Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I think it's important to remember

that there's a difference between conversation

and communication.

We can talk just to hear ourselves talk

or to fill up the void.

A lot of us have a discomfort with silence,

and we talk so that we don't have to suffer the silence.

But conversing and communicating are really not the same thing

because communicating indicates, again, an intention

to have an exchange.

Conversing is-- for me, it's just sort

of like tossing the salad, just throwing it up and mixing it

up.

But communicating-- it's more precise.

It's more intentional.

And it's more directed.

The best way to get better at it is just

to bring that awareness to the moment.

Am I interested in just conversing here?

Or am I really trying to communicate?

Is there-- is there a deeper purpose?

Is there-- is there a reason I am engaging with this person?

What can I bring to the moment?

What can I give?

And what can I receive as a result?

It's that effort to be aware, to be conscious of the reasons

that we're communicating and the manner in which

we're communicating, right?

Rhythm, tone, expression, all of those things come into play.

But at the beginning, the middle, and the end of the day,

it really is about, what is my intention for being

engaged in this moment?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

For years on "Star Trek--

The Next Generation," my eyes were covered.

And what I had to do was develop a new way of communicating

that did not involve my eyes.

So what that looked like for me--

I allowed for my energy to be front and center,

whereas before I relied on the expressive nature of my eyes.

And what I discovered was I had to communicate everything

that my eyes would have said in body posture and energy level,

right?

And Geordi was a really engaged--

he's a really engaged human being.

And so all of Geordi's movement, even when standing still,

was open and receptive.

These are the things that we kind of learn unconsciously

as we grow up as human beings--

that it's possible to communicate

without saying anything.

The idea that my body is telling a story along with me

and that--

and that I want to be aware of what

my body is saying as a part of this communication.

We oftentimes get so focused on the delivery, on the words,

right, that we miss out on how much communicating we're

doing unconsciously.

The idea that when you sit with your arms crossed that there's

a part of you that you're actually

closing off to the conversation-- now,

it may sound silly.

But it's actually true that when you

sit in a posture that is open and receptive,

you tend to be more open and receptive.

Of the many ways that we communicate

with one another nonverbally, I think

that there are a couple of areas that is important to focus on.

The power of one's eyes as a nonverbal communicator

is really important to be aware of.

They say that the eyes are the window into the soul, right?

And what that means to me is that there

is an empathy, an automatic empathy that is possible

when we look into one another's eyes,

when we are able to, without guile or artifice,

just simply connect with the eyes.

Another one is attitude.

Your body posture is really important,

knowing that what I'm communicating through my body

is as important, as much of a part of the story as the words

that I use.

And then, of course, tonality, the tone that

we use when we're speaking--

that has a great and tremendous impact

on how our communications are received.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

One of the ways to be a very effective communicator

is to learn how to establish rapport with your audience.

Rapport is simply a way to express

a sympathy between entities.

OK?

There's the Spanish word, the Latin word, [SPANISH],,

meaning "alike."

Things that are alike tend to like each other.

So there is a technique called mirroring

wherein you can be observant about the body posture

and attitude of your partner in communicating.

And let's say you're trying to communicate with somebody

who has their legs crossed.

It is possible to subtly adopt that body attitude,

thereby establishing rapport.

And then if you get good at that,

it is possible to take that to the next level.

And you begin to-- after mirroring and locking

that in, you begin to lead.

And you can actually experience that person unconsciously.

Because so much of our communicating

is done on unconscious levels, you

will actually experience that person

begin to mirror your body posture and attitude.

You know, when you're engaged in a dynamic conversation, maybe

an argument with somebody, when you vary, modulate your tone,

it has an impact on the person you're arguing with.

You can escalate one another to high heaven.

Or you can actually help bring someone's energy

down by adopting the energy you would like

to be in the presence thereof.

That's the magical nature of what

it is we do as human beings.

We have the ability to impact and influence

one another on so many levels.

And it's all storytelling.

These are all elements that the masters of the game all use.

Right?

It's about establishing an empathy, an energy of [SPANISH]

with your audience, letting them know that it is safe for them

to open up to the moment.

That's really what it's about.

That kind of emphasis is really important

because when you lean in, when you show interest

and give attention to another person,

there is an autonomic response.

Endorphins flow.

There is a physiological change that

happens when we feel like we are being paid attention to.

And that's such a human thing.

We all crave to be seen.

We all crave to be recognized by our fellow human beings.

And when we are, we feel like we're

in the right place at the right time.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

A really key part of being a good participant

in communication, long-form communication, more than text

or just hi and bye, is listening.

What we need to bear in mind when we're listening

is that it's important to put our own agenda momentarily

aside.

We are so egocentrically based in this culture in our society

that we tend to walk around in life believing that that which

we have to say is the most important thing in any given

interaction or communication.

Not necessarily true.

Our ability to put aside just for a moment that which we feel

is important to say in favor of establishing

that trust with your communicative partner

and giving them the experience of being listened to--

this kind of communication, especially

long-form communication, it doesn't happen instantly

or instantaneously.

It's not going to always be there

at the top of the conversation.

You kind of have to hunt and peck your way through.

And what that really requires is showing up with a desire

to be interested in the person that you're communicating with.

It's nothing more complex than that.

It is the act of being interested,

desiring of having an authentic moment of communication

with another person, that really determines the quality of how

we communicate.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

I have this idea that it's possible to use breath

as a portal.

When I'm doing my podcast "LeVar Burton Reads,"

I begin each story by inviting the audience

to take a deep breath.

And that ritual for me-- and I love ceremony.

I love ritual.

I think it's-- again, it's one of the aspect of--

aspects of life that binds us together, like storytelling.

I create that ritual because for me, there

is that which comes before the story,

and then there's the breath.

And then there's the story so that we're really

walking through a door.

That breath, that moment of there was something before

and there's something else coming

after, those kinds of passages are really important to humans.

We engage in them all the time.

We like order.

We thrive on process.

When we engage in these kinds of activities,

they ground us in our humanity because these are things

that we do quite naturally.

Being grounded in our humanity is

as important to how we communicate

and how effectively we communicate as any other thing

we bring to this activity.