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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,462 --> 00:00:06,299 {\an9}♪♪ 2 00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:10,163 ♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna have myself a time ♪ 3 00:00:10,164 --> 00:00:13,373 Announcer: It's one for the ladies! 4 00:00:13,374 --> 00:00:20,547 {\an1}♪ Goin' down to South Park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ 5 00:00:20,548 --> 00:00:24,584 {\an1}♪ Headin' down to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind ♪ 6 00:00:24,585 --> 00:00:27,587 {\an9}♪♪ 7 00:00:27,588 --> 00:00:32,194 {\an1}♪ So come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine ♪ 8 00:00:32,195 --> 00:00:34,325 {\an9}♪♪ 9 00:00:34,326 --> 00:00:36,627 When I look out across this room, 10 00:00:36,628 --> 00:00:39,764 I see the backbone of our community. 11 00:00:39,765 --> 00:00:44,435 The women of this town need to stand together! 12 00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:46,137 We are here, and we're proud. 13 00:00:46,138 --> 00:00:48,639 And it is time to let everyone know 14 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,576 that the women of South Park should be treated 15 00:00:51,577 --> 00:00:53,845 the same as the men! 16 00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,413 Oh! Aaaaah. [ Farts ] 17 00:00:55,414 --> 00:00:58,082 [ Groaning ] 18 00:00:58,083 --> 00:00:59,417 Oh, God! 19 00:00:59,418 --> 00:01:03,087 [ Farting continues ] Ohhh, sorry. 20 00:01:03,088 --> 00:01:04,255 [ Retching ] 21 00:01:04,256 --> 00:01:05,823 [ Chuckles ] Oh-kay. 22 00:01:05,824 --> 00:01:07,758 I'm alright. [ Farting continues ] 23 00:01:07,759 --> 00:01:10,662 Oh! 24 00:01:10,816 --> 00:01:15,565 For subtitling services, contact: waqas.zahoor89@gmail.com 25 00:01:15,567 --> 00:01:16,768 Hello, boys. 26 00:01:16,769 --> 00:01:19,270 Your mommy has a bacterial infection 27 00:01:19,271 --> 00:01:20,638 called C. diff. 28 00:01:20,639 --> 00:01:22,173 It's very contagious. 29 00:01:22,174 --> 00:01:24,675 A bacterial infection? In her stomach? 30 00:01:24,676 --> 00:01:27,745 All of us have trillions of microscopic critters 31 00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:29,747 that grow on and inside our bodies, 32 00:01:29,748 --> 00:01:31,149 just like your mom. 33 00:01:31,150 --> 00:01:33,718 There's tiny creatures which live in your mom's skin, 34 00:01:33,719 --> 00:01:35,686 on her eyelashes, in her vagina. 35 00:01:35,687 --> 00:01:37,789 But the good bacteria in your mommy's tummy 36 00:01:37,790 --> 00:01:40,124 are being overrun by bad bacteria. 37 00:01:40,125 --> 00:01:42,126 We can't use antibiotics because that will 38 00:01:42,127 --> 00:01:44,495 kill all the good bacteria, too. 39 00:01:44,496 --> 00:01:46,230 So, what can you do for her? 40 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:49,100 We need to take a healthy person's microbiome 41 00:01:49,101 --> 00:01:51,702 and start to grow it inside your mother. 42 00:01:51,703 --> 00:01:54,071 We do this with a fecal transplant. 43 00:01:54,072 --> 00:01:56,307 We'll get a donor's feces, mix it with water, 44 00:01:56,308 --> 00:01:58,376 and put it up your mom's anus. 45 00:01:58,377 --> 00:01:59,777 Ewwww! 46 00:01:59,778 --> 00:02:01,412 Your mom is tough, kids. 47 00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,414 We're gonna do the very best we can. 48 00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,249 Try not to worry. 49 00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:08,219 Ike, if mom lives... 50 00:02:08,220 --> 00:02:11,355 we can't let anyone ever know about this. 51 00:02:11,356 --> 00:02:18,096 {\an9}♪♪ 52 00:02:18,097 --> 00:02:19,530 ♪ I am shopping 53 00:02:19,531 --> 00:02:20,932 ♪ I'm grocery shopping 54 00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:24,569 ♪ I'm buying food for the people I love ♪ 55 00:02:24,570 --> 00:02:25,770 Sheila? 56 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,271 Oh! Hi, Laura! 57 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:30,608 My goodness, look at you! I thought you were sick! 58 00:02:30,609 --> 00:02:33,778 I was, but I had an amazing procedure! 59 00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,546 No, no, no, Mommy. No, no, no, no! 60 00:02:35,547 --> 00:02:37,515 I had a fecal transplant. 61 00:02:37,516 --> 00:02:40,585 Oh! God damn it! You had a what? 62 00:02:40,586 --> 00:02:42,420 A fecal transplant. 63 00:02:42,421 --> 00:02:45,323 It's when they take the feces of a healthy donor 64 00:02:45,324 --> 00:02:46,958 and place it in your anus. 65 00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,060 I feel like a million dollars! 66 00:02:49,061 --> 00:02:51,963 Sheila, is that you? I thought you were sick! 67 00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:55,066 I was, but I had a fecal transplant. 68 00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:56,300 Aaaaah! 69 00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:57,602 I'm telling you girls, 70 00:02:57,603 --> 00:02:59,771 it solved every problem I've ever had! 71 00:02:59,772 --> 00:03:01,773 I've lost weight! I have more energy! 72 00:03:01,774 --> 00:03:05,676 I even think my arthritis is clearing up! 73 00:03:05,677 --> 00:03:07,311 Well, that certainly is... 74 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,613 interesting. 75 00:03:08,614 --> 00:03:10,581 Looking great, Sheila! 76 00:03:10,582 --> 00:03:13,986 Thanks, Janice! Fecal transplant! 77 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:21,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 78 00:03:28,300 --> 00:03:30,067 Narrator: If you're watching this video, 79 00:03:30,068 --> 00:03:32,904 then your mom probably had a fecal transplant. 80 00:03:32,905 --> 00:03:35,907 And the one question on your mind is most likely, 81 00:03:35,908 --> 00:03:39,210 "How do I keep my friends from ripping on me?" 82 00:03:39,211 --> 00:03:42,947 Yes! People make fun of what they don't understand. 83 00:03:42,948 --> 00:03:46,617 So, let's learn why your mom had a fecal transplant. 84 00:03:46,618 --> 00:03:49,720 It was to replace her microbiome. 85 00:03:49,721 --> 00:03:52,123 Germs, bugs, thousand of organisms 86 00:03:52,124 --> 00:03:54,058 are all around you all the time. 87 00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:55,960 That remote control your holding -- 88 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,361 It's teaming with life -- 89 00:03:57,362 --> 00:04:00,631 bacteria and other organisms. Eugh! 90 00:04:00,632 --> 00:04:02,333 They also live on your clothes -- 91 00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:05,470 Eesh! Small organisms are everywhere. 92 00:04:05,471 --> 00:04:07,405 Now, scratch your balls. 93 00:04:07,406 --> 00:04:09,373 Go on. 94 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:10,875 If you don't have balls, 95 00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:13,979 scratch whatever else might be down there. 96 00:04:15,447 --> 00:04:19,851 Now smell your fingers. 97 00:04:19,852 --> 00:04:22,687 That smell is millions of living organisms 98 00:04:22,688 --> 00:04:24,455 that you've just scraped from your crotch 99 00:04:24,456 --> 00:04:27,291 and are now going up inside your nostrils -- 100 00:04:27,292 --> 00:04:29,093 your microbiome. 101 00:04:29,094 --> 00:04:30,561 Ewwwww! 102 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,330 {\an1} Creatures live in your teeth. 103 00:04:32,331 --> 00:04:35,366 They live on your eyelashes, on your skin. 104 00:04:35,367 --> 00:04:38,770 And trillions and trillions live inside your body. 105 00:04:38,771 --> 00:04:41,139 In fact, of all the cells in your body 106 00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,374 {\an1} only half are human cells. 107 00:04:43,375 --> 00:04:47,678 The other half are all microscopic organisms! 108 00:04:47,679 --> 00:04:48,980 Aaaaaaah! 109 00:04:48,981 --> 00:04:50,882 [ Classical music plays ] 110 00:04:50,883 --> 00:04:53,551 How is your salmon, Sheila? Oh, it's amazing. 111 00:04:53,552 --> 00:04:55,453 You know, I could never eat like this before. 112 00:04:55,454 --> 00:04:58,089 My allergy to shellfish has literally gone away. 113 00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,625 Oh, my gosh. That's so wonderful! 114 00:05:00,626 --> 00:05:03,728 Oh, [Chuckles] that reminds me. 115 00:05:03,729 --> 00:05:05,163 So, Sheila, 116 00:05:05,164 --> 00:05:07,498 um, the girls and I were talking... 117 00:05:07,499 --> 00:05:09,967 Well, you seem so great, 118 00:05:09,968 --> 00:05:13,004 and we thought how nice it would be for us... 119 00:05:13,005 --> 00:05:16,407 to have a little bit of your poop. 120 00:05:16,408 --> 00:05:18,609 [ Scoffs ] What? 121 00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,645 Well, thing is, we asked our doctors 122 00:05:20,646 --> 00:05:22,346 about getting fecal transplants, too, 123 00:05:22,347 --> 00:05:25,650 and they said they only do them for "medical reasons." 124 00:05:25,651 --> 00:05:27,752 So, we have to do them on our own. 125 00:05:27,753 --> 00:05:29,487 [ Chuckles nervously ] Oh, well... 126 00:05:29,488 --> 00:05:32,056 You know, girls, if the doctor doesn't think it's safe, 127 00:05:32,057 --> 00:05:35,326 you probably shouldn't be doing DIY transplants. 128 00:05:35,327 --> 00:05:37,795 No, that's very true, isn't it? 129 00:05:37,796 --> 00:05:39,197 We were just thinking that... 130 00:05:39,198 --> 00:05:41,833 your microbiome is so healthy now, 131 00:05:41,834 --> 00:05:43,634 it would be nice to share a little. 132 00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:44,836 Yeah. Uh... 133 00:05:44,837 --> 00:05:46,437 Uh, I mean... It's not that I don't want 134 00:05:46,438 --> 00:05:48,039 to share everything with my friends. 135 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,841 It's just, you know -- 136 00:05:49,842 --> 00:05:52,677 I'm sorry it just doesn't seem right. 137 00:05:52,678 --> 00:05:54,479 And that is totally fine! 138 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,948 If it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't right! 139 00:05:56,949 --> 00:05:58,583 [ Chuckles ] [ Cellphone vibrates ] 140 00:05:58,584 --> 00:06:02,019 Oh, this is Kyle. Sorry, girls, let me take this. 141 00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:04,655 -Oh, okay! -Okay. 142 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:07,125 That cunt! I told you she'd say no. 143 00:06:07,126 --> 00:06:09,861 How much of a bitch can you be? Won't share your feces? 144 00:06:09,862 --> 00:06:11,562 Talk about anal retentive. 145 00:06:11,563 --> 00:06:12,563 Fuck her. 146 00:06:12,564 --> 00:06:14,732 Fuck her. 147 00:06:14,733 --> 00:06:17,568 {\an9}♪♪ 148 00:06:17,569 --> 00:06:20,671 [ Heartbeat pounding ] 149 00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,373 {\an9}♪♪ 150 00:06:22,374 --> 00:06:24,809 Kyle: [ Thinking ] Half the cells in my body... 151 00:06:24,810 --> 00:06:26,177 half... 152 00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:28,813 {\an1} They're inside me right now, 153 00:06:28,814 --> 00:06:29,981 alive... 154 00:06:29,982 --> 00:06:31,949 all over me... 155 00:06:31,950 --> 00:06:33,718 The bookcase... 156 00:06:33,719 --> 00:06:35,319 The bookcase! 157 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:36,921 [ Screams ] 158 00:06:36,922 --> 00:06:39,490 Do you guys have any idea what I'm saying? 159 00:06:39,491 --> 00:06:41,793 Half the cells in our bodies aren't human. 160 00:06:41,794 --> 00:06:43,327 Right now, there are alive creatures 161 00:06:43,328 --> 00:06:45,496 in your eyelashes and in your teeth! 162 00:06:45,497 --> 00:06:47,365 So..? 163 00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:48,633 "So"?! 164 00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:50,668 Right now, that straw has a bunch of little bugs 165 00:06:50,669 --> 00:06:52,236 and they're -- they're going into your mouth 166 00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,738 And mixing with trillions of other little bugs 167 00:06:53,739 --> 00:06:55,573 that are alive inside you. 168 00:06:55,574 --> 00:06:57,041 You aren't even totally you! 169 00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:59,510 Dude, Kyle why are you talking about all this? 170 00:06:59,511 --> 00:07:02,280 Okay, guys. Listen. 171 00:07:02,281 --> 00:07:05,249 My mom had a fecal transplant. 172 00:07:05,250 --> 00:07:06,484 [ Spits ] Ha! 173 00:07:06,485 --> 00:07:09,954 [ Laughs ] 174 00:07:09,955 --> 00:07:12,156 Fecal transplant! [ Laughs ] 175 00:07:12,157 --> 00:07:16,994 Hi, Kyle. I'm Harriet. Henrietta and Bradley's mommy? 176 00:07:16,995 --> 00:07:19,530 I've been looking all over town for you! 177 00:07:19,531 --> 00:07:20,731 Why? 178 00:07:20,732 --> 00:07:22,433 Well, I went to the video game store, 179 00:07:22,434 --> 00:07:26,204 and I bought this -- "Jedi Fallen Order." 180 00:07:26,205 --> 00:07:29,006 It's getting great reviews -- thought you might want it. 181 00:07:29,007 --> 00:07:31,142 Whaaat? Yeah! He wants it! 182 00:07:31,143 --> 00:07:34,579 Great! Could you just do one little thing for me, Kyle? 183 00:07:34,580 --> 00:07:36,147 Mrph rmhmhm rm! 184 00:07:36,148 --> 00:07:39,383 When you go back home, could you find a way to get 185 00:07:39,384 --> 00:07:43,888 a little of your mom's poop and put it in this jar? 186 00:07:43,889 --> 00:07:45,456 What?! Ew! 187 00:07:45,457 --> 00:07:46,891 No! Yes! 188 00:07:46,892 --> 00:07:48,392 I don't need much. 189 00:07:48,393 --> 00:07:50,161 I'm sure you can find a way to sneak it from her. 190 00:07:50,162 --> 00:07:52,463 You do that, and the game is all yours! 191 00:07:52,464 --> 00:07:54,899 That is disgusting! Absolutely not. 192 00:07:54,900 --> 00:07:55,933 Kyle. 193 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:57,869 Oh, well. Think about it. 194 00:07:57,870 --> 00:07:59,270 The offer stands. 195 00:07:59,271 --> 00:08:04,575 I heard you can customize your own light saber. 196 00:08:04,576 --> 00:08:06,577 What is your problem? 197 00:08:06,578 --> 00:08:07,779 What is my problem?! 198 00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:09,914 I'm not gonna go steal my mom's shit. 199 00:08:09,915 --> 00:08:11,149 Dude, you realize 200 00:08:11,150 --> 00:08:12,283 we won't get that game till Christmas. 201 00:08:12,284 --> 00:08:13,584 We could be playing it tomorrow. 202 00:08:13,585 --> 00:08:14,952 Mrph rmh mhm! 203 00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,589 I said no, and that's final! 204 00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:30,835 [ Pipes squeaking ] 205 00:08:30,836 --> 00:08:32,069 She's in! 206 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:33,671 Kyle's mom just squatted on the toilet! 207 00:08:33,672 --> 00:08:35,039 Okay. We've got contact. 208 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,441 You ready with the bucket, Kenny? 209 00:08:36,442 --> 00:08:37,475 Mrph mhm! 210 00:08:37,476 --> 00:08:40,244 Place it directly under this pipe. 211 00:08:40,245 --> 00:08:43,014 Alright. That should just about do it. 212 00:08:43,015 --> 00:08:44,482 Now we just wait... 213 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:51,055 for the flush. 214 00:08:51,056 --> 00:08:52,323 Mrph rmh mhm! 215 00:08:52,324 --> 00:08:53,991 That's good she's not flushing yet. 216 00:08:53,992 --> 00:08:55,460 That means she's got more serious business, 217 00:08:55,461 --> 00:08:57,495 and serious business is just what we're after. 218 00:08:57,496 --> 00:08:59,063 You think she'll poop a big enough log? 219 00:08:59,064 --> 00:09:00,465 You see how fat Kyle's mom is? 220 00:09:00,466 --> 00:09:02,133 That bitch must poop at least 2 pounders. 221 00:09:02,134 --> 00:09:03,734 Kyle: The fuck are you doing? 222 00:09:03,735 --> 00:09:05,570 Oh, hey, Kyle. What's goin' on? 223 00:09:05,571 --> 00:09:08,673 You are not stealing my mom's shit! 224 00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:11,442 Kyle, this is the world we are living in, okay? 225 00:09:11,443 --> 00:09:14,011 People are finding new and exciting ways to get healthy, 226 00:09:14,012 --> 00:09:15,780 and who are we to stand in their way? 227 00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:19,851 [ Toilet flushes ] 228 00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:22,086 It just freaks me out, Doc. 229 00:09:22,087 --> 00:09:25,156 We all have these... things living inside our bodies, 230 00:09:25,157 --> 00:09:26,924 and everyone just seems fine with it. 231 00:09:26,925 --> 00:09:29,560 {\an1}It's like as soon as people learn they have microbiomes, 232 00:09:29,561 --> 00:09:31,763 the first thing they want to do is start swapping them! 233 00:09:31,764 --> 00:09:33,297 Well, young man, the truth is, 234 00:09:33,298 --> 00:09:35,566 we still don't know a lot about the microbiome. 235 00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:38,269 but you shouldn't let it freak you out. 236 00:09:38,270 --> 00:09:39,937 But where does it stop?! 237 00:09:39,938 --> 00:09:41,239 Then are people just gonna start wanting 238 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,040 skinny people's microbiomes to be skinny 239 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:46,210 {\an1}or an athletes' microbiome to feel athletic and young again? 240 00:09:46,211 --> 00:09:48,846 Yes, it's possible, but we don't know enough. 241 00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:50,515 There is no "super feces," 242 00:09:50,516 --> 00:09:52,316 which can make you athletic and young. 243 00:09:52,317 --> 00:09:56,188 Well, like... what about Tom Brady's poop? 244 00:09:57,923 --> 00:09:59,357 [ Thinking ] The spice... 245 00:09:59,358 --> 00:10:01,626 He knows about the spice. 246 00:10:01,627 --> 00:10:03,394 I-I'm just saying that Tom Brady seems 247 00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:04,962 to work really hard on his diet and stuff. 248 00:10:04,963 --> 00:10:06,397 His shit must be pretty good. 249 00:10:06,398 --> 00:10:08,166 More than pretty good. 250 00:10:08,167 --> 00:10:12,036 The Spice Melange. 251 00:10:12,037 --> 00:10:14,439 What? 252 00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,641 Nothing. 253 00:10:16,642 --> 00:10:18,075 It's unobtainable. 254 00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:19,877 The Spice. 255 00:10:19,878 --> 00:10:23,215 But could he be the one to bring it here? 256 00:10:24,993 --> 00:10:28,662 Announcer: And now back to "One For the Ladies"! 257 00:10:28,663 --> 00:10:30,697 {\an9}♪♪ 258 00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,199 Have you been in that store at all? 259 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,034 No, I think it's new, isn't it? 260 00:10:34,035 --> 00:10:36,203 It used to be that watch store. 261 00:10:36,204 --> 00:10:38,572 Oh, my God! Harriet? 262 00:10:38,573 --> 00:10:41,441 Oh! Hi, girls! What's new? 263 00:10:41,442 --> 00:10:43,043 My goodness! Look at you! 264 00:10:43,044 --> 00:10:45,379 You look great! What happened? 265 00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:47,915 Fecal transplant. It's true what they say. 266 00:10:47,916 --> 00:10:49,716 I feel 20 years younger. 267 00:10:49,717 --> 00:10:51,952 [ Horn honks ] Lookin' good, Mrs. B! 268 00:10:51,953 --> 00:10:55,322 Fecal transplant, Damon! Keep your eyes on the road! 269 00:10:55,323 --> 00:10:56,657 Harriet? 270 00:10:56,658 --> 00:10:59,126 Oh. Hey, Sheila. 271 00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:01,228 You're looking chipper today. 272 00:11:01,229 --> 00:11:03,363 Yeah, I had a little procedure done. 273 00:11:03,364 --> 00:11:04,798 Fecal transplant. 274 00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:06,300 I thought the doctor wouldn't give you 275 00:11:06,301 --> 00:11:08,368 a fecal transplant, Harriet. 276 00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:12,539 No, I... did it myself. With a turkey baster. 277 00:11:12,540 --> 00:11:14,475 Where did you get the feces? 278 00:11:14,476 --> 00:11:16,477 Well, it's really none of your business, Sheila. 279 00:11:16,478 --> 00:11:18,412 It's a private matter, a fecal transplant. 280 00:11:18,413 --> 00:11:20,280 I'd really rather not talk about it. 281 00:11:20,281 --> 00:11:22,950 See ya, girls. ALL: Bye, Harriet! 282 00:11:22,951 --> 00:11:24,852 Two faced bitch! 283 00:11:24,853 --> 00:11:26,320 You know what she said about you at lunch? 284 00:11:26,321 --> 00:11:28,956 What? She called you the C-word. 285 00:11:28,957 --> 00:11:31,291 You're joking! Oh, no! 286 00:11:31,292 --> 00:11:32,960 Clearly, she couldn't stand that you were 287 00:11:32,961 --> 00:11:35,496 the only one in town who's shit didn't stink. 288 00:11:35,497 --> 00:11:36,830 Fuck her. 289 00:11:36,831 --> 00:11:38,265 Fuck her. 290 00:11:38,266 --> 00:11:40,033 {\an9}♪♪ 291 00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:41,535 {\an1}Boys, I brought you in here 292 00:11:41,536 --> 00:11:45,339 because some rumors are floating around the school, mkay. 293 00:11:45,340 --> 00:11:48,041 These rumors are that you three 294 00:11:48,042 --> 00:11:51,645 somehow stole feces from Kyle's mom, mkay, 295 00:11:51,646 --> 00:11:53,013 and gave it to Mrs. Biggle 296 00:11:53,014 --> 00:11:55,149 in return for "Jedi Fallen" Order." 297 00:11:55,150 --> 00:11:57,551 That is 100% untrue. 298 00:11:57,552 --> 00:12:01,388 Mkay, well, someone in this school is a little turd burglar, 299 00:12:01,389 --> 00:12:02,623 and I want some answers. 300 00:12:02,624 --> 00:12:04,925 How can we answer that to which we have no knowledge? 301 00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:06,693 [ Whispering ] Very nice. Very nice. 302 00:12:06,694 --> 00:12:09,563 It must be hard... 303 00:12:09,564 --> 00:12:12,900 having to take turns playing "Jedi Fallen Order." 304 00:12:12,901 --> 00:12:15,402 It's a single player game, I believe. 305 00:12:15,403 --> 00:12:16,737 Wouldn't know. 306 00:12:16,738 --> 00:12:21,074 Oh, because I could get you each your own copy. 307 00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:22,976 That would be a lot a fun, wouldn't it? 308 00:12:22,977 --> 00:12:26,680 You guys stole the poop. 309 00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,615 Could you do it again? 310 00:12:28,616 --> 00:12:30,083 You want us to steal 311 00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:31,919 some of Kyle's mom's poop for you? 312 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:33,754 Not Kyle's mom's. 313 00:12:33,755 --> 00:12:35,322 Someone else's. 314 00:12:35,323 --> 00:12:36,824 Whose? 315 00:12:36,825 --> 00:12:39,126 [ Thinking ] The Spice. 316 00:12:39,127 --> 00:12:41,128 I must have it. 317 00:12:41,129 --> 00:12:44,966 The Spice Melange. 318 00:12:47,035 --> 00:12:49,970 Alright. Alright. Um, proud of our team today. 319 00:12:49,971 --> 00:12:51,038 It was, uh... 320 00:12:51,039 --> 00:12:52,372 {\an1}You know, I thought the defense 321 00:12:52,373 --> 00:12:54,107 did a great job keeping us in the game. 322 00:12:54,108 --> 00:12:55,709 And, again, I think the offense has 323 00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:56,877 {\an1}a lot of room for improvement 324 00:12:56,878 --> 00:12:58,779 {\an1}and all that starts with me. 325 00:12:58,780 --> 00:13:00,314 Questions? Yeah. 326 00:13:00,315 --> 00:13:02,449 Can we have your poop? 327 00:13:02,450 --> 00:13:06,320 No, guys, I'm not gonna take any requests for my microbiome. 328 00:13:06,321 --> 00:13:08,021 {\an1}I just wanna focus on the team. 329 00:13:08,022 --> 00:13:09,690 We're 10-1 now, you know? 330 00:13:09,691 --> 00:13:11,458 But we can't let up. Yeah? 331 00:13:11,459 --> 00:13:13,694 Please, can we have your poop. Okay, I'm not -- 332 00:13:13,695 --> 00:13:15,896 I'm not gonna stay out here. You guys. It's just -- 333 00:13:15,897 --> 00:13:17,898 Does anyone have a real question? 334 00:13:17,899 --> 00:13:19,099 Tom, after you leave here, 335 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,467 are you gonna go eat somewhere 336 00:13:20,468 --> 00:13:22,603 or go right home and -- No, no. See? 337 00:13:22,604 --> 00:13:24,404 I'm not gonna tell you guys where I'm doing 338 00:13:24,405 --> 00:13:25,806 because then you're all gonna try 339 00:13:25,807 --> 00:13:27,040 and follow me into the bathroom. 340 00:13:27,041 --> 00:13:28,542 {\an1}You're not taking my feces, 341 00:13:28,543 --> 00:13:30,110 so unless you have a football question, 342 00:13:30,111 --> 00:13:31,245 we're done here. 343 00:13:31,246 --> 00:13:33,548 Can we buy your poop? 344 00:13:36,885 --> 00:13:38,118 Kyle: [ Thinking ] Microbiome... 345 00:13:38,119 --> 00:13:39,921 Inside me... 346 00:13:43,224 --> 00:13:46,260 They are inside me. 347 00:13:46,261 --> 00:13:48,228 Are they a part of me? 348 00:13:48,229 --> 00:13:50,063 When I eat, they eat. 349 00:13:50,064 --> 00:13:51,532 When I die, 350 00:13:51,533 --> 00:13:54,635 they consume me and continue to live. 351 00:13:54,636 --> 00:13:58,672 Am I just an Airbnb in Santa Clarita? 352 00:13:58,673 --> 00:14:00,507 They're not a part of me. 353 00:14:00,508 --> 00:14:03,410 They are me. 354 00:14:03,411 --> 00:14:05,245 {\an9}♪♪ 355 00:14:05,246 --> 00:14:07,981 The bookcase. 356 00:14:07,982 --> 00:14:10,584 The bookcase! 357 00:14:10,585 --> 00:14:12,186 You have to understand, 358 00:14:12,187 --> 00:14:14,521 a lot of people want things from Tom Brady. 359 00:14:14,522 --> 00:14:17,191 He has to be a little protective. 360 00:14:17,192 --> 00:14:19,359 Yes, we do understand. We just... 361 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,328 Well, since you're his publicist we thought that... 362 00:14:21,329 --> 00:14:23,130 You could give Mr. Brady our message- 363 00:14:23,131 --> 00:14:24,898 It's alright Stan. don't cry. 364 00:14:24,899 --> 00:14:27,734 You see, ma'am, our friend little Kenny here is dying. 365 00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:31,305 And he's... He's just the biggest Patriots fan. 366 00:14:31,306 --> 00:14:33,040 You know, I can call him, 367 00:14:33,041 --> 00:14:35,542 but he's very busy right now with the season. 368 00:14:35,543 --> 00:14:37,544 Well, if Mr. Brady could just, you know, 369 00:14:37,545 --> 00:14:39,847 have Kenny stay over at his house for a night. 370 00:14:39,848 --> 00:14:41,982 Kind of like a Michael Jackson kind of thing. 371 00:14:41,983 --> 00:14:43,817 Ohhghghgh! 372 00:14:43,818 --> 00:14:45,252 Oh, gosh, we're losing him! 373 00:14:45,253 --> 00:14:47,454 We need to make this happen quickly, ma'am. 374 00:14:47,455 --> 00:14:50,924 They want the spice. Just like the rest. 375 00:14:50,925 --> 00:14:54,061 Perhaps they are the ones... 376 00:14:54,062 --> 00:14:55,562 Uh, ma'am? 377 00:14:55,563 --> 00:14:58,499 Tom Brady's Publicist: A chance. Perhaps. 378 00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:02,302 They could actually obtain the Spice Melange... 379 00:15:02,303 --> 00:15:05,440 Let me... see what I can do. 380 00:15:07,275 --> 00:15:11,011 Girls, can I just say -- you both look fantastic. 381 00:15:11,012 --> 00:15:12,579 Oh, thanks girlfriend. 382 00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,548 We've been working out and dieting, you know -- 383 00:15:14,549 --> 00:15:16,817 not cheating, like that bitch Harriot. 384 00:15:16,818 --> 00:15:19,186 Well, it's great you guys are doing it the natural way 385 00:15:19,187 --> 00:15:21,989 and we don't have to deal with Harriot anymore. 386 00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:24,992 There you are, you Goddamn bitch! 387 00:15:24,993 --> 00:15:27,094 I will take you to court, fat whore! 388 00:15:27,095 --> 00:15:29,096 Harriot, I do not like your tone- 389 00:15:29,097 --> 00:15:31,098 You knew I was going to steal your poo, 390 00:15:31,099 --> 00:15:33,000 and so you tainted it, didn't you?! 391 00:15:33,001 --> 00:15:34,568 What are you talking about? 392 00:15:34,569 --> 00:15:37,304 I have been shitting and throwing up all day! 393 00:15:37,305 --> 00:15:39,540 It has to be from your feces! 394 00:15:39,541 --> 00:15:42,309 So, you did take my poo, huh, Harriot? 395 00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:44,444 That's besides the point now! 396 00:15:44,445 --> 00:15:46,413 Oh, IS it? 'Cause the girls told me 397 00:15:46,414 --> 00:15:48,215 you called me the C word the other day! 398 00:15:48,216 --> 00:15:51,185 Oh, you're all backstabbing bitches now! 399 00:15:51,186 --> 00:15:52,920 Fuck you, Harriot! 400 00:15:52,921 --> 00:15:54,888 Uhhh-- Okay, ladies. come on -- 401 00:15:54,889 --> 00:15:57,457 Just admit it! I can't stop puking and shitting 402 00:15:57,458 --> 00:15:58,959 because of what you did to me! 403 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,596 [ Moans ] 404 00:16:03,932 --> 00:16:05,199 What the fuck? 405 00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,134 You thought you were such hot shit, Harriot. 406 00:16:07,135 --> 00:16:09,169 We took the leftover feces from your house, 407 00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:11,638 and put it up our asses with a Turkey baster! 408 00:16:11,639 --> 00:16:13,408 Oh. Oh, God. 409 00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:30,220 Announcer: We now return to "One for the Ladies." 410 00:16:32,222 --> 00:16:35,624 [ Wind howls ] 411 00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:37,627 [ Roars ] 412 00:16:48,939 --> 00:16:50,774 [ Doorbell rings ] 413 00:16:58,248 --> 00:16:59,915 Hello, ma'am. We are the darling children 414 00:16:59,916 --> 00:17:02,284 who's dying friend is all set to meet Tom Brady. 415 00:17:02,285 --> 00:17:08,057 I am Mabel Gonzales, the housekeeper. 416 00:17:08,058 --> 00:17:10,192 They're here for the spice. 417 00:17:10,193 --> 00:17:13,062 I can sense it. 418 00:17:13,063 --> 00:17:16,165 Cartman: I wonder why everyone keeps taking really long pauses 419 00:17:16,166 --> 00:17:18,400 after they talk? 420 00:17:18,401 --> 00:17:19,869 Stan: People just keep looking at me 421 00:17:19,870 --> 00:17:22,671 like I'm supposed to say something. 422 00:17:22,672 --> 00:17:24,473 Kenny: Why did I agree to this? 423 00:17:24,474 --> 00:17:27,543 I don't even have a machine to play Fallen Order on. 424 00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:28,577 Come on in. 425 00:17:28,578 --> 00:17:32,348 Mr. Brady is just using the bathroom. 426 00:17:32,349 --> 00:17:36,486 Music to your ears, I suppose. 427 00:17:41,057 --> 00:17:45,461 We've got more sick incoming. Try and make some more room. 428 00:17:45,462 --> 00:17:47,663 We have a major epidemic, here, detective. 429 00:17:47,664 --> 00:17:49,665 C-diff has spread to half the town. 430 00:17:49,666 --> 00:17:52,435 We don't have enough staff or enough supplies to keep up with it. 431 00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:53,769 How did this happen?! 432 00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:55,805 Apparently, the outbreak started at a restaurant, 433 00:17:55,806 --> 00:17:57,873 when some women got sick on everybody. 434 00:17:57,874 --> 00:17:59,375 {\an1}The women contracted C-diff 435 00:17:59,376 --> 00:18:01,911 by giving themselves DIY fecal transplants. 436 00:18:01,912 --> 00:18:04,580 So, they got sick from another woman's feces? 437 00:18:04,581 --> 00:18:07,016 No. They got sick from using this -- 438 00:18:07,017 --> 00:18:08,818 a common household turkey baster. 439 00:18:08,819 --> 00:18:11,153 It's a thing most people only use once a year, 440 00:18:11,154 --> 00:18:12,488 around Thanksgiving. 441 00:18:12,489 --> 00:18:14,190 The rest of the year, it just sits in a drawer, 442 00:18:14,191 --> 00:18:15,624 collecting bacteria. 443 00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:18,260 And then, the ladies went and stuck it up their asses. 444 00:18:18,261 --> 00:18:19,995 Oh, those ladies! 445 00:18:19,996 --> 00:18:21,263 It gets worse. 446 00:18:21,264 --> 00:18:22,998 We're completely out of healthy donor feces. 447 00:18:22,999 --> 00:18:25,401 Even if we found a donor at this point it wouldn't be enough 448 00:18:25,402 --> 00:18:27,036 to give everyone transplants. 449 00:18:27,037 --> 00:18:28,404 So what happens next? 450 00:18:28,405 --> 00:18:31,607 With how contagious C-diff is, and how deadly, 451 00:18:31,608 --> 00:18:34,577 Half of South Park is going to die. 452 00:18:34,578 --> 00:18:38,615 Jesus. What have those rascally ladies done? 453 00:18:41,418 --> 00:18:44,086 So... You're all here to meet Tom Brady, too? 454 00:18:44,087 --> 00:18:45,654 Yeah. I'm a sports writer. 455 00:18:45,655 --> 00:18:47,857 Getting a little interview. 456 00:18:47,858 --> 00:18:51,260 A little interview, and hopefully more. 457 00:18:51,261 --> 00:18:53,028 Yes, and we are here with our little girl 458 00:18:53,029 --> 00:18:54,730 who's dying, just like your friend. 459 00:18:54,731 --> 00:18:55,965 I'm dying, Mommy? 460 00:18:55,966 --> 00:18:57,299 Shut up, Theresa! 461 00:18:57,300 --> 00:18:59,135 The Spice Melange. 462 00:18:59,136 --> 00:19:01,504 It is here in this house. 463 00:19:01,505 --> 00:19:05,975 Everyone, the honorable Thomas Brady. 464 00:19:05,976 --> 00:19:07,443 Hey, everybody. 465 00:19:07,444 --> 00:19:08,744 The rest of you, stand back! 466 00:19:08,745 --> 00:19:10,579 They all deceive you, Mr. Brady! 467 00:19:10,580 --> 00:19:13,315 They only want to get to the Spice Melange! 468 00:19:13,316 --> 00:19:17,019 Oh, God, not again. Alright, everybody out. 469 00:19:17,020 --> 00:19:18,554 Come on. Let's go. 470 00:19:18,555 --> 00:19:20,489 Mr. Brady, can we just see your basement really fast? 471 00:19:20,490 --> 00:19:21,824 Nope. Nope. That's all. 472 00:19:21,825 --> 00:19:23,793 If you people want a healthy microbiome, 473 00:19:23,794 --> 00:19:25,928 then proper diet and healthy choices, alright? 474 00:19:25,929 --> 00:19:28,998 That's it. You are all being ridiculous. 475 00:19:28,999 --> 00:19:30,567 [ Door opens ] 476 00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:39,609 Kyle? Dude, what are you doing here? 477 00:19:41,445 --> 00:19:44,548 You don't get to be part of Turd Burglars now, Kyle. 478 00:19:48,952 --> 00:19:50,687 The Bookcase. 479 00:20:01,098 --> 00:20:04,400 [ All gasping, "oh" ing ] 480 00:20:04,401 --> 00:20:06,202 Okay, look, I got sick of people 481 00:20:06,203 --> 00:20:08,771 going to my basement and screwing with my plumbing. 482 00:20:08,772 --> 00:20:11,607 The spice. So much of it. 483 00:20:11,608 --> 00:20:15,711 Enough for everyone. Enough to bring peace to all. 484 00:20:15,712 --> 00:20:18,380 I stopped flushing them because people kept breaking 485 00:20:18,381 --> 00:20:19,749 my pipes to get them. 486 00:20:19,750 --> 00:20:22,551 Never, in my wildest dreams, did I believe 487 00:20:22,552 --> 00:20:24,754 so much could be obtained. 488 00:20:24,755 --> 00:20:28,190 This is enough for all the universe. 489 00:20:28,191 --> 00:20:29,759 I mean, you'd all do the same thing 490 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,295 if people were always trying to steal your shit. 491 00:20:49,913 --> 00:20:52,948 That's good. Stay still. Almost there. 492 00:20:52,949 --> 00:20:56,752 Oh, Sheila, I'm so sorry for stealing your feces. 493 00:20:56,753 --> 00:21:00,122 And we're sorry for stealing it from you, Harriot. 494 00:21:00,123 --> 00:21:01,791 Girls this was all my fault. 495 00:21:01,792 --> 00:21:03,592 I think I got a little carried away 496 00:21:03,593 --> 00:21:05,728 bragging about my fecal transplant. 497 00:21:05,729 --> 00:21:08,597 I hope we can all be besties again. 498 00:21:08,598 --> 00:21:10,599 Doctor: You ladies are pretty lucky. 499 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,302 {\an1}If it hadn't been for these little turd burglars, here, 500 00:21:13,303 --> 00:21:15,504 you'd be dead -- and also responsible 501 00:21:15,505 --> 00:21:17,606 for the deaths of countless others. 502 00:21:17,607 --> 00:21:19,074 Kyle, how did you do it? 503 00:21:19,075 --> 00:21:21,811 I mean, how did you even know what was going on? 504 00:21:21,812 --> 00:21:24,180 I didn't know. My microbiome did. 505 00:21:24,181 --> 00:21:26,282 All along, they were trying to tell me something. 506 00:21:26,283 --> 00:21:28,050 I've really learned that I'm not just me. 507 00:21:28,051 --> 00:21:29,985 I'm also all the creatures inside of me. 508 00:21:29,986 --> 00:21:32,888 From now on, I'm gonna trust my gut a little more. 509 00:21:32,889 --> 00:21:35,491 Well, I think we've all learned something. 510 00:21:35,492 --> 00:21:39,228 "One for the Ladies" is one too many for the ladies. 511 00:21:39,229 --> 00:21:42,032 [ Laughter ] 512 00:21:44,901 --> 00:21:54,844 {\an9}♪♪ 513 00:21:54,845 --> 00:22:04,787 {\an9}♪♪ 514 00:22:04,788 --> 00:22:14,731 {\an9}♪♪ 514 00:22:15,305 --> 00:22:21,774 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 45129

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