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REBECCA:
Previously on
Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
2
00:00:03,571 --> 00:00:04,538
Do you love her?
3
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:07,241
No. God, no.
4
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,377
Josh, focus on your girlfriend
and on your family.
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00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,244
Are you kicking me out?
6
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:11,545
Bye, Josh.
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00:00:11,579 --> 00:00:13,114
PAULA:
If we're not chasing Josh,
8
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:14,682
then you're not gonna
want to hang out
9
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:15,816
with me anymore,
I know it.
10
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,085
REBECCA:
This isn't about
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00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:18,119
anyone else but you.
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00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,387
You're not second choice.
13
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,122
This is gonna be,
like, three days
14
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,023
of you and me
just ruining each other.
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00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,730
*
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00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:34,135
"Gaseity"?
17
00:00:34,168 --> 00:00:36,170
What? That's not a word.
18
00:00:36,204 --> 00:00:37,605
Incorrect. It is a word.
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00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:40,108
It is the state or condition
of being gassy or gaseous,
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00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,311
and, most importantly,
it is 35 points for moi.
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00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:45,679
I think you're cheating.
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00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:46,847
Yep. Yeah, you're cheating.
Give me your phone.
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00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,182
How could I be cheating?
Nope.
24
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,517
I'm sitting right next to you...
Hey! Hey!
Give me your phone.
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00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,719
Give me your phone,
let me see what you're doing.
Hey, hey!
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00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:53,421
I'm just curious
how you're doing this.
Give me that.
27
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:55,389
Give me that.
I'm just curious how
you're doing this.
28
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,390
Hello again.
29
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:57,658
Oh, hello.
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00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:59,427
Shall we?
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00:01:01,662 --> 00:01:02,630
Okay.
32
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,298
(giggles)
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00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,604
(breathing deeply)
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00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,712
Ugh. I gotta go to work.
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00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,449
No! No...
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00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:23,617
Boo work and life
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00:01:23,651 --> 00:01:25,719
and clothing.
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00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:27,821
I don't want to leave
the sex cocoon.
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00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:30,691
So, I will, uh, call you later,
40
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:32,560
or text you,
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00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:35,763
and, uh, see if you want
to play any, uh, "word games,"
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00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,365
if you know what I'm saying.
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00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,533
Hey, actually, um...
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00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,802
we should... we should probably
talk for a second.
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00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:43,904
You probably want to
talk about, you know,
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00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:47,308
all these changes and how
our relationship is evolving,
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00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:50,544
'cause we had such
a complex history...
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00:01:50,578 --> 00:01:52,813
Oh, you mean because you, like,
broke my heart a bunch of times?
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00:01:52,846 --> 00:01:55,416
I don't care about that anymore.
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00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:57,885
But... what?
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00:01:57,918 --> 00:01:59,553
But... no, no. But... you know.
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00:01:59,587 --> 00:02:00,754
We have so much drama
53
00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:01,889
and you've asked me out
so many times
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00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,757
and you... you ran
to the courthouse.
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00:02:03,791 --> 00:02:05,759
Honestly,
it's like a distant memory.
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00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:08,696
Okay.
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00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,898
So you-you...
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00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:12,500
you just want
to keep things casual?
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00:02:12,533 --> 00:02:14,902
Yep. Just light and polite.
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00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:18,339
Except in the bedroom, you dig?
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00:02:19,373 --> 00:02:20,908
I dig. Yeah.
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00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,912
You're so pretty.
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00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:26,046
It's so cool
that I get to
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00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:29,217
say that to you now that
I'm not all obsessed, you know?
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00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,151
It's great, isn't it?
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00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:33,754
Yep.
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00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,689
It's... yeah, oh, phee-ew.
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00:02:35,723 --> 00:02:37,425
It's great.
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00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:38,792
Yeah.
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00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:39,927
Peace.
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00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,762
Peace.
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00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,266
(door opens)
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00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,368
Peace?
(door closes)
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00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:50,238
* I was working hard
at a New York job *
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00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:51,905
* Making dough
but it made me blue *
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00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,641
* One day I was crying a lot
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00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:54,808
* And so I decided to move
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00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:56,577
* To West Covina, California
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00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:57,845
* Brand-new pals
and new career *
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00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,214
* It happens to be
where Josh lives *
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00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,816
* But that's not why I'm here
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00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,885
* She's the crazy
ex-girlfriend *
What? No, I'm not.
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00:03:04,918 --> 00:03:06,520
* She's the crazy
ex-girlfriend *
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00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:07,888
That's a sexist term.
85
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:08,889
* She's the crazy
ex-girlfriend *
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00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,558
Can you guys stop singing
for just a second?
87
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,960
* She's so broken inside *
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00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,595
The situation's a lot more
nuanced than that.
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00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,597
* C-R-A-Z-Y *
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00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,931
Okay! We get it!
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00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,401
* Crazy ex-girlfriend. *
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00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,803
*
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00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:30,244
What is up with you?
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00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,645
You got a bit
of a glow about you.
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00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,481
Not a sweaty glow,
but, like, a glowy glow.
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00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,749
(gasps)
Is this because you talked to...
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00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:36,750
No, no, no. Don't say his name.
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00:03:36,784 --> 00:03:37,918
...Josh?
No.
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00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,387
I did not talk to Josh,
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00:03:39,420 --> 00:03:40,588
because Josh is done.
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00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,589
We are done
with Josh.
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00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,623
Okay?
Right.
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00:03:42,656 --> 00:03:44,758
Let's talk about something else.
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00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:52,533
How was your weekend?
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00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,334
Stupid.
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00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:54,302
Come on, Paula.
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00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,003
I need you
to try, okay?
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00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,872
It got chilly. Right?
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00:03:58,906 --> 00:04:01,409
I had to take my sweaters
out of the space bag.
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00:04:01,442 --> 00:04:03,477
Oh, my God, this is so boring!
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00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:04,345
Come on.
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00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:05,713
This is an apocalypse.
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00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:10,017
Do I smell Paula's famous
blueberry almond pie?
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00:04:10,050 --> 00:04:11,719
Mm-hmm.
No, Darryl,
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you're a judge-- you'll get
plenty of pie at the contest.
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00:04:14,888 --> 00:04:15,956
Judge? Contest? What?
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00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:18,492
No, it's just this stupid
pie contest I do every year.
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It is not stupid.
It's great.
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00:04:20,328 --> 00:04:21,595
And I'm a judge this year.
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00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,030
I just applied and I got in.
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00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:24,031
PAULA:
Okay, Darryl, go away.
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Come on, we're talking.
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00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:27,034
Yeah, well, you know what?
This is my office.
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00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,802
I pay for you guys
to be here.
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00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:33,641
I think I've made my point.
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00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:38,078
(sighs heavily)
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00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,682
Paula! Oh, my God, you never
told me about a pie contest.
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00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:43,384
You're such a little liar.
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00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,052
What?
Yeah, according to
the act of omission,
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00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,054
it is a lie.
Calm down.
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00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,390
I lose every year.
There's this woman,
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00:04:49,423 --> 00:04:51,559
Peggy Rose-- she owns
the pie shop on East Cameron--
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00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:52,926
she always wins.
Well, this year,
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00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,862
you're gonna win,
'cause I'm gonna help you.
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00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,964
Oh, no. No, no, no.
I see what this is.
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00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:59,533
This isn't about pie--
you're trying to distract me
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00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:01,969
from Josh-- you're trying
to give us a new mission.
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00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,604
God, this is
just like that time
139
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,673
Scott and I decided
to have that second kid.
140
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:07,575
Oh. No, it's not like that.
141
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,510
I'm not trying to distract
you from my love life.
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00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:10,944
(phone chimes)
143
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,079
Just one... sorry,
one second.
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00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,981
I'm sorry, Just, um...
145
00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:17,985
Uh, you know what?
146
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:20,754
I am...
gonna head out right now
147
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,591
to the local
pie supply shop...
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00:05:23,624 --> 00:05:24,692
Or grocery store.
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00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:25,826
Okay, to each his own.
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00:05:25,859 --> 00:05:26,760
And I'm gonna get
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00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,996
all of the baking supplies
we need to win.
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00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,932
And don't you worry about this,
because I am on top of it,
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00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:34,134
I'm all over it,
I'm just covered in it.
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00:05:34,167 --> 00:05:35,469
(exhales)
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00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:39,106
Mm, you really are
awesome at that.
156
00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:41,108
Good call on the bathroom,
by the way.
157
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:43,477
Like, really good choice.
Thanks.
158
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:45,012
I used a new app--
it shows you
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00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,614
where all the nearest
public bathrooms are.
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00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:50,418
It's for people with IBS,
but it works great for us.
161
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,052
(giggles)
Sorry, we couldn't
go to my place.
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00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,121
Lately my dad's been, uh...
163
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,989
living there for 30 years.
164
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,626
Yeah, yeah, and, look, I wish
we could go more to my place,
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00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,061
but I just don't want Heather
to see you coming and going.
166
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,030
I think it might be tacky
and, you know,
167
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,765
complex, and-and...
Shh, shh. Don't worry about it.
168
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:07,100
This is working out great.
I love it.
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00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:08,469
Okay.
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00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,471
Great.
171
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,005
So, um...
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00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,141
you want to text me later?
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00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,909
Why don't you text me?
174
00:06:16,944 --> 00:06:19,547
Oh. I see.
So you're the boss now.
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00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:21,081
Yeah.
176
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:23,183
Okay. Well...
177
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:25,419
I will text you, then.
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00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:26,319
Yeah.
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00:06:26,353 --> 00:06:28,789
Oh, I'm gonna text you
just how you like it
180
00:06:28,822 --> 00:06:30,190
with a ton of emojis--
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00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,092
there's gonna be,
like, a pizza
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00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,094
and a rocket, and you're
gonna go be, like,
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00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,096
"Yeah... mmm..."
184
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,966
Mmm...
185
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:42,202
Mmm. These candles
are amazing. Smell.
186
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,871
And how cute
187
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:44,972
Mm.
are these hats?
188
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,541
Ah. It is such an honor
that your sister asked me
189
00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:49,943
to do the gift bags
for her wedding--
I can't believe it.
190
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,546
Yeah, I'm happy
you're happy, babe.
191
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:53,981
(sighs)
192
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,983
I love weddings.
193
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,685
Two people coming together,
194
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,720
pledging their devotion
for the rest of their lives
195
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,922
in front of all their
friends and loved ones.
196
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:03,924
Yeah. That's a wedding.
197
00:07:03,957 --> 00:07:06,159
It is so great
198
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:09,062
that this wedding can remind
us about what truly matters?
199
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,065
We have been tested, and now
we're stronger than ever.
200
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,066
Yeah.
201
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,802
We know where
we're headed.
202
00:07:14,835 --> 00:07:16,804
We know what the future is.
203
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:19,473
We don't have to worry
about Rebecca anymore.
204
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:23,811
Nothing and no one can come
between us ever again.
205
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,078
(quiet grunt)
206
00:07:25,112 --> 00:07:26,580
Right?
207
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,919
(inhales deeply)
208
00:07:33,587 --> 00:07:35,823
(drops gift bag, exhales)
209
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:38,692
*
(crickets chirping)
210
00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:40,794
REBECCA:
Okay, mama, I'm ready to bake.
211
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:43,096
I got so much fun stuff!
212
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:45,799
I got every single
flour imaginable.
213
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:47,768
I got buckwheat
flour and...
214
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,236
spelt and almond flour...
215
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,504
Oh, my gosh, wait.
216
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,706
This is my
favorite one.
217
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:53,974
Cricket flour.
218
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:54,908
Nope.
219
00:07:54,942 --> 00:07:57,711
Yes. It's actually
highly proteinaceous.
220
00:07:58,612 --> 00:07:59,547
That is a word, incidentally,
221
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,081
that I played today
in Words with Friends,
222
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,050
and I got a ton
of points for it.
Ah.
223
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,918
Which friend?
Oh, it was a random play.
224
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:07,721
Yeah, some girl in Holland--
uh, GoudaGirl189.
225
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:12,593
Are you sure?
226
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:15,596
Are you sure you're just
playing with... a friend?
227
00:08:15,629 --> 00:08:16,930
Y-Yeah.
228
00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:18,298
What are you talking about?
229
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,733
Uh, then why are your...
230
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:21,001
panties in your pocket?!
What?
231
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,169
Oh, uh-huh.
232
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:23,036
Paula, okay, ew.
233
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,004
Paula, just... okay,
234
00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:24,938
(whoops)
all right, okay,
235
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:27,240
let's talk about our
boundary issues, okay?
236
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,810
Come on, fess up-- who are
you sleeping with? Come on.
237
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,645
Okay, you know
how horny I am,
238
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,013
and I am totally on board
239
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,782
for some post-heartbreak
gettin' down,
240
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:36,784
so tell me, who is it,
who is it?
241
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:38,318
Who is it? Who is it?
242
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,688
It's no one.
Really, it's no one.
243
00:08:40,721 --> 00:08:44,024
I'm not having intercourse
with anyone. Yeah.
244
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,759
Baby...
245
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,961
if you are getting
your butterfly smashed,
246
00:08:47,995 --> 00:08:49,029
I am all for it--
247
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:50,831
as long as it's not Greg.
248
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:52,666
Greg? Why would you say...
why would you even, like,
249
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,768
mention his name?
That's weird.
Because he's
250
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:56,169
always buzzing around you--
he's, like,
251
00:08:56,203 --> 00:08:57,871
this sexy Italian fly,
and you're, like,
252
00:08:57,905 --> 00:08:59,339
this old meatball in an alley.
253
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:01,742
You know what? I'm not
sleeping with Greg.
Good.
254
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,677
Look, I like the guy,
I really do,
255
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:05,312
but he is not romance material.
256
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:08,716
Okay, he is a booze hound,
he is completely shut down,
257
00:09:08,749 --> 00:09:10,283
and he is angry.
258
00:09:10,317 --> 00:09:12,352
(gasps) He's kind of like
that Star Wars villain.
259
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,188
You know, the new one, with the,
like, the really great hair?
260
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:18,258
Paula, I get it.
You don't like Greg. Okay?
Hey,
261
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,193
not to mention,
he is Josh's best friend, okay?
262
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:21,795
And if you sleep
with Josh's best friend,
263
00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:23,296
that ruins any possibility
for when you finally
264
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,899
come to your senses and realize
that you are meant for Josh.
265
00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:28,201
Okay, okay, Paula,
Paula, listen.
266
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:30,303
(exhales)
I promise...
267
00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,205
nobody, including Greg,
268
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,608
is smashing my butterfly.
269
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:37,210
Oh, God, do it!
Smash my butterfly!
270
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:38,245
(exhales)
271
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:39,146
What?
272
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,321
So, the butterfly
metaphor.
273
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:50,758
(smacks lips)
Oh... yeah,
274
00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:53,326
it's just a little something
I picked up on the street.
275
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,395
Well, if we're going
with obscure metaphors,
276
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:56,797
I'm right there with you.
277
00:09:56,830 --> 00:09:58,198
Oh, really?
Lay some on me.
278
00:09:58,231 --> 00:09:59,900
I don't know if you
can handle it.
279
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,168
I can handle anything,
Serrano.
280
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,903
I will crumble
your zebra.
281
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,204
Uh-huh.
282
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,840
I will sauté
your giraffe.
Oh, that's good.
283
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:09,042
I will flambé
your cockatoo.
284
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,344
(laughing):
I like that one.
285
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,313
Mm-hmm.
Oh, hold on.
I got to pee.
286
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,915
I'll be right back.
287
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,149
Good-bye.
288
00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,384
(gasps)
289
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:18,919
(door opens)
290
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,688
Flambé your cockatoo.
(door closes)
291
00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:23,323
(chuckles softly)
I'm funny.
292
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,659
(groaning)
293
00:10:25,693 --> 00:10:27,861
That took a while.
294
00:10:27,895 --> 00:10:29,930
What's up?
I, um... I'll be fine.
295
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,398
It just burns when I pee.
296
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,166
(groans)
297
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,435
This has happened to me before.
298
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:37,404
I think I have a UTI.
299
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,707
Urinary tract infection.
300
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:40,373
What is that?
301
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,242
Oh, you're such a man.
302
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,176
Okay, so a UTI
303
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,178
is an inflammation
304
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,914
of the urethra caused
305
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,883
by excessive amounts
of vigorous sexual activity.
306
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:51,451
(chuckles)
307
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,121
It also doesn't help
308
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,357
if a man is too, uh...
309
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,193
Too... what?
310
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:01,829
Capacious.
311
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,263
Ooh! That's 25 points.
312
00:11:03,296 --> 00:11:04,732
I don't know that word.
313
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,266
I must be dumb
from all the blood
314
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,335
rushing towards my capacious...
315
00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:09,236
Okay, okay.
316
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,838
A UTI.
317
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,973
Huh.
318
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,342
(laughs)
319
00:11:15,375 --> 00:11:17,745
What? What's going on?
Why are you clapping?
320
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:19,980
Like, seriously,
what's happening?
321
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,015
*
322
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:28,388
(musical clanging)
323
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,390
* What's
that's burning feelin' *
324
00:11:30,423 --> 00:11:32,125
* Every time you pee?
325
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:34,394
* Well, that's how it goes
after you have so *
326
00:11:34,427 --> 00:11:37,430
* Much awesome sex with me,
I gave you *
327
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,767
* A UTI
328
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:42,903
* Yeah, I gave you
329
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,037
* A UTI
330
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,507
* My sweet love injection
331
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,777
* Caused
a urinary tract infection *
332
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:53,881
* I'm just that good,
I didn't even try, try, try *
333
00:11:54,815 --> 00:11:57,417
* I gave you a UTI
334
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,152
Okay.
So it's not really a comment
335
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,755
on the quality of the sex
as much as a lot of sex
336
00:12:01,789 --> 00:12:03,190
has been happening
and there's just
337
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:05,192
a very natural transfer
of bacteria
338
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:06,927
to my...
Don't ruin this for me.
339
00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,429
* That bladder inflammation
340
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,431
* Is my little gift to you
341
00:12:11,464 --> 00:12:14,034
* Yeah, sometimes chicks
need medication *
342
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,903
* After
what I put them through *
343
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:17,504
Come on, sing with me!
344
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:18,405
No, I'm not gonna do that.
345
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,840
* I gave you
346
00:12:19,873 --> 00:12:21,408
* I gave you, a UTI
347
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,310
* A UTI, yeah, I gave you
348
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:26,079
* I gave you, a UTI
349
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:28,015
* A UTI
350
00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:30,017
* I'm so good at sex
351
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:32,352
* Your maiden ship got wrecked
352
00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:36,824
* My penis is the reason
you may die, die, die *
353
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:39,759
* I gave you a UTI
354
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,796
* One night with me
is pure ecstasy *
355
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,298
* 'Cause I know
just what you like *
356
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,968
* But you should know for a week
or so you won't be able *
357
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:49,036
* To ride a bike
358
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:51,504
I'm so sorry if you have
to cancel that spin class.
359
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:54,107
I'll pay the cancellation
fee, because I know a lot
times you have to book
360
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,476
a specific bike
in advance.
361
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:59,046
Anyway...
* I gave you, I gave you
362
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:02,816
* A UTI, a UTI, not an STD
363
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:05,085
* No STDs, just to clarify
364
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,319
Okay, good to know. Whoa.
365
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,221
* If it hurts to take a leak
366
00:13:08,255 --> 00:13:11,158
* Well, that's just part
of my technique *
367
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:13,827
* What has two thumbs
and gave you a UTI? *
368
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,829
* This guy
369
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:18,098
* I gave you a U-T-I
370
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:21,969
* Gave you a U-T-I gave you
371
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:26,940
* A UTI...
372
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:29,242
Oh.
373
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,511
Okay.
374
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:34,948
(laughing)
375
00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:38,051
Well, if one good thing can come
from my searing pain,
376
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:40,120
it's that it feeds your ego.
377
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,454
Oh, I'm just being silly.
I'm kidding.
378
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:43,256
I'm fine. I caught it early.
I'll just take
379
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,158
some cranberry pills
and painkillers.
380
00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,860
Great, you got this.
381
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:48,862
Hey, um, I had a fun idea.
382
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,298
I was thinking maybe I
could work remotely from...
383
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:54,201
Home Base today. What do you...
what do you think about that?
384
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,869
Yeah, sure. If you want.
385
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:56,870
Okay, great.
Mwah.
386
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,538
(whistling)
387
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:00,540
Okay. I'll s...
(door opens)
388
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,310
I'll see you... there.
(door closes)
389
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,314
*
390
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,094
Peppy Greg is weird.
What's up?
391
00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,495
I don't know
what you're talking about.
392
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:24,564
Just a lovely day in the 'Cov.
393
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,066
Do you have one of
those brain tumors
394
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,068
that changes
your personality?
395
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,937
Can you play
the violin now?
396
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:33,306
Serrano's
in a good mood.
397
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,308
Yeah.
398
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:36,276
It's gross.
399
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,912
Like, I would've never slept
with that guy.
400
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:42,950
So, why do you need
so many Home Base Bucks?
401
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,052
Welcome bags
for my sister's wedding.
402
00:14:45,085 --> 00:14:46,286
It's cute that
you're helping Valencia out.
403
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,188
It's like you're
an assistant bridesmaid.
404
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:49,489
(scoffs)
But, dude,
aren't you worried
405
00:14:49,522 --> 00:14:51,324
that marriage is contagious?
406
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:54,327
Like, Valencia's probably, like,
all up on you to propose, right?
407
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:56,063
No, not really.
408
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,932
I mean, she's not hurrying me
or anything.
409
00:14:58,966 --> 00:15:01,101
She respects me too much.
410
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,036
(laughing)
411
00:15:03,070 --> 00:15:04,504
She respects you.
412
00:15:04,537 --> 00:15:06,439
(laughing)
413
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,208
Good one, bro.
(chuckling)
414
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:09,542
Hey, guys.
415
00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:10,410
GREG:
Hey!
REBECCA: Hi.
416
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,545
How are you? It's been a while.
I'm...
417
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,382
Oh, right. Yeah, I haven't seen
you in, like, forever.
418
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,316
Yeah.
419
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:19,186
REBECCA:
Um... so...
420
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:22,255
do you want to come find me
on your next break?
Yeah.
421
00:15:22,289 --> 00:15:23,623
You could help me in the back
422
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:26,994
in the stockroom
zest the porcupine.
423
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,496
Got it. Got it.
Um, that sounds good.
Yeah.
424
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,430
You do get it.
Cool.
425
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:31,698
They look like they just spent
426
00:15:31,731 --> 00:15:34,434
three days having sex
and eating Chinese food.
427
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:35,735
What are you talking about?
428
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:39,372
Okay, in Psych 3,
we studied human mating signals.
429
00:15:39,406 --> 00:15:41,474
They just did all of them:
430
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:45,312
shrugging, eye contact,
head tilting,
431
00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:46,980
flamingo leg.
432
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:49,149
Like...
Yep, flamingo leg.
433
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:51,684
Next step is copulation.
434
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,453
Oh.
435
00:15:53,486 --> 00:15:55,255
"Copulation" means "sex."
436
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,556
I know what "copulation" means.
437
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,992
But you are losing it.
438
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:00,260
Greg and Rebecca?
439
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:03,163
But sh-she doesn't
even like Greg, you...
440
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:04,664
you...
441
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:05,999
dumbface.
442
00:16:06,033 --> 00:16:09,002
Whoa. Josh, pull it together,
okay?
443
00:16:09,036 --> 00:16:11,304
I'm just stating, like,
clearly observable facts.
444
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:12,572
What? No.
445
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:16,709
I-I got to go, 'cause I don't
want to catch your... dumbness.
446
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,316
(sighs)
447
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,056
I have, like, the smartest face
in here.
448
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,657
Okay, I'm gonna sit
over there.
I'm gonna stand over here.
449
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,725
Okay. Great.
Okay.
450
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:40,200
So, dude, you finally got
in there with Rebecca, huh?
451
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,668
That only took
six months.
452
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,203
No, it's not like that.
453
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:47,074
Yeah, it's totally like that.
454
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:50,577
So, you and Greg are
totally sleeping together.
455
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,745
No, it's not like that.
456
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,281
Um...
457
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,116
Yeah, it's totally like that.
458
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,085
Heather, I'm so sorry.
459
00:16:58,118 --> 00:16:59,486
I've been meaning
to tell you.
460
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,720
I was gonna handwrite you
a letter,
461
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,389
and then I was gonna seal it
with a wax seal
462
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:03,490
that I got in
Colonial Williamsburg
463
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,392
when I was 12
but I've never used it.
464
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:08,695
I didn't do that. I'm so sorry.
Do you hate me?
465
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:10,430
No, it's cool.
466
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:13,333
You just have to get married
and have eight babies.
467
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,634
What?
Well,
468
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,636
you sleeping with my ex
hurts my feelings,
469
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,638
but it's okay if it's love.
470
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,607
It's the "meant to be"
exemption.
471
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,076
Like, Woody and Soon-Yi
are still together,
472
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,711
so that, like,
kind of makes it okay.
473
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,213
Do you get what I'm saying?
474
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:28,215
Um, okay.
475
00:17:28,248 --> 00:17:30,217
That analogy
doesn't really track,
476
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:32,619
'cause Greg's not
my elderly de facto stepfather
477
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:36,656
and also, um, we're not in love.
478
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:38,758
I mean, yet. I don't know.
479
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:39,826
I don't know how I feel.
I don't know how he feels.
480
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,561
Should I call him?
Should I ask him? I don't know.
481
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:43,363
Oh...
482
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:45,398
Wait.
483
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,334
Wait, what's
happening to me?
484
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:48,801
How does he suddenly have
the upper hand?
485
00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:50,270
You've got the upper hand.
486
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,372
She was jerking your chain,
487
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:53,740
and now
she's jerking your chain.
488
00:17:53,773 --> 00:17:55,675
Dude, you are bro-ing out
so hard right now.
489
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,545
I'm just so happy for you.
You know, before, you were all,
490
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,381
like, "Please let me have it.
Please let me hold your taco
491
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,882
while you sleep
with another guy."
492
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,351
Okay, Hector,
I get what you're saying.
493
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:05,852
I've had some tough times
with Rebecca,
494
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:07,220
a few situations
495
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,488
where my status was perhaps
496
00:18:08,521 --> 00:18:10,623
a skosh less than hers...
497
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:13,293
Exactly. But now you're
in the driver's seat,
498
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,828
cruising down the 405,
wind blowin' in your hair,
499
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:17,630
listening to Backstreet Boys.
500
00:18:17,664 --> 00:18:18,798
Keep it goin'.
501
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,533
That way
she can't burn you again.
502
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,037
I don't know what's
going on with me.
503
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:29,142
I mean, something, something has
changed in this whole dynamic,
504
00:18:29,176 --> 00:18:31,544
because I am in this bar,
drinking bad coffee,
505
00:18:31,578 --> 00:18:33,746
just so I can be close to him?
506
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,249
Ew, I feel so stupid.
Oh, dude,
507
00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:37,784
don't get down on yourself.
508
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,253
It's, like, simple biology.
509
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,155
Okay, sex releases oxytocin,
510
00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:44,524
which causes the female to
imprint emotionally on the male.
511
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,161
I got a B+ in physical science,
so...
512
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,796
(sighs)
513
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:52,665
By the way, how long have
you been in community college?
514
00:18:52,699 --> 00:18:53,533
Eight years.
515
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:55,235
Rebecca,
it's simple.
516
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:57,504
Before sex,
women have the power.
517
00:18:57,537 --> 00:19:00,307
After, men have it.
518
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,808
That's a horrible thing to say.
519
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:02,875
I didn't make it up.
520
00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:09,182
Hi.
521
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,850
Nope. Nope.
522
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,420
Okay, I'm a smart woman.
I have multiple degrees.
523
00:19:13,453 --> 00:19:15,522
So I'm not gonna do this.
524
00:19:15,555 --> 00:19:18,391
I'm going to go do
my work back at work.
525
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:21,928
Because at work, I am valued
for things like my intelligence,
526
00:19:21,961 --> 00:19:24,931
my skills, and my
professional acumen,
527
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:27,334
which I, as a smart
woman, also value.
528
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:30,337
So, yeah, me and my dumb ovaries
are getting out of here.
529
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,472
Okay. I don't...
I'm gonna carry it.
530
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,341
Greg, um, I will
text you later,
531
00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:35,475
okay?
I'm gonna go.
532
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:36,743
Uh, I'm gonna head out. So, uh,
533
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,379
do you want to text me later?
Maybe I can text... I can text
534
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,814
you later, because I don't know
how late you're... working.
535
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,850
Damn it.
536
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:48,255
(indistinct chatter)
537
00:19:48,288 --> 00:19:52,659
Hey, Sensei, you mind if I use
the dojo for a few minutes?
538
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:53,826
What's up?
Well,
539
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:55,828
you ever have a friend
and another friend
540
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,897
and then you run into
that friend and find out
541
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,932
that the first two friends
are maybe doing stuff
542
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,369
that friends aren't supposed
to do if they're just friends?
543
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,503
You know?
544
00:20:03,536 --> 00:20:05,438
Say no more.
545
00:20:05,472 --> 00:20:07,474
*
546
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:22,822
JOSH:
Angry!
547
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:25,958
Feeling bad!
548
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,594
(grunts)
549
00:20:27,627 --> 00:20:29,562
Why do I feel this way?
550
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:31,431
Angry! Mad!
551
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:34,734
My heart is hurting,
and it feels... bad!
552
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:36,002
Punching,
553
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,305
feeling, crying, and...
554
00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,840
(groans)
555
00:20:40,873 --> 00:20:41,974
Bad!
556
00:20:42,008 --> 00:20:43,743
*
557
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,571
(groans)
558
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,340
Bad!
559
00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:23,082
*
560
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,784
(indistinct conversations)
561
00:21:24,817 --> 00:21:26,519
This is exciting.
562
00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:28,755
Right?
Isn't this great?
563
00:21:28,788 --> 00:21:31,524
We're gonna figure out
Peggy Rose's secret ingredient.
564
00:21:31,558 --> 00:21:32,692
Hmm?
565
00:21:32,725 --> 00:21:33,860
It's fun.
566
00:21:33,893 --> 00:21:36,429
We're doing some es-pie-onage.
567
00:21:36,463 --> 00:21:37,564
(laughs)
I just thought of that.
568
00:21:37,597 --> 00:21:39,732
That was pretty good. Hey,
you know what's even better?
569
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,868
What?
My list that I put together
570
00:21:41,901 --> 00:21:43,770
of the people you could
possibly be sleeping with.
571
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,572
Paula, come on.
Here we go.
572
00:21:45,605 --> 00:21:47,707
In order of my preference.
One, the guy from spin class.
573
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:49,776
Two, your spin instructor.
Three, John Stamos.
574
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:52,044
Okay, stop talking about this.
I'm not sleeping with anyone.
575
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:53,780
No sexy time.
I'm not
576
00:21:53,813 --> 00:21:55,382
having sex with anyone.
577
00:21:55,415 --> 00:21:56,783
Let's drop it
and focus on pie.
578
00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,085
Oh, there she is.
There's Peggy Rose.
579
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:00,987
Let's follow her.
580
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:02,722
Let's stalk her,
let's see what she does.
581
00:22:02,755 --> 00:22:04,491
No, we can't do that.
It's the middle of the day.
582
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,626
Plus, we're not...
cartoon detectives.
583
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:08,661
I know.
584
00:22:10,497 --> 00:22:13,800
What if we came back
at night-- broke in?
585
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:15,868
It's a real devious plan.
You love devious plans.
586
00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:17,470
Eh...
587
00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:18,771
only if they're
about Josh.
588
00:22:18,805 --> 00:22:20,907
Tonight. We're gonna do it.
It's a date.
589
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:23,643
Mm-hmm. Moi et toi.
590
00:22:23,676 --> 00:22:25,878
That's French for "me and you."
What? Oh.
591
00:22:25,912 --> 00:22:28,615
Yeah. Just...
592
00:22:28,648 --> 00:22:30,650
Why is it still...
You want... again?
593
00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:31,884
Yay.
All right.
594
00:22:37,857 --> 00:22:39,492
Ah, ah, ah...
Dude, I wasn't
finished with that.
595
00:22:39,526 --> 00:22:41,494
What are you
in such a rush about?
596
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:43,029
The bar doesn't close till 11:00
and most of the customers
597
00:22:43,062 --> 00:22:44,531
have an 8:00 p.m. bedtime.
598
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:46,032
I'm closing early.
There's no one's here.
599
00:22:46,065 --> 00:22:48,100
And I'm meeting Rebecca
at her place later.
600
00:22:48,134 --> 00:22:49,869
She wants me there
in half an hour.
601
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:52,905
Oh, so, she tells you
where to go and what to do.
602
00:22:52,939 --> 00:22:54,641
Sounds like
603
00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:55,908
you're her little pet.
604
00:22:55,942 --> 00:22:57,644
Or shall I say,
her little bitch.
605
00:22:57,677 --> 00:22:58,611
Oh, calm down.
606
00:22:58,645 --> 00:23:00,847
You're spending way too much
time with Rebecca.
607
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,715
You're in a danger zone
here, all right?
608
00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:05,585
You need to stay on track,
and head on down the highway.
609
00:23:05,618 --> 00:23:07,754
And how do I do that,
Kenny Loggins?
610
00:23:07,787 --> 00:23:09,422
Easy. Saturday night
I have a date
611
00:23:09,456 --> 00:23:10,723
with a girl named Angie.
612
00:23:10,757 --> 00:23:12,925
She's bringing her cousin
from Denver,
613
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:15,595
and Angie says she's fun.
614
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:16,929
What does that mean?
615
00:23:16,963 --> 00:23:18,598
It means she's fun.
Don't be disgusting.
616
00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,199
Greg,
dating other people
617
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:23,102
is the number-one way
to maintain the upper hand.
618
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:25,905
So, are you in?
619
00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,041
(sighs)
620
00:23:32,011 --> 00:23:35,047
Honey, guess what? I am almost
done with the gift bags.
621
00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:38,117
I just need you to fill
28 little potpourri sachets
622
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,720
of cloves and lavender
and then we're done.
(refrigerator door closes)
623
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,655
Later. I have
to take a shower.
624
00:23:42,689 --> 00:23:44,557
What is wrong, hon?
625
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:46,626
I'm just... I'm in a bad mood.
626
00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:47,960
Uh...
627
00:23:47,994 --> 00:23:49,762
What, I can't be in a bad mood?
628
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:51,998
It's like, people think,
"Oh, Josh is such a nice guy,
629
00:23:52,031 --> 00:23:54,033
"Josh is so happy-go-lucky,
Josh can't be
630
00:23:54,066 --> 00:23:55,201
in a bad mood."
but you know what?
631
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:57,103
Josh can be in a bad mood,
632
00:23:57,136 --> 00:23:59,739
and right now
Josh is be in a bad mood.
633
00:23:59,772 --> 00:24:02,642
Okay, you are being so weird.
634
00:24:02,675 --> 00:24:05,144
Do you want company
in that shower?
635
00:24:05,177 --> 00:24:06,913
I'm... Okay, you know,
I'm sorry, just...
636
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:08,615
Not right now. Another time.
637
00:24:08,648 --> 00:24:10,483
Are you rejecting me?
638
00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:12,018
Are you turning down sex?
639
00:24:12,051 --> 00:24:14,153
Josh can turn down sex.
640
00:24:14,186 --> 00:24:16,188
And... and-and that's
what he is be doing.
641
00:24:17,657 --> 00:24:19,025
(scoffs)
642
00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:23,930
What is wrong with Josh?
643
00:24:29,669 --> 00:24:31,103
*
644
00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:36,576
I'm here for you, my son.
645
00:24:36,609 --> 00:24:38,077
You're gonna have to stop
calling that.
646
00:24:38,110 --> 00:24:39,612
We're the same age, brah.
647
00:24:39,646 --> 00:24:41,781
Whoa. Josh, why are you
getting so crabby, man?
648
00:24:41,814 --> 00:24:43,049
Is it 'cause you
keep losing?
649
00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:44,784
You can't beat
yourself up for that,
650
00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:46,886
because I've got
Jesus on my side.
651
00:24:46,919 --> 00:24:49,121
All right...
That's not your
piece. I'm red.
652
00:24:49,155 --> 00:24:52,224
Why is everyone always telling
me what to do all the time?
653
00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:54,527
Sorry, FB.
654
00:24:54,561 --> 00:24:55,662
I've been snapping at everyone,
655
00:24:55,695 --> 00:24:57,664
especially Valencia.
Hmm.
656
00:24:57,697 --> 00:25:00,667
(whispers):
I even turned down sex.
657
00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:03,269
Wow.
658
00:25:03,302 --> 00:25:05,004
Josh, that's a big "wow"
for you.
659
00:25:05,037 --> 00:25:07,674
I didn't even know men
were capable of doing that.
660
00:25:07,707 --> 00:25:11,243
Well, they... they are.
661
00:25:12,979 --> 00:25:14,847
Oh, duh. I'm sorry.
Mm-hmm.
662
00:25:14,881 --> 00:25:16,215
Eh, it's okay,
sometimes I forget, too.
663
00:25:16,248 --> 00:25:17,550
Can you identify
664
00:25:17,584 --> 00:25:19,051
the moment
665
00:25:19,085 --> 00:25:21,988
that you became so upset?
666
00:25:23,022 --> 00:25:24,290
It was at...
667
00:25:24,323 --> 00:25:26,693
Home Base.
668
00:25:26,726 --> 00:25:28,160
Greg made me upset.
669
00:25:28,194 --> 00:25:29,295
Okay. In what way?
670
00:25:29,328 --> 00:25:31,097
He was just being
a big dumbface.
671
00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:32,665
Why does Rebecca like him?
672
00:25:32,699 --> 00:25:33,833
Why is she all buddy-buddy
with him?
673
00:25:33,866 --> 00:25:35,101
He's just a stupid know-it-all.
674
00:25:35,134 --> 00:25:36,903
He's also your best friend.
675
00:25:36,936 --> 00:25:39,706
Right? I mean, what did Greg
do that made you so frustrated
676
00:25:39,739 --> 00:25:42,308
other than befriend Rebecca?
677
00:25:43,342 --> 00:25:45,077
I don't know.
678
00:25:45,111 --> 00:25:46,846
What do you think?
679
00:25:46,879 --> 00:25:49,115
Well, can I be honest?
680
00:25:50,182 --> 00:25:51,851
I think you're acting like
681
00:25:51,884 --> 00:25:53,252
a little bitch right now.
682
00:25:53,285 --> 00:25:54,987
Whoa! Dude!
683
00:25:55,021 --> 00:25:57,323
Josh, you kissed Rebecca,
but then you chose Valencia.
684
00:25:57,356 --> 00:25:59,859
And now you can't let go
of Rebecca's attention
685
00:25:59,892 --> 00:26:03,129
and adoration, and that's why
you're jealous of Greg, dude.
686
00:26:03,162 --> 00:26:05,164
And that's how you're
acting like a little bitch.
687
00:26:05,197 --> 00:26:07,800
Okay?
If Rebecca
688
00:26:07,834 --> 00:26:10,069
seems happy,
you got to bow out, dawg.
689
00:26:10,102 --> 00:26:11,904
Let it be.
690
00:26:11,938 --> 00:26:14,306
You're all up in someone else's
beeswax right now.
691
00:26:14,340 --> 00:26:16,175
(sighs)
692
00:26:17,877 --> 00:26:19,946
It's your move.
693
00:26:22,148 --> 00:26:23,783
It's your checkers move.
694
00:26:23,816 --> 00:26:26,352
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
695
00:26:26,385 --> 00:26:28,087
Mm-hmm.
696
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:30,122
*
697
00:26:31,891 --> 00:26:34,761
Mmm. Oh, my God,
I was so hungry.
698
00:26:34,794 --> 00:26:37,830
Here, have the
last lettuce cup.
699
00:26:37,864 --> 00:26:40,066
Really?
700
00:26:40,099 --> 00:26:42,068
You love handheld salads.
701
00:26:42,101 --> 00:26:45,137
You said that you're still
hungry and it looks delicious.
702
00:26:45,171 --> 00:26:46,839
And you remembered?
703
00:26:46,873 --> 00:26:48,074
You just said it.
704
00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:50,309
I know, but...
705
00:26:50,342 --> 00:26:52,411
you're really sweet.
706
00:26:52,444 --> 00:26:55,381
Like...
707
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:58,084
you're just...
708
00:26:58,117 --> 00:27:01,353
you're the sweetest.
709
00:27:01,387 --> 00:27:03,723
What do you say
710
00:27:03,756 --> 00:27:06,392
we break the sexual tension...
711
00:27:06,425 --> 00:27:08,427
with some actual sex?
712
00:27:08,460 --> 00:27:10,663
(chuckles)
O... Okay.
713
00:27:10,697 --> 00:27:11,898
Yeah.
Yeah?
714
00:27:11,931 --> 00:27:13,099
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, wait,
715
00:27:13,132 --> 00:27:15,968
how is your, um... situation?
716
00:27:16,002 --> 00:27:17,970
Oh, fine.
717
00:27:18,004 --> 00:27:19,972
Don't worry about it.
Yeah.
718
00:27:20,006 --> 00:27:22,008
*
719
00:27:26,913 --> 00:27:30,783
* You've been tearing me up
for a week and a half *
720
00:27:30,817 --> 00:27:33,920
* I don't mean like
in my heart *
721
00:27:33,953 --> 00:27:35,454
* I mean, physically
722
00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:37,790
* You've been tearin' me up
723
00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:41,227
* It's D-Day in my lady parts
724
00:27:41,260 --> 00:27:43,195
* But as I'm beggin' for more
725
00:27:43,229 --> 00:27:45,097
* Writhing around on the floor
726
00:27:45,131 --> 00:27:46,866
* I feel something deep inside
727
00:27:46,899 --> 00:27:49,335
* I never felt before
728
00:27:49,368 --> 00:27:52,872
* Oh, my God,
I think I like you *
729
00:27:52,905 --> 00:27:56,142
* Oh, my God, I think
I like you *
730
00:27:57,877 --> 00:28:01,313
* It's scary but you send me
back on my heels *
731
00:28:01,347 --> 00:28:03,482
* 'Cause while
I'm getting spanked *
732
00:28:03,515 --> 00:28:06,118
* I can't ignore the feels
733
00:28:06,152 --> 00:28:07,720
* But I say
734
00:28:07,754 --> 00:28:10,757
* No, no, no,
this is just about sex *
735
00:28:10,790 --> 00:28:14,226
* And no, no, no,
don't be such a girl, Becks *
736
00:28:14,260 --> 00:28:18,130
* But then I feel the oxytocin
creeping back to my brain *
737
00:28:18,164 --> 00:28:21,433
* And all I can do
is sing it again *
738
00:28:21,467 --> 00:28:22,902
* Oh, my God
739
00:28:22,935 --> 00:28:25,905
* I think I like you
740
00:28:25,938 --> 00:28:28,775
* Why can't I just focus on
getting a pounding? *
741
00:28:28,808 --> 00:28:32,278
* On the bidness
goin' on near my thighs? *
742
00:28:32,311 --> 00:28:34,146
* But as my body's
getting ruined *
743
00:28:34,180 --> 00:28:36,215
* Like, really trashed
744
00:28:36,248 --> 00:28:39,418
* I only want
to look in your eyes *
745
00:28:39,451 --> 00:28:41,420
* But then I'm upside down
746
00:28:41,453 --> 00:28:43,956
* Next to my kitchen sink
747
00:28:43,990 --> 00:28:45,925
* And suddenly it's like,
oh, my God *
748
00:28:45,958 --> 00:28:48,928
* I think I like you
749
00:28:48,961 --> 00:28:52,198
* Oh, my God,
I think I like you *
750
00:28:54,333 --> 00:28:58,070
* My feelings
get stronger every day *
751
00:28:58,104 --> 00:28:59,872
* I'm like a little girl
752
00:28:59,906 --> 00:29:02,208
* Not in a role playing way
753
00:29:03,509 --> 00:29:07,479
* Are there condoms
that can prevent these feelings?
754
00:29:07,513 --> 00:29:10,082
* Is there
spermicidal lubricant *
755
00:29:10,116 --> 00:29:11,317
* That can kill
756
00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:14,921
* The fluttering in my heart?
757
00:29:14,954 --> 00:29:17,456
* Is there an IUD
758
00:29:17,489 --> 00:29:19,792
* That can stop the image of
759
00:29:19,826 --> 00:29:21,460
* You and me
760
00:29:21,493 --> 00:29:23,796
* Getting married
on a hillside *
761
00:29:23,830 --> 00:29:25,064
* Surrounded by ducks
762
00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:27,466
* And then we get
into a rowboat? *
763
00:29:27,499 --> 00:29:31,170
* Oh, my God,
I think I like you *
764
00:29:31,203 --> 00:29:34,106
* Oh, my God, I think
I like you *
765
00:29:35,507 --> 00:29:39,478
* But I say no, no, no
766
00:29:39,511 --> 00:29:42,214
* No, no, no
767
00:29:43,916 --> 00:29:45,918
* No, no, no
768
00:29:47,854 --> 00:29:50,522
* No, no, no.
769
00:29:50,556 --> 00:29:52,524
(sighs)
770
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:56,328
(gasps)
771
00:29:56,362 --> 00:29:57,329
What's wrong?
772
00:29:57,363 --> 00:29:59,531
I got to go. I got to
break into a pie shop.
773
00:29:59,565 --> 00:30:00,967
What?
774
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:02,969
Good-bye.
775
00:30:03,002 --> 00:30:05,537
Cool, see you.
I'm gonna nap now.
776
00:30:09,075 --> 00:30:11,577
(dog barking in distance)
777
00:30:11,610 --> 00:30:13,279
I'm here, I'm here,
I'm here.
778
00:30:13,312 --> 00:30:15,114
You're late.
I have been standing
779
00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:17,216
in front of this stupid
pie shop for 20 minutes.
780
00:30:17,249 --> 00:30:18,450
I know. I'm so sorry.
781
00:30:18,484 --> 00:30:19,952
Why do you smell like spit?
782
00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:21,988
No I don't. It's
not spit. What?
783
00:30:22,021 --> 00:30:24,957
Okay, I feel stupid
in these outfits.
784
00:30:24,991 --> 00:30:26,192
No, you love our
stalking outfits.
785
00:30:26,225 --> 00:30:27,593
You always say how
slimming they are.
786
00:30:27,626 --> 00:30:29,328
Yeah, but we're stalking pastry,
and it's just...
787
00:30:29,361 --> 00:30:30,562
it's not sexy.
788
00:30:30,596 --> 00:30:33,866
Oh, my God, stop ruining
this. Just come on.
789
00:30:33,900 --> 00:30:35,868
(sighing)
790
00:30:35,902 --> 00:30:37,904
Come on!
791
00:30:39,038 --> 00:30:41,040
Okay.
792
00:30:52,418 --> 00:30:55,087
Oh, damn it.
Oh, no, I really have to pee.
793
00:30:55,121 --> 00:30:57,289
Well, can't you hold it?
794
00:30:57,323 --> 00:30:59,992
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course,
I'm sorry. I...
795
00:31:00,026 --> 00:31:03,495
I drank a lot of water before
this because I was nervous.
796
00:31:03,529 --> 00:31:05,231
Uh, okay.
797
00:31:08,634 --> 00:31:09,835
Look at that,
798
00:31:09,868 --> 00:31:12,304
look at that. She's totally
adding something to the crust.
799
00:31:12,338 --> 00:31:14,907
Look.
(gasps) She is
doing something secretive.
800
00:31:14,941 --> 00:31:16,342
She has a secret
ingredient of some kind.
801
00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:18,978
I knew it, I knew it.
802
00:31:19,011 --> 00:31:21,447
But what is...
You think it's extra sugar?
803
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:23,149
It's lard?
804
00:31:23,182 --> 00:31:24,917
Heroin?
805
00:31:24,951 --> 00:31:26,518
You never know.
806
00:31:29,421 --> 00:31:30,957
The second she's gone,
we're going in.
807
00:31:30,990 --> 00:31:32,158
Okay.
808
00:31:32,191 --> 00:31:33,359
Oh!
809
00:31:35,661 --> 00:31:38,197
(whispering):
Okay...
810
00:31:38,230 --> 00:31:40,466
(British accent):
the coast appears to be clear.
811
00:31:40,499 --> 00:31:43,402
Awesome.
Let us retrieve
the package.
812
00:31:43,435 --> 00:31:45,604
Okay, I will stay here
and be the lookout.
813
00:31:45,637 --> 00:31:47,306
Okay. Great.
814
00:31:47,339 --> 00:31:49,208
All right.
815
00:31:49,241 --> 00:31:51,210
What's...
what are you doing?
816
00:31:51,243 --> 00:31:52,544
Rebecca, what
are you doing?
817
00:31:52,578 --> 00:31:54,613
Just in case there are lasers.
818
00:31:54,646 --> 00:31:57,383
There aren't...
That's so stupid.
819
00:31:57,416 --> 00:31:58,650
Oh, wait. I have an idea.
820
00:31:58,684 --> 00:31:59,952
What?
821
00:31:59,986 --> 00:32:01,487
Okay. Watch this.
822
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:02,654
No, no.
823
00:32:02,688 --> 00:32:04,523
No, no, d...
Please don't touch the...
824
00:32:04,556 --> 00:32:06,725
(exhales sharply)
825
00:32:06,758 --> 00:32:08,460
Okay, we are good on lasers.
826
00:32:08,494 --> 00:32:10,196
Right. Great.
827
00:32:12,231 --> 00:32:13,599
I don't know.
828
00:32:13,632 --> 00:32:15,467
What if it's booby-trapped?
829
00:32:15,501 --> 00:32:16,602
It's a refrigerator.
830
00:32:16,635 --> 00:32:18,537
Just... open the door,
Tom Cruise.
831
00:32:18,570 --> 00:32:20,239
You're just, like,
no fun right now.
832
00:32:20,272 --> 00:32:21,740
(sighs)
833
00:32:21,773 --> 00:32:23,109
All right.
834
00:32:23,142 --> 00:32:25,144
(sings quietly):
* Ah...
835
00:32:25,177 --> 00:32:27,446
(singsongy):
All right, I got it.
836
00:32:29,348 --> 00:32:31,383
Did you just pee yourself?
837
00:32:33,085 --> 00:32:34,586
I have two kids.
I know that face.
838
00:32:34,620 --> 00:32:35,654
No, it's fine.
It's just a little squirt.
839
00:32:35,687 --> 00:32:37,656
My pants got most of it.
Catch this!
Wait. Oh.
840
00:32:37,689 --> 00:32:40,426
Okay. Come on.
841
00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:41,427
Okay. Heee!
842
00:32:41,460 --> 00:32:42,428
No, you don't have to...
843
00:32:42,461 --> 00:32:43,695
All right,
you know what?
844
00:32:43,729 --> 00:32:45,164
(sighs heavily)
(clattering)
845
00:32:49,301 --> 00:32:50,169
Okay.
846
00:32:50,202 --> 00:32:53,505
(sighs) We've got
the secret ingredients,
847
00:32:53,539 --> 00:32:55,641
so let's figure out
what it is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
848
00:32:55,674 --> 00:32:57,543
You want to Bunsen burner
that thing? Ooh.
849
00:32:57,576 --> 00:32:59,745
Better yet, I have a
centrifuge I bought in
Colonial Williamsburg
850
00:32:59,778 --> 00:33:01,480
when I was 12--
I've never used it,
851
00:33:01,513 --> 00:33:03,249
but I brought it
to West Covina.
852
00:33:03,282 --> 00:33:05,384
Okay, maybe... Or just
taste it, just taste it.
Okay.
853
00:33:05,417 --> 00:33:07,419
*
854
00:33:08,787 --> 00:33:11,357
It's...
855
00:33:11,390 --> 00:33:13,159
Yeah, it's unsalted butter.
856
00:33:13,192 --> 00:33:14,360
Whoa!
857
00:33:14,393 --> 00:33:16,795
Is that common?
I don't cook.
858
00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,098
Yeah. No, everybody uses it.
859
00:33:19,131 --> 00:33:20,666
She's just a better
baker than me.
860
00:33:20,699 --> 00:33:23,369
(chuckles): And, you know,
that's no secret.
861
00:33:23,402 --> 00:33:25,204
I don't know what
I was thinking.
862
00:33:25,237 --> 00:33:26,405
It's okay.
863
00:33:27,406 --> 00:33:29,508
You know what?
Screw this.
864
00:33:29,541 --> 00:33:32,111
(sighs) You don't need
a secret ingredient.
865
00:33:32,144 --> 00:33:34,813
Right? Just like we don't
need a secret ingredient.
866
00:33:34,846 --> 00:33:36,415
We've been having
so much fun
867
00:33:36,448 --> 00:33:38,417
without talking
about you know who,
868
00:33:38,450 --> 00:33:40,252
and it's been amazing--
because it doesn't matter
869
00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:42,488
what we do, as long
as we do it together.
870
00:33:42,521 --> 00:33:43,355
So...
871
00:33:43,389 --> 00:33:45,757
forget all I was
saying about winning,
872
00:33:45,791 --> 00:33:48,294
and let's just have
fun and bake a pie.
873
00:33:49,328 --> 00:33:51,163
Okay.
874
00:33:52,698 --> 00:33:54,233
Okay.
875
00:33:54,266 --> 00:33:56,402
You know, you're right.
You are right.
876
00:33:56,435 --> 00:33:57,836
Let's do this.
877
00:33:57,869 --> 00:33:58,670
Yeah.
878
00:33:58,704 --> 00:33:59,805
Okay.
Hey, boob five.
879
00:33:59,838 --> 00:34:00,806
Oh, yeah.
(grunts)
880
00:34:00,839 --> 00:34:03,175
Wow, just... every time.
Sorry, they're heavy.
881
00:34:04,676 --> 00:34:06,712
(dog barking in distance)
882
00:34:06,745 --> 00:34:08,747
(TV playing indistinctly)
883
00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:13,185
Hey, I had a thought.
884
00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:15,787
Hmm?
Um...
885
00:34:15,821 --> 00:34:17,756
I was thinking that
tomorrow night...
886
00:34:17,789 --> 00:34:20,226
you know, before...
pound time,
887
00:34:20,259 --> 00:34:23,629
um... I don't know, that we
could go to this drive-in
888
00:34:23,662 --> 00:34:25,431
in Alhambra.
889
00:34:25,464 --> 00:34:29,468
I-I read that they're
showing Casablanca, and...
890
00:34:29,501 --> 00:34:31,637
I just thought it would
be fun for you and I
891
00:34:31,670 --> 00:34:33,705
to spend some... you
know, time together
892
00:34:33,739 --> 00:34:35,707
in an outdoor setting.
893
00:34:35,741 --> 00:34:37,709
Or indoors. I mean,
cars are indoors and...
894
00:34:37,743 --> 00:34:40,312
You get what I'm saying?
Yeah, sounds like
a great idea.
895
00:34:40,346 --> 00:34:41,513
Yeah?
896
00:34:41,547 --> 00:34:43,515
Oh, wait, tomorrow night?
897
00:34:43,549 --> 00:34:45,751
Yeah, do you have work?
898
00:34:45,784 --> 00:34:48,387
Do you have,
like, a hot date?
899
00:34:50,489 --> 00:34:53,225
Wait. Seriously, you do?
900
00:34:53,259 --> 00:34:55,327
You do.
Oh, well, not exactly.
901
00:34:55,361 --> 00:34:57,329
Hec-Hector wants me
to meet this girl...
902
00:34:57,363 --> 00:35:00,132
Uh-huh, and you said yes?
903
00:35:00,166 --> 00:35:03,602
W-Well, I haven't said
anything either way...
904
00:35:03,635 --> 00:35:05,171
yet.
905
00:35:06,172 --> 00:35:07,506
Uh-huh.
906
00:35:07,539 --> 00:35:09,841
But you didn't say
no right away.
907
00:35:09,875 --> 00:35:12,511
Given our history,
I thought I should at least...
908
00:35:12,544 --> 00:35:14,646
consider it.
909
00:35:16,582 --> 00:35:18,617
Yeah. (laughs)
910
00:35:18,650 --> 00:35:20,419
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my gosh.
911
00:35:20,452 --> 00:35:22,621
I-I... Absolutely.
912
00:35:22,654 --> 00:35:24,656
Yes, you should
go on the date.
913
00:35:24,690 --> 00:35:27,626
We are...
not exclusive.
Hmm.
914
00:35:27,659 --> 00:35:28,860
Um... I mean,
915
00:35:28,894 --> 00:35:31,430
totally, I myself
have, like, um...
916
00:35:31,463 --> 00:35:34,666
eight dates lined
up next week.
917
00:35:34,700 --> 00:35:36,202
Eight?
918
00:35:36,235 --> 00:35:38,504
Yeah. I got a
matinee one day.
919
00:35:38,537 --> 00:35:40,772
I'm, like, on a, um,
Broadway schedule.
920
00:35:40,806 --> 00:35:44,243
Oh. Okay, that's cool.
921
00:35:44,276 --> 00:35:46,378
Mm. Mm.
922
00:35:47,579 --> 00:35:50,316
(smacks lips)
So...
923
00:35:50,349 --> 00:35:53,252
you have a...
924
00:35:53,285 --> 00:35:54,653
great date.
925
00:35:54,686 --> 00:35:56,188
Okay, I will.
926
00:35:56,222 --> 00:35:57,923
And you...
927
00:35:57,956 --> 00:36:01,260
break a leg?
928
00:36:01,293 --> 00:36:03,295
Yeah. Cool.
929
00:36:04,496 --> 00:36:06,565
*
930
00:36:13,305 --> 00:36:14,673
(sighs):
You know...
931
00:36:14,706 --> 00:36:17,676
I think this pie
could actually take the cake.
932
00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,811
First place is a cake.
It's weird.
933
00:36:19,845 --> 00:36:21,280
Mm-hmm.
You okay?
934
00:36:21,313 --> 00:36:22,581
Yeah. Sorry.
Feeling a little weird.
935
00:36:22,614 --> 00:36:23,949
Just, like, a little
weird. I'm fine.
936
00:36:23,982 --> 00:36:25,284
Okay.
Yeah.
937
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,455
Mmm...
938
00:36:31,357 --> 00:36:33,459
Yup, good mouth feel.
939
00:36:33,492 --> 00:36:35,461
Mm-hmm, it's got a nice,
flaky under-crust.
940
00:36:35,494 --> 00:36:37,463
I'm getting lime,
I'm getting cardamom,
941
00:36:37,496 --> 00:36:39,431
I'm getting
just a note of cheddar.
942
00:36:39,465 --> 00:36:41,367
Also...
You just fill out
a card, sir.
943
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,269
Oh. Sorry.
944
00:36:47,339 --> 00:36:48,840
Ooh, what do we
945
00:36:48,874 --> 00:36:50,809
have here? Ooh...
Lemon meringue!
946
00:36:50,842 --> 00:36:51,977
(singsongy):
Sebastian.
947
00:36:52,010 --> 00:36:53,345
(chuckles)
948
00:36:53,379 --> 00:36:54,613
For me? Thank you.
949
00:36:54,646 --> 00:36:56,482
Mmm...
950
00:36:57,549 --> 00:36:58,917
Mmm...
951
00:37:00,519 --> 00:37:02,988
Oh, damn it-- that woman
is a pastry witch.
952
00:37:03,021 --> 00:37:04,456
Ow.
953
00:37:04,490 --> 00:37:06,358
Do you need to sit down?
954
00:37:06,392 --> 00:37:07,926
No. No, no, no.
955
00:37:07,959 --> 00:37:09,595
I'm fine.
956
00:37:09,628 --> 00:37:10,862
Okay.
957
00:37:10,896 --> 00:37:13,031
You know, I'm so glad
we did this together.
958
00:37:13,064 --> 00:37:14,500
You were right about us.
959
00:37:15,534 --> 00:37:16,835
Yeah.
960
00:37:16,868 --> 00:37:17,903
DARRYL:
Hello, ladies.
961
00:37:17,936 --> 00:37:19,738
I will not be greeting you
by name,
962
00:37:19,771 --> 00:37:21,773
not will I be looking you
directly in the eyes,
963
00:37:21,807 --> 00:37:23,475
for I am impartial.
964
00:37:23,509 --> 00:37:25,010
(whispers):
I am so voting for you ladies.
965
00:37:25,043 --> 00:37:27,613
I love you guys so much.
I love you both a lot,
966
00:37:27,646 --> 00:37:29,915
and I love Paula's pies,
and I just feel so inspired
967
00:37:29,948 --> 00:37:31,650
WOMAN: Who's next?
by your friendship every day.
968
00:37:31,683 --> 00:37:34,286
Judges!
Yes, well, I am ready now
969
00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,589
to sample Paula's
Pretty Pecan Pie, if I may.
970
00:37:37,623 --> 00:37:40,459
Sebastian, for you.
971
00:37:40,492 --> 00:37:42,494
Thank you.
Mmm...
972
00:37:44,796 --> 00:37:46,665
Mmm...
973
00:37:49,568 --> 00:37:51,670
Mmm.... mmm...
974
00:37:51,703 --> 00:37:52,971
Oh...
Mmm...
975
00:37:53,004 --> 00:37:54,540
Oh, my God, they love it.
976
00:37:54,573 --> 00:37:56,608
(sighs, whispers):
Rebecca, they love it.
977
00:37:57,676 --> 00:37:58,944
(Rebecca thuds)
978
00:37:58,977 --> 00:38:01,046
Oh, my God!
979
00:38:01,079 --> 00:38:03,915
Honey, what's wrong?
(groans)
980
00:38:04,950 --> 00:38:07,453
HECTOR:
Yo, Greggy!
981
00:38:07,486 --> 00:38:09,388
Over here.
982
00:38:11,823 --> 00:38:14,760
This is Angie.
Nice to meet
you, Greg.
983
00:38:14,793 --> 00:38:16,728
And this is
her cousin Brandy.
984
00:38:16,762 --> 00:38:18,397
Hello, Brandy.
985
00:38:18,430 --> 00:38:20,098
Hi, Greg. I've heard
a lot about you.
986
00:38:20,131 --> 00:38:23,335
(phone chimes)
Well, I hope it wasn't all...
987
00:38:23,369 --> 00:38:25,871
*
988
00:38:25,904 --> 00:38:27,873
I'm sorry, I need to go.
989
00:38:27,906 --> 00:38:29,107
Nice meeting you.
990
00:38:29,140 --> 00:38:31,410
(awkward chuckle):
B-Bro, so rude.
991
00:38:31,443 --> 00:38:32,944
Is it Rebecca?
992
00:38:32,978 --> 00:38:34,680
I'm sorry. She needs me.
993
00:38:34,713 --> 00:38:36,815
Dude. If you go
now, you're done.
994
00:38:36,848 --> 00:38:38,950
You'll never get
the upper hand again.
995
00:38:43,989 --> 00:38:46,592
Well, I guess we'll just have
to have a threesome.
996
00:38:46,625 --> 00:38:48,594
Really?
997
00:38:48,627 --> 00:38:50,562
No. She's my cousin.
998
00:38:50,596 --> 00:38:52,130
Gross.
Ew.
999
00:38:52,163 --> 00:38:53,899
(awkward chuckle)
1000
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:02,808
Everything's gonna be okay,
cookie.
1001
00:39:02,841 --> 00:39:05,411
I am right here.
1002
00:39:05,444 --> 00:39:06,111
Oh!
1003
00:39:06,144 --> 00:39:08,414
And I forgot to tell you we won!
1004
00:39:08,447 --> 00:39:11,817
Yeah. Just as they were
dragging your little body away,
1005
00:39:11,850 --> 00:39:13,018
they-they announced...
1006
00:39:13,051 --> 00:39:16,555
Paula's Pretty Pecan Pie won!
1007
00:39:16,588 --> 00:39:18,724
(sighs)
1008
00:39:18,757 --> 00:39:22,127
Oh, my poor, sweet,
innocent little thing, wha...
1009
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:23,795
what happened to you?
1010
00:39:26,765 --> 00:39:28,800
What are you doing here?
1011
00:39:28,834 --> 00:39:30,536
Rebecca texted me.
Is she okay?
1012
00:39:30,569 --> 00:39:33,171
I'm-I'm waiting for the doctor.
Why'd she text you?
1013
00:39:33,204 --> 00:39:34,072
Paula, I came as soon as
1014
00:39:34,105 --> 00:39:35,874
I got your text.
Ah, you told Josh to come.
1015
00:39:35,907 --> 00:39:37,743
That makes sense.
Wh-What's wrong with her?
1016
00:39:37,776 --> 00:39:39,044
Is she okay?
1017
00:39:39,077 --> 00:39:40,779
Doctor, what's wrong
with my cookie?
1018
00:39:40,812 --> 00:39:44,149
I don't know what's wrong
with your cookie, but hers
is a mess. (laughing)
1019
00:39:44,182 --> 00:39:46,017
I'm sorry, that
was inappropriate.
1020
00:39:46,051 --> 00:39:48,854
It's her peehole
that's been destroyed.
1021
00:39:49,855 --> 00:39:50,989
What?
1022
00:39:51,022 --> 00:39:53,058
She has a UTI and
didn't take any meds,
1023
00:39:53,091 --> 00:39:55,894
so the infection went
to her kidneys and...
1024
00:39:55,927 --> 00:39:58,396
(imitates explosion)
Man down!
1025
00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:00,966
You're a colorful doctor.
1026
00:40:00,999 --> 00:40:03,835
Thank you. I am taking standup
classes at Claremont at night
1027
00:40:03,869 --> 00:40:06,171
when my wife is working.
1028
00:40:06,204 --> 00:40:09,074
I'm pretty alone at night.
1029
00:40:10,509 --> 00:40:12,177
A UTI.
1030
00:40:12,210 --> 00:40:13,244
(breathy laugh)
1031
00:40:13,278 --> 00:40:15,881
So you are sleeping
with someone. I knew it!
1032
00:40:15,914 --> 00:40:18,049
And after you
specifically
1033
00:40:18,083 --> 00:40:19,184
swore that you weren't!
1034
00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:20,752
God, we don't keep secrets!
1035
00:40:20,786 --> 00:40:22,020
They have
boundary issues.
1036
00:40:22,053 --> 00:40:24,122
Hey, we don't keep
secrets,
1037
00:40:24,155 --> 00:40:26,191
and we don't lie
to each other, okay?
1038
00:40:26,224 --> 00:40:28,794
We've discussed it,
and we don't do it.
1039
00:40:28,827 --> 00:40:31,697
Sleeping with someone?
Who is Rebecca sleeping with?
1040
00:40:31,730 --> 00:40:33,965
(chuckles): Yeah! That's
what I would like to know.
1041
00:40:40,672 --> 00:40:43,842
Uh, I sense a truth bomb coming.
1042
00:40:43,875 --> 00:40:45,977
Everyone take cover.
1043
00:40:47,546 --> 00:40:49,748
Uh, yeah, it's me.
(sighs)
1044
00:40:49,781 --> 00:40:50,582
No.
1045
00:40:50,616 --> 00:40:51,550
Yeah.
1046
00:40:51,583 --> 00:40:53,084
No.
1047
00:40:53,118 --> 00:40:54,953
No, it can't be you.
1048
00:40:54,986 --> 00:40:55,854
It's definitely me.
1049
00:40:55,887 --> 00:40:57,823
It's not you.
She told me it wasn't you.
1050
00:40:57,856 --> 00:40:58,924
It can't be you.
1051
00:40:58,957 --> 00:41:01,860
You're sleeping
with Rebecca?
All the time. A lot.
1052
00:41:01,893 --> 00:41:05,096
It's Greg? It's Greg?
You're sleeping with Greg?!
1053
00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:07,799
(inhales sharply)
1054
00:41:12,704 --> 00:41:14,239
*
1055
00:41:14,272 --> 00:41:16,074
Rebecca?
1056
00:41:21,279 --> 00:41:23,815
How could you?
1057
00:41:23,849 --> 00:41:26,718
*
1058
00:41:29,555 --> 00:41:30,856
Lot of differences
between men and women.
1059
00:41:30,889 --> 00:41:32,658
Lot of differences,
lot of differences.
1060
00:41:32,691 --> 00:41:35,093
As a doctor, I notice
a lot of differences,
1061
00:41:35,126 --> 00:41:36,161
a lot of differences.
1062
00:41:36,194 --> 00:41:38,597
Hey, you ever notice how
when a male patient dies,
1063
00:41:38,630 --> 00:41:40,599
he's all like...
(flatlining tone)
1064
00:41:40,632 --> 00:41:42,568
but when a female patient dies,
1065
00:41:42,601 --> 00:41:44,603
she's like, "Beep, beep, beep!"
1066
00:41:44,636 --> 00:41:46,137
(chuckles)
1067
00:41:48,774 --> 00:41:50,742
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
1068
00:41:50,776 --> 00:41:52,778
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
73564
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