Original subtitles

What's this made out of?

Hello, hello.

Oh, there he is, took you long enough.

Sorry, I got caught up in something.

Oh yeah, produce boy?

I wish.

No, it was instead, an onion issue.

- Of course. - Oh my god,

I fucking hate when that happens.

Yeah, me too.

What kind?

There's just a million different types of onions

and I didn't know which specific kind I needed,

so I had to call my mom and ask her.

And what did Bev have to say?

She literally just told me to call my grandma and ask her,

so I had to call my grandma and she can't hear anything,

so I'm in the middle of the store just screaming,

"Onions, onions, what kind of onions for the stuffing?"

And it was just embarrassing and terrible.

Well, we could have always made the stove top stuff,

it would have been easier.

That's easier, but also terrible, as well.

We have to do it right our first time.

Well, if we want to do it right,

we should probably be doing it naked.

Like naked on the table?

All three of us on the table, yeah.

That doesn't sound sanitary.

You're such a prude.

Maybe you can make me get on board.

Okay, yeah, I can do that.

First, let's start dinner, though

so we have something to eat.

Yes, agreed.

Fair enough.

So many stuffings in this bad boy.

This is young and ready.

What did we say, 425?

I'll get you, produce boy.

Yes, you can have that.

I think I'm good with this, oh.

That's for all of Thanksgiving dinner?

I can do this part, no worries.

I can, uh, this side of the Mississippi.

Did you get past cooking class in high school or?

This is what you're gonna look like

when I'm done with you.

You guys, I think it's ready.

There we go.

I like that sound.

Where's the measuring devices?

Well, you're the expert!

I'm just gonna chill and watch this all.

You stir all that stuff together.

For now.

Yes.

Getting ass while you do this...

There's no timer set!

Wouldn't it be so funny if I did?

So that's gonna take like three hours to cook.

So, what exactly are we going to do until then?

I mean, I can think of like

four whole things to do in that amount of time.

Are you getting at something with that?

I mean, if you guys wanna get at it?

I'm game.

We have the time.

This is really good, Tyler.

Thank you for having us over.

I really thought we'd be having Taco Bell tonight.

No problem.

Although tacos would have probably tasted better.

No way, you did a good job.

This is really good.

I'm not much of a cook.

So not true.

Yeah, everything was delicious.

Well, thanks guys.

We'll see if you still think that way

after the pie that I made for dessert.

It kind of fought back.

Killer pie?

I can't wait.

Me either, I'm gonna be right back, though.

Is it a pumpkin pie,

or is it a buttermilk pie, or what?

Oh, it is definitely a pumpkin pie.

Did you at least put whipped cream on it?

I forgot the whipped cream!

You got pumpkin pie with no whipped cream!

What's up?

That was really nice what you said at the dinner.

Oh, it's no big deal.

You beat yourself up too much.

Your cooking's really good.

Thanks.

Yeah, of course.

So, I have other talents too.

Do you?

Yeah.

I saw you here on Thanksgiving, right?

We like walked past each other.

Yeah, I did come here on Thanksgiving.

This is where I like usually come to shop for my groceries.

Yeah, me too.

I noticed you that day, and then we pulled up

like right next to each other today,

so I'd noticed you and I thought I'd say hey.

Oh, Hey, and thank you.

It's nice to be noticed.

Yeah.

It would be nice to get your snap or something.

I was actually just gonna say the same thing.

Yeah, I'll add you.

Cool.

Got it, cool.

Did you want to shop together?

- Yeah, sure. - Okay.

You're late.

It's probably 'cause we don't want to do this shit.

You guys shouldn't have joined a frat

if you didn't want to do dumb shit.

Now take off your shirts and put on your hats.

Couldn't we practice this in our clothes

and maybe without the Santa hats?

What don't you understand about dress rehearsal?

Someone's being extra bitchy today.

Y'all annoying.

I don't want to be here any more

than either of you do, so let's just do this and get done.

Stop dragging it out.

Let's do it.

That's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell,

that's the jingle bell rock.

Oh my God, we're gonna look so dumb.

Speak for yourself.

I'm gonna kill this obviously.

Yeah, you're doing really good.

You've really got those hip movements down.

I mean, I guess you can say, I know how to handle my hips.

I bet we could handle them too.

Oh, so you're trying to end practice

with a bang, aren't you?

I mean it is tradition.

Oh, so that's why you were annoyed that we were late.

Maybe.

Let's get the party started.

Let me go take a shower.

He's so predictable.

Maybe predictable, but he did good.

Hey, babe, can you grab me a towel?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me a second.

It's really hard to do by myself.

Are you gonna help me?

I thought I told you I'm not really a Christmas guy.

Well, I am.

And I'm happy for you.

You know, you asked me to be your boyfriend yesterday.

I remember.

And I said yes.

I also remember.

But I can't have a boyfriend

who's gonna be a Grinch on Christmas, so...

- Seriously? - Yeah.

Christmas is really important to me

and this is gonna be our first one together,

so I wanted it to be kind of special.

How can I make it special for you?

You can help me with the tree and smile.

You're so needy.

Yeah, well, if you forgot how needy I was

I can remind you after we're done.

Well, let's get done then.

All right.

Oh, how pretty.

Are you in the Christmas spirit now?

Maybe, just a little bit.

So am I on your nice list yet?

You're getting there.

I know how to get there.

Yeah?

- Hey. - Hey.

Whoa, could it really be you?

Oh, shut up.

It's like I'm talking to a ghost.

Come on, don't be like that.

It's exactly like that.

You said we would still hang out and talk to each other.

I haven't seen you in a while.

I've been busy with frat stuff.

You're always busy with frat stuff.

Come on, I just called cause it's near Christmas,

And?

And we spent the last few Christmases together,

so I've been thinking about you.

Okay, well, I've been trying really hard not

to think about you.

And how's that working?

Not too good.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey, sexy.

I missed you.

I missed you.

Come on in.

I can't believe you managed to get away on Christmas Eve.

What'd you tell Eli?

That I was doing some last minute shopping.

Sneaky, sneaky.

Hang on, I want to give you something.

I thought we weren't doing gifts.

Yeah, you're right, but I want you to have it.

Holy fuck, this is amazing.

Yeah, you're worth it.

Now I feel like shit for not getting you anything.

You didn't get me anything?

All right, so I really think that you're gonna like this.

I had to go to a few different places

to find it, but I got them.

Oh, okay, thanks.

You didn't even open it yet.

Oh yeah, sorry, just a second.

Oh, these are nice.

Yeah, you talked about them for a while, so...

Thank you.

Yeah.

And here you go.

That one's for you.

Babe, you mean so much to me.

Get yourself something nice.

It's a gift card.

Yeah, I figured you could get yourself,

something yourself, isn't that thoughtful?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so, so thoughtful.

Thanks.

You hungry?

Um, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cool, I'll make breakfast.

Thanks.

Hello?

Hey there.

Hey.

How was your Christmas?

Um, it was okay, how was yours?

It was pretty good, just spend it with the frat guys.

Of course you did.

Don't be like that.

It's why we broke up.

No, it's not.

I dumped you.

It's definitely why we broke up.

You spent all your time with them

and you had no time for us.

Well, I want there to be more time for us.

There is no us.

Well, there could be.

That would include the both of us wanting that.

And you don't want that?

I don't know what I want.

I want to spend New Year's with you.

Well, I have plans.

Doing what?

Johnny's having a party.

And I'm not invited?

No, we broke up.

So?

Look, you could come, I'm sure he wouldn't mind,

but you've got to bring some friends.

I'm not gonna spend my time with you.

Oh, so you want me there, but you don't wanna hang.

I'm not gonna devote all my time to you,

so you should bring some friends.

I see how it is.

Text me the details and I'll be there.

Perfect.

I'm excited to see you.

Yeah, me too.

Crap, what did I do?

I got the game all set up.

Oh awesome.

Yeah, my parents got their hands on

it and gave it to me for Christmas.

Where'd you get that watch?

Got it for Christmas.

From who?

I...

Fucking save it, I know exactly who you got it from.

Stop.

How could you do this with my boyfriend?

You're supposed to be my friend.

I am your friend.

No, the fuck you're not.

Yes, I am, and that's the issue.

How is that a problem?

Because it's not what I want.

Clearly.

No, no, you don't get it.

I knew Travis was fucking around

on you long before him and I did anything.

What?

I knew you wouldn't believe me, so I had to get proof.

You're so full of shit.

I'm not, Eli.

I did it to get to you.

What are you even saying?

I want to be with you.

I knew if I showed you that Travis was a dick, proved

to you at the right time, that I'd have a chance.

I'm so confused.

Listen to me, he is not who he says he is.

He's been with a lot of people, like countless people,

and I didn't have proof until today,

and that's why I'm showing you and you need to dump him.

And I'm supposed to trust you?

Yeah, I never meant to hurt you.

It was only twice, wasn't gonna get

to a third time and I had a plan.

What's your plan?

I've been recording him.

Stop.

I'm serious, I can show you.

No, I don't want to see that.

I promise I'm your friend.

I want to be more.

I want you.

I love you.

This is insane.

He gave you a watch after you sucked his dick twice.

Yep.

This is insane, I can't even process it.

Then, don't.

I'm pretty sure I hate you.

I hope you hate him more.

I gotta go.

What are you going to go do?

I'm gonna go break up with the bitch.

What about us?

I don't know, I haven't decided.

Can I call you later?

I'm not sure if I'll answer.

I hope you do.

Probably won't.

Hey.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I'm sorry, should I leave?

No, no, come in.

I'm actually glad you came.

It's been a while since we've seen each other.

Yeah, that one was on purpose.

I know.

I broke up with Travis.

I figured.

I thought about what you said.

About how everything went down

and why everything went down?

Yeah.

And how do you feel?

I think I feel the same way.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, I mean, I'm still pissed,

but I just kind of want to see where everything goes.

Go get dressed.

I thought you were going to say the exact opposite.

We are gonna go to John's New Year's party.

Okay.

Hey, you almost ready?

Yep, should be just another minute.

All right, cool.

Think there's going to be anyone interesting

at the party tonight?

It's Johnny, he always has some

interesting people at his parties.

Yeah, sure starts the year off right, though.

You wanna know what would start my year off right?

I have a few ideas.

Oh my God, I haven't been in a room

with this many hot guys in like ever.

Oh, that's right, we haven't introduced you

to Johnny and the gang yet, have we?

No.

Pricks have been holding out on me again.

So which one is Johnny anyways?

Right there.

Okay, I could get into it.

All these are like straight, or like what?

Kinda everything.

Don't you want to know which one Chase is?

You know, I could just go through your Instagram

and check every single picture that you post

because you're the only person who still posts

pics with their ex and chooses not

to delete the old ones either.

Shh!

Yeah, you're totally obsessed with him.

Definitely more than obsessed, like he's crazy.

Oh my God, guys, stop.

Johnny?

Yeah, how's it going?

Oh, pretty well, I'm Garrett.

Nice to meet ya.

Nice to meet you.

Jace and Riley are my fraternity brothers,

so I'm just here with them.

Yeah, Riley's kind of on my shit list.

Oh, are you like close with his ex or something?

Yeah, you know, I don't know why Chase wanted him here

but to each their own, I guess.

Yeah, I don't know, Maybe Riley's just trying

to figure it out.

Yeah, and I totally respect that,

like that's decent of him.

So are you with anyone?

That's a very complicated question.

Like, do you have a boyfriend, do you have a girlfriend?

Do you have a fuck buddy, do you have a lot of fuck buddies?

Do you have a group every Sunday night in your basement?

I mean, you know, I do all right for myself.

Why, are you trying to be something of one of them?

I'm just trying to be on that dick, if we can be honest.

All right, I'd like that.

I got something you might be interested in over here.

I would love to go with you.

All right, yeah.

All right, I'm done with you now.

Oh, ow, so now I'm officially dismissed?

Okay, I don't,

No more use for me?

I don't mean it like that.

I'm just not trying to get like a

New Year's Eve kiss or something gross like that.

Well, how about I give you one right now?

Okay.

All right, now go back to the party.

Have some fun.

Yes, sir.

I mean we can do that next time if you want.

And let me tell you this girl,

like she knows about plants.

Like I'm a plant gay, but no, she is a plant queen,

like she's on a whole different level.

I need her number.

Oh, absolutely.

Just one second, okay?

Yeah, just let me know.

You look so good tonight.

You don't look too bad yourself.

I'm glad you noticed.

Yeah, I noticed a lot of things.

Like what?

Like you brought all your frat guys here.

You told me you you were gonna ignore me all night.

I didn't say it exactly like that.

Close enough.

All right, this is it.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.

Happy New Year!

God, I missed you.

I missed you, too.

I'm crazy about you.

Let's start the year off right, okay?

Fuck, you're perfect.

What's perfect is you.