All language subtitles for Middle.School.The.Worst.Years.of.My.Life.2016.BDRip.x264-GECKOS

("Cake By The Ocean"
by DNCE plays)

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪See you walking 'round
like it's a funeral ♪

♪Not so serious, girl ♪

♪ Why those feet cold? ♪

♪We just getting started ♪

♪ Don't you tiptoe ♪

♪ Tiptoe, ah ♪

♪ Waste time
with a masterpiece ♪

♪ Don't waste time
with a masterpiece ♪

♪ You should be
rolling with me ♪

♪ You should be
rotting with me, ah ♪

♪ You're a real-fife fantasy ♪

♪ But you're moving
so carefully ♪

♪ Let's start
living dangerously ♪

♪ Talk to me, baby ♪

♪ I'm going blind ♪

♪ From this sweet,
sweet craving♪

♪Whoa-oh ♪

♪ Let's lose our minds ♪

♪And go crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Ah, ya, ya. ya. ya ♪

♪ I keep on hoping
we'll eat cake by the ocean ♪

♪ Walk for me, baby ♪

♪ I'll be Diddy,
you“ be Naomi, whoa-oh ♪

♪ Let's {use our minds
and go crazy, crazy ♪

♪ Ah, ya, ya. ya. ya ♪

♪ I keep on hoping
we'll eat cake by the ocean ♪

(alarm beeping)

You guys wanna
handle this for me?

- On it, boss.
- On it.

I just said that.

(grunting)

Why do you even set this thing, Rafe,
if you're not gonna go to sleep?

Give me the blaster, quick.

Ready. Aim. Fire!

(gun clicks)

Check the barrel.

Uh-oh.

(screams)

(laughs)

Ah, that never gets old.

(chuckles)

Great.
Now I have two headaches.

Let's blast it.
On three. One...

Jules: Rafe.

- Rafe?
- (alarm stops)

Rise and shine, buddy.

Rafe.

Are you UP?

Wake up!

What?

Oh, boy.
Is it morning already?

Please tell me you did not
slay up all night drawing again.

No, of course not.

No, the only reason
I would ever be up all night

is just because I'm so excited
to go to school today.

But I wasn't up all night.

- Come here.
- Why?

Gross.
What're you doing?

I'm wiping the excitement off your face.
It looks a lot like ink.

Mom, where's my breakfast?

It's coming.

Georgia, for the millionth time,

Calvin's not allowed in my room.

(Calvin grunts)

For the billionth time,

it's Mr. Giggles to you.

And just because you're grumpy
doesn't give you the right

to make the rest of us
miserable.

Okay, guys, come on.

Let's go, Calvin.
We don't have to take this.

You know, hon, I have to say,

really impressive updates
for the Vinlothian Star Cruiser.

- Thanks.
- Look...

t know it's hard, starting
a new school mid-semester,

and I don't wanna
lake this away from you,

but you have to promise me

you won't spend every waking,
sleeping moment working on this

when there's a whole
big world out there.

Mom, there's a whole
big world in there, too.

I'm talking
about the real world.

Give it a try, would you?

For me?

Hmm?

Okay.

(clears throat)

On the menu for today,

we have a farro basil salad
with tomato coulis.

You know, Georgia and I
would be completely fine

if you just made us, like,
a bologna sandwich.

I'm a sous-chef,
not a chemical engineer.

Oh, and for dessert,

we have
a deconstructed lime tart.

- Why'd you deconstruct it?
- I don't know.

I don't wanna do something
the same old, regular way.

Where's the imagination in that?

If you wanna stand out,
you wanna make a difference,

you gotta think outside the box.

(car horn honking)

(sighs)
Did you order an Uber?

("Handclap" by Fitz
and The Tantrums plays)

♪ Tum it up ♪

Oh, man!

She's gonna get me arrested.

Rafe: Better you than me.

(honking)

Hello! I'm not getting
any younger here.

Uh, do that again, and you're
not getting any older either.

I was just pulling it around
to save time.

Never again. Move.

♪ Somebody save your soul ♪

♪ 'Cause you've been sinning
in the city ♪

♪ I know... ♪

Georgia: You should
wanna be early, too,

considering your track record.

I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

Fine. Shut me out.

But I'm the only one

willing to give you
the cold, hard facts.

You've been kicked
out of two schools in one year.

Georgia, I'll handle
the lectures.

Go for it.

No, thank you.
I'm tired of that lecture.

See, you're exhausting people.

This is the last school
that'll take you.

And if you mess up here,

you're gonna end up
at a new school

called "Prison Elementary."

So, get your head
out of your keister.

Uh-tut-tut-tut-tut!
(shushing)

I'm just trying to help
a brother out, Mom.

♪ 'Cause you don't even know ♪

♪Bet I can make
your hands clap ♪

Jules:
Look how nice it looks.

♪Bet I can make
your hands clap ♪

It's gonna be a great first day.
I can just feel it.

So, just be polite
and don't forget to listen.

- I'm sorry, what?
- (chuckles)

(honking)

See, this is why kids
shouldn't have espresso.

No, no, no,
I told you no more coffee.

- Narc.
- Addict.

Snitches get stitches.

Stop. Listen. They have me
working a double again,

so Carl's gonna pick you up.

' No!
. why?

I know. It's been a tough year
for all of us.

But he's there for me
when I need him.

And lately,
I have really needed him.

So, let's all put on
our be-nice-to-Carl faces, okay?

Okay, we'll work on it,
we'll work on it.

Listen, have a great first day.
I love you so much.

Be on your best behavior. Okay?

Quiet in the hallways, please.
Okay?

I'd like to have a silent
hallway one of these days.

Excuse me, young man.

What is your name?

Rafe Katchadorian.

What did you just say to me?

It's my last name. I'm new.

Well, being new
does not entitle you

to swagger in here
with no clothes on.

I'm... I'm wearing clothes.

No, those aren't clothes.

Those are rule violations.

Every single thing you have on

flies in the face
of rule number 22.

What's rule number 22?

Are you telling me
that you haven't read

our code of conduct?

All right, if I don't tell you,

I won't get in trouble, right?

(Dwight sighs heavily)

Unbelievable.

The code of conduct, young man.

Read it, learn it, live it.

Rule number 22 is,
"Always obey the dress code."

That means no printed shirts,
no wild colors.

And book what's happening
to the collar of your shirt here.

Your headphones
are dragging it open.

Nobody needs to see

where your chest hairs
are going to be.

Yeah, okay, yeah, got it.

"Got it"?

How about, "Got it, sir"?

Rule number one
here at Hills Village

is to respect your principal.

And since I am the principal,

that means
you need to respect me

by calling me "sir,"

or if you prefer,
"Principal Dwight."

Or maybe even 'Sir Dwight, “
if you like.

- (both chuckle)
- Good.

You have recognized
my keen sense of humor.

Not everybody does.

Good man. Okay, good.

All right. On your way
into school, which is that way.

(indistinct chatter)

Leo: There he is!

- Ah, intense, huh'?
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, Georgia thought
I was gonna end up in prison,

but I think I'm already here.

Yeah, well, you know,
at least in prison

we can carve, like, shanks
out of toothbrushes, you know.

It's good to see you, Leo.

Honestly, I didn't think
you'd be here, too.

This was the last school
in the district

that would take us.

- Holla!
- Holla!

- It's so weird...
- Stricker: Excuse me.

- Is your name David?
- No.

Were you carved by Michelangelo?

No.

Stop standing around
like a statue.

You're blocking
the flow of traffic.

Yeah, you heard the warden,
get back to your cell, Rafe.

(both laugh)

Hallway etiquette is no
laughing matter, young man.

And rule number 11
clearly states,

"No loitering in the halls."

Okay'

Okay?

Okays sir?

It's Vice Principal Stricker.

Go, now.

(bell ringing)

- Shon.
- Yeah?

Do you know how to sync this
to your phone?

Um... probably not.

Doesn't your dad
work at Best Buy?

Oh, yeah, he does.

Justin marketing.

Teller: So, you don't get
any flee stuff?

Shon: I do,
but mostly office supplies.

(students exclaiming)

Boy:
Nice first impression.

Teller: You got it?

It's just homeroom. We'll wait.

Okay, let's start class.

Bella? Bella.

Please put your phone away
during class.

You can't rate teachers
on Yelp anyway. I've tried.

So, we have a new student today.

I'm assuming you are...

I'm a transfer student, sir.

Oh, you don't have
to call me "sir."

It makes me feel old,
and I already feel old.

I drive a Saturn.

It's just, Principal Dwight
told me to call everyone "sir."

- It's, like, one of his rules.
- Okay.

Well, I don't see any Principal
Dwight in here. Do you?

Seriously, do you? Because
he is a master of disguise.

(laughter)

So, we have
a new transfer student today

whose name I am realizing
I did not ask just now.

- What's your name?
- Rafe Katchadorian.

Whoa! It would suck to have
to spell that dumb name.

Well, Rafe, welcome to hell.

Back to the homework
from last night.

You all listened to the Drake
and Future mixtape last night.

Because today, we will be
talking about fair trade.

Okay. There's a hot track,

and it's produced
by Future's Hendrix crew.

Drizzy, Champagne Papi,

is in the studio with Future,
and he says,

"Hey, yo, let me
get on that track."

"Well, I'm gonna have
to charge you.“

And what does Drake say back?

'Charge me?
I thought we were boys.“

"We're the best of boys.

We're gonna make
a mixtape together."

But there's a tax.

Not anymore,
once NATO came along.

Teller, it's NAFTA, not NATO.

Ah? What? Word?

Shun is right, it is NAFTA.

So, now there is no tax.

So, Champagne Papi
and young Hendrix

can be on each other's tracks

without having
to charge anybody.

Much the way
that America and Canada

have goods
importing and exporting.

Hey, Kick-a-dorkian.

Teller: Does anyone have
any questions?

It's Miller time.

Stay out of my way,
or I'll wedgie you so bad

you'll be able to taste
your underwear.

How?

(bell clinging)

(laughs)

Male announcer:
Ladies and gentlemen,

let's get ready
for the pain event.

Oh, this one always delivers
a fistful of hollers!

The Grip-n-Rip!

(bell clinging)

(laughing)

Holy Yosemite!

Want to lodge a complaint?

It's the Beaver-Tail!

(cameras clicking, bell dinging)

Irritating, even
to people just watching,

the Man-Bun!

Over-rated and over-exposed,

the Kardashian!

You get that I can
kick your butt, right?

My bad.

All right.
(snaps fingers)

- Teller: There is an agreement.
- Sorry.

Free trade.

For tomorrow, I want everybody

to become familiar

with every single member
of the Wu-Tang Clan.

We're gonna take a little trip
to the Bronx.

(bell rings)

So, in conclusion...

I'm not just gonna stand here
and make a bunch of promises.

Just this.

You should vote for me
because my dad is super rich

and my stepmom is really hot.

Oh, ho, ho!

(applause)

(all cheering)

Stormin' Norman, what a speech!

Well done.

Jeanne: Hey.

Uh, for those of you
who don't know me,

I'm Jeanne Galleta,

president of the AV club.

I'm guessing most of you
don'! know what that is,

since I'm also the only member.

(students murmuring)

Gandhi once said,

"We have to be the change
we wish to see."

And the way I see it,

cutting funding for the arts...

Hello.

Was just dumb.

We have to bring it back,

so we can express ourselves
as human beings

and not just a bunch of robots.

Also, we've gotta do something
about this dress code, okay?

It stifles individuality!

Oh, look at that,
we're out of time.

Sorry, Miss Galleta. Gosh.

No, no, no.

- Please. No, don't clap.
- (students murmuring)

- Na need to be polite.
- (mouths) Thank you.

Just hold your clapping
till the end.

I think we're probably

all voting for Norman
anyway, right?

I've seen his stepmom.
You're not kidding.

(chuckles)

All right, folks, you know...

- (feedback)
- (students laughing)

That's not funny.

Why is this wrapped around...

Let's not wrap the microphone
around the stand anymore.

It's annoying.

Folks, in two months,
we will all be competing

for something
of the utmost importance.

Who knows what I'm referring to?

All:
(weakly) B.L.A.A.R.

- I can't hear you!
- All: B.L.A.A.R.!

Now you're just yelling.
No yelling!

That's right,
in eight short weeks,

we will all be taking

the Baseline Assessment
of Academic Readiness!

(students groaning)

All right. Hey, you there!

Do you love your parents?

(stammers)
I guess so.

Hear me when I tell you,
you don't love them

an eighth as much
as I love this test.

A few years ago,
my wife asked me

to stop paying so much
attention to the B.L.A.A.R.,

and pay a little more
attention to her.

(chuckles)

Well, she's gone now,
and I have no regrets.

And, folks,
if we are going to maintain

our number one standing,

which we most certainly
do wanna do...

This is hilarious!

Oh, my gosh!
Zombie Dwight!

And only the B.L.A.A.R.,
and nothing but the B.L.A.A.R.

No, come on, give it...

(students laughing)

Hey, what's with
all the kerfuffle out there?

This is legit hilarious.

Stricken Hey!

Hand over the notebook, Dani,

if you know what's good for you.

Smart move!

Oh!

(gulps)

This concludes our assembly.

(groans)

I don't look like that.

I don't look like that at all.

Son, as principal,

I think of myself
as the father of this school.

And there's nothing
I wouldn't do

lo protect a child.

- Do you follow me?
- Sure Yeah.

You think the students
are your children.

What? No.

The students aren't my children.
The school is my child.

And you attacked my child today.

You punched it in the face.

What kind of a person
punches a child in the face?

That was a very important
assembly, and you ruined it.

I know. I'm sorry.

Honestly, I was just doodling.

Listen, man,
I am totally into creativity.

I really dig it.

I'm a hip cat from way back.
You better believe it.

But it doesn't belong in school.

Art should be locked up
in a museum

where old people can enjoy it
or children on field trips.

We get to go on field trips
to art museums?

God, no. No.
That's a complete waste of time.

We're not doing that.
All right! Rule number 26.

Read it out loud, please.

"Rule 26.

Any written material deemed
inappropriate or offensive

will be confiscated
and destroyed"?

And destroyed. Very good.

You're a good reader.

Gus, bring your bucket
in here, please.

The yellow bucket.

This is a bucket full of acid

that will completely dissolve
your notebook.

It's probably not a great idea

to keep a bucket full of acid
in a middle school,

but if you can think
of a better way

to dissolve notebooks,
I'm all ears.

Why are you still here?

Mm.

All right!

Good-bye, offensive
and inappropriate material.

Wait, hold on. Look, please,
I've had that book forever.

And, I mean, I worked so hard
on all those drawings.

Well, maybe if you had
worked that hard

on something worthwhile instead,

like, for instance,
your school work,

we wouldn't be here right now.

Please, you don't understand.

These drawings
mean everything to me.

Really?

(clicks tongue)

Well...

In that case...

(acid sizzling)

Rules are rules.

You guys are doomed. Bye-bye.

This super stinks.

Tech support.

- Here we go.
- Tech support.

- (cat yowls)
- Peace out!

It was an honor
sewing with you, sir.

I'm sorry I used your toothbrush
to pick out my nose.

Yeah, me mo. What?

Tech support.

Your new principal sucks!

Mohawk cartoon: Don't forget to draw me

on the other side, Rafe!

(sniffles)

(cell phone chimes)

- Dude!
- Hey, man.

I don't wanna talk about it,
all right?

Hey, you, uh...

you ever open
that thing I got you?

Ah...

I'm sorry, I forgot.

No worries, man.

You've been busy. Just...

I just think it might be
a good time, you know?

It might cheer you up.

It's whatever, though.
Doesn't matter.

(honking)

- You want a ride?
- You're funny.

No, not with that doofus.

All right, well,
I'm out of here.

Good luck.

Hop in! You know I can't come
to a complete stop. Let's go!

("Tubthumping"
by Chumbawamba plays on radio)

- Hurry up!
- ♪ I get knocked down . ♪

♪But! get up again ♪

(Hear grinding)

Let's go. Come on.

Bear, Why'd you get a stick

if you don't know
how to drive it?

It's not a true sports car
if it's an automatic, all right?

Besides, I really like
to feel the road

when I'm driving.

Hey, towel, please.

Sorry, I almost got "person"
on your seat.

Hey, "F" your "I,"

these seats are
Italian leather, all right?

I'm trying to keep them nice
for the re-sale.

Bear, you do know you can't
sell a car you don't own.

Don't own yet, my friend.
Don't own yet.

104 more payments,
and this baby is all mine.

(laughs)

♪ I get knocked down,
but I get up again ♪

♪ You're never gonna
keep me down ♪

Hey.

Not so close to the car,
fat boy!

- (Yelping) ' (laughs)

Come here, Calvin.

Come here, boy.
You're a good boy.

Don't listen to that mean man.
Come here.

(laughs)

(whining)

You did that on purpose.

So, sue me.

I wish Mom knew
what a butt wipe you are.

Hey. Butt wipes feel
pretty good.

Who doesn't love
a bu“ wipe, huh?

Everyone loves a butt wipe.

So, I guess the joke is on you.

(Calvin growling)

No.

The joke's on you.

Huh?

Eh...

Hey.

Oh, hey. What's up, man?

Oh, cool. You found it.

Oh, no. Don't read the card,
because then things

are gonna get sappy or whatever,

and I hate that.

So, just open the present.

All right.

I figured your other one,
may it rest in peace,

was almost full,

so you probably need
another one.

It's awesome, man.
Thank you. But...

I mean, all my best stuff
was in my last sketch book.

Comics, inventions.

Expertly drawn boobs.

Those were realistic.

I think.

I hope.

But the Vinlothians. Like...

you made the Star Cruiser.
You made their planet.

You even came up
with their battle cry.

- What was it?
- Grak-tung.

- Grak-freakin'-tung!
- All right.

And, like, their language.

- The star cruiser night club.
- Shh!

Could you lower your voice,
please?

- What for?
- I said, "Shh."

What?

Okay, you don't want them
to know I'm here.

Yeah. No offense,

but Mom doesn't think
you're the best influence.

Oh, okay. Well, she's not
wrong about that.

Okay, Rafe.

Back to the book thing.

Are you ready
for the greatest idea

in the history of ideas?

Dwight trashed your book, right?

So, you trash his.

Yeah, I guess
that could be kind of fun.

We'd take the shredder
from the back...

No, no, no.

We don't wanna shred
the rule book.

We wanna shred the actual rules.

Every stupid rule
in his dumb code of conduct.

Leo, are you kidding me?

And get kicked out
of another school?

I would be disowned.

No, you won't.
You wanna know why?

'Cause we're gonna be careful
and nobody's gonna know it's us.

So, you're saying
we do it anonymously?

Exactly!

It is up to us
to speak for the voiceless,

to be vigilantes for freedom.

We've got eight weeks

before Dwight tries
to measure our worth

on a bunch of bubbles
on a Scantron.

I'm sick of people

trying lo suck the fun
out of childhood.

Let's stop the suck!

Let's show them
that we don't give a...

What rhymes with suck?

- Nothing good.
- So?

(Sighs)

- Let's stick it to the man.
- Yeah!

("Blown" by DNCE plays)

♪ I stare at you for so long ♪

(whirring loudly)

♪ You watched me just as strong ♪

♪ I't feels right being wrong ♪

♪ Never thought Pd get you, no ♪

♪ But here you are
at my front door ♪

♪ The more you get ♪

♪ It doesn't matter
if you're feeling it... ♪

(grunting)

Hi!

Hi, Mom.

Uh... look at you.

You're all dressed and ready
for school. What's going on?

Uh, I'm just excited
to get to school early.

- Really?
- Yeah. Of course.

(chuckles)

There's something
sticking on your shoe.

(scoffs)

(exhales deeply)

(bell ringing)

What is this?

What is this?

No.

Oh, my.

Hey, Gus.

Gus!

Yes?

Whoever did this
was committed to their art.

(students chattering)

Get to class.

This is not a gallery.

And that's not an.

Move it.

"Rules aren't for everyone."

What did you just say?

"Rules aren't for everyone."

Rule number 11, "No loitering."

Move it, people.

Grak-tung!

(bell ringing)

- Hey, Miller!
- Hey!

What are you staring at,
Crap-a-dukian?

Nothing.

Uh-oh.
You know what that is?

That's the "kickter scale,"
and it's acting up.

You know, it's still a good day.

Teller: Okay, everybody.

Time for our daily dose
of morning propaganda.

(students laughing)

Rules, regulations, respect.

- Rules, regulations, respect.
- Principal Dwight?

(doing vocal exercises)

(students laughing)

Principal Dwight?

We're live.

Oh, my God.

(laughing continues)

Good morning, Hills Village.

You may have noticed
on your way into school today

that many surfaces were covered

in brightly-colored
pieces of paper.

(all cheering)

This was a horrible act
of vandalism.

Rest assured,
I will find the hooligans

who defaced our school
in this manner.

And when I find them,
they'll be sorry,

because I will punish them
in ways

that I haven't even
dreamed up yet.

(distorted) There will be
no further distractions

to our B.L.A.A.R preparation.

Jeanne: The microphone
is on the fritz, sir.

You may wanna wrap it up.

I... like... my... big... but...

bu... you... like...
my... big... but...

(students laughing)

Teller: Oh, my Gad.

Dwight:
Remember what I always say,

do whatever I tell you,
every single time.

I thought that went all right.

("When We Were Young"
by The Wild Wild plays)

(beeping)

♪ Do you remember
when we were young? ♪

I can tell you want
my '65 Shelby Cobra,

but guess what?

It's mine.

(laughs)
I won it.

Georgia: I won it.

- And then, you took it.
- No.

You won it with my money.

So, technically, it's mine.

Plus, I beat you
at Speed of Light.

Boo-yah!
(laughs)

Hey, look! It's a talking bear!

Why do you insist
on calling me that?

You know my name is Carl.
Carl.

Well, A,

"Carl" rhymes with "snarl,"

which is something bears do.

And, B, you're, like,
abnormally hairy.

Just hurry up, all right?

"Game of Thrones"
starts in 10 minutes.

And if I miss the recap,
I'm totally screwed.

Georgia: Wait, but we haven't
even had dessert yet.

That's the best part!

You better change your mindset

on this whole dessert thing,
all right?

Or you're gonna end up
as fat as your dog.

That's probably
why you're so farty.

Your face is farty.

And Calvin Giggles
is just big-boned.

Just chew so we can
get out of here, huh?

Hi, folks, I'm Dana.

I'll be taking over for Sandy.
Her shift just ended.

Would you like me
to bring the check?

- Yes.
- No.

I thought you were in a hurry.

(chuckles)
Yeah.

A hurry to get you adorable kids

the best dessert Dave
and Buster's has to offer, huh?

Got my friend's kids
with me today.

Did you just say
your "friend's kids"?

Tell you what.
Just get whatever you guys want

for dessert, all right?

Provided it's not caviar, huh?

Dana: I'll go grab
the dessert menus.

All right! Dessert.

She's gonna grab
the dessert menus.

All right, here's the deal.

- I am gonna go take a dump.
- Ew.

Don't screw anything up,
all right?

Oh!

Yeah.

(laughing)

There we go.
That's the stuff.

Salt and pepper. Nice!

- Hey! Slow down!
- (screams)

Where you going, huh?

I just wanna get
some honey, honey.

Oh, honey?

I got your honey right here.

All right!

- (grunts)
- (bees buzzing)

Oh, what the...

ow!

Ah! What is that smell?

(yelping)

(screaming)

Oh, come on!

(screaming)

(giggling)

(pop music playing)

(grunts)
This gets me so mad!

I have an idea.

Let's pee in his cologne.

No, we can't do that.

That would be way too much
of an improvement.

(grunts)

Why are there so many jerks
in my life right now?

I don't know.

Whoa! It looks like
we've just received

a generous donation
from one of them.

What?

Is that...

Leo: Yep.
Bear's credit card number.

How nice of Bear
to fund phase two

of Operation
Rules Aren't For Everyone.

And maybe some new kicks.

("My House" by Flo Rida plays)

Leo: Forget drawing.

You may be missing your calling
as an electrical engineer.

Or a bank robber.

(both laugh)

Seriously, I think
I'm learning more

by breaking the rules

than I ever have by preparing
for some dumb test.

(electricity crackles)

(bell ringing)

(farting noise)

♪Hear a knock on the door
and the night begins ♪

♪ 'Cause we done this before
so you come on in ♪

♪Make yourself at my home,
tell me where you been... ♪

- (bell ringing)
- (farting noise)

(students laughing)

♪ Baby take control' now ♪

♪ We can'! even stow down ♪

♪ We don't have to go out ♪

♪ Welcome to my house ♪

♪ Play that music too loud... ♪

Oh, no! No!

(screaming)

(camera clicks)

(growling)

♪ Morning comes and you know
that you wanna stay ♪

♪ Close the blinds ♪

♪ Let's pretend
that the time has changed ♪

♪ Keep our clothes on the floor,
open up champagne ♪

♪ Let's continue tonight,
come on, celebrate ♪

♪ Welcome to my house... ♪

Rafe: Dude.

I can't believe people
are actually into our work.

Bro. We're trending, Rafe!

This is the work of the legends.

Hey.

Done.

I wish there was one person
who I could share all this with.

What, like, besides me?

No way! Way too risky, man.
Like, come on!

"Dear diary, I'm a laser."

It's not a...

diary.

Later, Khatcha-borian.

Jeanne: Dream of Jeanne.

- Can I have one?
- Oh, yeah. Sure.

- Dream of Jeanne.
- Thanks.

Hey, you're that guy.

No, I'm not.

The guy who clapped
for my speech?

Oh, yeah! That was me.
I'm Rafe.

Bam. That's one vote.
That was easy.

(laughs)

Can you believe
that something this cool

is actually happening
at our school?

You think the graffiti is,
like, really cool?

Well, not just that.

I think the Post-it thing
was amazing, too.

- And Dwight's hair. Genius.
- (chuckles)

I just love that someone
has the guts, you know,

lo take on the establishment.

Yeah.

And I'm not the only one
who thinks so.

Check out how many likes it got
on my Facebook page.

Whoa!

Yeah.

That means that it's actually
spreading to other schools.

Hey, um...

do you wanna know
a secret? I...

Anonymous.
You're anonymous.

Actually...
(stammering)

I'm really just
digging your boots!

Good job. Good choice.

Jeanne: Thanks.

So, what are you doing
after school next Friday?

Well, uh...

Do you wanna, like, go on a...

- Fundraiser.
- Yeah, a date.

A fundraiser. Totally.
That's what I was thinking.

Yeah, I love funds.

And raising things.
Raising things is fun.

What are we
fund and raising for?

- Greenpeace.
- Love them.

Have you seen that
heartbreaking YouTube video

about how the polar bears
are getting stranded

- on melting ice floes?
- Yeah.

And I'm trying to make
a difference here,

but it's just so crazy
with the studying

for the testing
of the B.L.A.A.R.

And everyone's just so busy.

Ugh, if I hear one more thing
about the B.L.A.A.R.,

I'm gonna "blaarf"
just, like, everywhere.

(laughs)
Me, too.

So, uh, you're in?

Absolutely.
I mean, I can "bear-ly" wait.

Good.

No, that was a dumb joke.
It was "bear-ly" because...

Oh! Okay, yeah.
I see what you did there.

Actually,
that was kind of funny.

Okay, so, yeah.

- I'll see you then.
- Okay.

- Okay. Bye.
- Yeah. Bye.

Dude!

You almost blew our cover!

I'm sorry.
She was just way cool, dude!

You gotta be careful, okay?
Opening up to people can...

well, it can get you hurt.

- Am I right?
- Yes.

You don't have to be
such a jerk about it.

I'm sorry. But, hey,
you can always trust me.

One for all and all for one.

We'll just massage this in

and get you back
to your natural color.

Just lean back, relax,

and let me take care
of everything.

Relax? I can't relax.

Have you seen
this website discussion?

It's gone bacterial.

Stricker: Ugh! Even worse,
ever since those punks

started disrupting everything,

the kids have been slacking off.

This morning I heard laughing...

in the library.

Laughing? What do you mean?
The "out loud" kind?

- Mm-hmm.
- And, you know,

the test scores have really
been slipping this past month,

ever since (his rule breaking
got started.

- No.
- Yes.

And the B.L.A.A.R.
is right around the corner.

We can't afford
to have our students

losing their concentration.

Getting the best scores
on the test is all that matters.

Like I always say,

"Teach to the test,
not to the kids."

Yeah. Well, it's a relief to be
around someone who gets it.

You know, I think we need
a larger room for detention.

The library's not good anymore.

Maybe the cafeteria
plus the gymnasium?

Mm-hmm.

Although, the gymnasium
comes in handy...

(screams)

Oh, my God!

That could've been me.

All right!

Shon has a homework question
about the food chain.

So, why don't we band together
as a class and help him. Shon?

(stammering)

Shon, are you having
a panic attack?

- Oh, yes.
- Yeah? Okay, so, just breathe.

(inhales)

And remember the question
that you asked me earlier.

Probably won't show up
on the B.L.A.A.R.

The B.L.A.A.R
does not dictate

everything that you need to know
from the real world.

Now we're together
for a half hour every morning.

We might as well make it count.

Rafe, you spend all day drawing.

Why don't you put that
to good use

and come draw us a food chain?

No, I'm good. I mean...

I only work
in pen anyways, so...

No. I've seen your homework.

It's done exclusively
in invisible ink.

Come on.
Draw us the food chain.

Walk us through it.

Okay, well, the sun...

shines down onto the grass,

which keeps growing

until a cow comes along
and eats it.

Always grass. Never pizza.

That's the primary consumer.

Rafe: The cow gets nice and big.

Huh? Hmm...

According to this,
a surprise pizza party

is being held for me
right there!

Rafe: And then, it gets taken
to a slaughterhouse.

Great.
Now I gotta act surprised.

(growling)

(screams)

Okay, I'm surprised.

(belches)

And we use it to make
hamburgers and all that.

- One day...
- Hey!

A hungry bully
with a bad haircut comes by,

eats the hamburgers.

That's the secondary consumer.

Rafe: But he keeps eating
the hamburgers.

He keeps eating and eating
and eating until he gets so fat,

that he just son of explodes.

Students: Ugh!

Uh... but that is good
for the maggots.

- Yay!
- Whoo!

Mm-mm, just like chicken.

- Ooh, try the but! cheek.
- No, thank you.

I'm having the pu pu platter.

Rafe: And then, in turn,
enrich the grassy field,

which another cow
comes along and eats.

Ooh, an invitation
to a surprise party?

Outstanding!

(bell dings)

So, um, yeah.
That's, uh, that's...

that's my food chain.

That is...

very detailed and super awesome.

Thank you.

- (bell ringing)
- (farting noise)

All right, everybody, you know
what that sound means.

You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here.

Let's go. Out, out, out.

Hey. Khatcha-drawian.

I'm gonna roundhouse you
in the face.

- Do it.
- Do what?

Roundhouse him.

Roundhouse him in the face.

'Cause I don't think you can.

I don't think
it's physically possible

to get your leg that high

from where you're standing.

Well...

(scoffs)
Uh...

I know I can't.
If I tried to do it,

my groin would snap like that.

Of course I can.

But I just can't do it now,
because, uh...

I forgot to renew
the lethal weapon

registration on my feet.

Yeah, that's a bummer.
I hate it when that happens.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

So...

- Gotta go.
- Okay. We'll rain check it.

Look, there's no easy way
to break up with someone.

But if you feel that
you weren't into it anymore,

then you did the right thing.

You had to tell her.

You know?
You gotta do you.

That's the most important thing.

I learned that from my ex-wife.

Hey, uh, Rafe, urn,

that was some drawing
back there.

Oh. Thanks.
It was nothing.

No, it was very much something.

What's a kid like you
doing lumped in

with all these other kids?

It's been a rough
couple of years for me.

I lost my brother.
Cancer.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry.
That's terrible.

You guys are making me
a little nervous standing here.

Remember rule number 34.

Don't touch the trophy case?

Very, very good.

See what a favor I did you,

getting rid
of that awful notebook

so you can make more
productive use of your time?

(laughs)
Right?

Is there something you'd like
to say to me right now?

Jules: You're in trouble.

Carl: Give me your hand
real quick,

'cause there's something
going on here. What is this? Oh!

Oh!
(chuckles)

(grunting)

Bear is mauling our mother.

We've got to do something.

Hey, Mom! Open my present.

Oh, I gotta go.

Let me see that. Okay.

Ah.

Ooh. Presents.

Let's see.

Oh, it's an apron.

What's this?

"Hello, is it me
you're cooking for?"

(laughs)

- Isn't that funny?
- Jules: This is so funny.

Where'd you find that?

Well, I had someone
make it for you.

- You did?
- Yeah.

Rafe: You understand that?

Georgia: Of course,
that's why I got it.

- Get it?
- I get it.

Jules: Honey, that's so cute.
I love it.

Carl: Took me a bit,
but I got it. I think.

I love it!

So, "looking for"
is "cooking for."

- Rafe: Yeah.
- That's awesome.

- Hello. I'm James, the manager.
- Hi.

Can we just keep it down, a lot?

- Oh.
- This is not Chuck E. Cheese.

Shh!

Big guy. Shh!

Can I have another root beer?

You've had enough sugar.

- Jeez.
- Jeez. He was scary.

Do me a favor though,
guys, seriously.

Don't embarrass me again.

(whispering) We just have to talk
like this for the rest of the night, okay?

No problem. Okay?

You know, honey,
I love my present.

You always know
how to make me laugh.

- Thank you.
- This one's my present.

Oh! Homemade.

Classy.

(Sighs)

Rafe, I just...

It's beautiful.

- Honey, I love it.
- Thank you.

You're so talented.

You guys, you're too much.

I love you so much!

Carl: Wait. Where am I?

Jules: Love you.

Well, hold on a second now.

Wait till you see
what I got for you.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

- Uh-oh.
- (both chuckle)

Jules...

when I think about us,
I think about one word.

Cramazing.

- Crazy amazing.
- Right.

- More like "crawful."
- Yeah.

(gasps)
on.

(stammers) Carl...

- Carl: Uh-huh.
- That must have been expensive.

It was!

Yeah. But guess what?

- You're worth it, baby.
- Wow.

So, what do you say, my lady?

Will you marry me?

- Yes. Yes.
- Hmm?

- Yes.
- Yes.

- Carl: You said yes.
- I did.

Carr.
Yes! Come here.

Yes! Yes!

You know, I was thinking,

since I'm over at the house
so much,

and I'm always helping out
with the kids and everything,

I ought to just move in,
you know?

I mean, I'd save a ton
on mileage.

And tax-wise,
it's a no-brainer.

Well, I mean, if we're gonna
gel married, it seems like...

Yey.

Right. Then it's settled!

Yes! Come here, you!

Oh!

Oh, sorry.

Sorry about that, sporto.

Oh, hey, your card got ruined.
Bummer.

- (men grunting)
- Hmm?

I'm moving in!

(fans)

You're welcome.

What's the matter, sport?
Not hungry?

Ugh!

I'll show you a real breakfast.

Honey!

- Ugh!
- This stuff is delicious.

Good talk, buddy.

Nice!

Sweet!

- Carl: Georgia!
- (Calvin whimpers)

Your fa! dog
peed all over my Joey Banks.

I have to admit something.

It wasn't just him.

I did it, too.

(laughs)

(mock laughter)

All right, listen up, twerps,
and listen good.

I'm here to stay.

And that smile
on your mom's face

that you're all so happy to see?

I put that there.

So, unless you wanna
be responsible

for her unhappiness,

I suggest
you check your attitude

and your bladder at the door.

Because now, you're guests

in the bear cave.

At least he's embracing
the whole "Bear" thing now.

(scoffs)

Hey, what do these go with?

They're zebra prim.
They go with everything!

(Calvin grunts)

We're doomed.

Rafe: I gotta do something, man.

Well, one jerk at a time, Rafe.

If I've learned anything
from Call of Duty,

besides how to curse
in 13 languages,

it's that we've got
to complete this operation

before we launch up the new one.

I know. I just wish she could
see what a jerk he is

underneath all that fancy stuff.

Any last words?

I think he says "gurgle."

(Leo chuckles)

Hey, after this,

I think we should tackle
rule 86.

Are you kidding?
Let's 86 the 86 talk, all right?

The longer you wait,

the scarier it's going to be.

(both chuckle)

Uh, hand me the eel.

Yeah.

Somebody better
update Wikipedia.

You wanna know why?

'Cause we're
making history, bro.

(chuckles)

(bell ringing)

(farting noises)

What the...

Fish!

(students laughing)

Rafe: Way to go, bro.

Dwight: Oh, my Gad.

Who would do this?

Gus, we have a situation
in the lobby!

Bring a net!

(students laughing)

Gel to class!

The fish, I can understand,

but why did it
have to be an eel?

It looks just like the eel I had
when I was a boy.

And that thing shocked me
every time I tried to pet him.

All right! I gotta go on five.

Right now.

Okay. Um...

Did you fix this thing?

- Yes, but, uh...
- But what?

That shirt...

I'm just saying,
it might be a problem, sir.

I didn't come here

for a fashion consultation,
Galleta.

Just roll tape!

(Dwight clears throat)

Attention, Falcons!

As you know, some punks

have declared war
on your education.

(students laughing)

And your education, through me,

is about to start fighting back!

(students laughing)

Their punky little pranks
and stunts

have distracted our students,

damaged our reputation
on the World Wide Web,

endangered
our number one status,

and traumatized an eel.

And so, today, it stops.

If these little vandals

don't like playing
by our old rates,

well, I guess I'll have
to come up with some new ones.

Here come some new rules!

Rule number 137,

no more going to the bathroom.

The bathrooms will be locked
from now on.

You'll have to hold it
until you get home.

I've never been wild about people
using the bathroom here.

And now, it's over.

Violators will be forced
to stay after school

and clean the toilets.

New rule 138, there will be
no after-school activities.

That bell rings
and you go straight home.

You'll want to anyway,

because you'll have to go
to the bathroom

pretty bad.

I'll also be dissolving
school government,

something I should've done
a long time ago.

It's been a puppet regime
all this time anyway.

No debate, no speech,
no clubs of any kind,

including the audio-visual club.

Oh, sh...

(beeping)

(laughing maniacally)

Don't you see, Rafe?

My school, my rules.

(laughing)

(screams)

Dwight B.L.A.A.R.

Sorry, we're at nerd capacity.

' (Grunts)
' Hey! Occupado.

Dwight B.L.A.A.R.

(dance music playing)

B.L.A.A.R., B.L.A.A.R.

B.L.A.A.R.

B.L.A.A.R.

Oh! Oh!

(Planting)

Huh?

(thunder crashes)

B.L.A.A.R.

Hey!

(Planting)

(screaming)

Dwight. Well, look at this.

We're one week out
from the test,

and I do not like the scores
on this practice exam.

78% proficient in English
and 76 in math.

Stricker: Mm.
These are not winning scores.

I've been growing
my number one bush for a decade,

and I do not intend to trim it.

Ever!

See, there's the problem
right there.

Rotating. Like a planet.

Remember, there's no grav...

Oh, Uranus is down.

Miller, stop trying
to stab Uranus.

The good kids
are working their tails off,

and these remedials
are fooling around

instead of memorizing
and studying.

I wonder what would happen
if we excluded

Mr. Teller's students
from the test.

Well, look at that. Wow.

We }ump right back up
to number one.

Too bad we can't stop 'em
from taking the test.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, we could stop them
from taking the test.

(laughs)

Ida, I could kiss you!

- (bell ringing)
- (farting noise)

Hey, Gus!

Would you fix that farting bell?

I want my ding-dong back!

We are all on thin ice.

- Help save the polar bears.
- Ms. Galleta.

I thought I was very clear.

All club meetings have been
canceled until further notice.

And that includes this...
What is this?

What club is this?

This isn't just some meeting.

Polar bears' lives
are at stake here.

Oh, please.

Those bears need to learn
to take care of themselves.

It's not like the ice caps
are going anywhere.

That's exactly what it's like!

Sounds like I need to talk
to your science teacher.

None of that has been proven.

Oh, Rafe, I'm so glad you came.

Of course.
I mean, I wouldn't miss it.

Well, you did miss it.
This meeting is over.

Ms. Galleta is violating
one of my new rules.

You're seriously trying
to put some stupid rule

over the lives
of innocent bear cubs?

My rules aren't stupid.
Your bears are stupid.

Nobody told them to live
on something that melts.

And these animals
are hardly innocent.

Your beloved polar bears
would kill you for a peanut,

or whatever they eat.

What do polar bears eat?

Ice? No way of knowing.

And I am not
an unreasonable man, by the way.

I might have overlooked
one violation,

but two violations
has pushed it too far.

This shirt of yours
goes against the dress code

as stipulated in rule number 22.

So, you've go! detention.
Two weeks.

Principal Dwight,

you can't dictate
what we wear after school.

You're on my campus.

And when you're on my campus,
you're under my rules.

You're very close
to violating rule number one.

Respect your principal.

That's the most important rule.

That's why I made it number one.

Do you want
a detention, too, huh?

(mouths)

(sighs)
No, sir.

I've got infinite detentions
to hand out.

You sure you don't want one?

No, sir.

Okay. Well, watch the attitude.

Because I'd say
the only thing around here

that's on thin ice...

(laughs)

is you, see?

'Cause you've been
talking about thin ice,

and that's a way of saying
that someone is in trouble.

Jules: I don't know
what's going on with Rafe.

He didn't even try
my candied bacon tarts

with goat cheese ganache.

Ooh! More for me.

(laughs)

You know, I just wish I knew

what was going on
with him lately.

Jules, I say this with love.

Rafe is one
messed up little dude.

No, he's not. No. He's...

He's dealing
with a lot of stuff.

Well, who isn't?

I mean, I'm not,
'cause I'm awesome.

But I do think little dudes

that are too attached
to their moms...

Please, no. What?

They're more considerate,
and kinder,

and have empathy towards others?

Exactly.

- They're soft.
- (groans)

Look, I'm just saying.

I think therapy
might be a good idea.

You know, a professional
that he can talk to,

to help him
deal with things better.

Jules: Yeah. Maybe.

You really think it could help

if he saw someone
on a weekly basis?

(whispers)
Weekly, on a daily basis maybe.

" Huh?
. Hmm?

Yeah. Yeah, no, you know what?

I'll do the research for you,
huh?

That way,
you can focus on work,.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Babe, I'm here for you.

Jules: I have to tell you,
it's such a relief

to have someone else
to share all the...

I'm sorry. Game's on.

- Oh! Oh.
- Yeah. Thanks.

Get back to the game.

Okay. Yeah.

(crowd cheering on TV)

(cell phone beeps)

Phone lady,

find military schools
for kids you don't like.

Female voice: I find
no Applebee's in your area.

That's not what I...
I didn't... Hey!

All right, search for ways

to get rid of kids
that aren't yours.

(Calvin grunts)

Calling Mommy.

No. Don't call Mommy mobile.

What? Stop, stop, stop!
Hang up! Hang up! Hang up!

Hey. Mom!

Mom:
Cart, is that you again?

No.

(imitates static)

I think we're breaking up.

I'm breaking up. Gotta go.

(laughs)

It's too easy.

Rafe: I'm just sick and tired
of all these bullies

thinking they can do
whatever they want.

No risk, no reward.

But we have to fight.

Now that's a Musketeer thing
to say.

You ready to witness
my greatest masterpiece?

Hey, Rafe,
are you okay up there?

Because if you fall, I am not
giving you mouth-to-mouth.

(chuckles)

Good. Thanks in advance.

All of this for a girl?

Is she really worth it?

Leo,

for Jeanne Galleta,
I would walk through fire

just to see her smile.

Grak-tung.

(chuckles)

Grak-tung.

(Sighs)

Rafe.

Jeez, Georgia, are you trying
to give me a heart attack?

Where have you been?

It's none of your business.
Now go to bed.

Can't sleep.

Wanna know why?

Because I'm worried about you.

Are you happy?
You've turned me into a grandma.

Georgia, you're gonna need
at least, like, five cats

before you're officially
a grandma.

Rafe, this is serious.

Georgia, don't cry.

Okay? I'm fine.

No, you're not.

You're secretive.

And when you're not sad,
you're angry.

I came in here tonight
to warn you.

I don't know
what you're up to every night,

but it has to stop,
whatever it is.

Because if Bear catches you,

he's gonna ship you off

to some military school
for bad kids.

Wait, what?

I heard him talking about it
with Mom tonight.

He has her believing
you're really messed up.

He's the one that's messed up.

Rafe, listen to me.

He has it out for us.

And I know I talk a big game...

but I can't handle him
all by myself.

Please, Rafe.
Promise me.

No more trouble.
Please.

Fine.
I promise.

No more trouble.

(Georgia sniffling)

Thanks, dork.

Yeah, whatever, loser.

Dude, this next one is gonna
put us over a million hits.

I'm not gonna do it, all right'?
I promised Georgia.

But you gotta do it.

The B.L.A.A.R.'s tomorrow.
We can't let up now.

(bell ringing)

Listen. They fixed the bell.

It's gonna be like
none of this even happened.

Look, Leo, we're just kids.
Okay?

Dwight was always gonna win.

But what happened
to making a difference?

What happened
to not being pushed around,

and fighting for your freedom?

Okay, Dwight, Bear, Miller?
They happened.

And I'm not trying
to make a difference.

I'm trying to make it
through middle school.

Dwight: Well, gang.

This is going to be harder
on you than it is on me.

I'm afraid I have reason
to believe that this classroom

is the epicenter
for the vicious pranks

our school has endured
this semester.

In fact, this entire class
is under suspicion.

Teller: That's a pretty serious
accusation there, Dwight.

Well, it's a pretty
serious offense.

And I have proof.

Come with me.

Spray paint.

Pink hair dye.

Fish food.

Post-it notes.

And balls.

Effective immediately,

all of your students
are suspended for one week!

Students: What'!

- No!
- Wait a minute.

These kids may be troublemakers,

they may not be "A" students,

a lot of them smell weird,

but they are smart enough
to know

you don't leave hard evidence
inside their lockers.

These are hardly the masterminds
of such an extravagant prank.

If anything, I would say

that this seems like a setup.

Are you insinuating
that this is a setup?

Yeah. That's why I just said
this seems like a setup.

Dwight: I don't like that.

Because it almost sounds like
you're thinking this is a setup.

Teller: I think
before we do anything,

like suspend anybody
or anything like that,

we talk to someone
who has some real authority,

like Superintendent Hwang.

Oh, I have real authority,
Mr. Teller.

I'm the principal
at this school.

Yeah, but, like,
someone who has, like,

real power to make decisions.

That's what I have,
power to make decisions.

Let's talk to the person
that, like,

can make something happen.

Mm.

You know, Mr. Teller,
your continued denials

in the face
of this overwhelming evidence

leads me to believe

that you must be involved
somehow.

I'm afraid I have no choice
but to fire you.

(students gasping)

Teller: You have
a thousand other choices.

I guess that's true.

I probably do have
a few other choices, don't I?

(laughs)

Well, the one I'm going with
is "fire you."

All right, everyone,
pack up all of your things

while we call your parents.

And, Mr. Teller,
good luck finding another job.

Without my recommendation,
I'm afraid.

(laughs)

I'm tired of that guy
busting my balls.

Yes, hello. I was thinking
of having a large number one

tattooed onto my back.

Is it necessary
to make an appointment?

Oh, okay. Well, what sorts
of openings do you...

Um... I need to call you back.

Principal Dwight?

What are you still doing here?

I did it.

You did what?

You destroyed my book,
so I wanted to destroy yours.

"Rules Aren't For Everyone."

R-A-F-E, Rafe. Me.

What?

Are you not
making the connection?

Well, I'm pretty sure your name
is spelled with a "PH."

"Phrafe."

Your evidence is fake.

(chuckles)

(clears throat)

Well, you know, Phrafe...

that evidence, uh,
could be real.

And I've seen the way
those other kids treat you,.

We could just make them go away.

(laughs)

All you have to do
is keep your mouth shut.

And you won't
have to be suspended.

Let them take the fall.

This whole thing
will be our little secret.

(chuckles)

We have a deal?

You know what?

Do whatever you want to me,

but keep everybody else
out of this.

And give Mr. Teller
his job back, or else.

Or else what?

(chuckles)

What are you doing?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Don't step... Whoa! Whoa!

I'm gonna make it rain.

No. Hey, no!

No, no, no, no, no, no!
No! No!

("Classic" by MKTO plays)

(students gasping)

♪ Ooh, girl, you're shining
like a 5th Avenue diamond ♪

I should have known
a remedial like you

would make a dumb choice!

With this little stunt,

you've just violated
rule number 28.

No false fire alarms!

Rafe Katchadorian,
you are officially expelled!

Permanently!

Gus! Please turn off
these sprinklers!

♪ Let's get it on
like Marvin Gaye ♪

♪ Like Hathaway ♪

♪ Write a song for you
like this♪

(students exclaiming in delight)

♪ I'm out of my mind ♪

♪ Thinking I was born
in the wrong time ♪

♪ One of a kind ♪

♪ Living in a world
gone plastic♪

♪Baby, you're so classic ♪

♪Baby, baby,
you're so classic ♪

♪Baby, you're so classic ♪

♪Yeah, yeah♪

♪ Baby, you ♪

♪Baby, you're so classic ♪

♪ You 're over my head,
I'm out of my mind ♪

♪ Thinking I was born
in the wrong time ♪

♪Let's start the rewind ♪

♪Everything is
so throwback age ♪

♪ I kinda like it, like it ♪

♪ Out of my league,
old school chic ♪

♪ Like a movie star
from the silver screen ♪

♪ You're one of a kind ♪

♪ Living in a world
gone plastic♪

♪Baby, you're so classic... ♪

(laughs mockingly)

Not joking about my towel now,
are you, sport, huh?

If I was a betting man,
and believe me, I am,

I would've lost money on you.

(laughs)

You hung in there way longer
than I thought you would've.

But, in the end,

you're still the loser
I thought you were.

Rafe: Will you just listen
to me? Please, Mom.

Principal Dwight's
been out to get me since...

Since the first day of school.

Or maybe you decided he was
gonna to give you a hard time

and you were gonna
make it easy for him to do.

No, that's not
what happened, okay?

This principal is evil.

And he suspended the whole class
even after I told him

that I'm the one
that bent the rules.

Bent? Rafe, I think you did
a little more

than bend the rules.

You're the one that told me
to think outside the box.

But there's a big difference
between thinking outside the box

and totally demolishing it.

If you were having problems
with the principal,

why didn't you talk to me first?

Because who'd believe
the word of some kid

over the head
of the whale school?

Honey, I would.
I'm your mom.

I could've tried
talking to him at least.

Now it's too late!

This was the last school
that would accept you.

What are we supposed to do now?

Find another school in another state,
in another country?

I'm out of options!

(Jules sighs)

And so, Carl found a school.
It's a boarding school.

With some military aspects.

You're sending me away
to some military school?

Honey, I don't want to.

But it's a place
for kids like you

who have trouble with authority.

I thought I'd fake
the day off tomorrow.

Maybe we could
just go take a look.

Whatever.

(Sighs)

Oh, honey.

(sighs deeply)

We all miss him.

- Morn, you don't have to...
- I miss him.

Georgia does.

Nothing's been the same
since the day he got sick.

At times, I didn't know
if I could handle it.

And...

your dad, well...

(chuckles)

He obviously couldn't handle it.

But it's worst for you.

- Brothers.
- (sniffles)

You guys had such a bond.

It was so different.

And special.

And I know sometimes

you pretend
that he's still here.

I know you pretend...

that Leo isn't gone.

But he is, honey.

Leo is gone.

I'm sorry.

(crying)

(exhales)

I love you so much.

I wish you knew how much.

I love you, too.

(crying)

Leo: Hey, bro. Guess by now

We taken that Vinlothian
space cruiser to the sky.

And whatever I'm doing now,
ifs probably a lot cooler

than what you're doing
stuck in school.

Kidding.

Don't tell anyone,
but I actually

kind of liked
some of my classes.

And since I'm confessing stuff,

I guess it's time to tell you
We always looked up to you.

You 're super talented,

and you can draw
and create anything.

So, imagine
something cool for me.

And then live
something cool for you.

Love, your younger brother,

by one year and two months,

Leo.

(sniffles)

(knocking on window)

You gonna let me in, or what?

Uh...

Sorry. I wasn't expecting
anyone at the window.

Yeah.

I guess this is kind of weird.

What are you doing here?

Well, you know, I just wanted
to make sure you were okay...

after today.

Yeah, it was, um...

It was a total crapstorm
of a day.

(chuckles)
Yeah, I know.

But this was awesome.

I kind of figured
it was you all along.

But then, I confirmed it
when I watched this.

And what is that?

A VHS tape.

It's vintage.

Basically, it's like a box
that's full of an archaic system

of gears, pulleys, and tape,

that is then put
in a larger box,

called a VCR,

which then projects the images
onto the television.

Wouldn't an iPhone be easier?

My phone doesn't have enough memory
for this kind of project.

I secretly filmed the school

as a part of a documentary I did

to find the creator
of Rules Aren't For Everyone.

Oh. Um...

Well, you found me, I guess.

But too bad my art
didn't really change anything.

Well, what I've got here
says you're wrong.

You came prepared.

Okay, so I put the camera
on top of a row of lockers

lo get the best angle.

Rafe: You ready to witness
my greatest masterpiece?

Leo, for Jeanne Galleta,

I'd walk through fire
just to see her smile.

Grak-tung.

(chuckles)

(video stops)

Who's Leo?

Um...

Leo's my, um...

he's my brother.

But he's not just my brother,
he's my best friend.

And he died.

So, sometimes I like to...

imagine that he's still here,

you know, whenever I'm lonely.

It's stupid.

I think it's the opposite
of stupid.

You know, Picasso once said,

"Everything you can imagine
is real."

- I like that.
- Yeah, me too.

Okay.
Uh... look at this.

There.

Gus, open up those lockers.

I don't like this.

Oh, really?

I wonder how you'll like unemployment.
Open them.

Do it.

Spray paint.

This is horrible.

Very hard
to get out of the hair.

You have evidence!

Oh, and get this.

Not only does B.L.A.A.R. testing
give the school bragging rights,

but it also gives the principal
a significant bonus.

So, suspending Teller's class

was just about getting
a better score for the B.L.A.A.R.?

Jeanne, we have to stop
the test tomorrow.

And we're definitely
gonna need some help.

I've got the numbers

of a few kids
with no school tomorrow.

You text them,
and I'll set up transportation.

(Calvin grunts)

Georgia.

Georgia, wake up.

You feel like a drive?

In the Bear trap?

Mm-hmm.

Yes, finally!

But we need a diversion.

I know just the thing.

(Calvin grunts questioningly)

Georgia, Jeanne.

Jeanne, Georgia.

I like your glasses.

I like your dog.

Thanks.

(Calvin grunting)

Mm, mm, mm! om!

(man chattering on TV)

Ready, set, go, Mr. Giggles.

(Calvin grunts)

(whining)

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the Great Fatsby.

(grunts)

You want some steak there, boy?

Huh? Stay-

- Stay.
. (growling)

Stay.

' (growling) ' Psych!

(Carl screams, Calvin growls)

Georgia: Whoo-hoa!

(cat yowls)

Yippee ki-yay!

(tires screeching)

Jeanne: 1 thought you said
she could drive!

Oh, I can.
I just thought Bear's car

could use a little body work.

All right, guys.
Tonight is the night.

I've given you
all your assignments.

Any questions?

Hey, so all
the rule breaking stuff,

the fish, fart bell, everything.

That was really you?

Yeah.

All right, Katchadorian.

I'm in.

Did you just say my name right?

Georgia: Hey, Rafe.
Who is that guy?

Oh, crap. It's Gus.

Boy: is it too late to run?

Rafe: Turns out
we're not the only ones

Dwight has pissed off
one too many times.

Kougeki kaishi!

Are you speaking words
or did you just have a stroke?

What?

- Wait, what?
- Gus: What?

It's a Japanese war cry.
"Begin the attack!"

All right, guys, come on!

Vamonos, muchachos!

("Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore
and Ryan Lewis plays)

(camera clicking)

♪ Can we go back? ♪

♪ This is the moment ♪

♪ Tonight is the night ♪

♪ We'll fight till it's over ♪

♪ So we put our hands up
like the ceiling can 't hold us ♪

♪ Like the ceiling
can't hold us ♪

♪ Can we go back? ♪

♪ This is the moment ♪

♪ Tonight is the night ♪

♪ We'll fight til! it's over... ♪

Smile!

(camera clicks)

Oh, crap.

(chainsaw whirring)

Jules: Rafe, come on!
It might not be that bad!

- Babe. What's going on?
- He won't come out of his room.

- Seriously?
- Yeah.

All right. Well, look...

you go do whatever you gotta do,
and I'll take care of this.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Good luck.
- All right.

Reveille! Let's go, turd!

Come on, let's go.

Count of three,
or I'm coming in, I swear!

One, two...

(chuckles)
Good. I wanna come in.

(groans)
It tingles!

Now it burns!
(screams)

Ohh, you gotta be kidding me!

What is that made of?

Oh...

Unbelievable.

Ah! He's not even in here!

Carl: Oh, great.
Now I gotta go out

and look for these little snots?

That's just what I wanna do.

No, no. Come on!

Oh.

(Sighs)

What's wrong?

She's missing. The baby's gone.

Oh, no. That's what
you're so upset about?

- Yes!
- Well, don't worry.

She probably went
to a friend's house.

I'll give Georgia a call.

- What are you talking about?
- What are you talking about?

My car!

It's missing!

- Your car?
- Yes!

That's what you're
so worked up about?

- Yes!
- You know what?

I must have been insane
not to see

what a self-centered jerk
you really are.

Excuse me, I've got to go
find my kids.

("U Can't Touch This"
by M.C. Hammer plays)

♪ Can't touch this ♪

♪ Why you standing there, man? ♪

Dwight: ♪ Can't touch this ♪

♪ Ring the bell
School's in, sucker ♪

- ♪ Break it down ♪
- (car locks beeps)

No, no, no!

Oh, my beautiful bush!

What did they do to you'?
Oh, no!

(sobbing)
No, God, no! Oh!

Ohh.

(grunts)

What are all the desks
doing out here?

Stricken I don't know.

What do we do?

Pencils up!

Act like this is
part of the plan.

Never show weakness, Ida.

There's no sabotaging
the B.L.A.A.R.

And... begin!

(students murmuring)

"True or false...

22 Hills Village students

were suspended
in order to rig this test?"

Hey, rule number 13,
"No talking during a test."

What's the problem here?

Well, it's just these questions
are kind of weird.

Weird?
What do you mean, weird?

Oh.

These are pretty weird.

Hey. Just by a show of hands,

how many people have a test
that starts with the question,

"True or False,

Principal Dwight
has three nipples"?

(students laughing)

Well, that's a lot of you.

Well, it's false.

Put false!

I was born without nipples,
for your information.

- And it looks beautiful.
- (students laughing)

- Where are the real tests?
- (mascot screeching)

(gasps)

(laughs)
Hey!

Looking for these?

Blaarches!

(students laughing)

Rafe: Principal Dwight
is a hypocrite

who likes to make the rules,

but thinks he's too good
to actually follow them himself.

We have proof

that he planted evidence
in his own students' lockers.

(students gasp)

I have had
just about enough of you!

No hike riding on campus.
I'm confiscating this.

Get off! Get off of it!

. (groaning)
- (students gasping)

How are you so fast?

Spin class.
Four nights a week.

Sometimes five.
(laughs)

(sniffs)
What's that's smell?

Just the same crap
Dwight's been shoveling at us.

Rafe: Ugh! Gross!

Can't this thing go any faster?

- Hey, that's my lunch!
- (grunts)

Rafe: Time to get in the game.

(gorilla screeching)

(screams)

You're gonna need a bigger bike.

(screams)

- Ahh!
' (Waning)

(grunting)

- (cat yowls)
- Ah! Ahh!

Robot: Tech support.

- (grunts)
- Ahh!

(laughing)

(screams)

(veins)

(Pants)

(Dwight laughing)

Oh, no.

Thought you could
get away from me, huh?

Oh!

(students laughing)

Oh! That's disgusting!

(chuckles)

- What's going on here?
- It's all on this tape, ma'am.

Don't pay any attention to him.
He's a jerk.

Superintendent, Rafe is
a smart and talented kid.

He deserves to be heard.

He's actually not that smart.
He's pretty dumb.

I've seen his records
from his previous schools.

This kid tests like...

What is this obsession
that we have

with testing
and categorizing our kids?

I literally have no idea
what you are talking about.

If we keep cramming standard
tests down our kids' throat,

we're gonna end up with
a bunch of standard children.

I don't know what stinks more,
your attitude or my suit.

And that's really
saying something,

because my suit
is covered in poop.

Nobody cares
what you think anyway.

- I do.
- She does.

Mr. Teller here has logged
a formal complaint

saying you rigged this test

and he's been unlawfully fired.

Now, let's see that tape.

Yes, ma'am.

Dwight:
And the rules clearly state

that I have the right
to a full hearing.

Rigging state tests
is a serious offense.

You're done here.

W! make sure you get
your full hearing, Dwight.

- Take this.
- Hwang: In a court of law.

Let's get out of here, Ida.

Thought you'd never ask.

Ah.

Green this time.
(chuckles)

- Georgia!
- Hey, Mom.

I've been looking
all over for you.

What have you been doing, huh?

Come here.

Oh!

(high-pitched yelping)

Oh, man.

You little snots
are gonna pay for this!

No, I'll pay. With this.

And keep the change.

I hear Pier One's having a sale
on animal prints.

I know you're saying that
just to be hurtful.

But let me tell you something.

I get Google alerts
from Pier One,

so I already knew
about the sale.

Jake's on you.

You know, it's just sad.

It's sad that some people, you,

can't handle all (his
concentrated awesomeness,

me!
(chuckles)

Come on, guys, let's go.

I'm Audi 5G.

(chuckles)

Leo! Dude, I didn't think
you were gonna make it.

Are you kidding?

I couldn't miss the thrilling
conclusion of Operation R.A.F.E.

And... I couldn't leave
without saying good-bye.

Good-bye?
Why are you saying good-bye?

Things are just starting
to get good.

Listen...

I was just hanging around
until you made some real friends.

Yeah, because of you.

I wish I could take that credit,

but it was all you, Rafe.

I'm gonna miss you.

I know.

(thunder rumbling)

Awesome!

You drew me
a Vinlothian Space Cruiser?

You know what?
I guess that's my ride.

("Spirits"
by The Strumbellas plays)

[♪ I'll be a dreamer
til] the day I die... ♪

Hey, Rafe.
Grak-tung!

♪ Oh, how the good die young ♪

♪But we're alt strange ♪

♪ And maybe
we don't wanna change ♪

♪ I got dreams in my head
and they won't go ♪

Grak-tung!

♪ Spirits in my head
and they won't go ♪

♪I got dreams in my head
and they won't go ♪

♪ Spirits in my head
and they won't go... ♪

I've heard you say that before.

What does it mean?

Uh, it means, "Victory is ours."

Well...

almost.

What?

I don't wanna ruin your sense
of accomplishment, but...

you didn't break every rule.

Both: Rule 86.

Way to go, bro.

- Yuck.
- (barks)

(grunting questioningly)

Grak-tung!

All: Oh!

(all cheering)

(dance music playing)

B.L.A.A.R.

Carl: Hey, come on!

(“Young And Wild"
by The Strumbellas plays)

♪ Ohh! ♪

♪ And there's
a ghost, ghost, ghost ♪

♪ Living in my head ♪

♪ And there's
a hope, hope, hope ♪

♪ Burning my bed ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ Ohh! ♪

♪ Hump out from an airplane ♪

♪ To see if! can fly ♪

♪ I lit a house on fire ♪

♪ Just to see a painted sky ♪

♪ Did you know, did you know ♪

♪ I've been running all my life? ♪

♪ Sometimes t say you're crazy ♪

♪Sometimes
H! think you're strange ♪

♪ Maybe you're the one ♪

♪ Who found a way out
of this cage ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ Let's go take apart this night ♪

♪ And it goes on, and on,
and on, and on ♪

♪ And it goes on, and on,
and on, and on♪

♪ And there's
a ghost, ghost, ghost ♪

♪ Living in my head ♪

♪ And there's
a hope, hope, hope ♪

♪ Burning my bed ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ And there's
a ghost, ghost, ghost ♪

♪ Living in my head ♪

♪ And there's
a hope, hope, hope ♪

♪ Burning my bed ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I walk the lines
they made me ♪

♪ Just to make them smile ♪

♪ 'Cause every monster
that they make ♪

♪ Was once a happy child ♪

♪ Did you know, did you know ♪

♪ We won't go without a fight? ♪

♪ They said
that you'd be nothing ♪

♪ They said
these dreams will die ♪

♪ But I stood strung
and worked too hard ♪

♪ To keep this hope alive ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ I'm gonna write my name
in lights ♪

♪ And it goes on, and on,
and on, and on♪

♪ And there's
a ghost, ghost, ghost ♪

♪ Living in my head ♪

♪ And there's
a hope, hope, hope ♪

♪ Burning my bed ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ And there's
a ghost, ghost, ghost ♪

♪ Living in my head ♪

♪ And there's
a hope, hope, hope ♪

♪ Burning my bed ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ When I go,
I'll go as you'll never know ♪

♪ I can feel
The mountain's burning sun ♪

♪ When I go,
I'll go as you'll never know ♪

♪ I can fee!
The mountain's burning sun ♪

♪ And there's
a ghost, ghost, ghost ♪

♪ Living in my head ♪

♪ And there's
a hope, hope, hope ♪

♪ Burning my bed ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ And there's
a ghost, ghost, ghost ♪

♪ Living in my head ♪

♪ And there's
a hope, hope, hope ♪

♪ Burning my bed ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

♪ I'm young and wild ♪

(music playing)