Original subtitles

‫I didn't say a break ‫I said time out

‫They're very different things

‫Prenuptial agreements are standard ‫practice I know what it is

‫Did your father ‫put you up to this

‫Would you do me the honour of being ‫my wife Because of her Julia

‫Maybe it was a dream ‫Or maybe I got it wrong

‫And I didn't see my dad beat my ‫mum and then try to kill himself

‫I want us to elope

‫Our wedding is in two days

‫There's something that ‫you're not saying

‫And I'm not an idiot

‫This is Benjamin

‫Who's he to you

‫Um I'm marrying him tomorrow

‫After what he did

‫I'm not who I say am

‫But then who is

‫We all wear our masks

‫Hide our darkness

‫Our pain

‫We all want to be ‫someone we're not

‫But where's the harm in that

‫Of course I wish you were here

‫Of course I do but

‫And none of it's easy and it's made ‫a shitload harder by you calling me

‫half-cut when I'm with my wife

‫Please

‫Julia

‫Mum are you in there

‫Just one sec

‫What happened to you yesterday

‫Mum

‫What is it What's wrong

‫Nothing Nothing's wrong

‫What was with the radio ‫silence then

‫I called like ‫six times after we spoke kept

‫going to voicemail

‫My phone died ‫I didn't mean to worry you darling

‫I just had some last-minute ‫stuff to deal with

‫Well that is what Patrick ‫and I are here for

‫Your job is a very simple one

‫Enjoyment

‫Now get showering

‫You old fool

‫It's too much

‫I figured if ever there ‫was a time for sentiment

‫it's now but you have ‫to promise not to laugh

‫No I won't

‫If I see even the hint of a smirk ‫then the drawbridge is coming up

‫I can't imagine how ‫lonely it's been

‫Having no-one on your ‫side about Benjamin

‫But you have just stuck to your ‫guns in the most brilliant way

‫So in the spirit of ‫channelling you

‫I've asked Emily to come today

‫As my

‫I hope that's ok

‫Of course darling

‫You just have to be happy

‫Just

‫Just makes sure that ‫she's a good one

‫She is ‫It's me you have to worry about

‫I do

‫But maybe

‫Maybe I don't need to any more

‫I guess we'd better get this ‫bridal shit on the road

‫This is hard for me to say

‫It's ok

‫I know already

‫I've known ever since you ‫Since you first told me

‫that you wouldn't do it

‫You couldn't do it - marry him

‫Because it's us isn't it

‫It's always

‫Been us

‫Despite everything

‫We love each other Ted I

‫I had my revenge and now you with all ‫this younger man

‫flaunting him in my face bringing him ‫Back to our house

‫You've had yours

‫Now we're even

‫So we can

‫We can start again

‫You and me

‫Your revenge for what ‫Well for you leaving me

‫I never left you

‫Maybe not physically ‫but you withdrew

‫So it's my fault No

‫All that matters is - it's ‫done with and we can get back

‫to how we were

‫What's wrong with you

‫What's the phrase

‫The past is a foreign country ‫Only for us it's two

‫wildly different countries

‫Truth is that ‫and it's hard to admit but I am as guilty

‫as you For burying it

‫for not speaking up for

‫My silence has ‫corroded everything

‫Now I'm being punished

‫What are you talking about

‫How we were

‫That's what I'm talking about

‫What you did to me

‫Your violence

‫We've never talked about it

‫I can't do this

‫I need to now

‫I need to know why

‫And that's what I came to ‫say or to ask not

‫The moment just before

‫That's the bit that I'm really ‫interested in when you go from not

‫doing and holding yourself ‫back to doing

‫I need to understand ‫that moment

‫Why

‫Because I have to know if that ever ‫leaves you the urge or if a person

‫can make a mistake and then

‫Change

‫So all this You

‫calling me here

‫It was never about us

‫It was always about him

‫There is no "us" Ted

‫I need this one thing from you

‫You owe me this one thing

‫I don't owe you anything

‫You ruined my life

‫And worse than that ‫Our children's lives Don't don't you

‫bring our children into this

‫I didn't You did ‫when you hit me in front of them

‫Once They saw only once And what ‫That makes all the other times ok

‫The children are fine

‫The kids are not fine

‫And that is largely due to you

‫Everyone has their regrets

‫Things that give them ‫sleepless nights

‫Mine is that I didn't ‫leave you that night

‫That I didn't take those kids and ‫get them far far away from you

‫You'd never have left me

‫I was already packed ‫and then you

‫You made it so that I couldn't ‫God if I had my time again

‫I'd have left you in there

‫God

‫Looks like you gave me ‫your answer after all

‫Julia I'm so glad

‫I-I started to worry

‫Not hearing anything ‫and I know we're meant to be abiding by

‫tradition and everything but I just ‫I miss you and er

‫I can't wait to marry you

‫Julia

‫It's over

‫She went outside I told her not ‫I told her not

‫to go outside It's fine

‫Come with me darling

‫I don't know what's happened ‫I don't know what's been said to you

‫I can only imagine that ‫it was one of your sons

‫But whatever it is ‫we can sort it out

‫I know that we can

‫So please please just call me back ‫and tell me where you are look

‫I can hear you you know

‫Julia's here isn't she Hi

‫What I need to speak to her ‫I need to speak to her

‫Julia Erm Julia

‫Julia It's me ‫What is going on

‫Julia I just ‫I really need to speak to Julia

‫Ok She's not here though

‫Everything ok mum

‫Just give us a sec Ok

‫Sorry

‫What about Ted ‫What about Ted Is he here

‫Would you just tell me if ‫he's here or not please

‫No No Edward is not here and i'm ‫not sure I appreciate the implication

‫Are you going to tell me what's ‫going on or do I have to guess

‫It's I really don't know

‫Julia is not the type ‫to get cold feet

‫I dunno what I've done

‫Maybe you haven't done anything

‫The day I was getting ‫married to Clayton

‫there was just so much noise ‫so many people all with opinions

‫I just took myself off

‫Not long enough for anyone to ‫notice but just long enough

‫to to remember ‫why I was doing it

‫Yeah

‫Thank you

‫Thank you

‫Just just find her

‫I've been staring at ‫that picture of you

‫So young so serious

‫As if as if I'm expecting ‫not to recognise you

‫For there have been ‫some kind of mistake

‫Because the Benjamin I ‫know he would never

‫He could never do this

‫I thought you were the person ‫that would make up for all those

‫wasted years

‫But everything you are is a lie

‫which I'm now realising ‫means everything

‫we've had is the same

‫I thought I'd feel ‫better when I wrote this

‫and I would have ‫a moment of peace

‫But there is no ‫peace for me now

‫I really thought that you ‫your letter

‫Don't you ‫don't you ever do that again

‫You

‫You scared me

‫I scared you

‫I thought I could ‫leave this time

‫But I can't

‫Can't leave can't stay

‫So here I am

‫Can you at least look at me

‫What happened ‫Can you not touch me

‫Who did that

‫Does it matter

‫Ted

‫Ted

‫But he

‫Why

‫Force of habit

‫Well why didn't you tell me

‫I don't

‫Tell people

‫I made myself a promise after

‫That I would never be ‫with a violent man again

‫I can fix this Julia ‫if you if you let me

‫I can fix it I

‫What So it's just

‫Ii don't even get ‫a conversation

‫I can't think what you ‫would possibly say

‫Because ‫because you've made your mind up

‫No the facts made my mind up

‫Facts ‫Facts that you went looking for

‫You wanted to find a ‫reason not to marry me

‫You think ‫you think that I've broken your trust

‫Well the truth is

‫You've broken mine too

‫Don't need it now

‫You can't just give up on me

‫Or you'll what

‫Kill me

‫Do you know the really sad ‫thing Benjamin

‫The sad thing is that if you had told ‫me I might have been able

‫to get past it seen it as the ‫actions of a terrified boy

‫who just didn't know what his punch would ‫mean and the lives that it would ruin

‫I wanted to tell you

‫I wanted to tell you everything

‫You have no idea how much ‫Instead of a real person

‫I got a construct

‫You erased your past

‫Your brother

‫Your name Don't you think that ‫I know that Don't you think

‫that I have been terrified every ‫every single day since we met

‫that you would find me out

‫I am so tired

‫Me too

‫I need you to do one thing for ‫me I need you to come with me

‫I will explain

‫I will explain I promise you

‫But I need you to give me one ‫chance at making you understand

‫My life wasn't

‫It hasn't been like ‫your kids' lives

‫My mum she was all ‫Hard edges

‫I used to think it was the drugs ‫Bending her out of shape

‫But in the end I really think ‫that it was just her making wrong

‫decisions ones that we ‫had to live with you know

‫No dad for Kieran and a ‫A useless one for me

‫And when she died ‫Kieran tried so hard to pretend

‫that everything was normal

‫Never letting on to ‫anyone that we were alone

‫And all of that ‫it had to be paid for

‫And that became hard ‫in a way that you could never understand

‫He said all we ‫needed was 50 quid

‫50 quid and we would be ok for the ‫month he asked me

‫to be lookout

‫So I stood there

‫I stood there till I heard

‫And there's this man lying ‫there blood just

‫Are you ‫Are you saying it was Kieran

‫I'm not I'm not s-saying

‫Then why should I believe you ‫You really think that I am capable

‫of killing another person

‫I didn't

‫But now

‫Yeah

‫I do

‫Why do I get the feeling ‫this is bad news Come in

‫I'm really sorry

‫I had to

‫I told her

‫And now I need you to tell her ‫too so that she believes me

‫Please

‫You told her Told her what

‫I did say

‫I said that you didn't mean to

‫Still

‫A man died

‫I'm sorry

‫But you know what you did

‫I mean it was an accident ‫He didn't mean to do it

‫He's a good man my brother

‫You can't you can't do this

‫You can't ruin my life again

‫You tell her it was you

‫I wish that I could

‫You fucking tell her it was you

‫He's lying I promise ‫you he's lying

‫Kieran

‫Please Please Kieran ‫I'm begging you

‫You tell her You tell her ‫what really happened Please

‫Don't you think she's ‫been lied to enough Sean

‫Hey hey come here ‫Cut it out it's ok

‫You've no idea how ‫much I've missed you

‫You've no idea how much ‫I've missed my big brother

‫I've missed you too

‫Then why are you trying

‫To make it so it's ‫all for nothing

‫Because you ruined it

‫We swore on mum's life

‫We swore that we ‫wouldn't talk about it

‫I can't lose her

‫What about me What about me

‫I fucking love you

‫You don't

‫Cos if you did ‫you would tell the truth

‫I only hit him once

‫I'm sorry

‫I'm I'm s

‫I'm so sorry I'm so sorry

‫You let him take the blame

‫Your own brother

‫Benjamin I want to go ‫No don't go please

‫Do you want to know why ‫he's with you love

‫It's because you give them all ‫the things that he never had -

‫money status

‫And a mother who loved him

‫I know what's coming for you brother ‫even if you're too blind to see it

‫You're going to be stuck in a ‫world that you don't belong

‫With a family who will ‫never accept you

‫And a pensioner for a wife

‫I still don't understand

‫Why take the blame

‫He was 21 I was 15

‫Young offenders' ‫didn't sound so bad

‫But it's your whole life

‫Have you ever had a ‫moment where it's just

‫A moment so far beyond ‫what you imagined

‫That you're just you're

‫You're outside of yourself

‫Just

‫Just doing

‫I thought that

‫I really thought that ‫I was saving him

‫That's what kept me ‫going in that place

‫I thought that he was out there ‫making a life for himself

‫Then I got out found him

‫He'd ended up just ‫like my mum

‫It had all been for nothing

‫I had to leave

‫I couldn't be Sean white any ‫more Sean Sean white the boy

‫who killed the shopkeeper

‫I needed a second chance

‫You're my second chance

‫I just want to go home

‫Mum Where have you been ‫Christ I was worried properly worried

‫How's about we give your mother ‫some oxygen On her wedding day

‫I think we're entitled ‫to feel concerned

‫What's going on mum

‫I just need to be on my own

‫I'll see you at the church

‫Hi guys

‫You look great

‫See you in a bit

‫How much longer would ‫you like to wait

‫As long as it takes

‫We only have the ‫church until four

‫She's coming

‫Julia

‫I think we can all agree ‫minimum fuss is desirable

‫No-one wants a scene

‫Least of all mum

‫This er should get you a taxi out ‫of here Patrick don't be crass

‫I thought I was being ‫rather generous

‫Could you all ‫could you just give us a moment alone

‫We should stay mum ‫in case things get well ugly

‫What is it that you ‫think is happening

‫You're calling off the wedding ‫Finally seeing the light

‫Could you just let me ‫speak with Benjamin

‫Mum really we should stay ‫I'm not going anywhere

‫Do either of you ever listen ‫She's asked us to go so we go

‫Marriage isn't something you ‫should go into with any doubts

‫It's for life

‫You are many things

‫The one thing I never thought you ‫were is a hypocrite

‫I know it probably doesn't hold ‫much weight any more but

‫For what it's worth i'm

‫I'm so so sorry

‫I know

‫I am too

‫You you've got nothing ‫to be sorry for

‫I let you hide

‫Because it suited me ‫I just swallowed you up into all of my

‫drama everything everything was about ‫me my kids my past

‫I didn't leave any room for you

‫That's it

‫That's that's it

‫Benjamin

‫I don't want my old life

‫The one without you in it

‫I'm thinking that maybe ‫we skip the bit about

‫Any objections

‫Love you so bad by Ezra furman

‫I know you told my mother ‫If you tell eimear I swear

‫I will kill you

‫Must be exhausting

‫Spending all this time fighting ‫to be something that you're not

‫You don't know ‫anything about me

‫Good son good father

‫Good husband ‫Shut up shut the Fuck up

‫I didn't write this

‫I didn't know

‫But now I do

‫Are you

‫I can't lose my wife

‫My children ‫Then you won't have to

‫So long as you ‫stay out of my way

‫The first time ‫that I met Julia

‫I wanted to look after her

‫Like ‫I can't really explain that

‫It was just

‫Instinct and a pretty inconvenient ‫one at that

‫And then I realised that she ‫wanted to look after me too

‫I felt exposed

‫And there never did seem to be an ‫option to run away which there

‫always had been before

‫I know ‫to a lot of people in this room

‫we don't make much sense

‫And when I ask why ‫it comes down to one thing

‫Our age

‫This

‫Seemingly yawning chasm of ‫years that separates us

‫My answer to that -

‫nothing can make everything else ‫seem more irrelevant than love

‫Hear hear

‫And as for me

‫Nobody knows who I am

‫What I've done

‫All the different faces ‫That I've set to the world

‫To be 100% known ‫is a rare thing

‫I don't think many ‫people ever are

‫I am - now

‫I find that terrifying

‫But it is also the best thing ‫that has ever happened to me

‫And that's how I know ‫I know that despite everything

‫me and you

‫We're going to be ok

‫You want it Um

‫I know it's not tradition ‫for the bride to speak

‫Um

‫Come here

‫And I'd never have dared before

‫And i think that's ‫the key word here

‫Before Erm

‫Most of you know that this ‫is my second marriage

‫My first marriage ‫gave me my children

‫Who have been in the very ‫best thing in my life

‫And this this is my after

‫And I'm not letting it go

‫Slow disco by st Vincent

‫99 red balloons by nena

‫What are you doing

‫I was invited if you remember ‫I want you to leave right now

‫How rude

‫And I bought a present and everything ‫Look whatever this is

‫let's just not shall we

‫I want to talk to ‫Julia not you

‫There it is

‫Don't embarrass yourself ‫You mean don't embarrass you mother

‫Don't worry I don't plan to

‫Please don't do this

‫You need to go - right now

‫I don't want to put a damper on ‫things but I thought

‫you ought to know

‫Julia kissed me

‫At Christmas she kissed me

‫That's what you think happened

‫You did what you always do

‫You wanted something ‫and took it

‫I'd like you to go

‫You heard her

‫You can't take everything ‫Them

‫And you I went years ago

‫Don't you ‫don't you walk away from me again

‫Julia

‫Julia

‫You fucking come back here ‫now Julia

‫Please just calm down ‫For god's sake please Please

‫I don't think we'll be needing ‫these do you

‫I'm not you

‫I'll never be you

‫Darling I

‫Della

‫Leo Lad

‫Who are you

‫Time to go home I think

‫What do you want with her

‫What do you want with my wife

‫My wife

‫And I don't want anything ‫other than to love her

‫Treat her right

‫All of the things ‫you failed to do

‫You don't know anything about us ‫I know what you did to her

‫And if you don't ‫leave right now

‫I will make sure ‫that everybody knows

‫what kind of man you really are

‫You ok

‫Yeah

‫I am actually

‫He's gone

‫Good

‫Take on me by a-ha

‫would you like to ‫dance mr Greene

‫Always