All language subtitles for Guerra conjugal

CONJUGAL WARFARE

Amalia.

Wake up, old bag. I don't feel so good.

Keep still, João. It'll go away.

It's that bean soup.

And then you get indigestion.
I told you so.

Damn woman.

Always arguing...

The damn woman spiced the food too much.

Food never did me any harm.

Well, I'll be fine.

Tomorrow I'll show her.

My belly looks like a balloon.

It doesn't look like my body.

Amalia, robber of my life.

But she'll go first.

She will, not me.

You haven't kissed me in years, João.

And now this!

I was kissed by your brother
at our wedding.

He kissed you on the lips?

Heavens, no! On the cheek.

He kissed you on the lips.

You and my brother.

On our wedding day.

What's a kiss?

A kiss from Angelo, your elder brother.

You know what he was like.

A kiss on the cheek, nothing more.

But Angelo is already dead.

Your kiss went rotten
in his mouth, Amalia.

Some dead shrink...

like plums around the seed.

Others swell with gas in the summer...

and if the grave isn't deep,
you can hear the bang at night,

when the belly explodes.

Miss Maria?

Please, come in.

Please.

- Please, have a seat.
- Excuse me.

Make yourself at home.

Please excuse the mess.
I'm going through an inventory,

and it's driving me mad.

How can I help you?

Counselor...

it's my boyfriend.

Well, it's like this...

I was deflowered by my boyfriend.

Where?

In the living room.

On the couch?

No. Standing up.

How old were you?

Going on 23.

What about your parents?

They were in the kitchen,
listening to the radio.

A troubled relationship...

without the comfort of a bed, correct?

Yes, Counselor, but even so,

a few months back, I began to feel ill,

sick, nauseated.

I suggested to João that we should elope,
and he disappeared.

He left you pregnant?

I wasn't pregnant.

It was a swollen liver.

The doctor told me
I should go on like before.

I couldn't stop after a year.

It's bad for your health.

I looked for João and found
he was engaged to some blonde.

So I came here

to see if you could solve my problem.

It's a pity but, being of age,
there's no way out.

Perhaps some compensation
for breach of promise.

That's not what I want!

But there's no legal basis
for stopping him from marrying her.

If he marries someone else,
I'll join a convent.

Tell me something.

Do you have faith?

Not much.

You want revenge.

Is João good-looking?

- How old is he?
- He's about 30, 35.

He's fat and not at all good-looking.

He doesn't deserve someone as cute as you.

But I still love him.

I swore never to give myself
to anyone else.

Have you had other experiences?

I started a little late.

I had my first kiss when I was 20.

I went out with a widower,
15 years older than me.

He gave me my first kiss.

At first, I didn't feel a thing,

but after doing it a few more times,
I began to like it.

It sure is good.

- Did you love the widower?
- A little.

Why don't you marry him?

He's too old.

Although I'd like a mature man,

with some life experience.

João doesn't know much.

But now that this has happened,
I can only marry him.

Nonsense.

Virginity is a prejudice.

When a woman surrenders to love,
she is twice as pure.

There will be no lack of Prince Charmings
for a girl like you.

I've suffered all my life,
being chased by men.

You must be constantly harassed by them.

Especially in black.

Black fits you like a glove.

I'm in mourning, for my father.

I'm so sorry.

- In my late teens...
- The flower blossomed.

Everyone said I had a beautiful body.

They even asked me to be a cheerleader.

Legs, for instance. Yours are wonderful.

And your tits?

Are they nice and hard?

- You can't be a cheerleader otherwise.
- Of course.

But by the end of the year,
I'll be a bride of Jesus.

A convent's no good for you.

A sensual girl like you
will suffer a lot there.

You should choose someone caring,

experienced.

It's essential, my little Maria.

The doctor's right.

What did he say?

He said I couldn't stop.

It's for your own good.

It stimulates the liver and the pancreas.

I bet you don't sleep well.

No, I don't. I dream and talk in my sleep.

You are a heroine, Maria.

I bet you can't even walk down the street,

especially dressed in black.

Who could resist you?

A convent's no use, and neither is João.

You want me to give myself
to the first man I see?

No, Maria.

You deserve someone loving,

but it must be someone with experience.

You know?

Maria, would you be able to love

someone like me?

I think you're very nice, but...

Besides, you're married and...

And you're such a lovely temptation.

Can I read your palm?

- Do you still love your wife?
- I am happily married.

Then how can you love me and her?
I don't think this is going to work out.

Do you miss the widower?

He disgusted me.

- What about me?
- I told you.

I'm just fond of you.

Let me read your palm.

I wish you were my father.

Your father? I am all man.

Isn't that lovely?

Your love line goes
right up to your wrist.

You are a slave of the flesh.

You're really cute.
You say such lovely things.

Do you like caresses?
Whisper it in my ear.

It's an intimate question.
Do you still love your wife, sir?

- Don't call me “sir.”
- But I respect you.

- We already share a certain intimacy.
- To me, you are still Counselor Osiris.

If I looked as pretty as you,

I'd stand before the mirror all day long.

I would stand there naked,
kissing myself all over.

- Let's talk dirty.
- No, let go!

You're being rude.
I don't like petting in offices.

I'm sick of couches.

Trading kisses is vulgar.

I need a little tenderness.

I should have fled with my widower.

I'm missing so many things,

so many places to go,
so many interesting people.

And here I am with a married man
on a couch in an office.

You chose to come here.

My dear.

You are too nervous.

Come back another time.

Go home, think about it,
and you'll see I'm right.

You can trust me.

We are alone, and I haven't touched you.

So that's how it is!

Girls come for advice,
and you recommend the worst.

Exactly. There's no legal basis for it.

Don't let me be weak.

My sweet little slut...

Don't touch me.

Don't...

My God, what I am doing here?

Have mercy on me.

Have mercy on me.

And who has mercy on the Marias? Who?

Hello, Gabriela. Has Neusa arrived?

She's in the bathroom, changing.

You gave me a scare, son.

Poor thing.
Paxá hasn't even the guts to bark.

Having a little drink?

It was a gift.

- Is it the first?
- Of course.

And the bottle of rum?

Finished?

Keep quiet.

Neusa's listening.

- Where is everybody?
- They went to the movies.

Has your son been picking at your wallet?

I've put it away.

I just want to see if he finds it.

Do you have a lot of money?

A lot of people think I do, don't they?

Aren't you frightened of being alone?

Old people are always alone.

You don't want to know
what it's like, Nelsinho.

It's only fair
that one should pay for one's sins...

but not me.

I've never harmed anyone.

Nelsinho, I've never hurt a fly.

This should have happened to Carlito.

Didn't Carlito die?

Yes, but he had a happy life.

Not even in death did he suffer.

He wasted his life and money
on booze and whores.

He had a blast,

and died quickly, in the prime of life.

What did he die of?

Brain cancer.

He died alone, asking for my forgiveness.

They came and called me
when he was dying.

I told them to take the body
straight to the grave.

See, Nelsinho...

I've killed myself
beating clothes in the washtub.

I've ruined my hands scrubbing the stove.

I've lost my sight
sewing too much at night.

And then I was condemned
to end my days in this chair.

If it weren't for the beer,

I don't know what would become of me.

How about another one?
It's on top of the fridge.

You'll be the end of me, son.

It's only a loan, okay?

I'll pay for it.

But don't tell anyone,
otherwise they'll hide it.

They never let me have a drop.

Don't worry.

It's our secret.

Neusa is coming.

- What's up?
- That dress.

- What's the matter with it?
- You know I hate it.

Do you want me to change?

No. It doesn't matter to me.

Look, Neusa, do me a favor.

Never leave me alone with the old woman.

Why not put some ground glass in her soup?

Quiet, she'll hear you.

The radio's on.

She hears everything,
even the neighbor talking.

I thought so.

She heard me when I kicked Paxá.

Granny's an old witch.

Move her to the attic.
She might roll down the stairs.

Don't talk nonsense, honey.
Let's stop talking about this old hag.

- What did you do today?
- I worked.

On a Saturday? Till what time?

I arrived just before you did.

Does your boss pay overtime?

Not a cent. He exploits me.

Did he ever try anything with you?

- Don't be stupid. He's married.
- So what?

He knows I have a boyfriend.

- How does he know that?
- Don't you ever come pick me up?

- What did he say?
- He liked you.

He even asked me
when the big day would be.

How much longer will you make me wait?
I can't bear the witch!

Don't do that. It gives me shivers.

You're always sucking on peppermints.

- Should I get rid of it?
- It's like an addiction!

Don't get upset about it.

If you want, I'll swallow it.

If you love me, you'll swallow it.

Oh, boy! I was joking.

I'll do anything you want.

Anything, Neusa?

Anything at all?

I know I shouldn't. This is crazy.

Neusa, Neusa.

Do you know how exciting
young flesh can be?

God, I'm weak. I don't deserve it.

Do you know what it is like
to hold a breast...

like a bird in a trap?

Now its little beak
is pinching its master's hand.

- Quiet or Granny will hear us!
- She'll think it's Paxá.

What do you want?

You're both so quiet.

Why are you up there, child?

I was changing the lightbulb.

Is it out? Is it dark yet?

Yes. I just put it on.
It was getting dark.

What are you waiting for, dear?

Why don't you go and get another bulb?

Are you both behaving?

I know Nelsinho can be trusted.

Another beer?

Oh, Nelsinho, you're very kind.

But later.

Granny, here's the bulb.

If you only knew.

I felt so alone just now.

A little pain in my heart.

I thought it was the end.

Dear child...

I was telling Nelsinho

how I'm paying for the sins of others.

Sure, Granny.

Sometimes I think God doesn't exist.

Or he would not make me suffer like this.

This isn't living.

I've never harmed anyone.

May God protect you, son,
from my affliction.

Pray for me, son. Pray for me.

What are you doing there,
impossible woman?

Nothing, João. Just watering the plants.

Where's the watering can, Amalia? Where?

Cheese, João?
Aren't you spending too much?

You're so stupid, Amalia.

Haven't you done the grocery accounts?

But I don't know how to count.

Someone's been in here.
Did you take the money?

Yes. To pay the baker.

It was only a little.

Don't take from others
what you don't have yourself!

I'm not a thief.

Take it. Take your money!

Don't provoke me, or I'll rip it!

I'm not a thief!

Look what you've done.

Why do you always have to sit
on the edge of the chair?

I was about to get up.

Do you want meat rolls?
Here, they're good.

I don't want it.

But you used to like it.

It's not that I don't like it.

I do like it. But today, I don't want it!

They're tasty. I made them for you.

Shall I put it on your plate?

You swallow it!

And what's this?

It's green pepper. Don't you want it?

Don't you know that peppers are poison?

That's old age for you. No respect.

If you're not happy,
go home to your mother!

But she's dead, João.
The house has been sold.

So if she were alive,
you would leave me then?

Excuse me, sir.
Here's your coffee and doughnut.

Come in, Laura.

- Will you join me?
- No, thank you.

- Eating alone is sad.
- I agree.

My husband always comes late for dinner.

How is the doughnut?

Very good. Creamy, like I like them.

- Have one.
- God forbid! They're fattening!

But you have the body of a girl.
Who'd know you're married?

Did you enjoy your vacation?
You were so quiet.

I went for a treatment.

Do the varicose veins still hurt?

Not now.

- Was the surgery okay?
- Yes, fine.

The varicose veins, where were they?

Here.

Only there?

My thigh is quite smooth. Nothing there.

Very smooth, Laura?

Yes, there's nothing elsewhere.

Thank God there's no mark left.

Does your husband still drink?

You know that he drinks?

You told me. Remember?

Did you get along with him?

Now we do.
He hasn't been drinking for months.

Are you a cold woman?

What do you mean by “cold”?

Do you sometimes miss...?

When he isn't bad to me.

Do you sleep in a nightie?

Pajamas.

Polka dot pajamas?

With little flowers on them.

Do you like being kissed?

By my husband, yes.

Did he kiss you when he was drunk?

I wanted him far from me.

For a long time?

Three months or so.

Then you missed it?

All women do, don't they, sir?

Don't call me “sir.”

I'm “Osiris” to you.

All right, Osiris.

When he was drunk,
he never kissed you by force?

I let him. God knows it was disgusting.

Have you ever cheated on him?

Never, sir.

Call me Osiris.

Never Osiris. I'm an honest woman.
Nobody can deny that.

If you liked someone,
could you cheat on him?

I don't know, sir.

An alcoholic can engender a monster,
Laura.

Have you been married long?

Five years.

How many children?

None.

Have you tried?

It just didn't work.

Disgust for your husband
could be the reason.

There must be love, Laura.

Laura, do you know what love is?

You're making fun of me.

You've hurt your hand.

Sir, the door is open.
Someone might see us.

And if it were closed?

I'm only a poor woman. You're a lawyer.

They'll be wondering where I am.

They will come for me.

Nonsense, my child.

I owe you everything, sir.

I'm ashamed to ask, but...

Could you get a job for my husband?
He needs one badly.

He's a good worker when he doesn't drink.

I can't promise anything.

You must be nice to me.

More coffee?

No, thank you.

You have a little bit of sugar
on your nose.

You can go now.

Tomorrow, do you want your doughnut
with cream or jam?

Cream.

No, not like that.

Don't be silly, dear.

It was your fault.

No. If you want it,
you'll have to apologize.

- Are you going to undress or not?
- Not like that.

Moron.

If you go, don't bother to come back.

You're too old for me.

Come in.

Are you a relative of Maria's?

Can't you guess? She's my daughter.

But you're so young.

You look like sisters.

How kind. And who are you?

Just a friend of hers.

Sit down.

There's room for one more.
Have you had a row?

You know what she's like.

- Would you like some candy?
- Yes.

I hide when I eat.

It's our secret, okay?

I won't say a word.

Delicious.

Here.

- You little devil!
- Have you got any booze?

I'm better than booze.

- You're driving me crazy.
- It's hard!

You wicked little devil!

Lock the door.

How do you want me?

In the robe... or without it?

I don't know.

In the robe then.

Let me see.

Lord!

All this for me? I don't deserve it.

190 pounds of meat just for you.

Close it. You'll catch a cold.

Lie down with me,
or I'll go out of my mind.

Are you asleep, Mother? Answer me!

The light's on.

Are you alone?

I know he's in there.

Open the door!

A lawyer is like a priest.
You can tell me.

I know, Dr. Osiris.

Don't be shy. Tell me the truth.

Have you been unfaithful?

My God! What do you mean?

Well, I can't believe
the opposite could happen.

Who would deceive
a person as lovely as you?

You don't know my husband.

João is a brute, an old brute.

He hated my mother.

While she lived with us,
she had bladder problems.

He never said a word to her,
not even once.

I used to say:
“Please, be nice to her once.”

“Nice? And are you nice to me?”
He answered.

Look.

He hit me in the eye.

I'm so ashamed.

All men who are weak in bed
are strong out of it.

But now, with Mother dead, I've decided.

I want a divorce.

Are you nervous?

Very.

But you weren't before getting married?

No! Never.

Now I'm a nervous wreck.

I've been having episodes!

Mrs. Olga...

do you have fits of delirium?

Yes.

It's a gift from God.

Delirium is marvelous.

Women have convulsions, Mrs. Olga.

It's a scientific fact.

Don't be shy.

A lawyer, when practicing,
is like a priest.

I know.

I'll look after your defense
with loving care.

I'm most grateful.

Good God!

What? What's the matter?

Nothing.

Tell me.

It's nothing, João.

Do you feel sick?

I'm frightened.

Frightened? Of what?

Frightened of living.

Do you want some water?

I don't want anything.

Get some sleep. It will pass.

What you've got in your hand, Amalia...

is arthritis.

You took after your mother.

João...

do you remember the spa?

What spa, Amalia?

When was this?

You devil!

Now I've got you!
Who have you been going around with?

Let me go!

You left the corridor light on again!

But I'm scared of the dark.

- Amalia.
- What is it, dear?

Nothing.

I just wanted to know if you were there...

to see if you were with your lover.

It's a delicate situation,

but perhaps we can find
a solution together.

You must speak frankly.

Yes, sir.

You see, I don't trust her.

There's a lot of gossip.

People talk, you know?

She's too overdressed as well.

She's a good girl.

Do you have any proof? Concrete facts?

Not facts...

but suspicions.

One day she came home with a black eye.

And you know, when women put more
attention into choosing underwear,

men must be on the lookout.

It's just natural vanity.

I think it's just a tempest in a teacup.

More of a case of reconciliation
than separation.

Bring your wife in. It'll work out fine.

Leave it to me. I'm experienced.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

The lawyer is waiting.

Come in, Mrs. Olga.

Hat and gloves.

So sweet.

I'll leave. I'm warning you.

- Just one little kiss.
- I'll scream.

Open the door, or I'll scream.

Sit down. I promise to behave.

If you open the door, I'll stay.
Just a little.

See? No one. Your husband's left.

If you like,
we can talk somewhere quieter.

There are too many interruptions here.

I have to go.

You were an idol to me. One that fell.

Do you think a separated woman
isn't respectable?

Men only do things for something.

That's the price of a man.

Your skin is so cold.

I can't. I won't.

If I come back, you can do what you like.

But the papers! The divorce!

No, no. Don't lock the door.

Leave it open.

Where are you off to?

To shave.

Dinnertime. Come eat.

I don't want to. I'm not hungry.

All right, but come and sit at the table.

I was going out.

You won't be late, Son, right?

Sleeping in the afternoon. Lazy devil!

I'll only stay in bed when I'm dead.

Aren't you going to eat?

I don't feel like it.

Isn't there any bread?

Stay here until we've finished.

After dinner, go to your room.

You won't be late, right?

I don't feel like going out anymore.

It's a shame.
The master of the house eating alone.

The boy's too lazy even to eat!

And the wife has a delicate stomach.

Look at me when I'm talking!

Old and fussy.

Can't even eat with her own husband.

I support your son
and give you money, don't I?

You know why I don't sit down.

I don't, your ladyship.

Please do tell.

Lost your tongue?

You disgust me.

What? Say that again.

Say it, woman!

I can't stand watching you eat.

You suck the spoon
as if it were your last soup.

You eat the bread
as if I'd steal it from you.

I've been a good wife,
even though you disgust me.

I wash your clothes,
sleep with you, cook your soup.

I'll do it until I die.

You can ask whatever you like...

but don't ask me to sit down

while you sit there slurping like a pig.

- Is your husband in?
- No.

You're crazy to come here.

Olga, you look so downtrodden

without makeup and bags under your eyes.

God, I can't stand it!

No! Don't do that!

João might come in.
For God's sake, you're crazy.

I'm crazy about you.

- I know.
- Since when?

Ever since you said
a lawyer is like a priest.

- Olga, kiss me.
- No, for God's sake!

João is coming.

Just a little, please.

This is madness!

You know my situation. I'm married.

If there were any risks,
I'd be the first not to want this.

Careful, there's a pin.

Your husband was right.

Lovely underwear.

It's pure skin.

Silk and lace.

- Shall I bite or kiss?
- Oh, yes, Counselor, yes!

- Bite or kiss?
- Oh, yes, Counselor, yes!

- Bite or kiss?
- Oh, yes, Counselor, yes!

Through the backyard?

Another one for your collection.

No, Olga, you're the only one.

You'll grow tired of me.

Men are all the same.

Once they get what they want,
they're after another.

You're different. Now let's go.
Your husband is coming soon.

You're driving me crazy.

- Were you ever like that with him?
- Never.

He's always in a hurry.

He does it all of a sudden,
then turns over and snores like a pig.

I feel like a dirty rag, thrown away.

- See if anyone's there.
- Yes.

- What delightful madness.
- See if anyone's there.

Just a boy chasing birds.

No problem.

What if he sees you?

A boy chasing birds...

will only see birds.

So you're back.
Just as well, because today's your day.

Today I'm going put an end to your life.

No! What are you talking about?
Are you mad?

Learn to stay at home
to take care of your man!

I'll go where I please!
I don't take orders from you!

Drunk! Miserable bastard!

Where is that bitch?

Lucky for you.

I could have killed you today.

So there you are!

Look what you've done to me, you bastard!

It's nothing.

You're just flab.

I'll get a young girl for myself.

Old woman, is it true you had a baby
when you were single?

I'll never tell you.

You won't know that
until the hour of your death!

Help me! I've been shot!

Nonsense. It went into the air.

Fabinho's a handsome man.

Our lawyer is very good-looking too.

How kind of you.

A nice person, but not handsome.

You have no taste.
Our lawyer is a handsome man.

Except he always looks sad.

He's got a secret love.

I know who it is.

Is it you, dear?

You're so funny.

The poor thing
is just a creature of the night.

Nice joke.

You know what you look like, Olga?

A jilted lover.

If I weren't a respectable woman,
you'd be in for it.

You're a good-for-nothing old man!

The least you can do is hurry up and die.

And after I die, who will be next?

My dear sir,
she is the great castrator of husbands.

Are you married?

Yes, with three children.

I must be off.
Mrs. Olga looks rather annoyed.

You have to pay for the moth.

But do come back sometime.
Without you, this is a madhouse.

You must not feel uncomfortable about it.

I always knew.

She tells me everything.

About you and all the others.

- Are you leaving?
- Yes, I must be going, Mrs. Olga.

He's feeling guilty about our row.

Oh, João, if you dropped dead,

I'd be the happiest woman.

Come. I'll see you out.

Good night, Mr. João.

A kiss.

What a smell. My God, that old man stinks!

Old men don't deserve to live.

Are you feeling better, Dad?

No, Son.

The pain was here. Now it's here.

Do you know who I quarreled with?

With God.

He shouldn't mistreat me so.

Shall we get a doctor?

And spend money?
So he dies. The family stays.

Here, have some coffee. It'll pass.

See? He won't drink it.
Just to upset me! Bastard!

Son.

Come here.

That old woman
didn't even give me a glass of water.

I'm going to ask you a favor.

When I die, don't let her kiss me.

Don't let her kiss me!

No one knows yet.

He was already cold.
He never uttered a word.

Was it a heart attack?

I don't know. Come here.

Like the first time.

Come here.

It's better than when he was alive.

Too bad he's not snoring. Will we miss it?

Funny.

When I knocked,
I could have sworn I heard a man's voice.

Don't be silly. We're alone.

A drink?

Thanks.

Yes, thanks, or no, thanks?

Yes, thanks.

Look out, you're spilling it.

You took so long.

I thought you weren't coming.

To our love.

Actually, I wasn't going to come.

I don't believe it.

I was scared of what might happen.

You, so pretty... and us alone.

Pretty? Really?

You still think so?

Gorgeous!

Being pretty never did me any good.

My last husband
left me for a fatty, a real dog.

And the first, Vivi,
I never knew what he did like.

Do you think I have pretty teeth?

- Very pretty, honey.
- That's what you think.

See these two?

Fake. Vivi punched them out.

Jesus!

I was unfaithful, it's true,
but he had no right.

The bastard.

So you think I'm beautiful?

You drive me crazy.

Do you think I look frilly?

“Frilly”?

I did it just for you.

I wanted to write you
a love letter ending like this:

“De esta mujer que te quiere mucho,

mucho, mucho...”

Sit here.

You look different.

Put on your glasses. You look cuter.

Here, bite my shoulder.

Suck it until it leaves a red mark.

I want Oscar to see it.

He's so clumsy.
He loves biting my leg. Look.

That's Oscar?

- He's old.
- But he's really strong.

He carries me naked in his arms,
he in his robe.

He walks around the room, biting my legs.

Then he throws me on the bed.
He's broken it twice.

Do me a favor?

Anything you like.

Put on Oscar's robe.

Come.

Look. Isn't it great?

Huge. It's twice my size.

Oscar is all about size.

- What if he comes in?
- Don't worry.

He comes every night, except one.

One night is dedicated to the family.
The others are mine.

- Doesn't his wife suspect anything?
- She knows.

She even called me up once.
She's a class act.

She said, “The problem is Oscar, not you.”

Don't you want to pull the curtains?

Why? There's no one there.

An undershirt! How cute!

Leave it.
Later you can lift it up just a little.

Now put on Oscar's robe.

Do like Oscar.
Lift me up and whirl me around.

You're crazy. I can't.

Of course you can.
Round and round! Move! Higher!

Careful, I'm falling!

Bite my leg. No, the thigh.

More. Yes, like that.

Turn around, quick!

Do you want grapes?

Get us some.

Do you want some?

- Don't you spit out the seed?
- I swallow it.

Your apartment is nice. Very original.

My job. I love interior design.

- Do I turn off the lights?
- No, I want to see it all!

Aren't you going to take off your socks?

I've got a cold.

Wait. I'm not comfortable.

It's hurting!

Your left eye is beautiful.

What's the matter, dear? The flu?

I think it's my asthma.

That's all I need.

Are you nervous? Worried?

Kiss me, darling.

Don't worry. It'll go away.

You should know.

It happens. Let's keep still.

- Is it the first time?
- It never happened before.

Maybe it was the grapes.

Just like me and my husband.

Here. Get dressed.

Poor Vivi.

As soon as he was engaged, he changed.

Poor me. I could cry with happiness.

He was educated. He spoke languages.

He told me he had an English upbringing.

One day...

I opened the door suddenly

and caught him kissing the doorman's son.

Why didn't I die of asthma
when I was five?

On my honeymoon,
I was approached in the street.

Instead of looking away,
I took the man home.

I did everything he wanted. It was wild.

Don't tire yourself.
You may have something.

Oscar adores this robe.
He likes it tidy and neat.

You know, Oscar disgusts me
because he's a redhead.

When we make love, he gets even redder.

I tickle his feet to drain the blood.

I'm terrified he will have a heart attack.

I suppose each man has his own problems.

Bye, love.

Nelsinho, look after that asthma.

Less hair suits you, you know?

Come on.
I really am just a bald, tired old man.

But you are fine.
That little beard suits you.

- Do you like it?
- Going gray.

Forty years, old chap.

The prime of life.

You know, I've never felt younger.

Now I feel capable of anything.

You haven't changed a bit, João.

I never could have imagined you like this.

With a family, wealthy, living well...

and married to a beautiful woman.

You could always have your pick.

Handsome, sophisticated.

The only one in class who had a manicure.

Always popular with girls...

whereas I ran madly after them,

while you pretended not to care.

My dear, between João and Maria...

I prefer João.

Females disgust me.

I married for professional reasons.

For a more brilliant career.

Come.

Every female is a rotten flower.

Underneath the perfume, the bitch stinks.

I believe you and I
are two unbending misogynists.

Like so many illustrious people,
by the way.

Like all those Greeks...
or were they Persians?

Greeks. Yes, all those Greeks.

Satisfying a female...

is like holding a toad.

Foul breasts...

black nipples...

with two or three wiry hairs.

- No, no.
- Please.

Belly like a bag of water.

Legs blue with varicose veins.

All of them offering themselves,

wriggling their asses, foul creatures.

I must confess...

I only like a woman's buttocks.

So do I.

Feel at home. Take off your jacket.

No, I'm fine.

The Greeks.

Or was it the Persians?

The Greeks knew a thing or two.

Old Socrates only slept with boys.

Don Juan, poor guy, was a closeted fag.

Don't give me that!

You know, my friend,

I suspect you're a closeted fag.

What do you mean? I'm all man!

Tell me something. Could you...

kiss a man on the mouth?

With a beard and a mustache?

Pity that now, at 40,

I forbid myself from using lipstick.

However hard you try,
I feel you haven't got the guts.

Too bad.
It would be an unforgettable experience.

You know, this conversation has...

left me shaken.

Same here.

- Come on. You're joking, right?
- Joking, me?

Does it look like it? Look at me.

We're alone here. Don't be afraid.

The family's out. I told you.

Don't you want to use the bathroom?

I don't!

Then come here.

I...

I want to show you something.

It's quite natural for a fag
to go down on his knees.

But is it all man with man?

Of course they're men.

Don't you remember your days
as a champion...

on the college team?

In those blue silk shorts.

You looked like the most glorious hero
I had ever seen.

I've had a crush on you ever since school.

Yes, darling, and you always knew it.

From right up between your legs...

you rule the world!

But, João, we are old friends.

Two respectable men.
We're both heads of family, João!

- We're both heads of family!
- Shut up!

You stupid queer!

I told the old man to look after himself.

Too bad it was so sudden.

At least God gave him an easy death.

If it had taken longer,
we all would have gone mad...

with his grumbling.

It's sad to be alone. How old are you?

I'm seventy... seventy-two.

Only a year older than him.

Is the boy upset?

He sure is.

Spends his days
shooing the flies away from his father.

Now I can get my teeth fixed,
don't you think?

The doll. There's no doll on the bed?

Do you want to pay, honey?

She's you, dear. You are the doll.

Keep the change.

It's the first time that you smile.

But with you,
everything is the first time.

Praises be to God.

I got my old woman.

Me, who doesn't deserve the last of them.

Not on the mouth.

At least wipe off the lipstick.

No. It's the sweetest souvenir.

Will you be back?

- What's your name?
- Ask for Sofia.

Now.

Now I can go home and hold my wife,

kiss my kids.

Now I feel fine.