Original subtitles

President Trump is in China right now

President Trump is in China right now

President Trump is in China right now and the whole US news media has gone

and the whole US news media has gone

and the whole US news media has gone along with him which means we at home

along with him which means we at home

along with him which means we at home are getting a rare look at some of

are getting a rare look at some of

are getting a rare look at some of China's cultural wonders. This is the

China's cultural wonders. This is the

China's cultural wonders. This is the Family Mark convenience store in

Family Mark convenience store in

Family Mark convenience store in Beijing. Inside is a Galbot robot. The

Beijing. Inside is a Galbot robot. The

Beijing. Inside is a Galbot robot. The dominance of AI. Beijing is trying to

dominance of AI. Beijing is trying to

dominance of AI. Beijing is trying to lead the way in AI and also in humanoid

lead the way in AI and also in humanoid

lead the way in AI and also in humanoid robots. Let's go inside. This is the

robots. Let's go inside. This is the

robots. Let's go inside. This is the first of its kind for this kind of

first of its kind for this kind of

first of its kind for this kind of interaction. If you want to order

interaction. If you want to order

interaction. If you want to order something. Hello. Can I get a sausage,

something. Hello. Can I get a sausage,

something. Hello. Can I get a sausage, please?

>> A sausage.

>> A sausage.

>> A sausage. You went to China, home of one of the

You went to China, home of one of the

You went to China, home of one of the most famed cuisines in the world, and

most famed cuisines in the world, and

most famed cuisines in the world, and ordered a convenience store sausage

ordered a convenience store sausage

ordered a convenience store sausage bread. You're making us look weird in

bread. You're making us look weird in

bread. You're making us look weird in front of our future overlords.

front of our future overlords.

front of our future overlords. Although, it could be worse. Usually

Although, it could be worse. Usually

Although, it could be worse. Usually when someone at Fox News asks someone to

when someone at Fox News asks someone to

when someone at Fox News asks someone to grab their sausage, it comes with a $10

grab their sausage, it comes with a $10

grab their sausage, it comes with a $10 million lawsuit. So,

million lawsuit. So,

million lawsuit. So, by the way, look at that robot just

by the way, look at that robot just

by the way, look at that robot just standing there in the back. I love that

standing there in the back. I love that

standing there in the back. I love that even in our tech future, there's still

even in our tech future, there's still

even in our tech future, there's still one guy at work that does absolutely

one guy at work that does absolutely

one guy at work that does absolutely nothing.

nothing.

nothing. But as for the summit itself, Trump's

But as for the summit itself, Trump's

But as for the summit itself, Trump's welcome got off to a nice start when he

welcome got off to a nice start when he

welcome got off to a nice start when he was greeted by children upon children

was greeted by children upon children

was greeted by children upon children upon children. But then things took a

upon children. But then things took a

upon children. But then things took a turn for the worse when Trump was

turn for the worse when Trump was

turn for the worse when Trump was confronted by stairs upon stairs upon

confronted by stairs upon stairs upon

confronted by stairs upon stairs upon even more stairs.

even more stairs.

even more stairs. But after all the greeting and the stair

But after all the greeting and the stair

But after all the greeting and the stair climbing, it was time for the actual

climbing, it was time for the actual

climbing, it was time for the actual summit. A chance for President Xi to

summit. A chance for President Xi to

summit. A chance for President Xi to explain his position in simple, clear

explain his position in simple, clear

explain his position in simple, clear terms Donald Trump could understand.

terms Donald Trump could understand.

terms Donald Trump could understand. >> President Xi said that he hoped the two

>> President Xi said that he hoped the two

>> President Xi said that he hoped the two countries could avoid the so-called

countries could avoid the so-called

countries could avoid the so-called Thusidities trap. It's a historic

Thusidities trap. It's a historic

Thusidities trap. It's a historic reference about a great power being

reference about a great power being

reference about a great power being threatened by the rise of another.

threatened by the rise of another.

threatened by the rise of another. >> Damn it, G.

>> Damn it, G.

>> Damn it, G. You're going to hit President TRUMP WITH

You're going to hit President TRUMP WITH

You're going to hit President TRUMP WITH A THUSIDITY TRAP. NOW you're making his

A THUSIDITY TRAP. NOW you're making his

A THUSIDITY TRAP. NOW you're making his brain go up a flight of stairs. Come on.

brain go up a flight of stairs. Come on.

brain go up a flight of stairs. Come on. All right, President Trump, don't let

All right, President Trump, don't let

All right, President Trump, don't let this guy history mog you. Show Show him

this guy history mog you. Show Show him

this guy history mog you. Show Show him you can communicate in equally

you can communicate in equally

you can communicate in equally sophisticated terms. Chinese restaurants

sophisticated terms. Chinese restaurants

sophisticated terms. Chinese restaurants in America today outnumber the five

in America today outnumber the five

in America today outnumber the five largest fast food chains in the United

largest fast food chains in the United

largest fast food chains in the United States all combined. That's a pretty big

States all combined. That's a pretty big

States all combined. That's a pretty big statement. Yeah,

statement. Yeah,

statement. Yeah, >> that's my president.

>> that's my president.

>> that's my president. >> Putting his understanding of geopolitics

>> Putting his understanding of geopolitics

>> Putting his understanding of geopolitics into fast food terms. He gives a summit

into fast food terms. He gives a summit

into fast food terms. He gives a summit speech like a third grader who got

speech like a third grader who got

speech like a third grader who got assigned in China for his geography

assigned in China for his geography

assigned in China for his geography project. In conclusion, China is a land

project. In conclusion, China is a land

project. In conclusion, China is a land of contrast. And I brought Panda Express

of contrast. And I brought Panda Express

of contrast. And I brought Panda Express for everyone.

for everyone.

for everyone. I got to say, it appears to be a good

I got to say, it appears to be a good

I got to say, it appears to be a good sign to see all this bridge building

sign to see all this bridge building

sign to see all this bridge building because I was under the impression that

because I was under the impression that

because I was under the impression that our relationship with China was growing

our relationship with China was growing

our relationship with China was growing increasingly tense and bitter,

increasingly tense and bitter,

increasingly tense and bitter, especially over Taiwan, which China

especially over Taiwan, which China

especially over Taiwan, which China wants to take back. We want to keep

wants to take back. We want to keep

wants to take back. We want to keep independent. But I'm sure all the

independent. But I'm sure all the

independent. But I'm sure all the goodwill between Xi and Trump carried

goodwill between Xi and Trump carried

goodwill between Xi and Trump carried over into their closed door meeting

over into their closed door meeting

over into their closed door meeting about Taiwan. During a two-hour closed

about Taiwan. During a two-hour closed

about Taiwan. During a two-hour closed door meeting, she reportedly delivering

door meeting, she reportedly delivering

door meeting, she reportedly delivering a stark warning to Trump on the issue of

a stark warning to Trump on the issue of

a stark warning to Trump on the issue of Taiwan, which China sees as its

Taiwan, which China sees as its

Taiwan, which China sees as its territory. She telling Trump if the

territory. She telling Trump if the

territory. She telling Trump if the issue is handled poorly, the two

issue is handled poorly, the two

issue is handled poorly, the two countries will collide or even clash.

countries will collide or even clash.

countries will collide or even clash. >> Ho ho ho. Tough talk, President Xi.

>> Ho ho ho. Tough talk, President Xi.

>> Ho ho ho. Tough talk, President Xi. Perhaps you've forgotten that you're

Perhaps you've forgotten that you're

Perhaps you've forgotten that you're talking to America, the country that's

talking to America, the country that's

talking to America, the country that's just about to start kicking Iran's ass

just about to start kicking Iran's ass

just about to start kicking Iran's ass any day now.

any day now.

any day now. And if you want to step up to us with

And if you want to step up to us with

And if you want to step up to us with all this thusidities crap, then why

all this thusidities crap, then why

all this thusidities crap, then why don't you dit on these nuts?

don't you dit on these nuts?

don't you dit on these nuts? Now, I know Donald Trump's not going to

Now, I know Donald Trump's not going to

Now, I know Donald Trump's not going to take a tongue lashing like that. Our

take a tongue lashing like that. Our

take a tongue lashing like that. Our president's definitely not going to walk

president's definitely not going to walk

president's definitely not going to walk out of those talks looking like he's in

out of those talks looking like he's in

out of those talks looking like he's in a hostage video.

a hostage video.

a hostage video. >> How are your talks, sir?

>> How are your talks, sir?

>> How are your talks, sir? >> Wait.

>> HOLY WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?

>> HOLY WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE?

>> HOLY WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE? That was like asking Tiger Woods how the

That was like asking Tiger Woods how the

That was like asking Tiger Woods how the drive home went.

drive home went.

drive home went. >> All right, DT, do you want to expand on

>> All right, DT, do you want to expand on

>> All right, DT, do you want to expand on that? Maybe. Maybe uh defend Taiwan.

that? Maybe. Maybe uh defend Taiwan.

that? Maybe. Maybe uh defend Taiwan. >> Talk about Taiwan.

>> Talk about Taiwan.

>> Talk about Taiwan. >> Great place. Incredible. China's

>> Great place. Incredible. China's

>> Great place. Incredible. China's beautiful.

>> What happened in the meeting that made

>> What happened in the meeting that made

>> What happened in the meeting that made him really not want to talk about

him really not want to talk about

him really not want to talk about Taiwan? He's out there like, "Don't you

Taiwan? He's out there like, "Don't you

Taiwan? He's out there like, "Don't you guys want to talk about anything else?

guys want to talk about anything else?

guys want to talk about anything else? Jeffrey Epstein? I got a lot of

Jeffrey Epstein? I got a lot of

Jeffrey Epstein? I got a lot of redactions. I got time. Let's chat. So,

redactions. I got time. Let's chat. So,

redactions. I got time. Let's chat. So, after day one of this trip, I definitely

after day one of this trip, I definitely

after day one of this trip, I definitely have way more questions than answers.

have way more questions than answers.

have way more questions than answers. What does Xi say to Trump behind closed

What does Xi say to Trump behind closed

What does Xi say to Trump behind closed doors? Can our two nations avoid the

doors? Can our two nations avoid the

doors? Can our two nations avoid the famous two centipedes trap? How many

famous two centipedes trap? How many

famous two centipedes trap? How many Chinese restaurants are there in the US?

Chinese restaurants are there in the US?

Chinese restaurants are there in the US? Hell, I don't even know if Brett Bear

Hell, I don't even know if Brett Bear

Hell, I don't even know if Brett Bear ever got his sausage. This is the first

ever got his sausage. This is the first

ever got his sausage. This is the first of its kind here, and they say there are

of its kind here, and they say there are

of its kind here, and they say there are going to be many different iterations.

going to be many different iterations.

going to be many different iterations. So, there's a real big back and forth.

So, there's a real big back and forth.

So, there's a real big back and forth. >> HE GOT HIS SAUSAGE. YEAH.

YES.

YES.

YES. And look, it's just a it's just a a

And look, it's just a it's just a a

And look, it's just a it's just a a loose sausage on a plate. Yum. The

loose sausage on a plate. Yum. The

loose sausage on a plate. Yum. The robots are like, I know you are going to

robots are like, I know you are going to

robots are like, I know you are going to eat this with your hands, you American

eat this with your hands, you American

eat this with your hands, you American pig.

pig.

pig. For more help understanding the summit

For more help understanding the summit

For more help understanding the summit and the complexities of China, let's go

and the complexities of China, let's go

and the complexities of China, let's go live to Ronnie Chang.

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. Of

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. Of

Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie. Of course, we have to check in with you for

course, we have to check in with you for

course, we have to check in with you for this.

this.

this. >> Yeah. What do you mean, of course,

>> Yeah. What do you mean, of course,

>> Yeah. What do you mean, of course, you're checking in with me? Why? Why? Of

you're checking in with me? Why? Why? Of

you're checking in with me? Why? Why? Of course.

course.

course. >> Well, I mean,

>> Well, I mean,

>> Well, I mean, >> you've got you your you have your you

>> you've got you your you have your you

>> you've got you your you have your you have your expertise.

have your expertise.

have your expertise. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In in what?

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In in what?

>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In in what? >> Well, you are when I when I'm thinking

>> Well, you are when I when I'm thinking

>> Well, you are when I when I'm thinking of you. Oh, when I'm thinking of you, I

of you. Oh, when I'm thinking of you, I

of you. Oh, when I'm thinking of you, I think you are your expertise. You have

think you are your expertise. You have

think you are your expertise. You have you are you you're you're you're

you are you you're you're you're

you are you you're you're you're Chinese. You're Chinese, right?

Chinese. You're Chinese, right?

Chinese. You're Chinese, right? >> Yes. But

>> Yes. But

>> Yes. But >> well, no, that doesn't mean I'm the

>> well, no, that doesn't mean I'm the

>> well, no, that doesn't mean I'm the China guy.

China guy.

China guy. >> Okay. I don't assume you're the expert

>> Okay. I don't assume you're the expert

>> Okay. I don't assume you're the expert on Slender Man just because of how you

on Slender Man just because of how you

on Slender Man just because of how you look.

look.

look. >> Okay.

>> Okay.

>> Okay. >> Okay. Mean, but accurate. But as long as

>> Okay. Mean, but accurate. But as long as

>> Okay. Mean, but accurate. But as long as you are here, why don't you help with

you are here, why don't you help with

you are here, why don't you help with this? I I need information.

this? I I need information.

this? I I need information. >> No, no, no. I'm putting my foot down.

>> No, no, no. I'm putting my foot down.

>> No, no, no. I'm putting my foot down. All right. I'm not your China expert.

All right. I'm not your China expert.

All right. I'm not your China expert. I'm not even from China. Hey, Jordan. I

I'm not even from China. Hey, Jordan. I

I'm not even from China. Hey, Jordan. I think I can help.

think I can help.

think I can help. >> Wait, who? Who is that? Who is that?

>> Wait, who? Who is that? Who is that?

>> Wait, who? Who is that? Who is that? WAIT, JOSH JOHNSON. IT'S JOSH JOHNSON.

>> Hello from Beijing. Or should I say

>> Hello from Beijing. Or should I say

>> Hello from Beijing. Or should I say Konichi W Jordan.

Konichi W Jordan.

Konichi W Jordan. >> Okay, great. Fantastic. Uh Josh, you can

>> Okay, great. Fantastic. Uh Josh, you can

>> Okay, great. Fantastic. Uh Josh, you can be our China expert. What can what can

be our China expert. What can what can

be our China expert. What can what can you tell us about the US summit with

you tell us about the US summit with

you tell us about the US summit with China?

China?

China? >> Jordan, to fully understand the China

>> Jordan, to fully understand the China

>> Jordan, to fully understand the China summit, you must first understand China.

summit, you must first understand China.

summit, you must first understand China. It's a proud but suspicious culture

It's a proud but suspicious culture

It's a proud but suspicious culture driven by the fear that at any moment

driven by the fear that at any moment

driven by the fear that at any moment Godzilla might show up and tap dance on

Godzilla might show up and tap dance on

Godzilla might show up and tap dance on everybody. All right, I'm talking

everybody. All right, I'm talking

everybody. All right, I'm talking stumping out buses like cigarette butts.

stumping out buses like cigarette butts.

stumping out buses like cigarette butts. >> Oh, I mean that is truly fascinating.

>> Oh, I mean that is truly fascinating.

>> Oh, I mean that is truly fascinating. >> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

>> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,

>> Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hang on. What the

>> Godzilla is Japanese, you

>> Godzilla is Japanese, you

>> Godzilla is Japanese, you >> That's not Chinese.

>> That's not Chinese.

>> That's not Chinese. >> Okay. Yeah, I'm I'm sorry, Ronnie. I

>> Okay. Yeah, I'm I'm sorry, Ronnie. I

>> Okay. Yeah, I'm I'm sorry, Ronnie. I thought you said you didn't want to be

thought you said you didn't want to be

thought you said you didn't want to be the China expert.

the China expert.

the China expert. >> Yeah, I I didn't want to be, but I mean

>> Yeah, I I didn't want to be, but I mean

>> Yeah, I I didn't want to be, but I mean >> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Then let our China expert file

no, no. Then let our China expert file

no, no. Then let our China expert file his report. Josh, continue.

his report. Josh, continue.

his report. Josh, continue. >> Thank you, Jordan. Yesterday, Trump and

>> Thank you, Jordan. Yesterday, Trump and

>> Thank you, Jordan. Yesterday, Trump and Gi sat down for a dinner of a

Gi sat down for a dinner of a

Gi sat down for a dinner of a traditional Chinese dish. Pat Thai

traditional Chinese dish. Pat Thai

traditional Chinese dish. Pat Thai noodles.

noodles.

noodles. >> THESE HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

>> THESE HOLD ON. HOLD ON.

>> THESE HOLD ON. HOLD ON. Those are Thai pat Thai. Pat Thai. Thai

Those are Thai pat Thai. Pat Thai. Thai

Those are Thai pat Thai. Pat Thai. Thai like Thailand. You I sick of Americans

like Thailand. You I sick of Americans

like Thailand. You I sick of Americans making no effort to differentiate the

making no effort to differentiate the

making no effort to differentiate the countries in Asia.

countries in Asia.

countries in Asia. >> Oh, I I'm sorry, Ronnie. That sounds

>> Oh, I I'm sorry, Ronnie. That sounds

>> Oh, I I'm sorry, Ronnie. That sounds like something a China expert would say,

like something a China expert would say,

like something a China expert would say, but I was under the impression you

but I was under the impression you

but I was under the impression you weren't one.

weren't one.

weren't one. >> Yeah. Why don't you leave China to the

>> Yeah. Why don't you leave China to the

>> Yeah. Why don't you leave China to the Chinese experts

Chinese experts

Chinese experts or as Mr. Miyagi said in the art of war

or as Mr. Miyagi said in the art of war

or as Mr. Miyagi said in the art of war haden

that is don't applaud that. That is so

that is don't applaud that. That is so

that is don't applaud that. That is so that is soing ignorant. I don't even

that is soing ignorant. I don't even

that is soing ignorant. I don't even know how to reply to that. All right,

know how to reply to that. All right,

know how to reply to that. All right, you know what? Fet. I don't give a

you know what? Fet. I don't give a

you know what? Fet. I don't give a Thank you. This summit comes at a tense

Thank you. This summit comes at a tense

Thank you. This summit comes at a tense time for President Trump, who wants

time for President Trump, who wants

time for President Trump, who wants China to help with the Iran war, while

China to help with the Iran war, while

China to help with the Iran war, while China wants America to help Huntrics

China wants America to help Huntrics

China wants America to help Huntrics fight all the demons.

fight all the demons.

fight all the demons. >> Okay. Okay. That's

that's K-pop demon hunters.

that's K-pop demon hunters.

that's K-pop demon hunters. >> Yes, indeed. It seems that Ronnie's son

>> Yes, indeed. It seems that Ronnie's son

>> Yes, indeed. It seems that Ronnie's son has learned much from me, his Chinese

has learned much from me, his Chinese

has learned much from me, his Chinese sensei. Interesting fact, Jordan, the K

sensei. Interesting fact, Jordan, the K

sensei. Interesting fact, Jordan, the K in K-pop is actually an ancient Chinese

in K-pop is actually an ancient Chinese

in K-pop is actually an ancient Chinese symbol which translates to kachinese.

symbol which translates to kachinese.

symbol which translates to kachinese. >> Okay,

>> Okay,

>> Okay, >> this is very helpful. This is very

>> this is very helpful. This is very

>> this is very helpful. This is very helpful. I'm learning so much. Thank

helpful. I'm learning so much. Thank

helpful. I'm learning so much. Thank you, Josh. Thank you.

you, Josh. Thank you.

you, Josh. Thank you. >> Everyone is getting dumber.

>> Everyone is getting dumber.

>> Everyone is getting dumber. >> The K in K-pop stands for Korean. Josh,

>> The K in K-pop stands for Korean. Josh,

>> The K in K-pop stands for Korean. Josh, you don't know about China.

you don't know about China.

you don't know about China. >> It's not my fault I'm the second most

>> It's not my fault I'm the second most

>> It's not my fault I'm the second most Chinese guy in the office. Okay,

Chinese guy in the office. Okay,

Chinese guy in the office. Okay, >> what the even mean? I don't know. But if

>> what the even mean? I don't know. But if

>> what the even mean? I don't know. But if I wasn't a Chinese expert, how how would

I wasn't a Chinese expert, how how would

I wasn't a Chinese expert, how how would I know every member of the Wuang clan?

I know every member of the Wuang clan?

I know every member of the Wuang clan? All right,

All right,

All right, watch. Watch. The Rizza, the Jiza,

watch. Watch. The Rizza, the Jiza,

watch. Watch. The Rizza, the Jiza, Ghostface Killer, Meth Man, Rayquan. How

Ghostface Killer, Meth Man, Rayquan. How

Ghostface Killer, Meth Man, Rayquan. How many can you name?

>> Okay. Okay. Well, you took all of them.

>> Okay. Okay. Well, you took all of them.

>> Okay. Okay. Well, you took all of them. >> And knowing Wuang doesn't mean you know

>> And knowing Wuang doesn't mean you know

>> And knowing Wuang doesn't mean you know more about China.

more about China.

more about China. >> Capidana, Master Killer, Inspector Deck,

>> Capidana, Master Killer, Inspector Deck,

>> Capidana, Master Killer, Inspector Deck, YOU GOT OLD DIRTY BASTARD. HOLY

I KNOW MORE ABOUT CHINA than I thought.

I KNOW MORE ABOUT CHINA than I thought.

I KNOW MORE ABOUT CHINA than I thought. Suck it, Ronnie.

Suck it, Ronnie.

Suck it, Ronnie. >> Yeah, suck it, Ronnie. Shut up. Shut the

>> Yeah, suck it, Ronnie. Shut up. Shut the

>> Yeah, suck it, Ronnie. Shut up. Shut the up, all of you. God damn it. All right,

up, all of you. God damn it. All right,

up, all of you. God damn it. All right, fine. I'll be the CHINA EXPERT. OKAY.

fine. I'll be the CHINA EXPERT. OKAY.

fine. I'll be the CHINA EXPERT. OKAY. OKAY. YEAH.

If you want to. Awesome. If you want to.

If you want to. Awesome. If you want to.

If you want to. Awesome. If you want to. So, as the China expert, how do you

So, as the China expert, how do you

So, as the China expert, how do you think America should navigate the

think America should navigate the

think America should navigate the Taiwanese independence and the threat of

Taiwanese independence and the threat of

Taiwanese independence and the threat of war with China?

Okay. You know what? I'll pass. I'll

Okay. You know what? I'll pass. I'll

Okay. You know what? I'll pass. I'll pass on this one. And how about you let

pass on this one. And how about you let

pass on this one. And how about you let Josh, you fix Taiwan. All right. Happy

Josh, you fix Taiwan. All right. Happy

Josh, you fix Taiwan. All right. Happy to. Now, is Taiwan one of the demon

to. Now, is Taiwan one of the demon

to. Now, is Taiwan one of the demon hunters?

hunters?

hunters? >> Rodney Chang and Josh Johnson.

>> Rodney Chang and Josh Johnson.

>> Rodney Chang and Josh Johnson. Everybody.