Original subtitles

Man: This is my boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of them, which ain't easy,

'cause when they met, it was murder.

I only had the pleasure of meeting Loring Nichols once

and that was on a train between Boston and New York.

Yeah, we just bumped into each other,

and I told him an idea I had, and he said,

"Kid, I like that."

- You want that, too? - And he wrote me a check for $50,000.

- I love that story. - I like it, too.

- Gin. - Gin?

All right, senator, we'll see you down there.

- Bye-bye. - How's the senator?

Well, the senator's doing great.

He said he wouldn't miss this party

for all the bol weevils on his side of the aisle.

Army Archerd's column says, "the whole who's who

of the celebrity world is gonna be at this shindig.

I don't get this guy, Nichols. He's a hermit.

Why should he throwing a big bash?

It's not just a party, Max.

It's the opening of his new resort.

A lot of people think this guy's dead.

Well, he is a recluse.

I'll say.

He hasn't even been seen in public for almost seven years.

You know, I'm sort of sorry I won't be able

to have a chance to meet this character.

Maybe we could sneak him in.

- Yeah. - No, no, no! That's all right.

You just drop me off in Freeport.

I got a lucky table waiting for me there,

not to mention a lucky lady.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you gonna play?

Certainly.

Gin.

Gin?!

Yeah.

Morning, Mr. Nichols,

feeling better are we this morning, hmm?

Oh, I always feel better before you show up.

You're like one of those damn hospital nurses.

I'm feeling pretty good, and then all of a sudden

they come by with their needles and thermometers.

Take that damn thing away.

Now you know it's a good idea to keep a check on your pulse.

Why? You did it yesterday. What do you want to find out?

I've been from here to the bedroom and back.

How much stress is there in that?

Mr. Nichols, are you giving the doctor a hard time?

Oh, Victoria, would you take this quack away?

Oh, aren't you being a bit unfair?

I didn't get to be one

of the richest men in the world being fair.

Yes, but hasn't Dr. Barber made lots of pains go away?

Yeah, and everything else.

Which would you prefer... Pain or euphoria?

Oh, you better use this arm.

The other one's a pin cushion.

Victoria, what would I do without you?

Probably scold somebody else.

I've got some papers here that need your signature.

Oh, I can taste that one already.

What kind of papers?

Routine, mostly to do with the hotel... proposals.

These glasses are obsol... Obsolete.

Well, as soon as you're up and around,

we'll get you an examination.

Have the lawyers looked at these papers?

Upside down and backwards.

There... all done.

He'll be out for at least four hours.

I'll put your music back on, Mr. Nichols.

Victoria: Well, now that that's taken care of,

our plan should proceed without a hitch.

I've got an hour to spare. What are you up to?

Man: Flowers for the lady, flowers for the lady.

Woman: How much are these?

Darling, did you realize the Bahamas was the first place

that Christopher Columbus set foot in the new world?

And he probably couldn't find a decent hotel room.

Oh, that was Henri de Beauchamp's job.

I thought he had a restaurant in Beverly Hills?

- Henri de Beauchamp? He was a pirate. - That's the one.

He has a restaurant in Beverly Hills.

- He's a pirate. - Come on.

I know, you've got to fill me in on the local color.

Flowers, sir? Flowers for the lady?

- Oh, look. - Oh, thanks very much.

Here you are.

- Oh... - There you go, darling.

Lovely, thank you, darling.

Isn't that a beautiful hotel?

It sure is.

They don't make them like that anymore.

Jennifer: Henri de Beauchamp built that hotel

as a wedding present to his new bride.

Jonathan: How romantic. He's a man after my own heart.

Well, he's no Loring Nichols,

but he certainly had his heart in the right place.

Well, so is mine... My heart in the right place,

right next to me.

I know.

Mr. and Mrs. Hart, greetings,

welcome to The Bahama Excelsior.

Well, did you have a nice flight?

Very nice, thank you.

I'm Roger Tween, the director.

Jolly good day, isn't it?

Very jolly, Roger, my wife was just saying the same thing.

Isn't this beautiful?

Yes, the old mansion's been completely refurbished,

maintaining the original architecture of course.

- Lovely. - It's very quiet.

Well, we're not officially open until next week.

The people here are Mr. Nichol's special guests.

How is Mr. Nichols these days?

Frankly, we haven't seen him since his arrival.

We're hoping he'll make an exception in this instance.

Well, I certainly hope so.

Well, if you'd like to freshen up,

we'll see you for luncheon the veranda.

Thank you.

Mr. Tween.

I had to come to town

and testify before my committee

about the wild mustang situation.

Yes, we are.

I was very flattered that they asked me to join them.

Well, knowing you as well as I do,

you'll make a wonderful witness.

Does that mean we have your vote, senator?

No fair lobbying now on my own time.

I'm just here as as a gentleman farmer.

- Yes. - Oh, there's Victoria Dickinson,

Loring Nichols' right-hand lady.

- Ah, Victoria, - Hello.

Honey, I read the article in Fortune magazine about you,

and it was wonderful, just wonderful.

- Well, thank you. - You know Jonathan and Jennifer Hart.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

I saw your article in "Town And Country."

I must say, your profiles fared far better than mine.

- Oh, well, thank you. - Victoria's being modest as well as charming.

When she was a junior assistant

in congressman Bellwood's office,

I knew then and there that this little lady would go far.

Now the senator from the south is recognized

for a little cornpone himself.

Oh, excuse me, I see Howard Cosell over there.

I want to go exchange some statistics.

- Bye-bye, senator. - Bye.

Have you everything you need?

Yes, thank you.

Is there any chance of saying hello to Loring?

Well, it's wish to see as many as possible.

He made up the guest list himself,

those people from the past he still holds a fondness for.

We're very pleased that he included us.

Excuse me, I see some new arrivals.

Of course.

Thank you.

She's a lot younger than I imagined.

Mm...

Very powerful lady, the woman behind the throne.

Look who's over there. Scotty?

Jennifer... hi. Jonathan.

- Scotty, how are ya? - What are you doing here.

Not what, why?

We are about to hear my learned colleague's latest theory.

Ah, not yet... but I will say

we're all here to bear witness.

To what?

Unh-unh, being the scrupulous reporter that I am,

I'm not ready to liable myself until I have all the facts.

But you do have a sound suspicion?

Sound?

Funny you should say that. Take a look around.

Well, it certainly is the "A" group.

Impressive credentials.

What do you want to bet not a person in this place

has had anything to do with Loring Nichols

in the last four or five years?

Well, I haven't for ten years, but what's your point?

Well, that's the story for now. Film at 11:00.

Oh, come on, Scotty, You can't leave us hanging.

Okay, look over there.

Jennifer: Laura Bishop.

The ex Mrs. Loring Nichols.

Yeah, and ex movie queen.

Nichols gave her up along with the business.

She has an audience with his nibs at 2:00.

Nichols has a whole wing up there,

and he's guarded like King Solomon's mine.

His domain is off-limits unless you have the key.

Ah, and you are looking for the key?

I already made my own.

You've been up there?

- Unofficially. - You've talked to him?

Soon.

And if my theory is correct,

I could have the biggest scoop since Richard Nixon

left his footprint in his mouth.

Well, uh, listen guys, I hate to gossip and run,

but there goes my Pulitzer.

- Bye-bye. - So long, Scotty.

Hmm... Hey, look over there.

Both: The Champ.

- Hey, Champ, - Jonathan!

- How are you? - Jennifer, what's happening?

I got to tell you, next to me,

you're the prettiest people in town.

Aw... we saw your latest on television.

You are referring to my beer commercial.

Uh, no, I think it was baby powder.

I was beautiful, wasn't I?

Listen, uh, is it true?

Are you gonna hang up your gloves?

Well, Cosell keeps bugging me about a comeback,

and I told him, "I don't hit nobody

for less than a million."

Did you have a pleasant trip?

Uh, yes, very nice, thank you.

Eddie, take us up to Mr. Nichol's suite.

Funny, I was married to the guy,

so why do I feel like I'm going to the principal's office?

Don't be nervous.

Mr. Nichols is very anxious to see you.

Loring: Laura, come in, please.

Laura: Aren't you being a bit unfair?

Somebody else.

Scotty: Two Loring Nichols?

Uh, hi, listen, I'm with the hotel,

I'm just getting some postcard shots.

Uh, hey!

Look... he's not gonna be real happy about this

so why don't we just forget it and give me...

Turn around.

Come on, hey, buddy, look,

great view, you got there.

I'm just up here getting some... Ah!

I, uh, appreciate you giving us the identification.

I know it's a rather grisly business.

Jennifer: I think we must have been the last people

to... see Scotty.

Other than the person that helped him off the roof.

Oh, in point of fact, Mr. Hart,

there is no indication of foul play.

Inspector, didn't you say that there wasn't any film

- in the camera? - That is correct.

Well, doesn't that strike you as a little strange?

I didn't think photography was part of his work.

Well, he wasn't up on the roof to catch the view.

Frankly, Mr. Hart, there is some question

as to, uh, how he accomplished that.

Scotty told us that he was on to something big.

But he didn't say what it was?

We don't think he actually knew.

No, but I think that he was getting close.

Mr. Hart, Mrs. Hart, I appreciate your distress

at this most unfortunate accident.

Accident?

Incident.

I'm still haunted by what Scotty said.

What was that?

He said we were all here to bear witness.

To what?

Murder?

Barber: He'll be out for at least four hours.

Victoria: I'll put your music back on, Mr. Nichols.

This is the only tape you found?

Yes, Miss Dickinson.

- Pictures? - No, sir.

I don't like it.

There is nothing incriminating on this tape.

He was close, but you did the right thing.

Throw a man off a roof?

Michael... he fell.

An over eager reporter going after some candids

of the reclusive Loring Nichols.

The police have bought it.

Why is it so difficult for you?

Victoria, I am a doctor.

I'm supposed to save lives.

Michael, this is no time to recite the Hippocratic Oath.

- Make sure this is destroyed. - Yes, ma'am.

Fox, there is one thing that I'm disturbed about.

How did that man get up on the roof?

I don't know.

Find out.

I don't want any other unannounced visitors.

Yes, ma'am.

You're not gonna fall apart on me now, are you?

Why do we have to have all these people?

How many times do I have to tell you,

I can't manipulate an empire if everyone

thinks the emperor doesn't exist.

I know... I know.

And do I have to remind you how long

we've been working on this?

There were bound to be unexpected complications.

Why don't you go check on your patient?

Oh, that's fine, thank you.

Oh, lovely.

Thank you.

Well, nothing like watching the bubbles go up

as the sun goes down.

No toast?

Let's see.

To pirates and other lovers.

May they always keep up the tradition.

Uh-huh. I'll drink to that.

Hello.

Hello. Do we know each other?

No, we don't.

I'm Jonathan Hart this is my wife, Jennifer.

Nice to meet you.

We're fans, as a matter of fact, we have been for years.

Ah, please don't tell me how long.

Would you like to join us?

Oh, no, thank you. I'm meeting someone.

Thank you.

I'm curious I understand that

you saw Loring Nichols today.

Yes, his majesty deigned to see me.

And may I ask, what did you think?

Well, considering he's been in a cocoon

for the last ten years,

it wasn't any butterfly that popped out.

Oh, you're saying that

he's a little frayed around the edges?

Well, truth is he's not much different.

Loring always needed personality lessons.

There's my friend... very nice meeting you.

- Nice meeting you. - Nice meeting you.

- She looks great, huh? - Doesn't she?

Hello, excuse me, may I have a word with you, Mr. Hart?

Certainly.

This is Dr. Barber, Mr. Nichols' personal physician.

- How do you do, doctor? - How do you do?

Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

Mr. Nichols would like to know

if you would like to get together now.

We certainly would.

Mr. Nichols would prefer to see you alone.

He doesn't really know Mrs. Hart.

You do understand?

Of course.

Dr. Barber would be delighted to keep you company.

- Mm-hmm. - You go on, darling.

I'll see you in a minute, darling, all right?

Willie, will you show Mr. Hart the way?

I'd be happy to.

Excuse me, doctor.

Doctor, would you show Mrs. Hart the casino?

Why I'd love to.

Then I'd be delighted to see it.

Shall we?

- Mr. Nichols. - I could ask how you've been,

but I know you've been doing very well.

Lovely wife, very successful,

not as successful as me, of course,

but doing very well.

Did you ever guess that $50,000 would bring you here today?

Well, I'm very flattered that you've been keeping tabs on me.

Not at all, not at all.

I don't send Christmas cards but I like to see

what my friends are up to.

So that's the reason for the party?

Well, when you put a new rudder into an old ship,

you like to give her a proper launching, don't you?

You've launched a lot of ships,

I haven't read about you on the social pages

of The New York Times.

I guess I'm just about as transparent as hell, aren't I?

I doubt that.

You want the truth?

Well, you always said that the truth

was what it was all about.

Yes, I did, didn't I?

It was, uh, too bad about Scotty.

Yes, it was,

you know, that piece in "The New Yorker" back in 1970,

was the best interview ever done on me.

Not flattering, I won't say it was flattering,

but truthful.

Why didn't he just take his place in line?

You were about to tell me the truth.

Oh, yes, well, my board says that

I need a board to tell me what to do.

Now in the old days,

I used to tell people what to do.

What did they tell you to do?

Well, they say you can't run a business in limbo,

that people are beginning to talk

that Loring Nichols is here.

Is he there? Is he dead?

Or is he an old doddering fool

spitting up all over himself?

So we're all here to bear witness?

Right. That's good.

That's what Scotty said ten minutes before he died.

Bright boy, Scotty.

Brandy?

Thanks.

May I ask you a question?

Shoot.

Well, it's none of my business,

but you've been selling off a lot of your old interests

and I have a considerable amount of your stock.

Is there anything I should know?

Oh, just creating a little cash flow.

Got my eye on an airline.

Well... if you need my help,

you will ask me, won't you?

Don't think that Loring Nichols will hesitate

to call in your marker if he needed it.

- How did it go? - All right.

What's wrong?

- He was lying to me. - About what?

I don't know, it was just something about him

that didn't gel.

It was if he couldn't look at me straight in the eye.

Hmm...

Maybe he's having financial problems.

Well, whatever it is, something's going on.

Well, darling, you've only seen him once

and it was ten years ago.

He's older now.

Yes, but a man with that kind of will doesn't change.

I'd like to get up there where Scotty was.

Well, I thought we had to have a key to get on that floor?

That or a very tall man.

Get in the elevator and take it up to the top floor.

- What are you gonna do? - I'll be on the observation deck.

You wait for my signal, all right?

It's all right, I'm wearing elevator shoes.

Jonathan: Let her go.

Uh... - What floor? - Four, please.

Is that you, Victoria?

Mr. Nichols?

Mr. Nichols, it's Jonathan Hart.

Who?

Your friend, Jonathan Hart.

Oh, Jonathan, yes.

How are you?

Better than you.

What's going on?

Going on?

Going...

Don't worry, Loring...

we'll get you out of here.

Woman: Is that you, Bernard?

Aha.

You must be Bernard.

She never stops talking about you.

Loring, Loring, tell me.

Loring, tell me...

What are you talking about?

Victoria, take it easy.

- I want to know. - I told you.

My friend Jonathan Hart came to see me.

What is this gibberish?

Probably a coincidence. He imagined he saw him.

I found this on the balcony.

Hart was wearing a scarf like that

when I saw him at the Marina.

Get them up here.

What are you gonna do?

It's unfortunate that Loring Nichols' coming-out party

may have to be marred by another accident.

I'm telling you, inspector, there are two Loring Nichols.

But that in itself is not a crime.

Loring Nichols is a very powerful man.

He controls a great deal of real estate

and a lot of money.

Anybody impersonating him, possibly without his knowledge,

- is a... - Fraud, probably, yes.

Maybe murder for sure.

Mr. Hart, you are right about one thing.

Mr. Nichols is an extremely powerful and influential person.

He and his hotel are terribly important to this island.

Yeah, I get you.

We cannot intrude into his quarters

without something more consequential.

Well, thanks, inspector.

I'll try to get a written confession from him.

So long.

Did you tell him about the drugs?

Yeah, I did. I don't blame him.

It's... it's just that we got to come up with something more.

Max's phone number, where is that?

Uh, it's in the notebook by the bed.

I think we'll give Nichols and his crowd

a little "Melvin and Howard."

Did you call room service?

No, you want to get that?

- Oh, Dr. Barber, - Mr. Hart is in?

Yes, he's on the phone.

Would you get him, please?

- What do you want? - Mr. Nichols would like to chat

with both of you this time.

Oh, well, that's very nice, but maybe tomorrow.

It's late and I have a terrible headache.

I'm afraid this is a command performance.

Fox, tell Victoria, the problem is resolved.

Willie, come with us.

Senator Eldridge, how are you?

Yeah, I'm just fine. How are you?

Well, isn't this amazing,

I was just saying to Jonathan...

She was just saying to me that why don't you join us

in the bar for a drink?

Oh, and share a filibuster or two.

- That's what she was saying. - Well, what a kind thought.

There's nothing I'd like better.

- Good. - Here we go.

Well, I be doggone.

I went off and left my money belt.

I want to hit the casino later.

Well, we'll meet you in the bar, senator.

All right.

Uh...

- They can't do anything while we're here. - Do they know that?

- Oh, Mr. Tweed! - Hello.

We're a little in between.

Oh.

Yes, we have a slight problem.

Nothing serious, I hope.

You see the two men behind us?

Yes, Dr. Barber and Danny the bodyguard, yes.

They're after us.

After you? I'm sorry, I don't understand.

There are two Loring Nichols.

Two? Oh, really? Oh.

It has something to do with fraud,

not to mention murder.

- Murder? - Probably ours.

Murder, eh? Oh.

We'd like to have you call inspector Jordan right away

and get him out here.

Yes, yes, of course, absolutely.

Well, uh, thanks very much

for helping us, Mr. Tweed.

If you were only E.T. we could fly.

If I was E.T., we'd go home.

No games, I'd rather not have to shoot you tonight.

I'm sure, your game is more like volleyball off the roof.

- Are you awake? - Uh-huh.

How you doing?

Well, this is definitely not my idea

of the way to get a good night's sleep.

I'm worried about Max.

He's supposed to go into his routine

the first thing this morning.

Fox, let them up.

Good morning. I hope you spent a cozy night.

I've brought you a change appropriate

to today's activity.

What do you have in mind?

I thought something equestrian.

You do seem to like riding.

Oh, I know.

We're going to fall off of our horses and die.

Very good,

and you haven't even seen the cliffs by the ocean yet.

Don't you think that this has been rather

an accident prone weekend?

I'd like you to change, now,

and I hope you're going to be cooperative.

Because, Fox here would just as soon break your necks.

How long do you think you can pull off this little masquerade?

Actually, I thought his ex-wife would be the big hurdle,

but she seemed to get along famously with Loring.

I think Dr. Barber did a wonderful job

of re-creating him,

and I take some credit for coaching him

in the details of a marvelous life.

I only regret that you weren't convinced.

Mr. Hart, would you like to be the first to change?

What are you talking, he won't see me?

This is the director of the hotel.

- Mr. Aldo... - Aldo Beneducci, nice to know you.

I come to see my buddy, Loring Nichols.

I see.

Do you have an invitation to the weekend?

I got a permanent invitation for whenever I want to show up.

Hmm...

Is, uh, is Mr. Beneducci on the list?

Forget the list.

You just put your voice on the horn

and tell Loring Nichols that Aldo is here.

Well, you see, Mr. Beneducci,

You can call me, Aldo.

You see, Aldo, Mr. Nichols decides whom and when

he will see.

Whom... for your information,

I'm the biggest whom in Loring Nichols' life.

If not for this here, whom, Loring Nichols

wouldn't be in this here hotel.

The point being, I saved Loring Nichol's life.

I see.

Well, why don't I just call Mr. Nichol's suite

and see if he's receiving?

That's what I said in the first place.

Yes.

Victoria: Lovely.

Well, now that's better. Are we ready?

Before we go, you might be interested to know

that I talked to the police last night.

Oh, and were they terribly concerned

about your speculations?

Tween's on the phone.

There's a man downstairs demanding to see Nichols.

Something about having saved his life.

Well, who is he?

An Aldo something or other.

Ask Nichols who he is.

I just gave him a shot so he's out.

This man is really making a scene.

All right, let him up,

but make it fast and to the point.

Put a security guard on the door.

- Fox, tie them up again. - All right.

Back down on the bed.

What'll I say to this guy?

Well, just be civil.

He's probably some bum Loring picked up.

He was always doing that.

Thanks, big boy.

Loring Nichols!

Aldo.

How are you? Fine, you look great, Loring.

Ah, excuse me,

this is my executive assistant, Victoria Dickinson.

Mr. Beneducci, a pleasure.

Just call me Aldo.

Aldo, tell me, how did you two meet?

Why don't you tell her?

Oh, um, no, no,

much more amusing coming from you.

Let's see.

It was seven years ago last week, right.

Right.

I was hacking out of Brooklyn my regular garage,

I just had to run into Manhattan.

I'm headed for the bridge.

I'm cutting course down through the park

when I spot this guy.

He's taking a stroll at 1:00 in the morning.

Well, there I am, crossing the 72nd street

when I spot four meatheads cruising this guy.

I say to myself, this guy's gonna wind up dog meat

in the bushes unless I do somethin'.

Go on, go on.

So I drive the cab over the curb,

these four guys take a dive,

just about when they're ready to recover,

I throw it into reverse and I really scatter them,

then I open the door and Loring jumps in.

True, true, true.

- What a time we had. - Yes, yes.

We must of hit every joint between there and Bensonhurst.

Yeah, I'll never forget that night.

Neither will I.

I'm telling you, inspector, if this guy's Loring Nichols,

I'm Robert Redford.

I gave him a cock-and-bull story about us

that he lapped up as if it were his memoirs.

I didn't quite get who you are.

I'm Max, I work for the Harts,

and what worries me is they ain't been around.

Nobody's seen them since last night.

I'm on my way, Mr. Max.

Where's Fox?

He went to see Mr. Nichols.

Take them down in the service elevator.

We'll meet you at the stables.

Hart, no tricks or I'll pull her arm

right out of the socket.

Hiya, Champ, how's it going?

Hey, you surf here, Max?

Hey, Max, I didn't know you were here.

You haven't seen the Harts, have you?

Not since yesterday.

I got a terrible feeling they got trouble.

- Is that them? - It sure is.

That big guy's pretty cozy with Mrs. H.

I don't like it. Give me an arm?

- You've got both of them. - Thanks.

Hey, darling, look at that.

There's Aldo Beneducci and The Champ.

Hiya, Champ!

Hi, I've been looking for you.

- Hiya, how's it going? - Fine, Aldo.

It's the pretty people again.

Champ, you remember when we first saw each other

when we arrived, you were telling me about that deal.

Deal?

The deal of Howard Cosell putting up the million

and... do you remember that?

Oh, you want to see me do my buck and wing?

Oh, I'd love to see you do your buck and wing.

As a matter of fact, I'd pay a million for it.

Thanks, Champ.

You ought to see my time step.

You're still the greatest.

Wait here.

Champ: Go get 'em, Jonathan!

You mind waiting for the next horse?

Hang on to her Champ, will you?

Well, I guess you gave the doctor a touch

of his own medicine.

Yeah.

- Darling, I've been thinking. - Yes.

Wouldn't it be fun to have a house on an island

all our own?

You mean, like the pirate and his lady?

Oh, no, nothing that grand.

Well, you'd have nothing

but a thousand guests every weekend.

No, no, no, I mean something small

just for the two of us.

- And Max? - Of course, Max.

- And Freeway? - Certainly, Freeway.

Maybe we could find something in the Caribbean,

or the South Pacific.

That'd be a tough commute to the office,

but it does sound nice.

Maybe we could throw in a good restaurant or two?

Oh, you're so spoiled.

- A small movie house? - No.

Do we go with or without television?

I can do without television.

- No Monday night football? - No.

- No Lakers' games? - No.

- No chili from Chasen's? - No, no, no.

No pasta from La Scala?

Well, what about those little outfits that you always buy

from that place on Rodeo Drive?

I wasn't talking about giving up civilization completely.

- Well, I'd give it all up for you... - Aw.

- If it would make you happy. - That's so sweet.

After all, home is where the heart is.

Or is it where the Harts are?

Mm...

♪