'S THE ONLY TIME
I LEAVE THE HOUSE,

AND IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO EAT
MORE WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING.

CAN I GET TWO GLAZED,
TWO CHOCOLATE ICED,

AND DOUGHNUT HOLES?

THANK YOU.

MY REWARD FOR GETTING UP
AND BEING A HUMAN BEING

IS THAT I GET DOUGHNUTS.

WHEN I HAVE
THIS BAG OF DOUGHNUTS

AND MY CHOCOLATE MILK,

THEN IT'S LIKE PARTY TIME,
U.S.A.

BUT I DON'T WANT PEOPLE KNOWING

THAT I'M EATING DOUGHNUTS
EVERY MORNING,

SO I ALWAYS GO THROUGH HERE

AND THROW AWAY MY TRASH
ON MY WAY TO WORK.

I AM AN ASSISTANT
COSTUME DESIGNER AT A THEATER,

AND TO WALK BACK TO WHERE
WE WORK IS A VERY LONG WAY.

AND SO, I HAVE TO PARK
IN THE LOADING DOCK.

AND I'LL HAVE SOMEONE
OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME.

[ Voice breaking ] IT'S GETTING
MORE AND MORE DIFFICULT

TO GO TO WORK

BECAUSE JUST MEASURING SOMEBODY,

YOU'VE GOT TO BE ABLE
TO STAND ON YOUR FEET.

AND SO, THAT TASK,
WHICH SHOULD BE MINE,

IS PLACED ON SOMEONE ELSE.

IT FEELS LIKE EVERY DAY,
I CAN DO LESS AND LESS.

I'VE GOTTEN SO BIG NOW

I CAN'T PHYSICALLY GO DOWN
THE SPIRAL STAIRCASE

WHERE OUR COSTUME STOCK IS.

I FEEL VERY CLOSE TO
NOT BEING ABLE TO DO THIS JOB.

MY WEIGHT HAS DEFINITELY CHANGED
THE OUTSIDE ME,

BUT NOW IT HAS LEAKED
INTO MY CORE SELF

AND CHANGED ME INTO A PERSON
THAT I DON'T RECOGNIZE.

I KNOW THAT THE THING
THAT I GO TO FOR COMFORT,

THE THING I'VE RELIED ON
ALL THESE YEARS,

IS WHAT'S KILLING ME.

I'M A TICKING TIME BOMB.

AND IF I DON'T LOSE THIS WEIGHT,
I'LL DIE.

I FEEL LIKE
I HAVE A FUNERAL PLANNED

MORE THAN I HAVE
A WEDDING PLANNED.

AND YOU SHOULDN'T FEEL THAT WAY
AT 33 YEARS OLD.

I'M AT THAT POINT WHERE
I HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO GO.

IF I DON'T LOSE THIS WEIGHT,
IT'S GONNA KILL ME.

Nikki:
THE BIGGEST STEPS OF FAITH

ARE THE ONES
THAT ARE NOT ONLY HARD

BUT COME WITH NO GUARANTEES.

IT'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
IT'LL BE GOOD.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

Terry:
THERE IS A GREAT DEAL OF ANXIETY

IN TERMS OF WHETHER
SHE'LL ACTUALLY BE ACCEPTED

IN THE PROGRAM.

IF NIKKI ISN'T ACCEPTED,

I DON'T THINK SHE'S GOING TO
LIVE MUCH LONGER.

Nikki: THIS IS MY ROCK BOTTOM
AND MY LAST CHANCE,

AND IF THIS DOCTOR
CAN'T DO ANYTHING FOR ME,

I WOULD PROBABLY FEEL LIKE
IT WAS A DEATH SENTENCE.

SO, NOW THAT WE'RE ACTUALLY
ON THE ROAD,

ARE YOU
A LITTLE BIT NERVOUS?

I THINK I'LL BE MORE NERVOUS
ONCE WE GET INTO HOUSTON.

THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN,
IT'S REAL.

YEAH. IT'S LIKE,
"THIS IS FOR REAL."

Nikki: WE'VE BEEN IN THE CAR
FOR EIGHT HOURS.

RIGHT NOW, I'M JUST READY
TO GET OUT AND MEET THE DOCTOR.

Woman: NIKKI WEBSTER?

Nikki: IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME
SINCE I'VE CHECKED MY WEIGHT.

I JUST HOPE
THAT IT'S NOT TOO HIGH.

Woman: 649.

I'M JUST SHOCKED
TO SEE THAT NUMBER,

BECAUSE IT'S THE HIGHEST
I'VE EVER WEIGHED.

HELLO.
HELLO.

I'M DR. NOWZARADAN.

NIKKI WEBSTER.

HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

I'M DOING WELL.

SO, YOU ARE 650 POUNDS?

YES.
OKAY.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE
YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE

WITH YOUR EATING HABIT?

I THINK NOT REALLY THINKING
ABOUT WHAT I'M EATING

AND JUST GETTING
WHAT I'M CRAVING.

WHAT DO YOU EAT
IN THE MORNING?

AN EGG AND SAUSAGE BISCUIT.

AND LUNCH,
WHAT DO YOU DO?

MY LUNCH IS
USUALLY PRETTY HEALTHY,

UM, BUT COMING HOME,

I'LL STOP AND GO
TO A FAST-FOOD RESTAURANT.

WHEN YOU GET HOME,
DO YOU EAT AT HOME?

YES. TYPICALLY, THEN I'LL HAVE
DINNER WITH MY FAMILY.

SO, YOUR PARENTS GIVE YOU
MORE FOOD AFTER EATING ALL DAY?

NIKKI IS EATING
FIVE TO SIX TIMES A DAY.

SOME OF THAT
IS ENABLED BY HER FAMILY.

THEY'RE HELPING KILL HER
IF THEY DON'T STOP THIS.

SOMETIMES, AS A PARENT,
IT'S HARD TO KNOW

IF YOU'RE HELPING OR ENABLING,
YOU KNOW?

SOMETIMES,
THERE'S A FINE LINE.

IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED.

IF IT'S HURTING HER,
IT'S ENABLING HER.

AND NIKKI IS AT
A VERY DANGEROUS POINT.

A NORMAL PERSON'S BMI
IS 18 TO 25.

YOUR BMI IS 105.

THE CHANCES THAT
YOU'RE GONNA MAKE IT TO 40

ARE NOT THAT GOOD.

NIKKI NEED TO MAKE CHANGES NOW

BEFORE SHE DEVELOPS
ANY SERIOUS HEALTH ISSUE

THAT CAN PREVENT SURGERY
FROM EVEN BEING AN OPTION.

SO, YOU ARE NOT
A CANDIDATE RIGHT NOW

FOR DOING
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

YOU NEED TO TAKE
SOME PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

AND YOUR PARENTS NEED TO SHOW
THAT THEY CAN STOP ENABLING YOU

BEFORE YOU'RE READY.

I'M GOING TO START YOU
ON 1,200 CALORIE A DAY DIET.

THEN YOU SHOULD BE ABLE
TO LOSE 50 POUNDS

OVER THE NEXT MONTH.

OH, MY GOSH.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE
A LOT OF WEIGHT.

IT IS NOT.
IT IS NOT.

OKAY.

YOU'RE GONNA EAT
THREE TIMES A DAY.

NO CARB IN YOUR DIET.

NO SUGARY DRINK.
NO SODAS.

NO FRUIT.

NO -- NO FRUIT?

NO FRUIT.
OKAY.

OKAY, FRUIT HAS
A LOT OF SUGAR IN IT.

ALL RIGHT?

I'M READY TO DO IT.

OKAY?

READY TO CLEAN OUT
MY PANTRY.

DAD IS GONNA HELP YOU
WITH THAT?

DAD WILL HELP.
MOM WILL HELP.

BROTHER WILL HELP.

ALL RIGHT?
I'LL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH.

50 POUNDS LESS.

OKAY.
[ LAUGHS ]

NIKKI NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND
HOW BAD HER SITUATION IS.

SHE DOESN'T HAVE MUCH TIME LEFT.

I'VE NEVER LOST 50 POUNDS
IN A MONTH.

Nikki:
THIS IS A LITTLE OVERWHELMING.

BUT I HAVE NO DOUBT

THAT THIS IS SOMETHING
THAT I HAVE TO DO.

I'M JUST HOPING
THAT I DON'T LET MYSELF DOWN.

IT'S BEEN A TOUGH FEW WEEKS.

WHEN WE GOT HOME
FROM SEEING THE DOCTOR,

THE FIRST THING WE DID

WAS GET RID OF THE FOOD
THAT WAS NOT ON THE DIET.

IT WAS REALLY HARD
TO LET SOME OF THAT GO.

I'VE REALLY HAD TO TAKE IT
A MEAL AT A TIME.

BECAUSE IF I THINK ABOUT IT,
I'LL GET TOTALLY OVERWHELMED.

START EATING.
Y'ALL ARE ALREADY DONE.

Llewellyn: WELL, YEAH.

MINE CAME TO 345.

ALL RIGHT, DAD.
WHAT DID YOUR CALORIES COME TO?

IT CAME TO 274 CALORIES.

NO.

DID YOU HAVE A TOSTADA?

OH, I FORGOT THE TOSTADA.

[ LAUGHS ]
I WAS ABOUT TO SAY...

CHANGING MY EATING HABITS
HAS BEEN A HARD ADJUSTMENT,

AND I'M NOT SURE OF MY PROGRESS
RIGHT NOW.

I FEEL NERVOUS
TO SEE DR. NOWZARADAN,

BECAUSE I'M SCARED THAT
I HAVEN'T LOST ENOUGH WEIGHT,

MOSTLY BECAUSE I HAVEN'T
BEEN ABLE TO EXERCISE

AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO.

GOING TO SEE THE DOCTOR

WAS MORE ACTIVITY
THAN I'VE HAD IN A LONG TIME.

BY THE TIME I LEFT,
I WAS HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING,

AND I'VE HAD TO START USING
MY OXYGEN AGAIN.

SO, I'VE JUST BEEN DOING,
LIKE, SOME WEIGHTS,

SOME SIMPLE EXERCISES.

I CAN FEEL
MY BODY DETERIORATING,

SO I KNOW THIS IS
A RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK.

AND I HOPE WHAT I'M DOING
IS GOING TO BE ENOUGH.

TODAY IS MY SECOND APPOINTMENT
WITH DR. NOWZARADAN.

I'VE BEEN WAITING

AND COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS
FOR IT TO COME.

AND I'M HOPING THAT I'VE LOST
AT LEAST 50 POUNDS.

SO MUCH IS RIDING ON
THAT NUMBER.

I REALLY HOPE
THAT I'VE DONE ENOUGH.

Nikki: I'M REALLY SCARED

THAT I'M NOT GOING TO BE
UNDER 600 POUNDS

TO QUALIFY FOR SURGERY.

Woman: 587.

IS THAT THE REAL NUMBER?

[ CHUCKLES ]

-THAT'S THE REAL NUMBER.
-OKAY.

THANK YOU, DADDY.

I LOVE YOU.

Nikki:
I WORKED SO HARD TO DO THIS.

TO SEE IT PAY OFF IS INCREDIBLE.

HELLO.

-HELLO.
-DR. NOWZARADAN.

I SEE YOU LOST 63 POUNDS
IN ONE MONTH.

YES.

DID YOU THINK
YOU WERE GONNA LOSE THAT?

NO, I DID NOT.

NOW YOU KNOW HOW TO DO IT,
RIGHT?

YES. MOST DEFINITELY.

YOU'VE DONE VERY WELL,
BUT I NEED TO RUN SOME TESTS

TO BE SURE THAT YOU'RE READY
FOR SURGERY NOW.

OKAY?
OKAY.

I'M REALLY HAPPY
WITH NIKKI'S PROGRESS,

BUT SHE CARRIES MOST
OF HER WEIGHT IN THE ABDOMEN,

WHICH CAN COMPROMISE
HER RESPIRATORY SYSTEM OR HEART.

I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT
HER BODY CAN HANDLE SURGERY

OR SHE WOULD LIKELY
NOT SURVIVE THE PROCEDURE.

Nikki: I'M NOT SURE
WHAT THE DOCTOR IS LOOKING FOR,

BUT I'VE WORKING REALLY HARD
TO LOSE THE WEIGHT,

AND I'M SCARED RIGHT NOW

THAT'S ALL GONNA HAVE BEEN
FOR NOTHING.

[ SIGHS ]

[ CHUCKLES ]

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

SO, YOUR EKG LOOKS GOOD.

BUT CHEST X-RAY INDICATES

THAT YOU MAY HAVE WHAT WE CALL
PULMONARY HYPERTENSION.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

THAT MEANS YOUR WEIGHT
HAS AFFECTED YOUR HEART,

AND YOUR HEART IS NOT ABLE
TO TRANSPORT ENOUGH OXYGEN

FOR YOUR BODY.

SO, WE'VE GOT
A LITTLE WAYS TO GO

TO GET YOU TO A POINT

THAT WE CAN SAFELY PUT YOU
TO SLEEP AND DO SURGERY ON YOU.

NIKKI STILL HAS A LOT OF WEIGHT
PUSHING ON HER HEART.

THE ONLY WAY TO FIX IT
IS FOR HER TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT.

IF SHE'S UNABLE TO DO THIS,

SURGERY WOULD NOT BE AN OPTION
FOR HER.

I WANT YOU TO LOSE
ANOTHER 50 POUNDS

OVER THE NEXT COUPLE MONTHS
AND TRY TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE.

OKAY.
SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN.

THIS NEED TO BE FIXED NOW.

Terry: WE'LL DO THAT.

[ CRYING ]

Nikki: I WORKED SO HARD,

AND TO BE TOLD MY BODY
CAN'T HANDLE SURGERY?

I JUST FEEL HOPELESS RIGHT NOW,

COMPLETELY HOPELESS.

WHEN I SAW
THAT I HAD LOST 60 POUNDS,

I THOUGHT THAT ALL MY HARD WORK
HAD PAID OFF.

BUT WHEN THE DOCTOR TOLD ME

THAT MY BODY
WAS TOO BAD FOR SURGERY,

I JUST WANTED TO GIVE UP.

BUT I WANT TO LIVE.

I DID IT ONCE.

I KNOW I CAN DO IT AGAIN.

AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME
IF I DON'T DO THIS.

I'M STARTING
TO BE ABLE TO DO MORE,

AND I FEEL LIKE
I'M GETTING MY LIFE BACK.

IT JUST MAKES ME
WANT TO KEEP GOING.

AND THE HOPE I FEEL RIGHT NOW
FOR A NEW LIFE

MAKES ME REALIZE I HAVE TO
TRULY LET GO OF EVERYTHING

THAT LED TO MY OLD LIFE.

THIS IS MY BOX

THAT HAD CHOCOLATE BARS
AND CANDY AND --

BUT I'VE THROWN IT ALL OUT.

HAVING A BOX OF CANDY
NEXT TO MY BED

DISRESPECTS THE WORK
THAT I'VE DONE SO FAR.

THERE'S NO GOING BACK.

I KNOW IT HAS TO BE
ALL OR NOTHING

BECAUSE THIS NEXT DOCTOR'S VISIT
IS MY LAST CHANCE.

Woman: MS. WEBSTER?

THIS HAS BEEN A REALLY HARD
COUPLE OF MONTHS.

HI.

MY GOAL WAS
TO LOSE ANOTHER 50 POUNDS

AND GET BELOW 550.

BUT GETTING ON THE SCALE

AND WAITING FOR
THE NUMBER TO COME UP

IS JUST TERRIFYING.

Llewellyn: IS THAT GOOD?

YEAH, IT'S GOOD.
IT'S GOOD.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

BUT I'M TRYING TO KEEP
EXPECTATIONS LOW,

BECAUSE I STILL DON'T KNOW

IF THIS HAS BEEN ENOUGH
TO FIX MY HEART.

HOW ARE YOU ALL DOING?

DOING WELL.

YOU'RE LOSING
ALMOST A POUND A DAY,

WHICH IS VERY GOOD.

SO, LET ME GET
SOME TESTS DONE ON YOU,

AND THEN I'LL ASSESS
THE POSSIBILITY

OF DOING
WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

NIKKI'S DONE VERY WELL,
BUT I NEED TO SEE

IF THE PRESSURE ON HER HEART
HAS BEEN RELIEVED ENOUGH

FOR US TO SAFELY DO SURGERY
ON HER.

Nikki: IT'S BEEN SO HARD
TO GET THIS FAR.

I'M JUST REALLY SCARED RIGHT NOW

THAT EVERYTHING I'VE DONE
IS NOT GOING TO BE ENOUGH.

Nikki: I'M REALLY ANXIOUS
TO FIND OUT IF MY TESTS ARE GOOD

AND IF I'M APPROVED FOR SURGERY.

THIS JUST HAS TO HAPPEN FOR ME.

OKAY.

EVERYTHING LOOKING GOOD.

I THINK
WE'RE GONNA GO AHEAD

AND APPROVE YOUR SURGERY
AT THIS POINT.

EXCELLENT.

YOU EXCITED?

-[ LAUGHS ]
-YES.

YES, I AM EXCITED.

ALL RIGHT.

-THANK YOU.
-THANK YOU.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
I'M VERY PROUD OF NIKKI.

I KNOW THIS WASN'T EASY FOR HER,
BUT HER WORK HAS PAID OFF.

AND SURGERY IS GONNA HELP HER
TO MAKE EVEN MORE PROGRESS.

Nikki: I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'S REALLY HAPPENING.

I FEEL LIKE THE DOCTOR IS
GIVING ME THIS AMAZING CHANCE.

AND I'M NOT GOING TO FAIL.

I'M GLAD THIS DAY HAS COME,

BUT I FEEL TERRIFIED
ABOUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

SEVERAL MONTHS AGO,

IT WAS NOT UNCOMMON FOR ME
TO THINK ABOUT MY FUNERAL.

AND NOW I FEEL LIKE
I HAVE A CHANCE.

I'M RISKING MY LIFE
TO HAVE A LIFE.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
NIKKI HAD DONE VERY WELL,

BUT EVEN WITH
ALL OF HER PROGRESS,

SHE'S STILL CARRYING A LOT
OF WEIGHT AROUND HER ABDOMEN,

WHICH CAN PUT PRESSURE
ON THE HEART AND LUNGS

IF WE DON'T WORK FAST.

TODAY, WE'RE GONNA DO
GASTRIC BYPASS ON NIKKI.

THIS IS AN OPERATION
THAT WE REDUCE THE STOMACH

FROM A SIZE OF A FOOTBALL
TO THE SIZE OF A SMALL ORANGE.

THIS WILL LIMIT THE AMOUNT

THAT PATIENT CAN EAT
IN ONE SITTING.

WE ALSO REROUTE
OR BYPASS THE INTESTINE

TO SHORTEN THE LENGTH.

BY DOING THAT,

WE ALSO KIND OF LIMIT
THE AMOUNT OF FOOD ABSORPTION.

Llewellyn: NIKKI'S PROBABLY BEEN
IN SURGERY FOR TWO HOURS.

YOUR IMAGINATION RUNS AWAY
WITH YOU AND YOU WORRY.

WE'RE JUST ANXIOUS FOR HER
TO COME OUT OF SURGERY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: I WAS HOPING
TO DO A BYPASS ON NIKKI,

BUT WITH HOW MUCH
THE ABDOMEN HAS BEEN STRETCHED

WITH HER WEIGHT,

THE BOWEL WOULD NOT REACH
FOR DOING A BYPASS.

SLEEVE GASTRECTOMY
IS AN OPERATION

THAT JUST REDUCES
THE SIZE OF THE STOMACH

AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SLEEVE
INSTEAD OF A BIG BALL.

IT CAN BE JUST AS EFFECTIVE
AS BYPASS.

ALL RIGHT.

WE HAD SOME CHANGE OF PLAN,
BUT EVERYTHING WENT VERY WELL.

EVEN THOUGH
NIKKI DIDN'T HAVE BYPASS,

A SLEEVE IS GOING TO HELP HER
TO LOSE A LOT OF WEIGHT.

BUT IF SHE PUSHES HERSELF
TO EAT MORE,

THE SURGERY
CAN BECOME INEFFECTIVE

MUCH FASTER THAN BYPASS.

SHE NEEDS TO STAY MOTIVATED
TO KEEP MAKING PROGRESS.

YOU READY TO SLEEP
IN YOUR BED TONIGHT?

IT'S BEEN A WHILE.

Nikki: I'M REALLY NERVOUS

ABOUT GOING BACK TO THE PLACE
WHERE ALL MY TEMPTATIONS ARE.

THE DOCTOR SAID I COULD RETURN
A WHILE AGO,

BUT I THINK I'VE BEEN STALLING.

WHEN I WOKE UP FROM SURGERY,

IT WAS SCARY TO FIND OUT THAT
I DIDN'T GET THE FULL BYPASS.

BUT I'VE STILL BEEN LOSING
WEIGHT OVER THE PAST MONTH.

IT'S GETTING HARDER, THOUGH,

BECAUSE MY CRAVINGS
ARE SLOWLY COMING BACK.

YOU KNOW, EVENTUALLY,
YOU'LL STOP IN

AND SAY HI TO YOUR FRIENDS
AT THE OLD DOUGHNUT SHOP.

[ LAUGHS ]

THEY PROBABLY THINK THAT
SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED TO ME.

[ LAUGHS ]

THEY SAID, "HOW ARE
WE GONNA MAKE OUR RENT?"

[ LAUGHS ]

THAT WAS MEAN!

ALL RIGHT.
HOME, SWEET HOME.

I WAS FOCUSED
ON GETTING THE SURGERY.

NOW THAT I HAVE IT
AND STILL HAVE CRAVINGS,

I'M REALIZING
HOW MUCH I'VE BEEN USING FOOD

TO AVOID DEALING WITH
SOME THINGS.

I'M PROUD OF HOW FAR I'VE COME.

SO THERE'S NO TURNING BACK
FOR ME AT THIS POINT.

THANKSGIVING
IS IN A COUPLE OF MONTHS,

AND EVERYONE IS COMING
TO OUR HOUSE TO EAT.

NOT ONLY DOES IT MEAN

THAT THIS HOUSE
WILL BE FILLED WITH FOOD,

BUT THAT MY SISTER COURTNEY
WILL BE HERE.

I HAVEN'T REALLY TALKED TO HER
IN YEARS

BECAUSE AT ONE POINT
SHE BROKE OFF OUR RELATIONSHIP.

SHE WAS SCARED THAT MY SIZE

WAS EMOTIONALLY DISTRESSING
TO HER KIDS.

IT MADE ME FEEL
MORE LIKE A FAILURE

THAN I EVER HAD BEFORE.

AND I'VE NEVER DEALT WITH IT.

I JUST ATE MORE AND MORE.

AND NOW, I CAN'T HIDE IN FOOD.
I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THINGS.

AND THAT'S SCARY.

Nikki:
THERE ARE MOMENTS YOU FACE

THAT CAN NOT ONLY
DETERMINE YOUR FUTURE

BUT REDEFINE YOUR PAST.

THE MORE I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT
THE THINGS I NEED TO DEAL WITH,

THE MORE I'VE REALIZED
I CAN'T DO THIS ON MY OWN.

I'VE ALWAYS FELT LIKE A FAILURE,

AND THERE'S NO WAY I'LL BE ABLE
TO TALK TO MY SISTER OR MY MOM

IF I CAN'T GET PAST THAT.

SO I'M GONNA SEE
A THERAPIST TODAY.

HI.

MY NAME'S LEE.
I'M NIKKI.

NICE TO MEET YOU.
COME ON IN.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME
A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT WHY YOU'RE HERE?

WELL, I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH
MY WEIGHT MY WHOLE LIFE,

SO I MADE THE DECISION
TO HAVE SURGERY.

AND I AM CONCERNED
ABOUT GAINING IT BACK.

RIGHT.

WELL, 88% OF WHAT'S GOING ON
WITH THIS

IS ACTUALLY SUBCONSCIOUS.

SO THERE ARE EMOTIONAL ISSUES
WHY YOU EAT,

AND SO IT'S IMPORTANT TO
DEAL WITH THE EMOTIONAL ISSUES

THAT CAUSED THE WEIGHT GAIN
IN THE FIRST PLACE.

LIKE, TAKE ME BACK.

TAKE ME BACK
TO SOME CHILDHOOD STUFF

THAT YOU'RE CARRYING AROUND
WITH YOU.

UM, WHEN I WAS
LIKE 13 OR SO,

BOTH MY SISTERS
WERE GETTING MARRIED,

AND I --

I THINK THAT MAYBE I FELT LIKE
I WAS JUST IN THE BACKGROUND.

AND NOT KNOWING
HOW TO DEAL WITH THOSE EMOTIONS,

EATING WAS
MY COPING MECHANISM.

RIGHT.

AND SO I REALIZE

THAT I HAVE TO FIND
A NEW COPING MECHANISM,

BUT I GET SO CONSUMED
WITH THAT THOUGHT OF LIKE,

"I CAN'T DO THIS,
I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH",

I'M AFRAID THAT I'LL JUST
THROW IT ALL AWAY,

AND THAT TERRIFIES ME.

WELL, THAT 88%
IS WORKING AGAINST YOU.

SO THAT'S WHY MOST PEOPLE
JUST GAIN IT RIGHT BACK.

UNLESS YOU MAKE CHANGES
IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS.

SO, YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH.

BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE ABLE
TO SEE THAT

BECAUSE IT'S SOMETHING YOU'RE
CARRYING AROUND WITH YOU --

LITERALLY.

AND ONCE YOU'RE ABLE
TO LET GO OF THAT,

THEN IT BECOMES EASIER
TO KEEP THE WEIGHT OFF,

'CAUSE YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE
THAT YOU'RE STRONG ENOUGH.

YEAH.

ALL OF THIS CAN BE CHANGED.
YOU CAN KEEP THE WEIGHT OFF.

OKAY.

Nikki:
I THINK, FOR SO MANY YEARS,

I JUST ASSUMED THAT I WOULD FAIL
AND LET PEOPLE DOWN.

I KNOW THAT
I'VE GOT TO LET THAT GO,

AND PART OF THAT IS LETTING GO

OF THE PAIN I'VE HAD
WITH MY SISTER AND MY MOM.

AS THANKSGIVING HAS GOTTEN
CLOSER AND CLOSER,

I'VE GOTTEN MORE NERVOUS

ABOUT SEEING MY SISTER
AND TALKING WITH HER.

BUT RIGHT NOW,
I'M JUST FOCUSING ON

NOT EATING ANYTHING
I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO.

COURTNEY KNOWS THAT
I'M TRYING TO LOSE THE WEIGHT,

AND I'M HOPING THIS WILL HELP
OUR RELATIONSHIP.

I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO COURTNEY

ABOUT WHEN SHE DISTANCED
HERSELF FROM ME

BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT.

SO I ASKED HER IF I COULD SHOW
HER SOME OF MY NEW MAKEUP.

DO I REALLY LOOK
THAT DIFFERENT TO YOU?

YES. YOU DO.

I KNOW THAT MY WEIGHT
HAS ALWAYS BEEN AN ISSUE

IN ALL OF OUR LIVES,
AND, UM...

[ Voice breaking ] I KNOW
THAT THAT WAS HARD FOR YOU

TO, YOU KNOW, TELL ME

THAT YOU NEEDED
TO STEP BACK A LITTLE BIT

AND GIVE IT SOME SPACE.

[ Voice breaking ]
IT WAS HARD, NIKKI.

I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU.

AND IT'S BEEN PAINFUL
TO JUST WATCH YOU DYING

AND NOT KNOW
IF I'D EVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

YOU KNOW?

I WORRIED ABOUT THAT
EVERY TIME I SA--

AND I JUST WASN'T THINKING ABOUT
WHAT IT WAS DOING TO YOU.

YOU HAVE A LIFE TO LIVE,

AND I'M SO EXCITED
TO SEE YOU COMING ALIVE.

GIVE ME A HUG.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

AND I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE HERE.

ME TOO.

DO YOU WANT TO GO
FOR A LITTLE WALK?

Chris: YEAH.

Nikki: TALKING WITH MY SISTER
LAST MONTH WAS REALLY GOOD.

I FEEL LIKE I'M MAKING PROGRESS,

AND I'VE REALLY BEEN PUSHING
MYSELF TO DO MORE AND MORE.

YOU GOT ME?

I GOT YOU.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
[ LAUGHS ]

ONE OF MY GOALS FOR YEARS

HAS BEEN TO START TAKING CARE
OF MY BROTHER.

LET'S SEE IF WE CAN MAKE IT
TO THAT CAR OVER THERE.

LET'S SEE IF I CAN MAKE IT
TO THAT CAR OVER THERE.

MY PARENTS HAVE NOT ONLY HAD TO
TAKE ON THAT RESPONSIBILITY

BY THEMSELVES,

THEY ALSO HAD TO TAKE CARE OF ME
AT THE SAME TIME.

I WANT TO CHANGE THAT.

I'M DOING EVERYTHING
I SAID I WOULD.

HERE WE GO.

I'M DOWN 160 POUNDS,

AND MY GOAL IS
TO HAVE LOST OVER 200 POUNDS

AT MY ONE-YEAR MARK.

AND I'M GONNA DO IT.

FOR THE FIRST TIME
IN A LONG TIME,

I BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

Nikki: I'M REALLY EXCITED
ABOUT TONIGHT.

HEY!
HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?

HOW'S LIFE?
GOOD.

I'M GONNA HANG OUT
WITH SOME FRIENDS

AND GO SEE AN IMPROV SHOW.

IT'S BEEN AGES SINCE I'VE SEEN
SOME OF THESE FRIENDS.

COULD YOU,
MY GOOD FRIEND NIKKI,

COME AND HELP ME OUT
FOR A MINUTE?

ARE YOU KIDDING?
I AM NOT KIDDING YOU.

WOULD YOU COME HELP ME,
PLEASE?

OKAY.
EXCELLENT.

HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS
AND BEING SOCIAL

IS A HUGE PART
IN MY PERSONALITY.

WE'RE GONNA BE PLAYING A GAME
CALLED "SPEED DATING."

THAT IS SOMETHING THAT
I REALLY MISSED IN MY LIFE.

HEY, HOTNESS.

HEY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

Nikki: I'VE SPENT
SO MANY YEARS OF MY LIFE

HIDING FROM EVERYONE.

I'M WORKING HARD
TO LOSE THE WEIGHT,

AND I'M GETTING BACK OUT THERE.

[ BELL DINGS ]

[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

-NIKKI!
-GIVE IT UP FOR NIKKI!

Nikki: I'M GONNA SEE
THE DOCTOR NEXT MONTH,

AND I AM DETERMINED
TO HIT MY GOAL

OF LOSING 200 POUNDS IN A YEAR.

THERE IS NO GOING BACK.

HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD.

I'M HEADED TO THE DOCTOR,

AND MY GOAL HAS BEEN TO HIT
449 POUNDS WITHIN A YEAR.

AND I'M EXCITED TO SEE
WHAT THE SCALE SAYS.

I'VE USUALLY BEEN AFRAID
OF WHAT IT MIGHT SAY.

443.

WHAT? [ LAUGHS ]

MY GOSH, YOU SILLY GIRL.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
YOU LOST 200 POUNDS.

THAT'S VERY GOOD.

THANK YOU.

Dr. Nowzaradan:
NIKKI WORKED VERY HARD,

AND I HAVE NO DOUBT

THAT SHE WILL REACH
HER TARGET WEIGHT NEXT YEAR.

THANKS, DR. NOWZARADAN.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU'RE QUITE WELCOME.
I'LL SEE YOU IN THREE MONTHS.

SOUNDS GOOD.
OKAY.

I'M FEELING REALLY CONFIDENT
RIGHT NOW,

SO I DECIDED IT WAS TIME
TO TALK TO MY MOM

AND DEAL WITH SOME
OF THE EMOTIONS I'VE HAD

WITH OUR RELATIONSHIP.

I THINK I FELT LIKE I WAS
JUST NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.

I HATE THAT
YOU EVER FELT THAT WAY.

I HOPE I DON'T EVER
HURT YOUR FEELINGS,

'CAUSE I LOVE YOU.

MM.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, BABY.

I CAN DO SO MUCH MORE NOW.

WORK IS SO MUCH DIFFERENT

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE
I CAN ACTUALLY DO MY JOB.

I DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON OTHERS
TO DO MY JOB FOR ME.

IS THAT TOO TIGHT?
NO, THAT'S FINE.

THAT FEEL GOOD? OKAY.

Terry: NIKKI'S WEIGHT LOSS

HAS JUST HAD A POSITIVE EFFECT
NOT ONLY ON HER, OF COURSE,

BUT ALSO ON OUR WHOLE FAMILY.

SHE IS DOING
MUCH MORE FOR HERSELF,

AND SHE'S TRYING TO DO
EVEN MORE FOR CHRIS.

THANKS FOR COMING OUT
WITH ME.

SINCE I'VE BEEN
LOSING WEIGHT,

WE'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO
A LITTLE BIT MORE, HUH?

UH-HUH.

I LIKE BEING ABLE TO SPEND
THAT TIME WITH YOU.

I DO, TOO.

Nikki:
A YEAR AGO, I FELT DEBILITATED,

AND TODAY, IT'S LITERALLY
A BRAND-NEW LIFE.

I'M DOING THINGS
THAT I HAVEN'T DONE IN FOREVER,

AND IT FEELS AMAZING.

I'VE TAKEN CONTROL OF MY LIFE.