Original subtitles

Mr. Good and Plenty.

He's so good looking. Good looking and good and horny.

Come on, we're going to be late for class.

Can't help myself. Got this crazy feeling. Just can't seem to get it off

mind. The day drags on.

The teacher keeps trying to make me learn what I don't want to know.

There's only one thing that keeps me.

I don't mind the way that I'm feeling. I won't change even though I come.

Looking for some crazy time.

I'm looking for some crazy, crazy time. Looking for some crazy time.

I love football so crazy

girl's restroom boom toilet paper and shit everywhere oh what were you doing

the girl's restrooms yeah don't worry i'll be okay but you want to go they

help go hurry go

I think we're going to have to have a closer look. I can't seem to be able to

hear a thing.

Simba. La Bouche.

Philips.

And you must use your bush.

You must use la la.

And most important, you must use le tongue.

Le tongue?

Teach me again.

Tim Stevenson from Idaho.

Well, Tim, Tim Stevenson from Idaho.

Why, here's the boy's tomb right here.

Well, I'll be with this right here in front of my nose. Well, listen, thank

for your help. Thank you.

My pleasure.

Something in my mouth.

Sunday. Oh, yeah.

Cherry, huh?

And, uh, Melvin, I just love you to top it off with your nuts.

Oh, yeah.

Well, um, I'll be right back.

Where are you going, Tchaikovsky? Going to live up to your last name?

Our old germ -free frozen f -f -f -food meat locker.

shit. It's a pussy factor.

Here's

me,

purity.

Howie Bates, what are you up to now?

Oh, nothing.

Mirren just needs a bit of adjusting, that's all.

in my home away from home.

Hey, Jirkovsky!

Back again, eh? Where'd you beat off this time? Study hall?

No, meat locker.

Smart thinking, Mel. No better place to beat the meat, huh?

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. Or I'll tell principal.

Stuck off.

Stuck off can fuck off.

You know Susan Miller wears Ridley the underwears?

Yeah.

All the cheerleaders do, but only on Mondays.

What do they wear on Friday? This Friday's homecoming. They probably won't

anything.

Do you gentlemen know the meaning of the word firm?

Heathens?

Scum?

Trash? Degenerates? I think I know what trash means.

Here, test it. Adams High School. How can I eat a TNA? We have a fine

to uphold.

You can give him something to hold. A dignity to carry on.

I am not about to have a few bad seeds take root, contaminating my divine

of higher education.

This guy's nuts.

This afternoon, on this, you regretful day of detention, I want you.

I want you.

My, my, my, if it isn't our homecoming queen. And, oh, looking quite beautiful

today, I might add.

I've arranged to get her.

You really are new here, aren't you?

That's none other than Purity Bush, the last holdout at TNA High.

She's the only girl who has him. She's got to have the nicest tits in town.

How would you know, asshole? Nobody's ever laid eyes on him, let alone hands.

Pardon me, Principal.

The vice principal would like to see you right away. He says it's urgent.

Business calling, my dear.

I'll be back in just a moment.

As for you, you swine!

None of you are to leave that bench! Is that understood?

I'll be back in a moment, my dear.

Well, aren't any of you boys going to be gentlemen?

Five days of detention.

Then maybe you boys will know the meaning of the words hard labor.

Five days?

Five days.

My dear.

Come on, we're all in it together.

This detention is fucked.

I'll say.

And you know who we've got to thank for it?

Yeah, Miss Geordie Bush.

Aren't any of you boys going to be genuine?

Female.

Yeah, females.

Can you believe it? My first day here and I'm already in detention.

Look, kid, what's your name?

Tim. Look, Tim, staying after school can be a drag, but sometimes you can luck

out. You won't believe this. Two weeks ago in this lab, I got a private lesson

in biology from Professor Sarah Bellum.

You know what I mean, boys?

A private lesson.

Cut the bullshit, Brent. No one's interested in your wet greens.

I am.

Bullshit, Melvin. You jerk off so much, if you ever did get laid, you'd probably

scream out your own name.

I mean, you really got it all with the bio teacher.

They say she's real kinky.

I did, and she is.

She's so hot for me.

They all are. Purity isn't. Yeah, what's with purity?

It's like she wanted us to get in hot water. You mean deep shit.

I almost made it with her once.

Now look who's wet dreaming.

You think Purity really is a virgin? No girl is.

My sister is. My mother is.

Purity definitely is.

Well, there it is, gentlemen.

Before homecoming, let's make it a point that at least one of us will get a shot

at her bod.

Or at least a glimpse of her tit.

Who wants to be first?

Need some wheels?

I'll tell you, Tim, if that seat could talk, oof, I'd sure be in a hell of a

of trouble. Just check out this dash.

There's Denise, Lynn, Christy on New Year's Eve, and there's Christy on New

Year's morning.

I felt generous.

What's this, Brent?

Oh, that!

That's modern science.

The chicks love it. Well, Britt, you got it made.

Yeah, I know.

Well, here we are, Tiger.

You're out.

You sure you're up for your big moment?

God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, Principal Stuckoff, and of course,

Please look over and protect.

This house, my lovely wardrobe.

And naturally, my expensive and exquisite jewelry.

Just remember exactly what I said and do what I told you to do. Now, Purity's

bedroom is up on the second floor.

I know, I know. First window on the left.

Right, right. On the left.

Now, here's a couple of goodies that never fail.

Old Smokey.

Old Smokey. And a bottle of bubbly.

Take them.

Compliments of that house.

Well, Brent, thanks a lot.

Well, wish me luck?

You don't need luck. You've got class.

And Lord, it's wonderful that you made me the smartest, prettiest, most thought

-after girl in the whole school.

Amen.

Oh, P .S. I hope you realize it's not always easy being perfect.

Come on, Teddy. Time for a bitty bottle.

Here's your prune juice, Ward, darling.

All right.

Room temperature.

Just the way you like it.

Let's do it tonight.

Oh, shit, she's in hate again.

It's been two weeks.

Oh, not tonight.

I'd have to conserve energy for that big bowling tournament tomorrow.

Oh, bowling, bowling, bowling. Can't you think about anything except putting

your finger in that big black ball?

Now, June, dear, calm down and tell me what's bothering you.

Oh, Ward, I'm worried about the beaver.

You want to go to dinner, Teddy?

But I'm not very hungry.

Okay. If you pay for it, I'll eat it.

Oh, I don't know. The guys down at the Legion Hall are calling on me.

Ward, honey, I'll bark like a dog for you.

I guess you're worth a gutter ball or two.

Sure.

Sure.

No, Teddy.

Not now.

Not here in the restaurant.

You should know I always have a headache.

I'm gonna get us.

I'm worried about us getting to cum at all.

Don't move.

I've got a way to make my honey bun happy tonight.

Meow.

Meow.

Where are you, you damn Cossacks?

Right on my porch.

Did you see her tits?

He told you he was a pisses bush.

Did you see her tits?

Not really. Yeah, because I told him to go to the left.

Yeah, and you also told me you'd be waiting outside.

Hey, guys. Can I get you anything more to eat?

Oh, yeah, but it isn't on the menu. Oh, still hungry for more, huh?

Ooh, a new face.

Pretty good looking one at that.

Watch out, Tim. She's hot to try.

So, Tim, can I give you some more milk?

Oopsie. Sorry, just went on my break.

Hey, guys.

There's a great show at the drive -in tonight.

The Wild Women of Wangal.

Anyone going?

So, uh, Tim, you up for it?

But... Yeah, sure.

Great. See you at seven. All right.

Please come to the poolside immediately to see Principal Stuckoff. All right,

Purity, you're dismissed.

The rest of you, once around the track and then into the pool.

And make wild, passionate love to me.

You're tingling.

You are ready.

Now listen carefully.

This is how I remember dreams.

Follow my lead.

When you see me, you'll be wild with passion.

And I will be with you to exactly what I say.

facility.

I told you guys, there were knockers everywhere.

At least two of them must have been Purity. Yeah, Howie.

Well, I just lost my glasses and couldn't see, that's all.

No way, Howie, you couldn't have seen them. My sis told me Purity was in

Stuckoff's office the whole last period.

Hey, that's a hot little sister you have.

She's in my second period art class.

I can't wait till we start some advanced figure drawing.

Listen, friend, watch it.

Nobody messes with Tricia.

Yeah.

She thinks she owns that spot.

She's there every day after school.

Every day.

Hey, guys.

I think I know how to get a shot at purity.

But I'll need your help.

You got it. Sure thing, big guy.

Thank you.

Masturbating.

You want to play a game?

Uh, sure.

What?

You want to play hide the salami?

Uh, okay.

Come on.

Let's go and bat.

Champagne? But of course. Is there any other kind?

That's got to be bread.

Now get out of those filthy rags.

You, draw water.

Which one do you want? We haven't even cleaned it.

I wonder who tonight's victim is.

That's my sister.

In peace.

You think anyone will find him here? Don't worry, I got this whole thing

out. I saw the same thing happen on Mission Impossible.

This is the dumbest idea ever. Hey, I saw that episode.

They didn't get that guy out for a month.

We'll get you out. How is he going to see Purity's boobs from underneath all

that sand, let alone breathe?

He will.

With this.

I rigged it up last night after the show.

I call it my super -duper booby snooper.

Finishing touch Here

is

a prime example of the amphibian family

Notice the skin.

It's thin and moist and attached loosely to the body only at certain points.

Brent, would you care to examine these more closely?

Now? Are you sure?

Class, the rest of you may go to lunch. Brent, you've been slacking off lately.

I think perhaps you should stay after class.

You need a little extra attention.

I think you've needed this kind of private lesson for a long time.

Fully experience the essence of biology.

But, Mr. Bell... Don't be so formal. Call me...

Yes, the Bunsen burner.

Never mind. Bunsen burner.

I'll take care of it.

Oh, shit.

Cut it out, you mangy mutt.

You'll spoil everything.

it much more romantic this way.

Don't you think so?

My favorite.

Melon.

Oh, it just makes me crazy.

I can't believe how hot you are.

Hello.

Excuse me.

Is this coming to Junior?

Sorry, pal. Had a rush on him just this morning.

So what's this?

Hardwack.

On sale this week for only $9 .95. And it's safety tested. UL approved for your

convenience. Take it home for 10 days.

Put a little mileage on it.

Then come back and tell me that wasn't the best damn time she ever had.

Excuse me.

How much is this?

Bucking in.

Friends of porn, you need cream. I'm talking Dr. G -String Special Erotic

and Extra Strength Spanish Fly for that extra superb bulge.

Excuse me, sir. Do these come with a guarantee?

Fuck off, will ya?

Who was that masked man, anyways?

Vince, you think you need a stock, boy?

Here, Vinnie, this ought to take care of everything.

Come again? Can't come? Breathe heavy. A lot of fun. Thank you.

Before we take off and celebrate, I want to particularly thank Mrs.

Roach's home economics class for providing the delightful punch, cookies,

finger sandwiches.

Hey, here's one with the bread.

Moron. So, without further ado, let the festivities begin.

Juice of the punch.

Got you covered, Brent.

Hold on to that, will you?

Hello, purity.

May I have the honor of getting you a glass of punch?

Well... It's my privilege.

Oh,

purity! What song are you going to sing at the homecoming game? Our national

anthem, Rick.

How interesting. It's always been one of my favorites.

Really? Yeah.

You know that?

Oh, sorry.

Oh, my God. A TNA orgy.

Here's to you, purity.

Bottoms up.

I'll drink to that.

Cheers!

So, uh, about last night, uh... How are they?

They're lived.

They'll never play the piano again.

Oh, please, Brent. I hate it when you guys bang.

Business. Not for me.

Well, I got a little something to make it a little more interesting.

Uh -oh.

How about a game of strip bowling?

Shut up!

Shake it up on that song.

Yeah. Shake that thing. Shake, shake. Shake that thing.

Shake, shake. Shake, shake. Shake it

up on that song.

Oh, my God.

I'm sure that this morning's class will be absolutely delightful.

Oh, Miss Root, sorry she couldn't make it, but it seems she's so tied up.

Now, girls, it's time we get you all measured up for your final fittings. We

want your...

Please, please click off the top.

Please, please, come on.

But I'm not wearing a bra today. So I see you're not in it now.

That's quite all right. Please.

Not wearing a bra?

Left it at the drive -in, perhaps?

Now, girls, let's not be catty. We have a lot of work to do.

rear, she'll be up in my place a little bit later.

Seriously, folks, I don't want to say this next girl is really built, but the

first time I removed her bra, I found a family of pygmies living in there.

Ah, get off the stage.

Yeah, bring on the tech.

Well, actually, most girls like to bring them on themselves. So without further

delay, Fox Flamingo is proud to present the girl most likely to put an end to

world hunger, Miss Anna...

She's breaking the laws of gravity.

You've been breaking my ass. I brought it, making everything go up. Fan

-tap. I'm gonna fucking leave him.

Everybody's crying, yeah.

Yeah, all at once.

Your big night, buddy boy.

Hey, baby, why don't you bring those over here?

I want them to meet a friend of mine. His name's Dave Lincoln.

Come here. Come here. Give him the mic.

Five dollars.

Take it.

Please.

Where's she going?

Maybe we should give her 20.

Check it out.

Look at that.

It's all right. I think we're witnessing history in the making.

We better record this for posterity.

Take that picture.

I got it. I've got ports of freedom.

No more detention. We're going to hold it over duck -off's head.

Is that black yet? Yeah.

Hey, jerk -off, just think. You won't have to freeze your ass off anymore. You

can choke the chicken right in stuck -off's private eye.

I never thought of that.

Here's your breakfast, guys.

Uh, Rhonda, I didn't order any sausage. Only eggs.

Well, there's no problem.

We can pick that.

Oh, drag.

If it isn't Miss Purity Bush joining us for breakfast.

Homecoming special, please.

Lost my hat.

Here you go.

Hey, look, she ordered sausage.

Nick, she can do that, too.

Rhonda did it.

Bootsy sure as hell can do it.

Don't you think Perity's going to do it? Pipe down. She's going for it.

Here goes.

But what can we do? We haven't been able to get her so far. All right, all

right. Howie and I have got an idea, and this time it's who.

Bootsy, Rhonda, come over here.

Now listen,

this is our final chance, right?

And there's only one thing we haven't tried.

What's that?

Magnetism.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

I'm ready for my rocking shoes.

I was born to bop, I was born to bop, but I'm sure they didn't shake it down.

I was born to bop, bop, bop that beat around.

Yeah, I was born to bop, bop, and I would never stop. I got both feet on the

ground.

I was born to pop, and I'm sure they didn't shake it down. I was born to pop,

pop that beat around.

Yeah, so I was born to pop, and I'll never stop. I got the beat on the

I was born to pop, pop that beat around.

I was born to pop, pop that beat around.

What do you think of this?

Don't worry, we're in for quite a memorable show. Oh, and memory deserves

recorded.

Keepers, creepers, it's a roast, coach!

Testing. One, two, three.

Is this thing on?

Is this thing working?

How's it going down there? Is everything all set?

Ready when you are.

Good evening, and welcome to our annual homecoming game.

Before we start, I'm sure that each one of you would like to join with me in

thanking Mrs. Rose.

Who, despite a recent mishap, has made this event the biggest and best ever?

Bigger than you think, Stackoff.

And now, it is my pleasure to present to you this year's homecoming queen, Miss

Purity Bush, who will honor us by singing our national anthem.

Thank you.

Thanks so much, Principal Tucker, and to all you students and teachers who have

made my four years at Taft & Adams the best time of my life. Tonight, I would

like to perform for you.

In order to show my gratitude.

Can't wait to see your gratitude.

And now, will you all please rise.

God, I hope Tchaikovsky doesn't take that the wrong way.