All language subtitles for Masterclass David Sedaris Teaches Storytelling and Humor - 01.Introduction

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAVID SEDARIS: I don't feel
like I'm the kind of person who

writes because the world needs
to know what I have to say.

I'm not an important person.

I'm not a terribly
bright person.

There are plenty of people
who are funnier than I am.

But I never let that stop me.

You have to be on fire
you have to be burning.

HOST: Please welcome to
the stage David Sedaris.

DAVID SEDARIS: I don't mean
burning with the desire

to make money, or to
want to be a writer,

or to want to be published, on
fire for the very idea of it,

fueled by it.

You have to be on fire
with the idea of words.

I'm David Sedaris.

And this is my MasterClass.

You're so privileged
to be a writer.

You're so privileged.

Because, normal people,
something bad happens to them.

And there's nothing they can
do with it except feel bad,

or complain, or press charges.

When I first moved to
Paris, I understood--

I went to French school.

And I'd been in school
for maybe a month.

And then I was at
the point where

I could understand maybe
one out of every 25

words that was said to me.

So I have kidney stones.

So I was by myself in Paris.

And I had a kidney stone.

And I looked up hospitals
in the phone book.

And I went to the hospital.

And they gave me drugs
and waited with me

until the kidney stone passed.

But they said, we'd like
to do some follow-up tests,

can you come by next week?

So I went by next week.

And a nurse took me
to a dressing room.

And she said, strip
to your underpants.

I had a book of medical French.

So I knew that phrase.

Strip to your underpants
and then [NONSENSE]..

And I said, what?

And she said, strip to your
underpants and then [NONSENSE]..

You can only ask "what"
three times, right.

And I used up my third time.

And then I went into this room.

And I stripped to my underpants.

And there was the
door I came in.

And then there were
two other doors.

So I opened one of them.

And there was a waiting room.

So I thought, oh,
I guess she wants

me to sit in the waiting room.

So I sat in the waiting room.

And I'm not talking
about boxer shorts.

I had briefs on, right?

And they weren't new.

So I sat in this room
in my underpants.

And a fully-dressed
couple came into the room.

And I thought, oh,
my god, maybe I

didn't come through
the right door.

And then more people
came into the room.

And it would be one thing if
you were in the United States

and they were
wearing t-shirts that

say "it's not going
to lick itself"

and a pair of gym shorts, right?

But these were Parisians.

And they were not only dressed
but beautifully dressed.

And I'm sitting there
in my underpants

as the room fills
up with people.

And I thought, one day,
this will be funny.

One day, I can write about this.

And then the nurse came in and
said, Mr. Sedaris, what are you

doing?

I told you to put a
robe on, come with me.

But I was afraid.

I thought, you know, if
I get up and I go back

through that door, I'll
look like an idiot.

I'll look like I misunderstood.

So to save face, I'm just going
to sit here and just pretend

that everything's
supposed to be this way.

But I was very
fortunate to be a writer

so I could write about it.

I don't know what people
who aren't writers do when--

I went to a hospital, I went
to a doctor in London recently.

And he said, you have cancer.

And this is before
he'd done any tests.

And he told me I had cancer.

And then he stuck a flexible
metal rod up the whole

in my penis.

And I thought, I can
write about this.

And again, I felt bad for
people who aren't writers.

I don't have cancer.

He was completely
wrong about that.

So I got to write
about that, as well.

Everything's funny eventually.

You know, sometimes
it takes a while.

But the day will
come when you're

able to laugh about anything.

And so for me, I don't care to
write something that's serious.

I want to get laughs
when I write something.

As you get older, these things
happen more and more often.

You know, you fall down
and you think, well, OK,

I can write about it.

So you should celebrate if
you get fired from a job,

or if your house
catches on fire,

or you lose a limb that's
not your writing arm.

Make the most of it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

A lot of people ask, what
are your writing rituals?

What do you do when you sit
down to write every day?

And every day, I have a
platter of lasagna on my--

wouldn't that be
just the worst advice

to eat a platter of
lasagna every day?

MAN: AV mark.

I feel very grateful that
I know a lot of funny people.

My sister Amy is terribly funny.

My sister Lisa is funny.

I feel like most of
my friends are funny.

Hugh is not funny
in the least bit.

But he's a good straight
man to play off of.

So that's always a
way to get laughs,

is to quote funny people, right?

Another way is to
put yourself down.

Because you're allowed
to insult yourself

as much as you want without--

well, there was a woman who was
at a women's comedy festival.

I believe it was in England.

And she was told
she was not allowed

to make fun of her body.

They told her going
into it that she was not

allowed to do that, which I
don't think that's fair at all.

I think if you're
making fun of yourself,

everything's fair game.

Exaggeration is a
way to get laughs.

And I think now that
there are a lot of people

who are more
inclined to say, hey,

you're not allowed to do that.

But, yeah, you completely are.

When you're writing humor, it's
right there in your tool box.

And you're entitled to use it.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

My boyfriend, Hugh,
grew up in Africa.

And he was in Somalia during the
coup, right, riding in a truck

with people shooting at him.

Now, he's pretty lucky to
have had that experience.

He's not a writer.

But most people aren't
going to have adventure

like that in their life, right?

But maybe you go
to an orthodontist.

And you feel like
your orthodontist

is coming on to you.

Write about that.

Maybe your mother, when
you were growing up,

paid special attention
to a friend of yours,

and you got jealous.

And you thought, oh, maybe
mom wishes that Sheila were

her daughter instead of me.

You can write about that.

I feel so sad for
people who feel

like their lives aren't worthy.

That's just the absolute worst.

I feel everyone has
a story to tell.

Everybody has an
interesting story to tell.

I met a woman.

And she said, I feel like
we had the same father.

And I said, was your dad cheap?

And she said, my
dad was so cheap

that when I was in high school,
people would roll our house

and he made us save the
toilet paper and use it.

And if it got rained on, he
made us dry it out on racks.

And then friends
would come over and we

would have these hefty
bags in our bathroom filled

with this kind of
weirdly-textured, dried-out

toilet paper.

And I thought, wow, I
wish my dad had done that.

It was such a great--

now, this person could
easily have said,

oh, we grew up in the
suburbs and my life is just--

it's nothing you haven't
seen on television.

You just have to take a step
back and look at your life.

And there are all
sorts of things there.

Maybe you throw out
the first three things

that come to mind, right?

Because those just have
been done to death, right?

But maybe it's the fourth
thing on that list.

Maybe it's the eighth
thing on that list.

When you're talking to people,
notice what people laugh at.

If you tell a story, and
somebody laughs, and then

they sort of ask you
some follow-up questions,

that's a pretty good indication
that that might be a good thing

to write about.

Carry a notebook.

Make note of those times.

I do.

There are plenty of
times I hadn't thought

to write about something.

But I find myself in a situation
and I'm talking about it.

And it gets a nice laugh.

And I'm so grateful, pull out
my notebook, write it down.

And then maybe it works.

But even if it
doesn't work, it goes

onto a list of possible
stories to write later on.

But please don't feel like
your life is meaningless

or that you're not special.

You know, you just
haven't found it yet.

Or maybe no one's
recognized it in you yet.

But it's not what
happened in your life.

It's how you write about it.