Original subtitles

Hello? Ursula?

Kid, shut up.

Shh, shh, shh.

Are you home?

Weeble!

Come on, find Mummy's pants.

Why are you naked?

Who put this shit on the wall?

What? What's the emergency?

Did someone die?

I just thought I'd pop by.

Pop by?

Bitch, I'm not prepared for that. This house is a mess.

I'm not going to let you see my filth. I bet you're one of those tidy house

psychos. What are you hiding, huh? What kind of fritzel situation is going on at

your place?

Can I just use your bathroom?

No.

We don't have one.

Yeah, we're free. We is now. It's better for the environment.

What are we over there?

You grub.

up and nothing does that.

Can I just say, as a 50 -year -old woman, do you know the hardest part of

these days? And you go, is it menopause? No, it's lining up my nipples.

Like initially, like in my 40s, it was once a day, I'd put the bra on, I'd line

the girls up, I'd go, I'm good to go.

Now, they go, they're wilting like celery in Brisbane, they just

can't do it.

Then you talk to younger women, you know, whose skin still fit.

And they go, it's so embarrassing.

Today, I went to work and I forgot to put on a bra.

They go, I didn't even notice. Still, I went for morning tea, made a cup of tea.

When I opened the fridge, my nipples just went.

I was like, yeah, I weirdly had a very similar experience this week.

Forgot to put a bra on, went to make a cup of tea and slammed my tits in the

drawer.

Bulls also went... Honestly,

the stuff we go through as women with our boobs is crazy. I can't believe the

technology's not really changed, you know. The fight we have with our

is insane.

Insane. Like, you go throughout the day and you never know when that thing's

coming out.

You're just at work, you're working, three o 'clock you turn to look at your

work wife and you're like, oh, I can't.

I've had a stroke or something. I can't turn, oh no, it's the underwire. It's

out.

The underwire crept out. No one had said anything to you.

And you know that thing didn't just go, it didn't just pop out. It slowly,

incrementally, quarter millimeter by quarter millimeter was creeping out.

been dealing with clients all day. You've been talking to your friends. Not

of them have gone, hey babes, your mechanical tit is unraveling.

You go, how has your life changed as you've gotten older? I've got a lot more

confidence, and I went from a double D to a 38 long.

I'm looking for the owner of a 10 double D grey granny bra with Underwire Issues

2017 model.

It's me. Come on.

All right.

Pop the hood.

Yay. Hey, old lady. I haven't seen one of these in years.

Yeah, it's vintage.

No, it's a shitbox is what it is. You should have come to see me ages ago.

the hell?

It's got an antenna. You can catch talkback radio on this. Oh, I'm a racist

bastard.

But we could just take the underwire out and then it should be fine. If we take

the underwire.

That bright tit is going to come right down, and by Wednesday, you just drop

kicking it on the pavement. I don't want that. No, I want that.

What we're going to do is I'm going to go ahead and put it back in for you,

okay?

Yeah.

Just don't scream.

Okay. Oh, God. She's in.

That feels so much better. So much better. Now, let's work.

Oh, we're not done.

We're not done? No, no. Look, the suspension on this thing is mounted.

that. Look at that. Oh.

Jeff is going to be dragging on that thing. It's got no shocks left in it.

Do you get a lot of tit poppages on that?

Sometimes if I stop suddenly.

Yeah. It's because your brakes aren't right.

Okay. I'll tell you what.

She's a big job. The rims are all bent up. Leave her with me for a couple of

days. I'll give you one of these courtesy bras. Maybe that's 41. No, I

wear that. And I need this done now. I need it now.

Hop up. Let me have a look underneath.

All righty -ro.

Shall we?

Okay. Good news, bad news. You're getting new lace.

Yeah, just do it, just do it.

Oh, oh, oh.

I'm sure you don't need to do it down there.

I'm going to need a hammer.

Oh, wow.

Got to lift those girls up.

Oh. Oh, no, I've hit the milk tank.

Oh, sorry, I'm night tanning. I should have seen.

It's all right. It happens all the time. Don't worry about it.

That was a messy job, mate. Like, oh, I'm going to smell like custard for

I mean, it's much better, so thank you.

There you go.

$1 ,455.

That seems like a lot.

Oh, hi, Mum.

What's the damage?

Um, well, new underwires, 15mm straps,

decup repatting.

Well, going off this month's spotlight catalogue, I'd say $17 .70.

Yeah, and labour, though.

Like 10 minutes.

17 .70, is it?

Thanks, Mum.

Thank you.

Hang.

Don't hurry back.

Next!

It's been 28 days since the virus spread, what many are calling a

She spat in my son's face.

I'm not a fine deal for it!

And we'll look at it.

You have no right to film me. That's it. You film me. I'll film you.

The Australian military has finally captured the first of the infected,

Zero.

Scientists hoping her DNA may provide a cure to this horrifying plague.

Karen! Karen! Karen, can you hear us? Karen! Karen!

I'm asleep, not dead.

Use your inside voice.

Can you understand what we're saying?

Yes, I speak English. This is the English -speaking country the last time

checked. Although, before you know it, we'll all be speaking after class.

Because if I stop letting those people in, we only have until midnight to

a DNA sample.

It's the only way to create a cure.

Okay, Karen, I'm going to get a strand of your hair now, okay?

Hey, hey, hey! The only people I... touch my blunt, Bob, is Fernando my

And me, when I have to fix these cock -ups, you're not touching my blunt, Bob.

We're running out of time.

I'm going to get a skin scraping.

Good luck. I've had more sunbeds than you've had hot meals.

Don't you know you're ruining the world?

You're evil!

And you're rude, Missy. I'm going to make you really famous on my Facebook

community page.

We need to get a blood sample.

Excuse me, are you even a qualified phlebotomist?

I'm going to need a man for this job, please.

vaccinated. You don't know what's in that. I do all my own research.

Get off me.

There are 443 ,000 Karens on this planet because of you. And that number is

increasing minute by minute.

Okay. I'll talk to their supervisor.

There is no supervisor.

I'll talk to their manager then. There is no manager either. So who's in charge

of these Karens then?

You are the first Karen who started the virus.

So what does that mean?

I guess it means the supervisor.

in here i am the supervisor

i have to speak to myself what i what you can't talk to me like that i pay my

taxes i know my rights i've been a customer here for years you can't park

don't film i will film you why don't you go back to where you came from

Is she dead?

I think so.

We may win this war yet.

Oh, this place is filthy.

How long are you going to let the blood lie here?

Who's in charge of mopping these floors?

This is a fake theater show.

You know, we are in here because we all have something in common. We all love

comedy and very sexy lesbians.

That's what brings people together. The things we have in common. We think it's

sport, but it's a lot more simple than that. We have very simple things.

It's like if you drive a car, you own a car, you pick your nose in the car and

you flick the snot in the passenger footwell.

Don't you? Oh, me?

I will go look down that car park next to this building and I will get someone

to take a blue light through all of your cars. That passenger footwell will

light up like a smurf's anus.

You know?

Eat it, you animal.

I mean, on a nice day when the windows open, you biff it out the window, but

otherwise it goes in the passenger footwell. You also don't want to roll

and then have to explain to people it's because you're picking your nose.

We all, that's the stuff that bring us together, the little things that get on

our nerves or the little things that we do, like we all drink box wine, you

know? And I know, so if you're fancy and you go, well, I have never, well, if

you've never had box wine, then you've never asked for the house wine at a

restaurant.

Do you think they get that stuff out of the good bottle? Dream on, my friend.

They don't. That stuff comes straight out of a bag.

How handy are those bags at the end? You can float on them down a river. You use

them as a pillow. The kids are playing with them. You're basically a good

if you have that.

This is actually one of my personal

favorites.

What fresh hell is that?

Oh, somebody knows their box wines.

Now, this one you can actually drink immediately, but we do recommend that

cellar it for 10 to 12 minutes. Any longer and it's going to burn a hole

through your stomach. That is accurate.

It's digging my eyes.

Also, I'd like you to try a new one. It's going to take you on a bit of a

journey. So pay attention to the notes in it and tell me what you taste.

Beautiful colour.

All right.

That tastes like my mouth dumped its toe.

I can already taste what it would be like to throw this up in the back of an

Uber. Oh, yeah.

It's quite acidic. Almost urine -like.

Yeah, it's the piss.

Real piss?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is directly from our Felix filtration system.

Go, buddy!

There's a strong stream.

Yeah, it reeks!

He's got three kidneys.

Oh, my.

He's a gift. Wow. Yeah. It gives a depth of flavour to the wine that you're just

not going to find in any other box wine.

I actually wouldn't mind trying some of these others if I could.

Mucky Pond Scum Deodorant Analicage?

No, Analicage. It's English.

Yeah.

Analicage. Analicage. Okay.

How do I pronounce this last one?

Spew. Spew. Spew. Spew.

I'd like to taste the spew. Of course, it's actually part of our tasting

Wow. Thank you.

Fancy. If it lands on you, you must drink every last drop. The last drop.

You ready?

Yes, okay, let's do it. All right, good luck.

Yay.

Down,

down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down.

It's nutty, like ball sack -y. I really wouldn't know.

All right.

Off you go, Jack. Go find someone to play with.

Oh, cool. There's Oscar.

Yeah, yeah.

He's definitely there. But also, there's Axel.

Go and play with Axel.

I think I'll go play with Oscar.

You and I have to have a little chat, okay, buddy?

Whoever you choose to be friends with, I have to be friends with their mums, and

I cannot do that.

Okay? So go play with Axel.

What's wrong with Oscar?

Oscar's class captain. So you know his mum runs half marathons. She's going to

want to chat to me about intermittent fasting.

And there's about 4 ,000 recipes for cheer pudding. I cannot do another cheer

pudding, okay? I'll have a blowout.

But look at Axel's mum. She's vaping. I like it.

Do you see how she doesn't have orthopedic sneakers on? It's because

And cool parents have cool kids. So please, go play with Axel. But isn't

bad kid?

What do you mean?

Look at him, he's eradicating ants.

You hate ants, the insects and the movie.

But Oscar looks like he's having fun too.

Oscar's picking up other people's trash, okay, so you know his mum has a cute

cup and some hot opinions about vegetarianism. I'm not getting involved

I thought you said bullying was wrong.

What bullying?

He's teaching younger kids to be resilient, baby. They need that.

I don't know, Mum.

Oscar's really smart.

As is Axel.

Look at him. He's selling sherbet to kids.

What a good kid. He's a little entrepreneur.

I don't think that's sherbet, Mum.

Please, think of me. Just for once, okay? And go and play with the evil kid.

Okay, fine.

Thank you.

Hi. How are you? Hi, yeah, good. Yep.

Kids, eh? Just get up to the darndest things.

Oh, I know. I would kill for a kid like Axel.

Well,

you're not Axel's mum. Oh, I wish.

Get this. I tried to get Oscar to sell pingas in the playground the other day.

And he said, no, I'd rather do origami. I'm so embarrassed.

Wait, so who's Axel's mum?

Oh, you do not want to know.

That's not her. Hi, hi, hi.

Oh, my God. Look, Axel's made a friend.

Hit it.

Hit it. Hit it harder.

Looks like we're going to be besties.

Have you heard of intermittent fasting?

Honestly, I just broke my fast with this amazing turmeric chai chia pudding.

Hey, that is too big for anything.

That and that. Jack, let's go.

Your kid is a bad influence on my child and should be in prison. So should you.

You're going to have a blowout, by the way.

Can you please give this to Axel and tell him I'm good for the next one?

Axel, darling, I said no dealing in the playground.

You're not listening to mummy.

Listen, can I just say, you know, we live in this world now where it is what

is. We're burning it to the ground.

But at least we're more aware of each other and we know that everyone is

beautiful.

That's not true, is it?

Oh, you know, where people go, everyone's opinions count, everyone is

valid opinions and everyone is beautiful i go no they're not i have seen some

dogs in my time i know and i know right now you're going this is am

i allowed to i want you to quickly transport yourself out of your own

community page and what you would say online to put you and your friend in a

mall let's create a scenario shall we

and say, we're all in the mall, okay?

We're out of the theater, we're in the mall.

Me, with this body right now, in a black mini skirt, a leather one, okay?

You're there with your best friend.

You two see me walking.

Yeah, that's what you're doing right now.

in your body, all right? Let's amp it up a little bit, shall we?

We're in the mall. I'm in my black miniskirt and we're all going up the

escalator, okay?

Now you're with me. I'm a few steps ahead of you. Then your friend, you want

tell your friend something so you look right up my...

is beautiful, you've never been on public transport.

You have not because that is an assault on your eyeballs and quite frankly, all

of your senses.

Okay? I'm not saying we're not all beautiful. Like, you may find something

right? What's sexy to you is not necessarily sexy to me. All I'm saying

like, not all beautiful things are sexy or not all sexy things are beautiful.

We're not here to yuck your yum, whatever you're into.

That's called... Having a kink.

Okay? If you think everyone's beautiful, congratulations.

You've got a kink. Maybe.

Maybe you think all accents are beautiful. Right? Maybe like, you know,

South African accent is very sexy.

It is a very attractive accent. It just makes your panties drop right off you.

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Yeah, no, I'm currently naked right now. Yeah, full bush out, nipples on high

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Oh, no, I said, are you horny?

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Oh, man, I'm riding you so hard right now. And you're charging at me like a

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I'm on lunch.

This biltong is real altitude free.

No. Who do you want to talk to?

Hey, do you know the world's sexiest accents? They rank them every year. Did

know that?

Do you want to guess the sexiest accent in the world right now?

Kiwi. That's right.

Kiwi accent. Doesn't that just fucking blow up your ass?

A Kiwi accent is number one. Do you want to guess what's number two?

South Africa.

South Africa. That's right.

Australia comes in at number five.

So I've got a hybrid of all three of those.

Honestly, I'm amazed.

While I'm talking, if you just listen, you can hear the knickers just drop

around the room.

She's a full -time job. Just go and pull that up. Put that back in.

All right. Thank you so much for coming. You guys have been amazing. Thank you.

Yes, Melanie.

This bulldog is real hard to chew for you.

Hello, my name is Christelle. And for an extra dollar... And for an extra

dollar... I can do it.

And for an extra dollar... Is everyone horny?

What part of me is real wet? My armpit. My armpit's my butt crack.

It's so hot in here. We haven't got the air conditioning fixed.

No,

I'm just sitting here playing with my left nipple.

Yeah, she's a lot more sensitive than the other one.

The other one, I slammed in a car door when I was little.