Original subtitles

Woman: I FELT LIKE MISS AMERICA.

I DECIDED, YOU KNOW,

"WHATEVER SIZE I AM, I'M JUST GONNA BE THIS SIZE."

THE WEIGHT JUST PILED ON,

TO THE POINT WHERE I'D LOST COUNT.

NOW I'M NOT LIVING A LIFE. I'M JUST EXISTING.

Woman #2: SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE I'M DEAD,

LIKE THAT I'M NOT ALIVE.

Woman #3: IF I COULD DO IT WITHOUT THE SURGERY,

I WOULD HAVE DONE IT.

MY WAY DOESN'T WORK.

AND THIS IS A DYNAMIC THAT WE NEED TO CHANGE NOW.

I'M DONE WITH THIS! I QUIT! [SOBS] I'M DONE!

OH, IT HURTS.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

I CAN'T BE THE REASON YOU LOSE WEIGHT

OR THE REASON YOU GAIN WEIGHT. PERIOD.

[ Crying ] I WILL MAKE THIS WORK. I PROMISE.

Zsalynn: I DON'T WANT HIM TO LOOK LIKE HE DOESN'T CARE,

'CAUSE I KNOW SOMEWHERE INSIDE OF HIS HEART HE MUST CARE.

-- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com

CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS

Zsalynn: WHEN YOU REALIZE

THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE A CHANGE OR YOU'RE GONNA DIE,

IT'S SURPRISING WHAT YOU LEARN,

NOT JUST ABOUT YOURSELF BUT ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

I'M MISERABLE.

WHEN YOU'RE NOT JUST FAT BUT SUPERSIZED,

EVERYTHING IS REALLY HARD.

I'M NOT LIVING A LIFE. I'M JUST EXISTING.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

I JUST HATE WAKING UP AND BEING IN MY SKIN.

[ Voice breaking ] I REALLY HATE BEING THIS SIZE.

I HAVE BECOME SO IMMOBILE.

I DON'T DO ANYTHING.

MY DAYS ARE FILLED WITH EATING AND SITTING ON THE COUCH,

EATING, TAKING A NAP.

I PROBABLY WATCH 7 OR 8 HOURS OF TV A DAY.

THIS IS NO LIFE.

[ GRUNTS ]

WHEN I STAND UP, IT'S REALLY, REALLY PAINFUL.

IT HURTS MY JOINTS -- MY KNEES, MY ANKLES, MY HIPS --

SO MUCH,

I WANT TO JUST SIT RIGHT BACK DOWN.

THE PAIN'S UNBEARABLE.

IT'S JUST [SIGHS] YOU KNOW -- IT'S HARD.

AS A CHILD, I WAS ALWAYS CHUBBY. I WAS ALWAYS FAT.

I CAN REMEMBER GOING THROUGH A CATALOG

AND CIRCLING CLOTHES THAT I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE

TO GO TO SCHOOL IN,

AND MY MOM WOULD SAY THAT THOSE AREN'T THE KIND OF CLOTHES

THAT FAT KIDS WEAR TO SCHOOL.

MY MOTHER WOULDN'T ALLOW ME

TO LICK ENVELOPES OR POSTAGE STAMPS,

'CAUSE SHE THOUGHT THEY HAD CALORIES.

BEING FAT -- FOR MY MOTHER, IT JUST WASN'T AN OPTION.

Zane: ZSALYNN WAS A NORMAL WEIGHT PROBABLY TILL AGE 5.

ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, FOURTH AND FIFTH GRADE --

THEN IT REALLY STARTED COMING ON,

AND IT JUST SEEMED LIKE SHE BALLOONED OVERNIGHT.

AND MOTHER WOULD TELL HER, "TILL YOU LOSE 10 POUNDS,

YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY MORE CLOTHES."

Zsalynn: MY MOTHER DIDN'T HAVE TIME FOR ME,

SO I FED MYSELF.

FROM FRESHMAN YEAR TO SENIOR YEAR,

I WENT FROM 170 AND ENDED UP AT ABOUT 375.

THE WEIGHT JUST PILED ON FROM THERE,

TO THE POINT WHERE I JUST LOST COUNT.

42 YEARS OLD, AND I WEIGH 550-PLUS POUNDS,

AND I -- I FEEL NOT TOO GOOD ABOUT THAT.

I BOUGHT A SCALE THAT GOES TO 500,

BUT IT -- IT JUST READS "ERROR" NOW.

WHEN I SAW THE SWEET, SUGARY CEREAL AISLE,

MY CART JUST AUTOMATICALLY TURNED.

ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS THAT I'M FAT

IS BECAUSE I HAVE THIS ADDICTION TO SUGAR.

IT'S MY CRACK COCAINE.

IT'S MY HEROIN. IT'S MY EVERYTHING.

GET SOME FROSTING FOR MY BROWNIES.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY HAVE

ALL THESE DIFFERENT KINDS OF BROWNIE MIXES.

[ CASH REGISTER BEEPING ]

MMM.

[ SIGHS ]

* AH *

THERE'S, LIKE, A BIG, BRIGHT LIGHT SHINING DOWN.

MMM.

[ Chuckling ] IT'S REALLY, REALLY GOOD.

IT'S SO SUGARY SWEET AND DELICIOUS,

I JUST WANT TO MAKE LOVE TO THEM WITH MY MOUTH.

EXACTLY, IT'S LIKE A SEXUAL THING FOR ME, OBVIOUSLY.

[ SIGHS ]

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING IS LITERALLY KILLING ME,

BUT I CAN'T STOP.

FOR THE LONGEST TIME,

I FELT TOTALLY FINE ABOUT MY WEIGHT.

I WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF PROUD OF IT.

I GUESS AT ABOUT 19 YEARS OLD, I FOUND THE ORGANIZATION NAAFA,

THE NATIONAL ASSOCIATION TO ADVANCE FAT ACCEPTANCE.

AND THAT'S WHEN I DECIDED, YOU KNOW,

"WHATEVER SIZE I AM, I'M JUST GONNA BE THIS SIZE.

WHO CARES?"

Bonnie: ZSALYNN AND I MET AT A NAAFA GATHERING.

[ Chuckling ] I SAW HER AT THE POOL, WEARING A BIKINI.

SHE WAS THE KIND OF GIRL THAT HER HAIR WAS ALWAYS DONE,

HER NAILS WERE DONE.

SHE WAS THE FAT-GIRL ROCK STAR.

SHE WAS IMPRESSIVE.

I FOUND THAT APPEALING IN A FRIEND.

WE'VE STAYED GREAT FRIENDS EVEN THOUGH I'VE LOST THE WEIGHT.

Zsalynn: WHEN YOU GO TO NAAFA,

YOU MEET LOTS OF MEN FROM DIFFERENT COUNTRIES.

IF THEY HAVE THE MEANS AND THEY WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU,

THEN THEY'RE GONNA PAY YOUR WAY.

I WAS STAYING IN 5-STAR HOTELS

AND SKINNY-DIPPING IN THE MEDITERRANEAN.

I'M HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE.

I FELT LIKE MISS AMERICA.

YOU KNOW, I HAD A CUTE LITTLE MATCHING PANTY-AND-BRA SET,

SO I TOOK A PICTURE OF MYSELF IN IT,

AND I PUT IT ON MY PROFILE.

THAT'S WHEN I MET MY HUSBAND.

Gareth: SHE LOOKED SO BIG AND COMFY

AND SOFT AND SQUISHY.

YOU KNOW, I LIKE BIG WOMEN,

AND SHE WAS -- SHE WAS THEIR QUEEN AT THE TIME.

Zsalynn: AT 29 YEARS OLD, I WAS 520 POUNDS.

THAT'S A QUARTER OF A TON.

MY WEIGHT WAS STARTING TO TAKE A TOLL ON MY HEALTH.

I WENT FROM HAVING THIS AMAZING OUTLOOK ON LIFE

TO THIS RECLUSIVE PERSON WHO DIDN'T LIKE HERSELF.

I USED TO THINK AT NIGHT,

"IF I DON'T WAKE UP, I'M OKAY WITH THAT."

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

Gareth: WHEN I FIRST MET ZSALYNN,

IT WAS HER SIZE THAT ATTRACTED ME TO HER.

BUT NOW SHE'S GOTTEN SO BIG,

IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO DO ANYTHING.

AND I GUESS YOU JUST GOT TO BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.

Zsalynn: DRIVING IS A LITTLE DIFFICULT.

I WENT FROM FIRST TO THIRD,

'CAUSE SECOND DOESN'T REALLY FIT WITH MY THIGH.

I NOW HAVE A MORE IMPORTANT REASON THAN JUST MYSELF

TO GET HEALTHY.

MY WEIGHT IS AFFECTING SOMEONE I LOVE.

THERE SHE IS.

[ VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES ]

[ Voice breaking ] I HAVE A DAUGHTER NOW,

AND I DON'T DO SOMETHING, SHE MAY NOT HAVE A MOM.

SO, HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY?

GOOD. WHAT DID YOU DO?

NOW WE'RE DOING STUFF ABOUT PLANTS.

MY WEIGHT IS REALLY AFFECTING HER LIFE...

[ PARKING BRAKE ENGAGES ]

...BUT I DON'T THINK SHE REALIZES HOW MUCH.

THAT'S THE ABSOLUTE HARDEST PART.

COME ON. [ LAUGHS ]

I'M HANNAH'S MOTHER,

BUT BONNIE'S ABLE TO DO ALL THE THINGS THAT I CAN'T DO.

[ SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY ]

SHE'S PRETTY MUCH RAISING HANNAH.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

IT MAKES ME FEEL A LITTLE SAD

'CAUSE MY MOM IS MISSING OUT ON SOME FUN STUFF.

Bonnie: IT'S AN AIRPLANE.

[ Voice breaking ] I'M SURE THAT SHE NEVER, EVER, EVER IMAGINED

THAT SHE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BE THE KIND OF MOTHER

THAT SHE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE FOR HER DAUGHTER.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

I'M AFRAID THAT SHE'S GONNA DIE PREMATURELY.

[ SIGHS ]

UH, NO. 20 MINUTES.

JUST LET ME KNOW WHEN IT'S READY.

I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BE DEAD WITHIN 5 YEARS.

TELL ME WHEN.

THAT'S A SOPHOMORE IN HIGH SCHOOL

FOR MY DAUGHTER.

I FEEL LIKE, IF I DIE,

SHE'S GONNA BE THE ONE THAT SUFFERS MORE THAN ANYBODY.

Gareth: IT WORRIES ME FOR MYSELF, BUT IF TERRIFIES ME FOR HANNAH.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE TO THINK ABOUT IT, TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

BUT, I MEAN, IF ANYTHING DID HAPPEN TO ZSALYNN,

I KNOW HANNAH WOULD BE DEVASTATED.

MY DAUGHTER IS AN INNOCENT VICTIM IN THIS,

AND SHE DOESN'T DESERVE IT.

I WANT HER TO BE ABLE TO SEE THAT I CAN BE A GOOD PARENT.

BUT SOMETHING IN MY LIFE HAS TO CHANGE.

Zsalynn: MY WEIGHT HAS GOTTEN OUT OF CONTROL.

I CAN'T CONTINUE LIVING LIKE THIS.

I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

I HAVE AN APPOINTMENT SCHEDULED TOMORROW

WITH THE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGEON, AND I'M PRETTY NERVOUS.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT HE'S GONNA SAY.

[ GRUNTS ]

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

AND JUST GOING TO GET ONE LOAD OF CLOTHES FROM THE DRYER

WIPES ME OUT.

Zsalynn: I HAVEN'T BEEN ON A SCALE IN A VERY LONG TIME.

SO, GETTING ON A SCALE IS GONNA BE PROBABLY A HUGE EYE-OPENER.

I WANT TO KNOW AFFIRMATIVELY

IF HE'S GOING TO PERFORM A SURGERY ON ME.

IF HE SAYS NO, THAT I'M NOT A GOOD CANDIDATE,

[Voice breaking] IT'S GONNA BE A LONG RIDE HOME.

[ GRUNTS ]

OKAY.

Woman: MISS WHITWORTH?

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

[ SIGHS ]

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

YOU CAN STEP OFF.

OKAY.

Dr. Nowzaradan: HEY. HOW ARE YOU?

I'M OKAY. HOW ABOUT YOU?

I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

I'M DR. NOWZARADAN. ALL RIGHT.

SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK IS CAUSING YOU TO BE ALMOST 600?

I DIDN'T LOOK AT THE SCALE.

THAT'S WHY.

SO...

I'M A SUGARHOLIC.

SUGAR IS MY DRUG OF CHOICE.

HOW DO LOOK THAT SURGERY'S GONNA CHANGE THAT?

YOU'RE GONNA TAKE OUT MY INTESTINES,

AND THE SECOND SUGAR HITS MY INTESTINE,

I'M GONNA BE VERY SICK.

YOU'RE GONNA TO HAVE

SOME REALISTIC EXPECTATION FROM SURGERY.

ALL THE SURGERY IS GONNA DO FOR YOU --

KEEP YOU FROM EATING A LOT AT ONE TIME.

HOW MANY TIMES YOU'RE GONNA EAT

AND WHAT KIND OF FOOD YOU'RE GONNA EAT

IS GONNA BE THE KEY ISSUE TO MAKE SURGERY BE SUCCESSFUL.

OKAY.

IF YOU HAVE A FALSE HOPE

THAT SURGERY IS GONNA KEEP YOU FROM EATING SUGAR,

NO, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

AS MANY AS I CAN.

LIKE, YOU KNOW, I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A HOLE IN MY SOUL,

AND I'M TRYING TO FILL IT UP WITH SUGAR.

I SEE.

I NEED TO MAKE SURE SHE UNDERSTANDS

WHAT IT'S GONNA TAKE FOR HER TO GET READY FOR SURGERY.

ZSALYNN, YOU NEED TO GET READY

BY LOSING SOME WEIGHT ON YOUR OWN FIRST.

I NEED TO SEE YOU LOSE AT LEAST 20 TO 30 POUNDS.

YOU HAVE TO CUT THE CALORIE COUNT DOWN.

BUT THE KEY ISSUE WITH IT WILL BE

THAT YOU ONLY EAT TWO OR THREE TIMES A DAY,

NO SNACK IN BETWEEN.

IF YOU DON'T ADJUST YOUR MIND-SET,

THIS BYPASS IS GONNA FAIL.

OKAY. OKAY?

AND WE'LL DO THAT,

AND WE'LL SEE HOW YOU DO ABOUT TWO, THREE WEEKS.

THANK YOU. MM-HMM.

WELL, HE SHOULD BE HARD

SO THAT YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA BE REALLY HARD.

WE'RE NOT JUST GONNA LEAVE YOU OUT THERE,

HANGING BY YOURSELF.

WE'RE GONNA HELP YOU, ZSALYNN.

Zsalynn: I THINK, AT THIS SIZE, I COULD DIE ANY DAY NOW.

I MEAN, I COULD DROP DEAD FROM A HEART ATTACK.

I'VE WAITED TOO LONG TO DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM,

SO I HAVE TO DO IT.

THIS IS MY LAST CHANCE.

Zsalynn: HERE, GIVE ME A HAND-UP.

EE-HEE! THANK YOU. ONE, TWO, THREE, PULL.

THANK YOU.

STARTING TODAY,

I HAVE TO CHANGE EVERYTHING ABOUT EVERYTHING.

I CAN'T DO WHAT I WANT TO DO.

I'VE MISSED OUT ON SO MUCH.

I WANT THAT TO STOP, AND I WANT THINGS TO CHANGE.

SO, YOU WANT ME TO LET YOU WALK ALL THE WAY OVER THERE,

THEN I'M GONNA DRIVE

AND I'M JUST GONNA WATCH YOU THROUGH THE FENCE?

YES. YOU'RE OKAY WITH THAT?

SURE.

YOU GONNA WALK WITH THEM, AMY?

YEAH, SURE.

Zsalynn: THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME. OF COURSE.

HANNAH, WALK SLOW, PLEASE. IT'S NOT A RACE.

Zsalynn: I'M TIRED OF HAVING TO RELY ON OTHER PEOPLE

TO DO THE THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO.

I CAN'T EVEN WALK AROUND THE GATE

TO GET INTO HANNAH'S FAVORITE PLAYGROUND.

THIS IS THE MAIN PLAYGROUND, SEE?

PEOPLE WILL COME OUT HERE, AND THEY'D RIDE THEIR BIKES.

THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF SWINGS.

THERE'S LIKE 18 OR SOMETHING.

Zsalynn: I'VE MISSED OUT ON SO MUCH OF MY DAUGHTER'S CHILDHOOD.

I NEED TO DO THIS FOR HER.

COME ON, LET'S SWING.

Amy: LOOK, YOUR MAMA'S COMING.

MOMMY!

Zsalynn: ARE YOU HAVING FUN, HANNAH?

YES! LOTS!

CAN YOU DO THIS ONE?

HANNAH SAYS IT DOESN'T BOTHER HER, BUT I KNOW IT DOES.

Girl: WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

YOU DON'T NEED TO COME OVER HERE.

I KNOW.

YOU CAN JUST GO AND SWING.

I KNOW.

[ Voice breaking ] I FEEL LIKE

MY WEIGHT IS COSTING HER A NORMAL CHILDHOOD.

I KNOW I HAVE TO PICK

BETWEEN BEING THERE FOR HER AND MY ADDICTION,

BUT I BELIEVE I CAN DO IT.

Woman: MISS ZSALYNN?

I'M NOT GONNA LIE. THE PAST MONTH HAS BEEN TOUGH.

BUT I'M EXCITED TO SEE IF ALL MY HARD WORK HAS PAID OFF

AND I CAN FINALLY GET MY SURGERY.

YEAH. THAT'S REALLY AWESOME.

[ LAUGHS ]

I'M REALLY EXCITED.

YOU DID GOOD. THANK YOU.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

HELLO. HI, DR. NOWZARADAN.

I SEE YOU LOST A FEW POUNDS, HUH?

ANY DIFFICULTY WITH YOUR DIET OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

NOPE. SUPER.

Dr. Nowzaradan: ZSALYNN DID OKAY TODAY.

SHE'S PROVEN THAT SHE CAN CONTROL HER EATING HABIT.

I THINK SHE'S READY TO MOVE FORWARD

AND GET WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

WE'RE ON RIGHT TRACK,

AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE PROGRESS AND GET YOU READY FOR SURGERY.

OKAY. OKAY? ALL RIGHT.

THAT MAKES ME HAPPY. THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, WE'LL SEE YOU, THEN.

Zsalynn: THIS IS SO EXCITING.

I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF RIGHT NOW.

YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE YOUR BIG SUITCASE.

SO, THIS IS IT. TOMORROW'S THE DAY.

I AM GOING TO HAVE WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY.

IT REALLY DID COME UP REALLY FAST.

SO, IS THIS THE STUFF YOU'RE BRINGING?

YEP.

YESTERDAY MORNING,

I TOLD GARETH THAT SURGERY WAS ON WEDNESDAY.

HE'S BEEN TELLING ME HE'S BEHIND ME WITH THIS SURGERY,

BUT I DON'T THINK HE ACTUALLY THOUGHT

I WAS GONNA GO THROUGH WITH IT.

PAJAMAS? CHECK.

HE SAYS, "I MARRIED YOU 10 YEARS AGO,

"WHEN YOU WERE A HAPPY FAT GIRL,

"AND I WAS HAPPY TO MARRY A HAPPY FAT GIRL.

"IF YOU'D HAVE TOLD ME 10 YEARS AGO

"I WAS MARRYING AN UNHAPPY FAT GIRL,

THEN MAYBE I WOULDN'T HAVE MARRIED YOU."

IT'S REALLY HARD TO TALK ABOUT GARETH,

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, HE -- HE WANTS A FAT WIFE.

HE WANTS WHAT HE'S PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO.

THAT'S WHAT HE WANTS.

HE HAS A PHYSICAL PREFERENCE FOR HIS SEXUAL NEEDS

THAT REQUIRES ME TO BE BIGGER THAN, YOU KNOW, JUST FAT.

I REALIZE I'VE BEEN TELLING MYSELF A LIE,

AND THAT LIE WAS KILLING ME.

BIG CAN'T BE BEAUTIFUL

WHEN IT MEANS MY DAUGHTER MAY NOT HAVE A MOTHER.

HE HAS NO IDEA HOW CLOSE TO DEATH I FEEL EVERY DAY.

WITHOUT THIS SURGERY,

I'M GONNA DIE SOONER, RATHER THAN LATER.

[ Voice breaking ] WITH SURGERY,

I'LL BE WALKING AND MOVING AND GOING.

YOU KNOW, HE TALKS ABOUT [SIGHS]

IT'S NOT THAT HE WILL NOT BE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO ME,

IT'S THAT I'LL BE REPULSIVE TO HIM.

I MEAN, I'M A LITTLE BIT SAD

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I LIKE BIGGER WOMEN,

SO IT'S A LITTLE UPSETTING TO LOSE WHAT YOU LIKE.

BUT, YOU KNOW, GONNA HAVE TO GET OVER IT.

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A NEGATIVE NANCY?

[ Chuckling ] WE'LL SEE.

LET'S HOPE IT DOESN'T TURN 'ROUND TO BITE US IN THE BUTT.

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED BIGGER WOMEN, YOU KNOW?

WHY SETTLE FOR A HOT DOG WHEN YOU CAN HAVE A STEAK?

Zsalynn: WE'RE GOING NOW. ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUTURE HOLDS, GOOD OR BAD.

THIS IS GONNA BE HARD TO GET IN AND OUT OF.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

[ GRUNTS ]

BUT I KNOW THAT I'M MAKING THE RIGHT DECISION

FOR MY DAUGHTER AND I.

OH!

I'LL DO IT.

GARETH ISN'T READY FOR ME TO START THIS JOURNEY,

BUT IF I DON'T DO SOMETHING DRASTIC,

I'M GONNA BE DEAD

AND HE'S GONNA BE RAISING A 9-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER

ALL BY HIMSELF.

Woman: WE'RE DOING A LAPAROSCOPIC PROCEDURE

ON YOUR ABDOMEN, REMOVING PART OF YOUR STOMACH.

SO, YOU OKAY, SWEETIE?

[ SNIFFLES ] YEAH. YOU SURE?

WE'RE GONNA TAKE REALLY GOOD CARE OF YOU, OKAY?

I HAVE AN 8-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER,

AND, YOU KNOW, WHAT IF I DIE, AND THEN SHE'S MOTHERLESS?

Zsalynn: I WISH GARETH WAS HERE.

SOMETIMES I WISH HE WAS A DIFFERENT PERSON

AND COULD BE HERE FOR ME.

HELLO!

LOOK AT ME IN MY FANCY HAT.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

I KNOW SURGERY IS RISKY, BUT NOT HAVING IT IS RISKIER.

BYE. BYE.

I'M -- I'M SO SCARED.

Bonnie: I'M NOT HERE TO MAKE YOU CRY.

I KNOW. OKAY.

WE'LL COME SEE YOU WHEN YOU COME BACK FROM SLEEPY LAND.

Zsalynn: IF YOU DIE, YOU DIE. I MEAN, THAT'S A FACT OF LIFE.

EVERYBODY HAS A TIME.

BUT I JUST WORRY ABOUT HANNAH.

I JUST WANT HER TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE...

[SNIFFLES]

...A MOTHER WHO CAN WALK WITH HER

AND BE WITH HER AND PLAY WITH HER.

SO I HAVE TO COME THROUGH THIS SURGERY WITH FLYING COLORS.

USUALLY, THIS TYPE OF SURGERY IS MUCH MORE DIFFICULT

IN PATIENTS THAT ARE VERY HEAVY --

LIKE, ZSALYNN IS ALMOST 600 POUNDS.

SO, HER SURGERY IS GONNA BE A LITTLE BIT CHALLENGING.

THE GASTRIC BYPASS IS A GOOD TREATMENT

FOR THESE PEOPLE THAT ARE MORBIDLY OBESE.

GO FORWARD.

Bonnie: ARE THESE PENCILS OR MARKERS?

LET'S TRY THE BROWN. OKAY.

Bonnie: I'M AFRAID.

I KNOW IT'S A MAJOR SURGERY.

I JUST WANT THE RISK OF HAVING THE SURGERY TO BE WORTH IT.

ALL RIGHT, THAT LOOKS GOOD.

I WANT HER TO BE AS SUCCESSFUL AS SHE CAN,

AND I WANT HER TO GET HER LIFE BACK AGAIN.

Dr. Nowzaradan: ZSALYNN DID VERY WELL,

AND WE'RE ABLE TO DO THE BYPASS ON HER.

IT WAS A LITTLE BIT DIFFICULT BECAUSE OF HER SIZE.

[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]

YOU CAN GIVE HER A LITTLE RUB RIGHT THERE.

YOU WON'T HURT HER.

HI, MOM.

YOU OKAY? MM-HMM.

SHE'S OKAY, HON.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I PROMISE SHE IS. SHE'S JUST SLEEPY.

DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT AND WALK FOR A LITTLE BIT?

YEAH, OKAY, LET'S GO.

AND IF YOU NEED A SNACK OR A DRINK,

THERE'S VENDING MACHINES RIGHT THERE.

YOU WERE REALLY, REALLY BRAVE

ALL DAY LONG TODAY, HANNAH.

YEAH, WE'RE JUST REALLY RELIEVED SHE'S OKAY.

ROOM SERVICE.

Zsalynn: MY APPETITE IS A LITTLE LESS,

BUT I STILL WANT TO EAT.

I'M SURPRISED THE FOOD CRAVINGS ARE STILL HERE.

BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS.

I JUST WANT TO GET UP AND WALK.

Bonnie: WOW.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THAT?

YOU ARE BURNING UP RUBBER UP THERE.

I DID NOT THINK YOU'D BE MOVING ALONG LIKE THAT.

[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]

IS IT DAD? IT'S DAD.

DO YOU WANT TO TALK TO HIM?

NO WAY.

Zsalynn: I HAVEN'T TALKED TO MY HUSBAND SINCE SURGERY,

AND I DON'T KNOW IF HE'S GONNA BE SUPPORTIVE

OR IF HE'S JUST NOT.

HELLO?

OH, MY GOD, I'M SO HAPPY YOU ASKED.

I'VE LOST 78 POUNDS.

SO, YOU'RE SICK? WHY DIDN'T YOU GO TO WORK?

OKAY. ON THAT NOTE, I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND GO.

I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

ALL RIGHT. TALK TO YOU LATER.

Zsalynn: I HOPE MY HUSBAND WILL REALIZE THAT I MIGHT NEED HIM

AND I MIGHT NEED HIS SUPPORT TO DO THIS.

I DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT WHAT THEY HAD FOR DINNER.

I'M SCARED.

OH, I LOVE YOU, PUMPKIN BEAR.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.

LOVE YOU. LOVE YOU, TOO.

GARETH INSISTED ON PICKING ME UP TODAY,

AND OF COURSE, HE'S GONNA BE LATE.

ASKED HIM TO BE HERE AT 11:00,

BUT AT 8:45, HE STILL HADN'T LEFT HOME YET.

[ Voice breaking ] I KNOW SOMEWHERE INSIDE OF HIS HEART

HE MUST CARE.

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

YEAH.

WELL, I'M SORRY TO DISAPPOINT YOU,

BUT I HAVEN'T LOST 75 POUNDS.

I DON'T THINK GARETH

IS GONNA BE SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO HELP ME.

GOODBYE. TAKE CARE. ALL RIGHT.

[ SMOOCHES ]

I'M NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT TEMPTED.

IF HE'S GOING TO GO AHEAD AND TRY AND TEMPT ME LIKE THIS,

IT'S HURTFUL.

IT'S A LITTLE BIT NAUSEATING, TO BE HONEST.

I THINK I MARRIED A JERK,

BUT I THINK HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY OTHER WAY.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'M GONNA HAVE GARETH'S SUPPORT,

BUT I CAN'T TURN BACK NOW.

Zsalynn: THIS IS REALLY HARD. CHANGE IS HARD.

CHANGING IS A WORK IN PROGRESS.

OVER THE PAST MONTH,

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO ADJUST TO A NEW DIET.

IT'S NOT BEEN EASY.

I NEED TO HAVE A LOT OF PROTEIN, AND EGGS HAVE A LOT OF PROTEIN.

MY APPETITE IS A LITTLE LESS, BUT I STILL WANT TO EAT.

AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE EATING RUNNY EGGS STILL

BUT I WOULDN'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO EAT A RUNNY EGG.

NOT EVEN IF I EAT SOMETHING BAD,

MY STOMACH HURTS, I FEEL NAUSEATED.

I THOUGHT MY BIGGEST CHALLENGE WOULD BE OVEREATING.

DEFINITELY, THE BIGGEST CHALLENGE SO FAR

IS JUST EATING THREE TIMES A DAY.

FOOD WAS MY COMFORT AND MY FRIEND,

AND NOW IT'S JUST FOR SURVIVAL.

I THINK I'VE HAD ABOUT ALL I CAN HAVE.

IT'S SO STRANGE WHEN YOUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD

IS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN,

BUT I'M TAKING IT ONE STEP AT A TIME.

SINCE THE SURGERY, PROBABLY AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK,

I HAVE A BREAKDOWN WHERE I JUST CRY

BECAUSE I MISS MY OLD FRIEND SUGAR.

AND THEN I GET OVER IT,

'CAUSE THE CHOICE I MADE WAS BEST FOR ME.

HELLO.

HI.

LET'S SEE, HOW IS YOUR SCAR AND INCISION DOING?

UM, ALL OF THEM LOOK GOOD.

HOW IS YOUR DIET COMING ALONG?

UM, MY DIET -- I REALLY HATE TO EAT.

NOTHING TASTES GOOD.

I'VE BEEN EATING COTTAGE CHEESE, YOGURT, AND SOUP.

Dr. Nowzaradan: ZSALYNN IS MAKING SOME DECENT PROGRESS.

SHE HAS LOST 150 POUNDS FOR HER FIRST FEW MONTHS,

BUT SOMEBODY IN HER SIZE SHOULD LOSE AT LEAST 200 POUNDS.

SHE SHOULD BE LOSING MORE WEIGHT.

HOW IS YOUR ACTIVITY?

ACTIVITY IS MORE THAN IT HAS BEEN IN THE PAST,

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO KICK IT UP.

OKAY. LET'S SEE IF WE CAN GET ANOTHER 50 POUNDS NEXT MONTH.

OKAY.

YOU'RE GONNA BE UNDER 400 POUNDS.

Zsalynn: THE DOCTOR WAS POSITIVE,

SO I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT THAT.

BUT I'VE GOT TO MAKE MORE PROGRESS.

I'M EXCITED ABOUT SEEING THIS TRAINER.

HELLO. HI.

I'M NERVOUS THAT GARETH IS GONNA FLIP OUT WHEN HE FINDS OUT,

BUT I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR ME.

SO, YOU HAD GASTRIC BYPASS, RIGHT?

YES.

PRIOR TO THAT, WERE YOU DOING ANY EXERCISE?

NONE. OKAY.

WHAT I WANT TO DO NEXT IS DO SOME BASIC ASSESSMENT

SO I CAN KIND OF SEE WHERE YOU'RE AT.

BREATHE IT OUT FOUR.

ROLL IT BACK. UP FIVE.

Zsalynn: I WANT TO BE A MOM.

I WANT TO BE ACTIVE. I WANT TO BE MOBILE.

COUNT THEM OUT. 28 AND TIME. RELAX.

JUST MAKING MYSELF GO.

Julia: YOU GOT THIS, YOU GOT THIS, YOU GOT THIS.

PUSH IT OUT. PUSH IT OUT.

ZSALYNN IS THE LARGEST PERSON

THAT I'VE EVER PERSONALLY TRAINED.

[ Laughing ] I CAN'T.

I'M JUST CONCERNED ABOUT HER STAYING CONSISTENT

AND REALLY GRABBING ON TO THIS AS A LIFESTYLE CHANGE,

BECAUSE IT'S GONNA TAKE HER A LOT OF TIME

TO GET TO WHERE SHE NEEDS TO BE.

AND TIME. 45. GREAT JOB. GREAT JOB.

YOU KNOW, OVERALL,

I'M ACTUALLY PRETTY IMPRESSED WITH WHERE YOU'RE AT.

YOU DON'T HAVE A TON OF RESTRICTIONS, HONESTLY,

CONSIDERING YOUR WEIGHT.

GREAT JOB.

ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU.

Zsalynn: I FEEL REALLY GOOD RIGHT NOW.

I FEEL LIKE I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD.

BUT NOW I HAVE TO GO HOME AND TELL GARETH,

AND HE'S PROBABLY NOT GONNA BE SO EXCITED FOR ME.

YES.

I DON'T KNOW.

I'D RATHER HAVE A SALAD.

I'M NOT BUYING YOU A SALAD.

IF YOU WANT TO EAT GRASS,

YOU CAN GO IN THE GARDEN AND GRAZE.

[ HANNAH CRYING ]

HANNAH, I MARRIED HIM

BECAUSE IF I HADN'T MARRIED HIM, I WOULDN'T HAVE YOU, BABY.

SO?

NO, I AGREE WITH HANNAH. IT WASN'T WORTH IT.

Zsalynn: THIS IS AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP FOR ANYONE.

IT MAKES EVERYTHING HARDER.

HUH?

[ DOOR SLAMS ]

Zsalynn: I KNOW THAT MY RELATIONSHIP --

I NEED TO MAKE A CHANGE,

BUT I DON'T THINK I CAN DO TWO HARD THINGS AT ONCE.

Zsalynn: EVEN THOUGH I KNOW

THERE ARE PEOPLE IN MY LIFE WHO ARE GONNA BE AGAINST ME,

I'M FINDING NEW WAYS

TO MAKE THE MOST OF THIS EXPERIENCE.

BUT TO BEAT THIS ADDICTION

IS THE HARDEST DAILY STRUGGLE I HAVE.

THIS IS THE LOWEST I'VE BEEN IN A LONG TIME.

I'M LESS THAN 400 POUNDS.

NOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD IS ALL ABOUT FUEL.

THIS PACKET HAS 18 GRAMS OF PROTEIN

AND ONLY 80 CALORIES FOR THE WHOLE PACKET.

[ CAT MEOWS ]

TUNA AND AVOCADO.

IT TAKES WORK EVERY SINGLE DAY.

THE FOOD CRAVINGS ARE STILL THERE.

I WOULD VERY, VERY EASILY

BE ABLE TO GO BACK TO THE PLACE I WAS AT.

BUT I HAVE TO MOVE FORWARD ONE STEP AT A TIME.

HANNAH AND I HAVE A GOAL OF DOING A 5K IN APRIL,

SO I REALLY HAVE TO STAY ON THE DIET,

I HAVE TO CONTINUE TO LOSE WEIGHT,

STAY FOCUSED ON THIS WEIGHT LOSS AND PHYSICAL FITNESS

SO THAT OUR GOAL CAN BE REACHED.

OKAY, SO, WE'RE GONNA HEAD UP CEDAR FLATS TRAIL TODAY.

AT EVERY BENCH, WE'RE GONNA DO

AN UPPER-BODY EXERCISE TO REST YOUR LEGS.

OKAY.

THIS WILL BE A REALLY GOOD VISUAL FOR YOU

TO SEE HOW MUCH YOU IMPROVED.

OKAY.

YESTERDAY MORNING,

YOU GOT ON THE SCALE AND WEIGHED HOW MUCH?

399.

THAT'S AWESOME.

I WAS LIKE, "IF I COULD JUMP FOR JOY, I WOULD."

THERE YOU GO.

OKAY, HAVE TO SLOW DOWN. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]

GRAB THE HANDLES.

WORK THE UPPER BODY FOR ABOUT A MINUTE.

CURL IT UP. GOOD.

CURL IT UP. BREATHE IT OUT.

SLOW ON THAT RELEASE. GOOD.

I FEEL LIKE I CAN FEEL FAT BURNING.

THAT'S AWESOME.

Zsalynn: IT FEELS SO GREAT, AFTER WORKING OUT.

THAT HALF-MILE WAS AMAZING.

I'M HAPPY TO DRINK WATER,

BUT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, I DO STILL INDULGE.

MAY I GET A LARGE DIET DR. PEPPER, PLEASE?

NO. NO, NO, NO. NO FRIES.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DRINK CARBONATION, BUT...

...IT TASTES LIKE LIQUID GOLD.

AND NOW IT'S GONNA HURT FOR A MINUTE

'CAUSE ALL OF THE AIR IS IN MY LITTLE STOMACH.

I HAVE TO BREAK DR. NOW'S RULES

IN ORDER TO MAKE THIS DIET REALLY SUCCESSFUL,

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I DO STILL HAVE TO LIVE AND ENJOY LIFE.

GUESS HOW FAR I WALKED.

UM, 3 FEET?

10 FEET? MOVE.

GARETH HAS JUST BEEN CHIPPING AWAY AT ME.

Gareth: SO I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA CRY ALL AFTERNOON NOW

ABOUT YOUR LEGS AND KNEES HURTING.

YOU KNOW, I LEARNED A LONG TIME AGO

YOU CAN'T CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE.

[ Sarcastically ] YOU'RE SO SWEET, HONEY.

THAT'S NICE.

NOW I HAVE TO RELY ON MYSELF FOR HAPPINESS.

I'M GOING TO SEE DR. NOW, AND HANNAH CAME WITH ME.

HA.

I HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH WEIGHT I'VE LOST SINCE I WAS HERE LAST.

OKAY.

ARE YOU GONNA LOOK? NOPE, I'M NOT LOOKING.

Dr. Nowzaradan: YOU HAVEN'T LOST ANY WEIGHT.

HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU EATING?

THREE, SOMETIMES TWO TIMES A DAY, NO SNACKING.

WHAT ARE YOU DRINKING?

WATER.

MAYBE I HAVE A DIET COKE...

DIET COKE?

ONCE A WEEK, MAYBE.

DIET COKE IS NOT RECOMMENDED AFTER BYPASS SURGERY.

I KNOW. I DON'T --

IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT I NORMALLY DO, RIGHT?

WHAT DO I NORMALLY GET WHEN WE GO SOMEWHERE?

WATER.

WATER OR TEA. YEAH.

SOMEHOW YOU NEED TO SHARPEN UP THESE EATING HABITS

TO BE HEALTHY, LOW-CALORIE, LOW-FAT DIET.

THANK YOU, DR. NOW.

BYE-BYE.

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, PUMPKIN.

Zsalynn: I THINK IN MY HEAD,

"WHAT COULD YOU HAVE DONE BETTER?

YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS BETTER."

THANK YOU SO MUCH. ALL RIGHT.

I HAVE TO DO IT. I HAVE TO FIGURE IT OUT.

NOT NOW. IN THE BACK.

Zsalynn: I STILL HAVE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS.

I STILL HAVE STUFF I'M GETTING ACCUSTOMED TO,

BUT I DEFINITELY CAN LOOK IN THE MIRROR

AND BE OVERJOYED WITH WHERE I'VE COME FROM.

I REALIZE THIS IS A LONG JOURNEY,

BUT I HAVE TO STAY FOCUSED SO THAT I CAN BE HEALTHY

AND BE THE MOM THAT HANNAH NEEDS ME TO BE.

HANNAH IS DEFINITELY MY BIGGEST MOTIVATION.

DOING THINGS WITH HER IS REALLY IMPORTANT.

I CERTAINLY CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE IN WHAT WE DO

AND THE TIME WE SPEND TOGETHER.

HANNAH, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ME SIT IN A SWING BEFORE?

NO.

A YEAR AGO, I COULDN'T WALK THIS FAR

AND PLAY WITH HANNAH AT THE PLAYGROUND.

I WOULD HAVE TO SIT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FENCE AND WATCH,

SO IT FEELS AMAZING THAT I CAN MAKE IT THIS FAR AND BACK.

IT'S REALLY AMAZING.

I'M GOING TO SEE DR. NOW FOR MY APPOINTMENT.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE SCALE'S GONNA SAY.

HELLO. HEY.

I JUST FEEL REALLY HEALTHY.

THAT'S A BIG DIFFERENCE. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THAT?

THAT'S AWESOME.

Dr. Nowzaradan: YOU'RE DOING EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.

FROM 600 POUNDS TO 350.

IF YOU KEEP IT UP,

PRETTY SOON YOU'RE GONNA BE UNDER 200 POUNDS.

YEAH, DEFINITELY.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

ALL RIGHT, SOUNDS GOOD. THANK YOU.

SHE FEELS GOOD. SHE'S EATING GOOD.

THANK YOU, JESUS.

SHE'S GOING BACK ON TRACK AND START MAKING PROGRESS AGAIN.

Zsalynn: I'M PROUD OF MYSELF EVERY SINGLE DAY.

IT'S JUST LITTLE TINY VICTORIES

THAT MAKES THIS JOURNEY REALLY UNBELIEVABLE.

HANNAH, HOW'S YOUR HOMEWORK COMING?

Hannah: WE'RE DOING THIS ONE.

AND WE'RE GONNA DO THIS ONE NEXT.

TODAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO A 5K,

DOWNTOWN SAN ANTONIO WITH HANNAH.

UNFORTUNATELY, I TWISTED MY ANKLE,

AND NOW I'M LAID UP WITH THIS BIG BOOT ON MY LEG AND CRUTCHES.

I DON'T CONSIDER THIS DAY LOST, EVEN THOUGH WE CAN'T DO THE 5K.

WE'RE STILL JUST GONNA HANG OUT, MAKE A HEALTHY DINNER,

AND JUST MAKE THE BEST OF THE DAY.

WHERE DO I POUR IT?

NOT YET.

WE'RE GONNA MAKE SPAGHETTI SQUASH

WITH SOME CHICKEN BREASTS.

Gareth: IS IT READY?

IT SHOULD DEFINITELY BE READY.

IT ACTUALLY DON'T TASTE BAD. I'M KIND OF SURPRISED.

COOKING IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR FORTE IN LIFE.

Zsalynn: I DON'T KNOW WHY GARETH IS THE WAY HE IS.

I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A POINT IN OUR MARRIAGE

WHEN I'M NOT ABLE TO TAKE IT ANYMORE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT POINT IS. I DON'T KNOW.

BUT WHEN I'M THERE, I'LL KNOW IT.

COME HERE, HANNAH, LET ME BRUSH YOUR HAIR, BABE.

SO, UNTIL THEN, THE GREATEST JOY IN MY LIFE

IS BEING THIS LITTLE GIRL'S MOTHER.

SHE'S THE REASON I'M DOING ALL OF THIS.

OH, MY GOD. THEY FIT.

IT'S BEEN LIKE 7 YEARS SINCE I'VE WORN A PAIR OF JEANS.

GET MOVING, BABE, PLEASE.

I'M REALLY EXCITED TO GO RIDING HORSES WITH MY MOM TODAY.

[ ENGINE TURNS OVER ]

Zsalynn: THIS JOURNEY IS A LONG, LONG ROAD, BUT...

HELLO!

...FOR HANNAH...

HE JUST LICKED ME.

...I FEEL LIKE WE ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH.

I'M SCARED I'M GONNA FALL.

YOU'LL BE FINE.

I LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES...

YOU CAN SMILE AND WAVE. GIVE A LITTLE...

...AND TO BE STRONGER. BEAUTIFUL!

Hannah: IT'S GOOD TO HAVE MY MOM, LIKE, EVERY STEP OF THE WAY,

NOT JUST, LIKE, A FEW STEPS.

I HAD FUN TODAY.

I'M A WORK IN PROGRESS.

BUT I HOPE THAT HANNAH LEARNS

THAT NO MATTER WHAT THE OBSTACLE,

YOU CAN OVERCOME IT.

LIFE IS AMAZING NOW.

I'M REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF.

EVERY DAY IS A BRAND-NEW DAY,

AND IT BRINGS BRAND-NEW, AWESOME CHALLENGES.

DO YOU WANT TO DO IT AGAIN?

Hannah: YEAH.