Original subtitles

[Jeremy on the phone] Hey Seth,

I am... here. In Wilmington.

I just got to your hotel.

Yeah, let me know if you are in the building, man.

I think you... are at work or something.

So, just give me a shout back.

I'll wait in the lobby. Alright. Bye.

Oh, my gosh, hi.

-Hi, Luke. -[laughs] Welcome!

Jeremy.

[both] Mr. Davis.

-[Jeremy] Yeah! -[Marie] Uh, welcome...

Thank you, very much,

I just, I'm waiting for... Seth.

Who I guess you guys know.

-[Regine] Yeah! -[Marie] It's so surreal,

to see you.

I am-- I am a huge, huge fan.

-[Jeremy] Oh, yeah. -And I have seen every single episode.

-Twice, yeah. -Multiple times.

[laughs] Wow, that's so...

[Marie] It means so much to me.

Honestly, like it really...

it... it raised me.

-Oh, wow. -And it's the first time

I felt a lot of feelings.

Whoa.

You know, it awakened me.

-Especially you. -[Regine] Yeah.

This is very flattering,

-that's very flattering. -You're flattering.

That's... you're flattering.

-[Regine laughs] -It's crazy.

This is crazy that you're here.

[Regine] Well, we don't have to, um, stand here,

We can get you to your room now.

Oh, you know what, I'm just gonna wait for Seth.

-Um, yup. -[Regine] OK.

He's got the extra bed, right, so I'm just gonna

-kind of stay with him, -[Marie] Oh.

-bunk up with my buddy. Yeah. -[Marie] Oh.

-OK. -Wow.

-That's... -I had no idea.

-No idea? Wait-- -[Regine] You know what, I'm so proud of you.

-For...? -[Regine] For being yourself, in your own skin.

- It's unbelievably courageous. -Everywhere you go,

-I mean, it's-- -Wow.

[Regine] You're just not praised enough.

Oh, I think you guys... No, I think you have the wrong idea.

-I'm just staying with him to-- -Staying in the room with Seth.

-[Jeremy] Right, yeah. - Yeah, right.

So... I guess I'll just hang until he gets here.

[Seth] Oh, hey!

-[Jeremy] Hey! -I've been calling you.

[Regine] There he is.

[Seth] Oh, man!

Good to see you, buddy.

[Seth] Good to see you.

-[Jeremy] Yeah. -God, you feel good.

Don't say that in front of them.

[Regine] Golly gee!

You two in the same room

-with us? It's really... -[Marie] Sparks.

Here we are, and...

-Keep things sanitary. -Are you serious?

Think about where that thing's been.

Basically rolled it through diseases

for four hours to get here.

You're getting so much worse

since you've been out here.

Now this is the sanctuary.

This is where we zen.

I got my yoga mat here,

if you wanna throw that out.

You wanna do some

breathing exercises,

just kind of get focused?

And, you know, clear your mind.

-Yeah, totally, dude. -Yeah.

Yeah. That's gonna be awesome.

[Seth] Get fired up

-and let's go. -Sweet.

Should we do a little, uh... appetizer?

You flew with that?

Well yeah, I didn't buy it at the airport.

What if you had a rogue water bottle in your backpack

and they just pulled that thing out and the next thing you know,

they're pulling out the cocaine?

I don't drink water when I travel.

What if you had a lotion that was over four ounces in your backpack, huh?

-How 'bout that? -I don't even use lotion.

What if you put your cologne in there and didn't know...

-Don't wear cologne. -...you put your cologne in there. Next think you know,

They're pulling fucking four ounces of cocaine out.

Or, nobody finds it.

And then we go out tonight, we have a really good time,

we meet all kinds of really cool people, really rich people, people that have boats.

People that have boats love cocaine. Right?

We make it all the way down to Miami, we party.

You know Shaq? Shaquille? Shaquille O'Neal is DJing,

down in Miami.

He DJ's now.

We could go see Shaquille O'Neal... DJ.

We're in North Carolina.

We're halfway to New York from Miami.

Oh.

Wow. Pfft! Look at that.

Look, dude, don't get comfortable with taking

fucking cocaine on an airplane. Alright?

Alright, I will never do it again,

when I'm coming to see you.

I gotta go to work on Monday so,

you just keep that to yourself

and we'll have a good time.

-Alright. -Alright, cool.

Hey, you have deodorant, right? Like the roll-on...

Yeah, yeah, just go ahead,

just, you know, carve off

a layer when you're done.

Just... yeah.

[no audio]

[Seth] Where the fuck's the water, man?

[sneezes]

I don't think I can eat any more.

[Jeremy] Kind of ruined the meal for me.

Yeah.

This hot sauce down here is the real deal.

What is this? Do they just make this in the back?

Can we get those waters, please?

[Jeremy] How 'bout... how 'bout the ladies out here, man?

Any, any... southern belles?

-Any...? -Uh...

Not really concerned with that right now.

Just kinda like, here to work, I'm all business.

You only work like, four days on this thing.

And you're here for, like, three weeks.

Yeah, I know but like, I just, you know, I just kinda wanna

keep my head in the game.

Just like, trying to keep the focus.

What about Sarah? Are you still talking to Sarah?

Well, I've...

been talking to her a little bit.

Well, actually, I called her.

I called her on the phone the other day.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, so, I'm just gonna, you know,

let that simmer for a little while.

We got some plans in the future.

I'm just gonna not talk to her for the rest of the shoot.

That's... isn't that what they call ghosting someone?

When you just don't talk to them for two weeks?

-That's not ghosting someone. -She's gonna think you ghosted her.

-I'm not ghosting her. -She's gonna think you ghosted her.

Well...

From everything you've told me about Sarah,

she's, like, a very serious woman.

She's serious about what she does,

she's dedicated, she's focused.

That's what's great about her,

-she's different. -Probably...

Maybe you need to show the level of...

commitment back to her,

that level of focus back to her.

And I feel like especially, since you're an actor,

you're gonna, you're gonna have to work against the stereotype.

You know? She already sees actors as like,

flighty, self-involved, you know, assholes.

She's probably expecting you to ghost her at any moment.

I like to think that I'm different.

[Jeremy] That's exactly what I'm saying.

You have to work that much harder

to show her that you're different

Ah, I don't know, man.

You've got my two cents,

I think you should call her.

No, no. I think we leave it. We got plans.

We should get really drunk and text her.

-That's a horrible idea. -No, it's a great idea.

-It's a terrible idea. -Let's get some shots.

Could we get three shots of tequila?

Four, actually?

I figured you'd want two as well.

-[Jeremy] Let me see your Instagram. -[Seth] No, man.

Let me see it on your phone then.

[Seth] No. No, it's like letting

the pervert into the park.

[Jeremy] The pervert in the...?

[Caleb] Seth.

Ah! Hello, what's up, man?

[Jeremy] Oh, nice.

-[Caleb] Alright! -[Seth] Look at that!

That's awesome.

How did you find, like, uh,

so what was it, like a real raccoon?

-Like a dead raccoon? -I had to kill it.

[Jeremy] You had to kill the raccoon?

Before we take this shot, what do you think

about my friend Seth here...

getting, like, a little loose, a little drunk, and, uh...

FaceTiming his crush back home?

Oh, I love this idea.

Big fan of this idea.

You're killing me, Caleb.

I wish I never invited you out tonight.

[groaning]

[Jeremy] If you're not gonna do this FaceTime, you gotta do--

[Caleb] Picture! Send a picture.

Are you enabling him?

Come on, man, whose side are you on?

-[Seth] Are you drunk? -[stammering] I'm on love's team.

[Seth groans]

[Seth] Alright, alright.

I'll do, like, the stand up bass.

Ooh, this is good, this is good,

make it sexy.

Nothing sexy about that, but alright.

Put that bass up to that chin.

Slap that thing, there we go.

Pop that shirt off, maybe.

[Seth] You know, like Rat Pack.

"Rat Pack"ing it?

What's Rat Pack?

How do you Rat Pack?

Just ... I'll point.

I'm going to point at this ball--

-Stop pointing! -[Caleb laughs]

Don't put your arm around me.

Oh, OK.

One, two, three...

[exploding sound]

Chicks love witches, dude.

[Caleb] That looks exactly like witches

-riding brooms. -Wizards, right?

[Caleb] Woo! Hocus pocus!

[Jeremy] Yeah.

You send this to her,

while I go get us some shots. How about that?

[Seth] Yeah, let me get right on that.

[Caleb] OK, I'll shoot.

I'm not sending it to her.

I'm not sending it.

You're not gonna send it?

Just... No.

[Seth] Oh!

[Jeremy] Aw, yeah.

[coughs]

The fuck is that, man?

I'm gonna puke, I'm gonna puke.

-[Jeremy] Don't puke. -I'm gonna puke.

[Caleb] Send a picture of the puke.

[Jeremy] Do it.

Aw, he swallowed it.

[snorts]

Oh, my God.

-[heavy breathing] -[Caleb] I got a boner.

Yeah--I told you, I think-- am I talking too much?

No, no, no, it's all good.

Man, I'm so happy that you flew with this.

Yeah, right?

We should dance, man, we should dance.

Like dance classes, out here?

We could take a dance class.

-[Caleb] I love it here. -These people are so nice.

-Everyone's so cool. -[Caleb] You're so cool.

-Yeah, you're cool! -You're cool, man!

-[Caleb] Are we good? -Yeah, feeling good.

-I'm feeling good. -I'm revved up, man.

-[Jeremy] Alright. -Let's go do some karate.

-[girl on phone] Is there gonna be an Eternal reunion? -[Seth] I don't know!

[reporter on phone] There you have it, folks,

Seth Stewart, keeping those Eternal reunion rumors alive.

That's not what happened.

Hey.

-Hey. -How's it going, man?

You're the, um,

TV guy!

On the... Extra...

-Eternal. -Eternal!

Eternal, yeah.

Oh, man, it's Seth, right?

-Yeah. -I'm Brad.

Good to meet you, man.

-[Seth] How it going? -I'm great, man. I'm great.

Hey, how's that feel, huh?

-Hmm? -Going from like, the height of fame,

like hot shit, to...

this low budget, bullshit stuff

you're working on now?

Does that affect you?

-[Seth] Uh... -Like, get into your interior?

-[Brad] Yeah? -Funny guy.

No, man, I'm just,

I'm just here doing my job

-[Brad] You know... -I'm happy to work, is all.

We're all just trying to do our jobs, too.

We hear you. And we really don't appreciate

you coming onto our campus

and fucking with our ladies.

Oh, no, no, no, that was...

No, man, that was an honest mistake.

-[Brad] Like, half your age. -I was just on a... I was just on a jog.

I didn't know where I was running,

I'm not from around here, man.

-And I just... -Hey, you think you got a nice face?

Fuck face.

[man] Big dog, easy man.

Low-hanging fruit, brother.

You gotta be fucking desperate, right?

Get off me. You too.

[yelling]

[Brad] I need you to get off of me, alright?

-I need you to leave me alone! -[Jeremy] Hey, you wanna go?

You wanna fucking go?

[yelling]

[Jeremy hits the floor]

I'm ready to fucking go right now!

[Caleb] Brad? Brad!

Caleb! Whattup, brother?

[Brad laughs]

Good to see you, man!

[Seth] Goddammit, dude!

It was supposed to break.

[Brad] This is the guy I was telling you about.

-The mushroom guy! -[Brad] Yeah!

Sometimes, sometimes.

Sometimes!

Don't you tell me only "sometimes"!

[Brad] Yo, you remember last January?

You stop fighting.

I'm not fighting nobody!

I'm not fighting anybody right now!

[Brad] Fuck you!

[Jeremy] Come on, man. Gonna leave me in there?

Real fucking slick move, Jeremy!

What the fuck was that?

Trying to get us arrested, huh?

You trying to get me fucking arrested?

Oh my... Sheesh.

It's fucking not bad enough that you fly here with cocaine,

like a fucking idiot.

And then you try to get in a bar fight and get me arrested too?

OK, OK, first of all,

that guy was fucking with you, man.

You expect me to just stand back and

-let that happen? -I can fucking take

-care of myself, alright? -Second of all,

oh, I flew here

with cocaine. Big deal.

You're really locked up right now

You're in your own fucking head.

And I'm just trying to show you how to have a good time.

-Enjoy this time. -[mocking, slurring] "Show me how to, have a good time," huh?

Cause I'm not here to fucking work or anything, right?

I'm not here to get paid to do a fucking job

where I need to be taken seriously.

[Jeremy] Taken seriously?

You wanna be taken seriously, Seth Stewart?

Then why are you doing a low-budget horror film,

called fucking Shadow Stabbers?

[Jeremy] Didn't mean that.

Didn't mean that.

It's a good movie.

I'm sure you're really good in it, Seth.

I'm sorry, man. Come on.

[Jeremy] Ah. Come on, man.

[Seth] Fuck, man.

-[Jeremy] Sorry. -[Seth] Fuck.

[stutters] Did you touch my fountain?

Why is my fountain not working?

[Jeremy] I didn't touch it.

Just needs new batteries.

-It's simple. -[Seth] No.

Don't take the batteries out of that.

It's plugged into the wall.

Put...

Take this, put the batteries back,

and put that fucking down.

Fuck.

You're fucking gross, you know that?

You're gonna get pink eye!

Fucking gross-ass kid.

[knocks head]

Fuck!

Goddammit!

[Jeremy] You fixed it.

[Seth] Goddammit. Goddammit.

Goddammit.

[Jeremy] You OK?

[Jeremy groans]

[peeing]

Jeremy!

Fucking peeing, man!

Fuck.

[Jeremy] I fixed the fountain, Dad.

[peeing]

[sighs]

[exhales]

No, no, no, no, no.

[exhales]

Forgot syrup.

Fuck.

How's that, uh,

hangover?

It's pretty brutal.

[Seth] Yeah.

I bet.

Hey, look man,

um...

I gotta be honest with you. You know,

I like to...

to have you...

down here right now, and, you know,

it's nice to...

to be with you, but like,

I don't think it's a good time

for you to be here.

What do you mean?

[Seth] I... you know,

I thought it was gonna be all right, but it's just

now that we're kinda here,

I just, I think it's best for both of us if...

What?

[Seth stammers]

You want me to leave?

Well, you know, I...

[Jeremy] I can--

Maybe just go somewhere else.

Look, I know that you are working

through some stuff and, you know, I'm obviously,

I'm here for you when I can--

Yeah, I'm sorry. Look, if this is about last night,

I'm really sorry about that.

It just got way out of hand.

-[Seth] I know. -I was just trying

to have your back, you know.

I shouldn't have been in there, man.

I shouldn't have been in there.

You shouldn't be in a bar?

-No, man. -On your day off?

What's the big deal?

I'm here to work.

I wouldn't have been in there, if you weren't here.

[Seth] You know?

I don't wanna, like, lecture you here,

I'm not, like, your dad.

I just need, you know, you to... to work through

-some stuff right now. -You need me to leave.

You need me to go. Yeah, that's cool.

[Seth] I want you to go work through some stuff

on your own, you know?

Not in a bar.

With some local assholes.

[Jeremy] I understand, man. I get it.

Say no more.

-[Seth] OK. -I can change my flight, there's a...

I think there's like a two o'clock out,

so I'll just, I'll change it

-to this afternoon, and uh... -[Seth] OK.

I'll see you...

-I'll see you back home. -[Seth] Yeah.

Yeah. I think-- I think that's the best

-for both of us. -[Jeremy] Yeah.

[Seth] You know?

You wanna get some syrup?

-[Regine] Mr. Stewart! -[Marie] Mr. Davis.

-[Regine] Mr. Davis. -[Marie] Mr. Stewart.

[Regine] Good morning.

So, we need to talk,

-about a little something... -[Marie] Yeah.

There was a little pee-pee in your room.

It's actually a lot of urine.

On a corner of the whole carpet.

It's a quarter of the carpet.

[clears throat]

That was my fault, I will, um--

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

[Marie] I mean, no big deal.

It's um... there is a little small fee.

It's a $250 fine and we can take care of it

really fast at the desk.

OK? It's not a big deal.

[Seth] Let me get you a car, here.

No, I got it.

I can get it.

No, it's already here. Literally, it's right there.

See? He's calling me.

Oh.

Uh... yeah, man.

Thanks for... thanks for the trip.

-It was fun. -[Seth] Yeah.

Thanks for, you know,

coming all this way down here.

-Absolutely. -[Seth] Yeah.

It was fun while it lasted.

Right?

Hey, it was...

too much fun.

Um... [clears throat]

Hey. Come on. Bring it in.

I'll see you.

Have a good rest of your shoot, alright?

Thank you.

Keep doing good work.

[door shuts]

Mr. Stewart! I grabbed your package.

[Marie] Oh, yay! You found the package.

I did!

We just wanted to make sure that we

were the only ones handling your package.

Yeah. We didn't want anybody else's

hands on your package. Besides ours. Yeah.

So.

[Marie] I just want to apologize,

it did arrive a week ago.

Thank you.

[Regine] Enjoy, uh, your package,

as much as we did.

[Marie] If I know you at all,

you are going to love it.

And I do know you.

[Regine] She does.

Thank you.

[Marie] Isn't he

-so sweet? -The sweetest.

-My God. -I mean.

Just a keeper.

You're so lucky.

It's very sweet.

Thank you.

Do you think he's actually a vampire?

[sirens wail]

[Seth] ...picked the wrong cop to mess with.

[phone dings]

Nice.

[Jeremy] Come on.

[sighs] OK.

[Cassidy] What are you doing here?

Came to settle a bet.

Cassidy, I'm sorry, I did not

want it to happen this way.

[Cassidy] OK. I want you both out. Now.

Harsh.

I thought we were all becoming friends.

We're not friends.

We're never gonna be friends.

Cassidy, we can fix this.

Please, just...

just give us a minute.

[Cassidy] I've given you five years, Luke.

[Cassidy] Five years!

For you to realize

that he is evil, and he shouldn't

be part of our life, and you won't

learn, and I can't--

I can't give you another minute.

[Damian] That's our Luke!

Can only see the good in people.

[Luke] Shut up, Damian.

Please, I am begging you.

Just let us explain.

-[Michael] OK, look. -[Andrea] I wanna do them, my stunts myself.

[Michael] Well, look, the key to good stage combat

-is trusting your partner. -I trust you.

[Michael] OK, good.

Do you trust me?

Absolutely.

I'm gonna control the action

so then you, so you act

-you act like you're attacking me. -OK.

-OK? -[Andrea] Just go,

-go for it. -You're the aggressor.

-Oh, shit! -That was a pretty good shot.

-Sorry, I'm just pumped, you know? -Alright.

So now, I'm gonna come under like that.

-And then get you like that. -OK.

And then when I go like this, I'm just gonna move my body,

I'm not actually gonna put any pressure on your arm.

-Okay, okay. -And then you have to react to that.

So that's the whole key, is you selling it.

[both groaning]

[Andrea] Goddammit!

-Is that too much? -No, it's pretty good.

And then, in real life, if you ever get in this position,

you can just totally blow out the guy's elbow.

-Tendons and ligaments and... -Would that actually happen?

Oh, yeah, just come spewing out everywhere.

[laughs]

[laughs]

[phone rings]

-Just a... -Yeah, yeah.

It is... I've just gotta take this for a sec, sorry.

-OK. -Izzy, hi! Are you back?

[Izzy] Yes, I am back,

and I'm already back on set.

You know how it goes.

[Andrea] Yes. I do. It never ends.

I'm actually just running lines with Michael right now.

You and I need to catch up,

when are we going to get together?

Oh, my God, dude, we have so much to talk about.

I have some exciting news for you!

Hey, are they gonna see my feet?

-Uh, no. -OK. Can I get my UGGs?

-Yeah, sure. -Thank you.

Um, quickly, before they call me back,

have you checked Twitter

in the last hour?

Specifically Jeremy's?

No, why?

Um...

I think you should check it.

Oh, God, what's he done?

Just...

Check it.

OK.

OK.

What is it now?

I don't know, I'm about to find out.

[phone chimes]

Oh, Jeremy.

You dipshit.

[phone chimes]

-Jesus. -What is it?

This is my life.

This is...

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

[Jeremy typing]

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]