Original subtitles

Max: This is my boss, Jonathan Hart,

a self-made millionaire.

He's quite a guy.

This is Mrs. H. She's gorgeous.

She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.

By the way, my name is Max.

I take care of both of 'em, which ain't easy,

'cause when they met, it was murder.

So this is Gold Town in 1890

just before Baby's Bonanza went dry.

It was my grandfather's gold mine.

It was my idea

to turn the place into a ghost town for tourists.

And I keep it going, as you can see,

but just barely.

I don't aim to make it my life's work.

What do you think, Arnold?

What do I think, Mr. Hart?

Oh, boy. I think it's an exciting opportunity.

Mr. Bailey may be just keeping it going, but think, Mr. Hart.

We could make Gold Town into a first-class theme park.

What would you think about that?

Well, I want to preserve the town.

I don't want to see it turned into a row of condos.

Well, then you've come to the right place, Mr. Bailey.

We wouldn't think of ruining the authenticity of Gold Town.

Why, it's part of our heritage.

Imagine, Mr. Hart, Billy the Kid, the Daltons,

Pat Garrett, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

Why, they've got a stagecoach, Mr. Hart, and a saloon.

- I'll bet you serve Red Eye. - Yeah.

Arnold, uh... Can't you see it, Mr. Hart?

The Old West, cookouts, gun fights.

Get off your horse, partner. Fight like a man.

Raise your hands, little feller.

Arnold, am I interrupting something?

Darling.

Oh, you look so pretty.

This is Jim Bailey.

- Hello. - Hello.

Jim owns Gold Town.

Oh, that Western ghost town.

Well, it's a real live town, too, ma'am.

That's why I'm talking to your husband.

He seems like the only investor with a sense of history.

Potential investor,

but I would like to take a look at it sometime.

Well, when would you like to come out?

How about tomorrow, darling? Would you like that?

Great.

Oh, gee, that's wonderful, Mr. Hart.

Nice meeting you, Mr. Bailey.

Nice meeting you.

Mrs. Hart.

Gotta rustle up them figures.

Get along, little profits.

Jim, see you tomorrow?

Great.

- Nice meeting you. - And you.

See you tomorrow.

Well, well, you've got that look in your eye.

What look is that?

Oh, every little boy's dream

of playing cowboys and Indians.

I was thinking more of cowboys and schoolmarms.

How do you play that?

Well, first, you have to stay late after school.

Oh. And then?

I don't know. I never stayed late after school.

Oh.

I guess we'll have to improvise.

Ooh.

How much longer do you think we'll be hauling this stuff?

We cleared nearly 10,000 last month,

and there's plenty left.

You know what we ought to do?

We ought to pull a semi up to that mine

and clean the whole place out in one shot.

How many times I have to tell you?

A little bit at a time.

This way, we can say we found it prospecting.

And another thing.

We gotta get outta here at different times of day.

Otherwise, someone's gonna miss us and...

Somebody did, boys.

Whoa.

You see, Gold Town's a mighty small place,

and I've been wondering where you two were headed every morning.

What you got in those saddlebags?

Just gravel, Turk, that's all.

Bringing it up to Braxton's.

Making a rock garden back of his place.

You boys come all the way up here for gravel, do you?

Braxton, why don't you just jump down there

and fetch me some of that gravel you're talking about?

Make it snappy, Braxton. You're not getting paid by the hour here.

You can back up.

Gravel, huh?

That looks like gold to me.

I guess I caught myself

a couple of claim jumpers here.

What are you talking about, Turk?

Nobody's worked that mine since the 1890s.

Except you fellas.

You've been working the tailings.

It's gravel for a rock garden.

Shut up.

This is the slag that Jim Bailey's granddaddy threw away

when gold was $20 an ounce.

In those days, you had to pound it out with a hammer.

But now that it's worth $400 an ounce,

and with modern equipment...

If you turn us in...

Why should I turn in my partners?

What are you gonna do, Turk?

Well, darling, Gold Town is just a stage ride away.

Howdy.

Ben Drootin, Teaneck, New Jersey.

Oh, Jonathan Hart.

This is my wife Jennifer.

Nice to meet new friends. Hang on.

I send them to the folks back in Jersey.

Isn't this great?

I just love this stuff.

I was at the Grand Canyon last week.

I don't know what the big deal is.

It's a hole in the ground.

They don't have anything like this stuff.

Did you two check out the brochure?

Man: All aboard. All aboard for Gold Town.

- Where we put the bag? - Up top.

You'll take care of the car, will you?

Yes, sir.

There we go. Yes.

Hang on, folks. Gets a little bumpy.

This is great. I love this stuff.

Hyah!

Do you believe people actually used to live like this?

No running water, no electricity.

What'd they do for excitement with no TV?

Whoa.

Must be the James boys.

Or the Younger brothers,

or Quantrill's Raiders or the Oakland Raiders.

- They moved to Los Angeles. - Oh.

No false moves, and nobody gets hurt.

Throw that strong box down, driver.

Much obliged.

That was great. I love this stuff.

Hyah!

Hyah!

Jennifer, Jonathan.

Oh, hi, Jim.

How'd you like the ride?

- Whew. - Wonderful.

You do very nice holdups.

Well, we work on it, but it's not much use though.

We only get about 20 people a day though here. Come on.

Most of them arrive with a clean shirt and a $10 bill

and leave without changing either one of them.

Well, would you like the tour?

Oh, yes.

How are you, Arthur?

Oh, I can't complain, Jim.

He must be feeling great.

He usually does complain. He runs the souvenir shop.

And I guess after eight hours a day of that,

he's got a right to complain.

Well, as you can see,

Turk here makes souvenir horseshoes for the tourists

and sorta takes care of the stable.

- How are you, Turk? - Good, Jim. Howdy, folks.

Hi.

Well, this is the sheriff's office and the town jail.

They held Jesse James in there once for two days.

- They did? - Yeah.

And what's interesting is that Belle Starr escaped before breakfast.

- Huh. - Really?

We have nice food in the restaurant here,

and I guess that's about it.

But I got you the best room in the hotel,

so if there's anything else I can do for you,

why, you just let me know.

Looks like Jim's got himself another prospective buyer.

Oh, they're just tourists.

We just stuck them up on the coach.

His name is Jonathan Hart. I recognize him.

And old Jim Bailey doesn't give the VIP tour

to just tourists.

If Jim's gonna sell this town,

the three of us are gonna lose our little arrangement.

That's right, so you keep your eye on him.

I wanna make sure

that Jim doesn't sell this town right now.

It'd be hard to sell anything

to a dead man, wouldn't it?

Well, how about this?

Isn't it great?

How about a sarsaparilla?

How about a double?

Well, good evening. Come on in.

- Hi, Jim. - Hi. Have a seat.

Oh, thanks.

We were just going to have a couple of sarsaparillas.

A couple sarsaparillas. Earl, three sarsaparillas, please.

Make mine a double.

You've been getting lucky all night.

Get up slow and let me see what you got up your sleeve.

Hold it right there, mister.

Well, you see?

We even have authentic poker games.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow.

All right, boys.

Come on. Let's get up and get outta here.

Hurry up. I'm gonna lock you up in hoosegow.

Get out of here. Come on, let's go.

Didn't fool me for a second.

Oh, I was just going along with the gag.

Cherries in your sarsaparillas?

- Yes. - Yeah.

Jennifer: I love the Old West.

Jonathan: So do I.

They used to make their own bread,

can their own vegetables,

weave their own cloth.

How did they do it?

They didn't even have a vacuum cleaner or a sewing machine.

Can you imagine?

How did they ever have time for recreation?

There's always time for recreation.

I suppose you're right.

People have been doing it for centuries.

Hmm.

Man: There's nothing as much fun as the real thing.

Whoa. Whoa.

Sheriff, the Mills brothers just got off the noon train

and they're gunning for you.

We're fixing to have trouble, folks.

- Trouble? - Yep, trouble.

We put them varmints behind bars in the first place,

and they swore they was gonna get me for it.

Gun fight. We're gonna have a gun fight.

Now, this ain't real.

Is it?

Draw, you mangy bushwhacker.

Draw while you got breath to draw.

I've drawn on you for the last time, Miller.

Get south of the Pecos before sundown.

Draw, bushwhacker.

Draw or die.

Jim! Jim, the roof!

Nice fall, Turk.

Turk?

He's dead.

Known you all my life, Jim,

and I don't figure you for a killer.

But I just sent a corpse into town,

and there's a couple dozen people

saw you fire the shot that killed him.

With a gun that I loaded with blanks?

You know the routine, Bill.

We do it once a day.

Yeah. You got any idea

who could have switched the bullets?

Well, it seems to me like anybody could have switched them.

People are walking in and out of here all the time.

This isn't a real law man's office.

It's an exhibit. I leave my gun on that desk half the time.

Yeah, the only thing is, if anybody could have done it,

that doesn't give me a suspect except for you.

But I didn't do it.

I did it, but you know what I mean.

Sure.

I know what I gotta do.

I have to take you down to the county seat

and book you.

Let you tell Judge Fogerty your story.

More than likely, he's gonna turn you loose, no bail,

while the detectives up at County sort this thing out.

I'm sorry, Jim. I got no choice.

Nice to meet you, sir, ma'am.

Jim, if turns out that you need bail,

call me and we'll arrange it.

Thanks, Jonathan, not just for the bail...

I probably won't need that...

But for the vote of confidence.

You got that, Jim.

- Hart residence. - Hiya, Max.

You people buy that town yet?

Not yet.

Max, we've run into a little trouble up here.

We may be staying an extra few days.

Anything I can do to help?

No, not a thing.

We just didn't want you to worry about us.

Mr. H, if you're not coming back right away,

is it all right... my arthritis...

The smog is getting to me. Freeway, too.

Is it okay if we took a little trip?

Max, what part of Nevada were you thinking of, Vegas?

Did I say Nevada?

But the air is nice around Tahoe.

Freeway loves Tahoe.

It's all right, Max.

But remember, Nevada made gambling legal.

They didn't make it compulsory. Okay?

Good luck, Max.

Hiya. Would you folks like a drink?

Oh, I don't think so. You, darling?

No, thank you.

Tell me, what happened with Jim and the law?

Well, they didn't hold him responsible,

but they did have to take him in.

That's a good idea.

Maybe now the police will see through

Bailey's good old boy routine.

Dooley, I think maybe you've had enough.

Yeah, it just might turn out

that Bailey had a reason to want Turk dead.

Well, thanks a lot.

- See you later. - Yeah.

♪ Oh, my darling, oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling Clementine ♪

♪ You are lost and... ♪

Oh, excuse me, lady.

♪ Oh, my darling, oh, my darling... ♪

It doesn't seem as though our good citizens of Gold Town

are trying to help Jim Bailey any.

What do you know about this?

Well, I know Jim Bailey wouldn't hurt a fly,

much less kill Turk.

No, somebody switched bullets.

Who?

Beats me.

Well, since we're thinking about

buying a gold mining town,

maybe we should go and take a look at the mine.

Well, you're gonna need horses to get out there.

Stage coach is right handy.

♪ Oh, my darling ♪

♪ Oh, my darling Clementine... ♪

This is nice and clean.

Looks like it's been used recently.

Well, what would they be using it in here for?

This place is solid rock.

Darling, why don't we just go back?

We don't seem to be accomplishing anything here.

You're right.

When Jim gets back,

we may have some idea of what's going on out here.

What about Pete and his friends?

He seemed awful tight-lipped.

Darling, this is murder.

We need more to go on than hunches and suspicions.

Jim's a suspect,

and he's gonna remain a suspect

until somebody really finds out

what's happening around here and proves it.

Hyah! Hyah!

You know something?

This ride isn't quite as comfortable as our car.

I wouldn't say that.

They're pretty enthusiastic

staging a robbery for only two customers.

Those are real bullets.

Don't you think we should finish them off?

Nah, the horses will finish them off.

Are you sure?

Yeah, the driver's out of action,

the horses are spooked, and Indian Cliffs is dead ahead.

Come on.

You know, I think we're out of control here.

Willie!

He can't help us.

How can we stop this?

- I can try. - How?

I used to watch all those Westerns when I was a kid Saturday afternoon.

I'm a qualified expert.

Hey!

Willie!

How's Willie?

I'll make it.

Gotta get you to a hospital.

You should have stayed till it was over,

till they were over.

Oh, come on. They were out of control and heading for the cliff.

- Close enough. - Close only counts

when you're tossing horseshoes, you clown.

Look at that.

You two better get out of here before you get seen.

Move, now!

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

What happened? Where's Willie?

We got attacked.

Willie got hit. He's in the stagecoach.

How is he, darling, okay?

He'll be all right,

but we better get him to a hospital soon.

You got a doctor around here?

We don't have anything here.

Ben.

Hey, how come you got to drive the stagecoach?

That's not in the brochure.

Have you ever driven one of these things before?

I've seen it done a hundred times.

Okay. Look, drive this down to the parking lot.

Put Willie in your car and drive him to a doctor.

Sure. Glad to help.

I love this stuff.

Hey, would you do me a big favor?

Just one for the folks back in Jersey, okay?

Ben, this is real.

- Huh? - Come on, boys. Go.

Is Jim Bailey back in town?

No, I haven't seen him.

Do you have a telephone around here?

There's one in the saloon.

Freeway.

Freeway, what are you doing here?

Hey, boy.

He wants us to follow him.

Max, hi.

What are you doing here?

Freeway got lonesome for you.

When I got in the car,

he thought I was taking him to see you.

I didn't have the heart to disappoint him.

Aw.

Take a look at this hand.

How do you draw to that?

I already drew it.

Well, stranger, you gonna call or not?

I told you I didn't have the money to call,

unless I can borrow it from you.

Security is this hand.

Sure. How much do you need, a thousand?

No, 20 will do.

20?

Right.

I'll see your 5 and raise you 15 bucks.

Sorry, partner.

You gotta pay to see those cards.

- Mr. Hart? - Yeah.

There's a phone call for you.

Thanks.

Hello.

Everything's fine, Jonathan,

but they won't release me yet.

Oh? What's the problem?

We're waiting for Judge Fogerty.

He's out fishing, but he'll be back pretty soon.

Hey, Jim,

when the Bailey Bonanza was a working mine,

where did they keep the extraction equipment?

Well, they had a hydraulic crusher right inside the mine.

Saved lugging all that ore down into town.

But they haven't had any need for it for the last 90 years.

Well, when you get out of there,

come back here right away, will you?

Thank you. I'll see you soon.

Right. Bye-bye.

What was that all about?

We're going back up to that mine.

Max, I want you to call Bill Sampson.

He's with the State Police Department.

Have him get Jim Bailey out of jail,

bring him back up here to Gold Town.

- You know something, darling? - What?

That gold mine may just be a gold mine.

The stage.

You gave Ben our wheels.

Let's try the stables.

They're onto us.

I think they're headed out to the mine.

This time we can't afford any mistakes.

So what do you got in mind?

You go over to the store

and you get 20 sticks of dynamite

and a self-contained detonator.

Then you head out to the mine

and get set up before they get there.

Don't mess this up.

You only get one shot.

One is all we'll need.

- I was just thinking. - What?

You never saw Roy and Dale saddling up.

They were always mounted and ready.

Whatever happened to the Old West?

That's it. Over there.

Now I want you to understand something.

I'm gonna get up on your back,

and I don't want you to get nervous.

Nothing personal, but Freeway and I

gotta get to Mr. and Mrs. H.

You understand?

I'll make it up to you somehow.

Ain't I seen you someplace before?

Caliente, Belmont, Santa Anita?

Watch out, Freeway.

I don't want to kick you in the head.

Oh, maybe it was a cousin.

You got family in California?

Made it the hard way.

Okay. Now forward.

Darling, I don't understand what we're looking for.

Gravel?

The tailings, leftover ore bearing rock.

It's gotta be here.

Look at those tracks.

Isn't that strange?

They go right to the end of the mine.

They also go under it.

Can you hurry up with that thing?

You want to do it?

What, I gotta do everything?

Does it look phony to you?

A phony wall?

Yeah, like it might have been put here to hide something.

Well, if it was,

maybe there's a way to open it.

Got it.

All right.

Now.

That should do it.

Yeah, come on. We better get back to town.

What was that?

Someone blasted the entrance to the mine.

That's our only way out of here.

Yeah, you're right.

Unless this wall is a phony.

Take a look over there.

What are you guys doing over here?

Come on with me.

Where are Mr. and Mrs. H?

Why don't we stop here, huh?

Not here, there.

Okay, a little further over.

That's it.

All right. I'll see if I can get off

without kicking Freeway in the head.

Whoa, almost.

Okay, Freeway?

That sound hollow to you?

A little.

What is it, Freeway?

Where are Mr. and Mrs. H?

Darling, hold this.

Step back.

We're gonna have to get out of here.

Why? Not if they're dead.

Yeah. There's still a lot in that mine.

We'll come back when it cools down.

You guys load up the Jeep.

I'll meet you in half an hour.

Mr. H! Mrs. H!

What is it?

Well, this is what it's all about.

Tailings.

That's gold.

A hundred years ago, it wasn't worth mining,

but with modern technology

and gold being worth 30 times what it was then,

we're sitting on a fortune.

Whoo.

Mr. and Mrs. H.

Max?

- Max? - Max.

Can you hear me?

Yeah, I can hear you, but you gotta yell.

Is there any way to get out on the outside?

You're socked in pretty solid,

but I could go back to town,

get some guys to dig you out.

No, that's no good, Max.

We're running out of oxygen in here.

Freeway found some dynamite out here,

but I think it's too tricky to use.

Max, there's a crack in the rock over here.

Take the dynamite, put it in there, and blow it.

Okay. Hold it. I'll be right back.

We got one more load.

Well, let's get it and get out of here.

I got the dynamite

close to what I figure is the right spot, Mr. H.

What about the detonator?

I got it.

Okay.

Give us three minutes and then blow it.

But are you sure you want to do this, Mr. H?

We have no choice. Now go ahead, Max.

Okay.

Come on, Max.

Now watch out, Freeway.

Wow. Look at that.

Mr. and Mrs. H, are you all right?

We are now, Max, thanks to you.

And Freeway, too.

Oh, Freeway, oh.

You know, Max, somehow you don't make it as an outlaw.

I thought I might need these,

provided I don't shoot off my foot.

What's going on around here anyway?

Someone's been mining gold slag.

It's gotta be those two cowboys back at that bar.

The storekeeper's in on it, too.

- You sure? - You bet I'm sure.

He sent those guys over here to knock you two off.

Then they killed Turk and set Jim up for it.

Let's go. We can't let them get away with it.

Come here, Freeway.

I got him.

Come on, Max.

Everything about ready?

Yeah, it's all here.

Good.

Take your guns off nice and slowly.

You rotten fink.

Just shut up and take your guns off.

Hold it, Horton.

Stay out of this, Hart.

This is a tourist attraction.

Get ready, folks. We got a shootout coming.

I think it's more than a tourist attraction,

and I think I can prove that to the police.

Maybe. But first you have to...

Max.

Hey, come on out of there.

Come on.

It was Horton's idea.

Take off the guns.

I'll make a deal.

Take off the guns.

Jonathan, watch out! On the roof!

Pretty fancy shooting, Mr. H.

Thanks, Max.

And they thought I was wasting my time

sneaking into the movies on Saturday afternoons.

Oh...

Man's voice: I'm the Marshal of this here town,

and I'm gonna referee this shootout.

Ready? Draw.

Oh, I'm hit!

You're pretty lucky, tenderfoot.

- I got him. - Jennifer: Wonderful.

Wasn't it nice of Jim to send me this present?

It certainly was.

Well, how many times is that?

A dozen.

Oh. Well, that's a nice even number.

I think I'm gonna give up gun fighting.

I like your moves, cowboy.

Now draw.

You took the words right out of my mouth.