All language subtitles for Going.Dutch.S01E08.1080p.WEBRip.x265-KONTRAST.eng

Let's go.

Doc.

She has no recollection

of the last eight years.

Bring it on.

I came here to help you.

"Kitchen Nightmares”

Are you in.

And “Going Dutch”

Pew pew pew.

First guns I've
seen on the base.

Let's go, let's go.

All available now.

All right. What the hell?

Captain, what are these
Dutch civilian workers doin'?

It's like they're doin' nothin'.

Exactly, it is
the Dutch art form

of niksen, which is the
art of doing nothing.

The Dutch really have
it all figured out.

- Incoming!
- Oh.

Sorry. I love this niksen thing.

It's just the mental
health break I needed.

- Seriously.
- Okay.

You suck at hacky sack, colonel.

But that's good for my
mental health. Bye-bye.

Dutch laziness thing is a virus,

and it's now spreading
to my soldiers.

It's gotta be stopped.
Major, get on that.

Change an entire
country's work ethic.

- I'm on it.
- No, we're gonna have to, okay?

I need to get this base to the
point where it's 100% American.

Not every place
should be America.

That attitude is why you won't
be speaking at my funeral.

What the hell is this?

Oh, hi, colonel,
your aura right now

is red and orange
and pulsing. Boy!

Is my Dutch translator
high at work?

No, but I was high because
I was at a rave all night.

But I'm coming down very slowly.

Too slowly. So I'm just
trying to hoop it all out.

Oh, I can't believe
I get to say this.

- What?
- You're fired! Oh, my God.

This must be what it
feels like to do cocaine,

'cause my whole body
is tingling right now.

If you want to find out, I
know just the right person.

Sir, you can't fire him.

All Dutch citizens employed
for over three years

are basically tenured.

Let me tell you something, pal.

I don't know how, I don't
know when, but I do know why.

You are everything that's
wrong with this culture,

so when I can your
ass, all of these

Dutch workers are
gonna learn a lesson.

- Okay.
- What-what, what're you doing?

Why are you still hooping?

Because I already did the crime,

so I might as well
enjoy my time.

I'll see you later, colonel.

Look at them enjoying the
sun like total psychos.

- Colonel?
- Yeah?

Pulled an all-nighter

and an all-afternooner to become

an expert in Dutch labor law,

and I regret to inform you
that it's almost impossible

to fire someone in
the Netherlands.

Even a substandard employee
gets three strikes.

And then I can
fire his Dutch ass?

Uh, you actually have
to hire a mediator.

I don't know, Jan's
Hula Drug Binge,

that was only a second strike.

Wait till you hear how
many sick days they get.

- Unlimited.
- I thought that was a typo.

That's crazy. How many sick
days did you take last year?

Zero. Yeah, I love
America and DayQuil.

- Mm-hmm.
- Ew.

How many days off do these
Dutch deadbeats need?

I mean, don't they know nothing
is more important than work?

I mean, nothing.

Dad, when you say

"Nothing is more
important than work,"

I am the nothing
in that sentence.

Oh, yeah.

A lot of people into
kitchen artwork,

and beach houses

would say that family is
more important than work.

Unlike you, the Dutch
understand a work-life balance.

Okay. Let's not go crazy here.

Let's remember
work is the engine

that keeps our nation
running and I'm not gonna let

these Dutch lay-abouts rub their
stinky cheese all over that.

I'm gonna wait for Jan to
screw up one more time,

and then I'm gonna nail his
hairless hide to the wall.

Not this wall, 'cause that's
my General Patton wall.

Come on.

No, no, wait. Jan, look out.

Get out of the way, dummy.

Are you severely hurt?

- Um, I don't know.
- Don't worry about it.

We'll have a doctor look at you.

Well, look what we have here.

You just ran over
an American soldier.

Strike three.

Got you, bitch.

Okay, name? Mm-hmm.

- Name, please.
- Hello, I am Hendrik.

I'm, uh, to lead the
mediation for Jan.

It's funny, but I must
be in the wrong room.

No, no, no. Hendrik.
You are the judge.

You are right on time.
We've been waiting for you.

No, I'm-I'm not the judge.

I'm Hendrik, the mediator?

Why do you have an audience?

Oh, uh, this is the colonel,
and he made attendance

compulsory for all
Dutch employees.

Yeah, you can't really
have a courtroom trial

without some murmuring,
you know what I mean?

Yeah, but it's not a
trial, it's a mediation.

I know, but I thought
we'd jazz it up with

a little American
razzmatazz, you know.

You ever see A Few Good Men?

Of course. It's uh, peak Sorkin.

Yeah, it's a great movie
with a timeless message.

- Yeah. Speaking truth to power.
- No, no, no.

That's not the message,
the message is keeping

the code reds at a distance
and probably making sure

you have a separate guy
to handle the code reds.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.
You're still in charge.

And you get to use one of these.

- Oh, an American law hammer.
- It's your American law hammer.

- Oh, I like that.
- Yeah.

- And thank you, sir.
- You're welcome.

- Oh...
- That guy looks like a Viking.

Why did you give
him that hammer?

Now he's Thor.

You don't think
this is a bit much?

His methods may
be unconventional,

but he really inspires
people to work hard.

I mean, look at me,
I spent all night

prepping for this case,
and you can't even tell.

- Your eye's twitching.
- Your eye's twitching.

Well, Jan is late
for his own trial.

How very Dutch of him.

Where is he, that
Scandinavian twink?

Hello, everyone!

Wait, wow.

Is everyone here for me? Well,
isn't life just a spectacle.

Ooh, I'm a big fan
of runways, you know.

You're wearing that
shirt, by the way.

Let the trial of Jan begin.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think
we all know why we're here.

It is because I'm quite
the character, yes?

No, no, you are lazy
and incompetent.

It's these insane Dutch
labor laws that require

three strikes
before termination.

Strike one, six months ago
when Jan turned a broom closet

into his own personal steam
room. We had to burn the towel.

Strike two, we had to
burn the hula hoop.

Jan's third strike came
yesterday when he recklessly

and with malice, drove
his bike into Private B.A.

That's not what happened
at all, Mr. Colonel.

- Really? Enlighten me.
- Yes.

The only reason I hit

private dummy is
because he is a dummy.

I was just riding around

you know, enjoying the
attention of the sun,

when he walked in front of me.

Flailing around without looking.

I tried to stop in
time, but I couldn't.

But I cannot blame him
because he has been failed

by the third world
American education system.

He does not know
that in this country,

bicycles always have
the right of way.

All he understands
is American cars

and the "beep beep, honk honk."

I'm done talking.

Your Honor, Jan
has just admitted

to hitting the victim.

And all Jan has to say

for himself is "beep
beep, honk honk."

I repeat, ladies and gentlemen,
"beep beep, honk... honk."

Wow, that's good.

Captain Maggie, do you
think you could help me?

Jan, I'm not a lawyer.

Yes, but you are the only
one who can speak up to him.

Well, he's insane.
I wish I could help.

First, they came after
the hula hoopers,

and you did not speak up
because you were not a hooper.

Then they came for
the trade unionists...

No, no, no. I'm stopping
you there. Stop.

- That was inappropriate? Yeah.
- That's awful. Yeah, don't.

Okay. I'm just not very
good at defending myself.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think
it's time for you to say

goodbye to your
precious families.

Because I'm about to
introduce a concept

that we call in
America, "overtime."

Ooh-hoo-hoo.

Scared murmur's the best kind.

If you're not going to do
this for me, do it for all

the Dutch mamas and papas
who work here at Stroopsdorf.

And the tiny little
Dutch children

in their tiny
little wooden shoes.

- I object!
- To the murmurs?

I found the, uh, hushed
whispers appropriate.

- And who are you?
- I'm Captain Margaret Quinn.

Colonel Quinn's daughter,
and Jan's new defense lawyer.

Americans are so
good at razzmajazz.

Jan, what's your last name?

It's one of life's
mysteries, isn't it?

Yes, yep.

Captain, I would like to
formally join your law firm.

This trial seems fun as hell,

and you know I love
committing to the bit.

- Do you know anything about law?
- Yes.

I grew up watching reruns of
Law and Order every night.

So, always two
lawyers, one who talks,

one who slides them papers.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's true.

I wanna slide you papers.

Fine.

This is an open and shut case.

There are only two
witnesses to the crime.

The perpetrator and the victim.

So, you have to ask
yourself, who can you trust?

I recall to the stand, Jan.

- What?
- Let's go.

Jan, my associate has,
uh, handed me a file

with some troubling
information of you.

Would you like to tell
me what these are?

Oh, yes, this is just my
request for paternity leave,

and... that's my other
request for paternity leave.

So, you took two fully paid

paternity leaves in
a four month period.

Your Honor, I'm no expert at
the female reproductive system.

But this is obvious fraud.

And if this man would lie about
the sanctity of fatherhood,

he could lie about anything.

Captain?

Jan, are you familiar
with the term polycule?

Yes, I am.

A polycule is when
three or more people

are connected in an
intimate relationship.

My polycule is me,

my wife Maaike, and
her girlfriend Renate.

Who is this guy? Got
his own Manson family?

Yeah, he's the one
with the weird family.

- What?
- It is possible for you

to lawfully take two

paternity leaves
within six months.

Oh, God, yes. First, I fathered
a child with my wife Maaike.

And I took full paternity leave.

Then three months later,

my wife's girlfriend Renate

gave birth to her
boyfriend's child,

and again, I took
full paternity leave.

All above board.

In fact, my entire family

is right here to
support me today.

Uh, objection, Your Honor.

He's having sex
with multiple women,

and he's some kind
of a bigamist.

No, so I'm going to stop
you right there, colonel.

Um, I'm not sleeping with
either of them. Oh, no, colonel.

My sexual proclivities
are far more challenging

and complicated than
this simple arrangement.

Take that.

Yes, Renate's always so hungry.

Uh, Your Honor, I-I
need a ten-minute...

- Fifteen.
- Fifteen-minute recess.

I need to walk this off.

Private B.A., thank you
for being here today.

Please, tell us what
happened on that fateful day.

I was working out
at the gym. Leg day.

And after that, I
saw Jan riding at me.

There you have it,
ladies and gentlemen.

Who are you gonna trust?

A dirty, filthy liar?

Or an American hero
devoted to fitness?

Your witness, captain.

- B.A...
- You gotta let me question him.

I know B.A. better than anyone,

I can crack open his melon-head

and suck out the truth juice.

Okay.

Be cool.

I wouldn't do it any other way.

B.A. is lying!

He was never at the
gym, and I can prove it.

I knew there was somethin'
fishy about his story.

I went to the gym, and
I talked to the guy

that owns the gym
or runs the gym.

I don't know what it is.

He told me, "The leg machine
had been broken for days."

If he wasn't able to squat...

well, justice must be sought.

Bro, we promised we wouldn't
keep secrets from each other.

We pinkie promised, Your Honor.

I guess that doesn't
mean anything anymore.

I guess a man's pinkie
isn't his bond anymore.

I am lying, okay?

I'm covering something up,
something really, really,

really big.

Blew the damn face wide open!

- I object, Your Honor.
- To what?

To the fact that this is
really bad for our case.

If you guys want the truth,
you have to ask Conway.

She was there.

A third witness?

Okay, fine, y'all
got me. I was there.

- Ha.
- Okay, we get the idea.

All right, Conway, now that
you're done lying to everybody,

you want to tell us
what really happened?

We were filming a TikTok.

I've turned B.A. into a
minor celebrity in Malaysia.

He's known as
"Leather Pants Man."

People just love to watch
him dance in leather pants.

And they really love it
when it's hot outside.

I don't get it, but I'm
makin' a ton of money

getting him to advertise
for a local soda

that has nicotine in it.

Why would you hide that from me?

I would love a soda
with nicotine in it.

Because we knew you
would wanna join in.

And you're a terrible dancer.

That evidence is
false and defamatory.

Here is my rebuttal.
Jan, give me a beat!

- Mm-mm.
- Yes.

- Jan, please.
- Mm-mm...

♪ Papadakis, drop it ♪

Oh, your honor, I would
like to enter into evidence

"Leather Pants
Man's" latest video,

which I like to call,
The Smoking Gun.

Ooh.

- Get out of the way!
- Ah!

- Oh!
- Aye, aye, aye.

Hmm, I guess

now would be the time for
a lesser man to gloat.

- Oh, is this not gloating?
- Oh, no, no, no.

This is not gloating.

This... is gloating.

Bye-bye, Jan.

Once we win this case,
we're gonna take Stroopsdorf

right back to the days
when work came number one.

- Remember that?
- How could I not?

Working that hard
caused my separation.

You know, my wife actually
named you in our divorce.

I know. I thought that
was really nice of her.

We will reconvene
tomorrow morning.

After that, I will
make my decision.

But it is not looking
super good for Jan.

Maggie, tell Jan I'm sorry,
but I had to post it.

- It was internet gold.
- It's fine.

Oh, little ones, don't worry.

Papa will just be
home more, okay?

There just won't be as
much food on the table.

However... Renate will always
have enough to eat, yes?

Everything will be fine.

Thanks for meeting me.

The colonel can't know
that I'm helping you.

I just feel so guilty
about blowin' up your case.

- Mm.
- You know, last time I took

a day off, it was the day
my wife filed for divorce.

Your father said, and I quote,

"You have 24 hours
to suck it up."

Yeah, he said that to
me when I got my period.

But look, there's
no helping us, okay?

It's over. Jan clearly
ran into B.A...

- Video can't show everything.
- What are you talking about?

Okay, the colonel's
American agenda started

the day he set foot
on Stroopsdorf.

Follow the money.

- "Follow the money?"
- Follow the money.

- Do you think I'm a gumshoe?
- Just tru... "Gumshoe?" What is...

Why don't you actually
just take the stand

and say all the things that
you know in your brain?

Well, then I'd have to tell
the truth, and then the colonel

couldn't be mad at me
for telling the truth.

He couldn't punish me
for telling the truth.

So then I think we both win it.

Wait, you heard that?

Look, my dad's crazy,
but he's not like crazy.

He's not like stalking
you in the night.

Yeah, I'm just being paranoid.

Your Honor, I would like to call
Major Abraham Shah to the stand.

I'd like to call Major
Shah to the stand.

Your Honor, Major Shah
is taking a vacation day.

I ordered him to
attend a local spa,

so he will not be
appearing today.

Okay.

Do you wanna see
where the creek leads?

I do want to see
where the creek leads.

It led to bunnies.
It led to bunnies.

Objection. The colonel is
clearly trying to prevent

a key witness from testifying.

Overruled. The major's
entitled to a vacation

if that's all
you've got, captain.

I'm ready to give
my, uh, ruling.

I have one more witness.

Colonel Patrick Quinn.

My God.

Even I'm murmuring now.

Maggie, are you sure
you wanna do this?

Calling your dad to the
stand could have like...

- real consequences.
- I know.

Shah was going to testify
to my dad's involvement,

and now that he can't...

All right, Shah said
"follow the money."

Look, if you really wanna
follow the money, you should get

behind me. The nicotine soda
industry has deep pockets.

Go to the office and get all
of the financial documents.

Okay. I will do that.

- Ah...
- I will do that.

Oh, my God, these base bike

shares are gettin' real janky.

God.

Your Honor, permission to
treat the witness as hostile.

But he hasn't said anything yet.

She's right. I'm
gonna be hostile.

Can you state your name, rank,

and favorite reality
show for the court?

Might I remind you,
you are under oath.

Colonel Patrick Quinn,
"90 Day Fiancé."

I love when the uggo
wants the green card,

'cause then they've
gotta get creative.

Sir, am I correct in saying
you've never taken a day off?

I believe in protecting
America's freedom 24/7, 365.

Major Shah isn't a fan
of vacation days either.

Strange he would take a day off
during such an important trial.

I can only imagine he'll
hate it as much as I would,

because he's a
red-blooded American male.

Best day of my life!

♪ Uh, this is the
best day of my life ♪

Sir, is it fair to
say that you hate Jan?

No. I wouldn't lend him a hand

if he was drowning
in a bathtub of lube

at one of his own
deviant orgies.

I don't hate Jan.

But you think it's
ridiculous that he puts

his family before
work, do you not?

I think he's getting cucked

six ways to Sunday, yes.

Ooh, Well, that's just one
piece of my sexual puzzle.

But it's a corner piece.

Sir, would you prefer
he worked non-stop

and became a terrible father.

Like, say, you?

Why are they murmuring?
That's not murmurable.

You don't have to
answer that question.

No, no. I'll
answer, Your Honor.

If I was such a terrible father,

why did you turn
out the way you did?

High school valedictorian,

West Point graduate,
hell of a fake lawyer.

I think having a father with
such a strong work ethic

allowed you to achieve
the things you have.

- You want credit for my success.
- I think I'm entitled.

- You must be proud of me.
- I did the job.

- Are you proud of me?
- I did the job.

- Answer the question!
- I'm very proud of you!

That felt good.

Almost as good as I imagined it.

Your Honor, she tricked me.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

What does this have to do
with the bike accident?

Nothing. I was just
stalling until I got these.

This is the base's budget the
year before you took command.

The amount allotted toward

base bike share
repair is 20,000 euro.

This is the budget
after you took command.

Do you care to share
with the court how much

money you allotted toward...

- bicycle repair?
- Zero euros.

Earlier, my client testified.

I tried to stop in
time, but I couldn't.

Therefore, colonel, Jan's
brakes were faulty due to your

very American budget
cuts on this Dutch base.

We all saw the video
with our own eyes.

You can throw all the
numbers you want at it,

but we still know what we saw.

You're right. That's why I'm
gonna need you to ride this.

Your Honor, I
would like to enter

Jan's bicycle into evidence.

I will definitely allow this.

We just need you to reach

Jan's alleged speed at
the time of the crash.

Pump the brakes and stop.

Not a problem.

Seems to work pretty good.

Ah! Ah, stupid bikes.

- Oh, yes!
- Ooh...

Jan's brakes failed,

and that's why the
accident happened.

The colonel's gross
negligence towards

bike repair was the cause.

- I rest my case.
- Yeah. I have reached a verdict.

Uh, Jan is not guilty
of this third strike,

and his employment
continues indefinitely.

- We did it!
- Yes.

- Oh, wow.
- We did it.

- Nice job.
- Oh...

So you're proud of me?

Listen, I just gave you one

that's gonna tide you
over till my deathbed.

Ha ha ha!

- This is Charlie. Yeah.
- Wow.

He likes yoga, nature walks.

Gotta say, a work-life
balance looks good on you.

You know, actually, I
thought about taking another

day off in six months.

And look at this guy over here.

Just trying niksen.

It's nice doing
nothin', huh, dad?

I'm doing something.

I'm making a list of my enemies.

Okay, well, you've been
silent for like ten minutes.

It's a long list.

It's going so well.