Original subtitles

Amber: I FEEL LIKE A NASTY, YUCKY MONSTER.

SOMETIMES, I FEEL SO HOPELESS.

Man: I AM LIVING A NIGHTMARE.

I WOULDN'T WISH THIS ON MY WORST ENEMY.

Woman: I HATE THIS LIFE THAT I HAVE.

DON'T YOU DARE PUT IT ALL UP ON ME!

LISTEN, SHE IS GOING TO DIE. THAT'S ENOUGH!

BOTH OF Y'ALL, STOP.

Dr. Nowzaradan: WE'VE GOT TO CORRECT THIS PROBLEM.

OTHERWISE, SURGERY WOULD NOT BE USEFUL FOR YOU.

[ Voice breaking ] I CAN'T DO THIS

WITHOUT SOMEBODY TO HELP ME SAY NO.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION.

SHE COULD BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK.

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Amber: WHEN YOU LET FEAR CONTROL YOUR LIFE,

YOU END UP AT A PLACE THAT'S MUCH WORSE

THAN WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO AVOID.

SOMETIMES, I THINK TO MYSELF, "I'M NEVER GONNA CHANGE."

EVERYTHING HURTS.

MY BACK HURTS. MY SHINS HURT.

I AM SO LIMITED IN WHAT I CAN DO AND WHERE I CAN GO.

I HAVE TO DO A BATH DOWNSTAIRS MOST OF THE TIME.

I FEEL TRAPPED.

I'M MISERABLE.

I FEEL LIKE A NASTY, YUCKY MONSTER.

I DON'T LIKE IT. I DON'T LIKE BEING THIS PERSON.

I DON'T LIKE BEING THIS SIZE.

SOMETIMES, I FEEL SO HOPELESS...

AND I THINK THAT MAYBE IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

MAYBE...

MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER IF I HAD NEVER BEEN BORN.

MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD ISN'T HEALTHY.

I SPEND A LOT OF TIME OF THE DAY STRESSING,

"WHAT AM I GOING TO EAT, AND WHEN DO I GET IT?"

OH, IS IT READY ALREADY?

Patty: YEAH. IT WAS READY A WHILE AGO.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

I CAN'T STAND FOR MORE THAN 30 MINUTES,

AND SO MOST OF MY FOOD IS COOKED FOR ME BY MY FAMILY MEMBERS.

I PROBABLY EAT FOUR OR FIVE TIMES A DAY.

I CAN'T FACE THE REALITY OF HOW MANY CALORIES I EAT,

SO I JUST DON'T KEEP TRACK AT ALL.

THERE'S ANTICIPATION BEFORE I EAT, BUT IT'S NOT ENJOYABLE.

IT'S A FEELING OF DESPERATION AND SADNESS.

THANK YOU, DAD.

Abe: YOU'RE WELCOME, HONEY.

SO HELP YOURSELF. HAVE SOME CHICKEN.

Amber: FOOD -- IT'S A COMFORT,

AND IT'S HELPING ME AVOID REALITY.

I HAVE A LOT OF ANXIETY, AND I DON'T LIKE IT,

AND I AM AT PEACE WHILE I EAT.

I DON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT

THE WAY I LET THOSE AROUND ME DOWN IF I'M EATING.

IT'S A DISTRACTION.

Patty: AMBER'S ANXIETY -- IT'S WORRISOME.

FOOD HELPS CALM HER DOWN TO FEEL LESS ANXIOUS.

NOW THE OVEREATING HAS JUST SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL.

SHE'S LOST HER INDEPENDENCE. SHE'S PRETTY MUCH HOUSE-BOUND.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO HELP HER.

Amber: I FEEL LIKE MY PARENTS SEE ME AS THIS FAILURE,

THIS MISTAKE THEY CAN'T FIX,

AND FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER,

I'VE ALWAYS FELT THAT WAY.

I HAVE STRUGGLED WITH MY WEIGHT MY WHOLE LIFE.

WHEN I WAS 5,

I THINK I WEIGHED CLOSE TO 160 POUNDS.

I WAS A LITTLE KID THAT DIDN'T KNOW

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF EMOTIONALLY OR PHYSICALLY.

I KNEW THAT PEOPLE EXPRESSED LOVE TO ME BY GIVING ME TREATS,

AND I TRIED TO LOVE MYSELF

AND TAKE CARE OF MYSELF BY EATING.

I WAS 16.

I WENT TO THE DOCTOR,

AND THEY ESCORTED ME TO A SPECIAL SCALE IN THE BACK

BUILT FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE IN WHEELCHAIRS.

THEY PUT ME ON IT, AND I THOUGHT, "THIS IS IT.

I AM BIGGER THAN A PERSON PLUS A PIECE OF EQUIPMENT."

Omar: ALL THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL, AMBER WAS REALLY OVERWEIGHT,

AND HER SENIOR YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL,

I THINK SHE GRADUATED, SHE WAS 425 POUNDS.

Amber: I WENT TO COLLEGE, AND I CONTINUED TO GAIN WEIGHT

AND BECAME MORE AND MORE INTROVERTED.

AMBER, ALL OF A SUDDEN, SHE DOESN'T WANT TO WORK.

SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DRIVE.

SHE GOT DEPRESSION. I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND.

Amber: I DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL.

I WASHED OUT, AND I FAILED.

I FELT LESS THAN HUMAN.

I'M ALREADY SUCH A FAILURE, WHY NOT KEEP FAILING?

I FEEL LIKE I HAVE FAILED MYSELF AND MY PARENTS.

[ GRUNTS ]

Patty: SHE ALWAYS FELT LIKE

SHE DIDN'T LIVE UP TO OUR EXPECTATIONS

AND SHE WAS ALWAYS A DISAPPOINTMENT TO US.

MY LEGS ARE TOO WEAK. I CAN'T MAKE IT.

Patty: SHE JUST BECAME A TYPICAL UNDERACHIEVER.

GEEZ.

I SEE A LOT OF PITY

IN MY MOM'S FACE WHEN SHE LOOKS AT ME.

MOSTLY, I THINK SHE'S JUST SAD FOR ME.

AND I CAN'T HANDLE THAT.

[ SOBBING ]

'CAUSE I DON'T WANT HELP. I JUST WANTED TO DO IT.

SOMETIMES, MY DAD WOULD MAKE SNIDE COMMENTS ABOUT MY SIZE,

AND THAT HURT ME.

I WISH I COULD BE SELF-SUFFICIENT AND SUCCESSFUL

AND SHOW THE WORLD I AM MADE OF SO MUCH MORE,

BUT I KNOW AS LONG AS I'M BIG, AS LONG AS I AM OBESE,

I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO BE THAT PERSON.

I'M THANKFUL FOR THE SUPPORT FROM MY BOYFRIEND.

HE IS THE KIND OF GUY THAT PREFERS BIGGER WOMEN.

MY BOYFRIEND IS SEXUALLY VERY FRUSTRATED.

I THINK HE WISHES WE COULD BE INTIMATE,

BUT I'M NOT REALLY AT A SPACE

WHERE INTIMACY IS A THING I CAN INDULGE IN.

MY HERO.

I'M SORRY.

IT'S OKAY.

I'VE GAINED A LOT OF WEIGHT SINCE I'VE MET HIM.

I'VE GAINED PROBABLY 200 POUNDS.

I KNOW THAT IT'S HARD ON HIM

TO SEE ME EXPLODE THE WAY I HAVE.

READY?

YEP.

Rowdy: I LOVE HER,

BUT I WORRY ABOUT AMBER A LOT BECAUSE OF HER WEIGHT.

SHE'S GETTING WORSE,

AND SHE'S BEEN GETTING WORSE RAPIDLY,

AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE HER PASS AWAY.

Amber: I'M ALMOST TO THE POINT WHERE GOING OUT

ISN'T EVEN POSSIBLE FOR ME ANYMORE.

WHEN I DO, IT'S ONLY SHOPPING FOR FOODS I WANT.

THESE ARE SO GOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'LL TRY THIS ONE.

Rowdy: I DO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT BRINGING THE FOOD,

BUT AT THE SAME TIME, IT'S SO HARD TO STOP.

CARNITAS, PLEASE.

I SHOULDN'T EAT ALL THIS.

BUT, I MEAN, WHAT ELSE DO YOU DO WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY, RIGHT?

Amber: I'M SO AFRAID THAT I WILL GET SO BIG

THAT ROWDY WILL STOP LOVING ME.

IF WE'RE GONNA BE MARRIED, I NEED TO HAVE A PARTNER,

NOT SOMEBODY THAT IS GONNA LET THEMSELVES DIE.

Amber: I KNOW I'M DOING THINGS THAT ARE KILLING ME,

AND I HAVE TO STOP.

I TELL YOU, MY FAVORITE PART IS THE ZUCCHINI.

I THINK THAT'S MOST EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE PART OF THIS.

I HAVE TRIED SO HARD SO MANY TIMES

TO NOT EAT THE WAY I EAT, BUT IT STILL HAPPENS,

AND IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING, AND I CAN'T STOP MYSELF.

I COULD BE STUFFED SICK,

AND I WOULD STILL WANT TO EAT SOMETHING

IF IT WAS PUT IN FRONT OF ME.

I'M ALWAYS HUNGRY.

I REMEMBER TELLING MY BABY BROTHER,

"IF I HIT 500 POUNDS, KILL ME."

AND I REMEMBER THAT DAY, HE LOOKED AT ME, AND HE SAID,

"DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID."

Patty: [ Voice breaking ] I'VE HAD MANY NIGHTS

WHERE I WAKE UP SCARED TO DEATH THAT MY DAUGHTER IS GONNA DIE.

AT THIS WEIGHT, I FEEL LIKE I PASSED THE POINT OF NO RETURN.

IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD...

TO BE A PERSON.

I SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO DIE ALL THE TIME.

IF I DON'T CHANGE, I WILL DIE.

Amber: YOU CAN NEVER FULLY KNOW HOW HARD IT'S GOING TO BE

TO MAKE A CHANGE UNTIL YOU DO IT,

BUT IF IT'S WORTH IT,

YOU WILL FIND A WAY TO DO WHAT IT TAKES.

IT'S 5:00 IN THE MORNING,

AND RIGHT NOW WE'RE HEADED TO THE AIRPORT,

AND I'M GOING TO RIDE ON A PLANE

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FIVE OR SIX YEARS,

AND I'M TERRIFIED.

Patty: WE ARE DESPERATELY HOPING THAT SHE CAN HAVE SURGERY

BECAUSE THERE DOESN'T SEEM TO BE ANY OTHER OPTION FOR HER,

AND WE'VE BEEN TOLD THAT IF SHE DOESN'T LOSE WEIGHT,

SHE WILL DIE BEFORE SHE'S 30.

Abe: WALK DOWN THE STEPS.

I CAN'T GET THROUGH.

Amber: ALL THAT'S GOING THROUGH MY HEAD RIGHT NOW

IS JUST FEAR AND ANXIETY AND UNCERTAINTY.

I AM RISKING MY LIFE, MY HAPPINESS,

EVERYTHING I'VE KNOWN THAT'S FAMILIAR.

I AM BLOWING THE TOP OFF MY COMFORT ZONE.

THANK YOU, DAD.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE I'VE BEEN THIS FAR OUTSIDE MY OWN DOOR.

I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE

TO GO ON A PLANE AT THE SIZE I AM RIGHT NOW.

I'M DOING EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO NOT JUST SHUT DOWN.

I'M NERVOUS ABOUT BEING IN PUBLIC

IN FRONT OF SO MANY PEOPLE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.

JEFF, YOU GOT THE KEYS?

OOPS. I'M SORRY.

YEAH, YOU'RE OKAY, HONEY.

I THINK I BROKE THE PEDAL.

YOU WANT ME TO GET IT?

UH, LET ME SEE.

Amber: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

MY WHEELCHAIR JUST BROKE.

JUST USE YOUR FEET TO HELP.

UH, I THINK...

SIR, I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOU.

MY DAUGHTER CAN'T STAND FOR LONG.

IF YOU CAN HELP US.

[ SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY ]

PLEASE. SHE MIGHT FALL DOWN. SO, PLEASE.

YEAH, FINISH, FINISH.

YEAH.

OKAY.

THAT WOMAN JUST SNAPPED A PICTURE OF ME,

AND I'M NOT SURE I LIKE THAT.

Amber: I'VE NEVER HAD PEOPLE

SO BLATANTLY STOP AND TAKE PICTURES OF ME.

KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

I AM SO HUMILIATED AND TIRED.

YEAH, BUT I DON'T HAVE TO WALK ALL OVER THE PLACE

IF YOU'RE DRIVING.

I HATE BEING IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS.

I FEEL LIKE SOME SORT OF SIDESHOW.

I JUST WANT TO GET TO THE PLANE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M EVEN GONNA DO THIS.

YOU CAN'T GET IN THERE?

UM, SIR?

SIR?

I GOT IT, MOM.

YOU GOT IT?

I HAD TO BUY TWO SEATS ON THE PLANE,

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING.

THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE.

I HOPE THIS IS ALL GOING TO BE WORTH IT.

THIS TRIP HAS BEEN HORRIBLE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE ARE FINALLY HERE IN HOUSTON.

RIGHT NOW I AM HEADED TO DR. NOWZARADAN'S OFFICE

FOR THE FIRST TIME, SO THIS IS PRETTY SCARY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT.

WHAT IF HE SAYS HE CAN'T HELP ME?

Woman: MS. RACHDI?

WHAT IF HE DOES AND I FAIL?

I HAVE A LOT OF ANXIETY AND FEAR ABOUT THIS.

I AM MORTIFIED.

I REALLY WISH THIS WASN'T TRUE. I WISH THIS WASN'T MY WEIGHT.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING?

GOOD. GOOD.

I'M DR. NOWZARADAN.

DOCTOR, I'M AMBER.

AMBER.

SO, YOU ARE ALMOST 660 POUNDS.

MM-HMM.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE YOUR BIGGEST CHALLENGE

WITH YOUR EATING HABIT?

I OVEREAT ANYTIME I EAT.

I KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR ME, BUT I EAT TOO MUCH.

YOU JUST DON'T GET FULL?

NO. I NEVER GET FULL.

IF YOU SNACK, WHAT DO YOU SNACK ON?

ANYTHING YOU CAN FIND THAT'S EASY TO GET AT.

YEAH, I LIKE ICE CREAM. I LIKE ANYTHING, REALLY.

WHO BUYS ICE CREAM AND ALL THOSE THINGS?

MY PARENTS ARE THE ONES WHO DO THE SHOPPING.

SO THEY ARE THE ONES ENABLING YOU?

THEM AND MY BOYFRIEND.

YOU GET ANY EXERCISE?

UH, NOT REALLY.

I HAVE A HARD TIME WALKING

'CAUSE I CAN'T GET MY FEET TOGETHER.

I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME

JUST WITH THE WAY MY WEIGHT IS STORED.

LIKE, IT'S DOWN HERE AND HERE.

THIS IS WHAT WE CALL LIPO-LYMPHEDEMA,

AND THERE'S NO CURE FOR THIS EXCEPT WEIGHT LOSS.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HELP ME, DOC?

WHAT IS THE POINT, LIKE, YOU'D BE WILLING TO DO SURGERY?

WELL, YOU HAVE TO BE PROACTIVE FOR YOURSELF, OKAY?

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS IS A BAD SITUATION.

AMBER IS SURROUNDED BY ENABLERS WITHIN FAMILY.

SHE HAS TO BE WILLING TO MAKE CHANGES THAT SHE NEEDS.

I WANT TO SEE SOME WEIGHT LOSS FROM HER

BEFORE I EVEN CONSIDER HER FOR ANY KIND OF SURGERY.

WE ALL NEED TO DEVELOP A NEW DYNAMIC

IF SURGERY IS GONNA BE AN OPTION FOR AMBER.

IF SHE DOES NOT CHANGE THE DYNAMIC

AND LOSE SOME WEIGHT,

I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO HELP HER.

I NEED YOU TO LOSE 20 POUNDS OVER THE NEXT MONTH

TO SHOW ME THAT YOU CAN DO THIS.

THIS IS SOMETHING THAT EVERYBODY HAS TO WORK TOWARD IT.

OKAY?

THAT WOULD BE GREAT. THANK YOU.

IF AMBER'S FAMILY DOES NOT STOP ENABLING HER,

SHE WILL DIE.

Amber: I KNOW I NEED TO DO THIS.

THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE, AND I'M GOING TO TAKE IT.

I HAVE TO.

THIS MOVE IS BIG,

BUT IF I HOPE TO RECEIVE THE CARE I NEED TO HELP ME

DEAL WITH THIS KIND OF HOLE I'VE DUG FOR MYSELF,

I HAVE TO BE NEAR MY DOCTOR.

Omar: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT'S READY TO GO?

THAT BOX RIGHT THERE IS READY TO GO.

THIS ONE WILL BE IN A SECOND.

I FEEL BAD THAT EVERYBODY HAS TO UPROOT THEIR LIVES FOR ME,

BUT I'M THANKFUL THEY WILL BE THERE FOR ME.

ARE YOU READY?

I GUESS SO.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

THIS IS MY BEST SHOT AT GETTING HEALTHY.

HEY, DAD.

I WANT TO FINISH COLLEGE. I WANT TO DRIVE AGAIN.

I HOPE TO HAVE A FAMILY OF MY OWN.

IF I DON'T GET SURGERY OR IF I FAIL,

THIS WILL HAVE MESSED UP A LOT OF PEOPLE'S LIVES.

I JUST HOPE THIS IS THE RIGHT DECISION

AND IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO MAKE A CHANGE.

IT'S DAY 3, AND WE ARE IN CENTRAL UTAH.

THIS TRIP HAS BEEN HARD SO FAR.

LOOKING AHEAD SOMETIMES CAN BE KIND OF DAUNTING.

I HAVE GOT A LONG WAY LEFT TO GO.

[ SIGHS ]

YES.

[ VOMITS ]

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS TO BE OVER.

WE'RE HERE.

THIS TRIP HAS BEEN HORRIBLE.

I JUST WANT TO GET A BED AND LAY DOWN.

OH, I FEEL A.C. ALREADY.

YEAH.

HOW'S THAT?

YOU GOOD WITH THAT?

Rowdy: THAT'LL WORK.

OKAY, SO, IF YOU'LL JUST EXCUSE ME, FELLAS,

I'M GONNA MAKE USE OF THIS.

[ SIGHS ]

I'M IN A NEW PLACE AWAY FROM HOME,

AND I HAVE TO ACHIEVE THIS WEIGHT LOSS.

IT'S A LOT, AND I FEEL SICK THINKING ABOUT IT.

Patty: IS AMBER OKAY?

DO YOU NEED A PAPER TOWEL, HONEY?

Amber: [ RETCHES ] IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.

IT'S JUST BILE.

IT'S NOT FOOD. WE'RE FINE.

I'VE BEEN REALLY STRESSED OUT,

AND I THINK JUST A LOT OF STRESS

AND, I DON'T KNOW, BEING ON THE ROAD,

AND I THINK I'M JUST OVERWHELMED.

I'VE ALWAYS GONE TO FOOD FOR SOLACE, FOR COMFORT.

I CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE.

I HAVE TO REPROGRAM MYSELF,

AND I HAVE TO MAKE THE CHANGE NOW

IF THE DOCTOR'S GOING TO KEEP HELPING ME MAKING THE CHANGE.

I KNOW I CAN DO IT.

I WENT AHEAD AND I COOKED MYSELF DINNER TONIGHT.

ROWDY WENT AHEAD AND GOT FAST FOOD.

I HAVE TO KIND OF LEARN TO OVERCOME TEMPTATION,

SO IT WAS GOOD PRACTICE.

FOR THE FIRST TIME,

I'M EATING HEALTHY AND IN LESSER PORTIONS.

I'M GETTING OUT AND EXERCISING, TOO.

STARTING TO WALK AGAIN HAS BEEN DIFFICULT.

IT HURTS, AND IT'S HARD.

BEING MORE ACTIVE HAS BEEN MY PRIMARY FOCUS,

'CAUSE I KNOW THAT NOT JUST DIETING, BUT EXERCISE

ARE HOW I'M GONNA BEAT THIS.

I'M EXHAUSTED,

BUT I'M GOING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES

TO GET THIS SURGERY.

Woman: RACHDI?

OKAY, WE'LL GO FIRST.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ON A SCALE SINCE I SAW THE DOCTOR LAST MONTH.

I KNOW I'VE MADE GOOD PROGRESS. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH.

I HOPE IT'S ENOUGH.

GOOD, AMBIE.

I'M HAPPY THAT THE SCALE'S REFLECTING THAT PROGRESS.

I HOPE THE DOCTOR AGREES AND APPROVES ME FOR SURGERY.

HELLO. HEY, THERE.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING? GOOD.

SO, YOU FIGURED OUT WHAT TO DO TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY.

AND HOW IS YOUR ACTIVITY?

WE'VE RECENTLY QUADRUPLED THE LENGTH THAT I'M WALKING.

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AMBER LOST 17 POUNDS,

AND THIS IS CLOSE ENOUGH FOR ME TO SEE

THAT SHE'S WILLING AND ABLE TO MAKE CHANGES TO BE SUCCESSFUL

WITH THE BYPASS SURGERY.

EVERYTHING SEEMS LIKE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

YOU HAVE LOST ENOUGH WEIGHT, AND YOU'RE READY FOR SURGERY.

THAT'S AWESOME. OKAY.

EXCITED?

UH...YEAH.

I'M A LITTLE SCARED OF BEING CUT OPEN.

YEAH, IT IS SCARY.

BUT THIS WILL BE A WHOLE NEW OPPORTUNITY

TO GET YOU DOWN TO YOUR IDEAL BODY WEIGHT, SO...

AWESOME.

I'M GONNA SCHEDULE YOU FOR SURGERY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE,

OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

WE'RE GETTING GOALS.

MM-HMM.

IT'S A MAJOR OPERATION. WHAT IF I FAIL?

ALL OF THESE THOUGHTS ARE JUST HITTING ME ALL AT ONCE.

I'M AFRAID OF DISAPPOINTING MYSELF AND MY FAMILY.

IF I ASKED MY DAD, "ARE YOU DISAPPOINTED IN ME RIGHT NOW?"

HE'D BE LIKE, "NO! WHERE WOULD YOU EVER GET THAT IDEA?"

BUT HOW COULD HE NOT BE.

LIKE, OF COURSE THEY'RE DISAPPOINTED IN ME.

THEY WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER ADMIT IT, BUT THEY ARE.

THEY ACT SO PROUD OF ME FOR EVERY LITTLE VICTORY,

BUT ALL I'M DOING IS DISASTER CLEANUP.

I HAVE DRAGGED MY FAMILY

FROM THE PACIFIC TO THE GULF COAST.

I'VE BEEN DOING ALL SORTS OF BAD THINGS

TO ALL THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT JUST TO GET THE HELP I NEED,

AND THAT'S REALLY SELFISH.

WHAT IF THIS ALL ENDS UP FOR NOTHING

AND I'VE WASTED EVERYONE'S TIME AND EFFORT?

I KNOW I SHOULD BE HAPPY,

BUT I'M FEELING REALLY STRESSED OUT

AND ANXIOUS RIGHT NOW.

Amber: I MIGHT NEED A HAND.

THANKS.

I'M STILL REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT SURGERY.

Omar: IT'S, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE WORRISOME, HONESTLY.

IT'S MY SISTER, AND IF ANYTHING BAD

HAPPENED TO HER, IT WOULD KILL ME.

HELLO.

Amber: HI, DOCTOR.

HOW ARE Y'ALL DOING? Abe: HI. HOW ARE YOU?

DOING THE GASTRIC BYPASS TODAY,

AND GONNA BE READY TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT.

OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY.

I'M PRAYING FOR YOU.

THANKS. BE GOOD, DAD.

WE LOVE YOU.

MY HEAD IS SPINNING.

I SHOULD BE SUPER EXCITED ABOUT SURGERY.

LIKE, THIS IS WHAT I CAME DOWN HERE FOR.

BUT I'M SO TERRIFIED.

I KNOW THAT THE CONSEQUENCES ARE REAL.

I COULD DIE.

I'M AFRAID OF A LOT OF THINGS. I'M AFRAID OF FAILING.

I'M AFRAID OF SOMETHING GOING WRONG.

I'M AFRAID THIS WILL ALL BE FOR NOTHING.

BUT I CAN'T LET THIS FEAR AND ANXIETY BEAT ME.

Man: TAKE SOME NICE, DEEP BREATHS HERE, OKAY?

BIG BREATHS.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AMBER IS HAVING HER WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY TODAY.

WITH A PATIENT THIS SIZE,

A COMPLICATION CAN BE A LIFE-THREATENING SITUATION,

SO WE HAVE TO BE VERY CAREFUL.

ALL RIGHT, EVERYTHING IS OKAY TO DO GASTRIC BYPASS ON AMBER.

GASTRIC BYPASS IS A VERY EFFECTIVE TOOL

FOR WEIGHT LOSS.

WE'RE GONNA CHANGE THE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM.

USUALLY, STOMACH IS AS BIG AS THE SIZE OF A FOOTBALL.

WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT AS SMALL AS A BASEBALL.

AND BY DOING THAT, WE'RE GONNA LIMIT

THE CAPACITY OF THE EATING, AND THE PATIENT

WILL BE ABLE TO GET FULL REAL QUICK.

Patty: WE WANT AMBER TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE,

GET MARRIED, HAVE KIDS, HAVE A FAMILY.

THAT'S WHAT I WANT FOR HER AS A MOM.

Dr. Nowzaradan: THIS IS AMBER'S LAST CHANCE TO LOSE WEIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. THAT LOOKS GOOD.

AND WE'VE FINISHED THE SURGERY.

WE'RE GONNA GO AHEAD AND MOVE HER TO RECOVERY ROOM.

AMBER, WE'RE IN THE RECOVERY ROOM, OKAY?

PERFECT.

AMBER IS DOING OKAY,

AND I'M HOPING THAT SHE'LL LOSE

20 TO 30 POUNDS IN THE FIRST MONTH.

HI, HONEY.

HEY, MAMA.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

NICE TO SEE YOU, TOO, HONEY.

Patty: RIGHT NOW IT'S A NEW BEGINNING FOR HER,

AND I JUST -- WE'RE HAPPY.

OKAY.

LOVE YOU GUYS.

LOVE YOU, TOO. LOVE YOU MORE.

I'LL CARRY MY PURSE

AND I GUESS THE BACKPACK IF YOU WANT ME TO.

THE BACKPACK FEELS PRETTY HEAVY.

NO, THE BACKPACK, I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT.

Amber: I'M REALLY GLAD TO BE GOING HOME AND TO START ADJUSTING BACK.

I KNOW I HAVE A LOT OF WORK AHEAD OF ME.

THIS ISN'T GONNA BE EASY.

I'M GOING HOME TO A DIFFERENT WORLD.

I CAN NO LONGER GO TO MY HAPPY PLACE WITH FOOD.

IT'S A LITTLE SCARY. NOT GONNA LIE.

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING, NOW THAT I'VE HAD SURGERY,

MY PARENTS ARE GOING BACK TO PORTLAND.

IT'S A LOT OF CHANGE AT ONCE --

TO HAVE HAD THIS SURGERY

AND FOR MY PARENTS TO BE LEAVING ME.

I'M JUST KIND OF A COWARD.

I DON'T FUNCTION WELL BY MYSELF.

I ALWAYS NEED A REAL GROWN-UP HOLDING MY HAND.

HI, PUPPY.

ALL THAT STRESS IS THERE IN THE BACK OF MY MIND,

BUT I CAN'T GIVE IN OR LET THAT FEAR AND ANXIETY TAKE OVER,

OR I KNOW I'LL WANT TO RUN BACK TO FOOD,

AND I KNOW THAT'S NOT AN OPTION RIGHT NOW.

I'M JUST TRYING TO TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME

AND TRY TO NOT GET OVERWHELMED

BY EVERYTHING GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AMBER CAME TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM

WITH AN IRREGULAR HEARTBEAT AND CHEST PAIN.

IT IS POSSIBLE THAT SHE COULD BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK,

SO WE HAVE TO DO SOME TESTING TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S OKAY.

THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION.

A PATIENT IN HER SIZE IS ALREADY PUSHING THE HEART TO THE LIMIT.

ANY CARDIAC EVENT COULD BE TOO DIFFICULT TO STOP.

WE NEED TO FIND OUT

WHAT'S GOING ON WITH HER IMMEDIATELY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AMBER CAME IN EARLIER WITH SEVERE CHEST PAIN.

HER EKG AND ALL THE LAB WORK TURNED OUT TO BE NORMAL.

SHE APPARENTLY HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK.

SHE ALWAYS USED FOOD TO COPE WITH STRESS AND ANXIETY.

NOW THE FOOD IS NOT SO MUCH AN OPTION,

SHE HAS NO COPING MECHANISM.

THAT IS AFFECTING HER HEALTH.

SHE NEEDS TO LEARN TO DEAL WITH HER FEELINGS.

I'M GOING TO SEND HER TO A THERAPIST

TO HELP HER DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES.

Amber: I'M UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.

I REALIZE IF I DON'T DEAL WITH IT NOW,

THE SURGERY WILL HAVE BEEN A WASTE,

AND I'LL FAIL, AND I'LL LET EVERYONE DOWN AGAIN.

THE DOCTOR TOLD ME WHEN I WENT TO THE E.R.

THAT I'VE GOT SOMETHING

CALLED A PREMATURE ATRIAL CONTRACTION.

WHICH IS INSANE THAT MY ANXIETY'S HAVING

SUCH A HUGE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION ON ME.

AND NOW THAT I DON'T HAVE EATING,

MY ANXIETY IS JUST KIND OF OUT OF CONTROL.

SO I'M HOPING THAT COUNSELING WILL HELP ME.

HI! AMBER, COME ON BACK.

Lakhani: SO, TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOU

AND KIND OF HOW YOU GOT HERE TODAY.

Amber: I KIND OF FELL APART,

STARTED HAVING REALLY BAD ANXIETY.

SO, WHAT HAS BEEN THE CAUSE OF YOUR ANXIETY?

IN GENERAL, I FEEL LIKE

I'M A PRETTY DISAPPOINTING KID TO HAVE,

AND I THINK I WOULD HAVE A HARD TIME AS A PARENT

COPING WITH HAVING A KID LIKE ME.

IS THAT PRESSURE THAT YOU'RE PUTTING ON YOURSELF,

OR DOES THAT COME FROM YOUR FAMILY?

I DON'T KNOW.

[ Voice breaking ] I'M NOT SUPER THRILLED

THAT I WASTED ALL OF MY YOUTH

BEING IMMOBILE AND MASSIVE AND, LIKE,

TOO FAT TO KIND OF ENJOY IT.

[ SIGHS ] LIKE, I'M REALLY MAD RIGHT NOW.

LIKE, I'M MAD AT MYSELF. LIKE, WHY DID I LET THAT HAPPEN?

AND I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

LIKE, I CAN'T MAKE IT BETTER.

YOU ARE MAKING IT BETTER,

BECAUSE YOU'RE CHOOSING TODAY TO MAKE A DIFFERENT CHOICE.

I'M MAKING A GOOD CHOICE TO GET TO A GOOD PLAN "B."

IT'S GONNA MAKE ME HAVE A LIFE, BUT IT'S NOT THE LIFE I WANT.

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT.

YOU KNOW WHAT? AND IT'S OKAY.

IT'S OKAY TO BE MAD.

AT SOME POINT,

YOU HAVE TO LET GO OF THAT ANGER.

YOUR PAST IS YOUR PAST,

AND IF YOU CONTINUE TO LIVE IN THE PAST,

IT HINDERS YOUR PROGRESS.

THINK ABOUT JUST BEING ABLE TO NOT HOLD ON TO THAT.

YOU'RE GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

THANK YOU.

I THINK ALL THIS TIME,

I THOUGHT I WAS AFRAID OF LETTING MY PARENTS DOWN,

BUT MY ANXIETY IS MORE ABOUT ME THAN ANYONE ELSE.

I'M THE ONE CRITICIZING MYSELF, WHO VIEWS HERSELF AS WORTHLESS,

AND I THINK OF MYSELF AS A FAILURE,

BUT I'M BECOMING THE PERSON I WANT TO BE,

AND THAT PERSON IS NOT A FAILURE.

THE SECOND I DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT MY LIFE,

I CHANGED,

AND I AM NOT GOING TO FAIL AT THIS.

SINCE SURGERY, I'VE DROPPED QUITE A BIT OF WEIGHT,

AND MY LEGS DROPPED A LOT OF FLUID

REALLY, REALLY FAST.

THERE ARE PLACES WHERE IT'S A LOT LOOSER

THAN IT'S BEEN IN A VERY LONG TIME.

I'VE STILL GOT A WAYS TO GO,

BUT I THINK I CAN FIT BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR,

WHICH IS EXCITING.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT FOR A WHILE.

WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING IT, LIKE, RIGHT THERE?

SURE. I CAN DO THAT.

Omar: IT'S A LITTLE SCARY.

KNOWING THAT SHE'S GETTING BEHIND THE WHEEL AGAIN

IS A LITTLE NERVE-RACKING.

Amber: DRIVING IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS I THOUGHT

I'D NEVER BE ABLE TO DO AGAIN.

THIS IS SO COOL.

YOU WANT TO BUCKLE UP?

I CANNOT BELIEVE I FIT BEHIND THE WHEEL.

HOW DOES IT FEEL

TURNING AND EVERYTHING, LIKE TURNING THE WHEEL?

IT FEELS FINE.

IT FEELS NATURAL.

I'M SURPRISED I CAN DO THIS.

I WASN'T EXPECTING IT TO BE SO EASY.

IT FELT REALLY GOOD.

HOW DID I DO?

GOOD. "A."

I'M NOT AS FAR GONE AS I THOUGHT I WAS.

THERE ARE STILL SOME PARTS OF ME LEFT IN HERE

THAT HAVE GOT SOME SKILLS.

I DROVE A CAR, OMAR.

BEING ABLE TO DRIVE MEANS SO MUCH FOR MY INDEPENDENCE.

I'M NOT THE SAME AMBER THAT STARTED THIS JOURNEY MONTHS AGO.

I HAVE TO REALIZE I'M TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

AND TAKING THE INITIATIVE TO CHANGE.

IT'S BEEN YEARS SINCE I'VE BEEN SHOPPING

FOR CLOTHES FOR MYSELF.

CLOTHES SHOPPING HAS ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS FOR ME --

I FIND SOMETHING CUTE, BUT IT'S TWO SIZES TOO SMALL,

OR MOST OF THE SELECTION IS GEARED TOWARDS OLDER WOMEN.

OH, THAT'S NICE.

I LIKE THAT.

BLACK, HOUNDSTOOTH.

I'M REALLY SURPRISED.

SOME OF THE SMALLER SIZES THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN IN YEARS

CAN FIT, AND THAT'S REALLY FUN.

THAT I'M A 2X INSTEAD OF A SIZE 6X,

THAT'S A HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT TO ME.

OH, YEAH. I CAN ROCK THAT.

I WAS THINKING THAT NOTHING WAS GOING TO FIT,

BUT I WAS VERY GLAD THAT THAT SWEATER FIT.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY FULL-LENGTH MIRRORS AT MY HOUSE.

AND LOOKING IN THAT MIRROR, I SEE A LOT OF ISSUES,

A LOT OF FLAWS.

I KNOW THAT WILL GET BETTER IN TIME.

YEP, YEP, YEP. I AM GETTING THIS ONE.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE BEEN ABLE TO DO

THINGS LIKE THIS.

I'M HAPPY TO BE BACK.

I'M NOT GONNA GIVE UP.

I AM GOING TO KEEP GOING,

LOSING WEIGHT, KEEP GETTING HEALTHIER,

AND NOT LET WHAT I SEE IN MY REFLECTION

DISCOURAGE ME AT ALL.

SO, I'M STARTING TO SEE A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL,

SO I'VE DECIDED TO TAKE ANOTHER BIG STEP.

I'M FINALLY AT A PLACE WHERE I CAN SAY

I THINK IT'S TIME TO START TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.

I THINK IT'S TIME FOR OMAR TO GO HOME.

I JUST HOPE HE'S OKAY WITH IT.

Amber: WHEN YOU'VE LIVED SO LONG WITHOUT HOPE,

IT'S AMAZING WHAT A LITTLE OF IT CAN DO.

Amber: LET'S GO FOR A WALK.

TODAY, OMAR AND I ARE TAKING A WALK TOGETHER

FOR THE LAST TIME FOR A WHILE.

HE HAS TAKEN A LOT OF TIME OUT OF HIS LIFE

TO HELP ME GET MINE BACK.

I KNOW THAT HE'S GOT A LIFE TO LEAD,

AND HE HAS PUT THAT ASIDE FOR QUITE A WHILE FOR ME,

AND THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

IT'S TIME I START DEPENDING ON MYSELF

AND TAKING CARE OF MYSELF.

NOW I AM CAPABLE AND I AM ABLE TO HAVE

A LIFE OF MY OWN AND SUPPORT MYSELF.

Omar: I USED TO BE SCARED FOR MY SISTER EVERY SINGLE DAY,

BUT NOW I'M NOT SO MUCH WORRIED ABOUT HER ANYMORE.

I'M NO LONGER JUST HER CAREGIVER,

AND SHE'S NO LONGER JUST THE RECIPIENT OF MY CARE.

I'LL MISS YOU.

YOU STARTING TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF,

YOU'VE HELPED ALL OF US.

WE ALL NOW HAVE A SENSE OF PEACE.

Amber: I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE NEW FOR ME.

I'VE NEVER REALLY LIVED ALONE WITHOUT FAMILY AROUND.

BUT IT'S TIME.

I KNOW I CAN DO THIS.

WE ARE GOING

TO DR. NOWZARADAN'S, AND I'M REALLY EXCITED,

'CAUSE I WANT TO KNOW WHAT MY WEIGHT IS.

OOH! IT'S RAINING!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WEIGH RIGHT NOW,

BUT I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT MY PROGRESS.

I'VE BEEN WORKING HARD OVER THE LAST MONTHS,

NOT JUST TO EAT BETTER, BUT TO DO MORE.

THAT'S GREAT, RIGHT? YEAH.

IT HAS BEEN 10 YEARS SINCE I HAVE BEEN UNDER 400 POUNDS.

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET HERE.

[ KNOCK AT DOOR ] COME IN.

HELLO. HEY, DR. NOW.

I SEE YOU'VE LOST SOME MORE WEIGHT.

I'M GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU'RE MAKING GOOD PROGRESS.

Dr. Nowzaradan: AMBER'S DOING A GREAT JOB.

MORE AND MORE, SHE'S BECOMING INDEPENDENT.

I'M PROUD OF AMBER STICKING WITH THE PROGRAM.

SHE HAS A WAYS TO GO, BUT I'M CONFIDENT

SHE WILL GET THERE.

WHEN YOU GET DOWN TO MAYBE 250,

THEN IT WILL BE TIME TO THINK OF DOING SOME SKIN SURGERY.

OKAY. THANK YOU.

I SURPRISED MYSELF.

I'VE COME SUCH A LONG WAY, AND I STILL HAVE A WAYS TO GO,

BUT I'M GONNA GET THERE.

THANK YOU.

I'VE TAKEN CONTROL OF MY LIFE.

A YEAR AGO, I AM NOT SURE I BELIEVED

MY LIFE WOULD EVER GET ANY BETTER.

A YEAR AGO, I DIDN'T HAVE HOPE.

I THINK WE JUST NEED MILK AND WE'RE GOOD TO GO.

NOW I'M SHOPPING FOR MYSELF, I'M EATING HEALTHY,

AND I'M WORKING OUT.

I'M ABLE TO GO OUT IN THE WORLD

AND KIND OF ENJOY LIFE A BIT MORE.

LIFE IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT FOR ME NOW.

TODAY, I'M GOING TO THE ZOO WITH ROWDY.

IT SHOULD BE A LOT OF FUN.

ROWDY AND I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN ON A DATE TOGETHER

SINCE WE MET A FEW YEARS AGO.

WHEN I WAS 600 POUNDS, I COULD NEVER JUST GO OUT.

Amber: LOOK AT HIM!

I WAS BASICALLY HOUSE-BOUND. I COULDN'T GET OUT.

I COULDN'T DO THINGS.

NOW THE WORLD IS OPEN TO ME.

AW, BABY!

Rowdy: THEY'RE SO CUTE.

I'M NO LONGER JUST AMBER OF ONE ROOM,

AMBER OF ONE FLOOR OF ONE HOUSE.

I'M NOW ABLE TO BE MYSELF EVERYWHERE.

BUT THE BIGGEST CHANGE FOR ME HAS BEEN

I'M NO LONGER USING FOOD TO COPE WITH MY ANXIETY OR FEAR.

AW!

I WORK THROUGH IT,

AND I'M NOT GONNA LET IT CONTROL ME.

HI, BUDDY.

I'M NOWHERE NEAR DONE, BUT I'M A LOT HAPPIER.

YOU GOT SEA LION KISSES.

I DID.