Original subtitles

If you're watching this, you're you're

at least fooling around with the idea of

being in the arts. And I highly

recommend a life of being in the arts

and being with other artists because

they're funny. You have a happy life.

They're creative. They they think. they

learn things and u it's a very exciting

life whether it's your primary life

choice or auxiliary it just opens your

horizons it's good to to be in several

disciplines because you you gain friends

in those world if you have an interest

in art uh you don't have to be an artist

painter but you can have those friends

and and they bring new things into your

life musicians bring new things into

your life comedians bring new things

actors directors. Uh so it's it's good

to be a a polymath because you're going

to meet so many different kinds of

people who are going to affect your life

positively and also affect your artistic

life positively.

You're going to have rivals. You're

going to have people you're either

jealous of, you're thinking, how did

that person why do they love that

person?

Love your rivals.

Your rivals make you better.

They going to inspire you uh to further

on to go further. And also, you're just

wasting time because there's nothing

nothing you can do about it. No matter

where you are, it's going to be somebody

better. It's just part of being in show

business or part of being in the arts.

And you know, the best thing to do is to

think of it as they're you're their

compatriots. Like get to know them. find

out what's going on, you know, hover

around uh you know, you can feed off

each other. You can uh you can be,

you know, good confident spirited rivals

in a sense, but don't let it eat at you.

If if you're going to let it eat at you,

use it. Use that kind of energy to say,

"What can I do?" Don't don't get

yourself down because someone's killing

it out there because it's always going

to happen. It's not like you can say, "I

finally am better than everybody."

Because then you just go like this. Oh,

I didn't see you there.

It is hard to be a comedian. Uh first of

all

there is the travel

probably traveling alone.

There is

mostly

rejection and failure and isolation

um criticism.

But looking back

on it myself, I thought I didn't know

how hard it was. I only know now how

hard it was. There was something about

me personally that liked being isolated

at that time in my life and liked being

alone and was uncomfortable

in groups and socially. I had some

really close good friends. uh but I was

always you know shy at a party in

introverted

so there was something that suited me

about this isolated travel and like I

say I didn't know it was a struggle at

the time I looked back later and thought

that was a struggle uh at the time I was

enjoying it and I love being on the road

and I love t talking to people and

picking up girls and you know having a

cocktail and then going back to your

depressing hotel room alone phone. I I

do an impression of what it's like, at

least for then, being on the road and

staying in motel.

You'd be so tired, you'd hit the bed and

you'd hear through the wall this

shut up soon and they never would.

I was never able to use negative

feedback to inspire myself.

It It's like a It's like a broken heart.

You just get over it. It's It's just

there. And maybe one day you'll laugh at

it.

Uh, I remember once I was, uh, I had an

agent, my my writing agent, and I was

still writing for television and doing a

little standup, and he just looked at me

and he said, "You're never going to make

it in standup. You got to stick to

writing." And I thought, "Oh, I've got

my badge of honor now. Someone has told

me I'm not going to make it. Everybody,

anybody who amassed anything has that.

So, you can look at it that way." He

said, "Part of the job is to get a

terrible, terrible review from someone

who doesn't understand you." Only a

couple of times in my life did I get uh

a bad review that wised me up.

Uh

one was

uh a a movie review and I was playing a

preacher.

Movie was called Leap of Faith. was kind

of a drama and I uh colored my hair and

did all this and I'm acting and

everything and the reviewer said, "Watch

out when Steve Martin goes for the hair

dye."

And I thought, "Okay, I'm never uh never

going to do that again." Never going to

do that again.

We have a thing as comedians talk about

as soon as you start talking about

comedy, it's dead. As soon as you try to

figure out a joke, why it worked, it's

dead. Mike Nichols told me a great story

once. I don't know if it was apocryphal,

but it sounds real. said there were uh

actors doing a play and now it's after

the show and one of the actors says, "Oh

my god, when I when I do that bit, when

I put the glass down, audience just goes

crazy for that. They love that. They

laugh." The other guy says, "What are

you talking about? That's my laugh. I I

go I sit down and I cross my legs and do

a look. That's that's my laugh." And the

third guy says, "You're all wrong. It's

when I turn and look and look and that's

what get the gets the laugh. So they

make an agreement. They say, "Look,

we'll just uh take we'll just do one

thing a night and we'll see who gets the

laugh." So the first guy does his bit

with the glass. There's no laugh. And

then the second guy does his bit, but he

sits down and crosses legs and there's

no laugh. And the third guy next night

does a take, you know, no laugh.

And they're backstage and they say,

"Well, I don't know. I guess I guess

it's the whole thing. So they went back

did it all together and never got the

laugh again.

So there is danger in uh you know

analyzing too much although we're doing

it here for fun and it may be

inspirational to somebody to think um I

have a thought you know you know I love

um

the idea of

thinking

especially about a subject by comedy

uh there's a writer I love named Douglas

Hoff Hostadder who has these beautiful

essays but he talks about how thoughts

go into one and they're like viruses.

They go into one person the thought and

it mutates and it get gets expelled in

another way and then another person

hears that thought and it starts. It's

not quite a meme because a meme stays

the same but the thought is morphing and

morphing and morphing. So by the time

you get to the the last moment of that

thought, it is completely different yet

related to this original thought. And so

maybe some of the things I say are going

to be taken and go hm changed,

put into the subconscious,

mixed salt with pepper shaped, come

around and come out in some other

completely different way useful to a

young artist.

You know, when we talk about artistry in

comedy,

when you're on stage, you're not

thinking about artistry.

You're thinking about going over what's

next. You're very practical and the

artistry takes place somewhere

intellectually before you go on or off

stage. And oh, you might have an

artistic moment off stage that becomes a

bit and but when you're out there,

you're not thinking, well, I'm not

getting last, but boy, am I an artist.

You just

you you got to hit it with all all all

sides. You're like you're being uh

pummeled

by lights and laughs and audience and

talking and you've got to guide this

mass. uh through the morass that is your

act.

All right, let's Oh, how we doing on

time? Oh, real good.

And now it's time for

And now it's time for a little juggling.

Now, I realize a lot of you people are

sitting out there saying to yourselves,

"Oh, I bet he can't juggle."

All right. Start with easy stuff. First

of all, I juggle one.

Now it's easy. It's easy. Now two. Here

we go.

You're not laughing now.

Now three.

Heat

up here.