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HERE WE GO.ADULT SHELDON: For many kids,
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00:00:10,227 --> 00:00:12,534
Christmas morning was the most
exciting day of the year.
3
00:00:12,577 --> 00:00:15,232
That's only because
most kids don't know the joy
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00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:18,975
of getting
their college midterms back.
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00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:22,022
It also didn't hurt that
Dr. Sturgis looked like an elf.
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00:00:22,065 --> 00:00:23,458
("DECK THE HALLS" PLAYING)
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Nice work, Sheldon.
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00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:27,723
Now,
9
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:31,248
you'll notice that your grades
are lower than expected.
10
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:34,860
That's because
Sheldon did so well,
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00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,471
he broke the curve,
12
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:39,909
turning your A's and B's
into B's and C's.
13
00:00:43,869 --> 00:00:45,654
They don't seem happy about it.
14
00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:48,352
Maybe you can give them candy.
15
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:49,701
(BELLS JINGLING)
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00:00:49,745 --> 00:00:52,661
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
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00:00:52,704 --> 00:00:55,490
♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain
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00:00:55,533 --> 00:00:58,536
♪ I bet I could be your hero
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00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:01,235
♪ I am a mighty little man
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00:01:01,278 --> 00:01:04,673
♪ I am a mighty little man. ♪
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00:01:07,850 --> 00:01:11,158
DALE: Okay. This is
where I spend all my time,
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00:01:11,201 --> 00:01:14,291
yet somehow my ex-wife
owns half of it.
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00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:17,077
Mm, not bitter at all.
Good for you.
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00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,167
We got baseball over here
and got football right there
25
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,212
and then hunting
and fishing in the back.
26
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,866
Oh, yeah.
27
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:26,086
And this hockey puck
has been here
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00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:28,131
since Jimmy Carter
was president.
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00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:30,177
You'd think a sport with
a bunch of white boys
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00:01:30,220 --> 00:01:33,745
beating each other up would
be more popular in Texas.
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00:01:33,789 --> 00:01:35,791
(CHUCKLES)
So, you want to head out?
32
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:39,969
Oh, my grandson's been
wanting some weights.
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00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:41,623
Sheldon?
34
00:01:41,666 --> 00:01:44,756
Hell, can't he just lift
a soup can or something?
35
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:47,324
The other grandson.
The pretty one with the hair.
36
00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:49,544
Ah. All right.
Well, send him by.
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00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:51,459
We'll give him the family
and friends discount.
38
00:01:51,502 --> 00:01:53,200
How big a discount?
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00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:57,204
Well, uh, depends on, uh,
how much fun we have tonight.
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00:01:57,247 --> 00:02:00,250
Are you putting a price
on my affections?
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00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:02,165
Yeah, kinda.
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00:02:02,209 --> 00:02:03,601
You're gonna regret it.
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00:02:03,645 --> 00:02:05,212
I'm really fun.
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00:02:05,255 --> 00:02:08,128
(CHUCKLING)
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00:02:08,171 --> 00:02:10,695
CRUSHER: Fever down,
try to let the body heal itself.
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00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:13,176
PICARD: Keep me advised.
Picard out.(PHONE RINGS)
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00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:15,744
Captain, the neutrino...
48
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:18,529
Cooper residence.
49
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,879
Hello, Sheldon.Dr. Sturgis.
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00:02:20,923 --> 00:02:23,055
I'd love to talk to you,
but I'm right in the middle.
51
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:25,033
OF STAR TREK: The Next
Generation. It's a good one.
52
00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:26,668
Geordi goes missing,
53
00:02:26,711 --> 00:02:29,192
but Wesley Crusher has a plan
to use neutrinos to locate him,
54
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,716
since they'd be visible
to Geordi's visor.
55
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,066
I was actually calling
to speak to your father.
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00:02:34,110 --> 00:02:37,418
But I'm glad you're having fun
with your friends.
57
00:02:37,461 --> 00:02:38,810
Hang on. I'll go get him.
58
00:02:39,855 --> 00:02:42,031
Dad! Phone call!
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00:02:42,074 --> 00:02:44,207
ADULT SHELDON: Even though
Dr. Sturgis was confused,
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00:02:44,251 --> 00:02:47,558
one day, Wesley Crusher
really would be my friend.
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00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:49,212
Neat, huh?
62
00:02:49,256 --> 00:02:50,213
(GRUNTS)
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00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:51,736
Hey, John.
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00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:53,999
George. John Sturgis here.
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00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:55,479
That's why I said "Hey, John."
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00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:57,046
Great.
67
00:02:57,089 --> 00:03:01,006
I was wondering if we could
go out for a beer and talk.
68
00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:03,095
Oh. Well, aren't we
talking right now?
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00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,097
Yes, but we had so much fun
last time,
70
00:03:05,141 --> 00:03:07,012
I thought we could do it again.
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00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:09,101
Gee, John, last time,
you got drunk
72
00:03:09,145 --> 00:03:11,103
and threw up
in my glove compartment.
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00:03:11,147 --> 00:03:12,931
Did I? (LAUGHS)
74
00:03:12,975 --> 00:03:15,630
Well, while I don't remember
any of that happening,
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00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:18,546
I promise to be
on my best behavior.
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00:03:18,589 --> 00:03:20,417
And the drinks are on me.
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00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,158
Na zdrowie!
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00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,944
That's, uh, "to our
health" in Russian.
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00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:29,165
(QUIETLY): This is not
the place to talk Russian.
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00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,646
So, what's up?
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00:03:31,689 --> 00:03:35,258
Well, Sheldon has been
doing extraordinarily well
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00:03:35,302 --> 00:03:37,260
in his college physics class.
83
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:39,567
I know. He made me put
his test up on the fridge,
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00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:42,265
next to Missy's drawing
of her hand as a turkey.
85
00:03:42,309 --> 00:03:47,052
So, uh, the university has taken
notice of Sheldon's talents,
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00:03:47,096 --> 00:03:50,230
and they would
very much like him
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00:03:50,273 --> 00:03:52,971
to enroll full-time.
88
00:03:53,015 --> 00:03:55,757
(CHUCKLES) Yeah, we've been
down this road, John.
89
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,628
Sheldon's only ten.
90
00:03:57,672 --> 00:04:00,979
Mary and I both have jobs.
We just can't make it work.
91
00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:03,286
Well, that's why they
asked me to speak to you.
92
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,983
They're looking
to sweeten the pot.
93
00:04:05,027 --> 00:04:07,421
That's a gambling metaphor.
94
00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:10,293
A lesser-known version
is "sweeten the kitty."
95
00:04:10,337 --> 00:04:12,991
I assume the difference
is regional,
96
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:15,167
but I'm no etymologist.
97
00:04:15,211 --> 00:04:17,648
This beer is yummy. Mmm!
98
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:20,216
So, what are
they offering, John?
99
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:22,218
They thought it would
be easier on the family
100
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,960
if you were employed
at the university.
101
00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:27,049
Really? Yes, that way,
102
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:28,442
you could drive Sheldon
103
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:31,314
and keep an eye on him
while he's there.
104
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,620
But I'm a football coach.
105
00:04:32,663 --> 00:04:34,056
Does the school
even have a team?
106
00:04:34,099 --> 00:04:35,057
Oh, yes, they do.
107
00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,667
They-they don't win much,
108
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,975
but they lead the
league in injuries.
109
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:43,326
Well, guess that's a thing.
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00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,023
Okay.
111
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:48,505
Anyway, I believe
they're willing to, uh,
112
00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:52,727
exceed your current salary
by a substantial amount.
113
00:04:52,770 --> 00:04:54,294
Is that so?
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00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:55,425
Yes.
115
00:04:55,469 --> 00:04:57,862
They thought it would
incentivize you.
116
00:04:57,906 --> 00:05:00,561
Well, John, they're not wrong.
117
00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:03,346
Excellent!(CHUCKLES)
118
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:05,479
(QUIETLY): Na zdrowie.
119
00:05:05,522 --> 00:05:08,438
What the hell.
(QUIETLY): Na zdrowie.
120
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:11,267
How was Dr. Sturgis?
121
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,356
He's fine.
122
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:14,618
What did you two talk about?
123
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,794
I don't know. S-Stuff.
124
00:05:16,838 --> 00:05:18,143
Science stuff?
125
00:05:18,187 --> 00:05:20,276
No. Just regular stuff.
126
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,758
Ooh, I bet he talked about me.
What did he say about me?
127
00:05:23,801 --> 00:05:25,412
Sheldon, everything
isn't about you.
128
00:05:25,455 --> 00:05:27,239
Okay? Go to your room.
129
00:05:27,283 --> 00:05:28,763
Yes, sir.
130
00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,548
What'd y'all talk about?
131
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:32,854
Sheldon.
132
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,508
Oh.
133
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:36,074
(SIGHS)
134
00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:39,600
The university wants to
offer me a coaching job
135
00:05:39,643 --> 00:05:42,385
if it'll help to get Sheldon
to go there full-time.
136
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,082
Oh.
137
00:05:44,126 --> 00:05:45,736
We talked about this.
138
00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:48,260
College might be
too much for him. I know.
139
00:05:48,304 --> 00:05:49,412
That's why I'd be
there, you know,
140
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:50,716
to help him over
the rough spots.
141
00:05:50,741 --> 00:05:52,395
I don't know, George.
142
00:05:52,439 --> 00:05:54,876
Can't hurt to see
what the offer is.
143
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:57,095
There are more important things
than money.
144
00:05:57,139 --> 00:06:00,272
That's cute. You should
knit that on a pillow.
145
00:06:01,404 --> 00:06:04,015
Maybe I'll push that pillow
over your face.
146
00:06:10,935 --> 00:06:12,850
Scuse me. You Mr. Ballard?
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00:06:12,894 --> 00:06:14,199
Yeah, that'd be me.
148
00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:17,028
I'm Georgie,
Connie Tucker's grandson.
149
00:06:17,072 --> 00:06:18,029
Oh, yeah.
150
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,596
The hair. Very pretty.
151
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,164
Hang on a second. I got to
deal with this guy, okay?
152
00:06:22,207 --> 00:06:24,035
Take your time. So,
153
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:25,709
here you go. Here's the rod
you were asking about.
154
00:06:25,733 --> 00:06:27,256
Now, that's a good choice.
155
00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:28,518
Very solid.Mm. Mm.
156
00:06:28,562 --> 00:06:30,520
And then I just brought
this one along
157
00:06:30,564 --> 00:06:33,088
to show you, just in case,
later, you know,
158
00:06:33,131 --> 00:06:34,916
you get serious about fishing.
159
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,135
Well... I'm pretty serious.
160
00:06:37,179 --> 00:06:40,922
Yeah. You know,
I-I had that feeling.
161
00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:42,445
Wh-What's your name?
162
00:06:42,489 --> 00:06:43,707
Jim.Jim.
163
00:06:43,751 --> 00:06:46,231
Well, Jim, this rod
is a little pricey.
164
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,885
It's double the
cost of that one,
165
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:49,191
but it's worth every penny.
166
00:06:49,234 --> 00:06:51,323
And, uh, it's the rod I use.
167
00:06:51,367 --> 00:06:53,325
Well, then that's
the one I want.
168
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:54,849
Well, that's a good choice.
169
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:56,328
There you go.
170
00:06:56,372 --> 00:06:58,263
Now, with a rod like this,
you want to use live bait,
171
00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,549
and we don't carry that here.
172
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:03,858
But down the street is
Ed's Bait and Tackle Shop.
173
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:06,643
And if you tell him Dale sent
you, he'll take care of you.
174
00:07:06,687 --> 00:07:07,818
I appreciate that.
175
00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,168
So, take her over there
to Bernice,
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00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:13,084
and she'll ring you up.Thanks.
177
00:07:13,128 --> 00:07:14,738
DALE: Hey.
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00:07:14,782 --> 00:07:16,261
And-and bring me
back some catfish.
179
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:18,089
JIM: You bet.
180
00:07:18,133 --> 00:07:19,308
Yeah.
181
00:07:19,351 --> 00:07:20,309
You're a really good salesman.
182
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:21,745
Well, yeah. Not only that,
183
00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:24,400
I get a kickback on everybody
I send down to Ed's.
184
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,749
You're awesome.
185
00:07:25,793 --> 00:07:27,577
I know.
186
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,668
Ooh. 35 cents off Goober.
187
00:07:31,712 --> 00:07:32,930
What's Goober?
188
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:34,671
Peanut butter and jelly
in the same jar.
189
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:36,847
Think about how much time
we'd save.
190
00:07:36,891 --> 00:07:37,935
GEORGE JR.: Hey.
191
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,023
Dale give you a good price
192
00:07:39,067 --> 00:07:40,503
on those weights?
193
00:07:40,547 --> 00:07:42,418
Better. He gave me a job.
194
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,029
Damn. He didhave fun
last night. (CHUCKLES)
195
00:07:45,073 --> 00:07:46,770
What kind of job? Salesman.
196
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:49,251
(GASPS) Well, congratulations.
197
00:07:49,294 --> 00:07:50,557
I'm gonna learn a lot from him.
198
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,186
He's real good at getting people
to spend money
199
00:07:52,210 --> 00:07:53,560
on stuff they don't need.
200
00:07:53,603 --> 00:07:56,693
Well, I don't know if I
like the sound of that.
201
00:07:56,737 --> 00:07:59,348
You know what I like
the sound of? Ka-ching.
202
00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:06,616
(CHUCKLES) Well, thank you.
203
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:09,314
That's a very generous offer.
204
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,316
Let me discuss it
with my family,
205
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,362
and I'll get back to you.
206
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:15,843
Bye.
207
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,845
What was that about?
208
00:08:17,888 --> 00:08:19,629
Are you my family?
209
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:21,022
I don't know.
210
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:23,677
I like to think of myself
as your work wife.
211
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:29,552
So, that's why I wanted
to give you a heads-up.
212
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,859
I got to tell you, George,
this is a real blow.
213
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:34,862
Appreciate it. But, uh,
yeah, you'll find someone.
214
00:08:34,905 --> 00:08:37,386
There's a lot of good
coaches out there.
215
00:08:37,429 --> 00:08:39,519
Not you. Sheldon.
216
00:08:39,562 --> 00:08:41,521
Sheldon?
217
00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:44,393
I thought everyone would be
thrilled for him to leave.
218
00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:45,699
(CHUCKLES) Don't get me wrong,
219
00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:48,397
your kid is
a royal pain in the ass.
220
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,139
I have a problem with
this permission slip.
221
00:08:51,182 --> 00:08:52,575
You didn't cut them
in half evenly.
222
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,925
Mine has two holes,
and Derek here just has one.
223
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,405
Then trade.
224
00:08:56,448 --> 00:08:58,712
Then Derek will have two holes,
and mine will have one.
225
00:08:58,755 --> 00:09:01,279
You're not going
to the water park anyway!
226
00:09:01,323 --> 00:09:04,587
However, his state test scores
are so extraordinary,
227
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:07,198
the school actually gets
more funding because of it.
228
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:08,722
You serious?
229
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,854
Serious as the fire alarms,
which are now functional.
230
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,511
And always were, if anyone asks.
231
00:09:16,643 --> 00:09:19,167
(SIGHS) I don't know
what to tell you, Tom.
232
00:09:19,210 --> 00:09:21,996
(STAMMERS) They're offering
me a pretty nice raise.
233
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:24,520
Well, I can't afford
to lose Sheldon,
234
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:27,871
so what's it gonna take
to keep y'all here, George?
235
00:09:27,915 --> 00:09:30,178
(CLEARS THROAT)
236
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:32,180
Thank you.
237
00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:35,139
I will discuss it with my
family and get back to you.
238
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:36,184
Good.
239
00:09:43,321 --> 00:09:45,976
Bit of a kerfuffle
at the church today.
240
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:48,457
Pastor Jeff promised
Patricia Richards
241
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,546
she could sing "How Great
Thou Art" on Sunday,
242
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,635
but I had already
printed in the bulletin
243
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,116
that Karen Baker
was gonna sing it.
244
00:09:55,159 --> 00:09:57,466
They agreed to a
duet, but it was
245
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,468
touch and go.
246
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:01,122
Mm.What's a kerfuffle?
247
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:02,645
Not that.
248
00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:03,733
Hey.
249
00:10:03,777 --> 00:10:05,866
Hey. How was your first day
at work?
250
00:10:05,909 --> 00:10:06,693
Amazing.
251
00:10:06,736 --> 00:10:07,824
I made $38
252
00:10:07,868 --> 00:10:09,217
on commissions alone.
253
00:10:09,260 --> 00:10:10,958
Well, good for you.
254
00:10:11,001 --> 00:10:12,612
What's for dinner?
255
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:13,656
Meatloaf.
256
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,224
Oh. I think I'm
gonna go out to eat.
257
00:10:16,267 --> 00:10:17,660
No, you are not.
258
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:19,140
We're having dinner as a family.
259
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:21,708
Yeah, but I got money now
and I can do what I want.
260
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:24,232
And what I want is a
chimichanga at Chi-Chi's.
261
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,886
I want a chimichanga
from Chi-Chi's.
262
00:10:25,929 --> 00:10:27,583
They do have a good margarita.
263
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,977
You are eating here. So are you.
264
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:32,414
I don't care what you do.
265
00:10:32,457 --> 00:10:33,415
Later.
266
00:10:33,458 --> 00:10:35,417
Georgie Cooper.
267
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,549
Do not walk out of that door.
268
00:10:37,593 --> 00:10:38,420
Georgie!
269
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:40,596
That's a kerfuffle.
270
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:43,381
Missy, let this be
a lesson to you.
271
00:10:43,425 --> 00:10:45,253
The love of money
is the root of all evil.
272
00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:46,515
GEORGE SR.: Hey!
273
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,343
You would not
believe the wheelin'
274
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:50,040
and dealin' I did today.
275
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:51,607
I'm playing the high school
276
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,870
and the university against
each other. (LAUGHS)
277
00:10:53,914 --> 00:10:55,698
Hey, what do you say
we go out to dinner?
278
00:10:55,742 --> 00:10:56,873
Chi-Chi's is good.
279
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:59,267
Ooh, chimichangas.
280
00:11:04,141 --> 00:11:07,188
I've asked you all here
because we got a situation.
281
00:11:07,231 --> 00:11:11,366
George Cooper's considering
a job at a college and...
282
00:11:11,409 --> 00:11:13,020
taking Sheldon with him.
283
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:15,196
Yes! Is it far away?
284
00:11:15,239 --> 00:11:17,372
I hope it's far away. Maybe it's overseas.
285
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:18,958
OOH, LIKE FIJI.PETERSEN:
Hold your horses.
286
00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:23,030
If Sheldon walks out that door,
our test scores drop hard.
287
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:25,554
That affects funding,
which affects your salaries.
288
00:11:25,597 --> 00:11:28,644
Ugh. Well, how can wehelp?
289
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:31,299
Y'all need to make George
and Sheldon so happy here
290
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,301
they want to stay.
291
00:11:33,344 --> 00:11:34,563
Oh, come on.
292
00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:36,323
(SCOFFS) Isn't there
anything else we can do?
293
00:11:36,347 --> 00:11:37,871
Yeah, Mr. Givens.
294
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:40,023
You could do a better job
at teaching the other students
295
00:11:40,047 --> 00:11:44,138
so we don't rely on one boy
to pull up everyone's grades.
296
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,230
Fine. We'll be nice to Sheldon.
297
00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:50,753
(SIGHS)
298
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:53,669
♪ I've been working
for the big man ♪
299
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,541
♪ All the livelong day
300
00:11:56,585 --> 00:11:59,066
♪ I've been working
for the big man ♪
301
00:11:59,109 --> 00:12:01,721
♪ Just to wash my sins away. (KNOCKING)
302
00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:03,548
Hey, Mary. What's up?
303
00:12:03,592 --> 00:12:05,812
Can I speak with you
about a spiritual matter?
304
00:12:05,855 --> 00:12:07,204
My sweet spot. Sit.
305
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,772
What's the buzz?
306
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,861
Tell me, what's a-happenin'?
(CHUCKLES)
307
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,298
Jesus Christ Superstar.
308
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:15,473
It's a great show.
309
00:12:15,517 --> 00:12:18,172
Well, um...
310
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:21,697
I'm concerned George and Georgie
311
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,004
might be succumbing
to the sin of greed.
312
00:12:24,047 --> 00:12:25,353
Ooh, that's a biggie.
313
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,572
Ever since Georgie
started making money,
314
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,574
he's been very disrespectful.
315
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:32,708
Meanwhile, my husband's so busy
trying to land a better job,
316
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,102
he doesn't even care how
it might affect Sheldon.
317
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:36,799
I'm sorry to hear that.
318
00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:39,541
In Luke 12:15, Jesus says,
"Watch out.
319
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:42,196
"Be on your guard against
all kinds of greed.
320
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:44,938
Life does not consist
in an abundance of possessions."
321
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:46,896
I know, but it seems like
the whole world
322
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:49,116
is sending the opposite message.
323
00:12:49,159 --> 00:12:50,291
Don't I know it.
324
00:12:50,334 --> 00:12:51,858
Just the other day,
I was at the mall
325
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:53,555
and a toaster oven
caught my eye.
326
00:12:53,598 --> 00:12:55,818
Next thing you know,
I was in line to buy it,
327
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,951
and I realized I have a toaster
328
00:12:57,994 --> 00:13:00,562
and I have an oven.
What am I doing?
329
00:13:00,605 --> 00:13:02,825
Turns out Satan
doesn't just hide out
330
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,174
in honky-tonks and casinos.
331
00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,655
Sometimes he's in the
appliance section of Sears.
332
00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:10,746
Well, if it's everywhere,
how can we fight it?
333
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,661
We may not be able
to control the world,
334
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:15,229
but we can control our homes.
335
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:17,274
It's up to us
to create an environment
336
00:13:17,318 --> 00:13:19,450
where the sin of greed
can find no purchase.
337
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:21,148
Is that what you've done
in your home?
338
00:13:21,191 --> 00:13:23,498
Well, I do make my toast
vertically,
339
00:13:23,541 --> 00:13:25,282
two slices at a time.
340
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:28,111
Take that, Satan. (CHUCKLES)
341
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:29,852
♪
342
00:13:33,029 --> 00:13:35,162
Then Geordi goes missing,
but Wesley Crusher
343
00:13:35,205 --> 00:13:37,642
has a plan to use neutrinos
to locate him,
344
00:13:37,686 --> 00:13:39,993
since they'd be visible
to Geordi's visor.
345
00:13:40,036 --> 00:13:40,994
Is that so?
346
00:13:41,037 --> 00:13:42,212
It is.
347
00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:43,344
I recorded the episode.
348
00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:44,736
I'll show it to you tonight.
349
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:46,042
That's okay.
350
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,652
You did such a good job
explaining it,
351
00:13:47,696 --> 00:13:48,828
I feel like I saw it.
352
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:49,959
You're still seeing it.
353
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,006
What's this?
354
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,879
"Reserved for Coach Cooper."
355
00:13:56,923 --> 00:13:58,750
(CHUCKLES)
356
00:13:58,794 --> 00:14:00,076
Would you look at that.
They gave me
357
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,536
a parking spot
right by the door.
358
00:14:01,579 --> 00:14:03,016
Why?
359
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,626
I guess they're
starting to appreciate
360
00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:06,367
my talents around here.
361
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,282
Why?
362
00:14:08,325 --> 00:14:09,912
("MONEY (THAT'S WHAT I WANT)"
by Barrett Strong playing)
363
00:14:09,936 --> 00:14:11,285
Oh! There's my man.
364
00:14:11,328 --> 00:14:13,113
Where?
365
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:14,418
You, silly.
366
00:14:14,462 --> 00:14:17,421
I'm neither a man, nor silly,
but all right.
367
00:14:17,465 --> 00:14:19,902
(LAUGHS)
You're so funny, Sheldon.
368
00:14:19,946 --> 00:14:21,556
Oh, well, that I am.
369
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:25,473
These are the flyers
for the canned food drive.
370
00:14:25,516 --> 00:14:27,736
And, Sheldon,
you'll be happy to know,
371
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:29,216
I made sure
they were cut perfectly,
372
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:32,959
so that each one has exactly
one and a half holes.
373
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:35,135
But mine has
half a hole on the top,
374
00:14:35,178 --> 00:14:37,920
and Derek's here has
half a hole on the bottom.
375
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:42,707
♪ The best things
in life are free ♪
376
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:45,014
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
What do we have here?
377
00:14:45,058 --> 00:14:47,364
♪ But you can give them
to the birds and bees ♪
378
00:14:47,408 --> 00:14:48,931
Ooh.♪ I need money
379
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:51,107
♪ That's what I want ♪
380
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:52,456
♪ That's what I want
381
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,110
♪ That's what I want... ♪
382
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:55,111
(SIGHS)
383
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:57,244
(CHUCKLING)
384
00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:59,289
Hey, how come you get
to park by the door?
385
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:03,119
Don't bother me, Wayne.
I'm sitting.
386
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,904
And you got a new chair, too?
387
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:06,818
(LAUGHING)
388
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:08,951
♪ But your love
don't pay my bills... ♪
389
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:11,475
Are we going to watch
an educational film?
390
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:13,651
We're gonna watch Star Trek.
391
00:15:13,695 --> 00:15:15,523
Star Trekin school?
392
00:15:15,566 --> 00:15:17,133
Wowie Zowie.
393
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:20,136
♪ That's what I want ♪
That's what I want... ♪
394
00:15:20,180 --> 00:15:21,311
What's here?
395
00:15:21,355 --> 00:15:22,965
♪ That's what I want... ♪
396
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:25,750
Ooh, a golden whistle.
397
00:15:25,794 --> 00:15:27,970
What the hell is going on?
398
00:15:28,014 --> 00:15:29,798
(WHISTLE BLOWS)
399
00:15:29,841 --> 00:15:31,974
You wanted to see me?
400
00:15:32,018 --> 00:15:34,585
When don't I want to see you,
Sheldon? Come in.
401
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:38,328
I have something
I'd like to give you.
402
00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:42,071
This is a key
to the faculty restroom.
403
00:15:42,115 --> 00:15:43,855
No students allowed.
404
00:15:43,899 --> 00:15:45,422
One person at a time.
405
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:47,250
And unlike the other restrooms,
406
00:15:47,294 --> 00:15:50,340
this one gets cleaned
every night.
407
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,299
♪ But what it don't get,
I can't use... ♪
408
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:53,343
Thank you.
409
00:15:53,387 --> 00:15:55,041
(CHUCKLES) No, Sheldon.
410
00:15:55,084 --> 00:15:56,303
Thank you.
411
00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:58,044
You're welcome.
412
00:15:58,087 --> 00:16:00,263
♪ That's what I want ♪
413
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:03,005
♪ That's what I want ♪
That's what I want... ♪
414
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,528
It's all yours.
415
00:16:04,572 --> 00:16:08,228
♪ That's what I want♪♪ Gimme money...
416
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,582
(TV PLAYING QUIETLY)
417
00:16:16,584 --> 00:16:18,890
I think this show is
teaching you bad lessons.
418
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:20,892
Don't worry. I'm a slow learner.
419
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:22,459
FEMALE VOICE (OVER TV):
Fascinating.
420
00:16:24,809 --> 00:16:28,204
Is that Goober?
Where did you get that?
421
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:30,511
Georgie got it for me.
He's rich now.
422
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:31,903
That is it!
423
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,819
I am taking this house
back from the devil.
424
00:16:37,083 --> 00:16:38,258
Hey.
425
00:16:38,301 --> 00:16:39,955
("IT'S A SIN"
BY PET SHOP BOYS PLAYING)
426
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,348
ADULT SHELDON: I've been accused
427
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,785
of overreacting
from time to time.
428
00:16:43,828 --> 00:16:47,267
But perhaps it's hereditary,
because look at my mommy go.
429
00:16:50,270 --> 00:16:51,967
♪ It's a sin
430
00:16:53,490 --> 00:16:55,492
♪ It's a sin
431
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,236
♪ Everything I've ever done
432
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,977
♪ Everything I ever do
433
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,197
♪ Every place I've ever been
434
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,851
♪ Everywhere I'm going to
435
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:08,418
♪ It's a sin
436
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,988
♪ It's a sin
437
00:17:14,294 --> 00:17:17,079
♪ It's a, it's a
438
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,689
Aw.♪ It's a sin.
439
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,102
GEORGE SR.: What happened to all our stuff?
440
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:22,780
Mom went nuts
and took everything away.
441
00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:25,522
How am I supposed to watch
Professor Proton?
442
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:27,742
All my music
and magazines are gone.
443
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,613
Where is your mother?
444
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:33,139
You want to explain yourself?
445
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:35,445
(SIGHS)
446
00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:38,405
I am taking our house back
from the forces of evil.
447
00:17:38,448 --> 00:17:40,189
What's evil about Black Sabbath?
448
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:41,364
You're not helping.
449
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:43,540
Greed has entered
into your hearts,
450
00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:44,889
especially you two.
451
00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:46,369
It has not.
452
00:17:46,413 --> 00:17:47,762
Is that a gold whistle?
453
00:17:47,805 --> 00:17:49,155
Huh? No.
454
00:17:49,198 --> 00:17:51,679
It's... it's a gift.
455
00:17:51,722 --> 00:17:52,767
Now, where's our stuff?
456
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:53,898
We want it back.
457
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,074
I'm not telling.
458
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:56,988
Mary, don't make me ask again.
459
00:17:57,032 --> 00:17:58,512
Or what?
460
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:01,428
What?
461
00:18:01,471 --> 00:18:03,865
Your daughter lost her mind
and we want to watch TV.
462
00:18:03,908 --> 00:18:06,128
But... Uh, Dale's coming over.
463
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:08,696
Great. Love that guy.
464
00:18:11,655 --> 00:18:14,136
Okay, we got a problem.
465
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,877
I don't know what kind of
466
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,661
religious gobbledygook
you're going through,
467
00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:20,621
but it is starting to affect me.
468
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:23,493
Your hands aren't clean in this.
I beg your pardon.
469
00:18:23,537 --> 00:18:26,148
Your new friend Dale
is encouraging Georgie
470
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,845
to be obsessed with money.
471
00:18:27,889 --> 00:18:29,064
Your husband's no good at it.
472
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,631
You ought to be happy
your son is.
473
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,763
George is no prize either.
474
00:18:32,807 --> 00:18:34,678
Not worrying about
what's right for Sheldon.
475
00:18:34,722 --> 00:18:37,507
Well, what do you think
is right for him?
476
00:18:37,551 --> 00:18:39,161
Honestly?
477
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:41,163
(SIGHS) I don't know.
478
00:18:41,207 --> 00:18:43,818
I know that he's bored
in high school,
479
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:46,342
but he's just so young
for college.
480
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:47,996
Well, it sounds like
they're trying
481
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:49,867
to set George up there for him.
482
00:18:49,911 --> 00:18:51,869
I know.
483
00:18:51,913 --> 00:18:54,263
(SIGHS)
484
00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:56,222
Maybe it's me.
485
00:18:56,265 --> 00:19:00,051
Maybe I'm not ready
for my baby to grow up.
486
00:19:00,095 --> 00:19:02,750
No mother ever is.
487
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:06,797
(SIGHS)
488
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,190
(SIGHS)
489
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:10,279
I just want to keep
my family safe.
490
00:19:10,323 --> 00:19:12,194
I know.
491
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:14,327
But at some point,
you got to let them go.
492
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,068
And then one day,
if you're lucky,
493
00:19:17,112 --> 00:19:18,722
they'll move across
the street from you
494
00:19:18,766 --> 00:19:20,594
and absolutely ruin your life.
495
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,729
Seriously, get those people
out of my house.
496
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,078
Okay.
497
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,839
ADULT SHELDON:
Eventually, my mother relented
498
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:31,735
and returned our things
with a few minor adjustments.
499
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:33,084
(MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV)
500
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:34,477
What's The Moosewood Gang?
501
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:38,655
They solve mysteries
while they learn about God.
502
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,135
Great.
503
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,790
ADULT SHELDON:
Georgie got his music back.
504
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:44,879
♪ Jesus Christ
505
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:47,273
♪ Superstar...
506
00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:50,363
What the hell is this?
507
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:51,799
ADULT SHELDON:
And as for college,
508
00:19:51,842 --> 00:19:53,279
my mother and father
discussed it
509
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:55,759
and decided that
ten was too young.
510
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:59,502
So I didn't start
till the ripe old age of 11.
511
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:01,809
In the meantime... (TOILET FLUSHES)
512
00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:07,031
I had the key
to one sweet bathroom.
513
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:10,948
♪ Superstar.
514
00:20:16,911 --> 00:20:20,828
WOMAN (OVER P.A.): And we have
brand-new designs on awesome gifts.
515
00:20:20,871 --> 00:20:23,091
And don't forget about
our layaway options.
516
00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:25,485
♪
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Lord, give me strength.
518
00:20:41,805 --> 00:20:43,720
I'm sorry, God. I'm weak.
519
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:51,728
Captioning sponsored by CBS.
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00:20:51,772 --> 00:20:54,731
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
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00:20:54,775 --> 00:20:57,256
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