Original subtitles

? ?

Hey, Bob. Hey, Linda.

-[Bob and Linda] Hi, Teddy. -Good Lord, I'm hungry!

I had to work through lunch to finish a drywall job.

I thought I was gonna die.

Boy, do I need a burger right now.

Uh, we ran out of burgers.

-What?! -I'm just kidding.

Don't do that to me, Bob!

I'm hungry and fragile. [sighs]

One Eggsit through the Swiss Shop Burger, please.

Finally. Lunch.

I mean, it's 4:30 already.

It's almost an early dinner at this point.

But it's not, Linda. It's lunch.

Dinner's a whole other meal

that I'm definitely still having in two hours.

Are we clear?

-Yeah, yeah. Sure. -Crap.

Is it already 4:30? I'd better go.

Today's the last day I can return the mini blowtorch,

and the store closes at 6:00.

Aw. You had fun with that thing.

And you never have fun.

Yeah. But I can't justify the cost.

Mostly because whenever I used it,

no one seemed to notice or care.

It kinda just tastes like what a normal "to-mah-to" tastes like.

-Sorry. -It's fine.

I just... I used a blowtorch.

Oh, my God. Why?

Forget it. I-I'm gonna go.

Okay, I'll be back before the dinner rush.

And hopefully the kids will be back soon

from wherever they went.

Eh, they said they were gonna work remotely from the pier

and send us a Zoom link, but I never got it.

Lot of chitchat today, not a lot of cooking.

Okay, okay. Geez.

Hey, kids. Did you enjoy whatever you were doing

while you were shirking your duties here?

-Shirk did. -How dare you?

I flush my doodies.

I mean, sometimes.

Yeah, not often. Bye.

-What were you kids doing? -[door shuts]

We let Tina buy us stuff at the gumball machines

-on the boardwalk. -[mouth full] I got a giant gumball,

and it's hurting my jaw quite a bit right now,

but I'm not gonna quit and let the gumball win.

Oh, never mind, I am. [spits]

And I got this temporary tattoo of a turtle riding a skateboard.

Oh, it's gone.

That was really temporary.

And Jimmy Jr. gave me this ring.

-Ooh. -I wouldn't say he gave it to you.

I mean, he handed it to me and said something like...

Hold on to this, Tina, as a token of our connection,

both emotional and physical.

[breathes loudly]

Here.

Uh, no, I'm pretty sure he said...

Zeke and I are gonna go wrestle on the beach.

Will you hold this for me and I'll come get it from you later?

I don't want it to fall out of my pocket

like what happened with my Sacagawea coin.

Sure, but if you read between the lines...

How's that burger coming, Linda?

No pressure, but my stomach's starting to eat itself.

It's coming. Kids, can one of you give me a hand in here?

On it. Better take this baby off.

It's too gorgeous to be covered in burger grease.

Eh, that's what I used to think about myself,

but here we are.

Sorry I'm returning you, blowtorch.

But we had some good times, right?

[high-pitched] "Oh, don't pretend you care about me, Bob."

What? I totally care about you.

You're great. You're-you're just too expensive.

I-It's not you. It's me.

I'm... [sighs] I'm poor.

"If I'm so great, how come you never gave me,

like, a cool name?"

A cool name? Uh, okay, fine.

Uh, what about... Flamez?

With a "Z."

"Oh, that's good. Can I tell that

to the next person that buys me?"

Sure, go ahead.

"I hope they're hot. Like me."

Ha. Classic Flamez.

"Yeah!" [laughs]

[elevator bell dings]

Ooh, elevator.

Don't mind if I do.

[employee] ...as much as you nag us.

[Hugo] I'm not nagging. I'm enforcing

-safety protocol. Look, if I had... -Hugo? Oh, crap.

-...fire ants, I'd invest in a tube of caulk. -Come on, come on, come on.

[employee] You're a tube of caulk.

[Hugo] I'm a tube of justice.

Damn it.

Ugh. Bob.

Hugo, I see you're busy aggravating people.

Oh, and I see you're walking around,

looking like a dumb slob,

carrying a bag of something stupid, I'm guessing.

Well, this has been wonderful,

but I will now bid you

-a hateful farewell- -[gasps]

Why did we stop?

I don't know.

Oh. Oh, no.

-Uh, this isn't good. -[intercom beeps]

Hello? Is anyone there?

[repairman] New phone. Who dis?

Um, I w... I'm in-

[laughs] Just kidding.

Wh-What's the problem? My system's telling me

you're at the mall. A-Are you stuck?

-Uh, yeah, we are. -Makes sense.

No one calls me to say how well the elevator's working.

But don't worry, I'll send someone

and we'll get you moving in no time.

Okay, great.

I-I don't know why I said "no time."

Sometimes it takes a long time.

-Oh. -How many souls in there?

Two. If you count Bob.

"Souls"?

It's airline talk.

And elevators are like the airplanes of malls.

Anyway, since there's two of you

and you seem to know each other,

you can keep each other company

during this potentially very long wait.

[Hugo and Bob] Oh, my God.

Ugh, I really wish I had taken the escalator.

Ha. Bob on an escalator.

I literally can't think of a funnier image.

What? What-what does that mean?

You, traveling at a 45-degree angle?

I mean, come on.

This is a nightmare.

Oh, tell me about it, Bob!

Have you smelled you?

At least when Ron and I inspect your restaurant,

the bad food odor covers up your B.O.

Where is Ron? Did he quit?

No. He's taking a personal day.

He said he has appointments and errands.

Oh. Is one of his appointments

with Dr. I Hate the Guy I Work With?

How dare you?

I am Ron's mentor,

as I have told him many, many times.

[repairman] Hey. How's it going in there?

So, so great.

Um, is there an ETA on the repairperson?

I'm just hoping this doesn't take too long

for so many reasons.

Also, I have to return something before the place closes.

"Ooh, I'm Bob.

I'm returning something."

I have to get to places, too, Bob.

I need a new tie.

Oh, does Baby Gap sell ties?

You son of a bitch.

Just please tell your repairperson

that this is an especially bad stuck elevator situation

because the man I'm stuck with

is the most annoying person in the world.

And please also tell them that Bob's restaurant is disgusting!

I'll put it in the notes.

[Teddy] Mmm.

Oh.

It's in me. I'm whole again.

Boy, I feel like I blacked out there for a little bit.

Yeah, you were shoving it in so fast,

it was like the burger police were coming

and you had to destroy the evidence.

At one point, it sounded like you were speaking in tongues.

Leave Teddy alone, kids.

So he eats like a wild hog. He was hungry.

Excuse me while I bus my way back

to that meaningful purple monster ring.

Tina's gone Gollum with that thing.

I've never gotten all the way through the movie.

Does Gollum turn back into a real boy?

I don't know.

Where's my ring?!

It-It's not where I left it! Where is it?!

Did you look on the floor?

Of course I looked on the freakin' floor, woman!

-Tina! -Now she's full-blown Gollum.

[straining] I'm gonna try and lift the grill.

-Tina, no. -[grunts] Ow, that's hot.

People are pointing, Bob.

They're pointing at us and laughing.

Oh. Okay, those guys are.

Wait, those are the food court guys. [gasps]

-I bet they did this. -What?

It all makes sense.

This is no accident.

This is retaliation against me!

That's ridiculous.

They always say I'm too nitpicky with my citations.

-Yeah, you are. -Bah!

"Bah"? What's "bah"?

Like "bah, you don't know what you're talking about!"

O-Okay. Even if they wanted to get-

Buh-buh-buh! What? Spit it out!

Do you want me to say what I'm gonna say?

-Not really. -Okay, fine, I won't.

-Good! -Then we won't talk.

Let's just sit here with your mouth shut!

Mm-hmm.

Okay, fine, say your stupid thought.

[sighs] Even if they wanted to get revenge on you,

you think they'd know how to stop an elevator?

Maybe the elevator repairman is in on it!

Hugo, not everyone is out to get you.

You're just being paranoid.

Paranoid? Or para-smart?

I mean, if I'm being honest, Hugo,

I've definitely thought about getting revenge on you.

I just don't know where quicksand is.

Well, I have taken quicksand and thick mud survival training,

so I would be fine!

Aah! Jimmy Jr. trusted me with his purple monster ring

because I seem like a trustworthy person,

but then I lost it almost immediately!

Who's the monster now, huh?!

Who's the monster now?!

Calm down, honey. You're freaking out.

Let's retrace your steps.

Or just trace our hands? Make turkeys?

Okay, okay. I took off the ring and I put it here,

and then Mom said, "Can you put this egg on top of the burger

and walk it out to Teddy while I fart near the back door?"

-Classy. -So I put the egg on the burger,

then I brought it out to Teddy.

I gave him the burger and then he ate it.

-Oh, my God, did the ring end up under the egg?

-Did Teddy eat the ring?! -What?!

No...

Teddy would know if he ate that thing.

-It was huge. -I don't know, Mom.

This is Teddy we're talking about.

-Yeah, remember when he ate that scrunchie? -Right.

-And when he ate one of his earbuds? -Oh, yeah.

And the other earbud.

I mean, stuff gets near the plate

and I just get confused!

So I guess it's possible I ate the ring.

Oh, Teddy.

No...!

What are you guys up to?

[Bob] Huh. Interesting. They're leaving

and you're wrong about everything.

Of course they're leaving,

because they're on to their next move.

Time to pull some strings.

I know someone at the Department of Community Affairs.

They have jurisdiction over elevator maintenance.

If our friendly "repairman"

is working with the food court people,

this guy will be able to help us.

[buzzing]

[groans]

Okay, he's not picking up.

Well, looks like I'll have to interrupt

one of Ron's appointments.

? Da-da-da ?

? On a bicycle built for Ron. ?

On your left.

-Damn it! -[repairman] Hello?

Oh. Uh, yes. Hi. Hello.

Uh, good news and bad news.

-Okay. -I got this, Bob. What is the news?

Good news is, turns out it's just a fuse.

Took him a little while to figure it out.

These things can be a little "con-fuse-ing." [chuckles]

Yeah, that's funny. Um, wh-what's the bad news?

The bad news is, my guy doesn't have the fuse that he needs.

But I've got one here and I'm gonna drive it over myself.

I should be there in 20 minutes.

Or a bit more.

Depending on how long it takes me to find my keys.

Oh, there they are.

Nope, that's my iPod Nano.

Oh, no. Couldn't your guy just lower a ladder down

through the trap door on the ceiling

-and then we could climb out? -Okay,

you've seen too many movies.

Let me guess. You want us to grab you

from the top of the elevator and pull you to safety

right before it drops to the ground and explodes?

-Uh, that's not- -And then you ride off

spooning Keanu Reeves on the back of a motorcycle.

-What-what movie is that? -Listen,

there's way more liability if we try to extract you

than if you just wait safely in the car

until the elevator is fixed.

-Yeah, Bob. -[sighs]

Repairman out. See you souls soon.

-[intercom clicks] -Huh.

The food court people that hate you came back

and now they're carrying a box and a crowbar.

[Hugo] Crowbar. Probably to pry

the doors open above us.

-Uh... -The box is probably a weapon box.

Full of weapons.

Why are they looking up here so much?

Probably deciding which weapon to use on which person.

-Oh, my God. -"Oh, my God,

Hugo's right about everything and I'm Bob and I'm an idiot"?

Is that what you're trying to say?

Ugh, now I have to be trapped in an elevator with you

while people are doing a revenge on you?

-Well, I'm gonna eat the rest of my tuna fish sandwich. -No!

Maybe there's a perfectly normal reason

the food court guys have a box and a crowbar?

Maybe it's one of their birthdays

and they just got a really bad pi�ata?

Oh, you're so naive.

You wouldn't know a plot to destroy you

if someone spelled it out on your greasy face.

Well, that's the great thing about living a life

where I don't make everyone mad.

I don't have to worry about plots to destroy me.

-Bah! -Oh, no.

Where are they going?

That was such a sneaky walk.

-They slunk. -They did.

Oh, my God, we're dead.

Dear Lord, please let them kill Bob first.

Amen.

So, Teddy, I need you to understand,

the stakes have never been higher

for you to poop something out as quickly as possible.

Jimmy Jr. could come get his ring any minute.

I mean, I also just feel like it's not good

to have one of those rings inside me.

What if it's toxic or it gets stuck in my colon forever?

Yeah, sure, all that stuff, too.

Geez, it's been, like, five cups of coffee.

-Still nothing? -Not yet.

Kids, stop trying to make Teddy poop.

People's bodies aren't a Play-Doh Fun Factory.

It's okay, Linda. I wanted to have a ton of coffee.

Can you see my heart beating through my shirt?

Just leave him alone, kids.

Sure. Sure. Got it, Mom.

We'll-we'll leave him alone.

Yeah, we're not gonna leave him alone.

I-I think we need to step it up.

What's that stuff Dad drank when he was constipated?

Ugh, not just Dad.

I've also had to drink the poo brew.

That stuff's gross, but it works.

What's it called? Something mag-

Magnesium citrate. I think there's still some

upstairs in the medicine cabinet.

Whatever it takes.

Don't judge me if other weird stuff comes out, too,

-okay, kids? -Oh, we expect nothing less.

It'll be like in Jaws when they cut open the shark.

I'll be right back. Cover me.

Okay, so I'm gonna go upstairs for a minute to, um,

change my barrette.

I-I-I'm not really feeling this one.

Oh, thank God!

Finally!

Okay.

Do you guys really not like this barrette?

It's fine, Tina, just go.

Right, right.

[sighs] Where are they?

I miss how it was when we could see them.

Hugo, I hope you're thinking about how much this is

your fault and how awful you are.

This is not my fault.

I'm just doing my job.

I'm not the reason they have

fire ants crawling all over their customers.

It's not my fault their can opener

didn't meet national food safety standards

and I had to impound it.

You impounded a can opener?

Big-time. As you should know, Bob,

when can openers aren't cleaned properly,

they harbor and spread dangerous bacteria.

So, yeah, I'll impound the hell out of 'em.

The food service industry is a jungle.

So us food inspectors, we're basically like Tarzan.

-What?! -Tarzan, Bob.

Read a book.

Tarzan loved the jungle.

He wanted to live in the wild.

He kept it clean!

[sighs] I'm gonna blowtorch through the glass.

-[thump] -What was that?

Uh, hopefully the repair guy?

Hello? Hello?!

When people are revenger-ing,

they don't say hello.

They either say nothing or they say "Revenge time."

Who ever says "revenge time"?

Revengers.

[Linda] Kids, I told you,

leave Teddy alone.

Here's a BM you should be interested in-

bussing m'tables.

Nah, this is more rewarding, but thank you.

-[phone ringing] -Tina, get the phone.

Uh, okay.

Bob's Burgers.

-Hi, Tina. -Aah!

Uh, I mean hi, Jimmy Jr.!

Why did you go "Aah"?

No reason. Uh, what's up, buddy?

I was just calling to see if you were around

so I could come pick up my rubber monster ring.

I would have texted you, but, as I'm sure you're aware,

you don't have a cell phone.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Did you know I collect those monster rings?

-What? -Yeah, since I was little.

Finally got the purple one.

Kind of a dream come true.

Thanks again for keeping it safe for me.

Uh, yep, yep, super safe.

-Okay, see you soon. -Okay, bye!

That was Jimmy Jr.

He's on his way to get his ring.

And it's the special purple one

that's gonna complete his collection!

Oh, God, please let the magnesium stuff work.

What? You gave Teddy magnesium stuff?

This is an emergency situation, Mom!

It's not the time to have an ethics debate

about whether or not it's okay to force someone

to drink medicine so they'll poop out

a purple rubber monster ring, okay?!

Tina Ruth Belcher.

[Teddy] I wasn't forced to drink it, Linda.

I want this thing out of me.

I want my body back.

Use that energy. Poop that ring.

We believe in you, Teddy.

Poop like no one's listening!

Hi. Anything else for you?

Just the check.

-[thumping] -Hello up there?!

[whispers] Should we call the police?

I don't know. It might be too late.

Oh, God. Should we just try and get out of here?

-Uh, through the hatch? -And then what?

We, uh, fight whoever's up there.

On top of the elevator.

That's a terrible plan.

How would we even get up there?

Um... one of us gets on all fours

and the other stands on their back?

And since they're mad at you,

I feel like you should be the one to fight them.

I will explain to them why they're in the wrong.

Yeah. They'll like that.

Okay, climb up. [groaning]

-Can't... quite... reach it. -[groaning] Ugh, Hugo.

One inch away. [grunting]

[sighs] Crap.

Let's switch.

Oh, there's a lot of you.

What the? Fire ant!

Aah! Get off! Get off!

What? Don't shake it down on me!

Sorry! Uh, another one!

Sorry, I shook that one down on you, too!

Aah! It bit me! It hurts!

-Ow! Ow! -I think one just went down my shirt!

Aah! My nipple!

Ow! Vengeance is upon us!

-Ow! Another one got me! -Ow! One bit me on my bald spot.

Ugh, I want to get down!

No! You got to get up there and fight them.

It's our only chance of survival.

Did I mention I'm not great at fighting?

Oh, wow! That's so hard to believe!

-Go! -[sighs] Fine.

-[employees] Aah! -And there you are.

[straining] Okay, this is the part

where I pull myself up and fight you.

But that's seeming hard.

Am I doing it?

This is bad. You said we wouldn't get caught.

Hey, hey, hey. We won't.

There's no cameras around here.

Nobody saw us.

Except this guy.

But you'll be cool, right?

-No. -Aw, man.

Bob, are you fighting them yet?

[grunts] Can you be better at it?

Hold on!

Please don't pour fire ants on us.

Especially on me.

Because I'm innocent.

I mean, can't we just forget the whole thing?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It is way too late for that.

Plus, he deserves it.

Every inspection, all those ticky-tack citations.

And then blaming us for the ants.

Those are not our fault!

That is a mall management issue.

That guy has made our life hell.

So now we fight fire with fire ants.

Mm-hmm. Poetic justice.

We've been collecting them to dump in his car.

And then the elevator broke.

I mean, it was an opportunity we could not pass up.

But I'm in here, too, and I didn't do anything to you.

Also, I'm like you.

I'm a restaurant person.

So you're gonna fire-ant one of your own.

All right, well, uh, how-how about this?

We'll pull you out and then revenge back on.

Here, grab my arm.

[Hugo] Bob! What the hell?

Why haven't I heard the cries of our enemies yet?

[straining]

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

-[grunts] I can't do this. -'Cause you're not strong enough?

No. I mean yes, but just let me go.

-Aah! -[Hugo] Ow!

It's like having a hairy piano fall on me!

Look, food court people,

I just want to say, Hugo also comes to my restaurant

and makes my life miserable.

-Hey! -'Cause he's horrible

-and annoying and petty. -[grumbles]

And just the sight of his squished little face

-makes me so mad. -Bob!

But as obnoxious as he is,

we do kinda need him.

I mean, all the rules and regulations crap he does

keeps customers safe, which is good, right?

So we can hate him and want to dump fire ants on him

while he's trapped in an elevator,

but we shouldn't actually do it

because, you know, then we become the bad guys.

Tell them about how I'm Tarzan.

[sighs] I'm not gonna do that.

So do what you have to do, but-

I can't believe I'm saying this- I'd rather be in here

with Hugo getting fire ants poured on me

than up there with you doing the fire ant pouring.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go

cower in this corner over here.

Uh, me, too.

Why aren't they saying anything?

I don't know. I'm so scared.

I'm gonna tuck my pants into my socks.

Oh.

-They closed the- -Aah!

-Aah! -Aah!

-Oh, my God. -Aah!

-[elevator bell dings] -Hey, look at you.

I knew you two would end up friends.

Oops, look out.

There's a fire ant. [grunts]

That was close.

Those things bite, you know.

-[Tina] Anything?! -[Teddy] Nothing!

Nothing's coming out! I-I'm sorry, Tina!

I'm so sorry! I failed you! Forgive me.

How come that magnesium stuff isn't working on you?!

Are you some sort of superhuman?!

It's not the best superpower.

Aah! Jimmy Jr.'s gonna be here any minute,

-and we don't have the- -Hey, guys.

-Hey, Jimmy J. How's it going? -[door shuts]

You good? You well?

Uh... yeah.

Good. Great. Good, good.

So, do you have my ring handy?

Yep. Uh-huh. It's so handy.

Uh, but, like, right now?

Or did you mean, um, later?

Well, now's good 'cause I just talked to you on the phone

and I said I was coming right over and I'm standing here.

I still can't believe I got the one ring I was missing.

I guess magic does exist, huh, guys?

So... where is it?

Uh...

It's really close.

Like, just a few feet from here.

Um, why are you all standing by the bathroom?

We think Jason Momoa might be in there?

Oh. Cool.

Um, so can I have my ring now, Tina?

[sighs heavily] Well, I have some news

that might be difficult to hear.

Jason Momoa is not in there.

Our handyman Teddy is in there.

And any second now, he's going to poop out the-

Here you go, Jimmy Jr.!

Here's your finger thingy!

Oh. Thanks, Mrs. Belcher.

[satisfied grunt] 'Kay, bye.

Good luck with whatever you're pooping out in there, I guess.

[Teddy] Thanks so much!

[door opens]

-[door shuts] -And I saved the day.

Where the hell did you find it, Mom?

It was pinned between the table

next to the grill and the wall.

I tripped and bumped into the table,

and it fell and rolled right out.

You're lucky I'm a klutz.

Yep. You're Mr. Bean with boobs, and we love you.

Oh, my God, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

You're off the hook, Teddy!

You don't have to poop anymore! Ever!

[Teddy] Thank God! Pressure's off.

Oh, wait. I think the launch sequence has begun

and it cannot be disabled.

Oh, okay, Teddy. Okay.

-The rocket is rumbling! -Okay, okay.

T-minus five and counting here!

We're stepping away. Back up, back up.

-Hey, everybody. -Hey, Bob.

-Daddy-o! -Papa! -Hey, Dad.

So, guess who got stuck in an elevator

at the mall with Hugo.

-Me. -The mayor!

Oh, you said it was you.

-Yeah. -Was it awful?

Yeah. But then it was okay.

It's a long story.

Also, I'm keeping the blowtorch. I earned it.

Can you skip to why you're holding soft pretzels?

Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

The food court people at the mall

gave them to me as sort of an apology.

They took one look at you and they were like, "I'm sorry."

There's ants all over them.

Oh, dear. Yeah, let's just toss that bag in the dumpster.

I can eat around them.

Bob! You say you have pretzels?!

Can I have one? Just shove it under the door.

? Who's the man with the cleanest hands ?

? Impounding openers of the can? ?

-? It's Hugo ? -? Hugo ?

? Who's the guy with the eagle eye ?

? Making sure people eating your food don't die? ?

-? It's Hugo ? -? Hugo ?

? Customer protector ?

? He's a hero health inspector ?

? Public safety he is guardin' ?

? And he's a little bit like Tarzan ?

? Hugo ?

-? Aw, yeah ? -? Hugo ?

? There goes Hugo. ?

[Tarzan yell]

Captioning sponsored by BENTO BOX ENTERTAINMENT

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Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0