All language subtitles for Hercules - 02x01 - The King of Thieves

- Get him!
- Don't let him get away!

- Give us that box!
- Oh, not the face!

- Will ya hand it over?
- His arms!

- I got 'em!
- Watch his feet!

Watch out!

Hold still!

You know?
You really don't wanna do this.

So, why don't you just let him go, huh?

- Because he's still breathing.
- Yeah?

Well, I think he'd like to
keep it that way. Don't you?

- Wise guy!
- Over here!

Grab me a whip!

- Quickly!
- Let's go!

We'll get 'em later!

We need more men!

Ha-ha-ha.

Not that I couldn't have handled
them myself, but thank you.

Well, it's a little early in the day
for highway robbery, isn't it?

Oh, not at all.

I try to start every day with
a healthy dose of excitement.

Bandits, lions, lynch mobs,
anything to get the old heart started.

Autolycus is my name.

Iolaus.
Is that the kingdom of Cyros?

It is, indeed.
You have business there?

- Nah, I'm just meeting an old friend.
- Ah.

- This way!
- Over here!

Yeah, I see 'em!

Oh, sounds like those
bandits have returned.

Yeah. Well, if it is them,
they've brought friends.

- Looks like we're surrounded.
- What do you mean, 'We'?

You got me out of trouble, I'm sure
you can do the same for yourself.

Yodle... ee... hoo!

- Where's your partner-in-crime?
- My p--

- ah, no, no, no. I was just--
- Tell it to the judge.

- You're under arrest.
- What for?

You're standing on it.

Excuse me,
I'm looking for a friend of mine.

He's... oh... about this tall,
blond hair. His name's Iolaus.

I'm sorry. I don't know him.

I just met your little friend.
He gave me this.

Well, if you called him 'Little', you're
lucky that's all he gave you.

Do you know where I can find him?

In prison for stealing
the king's prize ruby.

Punishment is...

Ha!

This is the story of a time long ago.

A time of myth and legend,

when the ancient gods
were petty and cruel,

and they plagued mankind with suffering.

Only one man dared
to challenge their power-Hercules.

Hercules possessed a strength
the world had never seen,

a strength surpassed only
by the power of his heart.

He journeyed the earth, battling the
minions of wicked stepmother, Hera,

the all-powerful queen of the gods.

But wherever there was evil,
wherever an innocent would suffer,

there would be Hercules.

Too many moving parts.

I keep telling you think simple.

There's someone here
to see you, my Lord.

Says his name is Hercules.

- King Menelaus.
- Hercules?

Hercules, I know that name.

Ah, y-you're father's
someone important, isn't he?

Zeus, king of the gods, if that
sort of thing impresses you.

Your Majesty, there's a
man in your jail names Iolaus.

- He's my friend, and--
- Oh, yes, the thief.

We're trying him tomorrow. He-he'll
be executed shortly afterwards.

No, now, look at this.
It's a new geared winch.

With it, one man raising a stone
can do the work of four.

- That's very nice, but, uh--
- The problem is, I...

I don't want three out
of four men unemployed,

just for the sake of progress.

I can see where that would be
a problem. Now, about my friend.

- Your friend?
- Yes.

Oh-oh, yes, yes.
Well, he plundered my treasury.

I mean, we still haven't
recovered the stone from my set.

It's a dragon's-eye ruby given
to my great-great-grandmother

by Maleus the Mighty. Ha-ha.

Maleus had no easy job persuading
the dragon to give it up.

Iolaus would never
do anything like that.

He's the most honest person I know.

Then why doesn't he
tell us where the ruby is?

- Because he didn't take it.
- Oh-ho!

I'll be the judge of that literally.

Oh!

Dirce... ha.
She's famous for her entrances.

- That's wonderful.
- Yes, you better say that.

She's your friend's lawyer.

Hi.

Maybe there's something both
of you should know about Cyros.

No crime goes unpunished here.
It's the law.

Unfortunately, when the real
culprit can't be found

- innocent people have been executed.
- Oh-ho! Good!

I'm sorry, but the law is
part of our tradition.

And as much as the king
loves things that are

new tradition gets
the best of him every time.

And you're willing to let your
tradition kill an innocent man.

I only care about
protecting my clients.

Justice for the people.

Humanity before tradition.

But frankly, if we don't catch the
real thief his goose is cooked.

Well?

- His name was Autolycus.
- Autolycus?

- You know who that is?
- Everybody around here knows Autolycus.

The peasants call him,
'The King of Thieves'.

I have his description here. There.

The king's constables
swear he's uncatchable.

And Autolycus has said that he'd
rather die than be brought to justice.

Well, you're about to find out
if he's true to his word

- because I'm going to catch him.
- Well, you'd better hurry.

The king has decreed that
the trial starts tomorrow.

They don't waste
any time here, do they?

- How are you at stalling?
- I may be able to get you three days.

Yeah? What if it takes more
than three days to catch him?

Well, then I'll make sure that

the king feels guily about
beheading the wrong man.

- Autolycus, right?
- Ah, you've heard of me.

Not until yesterday. I believe you took
something that doesn't belong to you.

Rumor and innuendo.

Oop!

Uh!

You're too easy. You know that?

I thought the King of Thieves
would be harder to catch.

- Who are you?
- Hercules... heard of me?

Oh! We-ell,
that makes perfect sense!

Only the son of Zeus
could've found me!

Well, you left quite a trail.

See, next time you're
running from the law,

don't stop to shake hands with
every villager you meet.

Oh, but Hercules, how can
I deny them? The people love me.

- Force yourself.
- I'd rather do this.

You're only making more
trouble for yourself.

If I didn't like trouble, I would've
gone into a different line of work.

Yodle-ee-hoo!

Maybe this isn't going to be so easy.

The thief is to be
escorted to the court.

- The alleged thief.
- Whatever.

No convictions without a trial!

Here is is, provision 99 the
review of evidence by outside audit.

That'll easily take up
two-and-a-half days.

Of course, that still doesn't give your
friend much time to catch Autolycus.

- Well, if anyone can, Hercules can.
- It'll still vex him, though.

- Who?
- The king, he's very impatient.

He'll probably regret
accepting my proposal.

- What proposal?
- Counsel for the defense.

- I'm the one who came up with the idea.
- I'm surprised he agreed to it.

Ha-ha.
He likes to think he's progressive.

Ha! What a joke! Oh.

Would ya mind getting that for me?

Yah!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Ha-have you seen a tall man
with dark hair and a green tunic?

He might have tried
to shake your hand.

Do you mean Autolycus.

- None other.
- Sorry, not today.

Is there anywhere
else to cross the river?

Oh, footbridge twenty miles
downstream. But it washed away.

Thanks for your help.

You'll never catch him, you know.

Oh! Excuse me!

- Autolycus!
- Ooh. Oop! Pardon me!

Go, Autolycus! Go!

You'll never catch
The King of Thieves!

Yodle-ee-hoo!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ah, even the great Hercules is
no match for The King of Thieves.

Can't you do any better? I learned
that trick when I was a boy.

Sorry, Hercules.
But I've got a reputation to maintain.

I'm afraid I've got to ruin it.

Yah!

Oh, oh, oh, gods above, put me down!

So much for the direct approach.

It's been a pleasure, Hercules!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Oh!

Ooh!

Ah!

Uh-oh.

The evidence is in. Counsel has
two minutes for closing arguments.

Your lordship, I propose that all
evidence here today be subject

to Provision 99 the review of
evidence by outside audit.

Ah, that won't be possible, Counselor.
I retired Abagustus yesterday.

- What?
- Who's Abagustus?

The only outside auditor in Cyros.
How could you let him retire?

Dirce, the man is 97 years old.

The only thing he's got
energy for is to sleep.

So if you can't think of
anything better than that--

J-just wait a minute.
OK, I-I'm sure there's something.

Ah.

- Provision 46.
- That's strictly for maritime insurrections.

Oh, right.

Um... well...
amendment 12 K to Provision 7.

Applies only to politicians with
records of heredit'ry insanity.

Oh, yes. Um...

Time is running out, Counselor.

The court is ready to pass judgment.

I propose that the court
enact the Erebus test

- the ancient test of innocence.
- But that could take days.

- And besides, it's barbaric.
- But, it's part of the traditional law.

And that's the most important thing,
isn't it? Tradition.

Very well, Dirce.

The court will indulge you
though I personally think it

would be more humane to
let us execute the defendant.

The court is recessed for two hours.
We will reconvene at the pond.

Got him! Ha-ha.

- Barbaric?
- Hmm.

I don't suppose you'd
care ta-- give me a hand?

Hey, you're the escape artist.

But, maybe you're losing your touch.

Ooh! Oh! Ha-ha-ha-ha. Thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Yo!

Ah! Ah!

I have to tell you, Hercules--
mm-mm...

this is going to put a
strain on our friendship.

- Oh!
- What friendship?

- Ah!
- You stole this,

and left my best friend
to be executed for it.

I didn't plan it that way. I
thought he could take care of himself!

- If you'd seen how he'd wiped out--
- Save your breath!

All I care about is getting you
where you belong in court.

That should hold ya.
Have a nice swim!

Explain to me again how this is
gonna prove my innocence?

It’s called 'dunking'. You and
the rock are thrown into the water.

- If you drown, you're guilty.
- Oh, well, that makes sense.

Look, I know it sounds ridiculous

but it was the only
delaying tactic left me.

- Oh, one other thing.
- What?

Don't swallow the water.
It's filthy.

Let's get this over with.
The agriculture commission has a

a pig-breeding crisis
I need to deal with.

- Here!
- Ah, any more advice?

- One, two.
- Keep your head above water.

Thank you.

You're only prolonging
your client's agony.

I am looking after his rights.

Strange way of doing it.

You're wasting your time.

Trust me, I know something
about prison doors.

I didn't think ya ever
wound up behind them.

You know, since you're uncatchable.

The only times the jackals of authority
catch me is when I let them.

Then of course, I escape immediately,
so they know I can't be stopped.

Oh-ho-ho!

Very impressive.

Ha!

Guess I'll be running along.

You are really starting to annoy me.

Time's up. We're draggin'
the carcass out of the water.

You made it! You survived!

Yeah! I, uh...

managed to slow down
my heartbeat so I could

hold my breath until
I got up to the surface.

- It's a trick I learned in the East.
- Well, it worked.

You've passed the first test.

- First test?
- Just two more.

I hope they're a lot
easier than this one was.

Ahh...

On your feet!

- What's next?
- It’s called 'Pressing'.

Pressing. Pressing?

Now all ya hafta do is
stand there for an hour,

- and not let any stones fall.
- Ah, great. No problem.

You know?
We can beat the system yet!

That'll show my father
I know what I'm doing.

Who's your father?

- The king, of course.
- The king? Wow!

Look out!

That was close. Now, don't worry.

Winning this case has become
a personal matter to me.

Yeah, it's, uh...
kind of personal for me, too.

Ooh!

Whoo.

Well, this place certainly has a lot of,
uh, character.

Interesting design, don't you think?

Early Assyrian, but with definite
neo-Babylonian influences.

Oh, the Fates have been kind.
I've died and gone to Olympus.

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
Will ya look at all this?

- Keep your voice down.
- Why, you and

I could clean out this whole
place in a couple of days, Hercules.

I don't have a couple of days.

All right, well,
we'll just take what we need.

Uh, half for me and some for you.
Come on!

Untie my hands.

Would you desert a castle
and leave all this behind?

What are you getting at?

Whatever drove these
people away did it in a hurry.

- And it's still here.
- Don't be ridiculous.

Nothing's lived in here
for centuries! Ha-ha.

Whoa. Whoa.

Maybe, 'Ridiculous'
wasn't the right word.

You don't suppose
it's avegetarian, do ya?

Sh! Back up slowly.
No sudden movements.

I'd call that a sudden movement!

Oh.

If it doesn't eat us,
it'll kill us with its breath!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Oooooh!

Oh!

Well, that's better!

- What, now?
- I'm thinking! I'm thinking!

Well, while you think I'll get the door.

Ohh.

Ah.

Ohhh. I like it.

Ooh! Boy, you are good!

Ooh!

I think we scared it.

Father, what are you doing?

- I can't quite get this to work.
- Ha.

- We're all waiting outside!
- Oh, Dirce.

Just how long does
this game have to go on?

Justice is not a game. Justice is life.

Yes, yes, I've heard all that before.

Oh! Will you stop that?

Now why can't you start
behaving like a normal king?

Why can't you behave
like a normal princess,

instead of some budding old maid,
who doesn't have anything

in her life except screwball causes?
Feed the stag beetle!

- Save the Harpies!
- Well, at least I believe in something.

You think I don't.

I cling to tradition
because I am trying

to preserve our way
of life here in Cyros.

What more do you want from me?

I want you to care about people as
much as you care about your inventions.

None of 'em work, anyway!

Come on. Let's get this
Erebus test over with.

Would a look at that?

Move along!

You made it!

Yeah. There was nothing to it.

I just had to separate
my mind from my body,

and kind of become
one with the rocks.

Listen to the poor devil.
He's ranting!

We should put him out
of his misery right now.

You'll do no such thing. He can
take anything you throw at him.

Yeah.
What are you gonna throw at me?

A wild boar?

You'll be in this pit
with it for three hours.

All you have to do is stay
alive and not lose any blood.

Three hours?

I can do that.

In with him, then.

- That boar is bigger than a horse.
- It doesn't matter, Iolaus.

You're gonna get through this.
I know you are.

We're waiting.

I'll see ya in three hours.

This pig is huge!

- Well?
- It's a door.

They don't make them
like that, anymore.

There must be a winch
around here, somewhere.

Oh, that'll take forever.

All right. Here, let me help.

Oh!

Nothing larger than the
Parthenon, please.

That's more like it.

Can't risk damaging these
magic hands, you know?

Right. Think of all the innocent people
that would keep you from robbing.

Now, if I had my druthers which
I admit isn't always the case

I would focus on the
corrupt and decadent.

That's how I got into this
business, as a matter of fact.

A bloated merchant from
Cyros tricked my brother,

Melaegus, out of his land.

And when Melaegus protested,
the merchant had him killed.

And the powers that be
did nothing about it.

So I delivered my own justice.

I robbed that merchant,
and I gave every dinar

he had to the sick,
the hungry, the poor.

The merchant became a pauper.

And well I became an outlaw.

But not just any outlaw, either.

- If you don't mind.
- That's all right.

I'll get it back.
After all, I am The King of Thieves.

Save it for court.

You really are serious about
taking me back, aren't you?

- You bet I am.
- Well, that's very Herculean,

but you see, there's
just one small catch.

If your friend lives, that means I die.

Time's up. Lift the lid.

Lift the lid!

You're alive! You're wonderful!

I'm better than that, Dirce.
I'm free!

What did you do?

I let him chase me around
for a while till he got exhausted.

And then I summoned up all
my energy I looked him

straight in the eyes and
I put him into a trance.

It's an old hunters' trick.

- Ow!
- Well, Father...

he has passed all of the
steps of the Erebus test.

Ooh, you... you make a good point,
Dirce. There is no-- oh.

Oh, wait a minute.

He bleeds.

You have got to be kidding!

You know, I've played your games!
I passed your stupid tests!

And now, you're gonna
condemn me for cutting my finger

after I escaped from your pet boar?
You people are crazy!

Hey. Don't talk to the king like that.

- Or you'll get in real trouble.
- Ha!

- How much more trouble can I get in?
- Da-enough of this jibber-jabber!

Dirce, you asked for the
Erebus test and you got it.

Your client has proven
himself guilty beyond a doubt.

He will be executed at dusk.

- Well, I hope it still works.
- There's one way to find out.

Ohh, it looks like a beautiful
day in the neighborhood.

But how are we gonna
keep that thing up

long enough to get out
there and enjoy it?

Find something to brace the wheel.

Hurry up!

Ha.

Wrong place... wrong time.

Find something?

Ah, a little more than I wanted to.

Oh, quick! Brace the wheel!

Oh, oh, the wheel.

Um...

Go on! Get out of here!

You're sure?

Go!

Come on, Hercules! Uh!

What do you think you're doing?

I need this.

I told you to get out of here!

Don't you worry about me, Hercules.

Autolycus!

Let's get you outta here.

Autolycus, you all right?

I was gonna run away while
your back was turned,

but I can't seem to stand.

- Then don't try.
- I don't think I can move my legs.

You could have escaped?
Why'd you come back to help me?

Oh. A... a lapse in judgment.

I don't think so.

Look, Hercules...

I don't want your friend to die
because of something I've done.

It would... ha... spoil my image.
Mmm.

- Can't have that, can we?
- Mmm...

but I'm afraid you're gonna have
to carry me back to Cyros.

Mmm.

And I think you'd better hurry.

Father, I can't let you do this not
when you know he's innocent.

But tradition must be honored.
It's what keeps us civilized.

Well if this is civilized, then I wish
you'd execute me instead of Iolaus.

Come on! I'll even put
my head on the block for you!

- Guards!
- Dirce, no!

- Get her away from there!
- Nooo!

Dirce!

Dirce!

I can't let you die.

Just keep fighting for
justice and reason.

If you do that it won't
have been for nothing.

Father... please.

I'm sorry, Dirce.

Proceed.

I-it's not as bad as it seems, my boy.

With this chopping device my
inventors have perfected... uh,

there'll be no more
sloppy work with an ax.

Uh, what a relief.

I-i-if there's anything
you wish to say... say it now.

Two things actually I'm innocent and
you should be nicer to your daughter.

Should I enter that in
the record, your Highness?

Yes. Well, tradition gives
us no other choice.

Commence the execution!

Father, if you do this
I will never forgive you.

I have told you, I am sorry.

What has begun here is
bigger than both of us.

Stop!

What is this?

Hercules! Where have you been?

You were supposed
to give me three days.

- How you doing?
- Oh, you know, I've had better days.

How-how dare you put this
stranger on the royal throne?

Your Highness, say hello to Autolycus.

- The King of Thieves?
- Ah, you've heard of me.

He's here as a
witness for the defense.

Well, you...
you better be quick about it.

We're in the middle of an execution!

You shouldn't be.
You're executing the wrong man.

- Yeah, that's my point, exactly!
- He didn't rob the royal vault.

Ha-ha-ha. I did.

- It's the dragon's eye ruby!
- You, sir...

have had the honor of being robbed
by the greatest thief of all time.

Autolycus!

Thank you, Hercules. Ha.

My mission is complete.

The rope! Father, do something!

But nothing like this has
ever happened in Cyros!

- Ah, terrific.
- Iolaus is not thief.

You know that for a fact.
Now, let him go!

- But tradition!
- Humanity is more important.

- Start a new tradition.
- We could make a campaign of it.

'Menelaus a new king for a new day.'
You could rewrite the old laws.

Rewrite the laws! Rewrite the laws?
I can do that?

- You're the king.
- Would you help me?

You know I would.

Let him go!

- Are you all right?
- Yeah.

- How did you get him to confess?
- He did it on his own.

Autolycus, wasn't as bad as
he wanted you to believe.

Proof of that is right here.
Take this to the royal vault.

And prepare Autolycus'
body for a state funeral.

- He's gone.
- I wish I could say I was surprised.

Where's my money pouch?

I can't say I'm surprised
about that, either.

Iolaus!

Maybe if we'd been better hosts,
you'd, stay longer?

You and your father have
a lot of work to do.

I'll come back when
things settle down.

I hope so. You haven't seen the
best part of our country, yet.

Oh, I think I have.

Huh.

Ah, Dirce. You know,
I left my heart in Cyros.

- Yeah, but ya kept your head.
- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.
- Afternoon.

Someone you know?

It could be.

Want to go after him and make sure?

Nope.

OK.