Original subtitles

- You know I don't get it. - Shh!

Why would the bounty hunter go for Wyatt instead of me?

Really? Your feelings are hurt because you weren't the one

who was abducted or worse?

I'm just saying.

An attractive, slightly scaly MPC with horns and demon eyes

leaks out, you'd think she'd target me.

Maybe chicks with horns go for the more intellectual types.

I'm every girls' type.

Look. There's the portal.

She must be close.

She's got Wyatt.

Hey!

Drop our nerd.

[growls]

[all] Tulta Munille!

Okay, quest log to do.

Gorko camp raid to retrieve the bloody head of Brial.

Beheading quest. Loving it.

Nah, the head's already been cut off.

We're just picking it up.

Picking up heads is boring.

We also have an evil bounty hunter quest

and a celebratory French fries and gravy mission

at Bear's Superstar Diner.

Whoa, whoa. Back up.

Uh, Bear's Superstar Diner?

In real life?

Yes. Hangout IRL.

Yeah, you know we've been hanging out for...

uh, like two hours, man. I gotta catch up on some other stuff.

Oh, come on, Wizza. We practically saved this town.

I mean no creatures have leaked out of the game sense.

If that doesn't call for a trough of gravy fries,

I don't know what does.

Nah, dude seriously, like you know, I'm busy.

I got uh...football meetings.

I got that English project.

And you know if I don't see Kate tonight,

she's gonna rip my head off.

Lyle, I don't get it.

Your English paper isn't due for three weeks.

What's going on?

All right, listen.

You guys are my gaming friends.

They're my hanging-out friends.

You just can't mix two, you know.

It's like peanut butter and asparagus.

You mean a total taste treat?

I mean, you got your protein, your green vegetables,

and your pee smells awesome.

Okay, on that note, I bid you guys a good evening.

And I'll see you online tomorrow.

How about you, Dante?

I'm not sure my mom should know

I'm hanging out with you.

She'll get all sorts of hopes and expectations for me.

Like better grades, better hygiene.

You know those are standards I can't live up to.

[bell rings]

[cell phone rings]

[rings]

Snacks, why didn't you say that at first?

[Lyle] What's up, Angie?

Good thinking.

We'll take pictures to prove we're here

so we have an alibi for what we're really doing.

What are we really doing?

It's for yearbook. I'm in charge of hallway candidates.

Oh, great.

Except this isn't the hallway.

And candidates aren't staged.

Just something I picked up from my baby modeling days.

Ah!

[Angie] Good work, boys.

Your surprise was very natural.

Dude, did you just photo bomb us?

No. Since you guys want to hang with me IRL,

I'm memorializing our epic heroic deed.

Now Angie can slip the photo in the yearbook

and label it something subtle

like "Saviors of Daventry Hills."

- Or... - Um...

"Super Secret BFFs" or

"Super Secret BFF Saviors of Daventry Hills"

and nobody will ever be the wiser.

Except us.

So this was all your idea.

I don't like to brag. Okay, I do.

I am the genius who thought of this brilliant idea.

Very roguish of me.

Dude!

Come here!

You seriously got to drop the whole "Let's be friends IRL,

and go get fro-yo together" thing.

It's not going to happen.

I got a rep to protect.

And you better squash that photo,

or you're gonna hear from my agent.

Your baby modeling agent?

Uh-huh!

Well, I guess there are no snacks.

Roguish indeed.

[sighs]

Okay, what's the final velocity of the bowling ball

as it crashes into the pins?

And why do we care?

Wyatt?

Huh? What? Nothing.

I just-- nothing.

Wyatt?

I just...

I figured if the guys and I

can't show our friendship in the yearbook,

at least I can post this photo so we can show it in the game.

Look, I added a cool border.

Ah, it's so cute in a sad, nerdy kind of way.

Here, let me fix it.

Last week I photo fixed Susie Bowles' pink eye

and made it look 50% less mucusy.

Do you want me to airbrush that zit? I can do it.

No thanks, but awesome of you to notice it and point it out.

That's what friends are for.

Hmm.

Go me.

Now what?

Well, I hacked a game so we can drag and drop

photos into one of the preexisting posters.

Wow, you just out-nerded yourself.

Okay, where do you want it?

Uh, there.

Okay.

[sighs]

Look, Wyatt.

If the guys only want to hang out with you online,

then it's their loss. Okay?

Are you sure you don't want me to airbrush that zit?

Just leave my face alone.

Okay, back to the work.

All right, so velocity equals--

[Angie] Is it distance times time-- distance over time--

[Wyatt] You paying attention?

Velocity equals distance per time.

[Angie] Why do we need to know any of this information?

Where's that little chart?

[Wyatt] Oh it's going to be a long night.

[bell rings]

[beeping]

A leak. No way.

[beeping]

Snacks.

[Lyle] This better not be about

getting another sneak-attack group shot,

because fluorescents and these cheekbones

do not go well together.

No, this is way more important.

Well, make it quick 'cause I just had a gigante Dante

breakfast burrito, and I'm about to make the air in this closet

toxic on an epic scale.

- Uh. - [Wyatt] Okay.

Something's leaked from the game again.

There are no snacks, are there?

Stop trying to trick us into hanging out with you, man.

I'm not. There must be some sort of breach

in the firewall or something.

This is huge.

See for yourselves.

[sighs]

[Dante] And we've got a blank screen.

So this is how far you've sunk?

Now you're faking leaks to get us

to spend time with you outside the game.

I didn't fake a leak, okay?

Whatever came out must have had cloaking capabilities,

or be a wraith or a Level 40 or higher mirroring element.

Those guys don't show up on radar.

It's time for Neverfail to come out of retirement.

I think we need to get him a professional friend.

Wyatt definitely needs help.

I know some people.

Guys, we're in a closet.

I can hear everything you're saying.

- And now he's hearing voices. - Umm.

Okay, Wyatt, it's just that...

Oh... Breakfast burrito.

I'm about to have a leak of my own!

[screaming, coughing]

- Something is wrong with you. - No it's just...

No and something is seriously

medically wrong with you.

Thank you. And please stick around for the encore.

Spoiler alert. It involves cheese.

[beeping] Of course.

Now you're working.

What?

They're in school.

I've never seen her here before.

And I don't think he surfs.

Mr. Remington? The new librarian.

Of course he surfs.

People don't wear puka shell necklaces

because they look good.

But it was just here a second...

[sighs]

Paranoia will destroy ya.

Aah!

[Boy student] Wyatt, look out!

[Girl student] It's running away.

Ah-ha!

[Students] - Are you okay? - Dude!

Lyle!

Uh, sorry.

My fail.

[laughter]

The leak. He's after me. That's him, right there.

He's gonna suck my soul out through a juju sharmin blow-dart gun.

Poor kid. Cracked under the pressure

of too many AP classes, man.

Lyle, it's Colonel Remington in the library,

with a pencil star.

You know it's worse than I thought.

I better take him to the nurse.

No, no!

Colonel Remington?

The new librarian.

School's web page says he served in the military.

But I'm thinking it's a bogus buyout.

The only military he's ever served in

is Maldark's Army of the Vile.

He's very strange.

You're right.

He might be a Level 68 bookworm.

Very funny.

I'm telling you he's trying to kill me.

Look. I have been attacked with each and every one

of these deadly weapons.

School supplies?

Oh, no.

He's after me too.

Quickly, save me from this library book

which I'm never going to read anyway.

You're right. It may be filled

with high-grade goblin explosives.

Fire in the hole!

Uh!

And...nothing.

Must have been a dud.

Okay, you are totally bat guano.

All this doing your homework on time,

and though it pains me to say it,

playing too many video games

is really starting to affect you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Let's not blame video games.

We all know the real culprit is homework.

Guys, Neverfail never fails, huh?

Huzzah?

Tulta Munille.

Tulta it's over.

There is no leak, man.

Get it together, or we're going to have to think about

unclanning you, Black Death.

[groans]

Good luck raiding the Gorkol camp without Black Death's

awesome gold budgeting skills.

Oh, hey. I love what you've done to the place, Dave.

Need any help budgeting?

Yeah? Okay.

- You-- - Aah!

Wyatt Black,

have an overdue library book.

And I would appreciate it if you could please

return it within 72 hours

so I don't have to send you a warning about the possibility

that we might consider giving you a fine.

Hey, thanks for listening.

Have a super-duper day.

What a great attitude.

I wish more students felt that way about the library.

[Teacher] Physics and aerodynamics

go hand-in-hand. So make sure that your airplanes

have tight creases to insure speed and accuracy.

Maybe they're right, Wyatt.

Maybe you're just being paranoid.

I'm not being paranoid. I'm just being hunted by a leak

from a video game that nobody can see but me.

No talking, Mr...

Black. Wyatt Black, ma'am.

What have we here, Mr. Black?

Oh, I took some liberties to maximize the, uh--

No, you did not follow instructions.

Start again.

What is up with the sub?

Aerodynamically speaking, my revisions to the classic form

would have been...

What? It's a conceptually flawed design.

You're a conceptually-flawed design.

She's totally cool, Wyatt.

She's making physics fun.

Miss Linden-Looper, I'm done.

May I be excused early

to get some hallway candids for the yearbook?

Sure thing. Just put your plane on my desk.

See? Totally cool.

Mmm...

Best sub ever.

Hallway candid.

[whispering] Best.

Much better, Mr. Black.

Well, not technically. The snub-nosed design will

significantly improve the lift-drag coefficient

of the aircraft in the flow field, but...

I disagree, Mr. Black.

I prefer a nice, sharp point.

[Wyatt] Nothing like a healthy disagreement

to advance the field of physics.

[bell rings]

Airplanes on my desk, please.

Oh, Mr. Black.

Why don't you stay behind a few minutes?

I would love to continue our illuminating discourse.

That sounds good. I was worried you were give me a detention.

I can't imagination anything worse than that.

[laughs]

[growls]

[sighs]

Hmm, a little red eye removal here.

Worst substitute ever.

I gotta warn the guys.

Someone has snacks.

- Oh! - Let's go!

So there I was. Fourth and long.

Coach just said, "Go for it."

Lyle, pretty people's parliament's

gonna have to take a recess.

We have an emergency.

All right, I got it. Red, take over for me.

So there he was. It was fourth and long.

Coach just said, "Go for it."

So he took the snap, stretched back his sinewy arm...

Okay, what's your problem?

- Wyatt. - I know.

He's on the breakdown express to crazy town.

I think it's hormonal.

Angie, you're somewhat of a girl.

- Do you think -- - No, it's not hormonal.

It's real, okay? Check out the new sub.

- She hot? - You tell me.

- Yeah, she's hot. - Yeah, I'd take that class.

Look closer. Creepy red eyes that won't go away

no matter how many times I try to adjust them.

Yeah, maybe your photo fixing skill are--

Don't, okay? Because I've got crazy mad photo fixing skills.

- Scaly neck skin. - Okay, Angie.

Just because you're a freak, does not mean you're a leak, Angie.

Shame on you.

Nasty, but this is a prime example why you ladies

need to take care of yourselves now.

Okay, this youth is fleeting.

Find a good moisturizer. Start a nightly routine.

In, out, do what you can.

- And she has horns. - Yeah.

Yeah I don't think they make a lotion of that.

Wyatt was right, dude.

Creatures are starting to leak from the game again.

I have to go to the bathroom. But then, it's time to knock

this digital creep back to the computer world.

We gotta tell him.

Oh, my gosh.

I hoped I'd never have to witness something this horrible.

It's awful, man.

Those jerks from Crosstown High

- threw a brick through our window. - Oh!

Or...

the sub grabbed Wyatt and jumped out the window.

Or that.

You know, Wyatt did say something

about a portal spiraling in the woods.

The woods!

Whenever I jump out of a window at this school,

that's the first place I go. Come on!

Hey!

[growls]

Drop our nerd.

Aah!

[both] Oh!

Major DPS.

Wait, what's DPS?

Damage per second.

Why didn't you just say that?

'Cause it's quicker that way!

Well, not anymore it isn't.

Oh, now I get it.

Nice sharp points.

Look out!

[hissing]

[gasp]

[screams]

[both] Tulta Munille!

Aah!

Oh, no.

Butterflies! I get knocked on my butt for butterflies!

What kind of girlie weapon is this?

Okay, that's it.

Broche Jacksonist!

Ohh!

Oh! My bad, Wyatt.

[snarls]

Hey substitute, you got some cheese?

'Cause I've got a cracker.

Skull cracker. You get it?

I've been saving that cheese line for a long time.

[laughter] Huz to the zah, you crushed it.

Oh! That is not all that you crushed.

Ha, you know I would say to put some ice on that,

but... look like you already did, so.

Okay, why was a shade demon member of the Sisterhood

of Bounty Hunters and Assassins, Local 313,

trying to kidnap me?

Wait a minute, Angie.

Where exactly did you put that picture of us?

On the wall you pointed to.

Wall? I pointed out a kiosk.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Kiosk.

Why would Angie put our photo up on an Eskimo's house?

[laughs]

Well, I guess the Neverfail clan's

going to be kicking it IRL after all.

You ready for this? The three of us back together.

Well, no one else is going to save this town.

Should make Wyatt happy, right?

Um, hello.

Grand marshals of the clueless parade.

He doesn't want to hang out with you

just when there's a crisis.

He misses having you guys in his life.

His real life.

Yo, Wyatt.

One sec, I gotta take this picture down

before she-eddy sees it.

That would be too hairy. Literally.

You wanna grab a bite?

Actually, I have a little reflux going

from all the excitement.

Wait a second.

Together?

Clan snack time, man.

Done and done.

Bear's Superstar Diner?

Actually, I got a better idea.

How is an old person's pie shop better?

Total anonymity.

We're the youngest people in here by a century.

And the strawberry rhubarb pie is the bomb.

Plus nobody bats an eye at our weapons

as long as they're disguised as walkers.

See, the perfect place.

[Wyatt] So we're playing tonight?

- Of course. - Word.

Nice. Next quest we're raiding the field of prairie zombies.

All right. I say we do some recon.

We got to climb those trees in the forest of Broomfickle.

Ah, come on, man. I hate climbing those trees.

Can't we just get, like, a winged dragon?

Do you know how much those cost?

And you don't have to say winged. It's implicit.

Oh, yeah? I don't have to say winged because it's implicit.

Well guess what. I don't know what implicit means, so there.

You're implicit.

[laughs]

Oh, man, I missed this.

Uh, excuse me, sir.

Would you mind taking a picture of me and my friends?

- Sure. - All right.

Word.

You gotta...

- Oh! - Wait um. Okay, um...

[Lyle] Works for me.