All language subtitles for Taskmaster NZ S01E02.eng

Ta-da!

Oh!

Nutsack!

Welcome along! This is Taskmaster.

My name is Jeremy Wells,

and for the duration of
this television program,

I am the Taskmaster.

What does that mean?

It means that many months ago,

five comedians attempted a
series of tasks set by me.

Tonight, we will watch
them attempt these tasks

and delight in watching them
struggle to do very simple things.

Our competitors tonight are

Angela Dravid,

Brynley Stent,

Guy Williams,

Leigh Hart,

and Madeleine Sami.

Tonight I will judge them on what
they did and how they did it

before ruthlessly ranking
them from best to worst.

Then we'll do it again
for eight more weeks,

and ultimately crown a winner
who takes home this

my head made of equal parts
pure gold and pure polystyrene.

Assisting with the tasks
as my trusted assistant,

the Robin to my Batman,

the Piglet to my Pooh,

the Newsboy to my Havoc,

Paul Williams.

- G'day, Paul.
- How's it going?

- How are you?
- Um, my business is folding.

That's terrible news
your business is folding.

N-No, it's going really well.

My business is folding.
It's origami.

I've started an origami business,

so if you need any origami,

send me an email
paulanthonyallen@gmail.com

Maybe we can get that on the screen.

Yeah, it's going really well.

Yeah. My banker says I have
some outstanding payments,

so I'm really stoked.

So pleased to have
Paul assisting me.

He has an incredible passion
for the administering of tasks,

and it was much cheaper to send
him along to the filming

than it would be to send me.

Paul, would you like to
introduce the first task?

As always, each
contestant has been tasked

with donating something
from their personal possessions

to our prize haul.

The person who has brought in
the best prize gets five points,

and the person with the most
points at the end of the show

gets to keep all five prizes.

Tonight, they were asked to bring
in the best thing within a thing.

All right, let's start with you,
Mads. What did you bring in?

I've brought in a little...

A It's a Mexican, uh, type of...

- Ok. There's a concern here--
- ...box.

You can't even explain what
it is you've brought in.

I think they call it a Nichos box.

This is a gift from a friend.
She is a stripper.

- Your friend or the...?
- I don't know, actually.

She originally was standing, but at
some point she's broken her leg.

Is it culturally insensitive

for me to say it's one of the
worst things I've ever seen?

I think it's fucking ignorant,
yeah, really ignorant.

Leigh, what did you bring in?

As you know, I'm a learned man.

I like to read, and I recently
purchased a new bookshelf,

but I didn't really have that
many books to put in it,

so I had to fill it with
books and that was hard to do.

How many books do you have?

And so what I ended up doing is
I filled a wine cask.

That's amazing.

Instead of a wine rack, I've got
like a bookshelf full of wine now,

and I can tell what volume I'm
drinking just from, you know.

You know you've had a big night if
you've drank a whole lot of Tolstoy.

Or...

Or the Hobbit
trilogy or something.

You've got a serious problem

if you're drinking The
Hobbit in one night.

Angela, what did you bring in?

I brought in a chicken. Like,...

a roasted chicken.

And inside is an egg,

and it's all made from cake.

So, hold on,

that's a cake that
looks like a chicken.

Yeah. Yep.

Wow.

What?!

And what's inside the cake
that looks like a chicken?

What's inside it is an egg.
Or what is...

Ok, I didn't realise this was going
to be a hypothetical question.

So, it's a chicken
that looks like a cake,

but with an egg an actual egg?

Yeah, so there's an egg
inside that's also cake.

Like, the in-

So, is the egg one of the
ingredients in the cake

or have you baked an
egg into this cake?

No, no, so there is egg inside
the cake, which is the egg,...

- Yes.
- Ok.

and this is a chicken made from

- Made from eggs.
- No. This is a...

It's pretty remarkable,
you'd have to say.

I mean, we're spending
25 minutes talking about it.

So if you look inside it...

- The unfortunate thing is the Rice Krispies..
- I think we got the vibe.

Brynley, we have to move on. I wish
we didn't, but we have to move on.

Brynley, what did you bring in?

I brought in some
babushka dolls.

Oh, yeah, now we're talkin'.

And inside is a
$50 Denny's voucher.

And all the babushka dolls
are the people in Taskmaster.

Who's who?

Madeleine, then Guy, and then
Ange and then Leigh and then me.

I'm the little one.

So classy.

I like that Guy looks like
he's going to get cancelled.

And since that, I have changed
my look, and I've made it worse.

Guy, what did you bring?

The best thing, we all know,

is like an iPhone or some
money or something like that.

I couldn't be bothered
spending money on that,

so what I did is I got the
best thing before that,

which we all know is sliced bread.
Wow!

There it goes. People,
I can tell, are impressed.

Inside the sliced bridge,
I put a Gillette razor

'The best a man can get.'

Women can't even get these.

I wish you used the razor.

Look, they're all pretty good,
I gotta say.

Seriously, Angela and Brynley, both
of you guys, I think, first equal.

I think five points each.

Huge amount of effort clearly.

- Guy, the least amount of effort.
- Thank you.

- So you get one point.
- Aw.

How'd I lose to the box?!

Well, she gets one
and a half points.

Wow, a half.

For the amount of legs
that her stripper has.

And, Leigh, you get two points.

Don't worry,
there's plenty of time

for the rest of you
guys to catch up.

Let's fire up our first task proper.

Paul, what have you prepared for me?

This task, like most, was recorded
at our top Secret Taskmaster Ranch.

It was designed to test
out contestants' ingenuity

and to test how long I could
hold my arm out in front of me.

Doodle-ooh, doo, doo, doo, doo.

Doodle-loodle,
doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

Doodle-loodle,
doo, doo, doo, doo, doo.

I did some music to save you
guys money on play music.

Doodle-loodle, doo, doo, doo, doo.

- Hello, Leigh.
- Hello, Paul. How are ya?

- Hello, Angela.
- Hello.

It's like you're having a
very lonely birthday party.

- Oh, no, no, that's mine.
- Oh, right.

- No, not that.
- Ok.

It-It's in my pocket.

Oh. I couldn't see it.

Feeling good
about this one.

- You going to a party?
- Nah.

Oh.

'Keep the balloon in
the air the longest.'

'You may strike the balloon,
but you cannot hold it.'

'Every strike must be
with a unique object.'

'Your time starts when you say...

'Your time starts when
you say release the balloon...'

'...which must be within
10 minutes from now.'

I might go get some unique
objects, I think, Paul.

- Ok.
- Coffee or anything or?

- Coffee would be nice.
- I'll see what I can do, ok.

All right, well, I guess I
leave you there for 10 minutes

and I go find some stuff.

Ok.

Good luck holding
that balloon up.

Very simple task, this one.

Spend 10 minutes gathering items
and then spend as long as you can

hitting a balloon with those items.

All right, who's up first?

Well, when I think balloon hitting,

I think lads, lads, lads.

Let's see how the lads did.

It's Guy and Leigh.

Obviously heading to the shed.

That's where I think
my best options will be.

I really struggle to figure out
what your role is on the show, eh.

Like, you could be replaced
with Siri so easily.

Like, you don't need
to hold that balloon.

They could've just
taped it to a table.

It would have done the
same job, if not better.

How we going for time?

You've got five minutes
and 14 seconds.

14 seconds?

- And five minutes.
- Oh, ok.

It's hard to know
what to start with.

Ok.

Ok.

This is gonna be good.

Paul,...

Paul!

...release the balloon.

Release the balloon!

Shit.

Oh, shit. Bad start.

In the sun.

Shit. That's better.

Oh, no!

Oh, fuck.

Done.

How'd we go?

I can't really say how you went,
but how do you think it went?

Pretty damn good.
Probably about 11 seconds.

I don't think anyone else would've
done it quicker than that.

Quicker?

That was the idea, wasn't it?

It was longest in the air.

Oh, was it? Oh, shall I have
another crack at it, then?

No, I'm sorry.

Very confident,
masculine energy from you, Leigh.

Yeah, dead right.

Unless you've been to the Vietnam
War, you don't know what it's like.

I'm not comparing it with that,
but until you've been,

until you know the pressure

you're under trying to
keep that balloon up.

Hard to keep it up, eh, boys?

So, how long did they keep
the balloon in the air for?

Guy kept it up for 16 seconds.

And Leigh thought he kept
it up for 11 seconds,

he actually doubled that.
22 seconds.

Wow!

It's a lot like my sex life
I've doubled that lately as well.

They still pop too early.

22 seconds is the time to beat

if you want to take a
cask of wine in some books

and a very dangerous loaf of bread.

We'll be back soon to
see if anyone can do it.

See you in a moment.

Welcome back to Taskmaster.

Paul, remind us what is going on.

Previously on Taskmaster

the contestants were trying
to keep a balloon in the air

using heaps of unique objects.

Guy and Leigh gave it a crack,

now we're going to
watch some more cracks.

Who have you got for me next?

You may know them from
the TV show Taskmaster.

It's Brynley and Angela.

I might go get a twig,

and there's a boot.

I can strike it, I can also kick it.

A twig and a boot?

Yeah, I have to have
an array of things, eh?

How much time?

- Six minutes, 14 seconds.
- Ok.

How much time?

Four and a half minutes.

'You may strike the balloon,
but you cannot hold it.

'Every strike must be
with a unique object.'

Five seconds.

Release the balloon!

Oh, shit!

If I rubbed it on your head,
it would stay on your head.

It would make it easier to hit.

You want to try that?

Oh, fuck.

Oh!

All right.

Thank you, Angela.

Oh my God.

Angela, are you crying? You had a
little mishap there, didn't you?

I was doing so well after COVID.

Can I ask you what you were going for a
bit of science with the static electricity

before a cruel gust of
wind blew the balloon away.

And then it found a spiky
piece of grass and it just...

It was one of the windiest
days, I will say that.

But I also would say, even on a
calm day, that idea was crazy.

How long did Brynley's balloon
stay in the air for?

- Four seconds.
- Aw.

She gathered 28 items and used two of them.

So, what was Angela's
time in the end?

Zero seconds.

Yeah, it was a big gust of wind.

So I take it we've
got one more entry.

We do.

And it's from our most considerate
and thoughtful and kind contestant.

You'll soon see why.
It's Madeleine Sami.

'Every strike must be
with a unique object.'

Why don't you just rest
your arm a little bit?

- Is that ok?
- Yep.

It was getting really tired,
thank you.

Fair enough, man.

Every strike must be
with a unique object.

Why do I have to strike at it?

What do you want to do instead?

You got six and a half minutes.

What's that?

Release the balloon!

I mean...

- Thank you, Madeleine.
- You're welcome.

Well. Well, well, well.

Truly heroic from you, Mads.

I did think about trying to
leap over the fence there,

but it wasn't a
very forgiving tuxedo.

It was only the fence
that undid you in the end.

And the smell of petrol,

actually, was starting to
make me feel a little bit faint.

Just about would have run out of
petrol, actually, you used so much.

So, how long did Madeleine go for?

Madeleine kept the balloon up
for three minutes and 21 seconds.

So, the scores Angela one,
Brynley two,

Guy three, Leigh four,
Madeleine five.

Whoo-hoo.

So, is it time to summon
the magic of your iPad

and have a look at
the total scores so far?

Currently it's very close.

Brynley out in front seven points.

However, Madeleine is only
half a point behind,

and Angela and Leigh are
only half a point in third.

And Guy's in last with four.

Yeah!

Anyone's game, though.
Anyone's game.

Just like that, I have the
sudden urge for another task.

Have we got one, Paul?

I think you'll find this
task particularly smashing.

Hello, Angela.

Hello! Ho-ho-ho-ho!

Oh, ho-ho-ho, ok.

Hello, Leigh.

Ah, Paul. How's it?

Before you read the task,
please put the safety goggles on.

Ok.

Already have glasses on,
so it's going to be a bit...

Actually, it works great.

'Smash this vase...'

'...as fast and
dramatically as you can,...'

'...and your time starts now.' No!

Those were all $43 vases,
which means Taskmaster
New Zealand season one

had a $215 vase budget.

Which is the largest vase budget
in New Zealand television history.

Yeah, all right!

I can tell you that.
Who shall we watch smash it first?

We've got three
impressive smashes

from three of our most
destructive competitors.

It's Guy, Brynley and Leigh.

'Smash this vase as fast
as dramatically as you can.

Time starts now.'

Is everyone ok? Is everyone ok?

'Time starts now.'

Spade first. Here we go.

That was pretty dramatic.

I'm gonna do the
rest for the camera.

No!

I can't stop hitting you,
but I love you!

Wonderful.

Thank you.

Well, I guess I win. Winner.

All right.

It seems like some people
missed a task there, potentially.

Was there something inside the vase?

I like that you
still didn't see it.

We literally just finished with
a slow zoom on the second task.

I didn't even get it until she got
it and you pointed it out to her.

And now I'm feeling
I missed something.

And Leigh seems
to have still not got it.

Let's check in with Leigh.

I don't know what show I'm on.

Sadly, you guys are disqualified.
It's just the rules are the rules.

- Disqualified?!
- Yeah, the rules of the

- I'm sorry.
- That's quite brutal.

No, it's fair enough, Jeremy,
you've got a job to do. We should

Shut up, Leigh.
You're full of shit!

Should we find out if Madeleine
and Angela found the second task?

We should, Paul,

and we should do it after
something nobody could possibly miss

a series of very loud advertisements
blaring at you from your television.

We'll see you shortly.

*

Welcome back to Taskmaster,

the show where I ask
comedians to do things

and then sometimes we
ruthlessly disqualify them.

What is going on right now?

Well, Jeremy, you tasked our competitors
with dramatically smashing a vase.

Three of them did that,

but failed to notice the
second part of the task.

They're out of contention.

So we're now going to
see Madeleine and Angela.

You know what would be dramatic?
Not using any of these implements,

but that the drama comes
from the fact that I just...

It sort of wasn't as dramatic as...

I was kind of hoping
for smithereens.

Oh.

I just want to smash it now.

Ooh! ok.

Wait, is there another
task inside of it?

Oh, no.

Oh, fuck.

You motherfuckers.

'Reassemble the vase to
its original condition.

'Best reassembly wins'

'You've got 20 minutes.
Your time starts now.'

Fuck's sake. Ok.

Wow.

Can I just A bit
of behind the scenes

Leigh just said to me,
'I'm glad I didn't find that task.'

I was going to say you guys

probably wanted to be
disqualified from that one, surely.

I think I would have pretended

not to see that task if
I'd known what it was.

Ok, shall we see how they did,
putting them back together?

Yes. Here is Madeleine Sami and

Angela Dravid
reassembling some vases.

Ok, ok, this is ok.

I really screwed this up.

Am I allowed glue or even just
like peanut butter or something?

I don't know what I'm doing.

Do you have a balloon?

What did you want the balloon for?

I don't know. To stop
hyperventilating or something.

Oh, peanut butter.
Here we go. Here we go.

Ok, I'm not good at puzzles.
I'm not good at puzzles.

I feel like I'm not
going to make it.

Let's just, um,... let's see.

My masterpiece.

It might hold.

Aw.

Oh, you little ball sack.

You're not a ball sack, Paul.

I was talking about the vase.

- Paul sack.
- A Paul sack.

That's fine.

Something like that's good.

Oh, yeah, just build
it up around there.

I'd say it's going pretty good.
How do you think it's going?

Hard to say.

Done.

Um, it's abstract. I tried.

- Thank you, Madeleine.
- See ya later.

Mmm, peanut butter.

Paul, you said our
vase budget was $215,

but we could just return
both of those vases

and probably get our money back.

Shall we do a side
by side comparison.

I think that will help for scoring.

When you look at those, I feel
like my pile of rubble on the ground

should be reinstated.

- I'm back in the game.
- No, you're not back in the game.

Madeleine's kind of looks like
something you'd smoke drugs out of.

And Angela's is
a metaphor for 2020.

I want to go to the
audience for this, actually.

I'm interested to know.

So who likes Angela's?

Who likes Madeleine's?

No, I think the audience are
right the first time.

Madeleine, you're five, right?
Angela, you're four.

And I actually think, Brynley,
you should get some points as well,

because you had a
particularly dramatic smashing.

Thank you. I thought so too.

You're one, Brynley,
and you guys are zero.

- Zero?!
- Fair judge, fair judge.

Ok, I'll tell you what
I'm in the mood for.

I'm in the mood for
a brand new task.

- Do you have any for me?
- I sure do, Jeremy.

And this time we're
going international.

Oh.

- Hello, Brynley.
- Hello.

- Hello.
- Hello, Angela.

- Hey, Paul, how are ya?
- Good, thanks.

I'm guessing I won't need that.

Ok. You've brought that.

This is interesting.

'Throw this dart at the map...'

'...and hit a country.'

Ooh! It's going to be tough.
There's a lot of water.

You reckon I'm safe to stand here?

You're very safe.
I'm a professional.

My first thought was I was going
to throw it at you for a laugh.

I won't do that. It's dangerous.

- China.
- Mm-hm.

That's what I was going for.

Aiming for... the Netherlands.

The Democratic Republic
of the Congo.

I don't know anything
about that country.

- China.
- It's China.

Ooh.

Bangladesh.

Oh.

Libya.

Oh, no.

Ooh, double task!

A two-parter.

Figured this would happen.

'Write and perform a new national
anthem for your country.'

'The most rousing
national anthem wins.'

'You have one hour.
Your time starts now.'

Let's get this,
Democratic Republic of the Congo.

This could be a
political disaster.

Racially insensitive
everything about this is wrong.

Luckily I am musical, so...

What were you guys worried about?
You seem concerned.

We both got China, and at that
time, I think, politically,

- it was as kind of a...
- It was...

- ...a hotcake.
- Yeah, it was.

It was very...

It felt all of a sudden very
pressured to be on camera.

And we all know that
they can't handle China.

Because of the vase.

- Oh, well done. Oh.
- Sorry.

- Classy.
- I sleep with a lot of dads.

So, they all had a full hour
to research and write their anthem

before performing.

Here they are making
the most of that hour.

What's your knowledge of China like?

Well, it's ok. It's as
good as the next guy's.

But it's whether they
would have approached me

to do a national anthem,
I'm not so sure about that.

You ever been to Bangladesh?

No, but my dad is from
India, which is next to it.

Oh, fish. They like fish.

I remember I was sitting next
to a Bangladeshi man on a bus,

and he told me about fish curry.

What do you know about Bangladesh?

I know they like fish,
but only because you told me.

11 facts about the Democratic
Republic of Congo.

'Congolese armed groups and
elements of the army

'have a long, brutal history of
recruiting child soldiers.'

We'll skip that one.
We'll skip that one.

All right.

Just worried about
offending people

if I get the odd
thing wrong in this.

Um, is that Mandarin?

- Pardon?
- Is that Mandarin you've written?

Well, it's not. I wouldn't
call it full Mandarin, no.

What else do you know about China?

They always have a finalist in just
about everything in the Olympics.

There's always like, 'Holy shit,

'the Chinese are good at that too?'

Please don't damage the desk.

I'll try not to damage the desk,
but I can't promise you anything.

We're gonna write
something about mayo.

Apparently they like to
eat mayo with everything.

- Who doesn't?
- Yeah, who doesn't?

Bangladesh.
How do you actually say it?

'How do you pronounce Bangladesh?'

'Bangladesh.'

I think he's the beat.

Met a guy from...

'Bangladesh.'

I'm so nervous.

Leigh, I'm worried that
after two episodes,

Taskmaster is
going to force a war

between the People's Republic of
China and New Zealand, perhaps.

Yeah, that's my concern as well,

let alone the trade
issues we could have.

A lot could go wrong from the show.

You seem nervous as well.

Listen, at that time
in the news cycle,

there was a lot of negativity
towards China and, you know,

taking this task seriously,

wanting to really go for the
adjective there 'rousing, positive',

I was really trying to
ignore the news cycle

and just focus on
all the great things

that I know and
love about China.

We don't make the
news, cycle, Jeremy.

I can see you two are
actually genuinely concerned.

I didn't realise you were
so passionate about China. Just saying-

I don't think they are.

They're just worried about what's
going to play on the video very shortly.

I'm passionate about the
Democratic Republic of the Congo.

Well, anthems will be revealed

right after we stand for the
national anthem of capitalism

advertisements.

We'll see you very shortly.

Welcome back to Taskmaster.

Paul, what is going on?

Our competitors have been
writing rousing anthems,

and we are about to hear

five new anthems for
five beautiful countries

Libya, the Democratic
Republic of the Congo,

Bangladesh, China and China.

I'd like to hear the
Bangladesh one first, please.

One Bangladeshi national
anthem coming right up.

This is the national
anthem for Bangladesh.

It's just me and ma...

next to my pa.

He's from India,

which is next to Bangladesh.

And I'm in the middle...

like Malcolm.

I met a guy from...

'Bangladesh.'

I said, 'Say that again.'

'Bangladesh.'

And when he left, he went to...

'Bangladesh.'

And I never saw him again

'Pronouncenames.com'

- That was so good.
- That was so good!

Your voice is gorgeous.

I knew you were a musician, and
I knew you could sing, Angela,

but I wasn't expecting any
collaboration that good, that tight.

And sometimes you just get
into the studio and magic happens.

I have to say, I feel like I asked
you to help me with the music

and you said, 'No.'

Magic wasn't there.

All right. Who's next, Paul?

It's the first of our Chinese
masterpieces. Leigh Hart.

Here we go. It's called China

We Are Great.

China, we are great.

China, we are great.

In spite of all the
copyright laws you break,

China, we are great.

We are one, we are many.

We've got streams and mountains

home of the Yeti.

We've got the Great Wall of China,

and amazing Chinese diners.

It's where I want to live my life.

Get a number 43 with rice,

here in China.

Right here in China.

Gorgeous.

Great guitaring, Leigh,
and great lyrics as well.

Do you want to elaborate

on the great meals that
you want to eat in China?

What was it? A number 45?

43 with rice, I think it was.

I'm not sure what that is,
but it sounds good.

I was disappointed there
wasn't a Mandarin in it.

Can I be honest?

She did a full Mandarin or
Cantonese version originally,

but we decided it would
be culturally insensitive

seeing as I didn't
speak the language whatsoever, so...

Where are we going to go
next on our Tiki tour, Paul?

We're taking a trip
with Brynley Stent

our destination, the
Democratic Republic of the Congo.

And this is my national anthem

to the Democratic
Republic of the Congo.

Here we go.

Oh, I'm so proud

to live in Democratic
Republic of the Congo.

We have a national park.

It's full of boulders.

But please don't
talk about the wars

or the child soldiers.

Break it down!

Yo, yo, yo, we DRC.

We border nine other countries.

First in Angola,

Burundi too. We have enough
wildlife for a million zoos.

Next up, don't forget
Central African Republic.

And we ain't afraid to
eat mayo out in public.

South Sudan, Tanzania and Uganda,

and lastly, we border Zambia.

Thank you.

Stop.

Hope I did them proud.

Is there really a national
park full of boulders

or did you just need something
to rhyme with child soldiers?

I just needed something that
rhymed with child soldiers.

You said you weren't going
to put child soldiers in there!

I said, in the lyrics,

'We won't talk about the
wars or the child soldiers.'

But you did.

My original version was
about two minutes long,

so they've actually cut
out a lot of other stuff.

Your favourite lyrics?

There was about another 90
seconds on the child soldiers.

And can you tell us about

the child soldier
uniform you're wearing?

It did seem a bit rough

because you are dressed as
a member of the Hitler Youth.

No, I'm a scout!

Why didn't none of the
production tell me I look Hitler Youth

when I came to the show.

Who's next?

We're heading back to
China with Madeleine Sami.

Will she mention
their famous diners?

Let's find out.

This is my anthem for China.

Be aroused.

Fuck the Western World,
we're China.

China.

We're in the Olympic finals

for just about every sport.

We manufacture all your things,

from Apple Watches
to swimming rings.

Let's face it,
you don't make a thing.

We control the world's economy.

Fuck the Western world,
we're China.

China.

Our population's booming
despite our one-child policy.

We're the biggest and the best,

we work harder than the rest,

to Donald Trump
we'll never pander,

we've also got pandas.

China.

China.

China.

China.

China, oh-oh.
We are the best.

China.
We're the best.

China.
We're the best.

China, oh-oh.

Oh, Chi-i-i-i-i-

na-a-a whoa, oh, oh, oh. Yeah.

Wow, those Celine Dion vocal
gymnastics at the end,

the Chinese would have
been proud of those.

For me it's like what you'd
sing in a Chinese diner,

but a Chinese pub, maybe.

Well, maybe a Chinese stadium now.

Fuck the Western World
I can see the saying it.

I reckon your vocals
and guitar were great,

but I reckon Paul
was weighing you down.

He was flat. I'm going
to come out and say it.

Watch it, because you're up next.

- Ooh, here we go.
- So you're about to be judged.

I've never felt more anxiety
about anything in my life,

and I can vaguely remember
what I did, and it's not good.

Here he is one of the
top two Williams brothers,

it's Guy Williams.

My name is Guy Williams, and this
is my national anthem for Libya.

It's a song to unite the people with
the spirit of the country of Libya.

It's called...

Unite the People With the Spirit
of the Country of Libya.

Are you ready for some fun

and a song

about Libya?

Paul solo!

Are you ready

for a song

and a song

about Libya?

It's a country in our hearts,

and our soul. Long live Libya.

I like the people, with the

- Time's up.
- It's not time up.

It's time up.

Can I at least finish the song?

Like, I just was getting to
the big conclusion of the song.

What was the
conclusion gonna be?

Was it going to be
the same lyrics again?

A little bit, yeah.
Some of the same lyrics,

but, like, with more intensity.

Well, I guess that's
your free time now,

so you can sing it, if you like.

All right. A bit
more music from you.

- I'm off the clock.
- Ok alright

Are you ready for some fun?

And a song about Libya?

Are you ready for some fun

and a song about Libya?

Are you ready for a song

- and the...
- Don't break the desk.

Don't damage the desk.

That was pretty rousing, though, eh?

No, I need you to leave now.

Are you ready for some fun...

I need you to leave now.

...and a song about Libya?

Leave now.

You're standing on
my jandal. I can't leave.

Are you ready for a song

and some love about Libya?

Are you ready for a song

and a song about Libya?

Everybody!

Are you ready for a song

and a song about Libya?

Whoo!

It was definitely the least
musical of all of the anthems.

It was fucking hardcore!

I smashed two guitars!

I would've smashed
three if they had three.

It was quite a bit longer.
We did cut it down a bit.

The full version was five
minutes and 37 seconds, which is...

Get on Spotify after this.
It's on Spotify after this.

It is 17 seconds shy
of Bohemian Rhapsody.

- So, you come last.
- What?!

And, Brynley, because
of the child soldiers,

you're going to have
to come second to last, so

one point for Guy,
two points for Brynley.

That's fair.

I think three points for Angela.

I thought it was a
good song, actually.

Four for Leigh.

He managed to somehow just
skirt round the outside of racism,

which is quite impressive.

And then I think Mads for those
vocal gymnastics at the end.

Thank you. Thank you.

Let's take a break and
return for a less musical,

but equally riveting,
final part of the show.

We'll see you shortly.

Welcome back to Taskmaster.

We are just one task
away from finding out

who of the five comedians

is the best thing since sliced
bread with a razor blade inside.

Shall we take a quick peek
at our scoreboard, Paul?

Madeleine is out in
front with 16.5 points.

Angela in second with 13,

Brynley and Leigh in third-equal,

both with 10.

Guy's in last with five.

I was gonna say, it's still
anyone's game, apart from Guy.

So then let's head over to the live
task zone for the live task!

Now, if I'm not mistaken, Paul,

this is the great moment where
one lucky audience member

gets to pose naked for us.

Very mistaken.
Yeah, you are extremely mistaken.

We're going to do a live task.

Guy, please read the task.

Thank you.

'Draw a map of New Zealand
using yeast spread.

'The most accurate map wins.
'You have 100 seconds.'

So, obviously we've called it
yeast spread for legal reasons.

To associate it
with yeast infections?

There's two types
of yeast, though, yeah.

This is the not that
type that you're thinking

I know what you're thinking.

But if you had it,
how would you get rid of it?

- Is everyone ready?
- Yeah.

You've got 70 seconds left.

What artist are you
channelling there, Bryn?

- I don't know any artists.
- Ok, fair enough.

That artist I'm channelling is
Brynley. I'm just looking at her one.

Oh, fuck off, Guy.

20 seconds.

You should be putting the
finishing touches on it now.

Six seconds.

Knives down.

Ok, my yeasty cartographers,

would you like to turn
around your maps, please?

We'll start here. Angela.

Ok.

I mean the North Island,
she's not Te-Ika-a-Maui, is she?

It's also a cross.

But that's not what you were asked
to do, unfortunately, Angela.

You were asked to draw
a map of New Zealand

- as accurately as you could.
- I thought it was pretty good.

Ok, let's move on to Brynley.

So, my one, um, I struggled a
little bit with, um, spatial awareness.

It's kind of like that
kid who writes their name

and then they run out of room on
the page and it goes down a bit, so

I made the- the North Island,
um, quite, quite large,

and then I ran out of
room for, uh, Stewart Island, so

- You're from Christchurch, so you...
- I am from Christchurch.

I thought you'd do the South
Island a bit better than that.

Yeah, yeah.

I've only been to the South
Island once and it was last year.

That's good.

- What have you got, Guy?
- I give you New Zealand.

Aotearoa.

Oh man. Ok

Also put on here
the Pitcairn Island,

whatever the hell
that weird one is.

- Pitcairn Island.
- Part of New Zealand.

What is that one?

Pitcairn Island is over by South
America. That is miles away.

No one cares!
They're weird people!

We pretend they're not
part of our country.

Ok, Leigh, what have you got?

This is all of
New Zealand for you,

and it's got a bit of stuff there.

Actually, if anyone's on
a road trip or something

and they want to borrow this,

they could stick it on your dashboard,

you can go to where
you want with this.

I began to wrote
'Aotearoa' up here at the end,

but I didn't get a
chance to finish that.

Madeleine, looking
forward to this.

Ok, I'm just going
to turn this around.

I sort of also did suffer from
the special awareness thing,

the same way that Brynley did,

but I did what I've seen
in a couple of maps,

and these create
a little square here

just to do the bottom
of the South Island

that I couldn't get, cos I just
wanted to focus in on there.

Ok, everyone, take their
seats, and I'll announce

who's drawn the map that
leads directly to my heart.

Welcome back. There's
some wonderful yeasty maps there.

I'm going to score you
guys worst to best.

I think the worst was Guy.

So one point for Guy.

And you know that, Guy.
I think that's fair.

Your North Island was terrible.

You've been harsh, but you've
been fair, Jeremy. Thank you.

Thanks very much.

Madeleine, you're going
to get two points.

You're going to come second to last.
Ok.

- Brynley, you get three points.
- I'm happy with the bronze.

Angela, you get four.

And that means that the winner
of that task is Leigh Hart.

Meaning the winner of tonight with 18
and a half points is Madeleine Sami.

Congratulations, Madeleine.

The things within things can now
be things within your house.

It has been a night of learning.

We've learnt that peanut
butter can fix anything,

a leaf blower is
a balloon's worst enemy.

And we've learnt that our episode two
winner is none other than Madeleine Sami.

Please go and celebrate
accordingly, Madeleine.

All right.

We'll see you next
week on Taskmaster.

Oh.

I am contractually obligated
to play this video.

I'm very, very sorry.

Money, baby.

Thank you, Paul, you sexy thing.

Ooh.

That's beautiful.

Paul, I don't want to ask
you for too much help,

but can you help peel my underwear
off while I hold my genitals?

- Shall we move on from this?
- Yep.