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Previously on
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
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Whoever this Josh Chan is,
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00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,174
you are...
you're obsessed with him.
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00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:08,042
REBECCA:
So, you're saying that I moved
here from New York
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00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:09,343
and I left behind a job
that would have paid me
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00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:11,645
$545,000 a year for a guy
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I dated for two months when
I was 16 at a summer camp.
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Here's what happened.
I was in New York.
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00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,051
I ran into Josh.
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00:00:17,085 --> 00:00:18,452
He made me feel warm inside,
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00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:20,188
like glitter was exploding
inside me.
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00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:22,190
Then I moved here. I did not
move here because of Josh
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because that would be crazy
and I am not crazy.
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00:00:24,625 --> 00:00:27,061
I'm so happy that
you're in town
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and I don't think
you're crazy at all.
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I love him so much.
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Do you love her?
No.
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REBECCA:
Greg, listen to me.
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You're not second choice.
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I promise.
(moans)
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PAULA:
He is Josh's best friend, okay,
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00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,341
and if you sleep with
Josh's best friend, that ruins
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00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,343
any possibility for when you
finally come to your senses
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00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,777
and realize that
you are meant for Josh.
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00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,079
You're sleeping
with Rebecca?
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00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:46,147
All the time. A lot.
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00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,781
It's Greg?
It's Greg?!
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00:00:47,815 --> 00:00:49,250
You're sleeping with Greg?!
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I care about
you... a lot.
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We have fun together,
but let's not,
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00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:54,522
like, plan out our future.
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00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:55,556
Wait, what?
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00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:56,690
JOSH:
Rebecca,
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00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,092
Valencia and I are done.
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00:00:58,126 --> 00:00:59,093
Come with me.
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00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:01,395
No matter what I do,
I feel you with me.
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REBECCA:
Can I tell you something?
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I moved here for you.
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00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,101
This is our moment, Josh Chan.
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I'm so excited that our love
story can finally begin.
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(sighs)
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00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,290
Did you mean
what you said?
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You moved here for me?
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Okay.
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00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:40,234
Yes.
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Yes, yes, I did
and I know it sounds weird,
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but allow me... okay.
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00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,441
You have
to understand.
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When I ran into you in New York,
I was at a very low moment.
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00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:55,616
And, I mean, I don't know, if
I'd run into Reuben Fishwell--
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00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:57,551
remember that guy from camp
with the chapped lips?--
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if I'd run into him,
I-I-I don't know,
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I might have followed him
to Michigan
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and-and started
a lip balm company.
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00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:07,528
Okay, but what did you mean
when you said,
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00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:11,332
"Our love story
can finally begin"?
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00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,802
Um, our what?
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00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,305
Our... our love story?
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00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,307
I didn't say that,
you said that.
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00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:20,841
Wh-What?
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00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,476
Josh, I think you need
to take a moment and figure out
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00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:24,945
why you're so fixated
on every little thing
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I supposedly said
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00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:27,348
'cause it feels like
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you're an emotional stenographer
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00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,483
right now.
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00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:31,185
You definitely said, "Our..."
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00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,353
Okay, so let's recap
the events of tonight.
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00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,754
So, you show up
at Jayma's wedding
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looking all Danny Zuko
in a leather jacket
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00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:38,192
that literally
came out of space,
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clutching my old camp letter
to your heart,
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saying you can't stop
thinking about me.
Okay, right, but then...
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00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:43,697
The more I think
about this, actually,
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I get more uncomfortable.
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00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,468
So, let's just stop
talking about it, okay?
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00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,636
Like, 'cause we've had sex once,
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and you're talking
about love
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and I just think we need
to pop the brakes.
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Actually, can you take me home?
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God, I'm so cold.
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O-O-Okay, okay.
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I-I-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
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It's okay.
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Look, I'll let
you off the hook
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just because you did me
so good back there.
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00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:08,856
(lightly chuckles)
I don't know.
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00:03:08,889 --> 00:03:10,258
Do you want to get some, like,
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fast food and I'll try to forget
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00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,927
about all the crazy stuff
you just said, wow.
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00:03:13,961 --> 00:03:17,231
Uh... yeah... uh... hmm.
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Okay.
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(exhales)
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* I'm just a girl in love
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* La-la-la, lovey-dove *
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* I can't be held responsible
for my actions *
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* She's an ingenue *
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00:03:31,845 --> 00:03:33,847
* I have no underlying issues
to address *
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* I'm certifiably cute
and adorably obsessed *
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* They say love
makes you crazy *
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* Therefore,
you can't call her crazy *
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* 'Cause when you
call her crazy *
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* You're just calling her
in love. *
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Blam!
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Wow, that was awesome.
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Thank you, Rebecca.
Mm-hmm.
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You're really
good at that.
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00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,572
Oh, you flatter me, my lord.
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(both laugh)
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Here you go.
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00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:03,477
Oh, thank you.
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(chuckles)
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Oh!
But, serious,
it's my pleasure.
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You've had such
a rough day.
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00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,783
Inventory's so stressful.
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00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:11,385
Mm... actually...
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mm... it's not
that big a deal.
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We split it up.
We chunk it.
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Oh, thanks again
for letting me crash here
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while I'm in between places.
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Oh, my gosh, of course.
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It's the least I could do.
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00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:23,297
You gave up your
apartment to Valencia
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after you guys broke up
like a real gentleman.
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00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,000
(chuckles)
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00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:34,508
Well, I-I guess it's
time to hit the couch.
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00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:36,510
Oh. Yeah.
Uh, yeah.
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00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:37,845
Right.
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00:04:37,878 --> 00:04:40,381
Um, hey, but you know what,
if-if you just
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wanted to snuggle
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00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:43,317
in the bed and sleep
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00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:45,686
with me tonight, y-you could.
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00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,455
Uh, I think this is best.
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00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:49,590
Keeps things simpler between us,
you know?
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00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,326
Yeah. Yeah, yeah,
you're right. Yeah.
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00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,462
Okay.
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00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,096
Yeah.
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00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,333
(groans)
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00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,068
PAULA: He's still sleeping
on the couch?!
140
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,536
It's been three weeks!
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00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:03,804
Well, exactly, our
relationship is new.
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00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:05,673
Yeah, okay, but he's
not sleeping in your bed
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00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,074
and he's-he's not telling
anyone you're together.
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00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,609
Of course he's not
telling anyone.
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00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:09,610
I'm not telling anyone
we're together.
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00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:10,611
Bah-bah-bah-bah, cookie.
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00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,613
Okay, you-you have
to admit it.
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00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:14,014
I mean, you just,
you really screwed
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00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,483
things up with Josh.
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00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:16,917
I mean, the second
that you told him
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00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,352
you moved here for him,
I mean, you know...
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00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:19,953
(imitates explosion)
Game over.
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00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,623
No, no, no, no. You keep saying
that, but I fixed it that night.
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00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,692
I fixed it on the way home
with Josh, remember?
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00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,059
Can you take me home?
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00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,761
God, I'm so cold.
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00:05:27,795 --> 00:05:29,029
O-O-Okay, okay.
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00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,031
I-I-I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
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00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,366
REBECCA:
You see what I did there?
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00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:33,567
I made Josh
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00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:35,403
feel like he was the one
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00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,937
pushing me into a commitment.
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00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,572
I mean, it was a
brilliant argument.
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00:05:38,606 --> 00:05:39,573
It was better than
165
00:05:39,607 --> 00:05:40,674
Sullivan v. the State
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00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:42,376
of New York City, in which
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00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:45,646
I proved that black mold
actually raises SAT scores.
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00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:49,650
Brilliant rhetoric,
but if it had actually worked,
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00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,719
he'd be sleeping in your bed
right now and he's not.
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00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,687
Honey, he's just
there for the sex.
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00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:54,788
He's exploiting you.
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00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,657
He's... he's effsploiting you.
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00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:57,825
(gasps)
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00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:59,393
He's effsplo...
oh, that's real...
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00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:00,661
that's really good.
I just came up with that.
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00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,530
I should monetize that.
Should I buy an "url"?
177
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,664
No, it's "U-R-L."
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00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,533
And is it jif or gif?
Nobody knows.
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00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:07,701
And, Paula, he's not
effsploiting me.
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00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:11,038
If anything, he's, um...
respeffing me.
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00:06:11,071 --> 00:06:13,441
Yes. He's respeffing
the hell out of me.
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00:06:13,474 --> 00:06:14,442
Face it, Rebecca.
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00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:15,609
What you've got with Josh
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00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:16,910
is an Airbnb with benefits.
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00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:18,446
You are so wrong.
You don't even know
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00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:19,947
what happened this morning.
Okay, so...
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I was getting dressed.
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00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,816
Joshy walks in.
Hey, babe.
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00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,453
Hey, ba... duh... there.
190
00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,955
Uh, um, got to hustle
or I'll be late for work.
191
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:29,890
You seen my socks?
192
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:32,159
The-the good ones
that wick moisture?
193
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,194
I have not.
194
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,929
Ugh!
195
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:38,832
I don't want to put my gi
in with my dirty clothes.
196
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:41,869
It's disrespectful
to the practice.
197
00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,672
Hey, um... this just
popped into my nogs--
198
00:06:44,705 --> 00:06:47,007
why don't you leave
a few things here?
199
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,842
You shouldn't have to keep
everything in your car
200
00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,110
like a vagrant.
201
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,679
And I live two blocks
from the dojo.
202
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:53,581
Just... at least keep
your karate stuff here.
203
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:54,615
It just makes sense.
204
00:06:54,648 --> 00:06:56,016
You're already doing a lot.
205
00:06:56,049 --> 00:06:58,185
I... I don't want to take up
any space.
206
00:06:58,218 --> 00:06:59,720
I mean... are you sure?
207
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,888
You will not take up space.
208
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,155
I have plenty of room.
209
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,024
Just put it
in one of my drawers.
210
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:06,560
Come on.
Okay, cool.
211
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:09,029
Yeah.
212
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:14,968
Is that Greg's
sweatshirt?
213
00:07:15,002 --> 00:07:17,838
Greg said he wanted
to go to Emory, right?
214
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,973
No... no, no, no,
that's not Greg's.
215
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,142
That's... that's
my friend Emory's.
216
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:23,611
It's funny.
It's a joke.
217
00:07:23,644 --> 00:07:26,847
She has a sweatshirt
that says Rebecca on it.
218
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,616
Okay, yeah, that's Greg's,
219
00:07:28,649 --> 00:07:30,484
but it's fine,
forget Greg.
(groans)
220
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:31,752
Man, Greg.
221
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,588
I haven't seen him
since you and I started...
222
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:36,056
(under breath):
you know, it's like...
223
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,759
Uh, mm, I know...
you know what?
224
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,893
(sighs)
(chuckles)
225
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:41,028
Greg's doing great.
226
00:07:41,061 --> 00:07:42,863
I've barely
heard from him.
227
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:46,266
So... he is fine.
228
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,868
Uh... Greg is not fine.
229
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:50,270
Oh, yes, he is.
I showed you the one text
230
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,872
I've gotten from him
in, what, a month.
231
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:52,873
No, please, no.
Let's read it.
232
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:53,741
Not again.
233
00:07:53,774 --> 00:07:55,643
"Hey, Bunch, sorry about
Jayma's wedding.
234
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,810
"I ducked up.
235
00:07:56,844 --> 00:07:57,678
"This morning
236
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:58,779
"I found out my mom
237
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,013
"had some bad plastic surgery,
238
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:01,849
"so I got to go to L.A.
for a few weeks
239
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,517
"and help her take care
of the kids.
240
00:08:03,551 --> 00:08:04,985
See you when I get back."
241
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,654
And that's it.
242
00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:07,988
Radio silence
243
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,657
for the rest of the month.
So, you and Josh
244
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:11,158
needn't worry about Greg.
245
00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,093
I am clearly out of his life
and that's cool.
246
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,194
I'm over it.
247
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:15,896
Yeah, are you?
Are you really?
248
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,297
Because when you went
to the wedding with Greg,
249
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,032
you were, like,
in love with him.
250
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,868
I mean, was I? I don't think
I was in love with him.
251
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:23,103
You are ping-
ponging around.
No, I'm not.
252
00:08:23,136 --> 00:08:26,173
Yes, you are, and it is not
good for you... or me.
253
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,908
I mean, do you remember
when I found out
254
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,276
you were sleeping with Greg,
in the hospital?
255
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,811
I screamed at you so hard,
256
00:08:30,844 --> 00:08:31,845
I strained my groin.
257
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:34,314
Do you not want
the plain hummus?
258
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,749
Ugh, no.
Who eats plain hummus?
259
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:36,917
All right, look...
What's wrong, Paula?
260
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:37,918
It's like you don't even
261
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:39,019
believe in me and Josh anymore.
262
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,856
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.
You don't?
263
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:46,694
I used to think that you two
had destiny on your side.
264
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:47,961
I really did.
265
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,162
Paula!
I mean,
I hate to say it,
266
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,764
but I just... I don't think
267
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:51,765
Josh cares about you
268
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:52,933
the way you want him to.
269
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:54,802
I thought you were
a great romance
270
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:56,737
and, you know what,
maybe I was wrong.
271
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:57,738
What?! Paula!
272
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:58,739
Okay.
I... can't...!
273
00:08:58,772 --> 00:08:59,940
How can you say that?!
274
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:00,941
Oh...
How can you
say that?!
275
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:01,975
Just...
No, he loves me!
276
00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,210
He loves me!
277
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,712
Listen.
278
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:05,946
Let me tell you something,
279
00:09:05,979 --> 00:09:07,948
when we make love...
the way he looks
280
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,850
into my eyes
without blinking,
281
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:12,085
the way he-he holds me
in his arms.
282
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,253
I know it.
283
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,722
I know he feels
the same way.
284
00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:15,989
And, hello, this morning
285
00:09:16,023 --> 00:09:18,258
he-he made
a massive commitment to me.
286
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,827
Oh! What?
287
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:21,194
It's the drawer,
Paula, the drawer.
288
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:23,797
I mean, don't you see
what the drawer means?
289
00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:24,998
Yes. I do.
290
00:09:25,032 --> 00:09:27,334
It means you're ducking
a homeless man.
291
00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,269
No. You're wrong.
292
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:30,871
Because he loves me.
293
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,372
How do you know?
I mean, besides the sex.
294
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:36,910
What evidence do you have
that he cares?
295
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:42,883
REBECCA:
How do I know he loves me?
296
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,018
It's the little things.
297
00:09:45,052 --> 00:09:46,754
Little compliments
here and there
298
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,889
that I secretly stockpile
in my woman brain.
299
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,291
I can live for days
off a single...
300
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,393
You really listen to me.
301
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:56,029
REBECCA:
I'm like a sexy fashion cactus,
302
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:59,232
living from compliment
to compliment, hint to hint,
303
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,970
storing them in my body through
long periods of drought.
304
00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:05,973
I may look dry,
but if you cut me open,
305
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,408
you'll find only water inside.
306
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,111
Incidentally,
that's also a useful fact
307
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,246
for how to survive
in the desert.
308
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:16,183
But how do I know he loves me?
309
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,251
I guess the only way
to prove it...
310
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:21,655
is with abstract symbolism.
311
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:24,825
*
312
00:10:28,161 --> 00:10:30,330
Those jeans are cute.
Want some of my smoothie?
313
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,867
Wait, you should put this pillow
under your knees first.
314
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:37,805
* He gives me love kernels
315
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,808
* Each little crumb
another tasty clue *
316
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:42,342
* Love kernels
317
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:45,412
* 'Cause if you read between
the lines, he's saying *
318
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:47,347
* I love you
319
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,050
* Love kernels
320
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,451
* Save those kernels up
321
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,887
* To make a bowl of popcorn
322
00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,957
* Love kernels
323
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,894
* A handful is the proper
serving anyway *
324
00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:02,730
* I know when you say
325
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,164
REBECCA: I want
to go to Colorado sometime.
326
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,298
* It means you're
thinking 'bout *
327
00:11:05,332 --> 00:11:06,834
* The future with me
328
00:11:06,867 --> 00:11:09,169
* I know a 3:00 a.m. text
means *
329
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,704
* I was in your dreams
330
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,040
* Before you woke up to pee
331
00:11:13,073 --> 00:11:15,242
* It's a 3:00 a.m. subtext *
332
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,977
* And I know you care
333
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,246
* When you say
"I'm going to a movie tonight *
334
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,715
* My friend bailed,
wanna come?" *
335
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:25,018
* It means I'm the most
important person in his life *
336
00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:27,721
* Next to his friend
337
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:29,122
But he's been his friend
since he was, like, five,
338
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:31,158
so that's saying a lot.
339
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:33,994
Okay, rude.
340
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,462
* I'd do anything for those
341
00:11:35,495 --> 00:11:38,331
* Love droplets
342
00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,333
* Like a hamster in a cage
343
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,769
* Slurp, slurp
344
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,471
* Love droplets
345
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:48,008
* Each a letter on a page
in the novel of our love *
346
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,211
* Love droplets
347
00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:53,046
* Falling down from the sky
348
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,784
* And when I mix it in
with the tears I cry *
349
00:11:56,817 --> 00:11:58,285
* It makes a
350
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,821
* Full glass of water
351
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,857
* God, I'm thirsty
after all that popcorn *
352
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,927
* I'll be patient
353
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,896
* Until the droplets become
354
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:11,431
* A river that needs a dam
355
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:13,433
* I'll be patient
356
00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:15,368
* Until the kernels rain down
357
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,871
* Like candy
on Shaquille O'Neal *
358
00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,406
* In the movie Kazaam *
359
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:22,442
* Whatever you got, baby,
I'll take it, baby *
360
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:25,378
What are you up to today?
* I'll take it
361
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,347
Your house smells like lemon.
362
00:12:27,380 --> 00:12:29,016
* I'll take it
363
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:30,483
Where's my phone?
364
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,484
* It's a stretch
365
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:32,886
But I'll take that, too.
366
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:36,824
* I'll take all
your love kernels *
367
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:39,827
* This video ate up
our production budget *
368
00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:43,263
* Love kernels
369
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:46,233
* We used up literally
every cent *
370
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:49,970
* Love kernels
371
00:12:50,003 --> 00:12:52,439
* Darryl is now played
by a broom on a stand *
372
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:56,243
* But like your love kernels
373
00:12:56,276 --> 00:13:00,080
* We'll do our best
with what we have. *
374
00:13:00,113 --> 00:13:01,548
Oh!
375
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:02,782
Ow!
376
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:10,523
*
377
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,463
I mean, you should see
378
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,231
how Rebecca has
messed everything up.
379
00:13:18,265 --> 00:13:20,400
(chuckling): Yeah.
"I moved here for you."
380
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,235
There's no recovering from that.
381
00:13:22,269 --> 00:13:25,372
That's what I said.
But, you know, she's a child,
382
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,975
and, I mean, it is obvious
she has no idea
383
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:29,242
what she's doing without me.
Hmm.
384
00:13:29,276 --> 00:13:30,944
I mean, he's sleeping
on her couch!
385
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,513
You mean the one she sold
for $35 to a stranger
386
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,148
who defiled it with his seed?
387
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:38,118
Yes. And ironically,
it's a pull-out.
388
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,853
Which she's not telling him,
because she wants him
389
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:41,554
to sleep in her bed...
Oh, my God, what am I doing?
390
00:13:41,588 --> 00:13:43,256
Why are we talking
about this again?
391
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,125
You know I am trying
to wean myself
392
00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:46,894
off of the Rebecca madness.
393
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,395
And you're doing great.
394
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:51,131
No, I'm not.
It's like I need a harness.
395
00:13:51,164 --> 00:13:53,300
Oh, by the way,
that came in the mail today.
396
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,968
God, I love Amazon Prime.
397
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,269
You know, it's like
I-I want to give up
398
00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:57,971
on Rebecca's scheming, I do...
399
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,406
but it's just,
it... every morning
400
00:13:59,439 --> 00:14:03,210
I still wake up with
an emptiness and a longing,
401
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,378
and... I mean, at first
I thought it was because
402
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,114
you and I weren't boning, but...
403
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:09,182
we bone all the time now.
Yeah,
404
00:14:09,216 --> 00:14:11,284
and we just got
that harness, so...
405
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,020
things are going up a level...
406
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,387
Oh, yes, Daddy!
(chuckles)
407
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,656
Oh!
I just...
408
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,192
You know, there's just still
something missing in my life.
409
00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,094
I just... and I don't know
what it is.
410
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:23,030
Brendan's been gone
for three days.
411
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:24,497
(gasps)
Maybe it's that.
412
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:25,532
(door opens)
413
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:26,666
BRENDAN:
I'm back, Mom!
414
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,069
No. No, definitely not that.
415
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:32,005
*
416
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:39,646
Dude, Rebecca and I are
keeping things casual.
417
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,048
I swear it.
418
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,182
Really?
Yes.
419
00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:44,117
Do you leave stuff
at her house?
420
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:45,452
Dude.
Okay, I...
421
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,554
I leave just, like, one thing.
422
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,256
She lives very close
to the dojo.
423
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,258
Oh, man, she's trapping you.
I mean, stuff is weird
424
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,060
with this girl.
She was just with Greg.
425
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:54,094
Yeah, but that's over.
426
00:14:54,127 --> 00:14:55,195
Does he know that?
427
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,097
Not yet.
428
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,698
Dude, okay.
It'll be fine.
429
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,467
I'll tell Greg, I promise.
430
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,502
Look, I have to live somewhere.
431
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,172
I can't afford a brand-new
apartment. I have to save up.
432
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,606
I-I can't go back
433
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:09,076
and live with my mom
like I'm a little kid.
434
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,610
Hmm.
435
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,612
Oh, sorry,
you live with your mom.
436
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:16,083
No, I don't live with my mom.
I live with my best friend.
437
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:17,417
Yeah...
438
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,551
So, is Rebecca
439
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,320
like your girlfriend?
440
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:22,422
No!
I don't know.
441
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,958
I care about her.
We're close.
442
00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:28,061
I can talk to her in a way
I can't talk to other people...
443
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,162
Hmm.
444
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:32,432
(scoffs)
But... she is a little...
445
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:35,235
Crazy.
I don't know if
I would say that.
446
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,503
You want to sleep with crazy,
that's fine.
447
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:37,637
Sex with crazy's great...
448
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:39,472
Is it great, by the way?
How great?
449
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:42,609
It's unbelievable.
450
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,311
(chuckles)
Yeah?
451
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:45,979
Like, what kind of stuff?
452
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,347
Like off the menu?
453
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:51,184
You ever hear
of a Mississippi Love Slide?
454
00:15:51,218 --> 00:15:52,219
No.
455
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,620
What's that?
456
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,388
Okay, you're gross.
You need to grow up.
457
00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:57,190
What? You're the one
that needs to grow up.
458
00:15:57,224 --> 00:15:58,525
You grow up!
459
00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,493
Your mom makes lunches for you,
like, every day.
460
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,395
That's only because they don't
sell crustless bread
461
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,730
at the supermarket, bitch.
462
00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,298
Look, I heard what you said,
463
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,167
but Rebecca and I
know what we're doing.
464
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,268
We're adults.
465
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:11,004
And she's definitely
not crazy.
466
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:13,073
So, I went shopping for...
just a few accessories
467
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,574
for your drawer.
(sighs)
468
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,543
Um... Are you ready?
469
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:19,512
Are you ready?
Okay. Yeah...
(nervously chuckles)
470
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:22,482
("The Entertainer" plays softly)
(squeals)
471
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,620
I know. It's a lot. Okay.
Let me give you the grand tour.
472
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,755
Okay. So, over here,
you can charge
473
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,357
all of your devices.
We got
474
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,093
HDMI, USB, and this is
a personal safe. Now,
475
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,427
you set the code.
I don't know the code.
476
00:16:34,461 --> 00:16:35,428
So you have complete privacy.
Wa-Wait. Wait...
477
00:16:35,462 --> 00:16:38,031
What's that song?
478
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:39,466
Do you like it?
479
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,168
Oh, it's, uh...
480
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,769
it's Scott Joplin's
"The Entertainer."
481
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,172
Wait.
It's like,
482
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,739
* Where can I put my clothes
483
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:49,609
(gasps) * They're
in my own special drawer *
484
00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:50,777
* Now I can
485
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,246
* Stay at Rebecca's house
486
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,116
* And still have all of my stuff
neatly folded *
487
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,518
* Socks, underwear and more...
488
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,753
Th-That's great. That... yeah.
That... That-that's great.
489
00:17:00,787 --> 00:17:02,522
Yeah?
Um, and-and you're
going to do this
490
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:05,225
to... all the drawers?
491
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:06,726
Uh, yes. Yes, yes.
492
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,728
This was, uh...
this gave me the idea.
493
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:11,331
So I'm gonna put Scott Joplin
in every drawer.
494
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:12,432
Uh, in fact,
495
00:17:12,465 --> 00:17:14,067
this drawer is gonna be...
496
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,402
"Maple Leaf Rag."
497
00:17:15,435 --> 00:17:16,836
It's like, um...
498
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:20,340
* Here are the bras
that got too small *
499
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,709
* I went on
a bad birth control *
500
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,377
* My boobs got so big
501
00:17:24,411 --> 00:17:26,379
* I'm waiting for someone
with smaller boobs *
502
00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,781
* To show up, so I can give them
all my old bras *
503
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,750
* Ah, ba-ba-ba, da-da-da-da.
504
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:34,121
So... are you, like, nuts
about your drawer, or what?
505
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,688
Oh... It's great! Uh, you know,
506
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:39,526
it-it's just when I said drawer,
I-I pictured...
507
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,494
just a drawer.
508
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,730
Right.
509
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:45,465
But...
510
00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:48,835
Would "just a drawer"
have... this?
511
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:53,473
Oh, man, you got them?
512
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:56,409
Yeah.
It's, um...
513
00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,411
It's Amazon Prime,
two-day delivery.
514
00:17:58,445 --> 00:18:01,080
(handcuffs land on bed)
515
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,484
(groans)
516
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:05,885
(grunts)
Whee!
517
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,255
Yay!
(laughs)
518
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:11,191
(sighing)
519
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:32,845
GREG:
Hey, dickweed.
520
00:18:32,879 --> 00:18:34,314
Aah!
521
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,685
(grunts)
Greg? What...?
522
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:41,388
What are you doing here?
523
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,589
Visiting my girlfriend.
524
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,591
Girlfriend?
525
00:18:44,624 --> 00:18:47,794
Dude, Rebecca and I
never broke up, you know that.
526
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,529
Well, if anyone else
had to screw her,
527
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,298
it might as well be
my best friend.
528
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:54,201
Okay, I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
529
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:57,804
She... she said you guys
were over and it was okay.
530
00:18:57,837 --> 00:18:58,805
Shh.
(sputtering)
531
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,673
She... she says so many things.
532
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:02,909
She-she has me so confused.
533
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:05,278
Whatever.
You're dead to me.
534
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,480
Tell Rebecca's friend Emory
535
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,382
she's never getting
her sweatshirt back.
536
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:10,683
Where are you going?
537
00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:12,552
Back to my tree branch.
538
00:19:12,585 --> 00:19:14,421
Your what?
539
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,323
You heard me.
540
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,826
Ca-caw!
541
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,594
("The Entertainer" playing)
542
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:24,531
Josh, it was just a dream.
Greg's not a falcon.
543
00:19:24,564 --> 00:19:25,665
Okay. How do you know?
544
00:19:25,698 --> 00:19:27,767
You haven't seen him in a month.
545
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,402
What?
546
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:31,338
I can't see you anymore,
Rebecca.
547
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,506
I can't even look at you.
Josh, Josh, um,
548
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:35,775
I'm sorry, are you sure
you're freaking out about Greg?
549
00:19:35,808 --> 00:19:37,810
'Cause it seems like you're just
freaking out about us.
550
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,779
No. It's about what's right
and what's wrong.
551
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:41,914
It's about ethics
and morals and Jesus
552
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,583
and birds of prey.
553
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:44,751
Can't you see?
554
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:46,219
Until this
is cleared up with Greg...
555
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,220
(closes drawer, music stops)
556
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:49,956
...you and I are on pause.
557
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,558
What? No. Josh, come... no!
558
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:54,627
Wait, Josh!
(groaning): Greg!
559
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:57,297
Hi, so sorry to bother you...
560
00:19:57,330 --> 00:20:00,300
But is this
Greg Serrano's mom, Shauna?
561
00:20:00,333 --> 00:20:01,834
Listen, I know this
is a difficult time,
562
00:20:01,868 --> 00:20:03,370
you're probably still
recovering,
563
00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:04,937
and your face is...
(chuckles) just a mess,
564
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,940
but I need to speak
to your son Greg...
565
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:09,876
I'm sorry...
Your face is fine?
566
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,513
You haven't seen Greg
in how long?
567
00:20:13,546 --> 00:20:15,248
Oh. Who the hell am I?
568
00:20:15,282 --> 00:20:16,883
Okay, well, I've had sex
with your son,
569
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:18,851
and I really need to tell him
that I'm dating a...
570
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:21,020
Hello? Hello?
571
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:23,356
That's not a nice word
to say to someone.
572
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:25,024
(sighs)
Okay.
573
00:20:25,057 --> 00:20:26,659
I know you know where Greg is.
574
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:28,561
And if you don't
tell me right now,
575
00:20:28,595 --> 00:20:29,996
I will physically harm you.
576
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,399
Without a moment's hesitation.
577
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:33,566
Just so you know,
578
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,502
I got all that on voice memo.
579
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,837
I record all conversations
with adults.
580
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,506
Oh. Very smart.
581
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:40,773
(sighs)
Come on, Chris.
582
00:20:40,807 --> 00:20:41,874
I know how tight
583
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,276
you and Greg are.
584
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:44,911
I mean, you set up
that fake Tinder profile
585
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,279
just to mess with people.
586
00:20:46,313 --> 00:20:48,681
Oh, yeah.
Sheila Boobson.
587
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:49,982
Yeah. Ew.
Listen.
588
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,384
I don't know where he is.
589
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:52,552
But even if I did,
590
00:20:52,585 --> 00:20:54,053
I can't spill my boy's secrets.
591
00:20:54,086 --> 00:20:57,390
He's part of my squad,
my crew, my wolf pack.
592
00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,327
He's my boy, my peeps,
my ride-or-die bitch.
593
00:21:00,360 --> 00:21:02,695
Wow. Greg has
some weird friendships.
594
00:21:02,729 --> 00:21:03,896
Kevin...
595
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,698
So, here's the thing.
596
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,434
I really need to find him.
597
00:21:07,467 --> 00:21:08,801
It's really important,
598
00:21:08,835 --> 00:21:10,770
so please
just tell me where he is?
599
00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:12,372
Look, I can't tell you
where he is,
600
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:14,641
but I can say he's fine.
601
00:21:14,674 --> 00:21:17,444
He's fine?
What does that mean?
602
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:20,547
You know what? You're clearly
no help, so, yeah.
603
00:21:20,580 --> 00:21:21,914
Patrons can't be back here.
604
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:23,716
It's, like, a health code
violation.
605
00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:26,386
You're painting your
toenails on top of potatoes.
606
00:21:26,419 --> 00:21:30,323
Yeah, they're gonna be peeled.
607
00:21:30,357 --> 00:21:33,092
Okay, Heather,
608
00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:34,727
I need to find Greg.
609
00:21:34,761 --> 00:21:36,663
And I know you know where he is.
610
00:21:36,696 --> 00:21:38,064
Oh, I really don't.
611
00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:39,732
All I know is it's awesome
he's not around
612
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:40,933
'cause I get all his shifts
613
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:43,803
and now I can finally
buy that kayak.
614
00:21:43,836 --> 00:21:46,339
What?
I'm outdoorsy.
615
00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:47,874
Oh, God, you're useless, too.
616
00:21:47,907 --> 00:21:50,343
(groans)
617
00:21:50,377 --> 00:21:52,745
God, I really didn't
want to have to do this.
618
00:21:52,779 --> 00:21:55,415
(knocks on door)
619
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:57,550
Buongiorno, Marco, come stai?
620
00:21:57,584 --> 00:21:59,586
Oh, man, this crazy bitch.
621
00:21:59,619 --> 00:22:02,722
Wow, that was barely
under your breath.
622
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:04,557
Um, I brought
you some hummus.
623
00:22:04,591 --> 00:22:05,758
Oh.
624
00:22:05,792 --> 00:22:08,661
It's plain.
Who eats plain hummus?
625
00:22:08,695 --> 00:22:10,697
Okay, look, Marco, I know
you don't know me that well...
626
00:22:10,730 --> 00:22:12,899
But I know your type.
You mess with people's lives
627
00:22:12,932 --> 00:22:14,901
and then pass it off as quirky.
628
00:22:14,934 --> 00:22:16,969
Excuse me, I do not do-- whoa!
629
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,939
(giggles)
Silly me.
630
00:22:19,972 --> 00:22:22,775
Listen, I am looking for Greg.
631
00:22:22,809 --> 00:22:25,578
Uh, we had... a thing
632
00:22:25,612 --> 00:22:27,380
and I haven't
heard back from him.
633
00:22:27,414 --> 00:22:28,515
What does that tell you?
634
00:22:28,548 --> 00:22:29,649
Maybe he needs
a little break from you
635
00:22:29,682 --> 00:22:31,418
and your woo-woo-woo.
636
00:22:31,451 --> 00:22:33,786
(soft chuckle)
Okay.
637
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:35,955
I can see I'm not gonna
get anywhere with you.
638
00:22:35,988 --> 00:22:37,524
No, no, you're not.
639
00:22:37,557 --> 00:22:39,792
(exhales)
Okay, good day, sir.
Okay.
640
00:22:39,826 --> 00:22:43,062
Hey, hey.
I'll take that back.
You said you didn't like plain.
641
00:22:43,095 --> 00:22:45,031
No, I'll add red peppers myself.
That's weird.
642
00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:51,938
Ay.
643
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:53,573
(softly):
Yeah.
644
00:22:53,606 --> 00:22:56,943
Thanks for covering for me, Dad.
645
00:22:56,976 --> 00:22:58,911
Oh, hey, look, any time.
646
00:23:00,713 --> 00:23:02,449
You know, sometime soon
you're gonna have to
647
00:23:02,482 --> 00:23:03,750
tell everyone the truth.
648
00:23:03,783 --> 00:23:06,586
Even this, uh, crazy chick.
649
00:23:06,619 --> 00:23:08,621
I know.
650
00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:21,701
(door opens and shuts)
651
00:23:21,734 --> 00:23:23,736
(whistling)
652
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,041
(popping)
653
00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:31,043
The-the safe is under the desk.
654
00:23:31,077 --> 00:23:32,579
The code is 2738.
655
00:23:32,612 --> 00:23:33,580
JOSH:
What?
656
00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:35,548
(rustling)
657
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,684
What the...
658
00:23:37,717 --> 00:23:40,487
Dude, what the hell?
659
00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:41,688
You scared the crap out of me.
660
00:23:41,721 --> 00:23:43,022
What are you doing in here?
661
00:23:43,055 --> 00:23:45,592
Um, I kind of slept here.
662
00:23:45,625 --> 00:23:47,627
Or at least I tried to.
663
00:23:49,028 --> 00:23:50,797
I don't have a place to live.
664
00:23:50,830 --> 00:23:52,765
Is it cool if I crash here
for a few days?
665
00:23:52,799 --> 00:23:55,167
You always say how
Aloha's a chill place.
666
00:23:55,201 --> 00:23:56,903
Bro, this is your workplace.
667
00:23:56,936 --> 00:23:59,038
It's just so unprofesh.
668
00:23:59,071 --> 00:24:00,673
You got to get
your life together, okay?
669
00:24:00,707 --> 00:24:03,476
Grow up.
Dude, I'm grown up.
670
00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:05,011
(popping, Josh chuckles)
671
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:08,881
Sorry, one of those was a fart.
672
00:24:08,915 --> 00:24:10,883
Dude, I'm, like,
a year younger than you,
673
00:24:10,917 --> 00:24:13,620
and I've got a house
and two kids,
674
00:24:13,653 --> 00:24:15,855
and you're sleeping
on packing materials.
675
00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:17,990
Well, I was staying
on a friend's couch,
676
00:24:18,024 --> 00:24:19,759
but I can't do that anymore.
677
00:24:19,792 --> 00:24:21,594
Hector lives with his mom,
678
00:24:21,628 --> 00:24:23,630
White Josh is with his boyfriend
all the time,
679
00:24:23,663 --> 00:24:26,165
Beans' house was condemned.
I don't know
who those people are.
680
00:24:26,198 --> 00:24:30,002
So my only choices are staying
here or living with my parents.
681
00:24:30,036 --> 00:24:33,172
Dude, you got to figure it out
because you can't stay here.
682
00:24:33,205 --> 00:24:35,975
(sighs)
683
00:24:41,247 --> 00:24:43,750
I don't know what to do because,
if I don't find Greg,
684
00:24:43,783 --> 00:24:44,884
I won't be able to
confess everything
685
00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:46,786
about me and Josh and get his
unconditional blessing,
686
00:24:46,819 --> 00:24:48,655
and then I'm-I'm just
gonna lose everything.
687
00:24:48,688 --> 00:24:50,089
Including the
Scott Joplin drawer.
688
00:24:50,122 --> 00:24:52,692
The what?
(sighs)
689
00:24:52,725 --> 00:24:54,060
* It's the drawer
that I gave to Josh. *
690
00:24:54,093 --> 00:24:56,696
Never mind.
Paula, okay,
691
00:24:56,729 --> 00:24:58,765
I need your help because
I need to find Greg
692
00:24:58,798 --> 00:24:59,932
and I don't know how,
693
00:24:59,966 --> 00:25:01,100
(whispers):
but I know you do.
694
00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:04,804
Please, please, please, please.
695
00:25:04,837 --> 00:25:06,305
You're so good at this stuff.
696
00:25:06,338 --> 00:25:09,008
You're so good at it.
697
00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:12,111
It would be so easy for you.
698
00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:16,282
Uh, is your foot on my crotch?
699
00:25:16,315 --> 00:25:18,785
I'm sorry, I forgot what
I was trying to do here.
700
00:25:18,818 --> 00:25:19,786
Paula, um...
701
00:25:19,819 --> 00:25:23,022
I'm desperate, okay?
702
00:25:23,055 --> 00:25:25,925
Really, I-I need,
I need to find Greg.
703
00:25:25,958 --> 00:25:28,995
Oh, honey, honey, honey,
honey, I told you...
704
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:31,831
Oh, my God, this
is a workplace.
705
00:25:31,864 --> 00:25:33,900
Okay?
No sleeves, no service.
706
00:25:33,933 --> 00:25:36,569
Shh! Thank you for
bringing me lunch, Joshua.
707
00:25:36,603 --> 00:25:40,707
And before you leave, I've
got a little something for you.
708
00:25:40,740 --> 00:25:42,341
Oh.
Boom.
709
00:25:42,374 --> 00:25:43,810
That's great.
It'll make things easier.
710
00:25:43,843 --> 00:25:45,311
Mm-hmm.
711
00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:48,147
Sorry, you're giving him
a key to your apartment? What?
712
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:51,050
That's right, I gave this
man the key to my heart,
713
00:25:51,083 --> 00:25:54,754
and now I'm giving him the
key to my "ap-heart-ment."
714
00:25:54,787 --> 00:25:56,589
Mmm.
(laughs)
715
00:25:56,623 --> 00:25:57,857
(continues laughing)
716
00:25:57,890 --> 00:26:00,059
But he doesn't have a drawer,
right?
717
00:26:00,092 --> 00:26:02,895
What, a drawer?
No, because he's got a dresser.
718
00:26:02,929 --> 00:26:04,831
WHITE JOSH:
Just for the essentials.
719
00:26:04,864 --> 00:26:07,233
Protein powder, glutamine,
socks.
Mm-hmm.
720
00:26:07,266 --> 00:26:09,869
I want that.
You want broccoli?
721
00:26:09,902 --> 00:26:12,972
No, no, I want, I
want a, I want a key.
722
00:26:13,005 --> 00:26:14,273
I want a dresser.
723
00:26:14,306 --> 00:26:16,142
And I can have it all, Paula.
724
00:26:16,175 --> 00:26:19,345
All I need to do
is just find Greg.
725
00:26:19,378 --> 00:26:20,880
Don't do those...
726
00:26:20,913 --> 00:26:23,616
No Bambi eyes, you know I can't.
I can't.
727
00:26:23,650 --> 00:26:26,285
Not-- no, stop it.
728
00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:28,287
Oh, God, it's so tempting,
it's like a box full of donuts
729
00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:29,989
under my face.
730
00:26:30,022 --> 00:26:32,725
Eat the donut, Paula.
(groans)
731
00:26:32,759 --> 00:26:33,860
Eat it. Eat it.
I...
732
00:26:33,893 --> 00:26:35,828
No. No. No.
Eat it. Eat it.
733
00:26:35,862 --> 00:26:37,697
Eat it. Eat it.
No. No.
734
00:26:37,730 --> 00:26:38,765
Eat it.
Maybe.
735
00:26:43,870 --> 00:26:46,038
REBECCA: Paula, thank you so
much for helping me find Greg.
736
00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:47,974
I know it makes you feel dirty
and hate yourself,
737
00:26:48,007 --> 00:26:49,709
but I really need it.
738
00:26:49,742 --> 00:26:51,377
Mmm. Yeah-huh.
Yeah.
739
00:26:51,410 --> 00:26:53,179
All right.
Yay.
740
00:26:53,212 --> 00:26:55,948
PAULA: All we have to do is take
the IP address of his phone,
741
00:26:55,982 --> 00:26:58,117
which I have,
742
00:26:58,150 --> 00:26:59,919
and then I triangulate
the cell tower records,
743
00:26:59,952 --> 00:27:03,055
which are way easier to
access than they should be.
744
00:27:03,089 --> 00:27:05,024
Yeah, I mean,
Snowden was a hero.
745
00:27:05,057 --> 00:27:07,760
PAULA:
And voila.
746
00:27:07,794 --> 00:27:09,996
All of Greg's comings
and goings for the last month.
747
00:27:10,029 --> 00:27:11,998
Wow.
748
00:27:12,031 --> 00:27:15,001
This is insane,
you're so good.
Thank you.
749
00:27:15,034 --> 00:27:17,069
You're so good.
I know.
750
00:27:17,103 --> 00:27:18,738
Mmm.
751
00:27:18,771 --> 00:27:20,139
It's really sexy.
Okay.
752
00:27:20,172 --> 00:27:22,008
Uh, let's see, so it looks
like Greg has been going
753
00:27:22,041 --> 00:27:24,811
from his house to a location
on East Cameron every day.
754
00:27:24,844 --> 00:27:26,012
Yeah.
755
00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:27,747
Okay, hold on, it is...
756
00:27:27,780 --> 00:27:29,015
locking down on a place.
757
00:27:29,048 --> 00:27:30,783
What could that be?
What's on East Cameron?
758
00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:33,052
Okay, like,
literally everything.
Oh.
759
00:27:33,085 --> 00:27:34,320
(computer chimes)
There it is.
Hey.
760
00:27:34,353 --> 00:27:36,188
Okay. Got it? All right.
Okay. All right.
761
00:27:36,222 --> 00:27:38,190
Come on.
Let's go.
No. Nope.
762
00:27:38,224 --> 00:27:40,026
I-- you know, oh, I
have so much work to do,
763
00:27:40,059 --> 00:27:41,894
and I just, I don't know...
Hey, Paula?
764
00:27:41,928 --> 00:27:43,662
You're cervix deep in this
now, let's go.
765
00:27:51,938 --> 00:27:54,106
I'm so glad we didn't change
your room
766
00:27:54,140 --> 00:27:56,843
so it's ready for you.
Yeah.
767
00:27:56,876 --> 00:27:58,778
(chuckles) Your father wanted
to make your room
768
00:27:58,811 --> 00:28:01,447
into an indoor sauna,
(chuckles)
769
00:28:01,480 --> 00:28:03,049
but I said,
"What if he comes back?"
770
00:28:03,082 --> 00:28:04,450
It's just temporary, Mom.
771
00:28:04,483 --> 00:28:06,819
I just need time to
save up some money.
772
00:28:06,853 --> 00:28:10,422
A few months, a few years.
773
00:28:10,456 --> 00:28:12,859
I'm just happy
you're coming home.
774
00:28:12,892 --> 00:28:14,426
I can make those
775
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:16,796
grilled cheese sandwiches you
like with the crusts cut off.
776
00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:18,297
I'm an adult.
777
00:28:18,330 --> 00:28:19,999
I eat crusts now.
778
00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:22,234
Of course you do, sweetie.
779
00:28:22,268 --> 00:28:24,170
Oh!
780
00:28:31,443 --> 00:28:34,346
Where are we?
What is this place?
Uh-oh.
781
00:28:34,380 --> 00:28:36,448
I smell cigarettes
and burnt coffee.
782
00:28:36,482 --> 00:28:38,951
You know what that means.
783
00:28:38,985 --> 00:28:40,386
Alcoholics.
784
00:28:40,419 --> 00:28:42,521
But...
785
00:28:42,554 --> 00:28:44,356
Greg's not an alcoholic.
786
00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:47,426
I drink anywhere.
787
00:28:47,459 --> 00:28:49,161
Tacos and tequila.
788
00:28:49,195 --> 00:28:51,263
But I do my study drinking here.
789
00:28:51,297 --> 00:28:53,800
We're way too sober for
this wedding. How about
I get us some shots?
790
00:28:53,833 --> 00:28:56,268
Oh, I don't leave when
there's whiskey left.
791
00:28:56,302 --> 00:28:58,070
I need to take...
I need to take a nap.
792
00:28:58,104 --> 00:28:59,138
WHITE JOSH:
Ah, yes,
793
00:28:59,171 --> 00:29:01,273
the classic Serrano pass-out.
794
00:29:01,307 --> 00:29:02,809
Oh.
795
00:29:02,842 --> 00:29:04,376
Yeah, I called that one.
796
00:29:04,410 --> 00:29:06,212
Look, there he is, there he is.
797
00:29:06,245 --> 00:29:08,114
Hi, I'm Greg.
798
00:29:08,147 --> 00:29:09,348
Oh.
(shushing)
799
00:29:09,381 --> 00:29:10,516
He's gonna say something.
800
00:29:10,549 --> 00:29:13,986
So I'm here because one night
801
00:29:14,020 --> 00:29:16,956
I had ten cocktails
at a wedding.
802
00:29:16,989 --> 00:29:18,524
As one does.
803
00:29:18,557 --> 00:29:20,860
And then I passed
out in my own vomit.
804
00:29:20,893 --> 00:29:24,230
As one does.
805
00:29:24,263 --> 00:29:27,533
The next morning I got in my car
and a cop stopped me,
806
00:29:27,566 --> 00:29:29,401
uh, as they do,
when you're weaving.
807
00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:31,370
And, um...
808
00:29:31,403 --> 00:29:35,241
Turns out, I was still legally
drunk from the night before
809
00:29:35,274 --> 00:29:37,309
and I got arrested, as,
810
00:29:37,343 --> 00:29:41,147
again, one does, um...
811
00:29:41,180 --> 00:29:46,018
The judge sentenced me to come
here every day for a month.
812
00:29:46,052 --> 00:29:47,854
(sighs)
813
00:29:47,887 --> 00:29:49,388
My plan was to knock out
these meetings,
814
00:29:49,421 --> 00:29:50,890
get my court card signed,
815
00:29:50,923 --> 00:29:52,458
and go back to being
as angry as I could
816
00:29:52,491 --> 00:29:54,260
with just about anyone
I could think of.
817
00:29:54,293 --> 00:29:57,897
My mom, my dad, my job,
West Covina,
818
00:29:57,930 --> 00:29:59,198
men who wear skinny jeans.
819
00:29:59,231 --> 00:30:00,432
MAN:
Yeah!
820
00:30:00,466 --> 00:30:01,567
Thank you, Frank.
821
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,302
But that whole time,
822
00:30:03,335 --> 00:30:06,038
there was one person
I was really angry at.
823
00:30:06,072 --> 00:30:07,940
That's me, it's me,
he's talking about me.
824
00:30:07,974 --> 00:30:09,942
Myself.
825
00:30:09,976 --> 00:30:11,577
Oh, it's him, it's him,
that's better, it's him.
826
00:30:11,610 --> 00:30:13,312
Yeah, way better.
GREG:
I'm responsible
827
00:30:13,345 --> 00:30:14,613
for not only what
happened that night,
828
00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:16,883
but for the whole mess
that was my life
829
00:30:16,916 --> 00:30:19,018
up to that night.
830
00:30:19,051 --> 00:30:21,587
And now I see...
831
00:30:21,620 --> 00:30:27,093
I needed to face something
that I'd always known.
832
00:30:27,126 --> 00:30:28,560
That I'm an alcoholic.
833
00:30:28,594 --> 00:30:31,197
And I've known that
834
00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:34,300
since I had my first drink.
My first sip felt like I...
835
00:30:34,333 --> 00:30:37,503
I don't know, like glitter
was exploding inside of me.
836
00:30:37,536 --> 00:30:39,939
(Greg sighs)
837
00:30:39,972 --> 00:30:43,375
(clears throat)
That's how alcohol affects me.
838
00:30:43,409 --> 00:30:45,444
So here I am,
facing that reality.
839
00:30:45,477 --> 00:30:47,613
And, uh, now that I have,
the funny thing is,
840
00:30:47,646 --> 00:30:50,482
I'm not as angry anymore.
841
00:30:50,516 --> 00:30:53,986
At anyone, really,
including myself.
842
00:30:54,020 --> 00:30:55,654
I mean, the guys who still wear
the skinny jeans--
843
00:30:55,687 --> 00:30:57,223
I mean, enough already.
844
00:30:57,256 --> 00:30:58,524
FRANK:
Yeah!
Yeah, amen, Frank.
845
00:30:58,557 --> 00:31:01,127
Um, anyway, thank you all
for listening.
846
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,330
And thanks for putting up
with me these past few weeks.
847
00:31:04,363 --> 00:31:06,966
When I just thought you were
a bunch of sad losers.
848
00:31:06,999 --> 00:31:09,268
But now I know that I am... uh..
we're not--
849
00:31:09,301 --> 00:31:10,636
(quietly):
you know what I'm saying.
850
00:31:10,669 --> 00:31:14,406
Also, I am so sorry for
the glitter metaphor.
851
00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:16,608
I don't know
where that came from.
852
00:31:16,642 --> 00:31:18,377
Uh, but it felt right.
853
00:31:18,410 --> 00:31:22,414
(softly):
So...
854
00:31:22,448 --> 00:31:24,516
So...
855
00:31:24,550 --> 00:31:28,054
is now a bad time to
tell him about Josh?
856
00:31:32,258 --> 00:31:34,426
(mutters):
I don't know.
Really?
857
00:31:38,697 --> 00:31:42,935
God, I felt so bad at
that meeting tonight.
858
00:31:42,969 --> 00:31:44,971
Yeah, tough break
for Greg.
859
00:31:45,004 --> 00:31:46,238
(scoffs)
I don't care about that guy.
860
00:31:46,272 --> 00:31:47,639
I always knew he was a boozer.
861
00:31:47,673 --> 00:31:50,209
No, I feel bad
because I realized something.
862
00:31:50,242 --> 00:31:51,377
That glitter feeling?
863
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:52,945
I know that feeling.
864
00:31:52,979 --> 00:31:55,581
I feel it every time
I do those bad things
865
00:31:55,614 --> 00:31:57,016
to help Rebecca.
866
00:32:00,019 --> 00:32:02,054
Oh, it's like my drug.
867
00:32:02,088 --> 00:32:03,722
It's like I-I swear it off,
and then tonight
868
00:32:03,755 --> 00:32:06,258
she just pulls me back in.
869
00:32:06,292 --> 00:32:09,061
It's like I did
another fistful of blow.
870
00:32:09,095 --> 00:32:11,397
I'm addicted
to her life.
871
00:32:11,430 --> 00:32:14,666
It's like the high I get
from those vampire novels,
872
00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:16,468
or The Bachelor,
873
00:32:16,502 --> 00:32:19,071
or when I write a really great
legal brief at work.
874
00:32:19,105 --> 00:32:20,406
So why don't you do
more of those?
875
00:32:20,439 --> 00:32:22,174
Fill the void with
something you're good at
876
00:32:22,208 --> 00:32:23,342
and like.
877
00:32:23,375 --> 00:32:25,477
Write more briefs or something.
878
00:32:25,511 --> 00:32:27,313
Well...
I mean, that's...
879
00:32:27,346 --> 00:32:28,480
that's not how
it works, Scott.
880
00:32:28,514 --> 00:32:30,082
I mean, I can't
just, you know,
881
00:32:30,116 --> 00:32:33,019
go around writing random
legal papers for fun.
882
00:32:33,052 --> 00:32:35,487
All right.
883
00:32:35,521 --> 00:32:37,123
You'll figure something out.
884
00:32:41,393 --> 00:32:42,694
REBECCA: Paula...
885
00:32:42,728 --> 00:32:45,497
Paula, come back to me.
I need you.
886
00:32:45,531 --> 00:32:46,565
I don't know what to do.
887
00:32:46,598 --> 00:32:48,767
'Cause I can't tell Greg
about me and Josh because...
888
00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,569
(scoffs) poor guy, that's
the last thing he needs.
889
00:32:50,602 --> 00:32:51,770
He'll probably start
drinking again.
890
00:32:51,803 --> 00:32:53,505
But I was thinking
what if there's a way
891
00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:55,207
for Greg to find out
about me and Josh,
892
00:32:55,241 --> 00:32:57,109
without me being the bad guy
and having to tell him.
893
00:32:57,143 --> 00:32:58,477
Rebecca...
Wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait!
894
00:32:58,510 --> 00:32:59,545
Wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait! Wait.
895
00:32:59,578 --> 00:33:01,513
Okay, so I have an idea.
Now, this is the bad pitch.
896
00:33:01,547 --> 00:33:04,050
Something like this.
It's fine, don't worry about it.
897
00:33:04,083 --> 00:33:07,253
So we arrange, somehow,
maybe through the radio,
898
00:33:07,286 --> 00:33:08,787
for Josh and Greg
to win a sweepstakes.
899
00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:11,390
Maybe they win, like,
$10,000 and a trip to Belize.
900
00:33:11,423 --> 00:33:13,659
So they're on the beach,
and a skywriter plane
901
00:33:13,692 --> 00:33:15,394
flies over them,
and it spells out
902
00:33:15,427 --> 00:33:17,129
"Josh and Rebecca are in love."
903
00:33:17,163 --> 00:33:19,131
Now, by this point, let's say
it's, like, ten days in,
904
00:33:19,165 --> 00:33:20,699
Josh and Greg are
in great moods.
905
00:33:20,732 --> 00:33:22,134
They've been playing
with monkeys,
906
00:33:22,168 --> 00:33:23,802
going to cat hotels,
drinking mai tais...
907
00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:24,803
Greg can't drink mai tais.
908
00:33:24,836 --> 00:33:26,172
Drinking virgin mai tais.
909
00:33:26,205 --> 00:33:27,473
And Greg is gonna
see the banner
910
00:33:27,506 --> 00:33:29,408
with tears in his eyes,
turn to Josh and say,
911
00:33:29,441 --> 00:33:31,810
"Oh, my gosh, I suddenly
know your truth,
912
00:33:31,843 --> 00:33:33,579
and you know mine--
embrace me, brother."
913
00:33:33,612 --> 00:33:35,414
Now, as they're hugging,
I come down on a parachute
914
00:33:35,447 --> 00:33:36,815
and I go, "What are
you guys doing here?
915
00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:39,618
Did you win a contest?
I won a contest!
916
00:33:39,651 --> 00:33:41,820
First draft.
All thoughts are welcome.
917
00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:44,423
Perfect.
918
00:33:44,456 --> 00:33:45,591
Do it.
919
00:33:47,859 --> 00:33:49,695
No, you're joking.
What?
920
00:33:49,728 --> 00:33:52,631
I've given this
a lot of thought,
921
00:33:52,664 --> 00:33:54,466
and I have made
a decision.
922
00:33:55,867 --> 00:33:59,371
I can give advice
and I can listen,
923
00:33:59,405 --> 00:34:02,474
but I cannot do any more
immoral or illegal things.
924
00:34:02,508 --> 00:34:04,710
No more schemes.
It is not good for me.
925
00:34:04,743 --> 00:34:06,478
And if you are
really my friend,
926
00:34:06,512 --> 00:34:09,481
then you will accept it.
927
00:34:09,515 --> 00:34:11,850
Wow, um...
928
00:34:11,883 --> 00:34:14,386
okay.
929
00:34:15,421 --> 00:34:16,588
So you agree?
930
00:34:16,622 --> 00:34:19,625
Uh... yeah.
I mean, I guess I agree.
931
00:34:19,658 --> 00:34:22,628
Great! Okay!
932
00:34:22,661 --> 00:34:24,530
Uh, I just need you
to sign something.
933
00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:26,398
Mrs. H?
Oh, hello.
934
00:34:27,499 --> 00:34:28,634
What's this?
Okay,
935
00:34:28,667 --> 00:34:30,702
this is just
a simple contract
936
00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:31,837
laying out the terms
of our friendship.
937
00:34:31,870 --> 00:34:33,205
It stipulates
that my services
938
00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:34,340
as a friend are limited
939
00:34:34,373 --> 00:34:35,341
to consultation
and support,
940
00:34:35,374 --> 00:34:36,342
and excludes shenanigans.
941
00:34:36,375 --> 00:34:37,343
So you just need to sign
942
00:34:37,376 --> 00:34:39,745
here, here, and... here.
943
00:34:39,778 --> 00:34:42,181
Initial there,
there, and there.
944
00:34:43,882 --> 00:34:45,217
Paula, this isn't fair.
This is not what
945
00:34:45,251 --> 00:34:46,452
best friends do to each other.
946
00:34:46,485 --> 00:34:48,120
They don't make
each other sign
947
00:34:48,154 --> 00:34:49,621
legally binding contracts.
948
00:34:49,655 --> 00:34:51,657
Do... do you not trust me?
949
00:34:51,690 --> 00:34:55,694
Honey, of course
I trust you.
950
00:34:55,727 --> 00:34:58,164
I don't trust myself.
951
00:35:09,241 --> 00:35:11,543
Wow, this is really well done.
952
00:35:11,577 --> 00:35:13,412
I did it myself.
You like it?
953
00:35:13,445 --> 00:35:15,647
I mean, no,
I hate it, but...
954
00:35:15,681 --> 00:35:17,416
Paula, it's excellent work.
955
00:35:19,551 --> 00:35:20,819
Are you sure you want me
to sign this?
956
00:35:23,822 --> 00:35:26,258
(sighs)
957
00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:28,294
For friendship.
958
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:35,434
Whew!
959
00:35:38,537 --> 00:35:40,439
Thank you.
960
00:35:50,716 --> 00:35:53,685
Dude, you are gonna love
living with your parents.
961
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,654
I mean, everyone says
the best part
962
00:35:55,687 --> 00:35:57,423
is the laundry,
but I don't care about that.
963
00:35:57,456 --> 00:35:59,958
Real talk,
if I have a nightmare,
964
00:35:59,991 --> 00:36:01,427
I don't have to tough it out.
965
00:36:01,460 --> 00:36:02,694
You hear what I'm saying?
966
00:36:02,728 --> 00:36:05,431
Sounds great.
967
00:36:05,464 --> 00:36:06,565
You're doing
the right thing, man.
968
00:36:06,598 --> 00:36:09,401
Maybe one of these nights
we can both take our moms out.
969
00:36:09,435 --> 00:36:11,403
Double date!
970
00:36:20,779 --> 00:36:22,681
(sighs)
971
00:36:24,716 --> 00:36:27,686
("The Entertainer" playing)
972
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:31,823
* When your fella no longer
wants a drawer *
973
00:36:31,857 --> 00:36:35,661
* And you don't want to hurt
your alcoholic friend *
974
00:36:35,694 --> 00:36:39,331
* God it's so hard to sing
a sad song *
975
00:36:39,365 --> 00:36:42,901
* With a melody that
makes you want to Charleston. *
976
00:36:42,934 --> 00:36:44,870
*
977
00:36:44,903 --> 00:36:47,239
(doorbell rings)
978
00:36:51,277 --> 00:36:52,278
Hi.
979
00:36:58,484 --> 00:36:59,985
Uh, what are you doing here?
980
00:37:00,018 --> 00:37:04,656
I am looking
for those socks.
981
00:37:04,690 --> 00:37:05,924
They're pricey.
982
00:37:05,957 --> 00:37:07,826
The ones that wick moisture.
983
00:37:07,859 --> 00:37:10,429
Right. Right.
984
00:37:10,462 --> 00:37:11,563
'Cause your feet are sweaty.
985
00:37:11,597 --> 00:37:13,765
Yeah.
Um...
986
00:37:13,799 --> 00:37:14,800
Yeah, let's look for 'em.
987
00:37:14,833 --> 00:37:16,535
Great, great.
988
00:37:18,470 --> 00:37:19,938
Actually, I'm really
glad you're here.
989
00:37:19,971 --> 00:37:22,574
I've been wanting to talk
to you about something.
990
00:37:22,608 --> 00:37:23,975
About socks?
(chuckles)
991
00:37:24,009 --> 00:37:25,377
No.
992
00:37:25,411 --> 00:37:27,846
Um...
993
00:37:27,879 --> 00:37:30,048
I think you were right
about the Greg thing.
994
00:37:30,081 --> 00:37:32,718
It's just,
I have this, um...
995
00:37:32,751 --> 00:37:36,955
intuition that he's not
in a good place right now.
996
00:37:36,988 --> 00:37:39,525
So I agree with you.
997
00:37:39,558 --> 00:37:41,293
You're, um,
very smart and wise,
998
00:37:41,327 --> 00:37:43,462
as usual.
999
00:37:44,963 --> 00:37:47,666
Until we make things
okay with Greg,
1000
00:37:47,699 --> 00:37:49,735
I do not think
we should interact
1001
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:52,571
in a romantic way.
1002
00:37:52,604 --> 00:37:54,340
Oh, God, I am so
glad I came over
1003
00:37:54,373 --> 00:37:56,708
and we are on
the same page.
1004
00:37:56,742 --> 00:37:58,009
I feel the exact
same way.
1005
00:37:58,043 --> 00:37:59,945
I'm so relieved.
1006
00:37:59,978 --> 00:38:03,315
I mean, this is the best
I've felt in a long time.
1007
00:38:03,349 --> 00:38:06,418
Yeah, I'm-I'm glad that
we're practicing self-control.
1008
00:38:06,452 --> 00:38:08,019
Me, too.
We're super mature.
1009
00:38:08,053 --> 00:38:09,655
Yeah.
Yeah!
1010
00:38:09,688 --> 00:38:11,923
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
1011
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:13,559
Yeah.
Yeah.
1012
00:38:13,592 --> 00:38:15,627
Yeah.
Yeah...
1013
00:38:15,661 --> 00:38:17,963
*
1014
00:38:22,734 --> 00:38:24,970
* We should definitely not have
sex right now *
1015
00:38:25,003 --> 00:38:27,839
* We should definitely
not have sex right now *
1016
00:38:27,873 --> 00:38:32,778
* It would complicate
the situation *
1017
00:38:32,811 --> 00:38:35,113
* It's the adult thing
to not have sex right now *
1018
00:38:35,146 --> 00:38:37,916
* We have the common sense
not to have sex right now *
1019
00:38:37,949 --> 00:38:39,518
* I need time to reflect
1020
00:38:39,551 --> 00:38:42,087
* And I'm in a
really weird place *
1021
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,623
*
1022
00:38:47,826 --> 00:38:50,796
* It feels so good to be
having sex right now *
1023
00:38:50,829 --> 00:38:53,465
* It's so good to be
having sex right now *
1024
00:38:53,499 --> 00:38:55,734
BOTH:
* What makes it so good
is we just said *
1025
00:38:55,767 --> 00:38:58,537
* We shouldn't be having sex
right now *
1026
00:38:58,570 --> 00:39:00,739
* But now we can't stop
having sex right now *
1027
00:39:00,772 --> 00:39:03,942
* I mean, it would be weirder
to stop having sex *
1028
00:39:03,975 --> 00:39:07,779
* Such a good point, we
might as well just finish *
1029
00:39:07,813 --> 00:39:10,348
*
1030
00:39:18,490 --> 00:39:21,126
* We should definitely
not have sex again *
1031
00:39:21,159 --> 00:39:24,463
* We should definitely
not have sex again *
1032
00:39:24,496 --> 00:39:28,567
* What are we,
bonobos in a tree? *
1033
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,637
* There's no reason
to have sex again *
1034
00:39:31,670 --> 00:39:34,406
* But I'll be ready to go again
in ten *
1035
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,975
* Okay, what if we say
this is the last sex night? *
1036
00:39:37,008 --> 00:39:39,678
* It's like in movies
when robbers do one last heist *
1037
00:39:39,711 --> 00:39:41,947
* Tonight will be
our last sex heist *
1038
00:39:41,980 --> 00:39:47,553
* But then again, those movies
always get a sequel. *
1039
00:39:47,586 --> 00:39:49,688
(song ends)
1040
00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,890
Yeah, I don't...
I don't... (mutters)
1041
00:39:51,923 --> 00:39:54,460
(both moaning)
1042
00:39:58,597 --> 00:40:00,899
*
1043
00:40:29,227 --> 00:40:31,730
(speaking indistinctly)
1044
00:40:31,763 --> 00:40:34,099
*
1045
00:40:45,577 --> 00:40:47,713
This?
Yeah, this.
1046
00:40:47,746 --> 00:40:50,081
*
1047
00:41:04,763 --> 00:41:07,132
*
1048
00:41:30,689 --> 00:41:31,690
DIRECTOR:
And cut!
1049
00:41:31,723 --> 00:41:32,824
REBECCA:
Great job!
1050
00:41:32,858 --> 00:41:35,694
Everyone, so good.
Great take.
1051
00:41:35,727 --> 00:41:38,196
So, what's this for again?
Is it for TV, film?
1052
00:41:38,229 --> 00:41:40,198
Oh. No, no, this is
just in my head.
1053
00:41:40,231 --> 00:41:41,667
What do you mean,
in your head?
1054
00:41:41,700 --> 00:41:44,069
This is all fake.
Yeah, this is, um...
1055
00:41:44,102 --> 00:41:46,972
It's like an emotional
thesis statement for myself.
1056
00:41:47,005 --> 00:41:48,807
None of you exist.
1057
00:41:48,840 --> 00:41:49,841
But that can't be true.
1058
00:41:49,875 --> 00:41:51,543
I have feelings,
I have memories.
1059
00:41:51,577 --> 00:41:54,112
No, you don't. I just have
an active fantasy life.
1060
00:41:54,145 --> 00:41:56,214
I created you, and
I can destroy you.
1061
00:41:56,247 --> 00:41:57,816
Okay, let's
run it again.
1062
00:41:57,849 --> 00:41:59,851
Do I exist?
1063
00:42:00,986 --> 00:42:02,854
Anyone else have
any questions?
1064
00:42:02,888 --> 00:42:04,890
Okay, from the top.
Thanks. Bye.
75241
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