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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:01,414 --> 00:00:03,687
Okay, we've got four deliveries.
Let's hit the road, Grandma.
2
00:00:03,781 --> 00:00:05,656
_
3
00:00:06,577 --> 00:00:08,844
Hey! People paid for that food.
4
00:00:08,868 --> 00:00:10,492
_
5
00:00:10,547 --> 00:00:11,947
Cattleman's To-Go doesn't stand for
6
00:00:12,015 --> 00:00:13,849
Cattleman's to-go-out-of-business, okay?
7
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Don't make me kick you out.
8
00:00:14,986 --> 00:00:16,366
_
9
00:00:16,428 --> 00:00:20,062
_
10
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How do you even have a license?
11
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_
12
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[Loud rap music plays]
13
00:00:27,731 --> 00:00:28,924
- [Music stops]
- Hey!
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_
15
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_
16
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[Chinese opera music plays]
17
00:00:40,644 --> 00:00:42,611
What is this? Bats mating?
18
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_
19
00:00:44,013 --> 00:00:47,717
_
20
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A person is making this noise?
21
00:00:49,653 --> 00:00:51,119
An angel.
22
00:00:51,188 --> 00:00:52,631
I'm changing it back.
23
00:00:52,670 --> 00:00:58,727
♪
24
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I can slap all day.
25
00:01:02,666 --> 00:01:04,466
[Sighs]
26
00:01:04,535 --> 00:01:06,835
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.MY-SUBS.com
27
00:01:06,937 --> 00:01:08,003
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
28
00:01:08,105 --> 00:01:09,604
♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪
29
00:01:09,706 --> 00:01:11,773
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
30
00:01:11,875 --> 00:01:13,208
♪ Fresh off the boat ♪
31
00:01:13,310 --> 00:01:15,610
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
32
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♪ But I know where I'm goin' ♪
33
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♪ I'm fresh off the boat ♪
34
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RADIO DJ: Next up, it's what
you've all been waiting for,
35
00:01:22,607 --> 00:01:25,554
88.7 FM's "The Lurch" giveaway!
36
00:01:25,656 --> 00:01:27,814
Call in to win
the biggest prize of the year!
37
00:01:27,861 --> 00:01:29,824
JESSICA: Everybody ready?
Fingers nimble?
38
00:01:29,927 --> 00:01:32,142
So nimble. I've been practicing my dial.
39
00:01:32,896 --> 00:01:34,396
One-point-seven seconds flat.
40
00:01:34,498 --> 00:01:36,798
Home phone, Grandma's phone...
41
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:37,866
whose phone is this?
42
00:01:37,935 --> 00:01:40,669
Derek Jeter was hitting on you?
43
00:01:40,771 --> 00:01:41,937
I know you don't like men, Nicole,
44
00:01:42,039 --> 00:01:43,638
but you could've at least gotten
a gift bag.
45
00:01:43,740 --> 00:01:46,007
- Honey, get off the phone!
- Sorry, Jessica!
46
00:01:46,076 --> 00:01:47,642
Okay all you radio-heads... haha...
47
00:01:47,744 --> 00:01:49,177
it's time to get on those phones!
48
00:01:49,279 --> 00:01:51,346
Caller 88 wins the big prize,
49
00:01:51,448 --> 00:01:52,984
starting now!
50
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:55,150
Wait for it... wait for it...
51
00:01:55,252 --> 00:01:57,185
- go, go, go!
- [Rapid beeping]
52
00:01:57,287 --> 00:01:58,920
[Busy signal beeps]
53
00:01:59,022 --> 00:02:01,289
- [Groans] Busy signal!
- Us, too!
54
00:02:01,391 --> 00:02:02,657
- [Line rings, clicks]
- Hello?
55
00:02:02,759 --> 00:02:04,826
Congratulations,
you're caller number 88!
56
00:02:04,928 --> 00:02:06,595
[Laughs] We won!
57
00:02:06,697 --> 00:02:08,697
[Squeals] I knew we could do it,
58
00:02:08,799 --> 00:02:10,065
we are a well-oiled machine.
59
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:11,399
Like B2-D2.
60
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,669
Now, as our lucky winner,
you get to choose
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00:02:14,771 --> 00:02:16,938
your grand prize...
a resort getaway for two
62
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:19,074
- at Sandturtles...
- Sounds expensive.
63
00:02:19,153 --> 00:02:22,067
...or the brand-new Office '98
software bundle!
64
00:02:22,138 --> 00:02:23,511
The entire bundle?
65
00:02:23,614 --> 00:02:24,713
Including Access?
66
00:02:24,815 --> 00:02:26,848
- Access to what?
- Who cares?!
67
00:02:26,950 --> 00:02:28,116
So, what'll it be?
68
00:02:28,218 --> 00:02:30,185
Well, obviously the getaway, right?
69
00:02:30,253 --> 00:02:31,219
Definitely.
70
00:02:31,321 --> 00:02:33,054
I could really use a weekend
by the pool.
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00:02:33,156 --> 00:02:35,390
Lie back, relax, soak up some rays...
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00:02:35,492 --> 00:02:36,691
UV rays, not stingrays.
73
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I wasn't confused.
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00:02:37,828 --> 00:02:39,995
[Chanting] Bundle! Bundle! Bundle!
75
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How do we tell the boys?
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00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:44,633
We're taking Sandturtles.
77
00:02:44,735 --> 00:02:46,635
Cool beans, the getaway it is!
78
00:02:46,737 --> 00:02:47,836
- Nooooooooo!
- Come on!
79
00:02:47,938 --> 00:02:50,205
You don't need a computer.
You have your brains.
80
00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:53,174
Now, I'm assuming this vacation package
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00:02:53,243 --> 00:02:55,477
comes with a free bathing suit.
I like the ones
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00:02:55,579 --> 00:02:57,679
with the little skirt on them
so I can twirl.
83
00:02:57,781 --> 00:02:59,381
Sorry guys, the bundle sounds good,
84
00:02:59,483 --> 00:03:00,882
but your mom really needs this.
85
00:03:00,984 --> 00:03:02,150
Totally fine,
86
00:03:02,252 --> 00:03:04,352
I'll just keep writing
my school essays in Paint.
87
00:03:04,454 --> 00:03:06,354
Oh, that sounds cool.
88
00:03:10,761 --> 00:03:13,028
So my birthday party is gonna be epic.
89
00:03:13,130 --> 00:03:14,696
Phase one, laser tag.
90
00:03:14,798 --> 00:03:15,897
Phase two, pizza.
91
00:03:15,999 --> 00:03:17,198
The square kind.
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00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:19,367
Phase three, an appearance
by a special guest.
93
00:03:19,469 --> 00:03:21,703
Hint... he went to UMass Amherst.
94
00:03:22,506 --> 00:03:24,272
[Whispering] Trent just sat
on my sunglasses.
95
00:03:24,374 --> 00:03:26,207
[Whispering] You can't say
anything... he's a guest.
96
00:03:26,309 --> 00:03:28,443
- So you're coming, right, Eddie?
- Definitely.
97
00:03:28,545 --> 00:03:30,011
I need something to look forward to
98
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,780
after a whole week
of driving with Grandma.
99
00:03:31,882 --> 00:03:33,782
Why? Grandma is fascinating.
100
00:03:33,884 --> 00:03:35,383
Lots of layers to that gal.
101
00:03:35,485 --> 00:03:36,951
I'd love a day in the car with her.
102
00:03:37,054 --> 00:03:38,386
Not with the Chinese opera she plays.
103
00:03:38,488 --> 00:03:43,124
And every time I try to put in my O.G.
Best of '95 mix, she slaps me.
104
00:03:43,226 --> 00:03:45,427
Eddie, you've been mainlining
hardcore rap
105
00:03:45,462 --> 00:03:46,628
since you were 9.
106
00:03:46,730 --> 00:03:48,463
You gotta ease your grandma in
with the soft stuff.
107
00:03:48,565 --> 00:03:49,664
Hmm.
108
00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:51,299
Kinda like how my dad
eased me into wasabi
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00:03:51,401 --> 00:03:52,701
with horseradish.
110
00:03:52,803 --> 00:03:54,536
I just need to find
the horseradish of rap.
111
00:03:54,638 --> 00:03:56,404
Let's crack open those Case Logics.
112
00:03:56,506 --> 00:03:57,906
Yeah.
113
00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:04,946
These aren't mine. These are Dad's.
114
00:04:05,015 --> 00:04:06,214
[Inhales sharply]
115
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♪
116
00:04:10,487 --> 00:04:12,987
Why are these sunglasses so small?
117
00:04:13,090 --> 00:04:14,222
[Sighs]
118
00:04:14,324 --> 00:04:17,017
Wow. This place is beautiful.
119
00:04:17,079 --> 00:04:19,594
It's like an Olive Garden
and a Tommy Bahama store
120
00:04:19,663 --> 00:04:21,896
got together and made a resort baby.
121
00:04:21,998 --> 00:04:24,833
We earned this.
122
00:04:24,935 --> 00:04:27,302
Let's find out how much we earned.
123
00:04:29,806 --> 00:04:32,307
Hi, how much did you pay
for this vacation?
124
00:04:32,409 --> 00:04:33,675
Does it start with a four? Five?
125
00:04:33,777 --> 00:04:35,310
[Inhales sharply] Six?
126
00:04:35,412 --> 00:04:37,345
It doesn't really matter
how much it costs,
127
00:04:37,380 --> 00:04:39,247
as long as it gets our marriage
back on track.
128
00:04:39,349 --> 00:04:40,682
What?
129
00:04:40,784 --> 00:04:43,184
Sandturtles is a place
for troubled couples
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00:04:43,253 --> 00:04:44,853
to rehabilitate their marriages.
131
00:04:44,921 --> 00:04:48,089
See, there's an entire itinerary
planned for this weekend.
132
00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:51,326
Ugh. From 2:00 to 2:30,
133
00:04:51,394 --> 00:04:53,495
we're washing each other's areolas?
134
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:54,763
Auras.
135
00:04:54,865 --> 00:04:57,866
- The emanation of our souls.
- Ugh! That is even worse.
136
00:04:57,968 --> 00:04:59,534
There must be some kind of a mistake.
137
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,136
We're just here for vacation.
138
00:05:01,171 --> 00:05:02,771
Great, Kelly, now they're upset.
139
00:05:02,873 --> 00:05:04,172
You're always oversharing.
140
00:05:04,241 --> 00:05:05,406
Well, you're too private!
141
00:05:05,509 --> 00:05:06,741
KEN: Well, I like to think!
142
00:05:06,843 --> 00:05:08,109
Well, watching you think is boring!
143
00:05:08,211 --> 00:05:09,210
Oh, really, Kelly?
144
00:05:09,312 --> 00:05:10,812
No matter what happens,
145
00:05:10,914 --> 00:05:13,148
I'm not returning the swimsuit.
146
00:05:13,183 --> 00:05:14,682
I already ripped out the liner.
147
00:05:14,785 --> 00:05:17,886
♪
148
00:05:17,954 --> 00:05:19,320
I was just thinking.
149
00:05:19,389 --> 00:05:21,923
Could you imagine
if a dog got loose back here?
150
00:05:22,025 --> 00:05:23,024
Boy, oh, boy.
151
00:05:24,961 --> 00:05:26,036
We should go get gas.
152
00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:27,857
_
153
00:05:27,898 --> 00:05:29,030
Better to be safe than sorry.
154
00:05:29,065 --> 00:05:31,032
Speaking of safe,
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00:05:31,101 --> 00:05:32,901
I know you didn't like
my rap music before,
156
00:05:32,969 --> 00:05:34,869
but that was because
I should've eased you in.
157
00:05:34,971 --> 00:05:37,071
Introducing Will Smith.
158
00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:38,973
He's the horseradish of rap.
159
00:05:39,075 --> 00:05:40,208
He never cusses,
160
00:05:40,277 --> 00:05:42,877
and he only raps about
soft stuff like aliens,
161
00:05:42,979 --> 00:05:44,879
summertime, and going to Miami.
162
00:05:47,017 --> 00:05:47,949
I will allow it.
163
00:05:48,018 --> 00:05:49,484
Awesome.
164
00:05:49,519 --> 00:05:51,419
And when you're ready,
we'll go up the rap chain...
165
00:05:51,488 --> 00:05:55,557
Mase, Puff Daddy, Jay-Z, DMX,
until we get to Biggie.
166
00:05:55,625 --> 00:05:57,192
He's the toughest guy out there.
167
00:05:57,294 --> 00:05:58,726
He's kinda who I take after, you know.
168
00:05:58,829 --> 00:05:59,994
Really?
169
00:06:00,063 --> 00:06:01,696
You're not Biggie.
170
00:06:01,765 --> 00:06:02,764
You're Will Smith...
171
00:06:02,866 --> 00:06:03,998
soft.
172
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:05,600
[Cassette clatters]
173
00:06:05,702 --> 00:06:08,803
♪
174
00:06:08,872 --> 00:06:11,105
[Breathes deeply]
175
00:06:13,710 --> 00:06:18,346
Hi. Uh, sorry to interrupt
your... deodorant check...
176
00:06:18,415 --> 00:06:20,315
but we heard you're the owner
of this resort?
177
00:06:20,417 --> 00:06:22,784
Yes, I'm Guru Sheela,
178
00:06:22,886 --> 00:06:25,787
and I was just starting my day
with a little self-hug.
179
00:06:25,889 --> 00:06:26,921
A self-hug sounds nice.
180
00:06:27,023 --> 00:06:28,656
That's how I stand on the train.
181
00:06:28,758 --> 00:06:30,592
We heard this is a couples' retreat?
182
00:06:30,694 --> 00:06:32,360
And there are classes all weekend?
183
00:06:32,462 --> 00:06:35,196
We don't have classes. We have journeys.
184
00:06:35,298 --> 00:06:36,965
Pass.
185
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,199
We're just gonna go sit by the pool.
186
00:06:38,301 --> 00:06:41,502
So, everyone at Sandturtles is required
187
00:06:41,571 --> 00:06:44,906
to follow the itinerary
so that we can all bond
188
00:06:44,941 --> 00:06:47,212
over a shared experience, okay?
189
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:50,278
So you can go through
the program or leave.
190
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:51,846
Oh, um...
191
00:06:51,915 --> 00:06:55,149
I want to go in the pool
and then in the hot tub
192
00:06:55,252 --> 00:06:57,085
and back in the pool.
193
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,454
All right, look, Googoo Sheela, is it?
194
00:06:59,556 --> 00:07:00,722
Here's the deal.
195
00:07:00,790 --> 00:07:02,038
Our marriage is great.
196
00:07:02,112 --> 00:07:04,148
Louis and I are like
a well-oiled machine.
197
00:07:04,218 --> 00:07:06,628
We're not like the other suckers
that paid to be here.
198
00:07:06,696 --> 00:07:08,396
I mean, uh, this place is lovely
199
00:07:08,531 --> 00:07:09,864
and you seem very sweet, but...
200
00:07:09,966 --> 00:07:11,399
We don't need this garbage.
201
00:07:12,302 --> 00:07:13,868
I think you do.
202
00:07:13,970 --> 00:07:17,205
The greater the resistance,
the greater the need.
203
00:07:17,307 --> 00:07:20,132
- That sounds like some commie bull...
- Okay, you know what?
204
00:07:20,187 --> 00:07:21,609
We're... We're gonna, uh,
hit the guava station,
205
00:07:21,678 --> 00:07:22,877
and then we'll be back.
206
00:07:22,979 --> 00:07:25,146
I have to go say good morning
to the sun.
207
00:07:25,248 --> 00:07:27,081
Of course you do.
208
00:07:28,785 --> 00:07:30,652
[Sighs] Can you believe that woman?
209
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:32,053
She thinks we need to be here?
210
00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:34,893
- We don't have any problems!
- Let's just load up on towels and go.
211
00:07:34,908 --> 00:07:38,092
No. We're gonna prove to her
that we're the best couple here.
212
00:07:38,194 --> 00:07:40,328
We're gonna stay. And we're gonna win.
213
00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:42,497
I don't think this is a competition.
214
00:07:42,599 --> 00:07:43,831
It is now.
215
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:46,728
- And we are going to win.
- Okay.
216
00:07:49,463 --> 00:07:52,258
Welcome all to Sandturtles,
217
00:07:52,327 --> 00:07:55,221
the preeminent healing place
for broken couples.
218
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:58,477
Together, we are going to find the nexus
219
00:07:58,512 --> 00:08:00,579
of all of your problems.
220
00:08:00,656 --> 00:08:02,122
Is there a trophy for the winner?
221
00:08:02,183 --> 00:08:04,450
Well, my hope is that
by the end of the retreat,
222
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:05,784
you'll all be winners
223
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,319
and that the trophy you'll leave with
224
00:08:07,421 --> 00:08:09,188
is the partner you came with.
225
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:11,156
You could've just said "no."
226
00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:14,927
So, here at Sandturtles,
you are no longer individuals.
227
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:16,795
You are now units,
228
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:19,765
and as such,
I'm going to ask you right now
229
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,401
to name those new units.
230
00:08:22,470 --> 00:08:25,070
- Let the work begin.
- Okay.
231
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,373
How about "Best Couple Here"?
232
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,241
Or "No Problem Havers"?
233
00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:30,509
No, those are awesome,
234
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,077
but, you know, I can't get comfortable.
235
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,412
- It's these mats.
- I know.
236
00:08:33,481 --> 00:08:34,580
My back is acting up, too.
237
00:08:34,682 --> 00:08:36,715
Let me ask for some chairs.
Googoo Sheela.
238
00:08:38,152 --> 00:08:40,619
- I'm hearing you.
- These mats are hurting our back.
239
00:08:40,688 --> 00:08:41,787
Can we get some chairs?
240
00:08:41,856 --> 00:08:43,377
So, here at Sandturtles,
241
00:08:43,455 --> 00:08:45,290
we prefer you closer to the ground.
242
00:08:45,359 --> 00:08:47,326
It's where human beings
are the most vulnerable.
243
00:08:47,395 --> 00:08:49,094
To what? Snakes?
244
00:08:49,163 --> 00:08:50,396
Uh, Jessica was just joking.
245
00:08:50,431 --> 00:08:52,698
We don't need chairs. [Chuckles]
Thank you so much.
246
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,032
This retreat has been great so far.
247
00:08:54,135 --> 00:08:57,002
Good. Good.
248
00:08:57,071 --> 00:08:58,904
What was that about?
249
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:00,372
None of the other couples
asked for chairs.
250
00:09:00,408 --> 00:09:02,674
- You want to win, right?
- No, I want Mr. Stupid
251
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,810
and his wife, Mrs. Idiot, to win.
252
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:09,047
♪
253
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,150
Our new name is Starfish.
254
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,618
We both love the ocean,
255
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,787
and starfishes are just so cool.
256
00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:17,156
Yeah, actually, uh,
the plural of "starfish"
257
00:09:17,258 --> 00:09:18,590
is "starfish,"
258
00:09:18,659 --> 00:09:20,926
so, hence our name, Starfish.
259
00:09:20,995 --> 00:09:23,028
You're always criticizing me
in front of other people.
260
00:09:23,097 --> 00:09:25,164
I-I don't know why I do that.
261
00:09:25,266 --> 00:09:26,432
I'm sorry.
262
00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:29,601
I've never heard you say that before.
263
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:32,905
Starfish has found their nexus.
264
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:34,339
Snaps for Starfish.
265
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,742
[Snapping fingers]
266
00:09:36,811 --> 00:09:38,210
Great work, you guys.
267
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,048
Our name is...
268
00:09:43,073 --> 00:09:44,016
Jessica.
269
00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,784
Uh, we wanted to combine our names,
270
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,487
but we couldn't choose "Jouis"
for obvious reasons,
271
00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:50,189
and "Lessica" just sounds negative.
272
00:09:50,224 --> 00:09:52,157
I did pitch Lewbacca, like...
273
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:55,327
[Imitates Chewbacca]
274
00:09:55,396 --> 00:09:58,030
...but that was also nixed.
275
00:09:58,132 --> 00:09:59,231
Interesting.
276
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:00,232
Moving on.
277
00:10:00,301 --> 00:10:02,201
Wait, wait!
278
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,202
No "Snaps for Jessica"?
279
00:10:03,304 --> 00:10:04,436
Oh, come on, Starfish.
280
00:10:04,538 --> 00:10:05,871
I snapped for you.
281
00:10:05,940 --> 00:10:07,973
Can't force a snap.
282
00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:09,208
♪
283
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,210
Can you believe Grandma
said I was Will Smith?
284
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,578
She called me soft!
285
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:14,346
A lot of great things are soft...
286
00:10:14,415 --> 00:10:16,014
pillows, marshmallows...
287
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,015
Gnocchi...
288
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:18,217
We could go on all day.
289
00:10:18,285 --> 00:10:20,419
I'm sure you could, because you're soft.
290
00:10:20,488 --> 00:10:21,520
But I'm not!
291
00:10:21,589 --> 00:10:23,055
On my first day of school,
a kid insulted me,
292
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,890
and I smashed his hand in a microwave.
293
00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:25,991
I'm hardcore.
294
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,593
That's me. That's who I am.
295
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,127
I don't see what the big deal is.
296
00:10:29,196 --> 00:10:32,130
How would you like it if Grandma
called you disorganized?
297
00:10:32,155 --> 00:10:33,042
[Gasps]
298
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,244
Exactly.
299
00:10:34,283 --> 00:10:39,337
_
300
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:40,606
How is that our song?
301
00:10:40,669 --> 00:10:42,690
_
302
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:45,517
_
303
00:10:45,579 --> 00:10:47,356
Grandma, I am not Will Smith.
304
00:10:47,410 --> 00:10:49,848
Will Smith is for softies
like Evan and Emery.
305
00:10:49,894 --> 00:10:53,192
_
306
00:10:53,254 --> 00:10:54,620
It's better to be safe than s...
307
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,054
[Gasps]
308
00:10:56,130 --> 00:10:59,498
Oh, is that one of Biggie's rap lines?
309
00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:02,542
_
310
00:11:02,589 --> 00:11:03,895
_
311
00:11:03,927 --> 00:11:05,898
What? But I'm Carlton.
312
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:10,002
♪
313
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:14,573
Now, this next exercise
is called "Love Sandwich,"
314
00:11:14,675 --> 00:11:16,708
a test of communication.
315
00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:17,876
Get into positions.
316
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,211
Let's begin.
317
00:11:19,313 --> 00:11:20,512
Okay, first we need the bread.
It's on the right.
318
00:11:20,581 --> 00:11:21,847
Your right or my right?
319
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,520
We're facing the same direction,
there's only one right!
320
00:11:23,573 --> 00:11:25,332
Oh, uh... Oh, got it.
321
00:11:25,410 --> 00:11:27,753
- Oh, just rip it open.
- And waste all that bread?
322
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:29,821
- Just do it!
- Okay, uh, your right hand,
323
00:11:29,924 --> 00:11:31,590
45 degrees to the left.
324
00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:33,458
Yep. There's the jar.
Okay, back to center.
325
00:11:33,561 --> 00:11:36,261
Great. Now, left hand, okay, uh,
326
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,596
right below you is the knife.
327
00:11:37,665 --> 00:11:39,598
Okay, be careful. Be careful.
Don't cut yourself.
328
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:40,799
Oh, thanks babe. I won't.
329
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,834
Wonderful. Great communication.
330
00:11:42,937 --> 00:11:44,403
Snaps for Starfish.
331
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:45,404
[Snapping fingers]
332
00:11:45,472 --> 00:11:47,172
Stop snapping! You're wasting time!
333
00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:48,407
Keep your head in the game.
334
00:11:48,509 --> 00:11:49,741
You know what? Switch.
335
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,344
Uh...
336
00:11:52,413 --> 00:11:54,580
JESSICA: Okay, I have the knife,
now where's the jam?
337
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:57,349
Where's the jam, Louis?!
338
00:11:57,418 --> 00:11:58,617
Stop swinging! You're gonna cut me!
339
00:11:58,719 --> 00:11:59,785
We did it!
340
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,119
- [Groans]
- [Knife clatters]
341
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,821
Mmm.
342
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:05,108
Aww, it tastes just like
our honeymoon, babe.
343
00:12:05,155 --> 00:12:06,191
- Aww.
- Ugh.
344
00:12:06,260 --> 00:12:08,827
- We just lost because of you.
- Me?
345
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,662
Yes. If you hadn't been so busy
346
00:12:10,731 --> 00:12:12,698
snapping for Starfish, we would've won.
347
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,100
It should be us tasting
their honeymoon right now.
348
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:19,271
♪
349
00:12:19,373 --> 00:12:21,540
Terry-cloth bathrobes are soft...
350
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:22,641
Feathers... flower petals...
351
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:24,876
My face after I moisturize.
352
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:29,982
♪
353
00:12:30,017 --> 00:12:32,451
Whoa. Cool outfit, Eddie.
354
00:12:32,553 --> 00:12:33,885
Yeah, looking fly!
355
00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:36,922
Oof, as soon as I said that,
I knew it wasn't me.
356
00:12:36,991 --> 00:12:39,324
Thanks, boys. Gotta rep hard
at Trent's b-day, ya know?
357
00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,926
Oh, please.
358
00:12:40,995 --> 00:12:42,260
Grandma, you got to check it.
359
00:12:42,363 --> 00:12:43,428
You don't understand me at all.
360
00:12:43,497 --> 00:12:45,797
Isn't that a Will Smith song,
361
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:48,100
"Grandparents Just Don't Understand"?
362
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:51,203
For the last time, I am not Will Smith.
363
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,771
If anyone is soft around here, it's you.
364
00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:54,638
You read cartoons every day.
365
00:12:54,708 --> 00:12:56,742
And my mom paints your fingernails.
366
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:58,810
Now let's go. I don't want
to be late for Trent's birthday.
367
00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,775
- I'm not coming.
- What?
368
00:13:00,837 --> 00:13:02,014
But I can't drive without you.
369
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:05,484
I have cartoons to read.
370
00:13:05,519 --> 00:13:07,119
You know what? Fine.
371
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,453
Biggie wouldn't need
his grandmother anyways.
372
00:13:08,522 --> 00:13:09,655
I can drive my damn self.
373
00:13:09,757 --> 00:13:11,790
[Scoffs]
374
00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:13,925
Um... cotton balls?
375
00:13:14,028 --> 00:13:16,361
I think the game is over.
376
00:13:16,430 --> 00:13:20,999
I can't believe
we failed another exercise.
377
00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:22,134
We almost had it.
378
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:25,070
Okay, now turn to the left.
379
00:13:25,172 --> 00:13:27,305
Take three giant steps.
380
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,411
Okay, now swim!
381
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:36,048
Guru Sheela never said the pool
was off limits!
382
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:37,349
That was the most direct path.
383
00:13:37,418 --> 00:13:39,151
I don't know why this keeps
happening to us.
384
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:41,253
We are obviously the best couple here.
385
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,422
The only reason we're failing
is because Sandturtles is crazy.
386
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,357
I run a restaurant.
I know how to make a sandwich.
387
00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,159
And why does everything
have to involve blindfolds?
388
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,927
We are both blessed with sight.
389
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,929
And "find the nexus of your problems"?
390
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,864
Uh, Earth to Sheela, there is no nexus,
391
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,100
we don't have any problems.
You're just nutty.
392
00:13:55,169 --> 00:13:58,370
All we wanted was
a relaxing weekend by the pool.
393
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:02,374
Let's go find Guru Sheela
and talk some sense into her.
394
00:14:02,443 --> 00:14:03,975
Sounds good. But can you give me
like two minutes?
395
00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:05,177
I can't go outside with wet hair.
396
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,178
I'll achoo.
397
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:10,422
♪
398
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:11,783
Guru Sheela, we need to talk.
399
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,018
Louis and I don't need to do
400
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:14,186
your crazy exercises
401
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,721
to show we're a good couple.
402
00:14:15,823 --> 00:14:17,122
So for the rest of the weekend,
403
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:19,524
we're sitting by the pool,
and that is final.
404
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:21,026
I see.
405
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,594
And is this what Jessica wants,
406
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:23,995
or is this what Jessica wants?
407
00:14:24,098 --> 00:14:26,298
Jessica just needs some pool time.
408
00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,100
Me?
409
00:14:28,202 --> 00:14:29,367
You wanted this, too.
410
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:31,670
You just said in the room,
411
00:14:31,772 --> 00:14:34,139
"These exercises are all crazy,
Guru Sheela is a nutbag!"
412
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,674
No, no, no.
I didn't use the term "nutbag."
413
00:14:35,776 --> 00:14:36,875
You know what?
414
00:14:36,944 --> 00:14:39,044
We thought we didn't have
any problems, but we do.
415
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:41,146
It's you. You're the nexus.
416
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:43,749
- What, me?
- Yes, you.
417
00:14:43,851 --> 00:14:46,145
You are so busy being the good guy.
418
00:14:46,224 --> 00:14:48,086
That's why we lost
the sandwich competition.
419
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,270
Not a competition.
420
00:14:49,325 --> 00:14:51,123
You always make me do the dirty work,
421
00:14:51,148 --> 00:14:52,192
and I'm sick of it.
422
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:54,478
Yes, there it is.
423
00:14:54,606 --> 00:14:56,172
Snaps for Jessica.
424
00:15:03,197 --> 00:15:04,663
Will you please stop snapping?!
425
00:15:04,732 --> 00:15:06,765
I was just celebrating the breakthrough.
426
00:15:06,834 --> 00:15:08,801
And if you two want
to explore this further,
427
00:15:08,869 --> 00:15:11,437
I would suggest
the penguin hug exercise.
428
00:15:11,505 --> 00:15:12,771
Not a chance.
429
00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,673
I think we're just
gonna explore it here,
430
00:15:14,775 --> 00:15:17,474
- but it does sound cute.
- Okay.
431
00:15:17,536 --> 00:15:19,553
There you go again,
hanging me out to dry,
432
00:15:19,613 --> 00:15:21,180
like an Italian woman's laundry.
433
00:15:21,248 --> 00:15:22,981
I'm sorry. I just didn't want
to hurt her feelings.
434
00:15:23,084 --> 00:15:24,616
What about me?
435
00:15:24,685 --> 00:15:25,951
You always make me do the dirty work
436
00:15:26,053 --> 00:15:27,653
and then you don't even back me up.
437
00:15:27,688 --> 00:15:29,855
Like when I asked Guru Sheela
for the chairs.
438
00:15:29,924 --> 00:15:31,223
Well, I don't want to anger someone
439
00:15:31,292 --> 00:15:33,125
who clearly has access to potions.
440
00:15:33,194 --> 00:15:35,928
It's not just this retreat.
It happens all the time.
441
00:15:35,996 --> 00:15:37,796
Like the other day with the boys.
442
00:15:37,865 --> 00:15:40,632
We both wanted this vacation
and not the bundle,
443
00:15:40,701 --> 00:15:42,134
but I had to be the one to tell them.
444
00:15:42,203 --> 00:15:43,735
But that's your thing...
you tell it like it is.
445
00:15:43,804 --> 00:15:44,903
I thought you liked doing that.
446
00:15:44,972 --> 00:15:47,739
Just 'cause I'm great at it
doesn't mean I enjoy it.
447
00:15:47,808 --> 00:15:53,078
♪
448
00:15:53,180 --> 00:15:58,450
♪
449
00:15:58,519 --> 00:16:00,519
You think Biggie would stop?
450
00:16:00,621 --> 00:16:03,889
Naw. He would push through, like a G.
451
00:16:03,991 --> 00:16:10,295
♪
452
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:11,340
[Engine sputters]
453
00:16:11,365 --> 00:16:13,465
Crap.
454
00:16:13,567 --> 00:16:15,634
♪
455
00:16:15,697 --> 00:16:19,069
_
456
00:16:19,155 --> 00:16:21,545
_
457
00:16:21,639 --> 00:16:22,647
_
458
00:16:22,710 --> 00:16:25,177
You were right. I'm soft.
459
00:16:25,246 --> 00:16:26,445
I ran out of gas and had to walk home
460
00:16:26,514 --> 00:16:27,946
because I was too scared
to hitch a ride.
461
00:16:28,015 --> 00:16:30,816
And then I got freaked out
because I thought I saw a wolf.
462
00:16:30,885 --> 00:16:32,050
Turned out to be a cat.
463
00:16:33,187 --> 00:16:36,221
A kitten.
464
00:16:36,323 --> 00:16:37,890
Come, I'll help you.
465
00:16:37,958 --> 00:16:39,625
♪ Psycho react from a drunk kick ♪
466
00:16:39,660 --> 00:16:42,261
♪ You better back up
before I turn into a nine clip ♪
467
00:16:42,329 --> 00:16:45,464
♪ Loaded, now the fools
in the ground lookin' moldy ♪
468
00:16:45,566 --> 00:16:46,604
♪ It's a gang of us ♪
469
00:16:46,669 --> 00:16:48,799
♪ You know, you know,
you know, you know, yeah ♪
470
00:16:49,703 --> 00:16:51,069
How'd you learn to do all that?
471
00:16:51,132 --> 00:16:52,999
_
472
00:16:53,101 --> 00:16:55,114
_
473
00:16:55,169 --> 00:16:57,817
_
474
00:16:57,864 --> 00:17:02,005
_
475
00:17:02,059 --> 00:17:02,981
What was in them?
476
00:17:03,030 --> 00:17:04,116
_
477
00:17:04,171 --> 00:17:06,476
_
478
00:17:06,554 --> 00:17:09,021
Whoa. How come you didn't
tell me about this before?
479
00:17:09,123 --> 00:17:12,024
[Sighs] When you've lived a hard life,
480
00:17:12,092 --> 00:17:14,560
you'd rather not be reminded of it.
481
00:17:14,595 --> 00:17:16,461
So that's why you like soft stuff
482
00:17:16,564 --> 00:17:18,096
like Garfield and Will Smith.
483
00:17:18,165 --> 00:17:21,300
I only call you Will Smith
because you're a good kid.
484
00:17:21,402 --> 00:17:23,101
And you're lucky.
485
00:17:23,137 --> 00:17:26,972
You don't have to live
a hard life unless you want to.
486
00:17:27,074 --> 00:17:28,073
You want to try?
487
00:17:31,045 --> 00:17:32,034
Ugh!
488
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,198
Oh damn, it burns!
489
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,980
Holy crap! How do you handle that?!
490
00:17:35,082 --> 00:17:36,648
- [Laughs]
- [Coughing]
491
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,183
♪
492
00:17:38,285 --> 00:17:41,019
And remember, like actual sand turtles,
493
00:17:41,121 --> 00:17:42,754
you need to keep returning to the resort
494
00:17:42,856 --> 00:17:45,257
and laying your eggs of love.
495
00:17:45,326 --> 00:17:46,959
Now, snaps for everyone.
496
00:17:47,061 --> 00:17:48,727
[Snapping fingers]
497
00:17:48,829 --> 00:17:49,962
[Sighs]
498
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:52,431
What a miserable weekend.
499
00:17:53,467 --> 00:17:55,667
Here comes Starfish.
500
00:17:55,769 --> 00:17:57,903
Oh, my God, you guys,
501
00:17:58,005 --> 00:18:00,239
this has been such an amazing weekend.
502
00:18:00,307 --> 00:18:02,307
Right? Hey, we should keep
these good times going, huh?
503
00:18:02,409 --> 00:18:03,442
You want to have a drink?
504
00:18:06,847 --> 00:18:08,280
No, I don't want to.
505
00:18:08,349 --> 00:18:10,682
Okay. Uh, are you sure?
506
00:18:10,751 --> 00:18:12,718
Yeah.
507
00:18:12,820 --> 00:18:14,786
Oh, I'm so sorry about him.
508
00:18:14,855 --> 00:18:17,956
He hates drinks.
And he hates good times.
509
00:18:18,058 --> 00:18:19,825
If it were up to me, I would totally go.
510
00:18:19,927 --> 00:18:21,693
Great, just the three of us, then.
511
00:18:21,694 --> 00:18:22,627
Huh?
512
00:18:22,652 --> 00:18:25,731
First round of Mai Tais is on Ken, okay?
513
00:18:25,833 --> 00:18:27,132
So, you a fan of the Devil Rays yet?
514
00:18:27,201 --> 00:18:28,667
Nope, I'm out.
515
00:18:28,736 --> 00:18:30,769
I just remembered...
516
00:18:30,804 --> 00:18:34,039
I can't go get drinks with you
because I don't like you.
517
00:18:35,109 --> 00:18:36,375
Bye.
518
00:18:38,946 --> 00:18:41,004
Ugh.
519
00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:42,254
I couldn't do it. I broke.
520
00:18:42,283 --> 00:18:44,516
- I saw.
- I don't know how you do it.
521
00:18:44,585 --> 00:18:47,085
My cheeks hurt
from fake-smiling so hard.
522
00:18:47,154 --> 00:18:48,587
I don't know how you could
be the bad guy.
523
00:18:48,656 --> 00:18:50,088
My heart is beating so fast.
524
00:18:50,157 --> 00:18:51,423
You would've gone to the bar with them.
525
00:18:51,492 --> 00:18:52,958
Yeah, and I would've bought
season tickets
526
00:18:53,060 --> 00:18:54,487
to the Devil Rays.
527
00:18:54,565 --> 00:18:56,128
You're right.
528
00:18:56,196 --> 00:18:58,196
I do like being the bad guy.
529
00:18:58,265 --> 00:19:00,299
Yeah, but instead of hanging you
out to dry,
530
00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:01,833
I could do a better job
of supporting you.
531
00:19:01,902 --> 00:19:03,435
And maybe once in a while
532
00:19:03,504 --> 00:19:06,938
I could tone down my public thunder.
533
00:19:07,041 --> 00:19:08,874
Oh, crap.
534
00:19:08,976 --> 00:19:10,309
She was right. We did need this.
535
00:19:10,411 --> 00:19:12,010
Mm.
536
00:19:12,079 --> 00:19:13,011
Penguin hug?
537
00:19:13,113 --> 00:19:15,047
Yes.
538
00:19:15,149 --> 00:19:21,653
♪
539
00:19:21,722 --> 00:19:23,855
Action.
540
00:19:23,957 --> 00:19:25,457
Mom, Dad, you're home!
541
00:19:25,559 --> 00:19:26,491
EMERY: How was your vacation?
542
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,560
You must be so tired.
543
00:19:28,629 --> 00:19:30,629
The type of tired
where cooking sounds terrible.
544
00:19:30,698 --> 00:19:32,964
Hey, yeah, great point, Evan.
545
00:19:33,067 --> 00:19:34,800
What do you say we order a pizza?
546
00:19:34,902 --> 00:19:36,301
What an idea, Emery!
547
00:19:36,403 --> 00:19:38,303
Nice try. You're not getting pizza.
548
00:19:38,372 --> 00:19:41,807
BOTH: [Chanting] Pizza!
Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!
549
00:19:41,842 --> 00:19:43,442
You heard your mom. No pizza.
550
00:19:46,747 --> 00:19:48,180
[Exhales sharply] That was so hard.
551
00:19:48,282 --> 00:19:49,748
Don't worry. It gets easier.
552
00:19:49,850 --> 00:19:52,351
Y'know, after two days of guava,
pizza did sound good.
553
00:19:52,419 --> 00:19:54,653
We'll order one after they go to bed.
554
00:19:58,692 --> 00:20:02,094
Okay, Grandma, let's kick
this off Big Willie-style...
555
00:20:03,197 --> 00:20:04,563
Hey! What was that for?
556
00:20:04,665 --> 00:20:06,335
You're tougher than I thought.
557
00:20:06,413 --> 00:20:08,433
You have graduated to Mase.
558
00:20:10,971 --> 00:20:12,237
♪ What you know about goin' out? ♪
559
00:20:12,339 --> 00:20:13,505
♪ Head west, red Lex ♪
560
00:20:13,607 --> 00:20:15,107
- ♪ TVs all up in the headrest ♪
- I'll take it.
561
00:20:15,209 --> 00:20:16,608
- ♪ Try and live it up ♪
- Mase is way harder than Will Smith.
562
00:20:16,710 --> 00:20:18,110
♪ Ride true, bigger truck,
piece all glittered up ♪
563
00:20:18,178 --> 00:20:19,678
♪ Stick up kid, what? ♪
564
00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:22,214
- ♪ Bad, bad, bad, bad boy ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
565
00:20:22,316 --> 00:20:24,416
- Delivery tax.
- ♪ You make me feel so good ♪
566
00:20:24,518 --> 00:20:26,097
- ♪ Bad boy ♪
- ♪ You know you make me feel so good ♪
567
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:27,987
♪ You know you make me feel so good ♪
568
00:20:30,995 --> 00:20:33,560
RADIO DJ: Congratulations,
you're caller number 12!
569
00:20:33,615 --> 00:20:35,320
You've won our weekly giveaway...
570
00:20:35,374 --> 00:20:36,460
We don't want the prize.
571
00:20:36,523 --> 00:20:37,456
Uh, excuse me?
572
00:20:37,558 --> 00:20:38,824
You lied to us.
573
00:20:38,892 --> 00:20:41,760
We thought we were getting
a relaxing resort vacation,
574
00:20:41,895 --> 00:20:43,695
instead, you made us work
on our marriage.
575
00:20:43,797 --> 00:20:45,597
Not cool, bro. Not cool.
576
00:20:45,666 --> 00:20:47,566
I... I'm sorry?
577
00:20:47,668 --> 00:20:49,401
- Yeah, you should be.
- Okay.
578
00:20:49,503 --> 00:20:52,547
Well, do you still want
the prize you just won, or...?
579
00:20:52,633 --> 00:20:53,805
What is it?
580
00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:55,574
A package of hand towels!
581
00:20:55,676 --> 00:20:56,975
- Yes, yes, a hundred percent yes.
- Now, that's a prize.
582
00:20:57,077 --> 00:20:58,243
Ooh, party!
583
00:20:58,321 --> 00:21:03,321
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.MY-SUBS.com
40902
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